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View Full Version : how do you politely tell someone to get the hell out of your group?



nihilism
2010-09-29, 05:35 PM
well here i am in a bit of a dilemma, i started a very serious pbp game set immediately following ww2. The first person to respond sent a long brilliant piece of writing detailing his character and first actions. ten minutes later i received another email: "may my 11 year old brother join?.". I explained to young potential player that my group is very focused on roleplaying and that the subject matter will probably be around that of an r rated movie, are your parents ok with that, the pleasant young fellow said "yes" and that was that.

it soon became apparent that he knew absolutely nothing about the time period and chose to play a holocaust survivor because he knows nothing else about the time period. However he also knows almost nothing about the holocaust and it just seems disrespectful.

how do i get him the hell out of my group, preferable without pissing him or his bro off.

true_shinken
2010-09-29, 05:43 PM
how do i get him the hell out of my group, preferable without pissing him or his bro off.

Tell him what the problem is. Offer a few books on the subject. Heck, there are quite a few romances about it out there. I don't know the original title, but there is a book that was translated to portuguese as O Menino do Pijama Listrado which illustrates the period in a way kids can identify.

Don't kick him out just yet, give the guy a chance.

Tyndmyr
2010-09-29, 05:45 PM
Ask them "Hey, who all is playing in our group again?"

When they list themselves say "wrong!".


On a more serious note, just explain that you're sorry, but it appears to be a bit mature of a session for him. You might try talking with his brother first, and mention your concerns, and ask him how to break it to him.

DabblerWizard
2010-09-29, 10:10 PM
The most obvious way to ask someone to leave a group, politely, is to ask them to leave, politely.

"You know [screen name here], because of [the follow reasons], I think / feel [this certain way], and thus I am asking you to no longer participate in our group." - Explanations should obviously be a little more natural sounding.

Speaking more specifically though, when you want someone to leave a group, the best thing to do, is actually talk to them about it. The immature way of going about it, would be to just block them, or no longer respond to them, etc.

So, if you want to talk to them, what do you say and how do you say it?

Getting kicked out of a group is often not fun, but reasonable justifications can sometimes help lessen the blow of being shooed away. Turning the situation into a power struggle, or making that strong-armed element too apparent, will leave a bad taste in multiple people's mouths.

Justifications could include your personal thoughts / feelings, how the player negatively impacts you or the group, or other more situation specific conditions (your not being comfortable with 11 year old players, for instance, perhaps)

It also helps to point out that you recognize that they will likely be pissed off or upset about having to leave the group. It shows empathy...

You want to say (or type) this in a calm, reasonable fashion. Don't accuse. Don't be harsh and impatient.

All of this assumes, of course, that you're absolutely set on kicking the player out. That might not be necessary. You could decide to give this younger player some slack, and try to curb any obviously bothersome behaviors, before jumping to the decision of terminating his right to take part in the game.