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Radiun
2009-11-22, 08:33 PM
I <3 me some Dire Bat.
May be biased because my Druid's Animal Companion IS a Dire Bat, and I'm more than pleasantly surprised at her sheer durability.
Best saves and AC in the party, a respectable grapple, and decent HP.
She's neutralized a lich that was out of reach by flying up and grappling him (he hadn't prepared dimension door or freedom of movement apparently).
She took out our BSF warforged when he was dominated (actually a crusader).
Evaded fireballs with laughable ease considering her 15ft wingspan (best saves in the party), and has a 10 ft long tongue that comes up disturbingly often.

(there is a species of bat that has a tongue who's length is 1.5x that of the bat's body. Presuming the Dire Bat's wings are only 2X it's body size, that makes the Dire Bat ~7.5 ft long, and its tongue ~10ft)

To finish all that off, I also have a picture. If someone wouldn't mind hosting it, drop me a line.

Dusk Eclipse
2009-11-22, 08:34 PM
Dire Puma (from Sandstorm)

Got a character who is a were Dire puma, and he is awesome!!!

Eldariel
2009-11-22, 08:36 PM
Dire Bear. 'cause it's a fcking BEAR.

sofawall
2009-11-22, 08:44 PM
Dire Bear. 'cause it's a fcking BEAR.

I do agree.

Berserk Monk
2009-11-22, 08:46 PM
Dire bear because there's a prestige class for barbarians that let's you turn into one. I suppose you can also turn into dire animals as a druid, but barbarians get more combat kills (if we define combat as a fight using a melee weapon).

Sir_Chivalry
2009-11-22, 10:44 PM
Dire Bear. 'cause it's a fcking BEAR.

Dire Polar Bear, because when you send an awakened dire polar bear to deal with the pcs, it's not a problem, it's a solution.

Asbestos
2009-11-22, 10:55 PM
Dire bear because there's a prestige class for barbarians that let's you turn into one. I suppose you can also turn into dire animals as a druid, but barbarians get more combat kills (if we define combat as a fight using a melee weapon).

That's an odd way to define combat. I mean, by that definition engaging a guy in a gunfight isn't 'combat' but engaging him in a knife fight is.

Epinephrine
2009-11-22, 11:04 PM
Dire hippopotamus. C'mon. HIPPOS.

(there is a species of bat that has a tongue who's length is 1.5x that of the bat's body. Presuming the Dire Bat's wings are only 2X it's body size, that makes the Dire Bat ~7.5 ft long, and its tongue ~10ft)

This makes no sense. Sorry to bring up biology, but unless there are some special flowers only polinated by a species of dire bat with 10 foot long tongues, there's no way to explain it. The little bats need their tongues to drink from special orchids, and there just isn't going to be a species of 12 foot orchid flowers with enough nectar in them to keep a species of dire bat going.

Zovc
2009-11-22, 11:13 PM
Dire Bear. 'cause it's a fcking BEAR.

An Maximized, Empowered Awakened Dire Bear, 'cause nothing's scarier than a Dire Bear with 18 + (1/2d6) Intelligence who is now capable of gaining class levels (in Wizard).

Beelzebub1111
2009-11-22, 11:23 PM
Dire Weasel.
Say goodbye to your constitution scores...

Though it's tough to beat the dreaded...WEREWEASEL!

Grifthin
2009-11-22, 11:25 PM
The Dire Camel.

Radiun
2009-11-22, 11:28 PM
[...]Sorry to bring up biology, but unless there are some special flowers only polinated by a species of dire bat with 10 foot long tongues[...]

This is DnD, there are trees that drop fruits which turn into orc-like creatures and roam the country side looking for peasants to kill (Orcwort, MM2). Is a dire flower really that hard to believe?

Gorgondantess
2009-11-22, 11:38 PM
This makes no sense. Sorry to bring up biology, but unless there are some special flowers only polinated by a species of dire bat with 10 foot long tongues, there's no way to explain it. The little bats need their tongues to drink from special orchids, and there just isn't going to be a species of 12 foot orchid flowers with enough nectar in them to keep a species of dire bat going.

...Okay. You're talking about a world where just about every law of physics is toyed with and trampled on, and with some of the most obscenely ridiculous creatures, and you're worried about a really long tongue?:smalltongue:

Epinephrine
2009-11-22, 11:40 PM
...Okay. You're talking about a world where just about every law of physics is toyed with and trampled on, and with some of the most obscenely ridiculous creatures, and you're worried about a really long tongue?:smalltongue:

Yeah, I worry about weird things... maybe a good Ecology of the Dire Fruit Bat article needs to be written :smalltongue:

SilverClawShift
2009-11-22, 11:40 PM
Dire Bat from here till forever

Radiun
2009-11-22, 11:49 PM
Dire Bat from here till forever

Any particular reason why?;-)

Hal
2009-11-22, 11:52 PM
Dire Weasel.
Say goodbye to your constitution scores...

Though it's tough to beat the dreaded...WEREWEASEL!

Also, because the innuendo and pick-up lines are epic in potential.

Chrono22
2009-11-22, 11:59 PM
Dire polar bear. Those things are GAR.

taltamir
2009-11-23, 12:03 AM
I wonder... can you have a dire human or a dire elf?

Pyron
2009-11-23, 12:04 AM
Dire House Cat... a plague to commoners everywhere.

Shademan
2009-11-23, 02:26 AM
A dire shark riding a dire moose shooting dire bears from his dire cannons

Schylerwalker
2009-11-23, 02:32 AM
A dire shark riding a dire moose shooting dire bears from his dire cannons

ROFLMAO.

That is bloody hilarious, my friend. I cried. Like a baby. A hungry angry baby.

Anywho, I'm not sure what my favorite dire animal. I kinda like them all, to be completely honest.

Though I love awakened dire ape barbarians. Hoo-RAH!!

Berserk Monk
2009-11-23, 02:35 AM
That's an odd way to define combat. I mean, by that definition engaging a guy in a gunfight isn't 'combat' but engaging him in a knife fight is.

Yeah, well if there's a more awesome way to kill stuff than with a battle axe, I haven't killed the guy killing people that way with a battle axe.


Don't question my logic.

Delandel
2009-11-23, 02:38 AM
Dire platypus. If there is no such thing I shall make one!

Berserk Monk
2009-11-23, 02:40 AM
Dire platypus. If there is no such thing I shall make one!

Well, it would be the craziest creature I've seen in D&D. Paper golem, I'm talking about you.:smallannoyed:

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-11-23, 02:57 AM
Has anyone ever stated out a Dire version of the rhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhea_%28bird%29)?

Doc Roc
2009-11-23, 03:03 AM
Unsurprisingly, mine is the tortoise.

Rappy
2009-11-23, 03:06 AM
Dire platypus. If there is no such thing I shall make one!
I'm pretty sure there's one in either one of the Creature Weeklies or the Lethal Lexicon (both from Octavirate), I forget which...

EDIT: It's in Creature Weekly issue 1.

Dienekes
2009-11-23, 03:07 AM
Dire Wolf.

I'm a traditionalist, or have no originality, take your pick.

starwoof
2009-11-23, 03:20 AM
Dire Elk.

Because normal elkburgers are good, dire ones must be better. Or at least a higher challenge rating.

Tetsubo 57
2009-11-23, 06:05 AM
Has anyone ever stated out a Dire version of the rhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhea_%28bird%29)?

Would that just be the 1E Axebeak?

Tetsubo 57
2009-11-23, 06:07 AM
I'm going to have to go with Dire Bear. It's A BEAR!

But one without those bloody stupid spikes and bony bits. That was a dumb idea.

Incompleat
2009-11-23, 06:10 AM
Dire Giant Space Hamster. :smallbiggrin:

Spelljammer was the greatest D&D setting ever.

Leon
2009-11-23, 06:13 AM
Dire Boar

I chose a Dire Boar once for a random encounter and it absolutely messed the group up.
The description in the MM resulted in them trying to smite it


small furious demon eyes


It killed a Monk and a Sorcerer outright, severely gored the paladin and gave the rogue a disease

FinalJustice
2009-11-23, 06:41 AM
Is there a Dire Vorpal Boar?

Bhu
2009-11-23, 07:37 AM
Has anyone ever stated out a Dire version of the rhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhea_%28bird%29)?

Yup. I believe I have a Dire Rhea in my critters thread on the homebrew boards. Link in sig. I've actually made a bunch of Dire Critters:

Dire Ankylosaur (Page 23)
Dire Arapaima (Page 32)
Dire Armadillo (Page 18)
Dire Chameleon (Page 18)
Dire Chicken (Page 24)
Dire Duck (Page 21)
Dire Electric Eel (Page 20)
Dire Elephant (Page 25)
Dire Flamingo (Page 26)
Dire Giraffe (Page 20)
Dire Groundhog (Page 19)
Dire Guinea Pig (Page 20)
Dire Gulper Eel (Page 21)
Dire Hare (Page 18)
Dire Ibis (Page 22)
Dire Kangaroo (Page 24)
Dire Keet (Page 25)
Dire Kitty (Page 21)
Dire Komodo Dragon (Page 23)
Dire Lemur (Page 23)
Dire Monkeys (Page 12)
Dire Moose (Page 26)
Dire Muntjac Deer (Page 21)
Dire Naked Mole Rat (Page 18)
Dire Nymph (Page 2)
Dire Okapi/Okapi (Page 21)
Dire Ostrich (Page 21)
Dire Parrot (Page 25)
Dire Penguin (Page 24)
Dire Pigeon (Page 24)
Dire Pika (Page 25)
Dire Pocket Gopher Swarm (Page 20)
Dire Poison Arrow Frog (Page 18)
Dire Porcupine (Page 18)
Dire Rabbit (Page 19)
Dire Rhea (Page 21)
Dire Rock Wallaby (Page 24)
Dire Shrew (Page 19)
Dire Spitting Cobra (Page 18)
Dire Squirrel (Page 25)
Dire Stingray (Page 30)
Dire Swan (Page 22)
Dire Thingie Template (Page 1)
Dire Tree Kangaroo (Page 18)
Dire Turkey (Page 25)
Dire Vampire Squid (Page 21)
Dire Vole (Page 21)
Dire Whitetail Deer (Page 21)

Tetsubo 57
2009-11-23, 07:39 AM
Yup. I believe I have a Dire Rhea in my critters thread on the homebrew boards. Link in sig. I've actually made a bunch of Dire Critters:

Dire Ankylosaur (Page 23)
Dire Arapaima (Page 32)
Dire Armadillo (Page 18)
Dire Chameleon (Page 18)
Dire Chicken (Page 24)
Dire Duck (Page 21)
Dire Electric Eel (Page 20)
Dire Elephant (Page 25)
Dire Flamingo (Page 26)
Dire Giraffe (Page 20)
Dire Groundhog (Page 19)
Dire Guinea Pig (Page 20)
Dire Gulper Eel (Page 21)
Dire Hare (Page 18)
Dire Ibis (Page 22)
Dire Kangaroo (Page 24)
Dire Keet (Page 25)
Dire Kitty (Page 21)
Dire Komodo Dragon (Page 23)
Dire Lemur (Page 23)
Dire Monkeys (Page 12)
Dire Moose (Page 26)
Dire Muntjac Deer (Page 21)
Dire Naked Mole Rat (Page 18)
Dire Nymph (Page 2)
Dire Okapi/Okapi (Page 21)
Dire Ostrich (Page 21)
Dire Parrot (Page 25)
Dire Penguin (Page 24)
Dire Pigeon (Page 24)
Dire Pika (Page 25)
Dire Pocket Gopher Swarm (Page 20)
Dire Poison Arrow Frog (Page 18)
Dire Porcupine (Page 18)
Dire Rabbit (Page 19)
Dire Rhea (Page 21)
Dire Rock Wallaby (Page 24)
Dire Shrew (Page 19)
Dire Spitting Cobra (Page 18)
Dire Squirrel (Page 25)
Dire Stingray (Page 30)
Dire Swan (Page 22)
Dire Thingie Template (Page 1)
Dire Tree Kangaroo (Page 18)
Dire Turkey (Page 25)
Dire Vampire Squid (Page 21)
Dire Vole (Page 21)
Dire Whitetail Deer (Page 21)

Have you ever compiled these into a single document?

dsmiles
2009-11-23, 07:41 AM
I believe that I'm going to have to go with the dire snake. A venomous constrictor? I gotta give it to 'em, they know how to make 'em mean.

BooNL
2009-11-23, 07:50 AM
Dire Badger, the barbarian of the animal kingdom!

Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger!

Blackfang108
2009-11-23, 09:59 AM
Dire Wolf.

I'm a traditionalist, or have no originality, take your pick.

Traditionalists unite!

I have a campaign where I've been reincarnated as a Dire Wolf.

A Dire Wolf Duskblade. My teeth cause much pain.

dsmiles
2009-11-23, 10:27 AM
I heart Dire Chicken.

Radiun
2009-11-23, 10:37 AM
which is bigger, a Leviathan or a Dire Blue Whale???

Bhu
2009-11-24, 01:43 AM
Have you ever compiled these into a single document?

I will be someday. Theres a few hundred critters in my threads so if I wanna do all of htem, it'll be taking quite a bit of time.

taltamir
2009-11-24, 01:48 AM
dire bear... cavalry

Jergmo
2009-11-24, 02:00 AM
DIRE PIRANHAMOOSE!! :smallfurious:

http://wondermark.com/c/2009-08-25-546pike.gif

PhoenixRivers
2009-11-24, 03:58 AM
Permanently Enlarged Dire Ape that Dual wields Barbarians that are each wielding greataxes.

No, seriously, Tortoise.

taltamir
2009-11-24, 04:36 AM
Permanently Enlarged Dire Ape that Dual wields Barbarians that are each wielding greataxes.

how many attacks does... -"that"- get?

BooNL
2009-11-24, 04:41 AM
Depends on the level of the barbarians.

Also, Permanently Enlarged Dire Ape that Dual wields Half-Orc Barbarians that are each dualwielding Orc Double-axes.

Temotei
2009-11-24, 04:54 AM
That dire pirahnamoose is pretty sweet. :smallbiggrin: And confusing! :smallamused:

As for the real ones, I'd have to go with the dire polar bear, because I have a little toy polar bear I call Klondike (and I didn't even know there was a Klondike bear for the Klondike bar at the time...), and he is awesome. Also, he can fly at will, and has class levels in ranger, wizard, sorcerer, rogue, fighter, barbarian, and cleric. :smallbiggrin:

High-Chancellor
2009-11-24, 05:02 AM
The Dire Flea gets no love.

BooNL
2009-11-24, 05:04 AM
The Dire Flea gets no love.

That's cause it's always out rocking with the Dire John Frusciante.

Unreliable as animal companions, those Dire Fleas.

Quietus
2009-11-24, 05:07 AM
I believe that I'm going to have to go with the dire snake. A venomous constrictor? I gotta give it to 'em, they know how to make 'em mean.

Seconded. I do miss my normal snake companion, but if I had to replace him, it'd be with a dire snake.

Grumman
2009-11-24, 05:09 AM
Dire Ankylosaur (Page 23)
Let's take this multi-ton, club-wielding, armoured dinosaur and kick it up a notch!

taltamir
2009-11-24, 05:20 AM
The Dire Flea gets no love.

dire tapeworm? dire leech? dire elephentatis causing worms? dire aeomeboa?

Tetsubo 57
2009-11-24, 05:33 AM
I will be someday. There are a few hundred critters in my threads so if I wanna do all of them, it'll be taking quite a bit of time.

Would you consider making a 'contact' list for those interested in seeing such a document? Because I would love to see it once finished. I just don't read the boards daily and don't want to miss it being announced. Thanks.

Bhu
2009-11-24, 06:15 AM
Would you consider making a 'contact' list for those interested in seeing such a document? Because I would love to see it once finished. I just don't read the boards daily and don't want to miss it being announced. Thanks.

Wow. You're the first person to have ever asked! Um...well I spose I could but I have to finish up the Cat Burglar once I get the feedback from downloaders (also in sig) along with a few other projects. Im thinking of just doing a massive .pdf book of animals/magical beasts called Uncle Kitty Guide to Nature's Unfortunate Mistakes at some point soon after though. If nothing else just peek in my critters thread every so often.

Tetsubo 57
2009-11-24, 06:26 AM
Wow. You're the first person to have ever asked! Um...well I spose I could but I have to finish up the Cat Burglar once I get the feedback from downloaders (also in sig) along with a few other projects. Im thinking of just doing a massive .pdf book of animals/magical beasts called Uncle Kitty Guide to Nature's Unfortunate Mistakes at some point soon after though. If nothing else just peek in my critters thread every so often.

A large PDF is fine by me. I tend to print things out for reading though. I own a duplex printer and get things bound at Staples. It's a much more convenient for me than reading a large document on a computer screen. Three hundred pages (150 double sided) is effectively the limit for a spiral binding job. So if it's a higher page count than 300 it would end up as two documents. Which is fine by me as well. Good luck!

PhoenixRivers
2009-11-24, 06:34 AM
Depends on the level of the barbarians.

Also, Permanently Enlarged Dire Ape that Dual wields Half-Orc Barbarians that are each dualwielding Orc Double-axes.

Did I mention?

Permanently Enlarged Dire Ape that Dual wields Half-Orc Barbarians that are each dual wielding Halfling Barbarians (under Reduce Person) that are dual wielding Greataxes and armor spikes.

Power Attack With Power Attackers who are power attacking with other power attackers. Epic.

dsmiles
2009-11-24, 06:57 AM
Um...what?

I still think the dire chicken rules!

TerrickTerran
2009-11-24, 07:19 AM
Another Dire Tortoise fan. It's just a nasty and fun creature.

Haven
2009-11-24, 07:25 AM
Dire Giant Space Hamster. :smallbiggrin:

Spelljammer was the greatest D&D setting ever.

Hell, yes.

Although really, it's the Dire Gnomes you have to watch out for.

Bhu
2009-11-24, 10:01 PM
A large PDF is fine by me. I tend to print things out for reading though. I own a duplex printer and get things bound at Staples. It's a much more convenient for me than reading a large document on a computer screen. Three hundred pages (150 double sided) is effectively the limit for a spiral binding job. So if it's a higher page count than 300 it would end up as two documents. Which is fine by me as well. Good luck!

To give you an idea the Monster .pdf would be much bigger than my current Cat Burglar .pdf, which weighs in at 287 pages...

Ivolt
2009-11-24, 10:46 PM
Dire Badger.

Because it's such a cute raging engine of destruction.

Even when it looks like it's going to maul you for the berries in your hand, it's just so precious you want to give it a hug.

Then you die because you just hugged a dire badger, you retard.

Vizzerdrix
2009-11-24, 11:05 PM
Dire Lobsta (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/03/images/050302_lobster.jpg).


MMMMM now we just need a butter golem that's good at grappling Om nomnomnom!

Set
2009-11-25, 12:38 AM
there just isn't going to be a species of 12 foot orchid flowers with enough nectar in them to keep a species of dire bat going.

Obviously you've never heard of Dire Orchids!

Man-eating dire orchids, only safe to feed from if you happen to have a 10 ft. tongue...

Tetsubo 57
2009-11-25, 04:12 AM
To give you an idea the Monster .pdf would be much bigger than my current Cat Burglar .pdf, which weighs in at 287 pages...

Then two documents it is! :)

BobVosh
2009-11-25, 04:14 AM
Dire Koala Bear

Killer Angel
2009-11-25, 04:14 AM
I heart Dire Chicken.

The ones that infest the Dire Commoners? :smalltongue:

dsmiles
2009-11-25, 05:10 AM
The ones that infest the Dire Commoners? :smalltongue:

You mean like this?


http://i474.photobucket.com/albums/rr102/balveda/giantchicken.jpg

Killer Angel
2009-11-25, 05:36 AM
You mean like this?


http://i474.photobucket.com/albums/rr102/balveda/giantchicken.jpg


Indeed, it's impressive... even if I fear that it carry some penalty to your diplomacy rolls. :smallbiggrin:

ShadowsGrnEyes
2009-11-25, 12:22 PM
Dire Kitten. . . so much cute it causes pain. . .


also. . . Dire giraff. Giraff are awsome and i want a dire giraff mount.

Radiun
2009-11-25, 12:47 PM
A stampeding herd of Dire Bison is sure to make any party... well at least stand aside, at most level up with a well placed fireball

Killer Angel
2009-11-26, 02:25 AM
Dire turkey.
Happy thanksgiving day! :smallbiggrin:

Schylerwalker
2009-11-26, 03:20 AM
Is there a Dire Vorpal Boar?

The Razor Boar is a giant boar with vorpal tusks.

GallóglachMaxim
2009-11-26, 09:20 AM
Dire Wolverine, it climbs, burrows, eats people, could probably swim better than most and rages like a badger, what more could you want in the line of highly agressive megafauna?

Kzickas
2009-11-26, 09:32 AM
It killed a Monk and a Sorcerer outright, severely gored the paladin and gave the rogue a disease

Um.... about that..

Ecalsneerg
2009-11-26, 09:52 AM
Dire Boar

I chose a Dire Boar once for a random encounter and it absolutely messed the group up.
The description in the MM resulted in them trying to smite it


It killed a Monk and a Sorcerer outright, severely gored the paladin and gave the rogue a disease

We had a similar situation in my group. Only the rogue and fighter got downed, and I saved us. Because I was a druid riding a...

DIRE BAT!

Eldariel
2009-11-26, 11:25 AM
Um.... about that..

...shut up. That is not a mental image I need.

Guinea Anubis
2009-11-26, 11:32 AM
DireGuinea Pig

Zeta Kai
2009-11-26, 11:49 AM
It's no contest. The dire weasel (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/direWeasel.htm) is the best, hands down.

Jergmo
2009-11-26, 06:33 PM
Dire Giant Guinea Pig-Saurus Rex