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Dust
2010-03-29, 11:40 AM
This story is only remotely related to gaming and more involves that one guy in your group who you kinda knew was crazy but wow he really lost it.

In my group, that member also happens to be the guy who believes that he is the world's best GM, when in reality he's anything but. (Isn't it funny how things always work out like that?)
He (henceforth known simply as GM) is known for railroading to an extreme, to the point that we've sat down to several games sessions with him stating 'There isn't really anything you can do to change what's going to happen this game, so I'm just going to narrate to you,' and flipping open page 47 of his coil notebook.
GM is also known for accusing his players of min-maxing over the tiniest little things. For example, he threw a fit the last time a player proposed an absent-minded bookish-type character with the 'near-sighted' flaw, since 'glasses cancel out the flaw completely, you MUNCHKIN.'

That being said, he's been a good guy (until the events depicted in this post!) and we occasionally lose our sanity every year or so and let him run something. This time it was in the World of Darkness setting.

Prior to the game, he sat down and accused us of sticking to our 'standard character archetypes.' Okay, fair enough.
He dares the player who liked playing the intellectual-types to make a mindless biker gang bruiser, and the challenge was accepted. I was told I needed to play something a little more...emotional. Thus, Gay Gordon Ramsey the Fashion Designer was born. He had a different name, of course, but it was how I pitched it to the GM, and both he and the other players alike referred to my character as Gay Gordon Ramsey out-of-character. So, whatever.

We're playing in a college this particular evening. There's a great coffee shop indoors that's open all night, and there's about a dozen people at any given time hanging around and studying in the area. There is also, later in this story, a guy cooking ramen noodles. That's important.

ANYWAY.

The stage is set for an epic investigative adventure. New Orleans, 1984. We're keeping an eye open for anything obviously paranormal taking place, but trying not to draw attention to ourselves. The session drags on endlessly as GM narrates, and finally it's time for us to do something.


GM: As you enter the biker bar, you notice something.....unusual. The scent of blood.
Player: Wait, like from a barfight?
GM: YES. It is faint, but there.
Player: Is it, um....fresh blood?
GM: No. In fact, you get the distinct impression that it's a fairly standard smell in this place.
Player: But it's....the smell of old blood. In a biker bar.
GM: YES.
Player: I...use my associated supernatural-tracking abilities to see if there's anything weird about this place.
GM: Nope.


So the player tries to make small talk with the bartender and pick up on whatever lead the GM is trying to give us, but to no avail. We can tell this isn't going according to his plan by the veins in his neck, so we suggest he swap over to the 'second' team for awhile.

GM: As you walk down the street, several frat boys whistle at <GM's Girlfriend Character Here>.
Girlfriend: Um, my character is like, 16.
GM: They don't care, they're drunk. The hand you a flyer and invite you to the big kegger that's going on.
Me: I say 'She's with me, expletive-deleted-heads. You might want to keep going.'
GM: So wait, you're not letting her go?
Me: What? Well, I guess she can if she WANTS, but we're trying to advance the whole supernatural-monsters-plot, and I don't think underage molestation will help with that. Y'know. At all.


At this point, the GM loses it. He leaps to his feet, attempts to rip the notebook in half, fails, and starts shouting accusations.

GM: You obviously ignored my VERY blatant plot hook in the bar...
Us: What, that was a plot hook?
GM: Like you didn't know! Old blood? VAMPIRES?!
Player: Oh, huh. I didn't..really get that at all.
GM: Don't play dumb! You're intentionally sabotaging this! And you!

He points a malicious finger at me, and his voice starts trembling.

GM: You’re not even TRYING to be gay!

At this point the GM begins crying, big crocodile tears rolling down his face, and we're feeling pretty guilty. I mean, I'm not sure you've seen a grown man blubber over vampires recently unless you're a Twilight fan (That's right. I went there.), but it's REALLY hard not to suddenly feel ashamed of yourself and embarrassed on their behalf during something like this.
So we try to calm him down, but it's no use - he's shoving his books inside this tattered old knapsack and trying to blink the tears out of his eyes.

Remember, college. A dozen staring people. One guy cooking ramen in a microwave.

So GM slings his bag over his shoulder and starts tromping out, Girlfriend staring shocked after him. As he passes Ramen Guy, the dude loudly proclaims in the most hipster voice I've heard in months, "Dude, relax."

What a jerk.

GM loses it. This was the last straw. He was not about to be told to RELAX by someone wearing sandals and cooking fried noodles. With a scream of rage, GM grabs the microwave with both hands, rips the plug out of the wall, and HURLS it towards the coffeeshop. It smashes the glass casing over the pastries and bounces off the back wall. Glass everywhere.

GM starts weeping again and runs out of the cafeteria as a girl starts dialing campus security on her cellphone. We have to answer some very, very awkward questions.



We don't see GM around anymore.

Vulaas
2010-03-29, 11:44 AM
Holy boop, dude. That's entirely booping nuts.

Glad nobody was injured though!

Starbuck_II
2010-03-29, 11:45 AM
GM: Don't play dumb! You're intentionally sabotaging this! And you!

He points a malicious finger at me, and his voice starts trembling.

GM: You’re not even TRYING to be gay!

I love that phrase/line.
"You’re not even TRYING to be gay!"

I lol'd.

nekomata2
2010-03-29, 11:51 AM
That almost sounds like it was completely worth playing just for the ending. And I agree, Starbuck, that line is hilarious.

ghost_warlock
2010-03-29, 11:58 AM
GM: You’re not even TRYING to be gay!


Oh, that brings back memories of a session long, long ago in Brokeback Dungeon...

AtwasAwamps
2010-03-29, 12:11 PM
I really want to make the “you’re not even trying to be gay” quote my signature. Can I? Can I pleeeease?

Side note: Was this a big microwave? Your GM either has some pretty awesome rage-strength or is a pretty strong guy. Either way, holy carp.

arguskos
2010-03-29, 12:16 PM
DOTDOTDOT :smalleek:

You know, it's better you don't see GM around anymore. Dude needs to calm the hell down and stop throwing stuff.

Totally Guy
2010-03-29, 12:21 PM
The Common Sense merit, as written, is very overpriced but I've found that GMs love it because you can say "I want to roll my Common Sense and you get to railroad me".

Last night we were on a mysterious abandoned barge and I could sense the GM wanted us to explore it. But we had no motivation to do that (we wanted to use a speedboat to track down a helicopter). So I invoked Common Sense and reluctantly the GM acknowledged that we weren't overlooking any reason to actually stick around and explore the stupid boat.

Yay Common Sense!

Greenish
2010-03-29, 12:21 PM
Side note: Was this a big microwave? Your GM either has some pretty awesome rage-strength or is a pretty strong guy. Either way, holy carp.Well, it's +4 on the first level, so even with a low-ish strength score, say, 8, he'd be able to exert 120 pounds (534 newtons) of force while raging. Well enough to lift and toss a medium-sized microwave, I'd say.

mackejn
2010-03-29, 12:58 PM
Dude...the reason you haven't seen him around is someone probably arrested his boop.

pffh
2010-03-29, 12:58 PM
Holy... that's one bad session. So what happened to the GM? Did his girlfriend try to explain anything or was this completely random?




He points a malicious finger at me, and his voice starts trembling.

GM: You’re not even TRYING to be gay!


Can I sig this?

valadil
2010-03-29, 01:00 PM
Well, it's +4 on the first level, so even with a low-ish strength score, say, 8, he'd be able to exert 120 pounds (534 newtons) of force while raging. Well enough to lift and toss a medium-sized microwave, I'd say.

I doubt most microwaves go above 40 lbs. The biggest I found on Amazon was 37 lbs. I think any college aged person without a severe disability could toss something of that size without too much trouble.

Nice story. Let us know if you see him again. Sounds like the sort of person that stirs up drama wherever he goes.

The Glyphstone
2010-03-29, 01:31 PM
Microwave = Brick

Ramen Noodles = Lasagna

Campus Security = Police

Dust = LankyBugger?

:smallcool:

Dusk Eclipse
2010-03-29, 01:34 PM
Microwave = Brick

Ramen Noodles = Lasagna

Campus Security = Police

Dust = LankyBugger?

:smallcool:

Is that a reference???

Glyphic
2010-03-29, 01:36 PM
Dust = LankyBugger?

:smallcool:

Only if he gets stabbed in the next story.

Greenish
2010-03-29, 01:39 PM
Is that a reference???Episode one (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23784) ends in the DM being arrested, and it goes downhill from there.

[Edit]:
Only if he gets stabbed in the next story.Wouldn't it be the copycat's turn first?

[2ndEdit]: Probably ninjaed, but I dug out the rest:
Episode 2, the Return of the Worst Session Ever. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93633)
Episode 3: The New Worst Session Ever. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95189)

UglyPanda
2010-03-29, 01:44 PM
No, the next story is the one in which he was impersonated. I can't remember if what happened next was a continuation of the previous story or a new one, but he only got stabbed a few weeks after the impersonation.


What's so bad about being told to calm down? Anyway, the guy needs some therapy at the very least and very likely a bunch of pills. Someone should probably check up on him to make sure he hasn't locked himself in some room without food.

Edit:
Ninja'd about the continuing saga of Lanky.
Chapter two (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93633).
Chapter three (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95189).

Frosty
2010-03-29, 01:51 PM
If only there was some universal law of physics that prevents socially maladjusted people from playing DnD... :smalltongue:

arguskos
2010-03-29, 01:55 PM
If only there was some universal law of physics that prevents socially maladjusted people from playing DnD... :smalltongue:
It's called hitting them with a book. :smalltongue:

Note: I do not advocating hitting people with books. Unless they are being a bastard, or are playing a Tainted Scholar. In those cases, books away!

Choco
2010-03-29, 02:45 PM
Whoa man, yeah, that guys got issues, BAD.


What's so bad about being told to calm down?

You ever been raging to the point of tears, bout ready to leave the area to calm yourself down, then had someone that didn't have anything to do with the original situation tell you to relax or calm down in a condescending tone? All that does is make most people redirect their rage from whatever initially triggered it to the person who just had to get their 2 cents in when the raging dude was already leaving the area. Seriously, the best thing to do when someone is that mad is to just let them get over it, unless someone is actually in danger.

UglyPanda
2010-03-29, 02:51 PM
I guess I just see things differently then. I personally never have a good reason for getting mad. I mean, I've gotten mad far too many times in my life, it's just that getting mad has never helped me with anything, it simply exacerbates the problem.

valadil
2010-03-29, 02:54 PM
You ever been raging to the point of tears, bout ready to leave the area to calm yourself down, then had someone that didn't have anything to do with the original situation tell you to relax or calm down in a condescending tone?

Yeah. It's actually one of the most annoying things you can say to someone. I don't use it when they've already reached that point, but it's pretty obnoxious when someone's about to lose control.

Choco
2010-03-29, 02:55 PM
I guess I just see things differently then. I personally never have a good reason for getting mad. I mean, I've gotten mad far too many times in my life, it's just that getting mad has never helped me with anything, it simply exacerbates the problem.

Oh yeah, no question about that, but if you are already at that point of anger, you are not exactly thinking logically.

Bibliomancer
2010-03-29, 03:05 PM
Glad nobody was injured though!

Ditto. Shame about the excessive property damage, though. Also an interesting real world case of smashing a giant glass window. (http://goblins.keenspot.com/d/20100303.html)


If only there was some universal law of physics that prevents socially maladjusted people from playing DnD... :smalltongue:

Wouldn't that prevent the game from existing, then? [Although I guess it depends on who is defining maladjusted].


The Common Sense merit, as written, is very overpriced but I've found that GMs love it because you can say "I want to roll my Common Sense and you get to railroad me".

Occasionally, I have players make Int checks to see if they've overlooked something obvious. Suffice it to say, if they roll badly, the next 5-10 minutes are devoted to frantically examining the situation (especially amusing if there wasn't anything to get in the first place).

RagnaroksChosen
2010-03-29, 03:07 PM
The Common Sense merit, as written, is very overpriced but I've found that GMs love it because you can say "I want to roll my Common Sense and you get to railroad me".

Last night we were on a mysterious abandoned barge and I could sense the GM wanted us to explore it. But we had no motivation to do that (we wanted to use a speedboat to track down a helicopter). So I invoked Common Sense and reluctantly the GM acknowledged that we weren't overlooking any reason to actually stick around and explore the stupid boat.

Yay Common Sense!

Common sense merit for us, basicaly gets you an "Are you sure you want to do that?" when doing something stupid. Gm's prerogative.

Mark Hall
2010-03-29, 03:53 PM
Common sense merit for us, basicaly gets you an "Are you sure you want to do that?" when doing something stupid. Gm's prerogative.

Yeah, we had a "Are you sure you want to do that" moment last night. The wizard chose to firewall the lich ANYWAY, which lead to the top of a tower being blown off.

"I think I just killed us all with chemistry."

Optimystik
2010-03-29, 04:16 PM
Note: I do not advocating hitting people with books. Unless they are being a bastard, or are playing a Tainted Scholar.

I'm not sure why you felt the need to repeat yourself there :smallconfused: