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fortesama
2010-11-14, 08:05 PM
Exactly what the title says. In my case:

Seducing every thing that moves is not a lawful act.
My characters may no longer try to seduce everyone they meet.
My female characters, however, are allowed to try to seduce anyone regardless of their gender.
Tha last one was not a double standard.
As a warforged, and when the DM ruled that animated objects are a valid form, I may not use Alter Self to become someone's undergarments.
As an err...substitute DM, I may no longer cause a TPK without the main DM's permission.... unless the party did something incredibly stupid like a party member traveling through the desert alone, without food, water transport, supplies, clothing, the occasional hooker...

Callista
2010-11-14, 08:35 PM
*Even though he is made of the body parts of hapless commoners, the flesh golem is not afraid of my seven-pound housecat familiar.
*If I attempt to Detect Magic on the epic-level artifact, I deserve the resulting migraine.
*No longer allowed to use oozes as ranged weapons.

Synapse
2010-11-14, 08:38 PM
* Cannot replace the local noble's sugar tablets with frozen pieces of the party's pet gelatinous cube.
* Cannot challenge the masochistic cleric of Pain to fights every morning after she is done "preparing her spells".

Coplantor
2010-11-14, 09:04 PM
-You are not allowed to convince a priest that his god is A-OK with lust
-Invisibilty is not for casting arcane mark on someones butt
-Nor is it for any sort of stupid prank
-You cannot have a catapult
-You cannot stop adventuring for 9 years to earn a degree in laws so you can easily abuse loopholes in the legal system of the kingdom to become the new king.

AshDesert
2010-11-14, 09:15 PM
-Fire doesn't solve every problem, no matter how many times I've proved it with anecdotal evidence, and I'm no longer allowed to try to collect anecdotal evidence.
-Black Tentacles is strictly forbidden on all nongood characters.
-Phrenic (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/monsters/phrenicCreature.htm) Cats are no longer allowed to talk in public due to the possibility of mass hysteria and witch burnings.

fortesama
2010-11-15, 12:47 AM
Got a few more:
* If my character can one-shot the BBEG with a defensive buff, she will be killed in short order.
* After convincing the DM to let my warforged use Alter Self to become undergarments for spying purposes, i am not allowed to "vibrate" or to perform "forced intrusion".
* My awakened wolf druid may not have a human companion... unless it's a certain faithless chaotic evil ranger from luskan that would become the companion.
* Our kobold sorcerer tied on a stick is not a valid substitute for a wand.
* Neither is our gnome bard.

WarKitty
2010-11-15, 12:56 AM
-Any attempts at using seduction to rob or otherwise incapacitate a character must be told to the DM first, so he doesn't end up trying to frantically get out of the impending sexual encounter

dspeyer
2010-11-15, 12:58 AM
I may not recruit random encounters into the party (even if it worked out that one time).

If I have brought terrible destruction to a major city on multiple occasions, I will not ask the survivors for details.

I may not carefully determine the limits of cantrips, especially mage hand, and use them most efficiently.


All based on actual campaigns.

Callos_DeTerran
2010-11-15, 01:06 AM
One for my IRL players:

*Just because it was a good idea to skin some animals to craft a much needed tent does not make it good policy to extend that idea to everything else I kill.

lordyoshi01
2010-11-15, 01:15 AM
* It is not okay to try to cast Animate Dead on one the corpse of a fellow party member... this goes doubly for a good group.
* Killing every NPC is not a a good way to stay on the DM's good side.
* I can not switch what languages my character knows to whatever is the most convinient at the time.
* I must try not to purposely make characters based on other characters. I should also not name those characters based on the character of their insperation.
* I cannot become the DM so that I can give my character free exp.
* Enemies with names and specially made by the DM that are not the final boss are probably meant to be reoccurring characters. I should not try to kill these characters in their first appearence and waste the time the DM worked on it.
* In a good group I should not go on killing sprees in the nearest town. That may also apply in a evil group.
* It is not okay to push a teammate into a trap or environment hazard.
* Making a diplomacy check in combat against the final boss while playing as a barbarian is a waste of everyone's time.
* I shouldn't bring my weighted dice to game sessions anymore.
* As the DM, I shouldn't make every campaign play like Tomb of Horrors. Especially against low level characters, doubly so against new players.
* As the DM, I shouldn't set the DC of every skill challenge or check to an impossible number.
* Killing my teammates so I can use their equipment is not nice.
* I should never, ever, ask the DM if I can eat an important friendly NPC, while he's still alive... or when he's dead.
* I shouldn't argue with the DM that I want to reroll because I'm not using my weighted dice.
* Doing a strip tease on a town mailbox is not an effective way to make money.
* I cannot ask the DM if I can play as an ooze.
* Trying to intimidate a spynx with the threat of getting it wet by throwing a bucket of water on it won't work, even if I roll high enough.

I'll think of more later

Volos
2010-11-15, 01:50 AM
I am not allowed to play a shifter druid with the following feats : Combat Expertise, Deadly Defense, and Improved Natural Weapon Claw, for the sole purpose of using my pounce attack as leopard to do 10d6 damage a round as a 6th level character.
I am not allowed to play a shifter druid.
I am not allowed to play a druid.
I am now stuck being the DM.

Alleran
2010-11-15, 02:02 AM
* I am no longer permitted to Wild Shape my druid into a bear riding a bear while summoning bears, owing to the number of jokes that issue from me when it happens. The DM and other players can't bear to hear them anymore.

EDIT: The same goes for dragons and insisting that the party is "dragn' me down" when they can't keep up - and yes, these have actually happened. :smallbiggrin:

Volos
2010-11-15, 02:13 AM
I am not allowed to play a [Insert Name of PHB Class Here]
I am not allowed to play a Commoner (Directly due to the Commoner-Out-Fighting-Everyone-In-The-Party fiasco)
I am stuck being the DM... again.


Seriously, this always happens. While I do not attempt to break characters (I played a druid with no feats once), I end up thinking of smart ideas that make encounters much easier then they normally would be. And for some reason the DMs go with it (I personally have +20 to Diplomacy) and then the group hates me for it. Case in point, I played a commoner with a stick. The big bad decided to attack me in a field of chickens. So I riled the chickens up while making a handle animal check to avoid seeming like a target to them. Next thing we know, hundreds of chickens flank and attack the big bad. Each has to do a single point of damage if they hit, and many of them did. The big bad had no DR, and suddenly I couldn't play commoners anymore. Note, the rest of the party was playing Player Classes.

Geode
2010-11-15, 03:29 AM
If I wasn't allowed to use Grimtooth's traps, why did the players give me the book for my birthday?

I am no longer allowed to drop a rock on the Bard to shut him up, even if everyone including his player thought it was a good idea at the time.

I'm no longer allowed to put a dungeon in an abandoned coal mine and then set it on fire.

I suppose that I can no longer give the players a bucket of helpfully-numbered bones because they will no longer want to assemble them to see what it is.

hamishspence
2010-11-15, 04:51 AM
The list of Things Mr Welsh is no longer allowed to do in an RPG:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG

is a pretty good one for this sort of thing.

Katana_Geldar
2010-11-15, 05:51 AM
Even with a natural 20, I cannot steal the innkeeper's pants while he is wearing them
The DM does not want to know what is in the jar of white liquid that I am hiding.
Cats do not as weapons.
I am not allowed to time how long it takes to break tonight's plot.

Rasman
2010-11-15, 06:48 AM
I'm no longer allowed to play an Oratory Bard wearing Studded Leather Armor, a Mask of Death (Randomly Rolled Mind you), and wielding a whip and net.

I may no longer refer to my Planar Shepherd as a "powerful wizard" just because he's wearing a Monocle of Truth. (Works like Candle of Truth once a day)

GoatBoy
2010-11-15, 07:16 AM
- May not have cleric fill all spell slots with metamagick'd versions of "create water."

- May not have rogue who only puts one skill point into as many "Profession" skills as I can think of.

- If thought of an action causes me to giggle for more than ten seconds, assume I am not allowed to do it.

- My character is not in need of a more suitable host body.

- My alignment is not "chaotic indifferent."

- Nor "lawful smelly."

- Touching a female with Lay On Hands does not cause my Paladin to fall.

- Correction: Touching a female with Lay On Hands does not cause my Paladin to fall, as long as I do not specify where I am touching her.

- Not allowed to put "Canadian" as my race.

- "Contact Other Plane" does not allow me to sell my soul for rock and roll.

- Not allowed to inquire as to whether the Potion of Cure Light Wounds is certified kosher.

- No matter how strong my faith in him, Richard Dawkins does not grant cleric spells.

- Any Gather Information check automatically fails if its purpose is to determine "where da white women at."

Saintheart
2010-11-15, 08:29 AM
* May not use the first verse of "U Can't Touch This" as the somatic component for my character's Mage Armor spells.

* There are no circumstance bonuses to Intimidate checks for standing over the DM and thumping my free hand with a baseball bat.

* Even if I have darkvision, and no matter how much my character misses his ex-girlfriend, it is not appropriate for my character to wear my sunglasses at night.

* Not permitted to invoke Rule 37 as an explanation for my character being half-catfolk.

* Can not pay for the Rapid Shot feat by taking a "Rambo incoherence" flaw.

* "Hundred metres" is not a valid player character race.

* Nor is "marathon".

* Nor is "Chariots of Fire".

* I am not permitted to suggest that the barbarian simply go to work with his adamantine maul and build "shortcuts" through the DM's dungeon.

Dienekes
2010-11-15, 09:17 AM
May not broker a deal to betray the party with the BBEG in front of the party, even if it is "in character"

Can't refer to all elves/druids/nymphs/ect. met in the campaign as "dirty hippies"

May no longer have my character speak in accent: Texting, lol.

Mordokai
2010-11-15, 09:25 AM
Tying a gnome to a 50' rope and throwing him in front of the party to check for traps and then dragging him back to check for more traps is not an acceptable substitute for a Search and Disable Device skills... even if it is more amusing.

For that same reason, I'm not allowed to take Leadership feat and have myself being followed by a legion of gnomes.

Ernir
2010-11-15, 09:38 AM
I am no longer allowed to take the Touch of Golden Ice feat and shake hands with everyone I meet.

Signmaker
2010-11-15, 09:52 AM
I am no longer allowed to take the Touch of Golden Ice feat and shake hands with everyone I meet.

On a similar vein, no longer will I share bloodsweets with everyone I meet as a gesture of goodwill.

dsmiles
2010-11-15, 10:05 AM
I am not allowed to use the Kobold rogue tied to a rope as an improvised weapon. Even if it's an enemy.

I am no longer allowed to hide on the ceiling just because "guards never look up."

EDIT: I am not allowed to use zombies as clubs when playing a Large character. They don't do enough damage, being squishy.

Mr.Smashy
2010-11-15, 10:36 AM
I am no longer allowed to play a repair man in any genre.

I am no longer allowed to disturb Casinos with large sacks of Rats, Weasels, Ferrets, Ect.

I am no longer allowed to juice said creatures on Vigoroids prior to.

When one member of the party is mentally unstable, no handing him a flamethrower.

Cat-calling is generally directed towards human beings, unlike the name suggests.

I am not allowed to saw anyone in half with a mini-uzi ever again.

My matter mage cannot blow 5 paradox in any situation, ever again.

I cannot trick the BBEG to eat the bread that I have poisoned by bluffing him into believing someone else has poisoned his drink already.

Me and the elf cannot taunt the dwarf in Sylvan, especially if he happens to speak it.

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, now i have my Black Plague shot does not work. This is final.

When determining who will seduce the (princess/barmaid/insert occupation here) that is generally not the Barbarians job. Even if he has muscles on muscles.

Note: I cannot rage if the (princess/barmaid/insert occupation here) does not take kindly to my advances.

2nd Note: When seducing city royalty, armpit licking, kossak dancing, and flaming liquors do not have any place.

3rd Note: The Princess does not want to see my grooming habits, especially if they involve chicken grease and sealing wax.

lordyoshi01
2010-11-15, 10:47 AM
* Evard's Black Tentacles is a combat spell.
* There are actions I can take during Time Stop, and there are actions that make the DM mad when used during Time Stop... or any time really.
* Gnomes do not have a vibrate setting.
* I cannot declair my character to have a super power in a D&D campaign. Especially without telling the DM first.
* Evard's Black Tentacles is a combat spell.
* Mirror Image cannot be used to help a seduction check.
* I should not purposely try to have the group fail a skill challenge just so we have to fight a difficult fight.
* Lawful Amazing is not an alignment.
* A teammate's corpse shouldn't be used as a thrown weapon.
* Evard's Black Tentacles is a combat spell.

Cyrion
2010-11-15, 11:20 AM
I am not allowed to use glyph of warding on the rogue's scabbard. Nor on his fly.

I am not allowed to sell the cleric into slavery without her knowledge and consent.

I am not allowed to memorize magic mouth if camels may be involved.

I may not put an arcane lock on the outhouse door.

Quincunx
2010-11-15, 11:34 AM
I am still not allowed to roll UMD against the DM's rhetorical device.

When the DM said "roll and keep" dice, it was implied that I would give them back at the end of the session.

Volos
2010-11-15, 11:46 AM
I may not give Power Word spells from Races of the Dragon to every NPC in my campaign world, no matter how much ballance will come from it.
Following that, I may not give any spell from Races of the Dragon to any NPC in my campaign world unless they are dragons.
Scratch that, even dragons don't need to be that broken.
Even if I can make it work in the story, I cannot make the Nypmh a Paladin just so that she gets double her Cha to all saves. Even if her father was Pelor himself.
While I may have come up with a perfectly good reason to turn the Cleric's god evil, I may not punish him for the actions of a being he had no control over.
I may not take away my player's trail rations just because they haven't passed the chips. This goes double if they are traveling through a desert / desolate wasteland / artic snow plains / ect.
I may not make all helms found by the Paladin to be Helms of Reverse Alignment, even if he is a douche.
I may not make the BBEG a gnome. They are not terrifying.
I may not pass out copies of The Evil Overlord List (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EvilOverlordList) to each and every evil NPC in my campaign world, no matter how appropiate it seems.

dsmiles
2010-11-15, 12:00 PM
Even if I can make it work in the story, I cannot make the Nypmh a Paladin just so that she gets double her Cha to all saves. Even if her father was Pelor himself.


Um, why not?

Mordokai
2010-11-15, 12:26 PM
2nd Note: When seducing city royalty, armpit licking, kossak dancing, and flaming liquors do not have any place.

Unacceptable! Cossack dance always has place in seducing the ladies!


Um, why not?

Does that even work, mechanically? I'm sure somebody has already came up with this, but it just seems a wee bit too obvious to be possible.

Choco
2010-11-15, 12:26 PM
* "If violence does not solve all your problems, you are obviously not using enough of it" is not allowed to be my character's defining belief. Especially if the DM is trying to run an RP heavy game.

* Setting other party members up to die "just cause it is funny" is frowned upon.

* Just because I know none of the party's plans will ever work without complications, I am not allowed to predict and plan for getting out of those eventual complications. Especially if the DM based the next campaign arc on said complications.

SamsDisciple
2010-11-15, 12:27 PM
From GURPS
I may not use explosives indoors
I may not hide by laying flat on the floor, even if I am an ooze
C4 frizbee's are not allowed to be sold to children (even if they are a 30 year old elf like race)
From d&d
I may not dispel an avatar of a god... anymore :)
I may only recruit androgynous races to worship Sam the androgynous (yes elves count)
Barbarians are not to be used as a scout, especially when wielding an axe of brilliant energy

Otherworld Odd
2010-11-15, 12:31 PM
Can't eat the raktavarna when it turns into a small indestructible metal bead.

Edit: Also not allowed to rally a crowd with diplomacy in a fight by saying the party cleric will how them her breasts if I win.

dsmiles
2010-11-15, 12:36 PM
Unacceptable! Cossack dance always has place in seducing the ladies!
As do flaming liquors!

Does that even work, mechanically? I'm sure somebody has already came up with this, but it just seems a wee bit too obvious to be possible.
I can't see why it wouldn't. One's a racial bonus, the other's a class feature.

Mordokai
2010-11-15, 12:56 PM
Like I said, I'm not very rules savy, but it makes sense. And wow, that's like +8 bonus to all saves for an average nymph paladin. Very nice.

dsmiles
2010-11-15, 01:07 PM
"Drive-by Orking" is not an acceptable means of ending an encounter.

"<Insert Creature Name Here> Stroganoff" is not the correct term for a defeated enemy. Especially if said enemy is still alive.

Moradin is not the "Beer God," so my Dwarven cleric of Moradin cannot go around yelling "Beer for the Beer God!" in taverns.

boj0
2010-11-15, 01:56 PM
Shadowrun
- I am not allowed to have a dice pool in any skill higher than 20.
- I am not allowed to one shot every enemy by making called shots to the groin.
- I am not allowed to use a flaming hobo as a means to judge Megacorp security.
- I will remove my helmet and weapons when entering the club to meet Mr. Johnson
- I am not allowed to kill the bouncers who tell me to take my helmet off.
- I am not allowed to kill team members who tell me to stop killing bouncers.

SWSE
- I am not allowed to have a Stealth modifier higher than 30, at level 7
- I am not allowed to have a shield generator and a stealth field active at the same time.
- Being a droid does not give me permission to do "The Robot" as a cultural expression.
- Rodians do not speak with a British accent, this is a glitch in my vocabulator
- Threatening the team that I do not sleep and reminding them of my hatred of organics does not count as "fair warning"
- I am not a god

Dungeons & Dragons
- I am not allowed to end the insane, campaign altering battle by one shotting the biggest guy in the opposing army during the surprise round
- I will not put my archer in a situation that would remove one of his arms...again.
- Out performing against the casters in the party with a warblade does not give me the right to proclaim myself "King of D&D"
- I am no longer allowed to play an artificer...no, not even then.
- I will not use the evil artifact of doom to TPK my party and turn into a dragon.
- I will not stage a coup to become the next Pirate King
- I am never allowed to think about playing a Tier 1 class ever again
- Victory as a rogue is more than "I lived and kept the loot"

dsmiles
2010-11-15, 02:01 PM
- Victory as a rogue is more than "I lived and kept the loot"Since when? :smalltongue:

Callista
2010-11-15, 02:03 PM
Hey, not every rogue is like that. Which makes me think of...

*I may no longer multiclass Paladin and Rogue. It confuses the traditionalists.

Reynard
2010-11-15, 02:14 PM
-I may no longer set the Paladin on fire. While it may have solved nearly all of our problems thus far, I have agreed that the first action a seasoned party makes should not be to ignite our toughest member, point him towards the problem, and release. (Stolen mostly from Graywatch.)

-Factotum//Warblade/Psion is not allowed in any more games, on pain of being bludgeoned to death by the DMG.
--Same for Factotum//Wizard.
--Factotum//Anything will be looked at with distrust, basically.

-Also, godsdamnit, no more Half Minotaurs.

-While it may be 'awesome' and effective, covering the Barbarians armour in Exploding Runes is considered bad form. Especially if done without their consent.

AtwasAwamps
2010-11-15, 02:16 PM
From one character:

*Inventing the fist-bump with the cleric is not okay. We’ll keep it, but it’s not okay.

*Tying the suicidal monk to a tree as a “combat tetherball” was a wonderful idea, but not an effective one.

*No, I cannot put points in Country Line-Dancing just because I got a natural 20 in attempting to distract people from shenanigans with my skillful do-si-do.

*I cannot accidentally get my paladin laid by the female pirate captain again, even if it is hot. (Apparently a diplomacy roll of 27 for “Could you have your cook make me some pancakes?” was very seductive.

*I must stop eating pancakes and reminiscing whenever possible.

*I must stop coming up with heroic paladin catchphrases to shout whenever I feel like it.

*I must stop setting up moments for the monk to drop cheesy kung-fu lines.

*I must stop completely ignoring every single thing the rogue does. Really. Everything. I hate the rogue.

*I must stop bullrushing people off of things. The DM doesn’t like doing the math or figuring this stuff out.

*No. I can’t surf down the lava flow on my tower shield. Even if I rolled a 20 for untrained “Lava Surfing”.

*If I’m going to intimidate the villain, I should do so after donning clothing and gathering my arms and armor, not leaping out of the bath and attempting to smite him with a child’s rubber duck.

dsmiles
2010-11-15, 02:22 PM
*I must stop coming up with heroic paladin catchphrases to shout whenever I feel like it.

*I must stop setting up moments for the monk to drop cheesy kung-fu lines.

*I must stop bullrushing people off of things. The DM doesn’t like doing the math or figuring this stuff out.

*If I’m going to intimidate the villain, I should do so after donning clothing and gathering my arms and armor, not leaping out of the bath and attempting to smite him with a child’s rubber duck.

1. "Good for the Good God!"
2. Watch some late-night Kung-Fu theater, turn the volume all the way down, and practice your cheesy Kung-Fu lines. You'll never need to set up a situation again, they'll flow naturally from your lips.
3. Wait. No bullrushing people off of cliffs? Where's the fun in that. Oooh, I know...bullrush them into things...:smalltongue:
4. I can think of worse things to smite the bad guy with. :smalleek:

Volos
2010-11-15, 02:27 PM
Um, why not?

It led to a nearly unkillable paladin who had Cha to all saves 3 or 4 times (Feats, Classes, ect) and she also had her Cha to Armor 2 or 3 times (Feats, Classes, ect). I wasn't entirely sure why my good aligned party was trying to kill her, but they thought they had just cause. Something about 'she lied to us', when the paladin made a statement based on the information she knew to be true. -shrugs-

Esser-Z
2010-11-15, 02:29 PM
*I cannot accidentally get my paladin laid by the female pirate captain again, even if it is hot. (Apparently a diplomacy roll of 27 for “Could you have your cook make me some pancakes?” was very seductive.


...Why? Paladins don't have to be chaste.

nedz
2010-11-15, 02:35 PM
May not operate a travelling kitchen since not all wandering monsters taste like chicken, even if we do add garlic.

Not allowed to use Prestidigitation to clense an Evil Temple.

I cannot turn vampires with a silent image of a holy symbol, ever again.

Callista
2010-11-15, 02:43 PM
Why not? I think that's a great use of Silent Image.

*Not allowed to start mud-wrestling matches.
*I may no longer refer to the Detect Law spell as a "fuzz buster".
*If I buy a signal whistle, I will admit I deserve the "rape whistle" jokes, no matter how useful it is.

AtwasAwamps
2010-11-15, 03:04 PM
...Why? Paladins don't have to be chaste.

It wasn't so much "Chaste" as it is the fact that he brings it up whenever the 16 year old monk says something unfavorable.

"Man, you can't hit anything, can you?"
"I'm the only guy in this group who's 'hit' anything during the course of our adventures, kid."
"Huh? But I...oh. Ohhhhh!"

Mordokai
2010-11-15, 03:07 PM
Vanity is one of the seven deadly sins, you know :smalltongue: Or at least close enough.

Good thing DnD paladins aren't bound by our religious standards, I guess :smallbiggrin:

Synapse
2010-11-15, 03:08 PM
DÆmon RPG
In the army, it is not good form to wrestle an enemy in power armor just because you can dodge all his blows with your cybernetic enhancements.

Choco
2010-11-15, 03:22 PM
* If anything about my character makes anyone at the table burst out laughing whenever it is brought up, I cannot play that character.

* If anything about my character makes anyone at the table physically uncomfortable, I cannot play that character.

* I am apparently supposed to use all of my character's abilities on a regular basis so the DM does not forget that I have them, so as to avoid another 1-turn victory over the BBEG.

Amphetryon
2010-11-15, 03:24 PM
*Setting the Frenzied Berzerker on fire "until he calms down" is no longer an acceptable tactic.

lordyoshi01
2010-11-15, 03:27 PM
* Never argue with the healer.
* Witty one liners are good sometimes, not so much every time I attack.
* I am no longer allowed to make decisions for the group. Especially ones they didn't agree to.
* Yelling, "don't attack me kill my healer!" is not going to get enemies to attack me. It will only earn the ire of the DM and the healer.
* Just because I made a successful attack does not mean I can ask the DM if I just hacked off one of the enemy's limbs.
* I am no longer allowed to choose to pick up the spell, Evard's Black Tentacles.
* I may never, ever, play as the tank/defender, or the healer within any group ever again.
* Cutting off the head of a fallen enemy and throwing it at another enemy is entertaining, not useful.
* If my character is drinking alchohol, I cannot ask the DM to roll to see if I'm getting drunk.
* Making an interrigation check against a king whose guards are surrounding the group is not a smart thing to do if we are tryig to get his cooperation peacefully.
* I may no longer use any non-martial class.

nedz
2010-11-15, 04:14 PM
Why not? I think that's a great use of Silent Image.
I wasn't playing a cleric

Jyokage
2010-11-15, 04:29 PM
I am never allowed to play a half fiend Chaos Monk with no level adjustment ever again... because apparently having a monk who doesn't quite suck is anethema to the DM's sanity.

AtwasAwamps
2010-11-15, 04:45 PM
Vanity is one of the seven deadly sins, you know :smalltongue: Or at least close enough.

Good thing DnD paladins aren't bound by our religious standards, I guess :smallbiggrin:

Funny Story:

My paladin has 17 charisma. I mistakenly decided that charisma was without a doubt the best stat for a paladin, so it’s higher than my strength AND my con. Go me. Anyways, I played this to the hilt…I wanted my paladin to be a good looking, charming soul. We decided he looked like a big, strong, farmboy type, with a kind of innocent and simple charm to him and a great smile.

Then, after a few weeks, our DM said we were going to roll for ‘comeliness’ since charisma was just personality.

I got mad. I chewed the DM out for introducing the new stat in the middle of the game because I had been playing my paladin a certain way and this could force me to change everything just because he felt like adding in a new number. I told him that if this somehow resulted in my paladin being ugly as sin, then all the roleplaying I’d done up to know was basically invalid because an aspect of the character that I liked and controlled was thrown away from me because he wanted to encourage more randomness (he and I get into fights about that all the time…when I run games, the dice are little less relevant than a building competence and roleplay). We went back and forth and he finally pulled the “I’m the DM” card and told me to roll it. So I did.

We roll 4d6b3. If all four are sixes, we get a 20.

I got a 20.

I am the prettiest paladin.

GoatBoy
2010-11-15, 05:02 PM
- The halflings are not after me Lucky Charms.

Noedig
2010-11-15, 05:02 PM
*I am not allowed to cheat at dice in Sigil, and then leave my party to handle the gamblers from the Nine Hells.
*I am not allowed to bathe in the blood of my enemies.
*I am not allowed to use a combination of grease and tindertwigs for interrogation purposes.
*I am not allowed to chain my enemies to a chair and light them on fire with the aforementioned tools.

Mordokai
2010-11-15, 05:16 PM
Funny Story: *snip*

You seem to have a lot of those :smallsmile: Which, of course, is only good for you.

The Deej
2010-11-15, 06:47 PM
I am not allowed to play any character with ranks in Profession (oldest)

Logalmier
2010-11-15, 07:05 PM
Setting fire to everything is not an appropriate response to the days struggles.

the humanity
2010-11-15, 08:37 PM
My bard is not allowed to hide on the rooftops while the rest of the party fights the women I bothered by stealing from while I attempted to distract them by kissing them.

I may not attempt to assassinate any kings in Ravenloft upon meeting them.

I am not allowed to make a halfling diviner running from the law.

Otherworld Odd
2010-11-15, 08:40 PM
I'm not allowed to Temporal Acceleration into Fission and morph into chokers just so I can cast Recall Death four times every round.

Not allowed to commit suicide just because I get bored of my character.

Halae
2010-11-15, 08:42 PM
Anima
* I am no longer allowed to combine the inhumanity and Igneous Weapon spells to Falcon Punch things into oblivion
* With holding my prophetic visions from the party because "The outcome is gonna be hilarious" is no longer allowed
* If my character can sit down for half an hour and recover all of his life points, he is not allowed
* The DM doesn't like figuring out the stats of my badass sword when I put three creation points in Artifact
* The enemy's hair is not considered flammable material by the ignite flame spell
* I am no longer allowed to use fireball when in an airship
* I am no longer allowed to use fireball in wooden buildings
* I am no longer allowed to use fireball

Dungeons And Dragons
* I am not allowed to be immune to damage, even if it is a good tactic and easy to pull off
* I am not allowed to take commoner specific flaws
* I am not allowed to take frenzied berserker, even if my character would
* My warforged is not named "Robot McGee"
* Nor is my Warlock's name "Whoop" even if the rules never specify where you shoot your eldritch blast from
* Nor is the monk "Footslap"
* A Medium Creature cannot use a 184 lb. sword, even if the rules say I can
* No seducing anything with less than medium size as a Half-Ogre
* Dungeon Crasher is no longer usable more than once a round

Katana_Geldar
2010-11-15, 08:43 PM
A centaur does not count as a mount
People tend to notice if you make off with the bride on her wedding day
No matter how well I roll, I cannot steal the crown off the king's head

Halae
2010-11-15, 08:45 PM
No matter how well I roll, I cannot steal the crown off the king's head


oh right, another of mine...

* My female character cannot seduce the king

onthetown
2010-11-15, 09:29 PM
If I ever play another enchanter, the DM may or may not decide to throw me into Ravenloft or a forest full of plants, considering the spectacular success of my wizards' Sleep and Charm spells.
No, I may not Charm or charm a vampire no matter how charming he is, even if he's totally trying to charm me first.
My enchanter may no longer try to seduce every living enemy male humanoid that she comes across or the DM will make every living enemy male humanoid either sexually confused or homosexual. While sleeping with people is an effective way to settle an issue, the DM most certainly has a sword-thrashing adventure planned and I should not try to avoid it.
I may no longer look at an obvious plot hook, entertain it for two seconds, and then turn tail and never touch it again.
Obvious plot hooks are no longer to be outright ignored, no matter how much I'm not interested, because it's a lot more interesting than sitting around doing nothing and not gaining any EXP.
No, I may not give my 3.5 characters ranks in "Innuendo" just because there is a blank space in the skills list.
"Innuendo" does not mean what I think it means and any attempt to use it as such will fail.
Apparently, I cannot use said skill to make bar buddies with lude jokes while we're supposed to be doing something productive. The bar buddies that result will not help with the quest.
Letting the Hulking Hurler use my Ranger as an improvised ranged weapon, while entertaining, will definitely do lethal damage if we keep throwing her through anything resembling a solid material. We may no longer abuse her.
I may no longer abuse any of my characters mentally and emotionally -- they are screwed up enough as is, and I'll have a new generation of characters to torment before I know it.
I may no longer play Lawful Evil characters because I am better at finding loopholes than the DM is.
Any more abusing of the Diplomacy skill will result in several encounters, at much higher levels than my party, bent on doing nothing but grinding my characters' bones into fine ash.

Logalmier
2010-11-15, 09:41 PM
oh right, another of mine...

* My female character cannot seduce the king

Correction: the female character probably can seduce the king, but ewww, why would you ever want to? He's like, a bajillion years old!

FMArthur
2010-11-15, 10:11 PM
I may no longer use any ability that may transform my character into a Beholder, nor may I "temporarily" possess any Beholders the party finds anymore.
Same with Illithids.
Sitting lazily on a floating throne held up by a first-level spell is not enough to convince commoners that I am a king, nor kings that I am their king.
Similarly, sitting upon said throne above battles and "arbitrating" in favour of whatever side happens to be losing is not regarded as an indication of higher status or calling but is instead seen by NPCs as something a diseased beggar would do, and purposely causing the other players to lose battles confers negative experience points.

fortesama
2010-11-16, 01:28 AM
* I may no longer sing "Good Ship Venus" or similar during a drinking scene. Especially when the younger players arrive. With that said, an alarming number of minors in our group regularly make use of... inappropriate content.
* No matter how high my bard's Bluff result is, i cannot bluff the president/queen/empress out of office.

Stallion
2010-11-16, 02:07 AM
I cannot cast Create Water in people's pants.


I'm restricted to core and the Completes.


I cannot throw the gnome wizard and yell "MAGIC MISSILE!!!!" and have it count as the spell.


I cannot play a goliath. Or anything that qualifies for hulking hurler. One-shot-ing deities is not a good way to get on a DM's good side.


My characters can no longer make jokes about proportion when Enlarge Person or Reduce Person are cast.

I cannot use a caster class that doesn't already have a set spell list.


I cannot play a Dread Necromancer.


I cannot cause an entire swarm of spiders to be enlarged to colossal size.

TurtleKing
2010-11-16, 03:08 AM
I can not play a Prinny ever again.

Arutema
2010-11-16, 03:45 AM
I can not play a Prinny ever again.

That must have been epic, dood.

Rasman
2010-11-16, 06:23 AM
* I am no longer allowed to cast Charm Person on the party Ranger/Fighter/ Barbarian, and make them give me their last slice of pizza, even if I helped pay for it.

Quincunx
2010-11-16, 07:03 AM
We are playing with official first-party published books only.


No re-enacting fantasy series
No re-enacting sci-fi series
No pages-long quotations from your NaNoWriMo work-in-progress
No Illuminatus!
No Anarchists' Cookbook
No citing NAFTA, CAFTA, or other trade agreements
No liturgical materials
No psy-ops manuals to be used IC or OOC

Saintheart
2010-11-16, 08:03 AM
* When playing a wizard I am not permitted to use the Leadership feat to acquire 12 dwarves and a halfling as my cohorts.

* Regardless of the roll, and regardless of whether I specify it, I never find souvenir paperweights in the dragon's hoard.

* FORTRAN, COBOL and BASIC are not valid character language selections.

* When playing Warforged I am not permitted to refer to the other members of the party as 'meatbags'. I am also not permitted to state that love is hitting a target at long range with an Aratech Sniper Bow.

* I am not to refer to the Lizard King as Jim Morrison.

* I am not permitted to use a single character for my name, even if the sheet explicitly asks for one.

* May not list Eric Clapton as my patron deity.

* Not permitted to use any part of my character's anatomy other than his hands to administer touch spells.

* And just because the recipient of my touch spells is of the opposite gender does not render my healing sexual.

* And Marvin Gaye is never a good selection for a cleric's name under those circumstances.

fortesama
2010-11-16, 09:41 AM
* The village priest can tell that the unicorn we brought is a zombie with a Gentle Repose spell cast on it.
* The village elder can tell that the village priest is a zombie with a Gentle Repose spell cast on it.
* The villagers can tell that the village elder is a zombie with a Gentle Repose spell cast on it.
* News about a brand new zombie village spreads in a matter of seconds. We couldn't cast Gentle Repose on the whole village.

We had a warlock with a ridiculous amount of onyx on him. That's how we converted the village so fast.

Choco
2010-11-16, 09:59 AM
* If I make a sexual comment/joke involving an item, spell, or ability in my character's posession, I surrender my right to have access to the offending item, for this character and any in the future. In addition to the normal offenders (like rods and the Black Tentacles spell), I am also not allowed to have a tent or even a sack....

Saintheart
2010-11-16, 10:00 AM
* Rebuke/Command Undead does not allow me to put on an interpretative rendition of "Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones".

* My animal companion is not voiced by Robin Williams.

* No creating my character to be the animal companion of another PC.

* Magic Missile is a spell. It is not a description of what resides beneath my character's codpiece.

* Power Attack is a valid feat. Power Chord is not.

* Maxing my ranks in Perform (Dance) does not mean I may change my character's name to Michael Jackson.

* Perform (In the Bedroom) is not a valid skill selection.

* Not permitted to multiclass into one level of every base class.

* I am not permitted to cast Crushing Despair on myself with a Permanency effect and refer to myself as Tanis McEmo.

grarrrg
2010-11-16, 10:55 AM
* When playing a wizard I am not permitted to use the Leadership feat to acquire 12 dwarves and a halfling as my cohorts.


*nitpick*
There were 13 Dwarves, and a Halfling.

TurtleKing
2010-11-16, 11:04 AM
@Arutema: The party became deities because of my Prinny. The effects from this have rippled throughout multiple campaigns in the same cosmology.

Rockphed
2010-11-16, 11:34 AM
The list of Things Mr Welsh is no longer allowed to do in an RPG:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG

is a pretty good one for this sort of thing.

Indeed. In fact, they were the basis for the last incarnation (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29508) of this thread idea. Be warned, it is 67 pages long.

Terumitsu
2010-11-16, 12:24 PM
* The words "DOG PILE!" are no longer permitted to be spoken in combat.

* This goes doubly so when the party is made up of Large size creatures and others under the effect of the Enlarge Person Spell. Especially if the pile lands on the BBEG who happens to be a dwarf....

* Rod of Wonder + Glyph of Warding = Bad idea. I will not do this again unless I want to pollute the surrounding area with critters from the Far-Realms.

* Even if I have done the math and figured out how many Decanters of Endless Water I will need on the geyser setting and even if I have the gold and the means to do so, I am never again allowed to have a flying 'water powered sky sled.'

* If the bard is being a jerk, I am not allowed to throw them into the next room to check for traps. Especially if the dungeon is notorious for the amount of traps it has.

* I am not allowed to make a platform entirely out of Immovable Rods so as to summon Earth Elementals 500 feet off the ground. Especially if I am over the BBEG's castle. In fact, I am forbidden from any sort of 'aerial bombardment' tactics ever again.

* I am also forbidden from having in my possession two Immovable Rods at the same time. No exceptions.

* No matter how funny it is, I am not able to yell out "BREATH FIRE!" when I am confronted with a moment of sheer idiocy from one of the other players and I happen to be playing a Dragonfire Adept. It is also a bad idea to roll a bluff check while doing so to fake attack them and display just how bad an idea it is as I will most certainly crit-fail the roll and actually roast them pretty good.

* I will not tell the party alchemist to 'clap his hands' every time he rolls the dice for that craft check. This does not grant a circumstance bonus regardless of the reference.

* While Mythbuster Jamie Hyneman is right that lard fixes a lot of problems, it is not the end all fix-it tool.

dsmiles
2010-11-16, 12:32 PM
* While Mythbuster Jamie Hyneman is right that lard fixes a lot of problems, it is not the end all fix-it tool.

No, that would be duct tape.

EccentricCircle
2010-11-16, 12:55 PM
Detect thoughts can't be used against the DM...



Neither can Charm Person...



fireball is out too...

Amphetryon
2010-11-16, 02:14 PM
* No creating my character to be the animal companion of another PC.I would be so easily persuaded to allow this IMC.

Grendus
2010-11-16, 02:20 PM
Homebrew:
- No dungeon artifact will be activated by peeing on it.
- Regardless of the running joke, peeing on a dungeon artifact will not summon a white yellow dragon.
- Even if it did, it would not grant me wishes after I peed on it.
- I may not strap shields to both arms for double the armor, even if I am a spellcaster.
- No matter how much damage I do, the chunky salsa rule will not let me one shot the dragon.
- Correction: you cannot one shot the dragon unless you roll quadruple damage.
- Not allowed to roll quadruple damage against the dragon. Even if I do it naturally.
- Never (ever) say "there's no way that can hurt me" just because it can't penetrate my DR. It's next roll will always be triple damage.

The Deej
2010-11-16, 03:14 PM
* FORTRAN, COBOL and BASIC are not valid character language selections.


Except when playing SWSE for that last one :smallamused:

To those who might wonder: yes, I get the joke. I even know a bit of BASIC myself.

Kris Strife
2010-11-16, 04:57 PM
No, that would be duct tape.

High Explosives work better.

Teln
2010-11-16, 05:03 PM
Exalted

* Even if I have enough points to do it, I can't start with Solar Circle Sorcery.
** Or Void Circle Necromancy.
* Yes, Eye and Seven Despairs is a total loser. No, this doesn't mean I can start with the Fatal Arbalest of Quietus and Eclipses. (Earning it in play is another story.)
* I am not allowed to play a Twilight/Daybreak/Defiler ever again.
* If the circle feels that they have to make me swear an Eclipse-sanctified oath in order to avoid PvP, I shouldn't be surprised if I get thrown out of the group for breaking it.
* Even though Yu-Shan has no drug-control laws, I can't get away with slipping hallucinogenics into Chejop Kejak's tea.

Mordokai
2010-11-16, 05:08 PM
*nitpick*
There were 13 Dwarves, and a Halfling.

I'm sure there's an inside joke there, just waiting to be explained, winkwink.

Probably something Discworld related, eh?

Frenchy147
2010-11-16, 05:11 PM
-No murdering the lawful good stick-up-the-arse paladin babysitter in his sleep.

-No striking trees under the suspicion that they are an ent.

-I played in a campaign where one of my characters was not allowed to search for traps or invisible walls.

-No making my Bard build with 20 diplomacy at 1st level (not to mention the buffs). This one doesn't really bug me because I don't remember what I did in the first place:smallbiggrin:

Kris Strife
2010-11-16, 05:43 PM
I'm sure there's an inside joke there, just waiting to be explained, winkwink.

Probably something Discworld related, eh?

No. He said 12 dwarves and a halfling, when the reason the recruited Bilbo in the first place was that they needed an extra member or there would be 13 of them, since Gandalf didn't count.

Mordokai
2010-11-16, 06:21 PM
Ah, so it's a Hobbit reference? Couldn't recognise that, never read it. But thanks for explaining it anyway :smallsmile:

Rasman
2010-11-17, 02:55 AM
* I will not tell the party alchemist to 'clap his hands' every time he rolls the dice for that craft check. This does not grant a circumstance bonus regardless of the reference.


but...it should...

*I am no longer allowed to as"salt" the Rakshasa Assassin in her sleep while playing a Thri-Kreen Fighter that "can't" speak common, but draws, not writes, on a Chalk Board.

*I'm no longer allowed to not speak common, but I am allowed to intimidate an Elven ambassador with my chalk board drawings.

*I'm no longer allowed to carry seasonings, no matter how much my Thri-Kreen thinks "Cat" is a delicacy.

*I'm no longer allowed to make clicky noises and point at other suspicious party members when trying to bluff the Rakshasa into thinking I didn't as"salt" her, especially when the player believes it.

*I'm no longer allowed to skin and keep the pelt of the first animal I kill in a city where the Zoo animals are stampeding though the city, especially if it's a rare Silver Bear and the captain of our ship is too afraid to tell me that I can't.

*My Thri-kreen is no longer allowed to be the only person in the party that took "Heal" as a skill, even if it's just one rank.

*I'm no longer allowed to chase the Rakshasa when she's injured in order to try and heal her.

*I'm no longer allowed to knock down the tree she is hiding in in order to try and heal her.

*I'm no longer allowed to try to come to "diplomatic meetings" in order to be "helpful" in any way when playing a Thri-kreen.

*I'm no longer allowed to draw a picture of a Kitty Face and a Heart and a Bear Face and a Broken Heart in order to communicate with the Rakshasa that I love cats and Bears taste bad.

Gettles
2010-11-17, 04:37 AM
The party Psionic is a Kalastar not a Kardashian and no matter how many times I ask. He can not hook me up with Laker tickets.

Not even Clippers tickets either.

turkishproverb
2010-11-17, 04:43 AM
I am not allowed to take Illiteracy as a flaw in Call of Cthulhu ever again.

Dust
2010-11-17, 05:51 AM
I may never again make a character specifically designed to manipulate another PC into becoming Chaotic Evil. Especially if that character is a ten-year-old girl.

When playing 4e, I promise I will no longer create a 'DKP' system to 'distribute loot.' Likewise, I cannot 'kick the rogue out of the party' for his 'terribad dps.'

While the GM might appreciate me buying him new system books, it does not automatically make him obligated to run them at hsi earliest convenience. Especially if I spent a week researching system loopholes before buying the books.

I will no longer base characters on recent video game heroes that I enjoy. If I MUST do this, I won't give them blatantly obvious names like Tryndamere Kratos Shepherd.

Dada
2010-11-17, 06:47 AM
* The bartender does not appreciate my constructive criticism.
* The guards can still catch you, even if you're on fire.
* Being on fire does not grant you a circumstance modifier when trying to hide in a bonfire.
* The guards will put out the fire, before throwing me in jail.
* A ten-foot pole is not the same as a large quarterstaff.
* A quarterstaff does not deal additional damage if it is on fire.
* My char does not suffer from claustrophobia nor agoraphobia. Especially not at the same time.
* Nor is he afraid of heights, water or the dark.

WitchSlayer
2010-11-17, 06:58 AM
*I am not allowed to make a Warforged Archlich
*Or a Shardmind Archlich

horngeek
2010-11-17, 08:45 AM
In Exalted, a Slayer may not take Crowned With Fury for the sole purpose of telling mortals "YOUR KING COMMANDS YOU, PASS ME THE SALT!".

Even if it would be hilarious.

Reynard
2010-11-17, 09:09 AM
Exalted

* Even if I have enough points to do it, I can't start with Solar Circle Sorcery.
** Or Void Circle Necromancy.

...even with 10 points of flaws, both of those are completely impossible.

Saintheart
2010-11-17, 09:22 AM
* The Vow of Poverty applies to my character, not the rest of the party.

* I am not to refer to NPCs as Generic Plot Magnet #1.

* Khelben's Warding Whip has no applications in intimate scenes.

* Sticking the halfling to the end of a ten foot pole does not thereby change his Size category to Large.

* My character does not gain a Stinking Cloud spell-like ability from being on a high-protein diet.

* Having vials of Alchemist's Fire does not entitle me to assert that I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

* The Mistress of Pain does not charge by the hour.

* My half-halfling character is not a quarterling.

* Specifying that his other half is an ogre does not thereby make his size Medium, either.

* No attempting to cripple the party's psionic characters because I want to create Professor X.

* It's Fireball, not Great Balls of Fire.

* The unarmed swordsage is not permitted to HADOKEN, regardless of whether the scene calls for it.

* Awaken Animal entails more than sneaking up on the sorcerer's sleeping familiar and shouting at it very loudly.

* I cannot name my Ur-Priest Richard Dawkins.

* "The cleric's eyeballs" is not a valid target for a Light spell.

* "Where the sun don't shine" is not a valid target for a Darkness spell, either.

* A Warforged with Alter Self cast on him is not "robots in disguise", and especially not when sung to the appropriate theme tune.

Telok
2010-11-17, 09:50 AM
After being found guilty by a jury of my peers for playing a Rogue Scientist, I am no longer allowed to play Rifts.

I am no longer allowed to play a pixie/warblade unless at least three people in the party can see invisible and at least one of them has a Sense Motive check higher than my Bluff check.

I may no longer do anything in character that makes the ex-Marine, trucker, or sysop, do any of the following; flinch, whimper, or shudder in horror.

Edit

I have been reminded that I am no longer allowed to re-fluff anything in DnD 4e, even if the game specifies that I am allowed to re-fluff and I swear that renaming Eldrich Blast to 'Sticky white crotch spew' was almost totally and completely almost accidentally on purpose.

lord pringle
2010-11-17, 10:15 AM
I mustn't hide books from my players in my computer bag pretending I have a computer.
I mustn't "forget" to tell the players I'm using homebrew.

Choco
2010-11-17, 10:21 AM
I am not allowed to take Illiteracy as a flaw in Call of Cthulhu ever again.

Same goes for blindness.


It's Fireball, not Great Balls of Fire.

That is correct. Great Balls of Fire is a 9th level evocation! :smalltongue:

May as well contribute:

* I am no longer allowed to play a CW Samurai cause the T1 members of the party do not think it is nearly as funny that they are being outperformed by a T5- class as I do. Especially if I rub it in every 5 minutes.

* I am no longer allowed to make characters based on other players. Especially if I portray them in very "unflattering" ways.

* I am no longer allowed to create gay characters just cause I think it's funny to flirt with the homophobic player's character.

* "SHUT THE F*CK UP!" is not the verbal component for the Silence spell, nor can the spell be applied via pimp slap.

* I am not allowed to laugh and say "I told you so!" when a fellow PC dies doing something stupid that I warned them about.

* None of my characters are allowed to have any type of accent.

* I am not allowed to let creatures with Swallow Whole eat me on purpose just cause it is easier for me to destroy them from the inside than the outside.

kestrel404
2010-11-17, 01:59 PM
* I am no longer allowed to play illusionists.
* I am especially no longer allowed to play any class that allows me to pretend to be another class and claim that my numerous 'special powers' are because I have better magic items than the other players.
* I am no longer allowed to play human clerics with DMM Persist and an 18 charisma at first level.
* I am explicitly banned from taking the planning or undeath domains.
* I am no longer allowed to play a focused specialist wizard of any kind just to make the sorceror cry.
* I am no longer allowed to play a bard just to make the sorceror cry.
* I am no longer allowed to play a spellcaster of any kind - even a healer.
* I am no longer allowed to make wishes.
* I am no longer allowed to suggest a wish to anyone else that will cause the GM to rip up several dozen game sessions worth of plot notes.
* I am no longer allowed to play with time, in any form. I must maintain a constant forward velocity within the time stream.
* I am no longer allowed to use seduction on divine beings.

Sipex
2010-11-17, 02:47 PM
D&D 4e


I am no longer allowed to have a bluff score of 30+ before level 11.
I am no longer allowed to have charcoal while being held in a cell.
I am not allowed to take the feat Weapon Proficiency: Blanket
I am no longer allowed to play a medusa and challenge characters to a staring contest
Nor can I have a basilisk which does the same thing
If I wish to remain 'Good' I will refrain from removing opponents organs as trophies
I am no longer allowed to trick the Wizard into wearing a belt which changes his gender
I am not allowed to play a female druid who rejects clothing
If I play a nude female druid I am no longer allowed to describe my physical attributes during every action I take
If my female druid ends up making the group uncomfortable I don't push it further by seducing the bard
I'm no longer allowed to share drawings of my druid's recent escapades with the bard
I am not allowed to combine an endless quiver of arrows, a great bow, range increasing feats.
If I do combine the above, I'm not allowed to kill everything before my party reaches the enemy.

Yukitsu
2010-11-17, 03:00 PM
*Utility fog is banned. Period.
*If my character can do a hadoken, it can't do more than 10d6 per character level, and will preferably only be as much as 2d6 per character level.
*"Exponential growth patterns" is a phrase I'm never allowed to use when talking about explosives.
*Even if I'm playing an evil genius, I can't say "all according to plan" whenever I manuever around the DM's story.

Poil
2010-11-17, 03:47 PM
Follow the dm's optimizing advice and regenerate health faster than I take damage.
Collect orc testicles (confusion regarding dnd alchemy, don't ask)
Steal anything
Change character because I thought of a shiny new concept.
Play anything other than human or elf. :smallannoyed:

Rasman
2010-11-17, 04:13 PM
* A ten-foot pole is not the same as a large quarterstaff.

TECHNICALLY it should be treated as a "longstaff" which is the same thing as a quarterstaff, but with reach. So...yeah...argue with your DM until your blue in the face about this one, mostly because Logic is Logical.



* My half-halfling character is not a quarterling.

* Specifying that his other half is an ogre does not thereby make his size Medium, either. so...you're a strong cup of punch in the face?


* The unarmed swordsage is not permitted to HADOKEN, regardless of whether the scene calls for it. lol...Players Handbook (II I think) says otherwise XD



* I am not allowed to let creatures with Swallow Whole eat me on purpose just cause it is easier for me to destroy them from the inside than the outside.

you know...it worked in Men in Black...I don't know why you wouldn't do it every time...I mean, have high acid resist and be able to wild shape into an Avalancher and you can kill ANYTHING with Swallow Whole...

Esser-Z
2010-11-17, 04:19 PM
* The unarmed swordsage is not permitted to HADOKEN, regardless of whether the scene calls for it.

Fan the Flames disagrees with you.

Sipex
2010-11-17, 04:27 PM
Why are we rebuttling against examples? This is just a funny list of things "I am no longer allowed to do" regardless of how serious they are.

Contribute! Laugh!

Esser-Z
2010-11-17, 04:39 PM
Because it's fun!

Rasman
2010-11-17, 04:39 PM
Why are we rebutting against examples? This is just a funny list of things "I am no longer allowed to do" regardless of how serious they are.

Contribute! Laugh!

Why not? and...I am...

Might as well contribute again...but these aren't mine, they belong to my fiance` that hasn't even gotten to play a session yet...but she has ideas...


I am no longer allowed to play a Basolich

I am no longer allowed to play a BLIND Basolich

My Blind Basolich can't have a collar with the name "Shelby" on it.

If my Blind Basolich has a collar on it with the name "Shelby" on it, the party finds it as a skeleton in their next dungeon.

If I try to play a Lich of any kind, I'm not allowed to name him Kel'thuzad due to copyright infringement.

I'm not allowed to name my Lich "Kel'by" either.

My Lich is not allowed to love orange soda.

My Lich is also not allowed to be named "Kel'damort".

Kel'damort isn't smart enough to divide his phylactery into any number of pieces.

Kel'damort can't take a flaw that gives him a archenemy named Kerry Shotter, that guy I couldn't kill, yet.

Minotaur aren't the same thing as Tauren.

Codenpeg
2010-11-17, 05:10 PM
4e DnD

Not allowed to play a Dalek themed Warforged Artificer
Not allowed to collect human hides
Not allowed to trap children in my Warforged's chest cavity
Not allowed to store dogs, cats, or any small animals in my chest cavity
My healing formula is not made out of people
Not needing to breath does not mean my Warforged can sing forever
Not needing to breath does not mean my Warforged can never stop talking
Not needing to breath doesn't mean I cannot smell
Not allowed to hide "waste" in party member's boots, socks, or other clothing
My lightning attack cannot be used as a defibrillator
I am not a "love machine"
I am not allowed to introduce myself as "the love machine"
I am not allowed to craft myself a love doll

Synapse
2010-11-17, 07:19 PM
Recent development inspired by elfwood's bard...
-My changelings are not allowed to be fertile.

AshDesert
2010-11-17, 08:07 PM
-I am not allowed to make an archer capable of breaking the speed of light with an arrow without incurring a range penalty
-I am not allowed to show another player how to make an archer capable of breaking the speed of light with an arrow without incurring a range penalty and then make a diviner so that he can see what he's shooting.
-I am not allowed to, upon seeing that one player is making a conjurer, make a diviner that's better at conjuration than him "for funsies"
-I am not allowed to make characters capable of breaking the laws of physics "for the lulz"
-I'm not allowed to sell any of my party members into slavery "for funsies"
-I'm not allowed to use Craft (alchemy) to make and sell "mind-altering substances" "for the lulz".
-If my reasoning for any action is "for funsies" or "for the lulz", I'm not allowed to do it

Yukitsu
2010-11-17, 08:17 PM
More things my DM reminded me of:

*I'm not allowed to make accurate charts indicating when and how players will die in his campaign. Doubly so if it's a custom setting.
*I can steeple my fingers and grin, but not while wearing sunglasses.
*laughing maniacally can only be done once a month.
*Any solution which involves anything more than brute force should at the very least, carry some risk of failure.
*While he can't tell when and how I'm doing so, I may not manipulate other player characters into their deaths.

Tvtyrant
2010-11-17, 08:21 PM
I am not allowed to let the Tarrasque eat me when I am a Jade Phoenix Knight.
I am not allowed to allow the Tarrasque to eat me when I have 1,000 exploding notes on me.
I am not allowed to let the Tarrasque eat me when I have chili-powder.
I am not allowed to break the Tarrasque's restraining order on me.
I am not allowed to turn into a sparrow as a Druid, fly up as far as possible, and then turn into a baleen whale over the Tarrasque.

dsmiles
2010-11-17, 08:23 PM
* I am not allowed to psionically dominate every single person I meet, even though I have enough PP.
* The inkeeper's daughter (of marriageable age) is not "what's on tap."
* The aboleth savant is supposed to present a challenge, I must let it be challenging.
* I am not a god. (Yet.)
* Psionically dominating an entire town so that they worship me as a god will not allow me to ascend. (Apparently there is a three village minimum.)
* Dwarves, Gnomes, and Halflings do not need to "be this tall to ride."
* Telepathy is not the appropriate media for "hitting on the hawt babes."
* COMMAND DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

grarrrg
2010-11-17, 10:51 PM
*Casting Soften Earth and Stone, Faerie Fire, Gust of Wind, Create Water, and Charm Animal, in order, or using any relevent substitutions in order, does NOT summon Captain Planet.
*Not even if I get 4 other casters to assist.


Note: There are no spells in the SRD with "Heart" in their name, so I went with the next most viable substitute.

Yukitsu
2010-11-17, 11:19 PM
That reminds me:

*I can't use major creation, polymorph any object, a knife, and raise dead to bring a person who never existed back from the dead.
*Whenever I list off a bunch of seemingly random miscelaneous items and spells, I must tell the DM right away what I'm using them for, so he can adjust plot accordingly.
*When doing an Indy ploy, I must insure it unfolds slowly enough for the DM to keep track of what I'm planning.
*Space ships at hyperdrive with a disabled safety mechanism are no longer considered legitimate missile type attacks.
*This is still true if I'm piloting it.
*Doubly so if I survive the process.
*I'm no longer allowed to solve problems by getting eaten.
*Even if I'm using it, I'm not allowed to quote Sun Tzu, Clausewitz, Zuge Liang, Patton or Rommel when discussing my strategies.
*Avoiding tentacle monsters with my female characters is metagaming, and thus not allowed. Avoiding female NPCs with my male characters is likewise metagaming and thus not allowed.

My DM tells me I'm not allowed to do a lot of things. Something about plot, and having to re-write too much etc. It's hard for me to keep track, because I generally don't do the same thing more than once. Only reason I get away with it all is that my DM likes seeing zany ploys once.

Gensh
2010-11-17, 11:28 PM
*Casting Soften Earth and Stone, Faerie Fire, Gust of Wind, Create Water, and Charm Animal, in order, or using any relevent substitutions in order, does NOT summon Captain Planet.
*Not even if I get 4 other casters to assist.


Note: There are no spells in the SRD with "Heart" in their name, so I went with the next most viable substitute.

I don't know specifically of any spells with "heart" in the name but, there's always Clutch of Orcus...
http://i192.photobucket.com/albums/z42/Fearbane/heart.png


I may not write a campaign taking place in a desert.
I may not ever use the phrase "soul vomit" ever again.
I will give the monk plenty of forewarning that the 20 Cha bard he's hitting on has a jealous epic wizard boyfriend.
I will tell the monk outright that no, he cannot punch a sphere of ultimate destruction when he gets caught flirting with another man's woman.
I will not attempt to rebalance lagging party members by letting them dismember each other then giving them free grafts to replace lost body parts.
I will not let the bard carry a jar full of elemental taint.
I will not let the wizard prestige into tainted scholar, no matter how bad he is at playing wizard.
Mikey can never play a necromancer ever again.
I will remember that the monk is a total badass (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=118689) and that the wizard prepared phantasmal killer before letting the party fight the big bad.
I will not make the new big bad suspend the bard above his own throne room by his small intestine, even if he refused to go adventuring any more.

And that's just from my first campaign...

Solipsism
2010-11-18, 12:16 AM
I'm not allowed to tie baskets to the wounded orc and proclaim him the "Illustious Basket God"
In combat, I cannot spiderclimb onto the ceiling and toss cheese at my foes
I am not allowed to attempt to start a war between the bandit camp and the dwarf kingdom just to harvest extra ears for the bounty.
I am not allowed to use Eldritch Blast to tunnel my way past chambers with enemies into chambers with treasure.
I am not allowed to become a Greater Deity by saying I worship the million different aspects of myself, thus I have a million worshipers, regardless of how logical it may seem.

RaveingRonin
2010-11-18, 12:38 AM
Forgery checks.
Long story short, I shattered a ten thousand year old alliance between the human kingdom and the elven one, and then with several dozen other forgery checks proceeded to obliterate the elven economy. Not my fault they were silly and used paper money rather then coins :smallbiggrin:
Worth it.

turkishproverb
2010-11-18, 12:39 AM
2. I must not "forget" I'm allowed to automatically do minimum damage after "accidentally" attacking a party member.
3. When someone asks if I'm a God, I do have to make a Cool check if I say Yes.
4. I do not need to know the exact slope of the Arena's terrain.
5. I do not need to know the chemical composition of the sand in the Arena.
6. I can not build any powered-armor in a cave with a box of scraps.
7. Nor could I build it with a box of scraps even if I were not in a cave.
8. My paladin's battlecry cannot be "I am the Law."
9. Killing a suspect for running when they jaywalk IS an evil act.
10. Yes it is.
11. I am not allowed to get revenge on the bridge crew for all the other Red-shirts.
12. My half orc bard cannot sing "Sewn Back Together Wrong" to bolster the party's flesh-golem tank.
13. No, he cannot sing "Zombie Jamboree" either.
14. Nor "Monster Mash"
15. I am no longer required to sing a song to bolster the party's flesh-golem tank.
16. I am no longer allowed to sing a song to bolster the party's flesh golem tank.
17. I cannot start as a droid reprogrammed to impersonate a deity
18. I cannot summarily execute stormtroopers for being a disgrace to the uniform.
19. I cannot accuse McCarthy of Communism.
20. I cannot travel back roughly 2000 years to settle a religious debate
21. I am not allowed to kill everyone in Germany's past to get rid of Uwe Boll.
22. I am not allowed to play a Dalek.
23. Not even if it actually is a scifi campaign
24. I must not choose weapon proficiency "dwarf" even if I have a high strength, high dex character.
25. I am not allowed to be Wakinds, high cleric of Atheism
26. No, it is not fair to put the players in a spy RPG set in the late thirties against a literal Nazi Superman.
27. I must warn non Doctor Who fans they cannot kill the Dalek that easily, even if it does look like a salt shaker.
28. No, I cannot invent the sub machine gun 100 years early.
29. No, I am not allowed to cast "speak with bread"
30. I am not allowed to cast "Create item: Anitmatter" ever again.

John Campbell
2010-11-18, 01:19 AM
I am not allowed to use animate dead to turn defeated enemies into mounts.
I am not allowed to talk the rest of the party into skipping town without telling the Lawful Stupid knight where we're going while his player is out of the room.
When the DM has an evil artifact turn me Chaotic Evil and says, "Don't play this Stupid Evil," that does not mean, "Be so subtle and sneaky about it that you're able to spend an entire year (both in- and out-of-game) murdering innocents and devouring their souls for your personal empowerment before the party paladin figures it out."
No, the paladin does not fall for associating with me.
I am not allowed to talk the other players into playing an orc raiding party when the always-plays-paladins DM says he wants to run an "epic heroic fantasy" game.
I am not allowed to have any more random animals following me around.
The random animals following me around have to stop being so hard to kill.
I am not allowed to have my animal companion take the Leadership feat.

Volos
2010-11-18, 01:59 AM
Even if the rules allow it, I cannot ride a flying centuar cohort with four arms wielding four lances while I wield four lances to make eight attacks at x5 damage each.
In fact I cannot even have a lance anymore, for any reason.
Even if I build a character using only core feats and rules with mundane equipment and a host of roleplaying flaws and/or a code of conduct to restrict me, I am somehow breaking the game and must roll a new character that the DM designs for me. (I was told this five times today by four different people... it must be true)

grimbold
2010-11-18, 10:24 AM
-I am not allowed to chop up the random encounters and save them as 'trail rations'
-I am not allowed to have my barbarian take weapon proficiency; Party Wizard
-I am not allowed to have my barbarian fly-tackle-hug the party wizard.
-I am not allowed to have my barbarian touch the party wizard.
-I am not allowed to have my wizard call the barbarian "Not suitable for children under 3 years of age"
-When I am told to build a 5th level character i am not allowed to build Punpun anymore.
-I am also not allowed to build any pun-pun variant.
-ever

dsmiles
2010-11-18, 10:43 AM
-When I am told to build a 5th level character i am not allowed to build Punpun anymore.
Wait. :smallconfused:

-When I am told to build a 5th level character i am not allowed to build Punpun anymore.
WHAT? :smalleek:

Invelios
2010-11-18, 11:00 AM
*Casting Soften Earth and Stone, Faerie Fire, Gust of Wind, Create Water, and Charm Animal, in order, or using any relevent substitutions in order, does NOT summon Captain Planet.
*Not even if I get 4 other casters to assist.


Note: There are no spells in the SRD with "Heart" in their name, so I went with the next most viable substitute.

its not SRD but Heart Ripper :)

grimbold
2010-11-18, 12:17 PM
Wait. :smallconfused:

WHAT? :smalleek:

the DM did not see that loophole hehehe

also
-i am no longer allowed to cast Flesh to Stone->Stone to Mud->Mud to Water to drink up my enemies.
-the same goes for flesh to stone->stone to dust->any wind based spell.

bondpirate
2010-11-18, 03:33 PM
-I am not allowed to cast light on my junk and proclaim it to have an "awesome power"
-This goes double for anything in my character's pants.
-I'm not allowed to do the above and bluff that the succubus is "missing out if she attacks"
-I am not allowed to create a sorcerer with low self esteem and all utility spells and still break the campaign.
-I am not allowed to cast "Knock" on the evil enchantress so her top falls off; even if the spell says I can open any "chest of up to 10 sq.ft/level"
-Nor does this require a concentration check on all males or they become flat-footed.
-I'm not allowed to take "invisible spell" and use it with alter self for easy invisibility.
-I cannot make my arcane mark a 1 sq. ft black square and use it as black face.
-Nor can I make it a series of dots so I can bluff I have a plague.

Gotta go to a meeting now, but I'll think up others.

Rasman
2010-11-18, 04:19 PM
19. I cannot accuse McCarthy of Communism.

do it anyway...Ironic Hilarity will ensue

bondpirate
2010-11-18, 06:13 PM
Some more!

-My Warforged are no longer allowed to resemble a Gundam in any way. This is especially true for G Gundam characters.
-I may no longer play a Bard with Perform (Haiku) as his means of delivering Bard Music.
-Also, Perform (Spoons).
-I may no longer make a luck based character and yell "WHOOPSIES!!!" Every time I force a re roll.
-I may not make a Cleric who worships his Ego.
-If I'm playing a fire based Wu Jen, I cannot select the taboo of 'not lighting fires' when the DM revolves a critical moment around this.
-I cannot trick the Exalted Commoner (with every Sacred Vow chosen) into an evil deed, no matter how high my bluff.
-I cannot have my neutral emo caster have any of her area or multi-target spells effect the party negatively just because the world is her enemy.

dsmiles
2010-11-18, 07:43 PM
* I am not allowed to call my Monk "Bruce Leroy"
* Nor am I allowed to call him "Sho'Nuff"
* I am not allowed to say, "Who's the master?"
* Nor am I allowed to cast light on myself and say that I have "the power of the glow."
If you understand these, you should feel old. I know I do.
:smallbiggrin:

Arutema
2010-11-19, 12:09 AM
* While talking to NPCs in a strange, potentially hostile city, at least one member of the party must roll sense motive sometime.

TroubleBrewing
2010-11-19, 01:33 AM
- I may no longer use the gnome as a sling bullet, crossbow bolt, ballista round, cannonball, javelin, or otherwise ranged weapon. It is, however, acceptable to use him as a club. (Half-Minotaur Hulking Hurler- good times to be had by all non-gnomes.)

- I may no longer use the gnome as a club. (Goliath Drunken Master- good times to be had by all non-gnomes.)

Edit: I may also no longer use the disease "Slimy Doom" when rolling on tables to determine STD's from dockyard working girls while DMing seafaring campaigns.

Grendus
2010-11-19, 02:58 AM
I do not have to ask if every door is trapped. If we needed to make a check, the dm will tell us.

grimbold
2010-11-19, 03:06 AM
I do not have to ask if every door is trapped. If we needed to make a check, the dm will tell us.
isn't that safer though to check every door?

MOAR
- I am no longer allowed to make a bard character named Jimmy Paper and base him off Jimmy Page.
-My druid is not allowed to be a drugged out hippie
-I am no longer allowed to take weapon proficiency; cat.
- Yelling 'hedgehog' in orcish does not count as a good battle cry.

Kaww
2010-11-19, 03:13 AM
- I'm no longer allowed to buy dictionaries

- No matter what the book says I can't spend 2 skill points to know how to read and write a language

- Not allowed to play characters that speak/read 7+ languages

- Not allowed to use suggestion to avoid all encounters the party was supposed to have that session

- Just because I have telepathy and 30+ bluff at lvl 6 doesn't mean I get to rule Sigil

Saintheart
2010-11-19, 07:14 AM
* "I'm the Goddamned Batman" carries no circumstance bonuses to Intimidate checks.

Otherworld Odd
2010-11-19, 04:28 PM
I do not have to ask if every door is trapped. If we needed to make a check, the dm will tell us.

But that takes all the fun out of it. >.> If he asks you to check, you know it's probably trapped. I play so where if my players don't ask, their characters obviously don't check and the trap just goes off in their face.

Dochetwas
2010-11-19, 04:39 PM
Can no longer get a Necklace of Natural Attacks: Morphing so that my Warforged Monk is a Transformer.

Dire Moose
2010-11-19, 05:29 PM
The proper application of fire is not the solution to everything.

No, the answer to everything not solved by fire is not and never will be "More Fire".

RipperOfShirts
2010-11-19, 05:38 PM
The DM would appreciate it if you stopped showing up drunk. Not because you're disruptive, but because your crazy ideas are too damn complex to figure out and you've ruined too much plot work.
Lighting the Bard on fire is not 'an effective solution to all of life's little problems.'
OK, so while lighting the now-fire immune Bard on fire is an effective solution, and is allowed, it is no longer to be referred to by the codename 'Disco Inferno.
No TPK'ing the party in under 2 minutes ever again. Even if the game idea was 'An Evil party where you try to outlive the others'
"PUNS FOR THE PUN GOD! GROANS FOR THE GROAN THRONE!" is neither an inspiring battle cry, or an allowed sentence at this table.
Also, no more puns, they're getting painful
If you insist on keeping up with the puns, at least refrain from putting on sunglasses as you say them. This is uncalled for, both in and out of character

molten_dragon
2010-11-19, 06:05 PM
I may not refer to my greenbound summons as Chia Pets.
I may no longer use a necklace of fireballs as a grenade-like weapon.
My character must speak common. This is not optional.
Regardless of whether the rules allow it or not, I may not start the post-apocalyptic game with a gun that shoots scramjet missiles as ammunition.

Kris Strife
2010-11-19, 09:11 PM
The proper application of fire is not the solution to everything.

No, the answer to everything not solved by fire is not and never will be "More Fire".

You need to get more creative. :smallbiggrin:

dsmiles
2010-11-19, 09:32 PM
* I may not use the Buddhist Technique of "The Palm Descending From Heaven."
* If I could, I am not allowed to say, "Talk to the hand!" when I use it.
* No, not even then.

Moose Man
2010-11-19, 10:07 PM
*i am not allowed to climb walls with my adamantine greatsword
*i am not allowed to climb people with my adamantine greatsword
*i am not allowed to climb dragons with my adamantine greatsword
*dont fry zombies
*putting down rape as a skill is no longer allowed
*Do not attempt to destroy the half-mile long dragon
*dont Tpk your own party (with yourself included)
*dont sing in any language

Grendus
2010-11-19, 10:21 PM
isn't that safer though to check every door?

It is, but the game is more of a dungeon crawler than a RPG, and he got tired of us constantly asking "is it trapped? what do we roll? did the tank get fried? dibs on his stuff!"

A few more:
- If my character is opening the door and sets off a trap that could go through me to the charger's dominated pet goblin, I am not allowed to dodge and must bend over and take the trap like a man.
- Even if I did make an epic 7d6 vs my dex.

- Never allowed to make a character capable of throwing 12 shakeen per turn.
- If I do, none of my skill bonuses stack with them.
- Even though the DM did the same thing with boomerangs on his last character.

- Blowing a raspberry is not an acceptable battle cry.
- Neither are armpit farts.
- Even if I can play a catchy tune.

- Not allowed to raid an alternate dimension without pants.
- Two pairs of boxers do not constitute shorts.
- Neither do boxers and long socks.
- A kilt does, but I'm not allowed to walk over any updraft and flash the group.

Zhalath
2010-11-20, 12:30 AM
-Sand does not burn

-Catfolk do not need to lick themselves. They do not cough up hairballs.

-You may use MS Word as a skill. It is not applicable to all the things you think it is.

-Retorts to villain's may not involve the phrase "your mother" unless your PC is a close relative of the villain.

-Just because the "Houndlord" is the first villain does not make him a startup boss.

-You may not use the party member's corpses to cushion your fall.
^-if necessary you may not enjoy it

-equal distribution of loot is not Communism. Not until you report it.

-don't plot the demise of the party
-don't plot the demise of the GM
-don't plot the demise of yourself

Nebraska Tim
2010-11-20, 04:39 AM
When sneaking right into the path of a fleeing Wizard, and accidentally decapitating yourself, you are not entitled to a free Intimidate check.

In addition, said Wizard does NOT have to make a Will save against insanity.

RipperOfShirts
2010-11-20, 09:23 AM
Shadowrun:

Technomancers are people who can connect to the Matrix without the need for an interface. They do not posses magical powers over Techno music. You may keep the character though
I don't care if Ridley did it in Aliens, you cannot duct tape a flamethrower to the underside of your assault rifle. You can use the standard weapon modification rules as everyone else
If I ever see the words 'Overweight Troll' and 'Ladies Man' in a character description again, consider that character vetoed.
I don't care if the rules allow for more, you have a 10 shuriken/combat turn limit.
The matrix is not there solely for porn, despite what the song says.


DnD:

I don't care if you took leadership to get a Halfing Barbarian with no int and lots of con, you are not firing him out of a catapult over the castle walls... even if he could survive the landing.
It's "The book of Nine Swords' not "The Book of Stabbymancy" even if they call it blade magic
"Overkill" is not a state of mind, therefor your cleric cannot draw it's power from it.
Paladins don't go around 'beating them filthy hippies because they can'.
You Orc Barbarian was not 'Made for fightin' and winnin'". Nor does painting him red increase his land speed.
Two epic level unarmed swordsages with max ranks in Perform (Dance) cannot fuse together into a superior fighter.
Perform (Striptease) is not a skill.
Nor is Perform (Bad White Man Dancing)
The following are not legitmate choices for Favored Enemy: DMPC's, BBEG, Mary Sues, Politicians, Anyone named Steve, Annoying Party Members.
Cannot attempt to seduce the princess in front of her Parents
Cannot attempt to seduce the prince in front of his Parents.
Cannot dress in clothing described as 'Fabulously Marvelous' and use Detect
Thoughts to find the gay nobles to blackmail them.

Boren
2010-11-21, 01:26 AM
You have all read 101 this skippy is no longer allowed to do far too often :smalltongue:
I recognized several D&D flavored re-makes of his list in here. :smalltongue:
And in so:
not allowed to build a PC that can one shot the Tarrasque
Not allowed to have to Tarrasque as any kind of cohort/companion/follower even if it works RAW

Saintheart
2010-11-21, 09:38 AM
* Not permitted to PrC into Ashworm Dragoon just so I can ask if we have wormsign yet. Especially when we're in an urban environment.

* When consciously invoking tropes, I am not allowed to invoke "Doing In the Wizard" literally against the party wizard.

* Come to think of it, I'm not allowed to consciously invoke tropes anyway.

* Regardless of how high my hair is, chanting "Sonic BOOM!" repeatedly does not imbue my unarmed attack with a [sonic] component.

* "Thundercats ho" is not a valid warcry.

* No, not even for Catfolk.

* There is no such thing as "Smite Neutral", and even if there is, it does not refer to colour schemes.

Roderick_BR
2010-11-21, 03:02 PM
It wasn't so much "Chaste" as it is the fact that he brings it up whenever the 16 year old monk says something unfavorable.

"Man, you can't hit anything, can you?"
"I'm the only guy in this group who's 'hit' anything during the course of our adventures, kid."
"Huh? But I...oh. Ohhhhh!"
That paladin is my new hero.

On the other hand, I think the pirate misunderstood one of the words he said...

dsmiles
2010-11-21, 04:02 PM
* I am not allowed to build a football player and name him Flash Gordon.
* Said football player is not "the savior of the universe," and does not have a theme song by Queen.
* Said non-existent football player's nemesis is not called "Ming the Merciless."
* I do not get to rescue the damsel in distress by flying a spaceship through said nemesis' chest.
* The party bard cannot go around singing, "FLASH! AAAAaaaahhhh! He'll save every one of us!"
* No, not even then.

AshDesert
2010-11-21, 09:06 PM
-Despite the fact that I can destroy all of civilization with one spell, I am NOT become death, destroyer of worlds
-I am not allowed to tell the nobles that I am become death, destroyer of worlds and threaten them with total obliteration to take over the world
-I'm not allowed to tell the 13 year old boy guiding us through the mountains that "murdering is a good therapeutic release," however true that may be
-I'm not allowed to literally steal the clothes off of their back too
-I'm not allowed to make my Bard a fat black man in his 80's named "C.C. Sovereign" and he doesn't have the blues

zyborg
2010-11-21, 09:15 PM
Er... not an RPG, and didn't actually happen, but...

[Magic: The Gathering] I am not allowed to play a Yu-Gi-Oh! Card as a creature card. The elemental symbols do not mean it costs one of that color (obvious from the fact that there are six colors in Yu-Gi-Oh! and only five in Magic), and doing is incredibly broken when it's attack and defense are literally hundreds of times higher than a creature from Magic. I just went to a Magic: the Gathering draft, and we discussed this jokingly.

Urpriest
2010-11-21, 09:29 PM
Er... not an RPG, and didn't actually happen, but...

[Magic: The Gathering] I am not allowed to play a Yu-Gi-Oh! Card as a creature card. The elemental symbols do not mean it costs one of that color (obvious from the fact that there are six colors in Yu-Gi-Oh! and only five in Magic), and doing is incredibly broken when it's attack and defense are literally hundreds of times higher than a creature from Magic. I just went to a Magic: the Gathering draft, and we discussed this jokingly.

On the other hand, since Zendikar:

You've triggered my trap card!

doctor_wu
2010-11-21, 10:55 PM
I am not allowed to discuss if a bag of holding will make a good pillow.
nor a handy haversack.

RaveingRonin
2010-11-22, 01:28 AM
As a DM: I am not allowed to trap the following: Trees, doormats, just the lock on the door (not the knob), random NPC's so as to be used by the evil dude as suicide bombers, fantastically valuable gems so that they explode like a Fireball when someone says "sell" "buy" or "worth", (personal favorite) trap random sections of a innocent field so that the PC who trips the trap falls 100ft down a sheer rock lined pit, is impaled by barbed+poisoned spears at the bottom, then due to the added pressure triggers the secondary component which blows up, propelling them upward 2d4x10 feet (dealing X amount of fire damage), and then they fall back down.
As a Player: I am not allowed to trap ANYTHING.
(Play one (1) combat trapsmith and suddenly you're not allowed to do things like, put bear traps right outside a players tent, tripwires that make players fall into squares filled with caltrops, Greatwyrm Ditherbombs made to look like gift wrapped presents.) That last one was fantastic, the party fighter "opened" it with his dagger. 1d6x10 acid damage, no save cause he was holding it. The cleric threatened to murder me, rez me, then murder me again if I did that. I couldn't breath I was laughing too hard.

RipperOfShirts
2010-11-22, 01:55 AM
As a DM: I am not allowed to trap the following: <snip> fantastically valuable gems so that they explode like a Fireball when someone says "sell" "buy" or "worth"<snip>

I'm... uh... going to have to borrow this one

Quincunx
2010-11-22, 09:52 AM
In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for re-enacting the RL adventures of another player without his consent. Doubly so if he is once again cast as the protagonist.

lordyoshi01
2010-11-22, 01:17 PM
* Putting myself or anyone else between two portable holes and then having them collapse into each other is not a smart thing to do.
* If I still do this I cannot call it my A-hole, or my B-hole for that matter.
* No matter how lenient my DM is, I may never ask to play as Orcus, the god of Undeath.
* Using a crafting skill to create a walking bomb is clever and useful. Naming it a bob-Omb is copyright infringement.
* I cannot introduce a slime girl as a new monster for the campaign. Even if I gave it proper stats and attacks.
* Poisoning food is a clever tactic, but it will not get my group past every encounter.
* Using my cat in place of a figure for a monster doesn't work well when he makes attacks out of turn and knocks down the figures for the other monsters too.
* Having more money than god is not a feat.
* I will not get exp for bribing enemies in the encounter.
* DnD is not meant to be played as PvP. My teammates doesn't like it when I kill them.

I'll be back for more!

papr_weezl8472
2010-11-22, 03:36 PM
Exalted:

My character cannot be having an affair with the Director of the Bureau of Humanity.
I may not walk into raw chaos and form from it a nation devoted to worshipping me, despite my claims that there is a literary precedent.
I may not use Network Nodes and sentient manses to create Skynet.
No, not even if it's "for the good of mankind."
I also should not use Imbue Amalgam. Ever.
Logical as it might be, I should not form an alliance with the Mask of Winter. Especially when the aim of the campaign is his downfall.
I should not use the fact of the party's elder exalt status to convince the storyteller that, because of the limited number of exaltations that avoided the Jade Prison, the number of Twilight castes in the circle, and the timing of Larquen Quen's death, it is a statistical certainty that one of us inherited the Mask of Winters' exaltation.


D&D:

I should not use circle magic.
I should not play Incantatrices.
I should not play Hathrans.
I should not play Hathran Incantatrices.
When playing in a Forgotten Realms game, it is not necessary to learn all the available languages.
I should not play transmutation-specialist wizards.
I most *certainly* cannot use leadership to get a transmuter/war weaver cohort.
No, I can't use Undead Leadership to do it, either.
I cannot play Dread Necromancers.
Melee characters are somewhat harder to break than casters. Nevertheless, I need to pay attention when making them and not wind up with something that makes the DM cry.
To that end, I should not play goliaths.
If I must make a character that is a pretty fairy princess, it should probably not be a Necropolitan Unseelie Half-Fey Magic-Blooded Spellscale Dread Necromancer, even if that *is* only a +2 LA.
When facing a hundred-foot hallway full of deadly traps as part of an initiation to the city's Thieves' Guild, it is generally considered poor etiquette to destroy the entire hallway with a Wall of Energy (sonic). Though it's certainly good XP.
When playing a good-aligned divine caster, it is bad form to become addicted to a drink distilled from human souls.


d20 Modern

I should not confront major antagonists by playing Counterstrike against them, no matter how high my computer use.
If my game of Counterstrike is interrupted by a grenade being tossed through a nearby window, I should probably stop playing.
I should not convince the GM to give me an equivalent of Count Rugen's "Machine".
When playing in a "Shadow Slayers"-type game, the characters should not break the bank by posting vids of our adventures on Youtube with a handy Paypal link.


Rifts

I should not play Crazies.
I should not play Ultra-Crazies.
I should not play Mega Juicers that just happen to be "a little bit out of it".


BESM d20

If my character has a partial-powered alternate form, one of its abilities cannot be "partial-powered alternate form".
If my character's special attack would destroy the entire observable universe, that may be a hint that it is too powerful.
Particularly if the character in question is level 2.
...I should not play BESM d20.


Star Wars d20 RCR

A Duro mechanic is not a D&D necromancer. The GM gets angry when you reprogram and repair every droid opponent you defeat.
I should not make a Kushiban starship captain and start re-enacting scenes from Sluggy Freelance.


Warhammer Fantasy RPG

My wizard should not claim that every magic item the party possesses is hers "but on permanent loan" to other party members to qualify for career advances.
My wizard cannot make multiple familiars, no matter what the rules say, because having a magic score of 15 is not acceptable.


Warhammer Dark Heresy RPG

If my character is restricted to using bladed weapons, this does not mean that I ought to use an Eldar shuriken pistol as a sidearm.
Faith in the Emperor is good, but Russian Roulette is not a reliable way of determining the guilt or innocence of alleged heretics.


Game Mastering

In D&D, I should not make an awakened rabbit airship captain NPC and re-enact scenes from Sluggy Freelance.
I should not make campaign settings that require a math degree to navigate.
I should not build my villains like I build my PCs. That way lies party kills.

Korivan
2010-11-22, 03:58 PM
all of these are inspired by real gaming events...

1)No longer allowed to sell characters for quarterstaffs, their free in the handbook for a reason.
2) No longer allowed to play as an all minator group, or other strange huminoids, starting in a all human civilization. On a unrealated note, random stampedes are no longer allowed.
3) No longer allowed to ride my campanions into battle, unless I can convince someone to play with a centar.
4) May not implement "100 ways of being a better evil overloard", especially if im the paladin
5) May no longer use the lightsaber for any of the following, cooking, sugurys, shaving (double for groin), disco parties, this goes double if its not a star wars game.
6) Doesnt matter how rich i am starting as a noble, or taking the wealthy feat, or privilaged template, i cannot have the (Star Wars)ECLIPSE for my sweet 16.
7) VD man is not an appropriate super hero.
8) Random acts of destruction is researved for the half ogre barbarion with a combined INT and WIS of less then 10, not the wizard with metor storm/time stop memorized
9) Even though diomands mainly require just heat and pressure, no longer allowed to get rich having the barbarion rage and squeeze coal, and launch fireballs at him.

ace_cipher_zero
2010-11-22, 10:39 PM
D&D/PF:

-No longer to associate my characters with any temperance movement.
-Especially Dwarves
-Especially Dwarven Clerics of Morradin
-Who like to burn things.

-No longer to ask NPCs important to the plot to permanently accompany me on adventures.
-No longer allowed to ask random NPCs to permanently accompany me on adventures.
- No longer allowed to try to recruit everyone I see into my own personal army.

-No longer allowed to disable traps with Create Water.
-No longer allowed to loot everything off my enemies.
-No longer allowed to leave every single bad guy, regardless of standing in the opposing evil organization, alive, and just turn them into the police for holding
-And then interrogate them later
-And then offer them spots in my personal army
-And give them back the gear I had looted from them previously
-Especially when it's their old uniform.

Kira_the_5th
2010-11-23, 12:30 AM
I can not play a Prinny ever again.

* Nor am I allowed to hire 2 dozen 1st level Prinny bard hirelings to march ahead of us as a personal parade/first line of trapfinding.

Arutema
2010-11-23, 01:42 AM
Not allowed to play a female Catfolk Urban Ranger with Favored Enemy: Scientists.

TurtleKing
2010-11-23, 03:25 AM
@Kira_the_5th: I finally found someone else who has either been a prinny or used prinnies.

Choco
2010-11-23, 09:28 AM
Faith in the Emperor is good, but Russian Roulette is not a reliable way of determining the guilt or innocence of alleged heretics.

* And apparently the same goes for a good old fashioned "witch dunking".

* I am not allowed to build a character specifically designed to be able to take on the entire rest of the party in PvP and come out on top.

* I am not allowed to laugh to the point of almost passing out when I correctly anticipate that another party member is trying to kill me and lay a fatal trap for them.

* I am not allowed to laugh to the point of almost passing out, and shout "DUDE!! ROLL UP A NEW CHARACTER!!" when a fellow party member in single digit or low double digit HP gets hit with a spell and the DM can barely pick up all the D6's needed for the damage roll in both hands. Especially if the player is relatively new and just getting used/attached to his current character.

* "That's fine, I got plenty more characters I have been dying to play" is NOT a valid response when my character is threatened with death.

* It is apparently not as funny as I (and most everyone else at the table) think it is to pick up and chuck a Prinny PC at an enemy without the player's consent. Especially if no resurrections are readily available.

* I am not allowed to describe an interrogation in a way that makes anyone at the table physically uncomfortable. Especially if I am playing a good character. On an unrelated note, I am forbidden from doing interrogations.

* When one of the party members in a good party turns to evil (or is discovered to have been evil from the beginning), it is my duty to try to guide him back into the light, NOT use him as an excuse to go evil myself. Nor am I allowed to convince the rest of the party to follow suit.

AshDesert
2010-11-23, 11:37 AM
-I'm not allowed to create a Gnomish gunslinger with a thick western accent wearing a duster and cowboy hat sporting a mustache in a high fantasy setting
-No, just because Gnomish culture is unknown to the other races in this campaign setting does NOT mean I can fill in the blanks, the DM already has a plan for them
-Being an experimental trapmaker doesn't mean I can test them on my teammates
-Not even when the colossally stupid Barbarian agrees to it
-Nor when the thieving bastard Rogue steals half the loot and no one but me sees it

leakingpen
2010-11-23, 12:56 PM
Not allowed to have dynamite and 2 gallon propane tanks in the same vehicle.

Not allowed to mount the head of the robot we destroyed to the hood of the jeep in order to use the eye-lasers.

Not allowed to use a human cannnball cannon to launch the Gangrel into battle.
Or the Malkcavian. (also, not allowed to refer to doing so as throwing my furball and my screwball)

Mordokai
2010-11-23, 01:04 PM
Not allowed to use a human cannnball cannon to launch the Gangrel into battle.
Or the Malkcavian. (also, not allowed to refer to doing so as throwing my furball and my screwball)

That is seriously awesome :smallbiggrin:

Reynard
2010-11-23, 01:57 PM
Exalted:

My character cannot be having an affair with the Director of the Bureau of Humanity.
I know a Lunar who had an affair with Luna, and had her baby. Also, a Zenith that (unknown to him) seduced a Bronze Faction Siddie by accident, along with most of Gethemane's politicians.

Gotta love Perfomance.


I may not walk into raw chaos and form from it a nation devoted to worshipping me, despite my claims that there is a literary precedent.
I may not use Network Nodes and sentient manses to create Skynet.
No, not even if it's "for the good of mankind."
I also should not use Imbue Amalgam. Ever.
Heh. No, no you shouldn't.


Logical as it might be, I should not form an alliance with the Mask of Winter. Especially when the aim of the campaign is his downfall.
What? That's a reasonable tactic. Get on his good side*, suggest a dangerous plan**, then betray him when he needs you most.***

*Warning, he may not have one.
**If he accepts, he has a plan for you. Or he may be lying.
***He will never need you.


I should not use the fact of the party's elder exalt status to convince the storyteller that, because of the limited number of exaltations that avoided the Jade Prison, the number of Twilight castes in the circle, and the timing of Larquen Quen's death, it is a statistical certainty that one of us inherited the Mask of Winters' exaltation.

leakingpen
2010-11-23, 02:15 PM
Thank you! The Gangrel was fired for combat effect. The Malkavian just thought it looked like fun.

RaveingRonin
2010-11-24, 04:45 PM
I'm... uh... going to have to borrow this one

Bwahahaha, enjoy :smallbiggrin:

Exalted: A Elder Infernal Exalt should not have 3 Third circle souls and 21 Second circle souls that he/she can drain for motes i.e. mote batteries. Even if you can.
A Elder Infernal should not have a 13 in Manipulation when you only have 8 Essence, and furthermore shouldn't use this 13 in place of all their other attributes (even if you can).
Finally, even if you do have Cult 5, don't use it to take over the entire South region, and then use the firepowder to launch a "crusade" against the empire with demons, riflemen, and more riflemen. (It counts as a crusade because my army worships me, and because as their deity I darn well say so.)
(This list of Exalted "Things I may no longer do" came from a ill fated Elder Exalt game which the DM gave up on upon realizing we could overthrow the Empire if we got bored one afternoon.)

Teln
2010-11-24, 05:00 PM
Exalted
* Two dots in Cult does not translate into a personal army. That's what the Followers background is for.
* The Mountain Folk are not the setting's largest importers of alcohol.
* While hunting feral Dragon Kings for sport technically isn't murder, you still have to suppress your Compassion.
* Alchemicals can't take Performance specialties in "The Robot".
* Before you accept an offer of akumahood, DISCUSS IT WITH THE REST OF THE CIRCLE FIRST.

Morithias
2010-11-24, 05:07 PM
Basing a design on a Power Rangers villain (Trakeena) but playing it seriously: Good Idea
Basing a design on a Power Rangers villain (Rita), and playing it "in character": Bad Idea

"YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!!!!"

Halae
2010-11-26, 06:34 PM
Half-Minotaurs no longer get the bonuses for size increase

The Ghul
2010-11-30, 08:26 PM
-im an not allowed to threaten my DM with a steel d20 to get the good treasure
-im no longer allowed to enter gnome cities
-i may no longer allowed to wear short-shorts in character
-no matter how much i may want to be i am not a sexy shoeless god of war/ nor are my broken undead characters zombie jesus

Necroticplague
2010-11-30, 09:37 PM
-If playing gestalt, my build will not be sorcerer// La for new acquired template every level.
-Charisma and good looks are not synonymous. Remember this when picking templates.
-My character cannot sleepwalk in order to cast infinite spells.
-It is not okay to ruin the action economy because you've already ruined the normal economy.
-Having a psicrystal does not give you an excuse to use disease causing spells indiscreetly.
- Perform(Striptease) is not a valid thing to use bardic class abilities through.
- Even if the rules technically allow, the ability to only climb up gases does not cost half as many advantage points as the ability to climb up any vertical surface.
- Yes, you have polymorph any object. The DM will start chucking books at you if you use it to permanently turn yourself into an epic creature protean.
- Yes your whole party is immune to circle of death and undeath to death at the same time constantly. Having one spell clock cast circle of death every round and another cast undeath to death every round will be nipped in the bud quickly.

TKB
2010-12-01, 12:00 AM
- I will no longer use Flesh to Salt on livestock to crash salt markets

- I will no longer throw myself off of 70ft high walls to prove a point about hp

- I will no longer think my way around an untrained Tracking check

- I will give the rest of the party time to solve the puzzle first, and then do it in five minutes

- I will no longer be the turncoat who's job is to kill the rest of the party

- I will no longer intentionally set myself up to become the turncoat who's job is to kill the rest of the party

- I will give the DM fair warning from now on if he wants me to become the turncoat who's job is to kill the rest of the party

- I will not hug the BBEG while shoving one portable hole into another, even if it's effective and my character would do it

- I will no longer circumnavigate half of the DM's dungeon with magic

- I will no longer circumnavigate half of the DM's dungeon with mundane items from Arms and Equipment

- I will no longer remind the low level rogue the he is replaceable with a ten foot pole, and indeed the pole is more reliable and safe when it comes to detecting and disarming traps

- I will no longer use the terms "small size character" and "grappling hook" interchangeably

- I will no longer replace the rogue with just a few prepared wizard spells

- I will no longer divert city guard's attention's in a desert city by yelling that there is a fire

- While DMing, I will no longer include time travel in my games if there is even a slight chance that the Barbarian/Bard/Dragon Disciple could become his own great great grandfather... and the source of his own dragon blood (which was a Blue Dragon btw)

- I will no longer go through with a possibly or definitely suicidal action if my only reason behind it is one of curiosity

- I will no longer abuse the Paladin's immunity to fear in the pursuit of the above mentioned curiosities

And yes, all of the above did happen at least once.

fortesama
2010-12-01, 06:32 AM
*Yes Dragonwrought Kobolds are true dragons. No, my dragonwrought kobold cleric may not crash the market for dragon's blood by bleeding myself out and using healing spells to offset the damage.
*I may not save someone from aboleth mucus by (temporarily) PAOing them into underwear.
*I may not give the pyromaniac sorcerer any kind of explosive device whether mundane or magical.
*I'm not allowed access to Sovreign Glue, a Decanter of Endless Water and any amount of Riverine on the same character.
*I may not start my own religion, especially if i set myself as the target of worship.
*Naming my characters after the girls (and guy) from Touhou is copyright infringement.
*Naming my enchanter after a certain planeswalker mind mage will be quickly followed by him appearing suddenly and casting Mindrape.

Saintheart
2010-12-02, 08:37 AM
* Playing a Warblade with Iron Heart maneuvers and ranks in Profession (Cook) does not mean entitle me to the moniker of "Iron Chef."

* Every girl is not crazy 'bout a sharp dressed bard.

* Not permitted to cast True Resurrection on the Dread Necromancer's thralls for the hell of it.

* Divination does not provide the numbers to next week's lottery results.

* "Which came first, the chicken or the egg" is not a valid question to subjects of the Speak with Dead spell.

* My Warforged is not permitted to shout "Transform and roll out" when casting Polymorph.

Saintheart
2010-12-02, 08:39 AM
Half-Minotaurs no longer get the bonuses for size increase

* Which reminds me: my half-minotaur does not by definition have one horn. And it is not placed in the middle of his forehead, either.

* My half-minotaur is also not permitted to rub the said horn as part of the Goad feat.

Coplantor
2010-12-03, 07:28 AM
Thou shalt not play pokemon while your character is unconcious for that is wrong and disrespectful to your fellow players.

The same can be said about minecraft.

Or super smash brothers.

and final fantasy 2

Necroticplague
2010-12-03, 10:14 AM
* "Which came first, the chicken or the egg" is not a valid question to subjects of the Speak with Dead spell.


Or a valid use of commune, sending, or a miracle.

It cannot be the verbal component of the following: Dictum, Blasphemy, word of chaos, or Holy word.

doctor_wu
2010-12-03, 11:06 AM
I am no longer allowed to make permanently invisible spheres of annihilation.

Squeejee
2011-07-11, 07:33 PM
* Seducing the BBEG is not a Lawful Good action.
* Neither is convincing the BBEG to commit Seppuku.
* Just because my Diplomacy is high enough to make anyone, anywhere, anytime, "helpful" does not mean everyone in the entire world instantly becomes my thrall.
* I am no longer allowed to play a kobold.
* I am no longer allowed to play a mummy.
* Bahamut help me if I want to play a half-dragon.

EagleWiz
2011-07-11, 08:54 PM
* Not allowed to cast Raise Thread.


Cmon, that was way too easy not to do.

Mark Hall
2011-07-11, 10:06 PM
The Mod Wonder: Thread Closed for age. May be restarted without prejudice.