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Vaynor
2010-02-13, 11:33 PM
Welcome to Iron Poet, Round Nine!

Rules

1) Only the first 16 respondants expressing a desire to compete will be the contestants. It IS a first come, first served basis.

2) The contest will consist of a number of rounds pitting 2 randomly determined authors against each other until only one contestant remains (winner).

3) Each matchup will be given a theme, picture, article, subject, or other criteria to write on, and the poem submitted must match this as much as possible. Stricter following of prompts may help you win.

4) The winner as determined by a panel of judges will advance to the next round.

5) In case of a judge or judges not posting judgments in a timely manner, Vaynor will adjudicate and determine the winner.

6) The poems will be limited to 1000 words with a 50 word minimum

7) The entries will be poems. All forms of poetry are acceptable, as long as they meet the required word lengths. If your chosen style is too short, you are free to make two of them, i.e., you may make a limerick with 48 words, then add another limerick, still following the same theme, to reach the required word length.

8) All posted deadlines will given in as much time zones as possible, as labeled.

9) No late entries will be accepted. If you don't post or fail to post by the deadline, you will be disqualified. A 15 minute grace period is allowed. You have one freebie per contest, use it wisely. This allows you to be up to half a day late (12 hours) with your poem (no more).

10) If your entry does not include the article(s) and the picture(s), you will most likely lose because of it, however this will not disqualify your poem, as poems are judged on best use of the prompts.

11) The judgments are final. What the judges decide is how it is.

12) The entries will only include content suitable for the Playground.

13) Anything not clear will be decided by me.

14) The contestants will have 1 week (roughly) from the bracket posting to get their entries posted.

15) Post your poems in spoilers. Judges: do not read poems before the round ends.

16) Feel free to edit the post with your poem in it until the round ends. After that, any additional edits will disqualify you (barring a use of your half-day extension).

THE IRON POET HALL OF FAME
1. Ravyn (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43424)
2. Rubakhin (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=54933)
3. Elvaris (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=69302)
4. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76283)
5. Truemane (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82545)
6. Devigod (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93376)
7. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=106066)
8. Devigod (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=119306)

Contestants:

1. Alarra
2. The Extinguisher
3. Rutskarn
4. The Fiery Tower
5. Kurosawa
6. Drengnikrafe
7. Szilard
8. Wadledo
9. Phoekun
10. Fifty-Eyed Fred
11. Errandir
12. AJWB
13. Belkarsbadside1
14. Puppychowguy
15. arti3
16. DreamintheDark

Judges:
1. Elvenblade
2. Devigod
3. Firebirdflying
4. Viera champion
5. Felixaar

Iron Poet IX: Round One

As always, both the words and images are there as a guide, and may be used and interpreted as you see fit, although you will be judged on your inclusion of the prompts in your poem.

AJWB vs. Drengnikrafe: Valorous (http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/049/9/e/Going_for_the_Finish_by_photigragraphy.jpg )
Errandir vs. Rutskarn: Earthen (http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/049/3/f/Girona_in_the_Summer_by_hannahkeziah.jpg )
Kurosawa vs. The Extinguisher: Aligned (http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/049/6/e/Vancouver_Bridge_by_Lash_Upon_Lash.jpg )
arti3 vs. Fifty-Eyed Fred: Unspoken (http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/049/b/f/Pyramide_by_lalogiquefloue.jpg)
Wadledo vs. Alarra: Torrid (http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs41/f/2009/053/d/3/Teen_spirit__by_Milkman_says_hi.jpg)
The Fiery Tower vs. Dreaminthedark: Up (http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs43/f/2009/113/0/5/Cool_by_Milkman_says_hi.jpg)
Belkarsbadside1 vs. Puppychowguy: Calm (http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/049/c/9/Indigo_by_zenco_kun.jpg )
Phoekun vs. Szilard: Harmonious (http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/049/0/c/Restrictions_by_salehnemari.jpg)

Deadline: February 27th, 2010, 11:59 pm (EST). If you have trouble with time zones, go here (http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html) and use any major east coast American city as a location to convert to (for example, New York City).

Alarra
2010-02-14, 02:35 AM
I would like to compete.

The Extinguisher
2010-02-14, 02:55 AM
Yay! Iron Poet!

I will be competing :smallsmile:

Rutskarn
2010-02-14, 03:27 AM
Sounds like a plan.

TFT
2010-02-14, 03:28 AM
Alright, lets do this!

Kuma
2010-02-14, 12:30 PM
I shall Compete!

Elfin
2010-02-14, 01:05 PM
I'd be very happy to try my hand as a judge.

Devigod
2010-02-14, 05:07 PM
I too shall judge this contest; considering that I've competed so often, it's time I give something back.

drengnikrafe
2010-02-14, 05:24 PM
I would like to compete.

Szilard
2010-02-14, 05:28 PM
Sure. I'm in.

wadledo
2010-02-15, 12:31 AM
I'd like to compete please.

PhoeKun
2010-02-15, 12:35 AM
Let's compete sure why not.

Fifty-Eyed Fred
2010-02-15, 07:11 AM
I'm in, and I mean it this time. :smallbiggrin:

Errandir
2010-02-15, 09:23 AM
I'd like to compete as well.

AJWB
2010-02-16, 08:57 AM
Having been on the judge's side for the past few competitions, I'd like to actually try my hand at competing this time.

FirebirdFlying
2010-02-16, 10:32 AM
May I try judging - I mean, are there qualifications or sommat necessary to do so?

Belkarsbadside1
2010-02-16, 11:18 AM
I'll try my hand at competing. Sounds fun.

Vaynor
2010-02-16, 04:41 PM
May I try judging - I mean, are there qualifications or sommat necessary to do so?

Only the willingness to do so. :smallsmile:

Just a note, we no longer need additional judges, but if we were to get 5 that would be great.

Puppychowguy
2010-02-16, 05:16 PM
I'll compete.

Viera Champion
2010-02-16, 06:22 PM
I shall also try my hand at judging. I love poetry. This will be fun.

Devigod
2010-02-17, 06:24 PM
I think this may be the fastest it's filled up that I can remember (then again, I only joined in at Iron Poet IV...)

truemane
2010-02-17, 06:25 PM
No, this is absurdly fast. We're usually a few more days and a couple of pages in by the time we have this many.

The Extinguisher
2010-02-17, 07:28 PM
No, this is absurdly fast. We're usually a few more days and a couple of pages in by the time we have this many.

Hey, this can only be good right, lots of people who are super enthusiastic about poetry.

Means no delays or people missing out, hopefully.

truemane
2010-02-17, 10:05 PM
Hey, this can only be good right, lots of people who are super enthusiastic about poetry.

Means no delays or people missing out, hopefully.

Absolutely. I was just agreeing that it's atypical. It's not the least bit bad. There's some new folks too, which is always good.

drengnikrafe
2010-02-17, 10:09 PM
I'm going to warn you all in advance: I write almost exclusively free verse. If it is not your cup-of-tea, you probably won't like anything I write.

Elfin
2010-02-17, 11:04 PM
Free verse is one of my favorite styles. :smallcool:

Belkarsbadside1
2010-02-17, 11:11 PM
So, does anyone know when Iron poet will begin officially?

PhoeKun
2010-02-17, 11:23 PM
So, does anyone know when Iron poet will begin officially?

After all the slots are filled and Vaynor gets around to assigning brackets and prompts. Then we go a week, and see which five people will have their lives ruined by cosmological events conspiring to create dropouts. :smalltongue:

I kid. Sometimes we have a clean run, which is pretty cool.

Vaynor
2010-02-17, 11:45 PM
Yeah, pretty much that.

Also, for all you newcomers or people that are going to sign up, please don't say you'll compete or judge if you don't actually plan on it. Not saying that's what people do, but it would be nice to know that everyone who signs up is fully dedicated.

I don't want another contest with something like half of the first round competitors getting by because their opponent didn't show, or where a judge decides not to judge at all.

Also, I think we need some kind of trophy for the winners (to put in their sig and such). If anyone is game to make one, that would be awesome, otherwise I can go ahead and give it a shot (with my limited skill). I'd also like trophies to hand out retroactively for past winners.

Rutskarn
2010-02-17, 11:50 PM
Dear lord, this competition's filling fast. It's almost as if we're a forum full of incredibly talented oddjobs who issue raw creativity like flatus after Broccoli Casserole Night.*

Not that you'd know that, given how long it usually takes us to get to critical mass.

*Oh yeah. Classy imagery like that, I'm going all the way this time.

truemane
2010-02-18, 12:06 AM
I'd also like trophies to hand out retroactively for past winners.

Pfft. Like any of THOSE losers are still hanging around.

Vaynor
2010-02-18, 01:02 AM
Doesn't matter anyways, I can't seem to access any contest before #7, which is unfortunate. If anyone could find links for the previous contests that would be great, I tried using both the forum search and a google site-specific search, to no avail.

I've got Alarra as winning #7, and Devigod as #8 (this one was easy to figure out, being less than a week ago).

Would the threads have expired already? That seems odd.

wadledo
2010-02-18, 01:39 AM
.....Just check your created threads.

Devigod
2010-02-18, 01:52 AM
Alarra is number IV. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76283&page=8)

Trumane is number V. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82545&page=6)

I'm number VI. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93376&page=6)

Those're all the ones that I've got. You can pretty much google 'Iron Poet X' and giantitp.com and it should show up at least a single post. From there, you can click in the top right to get the rest of the thread.

Vaynor
2010-02-18, 02:19 AM
.....Just check your created threads.

Hm, forgot I could do that. Thanks.

Here's a list of the winners then, I'll start putting them in the first post of the threads.

1. Ravyn (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43424)
2. Rubakhin (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=54933)
3. Elvaris (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=69302)
4. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76283)
5. Truemane (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82545)
6. Devigod (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93376)
7. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=106066)
8. Devigod (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=119306)

Edit: @^ Thanks, I figured it out, I tried googling individual threads but it didn't work.

Alarra
2010-02-18, 09:24 AM
I could whip up some trophies. Next week.

Vaynor
2010-02-18, 10:07 PM
Awesome, thanks.

Come on people, we had such a good start, let's fill in those last few spots!

PhoeKun
2010-02-18, 10:53 PM
Well, that's a lovely reminder that I've never managed to win one of these things. Talk about a downer.

...This time for sure! :smallcool:

Arti3
2010-02-18, 11:07 PM
I'd love to try this!

Vaynor
2010-02-18, 11:18 PM
Well, that's a lovely reminder that I've never managed to win one of these things. Talk about a downer.

...This time for sure! :smallcool:

Think of it as motivation. :smallbiggrin:

Szilard
2010-02-19, 12:23 AM
It'd be funny if I won. Not likely, but maybe I appeal to the judges' tastes more. Well, I can hope.

Rutskarn
2010-02-19, 12:46 AM
Think of it as motivation. :smallbiggrin:

I could tear off a man's arm with my nostrils. This is how motivated I am!

Also, I'm not entirely sure what that means.

Felixaar
2010-02-19, 03:18 AM
I will be a judge if you still need one, though if that's the case please PM me when there is judging to be done, because I'll forget.

Viera Champion
2010-02-19, 06:49 AM
Just to let you know people, I judge on quality an content of poems, and only add a couple bonus brownie points if you use the same style of poem I use when making my own. But the best part is... I'm not telling what that type is! Ha!:smalltongue:

Oh and we only need one more person to be a poet!

Vaynor
2010-02-19, 05:08 PM
I've got the prompts all ready to go, I decided to do them early this time so everyone could get started ASAP.

1 more poet!

Elfin
2010-02-19, 05:34 PM
Sounds great- can't wait to get started.

TFT
2010-02-19, 06:38 PM
I don't know if this is allowed, but I have a sister that may be interested in doing this(She's not really the type to have a GitP account, but she loves writing. I'll know by tonight, but if she wants to that would be O.K., right?

Rutskarn
2010-02-19, 06:41 PM
No, of course not. It is absolutely out of the question for anyone related to you to join this competition. We're trying to maintain an atmosphere of class, here.

In all seriousness, that should probably be okay, shouldn't it?

Vaynor
2010-02-19, 06:58 PM
No, of course not. It is absolutely out of the question for anyone related to you to join this competition. We're trying to maintain an atmosphere of class, here.

In all seriousness, that should probably be okay, shouldn't it?

Agreed, if we have more than one fiery tower in here all the poems will catch fire.

But, yeah, I don't even see why it's a question, to be honest. If she is able to post on these forums, she can join. There's not a limit on the number of family members that can participate. :smalltongue:

TFT
2010-02-19, 08:45 PM
Ok, she said she wanted to. I'll try to get her to make an account, but if not I'll let her post with mine.

Vaynor
2010-02-19, 08:50 PM
Ok, what name should I put her down as?

PhoeKun
2010-02-19, 08:53 PM
But, yeah, I don't even see why it's a question, to be honest. If she is able to post on these forums, she can join. There's not a limit on the number of family members that can participate. :smalltongue:

There will be, when Iron Poet XI turns out to be a contest between 16 brothers and sisters, judged by their parents.

You will rue this decision, Vaynor. We're down the slippery slope؟

Vaynor
2010-02-19, 09:00 PM
There will be, when Iron Poet XI turns out to be a contest between 16 brothers and sisters, judged by their parents.

You will rue this decision, Vaynor. We're down the slippery slope؟

Sounds like reality T.V. to me. :smallcool:

I should go to a network and sell the idea, I'd make millions.

TFT
2010-02-19, 09:08 PM
And to think I started it all... :smallcool:

Ok, she made an account, named DreamintheDark. Use that.

Vaynor
2010-02-19, 09:15 PM
Awesome, we're ready to go then.

I'll edit this post momentarily with the first round.

Iron Poet IX: Round One

As always, both the words and images are there as a guide, and may be used and interpreted as you see fit, although you will be judged on your inclusion of the prompts in your poem.

AJWB vs. Drengnikrafe: Valorous (http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/049/9/e/Going_for_the_Finish_by_photigragraphy.jpg )
Errandir vs. Rutskarn: Earthen (http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/049/3/f/Girona_in_the_Summer_by_hannahkeziah.jpg )
Kurosawa vs. The Extinguisher: Aligned (http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/049/6/e/Vancouver_Bridge_by_Lash_Upon_Lash.jpg )
arti3 vs. Fifty-Eyed Fred: Unspoken (http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/049/b/f/Pyramide_by_lalogiquefloue.jpg)
Wadledo vs. Alarra: Torrid (http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs41/f/2009/053/d/3/Teen_spirit__by_Milkman_says_hi.jpg)
The Fiery Tower vs. Dreaminthedark: Up (http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs43/f/2009/113/0/5/Cool_by_Milkman_says_hi.jpg)
Belkarsbadside1 vs. Puppychowguy: Calm (http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/049/c/9/Indigo_by_zenco_kun.jpg )
Phoekun vs. Szilard: Harmonious (http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/049/0/c/Restrictions_by_salehnemari.jpg)

Deadline: February 27th, 2010, 11:59 pm (EST). If you have trouble with time zones, go here (http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html) and use any major east coast American city as a location to convert to (for example, New York City).

I made the prompts fairly easy this time, the pictures and the word sync fairly well so it shouldn't be too difficult of a first round.

Also, I swear that I generated these randomly and did not purposefully match up The Fiery Tower and DreamintheDark. :smalleek:

wadledo
2010-02-20, 12:13 AM
Sheesh, shoot me out of a cannon while you're at it why don't ya.
Setting me up against Alarra first round.:smalleek:

Devigod
2010-02-20, 12:15 AM
For what it's worth, Wadledo, you've beaten me before. :smallwink:

TFT
2010-02-20, 12:30 AM
Well, at least you're not going to probably be shown up by your younger sister. Just sayin'

On a related note: I'm almost done writing :smallbiggrin:

drengnikrafe
2010-02-20, 12:36 AM
Now that I see my prompt (nice prompt, by the way. Very open), I am struck with fear and my writing hand has frozen.

EDIT: I got a spark of genius, and have written a very rough draft.

PhoeKun
2010-02-20, 12:37 AM
On a related note: I'm almost done writing :smallbiggrin:

No you aren't. You have a week. Use the week.

Zeb The Troll
2010-02-20, 01:31 AM
No you aren't. You have a week. Use the week.Also, since there are some new contenders this time 'round, poets, when you submit your final pieces, please place them in spoilers, like this...

Poem!

Poem!

Thanks! And good luck to everyone!

The Extinguisher
2010-02-20, 02:34 AM
I am both confused and intrigued by my prompt. Should be something really interesting.



I hope. :smallbiggrin:

Vaynor
2010-02-20, 02:39 AM
I am both confused and intrigued by my prompt. Should be something really interesting.

Oh, I guess I only thought it was obvious because I read the image title. It's a bridge.

The Extinguisher
2010-02-20, 02:52 AM
Oh, I guess I only thought it was obvious because I read the image title. It's a bridge.

I was referring more to the word prompt also I guess I just wanted to have something to say.

Ignore me!

AJWB
2010-02-20, 10:00 AM
Good luck, drengnikrafe. May our competition be...VALOROUS!

You know, cause "Valorous" is our prompt.

Ok, I'll be back with a poem. Good luck, everyone!

Viera Champion
2010-02-20, 10:42 AM
Good luck to you all. May your poem be thought good in my eyes. I feel special and empowered as a judge. ^_^ Then again, everything makes me feel special and empowered.

Puppychowguy
2010-02-21, 02:07 AM
Good luck to everyone! Have some fun with it.

Viera Champion
2010-02-21, 07:20 AM
Ooo I'm gonna make a poem about this thread... Hey just beacause I'm not a competitor!...

Szilard
2010-02-21, 10:06 AM
Okay, so I get to go against PhoeKun, and we also have different poem writing philosophies, because I believe a poem should just be written very quickly once, otherwise, where's the river of emotion and all that? Of course, then I'd look at it a week later and see how crappy it is, so I guess I should use all week. I have no idea why I posted this, other than to say PhoeKun will pwn me. Eh, it'll be fun trying.:smallcool:

truemane
2010-02-21, 10:15 AM
Okay, so I get to go against PhoeKun, and we also have different poem writing philosophies, because I believe a poem should just be written very quickly once, otherwise, where's the river of emotion and all that? Of course, then I'd look at it a week later and see how crappy it is, so I guess I should use all week. I have no idea why I posted this, other than to say PhoeKun will pwn me. Eh, it'll be fun trying.:smallcool:

I'll quote the immortal Stephen King who says that you write a first draft with your door closed and your re-writes with your door opened. Because the first draft is just for you. The final draft is for everyone else.

You SHOULD write a poem only once, quickly, without thinking too much about it or stressing over it. And if all you want is a notebook filled with poems that you can show your friends when you're drunk, that's all you need. I have dozens and dozens and dozens of such poems. Poems that no one but me or my wife will ever read. Because they're not FOR anyone else. They're just for me.

But if you want your piece to effectively communicate an idea or experience to anyone who's not you, then you need to rework it and rewrite it and polish it and tighen it up so that it's saying things to everyone else the same way it's saying things to you.

Elfin
2010-02-21, 02:11 PM
Well said, as always.

drengnikrafe
2010-02-21, 02:29 PM
With words as graceful as those, Truemane... I know I'm bound to eventually lose. My wordweaving skills are far below yours.

PhoeKun
2010-02-21, 02:37 PM
With words as graceful as those, Truemane... I know I'm bound to eventually lose. My wordweaving skills are far below yours.

true's a wiser person than most of us, but I note with some sadness that his mind and skills are not a factor in this competition, for he is not competing. Quelle horreur.

We'll all do our best, I'm sure. The rest is up to the whims of the judges, who I am sure will not be swayed by star power. This leaves you with the simple task of writing the greatest poem ever, each and every round. Simple, no? :smalltongue:

Viera Champion
2010-02-21, 04:48 PM
I hope none of you mind if I give you my own little poem about this competition itself, and to kick off the fun.

Iron Poet
The challenge of words has thus begun
So come hither and join the fun
Sixteen come to win the prize
Their masterpieces judged by five

Returning champions come too
Allara and Truemane are two
They come to battle the fresh meat
With rhymes and tales that can't be beat

What is this tournament you say?
You've never heard of it? No way!
This competition of rhyme and verse
Is known throughout the universe

Thousands marvel at its name
It's Iron Poet, not a game
Alas, I must depart from you
So that the poems may debut

Fifty-Eyed Fred
2010-02-22, 04:46 PM
At last, I have my idea. I love it when that happens. :smallcool:

Edit: and now that I've written it, I feel much better for it. :smallbiggrin:

As an aside, I really wish we had a smiley for doffing one's hat... a man can dream...

The Extinguisher
2010-02-22, 08:13 PM
At last, I have my idea. I love it when that happens. :smallcool:

Bah, you don't need ideas to do poetry. Look at me. I've wrote every poem for this contest the night before. (okay, this is a lie)

I had an idea for my poem, and then I lost it, and then I had another one, and I lost that. :smallfrown: hopefully one will come again soon.

Szilard
2010-02-22, 08:35 PM
I had an idea and it evolved into what is now my new idea, which I wrote on a peice of scratch paper. I shall look at it later and then criticize myself for poor writing. Hopefully it'll be semi-enjoyable.

AJWB
2010-02-23, 11:47 AM
I'll quote the immortal Stephen King who says that you write a first draft with your door closed and your re-writes with your door opened. Because the first draft is just for you. The final draft is for everyone else.

QFT. Every writer could learn a thing or two from King's writing ethic.

On a side note, I'm finding poetry to be remarkably more difficult to write than prose. From a judging perspective, you guys always had my respect because you're all great poets, but being here in the trenches I find myself a bit overwhelmed by the caliber that you all seem to consistently write at.

Kuma
2010-02-23, 06:09 PM
my signature will give you a hint of what mines about...
heheheh

but seriously, I'm dying with suspense, i almost want the deadline to be today.
:smalleek: wait a sec, forget i said that...

drengnikrafe
2010-02-24, 12:11 AM
Destiny picked a really awful week for me to have an emotional breakdown. I'm still going to participate, of course, but I may not reconfigure the thing I have written again (3rd draft).

Errandir
2010-02-24, 06:50 PM
Bad week for me too. I was away last weekend and didn't find the prompt until Monday... now I have about 300 pages of Moby-**** left to read before tomorrow (speaking of which, why the hell am I here?), and I'll be away at a competition all day Saturday. :smallannoyed:

I'll get something written, but I'm afraid it won't be great quality, or very polished - and both of those are what I would need to compete against Rutskarn.

Arti3
2010-02-24, 06:56 PM
I'm pretty much done, finishing touches being added :)

DreamintheDark
2010-02-24, 06:58 PM
Can I submit my poem today? I'll probably forget tomorrow.....

Devigod
2010-02-24, 06:59 PM
You can always submit early, and also edit your piece at any time, so long as the dead line hasn't passed. Once the deadline hits, you want to have your final draft up.

Vaynor
2010-02-24, 07:05 PM
Oh, yes, definitely submit it early. I'd advise it, actually. You can always edit your post afterwards, judges shouldn't be reading them before the contest ends anyways (and they should all be in spoilers). Keep in mind if the post your poem is contained in is edited after the end of this round, it will be disqualified (unless you use your half-day extension).

Edit: Rules altered in accordance with the statements above.

DreamintheDark
2010-02-24, 07:09 PM
Alrighty. Thank you for answering.
Here's my poem, I guess...
I hope this fits the prompt I recieved. =)
Also, you get to see how differently my brother's and my writing styles are.


On the outside,
A smile appears.
No one looks,
Into the dark eyes;
She holds so dear.
No one gives;
Love fades away,
And floats up.
Never to be seen once
Again times pass, as
She tries to fly;
The wretched wings;
Hold her back,
Keep her from all
Things seem to fade,
To melt away;
Her dreams;
Stay still,
Never moving forward;
Only floating up.


A note on the poem.
Read the nonpunctuated parts like you would read a sentence, Like the 9th and 10th lines. You'll see if you do.

Viera Champion
2010-02-24, 07:11 PM
Gah! This isn't fair! I want to read that poem so bad! But I'm not allowed to till the deadline cuz I'm judging. >_>

Vaynor
2010-02-24, 07:15 PM
Gah! This isn't fair! I want to read that poem so bad! But I'm not allowed to till the deadline cuz I'm judging. >_>

I wouldn't mind it if the poets weren't able to edit them. I don't want a competitor to post a poem, have a judge read it, drastically revise the poem when the judge has already made a conclusion on the poem. It wouldn't really be fair to the poets.

This has been more of an unspoken rule in the past, but I'm stating it now for clarification as far as the actual rules go. Obviously I can't stop you from reading the poems ahead of time, but if you do decide to read them please remember to read the poems just as thoroughly and carefully as you did the first time upon the second read.

TFT
2010-02-24, 08:37 PM
Alright, I'm copying my sisters strategy of posting early. Here goes the (probable) final draft.


I sit here anxious, tuning out noise, gripped by fear,
But I知 also prepared. I値l make the fear cease.
In space, a vast darkness, there I値l peer.
At starry sky痴 beauty, I値l know peace.
A death defying trip, I begin,
To where few have been.
I値l make physics bow,
Its laws shout.
Right about
Now.

A note about the poem
I interpreted the picture as "peace" more than the picture itself. That's why it doesn't exactly follow the prompt. Hopefully that doesn't knock me down a peg

drengnikrafe
2010-02-25, 01:41 AM
Here goes nothing...


The Darkened Wanderer

A wanderer strikes out alone
into the dark and looming forest
wrought with fear in each step
scarcely able to take another.

Progress impeded by each haunting limb
as they grasp and grapple his body and soul.
Chilled to his bones, he seeks escape,
but not with the enviroment; within himself.

He plunges under the reach of his arborous foes
into a crystilline and pure pool
and begins his escape of this tainted place.

Still struke by freight, the pool ends
only inches after it began
trapping him once more in the clutches of his dark enemies.

Then a song sings out upon the wind
that fills his ears, his mind, his heart.
Resounding courage fills the air
and a watery path opens all the way to his egression
A narrow avenue that guides him all the way to freedom.


A note about the poem...
I don't know whether or not I'm a real poet. I write what's within my heart, and I have a somewhat difficult time capturing "Valor" when I still have the resounding "Fear" that manifests itself as the forest. My versitility is weak. I'm sorry if it's not good enough.

Rutskarn
2010-02-25, 01:32 PM
Okay, guys, I lost my progress when my computer tanked--it was a good poem, too, so I'm pretty pissed about it. Oh, well, I'll try to rewrite it today.

Arti3
2010-02-25, 11:13 PM
Valorous Battle at the Library of the Monks of the Golden Lady
Prompt: Unspoken

Long hours studying,
The temperature rising
Not unlike the
Approaching zenith.

The Golden Lady
Who gives these monks
Their power.
It is almost time.

Two acolytes,
Young hopefuls,
Stand facing each other.
Each emotion is hidden.

And yet these
Unspoken words ring
Like a hammer
On an anvil.

Each grips their desk
And dips
Their brush in the
Liquid color.

The ancient mechanisms
Start turning and the grand
Clock marking the hours
Strikes noon.

BWONG.
The sifu nods
Almost imperceptible to anyone else
The two challengers
Put brush to parchment.
BWONG.
Strokes scream as
The brushes run rampant.
Wars rise, and peace
Flourishes on these pages.
BWONG.
Spectators gather,
As the seconds fly by.
In awe they gaze
And eyes full of rapture.
BWONG.
Ink stains both.
Face, robe, and
Puddles around the
Sandals of these two gladiators.
BWONG.
Sweat gathers on brows,
Relief costs valuable time.
The eyes of the sifu shift
Constantly, as blurry as the strokes.
BWONG.
Halfway there,
But still half to go,
It could go either way.
Odds fly, much like the ink.
BWONG.
On ones, the waves,
The fires and forests.
Airs and currents.
Metal, life and death.
BWONG.
The others wields emotion,
Love, hate,
Sorrow, jubilation,
Revenge and forgiveness.
BWONG.
A universal drawn breath-
This is where the magic happens.
The pads are now glowing,
Brilliant sunlight.
BWONG.
Those around the first feel
Icy winds and water,
Hot iron and fire.
Some feel life, and others, death.
BWONG.
And the other has colors:
The oranges of passion,
Blues of melancholy,
And the greens of cheer.
BWONG.
The brushes fall,
No possible way to continue.
The pieces are done
And a winner must be chosen.

All around the first,
Monks wear icicles
And singed cloth,
Some are cured of their ailments.

The other, a carnival
Of the emotional kind.
Three brothers crying, two fighting,
And one has both joy and revenge.

Some monks groan
And get their gold out.
Others are smiling,
Happy at their venture.

The Master of the Temple,
The Monastery of the Sun,
Closes his eyes,
And remembers battles past.

Nodding again, the sifu rolls the scrolls
Putting them on a shelf.
The sunlight shines brighter
On one of the two.

All can see,
The unspoken winner,
Clear champion,
Of the Shining Goddess.

The Extinguisher
2010-02-25, 11:51 PM
Okay, poem time!
Just in case I can't post it tomorrow or Saturday.

Prompt: Aligned

Prison Bars

seven cars
have passed so far
zero cars
have stopped to help
the midafternoon sun casting shadows from the cables
form a prison on the concrete
keeping me from escape

another car drives passed
not even banging on the bars of my cells
just walking by
dead man standing

I watch the sun move across the sky
I watch the prison bars bend and break
It's my time.
Am I afraid to hit the water?
Afraid to disappear, like the walls of my cell? To be free?

The sun sets,
the day is over.
tomorrow my prison walls will be restored
maybe i will be free from them tomorrow?

Fifty-Eyed Fred
2010-02-26, 01:53 PM
The time is right, I think, to post mine. Yay! :smallcool:

Prompt: Unspoken

We speak, yet words cannot take root,
As empty sound rebounds, like balls
That ricochet off barren walls
And make no mark upon the paint,
But once our hands of soft clay yield,
And touch, and mould together so
As to make two halves one great flow
Of body, and beyond that, soul,
Can we at last spread roots throughout
The fertile soil of our true selves
And find at last those secret shelves
Filled with the tomes that chronicle
Our lives, the writing of the soul,
Beneath the cover of those words
We shot about in bullet herds
Which never reached their targets, for
The story of the soul entrenched
Deep underground, beneath the skin,
The poetry of our lives within,
Shall always go unspoken.


A note from me:
This poem should speak for itself really. I had a nice time writing it, so I hope you've had a nice time reading it. :smallsmile:

Puppychowguy
2010-02-26, 03:24 PM
Here I go...

The Midnight Traveller
With flame-thrower lips
Whispers to the moon the secrets of the night
Panoramic views of creatures of the night
Shooting up in alleyways, every single night

The Midnight Traveller
in a copacetic daze
Wanders close to the streetlights, fighting off the
glare
A thousand worn out seasons
Stretched across a thousand everywheres

The Midnight Traveller
Along with the illegal street racer
Stretching across the city blocks
Counted up like the years of our past
Smudging up the black tar faces
City face up off the ground

Listen to me, Midnight Traveller
Don't ever fall from graces
Trace the face of glory on your beaten cheeks
Like beaten eggs looking for the stomach of beaten children
Looking for the Midnight Traveller

Forgotten Midnight Traveller!
Retrace your steps back to the house of God

Abandoned Midnight Traveller!
Elope with winter and become a new man

Emotionally unstable Midnight Traveller!
Undesign those pits of hell
Alcohol inferno as a child's show and tell

Maverick Midnight Traveller!
HIGHTAIL IT OUT OF HERE
This world of child-beating, embezzling, gay-bashing, womanizing, bruise-wearing, moral-preaching people just ain't ready for you yet
We can't hold hands in school
We can't represent minorities
And we can't say 'I love you' without a pre-nup
So I guess I'll say it's too late for back-tracking now

Speak with God, Midnight Traveller, and knock the sun off it's perch
Because civil war will soon not seem so civil
Dirt roads are becoming paved with ambulances
Men are trapped, down on their knees, bending backwards with arms held out as if showing off lengths of injustice
Screaming to the Heavens so maybe they'll be heard
The words only the Midnight Traveller cares to hear
"Jesus Christ, if you don't come back, neither will we"

And when the nuclear world spirals itself into an upheaval of an explosion, the only matching crescendo will be floating around, with the Midnight Traveller
Next to his broken down Volkswagon
Salvation in the alleyway

Vaynor
2010-02-26, 04:52 PM
A note (cause all the cool kids are doing it):
Hi. I think poems should stand on their own merits and not need a note to explain them, so I'm just going to take this note as an opportunity to thank you for reading my poem and hope that you like it. Here, have a hug. *hugs*

I agree wholeheartedly. While, again, I can't stop you from doing so, nor am I going to make a rule against it, I encourage judges not to read any notes that competitors write to explain their poem, the poem should be comprehendible on its own. Also, never include a note or comment made by the competitor when judging the poem, please judge only the poem itself.

I have nothing against the notes, however they should not be necessary to explain your poem.

Szilard
2010-02-26, 06:46 PM
I guess if I did what I was gonna do and say "I'm too cool for a note," it would just seem redundant after those last two posts.

Anyway, here's my poem. I think my prompt was harmony or something.

A boy walks by
A fence to his side
He sticks out his hand
Making sounds
Along the fence.

ca-chink-a-rattle
ca-chink-a-click
rattle-a-chink-a
clink-a-chink

A bird on the fence
In the early morning
Feels like singing
Cheering up the boy's day

chirpity-tweet-tweet
tweet-chirpity-tweet

Wind goes where it feels
Only the world's soul in it's way
Blowing this way then that

woosh
whish

Blowing over a fence post
Hollow and metallic,
Producing a perfect tone

whish
a-chink-a
tweety-chirp
cha-chink
a toot
whoosh
chink
toot
whish
chirp

A symphony of sound
Melodies of nature
Harmonies too
Working as one
Nature the conductor

whoosh-a-chink-a-rattle-ca-chink-a-chirp


Eh, I'm still too cool for a note.:smallcool:

TFT
2010-02-27, 12:10 AM
I agree wholeheartedly. While, again, I can't stop you from doing so, nor am I going to make a rule against it, I encourage judges not to read any notes that competitors write to explain their poem, the poem should be comprehendible on its own. Also, never include a note or comment made by the competitor when judging the poem, please judge only the poem itself.

I have nothing against the notes, however they should not be necessary to explain your poem.

I understand where you are coming from, but I think I'll explain my purpose in having a note(Hopefully it doesn't sound like an excuse):

It comes from the fact that we are using picture prompts. They say a picture is worth a thousand words... and if you use one of the more off ones, it may be hard to understand. The poem, by itself, would make sense(if that is what you are getting at), but fitting it in with the prompt might be more difficult. Since the use of the prompt is a very important part of this, I believed that how it fits in should in part be explained.

Vaynor
2010-02-27, 12:17 AM
They say a picture is worth a thousand words... and if you use one of the more off ones, it may be hard to understand.


Rules

6) The poems will be limited to 1000 words with a 50 word minimum.

Perfect!

What I'm saying is, if your poem is well written there should be no need for an explanation (at least when judging whether or not the poem follows the prompt). This should be apparent in the poem itself. Feel free to leave a note, I'm just reminding judges that it should not be considered in the judging process.

PhoeKun
2010-02-27, 01:01 AM
Prompt: Harmonious

Avalon

The wind is a snow white whip that lashes my cheeks
until they are red and raw and cracking.

Tears turn sharp and frozen in my eyes and glisten
in the wide eyed stare of headlights.

I push against the car and feel my feet slide helplessly
to the tune of softly crunching crystals.

My hand grows jealous of its black gloved companion
and turns white to balance things out.

I have to stop. The steam from my breath is not enough
to return feeling to my icicle fingers.

I am trapped and waiting for rescue. I lash out with my boot
against the uncaring snowdrift.

This winter called Mordred howls with laughter and the triumph
of his black hearted ice. But he shall not have me.

Pulled free by a passing hero, I am led home and away from his
vile clutches. Home to my palace.

My perfect tiny castle with its sagging chain link parapets
and its dark stained oaken door.

I stumble inside and I bathe in the soft glow of heated quartz.
The dim orange light agrees with my withered hand.

The heat brings back feeling and the feeling brings back pain,
but my lips form a smile anyway.

A deep breath and a soft sigh tell the room how I am feeling.
There is little here to look at, but here I am Queen.

My crown is a fluffy white pillow. My eyes drift shut in paradise,
and I begin to hear a lilting birdsong.

I can see it perching on a post, announcing the return of green.
As it flies away the ground below explodes with color.

Flower petals become a blanket, and everything is warm and alive.
The sun kisses my face and reminds me to open my eyes again.

Outside I can see the snow again. But here inside my heaven, it
simply smiles at me.

We understand each other perfectly.

PhoeKun
2010-02-27, 01:10 AM
I understand where you are coming from, but I think I'll explain my purpose in having a note(Hopefully it doesn't sound like an excuse):

It comes from the fact that we are using picture prompts. They say a picture is worth a thousand words... and if you use one of the more off ones, it may be hard to understand. The poem, by itself, would make sense(if that is what you are getting at), but fitting it in with the prompt might be more difficult. Since the use of the prompt is a very important part of this, I believed that how it fits in should in part be explained.

Double posting to keep my submission post clean.

Vaynor's pretty much on the money with his reply - working the prompts, both text and image, into the poem while keeping the whole thing cohesive and understandable is a part of the challenge. It's your job as the poet to convey those prompts in such a way that someone should be able to see what it was you were going for without another peep from you.

There's no real harm in explaining yourself, but here's basically how that sort of thing plays out:

"So, I wasn't quite sure what the image had to do with this..."

"Oh, well I used it here and here with this and that line, doing blah blah blah..."

"Oh, I see! I see... but... you should probably rewrite that bit so it's clearer."

See, you won't always be there to explain things. That's why it's always better if your poem can explain itself. Take comfort in the fact that a lot of judges tend to be a little more lenient with what they perceive to be a very difficult prompt to work with, and just trust them to "get" it.

edit: besides which, we here at Iron Poet have been playing fast and loose with the prompts for years. And... oh god, has it really been years? I'm old. :smallfrown:

Fifty-Eyed Fred
2010-02-27, 04:57 AM
Poems should indeed explain themselves; I said as much in the note I did give. As a reader, I don't like the meaning of poetry to be obscured unless it is deliberately so; something, incidentally, which I think would entail suicide in this competition...

Kuma
2010-02-27, 08:35 AM
as a quick note, i decided that my previous idea had too much cosmic horror, too little prompt, i hope no ones dissapointed.

Prompt: Aligned
Title: Bridges

Iron cords surround me, confining me within
Locking me inside a world I have no business in
A waist high railing bars my way, telling me 電on稚 go.
But as I set this bridge on fire my life must be laid low

How many people out there, have bridges of their own
Then in one blaze of glory their world is suddenly gone?
And how many out there living, in constant fear and pain
But enduring all the while, their bridges still remain?

The smoke from burning bridges, it fills the world today
A choking smog we can稚 ignore, clear out, or wall away.
It makes a noose around our necks, slowly strangling us to death
Until the day our bridges burn, and we too fall to death

Amidst the smell of burning bridge our tilted spaceship flies
Orbiting an eternal, lighted, match of blasphemous size
One day far in the future the stars will align in space
Setting our world on fire, death to the human race!

Vaynor
2010-02-27, 03:56 PM
Last day, everyone, get those poems in!

I will send a PM momentarily to those who have not yet turned in a poem.

AJWB
2010-02-27, 04:38 PM
Prompt: Valorous

Lum the Swimmer

There once was a swimmer named Lum
Who everyone thought was quite dumb
The butt of all jokes
And receiver of pokes
He waited for his time to come

But soon a new race began
He would swim as fast as he can
Men of the sea
They knew speed was the key
To reach the promised land

But soon the waters got tricky
In fact they were downright icky
Try as they might
They put up a fight
But the race seemed to be a bit sticky

Faster and faster he raced
And his rivals did all give him chase
Determined and willing
His resolve was quite chilling
He set a yet faster pace

The finish he quickly did see
He crossed it with unmatched glee
He tunneled right in
And sat back with a grin
He was the happiest sperm he could be!


Note:
Decided to go a different route with the whole swimming thing. How did I get this idea? Eh, it just came to me :smallamused:

truemane
2010-02-27, 06:14 PM
That's 13 of 16 already. Not too shabby all the way 'round.

If anyone's reading this and happens to be in a position where they know they won't be able to submit something, if you wanted to post as such sometime soon, I'll volunteer to take up the mantle and produce an entry.

To avoid a bye-round if for no other reason.

Errandir
2010-02-27, 06:46 PM
It's been a ridiculous week. But hey, I still have five hours to write something...

*finds a pencil and paper and locks himself up in a dark room*

Koury
2010-02-27, 06:50 PM
Assuming there is no problem with me doing so, I have organized all the poems into one post and plan on posting it. I'm not posting it yet, as the deadline hasn't passed, but I think it will keep it organized.

Obviously, all formatting and everything has been preserved. I made sure of it.

DreamintheDark
2010-02-27, 08:28 PM
I would just like to say, because of the whole note debocle, that mine is not because of the prompt, but the way you read it. I bet this isn't needed, but I just wanted to say it.

Belkarsbadside1
2010-02-27, 10:39 PM
FINALLY DONE!!
my picture was Calm


PEACE OF MIND
The pebbles ****ter clatter beneath my feet
a metronome for the rhythm of the street.
The sirens trill and the traffic roars
the song of the city in constant war.
My mind in anguish which attempted to reflect:
on life, and what matters, but not on regret,
I find no peace here, my thoughts run amok,
I would leave here, but my soul, it is stuck,
in work, In life, in boring routine;
in drama, in doubts, in chaos, and bad dreams.
My mind wants to leave but my body says stay
It's caught in a rut of thing I do every day
that ruins what shred of self worth I have left
until I think I should just off myself.
But then I remember and look to the sky
of the things I will do before I will die.
So today is my last day I will walk down these streets
And I'll move away to where I can find some peace
My life will be different once I leave this city sprawl
My addiction will be gone once and for all.
I will focus on life, on health, and on deeds,
I will travel afar to and give my life meaning.
Goodbye city street and you cars and your screech
But for once in my life I will find some peace.


Note
vote for me and you'll be my BFFL

What?! they don't allow that word? It's onomonopeia!!! here, for those of you who can't figure the word out it's C_L_I_T_T_E_R Clatter. I was using alliteration and onomonopeia, not any naughty words

V: yes

Arti3
2010-02-27, 10:52 PM
I think you used a 'naughty' word in your poem (first line)
Did it rhyme with 'glitter'?

wadledo
2010-02-27, 11:45 PM
City Park

Prompt: Torrid
The picture, if I may point out, had nothing to do with the word torrid, as she seemed neither particularly hot nor passionate.burning concrete and endless wastes
the is oppressive, pickings slim
few walk on any paths,
and I can't blame them

this place has gotten old,
decayed
like me, though it still
has a grace I never had

with my old, dusty eyes
and hard, stringy feet
I am, nor never was
a beauty

I take one last jog around
searching for that old couple,
the youngsters who drop their snacks
before returning to my perch,

I've sat here longer than I can remember,
my whole life it seems
what a life
what a day.

******************

"What a day."
My mother says,
as she watches over me
from her chair

her pendant swinging freely,
like a beacon,
and I go to play in the sand
knowing it is there, and she is as well

the sand runs through my finders like water,
and the deeper I dig the cooler it gets
like some miracle of cold
where just a few scoops away

ice is, lying just beyond reach
like ice cream,
and mothers and sons
who go there after they play

"Don't dig so deep."
my mother says,
and I stop,
my hands stuck in the sand.

**********

Worry is all I can do
like boulders and splinters
upon my shoulders
setting in with each day

Fear and turmoil are
better friends than
the baying of the hounds
or bill collectors,

Dreams of escape are fleeting,
and cruel
This summer weather like a
knife in my chest

Hotter than thought
or unpleasant emotion
which is see whenever I
raise my eyes from the concrete

And look in the sand
paths in dreams and glossimer
like my own
days and years past.

Viera Champion
2010-02-28, 11:24 AM
@^ I really think you should delete that. Firstly, i don't even understand why you did that. You aren't even part of this competition.

But that's not the point. The point is, that until Vaynor says the that this round is over, they can still edit their poems. And if they edit it you might not edit the poem on that list to correspond with their edits. And then if someone looks at the poem on there, it will be different, and will inherently affect the outcome of the judging. So if you don't mind, please delete that and repost it when the round is over.

PhoeKun
2010-02-28, 11:32 AM
@^ I really think you should delete that. Firstly, i don't even understand why you did that. You aren't even part of this competition.

But that's not the point. The point is, that until Vaynor says the that this round is over, they can still edit their poems. And if they edit it you might not edit the poem on that list to correspond with their edits. And then if someone looks at the poem on there, it will be different, and will inherently affect the outcome of the judging. So if you don't mind, please delete that and repost it when the round is over.

The round is over. Anyone who edits their poems between now and the next 15-ish minutes is either going to be disqualified, or should feel silly for wasting their 12 hour extension (I'm not exactly sure which would happen, it's fairly unprecedented).

Although, in contests past where some fellow named Amotis used to compile entries, he simply made a post that linked to all of the poets' entries. Which was awesome. Trust me, as a judge, it's awfully convenient to have all the little buggers gathered in one place.

Errandir
2010-02-28, 11:46 AM
Looks like I'm going to have to use my half-day extension. Sorry for the delay - I didn't want to hold things up in the first round, but it's been a busy week.

Earthen
Blocks and Sand

Rows of coloured children's blocks
Line the distance, strewn like die
Smaller than the nearby rocks -
Yet distance fools, for drawing nigh
A city forms in streets and docks
And bridges curved against the sky.

In the sunlight, buildings all
Shine in gaudy, bright array
Linens, hung from wall to wall,
Flap like tongues, and seem to say
"Traveler, see our heads held tall,
We who stand above the clay!"

Naught else stirs on roof or street
No swift horse, no peddler's cart,
Nor resounds the tap of feet
From the stones, all cracked apart;
Silence only, and the beat
Of the earth's great noiseless heart.

Dust, that now for years has lain
Undisturbed by human hand
Coats, on every slope and plane,
Buildings bowed, that mutely stand
Waiting for the wind and rain
To grind their dry bricks into sand.

And the city, no less bright,
Skeletal, stands bleached and bare,
And from far the buildings, white,
Still seem blocks, but somewhere there
Tattered cloth-strips, out of sight
Whisper to the heedless air.

truemane
2010-02-28, 11:49 AM
Oh. My. God.

Is that? Is it? Can it be? Is it?

A FULL 1ST ROUND???

I don't think there's ever been one of those. Not a full 16-participant round anyway. How wonderfully amazingly sweet.

Belkarsbadside1
2010-02-28, 11:52 AM
I shall summon the angelic choir for you
or demonic pseudo-latin chanting one if you would prefer that one.
either ones ok with me

Szilard
2010-02-28, 12:09 PM
Both. At the same time.

truemane
2010-02-28, 12:51 PM
Seriously. Why choose?

Koury
2010-02-28, 02:46 PM
@^ I really think you should delete that. Firstly, i don't even understand why you did that. You aren't even part of this competition.

But that's not the point. The point is, that until Vaynor says the that this round is over, they can still edit their poems. And if they edit it you might not edit the poem on that list to correspond with their edits. And then if someone looks at the poem on there, it will be different, and will inherently affect the outcome of the judging. So if you don't mind, please delete that and repost it when the round is over.

Wow, harsh much?

As was pointed out, the round was, in fact, over when I posted that. Please double check facts before making accusations.

Also, because I am not a contestant or a judge I am not allowed to try and help? I'm sorry that I made an attempt to make things easier for others. I am also sorry that that seemed to confuse you. I did post my intentions a while before doing it, asking if there was a problem.

If Vaynor or any single one of the poets wishes, I will gladly remove the post. The intention was to organize and simplify for the judges. All formatting was meticulously preserved.

Arti3
2010-02-28, 02:57 PM
The point he was trying to make ( i think) was that we all still have our half-day extension, and should we use it to edit out poem, you may not have edited your ppost accordingly. If the judges looked solely at your post, after one of us had edited, they verdict may be completely different.

Koury
2010-02-28, 03:06 PM
Half-day is over though and no one edited. The missing poem was submitted, but nothing else.

So again, I'm failing to see how it can affect judging.

I understand the fear, mind you, but none of it applies to the situation. Yes, someone could have used their half-day to edit. No one did, so that is irrelavent. Hell, I've even not added that other poem to avoid editd in my post, so there is no worry about me changing somethng for someone. (Though I really do want to add it in).

Like I said, if Vaynor or any single poet wishes, I will delete it, no problems.

Vaynor
2010-02-28, 03:09 PM
The point he was trying to make ( i think) was that we all still have our half-day extension, and should we use it to edit out poem, you may not have edited your ppost accordingly. If the judges looked solely at your post, after one of us had edited, they verdict may be completely different.

Yes, this. While I appreciate the effort, I don't want anyone to lose because of your post. I think the judges can handle looking at individual posts. :smallsmile:

I get that it's probably not a problem at all, but I'd prefer that nothing went wrong and this has the potential to do so, whereas having each poet with their own post for their poem does not.

Viera Champion
2010-02-28, 06:25 PM
I believe I am correct in saying, that I am now allowed to render judgement?

PhoeKun
2010-02-28, 06:27 PM
You are! Hope you have fun. ^_^

The Extinguisher
2010-02-28, 07:04 PM
Yes, this. While I appreciate the effort, I don't want anyone to lose because of your post. I think the judges can handle looking at individual posts. :smallsmile:

I get that it's probably not a problem at all, but I'd prefer that nothing went wrong and this has the potential to do so, whereas having each poet with their own post for their poem does not.

I think if you were to do that, linking to the post in question is probably the better idea, rather then copy/pasting the poem.

Szilard
2010-02-28, 07:30 PM
Yeah, I thought keeping it in one place is a good idea as soon as I saw the post, but linking would give less of a chance for error, so if you do put all the poems in one post, try linking rather than copying. I know everyone else already said stuff like this, but it doesn't hurt for me to chime in.

Viera Champion
2010-02-28, 07:50 PM
AJWB v. Drengnikrafe: Valorous
AJWB:
I like the use of a limerick, but sometimes you added syllables to a line and messed up the tempo of the poem. Also, I didn't get enough of the valorous prompt.

Drengnikrafe:
I personally prefer poems that rhyme, but I'm not going to hold that against you or anyone else. Anyway, great poem and nice use of the prompt A suggestion I might give, is have all your sections (Are they called stanzas? I can't remember.) contain the same number of lines for each one. It isn't necessary, but it is nice.

Final Judgement:
Drengnikrafe

Errandir v. Rutskarn: Earthen
Errandir:
Beautiful use of the prompt. And for some reason, the six lines per section just seemed so awesome to me. Also, the imagery that poem brought to my head was amazing.

Rutskarn:
Yet another amazing use of the prompt. That was a very beautiful poem. I could imagine every bit happening in my head. Truly a work to behold.

Final Judgment:
Rutskarn

Kurosawa v. The Extinguisher: Aligned
Kurosawa:
The end is kinda creepy, but over all a good poem. Nice use of prompt, no major flaws that I can see.

The Extuingisher:
Good poem, just try to include a little more of the word prompt. Other than that, it was all good.

Final Judgement:
Kurosawa

arti3 v. Fifty-eyed Fred: Unspoken
arti3:
That was amazing. The imagery it brought to my mind, the use of the prompt, the layout of the poem, it was all excellent. I also like the suspense of you pulling us along, excited to figure out the winner, then never actually telling us.

Fifty-eyed Fred:
Nice use of your descriptive words there. Good use of the prompt. It was a good poem, but i felt like I needed a little more.

Final Judgement:
arti3

Wadledo v. Allara: Torrid
Wadledo:
That was a nice poem. A little lengthy, but better long than short right?

Allara:
That poem is great emotionally. It almost made me cry. It was just beautifully written. Hands down Allara, I love you.^_^

Final Judgement:
Allara

The Fiery Tower v. DreamintheDark: Up
The Fiery Tower:
Short and sweet. thats good. The poem itself was nice. I think you used both of the prompts well. And I liked the way you made the lines from a right triangle.

DreamintheDark:
Also a good poem. Great use of prompt.

Final Judgement:
The Fiery Tower

BelkarsBadside1 v. Puppychowguy: Calm
BelkarsBadside1:
Good work. I like how the poem has kind of a singsong way about it. All I have to say is try to make it run through a little smoother.

Puppychowguy:
That poem was great. I like the way you went from a sort of fictional seeming point of view, to real world problems. I also liked the recurring midnight traveller theme.

Final Judgement:
Puppychowguy

Phoekun v. Slizard: Harmonious
Phoekun:
Beautiful. I love how you made it seem like an everyday event was a fantasy story. The two worked together in harmony.:smallamused:

Slizard:
The use of onomatopoeia was AWESOME! I love how you used it as whole sections of the poem. Great use of the prompt too.

Final Judgement:
Slizard

That took WAY too much time. I spent an hour typing this post.

Koury
2010-02-28, 07:51 PM
The idea was truly to help, not cause whatever problems it seems to have caused.

Shall I go back and edit in links, perhaps where I put the poem titles?

Or just scrap it altogether and let people hunt down competing poems on their own?

EDIT: Oh, ninja'd by judgments! Exciting!

Devigod
2010-02-28, 11:54 PM
I've recently contracted a trojan on my comp the other night, and look forward to Tech week for a show for the next week that will keep me busy until 9 each night, but rest assured that I've already critiqued and judged one pair of poems and I plan on getting the rest in as soon as possible.

billtodamax
2010-03-01, 04:22 AM
Aw, this looks like it would have been fun.

I shall have to follow this, watching attentively for the next one.

Zeb The Troll
2010-03-02, 12:41 AM
The idea was truly to help, not cause whatever problems it seems to have caused.

Shall I go back and edit in links, perhaps where I put the poem titles?

Or just scrap it altogether and let people hunt down competing poems on their own?

EDIT: Oh, ninja'd by judgments! Exciting!Given the objections raised, linking the poems in one post is a good compromise. It's what I did the one time I was responsible for keeping things on track and I've seen it done previously (though possibly in other similar competitions, like Iron Author) with no hard feelings. It preserves the integrity of the poem, as well as allowing judges to see the final copies of any submission, as well as removing all potential for formatting changes, even though they would certainly be unintended.

On a personal note, and I think others probably share the sentiment, I appreciate the attempt to help out The Competition. even though it didn't work out as well as you'd hoped. :smallcool:

Elfin
2010-03-02, 04:12 PM
I definitely appreciate it as well.
As for my judgments, they'll be up within the next couple days.

Arti3
2010-03-02, 04:15 PM
hehehe. One step closer to world domination!

PhoeKun
2010-03-02, 04:33 PM
-stuff- !

No no, bad. We shan't speak of such things outside of spoilers until every judge had rendered... uh... judgment. Risk poisoning the well, you do. *nodnod*

edit: also, I forgot how hyper competitive I am during these contests. I really hope all the judges get finished soon before my heart finishes jackhammering its way out of my chest. :smalleek:

Arti3
2010-03-02, 05:06 PM
I know whatcha mean!

Felixaar
2010-03-03, 02:52 AM
AJWB v. Drengnikrafe
I enjoyed both poems. AJWB's was very entertaining, and made mego 'HA!' at the end, but could have stuck to the prompt. Dre's was perhaps a bit more poetic, and with some larger vocabulary, but didn't really connect with me. So I'm going with AJWB.

Errandir v. Rutskarn
Both poems make good use of the prompt. Rutskarn's is of a thought provoking nature, while Errandir's manages to bring the concepts involved to mind with ease. I'll have to pick Errandir, but it's a close call. Lord help me, I'm a sucker for rhymes.

Kurosawa v. The Extinguisher
Kurosawa - I'm scared! Well done, though. You must really hate bridges. Prompt could have been more prominent, some rhymes seem forced. The Extinguisher - Capital Letters. You start using them only half way through. Otherwise good. This one goes to Kurosawa

arti3 v. Fifty-eyed Fred
Both good poems. arti3's is clear and easily understood, as well as interesting. Fred's shows some impressive vocabulary but the haphazard rhyme scheme bugs me. Prompt is used well in both. Going to give this one to arti3, in part for using BWONG so many times.

Wadledo v. Alarra
Ah, two of my favourites back again. Tough choice but I'm going to give this one to Alarra, even though it made me sad. Wadledo's is good but a little lengthy.

The Fiery Tower v. DreamintheDark
Ooh, sibling rivalry. I'm going to have to support the cause of Testosterone (not that thats my reason for picking this) by choosing The Fiery Tower in this one. I like how each line is shorter than the next, it gives it a nice effect. DreamintheDark, your poem might benefit from combining the lines into longer ones (I liked it all the same.)

BelkarsBadside1 v. Puppychowguy
Oof. You guys make it hard, both of these are tres good. I will have to give it to Puppychowguy, but... damn.

Phoekun v. Slizard
Now, this is hard. I love Phoekun's for the sheer beauty of it, but the bouncy feeling of Slizard's is equally endearing. I'm going to have to give this one to Slizard, but again wish I could pick you both :smallsigh:

Whew! That's all of them. Apologies if I don't make much sense, I have a bit of a cold.

Alarra
2010-03-03, 11:25 AM
Okay...one misspelling I could overlook...but both of you? It's ALARRA...1 L, 2 R's. :smalltongue:

@v :smallsigh: :smallmad: :smallbiggrin:

Arti3
2010-03-03, 11:51 AM
Watch the next person do it too, Allara.
@^::smalltongue:

Szilard
2010-03-03, 06:18 PM
Okay...one misspelling I could overlook...but both of you? It's ALARRA...1 L, 2 R's. :smalltongue:

@v :smallsigh: :smallmad: :smallbiggrin:

Try having Szilard as a username. :smalltongue:

I got Slizard from both judges so far. Just saying.

@V: Well if you spoke Hungarian or something you'd be able to pronounce it. But of course, 99.81% of the world doesn't, so I'll let it fly.

Vaynor
2010-03-03, 06:20 PM
Try having Szilard as a username. :smalltongue:

I got Slizard from both judges so far. Just saying.

I think the fact that your name is nigh impossible to pronounce at first glance is the reason. I know that every time you enter the contest I have to copy-paste your name from your post or I spell it wrong.

Rutskarn
2010-03-03, 06:26 PM
You wouldn't believe how common Rustkarn is.

Arti3
2010-03-03, 06:51 PM
Yeah, and I got arti3 both times when my name is clearly in the name change thread as Arti3 :p

Viera Champion
2010-03-03, 07:08 PM
Hey ad no one called me Kurama!
(That what I asked for my name to be changed to)

Totally original joke...

Arti3
2010-03-03, 07:36 PM
But I haven't refered to you by name yet Kurama :)

Belkarsbadside1
2010-03-03, 07:46 PM
Judges don't read:
NOOOO!
I need the other three to vote for me in order to move on!!!!

JUDGES DON'T READ THIS ATTRACTIVE SPOILER EITHER! IT IS BEYOND YOU'RE MORTAL COMPREHENSION.
http://images.spaces.covers.com/Upload/UserImages/Rick_Roll.jpg

V:Sorry

Vaynor
2010-03-03, 07:47 PM
NOOOO!
I need the other three to vote for me in order to move on!!!!

Please don't discuss judgments outside of spoilers. It may have an effect on the other judge's decisions.

Arti3
2010-03-03, 07:53 PM
Might wanna label that puppy too, so the judges know what not to read.

truemane
2010-03-04, 08:08 PM
Try having Szilard as a username. :smalltongue:

I got Slizard from both judges so far. Just saying.

@V: Well if you spoke Hungarian or something you'd be able to pronounce it. But of course, 99.81% of the world doesn't, so I'll let it fly.

Mine is worse. I'm invariably called Truename. Capital T. 'name' at the end and not 'mane.' Not that it makes me cry or anything, but still. Some people have been calling me truename for years and never noticed the difference.

PhoeKun
2010-03-04, 09:40 PM
You guys act like if everybody could just spell your names right, everything would be grand. :smalltongue:

Let me tell you, it's not much different when you realize that 99% of the people you talk to have no idea how to actually say your name. And boy howdy has that one ever turned out to be true. Chances are, if I haven't explicitly told you, you're not saying it right.

*rants some more on trivial topics to distract herself from the horrible time between now and further judgment*

...Every minute I don't know is like an hour to me, you know.

Helgraf
2010-03-04, 09:56 PM
You guys act like if everybody could just spell your names right, everything would be grand. :smalltongue:

Let me tell you, it's not much different when you realize that 99% of the people you talk to have no idea how to actually say your name. And boy howdy has that one ever turned out to be true. Chances are, if I haven't explicitly told you, you're not saying it right.

*rants some more on trivial topics to distract herself from the horrible time between now and further judgment*

...Every minute I don't know is like an hour to me, you know.

Fee-koon?

Foe-koon?

Fi-koon?

Fum-koon?

I smell the blood of an Englishman-koon?

Vaynor
2010-03-04, 10:06 PM
I've always thought it was pronounced "foe-kunn" and I've never really considered it being pronounced any other way.

Anyways, back on topic people (nudge nudge wink wink), judges! Let's... judge!

Alarra
2010-03-04, 10:47 PM
I always did too before I was corrected. Now even my attempts to read it incorrectly sound wrong and I can't imagine why I didn't read it as Fee before. :smallsmile:

Rutskarn
2010-03-04, 10:53 PM
You guys act like if everybody could just spell your names right, everything would be grand. :smalltongue:

Let me tell you, it's not much different when you realize that 99% of the people you talk to have no idea how to actually say your name. And boy howdy has that one ever turned out to be true. Chances are, if I haven't explicitly told you, you're not saying it right.

*rants some more on trivial topics to distract herself from the horrible time between now and further judgment*

...Every minute I don't know is like an hour to me, you know.

I'm guessing it's Fee-koon, but I'm gonna be honest, my internal pronunciation is mildly obscene.

Edit: Did you know that the latter half of raccoon is censored? True story.

Szilard
2010-03-04, 10:59 PM
Let me tell you, it's not much different when you realize that 99% of the people you talk to have no idea how to actually say your name. And boy howdy has that one ever turned out to be true. Chances are, if I haven't explicitly told you, you're not saying it right.

Same here. Unless you speak Hungarian for my case.

But yeah, I'm eagerly awaiting the rest of the judges.

Felixaar
2010-03-05, 01:02 AM
Okay...one misspelling I could overlook...but both of you? It's ALARRA...1 L, 2 R's. :smalltongue:

I'm sick :smalltongue:

Also, I copy pasted the other guys posting of the bracket.

Also, I'm sick.

Zeb The Troll
2010-03-05, 01:31 AM
I always did too before I was corrected. Now even my attempts to read it incorrectly sound wrong and I can't imagine why I didn't read it as Fee before. :smallsmile:Ditto this. I felt kind of dumb when I was corrected. "Well of course it rhymes with the first syllable in Phoebe. Why wouldn't it? It's even spelled the same!" *facepalm* :smallcool:

With Szilard, on the other hand, even after he explained how it's pronounced I can't make my brain see it that way, try as I might. It will forever be "Zai lard" to me. (Hey, at least I have the "Z" in the right place, eh? :smallwink:)

The Extinguisher
2010-03-05, 12:35 PM
I'm pretty sure I mispronounce everyone's names. I'm terrible at the whole words thing.

Arti3
2010-03-05, 12:52 PM
So... How bout that poetry?

drengnikrafe
2010-03-05, 07:51 PM
On the topic that has been hotly discussed the last several posts...
Try having a name like drengnikrafe. People rarely misspell it because they don't even know what it is. More often than not, when asked, people say "I thought it said 'Dragonknife'". No, people. It's 'king nerd' reversed, followed by my RPG name, Rafe (shortened from Raphiel, the ninja turtle, because usernames sometimes have 12 character limits).

On the topic that this thread was dedicated to...
I remain quite anxious to see the rest of the results.

Elfin
2010-03-05, 07:53 PM
Sorry this is taking so long; I'll get the judgments up soon.

Arti3
2010-03-05, 08:12 PM
Soon like 5 minutes, or soon like tomorrow? :smalltongue:

Elfin
2010-03-05, 08:49 PM
Soon like the day after tomorrow, I'm afraid.

Devigod
2010-03-05, 09:05 PM
Yeah; I'm about halfway done with mine, but my weekend is totally booked, so they'll probably be in by Wednesday or so. I'm trying to review as thoroughly (and as constructively critical as possible), but if you want me to spare the details, I can finish up the matchups lickety split.

Rutskarn
2010-03-05, 09:59 PM
Take your time, guys, the internet will still be here.

AJWB
2010-03-05, 10:41 PM
NO IT WON'T IT MIGHT END TOMORROW

Also, protip: change your names to an acronym. Much simpler :smallcool:

Vaynor
2010-03-05, 10:48 PM
no It Won't It Might End Tomorrow

THE TUBES ARE CLOGGED RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

drengnikrafe
2010-03-05, 11:03 PM
Also, protip: change your names to an acronym. Much simpler :smallcool:

This has been my username since I first used it playing Runescape 5 years ago. I have no intention of changing it now, especially considering I'll never remember the new one.

Oh, I almost forgot. There's no hurry. I hear the average lifespan gives me at least another 50 years.

Rutskarn
2010-03-06, 01:59 AM
Keep in mind, that's just when people are dying these days. Who knows what medical advances will be coming up over the horizon, eh?

The Extinguisher
2010-03-06, 02:14 AM
NO IT WON'T IT MIGHT END TOMORROW

Also, protip: change your names to an acronym. Much simpler :smallcool:

I always end up trying to pronounce acronyms the most and it bugs me.

What sound does jwb make? I'm not sure?

Koury
2010-03-06, 02:38 AM
What sound does jwb make? I'm not sure?

Joo-b? Maybe?

Arti3
2010-03-06, 06:57 AM
A-ja-wi-be? Maybe?

Szilard
2010-03-07, 11:05 AM
A-jwib. :smalltongue:

AJWB
2010-03-07, 06:05 PM
Szilard's got the right of it, in my opinion. That's how I do it. Or go for "Alien Jesus With Blades" if pronouncing acronyms bothers you that much :smalltongue:

Arti3
2010-03-07, 10:58 PM
Now I know.
And knowing is, honestly, about 21/100ths of the battle.

Rutskarn
2010-03-07, 11:46 PM
Szilard's got the right of it, in my opinion. That's how I do it. Or go for "Alien Jesus With Blades" if pronouncing acronyms bothers you that much :smalltongue:

Your name is like a wrench thrown into the engine of my reading brain. Every time I so much as glance over it, my mind grinds to a groaning halt, until--in a voice stuttered and unsure--it pronounces your name, "Ah-eh-jih-wuh-b", and move on.

This is 100% my problem.

Arti3
2010-03-08, 11:57 PM
We are here to help you in your time of need.

TFT
2010-03-09, 12:50 AM
Yep, admitting is the first step on the road to recovery...

Wait, what's the next step?

Kuma
2010-03-09, 03:36 PM
Nuking the problem till it goes away:smalltongue:

Arti3
2010-03-09, 04:09 PM
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
...
Yeah...

Koury
2010-03-09, 04:12 PM
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
...
Yeah...

No, those aren't right.

Those AREN'T right!

I mean, maybe if we could just switch the order around or something...

I don't know man. Maybe theres no point in arguing it. No point to any of it.

*sigh* OK, thats right.

Errandir
2010-03-09, 04:54 PM
Are you sure? Because I really thought 'hate' was in there someplace...

Or maybe that's something else (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0371.html).

Arti3
2010-03-09, 04:59 PM
Thats the descent into Sith-hood. Those are the stages of grief.

Szilard
2010-03-10, 07:06 PM
Soon like the day after tomorrow, I'm afraid.

This was like 5 days ago....

Any other judges not swamped with work or laziness want to put up their judgments? It'd be ironic if someone posted their judgyness right when I posted this.

Errandir
2010-03-10, 07:46 PM
Hey, take it easy. There's no rush. I'm enjoying still being in the competition. :smallamused:

Arti3
2010-03-10, 09:06 PM
I don't mind not knowing, but knowing wouldn't be bad....
Woah.

Vaynor
2010-03-10, 09:09 PM
Judges? Come on guys, let's get this going.

Szilard
2010-03-14, 10:03 PM
Please? .

Devigod
2010-03-14, 11:09 PM
I plan on wrapping my judgments up tonight. My apologies for the wait; I've had a long two weeks.

Edit: Finished them despite a computer overheat. Below are the posted verdicts... the critiques/explanations are still forthcoming because I wrote them blind to username (I saved all pieces as files after the deadline and shuffled them up) and it's nearly 3 AM where I am and I'm tired and I want to stop feeling guilty for holding anything up...

So I have verdicts, and commentary is forthcoming. If the poets would like to wait for the commentary before reading the verdicts, they may wait for me to organize my thoughts and post them. I've had a long night, and I'll try and get to it tomorrow.

Verdicts:
AlignedThe ExtinguisherCalmPuppychowguyEarthenErrandirHarmoni ousPhoeKunTorridwadledoUpThe Fiery TowerUnspokenArti3Valerousdrengnikrafe

You'll get the rest later. Imagine what it must have been like writing critiques for 16 poems. I have a newfound respect for judges.

Elfin
2010-03-15, 04:09 AM
I, too, have a newfound respect for the judges. And I apologize profusely for the delay.
(The critiques aren't as much critiques as judgments, for which I apologize as well. They're also quite sketchy - I'll try to include more depth in the next round.)
I've also included a 'favorite line' for each poem.


DreamintheDark vs. The Fiery Tower
Prompt: Up

DreamintheDark:

Quite an interesting idea, thinking of going up as being stuck rather than as a release into happiness. You play against assumptions: the wings hold her back from flying.

Punctuation can multiply interpretation possibilities but here it seemed to distract from the meaning. As a consequence, it was hard to connect many of the creative metaphors.
Is this poem about giving up on dreams and love? Is it equating love with an insubstantial dream? Is it about being isolated from others? Is she stuck because she doesn稚 have the capacity for love or because she痴 not having her love returned?

Favorite line: 鉄he tries to fly;/The wretched wings;/Hold her back,

The Fiery Tower:

Structurally a lot of fun. By shortening the length of each successive line, you created a graphic version of 砥p. You tackled the challenge of maintaining a rhyme scheme (ababccdeed) against the current of the ever-decreasing line length.
The narrator of the poem makes an anti-gravitational jump against anxiety & fear. The poem itself makes nods to transcendence, mental disquietude, metaphysics肪ut these ideas are introduced more than explored. Maybe the choice of a small poem package hampered you from extending these big ideas. Feels like a poem that痴 just getting rolling.
Word choice reaction 菟eer feels not quite right for how one would look at a starry sky

Favorite line: 的値l make physics bow,/Its laws shout.

Verdict:
DreamintheDark.

AJWB vs. drengnikrafe
Prompt: Valorous

AJWB:

Imaginative interpretation of both the word & the photo. Clever, surprising; double entendres throughout. Unfaltering limerick form was a good match for the humorous content.
Thanks for the laughs!
Favorite line: 溺en of the sea

drengnikrafe:

The strength is that in this poem of movement and action; valor comes in as a moment of stillness which carries the wanderer forward. It does leave me wondering, though, what the source of the courage might be - no less than why the trees were set against him.
You got started on a narrative, atmospheric poem, but a narrative can benefit from character development; who is this Wanderer and where does his freedom lie?

Favorite line: 滴e plunges under the reach of his arborous foes

Verdict:
AJWB.

Errandir vs. Rutskarn
Prompt: Earthen

Errandir:

Strong descriptive language and rhythm.
First three stanzas work especially well, leading traveler to 鍍he earth痴 great noiseless heart.
There seems to be a shift, a passage of time, in stanzas four & five but it痴 not clear. Indication of what might come to pass? Or has it come to pass already?
Favorite line: 鄭 city forms in streets and docks/And bridges curved against the sky.

Rutskarn:

Very nice.
Effective building with words; integration of expression & ideas. The poem grows from individual to city, scales up. Nice contrasting images: 都unburnt brain becomes 塗eads cooled by the shade of man痴 creation.
Combines specific images (展hat castaways accomplish with stacked stones and fire,/We attempt with masonry and pigment.) with abstract ideas (this making a mark is part of human nature).

Favorite line: 典o say, with paint that glows with heat and windows that shine like daytime stars,/That we are here.

Verdict:
Rutskarn.

The Extinguisher vs. Kurosawa
Prompt: Aligned

The Extinguisher:

Like the visual imagery of the cables shadows as prison bars nice 屠umping off from photo.
But it doesn稚 become a fully realized metaphor why is the internal prison responsive to evanescent shadows? Seems to be adding up to a person who痴 tormented but actually wants help.

Favorite line: 的 watch the prison bars bend and break

Kurosawa

Played with bridge associations on many different levels, from the personal to the cosmic - went to idea of apocalyptic alignment
Perky rhythm in contrast to bleak message
Favorite line: 鄭midst the smell of burning bridge our tilted spaceship flies"

Verdict:
Kurosawa.

Arti3 vs. Fifty-Eyed Fred
Prompt: Unspoken

Arti3

I like the unexpected direction you took for 砥nspoken
Evocative of traditional tales competition, wagering, magic paintbrush. Especially like the descriptions at the end (鄭ll around the first,/Monks wear icicles/And singed cloth and 典he other, a carnival/Of the emotional kind.)
The 釘WONGs aren稚 necessary, I think, because you致e already broken the poem into many small sections that visually break it up in much the same way. Attention to the cadence of the language could help unify the various sections.
Creative storytelling.
Favorite line: 展ars rise, and peace/Flourishes on these pages.

Fifty-Eyed Fred

The poem痴 observations about the limits of words are compelling and genuine.
Lovely rhythm.
Metaphors go in lots of directions. There are those related to connections/disconnections between people (we speak, one great flow of body and soul, true selves, writing of the soul, poetry of our lives unspoken) and the unifying, recurrent imagery of soil (words cannot take root, hands of soft clay, spread roots throughout fertile soil, deep underground). But then the ricocheting balls and bullets that don稚 reach targets seem misplaced (though effective on their own).
Favorite line: 展e speak, yet words cannot take root

Verdict:
A tough one, but I'll go with Arti3.

Belkarsbadside1 vs. Puppychowguy
Prompt: Calm

Belkarsbadside1

Looks good; it痴 interesting how you interpreted 祖alm as not the actual feeling of the picture (quite the opposite, in fact), but as what leaving the pictured place will bring.
However, the rhythm of the poem, while alright, is rough in a few places and especially since you chose to make the poem a rhyming one, keeping the rhythm is very important.

Favorite line: 典he pebbles ****ter clatter beneath my feet/a metronome for the rhythm of the street.

Puppychowguy

Highly charged, with lots of vivid imagery.
On the suggestions side you致e created a strong personal vision, but leave a lot of questions for the reader. Who is addressing the Midnight Traveller? Who is the Midnight Traveller? Is the calm the salvation at the end?
Favorite line: 溺en are trapped, down on their knees, bending backwards with arms held out as if showing off lengths of injustice

Verdict:
Again, a tough one. I'm going to choose Puppychowguy, though, as his poem has a stronger rhythm, in my opinion.

PhoeKun vs. Szilard
Prompt: Harmonious

PhoeKun

There痴 a lot of excellent and evocative imagery in here but I think that it would be better off without the Arthurian references. While you tried to integrate them into the rest of the poem, I don稚 think they add anything to it, instead distracting the reader from the great, vivid descriptions. I壇 advise either trying to develop them more, or dropping them altogether.
Finishing your poem, I知 left feeling unfulfilled because of this: it痴 as if I致e read two separate poems that were put together, one only half-finished.

Favorite line: 鄭 deep breath and a soft sigh tell the room how I am feeling.

Szilard

I like how you created a harmony from the sounds of the boy痴 hand against the fence, the singing bird and the wind excellent integration of both prompts.
Overall, a fine job.

Favorite line: 努hish/a-chink-a/tweety-chirp"

Verdict:
Szilard.

Wadledo vs. Alarra
Prompt: Torrid

Wadledo

You did a good job making the reader feel the sadness and loneliness of the speaker.
There wasn稚 much of the prompt, though the heat, while mentioned, doesn稚 seem as overwhelming as the word 奏orrid suggests.

Favorite line: 的 am, nor never was/a beauty

Alarra

Good poem; I like how you spun a story out of the prompts.
In addition, nice use of two senses of the word 鍍orrid (both ardent and oppressively hot).

Favorite line: 鍍he sun a drumbeat on our backs

Verdict:
Alarra.

drengnikrafe
2010-03-15, 12:36 PM
This judging has really left me on the edge of my seat.

Arti3
2010-03-15, 01:15 PM
Is yours 2x2? Yikes.
Also, Vaynor: Viera champion changed his named to Kurama.

Devigod
2010-03-15, 10:34 PM
Just posting to announce that critiques will have to wait until tomorrow, due to an overflow of school related work on my behalf. I'll put them up as soon as possible, Tuesday is in the books, and Wednesday or Thursday are worst case scenarios.

drengnikrafe
2010-03-16, 11:54 AM
[Scrubbed by self]

I got a little confused by the rules based on the comment two posts above my own.

Rutskarn
2010-03-16, 12:03 PM
Uh, Dreggi, I believe they actually prefer you not say that. That's why they spoiler their results--I think the judges prefer not to know what other people are giving people's poems.

Viera Champion
2010-03-16, 12:12 PM
Actually, that's pretty much a rule. The judges aren't supposed to know what the other judges chose until they are done their judging. It's unfair otherwise.

Devigod
2010-03-16, 07:05 PM
Alright; here are the critiques to the previously released judgments. It should be noted that, because it had been late at night when I originally posted the raw judgments, and because I had had to look up usernames (I read the pieces blindly without knowledge of the author and thus had to look them up to post names) I made a mistake in the valorous prompt match-up. My deepest apologies for this mistake, but it is remedied below, so please use the updated version for my judgments.

Additionally, as something of a disclaimer, I, tragically, was a little meaner and more critical than I wanted to be with these critiques. Part of it was perhaps the time pressure, and I just wanted to give as much feedback as possible for ways to improve, so please take what I've written with a grain of salt and think of me as a grumpy kid who had to read these at the expense of sleep because I've had a busy few weeks.

Thank you to all the poets who contributed and gave me something to read. My apologies that I had to rush through some of this, but next round shall be less stressful on my end and hopefully more challenging on yours!

Verdicts:
The Extinguisher vs. Kurosawa: AlignedThe ExtinguisherFirst off, it may sound like nitpicking, but either stick to grammatical and spelling conventions (i.e. inconsistent capatalization, a sun forms, suns form, and the second passed which should be past), or differ from them for a reason (i.e. punning, special emphasis, ect). Regardless, this is merely a convention, and with those exceptions, doesn't do the piece harm. I think I should note that modification of these conventions is only to be attempted by the very experienced, and the very careful for a calculated effect, and warn you not to try it again.
That said, you are able to very quickly establish both your speaker's voice and his (his being a gender-neutral term in this case) emotions. I very much admire your direct and concise approach to the prompt, but also your ability to construct your piece about a larger metaphor; the concrete prison.
Your brevity and simplicity of the language supports your approach, but to me, simplifies your character. Your speaker feels confined, trapped, and yet he expects aid. Your speaker watches the cars drive by while he contemplates killing himself (at least, by my interpretation), and yet, when he denies it at the end of the day, his decision lacks finality. Some might view this cliff-hanger/endline question as a strength, but to me, it seems to make the poem fall flat. To me, this is because if you're going to make the subject of your poem so focused around this question, this struggle, and this focus on isolation, only to imply that it drags on after an apparent end came to pass seems unfair. Then again, that might be the point.

I think you did well with the piece, and I think that with your approach it was appropriate to go with blank verse (rather than a rhyme), but it seems like it could use a little bit more oomph and a little bit of tightening up. Whether you want to keep the raw and simple language or vary it a little is up to your discretion.Kurosawa
First of all, let me say; I don't mean to sound mean in any way- I am only attempting to provide constructive criticism. Now, I need to tell you- your rhyme and metric form damage your piece. In most poetry, rhyme and meter are supposed to support, emphasize, beautify the stream of language, but in your case, it clunks.

You use very heavy enjambment in this piece- an audacious move, but one that clashes with your language. Speicifically, when you enjamb, (in other words allow a sentence or thought to spill into the next line) your language needs to be tight, concise. Your form is somewhat damaged when a thought that runs through the lines doesn't actually compose a sentance (specifically in lines 7 and 8, you have a dependant clause that goes unanswered). It seems that the sentance was clipped in order to maintain the meter and rhyme, to the expense of the poem itself.

This wouldn't be a concern if your meter was a little more consistent in the piece (a particular instance of this would be at the end of line 5). Your problem seems one of tempo; you establish a tempo, sometimes adding on an extra foot to extend the line, but follow it up with something that just sounds clunky. Your rhyme, on the other hand, is solid, though I have a personal reservation about rhyming death with itself.

Nevertheless, your piece is successful in many ways; specifically, you very effectively convey a sense of oncoming doom. I appreciate the elegant language that you employ- the piece liberally varies synonyms to keep the context fresh (with the exception of bridge, but how many synoyms are there for that?!). Your imagery is vivid and your language is in the right tier, but frankly, I think your poem was stunted because you tried to fit it into lyric meter, but couldn't quite do it.

As far as the content goes; I have one other comment to provide- namely, that in the first line, you conjure a speaker, but he seems to fade away completely in the second quatrain, and only provide a subjective context in the third and fourth quatrains (i.e. the wes and ours). As far as poetry goes, when a speaker is provided, it is done so to allow internal dialogue. These thoughts and fears are expressed explicitely (confining me within) in the first quatrain because he (he being a gender-neutral term in this case) considers his position, but the rest of the piece has no such personality because the narrator's perspective is lost.

If you wanted to improve the piece, I would suggest either tightening the meter and rhyme or dropping it entirely so that you might embellish the narrative. The same can go for the speaker; I would either drop him entirely and make the commentary stand on its own, or improve his dialectic.

Overall, it is clear you have a vision for a piece, and the complex langauge is there... it just needs tightening up.Verdict
The Extinguisher. The Extinguisher's piece, while simpler in langauge, was cleaner cut and less marked by error. Both pieces were brief (which can be either positive or negative, based on reader), conformed very well to the prompt, and had purpose, but the Extinguisher's had better execution and, once a speaker was established, allowed him to be better spoken and more personal.BelkarsBadside1 vs. Puppychowguy: CalmBelkarsBadside1I think it's amusing that the site censored your poem, unless that was your own doing. I'm going to guess that you got censored for an s followed by hit or maybe even hat, regardless of following content, but don't worry about me making such sweeping judgments based on this. If nothing else, it's a nice little internal consonant matchup for the line.

Nevertheless, onto the work itself!
Your rhyme scheme here is good, with a couple of slip-ups although if you were attempting to write metric poetry, it's a little off beat. Nevertheless, this shouldn't worry you; the piece is good and evocative even if it isn't necessarily tight. It is my humble opinion that every poem is a continually evolving form of art, and that if one isn't able to find things that they could say better and change, then one isn't looking hard enough. Polish and shine are never bad things to do to your poetry.

The character gets developed somewhat in that it's obvious that the tempered chaos of the city- measured and rhythmic and yet agitating noise bothers him, but why does it make him consider killing himself? What, necessarily is his addiction? You have a good introduction, and maintain the first person perspective through the work, but some of the language you use seems as if it is for the sake of artfulness without connection to the character (i.e. mentioned addiction, but not anything like an addiction or anything to be compared to it).

Nevertheless, this is nitpicking. You guys get a week to write these pieces. It's a good piece. There's a story and theme, which is great, it just needs some tightening up in regards to your meter (as it seems you had it in mind, at least partially) and your rhyme scheme.PuppychowguySide nitpick: "it's" stands for "it is". The possessive for it (owned by it) is spelled "its".

Maybe it's just me, but I think that repetition, especially end-line repetition is demeaning to the rest of the work. It might be a matter of taste, but if you want to rhyme your end lines do it, and if you don't, then don't. Repetition, however, is more successful when it is used in support of the language and the overall poem, or when it is employed with variance of actual words (night -> nocturne, dark, nox). To me, the use of night three times in three lines is dull, although I'm fine with 'The Midnight Traveller' because you reestablish him as an agent in each quatrain, and it is obviously an important element of the poem. 'Beaten', on the other hand, is also okay, because you introduce new images to the word and it isn't set at the end-line as if I'm supposed to rhyme it with itself. Those are nitpicks of mine, however, and purely up to taste.

Your language otherwise, is superb; I had to look up copacetic and was satisfied when I had wetted my tongue with it. The rest of it (flame-thrower lips, black tar faces) composes elaborate images, and compliments the piece. The rhythm is something all its own, but satisfies even in the long and drawn out lines. The blank verse is more pronounced and conducive to the piece because of this unique rhythm; you don't confine yourself to rhymes (except in my scruples with night...night...night).

The piece as a tapestry is masterful. While you start out with something here and something there, you quickly develop a world of eerie calm, a nameless hero, (is the midnight traveller the moon, considering that he seems so sublime?) and a sense of wonder as to where it's all going. Nevertheless, it flows organically and natrually and drives towards your somehow appropriate nuclear ending . Overall, I really liked this piece despite a couple of simple reservations; you were very successful in your abstract style.VerdictPuppychowguy. Puppychowguy's piece was masterfully and beautifully executed. It had language and rhythm, imagery and structure. My only reservations with it were personal, whereas BelkarsBadside1's seemed to be lacking a bit of polish.Errandir vs. Rutskarn: EarthenErrandirNice rhymed couplets; you maintain rhyme and meter well. There is little I can offer this piece as far as constructive criticism goes; you managed to follow the prompt precisely and artfully, without a flaw, but that's not to say it's perfect. Your imagery and language are doubtless strong, but never underestimate the importance of vision, review and revision. Your vision is here, and very clear. Nevertheless, I like it.RutskarnBecause you decide to go with free verse in this piece, your voice is lilting and continuous. Your imagery is bountiful and beautiful, and your themes (power, effort) definitely shine through the work. Nevertheless, where there is internal rhyme (flow and glows), it is great, and leads me to believe that you may have rhymed more had you been able to.VerdictErrandir. Both pieces were very good, bursting with the language of poetry and the imagery, but in the end, I chose Blocks and Sand because its successful rhyme and meter made it more elegant. Wrought to Heaven flirted with this idea in the eighth and ninth lines in the second stanza, but all in all was only a tease while Blocks and Sand felt more poetic, more complete, and was more true to the prompt (almost as if the picture were a snapshot) whilst Wrought to Heaven was more of a very well written narrative commentary. I, however, have little constructive criticism to either piece, for better or worse.Slizard vs. PhoeKun: HarmoniousSlizardInteresting piece- it is definitely headed in a direction; the tempo is unique, although the scraping sound seem out of place. This is an entirely personal interpretation of poetry, but I truly feel that language and form should be more than sufficient to supply the scratching sounds that the boy makes as he rubs against the fence. The break where you have an entire segment of sound effects is harmful to the piece because it is so distracting. Nevertheless, your mix of various imagery and knack for tempo outside of metric adherence give you the symphony of form and language that your piece seeks, to its great success. The prompt is also spot on in both your symphonic effect and (obviously) imagery.PhoeKunThis piece is even more interesting; the speaker is coldly bitter in an even colder world and is well developed. Many of the pieces I've seen have something of an identity crisis in which they use I a few times and introduce a speaker but don't flesh them out; it is a pitfall you avoid admirably.
Although your piece certainly isn't discordant in any way (as any that attempts but fails to establish a tempo will be) is seems more a piece of prose than poetry because it completely lacks tempo/meter. Don't get me wrong- it is good, but I feel like I'm reading thoughts or prose than lines on a page. For a moment when I was reading, I thought you had ignored the prompt until I got to the end; I'll admit, it seems somewhat tacked on, but I can forgive you for that.VerdictPhoeKun. I will admit; this one was fairly difficult; both pieces were not only very different, but strong for different reasons. Slizard's piece was more focused on the prompt, and had tempo, whilst PhoeKun's was more distinguised in both voice and language. My only reservation on Slizard's piece was the very frequent use of sound effects, while PhoeKun's seemed a little less faithful to the prompt. In the end, however, I thought that Avalon was pulled off with more grace, but don't get me wrong: they were both very strong pieces for their respective reasons.Wadledo vs. Allara: TorridWadledoThis was a very interesting approach to the prompt- unfortunately, to me, it seems as scattered as the thoughts of your speaker. The imagery is vague and fleeting, you chose to go with no structure (as far as rhymes and meter are concerned) and, while I can't blame you for that alone, the poem feels empty without either of these themes.

I can see you definitely chose to attempt to capture the picture aspect of the prompt, and you have a bit of torrid heat here, but there's a certain oomph that feels lacking to me. If I were to develop it further, I would try either adding rhyme or meter (or working out a rhythm- free form rhythms can work well if done masterfully enough), and/or working out more about the character or imagery. Sure- I can see she's watching from the picture, and notice many of the other things pointed out in the piece, but some of the narrative stuff seems irrelevant and scattered insofar as the three sections of the piece seem as if they can be taken from three different poems from three different, unrelated speakers.AllaraThis piece seems like it would fit more into prose than poetry. My only real problem with it is your tendency to list verbs in dependant clauses and put periods at the end of them when they are incomplete thoughts (i.e. straightening... thigh) Although you chose to use neither rhyme nor meter, this seemingly random use of punctuations makes me wonder why you divided the work into lines at all, for it might read just the same in a prosaic, paragraphed form.

Additionally, the dialogue is distracting. I understand that your speaker is debating with another about a third party, but there is a distinct lack of context that makes it feel completely hollow and impersonal. You switch between a flurry of actions and a flurry of comments that not only topple eachother, but leave almost no room for imagery.

I'm not saying here that imagery is completely important or that pieces need to be metric or rhythmic to earn my respect, but some measure of organization (even grammatical) and some measure of imagery would have helped me to make sense of this, rather than leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth.

That's not to say that it's bad at all, perhaps just not my cup of tea. I'm sure there are many who would be able to make more of it than I and show me why it is great... it just seems more fit for a narrative than a poem.VerdictWadledo. Neither piece made me jump out of my seat... but I'm going to have to say Wadledo, because while both seemed disjointed, it was better written and more 'poetic' to me.The Fiery Tower vs. DreamintheDark: UpThe Fiery TowerFirst, let me say that the ever-decreasing length of each line is a very cool way to make your poem; in this way, it's relatively short length works to your advantage. The ever-shortening lines spiral and arrive quicker and quicker- an end becomes inevitable as one goes up, up, and away. I like this unique construction and how your rhymes don't seem forced. Your piece appropriately accelerates and takes off with remarkable simplicity and elegance.DreamintheDarkWhile you do use blank verse, the lines seem distressingly short and, to me, rather than building a flowing, intensifying accumulation of imagery and sense of the world, seem puntuated when transferred to lines of only four or less syllables. The forced enjambment between the lines breaks up the narrative, fracture the thoughts; it might be more effective to lengthen the lines a bit to perhaps 8 syllables. Nevertheless, the imagery is simple (whether that be positive or negative is a matter of taste) and very abstract. I don't mind abstraction all that much, but sometimes when it seems just a tangled narl of unconnected words, concepts and images, there is a lack of unification to the piece; a lack of natural continuity.

Maybe it really just isn't my bag, this type of poetry is very popular, but although there are fleeting moments of imagery and there is a central narrative, the form of your poem and abstract nature makes it seem somewhat fractured. There is obviously a vision for the female protagonist (not necessarily speaker), but it is difficult for me to envision when all I know is that she's trying to fly and that there are smiles outside of her own world.VerdictThe Fiery Tower. The Fiery Tower's piece just appealed to me more because there was a more clear direction it was headed in. It has a goal in mind, and, although the language of both pieces is fairly simple, it flows better. Ultimately, it quickly spirals to an end, and, as both pieces were short it seems to better know what direction it is headed in.Fifty-eyed Fred vs. arti3 : UnspokenFifty-eyed FredThis is a good piece. That doesn't mean that it couldn't use work.

First of all, it is clear that you took the prompt and the picture into good consideration with the piece; it is deep and oozing with imagery. But, in my opinion, the presentation (structure) could use some tuning up. It is one thing to be unbound by rhyme, but it is another to flirt with it, but ultumately leave the beginning and end empty.

Reading this a few times, I can see that perhaps you left out a few rhymes here and there to better thematically represent unspokenness (a left out rhyme), but, if that were the case, you might want to use more consistent meter to imply that those rhymes ought to be there, but aren't. Instead, you have a free meter (which is okay), but merely lead on with a scattering of rhymes (which, coupled with above, is not). I would like to see some consistency in this perhaps.

The other thing that bugs me a little (and others will tell you too) is that unless you are specifically invoking repitition (which would be acceptable in a chaismus or parallel structure, to name two examples), the repeated use of root, soul and word, especially in a piece this short, is somewhat sloppy. I'm not saying that you need to speak like Shakespeare or anything like that, but sometimes diversity of language can take you a long way in stealing your reader away.

That said, the piece was an interesting diversion, and, with some tuning up, could be even more profound.arti3Off the bat, it kind of bugs me that you use punctuation even though you don't use sentences. It is one thing to write in lines that are incomplete thoughts if they are disconnected, but when you string together lines within the stanza directly like "Not unlike/the approaching zenith", add a period, but lack a sentance, it's kind of a turn off.

That said, I like the imagery and narrative style; you have taken unspoken to be the internal feelings of the mind, and created characters who play out their wars on paper. In many ways, it appears that this piece could be comparable to Iron Poet itself, which is kind of cool.

I also like the sound and the fury of the piece; although you have a measuring Bwong between your stanzas to maintain tempo, the writing reaches a fevered pitch as the duel goes on.

Besides my nitpickings, there is little I can recommend on improving the piece, although that certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't consider it. I believe that writing is a process, and if there is nothing you want to change about your work, then you're not studying it hard enough.Verdict:arti3. Both pieces were really nice, but I liked arti3's more. It was more comfortable with itself as a cohesive piece (and a good example of acceptable repetition) and a little more consistent with its theme, instead of rapid firing ever shifting themes.Drengnikrafe vs. AJWB: ValorousDrengnikrafeIt's spelled crystalline. Spelling should not be an issue with a decent word processor, or even a good free web browser like firefox.

Okay. Sorry, that was bugging me a little. Past that, your piece has very strong and dark imagery that works well with the theme. You even managed to fit in the picture after some reframing. The pounding free-verse gives a good tempo, although I think arborous was something of a misstep (and a miss-spell). Also unsure of what struke means; freight is a type of train, fright is your word.

Nevertheless, besides these mishaps, your piece is nice with its tie up with valor at the end.AJWBI really like the sing-songy rhythm and rhyme scheme you introduce into the poem; the sing-songy nature of it is as taunting to Lum as the jabs that people take at him. Mainly, however, you somewhat stumble with the form of your piece. Namely, the five-part rhyme scheme is different; there's nothing stylistically wrong with it, it's just that quatrains or rhymed couplets are more standard. The second thing would be one of tempo- shorter lines like 'Men of the sea' are jarring to the metered tempo you've already established. The pace on the third stanza is a good example of jarring tempo; you establish a set pace with the first two lines, then smash it to pieces with the third, fourth and fifth lines. The third, fourth and fifth sound fine on their own; they have a unique beat, but they need to be matched with lines that fit them better.

I could nitpick more and more, but the bottom line is that I like your form, but it needs work. Your piece itself is cutesy and charming in all the ways you intended.

And jeez- that ending came out of nowhere!VerdictAJWB. I really liked the sing-songy feel of your piece and your surprise ending; you were also good in establishing and mocking valor. drengnikrafe's piece was very good tool; it established valor well, but didn't make quite as good of use of the picture prompt and was wrought with spelling mistakes.

Puppychowguy
2010-03-18, 01:33 AM
New matchups and prompts soon?

Vaynor
2010-03-18, 01:38 AM
New matchups and prompts soon?

When the round is over. :smalltongue:

Puppychowguy
2010-03-18, 01:56 AM
Just in case, putting in spoiler...

Aren't all of the contests decided? Has anyone heard from firebirdflying?

Vaynor
2010-03-18, 02:12 AM
No, the contest is not over. No, I have not heard from our fifth judge yet. I have contacted him again, I am not sure why he has not responded (activity marks him as being online recently).

FirebirdFlying
2010-03-18, 06:15 AM
Sorry doesn't really cut it.

Nor do excuses. I've got them, but they're useless to say and for all you all know I'd be lying anyway.

Here, however, are the verdicts and critiques; please understand that I am no teacher, and not the best qualified to give critiques, and am human and biased and often silly. :smallfrown:

AJWB vs. Drengnikrafe: Valorous
AJWB: Lum the Swimmer
Hah. Okay. Clever.

(Please note that I am actually not being sarcastic. I do think it's clever. And I like it. It made me laugh.)

And I really do like it. The little things that, upon rereading it, pop up as clues to the surprise ending (the promised land, the sticky race, tunneling in) are just icing on the tasty, tasty limerick cake.

That said, the cake's a bit lopsided. Not inedible, of course - the eggs and butter and flour and such are all in the right places - but it had a little trouble getting out of the pan. (And here I quit with the cake metaphor before it gets even more ridiculous, 'kay?)

While each stanza is in general limerick form, the lines within don't all read the same scansion-wise. While this isn't a huge problem, it did throw me off a bit when reading it out loud the first time, and with a bit of polish could in most cases be easily fixed ("These men of the sea/Knew speed was the key", for instance, to line the two lines up with each other as well as the middle lines in the first stanza).

So work on the details, but all in all, keep up the good work!
Drengnikrafe: The Darkened Wanderer
Nice imagery. This is a poem that makes me feel the darkness, hope, tension and finally release as the man swims to freedom. Lines like "as they grasp and grapple his body and soul" ring nicely, setting a good tempo even in freeform.

However, I think it tries a bit too hard. Do you really need to use arborous to describe trees? Egression? The environment? It's not that the words are obscure, exactly, it's just that they're too long, too technical. They feel out of place.

And polish! It took me a bit to decipher 'struck by fright' (and I hope that's the right interpretation!). Look it over for spelling issues.

A good start, I think, but the execution leaves something to be desired. You've got some gems of wording in here, and the pacing is great. Just clean it up.
Verdict:
While I would like both of you to go on just to see what you come up with next, I unfortunately have to choose. They're both very different poems, and it's a hard decision to make, but I think AJWB pulled the poem off better.

Errandir vs. Rutskarn: Earthen
Errandir: Blocks and Sand
I love someone who can keep a rhythm. Love love love. I doubly love someone who can do something with that rhythm, rather than throw pretty words together and hope they mean something (which I do all the time).

I think that means I love you. For the time being, anyway. Until you mortally offend me, or something.

I知 not sure I have anything useful and specific to say to you. You build up the image of a city abandoned by most life yet with these flapping tongues of old linen well; first giving the impression that the city is alive, actually, with the first two stanzas, and showing the dust and heat and general desertedness with each successive. But I don稚 need to tell you that. You wrote the thing.

Oh, there痴 a few lines that are a bit awkward 鉄maller than the nearby rocks is a bit fillerish, arbitrary but they池e few and far between. Probably if you came back in a year or so you could rearrange something and make it even better. I wouldn稚 bother much now, though.

It痴 a lovely poem.
Rutskarn: Wrought to Heaven
This is one of those ones whereof I知 not sure I can say much useful, beyond trying to explain it to myself. It痴 a rebellion of sorts against the prompt, which is interesting. A proud poem about the triumph not exactly triumph - of man and buildings over the earth, the change from trying to imitate and worship to standing strong alone. Lovely language, from sunburnt brain and overexposed photographs on souls to the pigment that glows like summer it expands more with every reading. I haven稚 found it to say much more than it needs to.
Verdict:
Errandir. While I wouldn稚 know how to improve either poem, I preferred Blocks and Sand. I知 sorry to say the judgement痴 based purely on personal preference here, but I壇 put them on equal ground for use of imagery and metaphor, mechanics, everything else.

I really am sorry.

Kurosawa vs. The Extinguisher: Aligned
Kurosawa: Bridges
Er.

I'm sorry. First reaction. To the last two lines or so (and possibly the last stanza). Out of nowhere much? Or maybe I just missed the buildup.

I mean, the first three stanzas work together, generally. Themewise, I mean. And I suppose that the last one does continue it, in a way. It's just that - I think this poem would be better without it. It feels like padding, or like you really wanted to extrapolate but weren't sure where to go. And I apologize if I'm just interpreting this entirely wrong, also.

Actually, first I thought it was about suicide. Then - I wasn't so sure. Anarchy, perhaps? The person here's burning bridges, after all, trying to escape from something. Is the bridge a prison (metaphorically, anyway)? The first stanzas support that sort of interpretation. Then - waitaminnit, people trying to escape from it chokes them and they fall and die? We against anarchy here? I mean, there's something bad going to happen, I get that, and this narrator's talking about it, first with zir own issues and then with others' (which is nice), but I wish I had a couple more clues as to what the bridge-thing actually means. I'm not trying to say that poems need to be easily understood, just that I don't think I do. Understand this one, that is. (Which you may take as a compliment on your utter genius if you wish. It depends rather on how you understand the poem. It's entirely possible I'm just being dense.) Thing is, I can't tell whether this is profound or not. Which may the be thing that makes it poetry. Eh. I'm rambling, here, so you might want to ignore this paragraph (should have told you that before you read it, eh?). Just the average schmuck's reaction, I guess.

Anyway! On to the mechanics. Beautiful. The first stanza, especially. Flows off the tongue easily, doesn't feel forced into the form, etc. While the rhythm of the lines set up by the first stanza aren't always followed in the subsequent - extra syllables here and there, something especially odd happening in the last line - they do work within themselves. So while you could mess with the pacing and wording in lines here and there, it's more nit-picking than anything.

For more nitpicks:

The rhyme in the last two lines of the third stanza. C'mon, couldn't you do something with the noose of smog taking away our breath or something? I'd even personally prefer some weird consonance of us to death/fall to earth to repeating a word like this, especially when the rhymes in the rest of the poem seem so effortless as to be unnoticeable.

Punctuation. Sometimes you use it, sometimes you don't. Usually you use it when you need to signify a question - but you've a couple periods floating around. If you've got two, put the rest in. If you don't want periods, take them out. As it is, it just looks sloppily proofread. (I'm more lenient on not having periods but still having question/exclamation marks, because they have more of a purpose).

So it's a good poem mechanically, but it's got some issues. And the subject matter seems rather disjointed (but that could, again, be me being dense). You've got a pretty strong sense of rhythm, which is lovely (I'm partial to structured poetry), but in going with a poem which is set up as so structured you need to keep that structure firm. The lines within a stanza don't have to be the same as each other, but the stanzas (unless obviously different) should be.

Thanks for the poem!
The Extinguisher: Prison Bars
I like it. I like the paralyzing indecision, the trapped feeling, the narrator痴 precision knowing that there are seven cars, watching the bars break and the unsure end.

You致e got a couple typos here and there, which are mostly unimportant, but it still feels sloppy. I知 not talking about punctuation I think you use it well, actually, using periods for muted emphasis rather than at random. The erratic capitalization even works; when the capitals and periods come, the thoughts feel more rooted in the present, more sane.

Prison and bar get a tad repetitive, but I知 not sure what you壇 do instead and it works well enough. In general, the repetition痴 good cars, I watch, etc.

Solid poem.
Verdict:
The Extinguisher.

arti3 vs. Fifty-Eyed Fred: Unspoken
arti3: Valorous Battle at the Library of the Monks of the Golden Lady
Nice reinterpretation of the challenge story. Especially when you don稚 tell us who won just that someone clearly did. (So we don稚 get insight into that goddess of theirs. Aww.)

At first I was tempted to say this might work better in a more prosish, paragraph form, but then I threw a few stanzas into that and found it works much better the way you have it. So many kudos for your effective line breaks.

Also kudos to your effective sound effects, which drive the piece (and competition!) on. Your mechanics in general are good, each stanza feeling about the same length as the other, each one working well when read aloud.

And the language! It痴 simple. You don稚 have to put things into complex words 釦he poem sings as or more beautifully the way it is, with words unspoken.
(Aren稚 I hilarious?) I like how you have water, fire, wood, air, and metal in one, reminiscent if not true to the elements in the China this piece brings to mind.

There痴 a few nitpicks words that seem to be missing here and there, words that could be added which require nothing more than another glance or two over to polish it up. The strength of the poem, though, lies mostly in the story, and so in this case a few mechanical issues are hardly going to distract.

Fifty-Eyed Fred: Untitled
Ooh, rhyme. Rhyme and meter. Shiny.

Sorry. I like that sort of thing.

The only time I think that meter is spoiled is in the seventh line (鄭s to make), where I pronounce it ..^.^^^^ rather than the usual .^.^.^.^ then again, I may pronounce it differently from you, and I can see how it can be shifted to be more in line with the others. I知 a bit confused about the rhyme scheme, but it works when read out loud barely noticeable, really, which is good so I知 not going to worry a whole lot.

The subject seems rather uninspired, though. Yes, you致e got these lovely lines, but some of them are rather empty of content. This is excusable enough, of course, because you have to do that sometimes to get those beautiful metered out lines. However, the storyline we speak. Words don稚 do much. We touch! The sweet poetry of ourselves will go unspoken always (is this poem a metaphor for intercourse? Certain English teachers would have it so).

I think you can do more with your skill in using the language, and I think it was also partly bad luck that the idea behind it seemed more standard than it could be (and that you got saddled with me as a judge, because this is honestly a matter of personal taste). I知 curious as to what else you can write.
Verdict:
Arti3.

Wadledo vs. Alarra: Torrid
Wadledo: City Park
This captures heat so well. Not just heat, but the kind of heat that makes one痴 brain fuzzy and dry and tired. And your narrator痴 tired, foiled from an escape to the ice cold hidden somewhere beneath the sand, foiled from an escape from the heat, worry, fear. You use summer well.

It needs some polish, just for small things typos, left-out words, etc. More important, though, are the emotions of the narrator you convey I particularly like the second and third stanzas and also the imagination of the same, of ice cream as a child and knives as an adult. Those were done clearly, simply, and profoundly.

Good poem.
Alarra: Untitled
I like the story. I like the back-and-forth between narrator and friend, especially in the sixth stanza. I like the emotions anger, grasping hope, disappointment.

(Is it a poem? I took out all the line breaks and read it as prose, and I think it was better. But I知 biased. And, honestly, it could work even as a script. So this is not a big deal.)

I like the lines like 徹ppressive July heat plastered shirt to breast, and 田hildren dancing between parked cars/the sun a drumbeat on our backs. I think it could have used more like that, because they show the setting in a way the reader can feel sun and sweat after too long out on a summer痴 day and that it didn稚 require lines such as 滴ollow words, empty promises. I think we know that, from the actions given.

The characters seem real - the dialogue not quite as much, but a useful device. I think it could have benefited from being pushed to one side or another of the prose/poetry line, but that痴 something entirely up to you and your intentions with the piece.
Verdict:
Wadledo.

The Fiery Tower vs. Dreaminthedark: Up
The Fiery Tower: Untitled
I like the form of this poem. It works both visually and aurally, which is nice while the steadily decreasing line lengths works better with the former, especially since you chose words as the unit to change by rather than syllables or feet, it does retain a sense of rhythm to it. I think that sense of rhythm could be augmented it goes from interesting to awkward a bit too often but is, overall, good.

Sometimes your wording seems forced, which is understandable with the structure you致e given yourself here but not ideal. The use of 祖ease, for instance, doesn稚 quite jive with the rest of your language. It痴 not really a fancy word, but compared to the much simpler, more common words around it it has that unfortunate vibe of I-need-a-synonym-for-end-and-this-is-a-cool-word! (Not to say you did that, or that痴 what I think you did, or anything of the sort, just that it breaks the general use of language).

And, in a similar vein that could help with that, do you need the rhymes? Honestly, it took me a couple times through to notice them, and not feeling forced to find a rhyme might help with a few wordings. (Of course, if you do it once, it痴 expected you do it every time. So you壇 have to entirely ditch rhyming to make it work). The strength of the form here is in the decreasing length and increasing eh, simplicity痴 not the right word, but it痴 close enough (succinctness?); the added complexity of rhyme is, in my opinion, unnecessary.

Honestly, I知 nitpicking here, and I don稚 want you to take it the wrong way. It痴 a good poem, and, while it could use some work, stands quite well as it is.
Dreaminthedark: Untitled
Fly away, girl! Be free!

Except she痴 not moving forward with her dreams. Only floating. And up is not necessarily a good thing.

At a glance, I think it needs about half as many line breaks, or a change in the punctuation it痴 confusing. Does she hold the dark eyes dear? If so, why is there a semi-colon there? Generally, punctuate a poem as you would a normal sentence, except with the line breaks and such unless your intention is to make it unclear. In that case, go ahead. Ignore this.

Your wording, however, is lovely. With a few words, you get across the notion of no one really seeing her, although she smiles; the repetition of 渡o one and 吐loats up and even 塗er help the poem along.

Issues with mechanics, maybe, which might just be me, but the overall function of the poem is good.

Verdict:
The Fiery Tower

Belkarsbadside1 vs. Puppychowguy: Calm
Belkarsbadside1: Peace of Mind
Aren稚 language filters fun?

The poem痴 pretty good. It could use some work, though.

Mechanics first. The meter isn稚 consistent, which makes it feel disjointed and somewhat sloppy the rhyming is forced in some places as well. The combination of these things makes me think that, in this poem, you should ditch the rhyming. It痴 not terribly important, and it痴 really the meter that drives the poem here. I could go on with specific examples and nitpicks and the like, but I doubt it would be helpful you know where the meter痴 weird just by reading it aloud naturally, and the rhymes are also obvious.

Mechanics first, because that was the most negative part. The story痴 classic, of someone deciding to leave the routine, hectic city life and find peace for themselves, and you tell it well. I love the first two lines especially, with the pebbles ****ter-clattering and acting as a metronome they bring up image and sound clear and strong. Likewise, describing city life as an addiction, the city at war, and a stuck soul are all particularly nice lines.

So it needs a bit more polish and tighter mechanics, but the meat is tasty. The former usually come with practice the latter often never comes at all.
Puppychowguy: Untitled
Calm? Okay, okay, it痴 calm at the end. Finds calmness and all that. I won稚 dock metaphorical poem-points for that. Just my first impression.

So, smoking anything? It seems rather disjointed and random at times. I get the feeling that痴 meant to be the point. Reminds me of the Howl style. Alien to me, I値l admit, so I may not be I may be worse at critiquing this than others.

I like the imagery. Beaten cheeks like beaten eggs in beaten children, black tar faces and alcohol infernos, the broken down Volkswagen in an alleyway hidden from the explosion and hate of the world (but then again, it痴 broken). You致e got something there, as far as I can tell, that works with the stringing of words together that shouldn稚 be (田opacetic daze!).

(Now you致e got me writing funny. Could also be the lack of sleep.)

I don稚 think I can give you anything useful. It痴 not the kind of poetry I usually go out for (I need to expand my horizons), but it痴 good. Even if it痴 just because of the lovely words that clash together, even if it had no meaning whatsoever (which it does, I think, even if I can稚 really articulate the full of it), it痴 good. It shouts, and not just because of the capital letters.

Verdict:
Puppychowguy.

Phoekun vs. Szilard: Harmonious
Phoekun: Avalon
Love it. From the slight Arthurian references to the stark imagery which captures both the pain without ever calling it pain and the ultimate contentment, the words in this come together well.

From the title, and quickly reading through the poem the first time, I thought the narrator had died and entered some parallel paradise. With the second read through, I figured out that it could be read both ways I知 not sure if you intended this due to the lack of detail on the 叢assing hero and the quality of the second half, wavering between dream-like and sharply real before passing into the harmony of the prompt. Either way, the mood changes are captured nicely here, all from the viewpoint of the slightly fanciful narrator, with simple words but strong sentences.

It doesn稚 have much form when read aloud (though it痴 visually appealing), which is a bit of a put-off for me personally. Aloud, it could be prose, if disjointed prose; I知 not, in this case, certain how to change it, and I知 also not certain that you would want to. It痴 a good piece of writing, anyway, no matter the type. I don稚 really have much to say to improve it. Perhaps it痴 a little too disjointed but that痴 honestly more artistic differences than anything important.
Szilard: Untitled
This is a fun one to read out loud, just for the sound effects. And it is definitely calm. Reminds me of the poems that go in the little books with pretty illustrations that my mom used to read to me. (This is a positive thing, and I apologize if I missed the subtle undercurrent of fear or biting political commentary or whatnot. I知 a simple person.)

Normally, I知 skeptical of the more free-formy poetry. (I don稚 know exact terms for these things. Sue me.) I find plenty of it would be more suited to short prose, and the poet just made it poetry because people have something against short prose. In this case, however, despite it not having a strict form or standard rhythm, it does have a rhythm. There痴 a reason to the line breaks, both visually and aurally, and the simple language fits the poem well.

Could you have done a little more, though? Don稚 get me wrong. This is a good poem. But I知 rather willing to bet you could have taken it a bit further. I知 not sure how I知 sorry but, well, it痴 a bit too simple. It痴 fun to read, but not much beyond that. It痴 an exercise in sing-song, in pretty language, in sweet nothings. It痴 good at those things. And it痴 not that there痴 anything particularly wrong with that, either edginess is overrated but (I知 saying 礎ut a lot, aren稚 I?) I think you could have done more.
Verdict:
Phoekun.

They were both well done wonderfully done, but Avalon was more complex and pulled that off. And I have to pick one.

Thanks, both!

drengnikrafe
2010-03-18, 01:27 PM
So, this is how it turns out. I don't know if I am still supposed to spoiler my observations about spoilered information.
I guess it makes sense, considering that my poem is totally unpolished due to my defeatist mindset that wouldn't allow me to even write. That's why the poem is so dark, if you're wondering. And there are a pile of technical words there because I hate word repitition. I'll take what has been said to heart, and try to do better when Iron Poet X rolls around.
Good job, AJWB.

wadledo
2010-03-18, 01:59 PM
I'd just like to point out, my poem is from three distinct speakers.
The first is a crow, the seconds a young child, the third is a mother (the woman in the picture).

This is why the little spoiler explaining the poem is sometimes a good thing.:smallsigh:

truemane
2010-03-18, 02:12 PM
I'd just like to point out, my poem is from three distinct speakers.
The first is a crow, the seconds a young child, the third is a mother (the woman in the picture).

This is why the little spoiler explaining the poem is sometimes a good
thing.:smallsigh:

At the risk of starting a fight, you're completely wrong. The piece needs to be strong enough to stand on its own without explanation or apology. If you have to spell out what it means, then it doesn't really mean anything.

I understood that it was three speakers. I thought the first was a pigeon, but close enough.

wadledo
2010-03-18, 02:32 PM
At the risk of starting a fight, you're completely wrong. The piece needs to be strong enough to stand on its own without explanation or apology. If you have to spell out what it means, then it doesn't really mean anything.

I understood that it was three speakers. I thought the first was a pigeon, but close enough.

Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

Errandir
2010-03-18, 02:48 PM
So, apparently the judges like rhymes. That's good. I like rhymes too. :smallsmile:

Viera Champion
2010-03-18, 03:04 PM
Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

Unfortunately, it is the fault of the poet even if there are some people who DO understand it. People don't read poems they don't understand, and it isn't their fault. If the poet doesn't put it in enough detail, then it's all on him/her that people don't understand it. Which is the problem with poetry. It makes sense to the poet who is writing it, but a lot of the time they automatically assume that means other people should. I'm a story writer, and I'm currently working on my first novel. And I'm glad I have people who will point these things out to me. Trust me, it's better in the long run to clearly explain things within the work.

Vaynor
2010-03-18, 03:17 PM
Congratulations to:

The Fiery Tower
AJWB
Errandir
Kurosawa
arti3
puppychowguy
Szilard
Alarra

I'll put up the next round tomorrow.

FirebirdFlying
2010-03-18, 03:18 PM
Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

Do I give you indigestion?

I apologize for that, at least. Stomachaches are no fun.

I'd hesitate to say whether it's the author or the readers or both at fault here, or if it's entirely faulty either way. People interpret things differently, I'm sorry to say, and if us mere mortals are too dumb to interpret your poem the way you'd like - maybe you do need to write down to us.

Am I stupid, to interpret this poem as the crone, the child, and the mother speaking?

Of course it's annoying - I've been annoyed by similar things - but unfortunately we don't all think the same.

(And I don't read spoilered comments on the poem, at least not until after I've tried to figure it out for myself. No matter how much I'd like to explain the reasoning for the stupid things that come out of my mouth and fingers, I can't throw a little spoiler to the side for those interested. And half the point of critiques, I find, is to see how other people see what I write, even if it's not how I see it.)

wadledo
2010-03-18, 03:36 PM
*snip*

See, the problem there is like saying 1984 was written exclusively for literary enjoyment. It wasn't.
There is a meaning behind the book, and if some people don't understand that, is it Orwell's fault, or the readers?

However, it is still nice to learn that you are not as clear as you think you are.
It just seems to happen more than normal for me (which isn't true, but feels so.).

@FirebirdFlying: No, you didn't, so don't feel bad.

PhoeKun
2010-03-18, 04:40 PM
Yes but if some people understand it, and others don't, then whose fault is it?
Is it the author, who doesn't outright say that something is something and the sky is blue, or the reader, who doesn't understand contextual clues?

I wasn't particularly proud of the poem in the first place, as it took me 20 minutes to write then post, but I still find it annoying when certain persons can't understand what something is when to me, it's blatantly obvious.

There's no actual fault involved. A writer will never have control over what the readers will take away from a piece - only what precisely gets written down. If a writer wishes to convey certain specific meanings, the job of the writer is to arrange those words as clearly as possible. If a decision is made to rely on inference, context, or implication and the reader fails to find or follow those clues, the writer can't really be upset with the reader.

You can't rely on notes explaining yourself, either. There's no guarantee the note and the work will wind up packaged together, or even if both are read. That's why it's always crucial to make every effort to push the reader in the direction you want them to go. Of course, the best works are those that remain clear while providing the sense of a 'hands off' approach, but anything that effectively conveys the point can't be said to be bad.

Long story short, you only control what you say. It's mostly useless to get worked up over outside factors, except insomuch as they can teach you about how to better achieve the goals you set when you started writing in the first place.

edit: Oi. Szilard. You beat me, so I hereby revoke your write to talk down about your chances of victory, as I so very clearly remember you doing prior to the round. Head held high, friend - people who walk over my corpse may do so only on the path to total victory. :smalltongue:

Jokasti
2010-03-18, 05:45 PM
*snip*
edit: Oi. Szilard. You beat me, so I hereby revoke your write to talk down about your chances of victory
*snip*

I hereby revoke your write to revoke writes. :smalltongue:

Devigod
2010-03-18, 05:47 PM
You can't rely on notes explaining yourself, either. There's no guarantee the note and the work will wind up packaged together, or even if both are read.

That. I basically copied down all the poems and shoved them into word docs only labeled by category and a random string of numbers. Not sure whether or not I'd be a biased or partial judge or not, but it never hurts; except in the case where the note is essential to the piece or something.

That's my 2cp, at least.

Szilard
2010-03-18, 06:34 PM
I'm feeling good right now. :smalltongue:

I shall take PhoeKun's words and go forth, to victory!

...

Hopefully.

Jokasti
2010-03-18, 08:16 PM
Can't wait for the next round.

Vaynor
2010-03-18, 09:05 PM
Can't wait for the next round.

Iron Poet IX: Round Two

Picture only this time, interpret it however you want.

arti3 vs. AJWB:
http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/077/3/6/SIradan_bir_gundu_by_hakanaydogan.jpg
The Fiery Tower vs. Kurosawa:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c83/Vaynor/down_by_knsprkeks.jpg
Errandir vs. Puppychowguy:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c83/Vaynor/bottle_on_fire_by_jksteele.gif
Szilard vs. Alarra:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c83/Vaynor/flightless_by_lauren_rabbit.jpg

Deadline: Friday, March 26th 2010 at 11:59 pm (EST).

Alarra
2010-03-18, 09:33 PM
Those are incredibly cool pictures.
Oh, Wadledo....i thought the 3 speakers were obvious.

Vaynor
2010-03-18, 09:41 PM
Those are incredibly cool pictures.

Searching for pictures on Deviantart under "Abstract and Surreal" gets you some pretty cool results. :smallsmile:

Szilard
2010-03-18, 09:49 PM
I'm against Alarra? This should be fun. :smallamused:

Arti3
2010-03-18, 10:09 PM
I'm against AJWB? This should be fun. :smallamused:

AJWB
2010-03-18, 10:31 PM
I'm against arti3? This should be fun :smallamused:

I promise not to write about semen this time around.

drengnikrafe, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing you in future Iron Poets.

Elfin
2010-03-18, 10:36 PM
This should be interesting on all fronts, I think.

Szilard
2010-03-18, 10:46 PM
Except the western front. That's just hellish. ... Bad joke?

Zeb The Troll
2010-03-18, 10:51 PM
Vaynor, you always come up with the most fascinating images. I can't wait to see what the writers do with these.

Elfin
2010-03-19, 12:08 AM
Except the western front. That's just hellish. ... Bad joke?

Actually, I've heard it's pretty quiet over there.

...Worse joke.

Szilard
2010-03-19, 09:27 PM
Is it bad that I laughed?

Anyway, I should get around to thinking of a poem.

Kuma
2010-03-21, 12:26 PM
Okay, The Firey Tower, eh? and that picture... well, Let's both try our best, Shall we?

let the best man, or masonry, win!

Vaynor
2010-03-21, 10:55 PM
Okay, The Firey Tower, eh? and that picture... well, Let's both try our best, Shall we?

let the best man, or masonry, win!

Oh, and in case it wasn't obvious, that's a bug in the middle.

TFT
2010-03-21, 11:16 PM
Oh really? I was right! My sister thought it was a cow.

Kuma
2010-03-24, 04:24 PM
this'll probably be my final draft, i may edit it slightly between now and friday, but... yeah.

Thump!

I see you, giant.
Standing there,
O弾r my people.
Your cruel eyes aflame with maleficent hate

You think that we,
Unfeeling,
Don稚 know cruelty
But we know of you, and that is enough

You ponder, Titan,
What you値l do,
Burn us perhaps?
Or maybe pour floods to wash us away?

Or maybe, today
You値l leave us,
but return soon
To destroy our friends, our homes, and our kin?

Or maybe, yes, now
Your minds made,
You rise up
You値l bring down your foot and - !


Comment: Judges Dont read this 'till after judging,
first off thank you for reading. I agree with Alarra and think a poem should speak for itself.

But, if your confused, i thought the prompt kind of looked like the sole of a shoe. hopefully this clarifies my idea enough.

if that didn't help:
The speaker is the dead bug (which i turned into an ant) a couple of seconds before death. The audience is a sadistic boy who enjoys tormenting the ants.

TFT
2010-03-24, 10:16 PM
Hmm, I am dittoing what my opponent says. I may edit it, but this feels close to the final draft.

Chaos

Chaos, uncertainty, with those I reign.
I can do anything, the power痴 mine.
With the flick of the wrist, magic happens.
A snap, one motion, and order you値l pine.
The whys and the hows both confuse your brain.
Go on, give my thinking a thought, just try.
The thoughts of your smartest thinkers this ends,
Watch as we change to the size of a fly.

Here, look around, do you see this order?
It痴 nothing compared to the greatest, me.
Those lines, just like people, all under rules,
only parts of the picture they all see.
Your brains, they all are stuck in a border,
They池e on one path, a narrow-minded view.
In that way, you池e on a level with mules,
Who don稚 think, don稚 question, instead just do.

Wait, what痴 A B C B, A D C D?
And what do you mean by rhythm of ten?
Do you dare to tell me I have order,
I, who is greater than you and all men?
No, you are lying, it just cannot be!
Do I have a rhythm, order, structure?
Your words, they池e weapons, acting like mortar.
They hurt my mind, and my thoughts they puncture.

I, with much sorrow, now see what you mean,
And maybe I had you humans all wrong.
Maybe you aren稚 just that line, narrow.
Maybe your something with width that痴 as long.
Your limits, I guess, are yet to be seen,
And mine, well they they are starting to show.
Not chaos, but order, just hidden low,
and in all there is a structure, a flow.

Szilard
2010-03-26, 08:37 AM
Jaws

The table was set
dun

Except not really
dun Dun

It was kind of empty
dun Dun dun

Just a sort of wooden piece of crap
dun Dun dun Dun

Somehow the table was on the wall
dun Dun dun Dun

Maybe it was funky gravity
dun Dun dut dun

A dead bird is on the table
dun Dun dun Dun

A dead flower upside-down over it
dun Dun dut dun

Sideways according to the floor
dun Dun dun Dun

Some hands reached for it
dunanaaaaaa

About to grab the flower
Dun Dun Dun Dun

The hands were grabbed!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Puppychowguy
2010-03-26, 02:17 PM
(Title): A Sestina (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sestina)
He looks at the (noun-A)
(adv). It痴 been (number more than one) days
since he has (past tense verb) and was (adj-B).
His memory is (verb-ing) all the time.
Every night he (present tense verb-C)
and doesn稚 have a reason why.

Everyone looks, but no one asks why.
His (body part) is stuck together with a/an (adj) (noun-A).
(Planet) is where no one (present tense verb-C)
or knows him. One of these days
he値l (verb) his (noun) and have no sense of time.
He値l be (emotion) and yell out (exclamation)! As (adj-B)

as he feels, the (plural noun) (verb-ing) (adv) will make him feel even more (adj-B).
He値l build a town and call it (made up place) and no one will (verb) why.
He値l (verb) the (color) (adj) sky and grow thyme
to (verb) in (noun-A).
(adj) (plural noun) will make love with (adj) (plural noun) (adv) all of the days.
(Greeting) the sun will (verb) as it (present tense verb-C),

and (present tense verb-C), and (present tense verb-C).
The days are (adj-B)
and after (number more than one) straight (adj-B) days,
without (verb-ing) why,
the sun will set (cardinal direction) on the (noun-A)
because it痴 (number) o団lock (repeat made up place) time.

He値l ask, 鉄un, must you (verb) this time
so (adv)?" The sun (present tense verb-c)
and replies, 哲o I must (verb) this (adj) (noun-A).
The town would be (adj-B)
at night and as confused as the letter y.
Days and days

would (verb) and he痴 in a daze
without the sun. His (body part) will be (verb-ing) with time.
He値l (verb) his mind (adv) and only say, 展hy, Why, Why?
But one (adj) day he wakes up and (present tense verb-c).
He値l see he should致e never (adv) (verb) the (adj-B)
(noun-A).

Why days
(verb) like (noun-A) time and time
again is his (adj-b) (noun-A) (present tense verb-C).

The title is hyperlinked to the Wikipedia page for Sestina in case you do not know the form. If possible, I would also like feedback on if I did the form correct.

AJWB
2010-03-26, 07:35 PM
Butterflies

Butterflies

Scraping against the back of my head

Butterflies

Gnawing on the tendrils of my mind

Butterflies

Stinging like sand in my open wounds

Thoughts of verse

Skitter across

My

Mind

The Butterflies

Always weaving in and out

And in and out

And in

And out

Caged and contained

No way to get out

The rain

Slams against

My brain

Screeching

Calling

Echoes

Lost in

Eternity

Butterflies

Slicing my lips with their lies

Butterflies

Burning like poison in my gut

Butterflies

Deafening my ears with their calls

The fog settles

In thick

Phasing

Thoughts and cries

Plaguing, always

Plaguing

These thoughts come

Like dreams

But real and always

Always

Always returning

To that one

First Thought

Damn

I am

Terrible

At

Poetry

Arti3
2010-03-26, 09:58 PM
Eyes He'd pushed me to hard this time.
I run from home, splashing,
My shoes now with grime.
My father and I, clashing,
My eyes filled with brine.

I can't believe it.
I pause at the shed, waiting,
My teeth clench and grit.
My mother's voice fading,
My eyes see him hit.

I've freed us.
I reach for the bat, screaming,
My eyes see the blood.
My eyes have tears, streaming,
My eyes feel the flood.

Free.
I see a butterfly and
My father, so vile.
My eyes open wide, and
I smile.

Errandir
2010-03-26, 10:11 PM
Flame and Shadow
There痴 something subtle in a flame,
So bright it pains the eye to see
A joy, perhaps, so deep and stark
It bird-like leaps to vivid life -
Or so I thought, as once I gazed
Into its shifting, sun-streaked depths.

And yet I know not where to find -
In this red immolation here
That spreads its searing, choking cloak,
That gyrates, hungers, and enthralls -
That joy, save in the bitter heat
By which my face is rendered dry.

A picture frame, engulfed in fire,
A charred brown chair, the soot-streaked walls,
A bottle, glass, half-melted there
In which the flame痴 dull red is trapped:
A house consumed, and in the ash,
A life that once I called my own.

Now out into the shadowed night -
The blazing light spread not this far -
I see the sighing roof cave in
With sparks that settle in the dark.
I think that shadow痴 kin to flame;
There痴 aught that draws in both - and thus;

I turn to leave, with head bowed low,
And drop the matches as I go.

Szilard
2010-03-26, 10:18 PM
Looks like all eight poems are here half an hour before the deadline. Let's hope the judges are as swift as humanly possible.

Zeb The Troll
2010-03-26, 11:10 PM
Wow! Two straight rounds with no dropouts?

*faints*

:smallcool:

Good luck, everyone!

Devigod
2010-03-27, 06:17 PM
Spring break means that if all goes according to plan, I'll have these (judgments) wrapped up by wednesday. Round two is a double edged sword in that, while there are half as many rounds to deal with, the results carry that much more weight for people.

Nevertheless, CONGRATULATIONS, poets!

Viera Champion
2010-03-27, 09:18 PM
Judgement Day is upon us! (Not that judgement day silly!)

AJWB V. Arti3
AJWB
Criticizing the poem you are writing, AS PART OF THAT POEM, is NOT good. I'm sorry, but I really didn't feel for this poem.

Arti3
Good job. It was a very deep poem, and the imagery was nice.

Final Judgement
Arti3

Kurosawa V. The Fiery Tower
Kurosawa
I'm not quite sure what this had to do with the prompt, but it was an okay poem none the less.

The Fiery Tower
Great poem! It's nice and deep with lots of imagery and stuff, just the way I like it.

Final Judgement
The Fiery Tower

Errandir V. PuppyChowGuy
Errandir
Excellet poem. Great imagery. I could clearly link it to the prompt which is good.

PuppyChowGuy
I'm sorry. I didn't like that. I couldn't even read most of it. It just wasn't flowing at all, and didn't really feel like poetry, but like a Madlib, that I don't want to do. I need words not (adj-B) (Something or other Verb-C). It didn't work at all for me.

Final Judgement
Errandir

Szilard V. Alarra
Szilard
That, really wasn't poetic at all for me, and didn't really work for me. Sorry.

Alarra
Alarra... You're amazing at poetry. This was so incredibly deep, and saddening like your last one. It is so full of emotion. I would pay millions for you to make poems for me(If I had that kind of money, that is). You are just a fantastic poet, and the deep, deep emotion in your poems gets me everytime.

Final Judgement
Alarra

Jokasti
2010-04-01, 03:10 PM
I hope this round doesn't take as long.

Devigod
2010-04-04, 01:21 PM
Happy Easter (to those who celebrate this formerly Pagan holiday).

Here are the judgments. I tried to get them done sooner, but I got distracted by sleep (on some nights, as much as fifteen hours) that I sorely needed. Nevertheless, they are done now. Before you all read, let me say that I think everybody did excellent this round and I was pleased by the overall quality. While these judgments and critiques will never be in a state I am satisfied with, I feel I need to share them with you. For the most part, they are personal judgments in nature and no poet should feel burdened to take them with anything less than a tablespoon of salt.

On to the judgments! (They got hastily rendered in notepad, so please forgive any transgressionary spelling mistakes on my part).

Verdicts:
Alarra vs. SzilardAlarraI have trouble seeing the prompt in your piece, but that doesn't detract from it as far as poetry goes in the least. While I maintain that perhaps this narrative-esque style is more fit for prose than poetry, I can see you're comfortable with the style, and much prefer this piece to your round one entry, most namely because rather than creating a somewhat empty speaker, you decentralize the narrative, yet give a narrator voice through the disembodied thoughts.

Have I mentioned how depressing this piece is? Because it stings emotionally. This sort of piece is much more heartfelt than most of the entries I've read, and, while it's not quite as technical as some of the other entries I've read this round, what you do have is your emotional voice and your pattern of emotional voice/'detached' narrative imagery. You know your strengths and you play them well. I'm not sure what to give here in the way of criticism because I think your piece largely speaks for itself. There's no way for me to gauge emotion or render judgment on imagery besides evaluating how much of it I see. Here I see a lot. Best of luck and (not so) happy writing.SzilardYour interpretation of this prompt really made me laugh. I'm not sure whether or not you were taking this seriously or not, but I'll try to as a judge. This piece was very raw and literal. While it made a few observations that were more or less obvious, there were a few things that I would not have realized- the hand grabbing at the climax, for example, was very unique, as was the apt title of the piece- Jaws- to get me in the mood and mindset for your dramatic background music. As far as mock terror goes, you pulled it off. If there is any weakness to this piece, I would say that it's the lack of refrain following the climax- there is nothing to slow the piece down afterward- then again, perhaps you wanted it to end that way.VerdictAlarra. I certainly appreciated Szilard's effort and satire, but in the end, I had to go with the more emotive, image-heavy piece. It's obvious that a lot of blood, sweat and tears went into Alarra's piece by comparison even if it didn't really touch on the prompt. You both have my best. Writing is ever a journey!AJWB vs. Arti3AJWBWhen I was first reading this, I kept thinking of silence of the lambs; save that butterflies represent a twisted imitated innocence in that movie while in your poem they serve as antagonists- a reminder or some painful fact. While I like your punchline at the end of the poem in its self-awareness, you probably didn't need to completely disarm yourself with it.

There are things I like about the piece and things I don't. Perhaps it is a personal thing, but I kind of disdain pieces that are a stream of words that practically remove the use of lines. Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that you are more successful than most at maintaining a rhythm of your own in the face of your self-denouncement. You are successful with your repetition of the butterflies in the picture to remind us of the antagonist. Nevertheless, in the face of your good rhythm, your stream of words kind of rings empty in its simplicity- with singular lines like My, and And In, and And Out, it just borders on overly lengthy. Lines such as Slicing my lips with their lies, on the other hand, ring much better; there are active things happening in the line- it is a punctuated and complete thought.

I liked the poem in some ways- it may have been that you were satirizing this style, yet, at the same time, you kind of lacked substance because of the simplicity of some of your lines. I had mixed thoughts, but its obvious you put in an effort, especially where the difficulty of the picture is concerned.Arti3This may be a little basic: You use the wrong form of too. To is to go somewhere, or to do something in order to do something else. If you want the relative phrase that implies an unnecessary extreme (i.e. he pushed me too hard) you need two os. If you're not a native English speaker, this can definitely slide, as it's fairly confusing but if English is your first language, then you have no excuse to mess this up.

That said, I like your poem in other respects; you work well witht he meter as well as the language. You do great with things like brine rather than simply saying tears, demonstrate a twisted world where one must appease the tyrant by smiling in the face of viciousness, else simply end the greater cruelty. The pauses for the italicized thoughts are also, well, thoughtful and you leave your piece open to interpretation.

If there were one thing I had to point out as a weakness, it would probably be the length, although at your current four stanzas, you are able to provide strong transitions between each of them and develop the speaker, so maybe that is an advantage. Because I'm complaining about length, however, take that to mean that I want to hear more. It's a strong piece.VerdictArti3. Although I liked both pieces and both were strong as far as the prompt was concerned, Arti3's piece had more substance, more imagery and stronger language. I appreciated AJWB's own brand of humor, but much of the piece seemed to ring empty, despite the fact that he was able to present it with great panache as far as style is concerned.Errandir vs. PuppychowguyErrandirYour piece quickly establishes itself as possessing strong blank verse. Okay, that doesn't even begin to describe it; you're a very talented writer. This piece would be right up my alley if you had managed to render it in lyric (rhyme), but perhaps it is the stronger in imagery because you freed yourself of that restriction. Nevertheless, your closely sounding 2nd and 4th lines of your 4th stanza show how potent an addition lyric could be. Nevertheless, I have little to say as far as criticism goes for the piece; you pretty much have it all: a definite speaker, beautiful imagery, obvious, comfortable rhythm, a good revelation in couplet form (that rhymes).

Actually, your strict policy of saving your rhyme to the end is very much like Shakespeare's Scottish play (you're not supposed to say it aloud) in that he highlights the ending with rhymed couplets but uses blank verse for most of the scenes.

Powerful, powerful stuff. I love your ending.PuppychowguyThis piece is definitely different. Your approach really reminds me of mad-libs.

As far as sestinas go, you look like you pulled it off; I have to apologize that I don't find myself with the time to examine it with the scrutiny of an English major, (I also lack the experience to be an English major) but it looks like a very hard form to imitate.

I'll have to be honest; I read it a few times, but this is kind of an enigma to me. Some will swear that with writing, an author should spell out everything for the reader, but that with poetry, a writer should leave it to interpretation. There are many schools of thought in this, but let me say that never have I run across a piece that calls for the reader to fill in the blank. It's definitely quirky and different, but I think it asks too much of me. I cannot fill in the blank by myself and evaluate the poem based on these merits; the other problem is simply the amount of space you leave in the poem- you'll leave a blank space for a word at least once and sometimes twice a line. In the end, it was a difficult task for me to read, mentally insert, and proceed.

I like your creativity, but I think that while you definitely executed a complex poetic form, your approach of leaving these blank spaces distracted and detracted from your work.VerdictErrandir. This was a difficult round. You guys were both very technically and creatively competitive, but, in the end, I had to give this to Errandir because his piece not only more closely follows the prompt, but also because it was more fully realized. I had a little bit of trouble piecing together Puppychowguy's piece on the read and found the blank spaces distracting, but his use of the sestina was airtight. In the end- tough round (competitively. Tough for me to judge). You guys both deserve applause, but the day goes to Errandir.Kurosawa vs. The Fiery TowerKurosawaThis was a cool rendering of the prompt through the perspective of the fly. While it is no doubt simplistic, I like your choice to render it in somewhat archaic English; it lends it credibility as a plea from the gnat to the giant, as if from the peasant to the lord. The form too, is the right choice- your centered stanzas give the appearance of a leg stomping the flat ground over and over again. In this case, I think your simplicity of piece and style play to your advantage; it was a neatly tucked away and enjoyable piece. Let's hope it makes people think twice before finishing the job on that next insect.The Fiery TowerInteresting choice of rhyme scheme. I'm not sure I've ever read anything of the sort and noticed it. If there's anything else that leapt out at me, it was the speaker's obsession with brains and scale. I think it's funny that you disarmed the speaker by pointing out the larger picture- the rhyme scheme within the piece. Though I would hesitate to commend such a breaking of the fourth wall, it does well to keep his (consider it a gender-neutral he) dislikable ego in check.

This is perhaps one of the strongest interpretations of the prompt that I've seen in that you not only embrace almost all aspects of it, but you move it forward a few steps, take it in several directions. You not only focus on the fly, but the line confining him, and the blurry 'chaos' around him. In the end, I found this thoughtful, well structured, well developed (as far as the speaker is concerned), and well connected to the prompt. This is a very strong piece; well done.VerdictThe Fiery Tower. At the end of the day, while I liked both pieces, I chose The Fiery Tower because he took the prompt and innovated rather than simply rehash. I thought both were strong as narratives and well connected to the prompt, but The Fiery Tower had a little more development and complexity (which he utilized well). Rounds like these are the reason that I do Iron Poet. Best of luck to the both of you.

Congratulations all. Perhaps I was in a better mood, but I think that this round was, all in all, much stronger than last.

Alarra
2010-04-04, 05:34 PM
@Devigod As far as my inclusion of the prompt in my poem, I used it more in a metaphorical way, with the girl being likened to the flower, uprooted, shriveling in on herself, surrounded by death and chaos. Sorry if that wasn't so clear as I thought it would be. :smallsmile:

Errandir
2010-04-04, 07:01 PM
Devigod:
Thanks for the feedback. It might interest you to know that I didn't actually set out to write blank verse. My idea for that poem was originally a series of three sonnets, but I realized the evening of the deadline that it was much too ambitious (I only had one of them done) and had to switch.

It was an interesting experience, since I've never tried to write non-rhyming verse before. It was quicker, and, as you noted, the imagery came out better. It also has stronger conciseness and economy of phrase, which I think is essential. But it still lacks the flow and drive of rhyme.

To sum up: I need to get better at deadlines.

Szilard
2010-04-04, 07:36 PM
Devigod (since all the cool kids are doing it):
I seriously did not take this seriously. If I did, I might have made a serious poem, but instead, I went with my first fleeting thought. Yeah, you probably don't need to know that, but whatever.

Errandir
2010-04-07, 04:15 PM
Well, I'm leaving on a long trip tomorrow. I'll be in a foreign country (Greece) and I don't have a laptop, so internet access is dubious at best. I'll be back in eleven days.

Anyway, I'm sorry - it's bad form to leave in the middle of a contest. To be honest, I just wasn't looking this far ahead when I joined. If the deadline for the next round passes before I get back, I guess I'll have to drop out. If not, I'll do my best to get something in.

*waves*

Helgraf
2010-04-07, 09:18 PM
Devigod and all the judges, actually.

You rawk. Thanks for taking the largely thankless job of judging these projects.

What, everyone else was doing it.

Devigod
2010-04-09, 06:45 AM
@Devigod As far as my inclusion of the prompt in my poem, I used it more in a metaphorical way, with the girl being likened to the flower, uprooted, shriveling in on herself, surrounded by death and chaos. Sorry if that wasn't so clear as I thought it would be. :smallsmile:
Alright; my thanks for clearing that part up; I'm not all that keen on picking up the subtle stuff like that and I was kind of on a deadline to get the writeups in (I had a flight to catch later that day). I feel bad that I mentioned it like that a couple of times, though I suppose that it's a given that anything a write will be me interpretation of the piece and not a concrete assessment.

Devigod:
Thanks for the feedback. It might interest you to know that I didn't actually set out to write blank verse. My idea for that poem was originally a series of three sonnets, but I realized the evening of the deadline that it was much too ambitious (I only had one of them done) and had to switch.

It was an interesting experience, since I've never tried to write non-rhyming verse before. It was quicker, and, as you noted, the imagery came out better. It also has stronger conciseness and economy of phrase, which I think is essential. But it still lacks the flow and drive of rhyme.

To sum up: I need to get better at deadlines.
I think you did fine with the time you had. I was impressed. I pretty much feel the same way about rhyme; it's a boon if it can be pulled off, but if at any time if feels like a shackle, one should try liberating themselves from it.

Devigod (since all the cool kids are doing it):
I seriously did not take this seriously. If I did, I might have made a serious poem, but instead, I went with my first fleeting thought. Yeah, you probably don't need to know that, but whatever.
No worries; you gave me a chuckle.

Devigod
You rawk. Thanks for taking the largely thankless job of judging these projects.
:smallbiggrin:I Rocco (last name).

Jokasti
2010-04-09, 06:14 PM
Three more judges, I hate waiting!