Life falling apart need advice.

[Crispy Dave]

Well let's start off with my situation. I'm 17 and I currently live with my uncle and things aren't working out and we fight all the time(it's weird because we're so much like eachother) so I have to move out. My mother says I cannot move back in with her and that I'm going into job corps. I found out that before she had even told me this she had already signed me up and I have a meeting planned for tuesday to enroll. I really don't want to join job corps and my mother can't sign me up without my consent as far as I know. She has also been collecting child support and social security to take care of me but hasn't been spending anything on my because my uncle has been paying for everything.

I'm really lost right now and could use some good advice.

[Lycan 01]

What exactly is job corps? Perhaps you can report to them that you were signed up without your legal consent? And that whole "your mom is claiming child support and stuff without taking care of you" bit is, I am fairly certain, illegal. Perhaps you should do something about that? Though ratting out your mom may not be the best approach, depending on your feelings towards her... :smallconfused:

[Crispy Dave]

What exactly is job corps? Perhaps you can report to them that you were signed up without your legal consent? And that whole "your mom is claiming child support and stuff without taking care of you" bit is, I am fairly certain, illegal. Perhaps you should do something about that? Though ratting out your mom may not be the best approach, depending on your feelings towards her... :smallconfused:


Job Corps is the nation's largest career technical training and education program for young people at least 16 years of age. A voluntary program administered by the U.S. Department of Labor, Job Corps provides eligible young men and women with an opportunity to gain the experience they need to begin a career or advance to higher education.

Yes what she is doing is illegal and I wouldn't want to rat her out unless I have to. I do really dislike my mother but I don't like screwing people over even if they do the same for me.

[truemane]

One: don't worry about things you don't have to worry about. If your mother can't sign you up for job corps without your permission, and she doesn't have it, then that's your mother's problem, not yours. Do a quick Google, make a quick phone call, find out the truth of the matter and there you go. If she can't, ignore it. If she can, then you're stuck and there's no point in worrying about it anyway.

Two: only worry about things that are worth your time and energy. I would suggest that what your mother is collecting in child support/social services is also her business and not yours. You can't have the money anyway. Either she gets it or neither of you do. If it really bothers you, call the particular social service that pays her (and/or whoever is giving her child support) and contact their fraud department or her worker and tell them. Done. If they want you be more involved in the process at that point than you're comfortable with (ie. making a statement, going to court, etc) then all you have to do is decide whether or not you want to play along. I would suggest you get your own business in order before you start messing with your mother's, but you do what you feel is right.

Three: there's no easy answer to the housing issue. I have a lot of experience with this issue (from both the child and the parental side of things) and I can tell you: no easy answers. But, again, fundamentals: you need somewhere to live so you can go to school/work/live whatever. So, depending on where you live, there may be shelters, half-way houses, homeless shelters, and/or any number of things. The system usually goes out of its way to protect children who have nowhere to live. There is also the possibility that your mother is not legally allowed to deny you residence and/or support until your 18th birthday. Not that I'm saying forcing your mother to let you back in via police action is going to make things any better, but if that is the case then it will make it easier for you to access aid and social services.

Four: concentrate on the important things. Don't let yourself get stressed and overwhelmed by things that look important but aren't. You need somewhere to sleep. You need to either go to school or to work. You need to start making plans to acquire self-sufficiency. Social services can help with all these things. Everything else will take care of itself in time.

Good luck. Things will most likely get better. They usually do.

[Ashtar]

Well I don't know what you want to do in life, but searching on the job corps website and contrasting with my experience, it looks like a relatively good deal.

A place to live (with probably less conflict), a real job training, only 1 year to 2 years, a basic allowance, some courses can work towards college credit. Seems not a bad deal at all for the US.

What are you aiming to do in life ? Where do you intend to go and are you studying now or working? Would 1 year of training set your goals back a lot ?

I did a vocational training school from 15 to 18 in Switzerland, was still able to go to University and get a Masters' afterwards. The vocational training was great and a good experience.

Anyway, they will need your signature to sign you in to the program, your mum just "set you up" a meeting and is now probably claiming she signed you in. From the FAQ :
"What if I don't like it? Can I leave Job Corps?
Yes. No one will force you to stay if you're not happy at the center, but you must be committed to the program to benefit from it. All we ask is that you try your best to succeed. ..."

My question is otherwise where would you go? Visibly your mum doesn't seem to want you back in the home. When you turn 18 she has no longer any legal obligation to you, so even if you go back, it won't be for long.

[Crispy Dave]

One: don't worry about things you don't have to worry about. If your mother can't sign you up for job corps without your permission, and she doesn't have it, then that's your mother's problem, not yours. Do a quick Google, make a quick phone call, find out the truth of the matter and there you go. If she can't, ignore it. If she can, then you're stuck and there's no point in worrying about it anyway.

I already know she can't legally sign me up with them unless I agree to



Two: only worry about things that are worth your time and energy. I would suggest that what your mother is collecting in child support/social services is also her business and not yours. You can't have the money anyway. Either she gets it or neither of you do. If it really bothers you, call the particular social service that pays her (and/or whoever is giving her child support) and contact their fraud department or her worker and tell them. Done. If they want you be more involved in the process at that point than you're comfortable with (ie. making a statement, going to court, etc) then all you have to do is decide whether or not you want to play along. I would suggest you get your own business in order before you start messing with your mother's, but you do what you feel is right.
I really don't care about the money. I just figured it was worth mentioning.



Three: there's no easy answer to the housing issue. I have a lot of experience with this issue (from both the child and the parental side of things) and I can tell you: no easy answers. But, again, fundamentals: you need somewhere to live so you can go to school/work/live whatever. So, depending on where you live, there may be shelters, half-way houses, homeless shelters, and/or any number of things. The system usually goes out of its way to protect children who have nowhere to live. There is also the possibility that your mother is not legally allowed to deny you residence and/or support until your 18th birthday. Not that I'm saying forcing your mother to let you back in via police action is going to make things any better, but if that is the case then it will make it easier for you to access aid and social services.
Ideally I would like to get my own apartment and find a job. The problem is in Washington(where uncle lives) I am not legally employable until I get a GED, and in Oregon(where mother lives) I need to get down there and would need a place to stay until I could find a apartment and a job. I figure if I could get my mother to let me stay with her until I could get a job and an apartment that would work.


Four: concentrate on the important things. Don't let yourself get stressed and overwhelmed by things that look important but aren't. You need somewhere to sleep. You need to either go to school or to work. You need to start making plans to acquire self-sufficiency. Social services can help with all these things. Everything else will take care of itself in time.

Good luck. Things will most likely get better. They usually do.

thanks for all the help.

[Crispy Dave]

*snip*

I'm still considering it as an option I just don't know exactly what the rules and regulations are and I'm not sure If I would be happy there.

I'm just trying to get a place to live an a job right now and I think I would be happy. I really don't care about having lot's of money or a big house or anything.


My question is otherwise where would you go? Visibly your mum doesn't seem to want you back in the home. When you turn 18 she has no longer any legal obligation to you, so even if you go back, it won't be for long.
well I would ideally like to get my own apartment. I figure if my mom would let me stay long enough to find a job and an apartment then I would be fine.

[Lycan 01]

Do you have any friends or other relatives who could help you out or give you a place to stay? Check your local church. Last year when college let out, a friend of mine found out he'd basically been disowned by his entire family, and was left with just a few bucks and his old truck. For about a week he slept in his truck, give or take the couple of days he spent in a hotel - which he had to sell his laptop to pay the rent for. Somebody at my church found out, and the people in charge of the church sent out hundreds of emails to its members, trying to find a place for the guy to stay. In no time at all, a prominent member of the church told him he could move in to one of his spare bedrooms, no strings attached. He stayed there for the whole summer, no bills, no rent, no problem. So, perhaps you should talk to some people in your local community or church, if you don't have anyone else you can turn to.

[valadil]

Where do you live? Is your mom legally able to prevent you from living with her? I don't think you can kick out a 17 year old in the US, but I'm honestly not sure.

[Crispy Dave]

Where do you live? Is your mom legally able to prevent you from living with her? I don't think you can kick out a 17 year old in the US, but I'm honestly not sure.

I live in Oregon/Washington USA. No she legally can't kick me out.

[raitalin]

The problem is in Washington(where uncle lives) I am not legally employable until I get a GED...


Er, what? I there some special circumstance that causes this? Because I can't imagine that there are no teenage laborers in WA.

[Crispy Dave]

Er, what? I there some special circumstance that causes this? Because I can't imagine that there are no teenage laborers in WA.

If you are enrolled in high school you can work but there are a bunch of restrictions. The same restrictions that there are if you want to work in any other state under the age of 16.

[valadil]

I vote for living with her until you can get a GED.

[Dr.Epic]

I don't know. That job corps thing sounds like a good idea. If you've no intention of continuing education (you're 17 and you didn't say anything about college) maybe this will help you land a job. I'm in sort of a similar situation (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=166489) and I've been looking for some work. This might actually be more helpful than you think. I'll admit going behind your back might have been wrong, but I'm sure your mom is just thinking about what's best for you.

[pendell]

Well let's start off with my situation. I'm 17 and I currently live with my uncle and things aren't working out and we fight all the time(it's weird because we're so much like eachother) so I have to move out. My mother says I cannot move back in with her and that I'm going into job corps. I found out that before she had even told me this she had already signed me up and I have a meeting planned for tuesday to enroll. I really don't want to join job corps and my mother can't sign me up without my consent as far as I know. She has also been collecting child support and social security to take care of me but hasn't been spending anything on my because my uncle has been paying for everything.

I'm really lost right now and could use some good advice.

That's really tough.

Okay, here's the way I see it. You basically have two choices:

1) Go along with your mother's plan for your life.
2) Find your own plan.

If plan #2 is the way to go, don't bother going to the meeting. Find some alternate method of support. This will require finding 1) a job 2) lodging.

"Lodging" will probably mean friends, relatives, or church, since you probably won't be able to pay rent on your own. You may also be able to find room-mates through Craig's List, but you could also find somebody really creepy that way. Better to move in with someone you know.

What jobs could you take? Well, since you're not a college grad, this probably means retail or fast food. By no means optimal, but you may be able to scrape by long enough to get a better job, and from there go to trade school or what not. I wouldn't recommend college on that budget.

Full disclosure: When I was 22 a dispute over finances caused me to vacate my guardian's house with $10, the clothes on my back, and a car. This is what I did:

1) Got access to the bank account that had been established in my name. This gave me a nest egg.
2) Crash at a friend's house for a few days.
3) Go down to the unemployment office and find a job.
4) Use the job as stable income to rent a one bedroom apartment.
5) Propose to the woman of my dreams. Drive to Lake Tahoe with her and get married for $120 license fees + money for the minister.
6) Move in together and start our lives together.

We're still living together 16 years later. I can't say "happily ever after", but it hasn't sucked either.

Of course, I had finished college at that point.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Crispy Dave]

That's really tough.

Okay, here's the way I see it. You basically have two choices:

1) Go along with your mother's plan for your life.
2) Find your own plan.

If plan #2 is the way to go, don't bother going to the meeting. Find some alternate method of support. This will require finding 1) a job 2) lodging.

"Lodging" will probably mean friends, relatives, or church, since you probably won't be able to pay rent on your own. You may also be able to find room-mates through Craig's List, but you could also find somebody really creepy that way. Better to move in with someone you know.

What jobs could you take? Well, since you're not a college grad, this probably means retail or fast food. By no means optimal, but you may be able to scrape by long enough to get a better job, and from there go to trade school or what not. I wouldn't recommend college on that budget.

Full disclosure: When I was 22 a dispute over finances caused me to vacate my guardian's house with $10, the clothes on my back, and a car. This is what I did:

1) Got access to the bank account that had been established in my name. This gave me a nest egg.
2) Crash at a friend's house for a few days.
3) Go down to the unemployment office and find a job.
4) Use the job as stable income to rent a one bedroom apartment.
5) Propose to the woman of my dreams. Drive to Lake Tahoe with her and get married for $120 license fees + money for the minister.
6) Move in together and start our lives together.

We're still living together 16 years later. I can't say "happily ever after", but it hasn't sucked either.

Of course, I had finished college at that point.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

Well that's close to what I'm thinking of doing. Aside from Tahoe because my father lives there and I'm not ready to deal with that problem yet.

[TSGames]

There's always the military. Although 17, you will need a guardian's consent. The strength and discipline the military instills is easily worth it.

[Crispy Dave]

There's always the military. Although 17, you will need a guardian's consent. The strength and discipline the military instills is easily worth it.

That's not an option for me. Physically I'm not able enough.


I'm trying to gather info and I'm talking to some old friends to see if I can stay with them right now.

[Jack Squat]

There's always the military. Although 17, you will need a guardian's consent. The strength and discipline the military instills is easily worth it.

I was thinking this option too. I mean, there's decent pay in it, you're provided food and a place to live, and depending on what you're doing you can have a skill for the real world once you get out.

I mean, it definitely has it's downsides, and I wouldn't suggest enlisting for the sole reason that you're getting kicked out of where you live - but if it's something you may have thought about, it might be time to take a closer look.

EDIT: You're not physically able to go in? What conditions do you have that would prevent you being accepted?

[Darklord Xavez]

Yes what she is doing is illegal and I wouldn't want to rat her out unless I have to. I do really dislike my mother but I don't like screwing people over even if they do the same for me.

Tell her that what she is doing is illegal and that she had better start helping support you financially. Maybe you don't get along with your uncle because he has to buy everything for you and your mom does not help.
-Xavez

[Crispy Dave]

EDIT: You're not physically able to go in? What conditions do you have that would prevent you being accepted?
Colour blind and overweight. Possibly Lime disease.


Tell her that what she is doing is illegal and that she had better start helping support you financially. Maybe you don't get along with your uncle because he has to buy everything for you and your mom does not help.
-Xavez

My mother isn't answering her phone or returning my calls so I don't think going back with her is going to be an option.

[Jack Squat]

Colour blind and overweight. Possibly Lime disease.

I know you can still serve with the first two. Red-green colorblindness is only an issue with some things, and they can make you lose weight.

I have no idea about the lyme disease, as I can't find anything about it.

If you want to look into it as an option, go down and talk to a recruiter. There's no commitment until they swear you in. IIRC, you can back out until the second time they swear you in - but I've never been in the military (so I'm obviously not a recruiter), so this is just going by memory from when I've had friends join.

[kyoryu]

Well let's start off with my situation. I'm 17 and I currently live with my uncle and things aren't working out and we fight all the time(it's weird because we're so much like eachother) so I have to move out. My mother says I cannot move back in with her and that I'm going into job corps. I found out that before she had even told me this she had already signed me up and I have a meeting planned for tuesday to enroll. I really don't want to join job corps and my mother can't sign me up without my consent as far as I know. She has also been collecting child support and social security to take care of me but hasn't been spending anything on my because my uncle has been paying for everything.

I'm really lost right now and could use some good advice.

If I can ask, what are you fighting with your uncle about?

[Crispy Dave]

If I can ask, what are you fighting with your uncle about?

Several things. We have a few differences in morals and religion.

[RabbitHoleLost]

I was thinking this option too. I mean, there's decent pay in it, you're provided food and a place to live, and depending on what you're doing you can have a skill for the real world once you get out.

I mean, it definitely has it's downsides, and I wouldn't suggest enlisting for the sole reason that you're getting kicked out of where you live - but if it's something you may have thought about, it might be time to take a closer look.

EDIT: You're not physically able to go in? What conditions do you have that would prevent you being accepted?

You need atleast a GED to get into the military, too.

[Crispy Dave]

alright so I'm currently waiting for a case worker from the local career center to call me back. so the only thing I need to figure out is a place to stay until I can get things together and my own apartment. Thanks for all the help everyone.

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

I would highly suggest trying to find a roommate to go into an apartment with you. As someone who graduated from college over 4 years now, unless you find an absolutely dirt cheap apartment (AKA not a neighborhood you'd want to live in), depending on how many other monthly expenses you have (car payment, cell phone, internet, cable, utilities etc), unless you're making somewhere between $25000-30000 it's likely going to be rather difficult to find a place you can afford on your own.

[thubby]

Several things. We have a few differences in morals and religion.

can they really be so severe that you can't just agree to stay off those topics?

and for that matter, even if you do have to leave, couldn't you negotiate some kind of truce until you have something over your head?

[Zeb The Troll]

I know you can still serve with the first two. Red-green colorblindness is only an issue with some things, and they can make you lose weight.There are certainly jobs you can do in the military if you're color blind. And they will help you lose weight.


I have no idea about the lyme disease, as I can't find anything about it.According to the Mayo Clinic website, it's easily treated with antibiotics. I'm not sure why you think that'd be a problem (or for that matter, why you haven't been to a doctor to get said antibiotics).


IIRC, you can back out until the second time they swear you in - but I've never been in the military (so I'm obviously not a recruiter), so this is just going by memory from when I've had friends join.This is correct, unless they've drastically changed the way they do business since I enlisted. Rabbit's right that you still need a GED, though.

[pendell]

alright so I'm currently waiting for a case worker from the local career center to call me back. so the only thing I need to figure out is a place to stay until I can get things together and my own apartment. Thanks for all the help everyone.

Prayers. I wish you well.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Skeppio]

alright so I'm currently waiting for a case worker from the local career center to call me back. so the only thing I need to figure out is a place to stay until I can get things together and my own apartment. Thanks for all the help everyone.

Best of luck, mate.

[Crispy Dave]

Finally got through to my mom after calling almost all day yesterday she returned my call this morning. She just spewed some speech she memorized while she wasn't taking my calls so it seems going back to her isn't an option. I have a friend who said I could stay with him until I found a place and a job. That case worker still hasn't returned my call so I'll call the place in a little while If he still hasn't.

I have decided against the military.

seems I have things mostly figured out thanks for all the help guys and more advice on how to go through with my plan is always appreciated.

here have a meat cookie all of you.
http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg39/crispydave/cookie1.gif?t=1284742176

[valadil]

She just spewed some speech she memorized while she wasn't taking my calls so it seems going back to her isn't an option.

TY for the meat cookie. Out of curiosity, what would happen if you showed up on your mom's doorstep? It's a lot easier to say no to someone over the phone than face to face.

[Crispy Dave]

TY for the meat cookie. Out of curiosity, what would happen if you showed up on your mom's doorstep? It's a lot easier to say no to someone over the phone than face to face.

I was planning to find that out once I got back into town.

[Kallisti]

Best wishes. I wish there were something I could do to help, but I'm not exactly an expert. Still, though, it sounds like between job corps and the career center you've got at least a few options.

[Crow]

Job Corps isn't something that people just sign their loved ones up for unless they have a reason.

I'll just say that maybe it might be a good thing for you.