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View Full Version : Famous stories, translated to lolcat



happyturtle
2010-07-04, 12:43 AM
So a long time ago, I translated the story of Demeter and Persephone into lolcat. It still amuses me, so I've decided to do more, and hopefully inspire others to do the same.


The Story of Persephone (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8844739&postcount=1)
The Raven (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=9239274&postcount=52) An illustrated translation



=============================================

The story of Persephone
translated into Lolcat

So one dai Hades goes to see Zeus and sez "Ohai. I can has ur daughter Persephone to marry?"

And Zeus sez "No wai! If I sez yes, Demeter wud totally pwn me!" Demeter wuz one of Zeus's babymamas. He had lots of them cuz he wuz totally a playa.

And Hades sez "If u sez no, I pwn you."

So Zeus is all :smalleek: then sez "Um, okay, but dun tell anywun I sed that. So no big wedding. U haz to elope."

So Persephone wuz hangin out wit her friends at teh mall when Hades shows up.

"How YOU doing?" Hades says.

"Lolwut? GTFO newb!" Persephone says.

"Hay babee, I'm totally a god and all."

"O rly?"

"Ya rly."

"No wai!"

"Let me show you mah place."

"Okay. Hay nymphs, tell mah mom I'll brb."

And Persephone went off to the Underworld with Hades.

So when Persephone's curfew was passed and she wuz still gone, Mamma Demeter wuz all sadface. So she called in sick to werk. It turned out no one knew how to do her job, which wuz changing of seasons. So everybody on erf start to get hongry.

So they start crying to Zeus saying "We can haz noms? Kthxbai." And after a wile, he got tired of der whining. So he email his friend Hermes and say 'Hay, go down to underworld and get mah daughter."

Hermes emailed back "Lolwut? Do it yourself!"

And Zeus sez "I can't. Social Services took away mah parental rights after I got caught secksing in a swan costume." v.v

Hermes wuz all, "No wai! A swan! That's sick, man." :smallyuk: But he didn't want all hoomans to die of being hongry, so he went to get her.
So Hermes goes to hell and sez "Ohai, Persephone. Tiem to go home nao."

But she was all "Nuh-uh. Imma stay here. Hades loves me!"

"Course I do, babe." Hades sez. "Hey, get me a beer before you go."

"Get your own damn beer!" she sez. And they got in a fight. And she wuz so mad that she left with Hermes and went back to her mama's house.

So spring comes back to Erf and crops grow and everywun iz happy again. Yays!


Teh End

Well, noes, not rly.

At furst, Demeter wuz so happy to have her littel girl back dat she spoil her rottenz with nice things and not disagree wif anything she want. But she still teh mama, and so after a while, she start telling Persephone to clean her room and not to stay out too late and quit playing that damn music so loud. Persephone wuz all 'DO NOT WANT!' And Demeter wuz all 'As long as you live under MAH ROOF you obey MAH RULES!'

So Persephone sez "I not have to live with you. I haz a husband, you know!"

So she went back to Hades.

An so Erf get all dark and cold again, until she fight with him and move back in with mama. And so on and so forf.

An later she meets Odysseus and haz affair wit Adonis an other stuffs. But all dat anuder story.


Teh End
(dis time for realz)

DoomITP
2010-07-04, 01:14 AM
That was Win on every level of Win there is.

Lord Raziere
2010-07-04, 01:35 AM
NO. Fail. Fail. Fail. NO.

JUST. NO.

Do not want. Bad. Do not want.

JUST NO! :smallyuk:

Je dit Viola
2010-07-04, 01:43 AM
Well, I thought it was funny.

It helped that I knew the original story.

Dallas-Dakota
2010-07-04, 02:44 AM
Bah. Not a fan of this.

But, Happy, if anarachy comes/society breaks down or whatever, and this is how the world thinks myths went, then I'm holding you responsible.

:smalltongue:

Serpentine
2010-07-04, 04:00 AM
Huh. That's a different version to the one I know.
I think you'd like the lolBible :biggrin:

Galileo
2010-07-04, 04:18 AM
I thought it was entertaining. I tend to do this internally during Classical Studies.

And for some reason, making this comment led me to realise Aeneas hanging out with Dido for a year and then getting a kick up the rear from Mercury is a parallel to the start of the Odyssey!

Serpentine
2010-07-04, 04:29 AM
I'm quite certain that Virgil took a great deal of inspiration from the Odyssey and Iliad, yes. Same with Argonautica.

Nameless
2010-07-04, 05:01 AM
This is so awesome! :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

I DEMANDZ MOAR!

ufo
2010-07-04, 08:52 AM
I love it.

It's even better if you imagine all the characters being cats while reading the story.

Sneak
2010-07-04, 09:10 AM
Ohhhhh man. Oh man. Oh. No.

Nope.

Even the lolcat bible (http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page) is more than I can stomach.

happyturtle
2010-07-04, 09:35 AM
*helped translate the lolcat bible* >.>

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. :smallbiggrin: I am encouraged enough to keep going, and think my next piece will be a fairy tale.

Comet
2010-07-04, 10:04 AM
Stuff like this makes my day, all day, every day. I can has moar?

Kaytara
2010-07-04, 02:17 PM
When I have a child, I'm going to raise it solely on myths like these. As a social experiment. :smallamused:

Dr.Epic
2010-07-04, 03:31 PM
Yes, hello Ms. happyturtle, I'm here to revoke your license to in anyway reference Greek or any other ancient world mythology.

billtodamax
2010-07-04, 07:29 PM
When I have a child, I'm going to raise it solely on myths like these. As a social experiment. :smallamused:

This is why they don't let you have children! :smalltongue:

*looks forward to the next one*

Neko Toast
2010-07-04, 08:24 PM
Are you currently taking requests, happyturtle? I would love to see a lolcat story of Romeo and Juliet.

Maximum Zersk
2010-07-04, 08:43 PM
Okay, THAT is awesome!!

Do the entire Illiad next! :smalltongue:

CoffeeIncluded
2010-07-04, 08:44 PM
Are you currently taking requests, happyturtle? I would love to see a lolcat story of Romeo and Juliet.

YES. THIS WOULD BE FANTASTIC.

Lord Raziere
2010-07-04, 10:15 PM
YES. THIS WOULD BE FANTASTIC.

NO! It wouldn't!

lolcat is inherently fail.

we should not be encouraging the degradation of culture, spelling and grammar here. Nothing good can come of this. :smallannoyed:

happyturtle
2010-07-04, 10:26 PM
*points to title of the thread*

*recommends people who dislike lolcat not visit*

:tongue:

I'll have to give Romeo and Juliet a try. :smallbiggrin:

Neko Toast
2010-07-04, 10:30 PM
NO! It wouldn't!

lolcat is inherently fail.

we should not be encouraging the degradation of culture, spelling and grammar here. Nothing good can come of this. :smallannoyed:

I think you're taking this too seriously. It's just for lulz, man. :smallbiggrin:

ZeroNumerous
2010-07-04, 10:47 PM
we should not be encouraging the degradation of culture, spelling and grammar here. Nothing good can come of this. :smallannoyed:

As ancient lolcat scholars once said: Y u do diz?

Unfortunately, something good has already come of this: It made me smile.

Keep on keepin' on, Happyturtle. Looking forward to Romeocat and Julicat.

Lord Raziere
2010-07-04, 10:48 PM
I think you're taking this too seriously. It's just for lulz, man. :smallbiggrin:

{Scrubbed}

Erts
2010-07-04, 10:54 PM
{scrubbed}

Completely debatable, and if you don't like the thread, then you really don't have to go.

I think this is hilarious, happyturtle.

Maximum Zersk
2010-07-04, 10:57 PM
This is starting to remind me of the "True Art" argument.

The Anarresti
2010-07-04, 10:58 PM
{Scrubbed}
Yes. That is true, there is a reason we have standards. I have standards, which include not going to a thread that says, in the title, that it contains lolspeak, and getting offended when it does contain lolspeak. That doesn't measure up to my standards of politeness.
In other news: English is a bastard language anyway. It was only invented four hundred years ago has been being butchered ever since.

@happyturtle: I can haz lolkitteh Anti-Gone-E? kthanxbai.

Maximum Zersk
2010-07-04, 11:02 PM
Bah. Not a fan of this.

But, Happy, if anarachy comes/society breaks down or whatever, and this is how the world thinks myths went, then I'm holding you responsible.

:smalltongue:

What amuses me about this is, even though you edited it to fix spelling, there's still a spelling error.

Anarchy, not anararchy! :smalltongue:

KerfuffleMach2
2010-07-04, 11:13 PM
Happy, that was amazing.

I can haz Beowulf? kthnxbai!

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2010-07-04, 11:16 PM
What amuses me about this is, even though you edited it to fix spelling, there's still a spelling error.

Anarchy, not anararchy! :smalltongue:

No, definately anarachy. You know, when society breaks down to the point where the most common currency is sacs of live spider eggs?

I have seen the future, my son, and I shall be making sure I stay fairly wealthy, and stay in the wealthier regions, where we'll only use ears of corn for money.

Maximum Zersk
2010-07-04, 11:22 PM
No, definately anarachy. You know, when society breaks down to the point where the most common currency is sacs of live spider eggs?

I have seen the future, my son, and I shall be making sure I stay fairly wealthy, and stay in the wealthier regions, where we'll only use ears of corn for money.

Meh, could be worse. If the many-worlds theory is right, then the future could be different in many ways.

One way, for example, would be that North America blows up for no reason and penguins take over the world with the help of zombie Presley.

Erts
2010-07-04, 11:42 PM
This is starting to remind me of the "True Art" argument.

Heartily agreed, but before we raise our standards to the level of Roger Ebert, I suggest we look back and remember that one thing.

This is comedy, it is not meant to be a work on par of the things themselves, and it still remains funny.

So we would need to start an entirely new argument over what is comedy...

Nimrod's Son
2010-07-05, 12:06 AM
lolcat is inherently fail.

we should not be encouraging the degradation of culture, spelling and grammar here. Nothing good can come of this. :smallannoyed:
Perhaps you should lead by example and stop using "fail" as an adjective, then. :smallwink:

Helgraf
2010-07-05, 01:09 AM
Which is pointless and time-wasting, better more creative things can be done, and there is something called standards. There is a reason we have them.

There are reasons you have your standards, I have my standards, and Jimmy da Gooch has his standards. To try and imply there are, in fact, universal standards that just happen to coincide with your standards is frankly, hubris of the first order.

PhoeKun
2010-07-05, 01:25 AM
Which is pointless and time-wasting, better more creative things can be done, and there is something called standards. There is a reason we have them.

So much time is wasted complaining about degraded standards that could otherwise be spent producing works of the supposed required quality to save humanity, or whatever the deal is supposed to be, that I have long since been convinced the problem lies somewhere other than those writers who take it upon themselves to do something silly and fun.

When society doesn't collapse tomorrow, remind me to say I told you so.

Sneak
2010-07-05, 01:29 AM
I get it. These stories are intended as humorous. And I'm not really seeing the whole "OH NO LOLCATS ARE THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE" thing.

Personally, though, I just don't find the story funny.

If you guys enjoy it? Good for you.

I don't see any need for debate about the slippery-as-a-vaseline-covered-salmon definition of art here.

Maximum Zersk
2010-07-05, 01:31 AM
I get it. These stories are intended as humorous. And I'm not really seeing the whole "OH NO LOLCATS ARE THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE" thing.

Personally, though, I just don't find the story funny.

If you guys enjoy it? Good for you.

I don't see any need for debate about the slippery-as-a-vaseline-covered-salmon definition of art here.

No, I'm not doing the art definition thing. It's just that this argument reminded me of that for one big reason. It's entirely pointless to whether you enjoy it or not.

The Tygre
2010-07-05, 06:09 PM
Seems appropriate;

http://membres.multimania.fr/fredrichung/forum/i%20like%20were%20this%20thread%20is%20going.jpg

On topic, I thought it was hilarious. :smallbiggrin: Myths need to be told from their own perspectives and in their own formats, the way the storyteller calls for. Else, how can a myth evolve? How can it change or grow or be universal? How can it be a myth?

lord pringle
2010-08-06, 03:49 PM
My god happy.
just when I thought you couldn't get anymore awesome.
If i was lurking this would make me join
I can die happy.
not that I'm gonna die or annything but well you know so yeah >.>

Cealocanth
2010-08-12, 07:07 PM
:smalleek:

That was such a weird story. I demand more!

happyturtle
2010-08-12, 07:08 PM
I'll write another one... one of these days... *pokes low energy levels* :smallyuk:

Terry576
2010-08-12, 08:56 PM
I'll write another one... one of these days... *pokes low energy levels* :smallyuk:

Jesus happy, I wuz al lyk suferin from ensomkneea and ten i saw tis tread.

And if we're really complaining about the degradation of human society, can I just link to XKCD (http://www.xkcd.com/) and let you go through the archivez?

And now I want to make the Fall of Cronos into lolcat. :smallannoyed:

Geno9999
2010-08-12, 11:14 PM
*helped translate the lolcat bible* >.>


Lolwut!?!? *falls off chair*
O Rly? No Wai!Help me....

Terry576
2010-08-13, 03:27 AM
Lolwut!?!? *falls off chair*
O Rly? No Wai!Help me....

"Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem."

Genesis 1:1.

Cizak
2010-08-13, 12:19 PM
This made me smile x) Gief moar.

dsmiles
2010-08-23, 12:17 PM
@happyturtle: I can haz War and Peace? kthnxbai! This would be an epic undertaking.

hamishspence
2010-08-24, 01:43 PM
I remeber reading a rather interesting novel, in which the character reads various Greek myths, and describes them in gangster terms.

So, I like the concept.

Anthony Horowitz also wrote a compilation of myths (Greek, Norse, etc) phrased for the modern generation of children- it was good.

SlyGuyMcFly
2010-08-27, 06:19 PM
I don't usually say this sort of thing, but the circumstances justify it: I lol'd. Gief moar funnehs plz.

Lord Loss
2010-08-27, 06:39 PM
That was... than was brilliant, good sir. You win the internet.

For what it's woth, The Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel and Gretel would be funny. Those I'd like to see most, however are The Raven or A Midsummer Night,s Dream or Romeo and Juliet...

Bongos
2010-08-27, 09:33 PM
Are you currently taking requests, happyturtle? I would love to see a lolcat story of Romeo and Juliet.

Yes, this would be a great story for the lolCats treatment.

Maximum Zersk
2010-08-27, 10:01 PM
Ohai gaiz.I'm heer to tell you of 2 hawses, both like in digniteez and dertee johkez,
In teh Veronaz, where we dooz the storiez and cheezburgerz,
Frum reely reely old gruj brayk too nyoo mewtinee...

Something like that? But more double entendres?

happyturtle
2010-08-27, 10:21 PM
The Raven
An illustrated translation

One night I wuz tie-tie, an try taek nap, but soem one nok on dor. I ignoer an tri go baek a asleep. :smallsigh:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq40/happyturtle-avs/lolcats/128831619430646384.jpg

I had a sad cuz of Linor. :smallfrown:


Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com/files/2008/04/funny-pictures-kitten-heart-breaking-promise.jpg

Then I haz a scaired. :smalleek:

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/funny-pictures-cat-saw-something-scary.jpg

I open dor but nobody iz der. :smallannoyed:

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/funny-pictures-kitten-comes-to-dark-side.jpg

I haz bad dreamz at dor. Must haz fall sleep on feet. :smallconfused:

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-scared-cat-bed-couch.jpg

Den I here noiz agin! :smalleek:

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/funny-pictures-cat-is-scared-of-outside.jpg

Ohai, iz birdie! :smallsmile:

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/funny-pictures-kitten-is-scared.jpg

I not haz sad nao! :smallamused:

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/funny-pictures-cat-eats-raven-bird.jpg

Omnomnom! :biggrin:

The End

billtodamax
2010-08-28, 12:15 AM
Awesome work again HT. :smallbiggrin:

Serpentine
2010-08-28, 08:31 AM
I remeber reading a rather interesting novel, in which the character reads various Greek myths, and describes them in gangster terms.

So, I like the concept.

Anthony Horowitz also wrote a compilation of myths (Greek, Norse, etc) phrased for the modern generation of children- it was good.I have a pair of books of politically correct fairy tales ("Once A More Enlightened Time"), and politically correct holiday stories ("Politically Correct Holiday Stories").
And I just discovered that they have my name in them in my dad's handwriting. Who buys their 10-year-old a book of politically correct fairy tales? Well, my dad, obviously, but still.

Maximum Zersk
2010-08-28, 08:36 AM
I have a pair of books of politically correct fairy tales ("Once A More Enlightened Time"), and politically correct holiday stories ("Politically Correct Holiday Stories").
And I just discovered that they have my name in them in my dad's handwriting. Who buys their 10-year-old a book of politically correct fairy tales? Well, my dad, obviously, but still.

The same people who "forget" the stuff in the ancient Greek myths that would make Kratos cringe?

happyturtle
2010-08-28, 08:36 AM
Zersk, you should definitely go on with the Romeo and Juliet translation. :smallsmile:

hamishspence
2010-08-28, 04:14 PM
I have a pair of books of politically correct fairy tales ("Once A More Enlightened Time"), and politically correct holiday stories ("Politically Correct Holiday Stories").
And I just discovered that they have my name in them in my dad's handwriting. Who buys their 10-year-old a book of politically correct fairy tales?

The Horowitz ones weren't exactly politically correct :smallamused: Good though.

Maximum Zersk
2010-08-28, 06:51 PM
Zersk, you should definitely go on with the Romeo and Juliet translation. :smallsmile:

R-really? :smalleek:

But I have so much I should be doing right now! Three FFRPs, a webcomic, an RPG, a crossover fanfic, and a worldbuilding project...

I don't know, I'll see. :smallfrown:

super dark33
2010-09-01, 08:07 AM
im thinking about a DnD translating to famous stories like: then he took his
+5 longsword...
and such things

IcarusWings
2010-09-01, 09:23 AM
gief Beowulf! Kthxbai.

Gulaghar
2010-09-02, 12:13 AM
I'm not sure whether to bang my head against the wall or laugh myself to tears. I think I'll do both.