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Crimmy
2011-02-28, 09:17 PM
Basically, I'm starting to write short entries to a "diary" that tells the story of a man living alone in a distant city in US.

Don't feel shy, though, if you want to share your own writing entry/fic about that extremely tall guy, please do.
I hope it's okay to post it here:

First partOct. 28

Darn kids and their pranks.
Why would they hang plastic bags in the old dead tree?
I'm gonna make sure they clear it up before Halloween.

Oct. 29

I Just found out the family next door is missing one of the children.
So when I went there to ask them about the bags their children hung in the tree, found the police all over the place.
Maybe I should sheck what's in them.

---

Called the police. A liver. A lung.
A heart. God, why would anyone put those in bags, and hang them in an old dead tree?
Second partOct. 30

The air is silent. The kids have no idea what's going on, but the grown-ups...
They take the children out to trick-or-treat, but they're all absent. In their heads, I mean.
Forgot to open the door twice for the little guys. Maybe I should have stopped thinking about those... things... I found in the dead tree.

Oct. 31

Some weird kids yelling outside my door instead of knocking, like the rest of the trickers.They all had masks. Those weird masks. One looked like a flower: One dot in the center, and two ovals making the petals. Another one was all one oval crossed with an X mark. And the third one had only four arrows pointing to the center of the mask.

Nov. 1

Awoke in the middle of the night. Those kids were not alone. Another one with a mask was behind them.
I think it was a mask. But it was completely blank. And he was so tall...
Was he leaning over the dead tree?
Third partNov. 1

The inspector came to warn the rest of the families with children that they should be aware of their little ones at all times. "Don't let them go out without you" he said. 3 dissapeared boys.

Nov. 2

Woke up to yelling sounds, like someone was gutting a pig. I'm pretty sure nobody near here has pigs.

--

Another batch of bags appeared hung in the dead tree. What's happening? I don't remember them being there last night. Also, there's one bag on top of the tree...
How can it be? It's well over 14 feet tall. There were no signs of stairs, nothing.

Nov. 3

The police have set their camp around the street. They assure it's gonna be a 24/7 with not breaches. Heard the inspector talking to someone from the CIA.
The government has to give us security! No more injustice!

CrimsonAngel
2011-02-28, 09:26 PM
I'm never leaving my house ever again. :smallfrown:

Crimmy
2011-02-28, 09:33 PM
Naw, come on! It's not that bad.
Just some bags with organs inside them...

Savannah
2011-03-01, 08:05 PM
Are you doing this just for people to read, or are you interested in some criticism?

If the former, looks interesting; I always love Slender Man stuff! (And your grammar/spelling is all good - bonus! :smalltongue:)

If the latter....it's way too fast for me. For this sort of horror, I like it when the author takes some time and slowly reveals the horror, mixed in with the normal, day-to-day stuff at the beginning. That "normal at the beginning before everything goes wrong" feel is totally missing from the diary. In addition, it doesn't seem like a diary to me. I haven't written a diary in ages, but when I did, I talked about more than just one thing, unless something super important happened that day. The first entry could use some more stuff, unless plastic bags in a tree is a major event in this guy's life. Also, the second entry....it seems like it should be all one entry. Generally I think of a diary as something you write every evening, not something you're jotting down notes in between running over to the neighbors' house and checking out the tree in the backyard. And one other thing you might want to think about....I'm not getting much of a personality from this. It would be really cool if you could get some more of this guy's attitude and opinion in the entries, so that the reader can really understand and sympathize with the guy...before killing him horribly or something like that, of course :smallbiggrin:

Crimmy
2011-03-01, 10:33 PM
Savannah: Well...
I'm creating a little Slender Fic. I did say I wanted other people to post it here if they want to.

As for the guy writing these entries. The personality is there. He's a guy who doesn't like to talk much. A guy who gets angry when little kids hang bags on a dead tree. The kind of guy who lives alone in a street where everybody has a family.

And... who knows. Maybe he won't die horribly? :smallamused:

Savannah
2011-03-01, 10:40 PM
As for the guy writing these entries. The personality is there. He's a guy who doesn't like to talk much. A guy who gets angry when little kids hang bags on a dead tree. The kind of guy who lives alone in a street where everybody has a family.

My point is just that, whether or not you have an idea for his personality, I'm not feeling it. He feels very....bland....to me. Maybe with more entries it'll come out more. Maybe it's just me. I don't know, but it was an observation of something that was preventing me from being really pulled into a story that I should like a lot.

leakingpen
2011-03-02, 12:22 PM
I think his point is that the narrator IS pretty bland.

Personally, I think its a jekyll hyde situation.

And, I'm digging it, I'd read more.

Crimmy
2011-03-02, 10:31 PM
I think his point is that the narrator IS pretty bland.

Personally, I think its a jekyll hyde situation.

And, I'm digging it, I'd read more.

Thanks for answering that one.

And, Jekyll/Hyde... it might no be like that.:smallamused:
I wanna twist the twisted plot. Or maybe twist the plot. Or just twist the twist.

leakingpen
2011-03-04, 09:09 AM
twist of lime? slight of hand, twist of fate? lets twist again, like we did last thread?