Films that made your eyes bleed [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-01-06, 12:22 AM

Ok, after a viewing of a certain movie I thought I might start a fun little thread to post your least favorite films of all times. I mean stuff that was agonizing from front to back with no relief. Something that overshadowed every bad movie you've ever watched and stood out in your memory 'as the worst'.

Mine might shock alot of you. It did my grandmother who counts it amongst her favorites.

Gone With the Wind.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I generally can laugh off a bad movie or forget it, but I loathed this thing. I watched it with my two eldest sisters who usually love old films like this... they agree completely with me. Jointly we detested the thing.

Within the first 5 minutes we had come to think of Scarlet as someone in sore need of strangling. And our feelings only became deeper along those lines.

Everybody that deserved to live died, and all those you wanted to die stubbornly remained living to the end. I've never watched another video that made me feel this way, but it had not one single redeeming quality. Not a one. There was not one aspect of it one could look on fondly, though there was a few chuckles at some of Rex's more hateful responses to Scarlet, but not because they were funny, but because he gave voice to the exact thoughts that were running through our own heads.

When we talk about how bad a movie is, we compare it on a scale of how close to Gone With the Wind it was.

*cough*

Anyways, you ever have an experience of this kind?

Renmazuo

2006-01-06, 01:07 AM

Elektra. Made me want to commit suicide in the theater. Even how hot jennifer garner is could not stop me from almost vomiting this movie was so bad.

They should have paid me to watch it, not other way around.

kriebly

2006-01-06, 01:34 AM

Highlander II is my standard-bearer of awful painful-to-watch movies. I snuck into the theatre to see it, and I still felt cheated out of 2 hours of my life. A bad movie that tries to be earnest (e.g., American Ninja) is one you can enjoy making fun of. Highlander II tries to be funny and campy, and it fails miserably.

I never saw Highlander III. Roger Ebert said watching it made him think longingly of Highlander II, and this very much frightens me.

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-01-06, 01:43 AM

Elektra. Made me want to commit suicide in the theater.
*guffaws*

I guessed it'd be that bad merely from the previews. They reeked of what was to come, and it was not pleasant.

Daredevil was an ok movie, but I couldn't stand her in it even, much less a movie based on her character.

Macharion

2006-01-06, 02:11 AM

scene24

2006-01-06, 02:34 AM

If you have not suffered through 2005's "Alone in the dark", you are a lucky lucky person.

This cliche-ridden disaster of a sci-fi / horror flick was so bad, my friends and I, as well as the 8 other people in the theatre, loudly heckled it. Scenes intended to be frightening we all laughed at.

Truly, we only stayed to the end because we felt completely free to ridicule it verbally as it played.

Stealing a Nicholas Schager quote from http://www.rottentomatoes.com/:

"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."

soozenw

2006-01-06, 02:46 AM

Gozu. Which was so bad that it was actually good. But by good I mean it made me want to rip my eyes out with a used toothpick. But I remember it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361668/

The_Beast_Rabban

2006-01-06, 04:41 AM

The Prince of Cats

2006-01-06, 05:00 AM

King Arthur.

I thought, based on the trailer, that it would be a new interpretation that might even outdo other films about Camelot.

In the end, I just wanted to cry...

Charity

2006-01-06, 05:12 AM

Right

Titanic, after ten minutes I'm just sat there shouting
"Sink damn you, sink, oh god why won't it just sink."
Then after it sinks
"Drown damn you, drown"
That movie was tedium on a stick

Then
Dungeons and dragons the first one (is there another?) i went to see that in the west end (of London=expensive) Gah, it was dreadful, I weep at the squadered possibilities, there must be a whole generation of people avoiding D&D due to that debacle!

Dhavaer

2006-01-06, 05:33 AM

I agree entirely with the comment about the first D&D movie. I'm normally immune to bad movies (enjoyed Elektra, for one thing) but that was soooo awful. :'(

Second nomination goes to a movie I remember as being called Fairy Tale. It was simply dull. I have no more recollection of it than a single scene and the title, and an hour+ of dullness.

WTFWWD

2006-01-06, 05:53 AM

The film Wizards was horrible. This anti war propaganda trainwreck made me cry openly at how bad it was in front of my buddies, who will never let me live it down.

Tom_Violence

2006-01-06, 08:23 AM

Panic Room

Shooting an entire film in slow motion does not make it more tense or exciting. Especially when the main characters are so horribly annoying that you actually really want the almost-comically-bumbling bad guys to win.

Hungerdog

2006-01-06, 08:09 PM

I'm older. I've had more years to suffer than a lot of you. I remember:

Xanadu
Ishtar

So now, as Roy would say, I must go wash my brain out with acid...

Midnight Son

2006-01-07, 02:44 AM

Supergirl. My sister watched it every day for a month straight. Makes me want to take an icepick in the temple just remembering it.

What sick freak thought of this topic anyway?
Ahh it was you, The Vorpal Tribble! I think this deserves a big *STABBITY*

By the way, I completely agree with you on Gone With the Wind. I was lucky in that I was able to get up and walk away.

Belmorn

2006-01-07, 07:39 AM

"Breakfast of Champions" -Bruce Willis
I couldn`t watch it to the end, no mater how much I tried. I usualy watch the whole film, no matter how bad it is. Sometimes a good ending saves overall impresion.
But, to watch this perticular one was to painfull.

Ilover_Juventad

2006-01-07, 11:43 AM

Don't like King Arthur as well. Too...event mainpulated, so to say.

-IJ

Rykaj

2006-01-07, 11:55 AM

Last year's War of the Worlds of course... I'm surprised no one has named it yet. I watched it with my roommates, we watched the entire movie with jaws dropped of surprised disgust. The story was dry, tasteless, corny, etc. etc. But then came the sudden and abrubt ending (which I won't spoil for those of you yet to see this horrible monstrosity of a movie) and our dropped jaws actually fell from their hinges and we screamed loudly for what seemed an hour. Seriously, you should see it to know what I mean.

Ragnarok

2006-01-07, 12:29 PM

Dune. Not the HBO version, but the VHS I-forget-who-was-in-it-after-I-purged-my-brain-of-it version. They ditched the plot, it was corny and pointless, not to mention tedious, and half of it was done with an obvious bluescreen.

I agree with Gone with the Wind. Miserable.

Dr._Weird

2006-01-07, 12:37 PM

Doom. Or the Incredibles.

Doom because nobody in it could act, and also because half of the movie was them creeping around corridors and then a monster would jump out. You could almost hear the director go "BOO!" and then think ooh, I hope that was scary. No. No it was not.

The Incredibles because every single joke was just an old, reused gag that everyone has seen several hundred times. Plus it really pisses me off how everyone thinks it was so great, and couldn't see that.

Ebon_Drake

2006-01-07, 12:57 PM

The absolute worst film I ever saw was called Trucks. It was this cheesy B-movie shown at 2 am and got a one-star rating in The Sun's tv guide, meaning it had to be bad, and therefore had to be watched, with me and all my housemates staying up especially just to revel in its crapness. Supposedly it was based on a Steven King short story about trucks coming to life and murdering people so the one thing we expected from it was a relentless gore-fest, but it failed to deliver even on that. The only people you actually SAW getting killed were some random characters who had nothing to do with the story, of which the only one actually killed by a truck was a postman who got his head caved in by a little toy one(admittedly that scene was so funny it made the whole thing worthwhile.) Everyone else you never actually saw getting run over, it kept cutting away at the last minute which, for an 18 rated film at 2 am, was ridiculous. One guy, the driver of the main truck, gets locked in the back of his refrigerated lorry, and that's all you see of him. We assumed he died of the cold, but for all we knew he was still in there until the truck got blown up. The storyline made absolutely no sense as nothing was explained apart from there was an oil spill or something and that made the trucks get all pissy, although how that explained a toy truck come to life and kill a postman, or how a Hazmat suit became animated, picked up an axe and started hacking at people is never explained, especially as none of this affects the main characters, who spend almost the entire film trapped in a diner with trucks circling them. Why, when the lead truck gets its petrol tank blown up, it still manages to drive around is never explained. Why the TV signal is cut out, and yet occasional news clips get through is never explained. Why the characters, upon realising the trucks are sparing them because they need people to give them petrol, decide to actually give the trucks petrol, rather than doing the sane thing of just waiting until the trucks run out and stop working is, amazingly, not explained. Then, just for a final slap in the face, the film has absolutely no ending to it. The surviving characters just get into a helicopter supposedly piloted by another survivor who had snuck out to an airbase, but :o it turns out the helicopter has no pilot! OH NOES! Then it just ends. No explanation, no conclusion, just "they're in a helicopter with no pilot, DUN DUN DUNNN." There was actually something said at that point, but we were too busy making fun of the film to hear it and I doubt it would have helped. All in all it was the biggest waste of two hours I've ever had, and given that it was preceeded by a one-star rated Charles Bronson film (Messenger of Death, which would deserve a whole seperate rant) and made even that look good, that's saying something.

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-01-07, 01:54 PM

The Incredibles because every single joke was just an old, reused gag that everyone has seen several hundred times. Plus it really pisses me off how everyone thinks it was so great, and couldn't see that.
Oh come ON. The jokes did not make the entire movie. It was a really fun, well made superhero cartoon.

As for the jokes being old and reused, maybe a few, but I must not have recognized them. I guffawed as much as anyone and I generally can't stand overused stuff.

I thought quite a bit of the humor was very subtle and amusing. Maybe you didn't catch some of it? ;)

It also had something alot of superhero stuff has missing from it that needed said. As the mom put it, "This is NOT a saturday morning cartoon, this is REAL. They are out to kill you and they don't care if you are kids.'

Reptile

2006-01-07, 03:16 PM

The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Trust me, Jar Jar's nothing compared to this train wreck. The first 10 minutes are nothing but Wookiees talking...without subtitles. It goes downhill from there.
It only aired once (on TV), and George Lucas has been quoted as saying that he'd like to track down every bootleg copy and smash it with a hammer. It's that bad.

Lilly

2006-01-07, 04:13 PM

"The Day After Tomorrow"

I don't have the best knowledge of weather and climate, and all that jazz, but after about two seconds I figured out that the movie was based on propganda and had ludicrus science behind it. And I have a very low tolerence for unentertaining bad science in movies.

The only way I got through watching it was to made snide comments about it the enitre time. And then was embarassed for some people that I knew that actually liked it.

Tom_Violence

2006-01-07, 10:07 PM

Oh god, this thread is bringing back painful memories, mainly with the mentioning of The Day After Tomorrow. And, like Lilly, I too get through bad films by constantly making stupid jokes about them. Doesn't often go down too well though.

But I have to add another film to the mix now, and this one may actually be the worst film I've ever seen:

Alien Vs Predator

If you've seen it, then you know exactly what I mean. I'm just glad that I went to see it with my best mate, simply because she was as appaled at the entire thing as I was. Seriously, I can only guess that the team that made it were drunk or partaking in a very large bet to make a film that bad. It defies all explanation.

Roland St. Jude

2006-01-07, 10:54 PM

Hungerdog reminded me of Ishtar, which was bad. Very bad. So bad, in fact, that I had relegated all knowledge of it to the very back of my brain. Thanks alot for bringing up that painful memory.

But the worst movie? My Life starring Michael Keaton. Oh that was so bad. So bad. I went with my girlfriend at the time because she really wanted to see it. It was so, so, so bad, I couldn't stand sitting there, but (as a nice guy who really liked this girl) I couldn't leave either.

It is the source of my vow to never again watch a movie to please another person.

Pensive Pine

2006-01-07, 11:26 PM

I couldn't finish Kingdom of Heaven. I struggled to stay awake through the first hour, but after that, I just succumbed to sleep and woke up halfway through the credits.
Of course, I knew I wasn't going to like the movie when the priest wasn't immediately smote by the wrath of God for stealing the dead lady's rosary in the first scene.

bingo_bob

2006-01-07, 11:56 PM

I also failed to make it through Kingdom of Heaven.

Seriously, they mention each character's name about once during the whole movie, assuming that they are a main character. I barely had any idea what was going on. You couldn't even tell who was good and who was bad!

McDeath

2006-01-08, 01:35 AM

Anyone seen Bringing Down The House? Steve Martin and Queen Latifah? God, that is bad. Think of all the movies in this thread, combined. Worse than that!

Grey Watcher

2006-01-08, 01:51 AM

Well, it's not a movie, but I despise Aqua Teen Unger Force. I think there's a line from Men With Hats (a webcomic whose link I've lost) that best describes my feelings for that show.

The knowledge that you exist is a burden on my soul.

Midnight Son

2006-01-08, 02:24 AM

Mattaeu

2006-01-08, 03:33 AM

Dead End Road.

Loosely "based" on the works of E. allen poe; independent, but of the worst calibre. I mildly like Poe's short stories and poems, but I'd cringe to have anything I wrote brutalized in such a manner(and i suck at writing).

i had actually filed that one away in my 0 memory bank. what else resides there is: several asian movies that my friends had me watch(there seems to be some addiction to horror flicks from that region. bad horror flicks); D&D 1&2, but 1 moreso; Arlington Road; ...and that's all that i haven't managed to avoid.

prediction for future entries: Bloodrayne. that looks so terrible.

Glinelen

2006-01-08, 06:39 AM

Another horrible, awful, despicable movie I had the displeasure to watch: The English Patient. Not one redeeming moment in the entire movie, yet every woman I know loved it. 5 stars my soon-to-be* bullet riddled arse.
*when my female friends hear about this post

Toatally agree with you on that one - hated this movie right from the trailers and after ten minutes of watching it on TV I knew I was right.

And yet the worst movie ever is "Toxic avenger" . It's like a porn movie, only without the porn. When I watched it with my friends, one of them kept screaimg from pain. The rest of us kept watching because we enjoyed seeing him suffer. Pure torture.

The Prince of Cats

2006-01-08, 08:31 AM

No, Toxic Avenger was Troma... It was meant to be that bad. Tromaville has to be taken as one story made up of lots of confusing threads.

Rykaj

2006-01-08, 11:30 AM

Speaking of Queen Latifah... Taxi! Now the French version was GREAT, I mean really great. It was quick, witty and entertaining. I've seen that version a few years ago, and I told a friend of mine it was a nice movie. So he decided we should watch it together and I agreed. But he showed up with the English version. They changed the male main character with Queen Latifah, but tried to maintain the French humorous flair. And it clearly showed that French humor doesn't translate well onto big American women. Suffice to say, we didn't make it to the end of the movie.

Sundog

2006-01-08, 01:07 PM

For me, the Postman covers it as a truly awful movie. Not only was it, in itself, execrable excresence, but it even managed to soil my memories of the book, without being anything LIKE the book!

However, there is apparently a far worse thing out there. I haven't seen it, but here is a review:

Stay Away From BloodRayne
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
I originally posted this review in full over at howardtayler.livejournal.com, but it deserves wider exposure. Yes, I went to see BloodRayne with my friend Shaggy (who happens to own the finest comics and games shop in Utah Valley). Yes, we expected it to be a rotten movie. No, neither of us expected it to be as bad as it ended up being. I'm not upset at myself for seeing it -- I saw it so that you don't have to. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I'd be doing a good deed.
So let's start with my instructions to you: no matter how enticing I may make this film sound, do NOT spend money on it. Don't see it in the theater, and don't rent it. Buying the DVD would be a crime against humanity. For that matter, don't bother seeing it for FREE, either. Spending your TIME on this film is a crime against your employer, your family, and the Baby New Year. You would be better off using an hour and thirty-four minutes eating junk food and watching Weather Channel repeats you've accidentally TIVO'd.
I'm serious. If I find out that you went and saw this film after I told you not to, I'll phone your friends up and tell them to go to your house and pour ants in your bed. And when you wake up screaming, covered in ants, you'll think "at least I'm not still watching BloodRayne."
(Click here to read the complete the review, and to see the LJ user comments.)
I'm not trying to tear this movie a new anal orifice. I assure you, the film already has SEVERAL, and it defecates simultaneously through all of them. You don't want to get any of this on you.
The best possible thing now would be for BloodRayne to fail so profoundly and so expensively that Uwe Boll (who, as executive producer, is the only person on the planet stupid enough to hire himself to direct) is forced out of the film business before he can contaminate anybody else's intellectual property, whether as producer, director, or the 3rd-unit gaffer's poo-flinging donut-monkey.

from Howard Taylor, Author of Schlock Mercenary, all rights reserved.

Malachi, the Lich King

2006-01-08, 09:20 PM

Deathrace 2000. I have a friend who somehow convinced me to watch this travesty of a film [starring two of my least favorite actors; David Carradine and Sly Stallone] and I still occasionally suffer from fits and spasms when a random memory of the film comes to mind. Yet, even after owning it on VHS, my friend got it on DVD as well. I strongly suspect that they made a special room in Hell for him because of this.

Tom_Violence

2006-01-08, 11:35 PM

I actually really liked Arlington Road. I thought it was clever and very well-paced. Not to mention it stars Jeff Bridges and Tim Robbins, who both sit well in my book.

I have to second the vote for Deathrace 2000 though. Its not even funny. I remember trying to enjoy it when I first saw it, way back when, cos of its hype and the various things it had spawned, but there's really no hope for something like that.

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-01-09, 12:09 AM

What'd you guys think about The Village? I've heard almost nothing but bad reviews from it but I count it amongst my favorites.

Midnight Son

2006-01-09, 12:31 AM

What'd you guys think about The Village? I've heard almost nothing but bad reviews from it but I count it amongst my favorites.
Wassername Howard did an amazing job in that movie. Other than that, it was a complete stinkfest IMO.

Reptile

2006-01-09, 01:20 AM

Jural

2006-01-09, 03:33 AM

The worst movies I ever saw?

1) D&D the Movie (For reasons mentioned and otherwise)

2) Stepmom- THis was an awful movie. THey kept showing long distance camera views from the house, and after about 20 minutes, I was hoping they would pan back another 10 yards to reveal a sniper poised to bring about death to this house. Sadly, no sniper ever appeared, and the movie sucked.

3) Paycheck- Yeah, it was that bad. I think Ben Affleck must have been trying to sabotage his career at that point. Just trying to understand why an Engineer could fight like a ninja was too much for me...

The Prince of Cats

2006-01-09, 08:13 AM

Just trying to understand why an Engineer could fight like a ninja was too much for me...
Maybe he just suddenly thought he was a blind lawyer...

Tom_Violence

2006-01-09, 09:24 AM

What'd you guys think about The Village? I've heard almost nothing but bad reviews from it but I count it amongst my favorites.

I'd only heard bad things about that film as well, but i really enjoyed it. Even though the main scary things were just a bunch of overgrown Wombles. :P

Valgard

2006-01-10, 08:02 AM

I know that i will get a lot of strange looks for this one but 2001 space odessy it was so dull i lay in a stupor watching it. Nothing happned nothing! and anything that did happen made no sense what so ever. (have been told the book also makes no sense).
Also add my vote to thew D&D movie truly awful just dire.
Anyone mention pearl harbour yet.

WampaX

2006-01-10, 10:38 AM

I'll stick with films that haven't ben mentioned.

Wing Commander - I . . . it . . . and then . . . sigh.

Catwoman - Makes Elektra look like high art. Well, maybe post-modern expressionism, but you get the idea.

These types of films make you feel cheated out of the hours of your life that they wasted and the potential that they had. And you still get that feeling when you are doing something else while watching them.

Rykaj

2006-01-10, 10:47 AM

Lockdown

2006-01-10, 11:27 AM

Willard made me want to jump of a cliff

sniffles

2006-01-10, 01:07 PM

Willard made me want to jump of a cliff
I'm assuming you're talking about the recent remake.

Defcon 4 is absolutely the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. I wish I could have sued the studio for making that dreck.

The Electric Horseman (I'm showing my age here; I doubt anyone else remembers it). Should have been a good film, starring Robert Redford and Jane Fonda, but it was a 90-minute snoozefest.

Highlander 3. Why on earth did I let my boyfriend talk me into seeing that? Why? And why didn't we go and ask for our money back instead of sitting through the whole thing?

The Haunting - another movie with a good cast: Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Owen Wilson - but it was awful. I'm glad to say I didn't pay anything to see it. I still wanted my life back, though. The only redeeming feature was getting to see Owen Wilson die gruesomely. I can't stand him.

Lockdown

2006-01-10, 07:16 PM

I'm assuming you're talking about the recent remake.

There was another?

WhiteMonkey

2006-01-10, 08:54 PM

Red Dawn -
The Commies attack and spell America with a K!
But wait, redneck kids will save the day!
Three cheers for middle America!

Fargo -
Isn't something funny supposed to happen?
Still waiting.
Oh it's over, I guess the joke is that I watched it.

The Cat in the Hat (Movie) -
God, please make it stop.

Bird Man of Alcatraz -
This movie reaffirms my belief in the death penalty.
Kill all involved at once... Including the birds.

1984 -
BARRRG!
Give ME the RAT MASK! I volunteer to ware it!
Please eat my eyes first!

Tom_Violence

2006-01-10, 09:01 PM

Oh come on! Fargo had me in stitches pretty much throughout. But then, I am something of a fan of the darker comedies. And I love the Coen brothers. :P

Graywolf

2006-01-10, 10:27 PM

The Crow: City of Angels had to be one of the worst movies off all time.

Also, an older movie that I absolutely loathed, that I usually hear about how good it is is Shane. How I hate that movie. Jack Palance would have done us all a favor had he just shot Shane and every member of that family. Including the kid. Especially the kid.

Midnight Son

2006-01-10, 10:35 PM

Also, an older movie that I absolutely loathed, that I usually hear about how good it is is Shane. How I hate that movie. Jack Palance would have done us all a favor had he just shot Shane and every member of that family. Including the kid. Especially the kid.
Ahh yes, a classic example of the movie ruining the book.

Gralamin

2006-01-10, 11:04 PM

so many bad movies.........

The worse? The movie my firends made by particapte and then edit for a drama project (They used who I am agaisnt me! it was no fair!)

Do not insult the D&D movie, to quote a guy on wizards forums:

Don't worry.

Now that you've bought the books, WotC is aware of your existence. Even as we speak, a white "Mike's Plumbing" van has been dispatched from Seattle and will arrive at your house ASAP. Then the men in lavender jumpsuits will painlessly suck the useless knowledge from your head (linear algebra, investment strategies, how to talk to hot chicks, the timing order of a short block chevy V8 ) and replace it with everything you need to know about the game, an ever-so-slight stammer, and an addiction to orange-colored snack foods.

While your ability to perform even the simplest mathematical functions (like balancing a chequebook or figuring your share of the pizza money) will disappear, you will at the same time game an almost savant-like ability to crunch the numbers necessary to min-max any character of your choosing.

So just relax, sit back, and suck down another Red Bull. The Boys in off-blue are on their way.

(Quoted from somebody else:
Why do I know those things? Because I've had to look them up so many times, they just etched themselves into my brain like a computer with no screensaver.)

This by the way is Implanted Memory #3, and the most popular. Others include #2 "My brother got me into it" and #23 "I had a teacher who used it as a teaching tool" or #6 "Some guys I knew were playing it in line for Lord of the Rings."

Interestingly enough, if you play a DvD of the D&D movie backwards, you'll hear an otherwise subliminal code that will unlock your memories.

Not only that, but the movie's actually good

ahhh
but the worst movie ever was: star wars christmas.

Desdan_Mervolam

2006-01-10, 11:04 PM

I have alot of tolerance for bad movies. Even when I spend most of the movie cursing my friends for insisting I sit down to watch this drivel (Which was the case with Evolution) I generally look back on the experience and can think it's not THAT bad. Usually if a movie's not boring, I can deal. But there is at least one excepton:

Mortal Kombat Annihilation: Remember what I said for having a tolerance for bad movies? I liked the original Mortal Kombat enough to plunk down seven dollars to buy it on DVD. However this pile of fermented feces. To call it a train wreck is wrong. I can imagine people who would enjoy watching a train wreck. I cannot imagine the mental cripple who would sit down and enjoy this crapfest. I saw it in the dollar theater and felt cheated

-Desdan.

Mr._Blinky

2006-01-10, 11:42 PM

What'd you guys think about The Village? I've heard almost nothing but bad reviews from it but I count it amongst my favorites.

Actually, this movie had its desired effect on me, in the form of giving me nightmares. Now, nightmares about how bad it was rather than it actually being scary, but nightmares just the same.

Adrianna

2006-01-11, 01:17 AM

The Village, how could I forget. The previews all showed it to be a fastpaced movie with a strong story and some scary bits. But it was actually a weak and very implausible drama. Pure horror. I believe (I am not sure on this, it was from the same director that made Shallow Ground, another unpurified bucket of vomit called a movie. So well, I guess I'm just avoiding that guy from now on.
It was directed by M. Night Shyamalan. He also did Sixth Sense, Signs, and Unbreakable, with a few others. I like his work personally. Altho, I knew sorta what to expect when I saw The Village.

I think seeing anything by Shyamalan is sort of like seeing things by Quentin Tarentino. They each have totally different, but distinctive directing styles. Shyamalan is more about suspense then special effects. Tarentino is about special effects added to a good plot.

soozenw

2006-01-11, 01:25 AM

The Village was worth watching just for Joaquin Phoenix and Bryce Dallas Howard (or whatever her name is). That and I love Shamalayn's (however you spell his name) movies.

Still have to say Gozu and a recent one that I couldn't even sit through the whole thing--Bloody Mallory.

PrometheusRex

2006-01-11, 01:55 AM

I *have* to echo Lilly's choice of Day after Tomorrow here. I want those two hours of my life back. Awful awful awful, even without considering the scenes where the people outrun the absurd 200-degree temperature drops that freeze a flag in mid-flap, and without talking about the apocalyptic environmentalist message about global warming that has all the subtlety of a gunshot to the stomach. Plus, it almost seemed that we were supposed to believe it was a *happy ending*, despite all the people who froze to death, because the original scientist got to say "I told you so" at the end. Sigh.

Oh, and Dark City.

happyjenn97

2006-01-11, 04:15 AM

The Star Wars Holiday Special.
A friend of mine hosts a "bad movie night," and that film is the centerpiece of the whole thing.

The top three worst movies I've ever seen:
3. Starcrash http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079946/ - starring Christopher Plummer and David Hasselhoff - and a robot with a bad Texas accent.
2. Planet of the Apes http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133152/ (The 2001 remake)... and I love Tim Burton, so that's saying a lot.
1. Mission to Mars http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183523/ - Worst. Movie. Evar. It was supposed to be serious, but I thought it was very funny and laughed all the way through - especially the part where the guy takes off his helmet to save his wife's life (which is, of course, supposed to be the sad/dramatic part) - I almost peed in my pants from laughing so much!

UnrealTiger

2006-01-11, 06:01 AM

28 Days Later. One day some friends and I for lack of anything better to do watched some movies. First we watched the Transformers movie (an old favourite of ours 8)) then we decided to watch something new and my friends parents had recently bought a new batch of DVD's and 28 Days Later was one of them.

The movie was bad from the start and didn't improve. Naive as we were though we sat through it, determined to see the end which "Can't make the movie any worse." as I said. Oh how wrong I was . . . what was simply a bad movie before was now a bad movie with a really bad ending, an ending that made you regret wasting that precious hour and a half on that POS. Needless to say the movie was destroyed immediately and everyone we know was warned against ever watching it. EVER.

ash_wednesday

2006-01-11, 06:28 AM

Darkest Knight (http://www.badmovieplanet.com/inferno/archives/darkestknight.html) is the worst movie ever. I bought it for like $5 and I think that was more then it's budget.

This was a like a made for TV movie on a kids network!!!!! The special effects were soooo lame, power rangers had scarier monsters (and better acting).

psycojester

2006-01-11, 08:48 AM

Oh come now, 28 days later wasn't that bad. I quite enjoyed it, especially the way they filmed london.

I'd have to say the Great Gatsby, tedious film from a tedious book. I kept falling asleep in class when we did this.

Squeaky

2006-01-11, 11:20 AM

I have to jump in and say that the worst movie I ever saw was Ozone. It was about a street drug that turned you into an immortal, unkillable monster. The most telling part was after the big, macho drug cop saw his partner brutally killed. The cop had a nightmare, then woke up, went to the fridge and pulled out a wine cooler.

Democratus

2006-01-11, 11:34 AM

I must step in here and mention that the Star Wars Christmas special is not a movie - nor was it even on film. It was a TV special.

That being said...

Eraserhead is the single worst movie viewing experience I have ever had. That movie had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

aceware

2006-01-11, 11:41 AM

Most sequals make me want to rip my eyeballs out so that I will never be able to see anything worse (and there always is)

examples:

Back to the Future Part 2
The Matrix (both sequals - the first one rocks)
Saw 2

Rykaj

2006-01-11, 12:13 PM

So the guy from The Village also did Signs and Unbreakable? I guess that's enough reason to stay away from him as well :P

I seriously don't get why those movies were so well liked (well over here they were). Many people seemed to seriously like them while for me it really lacked a story to get into. I sort of liked the sixth sense though, but not really as much as everyone says it was.

El Jaspero, the Pirate King

2006-01-11, 12:22 PM

It's so awful it hardly counts as a bad movie, but one afternoon a couple years ago Space Rage (http://imdb.com/title/tt0090054/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9c3BhY2 UgcmFnZXxmdD0xfG14PTIwfGxtPTUwMHxjbz0xfGh0bWw9MXxu bT0x;fc=1;ft=21) was on TV and I was oddly compelled to watch. It might be about a prison planet that looks strikingly like southern California and has a lot of actors that look like they might be the director's friends. It's so bad that Richard Farnsworth ends up being the guy who kicks the most butt. It makes so little sense, it's worth renting for the laughs.

Charity

2006-01-11, 01:04 PM

If we're veering away from the mainstream, I have, I strongly believe, rented the worst movie ever.
It is called Hard rock zombies, It's a megalow budget zombie flick.

The premise is, there's this (naff as heck) rock band they get turned into zombies (for no readily apparent reason), along with the rest of the town. Though for some unstated reason they decide to fight the other zombies. The special effects are a bit of grey make-up here and there, and well that's about it.
I have seen plenty of dodgy zombie movies but this one is just appalling.

warning this review includes strong language
http://www.thespinningimage.co.uk/cultfilms/displaycultfilm.asp?reviewid=1084

Haneyparadox

2006-01-11, 01:23 PM

Gonna add a second razzberry for Crow: City of Angels. I think they filmed this turkey through a ciggrette stained lens. I couldnt get through more than 10 minutes of it. Dumb and Dumber was so bad I almost lacked words. i'd never been angry about paying to see a movie before. Ive seen more than my fair share of awfull brain searing movies. The comeptition for the worst is quite fierce.

As an aside, who actually thought that the D&D movie might not suck? I have two friends who feebly try to defend it. Sometimes ya just know even before that trailer hits that it's gonna be bad.

I feel pretty comfortable adding a preemtive vote fopr Tristram and Isold. all that thing is gonna do is spawn bad fanfiction. I read the story way back in college and it is miserably stupid. One of the useless romances where everyone is a waste of Oxygen. A big screen treatment aint gonna help it one bit.

Nekkira

2006-01-11, 03:58 PM

WampaX

2006-01-11, 04:09 PM

I ended up blessedly sleeping through part of the movie, only to wake up to see the very stupid and pointless end.

Hey, you got a nap out of it, so it wasn't all bad. ;)

Kiroho

2006-01-11, 05:15 PM

I'd like to toss Police Academy 2 in as a contender. The ONLY good thing about this film is that it kept me from seeing any that followed.

snowlilee

2006-01-11, 06:07 PM

Okay, to start with The Incredibles is one of my favorite animated movies. Yea, some of the jokes were old ones, but it was a really great family movie with good lessons in it.

Gone With The Wind is a fantastic movie. I read the book when I was 8 after seeing the movie a few dozen times and I have to say they aren't all that similar. Still *love* the movie though.

Stepmom was a good chick flick. I like Susan Sarandon. I like Julia Roberts. The only thing that annoyed me about this movie was the crying little girl. She needed to be slapped repeatedly.

All that said, if any of you have been unfortunate enough to see Event Horizon then you have to agree that it was the most horrifyingly awful movie ever made. Ick.

Devastation_Bob

2006-01-11, 06:44 PM

I saw Bloodrayne on opening night...not as bad as House of the Dead or Alone in the Dark....which really isn't saying anything much. Getting beaten to death with a clawhammer is better than getting beaten to death with a morningstar. But if you want to venture into the world of Uwe Boll, Bloodrayne is definitely the shallow end of the pain pool.

I'll agree with AVP and mention Van Helsing because it seems nobody else has...maybe because they've created mental blocks, and if so, I envy them.

Renmazuo

2006-01-11, 07:03 PM

On the subject of Uwe Boll, apparently he's got alot of other projects (VG movies) being made.

movies based on, Hunter:the reckoning, Fear Effect, Dungeon Siege, and a couple other, IMDB has em all.

Apparently he's in a bidding war for the rights to Metal Gear Solid, and some other big name Video game ( the name escapes me)

This is a sad time for movie lovers :(

WhiteMonkey

2006-01-11, 07:54 PM

I rather enjoyed Van Helsing personally.

Granted it was a rather silly story, but taken as such I found it quite enjoyable.

Lot's of eye candy, some fairly unusual ideas and gadgets, better than awful performances, plenty of action, a few good punch-lines and an intriguing world concept.

If Star Wars 1-3 had been this good I might have bothered to see them again.

EDIT: I also thought the Werewolves transformation was awesome. Having them tear off their flesh as they changed was quite inventive.

Adrianna

2006-01-11, 10:22 PM

Tom_Violence

2006-01-11, 11:36 PM

All that said, if any of you have been unfortunate enough to see Event Horizon then you have to agree that it was the most horrifyingly awful movie ever made. Ick.

You what?! Event Horizon is an awesome film! Its stupid, its violent, its unnecessarily gorey - what more do you want out of a sci-fi horror flick? Seriously, I love that film. Its just so much fun!

scene24

2006-01-12, 04:11 AM

I really wanted to like this movie, since it was made my students from my alma mater, but hated it with a passion: The Blair Witch Project.
At least all those other bad movies you can look at, but the camera work on Blair Witch was as horrible as the storyline!!
I ended up blessedly sleeping through part of the movie, only to wake up to see the very stupid and pointless end.

Man! How could I forget that piece of garbage! The ending WAS pointless. And, I left the theatre nauseous from the horrible camera work.

The only good thing about it was the endless string of parodies and jokes...

Sir_Banjo

2006-01-12, 08:16 AM

I really hated How To Kill A Mockingbird. We watched the movie after reading the book in English an the whole time I was thinking 'shutupshutupshutup'. The book had some cool bits in it though. I didn't really like you got served either.

Really? I thought it was a cool movie. I've never seen you got served.

There have been some pretty dodgy Kung Fo films. Most of them, like one of Jackie Chan's early (first?) films was horrible. He played an allied commando in WWII.

My most hated film of all time though would have to be Golgo 13. I'm not a big anime fan but I liked the box cover; it had retro appeal. It was horrible. It went from pointless fight to pointless cartoon sex to pointless fight, rinse and repeat. Plot had a twist at the end but it was really pretty gimmicky. Truly horrible. First and last time I'm going to buy a dvd that I haven't either seen before or read reviews forr.

Edit: I thought event Horizon was pretty freaky/disturbing. Reminded me of Cthulu.

eddyspaghetti

2006-01-12, 09:54 AM

I had the misfortune of being made to sit through The Marrying Man. I will withstand a lot in a movie, and can usually pick out some things I like, costuming, camera angles, character actors in the background, whatever.

I had 10 minutes left and could take no more. I didn't care to see how it ended, I just wanted it to end.

Sundog

2006-01-12, 11:03 AM

To Kill a Mockingbird is a great film. Mind you, I'm a huge fan of the good old black and whites, anyway.

I must admit, though, I never did get Fargo. It was kind of interesting, but it certainly wasn't funny.

True eye-bleeder: The Stepford Wives remake. The original was kinda cool, had a lot to say about paranoia and clashing ideas of paradise - the new one was just stupid.

kriklaf

2006-01-12, 04:38 PM

Three movies that I was dragged to by (3 different) boyfriends. I saw them for free, yet I paid too much:

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I believe enough has been said on this one already

A Knight's Tale. Chaucer is spinning in his grave so fast he's throwing off sparks. Why, God?! What were they going for? The anachronisms came so frequently it was like a Rennaissance fair held on a freeway. And the acting? Where'd they dig up that chick and her Jackie O. hats?

Mars Attacks! I know lots of people whose opinions I otherwise respect who like this movie, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. I thought it was mind-numbingly stupid, needlessly gory-basically without a single redeeming quality (plus, it starred Natalie Portman, another big minus in my book)

I also really hated The Life Aquatic, with Bill Murray. Apparently I lack whatever it is that makes movies like this, or Akira, or Lost Highways (another dog IMO) enjoyable.

And now for the really unpopular move: I hated Episode III. Outright hated it. Almost left the theatre. I thought it failed in every aspect. Anakin was completely unbelievable as either Jedi prodigy or Sith apprentice (and the less said about his ludicrous moment of crisis, the better). Lily-livered Padme--the queen who stormed her own castle--dying of despair as she has her children (and have I mentioned that I think Natalie Portman is one of the most overrated pretty faces in Hollywood these days)? Did we really need to see Chewy to recognize Wookies? And Gen. Grievous...what a lame character. a)Why does a cyborg with METAL LUNGS cough? b)For someone who's trained in the Jedi use of lightsabers, why is his big move rotating two of them like a pair of propellers. The only good thing that can be said about the Ani/Padme love scenes was their brevity. It was more than just the poor writing--those two blew. In fact, in general, the acting--even from the normally good actors--was really sub-par. Yeah, so I know I'm in the minority here, but as far as I'm concerned, Ep III is the worst of the lot. That's right, worse than Jar Jar.

GeeVee

2006-01-12, 05:07 PM

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

It wasn't even unfunny enough to be funny. Never before have I seen such a pathetic attempt at a comedy. I'd rather shove a rusty morningstar up my rear end than watch that atrocity again.

The jokes were unoriginal and just plain unfunny. The acting was awful. The script takes quite some time to say how hilariouos homosexuality is. "Gayest murder yet"?! Just how is that funny?
At least it had a woman with a penis for a nose....oh wait, that sucked and made no sense.

Deleran

2006-01-12, 05:59 PM

Well, at first I was thinking: I don't have a problem with bad movies reallly, because if a movie is bad, me and my friends will MST3K it. And if I'm by myself, then I'll still do that in my head. But now that I think about it more, there are some movies that are just kinda beyond redemption. The matrix 2 and 3, who take themselves waaaaaaayyyyy too seriously. How about Underworld? Movies like that, you just wonder where they find not only the writers, but in Underworld's case, the fight choreographers as well. Some people mentioned Electra, but I'm of the opinion that Daredevil was pretty much garbage itself.

Midnight Son

2006-01-12, 06:33 PM

Renmazuo

2006-01-12, 06:59 PM

Daredevil normal movie = somewhat okay. Daredevil SE = Good movie

IMO

Mr._Blinky

2006-01-12, 10:37 PM

The One. 'Nuff said.

Jural

2006-01-13, 01:25 AM

Actually, one movie sticks out in my head as a bad movie, even though it was fun to see in a theater, and entertaining. But the whole time I was amazed that a movie this bad could be made:

Independence Day- OK, the premise is pointless, but three scenes in it had me almost dying of laughter over the implausibility and cliches.

1) A random city is about to be destroyed, and one of the main character's is in traffic. Unable to escape, she spies a janitor's closet in the tunnel she is in. She runs to the tunnel and gets in... But Oh No, her dog has been left out, cueing an amazing scene where the dog runs from a long distance and jumps inside the door just microseconds before the big destruction hits. 3 things come to mind- a) Why didn't anyone else try this. b) How was an explosion that destroyed a city stopped by a freakin' door? c) Ok, a city with millions of people is being destroyed. Why is is a victory that the dog survives? How many freakin' dogs lived in that city? Did I miss a canine only subplot where that dog is actually the President of the United States of Dogs?

2) As has been mentioned millions of times on the net- How did a genius with a Mac and an antenna hack an alien civilization? It defies description. It was a 9.5 out of 10 on implausibility, and only because Jeff Goldblum inspires an odd aura of confidence in the ability to do the implausible.

3) The American president... Errm, yep... gets into a fighter plane and kicks major butt. Against the aliens- who couldn't be defeated before hand, but soon fall like rocks. This gets a full 10 out of 10, but the scene that gets me is right afterwards, when he lands and his daughter comes up to him for the emotional climax of the movie.

"Happy 4th of July Daddy"
"Happy 4th of July pumpkin."

Wow... that is the worst writing you could ever imagine, delivered by (At the time) the worst acting imagineable (Star Wars Episode I broke that barrier, however.)

Wow, that was a fun rant to write. I'm sure it is written in some form or another at least 1 million other places on the net, however.

Midnight Son

2006-01-13, 04:05 AM

Also, as they emerge from said closet, inexplicably located in an underpass, We see a panorama of the(now destroyed) LA. Amazingly, we see at least three palm trees, standing proud, not even singed.

Reyth

2006-01-13, 10:20 AM

I know I'll get tomatoes thrown at me for this, but "There's Something About Mary" is the only movie my husband and I ever walked out of.

I don't get that kind of humor. I saw nothing funny about it at all. But then, I don't watch sitcoms either.

Also I object to the title. It implies there's some subtle and intangible quality that makes this woman desirable, when in actually she's about as subtle as an atom bomb.

And I hate Cameron Diaz. She reminds me too much of my sister. Pretty, charismatic, vapid and evil.

ash_wednesday

2006-01-13, 10:48 AM

Another bad movie is Icebreaker (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00008H2MY/ref=ase_brucecampbell-20/103-6276549-1280660?s=dvd&v=glance&n=130&tagActionCode=bruceca mpbell-20). Not even Bruce Cambell could save this movie. Bad acting. Bad action. I turn it off when during a snowmobile chase sene, the bad guy crashes into an oil barrel and blows up...in the middle of the skie slope!!!! Who puts an oil barrel on a active skie slope?

Gworeth

2006-01-13, 11:10 AM

A definite winner, or at least runner up should be "Blue". If anyone ever watched this, without having their brain suddenly oozing out of the ears to escape this dreadfully dull nightmare of a move they have to be girls or extreme intellectuals that really dig this kind of dung.

It's horrible! Watch it and despair!

You're warned

Jural

2006-01-13, 04:59 PM

Also, as they emerge from said closet, inexplicably located in an underpass, We see a panorama of the(now destroyed) LA. Amazingly, we see at least three palm trees, standing proud, not even singed.

Palm trees- the new cockroach

Princelarming

2006-01-13, 05:35 PM

Two words:

"War dog"

the title says it all, especially considering the fact, that there are no dogs, and hardly any war in the movie...
made (for an obviously very small budget) by a couple of over-the-top beer-bellied farmers, who play the leading characters, by the way, it has everything a movie shouldn't have... and the worst part, apart from the total lack of acting, believable dialogue, effects worth seing and a plot, is the end-scene:

the hero, (a beer-bellied former army reservist) is confronting the eeeevil enemy(another beer-bellied ex-reservist with more body-hair than an orangutang), and our poor hero is loosing, and then the arch-villain (as he is portrayed, poorly) makes his patented "touch of death", wiping his bloated hairy face with the entire length of his forearm, not once, or twice or even seven times, but a total of eleven times! every time this fat man had thrown a punch he had to wipe 20 litres of sweat from his brow, or else he would drown, (which one eventually would prefer), but he didn't...

The end i can't even remember... since i had turned the movie off, in disgust... but i feel like i haven't missed anything, and it even made me feel better about actually staying as long as i do, that i can tell you people to keep away from that particular piece of cinematic garbage

my bile needed release...

bingo_bob

2006-01-13, 06:08 PM

Contact was pretty rotten. Sitting there listening to the thrumming alien sound gave me a head ache. I started to root for the crazy terrorist guy. There was no explanation why a rich crazy recluse would take interest in Jodie Foster's character. Then after the whole thing, the big awesome alien turned out to be.... her father! ::)

*Feels mental barriers come crashing down*

Argh! Why did you have to mention that? That movie was the ULTIMATE anti-climax, and I don't just mean the whole 'the alien is her dad' thing.

Starla

2006-01-13, 10:22 PM

Dungeon Master

The title sounded promising but it was an 80's techno-futuristic film about a science geek who gets sucked into a warp zone where he has to beat the "Dungeon Master's" puzzles to save the girl he loves using his special watch he invented. It was so horrible I laugh now but I would not relive the experience willingly. It sounds better coming from me then the actual cinematography is. It belongs in mystery science theatre 3000 with those aliens making fun of his stupid outfits and his watch that is smarter than he is.

Ecteon

2006-01-14, 07:17 AM

OK, I too must defend "Gone With the Wind" if simply on the premise that it is the FIRST movie to ever use any kind of swearing in it. Don't believe me, check the notes on it. THAT is one of the reasons it is a landmark film. If you don't like the old fashioned way of making movies, you will hate it. However, if you can handle when movies were designed to be focused on the ability of the actors rather than on big explosions, you will most probably at least get the movie.

Anywho, on the list...

Labyrinth-OK, this is one of those I love to hate. Freaky, weird, annoying, and just kinda' creepy w/ the human goblin king David Bowie thing going on. Why is he watching a 13 year old girl again?

The Time Machine (2002)-Just awful. Went to the movie with friends, we all tried to find something redeeming about this movie, and there wasn't anything. There were brief sparkles (Jeremy Irons)

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
Ouch. I saw this for a class, and was looking forward to watching the movie. Too much idealism to function with a hit man. The only redeeming scenes are when he's doing his job, other than that, I just couldn't stand it. My class couldn't stand it. My teacher couldn't understand. Her loss.

More to come later, but I just realized that I need to head off to work.

Sir_Banjo

2006-01-14, 08:56 AM

Three movies that I was dragged to by (3 different) boyfriends. I saw them for free, yet I paid too much:

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I believe enough has been said on this one already

And now for the really unpopular move: I hated Episode III. Outright hated it. Almost left the theatre. I thought it failed in every aspect. Anakin was completely unbelievable as either Jedi prodigy or Sith apprentice (and the less said about his ludicrous moment of crisis, the better). Lily-livered Padme--the queen who stormed her own castle--dying of despair as she has her children (and have I mentioned that I think Natalie Portman is one of the most overrated pretty faces in Hollywood these days)? Did we really need to see Chewy to recognize Wookies? And Gen. Grievous...what a lame character. a)Why does a cyborg with METAL LUNGS cough? b)For someone who's trained in the Jedi use of lightsabers, why is his big move rotating two of them like a pair of propellers. The only good thing that can be said about the Ani/Padme love scenes was their brevity. It was more than just the poor writing--those two blew. In fact, in general, the acting--even from the normally good actors--was really sub-par. Yeah, so I know I'm in the minority here, but as far as I'm concerned, Ep III is the worst of the lot. That's right, worse than Jar Jar.

Mortal Kombat. Yeah, that was horrible.

I do not ever intend to watch the third starwars film. Episode one was just watchable but I found it impossible to watch Ep. Two all the way through. Even the early films weren't that great compared to LOTR or the Potter. Lucas is a piss-weak director who's ruined his franchise. He knows how to make neat special effects and has an imagination; but he has no idea how to handle actors. Perhaps that's why he resorts to ever more sophisticated CGI.

Rei_Jin

2006-01-14, 02:10 PM

So many bad movies, where to start?

DareDevil
Elektra
The Incredible Hulk
Anything that has Hugh Grant in it.

Ooh, ooh, I just remembered another...The Wizard of Oz II. It had crazy purple monkeys on wheels and talking rocks and a moosehead that wouldn't shut up, even after it was eaten by the talking rock.

And an obscure one that only true Monty Python buffs would know about...

TIME BANDITS!!!

Wizzardman

2006-01-14, 02:43 PM

All right, the Wizard of Oz II was supposed to be that insane--the book it was based on was just as insane! Honest!

My vote for the worst movies of all time are:
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World and
Alexander.

Terrible movies. To the point of not even being funny. The only redeeming quality Master and Commander had was the tiny segments of film spent staring at Galapagos turtles. Everything else was drivel dialogue, bad plot, and horrible if-you-can't-take-the-pressure-then-just-die political commentary.

Alexander was worse. The previews promised interesting grecian action sequences---we got to watch ten people running through a lot of dust. Alexander himself was boring and more than a little spoiled, and the writers were less than subtle about trying to make him a good-guy character. The 'Alexander is Gay' thing sounded interesting from the outset, but wasn't. And, finally, according to Alexander, all greeks speak with a bad british accent.

Alexander is the only movie I've ever been forced to walk out on.

Pensive Pine

2006-01-14, 05:54 PM

So many bad movies, where to start?

...........
Anything that has Hugh Grant in it.
<Jane Austen Fan>Even Sense and Sensibility?</Jane Austen Fan> But seriously, wasn't he in Love Actually? I thought that was pretty good, and even my boyfriend liked it, so there you go.

Ooh, ooh, I just remembered another...The Wizard of Oz II. It had crazy purple monkeys on wheels and talking rocks and a moosehead that wouldn't shut up, even after it was eaten by the talking rock.
You mean Return to Oz, right?

And an obscure one that only true Monty Python buffs would know about...

TIME BANDITS!!!
*raises hand* Actually, I knew about that without being a Python buff (I am one now, but I wasn't when I first saw it).

Gilraen

2006-01-14, 10:20 PM

Here's a second vote for the Dune movie that came out many years ago (late '80's, I think). Made my head hurt. I liked the book, and that movie was nothing like the book. About the only thing I remember about the cast was a cameo by Sting that was painful to watch.

I see a lot of junk come in to the television thanks to kids -- Hamtaro anyone? Not to mention anything by Disney sent direct to video. >:(

bingo_bob

2006-01-14, 11:23 PM

TIME BANDITS!!!

Argh! More painful memories!

This movie has got to have the worst ending ever. Honestly, it so unsatisfying, that it's not even funny. It's like anti-funny to the point of making you scream and throw a shoe at your TV.

Geode

2006-01-14, 11:30 PM

Ninja Mission (1984) was the first time I gave up and walked out of a theatre. It was even a dollar theatre. Might be bad enough to be funny if you can borrow it for free and fast forward through most of it.

Adrianna

2006-01-15, 02:37 AM

I have to agree with Alexander being pretty bad. I have tried to watch it several times on cable, and just can't make myself sit thru the whole thing. At least I didn't pay to see it in the theater.

Alzharade_the_Arti

2006-01-15, 06:49 AM

Freddy Vs. Jason
OH MY HOLY LORD ABOVE,why did I watch this movie?It was like the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie.It had a good plot,and it could've been good,but the director producer,WHOEVER,decided to make it about blood,and sex,and gore,I.E.THEY MADE IT IN TO COMPLETE AND UTTER CRAP.I would rather take an ice pick to the temple than watch this again.Seriously,Elektra was better than this,and Elektra is so awful it deserves it's own rant.Why i watched this I do not know,and thankfully I have blocked the entire experience from my memory.

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-01-15, 02:10 PM

Here's a second vote for the Dune movie that came out many years ago (late '80's, I think). Made my head hurt.
Third... had completely forgotten about that one. GAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

That just made me sick to my stomach. Its like, lets turn Dune into some kind of goth horror. I mean, why did they do half they did? The one thing that made me go 'whaaaa?' is when they had those mutilated animals hanging from the ceiling and the nephew of fatty goes and plucks one's eyeball out to eat. WHY? What did any of that have to do with the book?

Then you had that business with the skin disease or whatever it was...

Ok, I have to say, it is up there with Gone With the Wind but utterly and pointlessly disgusting to boot.

Whats good though is the sci-fi channel's Dune movies. Kind of disapointed with how they did certain things, but on the whole it was very well done.

Tharr

2006-01-15, 06:21 PM

Highlander 2 my eyes and head hurt.
Waiting to Exhale awful movie.
Monster In Law horrible date movie.
Course the original bad Dune was very boring.
The Crying Game some guy screamed running after showing the surprise twist was shown.
Jungle Fever was so bad people set the stage on fire as the excuse the get out reviewing the film.
I could list more but I should recover first.

Demosthenes

2006-01-16, 01:48 AM

Ugh, how about that Final Fantasy movie? The animation was great and realistic, but what was the story line? the ending, total crap. What the heck was some old guy and some girl going to do now, being the only two left?

Jural

2006-01-16, 02:11 AM

Harnryd

2006-01-16, 06:38 AM

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-01-16, 11:24 AM

The later remake on the Sci-Fi channel, while better in many ways, just didn't seem to capture the ambience of the books, in my opinion
I thought it perfectly captured the ambience... how did Dune ever seem even the slightest bit goth?

I honestly can't see how anyone could think the old movie captured anything of the book. If they had taken out the sandworms and changed the names I could have watched that entire movie and never known it was about Dune.

The_Beast_Rabban

2006-01-16, 11:39 AM

I will (Albeit embarassingly) admit to enjoying Dune (I beliebe the Director's Cut, although tonight I have had a few to drink and can't recall if there was such a thing or not, sorry). I can't claim it was great, but in some way it captured the essence of the book.

The later remake on the Sci-Fi channel, while better in many ways, just didn't seem to capture the ambience of the books, in my opinion.

And I like Kyle Mcglaughin in the lead role, call me crazy.

I completely understand why others would say this was a bad movie- but to me it captured the gestalt of the books in a way which the sci-fi movie didn't. I guess I always imagined Dune to be a bit goth (Although not quite so over the top goth...)
Nothing to be embarassed about in my opinion. There are at least three different versions of the original David Lynch film that I know of so far, one of which he refused to put his name to (the TV movie version - I don't blame him).

I think personal preference has alot to do with which (original or sci fi) you saw first and how you came to be introduced to Dune. From my perspective I saw the original film first (when I was 12ish) then read the books (because I loved the film) then saw the Sci Fi version (to see what they did to it) and have since read the additional books. I am probably biased in my opinion because of seeing the original film first.

The Harkonnen image in the original was Giger-inspired and IMO heightened the image of them as the evil enemy. The "skin disease" was in keeping with the character of the Baron. He had been infected by Gaius Helen Mohaim with a disease and this was a visual manifestation of it. Yes it is over the top but that is what makes it great. IMO the Sci Fi channel version spoiled the Harkonnen image as it made them seem lazy through opulence and excess.

The film was made in 1984 hence heavily relying on the blue screen and the film had to be severely edited down to the 190mins (about six hours of film was originally shot) it was finalised at so obviously some of the plot had to be discarded/shortened. As it is a stand alone film there is quite alot of the book that could be left out. Later versions have incorporated some of the edited footage but it is unlikely we will ever see all of it. The Sci Fi version was made with the intention of further episodes so had to include more of the plot (it is also 4 and 1/2 hours so that helps too).

End of the day just my opinion and others will disagree.

Tharr

2006-01-16, 05:55 PM

Waterworld just was off.

Sorry about the Dune just people understood the Wall Street Index more than crappy put together original movie. I had some people with the highest IQs wondering alot of things in that movie or why all the melodrama was doing on.

Half Baked.
Okay the audience enjoyed it but the whole audience was extremly high on drugs in fact people were smoking pot in the front row.

pquekadl

2006-01-16, 05:59 PM

I hated Romeo and Juliet and Moulin (sp probably) Rouge. I think that I’m just going to avoid that director in the future.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse. This is most likely the worst movie I’ve ever seen. My friends made me watch it and I’ve never forgiven them.

The Exorcist. I liked this movie; it made me laugh. However, since that obviously wasn’t its intent, I’m putting it here.

snowlilee

2006-01-16, 08:58 PM

I love Baz Luhrman's Films, especially the red curtain series, so I'll go ahead and argue with ^ on that. I also liked Monster In Law :-)

I totally agree about Alexander being total crap.

I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion, but I hate Braveheart. I tried to watch it 4 times before I was able to stay awake for the whole thing. It was tolerable until they killed his wife. Sorry, movie over for me. Nothing redeemable past that point. Yes, I know it's historical.

Were any of you dragged off to Anaconda? Terrible!

Jural

2006-01-17, 12:39 AM

The Beast Rabban speaks truth!

I didn't think about it, but my first experience with Dune was the move on TV, which I couldn't stand. Then years later (college) my friend said it was a good movie, if I saw his tape. I THINK it was a director's cut (I have it at my house now, but can't find my darn VHS...)

Anyway, it was good!

Then I read the books. All of them. I know what a Mentat Bashere is, for the love of God. I do not know if Frank Herbert was sober or sane when he wrote the final books, however ;)

OF course this may explain the incredulity of the Vorpal Tribble as well. Perhaps if I read Dune stand alone, the foreboding gothic images of the movie wouldn't have set the tone, and I would have a different impression (and hence would have enjoyed the Sci Fi movie Channel movie immensely.)

One thing seems fairly certain- feel how you may about the movies- the books, especially the first one, are one of the finest examples of tje Sci Fi genre I am aware of

Tharr

2006-01-17, 05:05 AM

Speaking on novels going to crap how about Starship Troopers on screen.

Sir_Banjo

2006-01-17, 05:55 AM

If you think starship troopers was bad, look (actually on your life don't!!) at the sequel. I actually thought that once passed the corny dialogue it was actually a pretty good commentary on the workings of facism.

Max_Mad

2006-01-17, 06:14 AM

There is a sequel? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't these people LEARN from their mistakes?

The_Beast_Rabban

2006-01-17, 06:33 AM

There is a sequel? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't these people LEARN from their mistakes?

Yes they learn, no matter how bad/good the first was, people will go and see the sequel so they will make money. I thought everyone knew this :o

It explains Highlander 2 & 3, Friday the 13th 2 through 97(or however many), Halloween 4 - 6, Nightmare on Elm St 2 - 5, Star Wars Episode 1-3 and many many more. It also explains remakes such as Oceans 11, Mean Machine, Rollerball, The Italian Job etc.

The Prince of Cats

2006-01-17, 06:38 AM

I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion, but I hate Braveheart.
I have to agree. I watched it just because my wife was there and I was curious.

Yes, I know it's historical.
Not particularly. His 'wife' was really a girl of about 13 to whom he was not married, amd that is the least of it... (see here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braveheart#Historical_Accuracy))

Sundog

2006-01-17, 01:10 PM

I read the books first, and was a little disappointed with the theatre version of Dune, mostly due to Duncan Idaho being practically cut out of the film, and the poor ending.I later saw the TV cut, and oh, how they butchered the editing!

But I've also seen the Japanese cut. It's over 4.5 hours long, and includes a lot more character development. It's the cut I'd be willing to allow to be called Dune.

As for the Sci-Fi channel mini-series, I would have liked to see Dune Messiah given it's own three episodes - cramming it into a single episode, it fails dismally to explain the intricacies and politics behind the plot against Paul and Chani, ignores the truly terrifying abilities and amorality of the Tleilaxu, and completely misses the foreshadowing of Alia's fall.

However, what I truly can't abide are the sissified uniforms of the Sardaukar. People are terrified of this?

FlashFire

2006-01-17, 01:53 PM

Worst movies I've ever seen?

I can't make myself sit through the Wizard of Oz. I mean.. really...what's so good about this swill?

Gone With the Wind... a few years back I was dating this girl and we decided that we were going to watch it just so tha we would know what everyone was talking about when they referrenced this movie. I still don't know what anyone is talking about - and let me just say it has a VERY low place on my list.

As much as I like Dune (The original movie, not the HBO one), I admit that it's not a very good movie. It really is hard to get through.. and if a movie is hard to get through, it's not very good by default.

I kinda' liked Day After Tomorrow... seeing everyone pooping on it here makes me a little sad. I think the point of the movie wasn't the disaster but how people reacted to the disaster. Same thing for War of the Worlds (most recent version). A lot of people didn't like it, especially because of its cop out ending, but that is, unfortunately, the original ending of the book. Remember that at the time War of the Worlds was originally written that microbiology was a totally new science, and the thought was strange to a lot of people. But I'm defending movies I thought were good... so I'm obviously off topic.

The Village was terrible, by the way. At least in my over-stated opinion. Sorry... I guess I just predicted the surprise ending. If it weren't for that... maybe I would have liked it more.

Gamebird

2006-01-17, 06:04 PM

Thumbs down for Lost in Space.

I liked Dune, but on the other hand, I've never seen anything other than the director's cut.

soozenw

2006-01-18, 03:30 PM

my boyfriend made me watch "lost in space" the other day...the only thing that movie was good for was the awesome fighter ships in the beginning. talk about a braindead movie.

Caledonian

2006-01-18, 05:14 PM

Um, the Baron *was* fat because of excess. He didn't have a skin disease of any kind.

Hasn't anyone ever read the book?

Jack Squat

2006-01-18, 07:44 PM

the worst movie i've ever seen was proabably Darkness

i felt that the movie should be crushed, burnt, the ashes tossed to the walls, and then the walls blown up.

ElfLad

2006-01-18, 08:24 PM

I despised The Brothers Grimm.

If there was any justice in the world, two robots and a guy in a jumpsuit would have been making French jokes all the way through the movie.

Jack Squat

2006-01-18, 08:29 PM

Elflad, I'm suprised no one's brought up MST 3000 yet. maybe it's because we're all complete geeks ;)

Tharr

2006-01-18, 10:36 PM

In the last new fresh Dragon people defend barbarian like movies. Kull is bad Kevin Sorbo film. Conan is well done for Oliver Stone. Red Sonja the best thing could be done for that film was show her nude that why people went.

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-03-10, 02:10 AM

Guess what, I've just gotten through renting a new movie that is worthy of reviving this thread. Its also a spoiler, so beware.

Dark Water is what I finished five minutes or so ago. now, this is not my kind of movie, but the previews, y'know, of water mysteriously flowing from above, yadda yadda, intrigued me. Why? Because I've had multiple nightmares like this, where water is flooding a house, or I'm stuck in a filthy, neverending restroom of overflowing toilets and sinks. Even introduced an area such as this into a dream-based game of mine I ran a year or so ago. So basically it just made me go 'hmmmmm...'

Well...

I think I'm going to have to watch about 24 hours straight of something wholesome and funny with a tub of rocky road icecream while wearing pink bunny slippers to get me out of the funk this thing tried to toss me into.

Warning, if you have, or have ever had, suicidal tendencies, do NOT watch Dark Water!

Seriously, I watched the first couple hours wondering what in the glass eye of Vecna gave cause for it to have a PG-13 rating except for the fact that it was completely, unendingly, gut wrenchingly DEPRESSING. I mean, almost nothing happened but this poor woman going through just about every kind of domestic, soul-draining, but ultimately unharmful, crap known to man.

Then you have what you believe to be the end. Everything is cool, the guys helping making this woman's life a living hell are under arrest, everything has been cleared up and solved, yay... so of course in the last 5-10 minutes you have to introduce the woman dying in complete and utter terror as her already stressed out little daughter watches.

You are left with an incredible feeling of 'Whaaaaaaaaa?! Why was that in here? WHY?'

Oh, well, you see, everything thats been happening is also supernatural! For some reason the ghost of another little girl purposely kills her to have someone to care for her in the afterlife.

You see their spirits walking off... the end? Grrr, no, not yet. They have to put something cutesy and loverly (thank you Lemony Snickets sooo much for that word ::) ) into it in an attempt to leaving you not quite sunk into blackness.

Last twenty seconds the little girl as she is leaving the building with her Daddy gets stuck in the elevator. You think 'Oh no, what now! Whats going to happ... oh.'

For you see, the dead mother comes back to tell her daughter that she loves her, she'll always be with her, and while she's at it, braids her hair. Isn't that sweet.

Y'know what would have been sweeter? CUTTING OFF THE MOVIE TEN MINUTES AGO!

Yeah, it would have left you wondering what the blinkin' point of the movie was, but at least you wouldn't be feeling homicidal!

So all in all, don't watch unless you are feeling way too happy with your life and feel you need something to balance your gaity. However, I'd just suggest a hammer to your thumb would be better for that. Doesn't cost a dime and its quicker.

Renmazuo

2006-03-10, 02:26 AM

Who stars in the movie? Name seems familiar. I think I passed it off as tripe when I saw the previews. As a rule of thumb, I only go to Japanese movies for horror now. They do it so much better (I despise shock horror. It's not horror, it's just gross).

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-03-10, 02:32 AM

Who stars in the movie?
*looks it up*

Jennifer Connelly it says here (never heard of her, but then I don't know most actors and actresses' names)... and she's only 20? Egads they must have made her up to look older.

As a rule of thumb, I only go to Japanese movies for horror now. They do it so much better (I despise shock horror. It's not horror, it's just gross).
I don't care much for horror myself, but this wasn't even a horror really, though definetely suspense. Basically all it really did was mess with your mind till the last few minutes. Then it became horror, but completely uneccessarily.

Renmazuo

2006-03-10, 02:36 AM

Ah, I see. Yeah, that definately sounds like a very lame movie.

Too bad you wasted time watching it. You should send them a letter asking for your money back!

Beleriphon

2006-03-10, 08:20 AM

*looks it up*

Jennifer Connelly it says here (never heard of her, but then I don't know most actors and actresses' names)... and she's only 20? Egads they must have made her up to look older.

Jennifer Connolley http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000124/ born December 12, 1970. That would make her 35.

As for bad movies Its A Wonderful Life, oh how the sap flows from this one.

U2QueenBee

2006-03-10, 09:10 AM

Probably the worst movie I've ever seen was called...The Cube? The Maze? something like that. A bunch of random people end up in this big black cube of a building which has deathtraps in almost every room, and all the rooms shift position every so many minutes. No one has a clue why they're there or what the building is or anything. The rooms are all numbered in what appears to be no particular order, and eventually the autistic guy decides that only the rooms which are prime numbers are safe so they try to get through the rooms to shift to the one exit they can see. Eventually, they all go insane and figure out the prime numbers thing doesn't work, and kill each other. The one surviving guy (the autistic, I think), gets shot as he leaves. Roll credits.

I think it was going for 'psychological portrait of strangers forced to work together in a stressful situation' but it only succeeded in 'buh??'

Another one I'll have to mention is AI. My husband and I started watching it on television as it had gotten such great reviews. We kept waiting for, y'know, the actual plot to start. But instead, it was 'Let's see what horribly depressing and traumatic situation we can dump this kid into now!" And if the aliens could bring his mom back for 24 hours, why not longer?? It just made no logical sense. And then the world ends. Well doesn't that just give everyone the warm fuzzies?? And the in-between bits were so tedious we fast-forwarded through some of them. Honest to Pete, Spielberg, what were you thinking?

Darius Midnite

2006-03-10, 09:26 AM

Just one thing- "Cursed" sucks!
It's so bad that I want to track down the guy who made it and go "Misery" on him...
"The cave" is ghastly to…Talk about B movie…

That's a couple of hours of my life I'm never getting back....*Sigh*

Ebon_Drake

2006-03-10, 10:45 AM

Probably the worst movie I've ever seen was called...The Cube?
I would have been absolutely fine with that film if the ending hadn't been so terrible. I wouldn't have minded some kind of stupid M. Night Shyamalan (however you spell it, the guy who made Sixth Sense) style plot twist at the end, like they're really in Purgatory, or it was all for a TV show, or they'd been abducted by aliens, or sentient machines have taken over the world and everyone's in cubes, or it was all an interview for a job at Microsoft or something... anything! Instead it was just, as you say, the autistic guy walks through a bright doorway (I can't remember him getting shot, but it wouldn't surprise me if he had been) then that's it and you're left wondering why you just wasted two hours watching it, that honestly ruined the whole film for me. That and the only potentially cool character (the cat-burglar) getting killed off about a minute after his introduction >:(. The worst thing is I think they made a sequel to it which was probably just as vague. If you want an innovative and potentially thought-provoking sci-fi film watch The Matrix, if you want to burn a couple of hours and see some gore without needing to pay attention to the plot, watch Cube.

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-03-10, 11:04 AM

Jennifer Connolley http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000124/ born December 12, 1970. That would make her 35.
Hrmm, what I looked up said 1985. Wierd...

TheLastOfTheFallen

2006-03-10, 01:13 PM

kriklaf

2006-03-10, 01:14 PM

Hrmm, what I looked up said 1985. Wierd...

Definitely not. She was in Labyrinth in the mid 80s.

Rei_Jin

2006-03-10, 01:18 PM

To preface this, I have a sister who is four years younger than me. When I used to baby-sit for her, the only way to get her to be quiet would be to watch whatever she wanted to.

The last time I ever let her do this, she choose Holiday in the Sun. A Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie.

Watching it was somewhat akin to having my eyeballs soaked in a muratic acid/chlorine solution while being dipped into a pit of starved fire ants with a hungry paranah put in a tank strapped to my male anatomy, while small insects burrowed through my ears and into my brain. I swear I lost about ten points of IQ during that movie.

To mis-quote Belkar: "I had an idea. It began with 'S' and ended with 'litting my throat.'"

Yep, I have to say that the women in my life have almost ALWAYS had bad taste.

I remember my sister (who is only 2 years younger than me) ruining so many movies. They might have started out ok, but she would watch the same movie, every afternoon, until the tape broke.

Do you know how torturous it is to have The Mighty Ducks played almost continously for a year? She then replaced it with it's sequal. And then the next sequal. It was about that point that I decided leaving home was a GOOD idea.

And it's not like I was watching the damn movie anyway, it was merely playing in the loungeroom. But the noise of it was enough to send me around the bend.

I think any sappy Disney movie earns that ire from me these days.

TheLastOfTheFallen

2006-03-10, 01:19 PM

Dark Water is what I finished five minutes or so ago. now, this is not my kind of movie, but the previews, y'know, of water mysteriously flowing from above, yadda yadda, intrigued me. Why? Because I've had multiple nightmares like this, where water is flooding a house, or I'm stuck in a filthy, neverending restroom of overflowing toilets and sinks. Even introduced an area such as this into a dream-based game of mine I ran a year or so ago. So basically it just made me go 'hmmmmm...'

Well...

I think I'm going to have to watch about 24 hours straight of something wholesome and funny with a tub of rocky road icecream while wearing pink bunny slippers to get me out of the funk this thing tried to toss me into.

I agree with your assement of that movie. Great way to get yourself depressed, if you ever find a need to to that. Oh, and it isn't even really that scary. Just depressing.

TheLastOfTheFallen

2006-03-10, 01:21 PM

I think any sappy Disney movie earns that ire from me these days.

I dunno. I think some Disney stuff can be good. My big thing are movies made for the Disney channel - not only do they spout the EXACT SAME MINDLESS DRIVEL, but they do so EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK. With a fourteen year old sister who likes these movies, that means you see bits and peices of them roughly 18 bajillion times, and I mean that literally.

Acid brainwash indeed.

Casualgamer

2006-03-10, 11:22 PM

I REALLY hated Windtalkers. Nicolas Cage is normally SUCH a bad actor. Oh yeah, and National Treasure too.

amorelli

2006-03-11, 12:38 AM

Renmazuo

2006-03-11, 12:55 AM

The new pink panther. It might have been a almost OK movie if the old ones weren't so good. With Steve Martin and Kevin Kline, they should have been able to come up with something funny. However, it looks like Steve Martin can just add another movie to his list of recent bombs.

See, I liked the movie, but I never watched any of the old Pink Panther movies. It seems as though anybody who has seen the old ones don't like it. But I think it's a good movie for anyone who didn't watch the original's

Kulatu

2006-03-11, 01:07 AM

Worst movie ever:

Stealth.

It made my eyes bleed, but I still spent the entire movie laughing. It's one of those movies where anybody with any kind of logic and knowledge of planes and computers will want to spoon their eyes out and replace them with cadbury chocolate eggs, then jump off a building with your dying breaths.

Yet on the other hand...I spent the entire movie laughing until I thought I was going to die...then I laughed some more! Best terrible movie ever!

Other terrible movies:

Reign of Fire
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Armageddon

Surprisingly, I'm amazed nobody pointed out the second worst movie of all time:

Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0185183/)

I now firmly believe that massive budgets should not be placed in the hands of terrible moviemakers.

Winter_Wolf

2006-03-11, 01:23 AM

A French film called "Empire of the Wolves", which despite the cover art and snazzy title, had nothing to do with either real wolves or werewolves. I was very disappointed, especially since I had just finished watching "Serenity". The fact that the French flick offered me a chioce of French or Russian soundtracks did not make up for the misery of trying to figure out what the hell was going on for the length of the film, though it gave me a chance to practice Russian listening comprehension. English language subtitles did *nothing* to make the story any easier to follow, and I gave up reading them after about an hour without any lupine forms appearing anywhere.

scene24

2006-03-11, 03:35 AM

Winter_Wolf, was that perhaps released in the US as "Brotherhood of the Wolf"? If so, I gotta disagree. It wasn't great or even original, but it was beautiful to look at and had a very 'romantic' atmosphere... and it had a few surprises. I liked it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0237534/

St._jimmy

2006-03-11, 05:31 AM

All films should be scial occasions, that way if it turns out to be bad you can go Mystrey Science Theatre 3000 on it. One film that was watched just for that reason would be Labyrinth. It had David Bowie as the Goblin King and the happy endinng is a non-sequitir disco in the heroine's bedroom. Everyone was invited, even the monsters that were trying to kill her earlier. That film got heckled to death

Rei_Jin

2006-03-11, 05:34 AM

I have to add Hostel to the list of truely abominable movies.

I wanted to go see Jarhead with a friend of mine, but he's a Quentin Tarantino Fanboy. So, when old QT said that Hostel was a great movie, he had to see it.

About 20 minutes in, I was determined that I wanted my money back. I was pretty sure within the opening 5 minutes, but by the 20 minute mark I was certain.

They can't even do horror properly these days. I'd post a bit more about why it was so bad, but it was R18+ and this website isn't.

Needless to say, afterwards he looked at me very sheepishly and said "sorry man, my bad."

He kept apologising for the next 3 days. It was THAT bad.

Jarl

2006-03-11, 06:37 AM

Zar *gag*
Hold on, hold on...
Guh...
Zard *explosion from the vomit plane*
ugh... I... I can't, I... hurp
ZARDOZ.
*whimpers in the corner*
Gods almighty... I saw the briefest of brief clips in my senior English class (Societies of the Future, a sci fi class) and it showed a giant rock head floating across the landscape and shooting a river of guns and blood out it's mouth.
I instantly knew that this would be the worst movie I had ever seen.
I had to see it.
So, a few days later, my mom picks up the DVD almost randomly from the library. Strange.
It starts off with a guy in a sort of nun-hat thing floating around a black screen giving a very psuedo-Shakespearean introduction to the story. I was so glad I had already seen 2001, so any weirdness this move threw at me would be easy to overcome.
Next thing I know, Sean Connery's running around in a red diaper raping women wearing nothing but scarves while a guy who looks a bit like a rent-a-Beattle version of Paul McCartney getting mind-gangbanged by thirty completely interchangeable white people. Next, the hairy, sweaty, disgusting and still loincloth bearing James Bond is being draped by "Apathetics", more bland white people who sorta move and exist like plants in a giant farm.
Then, a bunch of old people in 20's era outifts are chasing him, demanding that he kill them.
Then, his buddies (also clad in diapers) are slaying everyone in the whole frikking world.
Then, he's destroying a computer that's inside a crystal with the power of his mind.
Next, he's "losing his innocence" (keep in mind, this is a guy who rapes at least three women on camera during the course of the film, and talks about seeing three men rape an 80 year old ina gutter) when someone (none other than nun-hat guy) shows him a book in a library entitled "The Wizard of Oz".
That's "WiZard of Oz".
Yup.
In the end he hides under an old rock head as millions of... whatever swarm around it looking for him. Under this head, he has some chick who's hated him the whole movie and now they have a kid who grows up and walks away and then they die.

-It's in "The File" now, where I keep SG-1, the Dune books after Messiah, Dragonball GT, the Barbara Hambly Star Wars books, and anything else similarly upsetting.

Winter_Wolf

2006-03-11, 09:10 AM

bosssmiley

2006-03-13, 04:17 AM

This might get a few protesting squeals but "Donnie Darko", one of the single most impenetrable, self-indulgent and *boring* films that have ever abused my senses. If a film needs a director's commentary and a documentary to explain it then it is bad! Not 'thought-provoking', not 'intelligent', just opaque and self-indulgent.

At least it couldn't compare with Shyamalan's "The Village" though, that really was someone taking a dump in the camera. Normally you have to go to adult film stores to get a film that sprays that much excrement on the lens. >:(

Although "War of the Worlds" (children with Epic level DR, sentimental waffle about family, etc.) came close.

Murky_Pool

2006-03-13, 01:14 PM

Haven't checked the whole thread (not a lot of time at work today) so I'll throw in Underworld.

Ack, gods, how little sense can you cram into a visual representation of Vampire vs Werewolves WoD style?

It was dark, grey and rainy. Most of the characters weren't even introduced to us and the ones that were did weirdly dangerous things.

And then the end fight - You should be able to tell vamps from wolves, but Underworld manages to confuse even this by having no shapeshift and a gun battle.

Two groups of unknown men and women shooting at each other, who's on what side? God only knows.

At least Catherine Zeta Jones made Entrapment watchable, Kate Beckinsale was unable to save Underworld from the "I hate it" rating

Jaina

2006-03-13, 01:36 PM

Scene 24,
No, no it was definitely "Empire of the Wolves". I think the cover said "Des Empires de la Loupes" or something. It was not "Brotherhood of Wolves". I'm not real big on French, and it was soo bad that I don't feel inclined to go searching for the cover to be sure. Now, the one that came up when I clicked the link you provided was completely different, and maybe it will find its way onto the screen in future. Depends on what the wife brings back from her DVD scavenging.

You mean the one playing in Paris in modern times about crimes taking place among turkish (?) immigrants, right?
I know it's difficult to tell them all apart, because french film makers obviously love movie titles with "wolf" or "wolves" in them.

By the way most of the newer french movies leave you with a stale taste in your mouth as they are usually thick with tension and atmoshphere, but don't come around to deliver a logical (or at least somewhat satisfying) ending. "The Crimson Rivers" for example also belongs in this category.

Anyway, my current Worst Movie Ever is AEON FLUX.
Not only that you could have guessed the "surprise" plot twist from five minutes into the movie, it also had plot holes you could pilot a zeppelin through without touching the edges.

A close second is "The Island", followed by "Blade: Trinity".

All of them left me feeling cheated and wanting to send some mail bombs to the producers...

RMApok

2006-03-13, 01:45 PM

I think my list would be

Alone in the Dark-Just watched and I want to get my time back, and sue Blockbuster for emotional damage
It made almost no sense

From Dusk till Dawn-Any horror movie that makes me laugh and shake my head has failed in its job

Kingdom of Heaven-I spent 45 minutes trying to figure out where the story was going, then gave up. One of the only movies that I've ever turned off. Maybe it would have gotten better, but I'll never know.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back-I know they have a big fan base, and I loved Dogma, but this movie was an excuse to get people to pay to see other people swear in semi-unique ways. Only movie I ever left in the middle of and demanded my money back for.

CharPixie

2006-03-13, 02:03 PM

Tank Girl. Borrowed it off a co-worker. Had low expectations, even though I adore the punk astetic.

Found myself watching a movie that I call worse than Mario Brothers.

Oh, and since someone reminded me about it... Mystery Science Theater. Although it's more a show than a movie, I still find myself wanting to scream halfway through it. And not because of the movies they show.

Ebon_Drake

2006-03-13, 02:59 PM

A close second is "The Island", followed by "Blade: Trinity".

All of them left me feeling cheated and wanting to send some mail bombs to the producers...

Dear Lord, someone who actually saw Blade Trinity!? I only saw the trailer for that and it looked absolutely awful. Given how badly Blade 2 ruined any potential franchise they could have created from the awesome first film and given that sequels generally get increasingly poor as they go on and how terrible the trailer looked I avoided Blade Trinity at all costs. Judging from your mail bomb scheme I assume I made a good call on that.

Blade 2, now I think about it, definitely made my eyes bleed. At the very least they were crying over the murdering of a perfectly good potential film franchise. In my opinion the original Blade was a good, entertaining film. I don't think it's great, but it was a good piece of fantasy/horror escapism which I'd be happy to rewatch. Blade 2 essentially took everything which was cool about Blade 1 and said "right, that's that done, what next?" when really the concept of a half-vampire hunting "real" vampires was a concept which, whilst adequately explored in the first film, surely could have been stretched out in a sequel. Instead we got some wierd plot about a new breed of super-vampires eating regular vampires for some reason and Blade, instead of sitting back and having a good laugh at his mortal enemies getting owned, had to team up with some badass-ninja-vampires to stop them. The plot, whilst stupid, perhaps isn't that bad and isn't anything that hasn't been done in other film franchises, but then they kill any potential interest in the plot by throwing in every stupid "unexpected" (READ: can be seen a mile away) plot twist they could: Blade's friend is a traitor? check. Blade falls in love with a vampire? check. Blade's supposedly badass-ninja-vampire allies being useless throwaway characters, apart from the one he loves and the one who turns out to be his nemesis? check. The vampire chick Blade loves getting killed in the end? check. Supervampires really being a plot of the lead vampire, who's a total Emperor Palpatine rip-off? check. Said emperor rip-off getting killed by his own creations? Check. Cool character from previous film coming back to life, despite the fact that his death had been a major plot point from the previous film and that, in the previous film, Blade had specifically finished him off to stop him coming back as a vampire? *sigh* check. and the list goes on. Don't even get me started on the ludicrous wrestling sequence at the end, or the mind killing concept of a "sunlight grenade" (it pains me just to write that), or the notion that a supernaturally strong vampire wouldn't be able to force a silver stake through a piece of bone, thus making the supervampires immune to staking, or the idea that if the only way to kill the supervampires is with said "sunlight grenades" (ugh), the best thing to do is send in a load of vampires who are equally vulnerable to the grenades. Suffice to say, I hated that film and wish it had never been made.

Rei_Jin

2006-03-13, 08:27 PM

I don't know, I thought Blade: Trinity was ok. Blade 2 is possibly one of the worst movies of all time, but the third one was ok. They had a different director for all three movies, so is there any surprise that the movies were all different.

On the topic of movies that some people hated and others enjoyed, I absolutely loved the entire Matrix trilogy, yet I KNOW for a fact that many people hated the last two movies. Also, very few people understood the last movie, which adds to that list. People like to be able to understand things, they don't like to be confronted with new ideas.

Despite the fact that the movies weren't even an original idea, having been ripped straight from a Graphic Novel named The Invisibles (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Invisibles)

Renmazuo

2006-03-14, 12:01 AM

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back-I know they have a big fan base, and I loved Dogma, but this movie was an excuse to get people to pay to see other people swear in semi-unique ways. Only movie I ever left in the middle of and demanded my money back for.

See, the movie is much much more funnier, if you actually watch all of Kevin Smith's movies before J&SB, you would catch ALOT of really funny "Inside" jokes from the other movies. J&SB is one of my favorite movies of all time. Just really because of the charecters I guess though. Clerks 2 opening day!

Winter_Wolf

2006-03-14, 12:01 AM

Jaina hits it on the head. Yep, that's the movie I was talking about. I think it's clearly a case of false advertising to put such a cool sounding title and cover on a movie like that. And the back cover is uselesss to divine the content of any movies here in China, most of the time they put the info for a completely different movie on the back. Example: Running Man had on the back cover as a description "A fun, rollicking romp throught a magical kingdom of fairies and elves". Well not really, but that's the kind of thing that happens.

And ya, Blade 2 was heinous. I still watched it though. I fell asleep in the middle of Underworld because it was so hard to follow the story. And at the time, I had no idea what the heck a lycan was. They kept saying the word, and I kept thinking "Lichen? Lichen? What's that supposed to mean?" I also fell asleep while watching The Crow.

potatocubed

2006-03-14, 07:32 AM

Yeah, Underworld was just bad in every way, shape and form. Solid evidence that goths will lap up anything with a vampire on it. ::)

However, the worst movie I've ever wasted time on is Black Mask II. I mean, the blurb on the back gave it such great promise for a so-bad-its-good movie - something about pro wrestlers, genetic manipulation, and kung fu superheroes - but it was just so-bad-it-was-just-bad.

Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, I'd like to give a dishonourable mention to The Order, a Jean-Claude Van Damm movie where he goes to Israel and splits his time between mocking Jewish stereotypes and fighting people in some of the most badly edited fight scenes I have ever seen. So bad.

Jaina

2006-03-14, 08:41 AM

I don't know, I thought Blade: Trinity was ok. Blade 2 is possibly one of the worst movies of all time, but the third one was ok.

Of course this is a question of personal taste, but for me it's just the other way round.
Though the first Blade is definitely the best (DEACON!!! :D ), I enjoyed the second part, because it stayed at least true to the setting and had nice characters and a badass villain. (Though I hate what they did with Whistler. I still cannot see any way he could (and would - regarding his backstory) have "survived" as a vampire.)
Anyway the third put the stresses in all the wrong places. They had this crazy vampire-chick with the bad hairdo, which would have made a wonderful main villain. Instead they chose to bring back Dracula *yawn!*. They had the other group of hunters with their own methods and customs, who could have been either a threat or competitors, but in the end were instant friends (I like to call this the Voyager Effect). They had this intriguing plot about vampires actually breeding humans for blood supply, which was immediately abandoned for Dracula's sake. *groan*
Oh yes, and the innovative (NOT!) idea of Abby being Whistler's daughter... would have been more interesting and tragic (though still not good) if he had already been dead then, wouldn't it?
Add to this the ridiculous Reaper-Dogs (If they couldn't control it in humans, why do they think they could do it with dogs?!) and the nauseating moves of the camera and I don't see anything that's left to like.
They could have made a great movie of it, if they had just taken those ingredients they abandoned along the way...

St._jimmy

2006-03-14, 09:33 AM

According to IMDB, one of the worst films of all time is 'santa Clause conquers the martians'. I think the title says it all really.

Oh yes, The Island was pretty cliche'd but is made a lot more interesting if you insert regular "Trust the Island. The Island is your friend. No commies on The Island".
Plus at the end, you just know half those clones died trying to pet rattlesnakes or shake hands with trains, and the other half became hobos an account of, y'know, not owning a house.

Casualgamer

2006-03-14, 10:07 AM

I don't know whether anybody said this already or not, but the Hulk was terrible. Even though there was action, the whole time I watched the movie, I felt as though I was in that "wind-up" phase of the movie, y'know? Drama is supposed to build and peak at a climax, but I didn't even notice the climax in this crappy movie. Not to mention the Hulk doesn't hold a candle to Batman.

Valda, Adlav and Samiam: the Jacked-Up Trinity

2006-03-14, 04:46 PM

Napoleon Dynamite. >:(

Has to be the most boring pointless film of all time. Ninety minutes (guess) of my life I can never get back.

Unfortunately I bought it to find this out and am now stuck with it until I can find someone to pawn it off onto (spread the misery :) ).

Truly has to be in the top ten of worst films ever. If you've never seen it be truly thankful.

YES!!! THANK YOU!!! SOMEONE BESIDES ME POINTS THIS OUT!!! The thing had no plot, the characters were boring and if one more person asks for some of my tots I'll take said tots and shove them up their ass! >:(

WampaX

2006-03-14, 05:20 PM

YES!!! THANK YOU!!! SOMEONE BESIDES ME POINTS THIS OUT!!! The thing had no plot, the characters were boring and if one more person asks for some of my tots I'll take said tots and shove them up their ass! >:(

This movie does tend to have a polarization efect on its viewers. Having never viewed it, I can only comment about the people that comment on it.

Old_el_Paso

2006-03-14, 06:02 PM

YES!!! THANK YOU!!! SOMEONE BESIDES ME POINTS THIS OUT!!! The thing had no plot, the characters were boring and if one more person asks for some of my tots I'll take said tots and shove them up their ass! >:(

Every single time that I use my sarcastic voice (that I've had for years) people always think that I'm trying to sound like Napolean Dynamite! >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

Renmazuo

2006-03-14, 06:03 PM

I thought the movie (Napolean Dynamite) was funny, but I don't really see why people hail it as the super great movie it's made out to be.

Alot of movies get super hype that they can't live up to these days however.

Kahlan

2006-03-14, 06:21 PM

The first DnD movie. It's the only movie I've ever gone to see where I was sorely tempted to walk out within the first ten minutes. I barely remember it. I think I've mentally blocked it from my mind.

Either that or my horrible memory has already eaten it and spat it out as it tends to do with other knowledge. Like my studies... :P

Besides that, the second worst movie I think I've ever seen was "Darkness Falls" (I THINK that's the name, I could be wrong since I've also blocked it from my memory). It had so much potential, with a murderous tooth fairy that kills you if you see it. But then it fell flat on its face and never got back up.

Flak_Razorwill

2006-03-14, 11:32 PM

These are too damn slow. Come on, do something fun already!
-Lost in Translation
-Solaris (Remake)

Also: There was this one Lifetime movie I saw back in '98 about some woman who was mentally retarded because some guy tried to drown her because she witnessed the guy being a KKK member hanging a black guy. It's the only movie that made my stomach churn, mainly because of the cinematography. Maybe that's a good thing on the director's part...

50 First Dates: My friend has the most awful taste in movies, so I went to see this to humor him. It's just...slow...and sad. Like, wannabe tearjerker. But failing.

Anything that's pretty much a Sci-Fi channel original movie also blows chunks, too. Alien Apocalypse was awful (I like Bruce Campbell) but I guess it was supposed to be.

Love and Basketball, Save the Last Dance: Had to watch these on a bus trip, and I felt my IQ lowering by leaps and bounds. A group of girls in the back were laughing and screaming about how cool the movies were. Oh, my kingdom for a CD player.

As a side note, I mentally rewrote Starship Troopers 2 in my head while watching it, so I remember very little of the actual movie, and more of something involving powered armor and better lighting, along with better plot devices. Ooh, railguns.

Casualgamer

2006-03-14, 11:36 PM

The_Werebear

2006-03-14, 11:36 PM

I have to vote for "The day after tomarrow"
It is environmental extremist propaganda with the sole purpose of making a **** Cheney lookalike say "sorry for trashing the world, it is all my fault." Not to mention the people in that movie are so stupid. And it is annoyingly predictable

Doom was another movie that hurt to watch. I want to like that movie so badly, but in the end, the only enjoyment I get out of it is making "game face" jokes with green skittles.

AI was just a hard movie to watch. It is psychological abuse to watch the little robot kid get put through all that trauma.

A general category of movies I have trouble with is historically based ones. Movies like Gladiator, Braveheart, A Knight's Tale, Kingdom of Heaven and the like annoy me whenever they get anachronisitic, historically inaccurate, or people start doing things like wielding rapiers like katanas.

Renmazuo

2006-03-14, 11:47 PM

Well thank goodness they might have gotten videogame to movies right finally, as the silent hill movie looks freaking AMAZING.

Pop Goes the Weasel

2006-03-14, 11:50 PM

I didn't read the whole thing, but:

CATWOMAN!!!1!

Flak_Razorwill

2006-03-14, 11:57 PM

Well thank goodness they might have gotten videogame to movies right finally, as the silent hill movie looks freaking AMAZING.

Oh, yes. Very yes. But keep your hopes low, because anything could happen.

Uwe Boll and Postal 2. *Sigh* I loved the game. Emphasis on "loved."

Pop Goes the Weasel

2006-03-15, 12:00 AM

Oh, yes. Very yes. But keep your hopes low, because anything could happen.

Uwe Boll and Postal 2. *Sigh* I loved the game. Emphasis on "loved."
How are they going to make a movie about a game where you kill Gary Coleman?!

Renmazuo

2006-03-15, 12:13 AM

Oh, yes. Very yes. But keep your hopes low, because anything could happen.

Uwe Boll and Postal 2. *Sigh* I loved the game. Emphasis on "loved."

Uwe Boll can't direct his way out of a paper bag. He's an awful film maker, and isn't even in the same league as the guy who's directing Silent Hill. Silent hill is being directed by the guy who made the movie "Brotherhood of the Wolf" which was amazing IMO.

This movie WILL NOT dissapoint. You can quote me on that.

Flak_Razorwill

2006-03-15, 12:21 AM

Uwe Boll can't direct his way out of a paper bag. He's an awful film maker, and isn't even in the same league as the guy who's directing Silent Hill. Silent hill is being directed by the guy who made the movie "Brotherhood of the Wolf" which was amazing IMO.

This movie WILL NOT dissapoint. You can quote me on that.

I'm sure it won't be bad, but I keeping my hopes low as an insurance policy. So if it rocks, it will be even more awesome. Or something.

But Uwe Boll is going to desecrate one of the most fun (gameplay=ok, content=Bin Laden on fire, Gary Coleman dies every day, zombies invade, Waco, etc.) games I've ever seen. The other games had more coherent plots, and Boll killed them. This game HAS no real plot. I see one of 2 outcomes:

1. He'll try to make a plot, and ends up with his head on a stake (I'll supply the pike).

2. There will be NO plot, and it will play out like Jackass: the Movie, a disconnected series of vignettes loosely related to the original content. In other words, bad, but because the game is hard to translate to movie terms anyway.

Pop Goes the Weasel

2006-03-15, 12:24 AM

I'm sure it won't be bad, but I keeping my hopes low as an insurance policy. So if it rocks, it will be even more awesome. Or something.

But Uwe Boll is going to desecrate one of the most fun (gameplay=ok, content=Bin Laden on fire, Gary Coleman dies every day, zombies invade, Waco, etc.) games I've ever seen. The other games had more coherent plots, and Boll killed them. This game HAS no real plot. I see one of 2 outcomes:

1. He'll try to make a plot, and ends up with his head on a stake (I'll supply the pike).

2. There will be NO plot, and it will play out like Jackass: the Movie, a disconnected series of vignettes loosely related to the original content. In other words, bad, but because the game is hard to translate to movie terms anyway.
/me is praying for number 2!

Renmazuo

2006-03-15, 12:32 AM

I just hope Uwe boll suddenly dies somehow, so he is prevented from making horrible movies ever again.

Hopefully, if Silent Hill does great, competent directors will realize that there is an interest to these movies, and that they can be really well done.

I beg you all. Boycott the Dead or Alive movie :-X

Ryujin

2006-03-15, 03:31 AM

I just hope Uwe boll suddenly dies somehow, so he is prevented from making horrible movies ever again.

I think that there's proof to the claim that EEeeeuuww!!! Boll does it on purpose, for some sort of tax rebate.

That said, a couple of sucky movies in the superhero genre:

Batman & Robin
Superman IV

Krade

2006-03-15, 05:31 AM

George of the Jungle
About two years ago I was really bored one day, I picked up this... thing that dares to call itself a movie, and say, "I've never seen this, and nearly a DECADE ago my brother said it was really good (I think he was 8 then)" I felt embarassed just watching it even with noone else in the house. I HAD to turn it off after 10 minutes, or else I might have broken my t.v. out of rage. Pure, unabridged, ancestral rage.

Murky_Pool

2006-03-15, 07:12 AM

There's going to be (or has already been) a Dead or Alive movie? Please tell me that was a joke.

Computer Game to Movie just doesn't work because games have no real story (go on detail one, it'll take you ten minutes, that's not a real story you can base a film on). Once people realise this it will put an end to all the attempts. A film of Doom for gods sake, leave the poor overlaoded bandwagon alone.

And not to derail the thread - Chronicles of Riddik (I think it was called). The one where Vin Diesel is some sort of lost race that's the only hope of saving the universe from other humans that are taking it over and converting everyone to their religion.
A series of unconnected action scenes does NOT make a film, a large slap to the man who wrote that film.

Helios

2006-03-15, 01:08 PM

I've come in on this topic rather late, and haven't had time to read all 13 pages, so my apologies if I repeat any films that have already been named and shamed here.

My top five worst cinema experiences:

5. Con Air (There is only so much virtuous Nicholas Cage vs pantomime bad guys a person can take... not to mention the "soundtrack".)
4. Pearl Harbour (It sucked in so many ways. Well done, Mr. Bruckheimer.)
3. Star Wars Episode I (Like many people, I kidded myself that I had enjoyed this film for about two days, before reality slowly returned and I came to my senses.)
2. Matrix Revolutions (Why oh why did I bother? I should really have learned my lesson about the Matrix by the time this one came out.)
1. The 6th Day (I didn't mean to go and see that, honest, it was a very regrettable accident...)

Tobaselly

2006-03-15, 01:59 PM

ultraviolet was a horrid horrid movie. It's not even worth downloading. You'll want your bandwidth back.

Edna

2006-03-15, 02:42 PM

Speaking on novels going to crap how about Starship Troopers on screen.

I'll second this nomination. If you like the Heinlein book, DO NOT watch this movie!

I never expect movies to be as good as the original books, but this was a new low.

Edna

Rei_Jin

2006-03-15, 02:57 PM

Hhmmmm, lets see..

DareDevil had such promise, but in the end it made Hulk look good.

Hulk was terrible, but compared to DareDevil...

Electra was worse than both of them

And Catwoman is possibly the worst movie of the last 5 years.

If you want the most pointless, boring movie of all time, look up a movie known as

Johnathon Livingstone Seagull.

The entire movie is a Seagull flying on the breeze, and a guy talking. Talk about pointless.

Jack Squat

2006-03-15, 10:23 PM

The Vorpal Tribble

2006-03-15, 10:50 PM

Hey, I liked March of the Penguins ;)

What kind of award did it get? As documenteraries go it was pretty derned good.

Renmazuo

2006-03-15, 10:55 PM

I think it got best documentury, Don't know for what award show though.

Vadelus_the_Mighty

2006-03-15, 11:33 PM

The movie for the glass menagerie. I was forced to watch it in English, and it has to be the worst ever. The whole time, I sat thinking "Someone will pay", and wishing that one of the characters would get emotionaly shattered, the mother especialy *shudder*. That voice could fell the Tarrasque.

Ryujin

2006-03-16, 08:20 AM

Hey, I liked March of the Penguins ;)

What kind of award did it get? As documenteraries go it was pretty derned good.

Academy Award for Best Documentary.

Some other bad films:

Robocop 3
Tomb Raider
Alexander

FreakyM

2006-03-20, 02:47 PM

Some horrible, splitscreen-riddler piece of crap called "Dragon Warriors" or "Dragon Fighters", cant remember the name. It was HORRIBLE.

Orion-the-G

2006-03-20, 02:58 PM

May or may not have been mentioned but one movie that just made me want to kill people was 'cursed'

It got better once I realized it wasn't actually a horror movie, it was a stupid comedy with an identity crisis.

And I don't mean it was actually trying to be funny, but it was just *so* bad.

Akiosama

2006-03-20, 03:07 PM

3) Paycheck- Yeah, it was that bad. I think Ben Affleck must have been trying to sabotage his career at that point. Just trying to understand why an Engineer could fight like a ninja was too much for me...

That's too bad. The short story by Phillip K. **** was actually pretty good. But then again, the same could be said for Minority Report (terrible adaptation, IMO - there wasn't even a minority report mentioned in it, if I remember right...) and Second Variety (which apparently became the movie Screamers, which I've been told is horrible.) The only movie that comes to mind of his that I've read the book and thought the movie was better was We Can Remember It For You Wholesale which became Total Recall. The short story for that one was... not so good, IMO. I should probably read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? at some point soon. He's a decent writer.

My 2 yen,

Game on!

Akio

bosssmiley

2006-03-20, 03:29 PM

Some other bad films:

Robocop 3
Tomb Raider
Alexander
We'll have to agree to differ on two of those films.

Robocop 3 did indeed blow chunks, but the first "Tomb Raider" film was classic pulp adventure and the nearest we'll ever get to another Indiana Jones film. I mean, Chris Barrie in a dressing gown, fluffy slippers and flak vest - what's not to like?! ;D

Alexander was ok, and true to the historic Alexander in many respects (the alcoholism, the vile temper, the man love), but even Oliver Stone was annoyed with the cinema cut. That's why the DVD was by default a director's cut. I think people were expecting another "Gladiator" and had their expectations badly jarred by what they did get.

One thing to be grateful for, at least it wasn't the most recent "King Arthur", which was the cinematic equivalent of Ebola. >:(

Orson_McNichol

2006-03-20, 03:33 PM

Normally I like to watch bad movies for the novelty factor. However, Feeders was so bad I couldn't even bear to fast forward to the end just to find out what happens. I'd rather shoot my neighbors dog that watch that steaming pile again.

Mr._Blinky

2006-03-20, 07:07 PM

Robocop 3 did indeed blow chunks, but the first "Tomb Raider" film was classic pulp adventure and the nearest we'll ever get to another Indiana Jones film... (snip)
...except that they are making another Indiana Jones movie.

Sylvius

2006-03-20, 07:50 PM

Ultraviolet

As much as I like the whole "Milla Jovovich kills people" genre (Resident Evil, The Messenger), Ultraviolet was dreadful.

The House of Mirth

Okay, if you're Gillian Anderson and you're already addicted to laudanum, it takes more than a sip to commit suicide. I don't care how artfully you want the bottle to drain onto the bed as your hand goes limp, you need to actually drink the stuff for it to kill you.

Ruik

2006-03-20, 09:46 PM

I have to say that I have not read this entire thread, but I just have to get this off my chest;

1) Lord of the Flies

2) Troy

Those have got to be the most tear inducing annoying movies that I have ever encountered...

I was seriously considering burning my eyes out with paint thinner…

nightfire8199

2006-03-20, 09:49 PM

I HATE GREACE AND GREACE 2!!!!!!!!!!! >:( >:( >:( >:(

they stink so bad...

Jack Squat

2006-03-20, 10:46 PM

...except that they are making another Indiana Jones movie.
Yep, this (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367882/) is all IMDB has on it so far. they used to have a name besides Indiana Jones 4. I'll see if I can't dig up some more info. Defenitely getting out of school to see this one.

Well here's more (http://www.theraider.net/films/indy4/index.php) It's planned to be released in the summer of '07. Can't wait

Orion_Winterheart

2006-03-21, 07:32 PM

the D&D movie was pretty bad.
It would have been fun to that as a campaign but as a movie it was horrible

Murky_Pool

2006-03-22, 03:12 PM

Oh gods, I've just thought of one.

The Avengers

Noooooo, make it stop

Forderz

2006-03-22, 03:21 PM

Mario Bros: What the hell was the target audience??? Mario=5-10 year olds. That movie had a dark undertone... It coulda've been good, but it wasn't.. but it is definatly NOT the wrost movie ever, because that goes to....

Starship Troopers 2

Any Jurrasic park after #1

Barney. 'nuff said.

WampaX

2006-03-22, 03:24 PM

Oh gods, I've just thought of one.

The Avengers

Noooooo, make it stop

Sad, really. Captured almost non of the wit, charm, and sophistication that made the TV series so good.

Renmazuo

2006-03-22, 05:57 PM

bosssmiley

2006-03-22, 09:27 PM

Oh gods, I've just thought of one.

The Avengers

Noooooo, make it stop

Huh? I thought the movie captured the improbable OTT campness of the later series (Emma Peel era as opposed to Perdy) perfectly. Kitsch is kitsche though. :-/

Athelis

2006-03-22, 09:36 PM

Napoleon Dynamite. >:(

Has to be the most boring pointless film of all time. Ninety minutes (guess) of my life I can never get back.

Truly has to be in the top ten of worst films ever. If you've never seen it be truly thankful.

Thank you, now I know I'm not the only one who hated this terrible movie. (That quote is poetry.)

CommanderFalken

2006-03-23, 10:26 AM

Napoleon Dynamite.

Has to be the most boring pointless film of all time. Ninety minutes (guess) of my life I can never get back.

Truly has to be in the top ten of worst films ever. If you've never seen it be truly thankful.

Thank you, now I know I'm not the only one who hated this terrible movie. (That quote is poetry.)

Agreed. That movie SUCKED.

The way I see it, there are two camps: those that loved it, and those that thought it was moronic.

I'm in the 2nd. Crap for plot, and the main actor (don't know his name, hope to Olidammara I don't see him in another movie EVER) pissed me off no end. My friends (who were in the 1st camp) had been quoting it for months, so we rented it. I went in expecting to be laughing so hard my ribs snapped. I was, needless to say, miserably disappointed.

Jack Squat

2006-03-23, 10:35 AM

agreed. I'm a second-camper myself. I can still get into arguments about it. the most common reason why it's funny happens to be "it's so stupid it's funny". in my opinion it's so stupid it's just sad. I've also heard the reason "It's funny because it has no plot", while no plot just makes it hard to follow. I've had people tell me that it's only really funny at the end or the second time through, but I walked out after the first 32 minutes, and I don't plan on watching the rest of it unless I'm tortured. it truly is a fate far worse than death.

Kikoskia

2006-03-23, 10:58 AM

The Black Hole. Me and my dad laughed all the way through this 'sci fi cult classic' it was that stupid.

WampaX

2006-03-23, 01:03 PM

Huh? I thought the movie captured the improbable OTT campness of the later series (Emma Peel era as opposed to Perdy) perfectly. Kitsch is kitsche though. :-/

I only saw it once during its first run. I may need to see it again to remind myself of what didn't click with me. But I've been watching the series (just bought the Emma Peel boxset) again and it is much fresher in my mind. All I can recall form the film was that I didn't like it, probably because I likened it more more to James Bond than The Avengers.

Charity

2006-03-23, 01:13 PM

Sad, really. Captured almost non of the wit, charm, and sophistication that made the TV series so good.
I am with you there Wampa that film was a bucket of Poo with a severe bucket shortage.
An insult to the original

Talking of that

Blues brothers 2
*shudder*

bosssmiley

2006-03-23, 01:29 PM

<trim>
Blues brothers 2
*shudder*

Repeat after me: "There is no "Blues Brothers 2". There is no "Blues Brothers 2". There is only the joy and panache of the original, the sequel was just a bad dream. Just a bad dream." *rocks and whimpers to self*

Akiosama

2006-03-23, 01:32 PM

Repeat after me: "There is no "Blues Brothers 2". There is no "Blues Brothers 2". There is only the joy and panache of the original, the sequel was just a bad dream. Just a bad dream." *rocks and whimpers to self*

Funny you'd say that since there WAS no Blues Brothers 2. I believe it was actually The Blues Brothers 2000.

Doesn't make it any better, though. Carry on. ;D

My 2 yen,

Watch on!

Akio

Flak_Razorwill

2006-03-23, 02:48 PM

Oh man, Mario. That movie SUCKED.

Who the heck thought that movie would be good!?

Me, when I was 7. It was a good "keep attention while getting hair cut" movie.

Another one I liked for the same reason: Star Trek V. Man, I was cool back then.

Kikoskia

2006-03-23, 06:37 PM

Starship Troopers 2

Any Jurrasic park after #1

Barney. 'nuff said.

No, not Barney! Anything but the Purple Dinosaur! Nooooooooo! *Planet of the Apes pose*

For the record, I hated the mario movie too. Sure, it had it's non-boring moments, but they really should have kept mario and luigi in thier cartoon forms for a movie; you just can't find anyone who doens't look stupid dressed as they did in the live action movie.

saraswati

2006-03-23, 08:03 PM

Well, I came late to this party, but I have watched a hell of a lot of movies in my time, so I gots a list of the worst dreck ever!

First a quick shout out to my homies who brought in Braveheart, Waterworld, The Cube, Event Horizon, All of the Star Wars prequels, Highlanders II and III, and Blade 2. These are truly cringe-inducing foetid piles of crap!

One person brought up A.I., but I just have to elaborate slightly. First of all, Spielberg. Urk. Gag. Breathe. Ok, Indy movies and everything from 1983 and earlier was actually well directed. Then the man got too full of himself and started directing in the worst, most overblown, wretchedly self-congratulatory way. Just painful.

Part 2 of the hell that is A.I. is that is was concieved and scripted (and partially already filmed) by Stanly Kubrik. Reasonable critique has been previous made here regarding Kubrik's occasional glacial pacing (see 2001), but IMHO the man is a great! director, and has some pretty mind blowing ideas. Spielberg had absolutely no idea what A.I. was actually about, and just screwed the whole thing in the most evil manner possible, by adding sugary sweetness to scenes of torture.

Personally A.I. is one of my worst movies ever.

But I also have to mention here (vying for top contenders in awfulness):

- Darkman (the original horrible comic based movie)
- The Tuxedo (oh Jackie Chan, why can't your American based movies be as awesome as your HK ones? Insurance reasons maybe?)
- The original Solaris. I saw it in the theater in 1989, when they released the newly restored director's cut of the 1972 Solaris. I know that IMDB lists it as 165 min, but the director's cut clocked in at just under 4 hours. 4 hours!!!!!! and no intermission. At hour 2 I was squirming with boredom and a need to pee. Finally, during an interminable flashback sequence of someone driving a car through a tunnel I fled to the bathroom. I took my time and sauntered back to find the tunnel sequence still going on!
- The Two Jakes - Yes, for those of you in the know this is the "sequel" to Chinatown, the classic Roman Polanski 1974 movie. The Two Jakes was also circa 1989 I think (what a horrible year). Bad, bad bad bad. I dare anyone who has seen this film not to agree!

Lastly, I gotta defend Fargo, Baz Lurhman films, and Time Bandits. These films rock!

LOL that was fun.

Kikoskia

2006-03-23, 11:06 PM

Solaris... that is such a very boring film. Considering that the plot was neither gripping nor fast paced enough for my pace... as in I do want things to move faster then a glacier. Riviting it is certainly not.

bosssmiley

2006-03-24, 12:53 AM

PhoeKun

2006-03-24, 12:55 AM

Ghk...

*Ahem*

"It's his sled. It's his sled from when he was a kid. There, I just saved you two, long, boobless hours."

Thou shalt not misquote Family Guy. But the principle is still sound.

Renmazuo

2006-03-24, 01:25 AM

Ghk...

*Ahem*

"It's his sled. It's his sled from when he was a kid. There, I just saved you two, long, boobless hours."

Thou shalt not misquote Family Guy. But the principle is still sound.

I love that show, and I love that part alot.

Flak_Razorwill

2006-03-24, 01:48 AM

We should do to all bad films what Peter Griffin of "Family Guy" did to Citizen Kane, cut a quick spoiler/critique/rating in at an early part.

Example: "Rosebuuuuuud..." kzzzt "It's his sledge, his sledge from when he was a kid. Thank me for saving you from two boring, boobless hours."

Solaris: The sea is alive and intelligent
AI: Pinocchio gets a day with his mommy and dies (*yawn*)
War of the Worlds: They all survive >:(
Gone with the Wind: He dumps the egotistical timewaster.
Event Horizon: You saw Hellraiser? You saw Alien? You seen it already...

Ahem:
http://spoileralert.ytmnd.com/

That and a lot more. Also, I think Event Horizon was really ripping of Disney's "The Black Hole," one of the craziest sci-fi things ever. Similarities:

-Small ship finds big lost gov't ship.
-Good crew wants to find out what happened/get famous (against common sense)
-Big Ship's crew=dead/zombified
-Big Ship appears ok at first, but goes nuts
-Big Ship kills little ship
-Survivors stick around on big ship, get hunted down by evil
-Survivors use part of big ship to escape evil
-Big Ship is destroyed by black hole

That's about it. I think the Event Horizon was missing robots. Instead we got...DA DA DUMMM: the plot of the Doom video games! Hell? From a teleporter! OMG!?!?

Deathsinger

2006-03-24, 11:44 AM

I'm worried that at 21, I've still not seen half of the ones you mentioned.

I think you should give The Cube and Dark City a break. For the former - I genuinely jumped at bits. I liked it. Dark City - ok wierd, but still. Time bandits is amusing! And Screamers is actually good for a laugh :) Peter Weller in post-RoboCop mode. Starship Troopers 2 I actually liked. And not becuase of Kelly Carlson. It was funny! It was to ST what Alien3 was to Aliens. In some ways I preferred it to ST - I kept expecting a twist - something clever - that never happened. The book is so much better. And If Doom had been more like Event Horizon, I for one would've been happier.

Big one i DO agree with: The Avengers. I felt... unclean after watching it. my GOD. Doom was more disappointing than anything.

Hmmm can I add one.... I won't mention any 70/80's sci-fi movies - some of them are too damn easy. here's one. Amanda and the Alien (1995). had Michael Dorn in it. Ye gods.

DS

Murky_Pool

2006-03-24, 07:37 PM

Thank you for the Avengers confirm. I thought people were liking it.

One last nail in it's coffin:
With a budget and a plethora of actresses to draw from you can't mess up a leather bodysuit. Uma Thurmann: YUCK!
Mission well and truly failed

Kikoskia

2006-03-25, 09:25 PM

Previously, I mentioned the Black Hole as being terrible.

I have to retract my statement, sad as it is to admit that. After re-watching it in silence, san laughter, I find that it actually not a truly terrible movie after all. It isn't a BRILLIANT movie, but I can see why some people think it's a cult classic.

So... Now I have to replace the movie I had previously trashed with another one. *thinks and then thinks more*

Street Fighter the movie. If there wever was a mroe regurgitated plot, I would like to see it. And on top of that, it spawned the almighty worst thing humanity has ever made; A game based on a movie based on a game. Yes, I am talking about Street Fighter the Movie: The Game.

If anyone can think of a reason why that doens't make it terrible, please tell me. :)

The_Ducky_Ninja

2006-03-25, 09:35 PM

I'm glad some1 finally mentioned The Avengers. Getting through 14 pages and not seeing it scared me. My story about it:

I go to Atlantic City with my family. It rains. Alot. We go see Avengers. We walk out wishing we were swimming in the crashing waves in the lightning rainstorm. Man, did it suck.

Kikoskia

2006-03-25, 09:52 PM

Ahem:
http://spoileralert.ytmnd.com/

That and a lot more. Also, I think Event Horizon was really ripping of Disney's "The Black Hole," one of the craziest sci-fi things ever. Similarities:

-Small ship finds big lost gov't ship.
-Good crew wants to find out what happened/get famous (against common sense)
-Big Ship's crew=dead/zombified
-Big Ship appears ok at first, but goes nuts
-Big Ship kills little ship
-Survivors stick around on big ship, get hunted down by evil
-Survivors use part of big ship to escape evil
-Big Ship is destroyed by black hole

...O_O Now that I have seen the travesty Event Horizon has made with The Black Hole, there shall now be lots of poking of film directors until they acknowledge what thye took inspiration from.

*sits in chair with infinitely long poking stick*
*proceeds to start poking director of Event Horizon for eternity*

Nasrudith

2006-03-26, 12:54 AM

The Day After Tommorow, Ugh, so much environmentalist propaganda, shoddy science, melodrama, and not so subtle political statements. Watched in a science class.

storybookknight

2006-03-26, 01:19 AM

The Hunger, starring David Bowie among others. I had a slight appreciation for it in that I think the purpose of the film was to make people watching it feel uncomfortable. It's about vampires, sort of. Also monkeys? I still don't know...

Tadakimacun

2006-03-26, 04:31 PM

Another one for Ultraviolet. Milla Jovovich (sp?) is a model first and foremost, so I'm pretty sure the director had the set designers put in long stretches of hallway for her to model-walk down on purpose. "Yeah! That's great Milla! You! Cameraguy! Zoom in on her butt!"

Another one I thought was lousy was The Chronicles of Riddick. I'm a fan of Vin Diesel's...alright, I'll admit it, his biceps...but not even those massive guns could save this movie. The way that the heroine dies just had me smacking my head on the theater seat in front of me.

Smitty

2006-04-12, 09:08 PM

Smitty

2006-04-12, 09:15 PM

...and of course Streetfighter was corny! That's what makes it so hilarious! Man, you guys may know your stuff when it comes to Family Guy, but it seems to me that you need to expand your horizons a bit. No offense, not trying to be a culture snob or whatever.

Raise your hand if you hated Napoleon Dynamite

Jack Squat

2006-04-12, 09:54 PM

*Raises hand while blaring Bon Jovi's "Raise Your Hand"*

The_Werebear

2006-04-12, 10:09 PM

Haven't seen it, and probably better for the experience. My sister did, and said she failed her will save against 4 points of intelligence damage.

Midnight Son

2006-04-13, 12:46 AM

Okay, I'm not sure if any of you guys are guilty of this, but I've heard way too many people knocking Aam Sandler flicks. You don't like ANY of his movies? Not even Little Nicky? I don't mean to start an argument, but anyopne who didn't enjoy Little Nicky should be blasted out of a cannon.
Ummm. Little Nicky is, without a doubt, the worst Adam Sandler movie ever made. The Waterboy was his last good live movie(Eight Crazy Nights was awesome). Everything after has either been lame attempts at drama, or a rehash of old characters. The guy freakin' hires the same freakin' actors to play the same freakin' parts and just gives them different names and slightly different plots. Yet again, a proof for my theory on the shelf life of SNL cast members remaining relevant. Bill Murray's the only one who has stayed good beyond his expiration date. Most can't even hack one movie; A few last two to four, and the rare specimen will be good for 5 or 6. I can count the ones who go beyond that on one hand, and of those, only Murray still has it.

Jack Squat

2006-04-13, 09:52 AM

Ummm. Little Nicky is, without a doubt, the worst Adam Sandler movie ever made. The Waterboy was his last good live movie(Eight Crazy Nights was awesome). Everything after has either been lame attempts at drama, or a rehash of old characters. The guy freakin' hires the same freakin' actors to play the same freakin' parts and just gives them different names and slightly different plots. Yet again, a proof for my theory on the shelf life of SNL cast members remaining relevant. Bill Murray's the only one who has stayed good beyond his expiration date. Most can't even hack one movie; A few last two to four, and the rare specimen will be good for 5 or 6. I can count the ones who go beyond that on one hand, and of those, only Murray still has it.
I agree with you, except that I think that Happy Gilmore was his best movie, then Waterboy, then Wedding Singer, then they all sucked (haven't seen any past Mr. Deeds, because they've all looked worse).

thequeenmac

2006-04-13, 12:55 PM

i like Adam Sandler he is funny, but your SNL thing is wrong. there is eddy murfy steve martin that chic who was on third rock, and most of wills movies are atlest funny.

worst movie ever though is any doth lunger movies.

Midnight Son

2006-04-13, 02:55 PM

Eddie Murphy is one of those that I count on my hand, but his last good movie was in 1992. Everything since then has been very sub-par. You're going to say, "what about The Nutty Professor?" To which I reply, "sophmoric and boorish." The only exception is Shrek, but that's animation. The last one by Martin was A Simple Twist of Fate 1994. He also goes on the hand. The fact that you can't even remember Jane's name makes my point for me. Ferrell is awesome as a supporting character, but sucks as a main character. See Old School vs Anchorman. Looking through the movies he's actually starred in and I only find one that stands out; Elf. The thing about this is that most comedians are excellent in small doses, but aren't good enough actors to carry a movie. As for Sandler, his first few movies were funny, but ever since he started the "You can do it" movies, he's sucked. The problem with comedian actors is that, if you keep doing the same schtick, it gets old. To stay relevant, you need to reinvent yourself and be a good actor. If you don't qualify for those, your choices are few. You can fade away with dignity and sit in your mansion swimming in your cash pool. You can do infomercials and reality programming(just sad). You can make crap movies that only make money because people remember you were once funny and hope you make a comeback(very rare). Or you can become the host of the Tonight Show.