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Lord Thurlvin
2009-11-08, 04:19 AM
So, one of my players just got into a bad car accident. This player probably won't be coming back to play any time soon due to the severity of her injuries, and she still might die from them. How should I handle this? All of us are fairly close friends, and we want to keep playing, but I think it will feel weird when we all get together to play and she's not there.
Any suggestions? I've never dealt with anything like this before.

KillianHawkeye
2009-11-08, 04:42 AM
I have never had anything like this happen in my life, but what I would do is instead of gaming you should all go visit her in the hospital once or twice. And by then, you'll probably have more information about how she's doing and if she'll be alright. After a week or two, you probably won't feel so weird about resuming your gaming until she gets better, assuming that she's reasonable and understands that everything doesn't grind to a halt without her.

Alternatively, just get together as normal and if you all feel weird about it you can talk it out or just hang out without gaming. When things like this happen, it can take a while to sort out your feelings.

herrhauptmann
2009-11-08, 05:05 AM
Visit her as a group.
Once her condition has been upgraded, perhaps you could all visit do a short one-shot adventure. (Depending on why you're there, hospital stays can be mindnumbingly boring. I had a friend who did a book of sudoku and half a book of crosswords a day just cuz she was bored).

I hope your friend comes out okay.

Lord Thurlvin
2009-11-08, 03:46 PM
Okay, maybe I should have been a bit clearer about what I meant. Obviously, we all care about her and are hopefully going to visit her at some point. She's fairly far away and we have school right now, so that will be difficult but not impossible. I hope I didn't come off as someone who cared more about the game than my friend.
Edit: I'm mainly asking this because even if she ends up being physically okay, her condition is due to her head injuries, so she might never be able to play again.

alchemyprime
2009-11-08, 04:03 PM
Okay, maybe I should have been a bit clearer about what I meant. Obviously, we all care about her and are hopefully going to visit her at some point. She's fairly far away and we have school right now, so that will be difficult but not impossible. I hope I didn't come off as someone who cared more about the game than my friend. What I'm asking is won't it be awkward when we all get around the table to play without her once we know she's okay, and is there any way to minimize or handle that awkwardness?

I have a lot of players in my group. Sometimes things come up. We've heard every excuse from "My dad's in the hospital" to "I forgot I had to go to Disneyland today" (How do you forget THAT?).

But what we've found works is play. things don't get awkward unless you make them awkward.

And since I'm DM, I know what'll happen when that person comes back. They'll still play. Two of our healers are in and out of the hosiptal regularly (the telepath for problems from her car accident a few years back, and the cleric from her epilepsy).

But when they come back, we welcome them happily, and if we leveled, we say that they did some extra leveling in a pocket dimension where they went (I use that dimension a lot for absent players. Playerlimbo). And if I do get to see them before another game, I'll run them a quick encounter to get them up to speed.

But yeah. You can feel bad knowing that a fellow player is having life problems. With my group we're used to it, what with parents being sick, people having problems and the fact that the DM (me) has little to no immune system. (I'm training the cleric and the paladin so they can fill in for me... :smallamused: I get sick every other week. :smallsigh: Shmee can verify this.)

But yeah. Keep playing. Don't do any big plot developments til she comes back. Make her come back game EPIC. Like giant boss fight, huge treasure, let her pick out what the food is for that day, make some Igor Bars, turn it into a "Hooray, You're Better, Let's Game!" party (the festive kind, not the adventuing kind), and get her character up to speed with the party (the adventury kind, not the festive kind), and just have a grand old time.

That's what we're doing for our telepath when she gets better (she's in the hospital too right now.) Don't over think it and remind yourself all will be well.

-Alchemyprime
Guy who's doing the same thing right now. :smallwink:

mostlyharmful
2009-11-08, 04:10 PM
I'd suspend the game you're in until and unless she comes back, go and visit her if you can and surely keep her in your thoughts, but i'd atleast feel damn uncomfortable even then.

Your players and you won't be able to make it ok but you could at least make a gesture that might make some of you feel better.

It's an almost impossible one to come up with an answer for, I hope you work out alright dude.

pasko77
2009-11-08, 04:16 PM
I had EXACTLY this same experience 6 years ago.
We stopped playing for a couple of months (we actually met to play something else), then we used to go to our unlucky friend's house to play, when his life was out of danger.
He was very happy and, if you can, I'd recommend the same to you.

Mark Hall
2009-11-08, 04:20 PM
I guess I'm the bad guy... I'd still get together and game, especially since she's not at convenient visiting distance. Maybe put the old one on hold, so she doesn't miss anything, but get together with your friends, tell some stories (some of them might be RL, some might be game, some may be "remember when....").

Don't forget her... make a point of calling or, if it's simply "inconvenient" visiting distance (instead of "not feasible without days off" visiting), getting together and visiting as a group. But the game must go on, even if there's someone who cannot play.

Artanis
2009-11-08, 05:07 PM
Would she want you to keep playing? If so, would it still be too awkward to enjoy doing so?

RandomNPC
2009-11-08, 05:55 PM
If the distance is to great, moment of silence and roll up new characters for the game you play while your current one is on hold. If the injury is to great and this gamer will no longer game, odds are the game will never resume.

This is what I would do, and what i suggest. Massive injury is always hard to deal with, the fact that you're flustered over how to best show respect speaks volumes of your character.