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squishycube
2006-04-08, 10:28 AM
DISCLAIMER
Although I admit making this class was my idea, it was Stewart who coined the class first, here (http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?action=display;board=gaming;num=1144466449 ;start=0#5).
I know I promised a Dimwit class too. I might do that later, one class per day is quite enough in my book.
This class is not meant to be a playable class in any way, its a joke.

TRIVIA:
When I started out with this class, I wanted to make it absolutely useless. But as I progressed, I thought of some abilities that are actually quite useful.
I fear his usefulness will never be appreciated though: who'd want to adventure with this guy?

OTHER:
Again for easy reading, this class is also available as an Open Office document (http://www.quibuscms.net/The%20Jerk.odt) (53 KB).


The Jerk
http://www.quibuscms.net/jerk.jpg

What's in a name? For a Jerk, a lot. The name says it all really, a high level Jerk is an absolute, unbearable jerk. Jerkiness has it perks though.
Alignment: Chaotic Stupid, Lawful Conceded, Neutral Whining, Whining Neutral, Laughing Annoying Evil or, Superiority Complex Good
Hit Die: AEC (As Entering Class)

Requirements
Special: You need to have a certain aptitude for Jerkiness to be able to enter this class. Such potential NEVER shows before 5th level. (DM's note: This is not the kind of 'Never' you find in the Alignment descriptions in the MM. This is the kind of never that means 'not ever, any time, anywhere'.)

Class Skills:
The Jerk's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are the same as the ones the class has the character last took before entering this class

Skill Points at Each Level
AEC

Table: The Jerk
{table]

LvlBase Attack BonusFort SaveRef SaveWill SaveSpecial



1stAECAECAECAECPath of the Jerk, Jerk Traits



2ndExtra Jerk



3rd



4thExtra Jerk



5th



6thExtra Jerk



7th



8thExtra Jerk



9th



10thComplete Jerk, Extra Jerk

[/table]

Class Features
All the following are class features of the Jerk

Weapon and Armor Proficiency
Jerks gain no proficiency with any weapon or armor.

Path of the Jerk
Once someone becomes a Jerk, the way back is difficult. People disliking you makes you more of a jerk and more likely to take more levels Jerk. Each time a Jerk gains enough experience to gain a level, he must make a Will save against DC 20 + (5 x Jerk Level), or not be able to take a level in another class than Jerk.

Jerk Traits
- Dumb Blond Partner (Gender is of the Jerks choice)
Somehow, Jerks always date that cute girl YOU wanted. Or that cute guy, for that matter. See the sidebar "The Jerk's Dumb Blond Partner" for more information on the DBP.
- Jerks gain the power of good fortune, which is usable once per day. This extraordinary ability allows the Jerk to reroll one roll that he has just made before the game master declares whether the roll results in success or failure. He must take the result of the reroll, even if itís worse than the original roll.
- Most Jerks look normal enough (Although a little jerkiness in appearance is inevitable, but looks can be deceiving.), but as soon as they open their mouthes, the negativity just keeps piling up.
Whenever a Jerk fails a charisma based skill check or ability check, all other people in the room automatically blame the Jerks jerkiness for the failure and their attitude towards the Jerk becomes one worse. (Friendly becomes Indifferent, Unfriendly become Hostile.)
- A Jerk also gets a -2 penalty on every charisma based skill check or ability check. Note that this penalty is not applied to the DC's of the Jerks Extra Jerk abilities.

Extra Jerk
Upon attaining second level, and every two levels thereafter, the Jerk gains access to abilities that allow for extra jerkiness, or he can improve one of the Extra Jerk abilities below to 'improve' it in some way. Once chosen, these abilities can not be changed.

Boring Jerk, the Jerk talks or acts in a way that is so boring that any creature who can hear him fall to sleep. Treat this effect as the spell Deep Slumber. Treat the Jerk as if his caster level was the same as his Jerk Level. The DC is charisma based. The Jerk can use this ability twice per day.
Improved Boredom, the Jerk's level of boredom becomes so extreme that he can even affect creatures with his Boring Jerk ability that are normally immune to this effect. He can now also affect Mindless creatures, constructs, undead and even elves. The Jerk can also use this ability an additional two times per day, for a total of four times per day. Also, the Jerk can now affect up to 18 HD worth of creatures.

Infuriating Jerk, the things the Jerk says or does are so enraging that any creature who can hear him becomes enraged, as per the spell Rage, except the targets are allowed a will save. Treat the Jerk as if his caster level was the same as his Jerk Level. The DC is charisma based. The Jerk can affect up to 10 HD worth of creatures, starting with the creature with the lowest HD. Among creatures with equal HD, those who are closest to the Jerk are affected first. Hit Dice that are not sufficient to affect a creature are wasted.
Note that this does not change the creature's attitude towards the Jerk. The Jerk can use this ability twice per day.

Numbing Jerk, the things the Jerk says or does are so mind-numbing they paralyze a single target, as per the spell Hold Monster. Treat the Jerk as if his caster level was the same as his Jerk Level. The DC is charisma based. The Jerk can use this ability twice per day. The Jerk needs to be at least a level four Jerk to be able to use this ability.
Improved Numbing, the numbing power of the Jerks words becomes so strong that they can paralyze groups of people, instead of one creature, as per the spell Mass Hold Person. Treat the Jerk as if his caster level was the same as his Jerk Level. The DC is charisma based. The Jerk can now also use the ability an additional two times per day, for a total of four times per day. The Jerk can choose whether to use the Hold Monster version, or the Mass Hold Person version, but he cannot activate both at the same time. The Jerk needs to be at least a level 10 Jerk to be able to use this ability.

Twisting Jerk, the things the Jerk says or does are enough to drive any person crazy. The Jerk can make a single target confused. The effect lasts a number of rounds equal to his Jerk level. The DC to resist this effect is 13 + the Jerkis charisma modifier. This ability is usable once per day. The Jerk needs to be at least a level 6 Jerk to be able to use this ability.
Improved Twisting, once per week the Jerk can attempt to drive a creature permanently Insane, as per the spell. The Jerk needs to be at least a level 8 Jerk to be able to use this ability.

Complete Jerk
At tenth level, the Jerk reaches his ultimate goal of Jerkiness. The Jerk is now officially the most jerky person in the multiverse.
Note: If multiple tenth level jerks exist in the same multiverse, they are automatically aware of each others existence, but not location. The Creators of Old will take both Jerks to a arena on a plane of Mild Neutral alignment (See Manual of the Planes) within one week, where the Jerks are forced to fight to the death. This fight is inevitable and it is impossible to resist being brought to the arena.


Every Jerk has the ability to gain a Dumb Blond Partner, or DBP. The Jerk chooses the gender of the DBP.
Determine the powers of the DBP by following the rules for Cohorts, under the Leadership feat in the DMG. The DBP can only take levels in the NPC class Aristocrat though.
The jerk can dismiss the DBP at any time in a ritual called 'Dumping', and call forth a new one (of appropriate level, according to the Jerks Leadership Score.). The new DBP appears after spending one evening in a bar, pub or other establishment that sells alcohol, buying drinks for the new DBP. The material component for this ritual are at least two bottles of wine worth at least 10 GP each.


Ex-Jerks
A Jerk who manages to take a level in another class than Jerk keeps all the Jerks special abilities, but the effects of Jerk Traits or lessened. The Jerk must now fail a charisma based skill check or ability check by 2 or more before his jerkiness gets blamed. Also, the -2 penalty on charisma based skill checks and ability checks is lessened to -1.
The Jerk can actually learn something from being a Jerk for a while, but he can never completely lose the stigma associated with it.

Invent more Extra Jerk abilities if you want!

The Glyphstone
2006-04-08, 10:35 AM
This is clearly a joke, and funny. ;D But if you want it seriously evaluated...

EDIt: Whoops...missed your tinytext at top. Oh well, I'll pretend this is a real class idea anyway...

The Enraging and Boring abilities are, unfortunately, more-or-less useless. Most enemies will have more than 6 HD at CR7...same thing goes for 10HD at CR9 - the powers will only be useful for that exact level you recieve them, and generally a waste of levels afterwards since not even individual enemies will be under the HD limit.

For Twisting Jerk, reword it to give a Confusion effect with a duration = jerk levels/rounds. The Insanity is a Confusion effect with a permanent duration, so the wording you have is slightly redundant.

Maryring
2006-04-08, 10:37 AM
Funny, totally useless and totally jerky. And that is one ugly picture to boot. Hilarious, despite it's jerkiness.

squishycube
2006-04-08, 10:45 AM
I changed the wording of Twisting Jerk.
I wasn't too sure about the HD caps on Boring Jerk and Infuriating Jerk, they're more or less guesses.
I'll rethink them if anyone's interested.


BTW: Glyph, you're avatar is broken, if you want I could host your avatar for you.

The Glyphstone
2006-04-08, 10:52 AM
Thanks for the offer, but it's no go. I don't actually have it stored...I never moved it off the server the artist used. Now that's down, and I don't even remember who drew it.

EDIT: Researched...it was Nemglan, but he isn't coming back any time soon...

AtomicKitKat
2006-04-08, 12:11 PM
Sorry, I tried looking through webarchive.org. No luck there. If anyone knows of any other sites that archive webpages, they could list them here and we can try looking for your avatar there.

Edit: Well, Google image search turns up a thumbnail of your picture, which I have saved, you could always ask someone to make you a new version, or I could try to expand it and host it at photobucket for you.

The Glyphstone
2006-04-08, 12:41 PM
Problem solved...turned out Ceika hoarded the pic for fun. Now to transfer it to my own, reliable hosting site, and I'm back in action!

AtomicKitKat
2006-04-08, 12:44 PM
Good for you. Now to go delete the horrible half-arsed attempted clean-up of a cached image I have. ;D

Habzial
2006-04-08, 07:26 PM
The only problem with this is you forgot the advantages jerks tend to have for some inconceivable reason. I'd give them extended lifespan, at least partial immunity to poisons and disease, unparalleled luck, and social advantages in dating people who deserve much better.

GungHo
2006-04-10, 04:55 PM
"Retreating Packrat": As the Jerk prepares to leave a room, he starts to take 1d6 items from the room, naming them in succession. However, first, he must declare he doesn't need anything, except for a certain item, and then each succeeding item. Taking the last item requires a will check. If the will check is failed, he will decide that he really didn't need that final item after all. (-2 situation penalty if the final item happens to be a barking dog)

"Publicity": Will check must be made any time the Jerk sees his name in print. If roll is failed, the Jerk will spend the next 1d6 rounds proclaiming that he's finally somebody.

"Hawker": When selling any item, will check must be made in order to prevent him from "shining it on" by saying that he picked the item for the potential buyer, and that it's the very best item he could ever want, with vinyl stripes and a cup built right in. (Note: vinyl stripes and cup not necessarily included)

"Petrolphobia": Fears cans of motor oil. Will save must be made, otherwise the Jerk is Feared for 1d6 rounds and must run to cover. -3 situation penalty if oil cans are exploding.

"Random Son of a Bitch": 1d20 each time a scene begins. On a critical failure, someone attempts to kill the Jerk for being a typical *******. Critical failure chance increases by 3 when in the presence of cans of motor oil.

"Comparison": Contrary to popular belief, the Jerk can differentiate between **** and shinola. +3 Wis bonus when in the presence of both **** and shinola.

Ugly_Panda
2006-04-10, 05:11 PM
Lawful stupid, and lawful conseded work out pretty well as traits of a jerk as well.

Steward
2006-04-10, 06:20 PM
Lawful stupid, and lawful conseded work out pretty well as traits of a jerk as well.

I don't think that the Jerk should have an alignment restriction. I've seen some pretty awful people from all twelve alignments.

Chris the Pontifex
2006-04-10, 07:33 PM
The only problem with this is you forgot the advantages jerks tend to have for some inconceivable reason. I'd give them extended lifespan, at least partial immunity to poisons and disease, unparalleled luck, and social advantages in dating people who deserve much better.

Or maybe give them the luck domain power: reroll 1 roll per day and pick highest

reorith
2006-04-10, 08:21 PM
my buddy and i made a class called jackassmancer. he could only pulll off stupid stuff but had some pretty cool abilities.

Steward
2006-04-11, 12:51 AM
Someone should play this class.

Altair_the_Vexed
2006-04-11, 04:48 AM
Some people IN REAL LIFE play this class.

Reminds me of an old skool D&D spell my buddies and I made up: Magick Challice - drains the Charisma of the victim into an ornate silver goblet, promoting negative reactions, etc, etc. Charisma loss is replaced by dull and useless knowledge proficiency.
Devastating if cast on a politically powerful character, but mostly just a joke.

squishycube
2006-04-11, 07:16 AM
Update:
- Changed alignment restriction
- Gave him the Luck domain power
- Gave him Dumb Blond Power
- Changed the number of HD Boring Jerk, Improved Jerk and Infuriating Jerk affect.