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Gamebird
2005-10-25, 04:26 PM
Coconut Equestrian
Illusion (Shadow)
Level: Brd 4, Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 10 minutes
Range: 0 ft.
Effect: One quasi-real, humanoid creature
Duration: 1 hour/level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

You summon a quasi-real, humanoid creature that matches the predominant type of humanoid in the region. This being will be carrying a very large pack and will take up the material components of the spell – a pair of coconut halves. With these in hand, the being will stand in the 5’ square immediately behind the person whom the caster designates the being to serve. When the humanoid claps together the coconut shells in the rhythmic pattern of horse hooves, the person will be transported forward as per Phantom Steed. The main difference between the spells is that the person does not appear to be riding a steed at all, merely moving their legs in a silly fashion and dictating the direction of movement by holding invisible reins.

Additionally, the coconut clapper can be directed to carry gear and equipment for the “rider”. The spell can carry up to 50 pounds per caster level, but this weight includes the weight of the “rider”. So for a 17th level caster, the coconut clapper can move up to 850 pounds. If the rider weighs 200 pounds, then the clapper can carry an additional 650 pounds.

Extra weight can also take the form of additional creatures, though they must ride on top of the clapper’s oversized pack (they suffer no penalties for doing so, but it looks about as absurd as the “rider” and they have no control over speed or direction). This weight does not affect the clapper’s speed in any way, except that an overburdened clapper is unable to move.
The clapper has an AC of 18 (+4 natural armor, +4 Dex) and 7 hit points +1 hit point per caster level. If it loses all its hit points, the coconut clapper disappears. The clapper can move with the “rider” at a speed of 20 feet per caster level, to a maximum of 240 feet.

Animals, dire animals and vermin all shun the coconut clapper, for he is a very strange and unnatural creature. They will not attack a coconut clapper; nor will the coconut clapper make any attacks.

The clapper gains additional powers according to caster level. A clapper’s abilities include those of clappers of lower caster levels. All abilities affect the “rider” as well.

8th Level
The coconut clapper can cross over sandy, muddy, or even swampy ground without difficulty or decrease in speed.

10th Level
The coconut clapper can use water walk at will (as the spell, no action required to activate this ability) on themselves.

12th Level
The coconut clapper can use air walk at will (as the spell, no action required to activate this ability) for up to 1 round at a time. After one round, it falls to the ground ingloriously, as does the rider.

14th Level
The coconut clapper can fly at its speed (average maneuverability).

16th Level
The coconut clapper improves its fly ability to good maneuverability.

18th Level
The coconut clapper improves its fly ability to perfect maneuverability.

FlashFire
2005-10-25, 04:40 PM
Been watching Monty Python again?

WampaX
2005-10-25, 04:41 PM
Methinks one be immersed in too much Monty Python material, either film or musical.

;D

Would you still be considered "alone" if the Coconut Equestrian is with you?

Doesn't it need some sort of "not dead yet" effect?

Gamebird
2005-10-25, 04:44 PM
I watched it about a month ago and it's been brewing in the back of my head for a bit. We just had some downtime in our campaign and to advance in the wizard's heirarchy, you have to research a unique spell.

So I thought that something that would make the players laugh would be nice. It can also carry a bit more than the usual steed and gets a few minor perks.

And... I like silly stuff. ;D

Meat Shield
2005-10-25, 05:15 PM
Wouldn't the feather of an African Swallow also be a material component? Those coconut halves didn't get there by themselves!

Nasrudith
2005-10-25, 05:52 PM
No, an african swallow is non migritory.

The_Werebear
2005-10-25, 05:53 PM
Maybe two European Swallows instead.



They could grab it by the husk

Ash
2005-10-25, 07:06 PM
together?

the turbulence alone would disrupt their wind patterns!

Leperflesh
2005-10-25, 07:14 PM
Needs to be a "message for you, sir" side-affect.

-Lep

Dark
2005-10-25, 07:41 PM
It should also cause the caster's mother to smell of elderberries.

Randomman413
2005-10-25, 08:31 PM
Hmmm...seems like we need a whole range of spells from they-who-were-known-as-the-python-of-monty.

bingo_bob
2005-10-25, 08:56 PM
Heck, this could be a good PrC...

You'd need the leadership feat of course... and a pair of coconuts... hmm....

Alebeard_Thunderax
2005-10-25, 09:11 PM
Now supposing they had a piece of string...

Gamebird, I love you ;D. Though this makes me sad. I recently had a chance to see Spamalot on Broadway, but my sad devotion to AP courses made me stay in school instead (honestly I can't miss any Calc). I suppose that's life.

Adolfo
2005-10-25, 11:20 PM
:o

Dots..I hate coconuts:P

Lysander
2005-10-26, 01:02 AM
The Coconut Clapper would need:

Special Ability: Arrows only deal non-lethal damage to the coconut clapper.

Alebeard_Thunderax
2005-10-26, 06:44 AM
Power Word: Ni
0-level
Verbal
Free Action
Range (special)
Target(s): 1 or more creatures (see text)
Duration: instantaneous
Will Negates
SR: no

Upon uttering the word Ni, all enemies within earshot must save or cower in fear and pain. *The caster must usually designate targets by glaring menacingly at them. *Those effected can make no actions excepting to beg for mercy. *Those who do not hear it, or cannot hear are unaffected. *This spell can be learned by any character, even non-casters. *It does not count toward memorized/spells per day. *A character may say the word as many times as they are able within a round. *Be warned however, as the spell will earn the the ire of shrubbers. Special note for the Knights Who Say NI!: the save is double caster level+ Charisma bonus. This bonus goes away as soon as the Knight takes the Knights Who Until Recently Said NI! prestige class.

Jothki
2005-10-26, 09:50 AM
Why Bard, Sorceror and Wizard? Wouldn't that make better thematic sense as a Paladin-only spell?

Also, what exactly is considered to be a region? If you cast the spell in an orcish camp, would you get an orcish clapper?

Gamebird
2005-10-26, 11:03 AM
Good points. *I'll add the bit about the swallow feathers and clarify what I meant about region. *I showed it to the DM and he suggested the clapper whine pitiously ('Help! help! I'm being oppressed!') or somesuch if overburdened.

Edit: Oh, and someone did do a prestige class based on Monty Python some 6-10 months ago. It was hilarious.

Glikker
2005-10-26, 11:45 AM
It should also cause the caster's mother to smell of elderberries.

French Taunting
Enchantment/Charm

Choose from one of the following effects randomly (all effects with a duration last for 1 round per caster level):

The target's mother smells of elderberries
The target's father turns into a hamster
Creates the effect of stinking cloud in the target's general direction
The caster is relieved of all sinus problems
Private parts are waved at the target's aunties
The target must run about with knees bent (all available actions are used up in random movements)
The player controlling the casting character must speak with an outraagis aksent!

Syka
2005-10-26, 12:02 PM
You guys are my heroes. *^_^

Hmm...PrC for the Knights Who Say Ni, anyone? *A weakness would be they cannot abide by anyone using the word 'it'. *And they have a penchant for shubbery and herrings. **thinks of the possibilites* ;D

Cheers,
Syka

NEO|Phyte
2005-10-26, 01:27 PM
You guys are my heroes. *^_^

Hmm...PrC for the Knights Who Say Ni, anyone? *A weakness would be they cannot abide by anyone using the word 'it'. *And they have a penchant for shubbery and herrings. **thinks of the possibilites* ;D

Cheers,
Syka
I recall seeing one in here somewhere

Glikker
2005-10-26, 02:45 PM
Spells:
summon bridge guardian (aka summon the man from scene 24)
grail-shaped beacon

Feats:
Run Away (Bravely run away, away!)
Resistant to Peril

Skills:
Knowledge (swallows)
Craft (trojan animals)

Monsters:
The Black Beast of Aaaugh!
Guardian Bunny
Vicious Keep Left Sign

Weapons:
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
Livestock Catapult

Prestige Classes:
King of Britain (requires 8 ranks in Knowledge (swallows))
Spam Viking
Anthrax Maiden
Hell's Granny
Minstrel (yum, yum)

Varen_Tai
2005-10-26, 02:47 PM
Prestige Classes:

King of Britain (requires 8 ranks in Knowledge (swallows))

Why? Because you have to know these things when you are king.

Randomman413
2005-10-26, 03:14 PM
Power Word: Ni
0-level
Verbal
Free Action
Range (special)
Target(s): 1 or more creatures (see text)
Duration: instantaneous
Will Negates
SR: no

Upon uttering the word Ni, all enemies within earshot must save or cower in fear and pain. The caster must usually designate targets by glaring menacingly at them. Those effected can make no actions excepting to beg for mercy. Those who do not hear it, or cannot hear are unaffected. This spell can be learned by any character, even non-casters. It does not count toward memorized/spells per day. A character may say the word as many times as they are able within a round. Be warned however, as the spell will earn the the ire of shrubbers. Special note for the Knights Who Say NI!: the save is double caster level+ Charisma bonus. This bonus goes away as soon as the Knight takes the Knights Who Until Recently Said NI! prestige class.


Um...tell me...how does a non-caster cast a spell? Why would every class and character be able to use this at will? Wouldn't it be better suited as a feat that improves certain aspects of Intimidate?

Alebeard_Thunderax
2005-10-26, 03:28 PM
The target's mother smells of elderberries

The target's father turns into a hamster

I thought it was the other way around. Mother=hampster Father=elderberries.



Um...tell me...how does a non-caster cast a spell? Why would every class and character be able to use this at will? Wouldn't it be better suited as a feat that improves certain aspects of Intimidate?

Because I see NI as more of a word of power than anything else. Obviously Arthur was able to pick it up simply by hearing it, and it had more effect than simple intimidation. The pain it causes the victim is more magical than something produced by a mere feat. Also, the point of Dennis the Shrubber is that anyone can use it. If you take the spell aspect of it away, next thing you know people will say that you can't have a 2D Black Beast fight 3D PCs. Perhaps we shouldn't post on this thread, tis a silly place.

Glikker
2005-10-26, 03:42 PM
You're right. Your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

And it's Roger the Shrubber. Dennis was the repressed peasant. But that's ok, you didn't know he was called Dennis.

Alebeard_Thunderax
2005-10-26, 05:18 PM
I'm sorry, I have a cold.

wookiesnot
2005-10-27, 10:40 PM
This Cocconut clapper is stone dead! he is no more!

wait, wrong sketch.

if the coconut clapper can move over water. that means he weighs less than a duck and is therefor a witch; giving this spell an evil only alignment restriction. that or he is a small church... never mind.

Don Beegles
2005-10-28, 05:33 PM
A WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!! A WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!! BURN HERm, BURN HER!!!

You know you've seen teh movei to many times when that is what you think when you hear witch.

Glikker:
You forgot weapon quality(Bane(Rabbits)& and the feat( Idiom)

Bil123
2005-10-28, 06:20 PM
Another Monty Python Spell.
Ni
Evocation
Level:Brd 4 Sor 4
Componants: V
Casting Time: Instantanius
Range Close
Effect One Sound??
Duration:Instantanius
Saving Throw Half
Spell Resistance No

You utter a word that brings great pain to the listener. The target takes 1d10 damage.
;D

Alebeard_Thunderax
2005-10-28, 06:34 PM
If it is a fourth level spell, how could Arthur say it dozens of times to an old woman?

I like my version better :).

Bil123
2005-10-28, 07:41 PM
Arthur must be at least a level 5 by the time in the movie. And he heard the incantation previously so he could still remember it. Mine could be called Ecky-Ecky-ka-boong-gong-a-zoing.