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Traab
2011-02-25, 12:05 AM
My sister is driving me insane. She is a verbally abusive, well, several words I cant say on this site. Her general style is this. "So long as you do anything I ask, we are fine. If you dare to refuse me or to criticize me, expect me to instantly start screaming and yelling out the most hurtful comments I can think of at the top of my lungs, then find a way to punish you further." As an example, she will keep me from seeing my niece as punishment.

My niece goes to karate 3 times a week. This place is 5 minutes from her house. So naturally im annoyed by the fact that my sister has been having me drive 10-15 minutes to her house to pick up her child and bring her to karate practice 3 times a week. Her excuse is that her car still isnt registered, (she has had it for a couple months now) and the town my nieces jarate class is in is a cop haven. Now, this doesnt stop her from averaging 400 miles a week driving through several towns and highways daily going to work, shopping, visiting friends, and running every other errand under the sun. Just this one. Its my belief that she is lazy and doesnt want to be stuck waiting for an hour for my 9 year old niece to finish her thrice weekly training sessions.

I finally got tired of doing this and told her that I was no longer buying her excuses and that it would be the last time that i drive her to practice unless a real emergency pops up. So of course I got the entire litany I mentioned earlier, and now, to make it even better, she managed to convince my mother, who has a broken arm to take her to all her classes instead. Let me repeat that, as its bears repeating. She managed to guilt my mother, who has a broken ARM, into DRIVING my niece to karate three times a week. So basically, my sister is in a no lose scenario here. Either I take it back over and suck it up. Or I get to watch my mother, who refuses to accept reality about her daughter, try to drive with her right arm broken up at the shoulder. (she fell on some ice) Because the real victim here is my niece, who just wants to go practice her karate.

ThirdEmperor
2011-02-25, 12:12 AM
Ouch. Not sure what you should do, but man, that's a terrible situation.

Traab
2011-02-25, 12:22 AM
Yeah the basic problem is, she has pretty much trained everyone around her to keep their mouths shut and do as she says due to these constant flip outs whenever you disagree with her. I finally noticed the cycle and made a break from it. If my mother didnt have a broken arm id just let it go and say its on her to understand that she is being used, as I dont feel like getting into another fight with my mom over it. "Sorry to break it to you, but your daughter is evil!" never goes over well. But at least im out of it, and I get to see my niece often enough since she is always over my moms house.

I honestly found the rant my sister threw at me funny rather than hurtful as I knew it was coming, knew she is an idiot, and that nothing she says matters. The best part was when she talked about how im a selfish bastard who never does anything for anybody, when she had been using MY CAR for four straight months as she ever so slowly saved up to buy one of her own. (Seriously, she would set aside about 100 dollars every 2 weeks with our mother as her car fund.) So she basically put about 7000 miles on my car which I let her borrow since she needed it, and yet the moment i refuse to slavishly obey her every whim "IM" the selfish one.

Anxe
2011-02-25, 12:25 AM
Write to Dear Abby! She can solve any problem!

Lord Raziere
2011-02-25, 12:27 AM
:smallconfused:

I hate this situation as much you do.....I'm just confused why no one just walks.......if its such a short way.....

Jarian
2011-02-25, 12:27 AM
I feel your pain. My brother is (well, was - I haven't talked to him for years) the same way. As long as you do everything they ask, it's fine, but if not... lord help you.

I won't pretend to be a psychiatrist, but my brother was eventually diagnosed as being bipolar, which was made worse by his habit of self-medicating. I don't know a thing about your sister, but it might bear looking into.

Of course, she could just be a spoiled person who is used to getting her way and throws tantrums to keep things how she likes them, too.

MoelVermillion
2011-02-25, 12:33 AM
:smallconfused:

I hate this situation as much you do.....I'm just confused why no one just walks.......if its such a short way.....

I don't think I'd let a nine year old walk to the lesson by herself in this day and age even if it is only a five minute walk. Traab has already made it clear that his(? sorry if I got this wrong I didn't see a gender symbol :smalleek:) sister is too lazy/doesn't want to wait the hour long lesson. This leaves Traab and his mother and seeing as they have to drive to the house first anyway I guess they're already in the car by that point?

Aerodynamik
2011-02-25, 12:34 AM
Write to Dear Abby! She can solve any problem!

I beg to differ. I frequently disagree with the advice that advice columns give. Abby is right sometimes, but seems to be completely off the mark other times.

I however, have no solution to these problems either. All of the ones I could come up with involve talking to the involved parties, which, since you stated that no one will listen to you, seems pointless.

Lord Raziere
2011-02-25, 12:39 AM
I don't think I'd let a nine year old walk to the lesson by herself in this day and age even if it is only a five minute walk. Traab has already made it clear that his(? sorry if I got this wrong I didn't see a gender symbol :smalleek:) sister is too lazy/doesn't want to wait the hour long lesson. This leaves Traab and his mother and seeing as they have to drive to the house first anyway I guess they're already in the car by that point?

touche....:smallannoyed:

Gorgondantess
2011-02-25, 12:49 AM
:smallconfused:

I hate this situation as much you do.....I'm just confused why no one just walks.......if its such a short way.....

Same here. I walked to school when I was eight, which was more than a 5 minute drive. Don't see what the problem is here, unless y'all live in a really bad area.
Though that's kindof irrelevant. My advice? Keep driving her for a little while until your mom's arm is reasonably healed, then never do it again. Better yet, never do any favors for her ever again. For example, letting her put 7,000 miles on YOUR CAR. Which apparently is yours, which means that no matter how rude she is to you there's nothing obligating you to let her borrow it but the ephemeral, intangible thing we know as blood ties.

junglesteve
2011-02-25, 01:15 AM
My sister is driving me insane. She is a verbally abusive, well, several words I cant say on this site. Her general style is this. "So long as you do anything I ask, we are fine. If you dare to refuse me or to criticize me, expect me to instantly start screaming and yelling out the most hurtful comments I can think of at the top of my lungs, then find a way to punish you further." As an example, she will keep me from seeing my niece as punishment.

My niece goes to karate 3 times a week. This place is 5 minutes from her house. So naturally im annoyed by the fact that my sister has been having me drive 10-15 minutes to her house to pick up her child and bring her to karate practice 3 times a week. Her excuse is that her car still isnt registered, (she has had it for a couple months now) and the town my nieces jarate class is in is a cop haven. Now, this doesnt stop her from averaging 400 miles a week driving through several towns and highways daily going to work, shopping, visiting friends, and running every other errand under the sun. Just this one. Its my belief that she is lazy and doesnt want to be stuck waiting for an hour for my 9 year old niece to finish her thrice weekly training sessions.

I finally got tired of doing this and told her that I was no longer buying her excuses and that it would be the last time that i drive her to practice unless a real emergency pops up. So of course I got the entire litany I mentioned earlier, and now, to make it even better, she managed to convince my mother, who has a broken arm to take her to all her classes instead. Let me repeat that, as its bears repeating. She managed to guilt my mother, who has a broken ARM, into DRIVING my niece to karate three times a week. So basically, my sister is in a no lose scenario here. Either I take it back over and suck it up. Or I get to watch my mother, who refuses to accept reality about her daughter, try to drive with her right arm broken up at the shoulder. (she fell on some ice) Because the real victim here is my niece, who just wants to go practice her karate.

This is why I am glad I grew up with a brother. Now that we're adults we'll just have a VERY heated discussion, maybe toss some things around, and the problem usually gets resolved. Back in the day it was a heated discussion and a fist fight to resolve the issue. But in the end we always said our sorries and moved on.

Temotei
2011-02-25, 02:04 AM
I don't think I'd let a nine year old walk to the lesson by herself in this day and age even if it is only a five minute walk. Traab has already made it clear that his(? sorry if I got this wrong I didn't see a gender symbol :smalleek:) sister is too lazy/doesn't want to wait the hour long lesson. This leaves Traab and his mother and seeing as they have to drive to the house first anyway I guess they're already in the car by that point?


touche....:smallannoyed:

Also, since the mom slipped on ice, I'm guessing it's cold out. Letting a young'un out into the cold for a fairly decent walk probably isn't the best thing for her health before a karate class.

Anxe
2011-02-25, 02:32 AM
I beg to differ. I frequently disagree with the advice that advice columns give. Abby is right sometimes, but seems to be completely off the mark other times.

I however, have no solution to these problems either. All of the ones I could come up with involve talking to the involved parties, which, since you stated that no one will listen to you, seems pointless.

For this problem Dear Abby would probably say to bring up the problem with the sister. If she refuses to acknowledge the problem (probably by throwing another tantrum), then stop talking to her unless she becomes reasonable. It'd be nice if you could do something for the niece as well, but you probably can't.

Don Julio Anejo
2011-02-25, 06:34 AM
Here's a solution: drive your _mother_ to pick up your niece to karate practice. Then, stop doing it once she gets better.

dehro
2011-02-25, 07:44 AM
tape her outbursts and let her listen to them on a day where she isn't having one.. under the heading "listen to what I have to put up to on a regular basis"

possibly with your mother present, so that if she doesn't get it, maybe your mother will.

technology: it can be your friend!:smallbiggrin:

Kjata
2011-02-25, 07:51 AM
Here's what I'd do. Take this with a serious grain of sand, seeing as how I don't believe family is special. I love my mom and dad, and my grandparents, but I could do without my sister, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Anyway...

I would tell my sister to drive her own damn kid. I would let my mom drive my niece. If somebody wants to let their bratty kid be bratty well into adulthood, well, you raised them.

But then again, I hate my bratty sister, and am big on people doing whatever they want until it inconveniences someone else. So this kinda strikes a nerve for me.

Serpentine
2011-02-25, 08:10 AM
I don't think I'd let a nine year old walk to the lesson by herself in this day and age even if it is only a five minute walk. Traab has already made it clear that his(? sorry if I got this wrong I didn't see a gender symbol :smalleek:) sister is too lazy/doesn't want to wait the hour long lesson. This leaves Traab and his mother and seeing as they have to drive to the house first anyway I guess they're already in the car by that point?My dad would... Not my mum, though :smallannoyed:

Consider charging your sister. Start with the cost of petrol, then add the cost of time, and then add a babysitting charge. Doesn't have to be monetary, either, could be a favour or an errand or whatever. There's a good chance it'll put her off, and if it doesn't, then at least you'll get something out of it.

A friend of mine and her "partner" asked to borrow mum's car for trips to the bigger town. Mum let them do it a few times free of charge, and then - because she thought they'd want to do something in return, rather than just relying on charity - suggested that maybe he could mow our lawn occasionally in return for borrowing the car a couple of times a week.
They never asked to borrow the car again...

grimbold
2011-02-25, 08:23 AM
Write to Dear Abby! She can solve any problem!
this made my day
but really
corner her
and talk to her about it
and be frank
that would be the best way to do it imo

Frozen_Feet
2011-02-25, 08:25 AM
I don't think I'd let a nine year old walk to the lesson by herself in this day and age even if it is only a five minute walk.

What.

Honestly, it's been said the area is a cop haven. Pray tell me, what is so scary out there that you can't let a nine-year-old walk for 15 minutes? (Approximation; I'm taking the five-minutes-away means "by car", in which case I estimate the walk to take 10 to 15 minutes.) Better yet, why doesn't this insufferable woman just walk her kid to the practice, then maybe go jogging for the remainder of the the time before coming to pick her up again? It'd be a perfect evening work-out.

I might be a bit biased. I've walked to school since I was six. It was a 15 to 20 minute trip, and most of it went through a dark forest. Cold weather was no obstacle, I just had to get dressed right. And despite having to sometimes trudge through waist-deep snow, it was not a problem.

I'm on the opinion that not just letting, but teaching the kid to walk such short distances, including dressing right for the weather, will do her much, much more good in the long run than pampering her due to some strange paranoia about dirty old men or whatever.

...

Oh good grief I feel old and opinionated now.


Also, since the mom slipped on ice, I'm guessing it's cold out. Letting a young'un out into the cold for a fairly decent walk probably isn't the best thing for her health before a karate class.

Humbug. Some extra excercise before and after the classes will improve her fitness even more. Walk to the practice will provide nice warm-up, and walking back will keep her muscles warm and make them less likely to be sore the next day.

This coming from someone who practices karate and walks there. And it's winter here too. :smallwink:

smellie_hippie
2011-02-25, 08:32 AM
If your sister wants to continue throwing molotov cocktails on all of the bridges leading to the people who have offered to help her in the past, let her burn them. When she is alone and has irritated everyone to the point of no longer putting up with her rants she will have two choices.

1. Be pissed at the world for not making everything easier for her and suitable to her whim.

2. Recognize that she is a selfish bitch who has treated family and loved ones very badly.

One of those options is a painful self realization that hopefully leads to reparations, the other can't even be conceived of in badly scripted reality TV.

Your sister will not change her ways if she knows that someone else will continue to fix it. If your mother continues to fix it for her, that the two of them have made a very poor choice. Hopefully you sister will start ranting towards your mother the same way she has ranted towards you, and then mom can figure it out too.

I don't have anything smaller that a buck, so can I get 98 cents change please? :smallwink:

Barbin
2011-02-25, 08:35 AM
I know someone who has been a situation like this, the best thing you can do is talk to her calmly, but if she gets into a tantrum just leave and don't talk to her until she is calm again.

I worked with him, so it might work with you.

KenderWizard
2011-02-25, 08:36 AM
That really sucks, especially for the kid. If her mom won't even bother bringing her to karate... I don't understand why, if it's 5 minutes away, the sister can't just bring her there and return to pick her up in an hour. But whatever. I think doing it until your mother's arm is better, then refusing unless your sister agrees to be reasonable and do something in return for you, is the best plan. Your mom shouldn't be driving, and since apparently she won't stand up to her daughter, I think you need to be the adult here, until your mom can drive safely.


This is why I am glad I grew up with a brother. Now that we're adults we'll just have a VERY heated discussion, maybe toss some things around, and the problem usually gets resolved. Back in the day it was a heated discussion and a fist fight to resolve the issue. But in the end we always said our sorries and moved on.

Because the problem here is clearly that the sibling is a woman, not an immature jerk. [/sarcasm] :smallconfused: Seriously, do you think all sisters/women solve their problems by screaming, and only brothers/men can cope with familial disagreements in a reasonable way?

KuReshtin
2011-02-25, 08:53 AM
What.

Honestly, it's been said the area is a cop haven. Pray tell me, what is so scary out there that you can't let a nine-year-old walk for 15 minutes? (Approximation; I'm taking the five-minutes-away means "by car", in which case I estimate the walk to take 10 to 15 minutes.) Better yet, why doesn't this insufferable woman just walk her kid to the practice, then maybe go jogging for the remainder of the the time before coming to pick her up again? It'd be a perfect evening work-out.

I might be a bit biased. I've walked to school since I was six. It was a 15 to 20 minute trip, and most of it went through a dark forest. Cold weather was no obstacle, I just had to get dressed right. And despite having to sometimes trudge through waist-deep snow, it was not a problem.

I'm on the opinion that not just letting, but teaching the kid to walk such short distances, including dressing right for the weather, will do her much, much more good in the long run than pampering her due to some strange paranoia about dirty old men or whatever.

...

Oh good grief I feel old and opinionated now.



Humbug. Some extra exercise before and after the classes will improve her fitness even more. Walk to the practice will provide nice warm-up, and walking back will keep her muscles warm and make them less likely to be sore the next day.

This coming from someone who practices karate and walks there. And it's winter here too. :smallwink:

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Serpentine
2011-02-25, 09:04 AM
I might be a bit biased.No, I'm with you. From about grade 4-6 (~age 8-10) I walked a good half an hour or so home - granted, under the condition that I get home before the bus did. In grade 6, I walked to and from school, technically between towns (Valley Heights to Springwood), the way back being through proper edge-of-national park bushland (found an abandoned car down a cliff around there, once) if I felt like it, and then hung out at home all on my own for a couple of hours. And the walk was uphill both ways! ...okay, not so much that bit.
Even when I moved in with mum for high school and she made me go to a friend of hers after school which chafed me horribly, I still walked there on my own.

drakir_nosslin
2011-02-25, 09:07 AM
I couldn't have said it better myself.

Seconded.

Really, the day we start worrying for taking a 5 minute walk somewhere, it might be time to start thinking about moving. And cold weather isn't that bad. Just make sure to dress in dry clothes after practice, it's unpleasant to have your underwear freeze when you're outside.

Frozen_Feet
2011-02-25, 09:16 AM
For the record, my school trip actually was uphill both ways. Because, you know, there was a big honking hill in the middle. Two or three, even. XD

Of course, there were downhills too, but who counts those? :smallbiggrin:

Serpentine
2011-02-25, 09:20 AM
I just checked, and it turns out that patch of bush actually was national park...

MoelVermillion
2011-02-25, 09:25 AM
Eh, there was a string of attempted abductions not too long ago (1 - 2 years ago? Maybe a little more nowadays?) in my general area kids walking 5 - 10 minute walks back from school were targetted some with other students only 30 metres behind/ahead of them at the time. Leaves you a little more worried you know?

Traab
2011-02-25, 09:27 AM
Well the thing is, the 5 minute drive includes a short 2 exit jaunt across the highway, and the karate studio is in a downtown section of a less than perfect neighborhood. Its not the worst, but I still wouldnt let my 9 year old walk around there alone. As far as the cop thing goes, ive never actually seen one there, which is another reason why I realized that my sister is full of it and is just too lazy to drive her daughter herself.

As for talking with her, its been tried. She instantly goes into full scream and punish mode the second she realizes that this is a talk about correcting HER behavior. There is no point, you cant even get two sentences into the talk before she goes off like an explosive. If we tried one of those intervention deals she would instantly regress to 6 years old and start stomping her feet and shouting everyone down whenever someone tried to talk. (She has actually covered her ears yelling out la la la to ignore this type of thing, and she is 28 years old) That and accuse us of kidnapping and threaten to call the cops if we didnt instantly let her leave the room. /rolls eyes.

smellie_hippie
2011-02-25, 09:39 AM
*snip*
As for talking with her, its been tried. She instantly goes into full scream and punish mode the second she realizes that this is a talk about correcting HER behavior. There is no point, you cant even get two sentences into the talk before she goes off like an explosive.
*snip*

Don't try and correct it. She has no motivation to try and make any improvements because she either gets mad and gets her way, or she just gets mad.

Remove the audience and there is no point in the tantrum.

When she calls to ask for a favor, simply tell her "no". When she starts to rant, hang up. Until she starts to recognize that she has made selfish decisions which have forced others to start excluding her, she has no motivation to change.

You cannot fix this for her because she doesn't want anything fixed. When she realizes that she is alone and unhappy because nobody will help her, she will have to approach things in a more civil fashion. But this has to be a conclusion she comes to on her own.

Frozen_Feet
2011-02-25, 09:48 AM
Well the thing is, the 5 minute drive includes a short 2 exit jaunt across the highway, and the karate studio is in a downtown section of a less than perfect neighborhood. Its not the worst, but I still wouldnt let my 9 year old walk around there alone.


Does she have any friends to go along with? If not, then bother.


Eh, there was a string of attempted abductions not too long ago (1 - 2 years ago? Maybe a little more nowadays?) in my general area kids walking 5 - 10 minute walks back from school were targetted some with other students only 30 metres behind/ahead of them at the time. Leaves you a little more worried you know?

There was a case of someone being accused of stalking here as recently as last week. My screaming little dem-... I mean, adorable girl scouts didn't talk about anything else.

Doesn't make me the slightest bit worried. Why? Because these things are exceedingly rare. Scaring kids senseless with evil candymen and not letting them walk alone isn't actually worth the trouble. (Plus, I hate dealing with preteens who jump at their own shadows.) Parents driving back and forth to keep their children "safe" creates needless schedule and stress management problems for them, and more to the point, increases the probability of much-more-common traffic incidents near schools and other such places.

Statistically, the highest risk for abuse a child has is right back at home. "Evil strangers" are, in great many places, in surprisingly short supply.

Nevermind that teaching the kids to walk and dress right makes them less suspectible for laziness, frostbites and fitness problems later in life.

Lord Raziere
2011-02-25, 09:58 AM
yea but will the sister listen to all that? if she is willing to be a stubborn jerk every time you try to confront her, then how are you supposed to explain all that?

MoelVermillion
2011-02-25, 10:22 AM
There was a case of someone being accused of stalking here as recently as last week. My screaming little dem-... I mean, adorable girl scouts didn't talk about anything else.

Doesn't make me the slightest bit worried. Why? Because these things are exceedingly rare. Scaring kids senseless with evil candymen and not letting them walk alone isn't actually worth the trouble. (Plus, I hate dealing with preteens who jump at their own shadows.) Parents driving back and forth to keep their children "safe" creates needless schedule and stress management problems for them, and more to the point, increases the probability of much-more-common traffic incidents near schools and other such places.

Statistically, the highest risk for abuse a child has is right back at home. "Evil strangers" are, in great many places, in surprisingly short supply.

Nevermind that teaching the kids to walk and dress right makes them less suspectible for laziness, frostbites and fitness problems later in life.

Well its cool you're comfortable with it but I'm personally not. This incident has come up a few times here always with the same description (Unmarked white Transit Van) which suggests its a repeat offender but I've never heard about the guy being caught, one of the incidents happened near the primary school I went to that also happens to be not more than 200 metres from my house. Ontop of that when I was walking by myself at the age of 14 I had an incident where a rather insistant man kept offering me a ride and eventually started to get angry however another pedestrian came along and he left. After all this is it so hard to believe I might not be comfortable with the idea of letting a child even younger than that walk the streets without so much as even another friend to keep her safe? Its a personal prefference thing and I don't think we're going to be able to convince each other of our own veiwpoints. Don't worry though I'm not such a stickler that I wouldn't let them walk home if they had a sibling or friend with them just not alone :smalltongue:.

You don't need to explain the merits of walking to me though, I hate taking the car anywhere and will basically only use it if I have to carry too much heavy equipment to walk/bus with :smallwink:.

Anyway this is probably just pointless derailing at this point, Traab has already explained the circumstances that make it hard to let her walk there so I think this argument is just a moot point.

Anyway Traab, the unfortunate situation here is that it seems like your sister is ever goin to be able to be reasoned with. I agree with smellie_hippie your best course of action would just to not give her any attention during her rants, hang up the phone, leave the area, what ever it takes. If nothing else at least you won't have to listen to her rants again.

If your worried about the situation with your mother's arm unfortunately you'll probably have to take up the driving duties again until its healed up.

Asta Kask
2011-02-25, 10:26 AM
Seems to me the person you really need to talk to is your Mum. Talking to your sister is non-productive, but if you can get your mother to see that this not helping your sister then... taping your sister and letting your Mum listen may be an option.

RandomNPC
2011-02-25, 10:46 AM
I agree with Asta, talk to mum.

Take it a step farther and talk to everyone you know of that your sister does this to, make it a "passive agressive" intervention, don't confront her. Every time she calls for a favor ask "well what do I get out of it?" Sooner or later she'll figure out she's got to return favors.

dehro
2011-02-25, 11:52 AM
As for talking with her, its been tried. She instantly goes into full scream and punish mode the second she realizes that this is a talk about correcting HER behavior. There is no point, you cant even get two sentences into the talk before she goes off like an explosive. If we tried one of those intervention deals she would instantly regress to 6 years old and start stomping her feet and shouting everyone down whenever someone tried to talk. (She has actually covered her ears yelling out la la la to ignore this type of thing, and she is 28 years old) That and accuse us of kidnapping and threaten to call the cops if we didnt instantly let her leave the room. /rolls eyes.

again..record her.
let her do the talking shouting and then listen to how ridiculous it sounds.

also, do keep the tape...and let her know you do.

when I was 6 I used to go to school on the bike..but that was in amsterdam, 26 years ago..I wouldn't do it now, not even there (and I don't live there anymore)..and I fully understand that traffic is worse now, and so can neigborhoods be.
I don't presume to know how good of a mum your sister is on other issues than the karate thing (which is clearly something she's managed to get from you once and has become a habit=>right)...so I'm not going to call her out for bad parenting or anything of the like..which might very well be totally out of line.
this is not something you can bring a rational "logistic" solution to. the only option is either suck it up and keep taking your niece to and fro, or stop doing it. as for her behaviour towards yourself and your mum, and anybody who still does her a favour here or there..again, only 2 options..do something about it (not advocating interventions here..which is mostly ineffective psychobabble) or step away far enough not to be directly involved anymore but not quite far enough for her to not notice you've gone.

Em Blackleaf
2011-02-25, 03:34 PM
Aww, what a crappy situation. :smallfrown: There's not much I can offer besides *hugs*...

Don't try and correct it. She has no motivation to try and make any improvements because she either gets mad and gets her way, or she just gets mad.

Remove the audience and there is no point in the tantrum.

When she calls to ask for a favor, simply tell her "no". When she starts to rant, hang up. Until she starts to recognize that she has made selfish decisions which have forced others to start excluding her, she has no motivation to change.

You cannot fix this for her because she doesn't want anything fixed. When she realizes that she is alone and unhappy because nobody will help her, she will have to approach things in a more civil fashion. But this has to be a conclusion she comes to on her own.
Please do this and ask your family members/people she does this to to do the same, since it seems like she'll go to someone else if you don't do what she says and it wouldn't end.

Asta Kask
2011-02-25, 04:00 PM
Record it and put it up on YouTube. :smallbiggrin:

CrimsonAngel
2011-02-25, 04:23 PM
Lock her in a room with me! :smallbiggrin: I actually want to yell at her. It seems like it would be HILARIOUS.

Kuma Da
2011-02-25, 04:29 PM
Don't try and correct it. She has no motivation to try and make any improvements because she either gets mad and gets her way, or she just gets mad.

Remove the audience and there is no point in the tantrum.

When she calls to ask for a favor, simply tell her "no". When she starts to rant, hang up. Until she starts to recognize that she has made selfish decisions which have forced others to start excluding her, she has no motivation to change.

You cannot fix this for her because she doesn't want anything fixed. When she realizes that she is alone and unhappy because nobody will help her, she will have to approach things in a more civil fashion. But this has to be a conclusion she comes to on her own.

+1

I have a friend who's going through a similar situation with her mother, and this is the advice I wish I gave her.

Amridell
2011-02-25, 04:48 PM
Record it and put it up on YouTube. :smallbiggrin:

Oddly, this is not a atrocious idea. Blur out your face and her's, then post it. I heard a song called "united breaks guitars". It was about this guy who's taylor got broken on a united flight, and the airline would not recuperate his losses (it was destroyed due to employee carelessness, not poor packing). Hence, he made a song put it on Youtube, and BANG! United looks evil.It's the same thing with your sister. If she looks like the guilty one, she might try reciprorocating some of those request.

Miliardooz
2011-02-25, 09:21 PM
I am so tired of stupid people..

I have worked in retail for 10 years and all the time i get phone calls from the dumbest people. "do you have that on thing that is on sale in your add"
Seriously! Or how about " Do you have that black shoe, you know the one that is on your web page" I am sorry let mam let me pull my laptop out of my rump and find out for you. I am pretty sure that the worlds down fall will be stupid people.

Crow
2011-02-26, 12:13 AM
Have you considered covertly taping her "flip-outs"? Sometimes when somebody is being a huge b**** they don't actually realize it. At the very least you get the satisfaction of making her listen to her own b****ing for a couple minutes.

Ytaker
2011-02-26, 07:06 PM
That's a pretty horrible situation. Since your sister is utterly unreasonable any of the reasonable, logical solutions people have suggested here won't work that well and will simply make her angry, thus making your relationship more awkward. There are many fun things you could do that would ruin your social relationship. Your sister likes things the way they are and she has no reason to change, and so won't no matter what you do. And you can't leave as that would hurt your niece.

Sucks for you. There are no easy answers.

Her behaviour is that of a two year old who stomps when she can't get her way. You could try and see if you can influence her with the raw language of emotion. It's a simple language, of body gestures sad phrases and tone. Logic and rationality won't impact an infantile mind such as hers, but if she has any empathy she should understand your emotional reactions. If they are done in such a way that they threaten her social status that should be a threat she understands well. None of that will work unless you can get most of your family to follow though too which is unlikely.

Winter_Wolf
2011-02-26, 11:27 PM
Don't let family (or anyone else) guilt you into doing things for them. It's great that you like spending time with your niece, but if your sister is going to play the B* card, then rightly tell her that while you'll miss your niece, you're not going to put up with that crap.

If your mother chooses to put up with your sister's crap, it is NOT your fault. You can only reasonably be responsible for you (unless you have your own minor kids, in which case you have to be responsible for them too, but that's about it).

Putting up with your sister is enabling and encouraging her to keep up her act. I've cut loose family before, and they haven't curled up and died, and I'm better off for it. Charity and compassion have limits. Sometimes it's the only thing you can do.

RandomNPC
2011-02-28, 08:16 PM
Lock her in a room with me! :smallbiggrin: I actually want to yell at her. It seems like it would be HILARIOUS.

Something like this was going to be my sugestion, but I may very well smite the will to function on a biological level right out of her.

Combat Reflexes
2011-03-03, 05:33 PM
If someone yells at you, act like a rock. be stoic and just pretend it was the wind or something like that. If her rants have no effect, they will stop eventually. If they don't, then there's really something wrong with her.

Maybe it isn't her but some kind of disorder...

Lord Loss
2011-03-03, 07:55 PM
I'd have someone from outside intervene. Family members have a predilection for being blind to the faults of their relatives/denying them even if they do see them. Perhaps a psychologist/social worker/friend could help? This can't be a healthy environment for a nine year old...