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Ferrin
2010-05-12, 08:17 AM
So, I wrote a small backstory for a character, a Strongheart Halfling Psion in the FRCS. I'd like some comments on things to improve or change. Since I suck at writing the backstory is less of a backstory then it should be, but ah well.


His family has a rich tradition of clerics, having a high standing in Luiren. He, however, doesn't believe that the gods are worthy of being worshipped. Respected for what they have achieved, surely, but to blindly follow them is not for him. He unlocked a power within his mind by sheer will, the will to burn to ashes. He set out and left his village to join a mercenary band. To keep his psionic talent hidden he trained with the longbow, as well as practicing his stealth. When the time finaly came where he earned enough of his share from the mercenary band he set out to his village again. For despite hating that they worship the gods, it's still his family.

When he finaly arrived at the village it was being attacked by ogres from the mountains. The village was burning, the hin running and screaming as no child or woman was spared. The few militia who were left standing were cornered by a group of ogres. Sparing no time he manifested a ring of fire spreading outwards from the group of militia, incinerating the ogres in seconds. No one yet knew it was him who summoned the ring of fire.

Following the screams he came upon a man clad in black iron, hewing through his kin with a greataxe, cackling like a mad-man. This man, covered in blood, grinned as he saw Ren. "I was hoping I'd meet you here, young Ren Legstrong." Kicking away a burning Hin corpse he moved towards Ren. "It's time to repay a favor I owe to your family. Have you heard, foul priest-son, what your family did twenty years ago?" He spat on the ground, heaving his greataxe to the sky. "Surely you remember, but no matter, I will stain my axe with your blood, as I have done with your brothers, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents! And don't worry, your foul divine magic won't work, for I deny it, believing that is. Now come, and let me cleave you in two!" The iron clad man said as he suddenly charged.

"I've been waiting for you to shut up." Ren suddenly unleashed an explosion of fire into the man, pushing him back. "Don't joke with me!" The warrior screamed as he charged again. "Joke with you? Surely you're the one joking, I can see your every move." He said as he neatly dodged the swing. "I never did follow my parents, I do not even believe in worship. What can I have possibly done wrong to you?" Concentrating to move in synch with his enemy he prepared himself to unleash another burst of fire. "But that makes me madder still, for what reason do you have then, to butcher my kin?" The man grit his teeth, readying another attack. Just as he was about to raise his axe another blast of fire smashed into the burned man, smashing him in a nearby house. "Tell me and I might be mercifull. For I do not wield the power of any god, I wield the power of my own will, the will to burn you to ashes." A ray of white-hot fire shot out from Ren's hand, burning right through the mans armor and into his heart. "You can't be the only one responsible for this... I'm sure of it, and I'll find out who it was. But first..." Running towards more screams he cleaned up the village of the last of the ogres. The only remaining militiamen being those he saved, being protected by the ring of fire.

Helping douse the village with his power and arms to carry water. No time for explaining now, he thought, he didn't recognize anyone anyway. Which wasn't that strange really, seeing as most Hin regulary move out and about Lurien for something else. Later he searched the village for the dead to give them a proper burial. No one asked yet, surely they must have noticed something was off about his 'magic'. No matter, he thought, first he had to help the villagers.

A day passed and everyone worked hard, the corpses of the hin given a proper burial, and the marauders burned on bonfires. People came to help from nearby villages, until finaly he recognized someone, an old friend of him, Dillan, who joined the priesthood of yondalla. "Been long, hasn't it? Wish the circumstances would have been better. Could lecture you a bit that way, but alas, no time for that!" Dillan grinned. But his expression changed quickly. "I heard your family got butchered, Ren, I'm sorry. But I have some news for you; it's about your sister, she's still alive. She ran away from home just a week ago, came to visit me and told me she was going on a journey. Wish I could say where she went, but you know her, allways energetic but never thinking, much like a Lightfoot I guess. But enough of this, I have wounded to tend to still." His old friend, walked off without letting him say a thing. "He's allways been like that..." He muttered as he walked off to help an old hin with some wood.

As the village was rebuilt to be liveable again he looked his friend up again, having some questions regarding the disaster and his sister. "...So you want to know if there are any cults or other such groups active arround here that despise the gods?" Dillan cocked an eyebrow. "You're not thinking of joining them, are you?" He laughed heartily. "But yes, I know of one, they've been at odds with your family for decades until 20 years ago when they suddenly dissapeared. I thought you knew of them?" Ren sighed. "Surely you know me better then that. I never did learn much about cults and the like, I hated it. But do you know why it stopped?" Ren said, shaking his friend by the shoulders. Burning with energy again now that he can set his mind to another task. "N-No, I don't, but I think your younger sister does, she was really adept with her studies so I've heard." Letting go of his friends shoulders he looked back at his friend with a confused expression. "You mean she joined the clergy? Don't joke with me, she has the same thoughts about it as me!" DIllan grinned. "Don't worry, she didn't, not formally at least. She does good wherever she goes, and wields powers matching those of the clergy, but it's different somehow. Like her whole mind and body are dedicated to the cause, not the belief." Ren ran awat then, determined to find his sister, his last relative. "Hey, if you're going to search your sister, I know of a good place to find some people to help you!" Dillan sighed. "Would have gone with him too, never got to tell her I love her... To bad I have my duties here."


...And that's how it started, the quest to find my sister. If not to find the cult responsible for the disaster, then to protect my sister from them. Should watch out for that band of mercenaries I was in as well, they weren't to happy when I left. The place Dillan mentioned seems like a good place to start, let's hope his friends aren't as crazy as the last bunch I met...


Ofcourse, I added some plot things for the DM to use, several are the sister(name undecided), the friend Dillan, the mercenary band, and the godless cult. Not so sure if the DM would agree with the godless cult thing, but I could change the backstory to instead have the mercenary group he was in be the instigator of the distaster.

So all in all I'd like to hear what DM's would like to see in a backstory and what things are troublesome to include.

onthetown
2010-05-12, 09:42 AM
Honestly, it sounds great. The bottom line is that it's your character, and if the DM is letting your write your own backstory then there's nothing to worry about. They shouldn't have issues with your own imagination.

Ferrin
2010-05-12, 10:27 AM
Honestly, it sounds great. The bottom line is that it's your character, and if the DM is letting your write your own backstory then there's nothing to worry about. They shouldn't have issues with your own imagination.

Ofcourse, but there are things to include in a backstory that have to do with the world as a whole, which might not go with how the DM envisions it. Or rather, completely screw something over. For example the godless cult, if the DM doesn't have that, then it's troublesome to include because it creates quite a few interactions with other groups the DM might use.

Fallbot
2010-05-12, 10:40 AM
I think in general the reverse is true. Most GMs are more than happy to run with what their players give them - it can save them a lot of work, and it helps get the players involved and gives them a more personal stake in the story. Entire campaigns can wind up based around an interesting detail from a backstory, and, unless your GM is extremely restrictive and precious about their world, it shouldn't be a problem.

Lin Bayaseda
2010-05-12, 11:00 AM
I would be more than happy to have my players invent little details like that in their backstories. A little sect here, a small village populated entirely by women there, maybe a mysterious abandoned manor on the hill, and so on. I'd even let them make up whole towns for their background. How does it fit in my world? I'm sure I can find a way.

I'd probably draw the line at creating a whole new kingdom, though :smallwink:

Ferrin
2010-05-12, 12:25 PM
Ah, that helps quite a bit. Because I often hear DM's being quite restrictive with what they allow fluff-wise.

A question then: how would you as a DM work this into your game?

I'm kind of curious about that, if only because of interest. Or even so I can refine some things in the backstory. Like making some things a bit more vague to allow more freedom from the GM's part which is usualy fun. For example: If I'd not describe my characters sister as much it could well be someone in my party if someone wanted to play a female halfling by chance. Or if I gave more info on the mercenary band he joined which could create some extra scenarios.

I like writing, I just hardly do it. But now that I have a small story, even if it's a backstory, I do want to make it better as much as I can. Really fired up for it! :smallbiggrin:

Fallbot
2010-05-12, 01:02 PM
Hmm. The only thing I can imagine causing a problem is the evil cultist guy saying clerical magic wouldn't affect him (assuming I'm reading that right). If people can become immune to it by denying it, that's going to have very far reaching consequences for the world. You should talk to your GM about it before including it, to see if he likes the idea.

In fact you should probably talk the whole thing through with your GM well before the game starts. That gives them time to integrate any information you've included, and they can give you a better idea of what they will or will not allow. Not to mention it's fun to talk through character concepts.

It's up to you whether you include more about the mercenary group. On the one hand it's good to provide options, but on the other you already have a fairly major plot hook in finding your sister and uncovering more about the cult that want you dead.

Lin Bayaseda
2010-05-12, 01:15 PM
Hmm. The only thing I can imagine causing a problem is the evil cultist guy saying clerical magic wouldn't affect him (assuming I'm reading that right). If people can become immune to it by denying it, that's going to have very far reaching consequences for the world.Not a problem. This is an ability of a rare prestige class that happens to be unavailable to PCs. And to all but the rarest NPCs.

JeenLeen
2010-05-12, 01:21 PM
Hmm. The only thing I can imagine causing a problem is the evil cultist guy saying clerical magic wouldn't affect him (assuming I'm reading that right). If people can become immune to it by denying it, that's going to have very far reaching consequences for the world. You should talk to your GM about it before including it, to see if he likes the idea.



I believe there is a PrC that gives at least high SR to cleric spells if not immunity, so there is a mechanical way for it to be possible but rare. It's based on believeing that the gods are just highly powerful beings and not worthy of worship. I think it's in Manual of the Planes, but I don't recall.

For the sister-character: do you know if clerics can get their power from ideas or concepts, such as Honor or Love, instead of a deity in your DM's campaign world? It sounds like you are giving the DM some leeway about the sister-character's powers (another psionic like you, or a member of that cult, or a cleric of ideals not deity) but it would be good to know if the latter is possible.

Assuming no mechanical or cosmological problems in your background, I think most DMs would be happy to get that detailed a backstory and motivation.

edit: see ninja's on the PrC

Ferrin
2010-05-12, 01:53 PM
I believe there is a PrC that gives at least high SR to cleric spells if not immunity, so there is a mechanical way for it to be possible but rare. It's based on believeing that the gods are just highly powerful beings and not worthy of worship. I think it's in Manual of the Planes, but I don't recall.

For the sister-character: do you know if clerics can get their power from ideas or concepts, such as Honor or Love, instead of a deity in your DM's campaign world? It sounds like you are giving the DM some leeway about the sister-character's powers (another psionic like you, or a member of that cult, or a cleric of ideals not deity) but it would be good to know if the latter is possible.

Assuming no mechanical or cosmological problems in your background, I think most DMs would be happy to get that detailed a backstory and motivation.

edit: see ninja's on the PrC

The PRC is called Defiant, it's on page 44 of the Planar Handbook, the order they are associated with are the Athar. It's the class I had in mind when I thought of that particular enemy.

And yes, a cleric worshipping ideals, an Ardent, or something else that's like that would work for the sister character.

Oh, just a question; the Wall of the Faithless, do you have to worship a god(s) or just respect, acknowledge them or something not to get into it? Or even better, where I can find the info on it?

And yeah, the plot hooks were intentional, but I'd like to make it as detailed as possible while not messing up with most of the DM's ideas or inhibit his creative freedom to much. If only so I don't have to change anything after I sent it to the DM.

valadil
2010-05-12, 02:08 PM
I like it. Which surprised me, because it's technically a family got slaughtered type backstory that's the default for D&D characters.

I approve of backstories that include dialog. This gives you a lot of direction for how to act. I feel like you could start the game and already be fully in character.

Please name your character earlier on. The first two paragraphs are full of he's and him's. His name doesn't come up until the man clad in iron addresses him.

I think Dillan is a little too blunt when he brings the bad news about Ren's family. Specifically the word butchered is too much and I don't see him using it. However, if you wanted to show Ren as someone who is extremely callous, you could have him use the word. "About your family, they didn't make it," said Dillan. "You mean they all got butchered before I showed up?" said Ren. Unless you're expecting Dillan to be a callous and uncaring NPC, there's no need for him to speak this way.

Finally, I'm unclear on your character's motivation. This is one of the tests I use for all the characters I write. If the GM puts you in town and asks what you do, you have to have something for him. Ambitious characters are good for RPGs. Short term, you have a sister to investigate. Once she's found however, I don't know what your character would do.

Ferrin
2010-05-12, 02:48 PM
I like it. Which surprised me, because it's technically a family got slaughtered type backstory that's the default for D&D characters.

1; I approve of backstories that include dialog. This gives you a lot of direction for how to act. I feel like you could start the game and already be fully in character.

2; Please name your character earlier on. The first two paragraphs are full of he's and him's. His name doesn't come up until the man clad in iron addresses him.

3; I think Dillan is a little too blunt when he brings the bad news about Ren's family. Specifically the word butchered is too much and I don't see him using it. However, if you wanted to show Ren as someone who is extremely callous, you could have him use the word. "About your family, they didn't make it," said Dillan. "You mean they all got butchered before I showed up?" said Ren. Unless you're expecting Dillan to be a callous and uncaring NPC, there's no need for him to speak this way.

4; Finally, I'm unclear on your character's motivation. This is one of the tests I use for all the characters I write. If the GM puts you in town and asks what you do, you have to have something for him. Ambitious characters are good for RPGs. Short term, you have a sister to investigate. Once she's found however, I don't know what your character would do.

All good points, thanks a lot.

1; I have a bad habit of writing things from different perspectives while writing, so I should work on that a bit.

2; Yeah, I kind of missed that part. Thanks.

3; I can see what you're saying, but I wanted to show just what kind of friend he is. He's straight to the point, but cares where it matters. He knows Ren, he's not the kind of guy to be broken up over the loss of his family. Instead he does what he can at the time, he knows his limits. I should however clarify things like that some more. Perhaps expand the story a bit. Hmm, yes, I like that idea. :smallamused:

4; His motivation is as all his things: When he left the village to join the mercenaries he trained to show everyone gods aren't the only ones to bring power(Really, arcane magic is pretty much like divine magic in faerun anyway, damn mystra and shar...) When he got back from the mercenaries he intended to leave his family part of his earnings and stories before heading off again to train. But because of the raid on the village by the cult and his missing sister he changed priorities. When he finds his sister he'll go after the cult, but first he needs to know she's safe. When he finds the cult and changes/destroys/joins it he'll go back to training his mind, preferably with other people. His main drive is gaining power, but he also knows that power alone doesn't change the world, his actions do. He does what he can when he can, as long as he deems it possible, or if he cares enough for it.

valadil
2010-05-12, 02:55 PM
3; I can see what you're saying, but I wanted to show just what kind of friend he is. He's straight to the point, but cares where it matters. He knows Ren, he's not the kind of guy to be broken up over the loss of his family. Instead he does what he can at the time, he knows his limits. I should however clarify things like that some more. Perhaps expand the story a bit. Hmm, yes, I like that idea. :smallamused:


Makes sense. I was making sure it was intentional instead of lazy :-P

Ferrin
2010-05-12, 03:31 PM
Makes sense. I was making sure it was intentional instead of lazy :-P

Heh, allright then.

Working on an expansion of the story, more of his youth and more how he got his powers, as well as expanding some topics. I mean, psionics are rare in the FRCS, should make sense to give a bit more explanation.