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View Full Version : Christian Humber Reloaded: A Dramatic Reading by Nevrmore (NSFW)



Nevrmore
2009-05-09, 08:51 PM
Christian Humber Reloaded (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/ChristianHumberReloaded) may not be the "worst" fanfiction ever, but it is definitely, to me, the most hilarious. From the main character who adopts at least four different names and has wolf, Saiyan, Bionicle, demon and more in his bloodstream to the insane crossovers to the author's complete inability to comprehend numerical values (at one point "Blade" is rewarded 60 quadrillion dollars for breaking up a circus that indulged in animal cruelty), there's not one chapter that doesn't make me laugh like I'm watching someone fall down an open manhole and die.

A Dramatic Reading for this fic has already been done, on the same website that I first read it, no less, but screw that guy, am I right? I've uploaded chapters 1 through 9 already, with more on the way.

Take note that almost every little mistake I make in reading - every word mispronunciation, every run-on sentence, every extra word or punctuation mark that shouldn't be there - are all from the original text. I am trying to read it as faithfully as I can, every single grammatical error included. That might lessen your enjoyment of the show, but I don't care because I think it's funny.

I've posted the text to each chapter in the audio's description at the side of the page, so read along for twice the fun.

There is strong language contained in the chapters, so be wary.

Chapter 1: The Begining (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5495)
Chapter 2: The Birth of a Super Sayin Worlf (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5496)
Chapter 3: The Ture Meaning of Fighting (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5497)
Chapter 4: My Human Form Achieved (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5498)
Chapter 5: My True Power Unleashed (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5499)
Chapters 6 and 7: Chaos and Escape from Chaos (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5510)
Chapter 8: Meeting Spin (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5511)
Chapter 9: The War Against the Eggman Empire (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5512)
Chapter 10: The Battle Against the Visorak Horde (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5516)

Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.

Rutskarn
2009-05-10, 12:57 AM
there's not one chapter that doesn't make me laugh like I'm watching someone fall down an open manhole and die.

If this is a reference to a certain Mel Brooks quote, I think I might have to give a small golf clap.

In addition to the one you're already getting for participating in Dramatic Readings of Horrible Fiction, also known as The Sport of Kings.

Nevrmore
2009-05-10, 01:12 AM
Indeed it was a paraphrase of Mel Brooks. Thanks for noticing.

Anyway, Here's Chapter 10. (http://www.onmvoice.com/play/5516)

Rutskarn
2009-05-10, 01:17 AM
Hooooooookay, this fanfic is bananas.

Rancid, fecal bananas.

Good reading, though.

FoE
2009-05-10, 01:25 AM
Just finished the first two chapters. Really, the question should not be "Who would name a wolf Fluffy?" but rather "Why are these people taking in a starving wolf that collapsed on their porch?"

I love the way you read that one line in Chapter 2. "Nooo! Whoever did this will pay dearly because I loved them ... ?" There's just a hint of doubt at the end.

In Chapter 7, the hero escapes another dimension by finding religion?

In Chapter 8, he's more an assassin than a bounty hunter. Also, why did he randomly kill the person who hired him to kill Hitler? Wasn't that a good thing?

Your comments on the right side of the page are very funny.

Nevrmore
2009-05-10, 02:22 AM
While I can't answer the question about the portal-hopping, since Vash/Blade goes to more dimensions than minor characters in the early dubs of DBZ, I can answer the question about why he killed the person who hired him to assassinate Hitler: He is a giant ass hole. There is no method or structure to his rage. In one chapter, he says he wants to kill a girl for betraying him, but that he promised never to take another life. Then, the entirety of the very next chapter is him literally slaughtering the girl in question and everyone she is related to, everyone she's ever known, and everyone she had any tangential relationship to.

FoE
2009-05-10, 03:46 AM
While I can't answer the question about the portal-hopping, since Vash/Blade goes to more dimensions than minor characters in the early dubs of DBZ, I can answer the question about why he killed the person who hired him to assassinate Hitler: He is a giant ass hole. There is no method or structure to his rage. In one chapter, he says he wants to kill a girl for betraying him, but that he promised never to take another life. Then, the entirety of the very next chapter is him literally slaughtering the girl in question and everyone she is related to, everyone she's ever known, and everyone she had any tangential relationship to.

No doubt his boundless rage is due to his childhood that was like a living hell. :smalltongue:

He seems to be a half-wolf/half-Saiyan version (I wish I knew how THAT worked) of Kratos (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kratos_(God_of_War)). But with fewer redeeming qualities and even less plot.

RabbitHoleLost
2009-05-10, 12:17 PM
All I can think is "Wow, Nevrmore's voice is rather gravelly and creepy and perfect when dropping the Fbomb".
My mind isn't capable of wrapping itself around the actual fanfiction.

FoE
2009-05-10, 01:19 PM
Nevrmore, I have looked up this fanfic. This thing is huge. You're not seriously going to attempt reading the whole story, are you? :smalleek: