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View Full Version : A knight offering a quest (Real Life!)



Incompleat
2011-03-03, 01:34 PM
So, some unknown idiot in Somerset has been shooting at swans, and Sir Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett is calling for brave adventurers to look into the matter and report any findings to the authorities. (http://www.tntmagazine.com/tnt-today/archive/2011/03/03/terry-pratchett-offers-reward-to-catch-somerset-swan-killer.aspx)

The reward he is offering is 10,000 pounds - plus, other people have chipped in too, so you are looking at £26,000 (that is, 30,000 euros, or $42,000) total if you dare face the wrath of... well, of some swan-killing-person, I suppose.

Obviously, I hope that the killer gets caught quickly - these are protected birds. But still, am I a bad person for finding the whole "bounty" matter quite amusing?

EDIT: fixed the link

Telonius
2011-03-03, 01:36 PM
So, some unknown idiot in Somerset has been shooting at swans, and Sir Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett is calling for brave adventurers to look into the matter and report any findings to the authorities. ("http://www.tntmagazine.com/tnt-today/archive/2011/03/03/terry-pratchett-offers-reward-to-catch-somerset-swan-killer.aspx)

The reward he is offering is 10,000 pounds - plus, other people have chipped in too, so you are looking at £26,000 (that is, 30,000 euros, or $42,000) total if you dare face the wrath of... well, of some swan-killing-person, I suppose.

Obviously, I hope that the killer gets caught quickly - these are protected birds, after all.

But still, am I a bad person for finding the whole "bounty" matter quite amusing?

I sincerely hope he made that announcement at his local tavern.

Flickerdart
2011-03-03, 01:37 PM
Your link's broken - there's extra junk at the beginning.

Fontaine
2011-03-03, 01:40 PM
That is....really awesome

BizzaroStormy
2011-03-03, 01:42 PM
I would gladly don my reenactment armor and hunt this fool down, only problem would be getting a sword and armor through customs. Plus by the time I hopped the pond, he'd probably already be caught.

Halae
2011-03-03, 01:51 PM
We need more people doing this. I swear, if people began offering bounties like this in real life, it would sharply increase the number of people bringing others to justice

Moff Chumley
2011-03-03, 01:59 PM
I hate to be the proverbial stick in the mud, but while accepting a bounty for tracking down a swan hunter may be all rosy, other such vigilantisms might not be...

shadow_archmagi
2011-03-03, 02:02 PM
Terry Pratchett: Dragon Defender of the Lightning Swans.

PRESTIGE CLASSSSSS

Comet
2011-03-03, 02:07 PM
I bet the killer is reading the news right now and shaking in his boots.

Somehow this all seems pretty radical in the context of the modern world. Mob mentality, vigilantism and all that. But in a case like this, I'm not one to complain about details. Release the hounds!

Incompleat
2011-03-03, 02:12 PM
Somehow this all seems pretty radical in the context of the modern world. Mob mentality, vigilantism and all that.


Well, Pratchett is just offering a reward to people who may happen to have seen something useful for the investigations - it's not like he is asking for the head of the Swanslayer, or even for anyone performing a citizen's arrest.

It's not that uncommon: I am too lazy to look for articles, but bounties of this kind have been offered quite a number of times, both for environmental crimes and for graver matters (even a few kidnappings, if I am not wrong).

BizzaroStormy
2011-03-03, 02:17 PM
its not all that uncommon. I seem to recall a video of a purse snatcher grabbing an old lady's purse in a fairly dense crowd. He gets a good 6 feet away from her before be clotheslined by a very large gentleman and subsequenmtly has his head kicked in by 5 to 7 nearby "vigilantes".

If I had the time and the skill, I would have no problem hunting this guy down for ~$26,000. Seems like some light investigation, a short stake out, and a somewhat violent citizens' arrest is all one would need.

Find out where and about when swans are being killed, stake the place out with a set of NVGs (if needed), apprehend suspect(collecting his airgun as evidence), and then comes profit.

Incompleat
2011-03-03, 02:20 PM
If I had the time and the skill, I would have no problem hunting this guy down for ~$26,000.

These are pounds, so it would be about $42,300.

VeisuItaTyhjyys
2011-03-03, 02:23 PM
I sincerely hope the bounty is dead or alive.

Coidzor
2011-03-03, 02:25 PM
Terry Pratchett: Dragon Defender of the Lightning Swans.

PRESTIGE CLASSSSSS

Ok. This needs to be done. :smallamused: Also, I'm imagining Sir Pratchett in the traditional garb of a quest giver in an English pub and I am tickled pink.

Though I do have to wonder at why someone would go after swans. They can kill grown men, if I recall their temperament correctly.

Indeed, some part of me fears that the swans will be more dangerous to people on the lookout for the guy shooting them than the poacher himself...

Telonius
2011-03-03, 02:29 PM
Terry Pratchett: Dragon Defender of the Lightning Swans.

PRESTIGE CLASSSSSS

Hm, a modified version of the Swanmay might do it.

Moff Chumley
2011-03-03, 02:53 PM
I sincerely hope the bounty is dead or alive.

It's interesting that in one thread, you defend the lives of cockroaches, while in this thread, you imply that you want someone killed...

KuReshtin
2011-03-03, 02:58 PM
It's interesting that in one thread, you defend the lives of cockroaches, while in this thread, you imply that you want someone killed...

To be fair, Veisu is consistent, as in the previous thread it is stated that Veisu would rather see a person die than an animal or insect.

Moff Chumley
2011-03-03, 03:03 PM
To be fair, Veisu is consistent, as in the previous thread it is stated that Veisu would rather see a person die than an animal or insect.

Fair point. :smallsigh:

ForzaFiori
2011-03-03, 03:24 PM
We need more people doing this. I swear, if people began offering bounties like this in real life, it would sharply increase the number of people bringing others to justice

I have to agree. While posting "dead or alive" bounties like in the Wild West may not be the best way to solve the crime problems (though it just might be the most fun :smalltongue:), if a way were found to offer higher bounties for information on criminals (currently it's only done in really big crimes, such as murder, terrorism, etc), I think that alot more criminals would be caught.

However, more caught criminals means that more police, judges, jails, and courthouses are needed, which means more money, plus the bounty money...

Honestly I"d rather have petty crime than pay a crapload just to catch the dude that stole a watch.

Incompleat
2011-03-03, 03:47 PM
So... Pratchett is a Bard 4/Knight 2/Swan Defender 1 now?

As for Swanslayer, well, swans are not exactly dire bears, so I guess he'd be a Ranger 1/2 or something like that.

I must say, though, I am a bit disappointed by the bounty. If the hand of Pratchett's daughter is not available, he could have at least offered that of his aunt from Pseudopolis...

Coidzor
2011-03-03, 04:25 PM
I must say, though, I am a bit disappointed by the bounty. If the hand of Pratchett's daughter is not available, he could have at least offered that of his aunt from Pseudopolis...

...If he offered the hand of his daughter (https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Rhianna_Pratchett), the resulting influx of men and women looking to win her would result in the depopulation and destruction of the county from the sheer press of bodies.

VeisuItaTyhjyys
2011-03-03, 04:43 PM
It's interesting that in one thread, you defend the lives of cockroaches, while in this thread, you imply that you want someone killed...

Well, I was being halfway facetious, since I prefer irony to morality, but only halfway; to quote Robinson Jeffers, poet laureate of awesome, "I'd sooner, except the penalties, kill a man than a hawk." Basically, it comes down to the fact that the cockroach etc. is a far less malicious creature than a person such as this one, for whom there is no necessity to shoot the swans, and little to gain beyond a distressingly cruel pleasure from doing so.

ThirdEmperor
2011-03-03, 04:49 PM
So... Pratchett is a Bard 4/Knight 2/Swan Defender 1 now?

As for Swanslayer, well, swans are not exactly dire bears, so I guess he'd be a Ranger 1/2 or something like that.

I must say, though, I am a bit disappointed by the bounty. If the hand of Pratchett's daughter is not available, he could have at least offered that of his aunt from Pseudopolis...

Bard 20/Knight 8/ Swan Defender 1.

How dare you imply Pratchett isn't epic? :smallannoyed::smallmad::smalltongue:

VeisuItaTyhjyys
2011-03-03, 04:52 PM
I'd say Gestalt Knight/Bard 20, Swan defender 1. I say this out of the hope that Loyal Beyond Death will allow him to almost indefinitely prolongue his life.

Moff Chumley
2011-03-03, 04:54 PM
Well, I was being halfway facetious, since I prefer irony to morality, but only halfway; to quote Robinson Jeffers, poet laureate of awesome, "I'd sooner, except the penalties, kill a man than a hawk." Basically, it comes down to the fact that the cockroach etc. is a far less malicious creature than a person such as this one, for whom there is no necessity to shoot the swans, and little to gain beyond a distressingly cruel pleasure from doing so.

You're just saying that because you've never had a roach eat your cheesecake. I was SO. MAD. >:C

Anyhow. I don't really care, I just thought it was kind of funny.

ThirdEmperor
2011-03-03, 05:12 PM
I agree. Roaches are malicious, and they eat your snacks. There can be no worse crime.

Combat Reflexes
2011-03-03, 05:21 PM
And then the swan-poacher finds himself in a damp, dark basement, chain-tied to a metal chair with various gruesome contraptions next to him:

"Hello. My name is Terry Pratchett, and I want to play a game with you."

Coidzor
2011-03-03, 05:24 PM
You did not just pass over Lord Vetinari to quote Bonesaw. :smallannoyed:

Karoht
2011-03-03, 05:41 PM
Cool, I'm on it. I just have to roll a character on the UK server. I had alts over there, but they're gone now.

EDIT: Wait, I might still have a Druid alt over there from that iron age expansion.

Incompleat
2011-03-03, 05:41 PM
Bard 20/Knight 8/ Swan Defender 1.

How dare you imply Pratchett isn't epic?

Pratchett is good, don't get me wrong, but he is not the greatest writer who ever lived. Also, I was trying to respect the "unbelievably skilled Real Life people correspond to level 5 D&D characters" argument I have read somewhere.

But yes, Bard 4 perhaps is too little. Can we compromise on Bard 10/Knight 4/Swan Defender 1?



You did not just pass over Lord Vetinari to quote Bonesaw.

No idea about what Bonesaw is, but what about this then?


'Ah, Mr Poacher' said a distant voice, getting closer. 'I see that you are awake. And alive, at the present time.'

'Shall I tell you about angels, Mr Poacher?' said Terry Pratchett pleasantly. 'I know two interesting facts about them.'

‘May I just add, Mr Poacher, that behind you there is a door. If at any time in this interview you feel you wish to leave, you have only to step through it and you will never hear from me again.’

Combat Reflexes
2011-03-03, 05:43 PM
You did not just pass over Lord Vetinari to quote Bonesaw. :smallannoyed:

Jigsaw, actually :smallredface:





'Ah, Mr Poacher' said a distant voice, getting closer. 'I see that you are awake. And alive, at the present time.'

'Shall I tell you about angels, Mr Poacher?' said Terry Pratchett pleasantly. 'I know two interesting facts about them.'

‘May I just add, Mr Poacher, that behind you there is a door. If at any time in this interview you feel you wish to leave, you have only to step through it and you will never hear from me again.’


Where is this from, then?

Incompleat
2011-03-03, 05:47 PM
Going Postal, by Pratchett himself. I know that many people did not like it, but I actually think it was one of his best books...

VeisuItaTyhjyys
2011-03-03, 05:48 PM
You're just saying that because you've never had a roach eat your cheesecake. I was SO. MAD. >:C

Anyhow. I don't really care, I just thought it was kind of funny.

It definitely is kinda funny. Like I said, I like irony better than morality. :smallwink:

Moff Chumley
2011-03-03, 05:50 PM
Going Postal, by Pratchett himself. I know that many people did not like it, but I actually think it was one of his best books...

I liked it. *shrug*

rakkoon
2011-03-04, 03:53 AM
Pratchett is good, don't get me wrong, but he is not the greatest writer who ever lived.
Opinions vary.

So if my friend shot the swans
and I turn him in
and he has to pay a fine
....
PROFIT!!

Moonshadow
2011-03-04, 04:00 AM
The hilarity of this situation is that the swankiller is obviously using Sneak Attack to kill the birds. Because if you let a swan get initiative, you're not escaping unscathed.

Themrys
2011-03-04, 05:25 AM
I must say, though, I am a bit disappointed by the bounty. If the hand of Pratchett's daughter is not available, he could have at least offered that of his aunt from Pseudopolis...

No, no, Sir Pterry wouldn't do that, that'd be sexist.

Everyone who volunteers to find the villain should be given a piece of clothing or jewelry. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Ptitlejsycb8gxibrd?from=Main.TheLadysFavour) Possibly from his daughter if the person in question is male.

Knights in shining armour don't ask for more than that!

Incompleat
2011-03-04, 05:36 AM
I was referencing Guards! Guards!, where the Patrician tries to hire some heroes to get rid of the dragon.

Sadly, I don't know if Pratchett has a little doggie, and I would not be that interested in it anyway... ;)

Themrys
2011-03-04, 05:40 AM
I was referencing Guards! Guards!, where the Patrician tries to hire some heroes to get rid of the dragon.


I know. :smallwink:

But since this is real life, I'd be much more interested in some kerchief with Sir Terry's autograph on it than in the hand of his daughter. (Or aunt. Or dog) :smallbiggrin:

Coidzor
2011-03-04, 09:30 AM
No, no, Sir Pterry wouldn't do that, that'd be sexist.

Everyone who volunteers to find the villain should be given a piece of clothing or jewelry. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Ptitlejsycb8gxibrd?from=Main.TheLadysFavour) Possibly from his daughter if the person in question is male.

Oh, no, plenty of women interested in women would apply as well. :smallwink:

MoonCat
2011-03-04, 03:52 PM
This would be quite funny if I wasn't so sad for the poor swans. How can Sir Pratchett keep topping himself? I hope the killer will get severely chastised by Death when his time comes, despite them not being cats.

Karoht
2011-03-04, 04:14 PM
Pratchett is good, don't get me wrong, but he is not the greatest writer who ever lived. He writes things which make me laugh. Good enough for me.

I always view bards as one part artist and one part showman and one part PT Barnum. Pratchett at least has 2 parts of that formula (indeed perhaps as much as 2.5 parts of that formula), though which two parts are subject to interpretation.

Cespenar
2011-03-05, 03:22 AM
Who is "the greatest writer who ever lived" anyway? :smallconfused:

Tiger Duck
2011-03-05, 07:36 AM
Who is "the greatest writer who ever lived" anyway? :smallconfused:

There cant be a greatest writer who ever lived, opinions will always vary.

Coidzor
2011-03-05, 05:32 PM
Who is "the greatest writer who ever lived" anyway? :smallconfused:

Boccob. :smallcool:

Elder Tsofu
2011-03-05, 05:39 PM
This would be quite funny if I wasn't so sad for the poor swans. How can Sir Pratchett keep topping himself? I hope the killer will get severely chastised by Death when his time comes, despite them not being cats.

I don't think Death likes swans, so I suppose the killer would get a rebuke for sending them in early - or a thanks due to killing them this way skips the part with the swan-song. :smalltongue:

MoonCat
2011-03-05, 05:55 PM
I don't think Death likes swans, so I suppose the killer would get a rebuke for sending them in early - or a thanks due to killing them this way skips the part with the swan-song. :smalltongue:

He was annoyed with that one swan. I doubt he uses that to justify some total lunkhead shooting them for sport.

Elder Tsofu
2011-03-05, 06:07 PM
Well, I suppose that depends on if you get him before or after he got philosophy. :smalltongue:

shadow_archmagi
2011-03-05, 06:08 PM
Who is "the greatest writer who ever lived" anyway? :smallconfused:

Zeppelin Man.

Ask a silly question...

Cespenar
2011-03-05, 06:43 PM
Zeppelin Man.

Ask a silly question...

That was a rhetorical question. *sigh*

Renegade Paladin
2011-03-05, 08:52 PM
To be fair, Veisu is consistent, as in the previous thread it is stated that Veisu would rather see a person die than an animal or insect.
Which is thoroughly morally bankrupt.