View Full Version : Chainmail Bikini and Codfish Speedo

2010-03-21, 06:40 AM
Forged from resilient metals and woven with protective enchantments, the chainmail bikini represents a stylish alternative to an otherwise drab and ordinary wardrobe.

Chic and glamorous, the chainmail bikini is a favourite of fashionable female adventurers who wish to not only look great while curb stomping the opposition, but who also want to make a fashion statement and flaunt their sex appeal; to induce a false sense of security in others. It has also proven popular with humanoids of the opposite gender, whose attentions have taken on a voyeuristic inclination.

The chainmail bikini is said to be the brain- and lovechild of an elven metalsmith who defied tradition to become an armourer, sometime model and fashion designer. From humble beginnings, the chainmail bikini has since become an iconic staple and image of fantasy, but this was not always so. The first prototype did not prove to be as popular as anticipated and the profit loss stemming from inattention almost bankrupted that mysterious elven genius.

With perseverance and advertisement through word of mouth, and trial testing by interested parties did the concept finally take flight. Virtually overnight, the multiple limitless worlds of D&D became hopelessly enamoured.

Chainmail Bikini
This elegant chainmail is finely crafted from a mithral, adamantine and silver alloy for maximal protection and maneuverability. The armor provides as much protection as a chain shirt but with a maximum Dex bonus of 8, no armor check penalty and no arcane spell failure chance. The armor is lighter than most and weighs only 10 lb.

Variations of the original model are trimmed with fur to afford protection against bitter chill and exude an enchantment similar to a ring of warmth.
Adventurers who opt for salacious and beguiling over practical can purchase chainmail bikinis molded from enchanted crystal or glass that tease rather than exhibit, showing absolutely nothing at all but giving the impression of having shown something/all.

Adventurers wearing enchanted crystal or glass chainmail bikinis have a 1d100 (1 in 50) chance of influencing others as though a charm monster spell cast by a 12th level sorcerer.

These variations are more and much more expensive than the standard conventional chainmail bikini.

Epic Chainmail Bikini
Rumors whisper of artifacts of sublime protection and great beauty. These epic chainmail bikinis afford as much protection as full plate and heavy steel shield combined with no limit to maximum Dex bonus, no armor check penalty and no arcane spell failure chance.
Wearers of these exceptional artifacts have a 1d100 (1 in 20 to 1 in 10) chance of influencing others as though a dominate monster spell cast by a 20th level sorcerer. Wearers of ravishing attractiveness (Cha 18+) have a 1d00 (1 in 6) chance of influencing victims.

Not surprisingly, forgeries of the epic chainmail bikinis are also a hot commodity. Potential buyers should always inspect the stamp of authenticity: "Epic Inside."

Not to be left out, that selfsame elven genius also crafted a male analogue; the codfish speedo.

Codfish Speedo
The codfish speedo is fashioned from hardened leather that has been cured and strengthed with specks of diamond dust; as a consequence, it emits some light as the light spell. Although not as staggeringly beautiful or desirous as the chainmail bikini, its utilitarian nature offers substantial protection.
The armor provides as much protection as a breast plate but with a maximum Dex bonus of 6, no armor check penalty and no arcane spell failure chance. The armor is lighter than most and weighs only 10 lb.

2010-03-22, 01:47 AM
It is unknown what horrors may be found lurking within the confining leather of D&D armour. Some have expressed the theory that padding is central to any well worn armour; that the completeness of form and beauty presented by each is the result of lies and artificiality.
Others have bluntly verbalised that the armour is indeed hiding something, but that of how, not what.
The chainmail bikini and codfish may act as bags of holding type III; a warning is well advised for each item placed there, as there is a 1d12 chance each day of the item becoming irretrievably lost.

2010-03-22, 07:57 PM


By the grace of god (cod), ye may have started something ye can't stop!

2010-04-17, 10:04 AM
That picture, it confuses and amuses me.