View Full Version : Grade-A-Character: Bhim The Unfallen (Atoner Extraordinaire)

2009-08-31, 09:35 PM
Well, I created a series of threads on various boards about my idea for a deva character who's actually a redeemed rakashasa.

Few minutes later, I thought "Why not?" and made my first deva.

I tried to justify what caused him to turn to good, as well as why he thinks he needs to cleanse himself of his sins. As it is, here's his backstory (Warning: MIGHT be slightly NSFW due to mild lurid themes).

Bhim usually doesn't talk about his past. When someone presses him, he states that he remembers even less than other devas about his previous incarnations, and the fact embarrasses him.

The truth is, while Bhim is indeed ashamed of his past lives, it's because he remembers too much. See, Bhim wasn't always a deva-in fact, for all of the lives before his current one he was a rakashasa knight named Bhudev. He was an exemplary member of his race too-which is to say he was cruel, vain, and utterly amoral. He saw no reason why he should be otherwise-in Bhudev's opinion, all creatures other than rakashasas where tools to make themselves more comfortable. Ironically, that opinion is part of what set him on the path to redemption.

It was part of the traditions of his clan to take willing indentured servants from those they dominated. Bhudev was a lustful sort, so he, in return for freeing her family from the poorhouse, got a beautiful young half-elf named Eliza to serve as part of a harem. Needless to say, she was not happy with the idea-having been more or less forced into it by unfair taxes from the "lord mayor", actually Bhudev's grandfather, Eknath. So, despite her having chosen the lesser evil, she constantly fought against her position as "personal attendant". Unfortunately, Bhudev had (and as Bhim, still has) a fetish for strong women, and while he never forced himself upon her-the idea disgusted him-he never let her go.

Then, something remarkable happened-she rubbed off on him.

Harem girl of a rakashasa or not, Eliza was always a kind person, and on her off time, she helped the other slaves in their chores and duties, even volunteering as a farrier when the other one was bitten by a nightmare. While Bhudev was mildly annoyed by the resulting scars, he became curious as to why she helped people who had honestly done nothing for her. As she replied, "because doing the right thing makes me feel good". Always searching for new avenues of pleasure, Bhudev decided to try it out himself.

And as he discovered, he liked it. True, it was a pleasure he was unaccustomed to, but he gradually came to realize that seeing other people happy made him happy too. Over time, his personality began to change for the better, as he began to realize that others' pain just didn't have the same allure as altruism. As this happened, he began to see Eliza more as an actual person then a piece of art, and gradually, what had been simple desire turned to actual romantic affection. Eliza herself initially thought that his less aggressive advances were just another way of getting her into his bower-as noted, he did not force her, instead settling for companionship and watching her strip-but eventually, she realized that he had begun to truly care for her (the fact that he made a sincere apology after yet another argument of theirs probably helped matters). Eventually, the two became more than master and servant, falling in love with one another. When she did finally agree to bed with him, it was because she knew his feelings now ran deeper then lust-as did hers.

Tragically, it was the last night they would spend together.

During all this, Enkath had been observing his grandson's discretions with amusement, then annoyance, then anger. How dare he view a mortal-a servant-as equal to himself, a glorious and immortal rakashasa? How dare he treat the rest of his slaves as more worthy then they would treat mice? And how dare, how dare he accept a slave's advice, let alone one who served no other purpose then standing around, looking pretty? The consummation of their relationship was the last straw-for Enkath, it was equivalent to heresy. And so, he decided that a bit of discipline was in order.

The next day, Bhudev and Eliza had expected to wake up alone, after the first of what would presumably be many long nights together. Instead, they woke up surrounded by angry rakashasa warriors, who had decided to wait until the couple woke up naturally for the look of utter disbelief. They were hurriedly rushed before Enkath's court, where the rakashasa lord revealed all he knew about their romance. He then informed that unless Bhudev renounced his love for Eliza, then they both would be put to death-permanently, in the case of Bhudev. It didn't work. So, unwilling to kill a member of his line, Enkath got creative.

With a sadistic smile on his face, Enkath handed his confused grandson a sword, as "a token of how strong your love is". He then turned to Eliza, and spoke a word of command. Eliza's eyes widened, as she began to shriek. Horrified and powerless to save the half-elf, Bhudev could only watch as Enkath psionically attacked the poor woman. After five agonizing minutes, Enkath finally stopped the torture long enough to tell Bhudev that the only way to stop his lover's pain was to kill her-or let Enkath at her for as long as he could hold the psionic grip on her mind, a technique the rakashasa had become famous for his aptitude with. For the next ten minutes, Bhudev was in mental and emotional turmoil that almost matched the physical pain that Eliza was in. Finally he, trying desperately to convey a confidence he did not have, strode over to Eliza and rose the blade above his head.

In the instant before it came down, Enkath released the hold on Eliza's mind, just early enough for Budev to see the look of realization on her face, but not for him to divert the blade.

In his defense, he managed to keep a straight face long enough to limp back to his manor as the jeers of the other rakashasas rang in his ears. Or maybe that was catatonia.

Two days of crying later, Bhudev emerged a broken man. He thoroughly loathed his grandfather with every fiber of his being, but as Enkath predicted, this was nothing to the loathing he felt for himself. Every night, he had vivid dreams of that look on Eliza's face, and his own perceived failure in not saving her. More than that, he felt that if he had just been a little more pure, a little more moral, he would have been able to run away with her from his luxurious estate, and none of this would have ever happened. He went back to pillaging, deceiving, and conquering, but only because Enkath told him to-thanks to his emotional crushing of his grandson, he was more or less the only thing that gave Budev's life meaning. The manor of the rakashasa knight fell into disrepair, as it's owner ceased to care about his surroundings as he sank further into depression.

Eventually, he, as one might suspect, began to entertain thoughts of his own demise. But it was a coward's way out-if he was going to die, he was going to make a difference first.

So he freed his slaves, and then intentionally revealed himself to a group of adventurers. Oh, he led them on quite the chase-were the circumstances not so dour, it might even have been fun. But he had a goal in mind, and after two days, he let the adventurers kill him-right on Enkath's territory in full view of oppressed villagers.

As Bhudev lay dying from his wounds though, he saw his life begin to flash through his eyes. He saw all the horrible things he had done in the name of his own selfishness, with his newly-grown conscience screaming at him. He realized that for all of the good deeds he had done after meeting Eliza, he still needed more time to make amends for his actions. With his last moments of consciousness, he prayed to the gods that he be given a second chance.

The gods apparently took mercy on him.

Rather to his own surprise (and to a part of him, disappointment), he began to feel the stirrings of thoughts and sensations in the darkness, light beginning to penetrate the void. Over time, he began to become aware that he was lying on a thick bed of grass, which was strange, since he was killed in a city. Even more strange, he realized that despite laying face-down, he had the sensation of his palms feeling the grass. Eventually, his vision came back, and he-painfully, achingly-got to his knees and looked down at himself.

What he saw jolted him back to full awareness. Rather than his tiger's fur, he saw skin, the color of obsidian, with grey lines running across. Somehow, someway, he had been reborn not a rakashasa, but a deva! After the initial shock, he began to realize what this meant-that he had a second chance, another shot at existence, another chance to help heal what he had done in the past.

And for the first time in a long while, Bhim felt happy.

So, think it's good, bad, OK but a little angsty?

2009-08-31, 11:00 PM
Come on people, give me something I can use.

2009-09-01, 10:15 AM

92 views as of this post, and not a single reply.

That's just pathetic.

2009-09-01, 10:44 AM
I think it's a pretty good story. Would it make sense in the cosmology for whatever god/gods who had mercy and rebirthed (?) him to talk to him? That could give him a loyalty. The god of suffering and martyrs, or some such, from BoED sounds like a good choice if no-one is in mind.

The potential for allying with the adventurers who slew him is interesting.

I think it's a good backstory. I would think about how he is now trying to redeem his past. Is he going to try to overthrow the rhakasha, or at least start on that? Or avenge his beloved by defeating his uncle? Or is vengence something he is trying to transcend?

2009-09-01, 10:52 AM
I like it. It is definitely a bit angsty. If I were writing it, I wouldn't make the guy a prince. That is a gateway to angst and annoying anime characters. I would just make the king the badguy, so that you can focus more on the fury/revenge aspect than the angst, which is way more interesting in my opinion.

2009-09-01, 10:53 AM
I keep thinking "make him reborn as a girl" >_>

I guess that's too much of a dramatic opposite though and a tired and overused trope (not that this whole thing isn't, but eh :smalltongue:).

I think it's a good start, albeit cliche.

2009-09-01, 11:32 AM
I'm doing a Deva character kinda like this... sorta. He's a deva who accidently did a lot of evil devil-binding for a rakshasa, because he was blinded by greed and knowledge-lust. He realized his hands were contorting like those of a rakshasa, so he cut them off and fitted himself with robot hands.
He's an Artificer in the Self-forged paragon path. Works pretty great.

2009-09-01, 02:54 PM
Looks like a fun character concept.