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Chess435
2010-10-14, 04:25 PM
I composed this poem last night while being rather bored. I hope you like it.



A Hero's Inspiration
By Cody Trumbel (chess435)


This is the place where our fates converge
Where our destinies intertwine
And when our bold quest is complete,
We'll feast on bread and wine

Let us venture forth boldly without fear
Into the monster's lair
And when we emerge victorious,
It shall cause no more despair

Swords shall clash, shields shall splinter
Yet our resolve will not abate
When we go forth and do battle,
Giving our lives to fate






So, what do you think?

Ranger Mattos
2010-10-14, 08:59 PM
Not that I know anything about poetry, but I like it.

Gulaghar
2010-10-15, 01:57 AM
The first line of the second stanza is a bit clunky, but otherwise I like it.

Dogmantra
2010-10-15, 08:02 AM
The first line of the second stanza is a bit clunky, but otherwise I like it.

"Let us venture boldly forth" seems to fit better than what you've got now. Also, "shields shall splinter" reads quite awkwardly to me.

Other than that though, I like it.

Blue Ghost
2010-10-15, 06:25 PM
Not bad, not bad at all. Sounds like the sort of thing my bard would sing in Lix's PbP game. (Don't worry, I won't think of stealing this from you.)
What does "It shall cause on more despair" mean?

Chess435
2010-10-16, 12:03 PM
The on was a typo. I meant to say no. :smallredface:

Gulaghar
2010-10-16, 05:19 PM
The on was a typo. I meant to say no. :smallredface:

It sounds more poetic though, even if it makes no sense.

Hyoumu Yau
2010-10-16, 06:38 PM
It's good, I think :smalltongue: The first line in the second (what-do-you-call-it-my-english-is-bad) is a little bit to long I thing, but other than that, it's good.

P.S: Gah! Why are there so many Kirbatars? :smalleek:

Gulaghar
2010-10-16, 08:14 PM
It's good, I think :smalltongue: The first line in the second (what-do-you-call-it-my-english-is-bad) is a little bit to long I thing, but other than that, it's good.

P.S: Gah! Why are there so many Kirbatars? :smalleek:

The word you're looking for is stanza.

As for the kirbatars, it's video game week. :smallbiggrin: