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View Full Version : [3.5] Epic Fail: The Quest for a Useless Epic Spell



Omegonthesane
2009-05-18, 11:28 AM
I wonder what the most useless epic spell possible to make without ad-hoc factors is. To that end I created the following example of such a useless spell, and I invite anyone who sees the thread to do better.

Origin of Interesting Dust
Conjuration (Creation, Healing)
Spellcraft DC: 1465
Components: DF
Casting Time: Quickened action
Range: 0 ft.
Effect: A small pile of possibly interesting dust
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 13,185,000 GP; 264 days; 329,625 XP. Seeds: conjure (DC 21), life (DC 27), fortify (DC 17), compel (DC 19), slay (DC 25), destroy (DC 29). Factors: +4 HD (5 hp per HD) (+20 DC), +6 to natural AC (+12 DC), add black cloud spell-like ability (+33 DC), add SR 19 (+15 DC), compel to follow outright unreasonable course of action (+10), slay +80 HD (+8), Quickened spell (+28), contingent on eating Belgian waffles (+25), no verbal component (+2), no somatic component (+2), permanent (×5 DC).

The spell creates a new creature: an achaierai with three less natural attacks. It then immediately compels the acheirai to attempt suicide, slays it before it can do so, and disintegrates the resulting corpse, leaving nothing but a pile of possibly interesting dust.

Keld Denar
2009-05-18, 11:46 AM
I'm not a hundred percent up to snuff on epic spells, but couldn't you make a spell with the Slay seed that does a retarded amount of damage to a specific creature (yourself), and casting that spell does a rediculous amount of backlash damage to the caster (again, yourself) to mitigate the ungodly high CL and DC?

That way, if the spell doesn't kill you, it still kills you.

Omegonthesane
2009-05-18, 11:48 AM
I'm not a hundred percent up to snuff on epic spells, but couldn't you make a spell with the Slay seed that does a retarded amount of damage to a specific creature (yourself), and casting that spell does a rediculous amount of backlash damage to the caster (again, yourself) to mitigate the ungodly high CL and DC?

That way, if the spell doesn't kill you, it still kills you.

That would be a useful spell in the event that you want to kill yourself. I'm going for COMPLETELY useless spells here if possible.

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-05-18, 11:52 AM
That would be a useful spell in the event that you want to kill yourself. I'm going for COMPLETELY useless spells here if possible.But the first one could get you an Achaierai that now qualifies for Risen Martyr, once you bring it back and Helm of Opposite Alignment it.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-05-18, 12:03 PM
I Just Want To Be Me
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 44
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Personal
Effect: Transforms you into yourself.
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 369,000 GP; 7 days; 15,840 XP. Seeds: Transform ( DC 21). Factors: Change target into a specific individual (+25 DC). Mitigating Factors: Change range to Personal (-2 DC).

When cast, this potent spell turns the caster into an exact duplicate of himself at the time of this casting. He keeps all his own ability scores, level, alignment, equipment, abilities (class abilities, extraordinary abilities, supernatural abilities, and spell-like abilities), memories, base attack bonus, base saves, skill points, feats, and all other features he may possess above and beyond those listed. Any spells, conditions, or effects currently affecting him continue to effect him as if the transformation had not taken place. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self.

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-05-18, 12:05 PM
I Just Want To Be Me
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 44
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Personal
Effect: Transforms you into yourself.
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 369,000 GP; 7 days; 15,840 XP. Seeds: Transform ( DC 21). Factors: Change target into a specific individual (+25 DC). Mitigating Factors: Change range to Personal (-2 DC).

When cast, this potent spell turns the caster into an exact duplicate of himself. He keeps all his own ability scores, level, alignment, equipment, abilities (class abilities, extraordinary abilities, supernatural abilities, and spell-like abilities), memories, base attack bonus, base saves, skill points, feats, and all other features he may possess above and beyond those listed. Any spells, conditions, or effects currently affecting him continue to effect him as if the transformation had not taken place. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self.A Warshaper Gish could get a lot of milage ou of this.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-05-18, 12:05 PM
A Warshaper Gish could get a lot of milage ou of this.

How, exactly? It doesn't do anything but make him exactly what he is, so if you're thinking of stacking his transformation effects, it won't work: they're gained through an ability he possesses, and qualify as one of the "effects" that the spell keeps, but does not change the nature of. He's still limited by any and all rules that he had controlling his abilities before.

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-05-18, 12:08 PM
How, exactly? It doesn't do anything but make him exactly what he is.Warshaper activates whenever you are transformed. Yeah, a Gish is going to be Polymorphing, but as a backup defense to keep your class abilities, I could see it being worth crafting.

Douglas
2009-05-18, 12:20 PM
How about a Contact-based spell that lets you talk with yourself?

Dogmantra
2009-05-18, 12:32 PM
What about Epic Constipation?
Give yourself constipation for 1d4 + CL days.

EDIT: actually, that would be REALLY useful if for some reason, you had a realism-heavy DM, and you were on watch all night.

Ummm... How about a spell that lets heals you a load, but to make up for the CL, damages you an equal amount?

Douglas
2009-05-18, 12:54 PM
Ummm... How about a spell that lets heals you a load, but to make up for the CL, damages you an equal amount?
That would let you convert temporary hit points to actual healing. It would also be potentially useful for Crusaders to fill up their delayed damage pool and get the bonuses contingent on that.

Omegonthesane
2009-05-18, 01:48 PM
I Just Want To Be Me
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 44
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Personal
Effect: Transforms you into yourself.
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 369,000 GP; 7 days; 15,840 XP. Seeds: Transform ( DC 21). Factors: Change target into a specific individual (+25 DC). Mitigating Factors: Change range to Personal (-2 DC).

When cast, this potent spell turns the caster into an exact duplicate of himself at the time of this casting. He keeps all his own ability scores, level, alignment, equipment, abilities (class abilities, extraordinary abilities, supernatural abilities, and spell-like abilities), memories, base attack bonus, base saves, skill points, feats, and all other features he may possess above and beyond those listed. Any spells, conditions, or effects currently affecting him continue to effect him as if the transformation had not taken place. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self.

High DCs are also desirable to make the spell more of a waste of money. You could do with turning that into a Quickened Action with no verbal or somatic components, or adding some more useless seeds.


I Just Want To Be Me, Version Two: Electric Boogaloo
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 105
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 minute and 1 quickened action
Range: Personal
Effect: Transforms you into yourself, and compel yourself to follow your own orders.
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 945,000 GP; 19 days; 37,800 XP. Seeds: Transform ( DC 21), Compel (DC 19). Factors: Change target into a specific individual (+25 DC), compel target to do unreasonable things (+10 DC), quickened spell (+28 DC), no verbal component (+2 DC), no somatic component (+2 DC), dismissible by caster (+2 DC). Mitigating Factors: Change range to Personal (-2 DC), increase casting time by 1 minute (-2).

When cast, this potent spell turns the caster into an exact duplicate of himself at the time of this casting. He keeps all his own ability scores, level, alignment, equipment, abilities (class abilities, extraordinary abilities, supernatural abilities, and spell-like abilities), memories, base attack bonus, base saves, skill points, feats, and all other features he may possess above and beyond those listed. Any spells, conditions, or effects currently affecting him continue to effect him as if the transformation had not taken place. Furthermore, he is compelled to do anything that he wishes himself to do, and may dismiss all these effects at will. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self, who must obey his own orders.

AgentPaper
2009-05-18, 01:59 PM
...who must obey his own orders.

Now THAT would be useful. Order yourself to do things to prevent yourself from procrastinating and such, or order yourself to not reveal any information when tortured, and so on.

Omegonthesane
2009-05-18, 02:01 PM
Now THAT would be useful. Order yourself to do things to prevent yourself from procrastinating and such, or order yourself to not reveal any information when tortured, and so on.

That was the summary text; the verbose description was "Furthermore, he is compelled to do anything that he wishes himself to do..." meaning if he wishes to procrastinate, he is compelled to procrastinate, and suchlike.

tonberrian
2009-05-18, 02:28 PM
tonberrian's 9001st Ward
Abjuration
Spellcraft DC: 621,460
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 day, 10 minutes
Range: 9,300 ft.
Targets: 9,001 creatures within range
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes
To Develop: 5,593,140,000 gp; 111,863 days; 223,725,600 XP. Seed: Ward (DC 14). Factors: Ward against specific spell (+18 DC) (Epic spell), change from touch to target (+4 DC), add 9,000 targets within 300 ft. (+90,000 DC), gain +9,000 bonus on caster level check to overcome target’s spell resistance (+18,000 DC), gain +9000 on caster level check to beat foe’s dispel effect (+18,000 DC), increase range by 3000% (+60 DC), permanent duration (*5 DC). Mitigating factors: additional 9,000 participants, level 1 spells (-9,000 DC), increase casting time by 9 minutes (-18 DC), increase casting time by 1 day (-2 DC).

This spell makes 9,001 targets permanently immune to further castings of tonberrian's 9001st Ward.

Oslecamo
2009-05-18, 02:37 PM
An epic spell wich provides a safe path to nowhere.

No idea how to craft it tough. Some teleportation-divination combination.

Gahrer
2009-05-18, 02:42 PM
tonberrian's 9001st Ward
Abjuration
Spellcraft DC: 621,460
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 day, 10 minutes
Range: 9,300 ft.
Targets: 9,001 creatures within range
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes
To Develop: 5,593,140,000 gp; 111,863 days; 223,725,600 XP. Seed: Ward (DC 14). Factors: Ward against specific spell (+18 DC) (Epic spell), change from touch to target (+4 DC), add 9,000 targets within 300 ft. (+90,000 DC), gain +9,000 bonus on caster level check to overcome target’s spell resistance (+18,000 DC), gain +9000 on caster level check to beat foe’s dispel effect (+18,000 DC), increase range by 3000% (+60 DC), permanent duration (*5 DC). Mitigating factors: additional 9,000 participants, level 1 spells (-9,000 DC), increase casting time by 9 minutes (-18 DC), increase casting time by 1 day (-2 DC).

This spell makes 9,001 targets permanently immune to further castings of tonberrian's 9001st Ward.

I think we might have a winner. Anyone got any idea on how to use this?

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-05-18, 02:49 PM
I think we might have a winner. Anyone got any idea on how to use this?Maybe if you needed a way to identify everyone within a certain radius later on, say you wanted to be able to scry any person who lives in a certain country or something, but that's stretching.

Lapak
2009-05-18, 02:56 PM
I think we might have a winner. Anyone got any idea on how to use this?This one gets my vote; I can't imagine a use for it. Unless the immunity is somehow detectable, then you could use it as a REALLY EXPENSIVE way to make sure that no shapeshifted creatures like dopplegangers have infiltrated a group.

Douglas
2009-05-18, 03:07 PM
Greater Arcane Sight would tell you on sight whether any particular person had that spell in effect. Thus, it could be used as a way to mark a group of people for easy recognition later.

I don't feel like actually statting it up, but how about my idea of a spell to contact yourself so you can talk with yourself? Oh, and combine it with a dispel so it dispels itself automatically.

DamnedIrishman
2009-05-18, 03:07 PM
How about a spell which dispells the last spell you cast... ie, itself?

lsfreak
2009-05-18, 03:34 PM
If the 9001st Ward spell was instead made instantaneous, so that there would be no way of tracking who was made immune by the spell, it'd have my vote. As permanent, the magic remains and can be tracked.

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-05-18, 03:41 PM
How about a spell which dispells the last spell you cast... ie, itself?If someone could stat it up, I'm having a hard time figuring out what the use for that would be.

Zhalath
2009-05-18, 04:16 PM
I Just Want To Be Me, Version Two: Electric Boogaloo
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 105
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 minute and 1 quickened action
Range: Personal
Effect: Transforms you into yourself, and compel yourself to follow your own orders.
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 945,000 GP; 19 days; 37,800 XP. Seeds: Transform ( DC 21), Compel (DC 19). Factors: Change target into a specific individual (+25 DC), compel target to do unreasonable things (+10 DC), quickened spell (+28 DC), no verbal component (+2 DC), no somatic component (+2 DC), dismissible by caster (+2 DC). Mitigating Factors: Change range to Personal (-2 DC), increase casting time by 1 minute (-2).

When cast, this potent spell turns the caster into an exact duplicate of himself at the time of this casting. He keeps all his own ability scores, level, alignment, equipment, abilities (class abilities, extraordinary abilities, supernatural abilities, and spell-like abilities), memories, base attack bonus, base saves, skill points, feats, and all other features he may possess above and beyond those listed. Any spells, conditions, or effects currently affecting him continue to effect him as if the transformation had not taken place. Furthermore, he is compelled to do anything that he wishes himself to do, and may dismiss all these effects at will. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self, who must obey his own orders.

Now, we don't want that rubbing off. Permanency for X5. DC 520

Chronos
2009-05-18, 04:20 PM
...who must obey his own orders.That would be at least moderately useful as a protection against other compulsions. If a character is under contradictory compulsions from two different sources, the sources make an opposed Charisma check to see who wins. So if an enemy spellcaster dominates you and orders you to attack your teammates, you could order yourself not to attack your teammates, and maybe win the opposed check.

Omegonthesane
2009-05-18, 04:58 PM
That would be at least moderately useful as a protection against other compulsions. If a character is under contradictory compulsions from two different sources, the sources make an opposed Charisma check to see who wins. So if an enemy spellcaster dominates you and orders you to attack your teammates, you could order yourself not to attack your teammates, and maybe win the opposed check.

In that case it must be removed. The resulting loss of DC is regrettable, but an acceptable sacrifice if it means the spell is truly useless.

I Just Want To Be Me, Version Three
Transmutation
Spellcraft DC: 76
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 minute and 1 quickened action
Range: Personal
Effect: Transforms you into yourself.
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: 684,000 GP; 14 days; 27,360 XP. Seeds: Transform ( DC 21). Factors: Change target into a specific individual (+25 DC), quickened spell (+28 DC), no verbal component (+2 DC), no somatic component (+2 DC), dismissible by caster (+2 DC). Mitigating Factors: Change range to Personal (-2 DC), increase casting time by 1 minute (-2).

When cast, this potent spell turns the caster into an exact duplicate of himself at the time of this casting. He keeps all his own ability scores, level, alignment, equipment, abilities (class abilities, extraordinary abilities, supernatural abilities, and spell-like abilities), memories, base attack bonus, base saves, skill points, feats, and all other features he may possess above and beyond those listed. Any spells, conditions, or effects currently affecting him continue to effect him as if the transformation had not taken place. Furthermore, he may dismiss this effect at will, reverting to how he was before the spell was cast. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self.

To whoever said to permanent it... it's already permanent. More's the pity.

NecroRebel
2009-05-18, 05:03 PM
I Just Want To Be Me, Version Three


Problem: What if you cast Shapechange, then I Just Want To Be Me? The wording is such that this could effectively make Shapechange permanent; you morph into, say, a Gold Dragon, then you become, permanently, what you are, that being a Gold Dragon. Then, when Shapechange's duration runs out, you... remain a Gold Dragon.

At least, that's how I read it :smallconfused:

Flickerdart
2009-05-18, 05:06 PM
I don't feel like actually statting it up, but how about my idea of a spell to contact yourself so you can talk with yourself?
Useful when you really need someone to talk to, but don't want to confide in anyone.

Sir_Mopalot
2009-05-18, 07:30 PM
Problem: What if you cast Shapechange, then I Just Want To Be Me? The wording is such that this could effectively make Shapechange permanent; you morph into, say, a Gold Dragon, then you become, permanently, what you are, that being a Gold Dragon. Then, when Shapechange's duration runs out, you... remain a Gold Dragon.

At least, that's how I read it :smallconfused:

ahh, see, the way the spell is worded would turn you into what you are: A (whatever you were before shapechange) who has shapechanged into a Gold Dragon. the duration of shapechange would still be in effect.

ShneekeyTheLost
2009-05-18, 08:34 PM
Know Thyself
This epic spell searches the multiverse for you, identifies your exact stats, regardless of what magical protections against scrying you may possess, then tells you what they are, and allows you to cast spells on yourself.

Seeds: Contact, Reveal, Foresee
Divination
Spellcraft DC: 2332
Components: none
Casting Time: Quickened action
Range: anywhere on any plane
Effect: examines you and tells you what you are
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes
DC to develop: Reveal (19+2 (both see and hear) + 2(mobile) + 8 (extraplanar) + 4 (allow magical senses) + 6 (able to cast through it) ) *10 (freeing line of sight restriction) = 410; Contact: 23 + 4 (telepathic comunication) = 27; Foresee: 17 + 6 (+2 each for level, class, and alignment, but can probably be bumped up to an arbitrary number if you want to get into details like 'how many nose hairs') = DC 460*5 for Permanent duration + 28 (quickened) + 4 (no verbal/somatic) = DC 2332

This can be further boosted an arbitrary amount by increasing your caster level check to overcome target's SR to an arbitrary number

Y'nokhs
2009-05-18, 09:40 PM
Here's my attempt - it makes everything look like itself:smallcool: :

I'm really inexperienced with these things, so please point out any errors

World Figment
Illusion (Glamor)
Spellcraft DC: 17,897,250,005,320,483,250,001,485
Components: None
Casting Time: Quickened
Range: 1,200,000 ft
Effect: Up to 10,000,000 images that act as the creatures they look like
Duration: Permanent
To develop: 161,075,250,047,884,349,250,013,365,000 gp, 8,850,288,464,169,469,739,012 years, 6,443,010,001,915,373,970,000,534,600 xp, Seeds: Delude (DC 17), Foresee (DC 17, to predict how creatures will move in creating image scripts), Reveal (DC 21, to locate and identify targets), Factors: Add audible, tactile, olfactory, thermal, and taste aspects (+10), increase range by 10,000% (+200), create up to 10,000,000 scripted images (+100,000,000), see up to 1,000,000,000 years into the future (x 17,897,250,000,000), permanent duration (x5), Quickened (+28), no verbal or somatic component (+4)

This potent spell overlays every creature within its considerable range with an illusion. This illusion is indistinguishable from the creature it covers, and looks, acts, and changes the same as the creature.

Kornaki
2009-05-18, 09:48 PM
Here's my attempt - it makes everything look like itself:smallcool: :

I'm really inexperienced with these things, so please point out any errors

World Figment
Illusion (Glamor)
Spellcraft DC: 17,897,250,005,320,483,250,001,485
Components: None
Casting Time: Quickened
Range: 1,200,000 ft
Effect: Up to 10,000,000 images that act as the creatures they look like
Duration: Permanent
To develop: 161,075,250,047,884,349,250,013,365,000 gp, 8,850,288,464,169,469,739,012 years, 6,443,010,001,915,373,970,000,534,600 xp, Seeds: Delude (DC 17), Foresee (DC 17, to predict how creatures will move in creating image scripts), Reveal (DC 21, to locate and identify targets), Factors: Add audible, tactile, olfactory, thermal, and taste aspects (+10), increase range by 10,000% (+200), create up to 10,000,000 scripted images (+100,000,000), see up to 1,000,000,000 years into the future (x 17,897,250,000,000), permanent duration (x5), Quickened (+28), no verbal or somatic component (+4)

This potent spell overlays every creature within its considerable range with an illusion. This illusion is indistinguishable from the creature it covers, and looks, acts, and changes the same as the creature.

This would be awesome. Any future illusions you cast in that area would be undetectable by a variety of means, as they'd be overwhelmed by the ridiculously epic illusion that's covering the area. You'd probably kill anybody using detect magic

Shneekey, what if somebody induces amnesia so you don't know what your equipment does?

EDIT: Any epic spell cast in principle lets you test whether you're capable of casting epic spells (i.e. am I in an epic anti-magic field). So for true uselessness, your spell must not be able to be used as such

Olo Demonsbane
2009-05-18, 10:16 PM
Here's my attempt - it makes everything look like itself:smallcool: :

I'm really inexperienced with these things, so please point out any errors

World Figment
Illusion (Glamor)
Spellcraft DC: 17,897,250,005,320,483,250,001,485
Components: None
Casting Time: Quickened
Range: 1,200,000 ft
Effect: Up to 10,000,000 images that act as the creatures they look like
Duration: Permanent
To develop: 161,075,250,047,884,349,250,013,365,000 gp, 8,850,288,464,169,469,739,012 years, 6,443,010,001,915,373,970,000,534,600 xp, Seeds: Delude (DC 17), Foresee (DC 17, to predict how creatures will move in creating image scripts), Reveal (DC 21, to locate and identify targets), Factors: Add audible, tactile, olfactory, thermal, and taste aspects (+10), increase range by 10,000% (+200), create up to 10,000,000 scripted images (+100,000,000), see up to 1,000,000,000 years into the future (x 17,897,250,000,000), permanent duration (x5), Quickened (+28), no verbal or somatic component (+4)

This potent spell overlays every creature within its considerable range with an illusion. This illusion is indistinguishable from the creature it covers, and looks, acts, and changes the same as the creature.

Be a Killer Gnome and transform it into a shadow effect. Now the world is twice as deadly (Epic = 10th level, 10th level = 100%).

Use another epic spell that combines Dispel, Slay, and Animate Dead to create a zombie appocolypse.

Use Warlock's Vorracious Dispelling. Kill everything.

Kornaki
2009-05-18, 10:42 PM
Ok, here's my attempt

Inferior Dispelling
Spellcraft DC: 220
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: 300 feet
Target: None
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes (although the thing being targeted, the sentient spell, in this case has no spell resistance)
To Develop: 1,980,000 gp; 40 days; 79200 xp. Seeds: Life (27), Dispel (19), Transport (time stream) (35), Compel (harmful) (29) Factors: Giving life to a spell (ad hoc x2)

Upon being cast, inferior dispelling brings to life a dispel magic spell. The spell is sentient, and capable of casting itself at any time. It has no physical attributes, and its mental attributes are equal to the caster's. It isn't truly alive, but simply a fragment of the caster's personality. The spell compels the dispel magic ball to kill itself (being a fragment of the caster, it cannot make a will save to avoid this). The spell then slips the sentient dispel magic spell into an alternate time stream, where it has five rounds to act freely. The spell attempts to dispel itself, and as the caster never fails to dispel his own spells, succeeds.

Olo Demonsbane
2009-05-18, 10:45 PM
The Invisible Illusion
Illusion (Glamer, Figment)
Spellcraft DC: 6470
Components: None
Casting Time: Quickened Action
Range: Touch
Effect: One invisible, undetectable, illusion
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Will Disbelief (if interacted with)
SR: No
To Develop: 58,230,000 gp; 1165 days; 2,329,200 XP
Seeds: Delude (DC 14), Conceal (DC 17), Ward (DC 14), +6 (no divinations function on it), +160 (Resists all spells), +4 (lasts regardless of its actions), +200 (+100 DC), +4 (no components), +28 (Quickened Spell), +200 (+100 to beat a dispel check), x2 (Recorded on Stone Tablet), x5 (Permanent)

This potent spell creates an undetectable illusion of a small, non descript rock. This rock cannot be found by magic, cannot be affected by magic, and can only be dispelled if the caster succeeds on a dispel check against you; you gain a +100 bonus to your CL for the purpus of this roll. If anyone in the same square succeeds on a Will save DC 110+Your Primary Ability, it believes that there is not an invisible rock in its space...unless of course there is one, in which case they can disbelieve that normally.

Kornaki
2009-05-18, 11:24 PM
If somebody has a ridiculously high will save for one event for whatever reason (some sort of combination of divination spells focusing on his next save attempt) and you need need need need need need him to believe there is not an invisible rock in a square where there is one, you put this in front of him, and make him believe there isn't an invisible rock in the square when there really is.

Does that work?

Olo Demonsbane
2009-05-19, 08:51 AM
If somebody has a ridiculously high will save for one event for whatever reason (some sort of combination of divination spells focusing on his next save attempt) and you need need need need need need him to believe there is not an invisible rock in a square where there is one, you put this in front of him, and make him believe there isn't an invisible rock in the square when there really is.

Does that work?

Ummm...I already adressed that....


unless of course there is one, in which case they can disbelieve that normally

Draz74
2009-05-19, 01:02 PM
How about an epic spell that reduces the casting time of your next spell by one round (to a minimum of 1 round) ... while the epic spell itself has a casting time of 10 rounds? If that's still too useful, you could give it a one-round duration like True Strike too.

Another_Poet
2009-05-19, 01:23 PM
Spell: Reneuralise Self
Target: Personal
Casting time: 1 standard action
Duration: Permanent
Saving throw: none
[bunch of epic spell math I don't know how to do]

Reneuralise Self immediately and irrevocably alters the caster's own memories and training, replacing all of his character class levels with levels in Fighter. The subject loses all class features of his previous class(es) and gains the features of a Fighter of the same level, including proficiencies, bonus feats, and.... well that's it really.

Level-dependent feats are not affected by this spell, but the subject immediately chooses his Fighter bonus feats. All normal feat prerequisites still apply, and if the character no longer meets the requirements for a feat already selected he loses use of that feat until the requirements are met.

Skill points are immediately recalculated based on the Fighter's skill points per level. If ("if") the subject has excess skill points he must immediately lose skill ranks to come down to the new maximum. He must also adjust for which skills are now cross-class skills, considering those skill ranks to cost twice as many skill points. He cannot, however, reassign skill points from one skill to another.

Because this spell only changes his recollection of training, and not his genetic code, the subject retains all his original ability scores.

shimmercat
2009-05-19, 02:01 PM
That could be useful if you are in a situation where a caster-type could not escape, but a fighter-type could. I know that stats don't change, but I bet I could come up with a situation if I REALLY wanted to. XD

Or if you really wanted to forget something that happened in your past, like if while you were training as a caster, you had a lover who was killed horribly and you never got over the fact that you failed to save them. Yeah, it's an RP use, but RP uses ARE valid and cool, too!

Omegonthesane
2009-05-19, 04:10 PM
That could be useful if you are in a situation where a caster-type could not escape, but a fighter-type could. I know that stats don't change, but I bet I could come up with a situation if I REALLY wanted to. XD

Or if you really wanted to forget something that happened in your past, like if while you were training as a caster, you had a lover who was killed horribly and you never got over the fact that you failed to save them. Yeah, it's an RP use, but RP uses ARE valid and cool, too!
Heres' yer situation: you prepared Reneuralise Self in your last slot, everything else is blown, and there's an ABD incoming. That, or there's an ABD in an AMF incoming, regardless of what spells you have left.

Also, the Epic maths isn't that hard to do, but I don't believe there's a seed that can turn you into a Fighter. Also, I'd use the Dungeonomicon Fighter myself in any campaign, simply to avoid the usual one's rep for suckiness.

Juggernaut1981
2009-05-20, 12:20 AM
Mordenkainen's Epic Letter Opener: This spell sunders and disjoins envelopes, scrolls and books triggereing every effect contained within them as if the caster had opened it themselves.

Mordenkainen's Epic Cutlery: This spell makes a spoon, which then sunders and disjoins itself, disintegrates itself and then gusts of wind to remvoe the dust. Only possible useful feature: it does make a tinkling silverware sound.

Mordenkainen's Epic Scroll Seal: This spell conjures a stick of wax, a copy of a signet ring identical to one in your posession, melts the wax, presses the seal into the warm wax then cools it automatically before disintegrating the copy of the ring and the rest of the wax. All remnants, except for the seal on the envelope/scroll are destroyed and scattered by the spell.

Summon Epic Cheese: This spell conjures a 250g block of cheese with 50 lvls of expert that has Str -, Dex -, Con - and no spellcasting ability. It is also rather bland and gooey and is terrible on toast.

almightyk
2009-09-25, 10:25 PM
Mordenkainen's Epic Letter Opener: This spell sunders and disjoins envelopes, scrolls and books triggereing every effect contained within them as if the caster had opened it themselves.

Mordenkainen's Epic Cutlery: This spell makes a spoon, which then sunders and disjoins itself, disintegrates itself and then gusts of wind to remvoe the dust. Only possible useful feature: it does make a tinkling silverware sound.

Mordenkainen's Epic Scroll Seal: This spell conjures a stick of wax, a copy of a signet ring identical to one in your posession, melts the wax, presses the seal into the warm wax then cools it automatically before disintegrating the copy of the ring and the rest of the wax. All remnants, except for the seal on the envelope/scroll are destroyed and scattered by the spell.

Summon Epic Cheese: This spell conjures a 250g block of cheese with 50 lvls of expert that has Str -, Dex -, Con - and no spellcasting ability. It is also rather bland and gooey and is terrible on toast.


letter opener : great if your limbs are unable to move
cutlery: if wind is needed in that one particular spot
scroll seal : if you have no wax to make the seal yourself (that can save a lot of money on wax)
epic cheese: its gooey, stick the enemies down

technophile
2009-09-25, 11:26 PM
Heres' yer situation: you prepared Reneuralise Self in your last slot, everything else is blown, and there's an ABD incoming. That, or there's an ABD in an AMF incoming, regardless of what spells you have left.
Also, duration: Permanent means it can be dispelled, returning you to your original class/skills/etc.

Duration: Instantaneous, on the other hand...

Indon
2009-09-25, 11:38 PM
I Just Want To Be Me, Version Three

...

Furthermore, he may dismiss this effect at will, reverting to how he was before the spell was cast. In short, he remains a perfect copy of his former self.

This seems to be a spell that grants you all your spell slots back when you dismiss it at will, so long as you cast it before using any spells for the day.

dspeyer
2009-09-26, 02:26 AM
Reneuralize seems like a good way to hide from a strongly superintelligent adversary. No matter how many layers of deliberate deception you pile on, something that smart will see through them. But if you genuinely become an ineffective fighter, you have perfect cover. Just make sure someone disjuncts you at the right moment.

almightyk
2009-09-27, 10:38 PM
so its agreed, there are no completely useless spells?

quick_comment
2009-09-27, 11:12 PM
so its agreed, there are no completely useless spells?

Nope.


Make Godel Cry
Seed: Forsee
Effect: This spell lets the caster know if the casting of itself was successful.

deuxhero
2009-09-27, 11:16 PM
Find me a use for a spell that explicitly does nothing

Gadora
2009-09-28, 12:46 AM
Find me a use for a spell that explicitly does nothing

Okay, a sorcerer casts it. Thanks to their feat, Draconic Flight, they now have a fly speed of 100 feet per round for the rest of their turn.

Haven
2009-09-28, 01:31 AM
Ok, here's my attempt

Inferior Dispelling
Spellcraft DC: 220
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: 300 feet
Target: None
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes (although the thing being targeted, the sentient spell, in this case has no spell resistance)
To Develop: 1,980,000 gp; 40 days; 79200 xp. Seeds: Life (27), Dispel (19), Transport (time stream) (35), Compel (harmful) (29) Factors: Giving life to a spell (ad hoc x2)

Upon being cast, inferior dispelling brings to life a dispel magic spell. The spell is sentient, and capable of casting itself at any time. It has no physical attributes, and its mental attributes are equal to the caster's. It isn't truly alive, but simply a fragment of the caster's personality. The spell compels the dispel magic ball to kill itself (being a fragment of the caster, it cannot make a will save to avoid this). The spell then slips the sentient dispel magic spell into an alternate time stream, where it has five rounds to act freely. The spell attempts to dispel itself, and as the caster never fails to dispel his own spells, succeeds.

I don't know why, but the bolded part just made me laugh out loud.

BobVosh
2009-09-28, 01:40 AM
The fighter one would be hilarious with a contingency: mindrape on command word to return your casting ability.

golentan
2009-09-28, 02:35 AM
This one's based on Spell Worm

Epic Spell: What was I working on?

Spellcraft DC: 115
Components: V, M
Casting Time: 1 minute
Target: Personal
Duration: Permanent.
Saving Throw: Will negates
To Develop: 1,035,000 gp, 41,400 xp, 21 days. Seed Compel (DC 19) + 6 (unobtrusive, Ad Hoc) - 2 (personal range) x 5 (permanent duration).

Upon casting this spell, the target loses all memories of a single thing: this spell. He loses memory of this spell, of developing it, and all associated activity. If evidence that he developed this spell is present, he will willfully ignore it. If the evidence is forced upon him, he will destroy the evidence then once more lose all memory of the event. While a sufficiently strong dispel check might overcome this spell, doing so would immediately cause the caster to remember it and thus be able to cast it again. The memory block applies only to the specific development of the spell, allowing a caster to redevelop this spell under the belief he has never done so before. All other memories and abilities remain the same, meaning that this entire thing was a colossal waste of time, money, and experience.

I haven't made epic spells before, so I may have messed up. I basically just lifted from Spell worm, added a memory block, and made it useless and permanent. Let me know what things I inevitably got wrong, please.

Tohron
2009-09-28, 09:38 AM
Epic Spell: Make the Unseen Unseen

Spellcraft DC: 330
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Target: Personal or touch
Duration: Permanent.
Saving Throw: None or Will negates (harmless, object)
To Develop: 2,970,000 gp, 18,800 xp, 60 days. Seed Conceal (DC 17) + 4 (Invisible regardless of actions) + 25 (contingent trigger) * 5(permanent duration)

This spell makes a target that is currently invisible invisible. The invisibility only remains in effect if the original means by which it became invisible would continue to render it undetected, otherwise the spell ends.

Haven
2009-09-28, 11:21 AM
This one's based on Spell Worm

Epic Spell: What was I working on?

Spellcraft DC: 115
Components: V, M
Casting Time: 1 minute
Target: Personal
Duration: Permanent.
Saving Throw: Will negates
To Develop: 1,035,000 gp, 41,400 xp, 21 days. Seed Compel (DC 19) + 6 (unobtrusive, Ad Hoc) - 2 (personal range) x 5 (permanent duration).

Upon casting this spell, the target loses all memories of a single thing: this spell. He loses memory of this spell, of developing it, and all associated activity. If evidence that he developed this spell is present, he will willfully ignore it. If the evidence is forced upon him, he will destroy the evidence then once more lose all memory of the event. While a sufficiently strong dispel check might overcome this spell, doing so would immediately cause the caster to remember it and thus be able to cast it again. The memory block applies only to the specific development of the spell, allowing a caster to redevelop this spell under the belief he has never done so before. All other memories and abilities remain the same, meaning that this entire thing was a colossal waste of time, money, and experience.

I haven't made epic spells before, so I may have messed up. I basically just lifted from Spell worm, added a memory block, and made it useless and permanent. Let me know what things I inevitably got wrong, please.

Alternate spell title: Just As Planned.

Fishy
2009-09-28, 12:40 PM
I'm thinking some sort of Impenetrable Sanctum spell that creates a personal demiplane for the mage, wards it to be unreachable by any and all forms of planar travel... including any attempt for the mage to actually use it.

The Neoclassic
2009-09-28, 12:53 PM
This is an excellent thread. It's also fascinating to hear how even spells designed to be useless could be used. :smallcool:

Fluffles
2009-09-28, 01:40 PM
Fwuffle's Discernment:

When cast it immediate allows the caster to know all magical properties of the weapon held.
Special: Only works on mundane weapons.

Fwuffle's Detect Spies:
Can detect if an enemy is a spy without fail. Casting Time: 1 hour. Material Components: one corpse of a recent victem, and the Spy must be present the entire time, and be repeating "I am a spy" in his mind or out loud the entire time. This spell does not work if the Subject is under any sort of magical compulsion, paralyzed, stunned, or drugged in any way. Verbal components: Must continue repeating "Are you a spy? for the entire 10 minutes.

Special: If at any time the spy gets bored and confesses, the spell explodes, killing everybody on the planet, then ressurecting them with no knowledge of anything during the time the spell was being cast.

Elfin
2009-09-28, 01:52 PM
tonberrian's 9001st Ward
[snip]

This one definitely gets my vote.
There are a lot of good ones, though.

Sipex
2009-09-28, 01:53 PM
Okay, not too familiar with D&D 3.5 but here goes:

Conjure Existing Object
Spellcraft DC: ???
Components: V, M
Type: Conjuration.
Casting Time: Instantaneous
Target: One Object
Duration: Instantaneous.
Saving Throw: None
To Develop: ???.

When cast this spell takes an existing object, destroys it and re-creates it in the exact same place it previously occupied. The new object acts as an exact copy of the previous one including both magical and physical properties. For all purposes this new object is not considered magical unless the previous object was, then it is.

Lapak
2009-09-28, 02:08 PM
Okay, not too familiar with D&D 3.5 but here goes:

Conjure Existing ObjectThe first thing that jumps out at me is any use-activated item that maintains an effect after activation; for example, a Cube of Force. The destruction would de-activate the object, and while the new item might be one that you can activate, you may not be able to do so immediately.

To say nothing of The MacGuffin That Seals Away The Thousand-Year Evil being destroyed for even a fraction of a second.

Fluffles
2009-09-28, 03:34 PM
Fwuffle's Discernment:

When cast it immediate allows the caster to know all magical properties of the weapon held.
Special: Only works on mundane weapons.

Fwuffle's Detect Spies:
Can detect if an enemy is a spy without fail. Casting Time: 1 hour. Material Components: one corpse of a recent victem, and the Spy must be present the entire time, and be repeating "I am a spy" in his mind or out loud the entire time. This spell does not work if the Subject is under any sort of magical compulsion, paralyzed, stunned, or drugged in any way. Verbal components: Must continue repeating "Are you a spy? for the entire 10 minutes.

Special: If at any time the spy gets bored and confesses, the spell explodes, killing everybody on the planet, then resurrecting them with no knowledge of anything during the time the spell was being cast.

No love for mine?

golentan
2009-09-28, 03:38 PM
Alternate spell title: Just As Planned.

What's that supposed to...

MY SPELL IS NOT A DEATH NOTE RULE!!! It is far more useless.

Closak
2009-09-28, 04:51 PM
I'm not too familiar with the rules but here goes.


Infinity Blast.

Spellcraft DC: 93828456666633113467745321135849200000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000050000
Components: V,M
Type: ???
Target: Everything.
Duration: ????
Save: No
To develop: ???


This spell destroys the entire multiverse in a massive explosion.

Lapak
2009-09-28, 04:55 PM
This spell destroys the entire multiverse in a massive explosion.One of my background-story NPCs in one campaign was an epic lich who had so thoroughly protected and hidden his phylactery that even he could not find or destroy it, and enchanted it such that it allowed him to regenerate far away from it. He had grown weary of existence and desperately wished to die, but had no way of destroying himself, and his stated goal was to annihilate the world to accomplish it.

He would have LOVED this spell.

Dr Bwaa
2009-09-28, 05:26 PM
tonberrian's 9001st Ward
*snip*

If we can find a way to make this effect undetectable (instantaneous duration), I think we have a winner (otherwise, yes, it can be used to blow up anyone who casts Detect Magic in the area). Also, we can get rid of the 9000 additional participants, that 9,000 to the spellcraft DC hardly seems worth it =D

Alternately, World Figment and What Was I Working On? would both work if they have instantaneous duration.

My own submission (inspiration by quick_comment; not necessarily useless but it entertains me anyway):

Make Turing Cry
Duration: instantaneous
Casting time: swift action
DC: I don't have my books with me, so I'll have to leave this one up to you.
This spell grants the caster knowledge of a single spell, randomly selected from among those (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halting_problem) spells (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cantor's_diagonal_argument) which are impossible to create, imagine, cast, describe, or comprehend. This does not change the inherent ability of the caster to create, imagine, cast, describe, or comprehend the granted spell, nor does it effect any other change to the caster's mind or body.

Fluffles
2009-09-28, 05:45 PM
I think detecting the magical properties of a mundane weapon beats killing people who use detect magic :P

Pie Guy
2009-09-28, 05:48 PM
Fwuffle's Detect Spies:
Material component: A flamethrower.



Fixed. :smallcool:

Kobold-Bard
2009-09-28, 06:04 PM
Epic Spell: Make the Unseen Unseen

Spellcraft DC: 330
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Target: Personal or touch
Duration: Permanent.
Saving Throw: None or Will negates (harmless, object)
To Develop: 2,970,000 gp, 18,800 xp, 60 days. Seed Conceal (DC 17) + 4 (Invisible regardless of actions) + 25 (contingent trigger) * 5(permanent duration)

This spell makes a target that is currently invisible invisible. The invisibility only remains in effect if the original means by which it became invisible would continue to render it undetected, otherwise the spell ends.

There must be someway to make that spell useful. It just seems like there should...

Thane of Fife
2009-09-28, 06:33 PM
There must be someway to make that spell useful. It just seems like there should...

If you could cast it on an invisible creature which you could not identify, but which would need to remain near you for some time, then, after the invisibility wears off, you could use Detect Magic to search for the person with the lingering aura, because the epic spell's aura would linger much longer than the original spell's.

Maybe?

Yuki Akuma
2009-09-28, 06:41 PM
Be a Killer Gnome and transform it into a shadow effect. Now the world is twice as deadly (Epic = 10th level, 10th level = 100%).

Shadowcraft Mages can only convert Figments into Shadow Illusions.

That thing's a Glamer.

(Also, they can only convert specific Figments - that's why they need Heighten Spell.)

Tohron
2009-09-28, 06:46 PM
If you could cast it on an invisible creature which you could not identify, but which would need to remain near you for some time, then, after the invisibility wears off, you could use Detect Magic to search for the person with the lingering aura, because the epic spell's aura would linger much longer than the original spell's.

Maybe?

The spell terminates as soon as the target would be detected, so there won't be any lingering aura.

Thrawn183
2009-09-28, 11:34 PM
So how would you build a spell that perfectly teleports and plane shifts any creature or object to where it currently is.

Now what about a spell that teleports and plane shifts all creatures and objects to where they currently are?

Olo Demonsbane
2009-09-29, 12:08 AM
I'm not too familiar with the rules but here goes.


Infinity Blast.

Spellcraft DC: 93828456666633113467745321135849200000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000050000
Components: V,M
Type: ???
Target: Everything.
Duration: ????
Save: No
To develop: ???


This spell destroys the entire multiverse in a massive explosion.

Heres how it works...

You are an Epic Wizard. You have the reserves of Strength feat. You make (HD) Craft Contingent Spell with Genesis in it. They are contingent for the universe being destroyed.

Now, you find another Epic Wizard. You Mindrape him into wanting to destroy the universe, and let him research that spell.

You give him that ring from Complete Arcane. The one that lets you gain immuntiy to another caster's spell 3/day.

He casts it, you are immune.

Congrats, you just remade the universe!

MickJay
2009-09-29, 04:42 AM
That's hardly useless, really - you've made yourself into the most powerful being in the whole universe. Mind you, it'll be a very boring eternity for you from now on, but still... :smalltongue:

Dixieboy
2009-09-29, 05:28 AM
Heres how it works...

You are an Epic Wizard. You have the reserves of Strength feat. You make (HD) Craft Contingent Spell with Genesis in it. They are contingent for the universe being destroyed.

Now, you find another Epic Wizard. You Mindrape him into wanting to destroy the universe, and let him research that spell.

You give him that ring from Complete Arcane. The one that lets you gain immuntiy to another caster's spell 3/day.

He casts it, you are immune.

Congrats, you just remade the universe!Not really as all you did was create a demiplane.

And since the main plane was destroyed you have no way to gather resources to make your demiplane larger, nor to create life.

But that doesn't matter, because since you most likely went all cheesy with your demiplane you'll be dead within a couple of days anyway.

woodenbandman
2009-09-29, 08:47 AM
Recursive Dispelling

This spell, when cast, regresses time to the time at which it was cast and attempts to counterspell itself. In order to preserve the space-time continuum, it automatically fails to counterspell itself.

This spell basically produces an infinite time loop where it attempts to counterspell itself but fails, so it is cast, and fails, and cast, and fails...

Sipex
2009-09-29, 09:25 AM
Wizard: I froze the universe again!

Warrior: CTRL+ALT+DELETE!

EDIT: Or even...

"A problem has been detected and the multi-verse has been shut down to prevent damage to existance.

The problem seems to be caused by the following spell: Recursive Dispelling"

Kobold-Bard
2009-09-29, 10:05 AM
Wizard: I froze the universe again!

Warrior: CTRL+ALT+DELETE!

EDIT: Or even...

"A problem has been detected and the multi-verse has been shut down to prevent damage to existance.

The problem seems to be caused by the following spell: Recursive Dispelling"

Extremely Annoyed Overgod: Do you have any idea how long it takes to reset this thing!! I can't just switch it off and on again!! Dammit, where did I leave that Tablet with Infinity Blast scribed onto it? F***ing Wizards :smallmad:

vanyell
2009-09-29, 10:26 AM
Epic Spell: Make the Unseen Unseen

Spellcraft DC: 330
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Target: Personal or touch
Duration: Permanent.
Saving Throw: None or Will negates (harmless, object)
To Develop: 2,970,000 gp, 18,800 xp, 60 days. Seed Conceal (DC 17) + 4 (Invisible regardless of actions) + 25 (contingent trigger) * 5(permanent duration)

This spell makes a target that is currently invisible invisible. The invisibility only remains in effect if the original means by which it became invisible would continue to render it undetected, otherwise the spell ends.


IIRC you always know how many targets you effect with a spell, so this could be a way to find out if there are any invisible creatures nearby, and how many.

Sliver
2009-09-29, 11:13 AM
IIRC you always know how many targets you effect with a spell, so this could be a way to find out if there are any invisible creatures nearby, and how many.

Well, no.. As its personal or touch, you will know if you are invisible or if you touch something invisible.. So no, I don't think it will help you to know if something is invisible, as you are already touching it, you probably know already something there is invisible..

Draz74
2009-09-29, 11:21 AM
How about an epic spell that does 50d6 damage (save negates), and the only legal target is Pun-Pun? That sounds pretty useless.

Thoughtbot360
2009-09-29, 11:34 AM
Now, this isn't 3.5, but when it comes to ARDOROUS quests for superspells that turn out to be not so good, its hard to imagine anything more wasteful than Final Fantasy 2j's quest for the Ultima spell.

I mean, in later games when Ultima shows up, its rightfully powerful, but in the game when it is actually part of the *plot*.....its based on your most underdeveloped skill, requiring hours of leveling all the weapon skills (and spells! When you level up a spell it becomes more MP-expensive and sometimes its better to keep your utility spells as low as possible) your ultima caster never needed to begin with to just make it decent.

Edgar (with Emperor Mateus Palamecia reeking havoc as a whirlwind): Even though we now have Ultima, we are doomed-
HJ Bailey: BECAUSE ITS A _BUGGED_ SPELL!

Fishy
2009-09-29, 11:37 AM
Icthus' Instant Inanity
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Effect: One duplicate of caster
Duration: 8 hours
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

The character develops a spell that he or she can cast; thereafter, the spell can effectively “cast itself.” Instant Inanity is sentient and generally friendly toward the character. As a self-triggering spell, it isn’t truly alive but is a fragment of the character’s personality. It cares little for the world around it, but at the character’s urging (and sometimes at its own discretion) it casts itself. Upon casting Instant Inanity, the spell creates a duplicate version of itself. The duplicate is considered fresh and rested when created, and it may cast itself.

Instant Inanity and any of its duplicates have the character’s mental ability scores, but they have no physical ability scores. They sense the world through the character’s senses and communicate with him or her by thought.

Generally, simultaneously.

(Eidolon (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/eidolon.htm) + Living Lightning (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/livingLightning.htm) = Some sort of hueg Spellcraft DC)

Sliver
2009-09-29, 11:49 AM
Icthus' Instant Inanity
Instant Inanity and any of its duplicates have the character’s mental ability scores, but they has no physical ability scores. They sense the world through the character’s senses and communicate with him or her by thought.

Generally, simultaneously.

Having mental ability scores and a way to sense the world, each of those Instant Inanities could get spot and listen checks, and pass off information to the caster.. You said they have little interest in the world, but it may be enough.. Now, having no interest in the world, only in talking to the caster and recasting themselves.. and making it permanent.. will probably force concentration checks and will saves..

Eloel
2009-09-29, 12:36 PM
tonberrian's 9001st Ward
This spell makes 9,001 targets permanently immune to further castings of tonberrian's 9001st Ward.

This would provide a one-off resistance vs Area Superb Dispelling, in case it's able to dispel it.

Not perfect, but works.

Kyrthain
2009-09-29, 02:34 PM
What about a spell that grants an instantaneous +(arbitrary number) to move silently, but only to incorporeal creatures?

Otodetu
2009-09-30, 05:52 AM
And then the creature is turned corporal for some reason...

PhoenixRivers
2009-09-30, 06:05 AM
How about a spell that instantly replaces every feat a caster owns with the Toughness feat, with the exception of the feats needed to qualify for Green Star adept. It then replaces your 20 most recent levels with Green Star Adept 10 / Truenamer 10. All skill points are replaced with esoteric craft skills (such as basketweaving). Continuing, the spell places a compulsion upon the caster to rechoose these same choices, if for any reason they are undone (such as by negative levels), and to choose toughness for all future feats. On any remaining caster levels, it removes any spell known other than Detect Poison. It finishes off by rendering you immune to psychic reformation, or any portion of any other nonepic spell that is used in such a manner as to alter these results. Any part of any spell not altering these results is unaffected. Best of all, it's instantaneous duration. No magic residue, no dispel shields.

For example, if the green star adept is affected by Mindrape, and the caster attempts to make the GSA fanatically loyal, it is. However, any order to take a feat other than toughness would be ignored.

Yes, this gives you 10 levels of truenamer, with no ranks in truenaming.

Heliomance
2009-09-30, 06:06 AM
Heliomance's Fundamental Inexactitude

Components: None
Casting time: Might as well make it 1 quickened action
Effect:See text
Duration:Instantaneous
Saving throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: Dunno, but it would use the Discern and Fortify seeds.

When cast, this spell instantly divines an area 1 mile in radius somewhere in the multiverse that is entirely empty. Once this area is found, the spell instantaneously doubles the maximum hit points of everything in the area. Knowledge of the location of this area is not granted to the caster.

Kyrthain
2009-09-30, 07:22 AM
And then the creature is turned corporal for some reason...

Just put in a clause that says that if at any point a creature under this spell makes a move silently check, it is suppressed until after the check.

PhoenixRivers
2009-09-30, 07:23 AM
Heliomance's Fundamental Inexactitude

Components: None
Casting time: Might as well make it 1 quickened action
Effect:See text
Duration:Instantaneous
Saving throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
To Develop: Dunno, but it would use the Discern and Fortify seeds.

When cast, this spell instantly divines an area 1 mile in radius somewhere in the multiverse that is entirely empty. Once this area is found, the spell instantaneously doubles the maximum hit points of everything in the area. Knowledge of the location of this area is not granted to the caster.

Congratulations. The darkness just got twice as hard to kill with magic missiles.

Closak
2009-09-30, 03:42 PM
I did it

Components: none.
Casting time: 1 round
Duration: Permanent
Saving throw: none
Spell resistance: no
Spellcraft DC: 5921
To develop: ???

When cast this spell causes everyone to believe that you are the cause of all their troubles, it is likely that you end up with a whole universe of creatures wanting you dead.

Starbuck_II
2009-09-30, 03:58 PM
I did it

Components: none.
Casting time: 1 round
Duration: Permanent
Saving throw: none
Spell resistance: no
Spellcraft DC: 5921
To develop: ???

When cast this spell causes everyone to believe that you are the cause of all their troubles, it is likely that you end up with a whole universe of creatures wanting you dead.

If you feel like a fight this is a fantastic spell.

Deca
2010-03-22, 05:43 AM
Planetery Yo-Yo

Spellcraft DC: 6600000000000000000000055 (approx. I can't be bothered figuring it out exactly)
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resources Cost: Fricking Massive.
Development Time: Slightly Less Massive but still far longer than the human lifetime.
XP Cost: Massive. If you have this much XP, you should be doing better things with it.
To Develop: Seed (Transport) (DC: 27), Interplanar Travel (+4DC), Unwilling Targets (+4DC), Interplanar Bounce (ad hoc +20), Shift 13,200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 lb (+ 6.6 x10^24 DC).

This spell allows you to make a Touch Attack on the planet you are standing on, as long as it is roughly Earth sized or smaller. This causes the planet to be transported into another plane. This plane is completely exactly the same as the Prime Material Plane. The planet automatically drags everything on it with it the same way a planeshifted human carries their bacteria with them. After spending less than a pictosecond in this plane, the planet then 'bounces' back to it's precise position in the Prime Material Plane. Nobody would have noticed anything different.

NOTE: I didn't bother calculating a lot of the cost. It's too big and I dont care enough. Also, I added the bounce thing once I realsed that simply shifting the planet to a plane exactly the same as the Material Plane was probably still useful somehow.


EDIT: I got to this thread on a link and didn't realise how long it was dead for. The thread necromancy was unintended, honest.

Optimystik
2010-03-22, 07:50 AM
I'm not a hundred percent up to snuff on epic spells, but couldn't you make a spell with the Slay seed that does a retarded amount of damage to a specific creature (yourself), and casting that spell does a rediculous amount of backlash damage to the caster (again, yourself) to mitigate the ungodly high CL and DC?

That way, if the spell doesn't kill you, it still kills you.

In terms of epic spells that can be used without mitigation cheese, yours takes the cake. Kudos!

chiasaur11
2010-03-22, 10:16 AM
And then the creature is turned corporal for some reason...

Ah, so the spell forces you into the Ankh Morpork city watch?

lsfreak
2010-03-22, 10:42 AM
Raise Six-Month Old Thread
Spellcraft DC: 11
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resources Cost: 99.000gp
Development Time: 2 days
To Develop: Seed: Animate Dead (DC23), made into Zombie (-12DC)

This spell raises a thread from the dead.

:D

OMG PONIES
2010-03-22, 12:59 PM
Planetery Yo-Yo

Spellcraft DC: 6600000000000000000000055 (approx. I can't be bothered figuring it out exactly)
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Touch
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resources Cost: Fricking Massive.
Development Time: Slightly Less Massive but still far longer than the human lifetime.
XP Cost: Massive. If you have this much XP, you should be doing better things with it.
To Develop: Seed (Transport) (DC: 27), Interplanar Travel (+4DC), Unwilling Targets (+4DC), Interplanar Bounce (ad hoc +20), Shift 13,200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 lb (+ 6.6 x10^24 DC).

This spell allows you to make a Touch Attack on the planet you are standing on, as long as it is roughly Earth sized or smaller. This causes the planet to be transported into another plane. This plane is completely exactly the same as the Prime Material Plane. The planet automatically drags everything on it with it the same way a planeshifted human carries their bacteria with them. After spending less than a pictosecond in this plane, the planet then 'bounces' back to it's precise position in the Prime Material Plane. Nobody would have noticed anything different.

NOTE: I didn't bother calculating a lot of the cost. It's too big and I dont care enough. Also, I added the bounce thing once I realsed that simply shifting the planet to a plane exactly the same as the Material Plane was probably still useful somehow.


EDIT: I got to this thread on a link and didn't realise how long it was dead for. The thread necromancy was unintended, honest.

Are there creatures who cannot survive on the Prime Material Plane? Because if so, and you find yourself on their planet, this is the most awesome genocide ever. Alternatively, you may want to reword the post. As it stands, the planet winds up on the Prime Material Plane. While usually useless, what if the planet is native to another plane?

jindra34
2010-03-22, 03:13 PM
I'm just wondering what would the craft dc of an Epic spell that grants the subject the ability to cast that Epic spell once per day? And is there any practical way to use such a spell?

Iban
2010-03-22, 03:41 PM
The Material User
Spellcraft DC: 1337
Components: Unknown
Casting Time: 1 Quickened Action
Range: Touch
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resources Cost: 1,000,000,000pp
Development Time: 1337 days
To Develop: Seed: Warp Time (DC1000), The Heart of a Great Wyrm Dragon (+337)

Effect: Upon casting, the materials used vanish from existence. The caster is mildly upset at the loss of the heart of a Great Wyrm Dragon, but is satisfied nonetheless at the waste of such a resource.

Gandariel
2010-03-22, 04:11 PM
The Old Greek Paradox
Spellcraft DC: ???
Components: ???
Casting Time: 1 Quickened Action
Range: Everything
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resources Cost: ???
Development Time: ???
To Develop: ???

Effect: this spell doubles the size of the entire multiuniverse: everything.
The laws of physics, magic and nature are rearranged so that actually noone can notice anything about this.

i've not explained myself perfectly, sorry for my english.
this spell is about an old paradox:
if tonight suddenly the universe doubled its size, noone could notice it.

Starbuck_II
2010-03-22, 05:04 PM
The Material User
Spellcraft DC: 1337
Components: Unknown
Casting Time: 1 Quickened Action
Range: Touch
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resources Cost: 1,000,000,000pp
Development Time: 1337 days
To Develop: Seed: Warp Time (DC1000), The Heart of a Great Wyrm Dragon (+337)

Effect: Upon casting, the materials used vanish from existence. The caster is mildly upset at the loss of the heart of a Great Wyrm Dragon, but is satisfied nonetheless at the waste of such a resource.

You can kill a Great Wyrm dragon instantly with this. How is it useless?

Iban
2010-03-22, 06:19 PM
Lol I fail at writing things xD

I meant that you gotta go and get the heart to be able to use the spell


EDIT: I see the logic :smalltongue: wow I fail xD

Icewraith
2010-03-22, 08:37 PM
Take the Universe Illusion spell, make it living,and make it compelled to cast itself, then add the effect that it moves itself back in time a number of rounds equal to the time it takes to cast itself.

Alternatively you could make it move back in the past = a number of rounds to cast +1 and retroactively blind everyone in the past who has ever cast dispel magic, including yourself.

Heck, take the 9001st ward spell and do the same thing as the first modification I recommended, then it's a spell that casts itself an infinitely many number of times in the round it was originally cast on the targets it makes itself immune to.

Derjuin
2010-03-22, 09:34 PM
Well, I've never made an epic spell, so this is sort of a shot in the dark...

Double Me

Spell DC: ??
Components: None
Casting Time: 1 Quickened Action
Range: Self only
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: None
Resource Cost: ??
Development Time: ??
To develop: ??

Effect: This spell creates an illusory copy of the caster that is an identical copy of the caster at the time of casting this spell; however, it has no physical manifestations (taste, smell, heat, touch, etc.) and must remain in the exact same position, pose, and state of being of the spellcaster at all times, or else it is instantly terminated.

The illusory copy constantly updates its appearance to always match that of the caster, including things such as size, visibility, corporeality, etc. If the illusion is attacked, comes under any kind of effect or detection (such as detect magic) or is targetted in any way, a tiny time warp occurs that causes all things to freeze instantly in time for less than 1 second while the illusion instantly dispels itself, then time resumes. No one is able to detect the short time stop.

When the spell is successfully cast, it creates a memory block on the caster that erases the caster's knowledge of the spell being cast.

I can't honestly think of a use for this, but then I am not very experienced with epic games...:smalltongue:

Lycanthromancer
2010-03-22, 09:50 PM
Mordenkainen's Epic Letter Opener: This spell sunders and disjoins envelopes, scrolls and books triggereing every effect contained within them as if the caster had opened it themselves.This spell should have a material focus: "One steel letter opener," and a somatic component: "Manually opening the target of the spell."