Depression Thread 6: Revenge of the...Meh

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Welcome, one and all, to DT 6. It’s become tradition to lay down some ground rules. While some remain exactly the same, this being a marvelous cut-and-paste, there are a few minor alterations. Please read and follow what’s written here.

1: As understanding as we try to be on this thread, there are still rules to be followed (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/announcement.php?a=1). If you haven't read them in some time, it would be a good idea to refresh your memory before your emotional posts become something that will get you in trouble. There have been more than a few posts featuring "****" quite frequently. Remember that if you can't try for some modicum of control, someone in charge may send you a less-than-kind message filled with warnings or violations. Please, please, please try to control yourselves a bit.

2: We call this "the Depression Thread," but we're not picky. Just about every psych issue is welcome here. That said, there's a specific issue that we try to avoid. In fact, there's a whole thread dedicated to Relationship Woes and Advice (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=160664)*. Really...I'm sorry Cupid keeps spitting in your eye, and not shooting arrows in your tuchas, but please take such concerns to those better equipped to handle it.

3: YOUR PROBLEMS, WHATEVER THEY MAY BE, ARE NO BETTER OR WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE'S! No matter how often it's repeated, someone always comes along and writes an approximation of, "My problems are petty and stupid and not worth posting." If such a statement were even vaguely true, your problems wouldn't be problems at all. Contemplating suicide? We're here to help. Strained relations within your family that are causing you to burn out? We're here to help. Your favorite MMO is being revamped in such a way that's it's causing an emotional meltdown? We are STILL here to help. And should you say your problems are worthless in the midst of your post, you WILL be slapped with a goat. :smallbiggrin:

4: No better way to say this: We are friends helping friends. Our advice is not professional, nor is it always the best. If you feel you are not receiving the help you need, or deem yourself a danger to yourself and/or others, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY!

5: NEW! - Akin to seeking immediate help is the fact that some of us are on medications to help with our various conditions. Kudos! You’ve gotten professional help. Now it’s up to you to maintain contact with the professional when you have issues with your medications. No one here can prescribe something new if what you’re on isn’t helping. No one here can tell you to safely stop your meds if you’re having a problematic side effect. As said before, no one here is a doctor. If your medications aren’t doing what they’re supposed to, or are doing more than they’re supposed (and in the BAD kind of way), YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!

6: Amidst the emotional releases and the dispensing of advice, there seems to be quite a bit of random banter. I seem to be guilty of it on rare occasion, as well. I can't DEMAND that it not happen, but if you could bring it to Random Banter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=164224)*, it would be appreciated. If the communication would best be kept private, send PMs. TRY not to let basic RB dominate the thread, okay?

7: It is without a doubt 100% unacceptable to suggest someone do something to harm themselves. If you’re frustrated by someone or angry with them, and I personally don’t CARE why you’re mad, don’t read their posts. Don’t reply. Leave it alone completely. Do not bring private arguments here, and NEVER SUGGEST SOMEONE DO SOMETHING TO HURT THEMSELVES OR OTHERS!

8: When giving advice, THINK before you post. There's a lot of emotional distress going on here. Many, including myself, are in delicate shape psychologically. Sometimes it takes just ONE wrong word to cause someone to blow all of their emotional fuses. If you can't help, it's okay to simply offer *HUGS* and stand back; an online hug is a perfectly acceptable way of letting someone know you care.

9a: NEW! – This is the Depression Thread, not the “Give Me Attention Thread.” Extreme loneliness and isolationism is a symptom of mental illness, and we’ll try to help. But if you keep coming back with the same old song, admitting along the way that you’ve done nothing with the advice previously given, then it becomes clear that you don’t want help; you want people to notice you. That’s easily done in other threads, where a simple post can garner you all the attention you could ever want. But if all you can do is make the same post using different words, go back and read all of the advice you were given the last time around and DO SOMETHING!

9b: NEW! - This is not to say that you cannot post if there’s a new development in your existing problem. If the last run of advice produced no results, despite your best efforts, another post is certainly warranted. Update us on what’s been happening in the past, how you did your best to follow the advice that was given, and anything else you think is important. Maybe someone new will come along with some other words of wisdom to lend a hand.

10: NEW! - It’s all well and good that people rely on this thread to cope with their psych issues, but we’ve always been lacking something…like a follow-up on how things are going. Has your situation improved? Did the advice we gave actually help in some way? TELL US! Better than a “thanks” and a pat on the back is a report on how we actually DID something for you. You don’t need to name-drop, although credit where it’s due would be nice. In fact, if you took someone’s advice and gave it a personal twist, tell us about that! Many of us rely upon experience as the best teacher, and sharing how you overcame your issues would be greatly appreciated, especially if someone else is coming along with problems that are similar to yours. TELL US YOUR SUCCESS STORIES! :smallsmile:

11: NEW! – Not so much a rule as it is a goal. You see, this thread came along as an accidental response to quite a bit of drama. (Does anyone even remember “he who must not be named” anymore?) (No, not Voldemort! :smalltongue: ) The goal, however impossible though it may be, is to see this thread fade into little more than a memory. As a GitP friend once said about his job as a therapist, “I’m trying to work my way out of a job.” Ultimately, it would be nice if everyone ran out of mental illnesses, and the world was a psychologically sound place. It doesn’t work like that. Here’s hoping that those who come here looking for aid will find the help they need, and return to tell their success stories and go on to help others! :smallsmile:

And so, my friends, the new thread begins. If you have the need, feel free to post what's happened in the past nice and early as a refresher, and then follow up later with further developments. Some of us don't have the best memories, so reminders often help, especially if you were in the middle of an issue when the last thread was closed.

As we move forward, and the masses unload their collective woes onto this thread, I suggest you try with all you have in your heart and mind to BE WELL, and STAY WELL! :smallsmile:

*Links are subject to become useless as the respective threads move forward.

[Admiral Squish]

So, seeing as my post was the last in the prior thread, reposting it here to make sure it's not missed.

Well, I've posted my woes a few times to the playground, but it's been at least a year so I think I can avoid the 'whiny emo punk' self-descriptor.

So, my life is, basically, in the pits. Allow me to enumerate my reasons.

Starting about eight months ago, I got kicked out of the Navy, and made an attempt to live in California for a while. Four months later, I'm STILL unemployed, I'm out $5000, my bank account is at -$20, and I owe my roomie ~$600.
So, I move BACK across the country to my Mom's, discarding the last shreds of my dignity as a so-called 'grown up'.
I keep trying to get a job. No bites. Three months in, I end up talking my mom into paying for a class so I can get a skill and HOPEFULLY get a job. that's $1000 I owe her, now.
THEN the navy sends me a letter telling me that because I got kicked out, I have to pay them $3600 of my pay that I didn't 'earn' since I didn't serve my whole contract. For those keeping track, total debts are something like $5500, counting a few other miscellaneous 100-200 dollar fees from other sources.

So, this entire time, you have to keep in mind that I'm applying to 5-10 places A DAY. I got like two interviews total in these 8 months. That's a silence that speaks volumes to me. And, of course, I'm eating on mom's dime, and SHE'S struggling with money, so I feel guiltier and guiltier.
While I'm in class, I'm stressed out memorizing all these things, and adding to that, this class is like my last resort after the other last resorts have all failed. I manage to pass the class finally.

NOW, I'm in limbo waiting to be able to take the state test. I've been unable to sleep for the last MONTH thanks to that thrice-damned Marble Hornets series on Youtube. My dad, the only man I've ever respected in a serious way, is homeless and apparently took a dozen sleeping pills and tried take a 'long nap'. My doctor basically told me I can work out until I sweat blood but I'll never lose this damned belly without surgery. I can't get fit, I can't sleep, I can't get a job, I can't afford to do anything other than wallow in self-pity around the house, and I can't pay the $5500 I owe all these people.

For the last two or three weeks, I've been unable to stop myself from thinking that the only logical course of action if I failed to pass the test and/or get a job is to off myself in such a way as to render my body undiscoverable and unidentifiable, so it would appear to the world as if I had simply gone off somewhere distant to seek my fortune. I can't afford a doctor, and there's no way mom can pay for expensive pills.

[Asthix]

Please, Please don't off yourself! That can never be taken back but the other things you can and ARE doing something about. You're obviously a dilligent, responsible person with a great imagination or you wouldn't be here.

It may sound silly, but I read how you nudged the artist of your avatar in the request an avatar thread toward making the great one you have now and was impressed. (It really is artistic) You went the extra mile to get a great avatar while I went with the first thing that was presented which (I'm so sorry greenmuffin!!:smalleek:) is not 'great'. Showing that resolve would get you a job with me if I was the manager of something.

I don't know if you're in a situation where you talk to your dad. I myself have been feeling really guilty lately because my folks are getting on in years and need a lot of help with more and more routine stuff, yard maintenance etc. I only live 11 blocks from them yet I'm not there enough to even keep the lawn mowed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope we can both help our folks out more real soon.

[The Rose Dragon]

So, I am diagnosed with internet and video games addiction by my psychologist. Man, that came out of nowhere. As such, I have to quit both cold turkey really soon and plunge into the mythical offline realms out there, where there are things such as bars, dance clubs and girls.

I'm looking for suggestions as to how to distract myself without the internet until I can get a better social life that doesn't make me want to strangle myself. Also, how to get a better social life.

So, advice please? Anyone? Rob? DD? arguskos? Rob?

[Teddy]

So, I am diagnosed with internet and video games addiction by my psychologist. Man, that came out of nowhere. As such, I have to quit both cold turkey really soon and plunge into the mythical offline realms out there, where there are things such as bars, dance clubs and girls.

I'm looking for suggestions as to how to distract myself without the internet until I can get a better social life that doesn't make me want to strangle myself. Also, how to get a better social life.

So, advice please? Anyone? Rob? DD? arguskos? Rob?

Well, for something to do offline, what are your interests? If you like reading, start reading books. If you like to do something with your hands, pick up a craft of some sort. If you like music, learn to play an instrument. If you like to be active, go to the gym or start with a sport of your choice. If you just like to have a lot of time for yourself, do like me and start taking long walks.

None of these activities requires you to be dreadfully social (even though some of them might require some tutoring of some kind), in case you don't want to rush headlong into socialisation.

And for the social part, do you regulary meet the same people (such as in school or at a work)? It might be a good idea to try them. See if there is anyone who you can stand being around and just start hanging around with them. Do a bit of small talk to become one in the group, but you certainly don't have to be especially agressive.

You can also try to find friends through your hobbies by joining a gaming group/sports team/band/whatever. That way, you're guaranteed to find people with a pretty strong common interest, as well as something to do.

Good luck!
*bearhugs*

[Serpentine]

Bor: Was that a reference to, say, a certain Building Structure Made Of Baked Clay? Or perhaps... oh wow, I've actually forgotten his name... MisplacedBunnyBurrow knows 'im.

[Quincunx]

Reacquaint yourself with your library's reference section now, and if they have a major gap in the subjects you're interested in, spend the next few days downloading reference material. You're being pried away from the social aspect of the internet, but that's replaceable (and the point of this fast), and the great interconnected repository of knowledge is not so replaceable.

Annoy your shrink! Choose solitary offline activities for at least the first week! I found that, while the lack of internet was still fresh, the echo of "I'd really rather be hanging out with online friends, not you people who are merely proximate" killed any joy to be had in real life interaction. Naturally few of them wanted to continue hanging around either, by the time week two rolled around.

[arguskos]

So, I am diagnosed with internet and video games addiction by my psychologist. Man, that came out of nowhere. As such, I have to quit both cold turkey really soon and plunge into the mythical offline realms out there, where there are things such as bars, dance clubs and girls.

I'm looking for suggestions as to how to distract myself without the internet until I can get a better social life that doesn't make me want to strangle myself. Also, how to get a better social life.

So, advice please? Anyone? Rob? DD? arguskos? Rob?
1. Wow, you called ME out of all people. :smalleek: I feel... special. Teddy might be a better source of advice.

2. My advice would be to look at things you already enjoy offline, such as reading, writing, artistic pursuits, etc, and just expand those further. If you like writing, write CONSTANTLY. If you enjoy reading, hit up libraries and used book stores. If you're an artist or musician, try new styles, mediums, instruments, whatever.

Further, it's time to drag out Bor's old suggestion: the chess-at-a-coffeeshop technique. This is pretty much precisely what it sounds like, btws. :smallwink:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Admiral Squish: If you were to go to my blog, as linked in my signature, and look back toward October of 2008, you'll find my Suicidal History. It speaks of the times I tried to end my life and the results of those efforts. One of those efforts only went as far as a note, but got me hospitalized and receiving the help I so desperately needed.

I also have two ideas that you will probably not be thrilled by, but one may help you, at least with those debts that you officially owe.

First, file for whatever your State considers welfare. It sounds like you're a perfect candidate for foodstamps, Medicaid, and maybe even a cash stipend. Go and apply and hope they can give you help.

The other suggestion is to file for bankruptcy. Each county usually has some kind of legal aid available to people who can't afford a lawyer.

As for personal debts, I'm afraid you'll just have to hope that those who loaned you money are understanding. Money tends to cause an amazing amount of emotional pain for something that's inanimate. If people didn't care, they wouldn't have lent you the money to start with. I'm sure they'll be understanding that you're in a bad way at the moment.

The Rose Dragon: I think I have the answer. Take your computer and game systems apart. (The basic pieces, not their electronic guts.) For the game systems, you put them away and leave them there, with a self-promise not to pull them out for any reason. For the computer, promise yourself to only put it back together when you absolutely need to. (Work and so on.) This way, although you may not quit cold turkey, you'll at least be delayed in its use.

That's all I got. Good luck.

[HellfireLover]

My doctor basically told me I can work out until I sweat blood but I'll never lose this damned belly without surgery. I can't get fit, I can't sleep, I can't get a job, I can't afford to do anything other than wallow in self-pity around the house, and I can't pay the $5500 I owe all these people.

Woah back there just a minute, sonny Jim. On top of all your other (considerable) issues, you're conflating weight, or in your case a bit of a belly, with fitness. So, here's a question. Can you run? Do numerous crunches and suitcases? Can you lift weights comfortably? In other words, can you complete a work out which may make an lesser man quail in dread? If so, I reckon that's fit. If not, then work on it. You may never be rid of the belly, but seriously, that one thing is not making you unfit. WLS is pretty new and has some serious issues, if you're considering that... malabsorption syndrome is probably worse than carrying a bit of fat.

Also, life is never so hopeless. Getting a job is hard, yeah. Is there anything you can do to earn a little - sell some stuff, swallow your pride and take a lesser job? Even cleaning is not so bad if it earns you something. Alternatively, find out if you can pay people back by actually doing something for them - manual or physical labour -anything that needs doing. Some people are receptive, some may not be; but you won't know until you ask.

Oh, and for myself:
New GP! My old GP retired really suddenly and without warning. Now I go to the guy who diagnosed me with severe stress at the beginning of last year and, wow. Issues beginning to click into place. Seems a lot of my depression and self esteem problem stems from acute stress disorder after a traumatic event, as does my semi-regular bouts of EDNOS. It also seems that my dyscalculia is a lot better since I started working for the local authority, as the pace of work is far less frenzied than I am used to, and joy of joys, I'm actually doing some work in corporate communications - press, in other words. It feels good to flex some under-used brain muscles, even if I do occasionally get some strange looks for my sesquipedalian loquaciousness.

Thanks to all who offered good, sound advice to me when I was briefly considering a return to non-eating madness. I don't want to go down that road again.

[The Rose Dragon]

For the computer, promise yourself to only put it back together when you absolutely need to. (Work and so on.)

...I have a laptop.

I'm gonna give my consoles to my cousin until I am allowed to play again, but since my school involves the internet heavily in research, I'm more worried about that, as I tend to have little self control in this matter.

[bluewind95]

7: It is without a doubt 100% unacceptable to suggest someone do something to harm themselves. If you’re frustrated by someone or angry with them, and I personally don’t CARE why you’re mad, don’t read their posts. Don’t reply. Leave it alone completely. Do not bring private arguments here, and NEVER SUGGEST SOMEONE DO SOMETHING TO HURT THEMSELVES OR OTHERS!


This. So much this. Can't stress this one enough, having nearly fallen to being egged on while in a severe depression.

I wish I had advice for others, but... I don't. I'm sorry.

[Recaiden]

I don't think I'm qualified to give any advice especially now, and the new rules frighten me, so
* hug * to all the people here. I hope things go as well as they can.

[Dallas-Dakota]

So, I am diagnosed with internet and video games addiction by my psychologist. Man, that came out of nowhere. As such, I have to quit both cold turkey really soon and plunge into the mythical offline realms out there, where there are things such as bars, dance clubs and girls.

I'm looking for suggestions as to how to distract myself without the internet until I can get a better social life that doesn't make me want to strangle myself. Also, how to get a better social life.

So, advice please? Anyone? Rob? DD? arguskos? Rob?
1)Same as Arguskos, you called me? O.0. I haven't visited or posted in this thread for quite some time.

2) I definetely would NOT recommend going to dance clubs straight away, since if you can't dance, you'l be a wall flower and people you might go with will be away, on the floor, dancing. Thus leaving you alone, which equals Not Fun.

3) Bars/Cafe's: Do you drink? Do you know of any local(good) bars?
Invite people whom you already know who's fun/good company.
A huge bonus if you manage to let them know that the more the merrier is your way of thinking(Yes, yes it is now.) and that they should feel free to bring friends.a
Say with a 2/3 fun people whom you already know.
This would allow for you not be at a 1 on 1 social pressure, but rather in a group where you can relax and grow accustomed to the place and the group.
Also then it'd be ok if somebody said no because you also have the people who did say yes. Bring friends = Lots of new people = Some new friends, possibly.

The main thing is, is that you should NOT be thinking of ''what if's'' or bad about yourself. If you go talk to people, be friendly and stuff like that. They'l think of you as a friendly dude, or atleast have a oppinion of you instead of ''that quiet person''.

The thing is, I don't think you should be looking for a girlfriend right now if they've diagnosed you with addictions and that you yourself say that your social life is bad.
Slowly get rid of mean people and instead hang out with new friends.

Invite old/new friends to come watch a new movie/hang out.

I also recommend the hobbies things for the less social but interesting fun things angle that Arguskos and Bor have recommended!

For being more social/getting a better social life, you might want to post in the RWA thread, there are loads of people very knowledgable about that stuff there.(Relations part means any kind of relation, not just romantic ones)

[Ponderthought]

So, I am diagnosed with internet and video games addiction by my psychologist. Man, that came out of nowhere. As such, I have to quit both cold turkey really soon and plunge into the mythical offline realms out there, where there are things such as bars, dance clubs and girls.

I'm looking for suggestions as to how to distract myself without the internet until I can get a better social life that doesn't make me want to strangle myself. Also, how to get a better social life.

So, advice please? Anyone? Rob? DD? arguskos? Rob?


Alot of what psychologists say is complete bunk. Now dont get me wrong, the field is needed and constantly provides aid to those in need, but im not so sure there is such a thing as internet addiction. Regardless, rather than quitting cold turkey, it would likely be best to gradually limit your online time: Try maybe an hour a day. Thats a relatively more healthy ammount.

As for social interaction, it can be truly difficult to start, but it gets progressively easier as you go. Find a nice, quiet bar or something similar. Go on the off nights, like thursdays, rather than crowded weekend nights. Bring a friend. Chat with the bar tender (or clerk or whatever). Hang out enough having the occasional little chat with other regulars and staff, and youll eventually find some folk you enjoy the company of.


For the last two or three weeks, I've been unable to stop myself from thinking that the only logical course of action if I failed to pass the test and/or get a job is to off myself in such a way as to render my body undiscoverable and unidentifiable, so it would appear to the world as if I had simply gone off somewhere distant to seek my fortune. I can't afford a doctor, and there's no way mom can pay for expensive pills.

Im aware that this is supposed to be a sensitive thread, but suicide is a cowards way out. Your better than that. Yes youve got problems, serious problems even, but mankind has survived plague, war, and lawyers. You will eventually triumph over your adversity.

It might sounds abit crazy, but maybe you SHOULD go off somewhere distant to seek your fortune. Fortune favors the bold.

[Lady Moreta]

...I have a laptop.

I'm gonna give my consoles to my cousin until I am allowed to play again, but since my school involves the internet heavily in research, I'm more worried about that, as I tend to have little self control in this matter.

First off - good for you for being willing to try, and make an effort to change :smallsmile: I do think it's possible to get addicted to gaming and being online - or at the very least, I think it's possible to get to a point where it will negatively affect other aspects of your life.

For this specific issue of internet reasearch - two possibilities. I assume your school computers have certain sites blocked? Can you do your internet research at school instead? Failing that, you know what sites are going to be the dangerous ones - make a list of them, contact your ISP and ask them to put a temporary block on them so you can't get to them.


Woah back there just a minute, sonny Jim. On top of all your other (considerable) issues, you're conflating weight, or in your case a bit of a belly, with fitness. So, here's a question. Can you run? Do numerous crunches and suitcases? Can you lift weights comfortably? In other words, can you complete a work out which may make an lesser man quail in dread? If so, I reckon that's fit. If not, then work on it. You may never be rid of the belly, but seriously, that one thing is not making you unfit. WLS is pretty new and has some serious issues, if you're considering that... malabsorption syndrome is probably worse than carrying a bit of fat.

I second this :smallsmile: Unfortunately this world we live in has equated small body size with being fit - which is total rubbish. Using myself as an example of the opposite - I am a small person, I'm not tiny, but I'm within what the world would consider a good healthy (presumably) attractive size. Am I fit? Heck no. Yet by the world's standards, I must be because I'm small.

My point is that if you are going to the gym regularly then if you're not fit yet, you're well on your way to becoming so. And in this case, it doesn't matter what you look like. If you're healthy, and you're taking steps to stay that way - then that's what's important. I also remember seeing an article years ago of a woman who was an aerobics instructor. She was incredibly fit and strong - she was also a big woman. Remember, you can be both :smallsmile:

[Skeppio]

Update on me:

I'm feeling much better. Still bored at work (at least I can look forward to hitting the gym after work :smallbiggrin:) and kinda lonesome, but I'm feeling worlds better than I was a week or so ago. Thanks for all the help, everyone. You're all helpful, wise and fantastic people. Keep up the good work. :smallsmile:

[Lady Moreta]

Update on me:

I'm feeling much better. Still bored at work (at least I can look forward to hitting the gym after work :smallbiggrin:) and kinda lonesome, but I'm feeling worlds better than I was a week or so ago. Thanks for all the help, everyone. You're all helpful, wise and fantastic people. Keep up the good work. :smallsmile:

Glad to hear it :smallbiggrin:

Totally random solution for boredom at work (but it really does work): lots of bathroom breaks (even if they're unnecessary). I do this a lot, and it really does help. Sometimes you just need to get up and move around, and this is a good excuse for it. Otherwise, make lots of drinks, then take your time doing dishes (assuming you have a kitchen available for use).

Otherwise, when I'm bored, I'm either on here, or I write. I'm writing up little snippits from our D&D game, and thus far, two of the three have been written while at work.

Failing that, there's always TV Tropes :smalltongue:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I don't think I'm qualified to give any advice especially now, and the new rules frighten me, so
* hug * to all the people here. I hope things go as well as they can.
Emphasis mine.

The new rules aren't meant to frighten, just tighten the ship a bit. And since I'm not an actual authority here on GitP, my "rules" are more like guidelines. This thread can end up becoming an emotional roller coaster without some semblance of order.

Also, as I explained not long ago to someone else, this isn't one of those threads where I look forward to the next one. A new You Thread? Yay! A new Random Banter? Yay! A new Depression Thread? Ummm...Okay, if we must.

The repetitive posts and seemingly random banter that appear here tend to make the thread move a lot faster than one would like. Better that this thread should last out a year than move so quickly that it's almost impossible to keep up. I want peace. I want happiness. And I want these things for you people, whom I consider friends. A busy threads means you don't have these things, and that's disconcerting.

Because I don't want to single out anyone, I've simply made the rules generically. If you have a problem, come here and vent to your heart's content. But after receiving advice, you should DO SOMETHING about it, not come back here with a similar post that also claims you've done nothing to make things better.

Besides, it's unfair to those who come to help. Here we are, getting all concerned and racking our brains to give the best advice we can muster, only to discover someone doesn't want help; they merely want attention.

I'm trying to clarify, but my meds are doing things to muddle my brain. I think now's a good time to shut up and be on my way. Just know that my only goal was to improve the thread, not make people afraid to post here. And if there are any concerns, especially from mods, then please contact me at your earlier convenience so I can rectify the situation.

[Tonal Architect]

Bor, since I think this is a good opportunity, if I may comment on the new rules, I'd like to offer my views on rule 11.

Mostly, I don't think it would be good to have this thread disappear and fade into a distant memory. I'd surely wish the issues (especially the ones with deep enough impact to put them into clinical territory) which currently torment others are overcome and become a turned page, but the thing is, new issues will always arise, and that's actually a good, healthy thing, in my opinion.

I can't say for sure how it's like on other locations, but where I live, there's an awful lot of pressure for people to act as though happy all the time, to the point where one is encouraged to think feeling sad has something wrong with it... Which infers, in turn, that one should feel happy all the time. To illustrate this, the expression "What's wrong with you", although mostly innocent, does converge that meaning, in a way.

I don't think that never coming to feel sad is a positive thing; I think it's quite disturbing, actually. Feeling sad is one of the defining, and most important traits of personhood, of being human. The interplay between sadness and joy is also central to the mechanics of the human mind.

The society I live in pushes people into a difficult position, where it's actually hard to talk about one's sorrow... In that sense, it's a very dehumanizing situation. I think others feel the same way... So this place has a very human, valid purpose, in that view; to be a established, confortable and welcoming place where one can simply... Give in to the pressure. And that is of the utter importance to a human being, as it's also the beginning of the process of overcoming an issue.

To sum it up, I think it's important for the depression thread to have a continued existence, as sadness is a constant in human life, and many social structures seem to encourage the conception that it's actually something wrong. It's not, I believe, and having a established place that welcomes such feelings is, I must say, heart-warming.

Well, the above comments convey the way I felt about rule 11. In case I'm entirely missing the point... Please ignore my so very long post, and consider it as venting; I'm not sure how it is where others live, but this is my social reality, and it is... Suffocating, I should say.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

:smallsigh: I'm depressed. Y'see, I went and started a new DT because the old one had reached page 50, and saw certain things in the old thread that could use cleaning up. Like the person under a doctor's care who seemed to refuse to call said doctor for help, and simply kept venting on us. Venting is fine, but when help is suggested and the person doesn't do anything, it gets incredibly frustrating. Anger-inducing frustration. And since I don't get a thrill out of being angry, I scribbled out an addition to the rules, as well as a few others. Why, I even took what a mod had once said and put it up in red so that his words would be carried forward.

That's when the PMs started rolling in. Someone new to the forums was wondering if they were worthy of posting here. Another said that they don't feel they can post here due to the new rules. And then "rule" 11, a wish that we should all be well enough to not need such a thread... :smallsigh:

Really, this is just about the only thread I post to anymore. This thread was my brainchild, and I felt it my duty to look after it. Without actually being empowered to do so, I tried to impose order on the thread, by asking or strongly suggesting various things. And instead of things resuming as they had, my "rules," which are more like guidelines, as I've said, have been coming under fire.

So...If the rules are of such a great concern to people that they feel they can't use this thread as it's designed, I'll go back and delete the new stuff. We can make this "the attention-seeking thread." We can ignore success stories, because G-d knows we wouldn't want good news in the depression thread. And striving for well-being for all...? Who needs that?

Should discussion of the "rules" continue for any reason, I'll go back and edit them. But don't be shocked at what the first post becomes, because I have my own laundry list of issues. Like:

1: I suffer from severe recurring depression. People tend to forget this because I make my best efforts to be a pillar in the community. I also have PTSD from being attacked in my sleep.
2: Just when I thought I'd escaped financial turmoil, things fell apart where I'm living. We went from being comfortable to scraping together change so we can eat.
3: I definitely need surgery on my right arm, and possibly on my left leg. More stress for me.
4: The woman I love lives over 1,000 miles away. We'll be seeing each other soon, but that doesn't make it easy in any way.
5: I'll also be seeing my father soon. It would be nice, except for the fact that he acts like seeing me is a burden.
6: September will make it 36 years that I'm a diabetic. I live with many of the complications. That's stressful unto itself.
7: I have yet another ulcer on my left foot, so the fight to keep it attached to the rest of me is ongoing.

So...Want a rewrite of the "rules?" Just say so. Otherwise, leave them be. Please?

[Viera Champion]

Bor? Please don't change the rules. You have helped me so much with this thread, not to mention how much you've helped my brother, who now spends like everyday reading your blog.

So I find your decisions wise and just. And um yeah... This was supposed to be a long philosophical speech...

[RabbitHoleLost]

Bor, don't you touch those rules, you hear?
I think you put a lot of time into them, and I think they're good guidelines and good things for everyone to keep in mind.

So, updates on Rabbit!
GOOD THINGS FIRST!

My stepmother is no longer my stepmother. And is moved on out. Yaaay
I finished my career college and should be starting my externship soon. When that's all done, I'll FINALLY HAVE A JOB THAT ISN'T MINIMUM WAGE, YAY
I ended up romancing someone I'd liked from a distance for a very, very long time. :smallbiggrin:
Because I am finally done with school, I can finally make time for my best friend who I am very close with, but who I've not been able to see very often for these past few months because of school. She's essentially my rock, and if I don't see her often, I start feeling it.


LESS THAN GOOD THINGS LAST

Well, so my exstepmother is gone, and, though she never cleaned anything anyways, its like the house has just fallen apart without an "adult" female around. My dad's always been the worst about cleaning up after himself, and my sister...she's a teenager. I mean, I'm not exactly the cleanest person, either, but I manage to put away food stuffs after I've used them, especially if they're refrigerated. Its like my dad just can't get that, though, and no matter how many times I talk to him about it, I always end up cleaning up after him.
And, so, I'm trying to clean up everything while managing the other parts of my life, and its just not working very well, because once I clean something, the moment I turn around, its a mess again.
I spent two hours last week cleaning the kitchen, and then I went to work. By the time I came back from work, it was a mess again.
AND THERE WERE COLD FOOD ITEMS LEFT OUT. FOR HOURS.
Further more, I don't think my dad is ever going to let me leave. Or, well, I know he can't stop me, but I don't think he's going to help me move out, ever, and that's something to worry about. I didn't know why, for the longest time, he would discourage me. At first I thought he was using me as a lever to get my exstepmother out (afterall, she did pull the "either Rabbit leaves or I do" bit), but, after further searching, I think he needs me. I think, in many, many ways, my father is emotionally dependent on me.
This was enforced when I talked to the wife of his best friend (who's interesting, in that she's often grouped with my dad and her husband and their friends, but since she's much younger than them, she often sits and talks with me).
Long distance relationship. I won't go into it much, 'cause there is the RWA thread, but its certainly a factor in my stress. Plus, you know, he was an adult already by the time I was born...and this isn't a huge factor to me, or him, but it does seem like it can be a big thing to other people. Which I can understand, you know, them being skeptical. But it does get stressful.
Money. But you all know that issues, so lets not even really touch on it. Everyone could use more money.
I just wish my dad didn't have me pay the bills for him. Seeing his financial status fills me with dread.
For some reason, EVERYONE WANTS TO TELL ME ABOUT THEIR BROKEN HEARTS. I am awful at sympathizing, because I myself have never had one. This leaves me feeling awkward, and often, I find, it brings me down with them, and I leave the conversation feeling like I've somehow been abused, used, and dumped, too.

Love you guys <3

[Malfunctioned]

I think this thread is right place to post this, if not then please redirect me.

So as some playgrounders know I recently spontaneously became a lot more confident then I ever had been, I have no idea why and it really feels good. I feel a lot better about myself and in my abilities.

Except, I kinda don't like myself like this.

It's a bit confusing but to put it simply I don't really like the person I am when I'm this confident. Before I got the confidence I was essentially the same person, a person that does all they can to be a good person not for any selfish reasons but simply because not being a good person just seems completely alien to me. But at moment I find myself becoming over-confident in myself and having to make sure I don't overstep boundaries. I feel the urges to insult people and generally not be the person I used to be. This has happened before to me and both times lead to the dissolution of my relationships.

Simply put I feel like there's two different sides of me; The, apparently, sweet nice guy with almost no self-esteem and the self-confident jerkass. At the moment I think I somewhere in between the two but I find myself acting more and more like the second one as time goes on. I don't want to become the person I used to be again (the jerkass one, not the nice-guy) but at the same time I don't want to lose the confidence that I do have. From past experience I don't think I can be confident and the nice guy due to past experience. To be honest I think I'm, in general, happier with the confidence but I prefer myself when I don't have it.

So now I have a choice, lose the confidence and be the guy that I like or keep it and be happier. I'm just not sure which one to pick. :smallfrown:

TL/DR: I can either be happier as the kind of person I hate or live with ridiculously low self-esteem as the person I want to be.

[Viera Champion]

Hmmm... Well then, I'll start with the bad news.

•My deaf best friend left for his boarding school yesterday. And yes, he's my gay crush. This kid of thing is very dfficult on my because I have an emotional attachment to him.

•My stepmother still exists.:smallmad: And her bipolar bitchiness is as infuriating as ever.

•I still can't bring myself to tell my family I'm gay. Though I really want to-ish. In fact, I now realize that it's not because I'm scared of their reaction, but because I know my dad and step mom will decide to have a long conversation about it and how they'll still love me and stuff, and that is not something I want to have.

•My parents are starting to think of me as more and more as an anti-social lazy freak, even if they decide to deny it. Though the truth is I'm incredibly social. They just don't realize that I'm social to lots of people on here and at school, but I don't tell them about GitP, and they don't think school counts. Infact the reason they day I'm anti-social is cuz I don play with the neighbors anymore. And that's cuz I'm friggin sick of it!

•I feel a desperate need for a boyfriend. Even though I'm only 14 I feel like I need one. For comfort, someone to talk to, love, or even sex, I'm not sure. But even though I don't know why, I still have that desperate need.


...
Ok so... Good news:

•I might be hanging out with my deaf friend this weekend.
And... Um wow... That's about it.

[RabbitHoleLost]

•My stepmother still exists.:smallmad: And her bipolar bitchiness is as infuriating as ever.
Yeah. I don't have anything constructive to say, because I am apparantly the main reason my father and his exwife didn't work out, but, er, just hang on in there. Maybe as you grow, you'll both learn to communicate better.
Or maybe you should ask to go to family counseling?



•I feel a desperate need for a boyfriend. Even though I'm only 14 I feel like I need one. For comfort, someone to talk to, love, or even sex, I'm not sure. But even though I don't know why, I still have that desperate need.
I think this is fairly normal for fourteen year-olds. You're getting to that age when dating is something that comes up soon, and its exciting and new and you want to try it.
Unfortunately, it might be a little bit harder with your sexuality, especially since most fourteen year olds have not come to that part of their lives yet when they realize their sexuality.
Just be patient- it'll all be worth it, in the end, when you find someone.

[Pyrian]

It's a bit confusing but to put it simply I don't really like the person I am when I'm this confident....This happens a lot. The underlying reasons are unpleasant to think about.


From past experience I don't think I can be confident and the nice guy due to past experience.Yes, you can. Look, you fell off a horse once. Maybe twice. It's not safe to therefore conclude you can never ride a horse again. Sure, this can be a challenge, because you have to act against your instincts rather than simply flowing with them sometimes. But, it's worth the effort.


TL/DR: I can either be happier as the kind of person I hate or live with ridiculously low self-esteem as the person I want to be.That dichotomy will never work for you. Neither choice will last; you'll either lose your happiness as your self-hatred destroys your self-esteem, or grow bitter over time wallowing in the latter.


I spent two hours last week cleaning the kitchen, and then I went to work. By the time I came back from work, it was a mess again.I feel that way about my apartment and I live alone. :smalltongue: My condolences. ...Sounds like your Dad needs you every bit as much as he apparently thinks he does!


For some reason, EVERYONE WANTS TO TELL ME ABOUT THEIR BROKEN HEARTS. I am awful at sympathizing, because I myself have never had one. This leaves me feeling awkward, and often, I find, it brings me down with them, and I leave the conversation feeling like I've somehow been abused, used, and dumped, too.Snark more. :smallamused: Make sure to point out how their own flaws got them into those predicaments. It's genuinely helpful and unappreciated! :smallbiggrin:


Love you guys <3Luvya too! :smallcool:

[Starfols]

•I still can't bring myself to tell my family I'm gay. Though I really want to-ish. In fact, I now realize that it's not because I'm scared of their reaction, but because I know my dad and step mom will decide to have a long conversation about it and how they'll still love me and stuff, and that is not something I want to have.

•My parents are starting to think of me as more and more as an anti-social lazy freak, even if they decide to deny it. Though the truth is I'm incredibly social. They just don't realize that I'm social to lots of people on here and at school, but I don't tell them about GitP, and they don't think school counts. Infact the reason they day I'm anti-social is cuz I don play with the neighbors anymore. And that's cuz I'm friggin sick of it!

I have the same and opposite problems. My parents also think of me as unsociable, because at their house I spend all my time lazing around by myself. Truth is, I'm an introvert, and when I go to my parent's house, it's to be alone for a while and 'recharge'. They see this and try to make me go shopping or whatever so I can 'come up for air and get out of the house'. I get agitated and become reclusive once I can be alone again, and the cycle repeats itself. Normally I socialize quite often, but my parents think if I act a certain way in front of them, I always act that way. :smallsigh:

On the other hand, I'm fairly certain my parents think I'm gay. My father keeps asking me if I have a significant other, and says I should try going to bars or parties where sexy people might be. When I was moving into my apartment, he wanted me to get a queen-size bed 'to share'. My mother tries to avoid the subject entirely (I know she disapproves of homosexuality :smallyuk:), and when she does, she says she really hopes I find a nice person of the opposite gender (not in those words exactly, but you get the idea). I suppose just because I'm not super horny all the time like my peers means I'm gay. :smallannoyed:

Also, nice to meetcha, depression thread. :smallsmile:

[Lady Moreta]

So, updates on Rabbit!
GOOD THINGS FIRST!

Yay for good things! :smallbiggrin:



LESS THAN GOOD THINGS LAST
Well, so my exstepmother is gone, and, though she never cleaned anything anyways, its like the house has just fallen apart without an "adult" female around. My dad's always been the worst about cleaning up after himself, and my sister...she's a teenager. I mean, I'm not exactly the cleanest person, either, but I manage to put away food stuffs after I've used them, especially if they're refrigerated. Its like my dad just can't get that, though, and no matter how many times I talk to him about it, I always end up cleaning up after him.
And, so, I'm trying to clean up everything while managing the other parts of my life, and its just not working very well, because once I clean something, the moment I turn around, its a mess again.
I spent two hours last week cleaning the kitchen, and then I went to work. By the time I came back from work, it was a mess again.
AND THERE WERE COLD FOOD ITEMS LEFT OUT. FOR HOURS.
Further more, I don't think my dad is ever going to let me leave. Or, well, I know he can't stop me, but I don't think he's going to help me move out, ever, and that's something to worry about. I didn't know why, for the longest time, he would discourage me. At first I thought he was using me as a lever to get my exstepmother out (afterall, she did pull the "either Rabbit leaves or I do" bit), but, after further searching, I think he needs me. I think, in many, many ways, my father is emotionally dependent on me.
This was enforced when I talked to the wife of his best friend (who's interesting, in that she's often grouped with my dad and her husband and their friends, but since she's much younger than them, she often sits and talks with me).

It does sound like your father is coming to rely on you - probably more than is healthy. In this sort of situation, I would say that the only thing that will get him to stop relying on you is for you to move out. While you're there, he'll just keep on going, he has no reason to stop, and he clearly does need you. I think you have two options here - you can either choose to stay and continue to help him as you are doing now - which will probably burn you out eventually, and isn't really that healthy for your father either. Or you can move out, and essentially force him to start doing things for himself, to rely on himself more and you less. This doesn't of course mean that you just up and abandon him. You can get his finances sorted initially and then show him what he needs to do. You can come back each week or fortnight to check up and see how things are going. But it's not healthy for you to be the parent in the relationship.


I just wish my dad didn't have me pay the bills for him. Seeing his financial status fills me with dread.

You know this is probably why he does. Deep down it seems he knows he wouldn't be surviving without you. Can you suggest a simple course for him, on how to manage finances. Or teach him how to yourself?


For some reason, EVERYONE WANTS TO TELL ME ABOUT THEIR BROKEN HEARTS. I am awful at sympathizing, because I myself have never had one. This leaves me feeling awkward, and often, I find, it brings me down with them, and I leave the conversation feeling like I've somehow been abused, used, and dumped, too.

Tell them that. Okay, perhaps don't tell them "I've never been in this situation, so I can't sympathise" because that'll probably make them feel worse, and I assume you don't want to do that :smallsmile: But do tell them that, while you care, and you're sad they're hurting, you yourself are also going through your own issues and you just can't cope with all of theirs as well, and could they please find someone else to offload on.



Simply put I feel like there's two different sides of me; The, apparently, sweet nice guy with almost no self-esteem and the self-confident jerkass. At the moment I think I somewhere in between the two but I find myself acting more and more like the second one as time goes on. I don't want to become the person I used to be again (the jerkass one, not the nice-guy) but at the same time I don't want to lose the confidence that I do have. From past experience I don't think I can be confident and the nice guy due to past experience. To be honest I think I'm, in general, happier with the confidence but I prefer myself when I don't have it.

So now I have a choice, lose the confidence and be the guy that I like or keep it and be happier. I'm just not sure which one to pick. :smallfrown:

TL/DR: I can either be happier as the kind of person I hate or live with ridiculously low self-esteem as the person I want to be.

You know, there is always a middle ground, and that's what you need to look for here. Having confidence is a wonderful thing - now what you need is the confidence to be the confident man who is able to restrain the jerkassery you have already said you don't like. I love the horse riding analogy (probably because I used to ride). Just because you've 'fallen off' in the past doesn't mean you can't do it at all. To extend the metaphor, the first thing you do when you fall off a horse is get back on again (and I know this because I've fallen off a few times).

As for practical advice - you're clearly aware that you're starting to fall towards the jerk-side again. Have you been catching yourself before and struggling to hold it in, or is it that you've been noticing it's happening after you've already said something?

If the former, keep practicing! It will get easier with time, and you will find that you're much more capable of keeping your mouth shut. Through my later years of high school I was much like this - my best friend and I were horrible to each other, nasty and sarcastic - to the point where my younger cousin, upon observing the two of us, actually asked me if we liked each other. Heck yes, I was bridesmaid at her wedding and she played me down the aisle at mine. We're actually very close, nasty was just how we operated. Eventually, however, I left high school, and especially when I moved to Oz, I noticed that I was letting rip in the same way I had with her, and no one found it funny. I realised that I couldn't treat everyone the same way, because only she really understood. So I started working on it. I'm still sarcastic, but I have learnt to restrain it to those who can handle it (so her, and another friend who's possibly worse than me). It probably took me a good six months to a year, and I still blunder from time to time, but my point is that it's possible.

If it's more the latter, start practicing the former :smalltongue: Seriously, you know you're like that, so you can start to recognise the signs. What situations are you more likely to be a 'jerk' in? Learn to recognise them, so that when you get into one of those situations, you can either extricate yourself post haste, or you can be more on your guard. Talk to your friends, have they noticed you being a jerk? It's possible that you're not as bad as you think you are. Find one or two you can really trust and ask them to help out. Arrange some sort of 'Hey Mal, you're doing it again' signal with them. If you can find a friend you can really let rip with, who won't take it personally, fantastic! go nuts. I still contact my friend every so often, usually when I need to explode a bit, and I know she won't take it personally, and that she'll give it all right back to me. It's therapeutic.

But don't give in to the fallacy that you can either be one or the other, that you can't be both, because well - it's a fallacy :smalltongue:


Hmmm... Well then, I'll start with the bad news.

•My deaf best friend left for his boarding school yesterday. And yes, he's my gay crush. This kid of thing is very dfficult on my because I have an emotional attachment to him.

It's always hard when friends go away, no matter what sort of connection or attachment you have with them. My best friend came over for a visit a couple of months ago, for a week - I bawled my eyes out when she left. Keep in touch with him, and remember - he'll come home again *hugs*



•I still can't bring myself to tell my family I'm gay. Though I really want to-ish. In fact, I now realize that it's not because I'm scared of their reaction, but because I know my dad and step mom will decide to have a long conversation about it and how they'll still love me and stuff, and that is not something I want to have.

I think here it might help if you decide what you want more. Do you want most to tell your family you're gay, or do you want most to avoid the long conversation that'll happen if/when you do? What will give you the most relief? If it'll just be one conversation, and that's it then I would suggest biting the bullet and just go for it. It'll be uncomfortable, but get it over with and then you can move on, feeling happy that at least you've told them now. Think of it like getting a vaccination - it sucks and hurts at the time, but you'll be glad you did in the end :smallsmile:



•My parents are starting to think of me as more and more as an anti-social lazy freak, even if they decide to deny it. Though the truth is I'm incredibly social. They just don't realize that I'm social to lots of people on here and at school, but I don't tell them about GitP, and they don't think school counts. Infact the reason they day I'm anti-social is cuz I don play with the neighbors anymore. And that's cuz I'm friggin sick of it!

:smallconfused: Okay, I fail to see why school doesn't count, but that's not the point. Is there any reason you haven't told them about the forum? Do you think it would help them shut up about it if they knew you were socialising in other areas (outside of school, if they don't think that counts)?



•I feel a desperate need for a boyfriend. Even though I'm only 14 I feel like I need one. For comfort, someone to talk to, love, or even sex, I'm not sure. But even though I don't know why, I still have that desperate need.

What 14 year old doesn't? Honestly Lil Shiro, this is normal. Everyone wants somebody to love, and be loved in return. Simply put though, these things take time. You're still young, you're still learning about yourself, about life, and about others - don't be in too much of a hurry. Take your time, delight in, and take comfort in the friendships you have. Remember that friendship itself is a form of love.

•I might be hanging out with my deaf friend this weekend.
And... Um wow... That's about it.[/QUOTE]

And yay :smallsmile:


I have the same and opposite problems. My parents also think of me as unsociable, because at their house I spend all my time lazing around by myself. Truth is, I'm an introvert, and when I go to my parent's house, it's to be alone for a while and 'recharge'. They see this and try to make me go shopping or whatever so I can 'come up for air and get out of the house'. I get agitated and become reclusive once I can be alone again, and the cycle repeats itself. Normally I socialize quite often, but my parents think if I act a certain way in front of them, I always act that way. :smallsigh:

Tell them. If you haven't already, tell them that's why you go to their place, for some space and a chance to relax. Explain that their insistence is just wrong, and that while you know they have the best of intentions, they're actually not helping.


On the other hand, I'm fairly certain my parents think I'm gay. My father keeps asking me if I have a significant other, and says I should try going to bars or parties where sexy people might be. When I was moving into my apartment, he wanted me to get a queen-size bed 'to share'. My mother tries to avoid the subject entirely (I know she disapproves of homosexuality :smallyuk:), and when she does, she says she really hopes I find a nice person of the opposite gender (not in those words exactly, but you get the idea). I suppose just because I'm not super horny all the time like my peers means I'm gay. :smallannoyed:

This - I'm not so sure on. If it's really buggin you, you could try asking them outright and then telling them exactly what you just said to us. :smallsmile:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

RabbitHoleLost: Keep an eye out for a PM from me. I may have some help with one of your issues. :smallwink:

Malfunctioned: As suggested, you should seek some kind of balance between your confidence and being a nice guy. You need not be arrogant with your confidence, as is usually the problem when people start feeling their inner strengths rise to the surface. It's a good feeling, but can run wild if not reigned in.

Amidst your woes, you must realize that it's an excellent sign that you recognize the potential for disaster. Most people aren't that self-aware, and will dig some very deep holes socially. Your awareness is a rare and wonderful thing, as it will allow you to make certain changes in your behavior.

The most immediate change I think you need to make is the TRUE realization that no one is perfect, not even you, with your unbounded confidence. What I mean by that is that you can easily reply, "I know I'm not perfect, Bor." But when you're able to keep that in mind and maintain a degree of humility is when you'll know you've truly accepted it.

I am frequently praised for being who I am. This praise, which is sometimes heaped upon me by the metric ton, has great potential for me to develop a swollen ego and look down upon "the little people." But as wonderful as many think I am, I maintain the knowledge that I'm far from a saint. I have my bad habits, just like "mere mortals," and can make mistakes just like everyone else. The most I can do is strive to maintain my nice-guy-ness and be kind, even when a part of me would much rather shout the occasional insult. (Yes, I do, in fact, get such urges. Shocking, ain't it?)

To the desire to insult people, I can only make this suggestion: keep it to yourself, or find someone who can keep their mouth shut and vent to that person. At this time, I have my housemates and my girlfriend with whom I can vent my outrage about various people, going all out if I want and receive no judgment. Very often, they feel the same way, and so I get to commiserate.

And keep in mind that doing what I suggested doesn't make your nice guy routine a mere act. No, that would come if you started lying. Saying someone is attractive or intelligent when they aren't, for example, would turn you into a sham. Keep the insults to yourself, and if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. In this way, you will remain true to yourself, and being a nice guy will not be an act.

What I'm suggesting is not easy. Placing and using a filter between one's mouth and brain takes practice. Making it more difficult is when you do as I've done, which is make a personal vow to be open and honest. Sometimes such a personal practice can cause pain, and so one must learn to put a leash on one's mouth.

I'm not sure if any of this will help. I'm in great pain this morning, so I've had to take more of my pain meds than I usually do on a daily basis. It scatters my brain, and makes certain ideas unclear. If you require clarification, perhaps I'll be able to handle it later.

[ForzaFiori]

I feel like a complete failure sometimes. My mom seems to always be angry at me, even when someone else screws up. If I bring it up to her, she blows me out more. My social life has gone from negligible to zip since I started college, as all of my friends moved into dorms, or off to other schools, or just started ignoring me. Since classes started, I've hung out with 3 people. My best friend (Call him A), his girlfriend (and a former ex of mine, called B), and the son of one of my step-dad's friends who moved up here for college (Call him S). I don't see S alot, and I don't know him that well, so I'm still edgy around him. A and B are always all over one another, so nothing there. The only time I get to hang with someone I can just be myself with is when B isn't around, since A lives with me. I've tried talking to people in college, but I'm horrible at making friends, and most of the people here are nothing like me. I don't know where to begin, or how to really initiate a conversation, and so I'm always by myself. To top it off, I'm not entirely sure what is going on in my classes, and yet everyone else does. It's like they're getting e-mails from the teacher that I'm not, or they got an extra page in their syllabus. It's only about 3 weeks into the semester, and I'm already worried about failing.

I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm going insane.

[Admiral Squish]

Okay, because I'm no good at that parceled-by-paragraph thing, responses will be in Bold


Please, Please don't off yourself! That can never be taken back but the other things you can and ARE doing something about. You're obviously a dilligent, responsible person with a great imagination or you wouldn't be here.

It may sound silly, but I read how you nudged the artist of your avatar in the request an avatar thread toward making the great one you have now and was impressed. (It really is artistic) You went the extra mile to get a great avatar while I went with the first thing that was presented which (I'm so sorry greenmuffin!!:smalleek:) is not 'great'. Showing that resolve would get you a job with me if I was the manager of something.

Well, that's actually part of the problem. Online, I tend to be a little loud, silly, and assertive. But I person I'm generally meek. Once I'm close to you, though, I tend to open up a bit. But generally speaking, I'm too passive, easily flustered, and overall, I end up being the nice guy who finishes last.

I don't know if you're in a situation where you talk to your dad. I myself have been feeling really guilty lately because my folks are getting on in years and need a lot of help with more and more routine stuff, yard maintenance etc. I only live 11 blocks from them yet I'm not there enough to even keep the lawn mowed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope we can both help our folks out more real soon.

It's not that I don't talk to him. I just don't know what to say to him, honestly. I mean, I looked up to him all through my childhood, and it's incredibly depressing to see him living out of a plastic bag and a suitcase. I mean, I grew up wanting to be like him, and now, it's just sad. I just keep thinking 'am I gonna end up like that too?'


Admiral Squish: If you were to go to my blog, as linked in my signature, and look back toward October of 2008, you'll find my Suicidal History. It speaks of the times I tried to end my life and the results of those efforts. One of those efforts only went as far as a note, but got me hospitalized and receiving the help I so desperately needed.

The biggest problem there is that I can't go and ASK for the help, because I'm intimately aware we can't afford it. If I DO ask, then either mom won't do it and I'll be still depressed and she'll feel guilty, or she'll do it, extend herself too far, and end up in an even worse position while I'm trying to get better.

I also have two ideas that you will probably not be thrilled by, but one may help you, at least with those debts that you officially owe.

First, file for whatever your State considers welfare. It sounds like you're a perfect candidate for foodstamps, Medicaid, and maybe even a cash stipend. Go and apply and hope they can give you help.

I don't actually qualify, I checked. I might be able to pull off food stamps, but I can't do medicare or medicaid because I'm somehow missing the window on BOTH policies by one year. I'm too old for one and not old enough for the other. I'm not sure why they have a year-wide gap in the system, but they apparently do. As for welfare, I'm still TECHNICALLY living with my mom, so I'm pretty sure I don't count there either. It's been a few months since I last asked, though.

The other suggestion is to file for bankruptcy. Each county usually has some kind of legal aid available to people who can't afford a lawyer.

Bankruptcy might work, but I'm not sure how the Department of Defense debt interacts with that.

As for personal debts, I'm afraid you'll just have to hope that those who loaned you money are understanding. Money tends to cause an amazing amount of emotional pain for something that's inanimate. If people didn't care, they wouldn't have lent you the money to start with. I'm sure they'll be understanding that you're in a bad way at the moment.

I can't really afford to not pay mom back, seeing how tight the finances are. As for the 600 to my roomie, he's kinda holding the appliances I bought in california hostage until I pay him back at least 300.

That's all I got. Good luck.


Woah back there just a minute, sonny Jim. On top of all your other (considerable) issues, you're conflating weight, or in your case a bit of a belly, with fitness. So, here's a question. Can you run? Do numerous crunches and suitcases? Can you lift weights comfortably? In other words, can you complete a work out which may make an lesser man quail in dread? If so, I reckon that's fit. If not, then work on it. You may never be rid of the belly, but seriously, that one thing is not making you unfit. WLS is pretty new and has some serious issues, if you're considering that... malabsorption syndrome is probably worse than carrying a bit of fat.

Well, I USED to. Not being in the navy anymore has softened me a bit. Yes, I can do all of the above, but the point is not 'fit'. The problem I'm having is I'm not 'attractive'. I'm about 200 pounds and even if I'm strong as an ox, I look like a typical WoW-playing nerd. No muscle, just a giant belly, love handles, and even the start of a second chin.

Also, life is never so hopeless. Getting a job is hard, yeah. Is there anything you can do to earn a little - sell some stuff, swallow your pride and take a lesser job? Even cleaning is not so bad if it earns you something. Alternatively, find out if you can pay people back by actually doing something for them - manual or physical labour -anything that needs doing. Some people are receptive, some may not be; but you won't know until you ask.

I've already done that though. I have nothing left to sell but my laptop, and this is the only thing keeping me from murdering something. I've swallowed my pride and even passed out flyers around the neighborhood advertising myself as a 'grunt for hire', willing to do anything for $5/hour. The problem is there ARE no jobs here. Unemployment is at about 17%.





Im aware that this is supposed to be a sensitive thread, but suicide is a cowards way out. Your better than that. Yes youve got problems, serious problems even, but mankind has survived plague, war, and lawyers. You will eventually triumph over your adversity.

It might sounds abit crazy, but maybe you SHOULD go off somewhere distant to seek your fortune. Fortune favors the bold.

Fortune SEEMS to favor the bold, because the bold who DON'T succeed don't talk about it. A good portion of the bold end up dying huddled under overpasses. An optimist is just a pessimist who hasn't been beaten enough yet.

[smellie_hippie]

Soooo.....

I am going to talk to a former supervisor next week about private practice. I cannot even begin to describe how anxious this makes me. I feel that I have reached a plateau in regards to my current practice, especially since I work for a large community mental health agency. I hope that private practice in this region has better financial rewards while not having drastically different expectations.

I am trying very hard to not approach this with a preconceived notion, but I think this may be the only option of staying inside my chosen career while... being more than a small cog in a big machine.

Cross fingers that things work out. :smalleek:

[Trellan]

I feel like a complete failure sometimes. My mom seems to always be angry at me, even when someone else screws up. If I bring it up to her, she blows me out more. My social life has gone from negligible to zip since I started college, as all of my friends moved into dorms, or off to other schools, or just started ignoring me. Since classes started, I've hung out with 3 people. My best friend (Call him A), his girlfriend (and a former ex of mine, called B), and the son of one of my step-dad's friends who moved up here for college (Call him S). I don't see S alot, and I don't know him that well, so I'm still edgy around him. A and B are always all over one another, so nothing there. The only time I get to hang with someone I can just be myself with is when B isn't around, since A lives with me. I've tried talking to people in college, but I'm horrible at making friends, and most of the people here are nothing like me. I don't know where to begin, or how to really initiate a conversation, and so I'm always by myself. To top it off, I'm not entirely sure what is going on in my classes, and yet everyone else does. It's like they're getting e-mails from the teacher that I'm not, or they got an extra page in their syllabus. It's only about 3 weeks into the semester, and I'm already worried about failing.

I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm going insane.

It's your first semester of college, aye? Pretty much all of that (at least the college-related stuff) is completely understandable. You're in a new environment, surrounded by new people, dealing with new responsibilities. I'll leave advice on social stuff to other people (I'm abysmally horrible at it myself, so I don't really have much useful to say), but on the academic side of things, ask the professor. Seriously. I can tell you from experience: a teacher will always prefer that you ask them questions rather than failing or feeling so overwhelmed you are worried about failing. Send them an email, ask for a moment of time after class, or stop by their office during their office hours (every professor will have them, they're required to). Tell them your concerns in as specific of terms as possible and ask for help or advice. I've never met a professor that would respond negatively to such an approach, and chances are they'll know exactly what to do because they've dealt with students in the same situation before. Best of luck to you, and I hope you get into the swing of things quickly.

[Lady Moreta]

I feel like a complete failure sometimes. My mom seems to always be angry at me, even when someone else screws up. If I bring it up to her, she blows me out more. My social life has gone from negligible to zip since I started college, as all of my friends moved into dorms, or off to other schools, or just started ignoring me. Since classes started, I've hung out with 3 people. My best friend (Call him A), his girlfriend (and a former ex of mine, called B), and the son of one of my step-dad's friends who moved up here for college (Call him S). I don't see S alot, and I don't know him that well, so I'm still edgy around him. A and B are always all over one another, so nothing there. The only time I get to hang with someone I can just be myself with is when B isn't around, since A lives with me. I've tried talking to people in college, but I'm horrible at making friends, and most of the people here are nothing like me. I don't know where to begin, or how to really initiate a conversation, and so I'm always by myself. To top it off, I'm not entirely sure what is going on in my classes, and yet everyone else does. It's like they're getting e-mails from the teacher that I'm not, or they got an extra page in their syllabus. It's only about 3 weeks into the semester, and I'm already worried about failing.

I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm going insane.

University will do that to you :smallsmile: I felt much the same way in my first year at uni. Trellan is right - go and talk to your professors/teachers. I like the way you describe how you're feeling, as if everyone else has extra info that you don't - I would use that to explain it to the professors, and let them know you're already worrying that you might fail. One thing I noticed about uni over school is that while your lecturers won't chase you for assignments and make sure you hand everything in on time, like teachers do. If you have a problem, and you go to them for help, they want to help you. I was in the office of one of my lecturers within the first semester of college - heck, I was in the admin office dropping two papers with in the first week. It was ancient greek, extremely work-heavy, but not my major and I realised I simply didn't have the time.

Do you have tutorials for your papers? At my uni, we had main lectures, but we also divided up into smaller groups for tutes, usually taught by the post-grad students. That's another area you could get some extra help, talk to your tutors (if you have them), they're also there to help, and will probably be less busy than your lecturers.

As for the friendship thing, my friend, I feel for you. My first year at uni was miserable because of the exact same issue. My closest friend from school was at the same uni, but doing completely different courses and our timetables just didn't match up at all. I got lucky in that I knew one of the girls in one lecture, and she introduced me to a friend of hers, who ended up doing another paper I was, so at least I had someone to talk to. But for the most part, I was in the exact same boat you are. In the end, I joined an online community, intending to re-invent myself, and see if I could become someone else others might like. It failed miserably, I couldn't be anyone other than me, and they ended up liking me for myself anyway. You've already got the online community thing going, so keep that up, it's not a perfect solution, but it does help. :smallsmile:

Other advice, from a fellow-introvert... have a look for uni clubs and societies that you might be able to join. That's far and away the best way to meet people and make new friends. You might be quiet at first, but as you gradually get used to the people there, you'll find it easier to speak up -and I know this from experience. Dancing was what did it for me - think of the things you're interested in, and have a look at what's available. Maybe take a couple of classes that involve something fun.

Don't give up hope, things will get better *hugs*


Soooo.....

I am going to talk to a former supervisor next week about private practice. I cannot even begin to describe how anxious this makes me. I feel that I have reached a plateau in regards to my current practice, especially since I work for a large community mental health agency. I hope that private practice in this region has better financial rewards while not having drastically different expectations.

I am trying very hard to not approach this with a preconceived notion, but I think this may be the only option of staying inside my chosen career while... being more than a small cog in a big machine.

Cross fingers that things work out. :smalleek:

Good luck! I hope things work out for you :smallsmile: Have an idea in your head of what you want to say - I find that works for me in interview-type situations. Or imagine questions they might ask so you can have an answer already ready for them.

[Marillion]

So, today I took my first hot shower in months. When I got out, I saw that the last note my fiance had written on the mirror was still there. "I heart you." (Yeah, she actually wrote heart. She was as big a dork as I am.) So, I got choked up for a minute.:smallfrown:

And then I broke out the Windex and attacked the mirror with the burning fury of a thousand suns :smallfurious:

And then I packed up a lot of her stuff and called her and told her to come get it, goshdarnit. I'm still keeping the ring, though, and lots of her stuff will have to stay out of necessity. But hopefully that can all just be shoved in a closet or something.

And then I got out the vacuum.

And then the dust rag.

And then the steam vacuum.

Today...was a cathartic day.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

smellie_hippie: Having been in the receiving end of one of your "therapy" sessions, I think you'll do great, SH. Luck has nothing to do with it. What I wish upon you is the willpower to deal with administrative duties. Office space, insurance (both for your office and to submit for patients), and getting the word out there via some kind of advertisement. Maybe flyers? "Need your head shrunk? Come to Smellie Hippie's Shrunken Head Emporium! Special until the end of the month: Get your head shrunk, get a friend's head shrunk at half price!" :smallbiggrin:

[Zeb The Troll]

Soooo.....

I am going to talk to a former supervisor next week about private practice. I cannot even begin to describe how anxious this makes me. I feel that I have reached a plateau in regards to my current practice, especially since I work for a large community mental health agency. I hope that private practice in this region has better financial rewards while not having drastically different expectations.

I am trying very hard to not approach this with a preconceived notion, but I think this may be the only option of staying inside my chosen career while... being more than a small cog in a big machine.

Cross fingers that things work out. :smalleek:Awesome! I can understand your anxiety. It's a big, big step. But I am very confident that you have what it takes to make this work. Incidentally, does this mean you'll have a position for an associate? I might know someone who'd be interested. :smalltongue:

[smellie_hippie]

Incidentally, does this mean you'll have a position for an associate? I might know someone who'd be interested. :smalltongue:

If this certain someone is who I think it is... I wouldn't dream of practicing with anyone else.

<.<

>.>

Except maybe my wife who is considering grad-school for counseling as well. :smallbiggrin:

[Lady Moreta]

Today...was a cathartic day.

Good for you :smallsmile: it sounds very carthatic.

[Zeb The Troll]

Except maybe my wife who is considering grad-school for counseling as well. :smallbiggrin:She is? This is most excellent news too!

[arguskos]

GODDAMMITWHYDOESSHEHAVETOTALKTOME?? :smallfurious::smallsigh::smallfrown:

I was over her. I still am. But god dammit I wish she didn't have to talk to me. It brings back floods of memories, most of which I want to excise with a drill. :smallsigh:

Yeah, this isn't handleable by anything OTHER than just coping and hoping it resolves itself, I know this. Still, it hurts, and I, in my pettishness, need to rant about it to the endless wastes of the internet, so that someone else, anyone else, knows I'm hurting. Doesn't make me feel "better" persay, but it does. Sorta. Hard to explain.

[Marillion]

snip

+1, man.

+1.


At the very least, I need to see her once a month, so that I can get the rent paid. That's bad enough. But, as we were together for ~4 years, we are friends with most of the same people, and in fact were in the same weekly gaming group. Neither of us wanted to make the other leave, so we agreed to work it out. I mean, it's not like she was gonna be bringing her new boyfriend, right? And we were gonna try to be friends, right?

And then she broke up with her boyfriend. Sensing blood in the water, the new guy in the group/roomie of the DM (despite multiple warnings from literally everyone that "friends don't let friends date *my ex*") pounced on her, and they're now a thing. But ok, I can stick this out, right?

Nope. Despite them trying really hard not to rub it in my face the past two weeks...they did. So, now I am down a gaming group.:smallsigh:

Well, at least this one is actually a halfway decent guy, unlike literally everyone else she's EVER dated. Excepting me, of course:smallwink:

And on top of that, she insists on randomly hanging out with me 2-3 times a week. She uses our my the apartment as a glorified storage facility. She texts me constantly. She invites me out to dinner and movies. I'm her "best friend". She "loves me". She's not "in love with me."

NOT GOOD ENOUGH, WOMAN!!!:smallfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious: :smallfurious:

So I explain that sentiment to her, in the nicest way I can, and she backs off for...about a week. But then she misses me, and Snarl help me I miss her. So I try again, thinking yeah, we CAN be friends. And the cycle repeats.

Feh. It probably wouldn't be so bad, if I could just cut her out of my life for a few months. But, for financial reasons, I really can't.

Well, not until I get that raise I should be getting in the next couple months, anyway. So yeah, that's something to look forward to. My life's not ALL suck.:smallamused:

[Lady Moreta]

Yeah, this isn't handleable by anything OTHER than just coping and hoping it resolves itself, I know this. Still, it hurts, and I, in my pettishness, need to rant about it to the endless wastes of the internet, so that someone else, anyone else, knows I'm hurting. Doesn't make me feel "better" persay, but it does. Sorta. Hard to explain.


It might be hard to explain, but it isn't hard to understand :smallsmile: I know exactly how you feel. I went through something similar when my first boyfriend and I broke up. We went to the same school and had the same friends, and for a while at least, his behaviour didn't change after we broke up, he just treated me exactly the same way. That got old. Fast.

*hugs* are you able to request that she not contact you for a while? to give yourself some space to get over here?



So I explain that sentiment to her, in the nicest way I can, and she backs off for...about a week. But then she misses me, and Snarl help me I miss her. So I try again, thinking yeah, we CAN be friends. And the cycle repeats.

Feh. It probably wouldn't be so bad, if I could just cut her out of my life for a few months. But, for financial reasons, I really can't.

Well, not until I get that raise I should be getting in the next couple months, anyway. So yeah, that's something to look forward to. My life's not ALL suck.:smallamused:

*hugs* I can only imagine how that must suck. Honestly though, you need to cut her out of your life and have no contact with her unless it's sorting financial things, for your own sanity. Remind her that you need some space, so unless it's to sort out finances, you don't want to have contact with her. Ask her to email you first, if she needs to talk to you about finances, or arrange a monthly (or weekly or whatever) meeting for the two of you to sort the moneys. If she contacts you in any other way for any other reason, don't respond. Don't read her emails, delete her text messages.

I know you miss her and obviously still care about her, but for your own sake, you need this. The only reason I got over the first boyfriend I mentioned above is that I was in my last year of high school, and he wasn't, so I left school and then rarely saw him. That gave me the space I needed to get over him, because I really did love him. You need time and space to focus on you. :smallsmile:

*hugs again*

[averagejoe]

I feel like a complete failure sometimes. My mom seems to always be angry at me, even when someone else screws up. If I bring it up to her, she blows me out more. My social life has gone from negligible to zip since I started college, as all of my friends moved into dorms, or off to other schools, or just started ignoring me. Since classes started, I've hung out with 3 people. My best friend (Call him A), his girlfriend (and a former ex of mine, called B), and the son of one of my step-dad's friends who moved up here for college (Call him S). I don't see S alot, and I don't know him that well, so I'm still edgy around him. A and B are always all over one another, so nothing there. The only time I get to hang with someone I can just be myself with is when B isn't around, since A lives with me. I've tried talking to people in college, but I'm horrible at making friends, and most of the people here are nothing like me. I don't know where to begin, or how to really initiate a conversation, and so I'm always by myself. To top it off, I'm not entirely sure what is going on in my classes, and yet everyone else does. It's like they're getting e-mails from the teacher that I'm not, or they got an extra page in their syllabus. It's only about 3 weeks into the semester, and I'm already worried about failing.

I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm going insane.

I'm sorry for your problems. It's a bad situation to be in; I can certainly relate to not being able to make friends, and though I've gotten better, to some degree I still don't know how. I don't think any of that makes you a failure, though.



GODDAMMITWHYDOESSHEHAVETOTALKTOME?? :smallfurious::smallsigh::smallfrown:

I was over her. I still am. But god dammit I wish she didn't have to talk to me. It brings back floods of memories, most of which I want to excise with a drill. :smallsigh:

Yeah, this isn't handleable by anything OTHER than just coping and hoping it resolves itself, I know this. Still, it hurts, and I, in my pettishness, need to rant about it to the endless wastes of the internet, so that someone else, anyone else, knows I'm hurting. Doesn't make me feel "better" persay, but it does. Sorta. Hard to explain.


No need to explain, mate, just do what you have to do. I've been there, but it was entirely different. Same with everyone who's been there, really. It's hard and no one understands. I am sorry, and I hope you are able to move on when you're ready.

[arguskos]

It might be hard to explain, but it isn't hard to understand :smallsmile: I know exactly how you feel. I went through something similar when my first boyfriend and I broke up. We went to the same school and had the same friends, and for a while at least, his behaviour didn't change after we broke up, he just treated me exactly the same way. That got old. Fast.

*hugs* are you able to request that she not contact you for a while? to give yourself some space to get over here?
It's been 9+ months now. She just decided to randomly talk to me again last night. I'd moved on. I AM moved on. The flood of memory though, it's hard to handle. :smallsigh:


No need to explain, mate, just do what you have to do. I've been there, but it was entirely different. Same with everyone who's been there, really. It's hard and no one understands. I am sorry, and I hope you are able to move on when you're ready.
*shrugs* What I have to do is just soldier onwards. I've moved on from her, but memory remains, you know? Memory always remains. It never dies. I'll remember her forever I bet, and the pain will never fully fade. I just hope she doesn't decide to talk to me a lot. :smallsigh:

[HellfireLover]

It's strange that regardless of the time that passes, you almost always have the urge to prove to your ex how much better than them you are doing with your life... but ultimately moving on means not letting those emotions unsettle you too much.

Sometimes I miss my ex's sense of humour. But not too often, 'cause it's easy to forget all the bad stuff that went along with it, and that way lies madness.

[Marillion]

It's strange that regardless of the time that passes, you almost always have the urge to prove to your ex how much better than them you are doing with your life... but ultimately moving on means not letting those emotions unsettle you too much.

The greatest revenge is to live well without them:smallsmile:

[Admiral Squish]

So, basically, my method of keeping away thoughts of suicide is making as many people as possible depend on me. Reigniting internet contacts, starting up a webcomic I've long thought about, doing more homebrew. Basically, I'm trying to make myself feel obligated to continue my earthly toil because otherwise I would disappoint people.

[Skeppio]

I'm actually kinda like that. I like feeling wanted and useful, but sadly I haven't had much opportunity to feel like that for a while. I get real sad and self-doubting when I can't feel useful.

So I guess I can relate to you, just not on your magnitude. I'm afraid all I can offer you is an "I really hope things pick up for you. *hugs*". Sorry.

[Lady Moreta]

So, basically, my method of keeping away thoughts of suicide is making as many people as possible depend on me. Reigniting internet contacts, starting up a webcomic I've long thought about, doing more homebrew. Basically, I'm trying to make myself feel obligated to continue my earthly toil because otherwise I would disappoint people.

I can relate to this too. While I've never felt suicidal, my self-worth and self-esteem is very closely tied to how 'useful' I feel I am. It leads me to rarely say 'no' to anyone if they ask me for something. This, especially at work, tends to end up with me constantly being used and asked to do things that really, they should be (and are capable of) doing themselves.

Sometimes it helps just knowing that someone else out there knows what you feel like, and understands. I don't know if this will help, but below are a couple of poems that I wrote a few years ago (one in 2005 and one in 2004). I think they'll explain better than I can that I know how you feel :smallsmile:


Need to be Needed
Need to be Needed

Everyone needs to be needed
Everyone needs to be aware
Everyone wants someone to want them
And I’m no different

If you look around
You’ll see all those people
They all have someone
So why don’t I?

It usually doesn’t bother me
I have my friends
I’m rather self-sufficient
Most of the time
But like I said

Everyone needs to be needed
Everyone needs to be aware
Everyone wants someone to want them
And I’m no different

I’ve looked around
I’ve seen how empty it is
There’s no one for me
Or so it seems

Often I’d rather be by myself
At times you just need to be alone
Solitude can be pleasant
But not all the time
So like I said

Everyone needs to be needed
Everyone wants to be aware
Everyone wants someone to want them
And I’m no different

Everyone needs to be needed
By another person
Everyone wants to be aware
That someone is there
Everyone wants someone to want them
To know they are loved

And I’m no different


The Vase
The Vase

It’s every shade of indigo
From icy purple to warm mauve
And it sits upon my shelf
The vase that makes up who I am
Though porcelain and fragile
It’s stronger than I look

Turn around and look again

It’s every shade of colour
Crystal clear and cold to touch
And it balances on my shelf
Etched and intricate designs
Delicate to a fault
I’m stronger than it looks

Change direction and look again

It’s rough-and-ready, hastily made
Thrown together in an afternoon
And it rests upon my shelf
Sturdy and brown, and made of clay
Too stubborn and determined to break
And yet weaker than it looks

Close your eyes…
And listen for the crash

Now open them

Shards of myriad purples
Have shattered on the floor
Slivers of rainbow crystal
Have splintered on the floor
Chunks of rough-edged clay
Lie cracked and broken

Rough edges, sharp slivers
Cut and bruise my hands
Red mixes with purple
Blood seeps into the clay

Close your eyes…
And turn around

Now open them

Myriad indigos, stained a little crimson
Clear-cut and crystal, a little bit sharp-edged
Brown and rough, the knobbly bits still left
A hodgepodge of creation
And it sits upon my shelf
It is weaker…

Or am I stronger?

But please, if you are feeling suicidal, please seek help. Remember that there are always people out there who value you and love you for who you are, not for what you can do for them. I know this, because it's a lesson I have had to learn, and still struggle with, no matter how often my husband tells me he loves me regardless.

As I said to Skeppio when he was feeling down - I am glad you're you. If someone on the internet, that you've never met, can value you (and I do), then how much more must those who really do know you?

[Saurus33]

Hello, unknown forumites.

Necessary background: I am a type-1 (juvenile) diabetic. I am also probably schizophrenic (at least, my psychiatrist says that it is the most likely thing for my symptoms). I'm also highly anxious and somewhat depressed. I have no other significant physical or mental issues, and I am approaching my 18th birthday.

Well. Recently, I have noticed that my attempts at reassuring myself have become less successful.

For example; back several years ago, before anything happened mentally, I would think "Well, I have diabetes, but at least I'm mentally stable. There are many people who aren't; why should I complain; anyway, I don't have any side-effects from the diabetes at the moment, things could easily be worse".

More recently, it has been "Well, at least you have most of your limbs. And you don't have cancer. Feel happy."

The thing which is really depressing me is that I have to look to people who are the archetype of illness (in this society) in order to find people who are in a worse position (health-wise) than myself. Should I be depressed? I don't know.

This is a statement.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Hey Saurus, look at what you do have. You probably have a caring and loving family. Maybe you got good grades? How's your future college looking?(assuming you're not at college yet)
Got fun hobbies(that you;'re good at?)
And most likely you'l have great friends!

Don't look at people off worse then you to feel good about yourself, look at yourself, at what you do have and try to enjoy that!

If you keep your diabetes under check, there's very little chance of your limbs falling off or any of that.

But I would DEFINETLY check the advice of Bor the Barbarian Monk, who is a very wise and kind person, who has been a long-time diabetic and has long been suffering from Depression.:smallfrown:

So it sounds like he's already gone through a lot of what you've gone through, I'm sure he has good advice for you.:smallsmile: *hugs*

[Lady Moreta]

I second that.

The converse of looking at people worse off than you to feel better, is the fact that there are people 'better' off than you. You may not be doing it consciously, but I'll bet anything you like you're doing it subconsciously.

Comparing yourself and your happiness to others is always dangerous. Focus on the things that make you happy. Focus on the things that are good in your life.

And remember that there'll always be people here ready and willing to listen and help as best they can. :smallsmile:

[Innis Cabal]

Hello, unknown forumites.

Necessary background: I am a type-1 (juvenile) diabetic. I am also probably schizophrenic (at least, my psychiatrist says that it is the most likely thing for my symptoms). I'm also highly anxious and somewhat depressed. I have no other significant physical or mental issues, and I am approaching my 18th birthday.

Well. Recently, I have noticed that my attempts at reassuring myself have become less successful.

For example; back several years ago, before anything happened mentally, I would think "Well, I have diabetes, but at least I'm mentally stable. There are many people who aren't; why should I complain; anyway, I don't have any side-effects from the diabetes at the moment, things could easily be worse".

More recently, it has been "Well, at least you have most of your limbs. And you don't have cancer. Feel happy."

The thing which is really depressing me is that I have to look to people who are the archetype of illness (in this society) in order to find people who are in a worse position (health-wise) than myself. Should I be depressed? I don't know.

This is a statement.

You may wish to seek a better psych...while you may very well have schizophrenia, it's very difficult to diagnose, and (I've found through dealing with various Psychiatrists over Psychologists) that they'll diagnose anything they can to get a bigger paycheck. That may sound a bit cynical...but it's not always wrong.

Schizophtenia is a serious mental image, but luckily it's not something that is unmanageable in today's age. It's onset age for male's is sadly around your age, though it is lucky (if it -is- what they claim) that you found it so swiftly. More people are diagnosed with the illness then people diagnosed with M.S and Insulin-dependent Diabetes. The earlier it's found, also means it's easier to treat.

The fact your contemplating being depressed though...if your not, then why do you want to put yourself through that. Both diabetes and schizophreina (Which kind btw) are treatable...manageable. Yes, you'll not have it easy...and while saying "well, you don't have cancer" sounds rather...assinine...it's the truth. Both diseases are (though bad) could be much much worse.

I'd take it as a sign that your having to contemplate being depressed as a good sign, and answer that question with a no.

[InaVegt]

Soo... damn.

School is coming up, and... I just feel like I gotta run and hide.

Over the last two years my experience with school has... not been entirely positive, and while a new school and a new major was supposed to change things...

I'm still scared of going in and following the lessons.

Halp?

[Saurus33]

Thankyou, people.

Addressing:

I do suppose absolute valuations work better than comparisons. I will try it.

My psychiatrist is saying maybe paranoid schizophrenia, but is holding off on a diagnosis until most other possibilities have been eliminated. My psychiatrist has been fairly good so far, so I would be reluctant to just decide to switch. Also, I'm not in America, so that probably has some effect.

I will endeavour to remain positive.

[Elentari]

Soo... damn.

School is coming up, and... I just feel like I gotta run and hide.

Over the last two years my experience with school has... not been entirely positive, and while a new school and a new major was supposed to change things...

I'm still scared of going in and following the lessons.

Halp?

Have you tried getting involved with any kind of clubs/sports/activities/groups/etc at your new school? Having friends will be a big help if you need to relax and not stress about school. It might also be a good motivator to keep on track with school related things so that you will want to make time to hang out with friends. School can be fun, just find something you'll like doing!

*hugs* Don't be scared! You can do it!

[Eadin]

So I've been having a lot of trouble at university lately...

I failed almost all of my courses, and my redo's won't be very good either.
If I don't pass 75% of my courses next year, I'll need to solicit at my faculty to continue my education.They have to decide if I can continue or not.

And I'm really scared..
Maybe I'm just not smart enough, but I really want to do this..

I've worked really hard, and it still wasn't good.
My school tutor said I need more time to understand things, but she doesn't know how much....
I really don't want to be forced to quit.. I really want this..

[742]

i find a lot of times the solutions to academic problems come after the pressure eases. its a good idea to take pressure off anyway, just do something relaxing, your brain will work better.

also DONT PANIC

really; when has panicking ever helped anything? stop panicking or ill lock you in a sealed box with no light two incredibly spooky clowns an IV drip of pure adrenaline and a whole lot of spiders, then hang said box out of an airplane at 50000 feet while i sing county music backwards at you through a spooky voice filter. dont make me do that; im already in debt i hate country music and i dont even have a pilots license yet.

[averagejoe]

So I've been having a lot of trouble at university lately...

I failed almost all of my courses, and my redo's won't be very good either.
If I don't pass 75% of my courses next year, I'll need to solicit at my faculty to continue my education.They have to decide if I can continue or not.

And I'm really scared..
Maybe I'm just not smart enough, but I really want to do this..

I've worked really hard, and it still wasn't good.
My school tutor said I need more time to understand things, but she doesn't know how much....
I really don't want to be forced to quit.. I really want this..

What are you studying? If you need any extra help with math or science, or a new perspective, you can always PM me. Heck, you can PM me for whatever, I just can't promise I'll have anything helpful to say if it's for other things.

[Eadin]

Thanks, but I study literature and English...
But thanks anyway :smallsmile:

[Tiger Duck]

So I've been having a lot of trouble at university lately...

I failed almost all of my courses, and my redo's won't be very good either.
If I don't pass 75% of my courses next year, I'll need to solicit at my faculty to continue my education.They have to decide if I can continue or not.

And I'm really scared..
Maybe I'm just not smart enough, but I really want to do this..

I've worked really hard, and it still wasn't good.
My school tutor said I need more time to understand things, but she doesn't know how much....
I really don't want to be forced to quit.. I really want this..


I've had to solicit too in the past. They very rarely make a problem about it. I know I've never heard them refusing someone to continue:smallsmile: so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[Eadin]

I've had to solicit too in the past. They very rarely make a problem about it. I know I've never heard them refusing someone to continue:smallsmile: so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

:smallsmile:
it's just that I feel stupid
other people don't have these kind of problems
they party during the year and get good grades.
It's not fair that I work my ass of and still don't get decent grades...

[Dallas-Dakota]

Thanks, but I study literature and English...
But thanks anyway :smallsmile:
You might want to contact Curlykitgirl then.

I personally recommend her as a teacher and she is the most knowledgeable person about the english language and it's literature that I know of. That includes Uni professors that I know, let alone my college ones.

She's very patient and wise.:smallsmile:

Al hail Koorly!

[Eadin]

You might want to contact Curlykitgirl then.

I personally recommend her as a teacher and she is the most knowledgeable person about the english language and it's literature that I know of. That includes Uni professors that I know, let alone my college ones.

She's very patient and wise.:smallsmile:

Al hail Koorly!

Yeah I did...
She said something about a study shedule whe would make and before I knew it my exams were there

[cycoris]

Thanks, but I study literature and English...
But thanks anyway :smallsmile:

I might be able to help with some of that, feel free to PM me if you wish. :smallsmile:

[averagejoe]

:smallsmile:
it's just that I feel stupid
other people don't have these kind of problems
they party during the year and get good grades.
It's not fair that I work my ass of and still don't get decent grades...

The thing is, though, it's a mistake to compare yourself to other people like that. Academia is a learned skill, not a measure of how smart a person is, and if you haven't practiced that skill then you'll be less good at it. Like playing the piano. I'm really good at school, but that's because I've spent a good portion of my life learning how to be good at school. If, for example, you spent time learning the subjects they're in theory teaching you, then you might be less good at school and less prepared for harder coursework.

At least, that's the opinion of someone for whom such an opinion can't possibly be sour grapes.

[arguskos]

I am decidedly uncomfortable posting in this thread now, or anywhere, actually. And the reason why is so pathetic, so tinfoilhat, that it makes me ashamed to even think about it. The solution is apparent: GET OVER IT. The doing is hard, though. Better to drift away and be forgotten, better that way. I'm almost gone as it stands anyways, I barely post anymore. Good, it's good. Soon, my retreat into total hermitage will be complete, and I'll just fade away.

Why post this, then, one might wonder? Mostly to get out of my "writing an essay" mode. On that topic, :smallsigh:. I feel so very pathetic. My works are decent, by the standards of the community college I'm in, but compare them to a real university and I'd barely make a C. The fact that I'm a bad writer and a bad student haunts me daily, and yet for no real reason I press forwards. Perhaps it's blind moronic hope that drives me. Perhaps cowardice of a different path. Take your pick, either is correct and incorrect at the same time.

A poster without a thread, a solder without a fight, a man without a purpose, a ghost in training. That's what I am, now and forward.

[Skeppio]

Yeah, I know. Skeppio's depressed again, big surprise. :smallsigh:
Anyway;


I am convinced I'm going to be alone for life. Why would any girl like what I am? There's so many better people out there they could have. I'm just a boring loser with no future. It's bored into my brain to the point that I've found myself resenting couples simply for being couples (and yes, I do feel terrible about it). Even here on GitP, I feel inadequate whenever I see posters chatting away like the closest of friends. I just feel like it's all a big party that I'm not a part of (yikes, that really makes me sound like a little kid demanding attention). I couldn't even bring myself to ask a bunch of high-schoolers at EB Games if they'd let me join their game (they were having trouble on a level and I thought I could help).

I fear that I'm slowly becoming an automaton. I never vary my routine, because I fear the repurcussions. I want to leave my job, but I'm certain I won't be able to find another one the pays as well. I want to go back to Uni and finish the Games Development course I failed in the past, but I know there's no jobs in the industry in a place I can access. And if I left my job, my parents wouldn't be happy with me. Each day is the same, but all I can do is trudge forward, right?

I think everything I do is doomed to failure. Inkscape crashes? It's a sure bet I didn't save the one thing I worked hard on. I've been going to the gym, but I'm not seeing even a tiny improvement. In fact, I think I'm getting worse. Then I try planning a meet-up for us playgrounders. That's way out of my league. I doubt anyone is going to show for the Melbourne meet-up, and the one in Brisbane is a whole new can of worms. Why did I think I could make something on such a scale work? Obviously, I haven't learned a thing from my past failures. I crave the feeling of being useful, but I know I'm not.

The best word I can think of to describe myself is 'obsolete'. I'll be easily replaced at work, the things I like are outdated and no-one anywhere near me would like them and I'm just not what a superior partner would be. Anything I have to offer anyone can be done better by almost anyone and any genuine skill I possess could never earn me a living.

This sucks. A few weeks back, everything felt possible. Now it's all slipped out of my grasp again. I feel like my life has just ended before it really began. I feel like I need a hug, but I have no-one to hug.

[Recaiden]

If it helps any, here's a * hug *, Skeppio.

[Admiral Squish]

So, I told mom about my recent suicidal thoughts. IT's not so much that I WANT to kill myself, as my brain is sorta just thinking of self-destruction as just another option. Anyways, she's said we're going to start arranging for some kinda help. I'm still concerned about how this will affect her finances. I'm not sure what is gonna be done, but...

[Lady Moreta]

I am decidedly uncomfortable posting in this thread now, or anywhere, actually. And the reason why is so pathetic, so tinfoilhat, that it makes me ashamed to even think about it. The solution is apparent: GET OVER IT. The doing is hard, though. Better to drift away and be forgotten, better that way. I'm almost gone as it stands anyways, I barely post anymore. Good, it's good. Soon, my retreat into total hermitage will be complete, and I'll just fade away.

Why post this, then, one might wonder? Mostly to get out of my "writing an essay" mode. On that topic, :smallsigh:. I feel so very pathetic. My works are decent, by the standards of the community college I'm in, but compare them to a real university and I'd barely make a C. The fact that I'm a bad writer and a bad student haunts me daily, and yet for no real reason I press forwards. Perhaps it's blind moronic hope that drives me. Perhaps cowardice of a different path. Take your pick, either is correct and incorrect at the same time.

A poster without a thread, a solder without a fight, a man without a purpose, a ghost in training. That's what I am, now and forward.


It is a good sign that you posted though :smallsmile: The simple fact that you posted says that you've still got some hope, that you don't really want to fade away.

What are you studying? You say that your writing is bad - do you have any ideas why? what sort of feedback are you getting from your teachers? Is it that you struggle with grammar and form, or do you have trouble putting your point into words? Either way, I can probably help :smallsmile: I spent my entire university career writing essays, and I got rather good at it. If you'd like a second opinion, send me a PM - include something of yours, or if you'd rather, I can give you my email address and you can email it to me. I know a lot of people who could write, but absolutely could not check/proofread their own work. I can. I'd be happy to proofread for you, you'd just have to be careful to get it to me in plenty of time - so the time difference wouldn't be a problem.

If you have problem with punctuation/grammar, try getting hold of a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss. Most uni/college libraries will have a copy - it's widely considered the definitive book on getting that stuff right. Other than that, have a look around your college, most places have courses you can take if you're having trouble with essay writing. Or talk to your tutors/lecturers, see what they can suggest.

Oh, and Arguskos? 'Get over it' is never the right response to any problem. Don't tell yourself that you just have to 'get over it', because nine times out of ten, you won't. Problems wouldn't be problems if you could just get over them. Don't devalue yourself by assuming you should just get over it.

Skeppio :smallsmile: (spoilered 'cause I ramble a lot)

Yeah, I know. Skeppio's depressed again, big surprise. :smallsigh:
Anyway;

Stop that :smallsmile: *hugs*



I am convinced I'm going to be alone for life. Why would any girl like what I am? There's so many better people out there they could have. I'm just a boring loser with no future.

Well, what are you then? I want you to do something for me. Get yourself a notebook or a diary or even a calendar that has enough space for you to write in. Then, every day I want you to write down two things in the book/diary/whatever.

Something about yourself that you like. It could be as simple as the fact that you have straight teeth and never needed braces (in which case I'm jealous). It could be that you're good at your job despite what they throw at you. Anything at all, as long as it's about you.
Something that's good about your life. The fact that clearly you have a brother interested in at least some of the things you are, so you've got someone to talk to (I mean, he's on here too). Your family care. You are able to live at home, and so don't have that extra stress


It doesn't matter what you write, as long as you write something. Keep it up for a month and see how you are at the end of it. Put it somewhere you can easily get a hold of, and read it when you're feeling down on yourself. Try to come up with something new every day, but repeat things if you have to. Search the dregs, if you like it about yourself, write it down. It doesn't matter how small it is.

After a month, take the book and read it and remember that is what you are. Not a 'boring loser with no future'. You are all those things that you can't see clearly enough to notice.


It's bored into my brain to the point that I've found myself resenting couples simply for being couples (and yes, I do feel terrible about it). Even here on GitP, I feel inadequate whenever I see posters chatting away like the closest of friends. I just feel like it's all a big party that I'm not a part of (yikes, that really makes me sound like a little kid demanding attention). I couldn't even bring myself to ask a bunch of high-schoolers at EB Games if they'd let me join their game (they were having trouble on a level and I thought I could help).

Been there, done that. You really do remind me of myself :smallsmile: I have found the best and surest way to move past the 'I'll never have someone' is to simply enjoy being single. Enjoy it! live it up! you may never have another chance. You're only young (at least I assume that's the case), don't be in too much of a hurry. Work on accepting that you are currently single, and actively enjoy that process. Next time you're at EB, ask the kids if you can lend a hand. Do something that scares you a little and takes you out of your comfort zone. If they say no - so what?! The point, my friend, is that you asked.


I fear that I'm slowly becoming an automaton. I never vary my routine, because I fear the repurcussions. I want to leave my job, but I'm certain I won't be able to find another one the pays as well. I want to go back to Uni and finish the Games Development course I failed in the past, but I know there's no jobs in the industry in a place I can access. And if I left my job, my parents wouldn't be happy with me. Each day is the same, but all I can do is trudge forward, right?

I don't know of any other thing that sucks the soul right out of you than a job you don't like. Especially if that job is an admin one. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Apply for new jobs - even if you don't think you have exactly what they're looking for, apply anyway! It won't hurt, and you never know :smallsmile: What are the places you can access? And what's stopping you from accessing other places, if they'd give you a chance to get into a career you'd enjoy. It's getting near Christmas, companies are hiring Christmas casual... have a look at your EB or bookshops, guarantee you they're looking. If you impress, they may keep you on. Either way, it'd get you out of the job you don't like.

My parents weren't happy with me when I started dating long distance. They certainly weren't happy with me when I moved to Perth. But you know what - they came around, my mother now thinks my husband is wonderful. Last even I went to that he couldn't make, Mum kept telling me how much she missed him. My point is that you will get to a point in your life where you have to do what's right for you without reference to your parents. I realise you're living at home, which does make things more difficult. But I was living at home when I decided to skip the country. You're an adult, they can't legally stop you from quitting a job that's slowly making you miserable.


I think everything I do is doomed to failure. Inkscape crashes? It's a sure bet I didn't save the one thing I worked hard on. I've been going to the gym, but I'm not seeing even a tiny improvement. In fact, I think I'm getting worse. Then I try planning a meet-up for us playgrounders. That's way out of my league. I doubt anyone is going to show for the Melbourne meet-up, and the one in Brisbane is a whole new can of worms. Why did I think I could make something on such a scale work? Obviously, I haven't learned a thing from my past failures. I crave the feeling of being useful, but I know I'm not.

Twaddle. The 'everything is doomed to failure' thing I mean. How do you know no one will turn up? has it happened yet? Don't count your failures before they've hatched :smallsmile: You are looking at this all wrong - so the organisation is turning out to be harder than you thought - you've already done the sensible thing and asked for help. Last year, I single-handedly organised every single social event at work. I wasn't supposed to do it on my own, but that's a different complaint. My point is I can help :smallsmile:

My other point is that you're focussing on the wrong things. So it hasn't turned out the way you'd hoped, the point is that you tried. You stepped up and gave it a go. Not everyone is cut out to be an organiser-of-people. I have had to learn this the hard way... for me, a lot of the time the point is not that they said 'no' (which they frequently do), but that I stepped out of my comfort zone and made the effort. That is a powerful feeling of hope and encouragement. Focus on that. Trust me.

How long have you been going to the gym? Because I know it takes a while before results start to show. If it hasn't been that long, give yourself a break!


The best word I can think of to describe myself is 'obsolete'. I'll be easily replaced at work, the things I like are outdated and no-one anywhere near me would like them and I'm just not what a superior partner would be. Anything I have to offer anyone can be done better by almost anyone and any genuine skill I possess could never earn me a living.

Are you good at your job? Then you won't be easily replaced at work. When I started my job everyone was rather delighted to have someone there who could actually do the job (apparently the previous two girls had been fairly useless). You work in admin/office clerical right? I know there are people out there who say trained monkeys could do the work - they've clearly never worked in the field before. I am looking for a new job, and I know damn well they'll have a hard time replacing me, because I am good at my job. If you are good at your job, do your work well and steadily, then they won't have an easy time replacing you. Take comfort in that. Take pride in it.

Find me someone who thinks they're a 'superior partner' and I'll show you someone who's either lying or deluding themselves. No one is a 'superior' partner, we're all screwed up in one way or another. Nobody is perfect, and if you try and measure yourself by that standard you will always fall short. Go get that notebook and start writing down things you like about yourself! Things that are attractive about you. You're tall? You have straight teeth? you're compassionate? write them down boy! :smalltongue:


I feel like my life has just ended before it really began. I feel like I need a hug, but I have no-one to hug.

I know it's not the same, but *hugs* you remind me so much of myself that I think I'm going to adopt you as my little brother :smallsmile: (unless you're older than me, in which case you're my older brother :smalltongue:)

As a side note, if I sound at all off or totally out of whack, it's because I'm sick. Currently I have a nasty dry chest cough which is triggering a sharp splintering headache right behind my eyes everytime I cough. My shoulders and upper back are so tight and tense you could string me up and play me like a violin. I'm obviously not at work, but that is just stressing me out anyway because I don't have much sick leave left, and I know that everyone gets snotty when I'm not there because they have to do things for themselves. And if I'm going to be away for any longer than two days I have to tell them so they can get a temp in, but I don't know how bad I'll be tomorrow. So now I'm thinking I should use my time at home to do dishes and laundry, never mind that it's 11:40am and I'm still in pjs. Never mind that I couldn't even finish two pieces of toast and a cup of tea for breakfast so how on earth with I be able to stand to do dishes. And I'm worrying about how to tell the other female in our game that she's being a snot and I'm almost at the point of not wanting to play with her anymore. Although I'm going to leave the inital part of that to my husband-who-is--the-DM. My point, feeling like crap, so any and all advice may be whack.

[Lady Moreta]

So, I told mom about my recent suicidal thoughts. IT's not so much that I WANT to kill myself, as my brain is sorta just thinking of self-destruction as just another option. Anyways, she's said we're going to start arranging for some kinda help. I'm still concerned about how this will affect her finances. I'm not sure what is gonna be done, but...

It's good that you did. Parents will always prefer honesty over their child 'protecting' them. I know, I did this all the time with my mother until she finally explained how much she hated it.

She loves you, she wants to help you. Let her sort out her finances on her own. I think you've said elsewhere that you don't qualify for aid... maybe your mum does though :smallsmile:

[Skeppio]

Skeppio :smallsmile: (spoilered 'cause I ramble a lot)



Stop that :smallsmile: *hugs*

*hugs back* Ok.



Well, what are you then? I want you to do something for me. Get yourself a notebook or a diary or even a calendar that has enough space for you to write in. Then, every day I want you to write down two things in the book/diary/whatever.

Something about yourself that you like. It could be as simple as the fact that you have straight teeth and never needed braces (in which case I'm jealous). It could be that you're good at your job despite what they throw at you. Anything at all, as long as it's about you.
Something that's good about your life. The fact that clearly you have a brother interested in at least some of the things you are, so you've got someone to talk to (I mean, he's on here too). Your family care. You are able to live at home, and so don't have that extra stress.

It doesn't matter what you write, as long as you write something. Keep it up for a month and see how you are at the end of it. Put it somewhere you can easily get a hold of, and read it when you're feeling down on yourself. Try to come up with something new every day, but repeat things if you have to. Search the dregs, if you like it about yourself, write it down. It doesn't matter how small it is.

After a month, take the book and read it and remember that is what you are. Not a 'boring loser with no future'. You are all those things that you can't see clearly enough to notice.

I've just started that now. :smallsmile:



Been there, done that. You really do remind me of myself :smallsmile: I have found the best and surest way to move past the 'I'll never have someone' is to simply enjoy being single. Enjoy it! live it up! you may never have another chance. You're only young (at least I assume that's the case), don't be in too much of a hurry. Work on accepting that you are currently single, and actively enjoy that process. Next time you're at EB, ask the kids if you can lend a hand. Do something that scares you a little and takes you out of your comfort zone. If they say no - so what?! The point, my friend, is that you asked.

Meh, I keep feeling like something is missing from my life. Which is why I wanted to make a girlfriend. Or at least a few more offline friends.:smallfrown:
And I know the point is that I asked, but I think being rejected would multiply my feelings of isolation.



I don't know of any other thing that sucks the soul right out of you than a job you don't like. Especially if that job is an admin one. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Apply for new jobs - even if you don't think you have exactly what they're looking for, apply anyway! It won't hurt, and you never know :smallsmile: What are the places you can access? And what's stopping you from accessing other places, if they'd give you a chance to get into a career you'd enjoy. It's getting near Christmas, companies are hiring Christmas casual... have a look at your EB or bookshops, guarantee you they're looking. If you impress, they may keep you on. Either way, it'd get you out of the job you don't like.

I'm giving this a look now. The thing stopping me from most places is simply money, accommodation and know-how. I'm not really sure how I'd go interstate or even international, mainly because I've seen very few opportunities in Melbourne. And I really dread screwing up and ending up with no job. Hoy...the parents would not like that. :smalleek:



My parents weren't happy with me when I started dating long distance. They certainly weren't happy with me when I moved to Perth. But you know what - they came around, my mother now thinks my husband is wonderful. Last even I went to that he couldn't make, Mum kept telling me how much she missed him. My point is that you will get to a point in your life where you have to do what's right for you without reference to your parents. I realise you're living at home, which does make things more difficult. But I was living at home when I decided to skip the country. You're an adult, they can't legally stop you from quitting a job that's slowly making you miserable.

I know, but I live with them and I don't really have anywhere else to go. Hell, if I go back to Uni, I probably won't be able to afford a place. :smalleek:
I just don't want them to be disappointed after I got this job and they were happy.



Twaddle. The 'everything is doomed to failure' thing I mean. How do you know no one will turn up? has it happened yet? Don't count your failures before they've hatched :smallsmile: You are looking at this all wrong - so the organisation is turning out to be harder than you thought - you've already done the sensible thing and asked for help. Last year, I single-handedly organised every single social event at work. I wasn't supposed to do it on my own, but that's a different complaint. My point is I can help.:smallsmile:

My other point is that you're focussing on the wrong things. So it hasn't turned out the way you'd hoped, the point is that you tried. You stepped up and gave it a go. Not everyone is cut out to be an organiser-of-people. I have had to learn this the hard way... for me, a lot of the time the point is not that they said 'no' (which they frequently do), but that I stepped out of my comfort zone and made the effort. That is a powerful feeling of hope and encouragement. Focus on that. Trust me.

I really do take failure too personally and harshly. :smallsigh:. I've never been able to shrug it off. I just hope more people attend the meet-up. The Melbourne one is drawing near and I have no confirmations. :smallfrown:
And I really am glad you're willing to help me with the Australasia meet-up. You and the others. :smallsmile:



How long have you been going to the gym? Because I know it takes a while before results start to show. If it hasn't been that long, give yourself a break!

Only a couple of weeks. I expect too much from myself a lot of the time. :smallsigh:



Are you good at your job? Then you won't be easily replaced at work. When I started my job everyone was rather delighted to have someone there who could actually do the job (apparently the previous two girls had been fairly useless). You work in admin/office clerical right? I know there are people out there who say trained monkeys could do the work - they've clearly never worked in the field before. I am looking for a new job, and I know damn well they'll have a hard time replacing me, because I am good at my job. If you are good at your job, do your work well and steadily, then they won't have an easy time replacing you. Take comfort in that. Take pride in it.

I am pretty good at my job, it just feels like something that's easy to pick up. I guess that's why I feel replaceable. It took me no time to learn it all. I don't really care about being securely in my position, since I want to resign and all, but it depresses me to think that my job is so easy to figure out that anyone can do it.



Find me someone who thinks they're a 'superior partner' and I'll show you someone who's either lying or deluding themselves. No one is a 'superior' partner, we're all screwed up in one way or another. Nobody is perfect, and if you try and measure yourself by that standard you will always fall short. Go get that notebook and start writing down things you like about yourself! Things that are attractive about you. You're tall? You have straight teeth? you're compassionate? write them down boy! :smalltongue:

I wrote a couple things down. It'll take a while before I really see myself as attractive, but I'll keep at it. Ties into my lack of girlfriend really. I'll know I'm attractive if I have someone with me, confirming it.



I know it's not the same, but *hugs* you remind me so much of myself that I think I'm going to adopt you as my little brother :smallsmile: (unless you're older than me, in which case you're my older brother :smalltongue:)

I'm 21 and you're married. I daresay you're the elder of us. :smalltongue:
And I may have to sig this, um...sister? :smallredface:

[Lioness]

Hey guys. Lack of motivation/self-hate has struck again. Spoilered because you don't want to know.


Where do I start? I don't know. I'll list in order that I think, not necessarily of priority
[list]
I've had a 4 day weekend, there are less than 10 weeks until my exams, I did no homework this weekend. At all. I've sat in bed all day and played around on the internet. I've gone to friends houses. I've generally done nothing. I can't keep doing this. I've got two things due tomorrow, one of which I haven't yet started. I have a chemistry test the day after, and a Japanese oral the day after. I need to study, but I can't.
I'm a fake. I sit there and whine about school work and year 12 like all of my friends. I complain about how I can't do social life and online stuff because I have so much homework. People ask "How's year 12?" and I reply "Ugh. So much homework" But I don't do any.
But I still get good grades. I'm averaging a high B/Low A, depending on the subject. It doesn't seem fair, and I rather hate myself for all the lying I'm doing.
I'm also lying to my family. Mum comes in "Hey, what's up?" Me: "homework" *continues browsing Giantitp*

On top of all that, no motivation to go to the gym. I've tried making a schedule, and I can't stick to it. I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm going to fail if I don't pick up my act, but I don't know how to change it.

I'm considering staying at the library until late to study, but mum won't like that.


I just...don't know what to do. And I feel like crap. Guilty, sick, sad, frustrated. Very very rarely happy.

[Skeppio]

I wish I could offer some helpful advice, but I actually did poorly in Year 12 myself. I got A's in Multimedia which was great, but horrid in my other classes. Heck I only got 32% on the final English test. :smalleek:. I guess I'm saying, prioritize the class you want to pursue in life. Uni didn't care that I sucked at English. Only that I did well in Multimedia, for example.

Is it possible to ask for an extension on your due assignments? They may need some stupid reason or note, I don't know, it's been a few years :smallsigh:. I wouldn't recommend doing what I used to do. My exceedingly poor way of dealing with that was biting the bullet and accepting a downgraded pass for lateness. Not a good idea by any stretch, but I just wanted to pass and have it all over with.

Don't give up, you're nearly at the end. Then you have Uni to pursue your dreams! Focus towards that pot of gold at the end labelled 'Lioness's High School Diploma'.

*hugs* You'll make it, Lioness. I know you can do it. :smallsmile:

[EmeraldRose]

Seriously just decided I've had enough after this week, and left Andre to deal with both boys and went downstairs with a full mug of hot coffee, Pandora, and the internet. Possibly some Fallout later, or Plants vs Zombies.

There will be some relaxation on my last day of vacation. And some time just for myself.

Or at least much killing of pixels.

[Skeppio]

Seriously just decided I've had enough after this week, and left Andre to deal with both boys and went downstairs with a full mug of hot coffee, Pandora, and the internet. Possibly some Fallout later, or Plants vs Zombies.

There will be some relaxation on my last day of vacation. And some time just for myself.

Or at least much killing of pixels.

I can say three things.

-*hugs*
-Plants vs Zombies is awesome.
-Everyone needs and deserves some quiet time to themselves. I hope you enjoy it.

An update on me:

I finally had a good long talk to my mum about my unhappiness. She's happy for me to go back to Uni! I'm looking at Christmas Casual and part-time work now. I finally manned up and told her that my current job is killing my self-esteem and I can't stand to be there. I thought she'd be much unhappier about my desire to leave, but as long as I can find a new job before I resign, she's perfectly happy for me to give them the slip.:smallsmile:
I feel like I can look forward to the future now. It'll take a while before I can really be confident, but the healing can begin. I hope I make a bunch of new friends at Uni next year.
I love my mum. :smallredface::smallsmile:

[EmeraldRose]

I'm glad your mom understands! As far as jobs go, I totally agree that if your current job is making everything worse, quit and find something new. Or rather, find something new and then quit. :smallwink:

Good luck with your new year at school!

[averagejoe]

Hey guys. Lack of motivation/self-hate has struck again. Spoilered because you don't want to know.


Where do I start? I don't know. I'll list in order that I think, not necessarily of priority
[list]
I've had a 4 day weekend, there are less than 10 weeks until my exams, I did no homework this weekend. At all. I've sat in bed all day and played around on the internet. I've gone to friends houses. I've generally done nothing. I can't keep doing this. I've got two things due tomorrow, one of which I haven't yet started. I have a chemistry test the day after, and a Japanese oral the day after. I need to study, but I can't.
I'm a fake. I sit there and whine about school work and year 12 like all of my friends. I complain about how I can't do social life and online stuff because I have so much homework. People ask "How's year 12?" and I reply "Ugh. So much homework" But I don't do any.
But I still get good grades. I'm averaging a high B/Low A, depending on the subject. It doesn't seem fair, and I rather hate myself for all the lying I'm doing.
I'm also lying to my family. Mum comes in "Hey, what's up?" Me: "homework" *continues browsing Giantitp*

On top of all that, no motivation to go to the gym. I've tried making a schedule, and I can't stick to it. I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm going to fail if I don't pick up my act, but I don't know how to change it.

I'm considering staying at the library until late to study, but mum won't like that.


I just...don't know what to do. And I feel like crap. Guilty, sick, sad, frustrated. Very very rarely happy.

I've actually done that. Not the same year of school, but I've been there. A solution? I dunno. The school mindset sucks. Feeling like you have to achieve sucks. I hope things turn around for you.

[cycoris]

Lioness, I feel like I'm missing something here. If you're getting good grades and/or (depending on your priorities) feel like you're getting what you need to out of the classes, why do you feel like you need to do the homework? :smallconfused:

I mean, it's obviously stressing you out, and probably homework isn't something you'd like to be spending a lot of time on. So why can't you consider doing something like doing the homework only if it'll actually help you learn the material? Sure, you might get marked down a bit for not turning in some assignments or whatever, but is getting an A rather than a B really worth doing endless mindless exercises that are probably a waste of time and making you unhappy?

I don't know how the school system really works in Australia, but I know that here whether I got an A or a B in my classes had close to no impact on me getting into uni or doing other things, so a lot of the time I opted to do only the assignments that I felt weren't a total waste of my time. It made school so much less stressful, and I actually didn't mind going as much because I felt like I was learning, instead of just doing a bunch of homework to please the teacher.

I don't know if that would work for you or not, but it's a thought. There's such of prevalent mindset of "I must get all A's or I'm an idiot and a horrible person", but most people don't really look at what the A means as opposed to a B. If it just means that you know the same things but didn't bother to do all the assignments that would have been wasting your time, then I don't see anything to be ashamed of.

Obviously, here I'm assuming that you're focussed on actually learning at school.

[HellfireLover]

Arguskos: this creaking and aged old lady would miss you if you faded away. :smallfrown:

[arguskos]

It is a good sign that you posted though :smallsmile: The simple fact that you posted says that you've still got some hope, that you don't really want to fade away.

Meh, hope is overrated.

What are you studying? You say that your writing is bad - do you have any ideas why? what sort of feedback are you getting from your teachers? Is it that you struggle with grammar and form, or do you have trouble putting your point into words? Either way, I can probably help :smallsmile: I spent my entire university career writing essays, and I got rather good at it. If you'd like a second opinion, send me a PM - include something of yours, or if you'd rather, I can give you my email address and you can email it to me. I know a lot of people who could write, but absolutely could not check/proofread their own work. I can. I'd be happy to proofread for you, you'd just have to be careful to get it to me in plenty of time - so the time difference wouldn't be a problem.

PM me your email, and I'll send you some work I've done recently, if you're interested.

If you have problem with punctuation/grammar, try getting hold of a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss. Most uni/college libraries will have a copy - it's widely considered the definitive book on getting that stuff right. Other than that, have a look around your college, most places have courses you can take if you're having trouble with essay writing. Or talk to your tutors/lecturers, see what they can suggest.

Nah, I'm actually rather good at punctuation and grammar. That's not the issue, the issue is that I can't always form a strong argument. It's something that only practice can aid.

Oh, and Arguskos? 'Get over it' is never the right response to any problem. Don't tell yourself that you just have to 'get over it', because nine times out of ten, you won't. Problems wouldn't be problems if you could just get over them. Don't devalue yourself by assuming you should just get over it.

Considering what this specific issue is, yeah, only "get over it" will fix it.


Answers in bold in the quote.



Arguskos: this creaking and aged old lady would miss you if you faded away. :smallfrown:
*shrugs* I dunno, there are more people in the world, always. :smallwink:

[Caustic Soda]

So I've been having a lot of trouble at university lately...

I failed almost all of my courses, and my redo's won't be very good either.
If I don't pass 75% of my courses next year, I'll need to solicit at my faculty to continue my education.They have to decide if I can continue or not.

And I'm really scared..
Maybe I'm just not smart enough, but I really want to do this..

I've worked really hard, and it still wasn't good.
My school tutor said I need more time to understand things, but she doesn't know how much....I really want this..

Have your problems so far been related to exam anxiety? If so, you may want to look into whether there are any courses on how to handle it in your area. I don't know if they exist where you study, but at least here in Denmark such courses are available. I have know a number my fellow students who have had problems with that, and I *believe* (but am not certain), that such courses helped somewhat.

When it comes to understanding the course material, you may want to consider asking your lecturers for help, or just asking them to elaborate ons some of the subjects, either after or outside of lectures. The lecturers I've had in my Uni studies so far have generally been willing to answer questions, if they have the time.

are there any study groups, relevant to your courses, at your University? If so, yo may want to consider joining one or more. If there isn't, it might not be a bad idea to start one, assuming you have the time and energy besides keeping up with your studies. At my University, we do a lot of group discussions, and I've found that they really help to ensure you 'get' the subjects and remember the vocabulary you need.

I hope these suggestions will be at least somewhat helpful :smallsmile:. In any case, good luck with your studies *hug*.

[Teddy]

First of all, it's kind of late, but I think I have to set you straight for this:


I am decidedly uncomfortable posting in this thread now, or anywhere, actually. And the reason why is so pathetic, so tinfoilhat, that it makes me ashamed to even think about it. The solution is apparent: GET OVER IT. The doing is hard, though. Better to drift away and be forgotten, better that way. I'm almost gone as it stands anyways, I barely post anymore. Good, it's good. Soon, my retreat into total hermitage will be complete, and I'll just fade away.

This looks like a long and complicated way of writing "My problems are boring and insignificant", and if I were Bor, I would probably slap you in the face with a goat. Now, since I'm not Bor, and pretty averse to harming others, I think I'll settle with gently nudging you with this wolly sheep.

*nudge nudge* :smallsmile:

And now to the more recent matters:


Nah, I'm actually rather good at punctuation and grammar. That's not the issue, the issue is that I can't always form a strong argument. It's something that only practice can aid.

I'll assume that you're refering to discussion arguments, and not any other sort of arguments (mostly because this is the field I consider myself best at). Based on this assumption, I think I could give you some tips:

First of all, be sure about your about your own standing. It's hard to make arguments if you don't know where you stand yourself. If you don't believe that the position you're going to argue for is right, it will be harder to make decent arguments (this is usually a pretty large problem with asignments where you're given a standpoint to argue for, regardless of your own standings). It's pretty important to convey that you yourself think you are right when you write your arguments, otherwise they will come across as insecure and unreliable.
On the other hand, don't delude yourself. Nothing is more annoying that someone arguing for a shipwreck. If your position contains holes, it's better to point them out before your enemy does. It's always good to keep the initiative, and it's better to be flexible over stubborn.
There are mainly three types of arguments: Etos, Patos and Logos. Etos isn't as much an argument as a way of getting credibility by playing on the subconscious prejudices amongst the people of today. It's usually acheived by looking and sounding formal and secure. Patos is an argument based on peoples feelings. Myself, I wouldn't make this my main argument, but it's often a pretty good idea to spice up your arguments a bit with emphasises and down-tonings. Logos is based on facts and logic. I would recommend using this as your foundation in any argument, perhaps mostly because these are the arguments I value the highest, and am the best at using and formulating, but as always, if you base your argument on lies, you're in always danger of someone presenting you the truth. Arguments based on logos, spiced up with patos and presented with etos, that's the way I like my discussion.
Always use counter-arguments (i.e. arguments against your own point) in any discussion. By presenting some of the oponents main arguments against you before they manage to do it, you'll also keep the initiative, and get to counter them before your opponent gets the chance to clarify. Present these counter-arguments as generalising and point-less as possible, as you don't want to do the job for your opponent, but don't get too vague as that will allow for your opponent to clarify without it sounding like repetition.

Now, it's pretty late over here, and I should go to bed now. I realise that these tips are better applied to spoken arguments than written, but they should be possible to apply at least partially to the latter too. If you want more specific help, you could send me a PM with something you want me to have a look at, and I can probably give you better tips and ideas on how to improve it than this.

Good luck! :smallsmile:
*bearhugs*

[Haruki-kun]

I don't usually post in this thread. I browse it every once in a while, but I rarely post. Mostly because I look at people's posts and as much as I want to say something helpful, the words just won't come out. And I don't usually like to bring my problems out in the open, so the two combined means rare participation. The last time I remember actually posting something here was.... two years ago, over the death of a family member.

I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm willing to try anything at this point. The thing is... I'm depressed. I've been getting these weird... episodes of depression lately, stemming from nothing at all, or for petty, unimportant things. I started to worry for a while I might be bipolar or something (until someone pointed out that bipolarity is not exactly what I thought it was). I have moments where I just want everything to stop for a moment. Of course, well all know the world doesn't stop spinning for anyone, but wishing's just a part of human nature, I guess.

I've even come to consider dropping everything and leaving. (I live in college, away from home.) But I won't allow this to happen. I can't let my future be compromised over this. I also haven't stopped going out or doing my homework or going to class. The psychologist at school, who I already went to see, says this is a good sign. I suppose it's true, since some of the more extreme depression cases deal with people who refuse to get out of bed, and I'm not doing this.

But this doesn't mean I'm well. It's become increasingly harder to hide it. A couple of weeks ago a friend finally asked me if I was OK, since I was acting weird. I ended up telling him the whole thing. He was very supportive, but... there's only so much he can do, really. Later that week, on a Friday, I decided to drown my problems in Vodka. I didn't want my friends to notice me like that.... but I came to the realization that another friend, the first one's girlfriend, had already noticed I was depressed and had simply not told me about it. To make things worse, one of my teachers noticed something was off, too. She asked me like three times if I was OK. I just told her I was tired.

The next day, on a Saturday, my parents came to visit. They had business in the same city where I study, so I saw them during the day. I just moved into college dorms, since I'd been living off-campus before. They asked me how I was doing and I told them "It's ok..." That's when my dad said something I couldn't bear with.

"But I thought you were happy..."

...I can't bear with it. I can't stand thinking that they're worried just because I can't seem to appreciate the life I have. My life isn't perfect, everyone has their ups and downs, but it's not worth crying over.

But cry I did. At home, when I went into the shower... I just started crying and couldn't stop. I'd just had eye surgery. It hurt. It hurt a lot to cry and I just couldn't stop. I felt like my eyes were burning, and I was under strict orders not to let water into my eyes or to rub them, so I could do nothing at all.

I've been wondering what sort of thing makes me happy or what I really care about. After doing a few exercises with the psychologist he pointed out a pattern in my "perfect scenarios": Recognition. I like it. I like feeling I'm someone in a group. I guess it's another reason I keep coming here... I always felt like a part of the community, unlike most forums I've visited, 4chan excepted.

....I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess this is the first post of many... I'll probably be coming here a lot. I've already tried a lot of things to feel better and I find it hard to. This is yet another attempt.

Thanks for listening.

[Skeppio]

Haruki-Kun, I'm here for you.
I see a lot of myself in your post. I too felt depressed seemly for no reason. Can you pinpoint anything in your life that makes you feel particulary down? I managed to pinpoint my sorrow to my monotonous job and my lack of contact with friends, etc. It is a very good sign that you haven't let it stop you from your classes, etc. Excellent! You still have the power to fight it! Don't let it defeat you.
Your friends, family, even your teachers care for you. Let them in, not Vodka. It's good that you've spoken to your friend and a psychologist. Keep it up. Judging from your post, they've been able to help you.
As for recognition, remember: you are one of us. GitP is one of the finest communities on the net I've ever seen, and I'm glad you're a part of it too. Personally, I'd recognise you anywhere. Remember the time you gave me a ton of great advice on Deth Muncher's fitness thread. I certainly do. You are Haruki-Kun, Angel in the Playground.

If you want to talk some more, feel free to send me a PM. :smallsmile:
*hugs* Don't give up. Things will look up soon.

[Lady Moreta]

Disclaimer: am still sick, and having trouble focusing on anything for very long. If I sound off, that's why.

Skeppio:


Meh, I keep feeling like something is missing from my life. Which is why I wanted to make a girlfriend. Or at least a few more offline friends.:smallfrown:
And I know the point is that I asked, but I think being rejected would multiply my feelings of isolation.

Understandable. That's the point of the notebook. To fill up pages with all that is in your life, so you can start to realise that not having a girlfriend doesn't mean there is something 'missing'.


I really do take failure too personally and harshly. :smallsigh:. I've never been able to shrug it off. I just hope more people attend the meet-up. The Melbourne one is drawing near and I have no confirmations. :smallfrown: And I really am glad you're willing to help me with the Australasia meet-up. You and the others. :smallsmile:

I do exactly the same thing. I wish I could tell you that I've come up with some super-secret solution, but I haven't. All I can really do is sympathise.


I wrote a couple things down. It'll take a while before I really see myself as attractive, but I'll keep at it. Ties into my lack of girlfriend really. I'll know I'm attractive if I have someone with me, confirming it.

Good. You realise already that it won't be an instantaneous thing. The worst thing you could do was expect or hope for a quick fix. Almost everything in life will take time (usually more time than we'd like). Keep writing, and be patient. These things will come in time.


I'm 21 and you're married. I daresay you're the elder of us. :smalltongue:
And I may have to sig this, um...sister? :smallredface:

You're 21? Wow, kudos to you, you sound older. Hey, I have a friend who got married at 21 :smalltongue: or was it 22? I can't remember... not the point. And yes, I'm 27, so definitely older. Go ahead and sig if you want to, I won't complain :smallsmile:



An update on me:

I finally had a good long talk to my mum about my unhappiness. She's happy for me to go back to Uni! I'm looking at Christmas Casual and part-time work now. I finally manned up and told her that my current job is killing my self-esteem and I can't stand to be there. I thought she'd be much unhappier about my desire to leave, but as long as I can find a new job before I resign, she's perfectly happy for me to give them the slip.:smallsmile:
I feel like I can look forward to the future now. It'll take a while before I can really be confident, but the healing can begin. I hope I make a bunch of new friends at Uni next year.
I love my mum. :smallredface::smallsmile:

Awesome! That's fantastic :smallbiggrin: Most uni's (well the two that I went to) have 'club days' where all the various groups and clubs set out over the uni and show off. Make sure you go to that if your uni has one. Find yourself a group or two to join, it will make the 'friend-making' process so much easier.


Hey guys. Lack of motivation/self-hate has struck again. Spoilered because you don't want to know.

Of course we want to know :smallsmile: Why would we have this thread otherwise?

Honestly you sound like me in Year 13 (the NZ equivalent to Year 12). I very rarely did my homework either. Projects/assignments - those I did. But general homework? not usually. And I never got in trouble for it (probably because I was a good student and quite capable of learning the material without doing the homework). And I too got As and Bs right through the year.

There is something to be said for the theory of 'if you don't need to do it and it's making you miserable, why bother?' Is every piece of homework graded? I know at my school only projects/assignments were, homework was meant for us to learn the material, but wasn't marked and we didn't lose grades by not handing it in. Heck, by Year 13 we didn't generally hand homework in anyway.

About the library - why wouldn't your mum like it? because you'd be out on your own at night? If you think it would help you study, tell her that. Explain that you're having some trouble concentrating when you're at home, and you think the library would help. Maybe you can come to an arrangement.


I've even come to consider dropping everything and leaving. (I live in college, away from home.) But I won't allow this to happen. I can't let my future be compromised over this. I also haven't stopped going out or doing my homework or going to class. The psychologist at school, who I already went to see, says this is a good sign. I suppose it's true, since some of the more extreme depression cases deal with people who refuse to get out of bed, and I'm not doing this.

First things first. Kudos to you for having already gone to see someone about this. Admitting you've got a problem is one thing. Having the guts to go and do something about it is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. You have my respect and admiration :smallsmile: And yes, those are all good signs, but there are differing degrees of depression and just because you're still (mostly) functioning doesn't mean it doesn't suck.


But this doesn't mean I'm well. It's become increasingly harder to hide it. A couple of weeks ago a friend finally asked me if I was OK, since I was acting weird. I ended up telling him the whole thing. He was very supportive, but... there's only so much he can do, really. Later that week, on a Friday, I decided to drown my problems in Vodka. I didn't want my friends to notice me like that.... but I came to the realization that another friend, the first one's girlfriend, had already noticed I was depressed and had simply not told me about it. To make things worse, one of my teachers noticed something was off, too. She asked me like three times if I was OK. I just told her I was tired.

Why is it necessary for you to hide it? You've already admitted to yourself and the phsyc that you've got a problem, if your friends have already noticed, why aren't you letting yourself admit to them?


"But I thought you were happy..."

...I can't bear with it. I can't stand thinking that they're worried just because I can't seem to appreciate the life I have. My life isn't perfect, everyone has their ups and downs, but it's not worth crying over.

But cry I did. At home, when I went into the shower... I just started crying and couldn't stop. I'd just had eye surgery. It hurt. It hurt a lot to cry and I just couldn't stop. I felt like my eyes were burning, and I was under strict orders not to let water into my eyes or to rub them, so I could do nothing at all.

Oh you poor thing *hugs* that can't have been fun :smallfrown:


....I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess this is the first post of many... I'll probably be coming here a lot. I've already tried a lot of things to feel better and I find it hard to. This is yet another attempt.

If you've accepted that you've got depression, then the next step is do something about it. Go and see a doctor and see about medication. It won't be a magical cureall, but that in conjunction with the counsellor visits will help get things back on an even keel for you.

[Haruki-kun]

Haruki-Kun, I'm here for you.
I see a lot of myself in your post. I too felt depressed seemly for no reason. Can you pinpoint anything in your life that makes you feel particulary down? I managed to pinpoint my sorrow to my monotonous job and my lack of contact with friends, etc. It is a very good sign that you haven't let it stop you from your classes, etc. Excellent! You still have the power to fight it! Don't let it defeat you.
Your friends, family, even your teachers care for you. Let them in, not Vodka. It's good that you've spoken to your friend and a psychologist. Keep it up. Judging from your post, they've been able to help you.
As for recognition, remember: you are one of us. GitP is one of the finest communities on the net I've ever seen, and I'm glad you're a part of it too. Personally, I'd recognise you anywhere. Remember the time you gave me a ton of great advice on Deth Muncher's fitness thread. I certainly do. You are Haruki-Kun, Angel in the Playground.

If you want to talk some more, feel free to send me a PM. :smallsmile:
*hugs* Don't give up. Things will look up soon.

Wow... that is... thanks a lot.


Why is it necessary for you to hide it? You've already admitted to yourself and the phsyc that you've got a problem, if your friends have already noticed, why aren't you letting yourself admit to them?

I guess I don't want them worrying about me, either. I just can't stand knowing they'd form a different image of who I am...

I also asked the psychologist at school to please not let my parents know I'm seeing him once every week/two weeks.



If you've accepted that you've got depression, then the next step is do something about it. Go and see a doctor and see about medication. It won't be a magical cureall, but that in conjunction with the counsellor visits will help get things back on an even keel for you.

Oh, I don't know..... >.O

I took medication when I was a kid for a different issue. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. I learned to take pills when I was 3.... <.<

I don't know if it was related at all, but back then... when I was 15 or so, I had some pretty bad thoughts. Ever since then I've been a bit skeptic when it comes to medication.

Anyway... I am very grateful to you guys. As i said, though... it might be the first post of many. A problem I have with this is that sometimes I get better and I'm perfectly fine, but then later it comes back. I'd really like it if it stopped coming back.

[averagejoe]

*snipped for length*

I've been in a similar place. Your depression sounds like its manifested differently than mine, but I still see similarities in your story. The fact that you're talking to people about it maybe makes you a braver person than I am. I dunno, your post has really reminded me of how much respect I have for the people who post here with their problems. I don't answer everyone, because I don't always have something to say, but just the fact that you're opening up like this seems huge to me.

I guess that was mostly about me. I will say, as someone who has had a couple bad experiences, alcohol is really bad as a solution, especially when you do it alone. Like, it really can go to really bad places, and I don't mean physical harm.

I have listened, and am willing to listen. You can PM me at any time, even if it's just about stupid stuff. I'm not so good at saying things when it comes to stuff like this, but so much of what you've described seems familiar to me that maybe I'll have something useful to say. Or I can just listen. I'm probably better at that.

[Haruki-kun]

I've been in a similar place. Your depression sounds like its manifested differently than mine, but I still see similarities in your story. The fact that you're talking to people about it maybe makes you a braver person than I am. I dunno, your post has really reminded me of how much respect I have for the people who post here with their problems. I don't answer everyone, because I don't always have something to say, but just the fact that you're opening up like this seems huge to me.

Wow... thanks! That makes me feel a bit better. I never really thought of myself as a brave person, though....


I guess that was mostly about me. I will say, as someone who has had a couple bad experiences, alcohol is really bad as a solution, especially when you do it alone. Like, it really can go to really bad places, and I don't mean physical harm.

Eh... I know, but I wasn't alone and I only do it occasionally. I had friends who took the glass away from me halfway through the third one. (They were pretty big glasses.)

I just started feeling really sad... in the middle of a board game. My mind went "Oh, ****, I can't let them see me like this, I'll ruin the night..." and then I resorted to the only thing I could think of. If any chat regulars are here, they'll probably remember my suffering the following day. >.<


I have listened, and am willing to listen. You can PM me at any time, even if it's just about stupid stuff. I'm not so good at saying things when it comes to stuff like this, but so much of what you've described seems familiar to me that maybe I'll have something useful to say. Or I can just listen. I'm probably better at that.

Thank you... I might just do that. :smallsmile:

Well, I'm glad to know there's at least one place I can come to. *hugs all around*

[Lord_Gareth]

...Would it be unacceptable for me to just rant a little here? My problems are beyond my means (read: move back to civilization) to solve, but venting helps, at times.

[Skeppio]

@ Haruki-kun
I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better. Like I said, you're always welcome both in here and my or AverageJoe's PM box. It's interesting, I see a lot of myself in you. The depression, being unable to figure out why I was depressed, the reluctance to share it. But what I did, under the advice of the wise and caring Lady Moreta, was to throw caution to the wind and talk to my parents. And it worked! The first step is acknowledging and sharing your problem, which you are doing. The next and most important step is to think of the things you love and enjoy. the things that are good, and go out and be the best damn Haruki-kun you can possibly be! :smallsmile:

@ Lord_Gareth
Go right ahead. We're here to help, after all. Sometimes we all need to vent our frustrations and typing them out is far better than violence. :smallsmile:

[Lord_Gareth]

Alrighty. Spoilered for potential length and definite vitriol.

I. Hate. Kansas.

I hate the weather. I hate the heat. I hate the layout of the town and I definitely hate the vast open spaces. I hate the country radio stations that I have to listen to in public and I hate the oldies stations I have to listen to at work. But most of all, I hate the people. The stupid, half-educated, wide-eyed frakking people that seem to have missed the memo where independent thought is the reason that we're the dominant species on the planet. I hate their reactionary, hidebound, ultra-conservative attitudes. I hate their obsession with religion. I hate having to constantly lie about who and what I am to avoid being ostracized or worse, attacked. I hate that my wife has to hide her faith and I hate that our son is going to be raised in this poison culture. I hate being told that I'm "too smart" and I hate the damn suspicious looks they give me whenever I'm not looking. I hate the conspiracy theorists and the talk show politcos and I most definitely hate the idea of sending my children to schools where Intelligent Design is taught, but intelligence isn't.

Screw you, Kansas. I can't leave now - too much debt, and too soon after getting here - but I will one day. I hope this entire forsaken state burns to the ground so I can laugh at the ashes.

...Wow. That actually made me feel a bit better. Feel free to read anyway, if you like.

[Skeppio]

Ah, disdain for one's one hometown. I've been there, my friend. Difference being my hometown is merely a dead town, while yours appears to be hell on earth. You're a very brave person for being able to live there. I salute your tenacity. I really hope you can find a way out of there soon. Hang in there until then. It may not be much, but at least you can talk freely here without fear. :smallsmile: *hugs* *pats back*

My suggestion is, if you hate the town around you, make your home the way you like. Put on some music you can enjoy, decorate the way you want, things like that. Your home, your rules. :smallamused:

[Lord_Gareth]

Oh, it gets worse. My home town is in Michigan. I moved out here. Of my own free will.

Still, this has honestly helped me seethe a bit less. I've been getting...mad. All the time. Mad and depressed and desperately wanting to choke someone to death so that I can feel the rattle of their final breath run past my thumbs. Given that this is a bad urge (especially with my newborn in the house), I figured venting some steam was warranted.

[Skeppio]

It's important to be able to talk about your problems and frustrations. Bottling it up is never healthy. I suggest setting aside some time where you can just relax and forget that the neanderthals you work and live around exist. I use acombination of my favourite computer games/programs and calm music (often from my fave games :smallbiggrin:).

[Lady Moreta]

I guess I don't want them worrying about me, either. I just can't stand knowing they'd form a different image of who I am...

I also asked the psychologist at school to please not let my parents know I'm seeing him once every week/two weeks.

That is entirely within your rights. I gotta admit, if I was seeing a psychologist I probably wouldn't tell my parents either. My husband and I went to counselling not long after we got married for some help with communicating, and I'm pretty sure I never told my parents. What you need to make sure of is that you're not telling them for the right reasons. In my case, I didn't tell them because it wasn't any of their business what my husband and I did, and because my mother overreacts about everything. I knew I couldn't tell her we'd seen a counsellor because she wouldn't have taken it as "we're young, we're newly married, we just need a bit of outside advice"; she would have taken it as "Their marriage is falling apart, why did I let my daughter move so far away and marry that man?"

Dear Haruki-kun, you need to learn something that I too have had to learn. Your parents will always worry about you. If they don't have anything accurate or real to worry about, they'll make stuff up! (or is that once again, just my mother?). If they're going to worry, they'd much rather worry about something that's actually real. Talk to your parents (or just whichever one you're more comfortable with). Let them know what you've told us, that you're struggling a bit from time to time. You don't have to tell them you're seeing a psych if you don't want to. But I guarantee, they'd rather know than not. They're your parents, they love you. Give them a chance :smallsmile:


I took medication when I was a kid for a different issue. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. I learned to take pills when I was 3.... <.<

I don't know if it was related at all, but back then... when I was 15 or so, I had some pretty bad thoughts. Ever since then I've been a bit skeptic when it comes to medication.

You poor soul *hugs* Talk to the psych, see if it's possible the medication could have had that affect. And then, take it from me, anti-depressants don't work the same way as ADHD drugs. I can only speak for the ones my husband is on, naturally, but they are designed to balance out the seratonin levels in his brain, which is what causes the depression. They haven't altered his behaviour one bit. He still has bad days when he gets down and nothing will ever get him out of the slump. He still has 'good' days when he gets so hyper he drives me (and himself) nuts. But, those days are just days, they don't go on for weeks or even months on end. They haven't changed his thought processes, or how he acts or behaves. Trust me, if they had I'd've done something about it long ago. I fell in love with the dear boy before his depression was diagnosed, and while I'm incredibly grateful he's steadier now, if the drugs had actively changed his personality, I would have acted on it.

If you do decide to try it out (and you can just try it), talk to a couple of friends you trust - maybe the ones who stopped you drinking, they seem trustworthy. Ask them to keep an eye on you and say something if they think you seem to be acting out of character on a regular basis.



Wow... thanks! That makes me feel a bit better. I never really thought of myself as a brave person, though....

But you are brave :smallsmile: It's much easier to post something anonymously on a chat board, but from your sig, you've been around a while, so people know you. It's never easy to admit you've got a problem, no matter what medium you use to do it. Be proud of yourself :smallsmile:



Alrighty. Spoilered for potential length and definite vitriol.

I. Hate. Kansas.

that seem to have missed the memo where independent thought is the reason that we're the dominant species on the planet.

Wow. I feel for you. And I just have to say, I loved that line. You have a way with words :smallbiggrin:


It's important to be able to talk about your problems and frustrations. Bottling it up is never healthy. I suggest setting aside some time where you can just relax and forget that the neanderthals you work and live around exist. I use acombination of my favourite computer games/programs and calm music (often from my fave games :smallbiggrin:).

This is excellent advice. Come here and vent if you need to. Make sure you're doing whatever is necessary to get you out of Kansas now. Get the ball rolling as much as you can. Make your house a sanctuary for your family - somewhere you can be yourselves without having to worry about the rest of the state. And make sure you get time to yourself to just relax and blow off steam.

[742]

you moved to kansas of your own free will, you have a newborn and i assume there was no moving during the pregnanacy so im going to assume youve been there for at least nine months

you havent killed anyone yet? thats some seriously superhuman willpower

what the hell are you?

[Lord_Gareth]

This is excellent advice. Come here and vent if you need to. Make sure you're doing whatever is necessary to get you out of Kansas now. Get the ball rolling as much as you can. Make your house a sanctuary for your family - somewhere you can be yourselves without having to worry about the rest of the state. And make sure you get time to yourself to just relax and blow off steam.

I'm doing everything I can to make life tolerable here, 'cause we're in for the long haul. I married a country girl who, for some inexplicable reason, is attached to her family and can't stand to be away from them (and also can't stand being near them, go figure). I love her dearly, and I'm willing to make this work. In the meantime, my transition period (going on a year now) has proven harsh. Luckily, I always have homebrew. And Neverwinter Nights. But it's hard, since I left all my friends seven hundred miles away, and there's no one to talk to, or game with, or even just crack dead baby jokes at down here. Humor? In Kansas? Not happening.

Also, bump your vignette thread. I owe you longswordage.

EDIT


what the hell are you?

I am an openly atheistic nerd with a late diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome who survived in a high school environment by mind-raping the entirety of my peers and most of the teaching staff.

[Lady Moreta]

I'm doing everything I can to make life tolerable here, 'cause we're in for the long haul. I married a country girl who, for some inexplicable reason, is attached to her family and can't stand to be away from them (and also can't stand being near them, go figure).

Yes, well... families are odd creatures :smallsmile: There's a reason I moved from the east coast of NZ to the west coast of Australia.


Also, bump your vignette thread. I owe you longswordage.

Yes you do, and I certainly shall :smallsmile:

[Skeppio]

Lady Moreta, have you considered becoming a councellor of some sort? Because I'm tempted to make a 'W.W.L.M.D.?' bracelet about now. :smallbiggrin:

[Lady Moreta]

Lady Moreta, have you considered becoming a councellor of some sort? Because I'm tempted to make a 'W.W.L.M.D.?' bracelet about now. :smallbiggrin:

Oh. Ummm.... shush, you're embarrassing me :smallredface:

Never in any seriousness, to answer the question. I have trouble 'leaving work at work' as the saying goes. My poor husband dreads me coming home most days because I inevitably unload on him all the ways my job has been crappy, and all the ways people have taken me for granted and made me do things that aren't part of my job. If I worked as a counsellor, I'd never be able to let things go. I'd constantly bring everyone's problems home with me. Wouldn't be good for me or my marriage.

Besides, I'm better in writing :smallsmile: If I had to say half of this to anyone's face, I'd get hopelessly tongue-tied.

[Lord_Gareth]

Besides, I'm better in writing :smallsmile: If I had to say half of this to anyone's face, I'd get hopelessly tongue-tied.

The key is to have no shame whatsoever. Been the motto of my life, and it's worked out great ^_^

Also, imminent longswordage post. ETA five minutes.

[Skeppio]

Maybe you should write a book. :smallbiggrin:
And I'm glad to see the recent posters are feeling a bit better. The thread's working!

[Zeb The Troll]

@Lord_Gareth - By your description I'm assuming you're not living near one of the college towns in Kansas. Let me suggest this as a compromise between staying where you don't like being and moving too far away for your wife to be happy. Move to somewhere near Manhattan, KS. It has two things to offer that you'll appreciate. First, it has Kansas State University. It's not Ivy League, but there are enough intelligent people there to make it possible for you to find someone to talk to about something other than the crop reports. Second, it's near Fort Riley, which means you've got a large military base, meaning a broader sampling of people with a broader range of views on pretty much everything.

This obviously isn't going to be an overnight decision, but seriously think about it. You'll more likely be able to find people who will at least engage you in conversation about your views and you'll also be close enough to your wife's family that regular visits are easily accomplished (but far enough away that they won't just drop in unexpected, most likely).

I was stationed there in the early '90s as a young Private and had a really good time there.

[Lord_Gareth]

Thanks for the advice, Zeb. It'll definitely be taken into consideration. When it's not 1:30 in the morning.

Does writing help anyone else "deal", as it were? I find that it often helps me quite a bit, especially creative writing like novels. Or the longsword post I just made for LM.

[Lioness]

Lioness, I feel like I'm missing something here. If you're getting good grades and/or (depending on your priorities) feel like you're getting what you need to out of the classes, why do you feel like you need to do the homework? :smallconfused:

Because it's summative work...I long ago stopped doing non-summative work. But these essays and stuff go towards our final grade for the year, and affect our university entrance scores.




Obviously, here I'm assuming that you're focussed on actually learning at school.

Definitely learning, but also getting good grades. I'd rather not go below a B, but I know that if I don't put the effort in, I might, especially in subjects like Chem that I'm not so good at.

As I said before, I don't even do non-summative homework anymore. I'm too busy procrastinating the other stuff. But I've gotten so used to not doing homework that I'm finding it hard to do homework that matters.



Honestly you sound like me in Year 13 (the NZ equivalent to Year 12). I very rarely did my homework either. Projects/assignments - those I did. But general homework? not usually. And I never got in trouble for it (probably because I was a good student and quite capable of learning the material without doing the homework). And I too got As and Bs right through the year.

There is something to be said for the theory of 'if you don't need to do it and it's making you miserable, why bother?' Is every piece of homework graded? I know at my school only projects/assignments were, homework was meant for us to learn the material, but wasn't marked and we didn't lose grades by not handing it in. Heck, by Year 13 we didn't generally hand homework in anyway.

Heh, yeah. I guess it bugs me that it's not really fair that I can not do anything and get As and Bs, while other people who work their butt off only manage Bs. And then I pretend to them that I've worked hard too, just so they don't feel worse.



About the library - why wouldn't your mum like it? because you'd be out on your own at night? If you think it would help you study, tell her that. Explain that you're having some trouble concentrating when you're at home, and you think the library would help. Maybe you can come to an arrangement.

The main thing is that the library is in the city, and I'd be coming home by bus in the dark. She definitely doesn't like that. I'm her oldest daughter and she's really protective. I have no doubt that when my sisters are my age, they will be allowed to stay out until all hours because she's not terrified anymore.


Thanks guys :)
I'm feeling a little bit better today, but have other things bugging me that I'll post in the Relationship thread later (when I come back from work)

[Lady Moreta]

Heh, yeah. I guess it bugs me that it's not really fair that I can not do anything and get As and Bs, while other people who work their butt off only manage Bs. And then I pretend to them that I've worked hard too, just so they don't feel worse.

I have a friend like that. She'd not start her essay til the day before it was due, and consistently got As. On the other hand, she was quite open about it. If you're doing that, then you're clearly good at what you're studying. Enjoy that :smallsmile:

The main thing is that the library is in the city, and I'd be coming home by bus in the dark. She definitely doesn't like that. I'm her oldest daughter and she's really protective. I have no doubt that when my sisters are my age, they will be allowed to stay out until all hours because she's not terrified anymore.

I gotta admit, this will probably be the case. I am the youngest and my sister used to complain all the time that I got away with stuff that she would never have been allowed to do. Like the time my parents let me go to Auckland to see Phantom of the Opera with a friend and her family. Only thing was that because of flights, I had to fly up there on my own (I was around 14 at the time). Sister was not impressed.

[wxdruid]

...Meh

Sort of sums it up.

Mid shifts (10:30pm - 7am) Oh how they depress me. I'm well into them now and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the beginning? I hate them. I still hate them, and I still have to work them for a three month period.

Things I hate about them:
No sun
sleeping for 8-12 hrs during the daylight hours
starving in the mornings despite eating 3 meals and low fat snacks
hard to get fitness into my schedule
the morning briefing
completing the severe weather report!
attempting to complete paperwork that requires that I stay up til noon
Flight meetings that drag on when I should be asleep!
Lack of motivation when I do get up
I don't get much housework/yardwork done on my off nights due to lack of motivation
working sets of 6 shifts (low manning) in a row
Don't even feel like RPing or talking to other people via IM

Good things (yes there are one or two things):
no management at work
fewer phone calls
the weather is usually dying down and becoming less severe by 10:30pm
able to get more admin type work done on a shift
less interference from management looking over my shoulder

I have tried to change Flights to one that rotates shifts every month, but, nope, isn't, won't happen. But, I've noticed that if your Flight doesn't like you, it isn't very long before you are foisted off on another Flight. I've been on a three month rotation for 3 years now. I still don't like it. The only thing now would be to get orders to move somewhere else. Yet...what would that place be like? It's all an unknown.

Making rank, that's another possibility, yet I dread that one, then I'd be forced into M-F 6:30pm to 3pm (a boon for Kendra) yet I'd have to be in charge of an entire Flight and I just don't know how that would work. Plus, there are only a limited number of possibilities here. Another choice with making rank, moving to somewhere else, and that again would be an unknown because depending on the location, I would either be in charge or just another minion yet again. I just don't know. :smallsigh: I'm a person that likes my routines, having my things in the right places, knowing how to do my job at work with few surprises.

Impending Shoulder Surgery

This makes me very anxious. I don't have a good history with surgeries. Complications with 2 lumps that were removed in separate surgeries and after that, surgery on the two littlest toes of each foot and finding out my skin does not like prolonged exposure to the tape they use. Wisdom teeth surgery, I was in bed for a week afterwards, throwing up and everything was unpleasant.

I have a SLAP Tear, they have to correct it. I have pretty constant pain in my right shoulder and around my shoulder blade. It makes it hard to sleep because I can't turn over. The closer the 21st comes, the more anxious I feel about it. On that day, I'm sure I will be shaking/shivering as they put me under. I can't help it and I can't control it. I dread the pain afterward, I dread not being able to do anything for myself that involves my arm (like braiding my hair, etc...), but I more dread the possible pain. They won't even be cutting my shoulder open! It will be done via holes they make, two in front, two in the rear as they reattach the parts that have gotten torn. Just thinking about this makes me want to cry as I worry about it, so I try not to.

A Significant other

Most of the time I could care less. I do what I want, when I want and my time/money is my own to spend on Kendra and myself. If I want it, I buy it.

The other part of the time, usually once per month, I want someone to cuddle up with, someone to touch. That's the time of month I hate other couples, or seeing them on tv or anything. They have something I don't have and am unlikely to have. I'm getting too old and there just aren't many people out there that even seem interested. I do get interested in a guy here and there, but I usually have to squash and kill it because it is never reciprocated/if they even realize it. Or, they already have someone. Plus, I have a kid to tag along, makes it even more unlikely. I am an introvert, I don't get out much, I hate parties and meeting new people. I refuse to date people at work (even if there were any available). I am a homebody and I don't really see it changing in the future. I like me, I just don't like my aloneness for a few days/nights each month. So...I live with it.
Just spitting out all my ...Meh...

[Zeb The Troll]

@wxdruid - I wish I could offer you some advice other than what I have already (which may or may not have been good, but at least I had something more to offer you).

I can offer sympathies! From experience I can commiserate with you on midnight shift taking a terrible toll on a body's rest. But worse than this is the rotating shift. You can't even let your body get used to anything!

How close is retirement? Judging by catlover's age, I'm guessing you're at least more than halfway there. Is that something you can look forward to that will help alleviate the meh's a little bit?

*hugs*

[wxdruid]

I'm about to reenlist for the last time. In November it will be 16 years total. Yes, I'm waiting for the end. I plan on retiring and living in Wichita, KS. Nice cost of living, near a base, nice distance from Denver where my parents live.

[Zeb The Troll]

I'm about to reenlist for the last time. In November it will be 16 years total. Yes, I'm waiting for the end. I plan on retiring and living in Wichita, KS. Nice cost of living, near a base, nice distance from Denver where my parents live.So do mine! :smalleek::smallcool:

Oh, wow, you're close. I applaud your stick-to-it-iveness. I gave up after ten years. (Okay, that's not a fair assessment, but sometimes it feels that way. I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice.) My younger brother's at about the same point in his Navy career. He's looking forward to it, too, though he may not be able to retire right at 20. He's got seven mouths to feed and his job is munitions, which doesn't translate as easily to the civilian sector.

[wxdruid]

Well, mine does translate, (somewhat), the National Weather Service isn't exactly the same and they do river forecasts as well. But, living in Wichita, I'd have to wait til there was an opening and then try for it. The benefits I'd have would be a degree, forecasting experience and being a veteran. Doesn't guarantee anything though. But, I would still have retirement income.

Also, Heather plans on living with me, after her father and husband are gone, if I haven't found anyone else to live with (namely a significant other).

I would prefer to retire as a Master Sergeant and to have had that rank for 3 years (for retirement purposes) before I get out.

I'm just really tired of the idiocy that goes on around here. :smallyuk:

My parents live in Centennial, CO and my brother and sister both live in the suburbs somewhere of Denver, CO.

[potatocubed]

Ugh. Right now my life is like a series of tubes tunnels, and there is no light at the end of any of them.

For months I've been stuck in this pit of despair and I've just run out of energy trying to get out. Things aren't going to get better on their own. I've tried to make things better and failed, or been thwarted, over and over and over again. I only have so much drive, and it's driven off.

And why the hell do I have to be the one who makes everything happen, anyway? I stopped writing pieces for the writing group I was in and it disintegrated without my input. If I want to make things better at work, I have to argue the point. If the coffee machine breaks (again), I have to let facilities know. I've arranged a trip to the US for next month, left the booking of some hotels to the friend I'm travelling with... and they remain unbooked. I'm going to have to sort that out as well, because if there's one constant to my life it's that if I don't do it, nobody else will.

I understand that if I want something to happen I have to take responsibility for that thing, but I want a break. I want to be able to relax for a while without everything collapsing around my ears. These aren't things I've chosen to be responsible for - in some cases they're responsibilities I've specifically handed off to other people - and they're not things that only I can do. Just what the **** is everyone else spending their time on? Is it too much to ask that they take some time out from their lives of leisure and casual sex to give me a ****ing hand?

:smallsigh: I am stressed. You may have noticed.

Also, I'm way too old for this emo crap. Blaaaaaaaaaaarg.

[arguskos]

How did I miss THIS?! :smallsigh: So sorry to have missed your response, Teddy.

This looks like a long and complicated way of writing "My problems are boring and insignificant", and if I were Bor, I would probably slap you in the face with a goat. Now, since I'm not Bor, and pretty averse to harming others, I think I'll settle with gently nudging you with this wolly sheep.

*nudge nudge* :smallsmile:
No, they're directly insulting to a good group of people on this forum I have no wish to publicly insult for something they could not have possibly known would bother me, and rightly shouldn't CARE about my discomfort. The issue is not boring nor insignificant, but fairness demands I remain silent about it.


I'll assume that you're refering to discussion arguments, and not any other sort of arguments (mostly because this is the field I consider myself best at). Based on this assumption, I think I could give you some tips:
Uh, not really. I'm using the basic definition of argument, ie. a point of any kind. That in mind, it's a nice list. Might as well respond to it.



First of all, be sure about your about your own standing. It's hard to make arguments if you don't know where you stand yourself. If you don't believe that the position you're going to argue for is right, it will be harder to make decent arguments (this is usually a pretty large problem with asignments where you're given a standpoint to argue for, regardless of your own standings). It's pretty important to convey that you yourself think you are right when you write your arguments, otherwise they will come across as insecure and unreliable.
I can convince myself of anything. This has never been an issue.


On the other hand, don't delude yourself. Nothing is more annoying that someone arguing for a shipwreck. If your position contains holes, it's better to point them out before your enemy does. It's always good to keep the initiative, and it's better to be flexible over stubborn.
I argue for anything at any time. I like to take the hard road and make a bad topic work. Yes, I am a terrible debater.


There are mainly three types of arguments: Etos, Patos and Logos. Etos isn't as much an argument as a way of getting credibility by playing on the subconscious prejudices amongst the people of today. It's usually acheived by looking and sounding formal and secure. Patos is an argument based on peoples feelings. Myself, I wouldn't make this my main argument, but it's often a pretty good idea to spice up your arguments a bit with emphasises and down-tonings. Logos is based on facts and logic. I would recommend using this as your foundation in any argument, perhaps mostly because these are the arguments I value the highest, and am the best at using and formulating, but as always, if you base your argument on lies, you're in always danger of someone presenting you the truth. Arguments based on logos, spiced up with patos and presented with etos, that's the way I like my discussion.
I know Ethos, Pathos, and Logos. I know them very well, actually. I tend to use which ever of the three works best with the topic. If arguing abortion (any stance), I would appeal to emotion first, since that's how people are going to judge it. If arguing taxes, go for logic. You get the image.


Always use counter-arguments (i.e. arguments against your own point) in any discussion. By presenting some of the oponents main arguments against you before they manage to do it, you'll also keep the initiative, and get to counter them before your opponent gets the chance to clarify. Present these counter-arguments as generalising and point-less as possible, as you don't want to do the job for your opponent, but don't get too vague as that will allow for your opponent to clarify without it sounding like repetition.
Of course. This is just a nice basic strategy, and I use it frequently. I just wrote a paper using it, actually.


Now, it's pretty late over here, and I should go to bed now. I realise that these tips are better applied to spoken arguments than written, but they should be possible to apply at least partially to the latter too. If you want more specific help, you could send me a PM with something you want me to have a look at, and I can probably give you better tips and ideas on how to improve it than this.
Yeah, that was basically "here's how to debate in a nutshell", which I already knew. I'm bad at debating, thanks to having issues speaking in public unless it's something I am very knowledgeable on, but I know and use the basics in everyday life.

I know this must sound like I'm an ingrate (easy impression to get), but I really do appreciate the advice and help. Sorry it took me so long to get around to answering you. :smallsigh:


@Potato3: The reason for people failing to do anything is because people suck. :smallannoyed: Yeah, that's not helpful, but I've discovered that if I simply assume no one will ever do anything until either I prompt it or they really want it then I tend to get pleasantly surprised when people do things proactively. You may wish to alter your preconceptions as to how people work so that you are not let down by others. As for the increased load of work, well, just stop doing those things you don't care about but won't get done otherwise. No skin off your back. You don't care, they don't affect you, let others deal with it, and if it happens too late, oops? They shoulda gotten off their fat surpluses and DONE SOMETHING sooner.

[Pyrian]

...if there's one constant to my life it's that if I don't do it, nobody else will.Yeah, that's pretty much how life works for everyone. Well, everyone who gives a dang about any given thing. It's the reason workplaces have bosses who are empowered to fire people if they don't get their work done. Otherwise, no work gets done.

[Haruki-kun]

@Potatocubed: Sadly, that falls under the aforementioned "World doesn't stop spinning for anyone", as much as we might like it to.

You can't get everyone to work, but if you could find a single other person who does... try to get that person to help you out and share the burden. 's what I'd do, anyway.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Haruki: Sorry this is a bit late, but I'm very, very glad you got to talk to your school psychiatrist. I was very worried about you.
You know I'm hear for you, Ruru, sweetheart.

P3: In groups, have you possibly broached the topic of your frustration? If you mention, very politely, that you feel they need to pull their own weight, you might just get the reaction and a bit of break you want/need.

[Lady Moreta]

Well, mine does translate, (somewhat), the National Weather Service isn't exactly the same and they do river forecasts as well. But, living in Wichita, I'd have to wait til there was an opening and then try for it. The benefits I'd have would be a degree, forecasting experience and being a veteran. Doesn't guarantee anything though. But, I would still have retirement income.

Good for you for having a plan already worked out in your head. I don't do plans... My best friend is a doctor frequently stuck on the night shift, I understand how much the screwy times must suck.

Make sure you tell the doctors about the adverse reaction you had to the tape, and make sure they don't use the same stuff for your shoulder. I am the queen of allergies, so I understand having bad reactions to things. If you find that it doesn't feel right, go straight back and make them change it for you.


I understand that if I want something to happen I have to take responsibility for that thing, but I want a break. I want to be able to relax for a while without everything collapsing around my ears. These aren't things I've chosen to be responsible for - in some cases they're responsibilities I've specifically handed off to other people - and they're not things that only I can do. Just what the **** is everyone else spending their time on? Is it too much to ask that they take some time out from their lives of leisure and casual sex to give me a ****ing hand?

I share your pain. I really do. This appears to be my lot in life as well (at work anyway). The only thing I can suggest is to simply stop doing it. Once you've given someone a job to do, let them do it. Don't think about it any more, don't ask them about it, don't worry about it (as best you can). Just let them know "this is what you need to do, this is when it needs to be done by, if it's not, it's not my fault". And don't let anyone blame you if something isn't done that wasn't your responsibility - just tell them "oh, sorry that was so-and-so's job, you'll need to talk to them about it".

It does truly suck though, when people come to you and dump stuff on you that they really could (and sometimes should) do themselves. I completely symapthise.

[Dogmantra]

Cactus. I've described him in passing on here, though not often, but if you've seen what I've written about him, you'll understand exactly how much he means to me. He's also known to me as Best Online Buddy #1. We've done all sorts of shenanigans together, helped each other out, and if there was something I ever felt I couldn't talk to anyone about, I could still talk to Cactus, and his just being there would make things better. Unfortunately, he hasn't been around for months. It's his birthday today.

And I'm crying.

While I was already not in the best of moods, this is what set me off crying. I miss him so damn much, and I'm really worried about him. I'm worried that something might've happened to him. I need him to be there for me. I just hope he still needs me.

[Skeppio]

Ugh, I hate losing contact with online friends. Do you have any other means of contacting him? Do you know anyone who might have some, or who might be able to contact him for you to ask him what's up?

I remember the friends I made at Uni. I haven't heard from the two who I remembered to give my MSN details to in months. I miss them too. I sometimes wonder where they are now, what they're doing, if they got into the industry we studied for, etc. I know how you feel, man.

I'm not sure if I can be a decent substitute, but if you want, I'll be here for you, Dogmantra. I'm certainly not planning on leaving GitP anytime soon.

[Lady Moreta]

*hugs*

That does suck. Do you have any other contact details for him? If it's been a while, pull out every contact you had for him, and use each one. Send him an email, a PM, if you've used msn, send him something over that. Hopefully one will get through and you'll get a reply.

[Dogmantra]

I asked a couple of others if they knew any way to contact him, and no luck there. However, I found a myspace page for his band, where the last activity was either yesterday or a month ago (not sure if it localises dates to dd/mm/yy or just uses mm/dd/yy regardless of where you are) and sent a friend request there. I fully expect one person to know at least some way, but considering certain... bad experiences that both he and I have had with her, I don't doubt for a moment that she'd be unwilling to help, and I'd be unwilling to even talk to her.

I don't know what to do. Though all my other problems would probably be considered larger by most, this is the one that means most to me right now, and I just need some closure. I just hope this gets through.

[Skeppio]

I hope he finds your message. He's obviously important to you, and really anyone who'd stand in the way of long-lost friends is not a good person. I hope things work out for you, Dogmantra. I really do.

[Lady Moreta]

Try google :smallsmile:

I know it sounds odd, but pull up a search engine, and do some searches. It's obviously important to you to find your friend, so stick his name into google and see if you get any hits. Try the same with his band, you might have better luck finding him via that.

Good luck! :smallsmile:

[Haruki-kun]

Bad followup.

I've been doing horribly at school. My current issue is starting to show in my academic performance. Tomorrow I'm going to fail an exam. There's no two ways about it. I don't have any notes and the teacher uploaded none.

I already failed two. Did well in one, did average in the other one. Last one has no exam.

I found a message on my phone from my dad. I called him. He noticed I was not doing so well.

I told him.

I didn't tell him everything.... I didn't tell him I was depressed. I just told him I wasn't doing too well, and school was going horribly. And then he asked me whether having moved in to college dorms had been a bad move. I hesitated, but couldn't hide it. It was, I told him.

After that I promised I'd tell him everything as soon as I got home. Next week's a long weekend, so I'm going home.

I've been fearing them finding out what's happening. I was afraid of them noticing me when they saw me. And now I went and told them. Somehow I feel like I've failed.

I didn't want them to know.

God... the one time I seriously want to cry and now the tears are not even coming out.

[averagejoe]

Bad followup.

I've been doing horribly at school. My current issue is starting to show in my academic performance. Tomorrow I'm going to fail an exam. There's no two ways about it. I don't have any notes and the teacher uploaded none.

I already failed two. Did well in one, did average in the other one. Last one has no exam.

I found a message on my phone from my dad. I called him. He noticed I was not doing so well.

I told him.

I didn't tell him everything.... I didn't tell him I was depressed. I just told him I wasn't doing too well, and school was going horribly. And then he asked me whether having moved in to college dorms had been a bad move. I hesitated, but couldn't hide it. It was, I told him.

After that I promised I'd tell him everything as soon as I got home. Next week's a long weekend, so I'm going home.

I've been fearing them finding out what's happening. I was afraid of them noticing me when they saw me. And now I went and told them. Somehow I feel like I've failed.

I didn't want them to know.

God... the one time I seriously want to cry and now the tears are not even coming out.

Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing? I dunno, I've always managed to write off things like this as smaller/short term problems to my family, so I can't say one way or the other. Anything else I have to say on the subject will probably come out really cynical and dreary.

Good luck. :smallsmile:

[Skeppio]

It's never a good sign when there's a sad follow-up. :smallfrown:

Haruki-kun, I'm not sure what else to say, but do not think you've failed. Your parents love you and care about you, and are concerned for your well-being. It's good that they know what ails you, now they can help you. I mean if they didn't care about you, would they let you come back home with them? If it will be better for you, don't feel bad about moving back in with them.

As for school, what subjects are you passing? Which ones do you like/wish to pursue after school? I konw this is not the best advice, but when I knew I was going to fail some classes, I thought to myself "Which one is going to help me get where I want, Multimedia or Foundation English?". I made my choice and got straight A's for Multimedia, at the cost of a course that I had no interest in and ultimately didn't affect my admittance into Uni. Of course, I don't know how it's all graded in your neck of the woods.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, take pride in what you do well and screw the other crap, your parents are there for you and so are we, and if you wish, you can cry on my shoulder all you like.

[Haruki-kun]

Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing? I dunno, I've always managed to write off things like this as smaller/short term problems to my family, so I can't say one way or the other. Anything else I have to say on the subject will probably come out really cynical and dreary.

Good luck. :smallsmile:


It's never a good sign when there's a sad follow-up. :smallfrown:

Haruki-kun, I'm not sure what else to say, but do not think you've failed. Your parents love you and care about you, and are concerned for your well-being. It's good that they know what ails you, now they can help you. I mean if they didn't care about you, would they let you come back home with them? If it will be better for you, don't feel bad about moving back in with them.

As for school, what subjects are you passing? Which ones do you like/wish to pursue after school? I konw this is not the best advice, but when I knew I was going to fail some classes, I thought to myself "Which one is going to help me get where I want, Multimedia or Foundation English?". I made my choice and got straight A's for Multimedia, at the cost of a course that I had no interest in and ultimately didn't affect my admittance into Uni. Of course, I don't know how it's all graded in your neck of the woods.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, take pride in what you do well and screw the other crap, your parents are there for you and so are we, and if you wish, you can cry on my shoulder all you like.

I know they love me and care about me... that's the issue. Now they're gonna be all worried.... again. Just like when I was living alone and they were worried.

As for the classes.... the thing is I'm already in the Uni, studying Animation. And one of the classes I failed (or barely passed) is precisely animation.

Contemporary art is actually not that useful for me, but it's still a class and would lower my average, which could cause problems, as I have a scholarship to keep. I'm actually considering dropping the class.....

UGH! He wasn't supposed to find out! :smallfrown: But he caught me in a really bad moment and I just didn't have the energy to hide it anymore. I'm feeling so.... trapped right now.

[Rawhide]

Don't feel bad. It's a good thing that you've told him. Now they can start to understand what you've been going through and help support you.

What are the reasons you have not been performing well? Are any of them medical (including physical and things such as depression) in nature? Can you see your doctor to get a letter supporting your withdrawal of certain subjects?

[Skeppio]

Haruki, as someone (I think Lady Moreta) said a while back, your parents will always worry about you. You are their child after all.

Please let them help you. Bottling up your woes and trying to hide them will never help. Trust, me I know from experience. Everyone needs someone to talk their problems through with. Just getting them out can help. Again, I know from experience. They weren't meant to know, but now they do. Let them help you. Open up to them. You'll be glad you did, trust me.

[Lady Moreta]

I know they love me and care about me... that's the issue. Now they're gonna be all worried.... again. Just like when I was living alone and they were worried.

As for the classes.... the thing is I'm already in the Uni, studying Animation. And one of the classes I failed (or barely passed) is precisely animation.

Contemporary art is actually not that useful for me, but it's still a class and would lower my average, which could cause problems, as I have a scholarship to keep. I'm actually considering dropping the class.....

UGH! He wasn't supposed to find out! :smallfrown: But he caught me in a really bad moment and I just didn't have the energy to hide it anymore. I'm feeling so.... trapped right now.

Dear Haruki-kun, I said it before, and I'll say it again. Parents will worry about you. Period. Far better to have them worry about something real (and therefore be able to offer help and support) than have them make something up. Real life example from my own dear mother (who I really do love, despite ragging on her a bit lately). Generally, we chat once a week on the phone. Now, sometimes I'm just too busy (4-5 hour time difference, sometimes we just aren't free at the same times), and it doesn't happen. I have learnt however, that if this happens more than one week in a row, my mother will start imaging the worst. Last time it happened, my mother was absolutely convinced I'd been in some sort of accident and that I was lying in a hospital bed somewhere, or dead in a ditch (I'm not exaggerating either). Unfortunately, my phone battery had died as well, so I couldn't answer any of her messages. She ended up ringing home in a complete tizzy, and freaked when my husband answered the phone and told her I wasn't home yet... she'd gotten the times muddled up, it was only 5:30pm and I don't get home til 6pm- she had thought it was after 6:30pm. I pointed out to her that if anything had happened to me, well, a) my husband would have contacted her, b) she's listed as an emergency contact on all my stuff anyway, and c) my mother-in-law would have contacted her!

My point, and I do have one, buried right down the bottom, is that parents will worry about you. And if they don't have anything real to worry about, they're quite capable of just making something up. I'm a grown woman. I've completed two degrees at university, I've packed up my entire life and moved it to another country, I've gotten married. My mother still worries. My father is still convinced I can't really take care of myself. You get used to it :smallsmile: Honestly though, if you don't tell them what's up, they are only going to imagine things that are so much worse than reality. Talk to your parents, let them know what's going on, explain the situation to them, ask them for their help. They want to be of use, they don't want to feel like you don't need them any more. Let them help you. It will make life easier for you, and for them.

You're on a scholarship? you lucky thing :smallsmile: Talk to the people who handle it, let them know you're struggling a bit and make sure you know exactly what you need to keep it up. As Rawhide said, get the medical side of things taken care of. From what you've said, I'd say you've got an awfuly good case for 'Haruki-kun requires a deferrment on xyz due to stress' regardless of the question of whether or not you've got depression. Which isn't to say I don't think you should get evaluated for that too, because I think you should.

Don't look at telling/being forced to tell your parents as being 'trapped'. Try and see it as a chance to finally get off your chest all your fears and worries to a set of people who love you. They are immediate and on the ground, they will have a far better idea of how to help you than we will :smallsmile: *HUGS*

... and my own "I'm still sick and I feel like crap" rant...
I'm still sick and I feel like crap :smalltongue: Ack. :smallsigh:Am back at work, for three reasons - a) I was going stir-crazy at home with nothing to do, b) the senior admin lady is on leave today & tomorrow and if I wasn't here as well the whole place would fall apart (plus I have Monday/Tuesday off next week and I have major guilt complexes about being away from work) c) I don't have much sick leave available right now. But I still feel like crap:smallfrown: I still have the nasty dry cough which makes my chest ache, I have been fighting woozy-ness, and lightheadedness all freaking day, fighting to get my eyes to focus on anything more than 30cm away (I wear glasses) and to top it off, I just got back from lunch, which I had to force myself to eat, and now I feel naseous as well. I also discovered that there is a bunch of info that's supposed to be in the pipeline that isn't - so guess what I've spent the entire day doing? Inputing data into the annoying sales database, that's web-access only because the frigging software is on the ftp server, and the ftp server is in FRANCE. I hate multi-nationals. I hate working for a multi-national. And being forced to sit here and stare the monitor all day isn't helping the woozy... or the focusing issue. I wanna go home...

[Skeppio]

I hope you start feeling better soon, Lady Moreta. Working sick is just the worst. On that note, hope you find a better job soon. Hang in there!

[Lioness]

Hi guys. Everything's building up into one bug massive lump.

I've got a couple of assignments due, and Mr Motivation Problems has appeared again. I'm managing that though, with 15 minute chunks of study.
I've managed to run out of money this week...combination of having lots of stuff to buy and getting extra petrol, but I need to stop buying extra stuff that I don't need.
I'm going to dad's this weekend...I can't escape because it's Grandma's birthday and we're having a lunch. Also, great-aunt is over, and I'll be expected to socialise instead of hermiting. Wondering how long it will take me to run away back to mum's again.
I missed my English lesson today. It was cancelled in the morning, and I only had one lesson, so I left after that lesson. Apparently it later got decancelled. We had a summative writing task, so I'm dead if I've missed that.
Anonymous formspring people are killing my self-esteem. I need to delete it, but I dunno, I just haven't.
I can't manage to do anything right today. I've accidentally put the microwave on with nothing in it, and I can't concentrate on things I need to do. On top of everything, BF's email account was disabled because spam attached itself to his signature, and so I can't email him for hugs.

I'm not at all looking forward to the next few days...I'm not sure how well I'll cope.

[rakkoon]

With virtual hugs from us?
http://www.quotenet.nl/hugs-and-puppies.jpg

[Skeppio]

*hugs* Virtual hugs, but hugs nonetheless.
It's good that you're breaking up your work into study blocks. Planning is good, and taking breaks is important. Hope it's working for you.
Why would they assign a task like that on a class they said was cancelled? That's just cruel. Is there any way you can catch up? Can you explain that you didn't receive word that it was uncancelled?
I had to Google what formspring was. After reading up on it, I say delete it.
If you can't email him for hugs, can you phone or text him? Or even see him in person? You could use some comforting at this stage, I reckon.

Hope things can work out for you, Lioness. *hugs*

[Lioness]

With virtual hugs from us?
http://www.quotenet.nl/hugs-and-puppies.jpg

Yay. Thanks :)


*hugs* Virtual hugs, but hugs nonetheless.
It's good that you're breaking up your work into study blocks. Planning is good, and taking breaks is important. Hope it's working for you.
Why would they assign a task like that on a class they said was cancelled? That's just cruel. Is there any way you can catch up? Can you explain that you didn't receive word that it was uncancelled?
I had to Google what formspring was. After reading up on it, I say delete it.
If you can't email him for hugs, can you phone or text him? Or even see him in person? You could use some comforting at this stage, I reckon.

Hope things can work out for you, Lioness. *hugs*

Thanks also :)
It's definitely working for me...tonight I've written about 1000 words of decent quality stuff (not to say it won't need a lot of editing, but it's a good foundation)
I'm not sure whether it was actually done or not...the school email isn't working so I can't check for sure.
He's rung me twice tonight. Also, he has people over, so his house is noisy and he's probably not in a great mood to be taken away from all that. I think I'll be ok...I'll just smother him at school tomorrow.

[Skeppio]

You go to school on Saturday? :smallconfused:
Anyway, glad to hear that it's helping. Feeling a bit better?

[rakkoon]

It's still Thursday here
Wow, Australia is so big that it's a different day in different parts of the country. Cool!!

Hug him silly next time you see him Lioness

[Rawhide]

It's still Thursday here
Wow, Australia is so big that it's a different day in different parts of the country. Cool!!

Hug him silly next time you see him Lioness

Err, it's still Thursday all over Australia.

[Skeppio]

*slaps self*

OF COURSE! How stupid of me. I thought it was Friday....:smallsigh:
What the hell made me think that? I have a clock and calender in the bottom right corner of my laptop, the one I'm on right now. Sometimes my brain just isn't working...:smalltongue:

[Lioness]

It's still Thursday here
Wow, Australia is so big that it's a different day in different parts of the country. Cool!!

Hug him silly next time you see him Lioness

Silly Skep...it's only 10pm in Melbourne...not midnight yet.

Tomorrow is Friday. Unfortunately, there is school. But hey, Psychology, Chem, and Japanese...not horribly bad.

...actually, my worst three lessons. But shush, brain.

[Skeppio]

Silly Skep...it's only 10pm in Melbourne...not midnight yet.

Yeah, I don't know how I buggered that up. Got the clock next to me and everything.
Oh well, you probably got a small laugh out of that. Hope it cheers you up a bit. :smallsmile:

[Lioness]

It's still Thursday here
Wow, Australia is so big that it's a different day in different parts of the country. Cool!!

Hug him silly next time you see him Lioness


Yeah, I don't know how I buggered that up. Got the clock next to me and everything.
Oh well, you probably got a small laugh out of that. Hope it cheers you up a bit. :smallsmile:

It did ^^
Thanks :smallsmile:

Also, word count of 1365. Need about 700 more, but as a first draft, it's not horribly bad.

Now to write my Japanese speech, record it on my iPod, and listen to it all night in the hope that it will sink into my subconscious.

[Teddy]

How did I miss THIS?! :smallsigh: So sorry to have missed your response, Teddy.

Don't worry. I respond to things one page away, and then I disappear for half a week before I return to see if I got any response. I'm terribly busy doing nothing at all. :smallwink:


No, they're directly insulting to a good group of people on this forum I have no wish to publicly insult for something they could not have possibly known would bother me, and rightly shouldn't CARE about my discomfort. The issue is not boring nor insignificant, but fairness demands I remain silent about it.

...
*rereads your original post, trying to grasp the concept*
...
Hmm, it seems as if I missinterpreted the first paragraph in your original post, and thought it was a long introduction to the problem presented in the next paragraph. I'm now slightly curious about what the unexplained problem is, but I won't inquire any further.


Yeah, that was basically "here's how to debate in a nutshell", which I already knew. I'm bad at debating, thanks to having issues speaking in public unless it's something I am very knowledgeable on, but I know and use the basics in everyday life.

Yeah, I know. The sad thing is that unspecific problems recieve unspecific advice. It's a universal truth. Okay, perhaps not, but I don't know if I care to bother with that. Also, I write too long white texts...


I know this must sound like I'm an ingrate (easy impression to get), but I really do appreciate the advice and help. Sorry it took me so long to get around to answering you. :smallsigh:

Oh no, not at all. Possibly because I have a positive picture of you and try to read your texts in a "good" way, or no wait and because I knew that I wrote pretty general and well known advice, so I kind of expected you to say "I know. Heard that before". Had you written that my advice was useless and that I'm an idiot, then I would think that you were pretty ingrate, but, of course, I certainly wasn't expecting that.

[Haruki-kun]

Don't feel bad. It's a good thing that you've told him. Now they can start to understand what you've been going through and help support you.

What are the reasons you have not been performing well? Are any of them medical (including physical and things such as depression) in nature? Can you see your doctor to get a letter supporting your withdrawal of certain subjects?

I wish I could... But that kind of system doesn't work in Mexico. The closest I can do is drop the course, which here basically means it's removed from my schedule and we stop paying for it. I'd have to take it again, though... And the worst part is you can only do it at the begining. If I decide to drop it, I have less than a week to do so. That's before I even get the exam's results. I'm playing poker with real life. Either all in or fold.


Haruki, as someone (I think Lady Moreta) said a while back, your parents will always worry about you. You are their child after all.

Please let them help you. Bottling up your woes and trying to hide them will never help. Trust, me I know from experience. Everyone needs someone to talk their problems through with. Just getting them out can help. Again, I know from experience. They weren't meant to know, but now they do. Let them help you. Open up to them. You'll be glad you did, trust me.




Dear Haruki-kun, I said it before, and I'll say it again. Parents will worry about you. Period. Far better to have them worry about something real (and therefore be able to offer help and support) than have them make something up. Real life example from my own dear mother (who I really do love, despite ragging on her a bit lately). Generally, we chat once a week on the phone. Now, sometimes I'm just too busy (4-5 hour time difference, sometimes we just aren't free at the same times), and it doesn't happen. I have learnt however, that if this happens more than one week in a row, my mother will start imaging the worst. Last time it happened, my mother was absolutely convinced I'd been in some sort of accident and that I was lying in a hospital bed somewhere, or dead in a ditch (I'm not exaggerating either). Unfortunately, my phone battery had died as well, so I couldn't answer any of her messages. She ended up ringing home in a complete tizzy, and freaked when my husband answered the phone and told her I wasn't home yet... she'd gotten the times muddled up, it was only 5:30pm and I don't get home til 6pm- she had thought it was after 6:30pm. I pointed out to her that if anything had happened to me, well, a) my husband would have contacted her, b) she's listed as an emergency contact on all my stuff anyway, and c) my mother-in-law would have contacted her!

My point, and I do have one, buried right down the bottom, is that parents will worry about you. And if they don't have anything real to worry about, they're quite capable of just making something up. I'm a grown woman. I've completed two degrees at university, I've packed up my entire life and moved it to another country, I've gotten married. My mother still worries. My father is still convinced I can't really take care of myself. You get used to it :smallsmile: Honestly though, if you don't tell them what's up, they are only going to imagine things that are so much worse than reality. Talk to your parents, let them know what's going on, explain the situation to them, ask them for their help. They want to be of use, they don't want to feel like you don't need them any more. Let them help you. It will make life easier for you, and for them.

You're on a scholarship? you lucky thing :smallsmile: Talk to the people who handle it, let them know you're struggling a bit and make sure you know exactly what you need to keep it up. As Rawhide said, get the medical side of things taken care of. From what you've said, I'd say you've got an awfuly good case for 'Haruki-kun requires a deferrment on xyz due to stress' regardless of the question of whether or not you've got depression. Which isn't to say I don't think you should get evaluated for that too, because I think you should.

Don't look at telling/being forced to tell your parents as being 'trapped'. Try and see it as a chance to finally get off your chest all your fears and worries to a set of people who love you. They are immediate and on the ground, they will have a far better idea of how to help you than we will :smallsmile: *HUGS*[QUOTE]

OK.... I'll tell them everything, then. I've nowhere else to go.

At least I managed to sleep a bit last night.... so I'm seeing things in a different light. I still feel pretty bad, though.

Note: It's actually not a scholarship, per se. It's more of a student loan, but it's handled by the school and they treat it as a scholarship, so if I don't do well, they'll take it away.

Anyway... thanks to all of you for the advice and the listening. Including those of you who read and didn't post. :smallsmile:

[QUOTE]... and my own "I'm still sick and I feel like crap" rant...
I'm still sick and I feel like crap :smalltongue: Ack. :smallsigh:Am back at work, for three reasons - a) I was going stir-crazy at home with nothing to do, b) the senior admin lady is on leave today & tomorrow and if I wasn't here as well the whole place would fall apart (plus I have Monday/Tuesday off next week and I have major guilt complexes about being away from work) c) I don't have much sick leave available right now. But I still feel like crap:smallfrown: I still have the nasty dry cough which makes my chest ache, I have been fighting woozy-ness, and lightheadedness all freaking day, fighting to get my eyes to focus on anything more than 30cm away (I wear glasses) and to top it off, I just got back from lunch, which I had to force myself to eat, and now I feel naseous as well. I also discovered that there is a bunch of info that's supposed to be in the pipeline that isn't - so guess what I've spent the entire day doing? Inputing data into the annoying sales database, that's web-access only because the frigging software is on the ftp server, and the ftp server is in FRANCE. I hate multi-nationals. I hate working for a multi-national. And being forced to sit here and stare the monitor all day isn't helping the woozy... or the focusing issue. I wanna go home...

:smallfrown: I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time... I wish I could offer advice, but I've got nothing on this one... :smallsigh:

[Skeppio]

You're welcome, Haruki-kun. :smallsmile: And I'm glad you're taking our advice. You'll be much happier with their help and care.
And that school system sounds really rough. Sadly, I have not the power to change it. I hope things pick up for you soon, Haruki-kun.

[bluewind95]

Bad followup.

I've been doing horribly at school. My current issue is starting to show in my academic performance. Tomorrow I'm going to fail an exam. There's no two ways about it. I don't have any notes and the teacher uploaded none.

I already failed two. Did well in one, did average in the other one. Last one has no exam.

I found a message on my phone from my dad. I called him. He noticed I was not doing so well.

I told him.

I didn't tell him everything.... I didn't tell him I was depressed. I just told him I wasn't doing too well, and school was going horribly. And then he asked me whether having moved in to college dorms had been a bad move. I hesitated, but couldn't hide it. It was, I told him.

After that I promised I'd tell him everything as soon as I got home. Next week's a long weekend, so I'm going home.

I've been fearing them finding out what's happening. I was afraid of them noticing me when they saw me. And now I went and told them. Somehow I feel like I've failed.

I didn't want them to know.

God... the one time I seriously want to cry and now the tears are not even coming out.


As a fellow Mexican, I think I understand your worry with letting people know you're not well. Especially, since, I believe, you are male?

Mexico isn't all like the US. In the US, it is well accepted that there are mental illnesses and, while there are those who don't understand it, general practitioners and hospitals generally are much help for that. In Mexico, there is a huge, HUGE stigma associated with mental illnesses like depression. And while information is slowly starting to change that outlook, the fact remains that you do NOT, as a rule, want to let people know you have depression or such illnesses. And being the "macho" country it is, this is far, far worse as a man. And worse still if you happen to be the elder child, as elders have it tough in that area too. I take it this pressure, even if you come from an accepting family (for there are those, too!), is already enough stress for you?

I don't blame you. It's true that families will worry, especially mothers, but at the same time, you want to prove you're strong.

Despite what social/personal expectations you may have, you have to understand that sometimes, even the strongest person in the world needs a hand. You can try to keep it quiet, but you need help. After all... what gives us people our strength and coping capacity if not the brain? And if your brain isn't working quite as well as it should, hey... you need to fix that. It's far braver, and stronger of you to admit you need help than to give in to social pressure and not do so. So don't feel bad about it. You're getting help and you were strong enough to do so. Social pressure is a scary thing. A big, strong, scary thing. That you sought help is already a victory. And against a tough opponent, too. One down, one to go. You can do that too.



This may not be helpful at all, but... it's all I can do/say. Sorry about that.

[Rawhide]

As a fellow Mexican, I think I understand your worry with letting people know you're not well. Especially, since, I believe, you are male?

Mexico isn't all like the US. In the US, it is well accepted that there are mental illnesses and, while there are those who don't understand it, general practitioners and hospitals generally are much help for that. In Mexico, there is a huge, HUGE stigma associated with mental illnesses like depression. And while information is slowly starting to change that outlook, the fact remains that you do NOT, as a rule, want to let people know you have depression or such illnesses. And being the "macho" country it is, this is far, far worse as a man. And worse still if you happen to be the elder child, as elders have it tough in that area too. I take it this pressure, even if you come from an accepting family (for there are those, too!), is already enough stress for you?

I don't blame you. It's true that families will worry, especially mothers, but at the same time, you want to prove you're strong.

Despite what social/personal expectations you may have, you have to understand that sometimes, even the strongest person in the world needs a hand. You can try to keep it quiet, but you need help. After all... what gives us people our strength and coping capacity if not the brain? And if your brain isn't working quite as well as it should, hey... you need to fix that. It's far braver, and stronger of you to admit you need help than to give in to social pressure and not do so. So don't feel bad about it. You're getting help and you were strong enough to do so. Social pressure is a scary thing. A big, strong, scary thing. That you sought help is already a victory. And against a tough opponent, too. One down, one to go. You can do that too.



Dear Haruki-kun

Please forget everything else said in this thread and listen to bluewind7

[Haruki-kun]

As a fellow Mexican, I think I understand your worry with letting people know you're not well. Especially, since, I believe, you are male?

Mexico isn't all like the US. In the US, it is well accepted that there are mental illnesses and, while there are those who don't understand it, general practitioners and hospitals generally are much help for that. In Mexico, there is a huge, HUGE stigma associated with mental illnesses like depression. And while information is slowly starting to change that outlook, the fact remains that you do NOT, as a rule, want to let people know you have depression or such illnesses. And being the "macho" country it is, this is far, far worse as a man. And worse still if you happen to be the elder child, as elders have it tough in that area too. I take it this pressure, even if you come from an accepting family (for there are those, too!), is already enough stress for you?

I don't blame you. It's true that families will worry, especially mothers, but at the same time, you want to prove you're strong.

Despite what social/personal expectations you may have, you have to understand that sometimes, even the strongest person in the world needs a hand. You can try to keep it quiet, but you need help. After all... what gives us people our strength and coping capacity if not the brain? And if your brain isn't working quite as well as it should, hey... you need to fix that. It's far braver, and stronger of you to admit you need help than to give in to social pressure and not do so. So don't feel bad about it. You're getting help and you were strong enough to do so. Social pressure is a scary thing. A big, strong, scary thing. That you sought help is already a victory. And against a tough opponent, too. One down, one to go. You can do that too.



This may not be helpful at all, but... it's all I can do/say. Sorry about that.

There's a litle of that, I guess... It's all about being a big manly man. And I am, in fact, the eldest son, too.


Dear Haruki-kun

Please forget everything else said in this thread and listen to bluewind7

D= But everything else has been so helpful too!

[Rawhide]

D= But everything else has been so helpful too!

Ok, maybe I was exaggerating :smallwink:. It's just that bluewindXP said it so much better than I had.


As for withdrawing from subjects. Here, there's a census date, before that date (very early in the term), you can withdraw without penalty, fee or the subject appearing in your transcript. After that date, to withdraw you either need to get approval to withdraw without being deemed to have failed (medical evidence helps with that).

By exams approaching, I assumed that you were well and truly past any census dates and would need evidence. What is your current situation? How much study do you have left in the current term for your subjects? What assignments and exams are left?

[Haruki-kun]

Ok, maybe I was exaggerating :smallwink:. It's just that bluewindXP said it so much better than I had.


As for withdrawing from subjects. Here, there's a census date, before that date (very early in the term), you can withdraw without penalty, fee or the subject appearing in your transcript. After that date, to withdraw you either need to get approval to withdraw without being deemed to have failed (medical evidence helps with that).

By exams approaching, I assumed that you were well and truly past any census dates and would need evidence. What is your current situation? How much study do you have left in the current term for your subjects? What assignments and exams are left?

One quarter of the semeter is gone after this week. I think that's the limit to withdraw. The problem is the resutls for this class will be out after the date (hooray for planning). The system is quite similar, except here you can't withdraw after this date even if you do have evidence that you need it. They'll assume if you needed to withdraw, you should have done so before.

Which sounds kinda like when you need to use the restroom in class and the teacher tells you you should have gone before class. Well, maybe I didn't need to go back then. :smallannoyed:

[bluewind95]

One quarter of the semeter is gone after this week. I think that's the limit to withdraw. The problem is the resutls for this class will be out after the date (hooray for planning). The system is quite similar, except here you can't withdraw after this date even if you do have evidence that you need it. They'll assume if you needed to withdraw, you should have done so before.

Which sounds kinda like when you need to use the restroom in class and the teacher tells you you should have gone before class. Well, maybe I didn't need to go back then. :smallannoyed:

Huh. Odd, that. In my old university, you could withdraw from the class, like, almost at the end of the semester. You'd just have to pay for most of the course by then, but...

Anyways, is there any chance you can talk to the teacher about the results? The teacher may let you know ahead of time, especially for something like this.

[arguskos]

Dear Haruki-kun

Please forget everything else said in this thread and listen to bluewind7

Ok, maybe I was exaggerating :smallwink:. It's just that bluewindXP said it so much better than I had.
http://captionsearch.com/pix/2rub7eoeem.jpg
Also, I lol'd, not gonna lie. Humor is such a good balm for badness. I was gonna bitch about something, but that was so amusing, I don't feel ****ty now. :D

[Lady Moreta]

Ok, maybe I was exaggerating :smallwink:. It's just that bluewindXP said it so much better than I had.

I was going to agree with you :smallsmile:

And Lioness, I too had to google formspring. I can see how it might be helpful, but if it's starting to impact your self-esteem, it's time to let it go. Delete it, or at least limit your use of it, or change your settings so anonymous people can't post. I would just get rid of it though.

Don't force the extra words for your essay if they just won't come. Better to hand in something that's slightly short but well written, than to get to the word limit knowing that part of it at least is just ramble. I learnt that one the hard way :smallsmile:

*hugs* for Haruki-kun, it's not easy to admit that you need help. Take pride in yourself for being strong enough to do something - for wanting to do something. :smallsmile:

[Lioness]

And Lioness, I too had to google formspring. I can see how it might be helpful, but if it's starting to impact your self-esteem, it's time to let it go. Delete it, or at least limit your use of it, or change your settings so anonymous people can't post. I would just get rid of it though.

Don't force the extra words for your essay if they just won't come. Better to hand in something that's slightly short but well written, than to get to the word limit knowing that part of it at least is just ramble. I learnt that one the hard way :smallsmile:


I deleted it last night. Feel a little less...harassed now.
I handed up the draft for my essay, too. However, I warned her that it was bad, and that I would be revising thoroughly this weekend.

[Tonal Architect]

Formspring usage is fairly common where I live, though I never came to gauge it's potencial for harassment. Well, come to think of it, it ranks pretty high...

[Tiger Duck]

Mostly just venting, but if someone has advise I would be grateful

So I got my result from my redos earlier and it wasn't as good as I hoped or expected. Only a 8/20 instaid of the 12 I was expecting.

It already was the third year I tried my bachelor proof. admittedly what I handed in the first 4 times wasn't that great because I didn't really finished them. Which they rightfully failed me for.

But this time my result was good, and I was really proud of what I had accomplished. I was a day late when I showed up to present it. so they it took some effort to let me present my work. But as it was because of my dyslectic that I consistently misread the date 24 as 25 they eventually let me present it.

And the presentation went pretty good, they had some right comment about what was wrong, but most of it was good.


And now I got my results and I failed.


I have no ideas what I'm going to do with the rest of my life now.
I've now spent 5 + a sabat year the year before last trying to get a degree and I've failed. I have no marketable skills, and my dyslexia prevents me from being okay at most basic jobs. I'm also bad at French which is pretty much a requirement for all jobs around here.

What am I going to do now .....

[Eadin]

*hug*
At which school do you study? here in antwerp, we have counselors for problems with your education.
They are called STIP here, they probably have that at your school too.
Could help you look for it.
8 isn't bad, I had 8's all around. and it's my first year.

[The Pale King]

Sorry if this makes me sound like a whiny, emo bitch, but I need to get this out of my system.

I feel so alone. I don't really understand it. In school, which I just started again today, I might not be one of the popular clique, but I'm pretty friendly with most people. The minute I leave school, baring online chats and the like, I feel completely friendless. I had a talk with one of my "friends" where he all but said he didn't want to hang out with me outside of school. It just doesn't feel fair. Because of this, I feel basically locked out of doing anything fun. Other kids can get invited to a friend's beach house, or go out to town and have a fun night, or go to someone's pool when its really hot out. But I can't do any of those things. When I'm not at school, I'm stuck in my boring house, the only fun stuff I get to do is go on the internet, watch a movie, or go out for some food with my mom. So goddamn exciting, huh? I never get to do anything exciting, and when I hear other people talking about all the fun things they do with their friends, lately it just makes me want to curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. My life just feels like it's boring and empty, and I don't really know what I can do to change that.

My sister went to college two weeks ago. It wasn't like this for her. By the time she left, she had tons of friends, and was out with them all the time. Before college, she was out all the time to say goodbyes. She had a huge party with all her friends before she left. I honestly feel like when I go to college, no one outside my family is going to really care. Speaking of which, her going to college means a loss of one of the few people I could talk to about how I feel (I don't really want to talk to my parents). I suppose I should call her, but she's kinda sick right now and it probably isn't a good time.

I just feel so lonely and hopeless. I do try to ask people to hang out, but so much of the time nothing ever comes of it. Sometimes everything just feels so pointless.

[Lady Moreta]

Lioness - good for you :smallsmile: I hope it helps. If you ever need someone to read over an essay, I'm happy for you to send it to me :smallsmile:




What am I going to do now .....

Do what Eadin said. University's are set up with groups/tutors/whatevers to make your life easier if you're having a problem. The uni should work with you to ensure that you can get your degree, dyslexia or not. Talk to student services, or whatever it's called over there and see what help is available. You can't be the only student at the uni with that problem. Even if you can just get someone to read over things for you, so you don't have the problem of mixing up dates. They do it at school, they should do it at uni too :smallsmile:


Sorry if this makes me sound like a whiny, emo bitch, but I need to get this out of my system.

You'll feel better if you get it off your chest. Go right ahead.


I feel so alone. I don't really understand it. In school, which I just started again today, I might not be one of the popular clique, but I'm pretty friendly with most people. The minute I leave school, baring online chats and the like, I feel completely friendless. I had a talk with one of my "friends" where he all but said he didn't want to hang out with me outside of school.

I can see two options to this. One, talk to your friend and get some clarification. Is that really what he meant? Obviously you were there and I wasn't, but I also know from experience how easy it is to misunderstand. Talk with him and find out exactly what he meant. If he really did mean that he doesn't want to hang out with you outside school, ask him why. There could be an extremely simple reason behind it (I can't think of one off the top of my head, but that doesn't preclude their being one).

Two - if that is what he meant, then you don't want this person as a friend anyway. Someone who is a friend wants to hang out with you regardless of whether or not you're at school.


It just doesn't feel fair. Because of this, I feel basically locked out of doing anything fun. Other kids can get invited to a friend's beach house, or go out to town and have a fun night, or go to someone's pool when its really hot out. But I can't do any of those things.

Why don't you invite some people over to your house instead? Invite people over, start making overtures to them, arrange to meet a friend for lunch somewhere. Become someone that they will associate being with outside of the school environment. It could simply be that they all think you'll say 'no' if they ask you, so they don't bother asking.


Speaking of which, her going to college means a loss of one of the few people I could talk to about how I feel (I don't really want to talk to my parents). I suppose I should call her, but she's kinda sick right now and it probably isn't a good time.

Send her an email. Preface it by saying you know she's sick, but you've got a problem that you need her help with, so you're sending the email, but she can wait to reply til she's feeling better if she would like to. And then explain your problem to her, if she was a social butterfly, she'll likely have some good tips for you :smallsmile:


I just feel so lonely and hopeless. I do try to ask people to hang out, but so much of the time nothing ever comes of it. Sometimes everything just feels so pointless.

Opps, just saw this. Makes my earlier point not quite so helpful. Don't stop asking. If they're saying no ask them why, maybe you're starting too big. See if you can join forces with someone else to organise something, take some of the pressure off yourself.

*hugs* I hope things improve for you :smallsmile:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

This is a most traumatic day for me. The remembrance of where I was and what I was doing...I don't know if it will ever fade from my memory. And in my desperate attempt to make sense of the senseless violence that occurred nine years ago today, I stumbled upon a remarkable documentary that covers the disaster...FROM INSIDE THE TOWERS! Mind you, I have to watch it while taking anti-anxiety meds, but I watch it nonetheless.

I deem it important that we never forget what happened this day. For it is a reminder of what people can do when they intend the worst. We cannot know good without knowing what evil is. And if you wish to watch the videos on YouTube, they start with this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OUBRhRZSss). Warning: This is a terribly intense video. If you are already affected heavily by the remembrance of today, don't watch it.

[Teddy]

Sorry if this makes me sound like a whiny, emo bitch, but I need to get this out of my system.

Don't worry. The problem you explain is a serious problem, and even though I'm afraid that I'm perhaps not the best person to help you in this case, there will usually be someone here capable of doing so, like our fine Lady Moreta.

Well well, I can at least wish you the best of luck and a bearhug:
*bearhugs*


Send her an email. Preface it by saying you know she's sick, but you've got a problem that you need her help with, so you're sending the email, but she can wait to reply til she's feeling better if she would like to. And then explain your problem to her, if she was a social butterfly, she'll likely have some good tips for you :smallsmile:

Me not being in my best state has never prevented me from posting here. On the contrary, I think most of my posts in this thread are written well past bedtime. I think it's because I'm in my best mood for helping people when I'm alone and just a little bit low (it's actually a state I quite like being in, as it makes it easier for me to think and concentrate).

[Haruki-kun]

Sorry if this makes me sound like a whiny, emo bitch, but I need to get this out of my system.

I feel so alone. I don't really understand it. In school, which I just started again today, I might not be one of the popular clique, but I'm pretty friendly with most people. The minute I leave school, baring online chats and the like, I feel completely friendless. I had a talk with one of my "friends" where he all but said he didn't want to hang out with me outside of school. It just doesn't feel fair. Because of this, I feel basically locked out of doing anything fun. Other kids can get invited to a friend's beach house, or go out to town and have a fun night, or go to someone's pool when its really hot out. But I can't do any of those things. When I'm not at school, I'm stuck in my boring house, the only fun stuff I get to do is go on the internet, watch a movie, or go out for some food with my mom. So goddamn exciting, huh? I never get to do anything exciting, and when I hear other people talking about all the fun things they do with their friends, lately it just makes me want to curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. My life just feels like it's boring and empty, and I don't really know what I can do to change that.

My sister went to college two weeks ago. It wasn't like this for her. By the time she left, she had tons of friends, and was out with them all the time. Before college, she was out all the time to say goodbyes. She had a huge party with all her friends before she left. I honestly feel like when I go to college, no one outside my family is going to really care. Speaking of which, her going to college means a loss of one of the few people I could talk to about how I feel (I don't really want to talk to my parents). I suppose I should call her, but she's kinda sick right now and it probably isn't a good time.

I just feel so lonely and hopeless. I do try to ask people to hang out, but so much of the time nothing ever comes of it. Sometimes everything just feels so pointless.

Oh, God.... I can relate to this so much. It's a part of feeling alone when surrounded by people.

First, I'll support Lady Moreta on finding out what your friend meant. You may have misinterpreted. And if you didn't... disregard him.

Second, and I learned this the hard way, don't compare yourself to a sibling. It's not a good thing. Maybe she's just more outgoing. It doesn't mean you should be exactly like her.

Third, try to contact her. If you really feel she's a person you can talk to, then... you should.

[Lady Moreta]

Me not being in my best state has never prevented me from posting here. On the contrary, I think most of my posts in this thread are written well past bedtime. I think it's because I'm in my best mood for helping people when I'm alone and just a little bit low (it's actually a state I quite like being in, as it makes it easier for me to think and concentrate).

So will I :smallsmile: In fact, I'm still sick at the moment - I think, I'm not really sure what's causing the woozy lightheadeness to be honest. Darth was worried about contacting his sister while she's sick though, my suggestion was a way for him to get in touch with her, but not feel too guilty about dumping on her by letting her wait til she's better if she wants to.


Second, and I learned this the hard way, don't compare yourself to a sibling. It's not a good thing. Maybe she's just more outgoing. It doesn't mean you should be exactly like her.

This too :smallsmile: I made a comment earlier, to Serps I think, about how my older sister once complained to my parents that I was getting to do all sorts of things that they would never have let her do when she was that age. This argument held water right up until the point my mother pointed out that when she had been that age she wouldn't have wanted to do the things I was asking permission for. She shut up after that :smalltongue:

Point is - you're siblings yes, but you're still different people. Don't beat yourself up for not being your sister. Talk to her and ask her advice, and get tips from her, but don't berate yourself for not being able to turn yourself into her.

*hugs for Bor* I hope you're feeling better. I was on the other side of the world and I can still remember exactly what I was doing when I first heard of the attacks. It's not one of those memories you ever forget.

[Jera]

So i've always had a problem with social anxiety. I know whats happening but I can't seem to help it. I've been hiding behind my ipod for the last three years.

After taking a year off of Uni, I went back this semester and have joined two different organizations, and just started a Werewolf the Apocalypse game trying to break out of my shell. But the groups are just making me realize how isolated I really am.

I was at dinner(eating alone as usual), and when I was walking out I walked by a group eating and three of them looked straight at me and caught my eye; one of them said something that I didn't catch because my Ipod was blasting Abney Park. Instead of stopping to ask for clarification I speed up and just left without talking to anybody. I just froze up mentally and hurried back to my dorm room. After inner monologue that was sending me farther and farther into a pit of despair I picked up my phone and then I realized something; I don't have anyone to call and talk to right now. No friends I can rely on, I fell out with my father years ago, and my mother never picks up my calls...

I'm just not sure what to do anymore.

[Skeppio]

*hugs*
You can't confide in your parents? You poor, poor fellow. You can confide in me if you wish.
Perhaps next time, leave your iPod at your dorm. Talk to the guys who caught your eye. Maybe next dinner, go over to them and ask if you can sit with them. You might just make some great friends. I know I'm making it sound easier than it may actually be, but give it a shot.
I know I was never that good at socialising back in school, but every so often a person would catch my eye and we'd chat and end up as friends. It's strange, but that's how I ended up with my friends, the best I've ever known.
Hope it goes well for you. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here and listening. :smallsmile:

[ZombieRockStar]

I'm just not sure what to do anymore.

Question: do you honestly feel a mental imperative to break out of your shell, or is it just the idea that socializing is what "normal people" do? Some of us are just introverts and I've always, personally, resented it when people tried to break open my shell for me. Not that friends aren't a bad thing, but I prefer to make them on my own time. Do you feel the same way or are you feeling genuinely lonely? If the first, just realize that it's okay to interact with the world on your terms. If the second. . .the best advice I can give you is keep trying to move beyond your comfort zone, and it'll get easier. Try to have fun in the terror.

~

Since there's a new rule about giving updates, I suppose I'll write one regarding my initial issue from the last thread. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8572724&postcount=897)

I am not okay right now, but I suppose this is why alcohol was invented. Forgive me if I sound disjointed, but I'm currently on my fifth pint when I rarely have more than two at a time, and I'm a lightweight regardless. No, it doesn't really help me in any practical sense, but since getting drunk is what depressed people "do," it releases tension at least. It lets me take my anger out on myself.

My bf is now out of hospitals and back in the same city I am, resuming his classes and generally getting on with his life, and these are good things. He seems happier than he's been in over a year, now that he's back in school. I think I am, too. In general. However, he isn't magically better and I knew it would be naïve of me to expect he would be. I feel caught in the same dilemma as last time: should I be a hard-ass, trying my best to make him eat, or should I just pull back and support him while letting him fight his own battles? Objectively, that isn't much of a question. I can't win this for him and if I try, I will lose and do far more harm than I will good.

But you honestly have no idea how hard it is to watch him not eat. And all I want is to be able to be gentle with him and take my anger out on his eating disorder. The two are distinct, separate entities and we both understand that, but I feel like if I'm being a hard-ass, then I'm coming down on him, while if I'm being gentle, I'm giving in to the eating disorder. So, I'm trying to suss out what my role in this should be. On the surface, it seems simple enough: I'm emotional support and that's more than I need to be, even. And I'm good at that. I know that I really am. But, like I said, it's extremely hard and sometimes it feels like I'm just sitting by, allowing him to be swallowed up by this thing.

So, the reason I'm currently finding solace in another bottle of dark ale is because we just spent a wonderful evening out where he just sat and watched me eat (and drink), because nothing on the menu appealed to him. He promised me that he would eat something after I took him home and, honestly. . .I don't believe him. I really don't. He—or, rather, the eating disorder—has lied to me on this point before, and I don't doubt that he/it would do it again if it meant not eating.

It's easy to keep the two—my boyfriend and the eating disorder—separate in my mind, but hard in practice. I worry that when I get angry at the eating disorder, he thinks I'm angry at him. Meanwhile, I'd let him win every argument we had for the rest of our lives if it meant I never had to give an inch to it.

But I got angry, and now I'm worried that he probably thinks I was angry at him. I'm not; I just wish the eating disorder was a real, physical thing so I could kick the crap out of it. But I got angry, and that just made things worse, and I honestly don't think I'm helping him at all right now. Really, what am I even doing? "Support?" What the hell does that even mean? God and friends give emotional support; I should be doing something more practical.

Also, I'm secretly worried that I might be heading down the same path. I'm finding it easier to eat less when I'm around him and I've lost a huge amount of weight over the last year. Not that I couldn't have stood to lose that weight, but still. I've dropped from a size 36 waist to a 30. Every notch on my belt that I tighten is both a victory and extremely scary. I don't think I'm being unhealthy, but it actually worries me that I get so excited when random people call me "sexy." Which they do now, and that actually worries me.

*sigh* I want more beer.

[Lady Moreta]

Question: do you honestly feel a mental imperative to break out of your shell, or is it just the idea that socializing is what "normal people" do? Some of us are just introverts and I've always, personally, resented it when people tried to break open my shell for me. Not that friends aren't a bad thing, but I prefer to make them on my own time. Do you feel the same way or are you feeling genuinely lonely? If the first, just realize that it's okay to interact with the world on your terms. If the second. . .the best advice I can give you is keep trying to move beyond your comfort zone, and it'll get easier. Try to have fun in the terror.

Zombie makes a good point Jera - is this something you really want? because if secretly, deep down you're happy being an introvert, then nothing you do will bring you out of it.

If it's not, then do what Skep said, leave the ipod behind in your room. If you're just going to dinner, don't take it with you. Smile at the people you sit next to and say hello. I lived in a hall of residence for two years while at uni as well, and while I certainly didn't get to know everyone, I had some perfectly good conversations with people over dinner. Learn what it is you hide behind - your ipod is obviously one of those things, and limit the time you use them. If you're going for a walk, by all means take it, if you're going into a situation where socialising would happen, leave it behind. You could also try finding a study group, it'll give you a common starting point, and will also force you to talk. Try finding one in a subject you're good at already, that will give you more confidence to speak up :smallsmile:
~


It's easy to keep the two—my boyfriend and the eating disorder—separate in my mind, but hard in practice. I worry that when I get angry at the eating disorder, he thinks I'm angry at him. Meanwhile, I'd let him win every argument we had for the rest of our lives if it meant I never had to give an inch to it.

But I got angry, and now I'm worried that he probably thinks I was angry at him. I'm not; I just wish the eating disorder was a real, physical thing so I could kick the crap out of it. But I got angry, and that just made things worse, and I honestly don't think I'm helping him at all right now. Really, what am I even doing? "Support?" What the hell does that even mean? God and friends give emotional support; I should be doing something more practical.

You've already mentioned that both of you are aware that your boyfriend, and the eating disorder are two separate things. Because of this, I'm sure he knows that you aren't angry at him. If you're really worried about it, show him this paragraph, let him know you're concerned he took your anger the wrong way, and that for him specificially it's all worry, concern and love.

It's good that you realise they have to be treated as separate things, it is very good you are able to see that your boyfriend is not his disorder. You obviously care a lot about him, which is wonderful :smallsmile:

For your own sanity, I would suggest looking for a support group for yourself. Find one for partners of those with eating disorders. You'll be able to surround yourself with people in the same boat, who will be able to empathise far better than we can. They will undoubtedly have suggestions for helping him eat, and for helping you cope with your role. Does he handle eating small amounts more than just sitting down to a big meal? Try having little snacks on hand for him. I'm sure a specifically designed support group would have more help geared to you though, I just made that up off the top of my head.

Also, I'm secretly worried that I might be heading down the same path. I'm finding it easier to eat less when I'm around him and I've lost a huge amount of weight over the last year. Not that I couldn't have stood to lose that weight, but still. I've dropped from a size 36 waist to a 30. Every notch on my belt that I tighten is both a victory and extremely scary. I don't think I'm being unhealthy, but it actually worries me that I get so excited when random people call me "sexy." Which they do now, and that actually worries me.[/QUOTE]

If you're worried, go see a doctor. Get them to give you a physical and go over your size/weight. They'll be able to tell you if you're in a healthy range for your height/weight or not. Don't borrow trouble. See a doctor, if they think there's no problem, then don't worry. If they think their could be a problem, then you've caught it early and you can do something about it. I can easily imagine that not-eating when you're with your boyfriend would be an easy enough habit to fall into. Remember though, that you won't be helping him by not eating. You will probably just make him feel guilty. If you're concerned, think of little ways you can ensure you keep eating full meals - even when you're with him. Little reminders or mantras to ensure you still eat a full meal. But in the first instance, go to a doctor and get yourself checked out. You don't want to follow down the same path as your boyfriend, but you not eating when you're around him could also be something as simple as stress.

*hugs* I hope he starts to get better :smallsmile:

[Jera]

@Skeppio

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. I'm still really out of it right now but I've got the Return of the King on the TV and am feeling a little better after your kind words. I hope you understand how grateful I am just to read that.

@ZombierRockStar
Edit: @ Lady Moreta

I'm really not sure. I just feel if I can get a group of friends that I can talk to on a regular basis I will be happier.

One of the things I was hiding behind other than my ipod was my weight, I was convinced I would be able to make friends easier after I lose some weight. I went from 360lbs to 250lbs(10 months and counting) and I'm still havn't made any friends I feel I can trust/call when I need to talk. I feel better physically than I have in a long time but mentally I feel like I'm running out of excuses and still have not fixed any of my problems.

The weight thing is probably why I'm feeling all of this now; I no longer play WoW, and I don't really play video games at all. I went from spending 90% of my free time playing wow/video games to maybe two or three hours a week.

[Skeppio]

@Skeppio

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. I'm still really out of it right now but I've got the Return of the King on the TV and am feeling a little better after your kind words. I hope you understand how grateful I am just to read that.

Oh, wow...you're welcome! :smallredface: It fills me with joy to know that I can bring joy to others. :smallsmile:
And if you sat down at a table with me, I'd be happy to chat with you. :smallbiggrin:

[Haruki-kun]

Two more days.... two more days and I'm going home for the long weekend. (It's the Bicentenial, so we have time off.) I really need to go home... but now I'm so scared. I'll go and... and then what?

"Hey, dad, you know that stuff I said we'd talk about? I'd rather not..."

"Hi, dad. What? Sad? Why no, I've no idea what you're talking about."

Or maybe some actual "Dad, I'm depressed and have been hiding it from you."

The day after I told him that stuff over the phone I called him again. I promised I would. I elaborated a bit more, but I was very specific with him about how I'd rather talk these things out with him in person instead of over the phone. And then he said it again. In a very soft and sad voice.

"But son... When you say that, you leave me thinking about it... and worrying about it..."

"NO, dad!" I said. "No! Don't! I'm fine! Really! I'm perfectly fine!"

OK, so I didn't say "perfectly". But the point is the same. I wish he'd stop saying that. It's even harder for me to tell him my problems when I know he's losing sleep over it. But then if I tell him to stop, then he's gonna get all sad because it was his screwup....

*Sigh*

PS: It's taking me a really long time to click "Submit Reply" on this one. I don't know what I really expect from posting this. Maybe it's the Internet's equivalent of thinking out loud.

[Skeppio]

Edit: @ Lady Moreta

I'm really not sure. I just feel if I can get a group of friends that I can talk to on a regular basis I will be happier.

I'm sure you will feel better when you make said group of friends. And it will be awesome. Go out there and make those friends! They're just waiting for you. :smallbiggrin:



One of the things I was hiding behind other than my ipod was my weight, I was convinced I would be able to make friends easier after I lose some weight. I went from 360lbs to 250lbs(10 months and counting) and I'm still havn't made any friends I feel I can trust/call when I need to talk. I feel better physically than I have in a long time but mentally I feel like I'm running out of excuses and still have not fixed any of my problems.

The weight thing is probably why I'm feeling all of this now; I no longer play WoW, and I don't really play video games at all. I went from spending 90% of my free time playing wow/video games to maybe two or three hours a week.

That's a lot like me. Although I've never really been overweight, I have a bit of a pot belly and it really cuts into my confidence (I have been working out at the gym to lose it. I feel like I'm doing great already). I see you've lost a lot of weight. Congrats! That's quite an accomplishment! Take pride in it and your ability to do so. Now's the time to quit hiding and allow the world to see you in all your glory. It may seem hard, but go for it. I'll cheer for you!


Two more days.... two more days and I'm going home for the long weekend. (It's the Bicentenial, so we have time off.) I really need to go home... but now I'm so scared. I'll go and... and then what?

"Hey, dad, you know that stuff I said we'd talk about? I'd rather not..."

"Hi, dad. What? Sad? Why no, I've no idea what you're talking about."

Or maybe some actual "Dad, I'm depressed and have been hiding it from you."

The day after I told him that stuff over the phone I called him again. I promised I would. I elaborated a bit more, but I was very specific with him about how I'd rather talk these things out with him in person instead of over the phone. And then he said it again. In a very soft and sad voice.

"But son... When you say that, you leave me thinking about it... and worrying about it..."

"NO, dad!" I said. "No! Don't! I'm fine! Really! I'm perfectly fine!"

OK, so I didn't say "perfectly". But the point is the same. I wish he'd stop saying that. It's even harder for me to tell him my problems when I know he's losing sleep over it. But then if I tell him to stop, then he's gonna get all sad because it was his screwup....

*Sigh*

PS: It's taking me a really long time to click "Submit Reply" on this one. I don't know what I really expect from posting this. Maybe it's the Internet's equivalent of thinking out loud.

Haruki-kun, please don't feel bad. You know how your father worries about you. Feel glad that your parents love you that much. It's a good position to be in.
I didn't want my family worrying about how depressed I was at work. I couldn't hide it and they realised how low my job makes me feel. We talked, I told them everything, and they support me. Now I can be happy knowing they're happy for me to leave this job, go back to Uni and pursue what I want. I don't have to be sad at work because I know I won't be there forever anymore.
He worries about you because he wants you to be okay and he knows you aren't. Perhaps you should have a nice long talk to him over the phone, so you can get it off your chest and clear things up for him before you meet in person.

[arguskos]

PS: It's taking me a really long time to click "Submit Reply" on this one. I don't know what I really expect from posting this. Maybe it's the Internet's equivalent of thinking out loud.
You know, I do that too actually. I do that a lot. I have this really terrible and self-damaging habit of posting in my darkest and most self-destructive moods, and strangely, that helps me get through them. It's not very kind of me (better to keep such terrible thoughts and deeds contained to myself, that others don't have to suffer with me), but it helps. Perhaps it is the same for you? Food for thought.

@Jera: Hey man, if nothing else, you need to hold your head up high and say, "I lost a lot of weight, I look damn good, I've got gumption" and roll with it. That alone is something to be proud of. A little pride goes a long way. Now, I just need to follow your fine example, and I might make a friend or two.

@Pep talk to myself (:smalltongue:):

Get the hell over your damn problems. They are not as serious nor problematic as you think they are dammit!
-So what you lack true friends and are losing the few acquaintances you have? People come and people go. There'll be someone new tomorrow.
-So what that you're fat and ugly? Get off your ass and go work out, that fixes the fat issue. The ugly is... well, ok, that's not really fixable, but you can wear better clothes and stop pretending you look good in hats and your stupid jackets.
-So what that you don't have a job? If you were trying harder to get one, you could!
-So what that you don't enjoy any activities anymore? People everywhere all the time don't enjoy what they're doing. It doesn't stop them from doing what they need to do. Get the hell over not liking stuff and just do it.
-So what you're unloved? I actually checked the standing thought on this one and it turns out that love is not actually believed to be required to live a long and successful life. Ergo, you don't NEED love, it's just a nice perk that you might get if you're lucky. This means that you should stop bitching about lacking a SO or someone who gives a **** and just truck on through. Love is unneeded.

Ok, now that the pep talk is done with, I feel the need to categorize my thoughts. May as well post it here. They are as follows, and are VERY self-hating, depressing, and quite likely accidentally offensive. Ye be warned.


Friends are a privilege, not a right. One must earn friendship. One must earn trust. One must earn the privilege of relying on another person for anything. The burden of this relationship is always on the self, never on the other person, and it may be revoked at any time for any reason.
Love is something that only the truly blessed are granted a shot at. It is a state of being that few ever get a chance to reach for. If I don't get that chance, I shouldn't mind. After all, I've yet to earn friendship, much less the chance to pursue something like love, something only the best and brightest get a chance at.
No one, NO ONE, can be counted upon. Not family, not friends, not a god damn soul. The only person you can count on is yourself, ever. Never EVER assume elsewise for any reason whatsoever. If someone offers you something for nothing, decline. It is too good to be true, and they are getting something out of it without telling you.
People lie, cheat, steal, hurt, and betray, all to get what they want. They do not care for you, nor for anyone but themselves. You either learn to play the game, or you learn to stay the hell out of the way. I've done the latter, and it's served me well. People ignore me now, and that is by design.
Health is overrated. See, death will come when and why he damn well wants to. Why bother attempting to delay the inevitable specter of fate? He'll come and get me when he wants to after all, there is literally nothing I could ever do to prevent the reaping by definition, so I don't concern myself with such things. I will be as healthy as the reaper wills, and I will die when he commands it. To death, we are all as puppets upon strings.
In spite of all of the above, I struggle anyways. It is vain, but it is my nature to fear and hate constriction such as this. The above are facts, verified through 22 long extremely unhappy years of living. Friends abandon you. Family disavows out. Lovers betray you. And still the Reaper makes his little puppets dance. From this situation has arisen my trademark cynicism and bitterness. See, what's the point to pursuing happiness when you are but a puppet to an amoral master called Fate? :smallsigh:

[Lady Moreta]

I'm really not sure. I just feel if I can get a group of friends that I can talk to on a regular basis I will be happier.

Completely understandable. Everything is better with friends. Except possibly cheese sauce, but I digress.


One of the things I was hiding behind other than my ipod was my weight, I was convinced I would be able to make friends easier after I lose some weight. I went from 360lbs to 250lbs(10 months and counting) and I'm still havn't made any friends I feel I can trust/call when I need to talk. I feel better physically than I have in a long time but mentally I feel like I'm running out of excuses and still have not fixed any of my problems.

This is fantastic. Well done you for losing weight. :smallsmile: It may take a while, but it will help you make friends. You feel better physically, and that will increase your self-confidence, in your body at least. This will show through in your interactions with other people. The key now is to do something about your self-confidence mentally. Start with being comfortable in who you are as a person. Remind yourself constantly that you're a good person, think about the parts of yourself that you like, think of ways you can use those aspects to get out there and make friends. You like to write? go find a writing group. You're a good teacher? offer to be a tutor to your classmates if they need some extra help.

And remember, you can start small. You don't have to befriend the entire world. One or two people is perfectly fine, and will probably be easier on you anyway.


(I have been working out at the gym to lose it. I feel like I'm doing great already).

And you were stressing about how they gym wasn't working. Told you you were asking too much too soon :smalltongue:


Two more days.... two more days and I'm going home for the long weekend. (It's the Bicentenial, so we have time off.) I really need to go home... but now I'm so scared. I'll go and... and then what?

The day after I told him that stuff over the phone I called him again. I promised I would. I elaborated a bit more, but I was very specific with him about how I'd rather talk these things out with him in person instead of over the phone. And then he said it again. In a very soft and sad voice.

"But son... When you say that, you leave me thinking about it... and worrying about it..."

"NO, dad!" I said. "No! Don't! I'm fine! Really! I'm perfectly fine!"

OK, so I didn't say "perfectly". But the point is the same. I wish he'd stop saying that. It's even harder for me to tell him my problems when I know he's losing sleep over it. But then if I tell him to stop, then he's gonna get all sad because it was his screwup....

*Sigh*

PS: It's taking me a really long time to click "Submit Reply" on this one. I don't know what I really expect from posting this. Maybe it's the Internet's equivalent of thinking out loud.

:smallsigh: Parents. I wish they wouldn't do that. Dear Haruki-kun, I know exactly how you feel. My mother does the 'but now I'll just worry' thing to me all the time. Most recent example, I had to have a (minor) operation. It was for something extremely personal and I didn't want to tell her what that thing was. But I knew I'd get in huge amounts of trouble if I didn't tell her (on the extreme off-chance that something went wrong). So I told her, and explained that I wasn't going to tell her exactly what it was about. She reacted pretty much the same way your Dad did. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a way to make them stop doing it.

Your Dad will worry. What I want you to do is realise that you cannot stop him from doing so. Nothing you say will stop him from being the concerned parent that he is. What I want you to do is realise that, and realise that his worry is your Dad's responsibility. Not yours. You are not respsonible for him thinking and worrying. You have been honest with him, you called him back when you promised you would. And you have told him that you would rather talk to him in person, and you even gave him a time and, let's be honest, two days is nothing. You have done all that you can do. If he wants to spend the next two days thinking about it and worrying, that's his perorgotive. Nothing you say or do will change that. I wouldn't bother contacting him again unless something urgent comes up. You've said you'll be home and you'll talk then. That's enough. Quite frankly, the more frequently you call him, the more likely he is to think there's something life-or-death wrong.

Dear Haruki-kun, you have enough on your plate. Do not take responsibility for your Dad's feelings on your shoulders as well. If you start thinking "how will this affect Dad?" you'll never get anything out. You can soften the 'blow' as much as you like, but don't you dare change your mind about telling him. You need this.

Go home, take the bull by the figurative horns and go for it. Your Dad is a grown man, he can sort himself out. You need to do what you need to do to sort Haruki-kun out. Promise? :smallsmile:

[Raistlin1040]

I think I'm having a mini breakdown, or something. I'm just really sad for no discernable reason. Or rather, no reason that makes sense. I don't even know who I am, or what I'm really like anymore.

[HellfireLover]

This might be totally redundant advice, but don't invest too much in your looks for self-confidence. Seriously. There is no quick fix for confidence issues. I've been 'performing' confident and feminine for probably half my life and I still feel like I'm faking it, even though it's second nature by now.






Love is something that only the truly blessed are granted a shot at. It is a state of being that few ever get a chance to reach for. If I don't get that chance, I shouldn't mind. After all, I've yet to earn friendship, much less the chance to pursue something like love, something only the best and brightest get a chance at.
No one, NO ONE, can be counted upon. Not family, not friends, not a god damn soul. The only person you can count on is yourself, ever. Never EVER assume elsewise for any reason whatsoever. If someone offers you something for nothing, decline. It is too good to be true, and they are getting something out of it without telling you.
People lie, cheat, steal, hurt, and betray, all to get what they want. They do not care for you, nor for anyone but themselves. You either learn to play the game, or you learn to stay the hell out of the way. I've done the latter, and it's served me well. People ignore me now, and that is by design.




Point one: No. Love has been highly romanticised and it's fully likely that not a single one of us will experience 'true love' (should that be 'twue wuv'? :smallwink:) in the form portrayed to us in movies and books. Love is not happy ever after. It's messy and complicated and makes you feel like crap sometimes. It's compromise and forgiveness and accepting that no-one is perfect, or even near it. Bringing me onto points two and three: I agree. Be cynical about the people around you, and always have a backup plan. But never be so cynical that you are not willing to be pleasantly surprised by the kindness of others. Sometimes you will receive it, sometimes not. And believe it or not, there are some of us willing to think about how our wants and desires impact others. It comes with bitter experience and acknowledging the flaws within oneself. We are few and far between, but we do exist.

Anyway, you know I'm always about for a chat if needed.

[Lady Moreta]

Friends are a privilege, not a right. One must earn friendship. One must earn trust. One must earn the privilege of relying on another person for anything. The burden of this relationship is always on the self, never on the other person, and it may be revoked at any time for any reason.

While I will agree with you that one must earn trust, (I'm still up in the air about whether or not you have to 'earn' friendship), I strongly disagree that the burden of the relationship is always on you and never the other person. Friendship is a two-way street, sure it'd be stupid to take another for granted, but each person is responsible for maintaining the friendship. I have a friend I barely talk to any more simply because she's really bad at keeping in touch via email.


Love is something that only the truly blessed are granted a shot at. It is a state of being that few ever get a chance to reach for. If I don't get that chance, I shouldn't mind. After all, I've yet to earn friendship, much less the chance to pursue something like love, something only the best and brightest get a chance at.

Rubbish. To be blunt. The ridiculous type of love portrayed in movies and a lot of books 'true love' yes that is pretty much nonexistent. If someone tells you they and their love never have any disagreements, and they share 'one mind in all things' they're lying. Love is a decision, an agreement, it is a choice. It may start out as a feeling, but that will last a year tops, before it becomes both more and less than that. I love my husband dearly, but I'm under no illusions about how thoroughly exasperating he can be. Frequently I have to choose to love him. I know that I do, rather than feeling it. Real love does happen.


No one, NO ONE, can be counted upon. Not family, not friends, not a god damn soul. The only person you can count on is yourself, ever. Never EVER assume elsewise for any reason whatsoever. If someone offers you something for nothing, decline. It is too good to be true, and they are getting something out of it without telling you.

Who betrayed your trust? This isn't the sort of attitude that comes out of nowhere. This is the sort of sentiment that comes from a deep sense of hurt. I'm sorry that you feel true altruisim doesn't exist. I wish I could heal that hurt :smallfrown:


In spite of all of the above, I struggle anyways. It is vain, but it is my nature to fear and hate constriction such as this. The above are facts, verified through 22 long extremely unhappy years of living. Friends abandon you. Family disavows out. Lovers betray you. And still the Reaper makes his little puppets dance. From this situation has arisen my trademark cynicism and bitterness. See, what's the point to pursuing happiness when you are but a puppet to an amoral master called Fate? :smallsigh:


Because human nature is to strive. Human nature is to seek love and affection. You've had 22 years of life. I have had 27 years of life - dare I say that I might have had more experience than you? *hugs* don't give up on humanity just yet. If nothing else, remember that we care about you. :smallsmile:

[Zeb The Troll]

@ZRS - I wish I had something helpful to say to you. From reading your posts it seems like you're doing all of the right things. I think the idea to find a support group for SO's of those with eating disorders is probably the next best step for you. They'll be much better informed about what advice to give you to help you both through this.

*hugs*

[Teddy]

Friends are a privilege, not a right. One must earn friendship. One must earn trust. One must earn the privilege of relying on another person for anything. The burden of this relationship is always on the self, never on the other person, and it may be revoked at any time for any reason.

While most of what's written here is true, at least to some degree, it's always important to remember that both the "ideal" and the most common state of friendship is mutual. Friendship can be seen as a trade agreement - you both exchange trust, reliance and general enjoyment of eachothers' company, and if one part doesn't hold it's end of the agreement, the other is free to revoke its end, and thus making the situation equally bad for both sides.

The analysis above may sound harsh, but just the risk of losing the friendship will keep most sane people from risking it, and if they aren't afraid of losing it, then there weren't any friendship in the first case.



Love is something that only the truly blessed are granted a shot at. It is a state of being that few ever get a chance to reach for. If I don't get that chance, I shouldn't mind. After all, I've yet to earn friendship, much less the chance to pursue something like love, something only the best and brightest get a chance at.


I think time is the key here. Hanging around a lot of people might help you find someone, but it's most important to remember that you can't actually force love. The only thing to do really is to wait.



No one, NO ONE, can be counted upon. Not family, not friends, not a god damn soul. The only person you can count on is yourself, ever. Never EVER assume elsewise for any reason whatsoever. If someone offers you something for nothing, decline. It is too good to be true, and they are getting something out of it without telling you.


Our society seems to love picking on the naive, but the cynical seem to hold their outlook pretty high. Nothing bad against the person behind it, but I would say that cynisism is equally bad, if not worse than naivity. Naivity will probably lead to you being let down numerous times, but cynisism will only keep you from enjoying it when you aren't. Being too dependent on others is never a good idea, but I think most people actually enjoy knowing that their friends depend on them. It gives you purpose, so to speak.



People lie, cheat, steal, hurt, and betray, all to get what they want. They do not care for you, nor for anyone but themselves. You either learn to play the game, or you learn to stay the hell out of the way. I've done the latter, and it's served me well. People ignore me now, and that is by design.


People do care. If you dig too deep, you'll always find some hidden purpose, but remember that most people think less about their own motives than others'.

Also, remember that there is no good reason to prevent others' from achieving their own goals and objectives, unless it's directly harmful to you. Sure, they may do it just for the warm fuzzy feeling, but why denying them that? Especially if it benefits you as well.



Health is overrated. See, death will come when and why he damn well wants to. Why bother attempting to delay the inevitable specter of fate? He'll come and get me when he wants to after all, there is literally nothing I could ever do to prevent the reaping by definition, so I don't concern myself with such things. I will be as healthy as the reaper wills, and I will die when he commands it. To death, we are all as puppets upon strings.


The thing is, health does not only dictate when you die, but also how well you'll enjoy life. Sure, happiness doesn't require absolute fitness, or really any at all, but just being in good condition allows you to do much more and can be quite a boost to your self confidence.


In spite of all of the above, I struggle anyways. It is vain, but it is my nature to fear and hate constriction such as this. The above are facts, verified through 22 long extremely unhappy years of living. Friends abandon you. Family disavows out. Lovers betray you. And still the Reaper makes his little puppets dance. From this situation has arisen my trademark cynicism and bitterness. See, what's the point to pursuing happiness when you are but a puppet to an amoral master called Fate? :smallsigh:


I don't know. Life is just a lot of steps forward, and a lot of steps backward - all of them distributed unevenly across time. I try to only think of my steps forward (without actually forgetting to learn from my steps backward), but I know it can be hard at times, and I'm (thankfully) not suffering from a depression making it even worse.

Perhaps you could try the book tip: write down something good that has happened to you every day, however insignificant it may be. Fill it with good stuff. I don't know what effect it will have, but it just might be good for something.

Good Luck! :smallsmile:
*bearhugs*

[Haruki-kun]

*snipped for length*


*this snipped, too*

Okay, okay... I promise. I'll tell him.

I'm a bit afraid of how to. If he comes up with "when you tell me those things... you leave me worried" I don't know how I'll react. It could be anything from crying to yelling at them...

[Rawhide]

Okay, okay... I promise. I'll tell him.

I'm a bit afraid of how to. If he comes up with "when you tell me those things... you leave me worried" I don't know how I'll react. It could be anything from crying to yelling at them...

That is more of a case of "when you tell me something but don't tell me everything, you leave me worried about the areas you haven't completely filled in". That's what most people mean when they say that, they worry about the parts they don't know.

[arguskos]

@HFL:

Point one: No. Love has been highly romanticised and it's fully likely that not a single one of us will experience 'true love' (should that be 'twue wuv'? :smallwink:) in the form portrayed to us in movies and books. Love is not happy ever after. It's messy and complicated and makes you feel like crap sometimes. It's compromise and forgiveness and accepting that no-one is perfect, or even near it. Bringing me onto points two and three: I agree. Be cynical about the people around you, and always have a backup plan. But never be so cynical that you are not willing to be pleasantly surprised by the kindness of others. Sometimes you will receive it, sometimes not. And believe it or not, there are some of us willing to think about how our wants and desires impact others. It comes with bitter experience and acknowledging the flaws within oneself. We are few and far between, but we do exist.

Anyway, you know I'm always about for a chat if needed.
When I talk about "love" I mean acceptance and everything forwards from there in intensity. I also only speak from my own experience, where acceptance comes with strings, affection with a price, and truth with a promise of a future lie. No, I can't agree with the concept that "love" exists in an unconditional state. Even my PARENTS are conditional and have states and periods where love is not the standard, but the exception. Point in case: my father. :smallsigh:

As for individuals who actually consider the impact they have on others, I fully believe in them. I also believe they are A) a dying breed, and B) vanishingly rare in number, to the point that I think I've met like one in person ever, and that's a guess. He was pretty good at deception, so I dunno.


@Moreta:

While I will agree with you that one must earn trust, (I'm still up in the air about whether or not you have to 'earn' friendship), I strongly disagree that the burden of the relationship is always on you and never the other person. Friendship is a two-way street, sure it'd be stupid to take another for granted, but each person is responsible for maintaining the friendship. I have a friend I barely talk to any more simply because she's really bad at keeping in touch via email.
See, the thing is, people are a whole are SO unreliable that I can't count on them to actually maintain a friendship. I've had friendships that died in under a week, cause I got busy and couldn't hang out. I gave them my email/contact info and said I wanted to keep up, but they never bothered. I called at the end of that week, when I got a free evening, to see if they wanted to go catch a flick, and they asked me WHO I WAS. :smallannoyed: While extreme, I've had other situations that were similar. Friendship is one of those things that if you don't do it, no one will.


Rubbish. To be blunt. The ridiculous type of love portrayed in movies and a lot of books 'true love' yes that is pretty much nonexistent. If someone tells you they and their love never have any disagreements, and they share 'one mind in all things' they're lying. Love is a decision, an agreement, it is a choice. It may start out as a feeling, but that will last a year tops, before it becomes both more and less than that. I love my husband dearly, but I'm under no illusions about how thoroughly exasperating he can be. Frequently I have to choose to love him. I know that I do, rather than feeling it. Real love does happen.
This doesn't jibe with what I said, actually. I'm sure love is possible, but it's so rare and so specific that it doesn't happen much. Only a select few great people get that chance, IMO.


Who betrayed your trust? This isn't the sort of attitude that comes out of nowhere. This is the sort of sentiment that comes from a deep sense of hurt. I'm sorry that you feel true altruisim doesn't exist. I wish I could heal that hurt :smallfrown:
True altruism is a lie. If someone claims it, they are lying. Everyone gets something from what they do.

As for what happened to cause such a feeling, it's no one incident, but rather a lot of them.. Family has turned their back on me in the cruelest possible fashion other than shooting me or something. Friends walk out on friendship when I am HELPING THEM (helped a guy move once; in return, he stranded me across town and never spoke to me again >_>). SigOthers stab me in the back at the slightest provocation. Trust is something I don't have anymore, and for good reason, IMO.

And honestly, look at the state of the world right now. Just... look at it. People dying in the streets all over the planet. Murder, theft, sickness, and death on wide scales. Hatred rampant. How can you trust someone in such a world? Every person is living in it with you, and they may want to use you to better themselves, and not in a mutually beneficial way. Trust is the fastest way to ending up abused by an uncaring universe, so screw it.


Because human nature is to strive. Human nature is to seek love and affection. You've had 22 years of life. I have had 27 years of life - dare I say that I might have had more experience than you? *hugs* don't give up on humanity just yet. If nothing else, remember that we care about you. :smallsmile:
Nothing personal, but while your experiences may outnumber mine, I doubt either of us can say yours outweigh mine or the obverse thereof. In any case, if your experiences have led you to other conclusions than mine, well, great. That's good for you, and you're lucky to have that situation. I sincerely hope it continues and that you avoid the karmic hammer I keep getting smacked with.

Oh, right, this might be a moment to mention that I also believe (VERY FIRMLY) in the concept of karma, that each good thing is weighed out with a bad one in the end judgment. That's also probably about as far as I can discuss the concept without breaking the ban on religion, since they're linked concepts in many ways.


@Teddy:

While most of what's written here is true, at least to some degree, it's always important to remember that both the "ideal" and the most common state of friendship is mutual. Friendship can be seen as a trade agreement - you both exchange trust, reliance and general enjoyment of eachothers' company, and if one part doesn't hold it's end of the agreement, the other is free to revoke its end, and thus making the situation equally bad for both sides.

The analysis above may sound harsh, but just the risk of losing the friendship will keep most sane people from risking it, and if they aren't afraid of losing it, then there weren't any friendship in the first case.
As I said to Ms. Moreta, it's worth remembering my stance on humans and their trustworthiness in general. I do not trust anyone really, so why would I trust someone to maintain a friendship if I do not do it? The end result is that friendship is a one-way street. Someone has to do it, and it's sure as hell not gonna be them.


I think time is the key here. Hanging around a lot of people might help you find someone, but it's most important to remember that you can't actually force love. The only thing to do really is to wait.
This assumes I want to even find the impossible. Love is earned and granted, not discovered, at least as far as I can see. So far, I've determined that it'll show itself to me when I've earned the right to be called a good person, something many many years away I think.


Our society seems to love picking on the naive, but the cynical seem to hold their outlook pretty high. Nothing bad against the person behind it, but I would say that cynisism is equally bad, if not worse than naivity. Naivity will probably lead to you being let down numerous times, but cynisism will only keep you from enjoying it when you aren't. Being too dependent on others is never a good idea, but I think most people actually enjoy knowing that their friends depend on them. It gives you purpose, so to speak.
The cynic has one advantage the naive does not. The cynic can go nowhere but up (in theory). The naive can only go down. This is not good. The naive becomes a cynic overtime. Might as well skip stage 1 and get straight to the end result, IMO. Besides, what's it really matter? Cynicism is the logical extension of realism. The cynic is merely franker than the realist is.

As for the statement against my person, I of course bear no grudge nor even mind really. Such is standard when I express my opinions. I was barred from Dad's family for doing such, so I don't mind a little heat. :smallwink:


People do care. If you dig too deep, you'll always find some hidden purpose, but remember that most people think less about their own motives than others'.
From my experience, that is not the case. Still, yours may differ, so we'll just disagree politely on this one I think.


Also, remember that there is no good reason to prevent others' from achieving their own goals and objectives, unless it's directly harmful to you. Sure, they may do it just for the warm fuzzy feeling, but why denying them that? Especially if it benefits you as well.
Anything that uses me to benefit another by default does not benefit me. My work, my effort, my struggle, these are being used to satisfy another person, not myself. Why should I stand for that?


The thing is, health does not only dictate when you die, but also how well you'll enjoy life. Sure, happiness doesn't require absolute fitness, or really any at all, but just being in good condition allows you to do much more and can be quite a boost to your self confidence.
I wouldn't know, so I won't presume to debate that.


I don't know. Life is just a lot of steps forward, and a lot of steps backward - all of them distributed unevenly across time. I try to only think of my steps forward (without actually forgetting to learn from my steps backward), but I know it can be hard at times, and I'm (thankfully) not suffering from a depression making it even worse.
This sounds suspiciously like false optimism. If one only looks at the good and not the bad, they're missing a lot in life. I'm certain you avoid that trap, but still, the point has to be made that I don't feel that's a great way to do things. YMMV, of course.


Perhaps you could try the book tip: write down something good that has happened to you every day, however insignificant it may be. Fill it with good stuff. I don't know what effect it will have, but it just might be good for something.

Good Luck! :smallsmile:
*bearhugs*
The "book tip": Honestly, that doesn't seem super useful, but I might try it one day anyways. Sillier things have turned out to be useful (post-it notes, rubber, etc), so why not.


To all three: Though I certainly don't sound like it, I appreciate the responses a great deal. At least knowing someone read all that stupid crap is good.

[Teddy]

The cynic has one advantage the naive does not. The cynic can go nowhere but up (in theory). The naive can only go down. This is not good. The naive becomes a cynic overtime. Might as well skip stage 1 and get straight to the end result, IMO. Besides, what's it really matter? Cynicism is the logical extension of realism. The cynic is merely franker than the realist is.

Perhaps it wasn't clear, but I'm actually speaking for the middle path. Naivity will let you down, while cynicism will kill pretty much of your social enjoyment. The best part should be to trust people to a healthy extent, but still be wary of when others try to abuse your trust.


As for the statement against my person, I of course bear no grudge nor even mind really. Such is standard when I express my opinions. I was barred from Dad's family for doing such, so I don't mind a little heat. :smallwink:

Actually, there was no statement against your person, just against cynicism. It's pretty much like how ZRS wants eating disorders to be a physical thing you can kick in the gut - my statement was directed at the (imagined) "physical entity cynicism", telling it that it isn't any better than naivity in my eyes.

I guess there's a problem with only writing in very loose and general terms*, people get used to them and stops to notice it.
...
Wow, that parenthesis was just far too long.


Anything that uses me to benefit another by default does not benefit me. My work, my effort, my struggle, these are being used to satisfy another person, not myself. Why should I stand for that?

Well, that's what I'd call an unhealthily cynical attitude. Don't deny people happiness which involves you unless the achievement of said happiness is on your expense. If you insist on denying them it, they will stop and step away from you, possibly never to approach you again (at least within a longer perspective). If someone offers you something without asking for compensation, the proper response should be to accept, or at least deny with a reason other than "You're probably scheming against me".


This sounds suspiciously like false optimism. If one only looks at the good and not the bad, they're missing a lot in life. I'm certain you avoid that trap, but still, the point has to be made that I don't feel that's a great way to do things. YMMV, of course.

Oh, well, as I tried to convey, I don't actually ignore every setback completely, but I don't contemplate it further after I've learned from it. Thinking is good. Thinking a lot is good, on the condition that you know when to leave a subject. Sure, you should learn from your setbacks, but don't forget to learn from your achievements as well.

Also, "false optimism", I don't like that term. False optimism is when you really are a pesimist but try to not look like one. I am an optimist, but I don't think optimist or pesimist really matters, as long as you find the enjoyment in life. For me, okay, not everything might go as well as I had hoped, but I'm happy looking forward to the good outcomes, and when a outcome doesn't turn out good, I aknowledge it, but look forward to the next outcome being better. This far, I haven't encountered enough bad outcomes to break my optimism. On the other hand, if you feel that pesimism helps you avoid the pitfalls, without killing the enjoyments of life, I won't try to convert you. Just remember to have fun.


Now, after reading you post, I've come to believe that the main problem is that you live in Suckatropolis, where everyone is an evil egotistical backstabbing bastard, and that that's what has made your outlook so grim. The proper solution should be to get out of there ASAP, and try to start a new life somewhere else, although I understand that it might not be as easy as it may sound.

I wish you some good luck in life, as you seem to need it.
*bearhugs*

*If anyone hasn't noticed it yet, my posts are written in such a way that 1.almost nothing I say should/could be taken for absolute certainity, and 2.at least half of my comments aren't actually directed at someone specific.

[Jacklu]

Depressed. No motivation. Going to bed forever.

[arguskos]

@Teddy:

Perhaps it wasn't clear, but I'm actually speaking for the middle path. Naivity will let you down, while cynicism will kill pretty much of your social enjoyment. The best part should be to trust people to a healthy extent, but still be wary of when others try to abuse your trust.
Yeah, that wasn't super obvious. Thanks for the clarification. I still think it leans a bit too much towards naive for my tastes, but I am aberrant in this respect.


Actually, there was no statement against your person, just against cynicism. It's pretty much like how ZRS wants eating disorders to be a physical thing you can kick in the gut - my statement was directed at the (imagined) "physical entity cynicism", telling it that it isn't any better than naivity in my eyes.
Fair enough.


I guess there's a problem with only writing in very loose and general terms*, people get used to them and stops to notice it.
...
Wow, that parenthesis was just far too long.
If there were parentheses to start with, I might agree with the "far too long" bit, but I note no parenthetical statement, beyond the one word "imagined" above. Just sayin'.


Well, that's what I'd call an unhealthily cynical attitude. Don't deny people happiness which involves you unless the achievement of said happiness is on your expense. If you insist on denying them it, they will stop and step away from you, possibly never to approach you again (at least within a longer perspective). If someone offers you something without asking for compensation, the proper response should be to accept, or at least deny with a reason other than "You're probably scheming against me".
...why not? They can get their happiness in a manner that doesn't leech off of others, and if they can't, they might want to rethink that method of gaining happiness, since it fundamentally damages someone else. Why should one permit another to leech something when the situation can be avoided? I guess I'm not seeing the benefit to being a host for someone else's happiness here. :smallconfused:


Oh, well, as I tried to convey, I don't actually ignore every setback completely, but I don't contemplate it further after I've learned from it. Thinking is good. Thinking a lot is good, on the condition that you know when to leave a subject. Sure, you should learn from your setbacks, but don't forget to learn from your achievements as well.
There is always more to learn from failures. They are always applicable. The only hard and fast rule I know for a fact is as follows: "You will fail, and you must learn from failure." As for learning from achievements, the first issue there is to FIND an achievement worth learning from. Minor failures are valuable since they teach you what doesn't work. Minor achievements are not, since the reason for your achievement is often external. It's easy to improve on failures, since they're almost always internalized. Achievements are often due to others, and so you can only learn how to please someone else, a topic I've no interest in, since I don't exist to please other people. It's hard enough to figure out how to get by from day to day, much less please others. :smallannoyed:


Also, "false optimism", I don't like that term. False optimism is when you really are a pesimist but try to not look like one. I am an optimist, but I don't think optimist or pesimist really matters, as long as you find the enjoyment in life. For me, okay, not everything might go as well as I had hoped, but I'm happy looking forward to the good outcomes, and when a outcome doesn't turn out good, I aknowledge it, but look forward to the next outcome being better. This far, I haven't encountered enough bad outcomes to break my optimism. On the other hand, if you feel that pesimism helps you avoid the pitfalls, without killing the enjoyments of life, I won't try to convert you. Just remember to have fun.
1. On terminology, my apologies. I'm not exactly the most politic person ever. :smalltongue:
2. Fun isn't important anymore. Merely understanding matters. If I can decipher the riddle of meaning to life, if I can figure out the point behind it all, I will have done what I feel we're all here to do. I also think I'm doomed to failure on that front, but I strive anyways.


Now, after reading you post, I've come to believe that the main problem is that you live in Suckatropolis, where everyone is an evil egotistical backstabbing bastard, and that that's what has made your outlook so grim. The proper solution should be to get out of there ASAP, and try to start a new life somewhere else, although I understand that it might not be as easy as it may sound.
Yeah, it travels with me. This indicates (thanks Ockham!) that I am the issue. Thus the current standard of self-hatred, as I try and figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong and why I keep driving people away. I'm still hacking at it, as this shows. Also, I'm pretty bad at it, near as I can tell.


I wish you some good luck in life, as you seem to need it.
*bearhugs*
Luck is overrated and all too fleeting. Still, my thanks.


*If anyone hasn't noticed it yet, my posts are written in such a way that 1.almost nothing I say should/could be taken for absolute certainity, and 2.at least half of my comments aren't actually directed at someone specific.
Noted. There is a reason I keep a salt shaker in my signature, by the by. You may have need of it when interacting with me.

@Jacklu: That better be a clever Snow White reference. :smallwink: I'm sure of at least a few folks who would miss you if you weren't around.

[WarKitty]

Why do people (especially mental health professionals) talk about patience all the time? I mean, I get the idea that you can't expect everything to happen at one. But the way things are going, something that takes 2 years means that...in 2 years I'll be perfectly healthy and out on the street. Instead of in grad school like I want to be. I don't have the option to just pause my life while I recover.

[Haruki-kun]

Why do people (especially mental health professionals) talk about patience all the time? I mean, I get the idea that you can't expect everything to happen at one. But the way things are going, something that takes 2 years means that...in 2 years I'll be perfectly healthy and out on the street. Instead of in grad school like I want to be. I don't have the option to just pause my life while I recover.

No. Sadly, we don't. I learned this a very long time ago: The world will not stop spinning and wait for me to snap out of it.

I suppose it's because mental health profesionals have as a priority to help you get through it, and if it's something that takes a long time, they need to clarify it with you. Otherwise they have people walking out on them after two sessions saying they're not making any progress and wasting their time, and I know this because my grandma was one of such people (story for another day).

[WarKitty]

No. Sadly, we don't. I learned this a very long time ago: The world will not stop spinning and wait for me to snap out of it.

I suppose it's because mental health profesionals have as a priority to help you get through it, and if it's something that takes a long time, they need to clarify it with you. Otherwise they have people walking out on them after two sessions saying they're not making any progress and wasting their time, and I know this because my grandma was one of such people (story for another day).

Yeah. I just seem to get conversations like:

Me: I need to be able to focus long enough to study for my test in a week.
Therapist: Well, there's some meditative techniques that will help you learn to focus better.
Me: Will that help me pass my test?
Therapist: You need to be more patient. Healing takes time.
Me: [...]

I get that healing takes time. But I would sort of like to not flunk, mkay?

[Quincunx]

I argued once that suicidal depression was a disease that eroded patience. The argument was not well received. :smallamused:

Habits that took years to drift into will take years to emerge from--not even algebra, arithmetic.

[Jacklu]

I'm on the verge. Tipping into depression again. I don't like being here. I don't like the feeling of inevitability I have about it all. I can't sleep at night, so I sit up and work myself into these deep funks, then when I finally do sleep, I sleep in so late that my day is blown and I accomplish nothing. Now I have my mother getting on my case about not doing anything, and I know she means well, but I can't help but feel like a worthless failure because of it. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Not sure why I'm even posting this.

[Caustic Soda]

Yeah. I just seem to get conversations like:

Me: I need to be able to focus long enough to study for my test in a week.
Therapist: Well, there's some meditative techniques that will help you learn to focus better.
Me: Will that help me pass my test?
Therapist: You need to be more patient. Healing takes time.
Me: [...]

I get that healing takes time. But I would sort of like to not flunk, mkay?

If your therapists tell you that you won't get better in time for exams, would they be able to get you an exception for medical reasons? I mean, having a clinical depression or the like ought to be as legitimate as more physical ailments. At the very least, an exception would be better than flunking on exams.

[WarKitty]

If your therapists tell you that you won't get better in time for exams, would they be able to get you an exception for medical reasons? I mean, having a clinical depression or the like ought to be as legitimate as more physical ailments. At the very least, an exception would be better than flunking on exams.

Unfortunately there's a limit on what they'll give you and I ran out of it already.

Edit: That's what's really ironic about the situation. The school counselors kept talking to me about patience and taking time, at the same time that the school policy imposes hard limits on the amount of time you can get off.

[Lioness]

I'm on the verge. Tipping into depression again. I don't like being here. I don't like the feeling of inevitability I have about it all. I can't sleep at night, so I sit up and work myself into these deep funks, then when I finally do sleep, I sleep in so late that my day is blown and I accomplish nothing. Now I have my mother getting on my case about not doing anything, and I know she means well, but I can't help but feel like a worthless failure because of it. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Not sure why I'm even posting this.

*hugs*

Please don't. You're an awesome guy, and we'd all miss you.

*morelotsofhugs*

[Tonal Architect]

I'm on the verge. Tipping into depression again. I don't like being here. I don't like the feeling of inevitability I have about it all. I can't sleep at night, so I sit up and work myself into these deep funks, then when I finally do sleep, I sleep in so late that my day is blown and I accomplish nothing. Now I have my mother getting on my case about not doing anything, and I know she means well, but I can't help but feel like a worthless failure because of it. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Not sure why I'm even posting this.

It's a good thing you pressed that submit button. It at least you're trying to help yourself, even if with the help of others. It means you haven't given up yet. Also, we're here to try to help you in what ways we can...

I can't offer you much advice right now, so I'll simply try the good old method of expressing empathy and support:

*hugs*

Do not shy from posting here. We'll try our best.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I'm on the verge. Tipping into depression again. I don't like being here. I don't like the feeling of inevitability I have about it all. I can't sleep at night, so I sit up and work myself into these deep funks, then when I finally do sleep, I sleep in so late that my day is blown and I accomplish nothing. Now I have my mother getting on my case about not doing anything, and I know she means well, but I can't help but feel like a worthless failure because of it. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Not sure why I'm even posting this.
I have some advice, which is directly linked to the fact that you've been on meds, still need to be on meds, and need to stop putting off the medical attention you need. It goes like this: Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor. Call your doctor.

Honestly, Jacklu, I've been trying to get you to do this for some time now. Depression doesn't just "go away." If it did, it wouldn't be depression, but a mere case of the blues. This is not the case with you. It's too intense, and lasts for too long. Even when you experience success in life, your emotions are in a pit of utter despair.

If things are so bad that you can't handle it anymore on your own, and those around you are only making things worse, then you get yourself to a hospital, just as I did back in September of 2000. And I'll retell the tale, just so you and others can see how "simple" it can be.

I had nothing. No money, no job, no insurance. I had some clothing and a few odds and ends, but nothing to truly call "property of value." I was staying with my biological mother, and she wasn't even home when I finally took some kind of action. You see, it was seek help of do something rather dangerous and permanent. So I sat down and scribbled out a suicide note in a notebook. Not the book I'm working on entitled The Suicide Note, but a REAL suicide note. It covered four pages, front and back. I then tore the note neatly from the notebook, packed a bag, and WALKED over a mile to the nearest hospital.

When I arrived at the emergency room, I approached the registration desk, where I was asked why I was there. I simply handed over the note. The woman sitting there only read a short bit before she had me brought back to triage. My vitals were taken, I was escorted to a room, and someone was left to watch over me. I was already being looked after.

Because the hospital didn't have a psych ward, I was transported to one that did. On my first full day there, a social worker who also worked with the billing department arrived to have me sign paperwork. I was told to worry about nothing except getting better, as the paperwork was so the hospital could submit their bills to Medicaid.

And that was that. Any excuse to not get help for me was erased. Getting to the hospital? I walked, or could've taken a bus. I could also have called for an ambulance if I was desperate and had no other way of getting to where I needed to be. No insurance? The government has programs to help in just such situations, and those programs last to see that you can still receive aid even when you're not in the hospital. Don't qualify for Medicaid? Most welfare offices can direct you to clinics that will make you pay only what you can afford, based on a sliding scale. (My first doctor's visit here in KS came to all of $16 until I was fully registered here in their welfare system.) Not motivated to get the help you so desperately need? Well, you have the motivation to make posts here at GitP, so use that energy to call a friend or tell your mother it's time to get you help NOW!

The only thing any of us here can do is give e-hugs and the like. The advice...? Well, it's been the same over and over again. Repetition doesn't make it better; it makes it frustrating. The right thing to do is not an unknown here. You know it, I know it, and many others know it. It's now a matter of you DOING what needs to be done.

Now don't go thinking I'm angry with you. This post may come across as a bit harsh, but it's because I actually give a damn! For all the people who come here, and I walk away wishing there was more I could do, yours is a situation where I KNOW what to do, and I'm trying to do it. I'm desperately trying to get you in gear to go get help. If I was able to drive and had a car, I'd get in it, drive to your location, and take you to the hospital myself, because I know that that's what you need: MEDICAL ATTENTION! Alas, all I can do is what I've been doing, and that's give you the same advice over and over again. You have a medical condition. It's been diagnosed by a doctor. In order to treat that condition, you need to get back to the doctor...or ANY doctor that can treat you. We're not professionals; we're your friends. And as your friend, I am all but BEGGING you to go do that which you know is right.

Oh...But I think I can write one prescription here. Rx: BE WELL! :smallsmile:

[ZombieRockStar]

If you're worried, go see a doctor. Get them to give you a physical and go over your size/weight. They'll be able to tell you if you're in a healthy range for your height/weight or not. Don't borrow trouble. See a doctor, if they think there's no problem, then don't worry. If they think their could be a problem, then you've caught it early and you can do something about it. I can easily imagine that not-eating when you're with your boyfriend would be an easy enough habit to fall into. Remember though, that you won't be helping him by not eating. You will probably just make him feel guilty. If you're concerned, think of little ways you can ensure you keep eating full meals - even when you're with him. Little reminders or mantras to ensure you still eat a full meal. But in the first instance, go to a doctor and get yourself checked out. You don't want to follow down the same path as your boyfriend, but you not eating when you're around him could also be something as simple as stress.

*hugs* I hope he starts to get better :smallsmile:

It isn't that I'm underweight; I'm definitely not and even according to the flawed BMI, I still have at least 20 lbs to drop before that's a concern. My worry is that I'm getting into the mindset. Like; I can look in the mirror and see the exact same body that I had a year ago—the same flab, same bulge. I can look at old photographs and see that, yeah, I was much pudgier then, but it's like the person in those photographs grew fatter, and I'm still the same: moderately overweight and not at all liking how I look naked, and I just want to keep losing it. It's also just kinda scary how quickly I lost most of it: the majority of it happened in the first six or so months of this year. He tells me that I'm half the size of when he left.


@ZRS - I wish I had something helpful to say to you. From reading your posts it seems like you're doing all of the right things. I think the idea to find a support group for SO's of those with eating disorders is probably the next best step for you. They'll be much better informed about what advice to give you to help you both through this.

*hugs*

Did I mention my complete lack of time to do anything? I should have but I was probably too busy. I'm a grad student now, I'm looking for work and an apartment of my own...I've got no time at all, no money at all, and any time I find a moment for myself, I just want to spend it doing something genuinely relaxing, or else I'll go mad from all of the other, normal, everyday stresses of life.

:smallsigh: It's okay; I just need support wherever I can get it, not really advice. But that's the frustrating thing: when you know exactly what you should be doing but it doesn't have a magical, instant effect. You know?

[CynicalAvocado]

i guess i feel like i dont really belong anywhere. like, in any venture i undertake, i'll sorta fit in for the first week or so then, i dont know, sorta drop out

[Haruki-kun]

i guess i feel like i dont really belong anywhere. like, in any venture i undertake, i'll sorta fit in for the first week or so then, i dont know, sorta drop out

I know the feeling. Maybe you just need to find something you care about enough to want to fit in?

[Tonal Architect]

Well, this week I'll be an year older. It's said that the month before a person turns one year older will be the most hellish month in one's year. Not truly bad, but outright hellish.

That turned true. Someone hit my motorcycle and ran for it (luckily, I wasn't on top of it). That whole affair with the girl and the game of chess let me to complete another aspect of my theories, the ones I have spent all my life working on, which had the unfortunate consequence of (I should clarify that what I concluded was that humans choose the way they interpret themselves in relation to the world; in other words: the way identity configures itself is voluntary, a choice) leading me into what nearly became a nervous breakdown. I never thought I would understand the expression "fragile nerves". I did, that day.

A friend helped me through it... And I came out of that pit with an great deal of insight to and knowledge about myself. I came back with a very powerful tool with which to deal with my mishaps. I came back better off than before.

My life has been on a row, after that. Today will be first time in a week I feel like reading a book, so agitated have things been. There's this girl, there might be a boy, too... Things have been hectic. But most importantly, things have been looking up.

As I mentioned, this week I'll get older. So I think it's natural to look back and wonder and if and how far I came. Really... Considering where I'm in life right now, I don't think I should regret anything. Even the sorrow-filled years, even the months wallowing in depression, even the days nothings seemed to make any sense. They all had their meaning, they all contributed in a way to my current understanding of the human being, to the understanding I now have of myself; they all contributed to who I am right now.

Not that I'm anywhere close to total satisfaction; I still have my projects, my theories, my life, a great number of experiences I still want to go through, but I'm happy, even though certain things still trouble me, especially my own shyness and my lack of assurance in regards to sexual interaction. But still... I never thought I'd come this far, I have broad horizons ahead of me, and really, I'm not that old, so I have the time to finish (or at least further a great deal, before leaving such works for others to work upon) all that I'm working on. I'm really proud of myself, in a rather silly way, but I am. I never thought I'd come this far, and really, there's still a lot to do.

So, I'm just laying down my success story. As I mentioned, I did go through a lot, I truly have the scars to show for it, and probably I won't feel as good about this as accomplishment turns into a past event; and really, I shouldn't dwell on past accomplishments as well, when there's so much to do. But really, soon it'll be my birthday, and when I look back this year and back to my life, I feel like I'm getting somewhere...

I probably won't share this bright outlook on life forever, maybe on this very topic, maybe soon, but even that's ok. Sadness has its purpose, and it'll probably come back when the time is right. I won't turn it away, I know that part of the reason I got this far was because of those sorrowful years.

So for those of you still trying to come to terms with the way you feel... I know, it's only good in hindsight, but really, when that moment comes, you'll realize it was worth your while, painful as it might be now. Just hang in there, seek help if you need, but try to understand why you feel the way you do... That's the most important thing to do.

So, I think I've written enough. And well, this is my success story, so I hope this might be of use to somebody else. And well... This will be the first time I'll be able to honestly say, when the day comes: Happy birthday, mr. Sharp. You've earned it this time... :)

[Eadin]

as I mentioned before, my dad has cancer
today he got a check-up
and the tumors got bigger
he's dying
we don't know how long it will take
the doctors say a few years...
I'm gonna lose him
and I don't want it
I really don't want it
anything but that...
it's not fair

[Pyrian]

I'm sorry to hear that, Eadin. :smalleek: :smallfrown:

[averagejoe]

it's not fair

No, it isn't. :smallfrown:

[Form]

as I mentioned before, my dad has cancer
today he got a check-up
and the tumors got bigger
he's dying
we don't know how long it will take
the doctors say a few years...
I'm gonna lose him
and I don't want it
I really don't want it
anything but that...
it's not fair

That's... awful.

I guess there's nothing that can be done, other than make the most of whatever time is still left. :smallfrown:

[arguskos]

as I mentioned before, my dad has cancer
today he got a check-up
and the tumors got bigger
he's dying
we don't know how long it will take
the doctors say a few years...
I'm gonna lose him
and I don't want it
I really don't want it
anything but that...
it's not fair
You know, in moments like this, I am reminded of the saying, "it never rains but it pours". I'm sorry to hear about that, Eadin, I can't even begin to imagine the fear and pain this is causing you, and I extend my sympathies and PM box if you need anything from me.

My suggestion to handle it though is to make the absolute best of what time he has remaining. Think of this as a chance to forge strong memories, and to remind him that even when he's gone, he'll be loved and remembered forever. Make the best of what you've got. Don't surrender to despair or hopelessness. I believe you can stay strong and remember the good things about him. Best of luck to you, and again, if ever need anything, let me know. :smallsmile:

[Recaiden]

I'm very sorry for you and for your father, Eadin. :smallfrown: Just do your best to be strong and make the time that you all have left together as good as it can be. It's terrible news to get, and it certainly isn't fair. You have time, and you don't have to deal with this alone. Be as well as you can in a situation like this.

[HellfireLover]

Eadin, my sympathies - but I third the advice to make sure that the remaining time you have is time to make happy memories of your father. i know life is not fair... and it feels particularly unfair to lose one we love. Life doesn't stand still, though. Be strong - don't change substantially in how you act towards him - just be you and cherish every moment you get to spend with someone you love.

Actually, that could go for everyone.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

I've been getting more and more frustrated with my mother's depression over the past couple of weeks, and it's starting to trigger my own depression.

My mom's still upset that I don't have a job where I can use my English degree, and that none of the articles I've sent into the paper have been printed. She went on a tirade about how I'm apparently $75,000 in college loans (a guess on her part), and have nothing to show for it except a degree that I'm not even using. She also told my father, to his face, that he just doesn't get it. He thinks things are going fine, when in her opinion, they're not. She's complaining that she's working multiple jobs (four or five, I think) and even with that she's not going to have enough money to put my youngest brother through college. She claims that all I want to do is sit on the computer, or play D&D with other autistic people so I can be as socially inappropriate as I want and not have to look reality in the face. She says that our house is nothing but piles and piles of trash.

And most of all, she claims that everything we do makes her look STOOPID.

I am so. Freaking. TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!! She says that I hate it when she walks in the door every day. That's dead wrong. I hate it when her depression walks in the door every day. It seems like the depression is talking more and more with each passing day, and according to my father, who selflessly is her rock through everything, it's not that it's getting worse. It's that it's always been there, and the mask is just getting more and more cracked. I love my mother, I love her with every fiber of my being. But she's becoming impossible to live with because every night she has to rant about how she's the only one doing anything of value and that everyone just leeches off her and then laughs in her face.

[Eadin]

I tried to take my mind off it yesterday
my best friend took me to a movie
After, I got upset because he was going to take his bus home and I had to wait in the cold for half an hour
We fought and he just left
I got so angry and upset, I just ran in some random direction. I tried to find another friends house but got lost
As I was trying to find my way back, a guy started to follow me, eventually tried to grope me
I ran like hell, he didn't follow
now, this morning , I talk to my best friend on msn
tell him what happened
and he doesn't believe me. He just stays really uncaring, and then leaves, saying "I don't know if you're lying or not"
Why is this happening?
Why am I like this, why am I losing everyone?
I can't take this pain anymore

[Skeppio]

*hugs*
Poor Eadin. You've had a rough time, I know.
Do you have anyone else you could talk to? Someone who can slap some sense into your friend since they won't believe you? What happened is not to be taken lightly. I know none of my friends would turn their backs on me like that. It really isn't fair.
I wish I could do more to help you. If you need/want it, my PM box is open for talking. All I can really do is offer my sympathies. I'll be here for you if it helps.

[Eadin]

No
he won't asnwer his phone
he's not home
I don't know where he is
I'm losing it
losing everyone I care about
It's not fair
why do they leave when I need them ...

[Skeppio]

I don't know, Eadin. I just don't know. All I can say is be strong, but I'm not sure if that helps or not.
Please remember that we're here for you. We all are. And we always will be. *hugs*

[Form]

Eadin, sit down, take a deep breath and try to calm down. I know that will be hard, but just try it. Do not give into despair. Talk to one of your other friends and be patient. You will most likely get another opportunity to talk to your best friend again to patch things up. Just endure in the mean time.

[Eadin]

I can't endure it anymore
It hurts so much
I feel like I'm gonna faint...

[Lioness]

I can't endure it anymore
It hurts so much
I feel like I'm gonna faint...

*hugs* Eadin.

You said a couple of years, yeah? By then, they might have found cures, or at least something to delay, so that they have more time to find a cure.

You might not lose him at all :)

[WarKitty]

So I just found out yet another student that got barred from my campus for mental health issues. Thankfully in this case just barred from housing on campus and not taking classes.

It's sad cuz I really like my school, but I feel like I have to keep any problems under very tight wraps. I know the health center encourages people to report on potential mental illness behavior in students and keeps it on record. So I have to be careful about who I talk to and who's around even. And then last time things really fell apart everyone was asking me why I didn't tell anyone - I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get kicked out of school! I'm just so tired of being treated like a criminal for having a mental illness.

@Eadin: *hugs* I'm so sorry about what is happening. I don't have any brilliant words, just hugs.

[Teddy]

So, I've been away for a few days, mostly engulfed in schoolwork or just not in the mood. I have some things to answer, even though it's really late:

@Arguskos:

If there were parentheses to start with, I might agree with the "far too long" bit, but I note no parenthetical statement, beyond the one word "imagined" above. Just sayin'.

Oh, it appied to a parantheses which I converted into a footnote before I submitted it, but I forgot to remove that sentence.


...why not? They can get their happiness in a manner that doesn't leech off of others, and if they can't, they might want to rethink that method of gaining happiness, since it fundamentally damages someone else. Why should one permit another to leech something when the situation can be avoided? I guess I'm not seeing the benefit to being a host for someone else's happiness here. :smallconfused:

Hmm... I wonder what your deffinition of "leeching off" is. What produced this particular chain of quotes was me commenting on "people offering something to you for free only have a hidden agenda you're not aware of", but I'm pretty aware my answer to that wasn't especially obvious in that regard.

Now, I think this misantropy might be one of the reasons to why you feel it's hard to make friends and keep them. If people who actively shun your atempts at helping them/just making them happy, you'll pretty soon stop trying, and perhaps even feel a bit insulted and unwanted. I don't really know, though...


There is always more to learn from failures. They are always applicable. The only hard and fast rule I know for a fact is as follows: "You will fail, and you must learn from failure." As for learning from achievements, the first issue there is to FIND an achievement worth learning from. Minor failures are valuable since they teach you what doesn't work. Minor achievements are not, since the reason for your achievement is often external. It's easy to improve on failures, since they're almost always internalized. Achievements are often due to others, and so you can only learn how to please someone else, a topic I've no interest in, since I don't exist to please other people. It's hard enough to figure out how to get by from day to day, much less please others. :smallannoyed:

Both successes and failures are based on a combination of personal actions and outside factors. Don't ignore your losses, but don't ignore your successes either. You usually have a more prominent influence on your successes too than you realize. Don't discount that.


1. On terminology, my apologies. I'm not exactly the most politic person ever. :smalltongue:
2. Fun isn't important anymore. Merely understanding matters. If I can decipher the riddle of meaning to life, if I can figure out the point behind it all, I will have done what I feel we're all here to do. I also think I'm doomed to failure on that front, but I strive anyways.

On terminology, it doesn't really matter. It was mostly just a reflection from my side - I do that all the time. One of my teachers got really annoyed at me because I wrote small comments all over my exams. :smallamused:

And, well, sometimes you're better off trying just to enjoy yourself instead. Make time for both deep thinking and enjoyment, and hopefully you'll get more out of both.


Yeah, it travels with me. This indicates (thanks Ockham!) that I am the issue. Thus the current standard of self-hatred, as I try and figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong and why I keep driving people away. I'm still hacking at it, as this shows. Also, I'm pretty bad at it, near as I can tell.

Well, keep trying and don't lose the hope. Some day you'll find someone who can stand you, I'm sure. :smallsmile:


Noted. There is a reason I keep a salt shaker in my signature, by the by. You may have need of it when interacting with me.

Heh. Don't worry. BTW, it took me some time to understand that, and with "some time", I mean "right up to this point". And then I have to note that I read this post originally not far after you posted. Says something about me, doesn't it? :smallamused:

Well well, good luck, wether you think it's overrated or not! :smallsmile:
*bearhugs*

@Eadin:
Oh no! I'm terribly sorry to hear that. :smallfrown:

A few years ago (2-3, can't remember), my mum was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Luckily enough, it was still in an early and treatable state, and they managed to rid her of the tumour without having to resort to operation. Thanks to my faith in modern medicine, I wasn't especially worried, but I know that she was during the treatment.

Sadly, it sounds as if there is nothing they can do about your father's cancer. Just don't lose yourself. Use the time you have left to get a lot of happy moments together with him, and savor each moment. You still have a few years left together.

*many bearhugs*

[Pyrian]

why do they leave when I need them ...Well, that sucks. :smallannoyed: ...Sadly, it's always easier to be a friend to somebody who doesn't need you. *hugs*

[Eadin]

*sigh*
I got the results for my redo's today
I only passed 2
I have to work 24 / 7 to not get kicked out
And I don't have that time
why is this happening
first my dad, now this
why?

[WarKitty]

*sigh*
I got the results for my redo's today
I only passed 2
I have to work 24 / 7 to not get kicked out
And I don't have that time
why is this happening
first my dad, now this
why?

Is there any way for you to take some time off? I don't know exactly where you are, but it might be better to take time off than have to work to keep up.

[Form]

Taking a break right now may be a good thing to do. Furthermore, if there are other issues interfering with your work (and with all the problems you're facing, I'd say there are) your college/university may cut you some slack and not 'kick you out'. But they have to know that these problems exist.

[arguskos]

Hey all you depressed and down folks (especially you Eadin), I have something humorous for you. Now, it's not really all that great, but I laughed, and you might too. A little laughter goes a long way.

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/177/c/7/Wokka_Wakka_Wonka_by_kevinbolk.jpg

[Eadin]

Is there any way for you to take some time off? I don't know exactly where you are, but it might be better to take time off than have to work to keep up.


Taking a break right now may be a good thing to do. Furthermore, if there are other issues interfering with your work (and with all the problems you're facing, I'd say there are) your college/university may cut you some slack and not 'kick you out'. But they have to know that these problems exist.

I might lose my scholarship if I take a break
We can't afford it without
I mailed the school, but the counselor is very busy
No one has any time for me now that I need them

[Form]

I might lose my scholarship if I take a break
We can't afford it without
I mailed the school, but the counselor is very busy


Your counselor will get back to you once he's read your email. Just give him some time and then talk to him about how to proceed.



No one has any time for me now that I need them

Again, you will most likely get an opportunity to talk to your best friend again. You can also talk to your other friends. And then there's of course also the playground with this thread. And then there are of course also professionals who can help you should you need them.

[Capt Spanner]

Rant time:

Right, so I graduated last July and am now a Master of Physics (http://www.cafepress.co.uk/orderofthestick.87511374) (with Astrophysics thrown in for boot). Since then I have been searching for a job.

So far I have got interviews for jobs with 50+ applicants per place, jobs where I've been refused for being pretty over qualified, and jobs where the working hours are hugely intrusive - normally two or three of the above. Everything else has been sending CVs into a black hole.

It's really really annoying, but at least I've been able to get Jobseeker's Allowance from the government. Or so I thought.

I found out today they screwed my claim up. They didn't pay me for two weeks, and having made their mistake are highly unlikely to pay me that money. Result being, I have now run out of money and need to get an emergency loan (which will not be cheap in the long run).

For someone who is highly qualified, getting a job is being really frustratingly difficult. This would be ok, apart from the money situation, which just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Also recent break up, and I seem to be surrounded by women who lead-on for comfort. (I have one friend who always tells me so much about how much she wants a friends-with-benefits who is actually her friend and trusts her, but whenever I suggest I could do it she laughs at me and dismisses it out of hand.) So everything is just feeling way out of my control right now.

I need a hug.

[Form]

I need a hug.

*gives Capt Spanner a hug*

[Castaras]

Rant time:

Right, so I graduated last July and am now a Master of Physics (http://www.cafepress.co.uk/orderofthestick.87511374) (with Astrophysics thrown in for boot). Since then I have been searching for a job.

So far I have got interviews for jobs with 50+ applicants per place, jobs where I've been refused for being pretty over qualified, and jobs where the working hours are hugely intrusive - normally two or three of the above. Everything else has been sending CVs into a black hole.

It's really really annoying, but at least I've been able to get Jobseeker's Allowance from the government. Or so I thought.

I found out today they screwed my claim up. They didn't pay me for two weeks, and having made their mistake are highly unlikely to pay me that money. Result being, I have now run out of money and need to get an emergency loan (which will not be cheap in the long run).

For someone who is highly qualified, getting a job is being really frustratingly difficult. This would be ok, apart from the money situation, which just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Also recent break up, and I seem to be surrounded by women who lead-on for comfort. (I have one friend who always tells me so much about how much she wants a friends-with-benefits who is actually her friend and trusts her, but whenever I suggest I could do it she laughs at me and dismisses it out of hand.) So everything is just feeling way out of my control right now.

I need a hug.

At the next meetup, you'll get one.

*e-hugs for now*

[Haruki-kun]

I might lose my scholarship if I take a break
We can't afford it without
I mailed the school, but the counselor is very busy

If he's too busy to help, he's not doing his job. Keep pressing him until he sees you.


No one has any time for me now that I need them

I am so sorry that you're going through such a hard time.

Just remember, we're here for you always.

[Lady Moreta]

I've been getting more and more frustrated with my mother's depression over the past couple of weeks, and it's starting to trigger my own depression.

Ouch. That can't be easy to live with. First instinct - your mother needs medical help. Clearly she isn't dealing with the situation on her own, and as much as your father is helping, it doesn't appear to be doing anything. She needs to see a doctor/counselor and get on medication. I don't know how well that suggestion would go down, but I don't really see any other solution to the problem. I'm sorry.


Rant time:

Right, so I graduated last July and am now a Master of Physics (http://www.cafepress.co.uk/orderofthestick.87511374) (with Astrophysics thrown in for boot). Since then I have been searching for a job.

For someone who is highly qualified, getting a job is being really frustratingly difficult. This would be ok, apart from the money situation, which just feels like a kick in the teeth.

I need a hug.

*hug*

I understand your pain completely. I have a Masters degree as well (though not in physics!), and I had a nightmare of a time finding a job. It took me about 7-8 months to get the job I have now, and I'm not using either of my degrees in it.

I got the 'you're way overqualified for this job' line a lot. Two things I did that helped:

I created two CVs, one with the MA and one without it. I would judge whether the postgrad would help or hinder my application and send in the appropriate CV. I figure that my having the degree makes no difference to my ability to do the job, so they don't need to know about it.
I came up with a good 'line' to give prospective employers about being overqualified. It worked for the job I currently have - the first words out of the interviewers mouth were 'you're overqualified', I pointed out to her that yes, I am overqualifed for an admin position, but I had to start somewhere. I might be at the top end of the university system, but in the 'real world' in the 'job world' I was right at the bottom and to get anywhere, I had to start somewhere. It must have worked because 2 hours after the interview, I got the job.


Obviously I don't know what type of jobs you're applying for, but I would suggest that if the jobs you're applying for don't need the extra degree, take it off your CV. They don't need to know about it unless you choose to tell them. Also, in the meantime, it might not be a bad idea to apply for just anything if you aren't already doing so. I am currently looking for a new job that will let me use my degrees, because I hate admin so very very much.


If he's too busy to help, he's not doing his job. Keep pressing him until he sees you.

Eadin, Haruki-kun is right. Maybe give the counselor a few days, he might genuinely be busy, but if you still haven't gotten a reply, then email again, start ringing the office. Keep contacting him until he does his job properly.

As for your friend, try sending him an email, or even writing a letter and sticking it in the post (it'll be harder for him to ignore if he's so inclined) and tell him what you've told us. Tell him that you weren't lying, and how much it hurt that he didn't believe you. I assume he knows things are going bad for you right now, remind him of that and that you really just need a friend you can rely on right now. Hopefully he'll realise he's being a jerk and come around.

I'm sorry your world has gone topsy-turvy lately *hug* if you ever would like to rant, feel free to PM me as well :smallsmile:

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Rant time:

Right, so I graduated last July and am now a Master of Physics (http://www.cafepress.co.uk/orderofthestick.87511374) (with Astrophysics thrown in for boot). Since then I have been searching for a job.

So far I have got interviews for jobs with 50+ applicants per place, jobs where I've been refused for being pretty over qualified, and jobs where the working hours are hugely intrusive - normally two or three of the above. Everything else has been sending CVs into a black hole.

It's really really annoying, but at least I've been able to get Jobseeker's Allowance from the government. Or so I thought.

I found out today they screwed my claim up. They didn't pay me for two weeks, and having made their mistake are highly unlikely to pay me that money. Result being, I have now run out of money and need to get an emergency loan (which will not be cheap in the long run).

For someone who is highly qualified, getting a job is being really frustratingly difficult. This would be ok, apart from the money situation, which just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Also recent break up, and I seem to be surrounded by women who lead-on for comfort. (I have one friend who always tells me so much about how much she wants a friends-with-benefits who is actually her friend and trusts her, but whenever I suggest I could do it she laughs at me and dismisses it out of hand.) So everything is just feeling way out of my control right now.

I need a hug.

*Hug*

I'm in the same state, struggling for work and overqualified thanks to my degree. Even with a vocational guidance counselor I've been met with nothing but calls that are never returned and claims of hiring freezes. I hope the both of us can find work.


Ouch. That can't be easy to live with. First instinct - your mother needs medical help. Clearly she isn't dealing with the situation on her own, and as much as your father is helping, it doesn't appear to be doing anything. She needs to see a doctor/counselor and get on medication. I don't know how well that suggestion would go down, but I don't really see any other solution to the problem. I'm sorry.

That's part of the problem though. She HAS seen a doctor, and she IS on medication. And it's not helping. Despite these things, she maintains the bad habits and relationships that keep her mired in depression. She doesn't know how to say no to people. She doesn't just work multiple jobs. She also volunteers for almost anything people ask her to. She's coached the local Special Olympics swim team for years, getting nothing truly tangible out of it except the satisfaction of watching her athletes succeed. She sews fabric protectors (a PC term for a bib) for not just her severely disabled sister, but for other people living in the group home her sister lives in who need them. She keeps trying to help her brothers, who range from just irritating because of their stupid decisions, to mean-spirited, to an outright criminal, because she basically raised them, since their mother (my late grandmother) was manic-depressive, which made her an incompetent parent. All these things add more and more stress to her life, but she's unwilling to drop any of that baggage because of her refusal to be "the bad guy," the person who actually pays attention to their own needs before attending those of others. Everything she does is to avoid being seen as "the bad guy." She thinks every adult she meets is a two-faced sycophant, lazy and unwilling to put the well-being of the students in their care first, sniggering behind her back about how STOOPID she is because apparently she messed up raising her kids after all and is just like her useless mother.

[Rawhide]

You know, to everyone who is overqualified, there is such a thing as customising your resume. You shouldn't be sending the exact same resume to every company.

If your qualification will hinder instead of helping you get a particular job, drop it off your resume.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

You know, to everyone who is overqualified, there is such a thing as customising your resume. You shouldn't be sending the exact same resume to every company.

If your qualification will hinder instead of helping you get a particular job, drop it off your resume.
The jobs I'm applying for don't even REQUIRE a resume! I'm applying at local grocery and department stores. I prove I'm overqualified when I fill out the portion about my education and say, "Yes, I graduated from college."

[Lady Moreta]

That's part of the problem though. She HAS seen a doctor, and she IS on medication. And it's not helping. Despite these things, she maintains the bad habits and relationships that keep her mired in depression. She doesn't know how to say no to people. She doesn't just work multiple jobs. She also volunteers for almost anything people ask her to. She's coached the local Special Olympics swim team for years, getting nothing truly tangible out of it except the satisfaction of watching her athletes succeed. She sews fabric protectors (a PC term for a bib) for not just her severely disabled sister, but for other people living in the group home her sister lives in who need them. She keeps trying to help her brothers, who range from just irritating because of their stupid decisions, to mean-spirited, to an outright criminal, because she basically raised them, since their mother (my late grandmother) was manic-depressive, which made her an incompetent parent. All these things add more and more stress to her life, but she's unwilling to drop any of that baggage because of her refusal to be "the bad guy," the person who actually pays attention to their own needs before attending those of others. Everything she does is to avoid being seen as "the bad guy." She thinks every adult she meets is a two-faced sycophant, lazy and unwilling to put the well-being of the students in their care first, sniggering behind her back about how STOOPID she is because apparently she messed up raising her kids after all and is just like her useless mother.

Ahhh... In that case, I think the problem is that your mother needs to start putting herself first. Quite frankly, she needs counselling, the medication itself isn't going to be enough, it'll help her cope (or should at least), but it can't and won't trigger a change in behaviour. I don't know if you can convince her to see someone, but it would probably help. Clearly she's doing too much, and her thinking is quite warped (probably due to struggling with her mother)... but it might help having it come from someone other than family.


You know, to everyone who is overqualified, there is such a thing as customising your resume. You shouldn't be sending the exact same resume to every company.

If your qualification will hinder instead of helping you get a particular job, drop it off your resume.

That's what I did :smallsmile: I have the Masters and non-Masters CVs, and I also have an archaeology one and a non-archaeology one, since that's what my degrees are in.

[Eadin]

Eadin, Haruki-kun is right. Maybe give the counselor a few days, he might genuinely be busy, but if you still haven't gotten a reply, then email again, start ringing the office. Keep contacting him until he does his job properly.

As for your friend, try sending him an email, or even writing a letter and sticking it in the post (it'll be harder for him to ignore if he's so inclined) and tell him what you've told us. Tell him that you weren't lying, and how much it hurt that he didn't believe you. I assume he knows things are going bad for you right now, remind him of that and that you really just need a friend you can rely on right now. Hopefully he'll realise he's being a jerk and come around.

I'm sorry your world has gone topsy-turvy lately *hug* if you ever would like to rant, feel free to PM me as well :smallsmile:
I wrote him an e-mail. I received a text saying it's okay and that his plane was leaving. He's going on a vacation. I wish I could take one...
I found out the counselor doesn't work in the weekend... I have to wait till monday

Your counselor will get back to you once he's read your email. Just give him some time and then talk to him about how to proceed.

Again, you will most likely get an opportunity to talk to your best friend again. You can also talk to your other friends. And then there's of course also the playground with this thread. And then there are of course also professionals who can help you should you need them.
I've send out e-mails and called people
the whole thing is closed in the weekend...
I tried calling a psychologist too, but she onbly has room free in 2 weeks.
I'm still looking...


If he's too busy to help, he's not doing his job. Keep pressing him until he sees you.

I am so sorry that you're going through such a hard time.

Just remember, we're here for you always.
Thanks, everyone:smallsmile:
I just feel like I'm losing my mind....

[742]

Unfortunately there's a limit on what they'll give you and I ran out of it already.

Edit: That's what's really ironic about the situation. The school counselors kept talking to me about patience and taking time, at the same time that the school policy imposes hard limits on the amount of time you can get off. a good thing to mention when they tell you to be patient.


I'm on the verge. Tipping into depression again. I don't like being here. I don't like the feeling of inevitability I have about it all. I can't sleep at night, so I sit up and work myself into these deep funks, then when I finally do sleep, I sleep in so late that my day is blown and I accomplish nothing. Now I have my mother getting on my case about not doing anything, and I know she means well, but I can't help but feel like a worthless failure because of it. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Not sure why I'm even posting this. because theres still a part of your brain that wants help, wants to keep going, and desperately craves a cinnamon roll*

*okay that one might be me. maybe its not though; in that case: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!


as I mentioned before, my dad has cancer
today he got a check-up
and the tumors got bigger
he's dying
we don't know how long it will take
the doctors say a few years...
I'm gonna lose him
and I don't want it
I really don't want it
anything but that...
it's not fair
look for second third and fourth opinions, alternative treatments; there are some universities doing some really amazing stuff. when you find something that might work drop your emotions for a bit and think about the odds rationally.


I've been getting more and more frustrated with my mother's depression over the past couple of weeks, and it's starting to trigger my own depression.

My mom's still upset that I don't have a job where I can use my English degree, and that none of the articles I've sent into the paper have been printed. She went on a tirade about how I'm apparently $75,000 in college loans (a guess on her part), and have nothing to show for it except a degree that I'm not even using. She also told my father, to his face, that he just doesn't get it. He thinks things are going fine, when in her opinion, they're not. She's complaining that she's working multiple jobs (four or five, I think) and even with that she's not going to have enough money to put my youngest brother through college. She claims that all I want to do is sit on the computer, or play D&D with other autistic people so I can be as socially inappropriate as I want and not have to look reality in the face. She says that our house is nothing but piles and piles of trash.

And most of all, she claims that everything we do makes her look STOOPID.

I am so. Freaking. TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!! She says that I hate it when she walks in the door every day. That's dead wrong. I hate it when her depression walks in the door every day. It seems like the depression is talking more and more with each passing day, and according to my father, who selflessly is her rock through everything, it's not that it's getting worse. It's that it's always been there, and the mask is just getting more and more cracked. I love my mother, I love her with every fiber of my being. But she's becoming impossible to live with because every night she has to rant about how she's the only one doing anything of value and that everyone just leeches off her and then laughs in her face. it sounds like your mother really seriously needs help. my advice? knock her out, handcuff her to a radiator inject her with a powerful truth serum and lock a shrink in the room with her.* really though it sounds like she has a lot of **** to deal with, not just chemical imbalances**.

*okay maybe not the best idea out there. dont use a radiator if she might want to turn the heater on, maybe install a custom railing.

**not that ive taken an MRI and brain tissue samples of your parents. that would be absurd. :smalleek:


I might lose my scholarship if I take a break
We can't afford it without
I mailed the school, but the counselor is very busy
No one has any time for me now that I need them
"my [closefamilymember] has ****ing cancer" tends to catch peoples attention, and this is an appropriate time to use it.

[Eadin]

I have sent an e-mail to every counselor-like person that works at my university.
Just found out they don't work in the weekends...
I hope I'll get a reply monday...

Thanks everyone

[albis]

A question worth a million in whatever currency one uses:
Why is that when I do nice things for people, and I metaphorically break my back with the effort I make to make them all happy, as a result I just get treated like crap, and if I get angry and confront the interested party about it then I am the one at fault and that should be apologizing???

Secondary question:
is there anyone in this freaking world who doesn't act like a total bastard as soon as the chance presents???

Just felt the need to let it all out, seemed the right place to do it.

[Dallas-Dakota]

*hugs Albis*
Not everybody is like that, in fact, many people aren't. But it's also a fact that there are a lot of people like that out there. Get them out of your life, you deserve better.

*HUGS*

[albis]

Thanks... it's just that the people in question had always been the better ones I've ever known... I don't know what's wrong, so I don't know how to solve it, and I hate it when I can't solve things...

[Pyrian]

Why is that when I do nice things for people, and I metaphorically break my back with the effort I make to make them all happy, as a result I just get treated like crap...Well, that sucks, but there's a lot of ways that can happen. Personally, I think people should at least recognize the effort, y'know? Even if the actual results weren't to taste... Regardless, you shouldn't have to accept being treated like crap.


...and if I get angry and confront the interested party about it then I am the one at fault and that should be apologizing???This concerns me a bit. I mean, if you just confront people for treating you like crap, that's one thing. Confronting people for not being as appreciative as you'd like them to be about your efforts on their behalf, especially if those efforts weren't even asked for, is another matter entirely. I don't know how that went down, exactly, but when somebody does something "for" me that I didn't want them to do in the first place and then tries to hold it over my head, well, that can get me angry. Alternatively, they're just being defensive jerks and trying to deflect blame on to you to avoid shouldering it themselves. That happens way too often.


is there anyone in this freaking world who doesn't act like a total bastard as soon as the chance presents???Nope. Just differences in what circumstances constitute such an opportunity! :smallcool:

[Lioness]

A friend tried to commit suicide last night. I've known him for about 15 years. I knew he was depressed, but I didn't know he'd do this.

:smallfrown:

[742]

A question worth a million in whatever currency one uses:
Why is that when I do nice things for people, and I metaphorically break my back with the effort I make to make them all happy, as a result I just get treated like crap, and if I get angry and confront the interested party about it then I am the one at fault and that should be apologizing???

Secondary question:
is there anyone in this freaking world who doesn't act like a total bastard as soon as the chance presents???

Just felt the need to let it all out, seemed the right place to do it.
some people
<.<
>.>
can at times get into places where they view other people (and im told when one has a group one identifies with strongly it gets a bit more extreme with outsiders) as resources. think about suddenly losing a source of income, or a device you use on a daily basis. what would you do if your toaster suddenly got pissed at you for sticking cold bread in it every day? now what would the average person do?
not that i would know anything about that sort of thing.

im not saying its right, just that it happens. and yes, many of us wait to see if its just a trap to catch us in the act, i tend to be a little more proactive and check for cameras first.

[Haruki-kun]

A friend tried to commit suicide last night. I've known him for about 15 years. I knew he was depressed, but I didn't know he'd do this.

:smallfrown:

Holy.... :smalleek: Is he alright now?


......are you? :smallfrown:

[averagejoe]

A friend tried to commit suicide last night. I've known him for about 15 years. I knew he was depressed, but I didn't know he'd do this.

:smallfrown:

One of my friends once did the same. Sucks.

[Lioness]

Holy.... :smalleek: Is he alright now?


......are you? :smallfrown:

He's in hospital, and will be for the next couple of days. Kicked a nurse in the face when he tried to sedate him, and has told the psychiatrist that he wants to try again.

I'm mostly fine, but I feel like I should be doing more to help, but not sure whether I can. I mean, we used to talk a lot, but now only see each other occasionally. I've still grown up with him though...

[albis]

This concerns me a bit. I mean, if you just confront people for treating you like crap, that's one thing. Confronting people for not being as appreciative as you'd like them to be about your efforts on their behalf, especially if those efforts weren't even asked for, is another matter entirely.

That's the point. The effort was very much asked for. That's why I'm rather angry... I'm remembered only when there's something someone needs, or something wrong that needs to be solved, and then I also get called names because it pisses me of that not only I don't receive a "thank you" but I'm overall treated like a stranger.

[Tonal Architect]

He's in hospital, and will be for the next couple of days. Kicked a nurse in the face when he tried to sedate him, and has told the psychiatrist that he wants to try again.

I'm mostly fine, but I feel like I should be doing more to help, but not sure whether I can. I mean, we used to talk a lot, but now only see each other occasionally. I've still grown up with him though...

This will be a cold thing to ask, but... Do you think he meant to fail in his attempt?

I don't know, this sort of situation has no science attached to it, so there really isn't a guideline... But try to be there for him. If he welcomes you, give unto him as much as you feel confortable giving... If not, trying to reach out to him will have been important, but there weren't be anything more to be done.

[Lioness]

This will be a cold thing to ask, but... Do you think he meant to fail in his attempt?

I don't know, this sort of situation has no science attached to it, so there really isn't a guideline... But try to be there for him. If he welcomes you, give unto him as much as you feel confortable giving... If not, trying to reach out to him will have been important, but there weren't be anything more to be done.

I don't know. I mean, he didn't chicken out, but he chose a fairly non-definite way of actually doing it. He lay down in the middle of a busy road and wouldn't get up.