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Illiterate Scribe
2009-04-15, 01:31 PM
http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/616/picture11t.png

Can't possibly see how this will go wrong.

EvilDMMk3
2009-04-15, 01:36 PM
Written and Directed? Oh boy.

And I think we all know how the plot of this is going to go. :sigh:

Cristo Meyers
2009-04-15, 01:37 PM
Tell me this is a joke...

...in the name of all that is good and holy...hell, even in the name of all that isn't quite so good or holy...tell me this is a joke...

BRC
2009-04-15, 01:37 PM
Director: Uwe Boll
That's how it goes wrong.

Hey, can we borrow those snipers that rescued that freighter captain from pirates.

Mr. Mud
2009-04-15, 01:39 PM
I... Well... :smalleek:.

When bad things happen I usually play it off,m or joke about it... but this time, Playground, I don't have a joke. This is actually chilling me to the Bone. Uwe Boll, has escaped from the looney bin, and is prowling the streets.

BRC: Did you see The Daily Show last night about the snipers last night? Heh, I'll have to link you all, it was great :biggrin:.

chiasaur11
2009-04-15, 01:45 PM
Okay.

This is actually kind of brilliant on Boll's part. By associating his work with an actual atrocity, half the descriptive terms for his films are less likely to be used.

It will probably be incredibly bad though.

Philistine
2009-04-15, 01:45 PM
But... but... April 1 was two weeks ago!

:smalleek:

BRC
2009-04-15, 01:46 PM
I... Well... :smalleek:.

When bad things happen I usually play it off,m or joke about it... but this time, Playground, I don't have a joke. This is actually chilling me to the Bone. Uwe Boll, has escaped from the looney bin, and is prowling the streets.

BRC: Did you see The Daily Show last night about the snipers last night? Heh, I'll have to link you all, it was great :biggrin:.
I was actually watching it online as I made that post. So yeah.

FoE
2009-04-15, 01:49 PM
No doubt it will be as fantastic as all his other films.

No, this is not a joke. It has been cast. It has been shot. It is real.

Thrud
2009-04-15, 02:06 PM
Did a quick check on IMDB and noticed that he is in pre-production for Blood Rayne III.

Oh my god.

Bloodrayne was so bad that even though I saw it for free due to friends working at the local theater, I felt like I had been cheated. I literally wasted part of my life on that steaming pile of hyena offal.

The fact that there was a 2nd one is horrifying enough. But that SOMEHOW led to a 3rd one truly boggles the mind.

Ugh. In combination with the OP's news, I literally feel as though a small part of me has died today. What the hell is wrong with Hollywood these days? Have we really fallen so far?

Hollywood has become the Bread and Circuses of the modern world, giving John Q. American Public something else to focus on in order to escape his own meaningless existence. Someone needs to firebomb Hollywood. (Not that I am suggesting anyone needs to die here, but burning out the infrastructure here would be a good start.)

On the other hand that would proabably just provide the fodder for another terrible summer Hollywood Blockbuster.

Rogue 7
2009-04-15, 02:17 PM
What Hollywood producer greenlit this?

"Uwe Boll is coming in with a script he wrote about Darfur, one of the greatest atrocities in the world today. What could possibly go wrong?"

Rutskarn
2009-04-15, 02:36 PM
...

...

...

...

That...

...

...

...

Assassin89
2009-04-15, 02:50 PM
Good News: Uwe Boll is not doing a movie based on a video game.
Bad News: Uwe Boll is making a movie.

X2
2009-04-15, 02:58 PM
Maybe the whole movie will be shot in slow motion.

Sneak
2009-04-15, 04:00 PM
I dunno what you guys are all moaning about. Boll is a creative genius.

Seriously, he's effin' brilliant. [/sarcasm]

Telonius
2009-04-15, 04:05 PM
Ohhhh, so that was the disturbance in the Force that I felt the other day.

Tengu_temp
2009-04-15, 04:14 PM
This is actually kind of brilliant on Boll's part. By associating his work with an actual atrocity, half the descriptive terms for his films are less likely to be used.


All of Boll's movies are already atrocities. I'm not sure will anyone survive a double atrocity combo.

Haven
2009-04-15, 04:58 PM
What the hell? Wasn't that German tax loophole closed? I thought doing that would return him to his native dimension or something.

SurlySeraph
2009-04-15, 05:14 PM
Oh dear. This movie won't be terribly sensitive, will it be? It's good that someone's still paying attention to Darfur, since the situation there is still terrible, but I rather doubt that Uwe Boll can do it in a way that isn't utterly ham-handed and offensive. Still, I give him points for good intent.
And Sneak, stop making my sarcasm detectors explode. Those things cost money, you know. :smallyuk:

kpenguin
2009-04-15, 05:18 PM
What the hell? Wasn't that German tax loophole closed? I thought doing that would return him to his native dimension or something.

No, the only way to do that is to make him say "Llob Ewu"

Xuincherguixe
2009-04-15, 06:17 PM
... I have a pretty black sense of humor, but there's some lines even I won't cross.

Fawkes
2009-04-15, 06:18 PM
No, the only way to do that is to make him say "Llob Ewu"

I was going to say that! DAMN YOU PENGUIN!

T-O-E
2009-04-15, 06:21 PM
This will go so far beyond terrible it will become the greatest movie EVER.

kpenguin
2009-04-15, 06:25 PM
I was going to say that! DAMN YOU PENGUIN!

Anthropomorphic penguins beat robotic dogs every time.:smalltongue:

Tyrant
2009-04-15, 07:51 PM
Ugh. In combination with the OP's news, I literally feel as though a small part of me has died today. What the hell is wrong with Hollywood these days? Have we really fallen so far?

Hollywood has become the Bread and Circuses of the modern world, giving John Q. American Public something else to focus on in order to escape his own meaningless existence. Someone needs to firebomb Hollywood. (Not that I am suggesting anyone needs to die here, but burning out the infrastructure here would be a good start.)

On the other hand that would proabably just provide the fodder for another terrible summer Hollywood Blockbuster.
Most of his movies appear to be produced by foreign companies and several appear to have not found distribution. I know Hollywood can suck more often than not, but their part in these is minimal. It should be none, but at least they aren't actually making these movies.

Fawkes
2009-04-15, 07:54 PM
Man, this really sucks. The crisis in Darfur is a horrible tragedy, and Boll's gonna turn it into a laughingstock.

KnightDisciple
2009-04-15, 08:12 PM
There are no words in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of man for such a thing as this!

chiasaur11
2009-04-15, 08:25 PM
There are no words in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of man for such a thing as this!

I think most languages actually do have just the word for it.

Sadly we wasted it on a small, inoffensive European country.

Rogue 7
2009-04-15, 08:33 PM
I think most languages actually do have just the word for it.

Sadly we wasted it on a small, inoffensive European country.

Was that a "Hitchhiker's" reference?

chiasaur11
2009-04-15, 08:38 PM
Was that a "Hitchhiker's" reference?

Definitely. Adams was a genius.

Lupy
2009-04-15, 09:33 PM
Please! No! Anything but this! *cries and dies*

reorith
2009-04-15, 11:23 PM
huh

spoilered plot and ending are spoilered

the plot of darfur concerns two american journalists (furlong and loken), who discover atrocities while broadcasting in darfur, sudan. they are faced with a dilemma of whether or not they should return to the usa to report on the atrocities or stay and help the victims. they eventually decide to stay and are killed by the janjaweed as a result.

sounds like boll is tackling the intense moral issues regarding the role of journalists and the bystander effect. this could be good...

bracing for disappointment

Dienekes
2009-04-15, 11:37 PM
This is the most amusing news I've heard all day.

Such an impacting and tragic story. Based in real life events that should make people think, maybe even examine their own morals.

Let's see how Boll f***s it up!!!

Does anyone else think it's odd that this forum edits our swears but allows us to say Uwe Boll?

zyphyr
2009-04-16, 03:40 AM
Just remember.. no matter how bad this ends up being, it could be worse - it could have been a musical.

bosssmiley
2009-04-16, 04:21 AM
Uwe Boll does "Darfur" the movie. And it's not a wikifake? :smallconfused:

Black comedy gold. Unimprovable. Satire is obsolete. Burn the world and start over. Where is your God now? Etc, etc. :smallamused:

Athaniar
2009-04-16, 04:35 AM
directed by Uwe Boll
:smalleek:


Boll himself describes the film as "something that's very shocking".

Shockingly bad, that is.


Much of the dialogue will be improvised by the actors and the film will be filmed mostly with handheld cameras
No. Just... no. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoJustNo)

Satyr
2009-04-16, 05:37 AM
Oh, C'mon. At least Boll tries to make a serious movie about a serious topic. And he tries to capture the terror of the Dafour conflict. He will probably fail spectacularly with this intention, but at least he tries to make a decent movie. That is more than Michael Bay will ever be able to (only with more special effects).

Krankheit
2009-04-16, 03:59 PM
.................



haven't these people suffered enough already? a Uwe Boll "series of pictures with synchronized sound" (they cant be called movies) is kinda like pouring acid on the wounds and suffering

Turcano
2009-04-16, 08:03 PM
I think that this could be Uwe Boll's big break. I mean, any hack can make a movie about Darfur, but it takes someone like Boll to draw the audience itself into a world of perpetual suffering.

Yes, I shamelessly stole that from Penny Arcade.

Xuincherguixe
2009-04-16, 08:14 PM
This will go so far beyond terrible it will become the greatest movie EVER.

Some movies in being bad, are made the better for it. There's a lot of B Science Fiction movies like that.

But, it doesn't work when the "bad" is "utterly reprehensible."

This cannot wrap around itself. This isn't like programming in which one can have a number so big that it overflows and becomes negative. It's more like a black hole of wrongness. Of which no good can escape.


I would like to think Uwe Boll is trying to do something not in his usual comfort zone. Doing a serious movie about a serious thing. But I can't see how this will be anything other than offensive and wrong.

SurlySeraph
2009-04-16, 08:15 PM
Does anyone else think it's odd that this forum edits our swears but allows us to say Uwe Boll?

You just earned an Internet for making me laugh out loud.


Just remember.. no matter how bad this ends up being, it could be worse - it could have been a musical.

And so do you. Oh God, I can just imagine it. Songs comparing the janjaweed to film critics sung in a poor German accent by Tara Reid as a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist. *headdesk*

GolemsVoice
2009-04-18, 07:31 AM
Just coming from the Lovecraft is not scary thread, and arguing passionatley tht he is, I will now claim otherwise. Lovecraft isn't scary, Cthulhu isn't eldritch, and the Mi-Go aren't alien. Uwe Boll, however, is. And he is WALKING THE EARTH!

I wonder what would be if you combined Boll and Lovecraft? Now THAT is sanity-destroying stuff.

Ia! Ia! U'wcthe B'h'ol fhtagn!