Humorious Homebrew

[Viddaric]

This thread is dedicated to any funny homebrew DnD things you have created. You can do magical items, monsters, feats, quests, dungons, traps, anything you created and is funny. you don't have to have actualy used it or played it, you just have to have thought of it

(honestly, I'm surprised this hasn't come up yet)

I personaly specalise in funny magic items, so let's start with a few I made up:

bow/crossbow/sniper rifle of headshotting: when you use this weapon, you get a plus two bonus to hit on all called shots to the head, and when you succeed, it is an automatic critical hit, asuming the enemy has vitals in it's head. obviously, you can't do this on enemies who don't have heads. in adition, if you succeed in getting a critical hit to the head in this manner, either from the bow, aloud, or as a telepathetic message to the holder of the bow, comes a deep, echoing voice saying "HEADSHOT!". (unreal tournament refference for the win) this can prove to be a disadvantage if it is aloud, because it alerts your enemies, but is highly satisfying

gloves of slapping: as long as you are wearing these gloves, you must use only open hand attacks when fighting with no weapon, but you get a slight bonus when you do. cursed gloves of slapping cause you to slap yourself (usualy no dammage, but looks rediculous and can give a penalty to skill and concintration checks) every 1d6 minutes.

shield of paper: acts like a normal shield in every way, including feel and hardness, untill it is attacked with a hostile force. enemy weapons tear right through the shield, and you get no bonus from it. you also have a chance of attempting to block with your arm, and getting it injured, or even cut off, if you're not lucky. after this happens, the shield acts like paper, and gives out to almost any force.

What can you come up with?

[Arachu]

The Sacred Knife of Marge Rhine!

With a grin on his face, Boris lifted the mighty dagger to the heavens. "Behold, father!" he yelled. "I have found the sacred knife!"

For many days, and a few restless nights, Boris ran to his village, until one day he finally reached it, without incident. And then, halfway there, banditos attacked! They had stolen his sword during his sleep, and then ambushed him down the road for some reason I won't get into right now.

Their leader, or maybe someone else, I dunno how it worked with them, declared that Boris must surrender his money or die. Knowing he was in dire straights, and that surely they would kill him if he flipped them off, Boris wielded the mighty knife.

He lunged at the leader-guy, impaling him to the spine. But, what? It had not penetrated. He eventually got out, or whatever, but the knife turned out to suck. Stupid cheap knife, dulling after a thousand years.

And then, a thousand seconds later, he returned to the village. The end.

And that night, he learned that the knife was cursed, and that the only thing it could cut, was the user's arms off. Wait, how do you cut both-


The Tiger Amulet, an amulet shaped like a tiger, that kills enemies for you. The actual amulet... Tastes like blueberries?

The Swinging Sword, that makes a vaguely raunchy noise as it slices through the air.

The Glass of Whine. It's a good companion when you're depressed. At least, it's a friend until it starts stealing the rations...

And, finally, the Smiley Placemat of DEATH!!! :smile:
It sees into your opponent's soul. And chooses not to inform you of what it sees. Or that it sees...

[Bhu]

Most of the stuff in my sig is for humorous campaigns (well the orc stuff not so much)