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Dr.Epic
2011-02-09, 11:35 AM
Hey. Don't have much time. In class. I have to write this story for an assignment and the first thing my teacher wants us all to do is create a professional resume for the narrative as if we were presenting it to a company for it to be made into a book. I have my resume done. My teacher is talking to someone now and I'm not sure if he'll look at it again before class is over so if you could look at it and tell me what you think that'd be great:

Concept: In a Medieval village a dragon, warrior, and merchant run a scam to cheat villages out of money and valuables.

Story: The story opens on a typical medieval village located far into the country surrounded by trees on all sides. Itís a bright sunny day and everything seems perfect. Old and young roam the streets. Merchants are peddling their goods. The town guardsmen patrol the streets. Men in taverns kick back and relax. Everything seems perfect and tranquil when all of a sudden a fierce dragon swoops down from the sky and starts causing chaos. The captain of the guard instructs a defense against the beast. Soldiers fire arrows upon arrows at the massive beast, but they just bounce off the dragonís tough scales. The soldiers attack with swords and axes but they prove just as useless. Nothing seems to be harming the dragon as the captain of the guard panics to save his hometown. Then a mysterious man with a full beard wearing armor forward claiming he can defeat the beast. The captain of the guard is reluctant of this stranger when he sees his plan for killing the beast involves a small, common walnut. Nonetheless, the new man approached the dragon and hurls his walnut at him. As soon as the walnut hits the dragon the beast falls over in pain appearing mortally wounded. The great warrior is treated like a hero earning respect of everyone and vast amounts of treasure for his bravery and cunning. The warrior recommends the villagers stock up on walnuts to make sure their town is properly defended, and they all buy walnuts from a merchant selling them. Later that night we see the warrior alone in the woods. He removes his beard revealing itís a fake. The dragon shows up showing heís not dead and the walnut merchant quickly joins the two. All three revel at the success of their con. The three proceed to the next village to run their scam again.

Characters:
Warrior: The warrior is a tall, well built man. He stands over six feet tall and wears armor covering his torso but lets his arms go uncovered to display his large muscles. He wears a horned helmet. The warrior also wears a fake beard to make him look tougher and more experience. In reality, the warrior is not a great fighter but a conman running a scam where he pretends to kill a dragon in order to gain the wealth and admiration of naÔve peasants.
Dragon: The dragon is a massive creature over twenty feet tall with a wingspan dozen of yards wide. He is an intimidating beast covered in red scales that make him invulnerable to many attacks. His teeth and claws are long and razor sharp, and he breaths fire. As terrifying as the dragon sounds, he is actually an intelligent, nonviolent creature that plays a mindless savage in a con to trick people into paying his partner the warrior because it appear he killed the dragon.
Merchant: The final man in the scam, the merchant is a small, fat man. He is just over five feet tall and wears simple peasant clothes most of which is tattered. His chin is unshaven and sports a long mustache and his head is bald. The merchant pulls around a cart of walnuts he tries to sell to other peasants. The merchant looks and acts like a mild manner person, but in reality heís just as corrupt and greedy as his two companions. He enacts the final stage in the ongoing con with the warrior and dragon. After the warrior pretends to slay the dragon with a walnut, the merchant sells walnuts to the inhabitants of the village them thinking itís their best line of defense.
Captain of the Guard: An aged man whoís seen his fair share of combat. The captain of the guard is a lean man rough man. Heís over fifty years old but still has all the strength and tenacity he processed in youth. His face is winkled and heís losing his hair. The captain of the guard wears a full suit of armor and carries a large shield and several weapons including a sword, a few daggers, and a crossbow. The captain of the guard is a rough old man who is swift to action and doesnít hesitate to kill any foe doing a wrong deed. He may seem strict and tough but really it masks his desire to protect his village and keep all his citizens safe.

Strength: We see iconic figures like great, fearless warriors, evil dragons, and simple merchants redefined and given secret, new sides.

edit: Oh, and one thing my teacher tells me is my characters are too cliche. Comment on that if you want.

super dark33
2011-02-09, 12:19 PM
Hmmm... its not much of a cliche.

leakingpen
2011-02-09, 03:06 PM
I don't see cliche here. I mean, its like you're describing your character,

Well, he's a human, and he has brown hair, and

What? HOW CLICHE!

Dr.Epic
2011-02-09, 03:53 PM
I don't see cliche here. I mean, its like you're describing your character,

Well, he's a human, and he has brown hair, and

What? HOW CLICHE!

Well, in my original draft and this I didn't list their traits. I just gave them a vague character archetype (hero, lancer, chick, warrior, dragon, etc.). I think my professor just wanted me to make sure my characters are fleshed out.

leakingpen
2011-02-09, 05:17 PM
im saying, it seems like you're giving a base description, like, warrior type, and they are being called cliche from that little info.

BTW, were we also supposed to be looking at the resume? Because I don't see it.

Comet
2011-02-09, 06:12 PM
One small point of criticism:

The entry for the Captain seems a bit bland. He seems like a pretty straightforward, honest sort of bloke without much depth. I understand that this might be necessary to create a contrast for the conmen, but a little edge couldn't hurt. With what's there at the moment, he might as well not be there at all. Just another face in the crowd to be conned by our heroes.

Also, on that note, why are you telling us what armour the captain wears and what weapons he carries? None of that matters. You are trying to sell a story and characters, not a clothing shop mannequin. Writing is not about pictures, so try not to emphasise appearances and clothing and such unless they are actually a part of a character's past or personality. Here, for instance, I would have just gone with "he dresses in heavy armour and carries around a lot of weaponry as a sign of his [pride/paranoia/goofyness/bloodlust/etc]" if you absolutely had to include a description of his equipment.

Other than that, I got nothing. Good, basic fun. I'd read that, for sure.