I need an ADULT!

[RabbitHoleLost]

Issues in my home have become something entirely unbearable as of recently.
As a nineteen year old girl/woman, I need to move out of my parents home as soon as possible. However, my father isn't willing to let his oldest bird fly from the nest quite yet, so I've no idea how to go about leaving.
How do I find a respectable room mate, how do I go about getting an apartment, what do I need to do this, how much of my stuff is really my stuff and not my parents, etc.

If any of you have any good advice on this, please do not hesitate to share.

[DraPrime]

Well I'd recommend having a job first of all. That always helps. Second of all, for finding a good roommate, do you have any friends who are interested in getting a place of their own? They might be good. And second of all, you are legally an adult. Your father really can't stop you.

[Cristo Meyers]

Roommates: easiest way is moving in with friends. At least then you know you get along. Outta my element here...

Apartments: websites are really helpful here. A good one will tell you what the monthly rent is, what's included (water, heat, etc), and everything. All you'll have to do is check the place out for yourself. You'll probably have to sign a 1 year lease and pay at least a month's rent up front along with deposits, so figure on about 3 month's rent up front.

What you get to take: I honestly have no idea. Seems to me like anything that's considered yours should be coming with you, but if someone wants to be a pain about it I can't say how you'd go about fighting them.

Leaving: you're 19, no one can stop you from moving out. Period, end of story. They can threaten and try other means of getting you to reconsider, but in the end, they can't actually stop you.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Have one full time job, and am also looking for a part time job on top of it...
So, that's clear.
None of my real life friends are really looking to move out quite yet; they don't have the problems with their parents I'm having with mine...

[Cristo Meyers]

Well, there's always looking for newspaper ads, but that's dicey at the best of times. Craigslist maybe. I suppose it would be possible to maintain a place by yourself, but saying money would be tight is an understatement.

[Renegade Paladin]

Well, legally your parents could technically keep anything they paid for, but if you're really just up and leaving, I don't see why they'd keep all your stuff. My advice is to pack what you want to take with you and go; I doubt your parents will file theft charges for you taking your clothes.

As for finding a roommate, I strongly recommend moving in with someone you know if possible. Are you attending university?

[Mordokai]

Well, there's always looking for newspaper ads, but that's dicey at the best of times. Craigslist maybe. I suppose it would be possible to maintain a place by yourself, but saying money would be tight is an understatement.

Yeah, no kidding. My little sis is paying 150 euros per month and that's no expenses(food and the like) paid. Rent only, two roommates and each pays the same amount. And they have it cheap! I don't know how expensive the apartments are over at your continent, but I suspect there's no big difference, at least as far as money is concerned. So having a place that you'd be maintaining and paying for yourself isn't easy. That's the main reason why I'm still staying at home...

I'm not sure what to say to you Rabbit. If moving out is something you think will solve your problems then I think that's what you should do. But you really should get some friends, company or something similar before you do it. Because strong as you may be, I really doubt you'll be able to manage on your own. Perhaps one of your friends has a friend that's looking for a roommate? You could make an ad that you're looking for a roommate. Other than that, I really don't know what more I can say or do for you, sorry :smallfrown: I do wish you the best of luck however.

[Cristo Meyers]

I feel I should note that I'm assuming that there's no chance of reconciliation with the parentals. If there is, then you should probably at least consider it.

Anywho...

I'll echo what RP said, if at all possible you should move in with someone you know.

One thing you should definitely do is figure out how much money you can expect to make in a month. That'll give you a better idea of what kind of rent you can afford. Keep in mind that your rent will probably go up a bit every year (I think the Lady and I are paying about $100 more than when we first moved into our apartment). I've got no idea what the rent level is like over there, so you'll either need to investigate yourself or find someone that does and ask them.

[Renegade Paladin]

Apartment prices can vary wildly depending on where you live. I reside in a small rural town, and apartment rates are about $350 per month for a large two-bedroom apartment. Such living quarters will cost two to three times as much in a city, so none of us can really effectively advise you on prices without knowing the nature of your local area.

[snoopy13a]

If your town has a weekly community paper (alternative weeklys are great for this) check the roommate wanted ads. If you move into someone else's place it'll be quite a bit cheaper. Plus, they may have furniture and dishes of their own.

You could also try a state college. Getting the loans could be tough but you might be able to live off campus all year round

Another option is the military. I'd suggest the Air Force or Navy if you want to go that route as there's two wars going on. You can live fairly frugally in the military and save up money to go to college or put a downpayment on a house after a couple of years.

[Starshade]

Renegade is correct, anything they paid for, they could technically 'keep', but most reasonable your clothes, should be possible to pack up.

As long you got a job to pay the bills, it should be possible to figure something out. All i could think of, is the usual ways to find some place to stay: newspaper adds, asking people you know, etc.

Sounds special, they dont want you to leave? and you got a paying job? If so, it isnt anything they can do to "keep you", both my parents ended up with some issues with their parents a long time ago, my parents' mothers didnt like their offspring's choice of SO. If i remember correct both had an strange abuse sounding parents and ended up with a odd and bad relation to them, for one of them i was even happy when she finally died.

And my mother, actually got all her belonging trown out of house by her mother, if i remember, some of it got destroyed even.

I REALLY dont know what your issue is, unless its something gone horrible wrong, leaving in a manner who destroy your relationship to them for ever isnt anything i would sugest, but, if your relatives are as mine, where you would not imagine you'd like to, say, show your SO to them, i really understand why you want to leave, and fast.

[pendell]

Issues in my home have become something entirely unbearable as of recently.
As a nineteen year old girl/woman, I need to move out of my parents home as soon as possible. However, my father isn't willing to let his oldest bird fly from the nest quite yet, so I've no idea how to go about leaving.
How do I find a respectable room mate, how do I go about getting an apartment,


Do you happen to go to a church, especially a really *big* one?

I know that my church specializes in finding homes etc. for people who are in these kind of situations.

I don't know about this one -- but what about a battered woman's shelter? You may not be abused, but they should have resources for placing people who need to be somewhere else, NOW.

Fundamentally, you should already have a circle of friends, known through high school or college. If possible, choose one of them.

Use your friends. Talk to your high school guidance counselor, or your pastor or priest or high priestess (if you have one). Find out what resources are in your local area for homeless (that IS what you are now) or battered or abused people. Don't settle on one. Talk to lots of people, get as much information as possible. Then act.



what do I need to do this,


- A job with income. Very few places will rent to someone who doesn't have a reliable source of money.

- clean up, look nice, be respectful. People who rent will be more amenable to reason if you aren't frightening.




how much of my stuff is really my stuff and not my parents, etc.


The clothes on your back. Nothing else, unless you have a title deed to it. Example: When I left my grandparent's house, the only reason I took my car was because the title deed actually had *my name* on it as owner.

Between major property items (which you must have title to to claim as your own) and really minor stuff (like the coins in your pocket) -- fundamentally, it's whatever you can make it out of the house with.



If any of you have any good advice on this, please do not hesitate to share.

Fundamentally, *you must have a support network*. This can come through church, or through friends, or through a fitness club. You need to be among like-minded people who will look out for you and care for you. The family is *supposed* to do this, but for those who don't -- if you don't have a surrogate family of some kind the world is a very, very cruel place.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[wxdruid]

Well, if you need to move, then do it.

Things to consider.

In finding an apartment, the grocery stores often have free booklets of places. There's also the internet, the phone book and such. One thing to be careful of is the location of the apt. Some locations will be cheaper but the area around it may be unsafe. So scout out anywhere you consider moving to. When you look, check for laundromats, or if they have coin laundry in the basement.

Make a budget, figure out how much you can spend on rent. Remember that you will have to buy food, pay for cable/phone/laundry/gas/car repairs/etc... all of that eats into your paycheck. If you can, consider moving close to your work so you save on other expenses.

In terms of furniture-your parents may/may not let you take those items. You may end up furnitureless for a while until you find something cheap. Thrift shops/Goodwill will probably have kitchen items for cheap.

If you do move out without their 'approval' they may withdraw any and all support for you. Be prepared for any reaction.

When you move...take everything all at once that you plan to take. Don't leave any extras behind. Nothing. When I moved out of the apt from my now ex, I lost a bunch of stuff valuable to me, because I didn't take it when I should have. Take it all, make it a clean split.

The above may/may not be useful, but feel free to PM me if you need to.

[Innis Cabal]

Issues in my home have become something entirely unbearable as of recently.
As a nineteen year old girl/woman, I need to move out of my parents home as soon as possible. However, my father isn't willing to let his oldest bird fly from the nest quite yet, so I've no idea how to go about leaving.
How do I find a respectable room mate, how do I go about getting an apartment, what do I need to do this, how much of my stuff is really my stuff and not my parents, etc.

If any of you have any good advice on this, please do not hesitate to share.

Having been on the move for the last 5 years, and another upcomming across country, here are some things to keep in mind.

1. Your parents cannot stop you from moving after the age of 18. You are a legal adult,

2. Transportation. Do you have a mode of moving? Do you have a mode of transportation such as a car, bike, etc to get from your apartment/condo to anywhere else? Walking is not an acceptable form of transportation. If you don't then the best option is grin and bare it a little longer untill you -do-.

3. Bed, pots, basic living crap: Do you have any of this that you can take with you that you've bought with your own money? Cooking and cleaning are a biggie, and if you don't even have 1 pot, 1 knife, some plates, and a small vacuum cleaner, see point 2. Bare it a bit longer till you do. Your parents/parent/legal guardian can not stop you from taking anything you've bought with your legal tender.

4. Rent: The biggie. What can you afford? Look through the internet, local newspapers, local stores, etc for places within your price range. Some things you need to know.

Are utilities included? If not, start looking for prices.

Where is the local wash? You need clean clothing. And not every place has washer/dryer included.

Where is the police station/hospital. You need to know these. As a young woman, and as you make it sound (see lower about room mates), single tennent, your at a higher risk of problems, no matter the location. Same goes for you young men out there, always know where at least the two above places are in relation to where you are WHERE EVER YOU LIVE. Period.

If you can answer all of these questions, and have found a place you like, go for it. Most places ask for the first and last month of rent and a security deposit, so keep that in mind. Always keep an extra rent in your banking account

5. Can you sign a lease? Your parents won't co-sign, so its a good thing to know. Not all people under the age of 21 can do this, it depends on the state and the local apartment complex.

6. Try to reason with your parents. Show them your serious about this and that you are fully prepared. They hopefully will understand this, and come to their senses.


As for room mates. Rooming with friends may seem like a handy thing, but it can cause problems. Living with people can be stressful at times, friends even more so. The one small boon is you have a general idea of what to expect from them in most cases. You won't have this with other room mates.

Some things to remember when looking for room mates, look for people with similar interests, living habits, and social habits. It won't make your living experiance any better if you live with a person who comes and goes at hours your asleep, eats your food, and brings people back to your apartment you don't trust your stuff around. Its sorta counter to what your going for.

Hope that helps.

[eidreff]

If you are going to move the thing to do is plan, realistically and thoroughly. Do your research (cost of living, areas, properties etc) and execute your move in one go taking everything you can of your possessions at once. Try not to leave in the heat of the moment unless you rally have to, you may be burning bridges needlessly. I have friends who have moved out, and as soon as they had their own space and were out of their parents could manage to get on again where they thought there were irreconcilable differences.

From my experience the hardest bit can be finding a place quickly. I don't know enough about the property rental market over there to really advise you, but one of the best places to look for rented accommodation in the UK is a letting agency, they often deal with loads of properties with a range of rents across a big area.

Lastly good luck, and I hope that everything works out ok. Sounds like you have hit a rough patch, they never last forever, even if it seems like it at the time!

[Felixaar]

Hmm. Rabbs, if you lived anywhere near Australia and I'd yet picked out an apartment I'd invite you in a minute, but I guess I can't be of any help here.

I don't really think I can give you any advice you haven't received yet though *hugs* best of luck.

[Zeful]

Issues in my home have become something entirely unbearable as of recently.
As a nineteen year old girl/woman, I need to move out of my parents home as soon as possible. However, my father isn't willing to let his oldest bird fly from the nest quite yet, so I've no idea how to go about leaving.
How do I find a respectable room mate, how do I go about getting an apartment, what do I need to do this, how much of my stuff is really my stuff and not my parents, etc.

If any of you have any good advice on this, please do not hesitate to share.

As others have said do your research. Things can get worse if you rush. Having a full time job will help afford an apartment as well as show the person in charge that you are dependable.

As for roommate it would be best if you could convince a friend to join you. Preferably someone you'd be willing to have a sleepover with. It sounds pretty silly, but is for the best, you wouldn't want to live with someone who, in private, is someone totally different or that you can't respect.

I would recommend starting to box up stuff that you'd want to keep in a few small boxes, seal them and put them in the bottom of your closet, then take 3-4 changes of clothes and stuff them in a backpack. You can always buy more stuff like clothes. A rock collection (purely fictional I assure you) you've had all your life? Not so much.

[DraPrime]

As for roommate it would be best if you could convince a friend to join you. Preferably someone you'd be willing to have a sleepover with. It sounds pretty silly, but is for the best, you wouldn't want to live with someone who, in private, is someone totally different or that you can't respect.

I agree with this. I'm sure you can convince a friend that it would be cool if you two could have a place of your own. Talk about all the independence and freedom that you could have and so on. And if that fails, just mention that you can get drunk at home without worrying about your parents coming back early. That's bound to work on at least one friend, although they might me of questionable character if they're going to get an apartment purely to get drunk. :smalltongue:

[Syka]

I'd actually advise AGAINST rooming with friends unless you lay down ground rules, on paper and signed. I've seen way too many friendships go down in flames after living together, and even my mom and one of her good friends almost weren't friends after she lived with us a few months (they managed to salvage it). My advice would be to get a friend to vouch for a friend or an acquaintence.

Someone you won't feel obligated to hang out with, loan money, etc.

[BizzaroStormy]

Do you have a car or something to get you around? Thats pretty much a definite need. You're gonna need something to get to and from work in and I doubt telling your boss that you walk back and forth isn't exactly a good idea.

You might also save up a couple grand before you go, if you do end up getting an apartment, with or without a roommate, you'll most likely have to pay a deposit, same with your utilities.

As for your parents, the playground has been pretty much right so far, all the stuff you would legally own would be the clothes on your back and anything you paid for but I seriously doubt that they would get into any kind of legal battle if you took the stuff thats "yours".

For instance, I own very little of the contents of my room but if I had the option ot move out my mom wouldn't really have and reason to keep anything other than to hock it which I know is something she just wouldn't do.


But yeah, go out with a good amount of starting cash, don't splurge for a while, and whatever you do, dont sell your car. Worst comes to worst you can still live inside it.

[Laketh Stadt]

Take a deep breath........

Unless your the victim of some type of abuse, dont make any decisions without sleeping on it. If you are, head to the nearest shelter immiedately.

Take another deep breath....

Now, hopefully you havent had to run off the a shelter, which means this is more along the normal parent/teenager confrontation lines.

Your at the age where both you and your parents are doing equally stupid things. You mention your the oldest, your siblings will get to benefit from your parents forthcoming education, unfortunately, you will not. Try and remember you are probably at least 50% at fault here. The school of hard knocks teaches experiance, you parents already have it, and your about one step away from learning a boatload of lessons yourself.

To go from zero to independant like you are saying, really only leaves one option, the military. Clothes, food, shelter, and money, nobody but your parents or the military will give them all to you. Some recruiter will get a bonus for recruiting you so make sure to act disinterested until they sweeten the deal.

Credit is what determines how much you pay for many necessary things. Take out a credit card, buy one small thing every month and pay it off completely. Good credit is almost essential for anything you will want, shelter, transportation, and insurance will all be cheaper. You need an income to pay that off, and buy food, shelter, clothes, toothpaste, shampoo, rent, electricity, and heat. If your lucky you might have some leftover to buy something you want, but when you move out you will realize you spend all your money on things that you need. Never, ever be late on a payment. Credit takes time, start tomorrow and dont spend anything until you have stable employment.

Now go to sleep and when you wake up in the morning start making a list of everything you USE for a week. Start with the bed, sheets, pillow and blanket, add in the heat from the furnace and roof to keep it in, then carry that to the hot water for your shower, etc. Write everything down and then come up with a plan to pay for everything you will need. Then you will be ready to move out on your own.

Then lifes hard lessons will start. Faced with the survival of themselves or others, you will probably find many of your friends are not what they seem to be. People lie, cheat, steal, and tear you down to bring themselves up. Try not to get paranoid and definately try not to become one of them.

Learn to live by a few simple rules. Possessions are useless if you dont have a place or a means of keeping them. Never live with or borrow/lend money to people you want to remain friends with. People will only pay you to make them money, or provide goods or services. Give them a better value then the next person and you will keep your job. Never put full trust in your ability to judge character until you turn 80.

I have a daughter your age, one a year younger then you, and one thats 16, so I hope I qualify as an adult. :)

[Talwar]

The preceding point about credit is an excellent one. Let me also add the need for references; landlords like to know if you're going to be a good tenant or not. Assuming your parents are not an option, ask extended family, parents of long-time friends, former teachers, or employers if they will speak to your character.

Your hometown may have organizations specifically aimed at helping first-time renters or new arrivals. A good place to start looking is the town's website.

Consider all your likely expenses - transport, utilities, food, clothes, essential services - in addition to your rent as you look around. Bear in mind the likelyhood of being asked for damage deposits upfront - will you have the money available?

Consider all options for renting - apartments, co-operatives, rooms in houses, suites in houses, house-sitting. Where the renter(s) is/are individuals rather than a corporation, ask for contact info for a past tenant, and get a reference (bearing in mind that the landlord probably wouldn't put you in touch with somebody who'd give them a bad reference...)

Get everything in writing. Read it all carefully, multiple times. Don't get rushed or pressured in to something. Have somebody you trust look over a blank rental agreement with you before you sign anything. Heck, bring somebody along while you're looking at places, for the extra point of view. Even if it's a friend who's happy at home, they might notice something valuable.

Good luck and good (apartment) hunting.

[RandomNPC]

if you're anywhere near northeastern ohio my couch is open to all friends for 1 night. sometimes a night away helps.

this seems to be an on going thing, as it would otherwise blow over before you could get into a place. see what you can do about getting a mediator to sit in, preferably between you and parents. again if you're anywhere near me i'll do it. sometimes a good talk helps.

do the budget, make sure you CAN do it, get it all set, but before you sign any lease or anything tell them you can, but would like to talk it over one last time. if things go in a less than northernly direction, walk out and go sign that lease.

[xPANCAKEx]

If they GAVE you anything, its yours (they don't own gifts). Everything else could be problematic if they decide to be really tight about it. If you need cheap furniture, go on craiglists (or gumtree in the uk) and look at the free stuff section... you arn't going to be living large, but you will be living

do not have an illusions of maintaining the same level of luxery you do now. Your essentials will be in this order:
1) rent
2) food
3-) electricity
3-) gas
5) heat

luxuries will be things like phones, new clothes (you're gunna be thrift shopping for a while), the internet etc. These are not vital to existance.

as you're young, post notices at local colleges to see if you can find someone on a similar income level (ie: not much), willing to live on the cheap. Students make for interesting housemates - most are easy going, and will usually let you have your own space and freedom to do what you want and more importantly NEED to do without breathing down your neck about it

also: consider squating. consider communal living.

living with strangers may be hard on adjusting, but if its neccesary then shop around, and don't jump on the first place unless the people you share with are really the type of people you'll be ok with sharing a home with

[B-Man]

Moving out at 19 can be tough. I'll echo what the others are saying about what to look for in an apartment. You're most likely going to want to aim for something that's reasonable with gas/heating, water, and hydro/electricity included. You're going to want to find (a) responsible roommate(s) that has/have a stable job (or two) that you enjoy their company.

If you're having a hard time with finding apartments (a lot will ask for a one year contract and at least first, last, and deposit), you can see if there are any rooms for rent. Rooms for rent are easier to find but they sometimes will not live up to their expectations. Rooms for rent can range from $250-450 (depending on the area) per month and usually include everything. Sometimes the landlord/owner will be renting individual rooms in say a 3 bedroom house so you'll have a mélange of people that you may or may not get along with. Try to meet the others (if there are others) before moving in.

Be sure you know where the closest grocery store is. See whether it's in a walkable distance or if you'll have to rely on public transport.

That's all the advice that I can think of, being 19 myself and on my own.

[Trog]

:frown:

Well... be aware that most landlords require a security deposit of some sort as well as first month's rent. Sometimes last month's rent too. Landlords and their terms vary, of course. Budget. Budget. Budget.

Check your local paper or rental magazine for apt. openings. Check off ones you may be interested in. Drive by them. Some you can cross off just by seeing the neighborhood. After that schedule a time to see the place to see if you like it.

For furnishings you need hit up an IKEA for their cheapo bedroom kit or the like if you are concerned you cannot take things with you I guess. Also good to get a basic kitchen essentials kit.

...

Though, Rabbit, I gotta say moving with your parent's help and blessing is probably the best way if it can be managed. Do your homework on what your needs will be. Look around and find as nice of a place as you can afford. Ask them for their advice once you have a plan. Is there anything I forgot to account for? That type of thing.

No parent is entirely happy to see their child leave the nest... no matter what brave face they might put on... so please know even if things were going well... one parent or another... or both... would be very reluctant to let go. Especially if you are the first to leave. And... you know... if you are awesome and stuff. So... go easy on 'em if you can.

*hugs for luck*

...

*EDIT* Wait... do I qualify as an adult? ... *shrug*

[RabbitHoleLost]

WEEWOOWEEWOOO
Status update;
I actually sat down and spoke with my father and discussed my thoughts and why exactly I feel like I need to make plans to move out.
Surprisingly, he very understanding and even helped to make a six-month plan.
I also found a willing roommate in a friend/co-worker who I know has similar interests/lifestyle and who is incredibly trustworthy and responsible. Of course, I know better than to assume its just going to work out, but, really, things are looking up.
Thanks for all the help :smallsmile:

[xPANCAKEx]

also - your social life is going to change dramatically

if your money is tight, you may not be able to do all the things you usually do - but this will open up free time for other persuits. Trust me when i say even with zero money to spend, theres so many things you'll be able to do that you're not going to be bored any time soon

[FdL]

Good to hear the situation is looking better there, Rabbit. I was really worried for you.

In any case, I sadly can't offer much advice as I'm a failure at life and I still live at my parents' v.v But I want you to do what makes you happy and have all my support on it.

[Ego Slayer]

"B-Man" (23:02:28): It's dangerous to go alone. Take this with you. *Holds up a Taiga-tiger*

"Uncle Trog" (23:03:15): omg the "It's dangerous to go alone" line TOTALLY needs to be used in response to that thread.

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/623/dangeroussv0.png

Now so srs. Meep! I hope things work out for you. I've got no advice... one day I'M going to need this advice too. :smallfrown: *huggles*

[Bonecrusher Doc]

I'm going to assume you live in the USA. I don't know much about other countries.

As long as there is no abuse going on, you need to act slowly and cautiously. (If there is abuse then go to a shelter or, if you don't know where that is, talk to a police officer and they'll help you out)

You already have a job - that's great. Just so we know more of where you are coming from, do you have:
-a driver's license, a car that you own, with your own car insurance?
-a checking account?
-health insurance?

Financial, car, and health care advice could be the topics for whole new threads potentially.

If you like the job you have now and you think it has decent job security, just look for apartment complexes near your job. You can look on apartments.com and apartmentguide.com . Look for the sign that says "Leasing office," walk in and say you're interested in living there and the employee there will walk you through the whole process. You might even do it right now just for the experience, even if you're not serious about moving in there. You can ask them about references, credit/employment history, utility bills, etc.

There are websites and classified ads for finding roommates, but I agree it's a lot safer to room with somebody you trust, even if they are a little annoying. You never know when your new roommate might be growing pot in her closet and then YOU end up getting evicted and in trouble with the law.

If you're considering a more significant change of scenery, the military is the simplest and most complete option. Food, shelter, clothing, health care, & education. Some people are not aware that there is a huge range of jobs in the military that you can do without any prior training: health care, mechanic, cook, cop, clerk, truck driver, chaplain's assistant, you name it. If you're interested there are lots of military on these boards you can talk with to get straight information because, let's face it, a recruiter is a salesman, his job is to say whatever he thinks you want to hear.

But of course the military is not for everyone. There are other options that can help you transition from living with your folks to living fully independently.

There are other government programs, like Americorps:
http://www.americorps.gov/for_individuals/choose/index.asp
I don't know anything about it beyond what's on their website.

Another is college (which is where I personally made the transition to independence, experiencing paying rent and utilities, "sub-leasing," using a credit card, exchanging insurance info and getting my car fixed after a fender bender, etc). While college usually requires money, it does not always. Some places you can get free tuition, room, and board. I'd have to do some more googling but I think maybe Berea College and College of the Ozarks do. Obviously easier said than done, but it is a possibility. And there are military scholarships and stipends available, especially for nursing students.

Building a credit history is valuable but you need to be very careful about it. Credit card companies love to deceive people (like that whole "minimum payment" thing). And some people's personalities are just incompatible with using credit cards responsibly; I even know a veterinarian who had to get close all his credit cards.

I am a 27-year-old in the military with wife & kids, and my father is retired but he used to work with a government program called "The Job Center" so he knows all about this kind of stuff. Right now I have a buddy who just immigrated to the U.S. and I'm helping him with similar questions, including credit cards and how to save for retirement. If you want to talk about any of this stuff in detail feel free to PM me, just don't tell me your name/exact location because that could make me seem kinda creepy... a young woman in a vulnerable situation should not be giving that information to strangers on the internet! :smalltongue: Also most of what the other people are saying on this thread looks like good advice to me.

P.S. Another excellent resource would be a librarian. They know how to find all the web pages and phone numbers for all kinds of resources. And you can use the internet there for free! :smallbiggrin:

[Flame of Anor]

Good luck RHL! Although it seems you've already started on this, I can't stress strongly enough how important keeping a good relationship with your family is. And going to college. And having a computer in your room with the GiantITP forums always running. And keeping your budget in control. And other stuff.


...and that advice is still valid even though I'm a year younger than you and won't be moving out for a while.

P.S. Where, generally speaking, are you?

[Boo]

"B-Man" (23:02:28): It's dangerous to go alone. Take this with you. *Holds up a Taiga-tiger*

"Uncle Trog" (23:03:15): omg the "It's dangerous to go alone" line TOTALLY needs to be used in response to that thread.

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/623/dangeroussv0.png

Now so srs. Meep! I hope things work out for you. I've got no advice... one day I'M going to need this advice too. :smallfrown: *huggles*

>> Not the Palmtop Tiger! :smalltongue:

Yeah, I'm no help here. I can work spreadsheets, make plans and work out some bills, but I'm not so good with actual apartments.

I would suggest that you find a place that is clean, though. Yes, I realise this is an obvious thing to do.

EDIT: What I can suggest is that if you use a credit card, pay it off immediately after use. This will boost your credit (very slowly). You NEED good credit in this world, and you cannot afford to have bad credit. Especially in America.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Good luck RHL! Although it seems you've already started on this, I can't stress strongly enough how important keeping a good relationship with your family is. And going to college. And having a computer in your room with the GiantITP forums always running. And keeping your budget in control. And other stuff.


...and that advice is still valid even though I'm a year younger than you and won't be moving out for a while.

P.S. Where, generally speaking, are you?

I'm in Tulsa, OK

[SilverSheriff]

Yeah, no kidding. My little sis is paying 150 euros per month and that's no expenses(food and the like) paid. Rent only, two roommates and each pays the same amount. And they have it cheap!

450 euros per month? thats way to expensive considering in Australia you can get a 5 bedroom, 2 Bathroom House for 275 euros (AUS$550).:eek:

[Zeb The Troll]

WEEWOOWEEWOOO
Status update;
I actually sat down and spoke with my father and discussed my thoughts and why exactly I feel like I need to make plans to move out.
Surprisingly, he very understanding and even helped to make a six-month plan.
I also found a willing roommate in a friend/co-worker who I know has similar interests/lifestyle and who is incredibly trustworthy and responsible. Of course, I know better than to assume its just going to work out, but, really, things are looking up.
Thanks for all the help :smallsmile:That's the best news you could have posted, frankly, and I'm very happy to hear it. And I'm glad that you had that sit down. I know it's been mentioned before in this thread and I'll reiterate for those who are reading because they their situation is similar...

It's really important to make every effort to stay on the better side with your parents. I can go into a long expose (how do you make that cool accent mark over the 'e', anyway?) from both sides of the fence, but I hope you'll just trust that I'm speaking from experience. That being said, it is entirely possible that part of the reason parents and their children have troubles at this point in their respective lives is because you're both experiencing emotions that are at odds with other emotions within yourselves. Parents, on one hand, aren't ready to let their little bird fly because they don't know what life's going to be like without them as a constant presence. On the other hand, they know you're old enough to at least be thinking about it and may be ready for you to be out from under their roof (this does not mean "gone" it just means "with a little bit more space than you currently have"). The young adult is likely having similar thoughts. "I'm an adult now and I shouldn't be living with mom and dad for too much longer" at odds with "Frankly, self, I'm a little afraid of what it's like out there outside of my comfort zone". And just to spice up the unacknowledged fears and concerns on both sides, kids often don't grow up to be exact replicas of their parents and are capable making their own educated and fully formed opinions and ideas that don't quite mesh with the way mom and dad think and feel so, while you still love and respect each other, you're not the best room mates anymore and your relationship will be the better for the space.

Keeping all of that in mind, when the First Bird goes to mom and dad, who's relationship with her is currently strained, and says "Okay guys, I love you, but I think it's time for me to be my own person now. Will you help me? I'd feel a lot better about things if you would. You guys know how scary it can be at first," you're probably going to see a range of emotions, not all of them positive, and in the end get the help and understanding that you both want and need. They get to be reassured that you don't hate them and won't vanish from the face of the earth and they get the bonus of still feeling needed. You get the assurance that you're not going to find your stuff in a pile on the porch or a cold shoulder when you drop by to get a few more of your things (which you didn't have to pack away all at once and hope you got everything). Depending on how it goes, you might even get away with help moving some larger items like the bed and dresser that they've now decided you can take with you because they're not keeping it from you just to be spiteful. Sometimes you can even find that there are some extra pots and pans and flatware lying around that you can use more than they can.

All of this pales in comparison to the invaluable benefit of being able to maintain a good relationship with them, even if it's a little bit rocky at the start.

Now, I know that this is a bit of an idealized breakdown of what could happen, but the point is, if you don't at least try to take flight on good terms, it gets a lot rougher down the road.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Man, I envy your housing prices. Here (Vancouver) my 2 bedroom main floor suite costs me $1100 CDN a month, and that's about as cheap as you can get withoutg living in a dump in a neighbourhood with crackheads. And I'm nowhere near downtown or the super-expensive side of town.

On topic: since your parents are supportive about it, get them to help. Their experience will go a long way towards making your life easier.

Get your mom to teach you how to cook, at least some simple stuff, so you don't have to eat TV dinners or spend money on restaurants all the time. Get your parents to buy you stuff you'll need, like kitchen equipment, towels, bed sheets... see the rest of the thread for a full list.

Go grocery shopping for your family by yourself a few times if you don't, so you get to know what kind of stuff you normally need (i.e. toilet paper, detergent) that you might easily forget about.

If you don't have a car pand you don't work close to one, make sure there's a grocery shop at least somewhat close to your place. You may only go shopping for food once a week at your local supermarket, but you never know when you're going to run out of carrots in the middle of making chili.

Since you already have a roommate and money is probably at least a little tight, split some stuff with her. I mean, you don't really need two vacuum cleaners or two hairdryers or two TVs or two something of something else where one will do just fine.

I repeat what has been said many times before and should be said again - stay on the good side with your parents. They're invaluable to you. Not just for actual help (moving in and such) but also as a support network. They're pretty much the only people in your life who are always there for you. You never know when you're suddenly going to need a place to crash because your SO is a total jackass, and it's just nice to drop by at their place every so often for a nice family meal. Especially when you've been restricted to pre-made crap.

Social life actually won't suffer. If anything, it'll get much better. Simply volunteer your place for parties and make sure it doesn't get too trashed up (i.e. don't invite people who get into fights or puke or break stuff). And in gratitude, your friends will quite often pay for you when you're out.

[Zeb The Troll]

... but you never know when you're going to run out of carrots in the middle of making chili.:smallconfused:

Never once did it ever occur to me to put carrots in chili.

Nope, not even that time. :smallcool:

[Lissou]

450 euros per month? thats way to expensive considering in Australia you can get a 5 bedroom, 2 Bathroom House for 275 euros (AUS$550).:eek:

Heh. Here (in Paris), I've seen 10m2 (about 100 square feet) studios for €500. A one bedroom is usually around €1,000. And landlords require you to earn 3 times your rent before you can sign a lease.

But yeah, I can definitely understand the need to go away. I felt the same urge, too. I ended up having a roomate I didn't really know (friend of a friend) and it was terrible. The guy was nice but we didn't click, and to make ends meet we had to share a small one bedroom (I had the room, he had a bad in the "living room", that really ended up being his bedroom).

Of course here you don't need a car, so you save on the price of the car itself, insurance and gas. Still I wish the situation were less crazy. For the year I went to Canada, I lived in an apartment double the size of my previous one for half the price. And apparently, it wasn't even a cheap one.

Rabbit> I'm glad you could talk it out with your parents. Being independent is a need I can understand. I don't regret moving out for a second because my parents drive me crazy, as wonderful as they can be, but you have to prepare to some tough times.
If you have a 6 months plan, I'd suggest saving up for these 6 months. Put aside at least the amount your costs will be (rent, food, electricity...). This way, when you do have to spend it, you will be used to it and won't get into debt. Plus, you'll have some savings aside in case things get tough and you have to move again, or your roommate needs to live and you have to pay the full rent. Or your need to cover for your roommate who lost their jobs, and so on.

If you can, I'd suggest putting aside MORE than what your costs will be. This way you'll be able to cover other costs linked with moving, too. I'm not sure what your parents will be willing to pay for, but there will possibly be some stuff to buy to settle in your apartment, and some costs linked to moving your stuff from your parents to your place if they let you take anything that doesn't fit in a suitcase.

Of course, if it were me, I'd save exactly 100% of what I earn. That is, unless you already have costs, if you have a car for instance or if your parents don't feed you or if you need to pay for your own laundry.
But I realise it might be a bit extreme. You really don't have to save everything, as long as you reasonably put some aside for unplanned expenses and learn to live on what you'll have to live on once you have all the additional costs.

Good luck, at any rate. It should be a good experience, even if it will have downsides. Remember that you can go out and take a walk if your roommate starts getting on your nerve :P

[Boo]

:smallconfused:

Never once did it ever occur to me to put carrots in chili.

Nope, not even that time. :smallcool:

>> I don't like carrots in chili. Not in stew either. They tend to make it very bitter for me. Don't know why.

As well, 1,100 is a great find in Vancouver. At least you're not in Edmonton where it's REALLY expensive. If I moved there I'd be living in a trailer, and we'd be paying about $12-hundred CDN.

On topic: What Zeb said. If one cannot be on good terms with ones parents, then you better make sure to never fall.

[Lissou]

>> I don't like carrots in chili. Not in stew either. They tend to make it very bitter for me. Don't know why.

As well, 1,100 is a great find in Vancouver. At least you're not in Edmonton where it's REALLY expensive. If I moved there I'd be living in a trailer, and we'd be paying about $12-hundred CDN.

On topic: What Zeb said. If one cannot be on good terms with ones parents, then you better make sure to never fall.

LOL at that :P
Remember my previous post, about how I moved to Canada, and got an apartment twice the size for half the price?
... That was in Edmonton.

But yeah, Paris is a special case. Everything is so expensive here. And it's like a trap, because you spend so much just surviving, you might never be able to afford to move to a place that's cheaper.

[SilverSheriff]

Man, I envy your housing prices. Here (Vancouver) my 2 bedroom main floor suite costs me $1100 CDN a month, and that's about as cheap as you can get without living in a dump in a neighbourhood with crackheads. And I'm nowhere near downtown or the super-expensive side of town.

guh...I lost the game then, I know there are a lot of Druggies in the neighbourhood...:smallsigh:

[banjo1985]

Glad to hear you're sorting things out RHL, leaving in a rush doesn't often work out. I hope you can get a plan sorted out and be happy, if anyone deserves it after so much drama in their lives it's you!

As for Paris prices...they're so steep I had to climb up one side and abseil down the other. :smalltongue: I spent a week there and just eating pretty much cleared me out. Prices here in England are pretty bad, I pay £380 (about $560) per month for a one-bedroom flat...and we're supposed to be in a property crash over here. :smalleek:

[Syka]

My mom asked if I wanted to move out or minded living at home again.

As I told her, there is no public transit here and I have no one to live with- and I definitely can't live alone. It's way to expensive. A one bedroom, just the rent, is usually around 600-700 USD, and that's a run down apartment complex or one that is way out away from stuff. As for my friends, my boyfriend doesn't make enough to move out yet (concentrating on school), our engaged friends have two dogs who aren't house trained and thus their apartment stank to high heaven, and our other friend is sketch on rent sometimes (and I dislike his girlfriend). So...no one to move out with. oo'

I wish I could, though. I envy you being able to. :)

[Flame of Anor]

So...no one to move out with. oo'

I wish I could, though. I envy you being able to. :)

Dare I suggest that you and RHL go in on an apartment?

[Bonecrusher Doc]

I think we should just all get a big mansion/compound and live together. Oh wait... don't we already have a plan for that on an island somewhere?

[Dallas-Dakota]

Dare I suggest that you and RHL go in on an apartment?
Of to the shipping thread!

[Syka]

I don't know where she is, but I'm in Florida. Want to live within 30 minutes of where I am currently because of family and my boyfriend.

That and I am currently unemployed. >>

[Raistlin1040]

I'm in Tulsa, OK

I don't know where she is, but I'm in Florida. Want to live within 30 minutes of where I am currently because of family and my boyfriend.

That and I am currently unemployed. >>

So that's probably going to be a no...

[Ms.Malbolge]

Yeah, Florida and Tulsa are just a wee bit out of comfortable commuting distance. :smalltongue:

Glad you're getting things sorted out Rabbs. I'd offer to help but I live two hours away and have no vehicle. Still live with my mother, but am currently supporting her since she got fired a few months ago. :smallfrown:

(And that guys, is a really awkward situation, child supporting a proud parent.)

After looking at people's housing costs I feel that I've gotten off easy. Two bedroom two bath house with a good sized yard for 300 USD a month, buying not renting. :smallbiggrin:

[zeratul]

Yeah the apartment prices in small areas seem pretty damn low, My brother pays $450 a month for a two bedroom he shares with three other people

[xanaphia]

Nice to hear it turned out well.

Remember how important your parents are.

Also, money adds up a lot faster if you aren't paying for your living costs. Stay home for as long as possible.

The military sounds like a great idea.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Had a small teaser of military life. Did not work out for me at all.
And, I really can't stay in this house. Issues with my stepmother (though my father and I still remain on good terms).
Its simply not an option to stay in this house longer than my father and I have already planned.

[wxdruid]

The military life isn't for everyone and should be carefully considered before anyone signs up. There are ample people here in the Playground to talk to about the different branchs of service.

I am glad to hear that you have decided on a plan and will be able to move out on your own.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Yeah, Florida and Tulsa are just a wee bit out of comfortable commuting distance. :smalltongue:

Glad you're getting things sorted out Rabbs. I'd offer to help but I live two hours away and have no vehicle. Still live with my mother, but am currently supporting her since she got fired a few months ago. :smallfrown:

(And that guys, is a really awkward situation, child supporting a proud parent.)

After looking at people's housing costs I feel that I've gotten off easy. Two bedroom two bath house with a good sized yard for 300 USD a month, buying not renting. :smallbiggrin:

...that's better than my rate for a studio apartment was/is. =P

*hugs*...hope things go well for you and your mother.

[Helgraf]

Had a small teaser of military life. Did not work out for me at all.
And, I really can't stay in this house. Issues with my stepmother (though my father and I still remain on good terms).
Its simply not an option to stay in this house longer than my father and I have already planned.

Well, it seems everything I've learned in my 5 and a half year vacation has already been covered by the many helpful people here. I will simply add my best wishes to your effort and a simple reminder to take things careful - give stuff a second over that you might not otherwise. Burning bridges, though sometimes neccesary, can have drastic consequences.

[KerfuffleMach2]

also - your social life is going to change dramatically

if your money is tight, you may not be able to do all the things you usually do - but this will open up free time for other persuits. Trust me when i say even with zero money to spend, theres so many things you'll be able to do that you're not going to be bored any time soon

Saying this is an understatement is an understatement.

I did this sort of thing...man..what was it...two years ago? Almost.

Anyway, I only lasted about three months before I had to move back. Which actually wasn't my fault. But, another story for another time.

Get used to not having money. And by that, I mean you might have to survive off Ramen Noodles for a while. Not sure how much you're making, but odds are, it's going to be just enough.

Make sure you know and trust who you're moving in with. Completely. And, I wouldn't hurt to have one or two other people lined up, in case the first person doesn't work out. I know it might seem harsh or mean, but, it's just a precaution.

Save, save, save. Can't stress that enough. You will always have situations that pop up which require money. Like a variation of one of Rebonack's Random Encounters. But less fun.

When doing all the paperwork and stuff, wouldn't hurt to have one or two people helping you look through it all. Make sure you understand it all.

Lastly, make sure you are fully prepared. Double and triple check everything. Keep all of the paperwork together and organized. Better to be looking at it, than looking for it.

That is all I have now. Hope it helps. And good luck!