PDA

View Full Version : Culinary Nightmares



Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 08:04 PM
New thread from the Manly Donut thread, were we got to talking about things such as curry donuts and other culinary disasters. What are some the culinary nightmares the Playground as dreamed up?


That could turn out nicely, unlike say a chocolate frosted curry-filled sweet donut, which sounds like a nightmare. Poutine isn't really my favorite, but the idea is solid (it's basically cheese fries with gravy after all). What are you guys thinking about right now? Fries, blue cheese, maybe a spicy sauce to replace the gravy?

We hand cut the fries and toss them in some seasoning salt first off. We make our own gravy and I have been in the business of making homemade BBQ sauce since I was a kid. We normally take left over BBQ ribs and cook them down into the base of the gravy so it comes out as a BBQ beef gravy. No one here likes cheese curds so we often use hunks of what ever cheese we can though it's often Dutch due to my roommate having a steady supply of it. We then add deep fried jalapeno's or fresh chilies on top before covering the whole thing with the the gravy.

We're also working on a chili dog that takes the one true chilie (Cincinnati style) with home made sausage (a combo of pork and beef with paprika and curry powder with black pepper) and home made sourdough buns

arguskos
2011-03-24, 08:12 PM
We hand cut the fries and toss them in some seasoning salt first off. We make our own gravy and I have been in the business of making homemade BBQ sauce since I was a kid. We normally take left over BBQ ribs and cook them down into the base of the gravy so it comes out as a BBQ beef gravy. No one here likes cheese curds so we often use hunks of what ever cheese we can though it's often Dutch due to my roommate having a steady supply of it. We then add deep fried jalapeno's or fresh chilies on top before covering the whole thing with the the gravy.
So, a BBQ beef gravy eh? Makes me think that this (http://cajohns.com/BBQ-Sauces/H.D.H.-Grillin-Sauce.html) might be of interest. It's a fairly hot yet sweet sauce I like to use for cooking.

As for the food itself... hmm. If you're cutting the cheese curds, why not just do a shred instead of chunks? Poutine is kinda *made* by the curds, and if you're not using it, just shred some cheese and toss the fries with it before adding the gravy. Could be an idea.


We're also working on a chili dog that takes the one true chilie (Cincinnati style) with home made sausage (a combo of pork and beef with paprika and curry powder with black pepper) and home made sourdough buns
OH MY DEAR GOD I WANT KNOW RESULTS AUUUUGH :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

Seriously, you have got to let me know how that one turns out.

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2011-03-24, 08:13 PM
Most variants of poutine are delicious. As long as they use a real cheese, or cheese curds, they're good. The best is still the classic, with fresh squeaky cheese curds and poutine gravy. Second place just dumps a bunch of pulled pork on top of that.

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 08:21 PM
So, a BBQ beef gravy eh? Makes me think that this (http://cajohns.com/BBQ-Sauces/H.D.H.-Grillin-Sauce.html) might be of interest. It's a fairly hot yet sweet sauce I like to use for cooking.

As for the food itself... hmm. If you're cutting the cheese curds, why not just do a shred instead of chunks? Poutine is kinda *made* by the curds, and if you're not using it, just shred some cheese and toss the fries with it before adding the gravy. Could be an idea.

I know the sauce and use it as well. We do our best to keep things home made when at all possible.

We've used cheesed curds and shredded cheese as well as the "chunks". They're not so much huge blocks of the stuff but more small cubes that melt under the heat of everything else.



OH MY DEAR GOD I WANT KNOW RESULTS AUUUUGH :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

Seriously, you have got to let me know how that one turns out.

Initial outcomes were quite good. Though most agree we'd be better off trying a meatless chili sauce with our gourmet hamburgers. The sausage is a bit difficult and expensive to make.

This is of course, more reason to head out here. If we do one thing well, it's eat.

arguskos
2011-03-24, 08:31 PM
I know the sauce and use it as well. We do our best to keep things home made when at all possible.
Homemade is obviously preferable, but sometimes you just lack the time.


We've used cheesed curds and shredded cheese as well as the "chunks". They're not so much huge blocks of the stuff but more small cubes that melt under the heat of everything else.
Oh yeah, I know the chunk size, but that lends itself to a less consistent cheese to fry ratio in my experience, and I like a bit more consistency personally. Still, sounds good. I might have to try and piece together a poutine of my own, though I'm a (at best) amateur cook.


Initial outcomes were quite good. Though most agree we'd be better off trying a meatless chili sauce with our gourmet hamburgers. The sausage is a bit difficult and expensive to make.
Meat-less chili is insulting. Defies the entire point of chili. At least, that's what I think. :smalltongue:

Could find a cheaper, easier chili meat for it though, since the sausage does sound pricey. Not sure what would work best with your recipe though.


This is of course, more reason to head out here. If we do one thing well, it's eat.
I still need to go out there for all sorts of reasons. :smallsigh: Life.

Dr.Epic
2011-03-24, 08:37 PM
I once had a dream a hamburger was eating me. Get it. Because the name of the thread is culinary nightmares.

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 08:51 PM
Homemade is obviously preferable, but sometimes you just lack the time.

Indeed, also pot and kitchen space limits exactly how much I can make at a time sadly.



Oh yeah, I know the chunk size, but that lends itself to a less consistent cheese to fry ratio in my experience, and I like a bit more consistency personally. Still, sounds good. I might have to try and piece together a poutine of my own, though I'm a (at best) amateur cook.

Ah I see, then shredded would indeed bet better. I like getting them at seperate intervals, mixes up the whole experience a bit.


Meat-less chili is insulting. Defies the entire point of chili. At least, that's what I think. :smalltongue:

I agree though I think their logic is the hamburger patty will act as the meat.


Could find a cheaper, easier chili meat for it though, since the sausage does sound pricey. Not sure what would work best with your recipe though.

Indeed, we've worked with several but it's also the time consuming aspect that cuts down on how often we can pull it off and the price of the casings. In general it's the whole deal that cuts into the wallet. Would that I could have an actual allowence to spend on food without fear of not paying rent and I'd have a smoker out on the porch and be grilling up my own cured meats.


I still need to go out there for all sorts of reasons. :smallsigh: Life.

Indeed, though I might be heading back to Ohio here shortly for a visit.

arguskos
2011-03-24, 09:04 PM
Indeed, also pot and kitchen space limits exactly how much I can make at a time sadly.
I'm lucky, cause I don't have that issue. My kitchen is big enough for two people to function in without concern. I'm just a crappy cook. :smalltongue:


I agree though I think their logic is the hamburger patty will act as the meat.
...that's the infallible fridge logic of "well, sloppy joes are good for you, cause they have vegetables in them" or something similarly terrible. :smallsigh:


Indeed, we've worked with several but it's also the time consuming aspect that cuts down on how often we can pull it off and the price of the casings. In general it's the whole deal that cuts into the wallet. Would that I could have an actual allowence to spend on food without fear of not paying rent and I'd have a smoker out on the porch and be grilling up my own cured meats.
Well, rent>food for the most part, cause you can always eat cheap (and ramen can do like 50,000 things). Still, I feel that pain.


Indeed, though I might be heading back to Ohio here shortly for a visit.
Huzzah! Lemme know.

Ok, here's a question for the thread. I once had a ramen brownie (ie. it was a brownie with uncooked ramen noodles in it for a crunchy texture), but I didn't get the recipe and have been unable to find one. Can someone help me out here? Does anyone else know what I'm talking about/had similar? If so, do you have a recipe for it?

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 09:15 PM
I honestly think you'd only need to throw uncooked ramen into the brownie mix before baking. It should stay crisp and "uncooked".

MoonCat
2011-03-24, 09:25 PM
My dad likes to top off his buttermilk with grapefruit juice once he drinks half.

Rowsen
2011-03-24, 10:04 PM
This seems appropriate. Not mine, but horrifying nonetheless.
Mmmm, heart attacks.
Bacon Explosion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon_Explosion)

arguskos
2011-03-24, 10:06 PM
I honestly think you'd only need to throw uncooked ramen into the brownie mix before baking. It should stay crisp and "uncooked".
Tried it. Didn't have that really crisp snap the one I had did. I'm not entirely sure what they did to get that effect, but dammit, I want to know. It was both delicious and the perfect stoner food (seriously, every stoner I know craves both brownies and ramen when high, and I could give them both at once! :smallbiggrin:).

Also, I've had the Bacon Explosion (or something similar anyways). It was... it was a thing. Let's call it that. :smalleek:

Amiel
2011-03-24, 10:08 PM
Meat-less chili is insulting. Defies the entire point of chili. At least, that's what I think. :smalltongue:

If in doubt, there's always a tofu substitute.

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 10:52 PM
Tried it. Didn't have that really crisp snap the one I had did. I'm not entirely sure what they did to get that effect, but dammit, I want to know. It was both delicious and the perfect stoner food (seriously, every stoner I know craves both brownies and ramen when high, and I could give them both at once! :smallbiggrin:).

Also, I've had the Bacon Explosion (or something similar anyways). It was... it was a thing. Let's call it that. :smalleek:

Always a good idea. Pizza's stacked on pizza's seemed the more common here.


If in doubt, there's always a tofu substitute.

No there isn't.

Amiel
2011-03-24, 10:59 PM
No there isn't.
Depends on what you are looking for; for most meat product or by-products, there is.

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 11:05 PM
It is certainly a viable solution. That's not what I, and I suspect most chili snobs, would tell you that it is not in fact a chili without some meat. Tofu is not a meat and thus, does not classify as a chili substitute.

THAC0
2011-03-24, 11:07 PM
This seems appropriate. Not mine, but horrifying nonetheless.
Mmmm, heart attacks.
Bacon Explosion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon_Explosion)

I've made it. Not as good as the meatcake.

Amiel
2011-03-24, 11:09 PM
It is certainly a viable solution. That's not what I, and I suspect most chili snobs, would tell you that it is not in fact a chili without some meat. Tofu is not a meat and thus, does not classify as a chili substitute.

Your own discriminating palate is your own enemy :P.

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 11:16 PM
Your own discriminating palate is your own enemy :P.

Certainly not. I love tofu and use it frequently, especially in my udon. I simply do not place it in chili because it doesn't belong in it.

unosarta
2011-03-24, 11:21 PM
As a vegetarian, this thread is kinda depressing. As are the Epicmealtime youtube videos (seriously. That... stuff [which can hardly be called food] is disgusting). :smallfrown:

Amiel
2011-03-24, 11:27 PM
Certainly not. I love tofu and use it frequently, especially in my udon. I simply do not place it in chili because it doesn't belong in it.

Well, you clearly haven't tried Mapo doufu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mapo_tofu) :smalltongue:

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 11:33 PM
As a vegetarian, this thread is kinda depressing. As are the Epicmealtime youtube videos (seriously. That... stuff [which can hardly be called food] is disgusting). :smallfrown:

While I respect your opinion and desire to not eat meat...what is the objective of insulting something merely based on them cooking with meat?


Well, you clearly haven't tried Mapo doufu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mapo_tofu) :smalltongue:

I have, I specialized in Chinese cooking in Culinary School with a focus in Sichuan dishes. My first job was also in a Chinese Restaurant that served authentic dishes. While it's similar, it isn't Chili Con Carne.

Trog
2011-03-24, 11:33 PM
We're also working on a chili dog that takes the one true chilie (Cincinnati style) with home made sausage (a combo of pork and beef with paprika and curry powder with black pepper) and home made sourdough buns

This... this is epic. Cincinnati style chili rocks. I need to make my from-scratch recipe again here one of these days. Having it on chili dogs is good stuff, though I still prefer it over spaghattah nadles (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S38Zj5Cg_WI/AAAAAAAABx8/e1dSbEsx-eY/s640/spaghatta+noodle+forkhasface.png). P=

Also, this thread make me think of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_loapDdSOo). :smallamused:

unosarta
2011-03-24, 11:34 PM
Well, you clearly haven't tried Mapo doufu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mapo_tofu) :smalltongue:

In Japan, known as mabodofu. De-effin-lishus.



While I respect your opinion and desire to not eat meat...what is the objective of insulting something merely based on them cooking with meat?

No, no, no. I am not trying to insult anyone, however the fact that more than half of this thread is devoted entirely to meat, and the fact that it was mentioned that the use of meatless chili over chili with meat in a hamburger is a kind of fridge logic, was pretty depressing. Of course, when taken in the context of this thread being about nightmares of the culinary design...

And I am not insulting someone because they cook meat. I am A) saying that the epicmealtime channel in youtube is basically a meat filled, meatful meatstravaganza, and the fact that this, as well as popular culture, has pegged vegetarians as being "lower on the culinary order" than non-vegetarians (I have been actively insulted, several times, for being vegetarian), and the fact that this thread was seemingly entirely devoted to meat, was kinda depressing. The epicmealtime was more a stray thought that came to me while writing the post, not something directed at you.

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 11:39 PM
I honestly find Skyline makes the best nadles, regular home cooked chili just comes out as a meat sauce more often then not. Then again, when you've had the authentic thing....it's hard to really compare.

arguskos
2011-03-24, 11:50 PM
I honestly find Skyline makes the best nadles, regular home cooked chili just comes out as a meat sauce more often then not. Then again, when you've had the authentic thing....it's hard to really compare.
Troof, troof. Nothing compares to Skyline, IMO.

As for the issue of this thread being far more meat-based than anything else, it's cause most people aren't vegetarians, and knowledge of vegetarian culinary disasters is slimmer. I personally don't know any, or I'd throw them out there.

Also, somewhat sorta maybe on topic, I am convinced that the Black Samurai is still the worst mixed drink ever (other than, of course, the good ol' One Of Everything).

Innis Cabal
2011-03-24, 11:54 PM
Troof, troof. Nothing compares to Skyline, IMO.

As for the issue of this thread being far more meat-based than anything else, it's cause most people aren't vegetarians, and knowledge of vegetarian culinary disasters is slimmer. I personally don't know any, or I'd throw them out there.

Also, somewhat sorta maybe on topic, I am convinced that the Black Samurai is still the worst mixed drink ever (other than, of course, the good ol' One Of Everything).

I personally don't know many vegetarian epic meal concoctions either due in most part that I am an omnivore first and foremost. Almost all of my meals include a great many vegetables in with meat, spinach being one of the biggest staples in my home.

As for your Black Samurai, as said in the other thread. I've tried it and will do so again. Not bad.

And on the Chili Hamburger, oddly good and a nice cold beer washed it down for a rather fufiling meal. Of note though, it wasn't just meat on meat. It had a variety of mixed peppers, tomato, spinach and onions.


No, no, no. I am not trying to insult anyone, however the fact that more than half of this thread is devoted entirely to meat, and the fact that it was mentioned that the use of meatless chili over chili with meat in a hamburger is a kind of fridge logic, was pretty depressing. Of course, when taken in the context of this thread being about nightmares of the culinary design...

And I am not insulting someone because they cook meat. I am A) saying that the epicmealtime channel in youtube is basically a meat filled, meatful meatstravaganza, and the fact that this, as well as popular culture, has pegged vegetarians as being "lower on the culinary order" than non-vegetarians (I have been actively insulted, several times, for being vegetarian), and the fact that this thread was seemingly entirely devoted to meat, was kinda depressing. The epicmealtime was more a stray thought that came to me while writing the post, not something directed at you.

This thread is one for epic concoctions and general backyard gourmet cooking not just meat based. Or it doesn't have to be. Though I will respectfully disagree with your assertion that vegetarianism is "Lower grade" on the "Culinary Order" which....I don't even think exists. There are a great many cultures that have a vegetarian or mostly vegetarian diet. I think most people don't care one way or another until a vegetarian actively says something about their omnivorous ways. I also enjoy Epicmealtime and if I was hiring for my restaurant that will never be (more then likely), they'd be right on my ticket of people to get involved.

You are still saying it's kind of "Depressing" which doesn't come across as friendly or accepting in any sense of the word. It comes off as judgmental.

Derjuin
2011-03-24, 11:55 PM
Not sure if this counts as the right kind of "culinary nightmare", but I once had to work with swiss chard without ever having heard of it before...including the whole "you kinda have to cook it" part. :smallyuk: (the nightmare being, "oh god what is this stuff what do I do with it")

Also, century eggs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Century_egg) make me boggle, at how such a thing can even be eaten. It certainly can look interesting when plated, though:


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dd/Arranged_century_egg_on_a_plate.jpg

Trog
2011-03-25, 12:03 AM
I honestly find Skyline makes the best nadles, regular home cooked chili just comes out as a meat sauce more often then not. Then again, when you've had the authentic thing....it's hard to really compare.
Skyline is indeed good if you eat it in the restaurant. Though their canned sauce leaves a little something to be desired. My homemade stuff comes about as close as I can to theirs but, yes, it is a bit more meaty. Though I've come to prefer it that way being a bit of a carnivore and being so far from a Skyline and all. =/

unosarta
2011-03-25, 12:05 AM
This thread is one for epic concoctions and general backyard gourmet cooking not just meat based. Or it doesn't have to be. Though I will respectfully disagree with your assertion that vegetarianism is "Lower grade" on the "Culinary Order" which....I don't even think exists. There are a great many cultures that have a vegetarian or mostly vegetarian diet. I think most people don't care one way or another until a vegetarian actively says something about their omnivorous ways. I also enjoy Epicmealtime and if I was hiring for my restaurant that will never be (more then likely), they'd be right on my ticket of people to get involved.
I do not say that vegetarians are considered lower for a somehow non-specific reason. I have actually been scoffed at, insulted, and generally treated worse because I dislike eating meat. Not anything like "Oh, you are vegetarian..." but actually "you are vegetarian? Doesn't that make you like an alien?"

My Chinese teacher insulted all of the vegetarian students in all of his classes when we went on our annual trip to a fantastic local siquan restaurant, saying that they were somehow weaker people, or stupider, because they didn't eat meat.


You are still saying it's kind of "Depressing" which doesn't come across as friendly or accepting in any sense of the word. It comes off as judgmental.
:smallconfused:

Depressing that there was no other conversation besides about meat? Also, as far as I could tell, it didn't look like there was or would be any conversation that wasn't going to be about meat, which I find often happens whenever anyone mentions food and I am not around people who dislike meat. So, yes, it did seem in a way depressing. I don't really see how that makes it less or more friendly or accepting, I was simply commenting on the thread, not the people who decide whether or not they eat meat.

arguskos
2011-03-25, 12:11 AM
My Chinese teacher insulted all of the vegetarian students in all of his classes when we went on our annual trip to a fantastic local siquan restaurant, saying that they were somehow weaker people, or stupider, because they didn't eat meat.
...ouch. Uh... did anyone call him out on that one.


Depressing that there was no other conversation besides about meat? Also, as far as I could tell, it didn't look like there was or would be any conversation that wasn't going to be about meat, which I find often happens whenever anyone mentions food and I am not around people who dislike meat. So, yes, it did seem in a way depressing. I don't really see how that makes it less or more friendly or accepting, I was simply commenting on the thread, not the people who decide whether or not they eat meat.
Well, better than arguing about talking about meat or not meat, do you have any culinary disasters involving vegetarian recipes? No one appears to, so if you do, that'd be neat to hear about.

unosarta
2011-03-25, 12:17 AM
...ouch. Uh... did anyone call him out on that one.
He did it in front of his entire homeroom. Only me and the other vegetarian in the class were shocked, and everyone else laughed it off.


Well, better than arguing about talking about meat or not meat, do you have any culinary disasters involving vegetarian recipes? No one appears to, so if you do, that'd be neat to hear about.

I haven't personally had that many nightmares, mostly because I, my friends, my parents, and my friend's parents all tend to be at least "okay" cooks, and no one really tries anything ridiculous (except for my friend's mother, who is a professional chef. But I eat almost anything she makes anyway, since she is amazingly good).

However, some light googling has come up with this:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1348/5164460430_c134d6bd5f.jpg

I don't know what it is. I don't know if that is meat (I suspect it is), and I am just really confused. Anyone who knows something about it, can you kindly tell me what it is?

[Edit]: Also, a large percentage of the photos that appear for "culinary nightmare" are from epicmealtime.

[Edit]: Oh god.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MSjNIZ3kXGk/TC6pE7rR8MI/AAAAAAAAAas/bycRCVuOEHU/s1600/Gnaw+(2008).jpg

Derjuin
2011-03-25, 12:27 AM
Oh, and the first time I made goi ga, without the chicken. It has cabbage, peanuts, mint, cilantro, lime juice, fish sauce, and chili garlic sauce. I forgot the lime juice and put like 10x as much chili garlic sauce* as was needed. It was like eating fire...:smalleek::smalleek::smalleek:

*This stuff can be incredibly hot, especially if you use too much of it.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_7CX1U3qAXRc/Rk0nZkeGVnI/AAAAAAAAANU/4S33fUpEsNk/s320/chili+garlic+sauce.jpg

Xefas
2011-03-25, 12:29 AM
Deep fried bacon with hollandaise sauce. It's the best meal your heart will never have enough courage to make it through.

unosarta
2011-03-25, 12:30 AM
Oh, and the first time I made goi ga, without the chicken. It has cabbage, peanuts, mint, cilantro, lime juice, fish sauce, and chili garlic sauce. I forgot the lime juice and put like 10x as much chili garlic sauce* as was needed. It was like eating fire...:smalleek::smalleek::smalleek:

*This stuff can be incredibly hot, especially if you use too much of it.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_7CX1U3qAXRc/Rk0nZkeGVnI/AAAAAAAAANU/4S33fUpEsNk/s320/chili+garlic+sauce.jpg

Oh man... that sounds delicious, especially with the picture of the actual dish.

http://www.sptsb.com/CafeHoangGoiGa.jpg

Now is probably a bad time to be really hungry. /drool

Derjuin
2011-03-25, 12:42 AM
Oh man... that sounds delicious, especially with the picture of the actual dish.

snip

Now is probably a bad time to be really hungry. /drool

It is really good, if made with the right ratios :smalltongue: otherwise one of the flavors overpowers the whole thing, and kinda ruins its balance. The chili garlic is just supposed to be a slight spiciness, balanced with the mint to provide a sort of hot-and-cool flavor thing.

Edit: Another nightmare. Having gone through a course about desserts, I had to make a beverage-style dessert once, and mixed up the vanilla ice cream with the ginger ice cream (who made ginger ice cream, I have no idea). Enter one four ginger ice cream malts. I ended up drinking one of them anyway, just to say I'd tasted my own creation.

BiblioRook
2011-03-25, 04:12 AM
There's a sushi place near where I live which is basically like a Subway in that you build up your sushi ingredient by ingredient.
Being the kinda guy I am I just had to try the strangest combination I could think of given the selection.

The result? A Mango and Cream Cheese roll.
...it was kinda odd.
(really, what kind of sushi would use cream cheese?!)

factotum
2011-03-25, 06:18 AM
I do not say that vegetarians are considered lower for a somehow non-specific reason. I have actually been scoffed at, insulted, and generally treated worse because I dislike eating meat. Not anything like "Oh, you are vegetarian..." but actually "you are vegetarian? Doesn't that make you like an alien?"


I don't have a problem with people being vegetarian, as long as they don't stop me trying to eat meat. (Seriously, I have encountered examples of the reverse prejudice, where vegetarians view meat-eaters as somehow evil or wrong in some way). A vegetarian I once knew had an interesting attitude, in fact--he was fine with people eating meat so long as they were fully aware of where it came from and what was involved in producing it; the one thing he couldn't stand was a person who would eat beef or whatever, but would refuse to eat rabbit on the grounds they were "cute"...

Anyway, back to the culinary disasters thing, my father was extremely prone to using the cheapest ingredients he possibly could in any food. This was taken to extremes when he decided to cook a stew using beef heart as the meat component. I don't think even *he* liked it--it was like rubber! He never did it again, at any rate.

unosarta
2011-03-25, 11:21 AM
I don't have a problem with people being vegetarian, as long as they don't stop me trying to eat meat. (Seriously, I have encountered examples of the reverse prejudice, where vegetarians view meat-eaters as somehow evil or wrong in some way). A vegetarian I once knew had an interesting attitude, in fact--he was fine with people eating meat so long as they were fully aware of where it came from and what was involved in producing it; the one thing he couldn't stand was a person who would eat beef or whatever, but would refuse to eat rabbit on the grounds they were "cute"...
I have no problem with people eating meat. At all.

Also, that is pretty funny. Like, when people are fine with chicken, but cannot ever fathom why anyone would want to eat lamb or pork-- I mean, those lambs and piglets are soooo cute!


Anyway, back to the culinary disasters thing, my father was extremely prone to using the cheapest ingredients he possibly could in any food. This was taken to extremes when he decided to cook a stew using beef heart as the meat component. I don't think even *he* liked it--it was like rubber! He never did it again, at any rate.
:smallyuk:
Not about the meat, more about the texture of heart. I can't imagine that would ever be good, unless it was really slow roasted, like broiled for 12 hours. Even then...


It is really good, if made with the right ratios :smalltongue: otherwise one of the flavors overpowers the whole thing, and kinda ruins its balance. The chili garlic is just supposed to be a slight spiciness, balanced with the mint to provide a sort of hot-and-cool flavor thing.
True. But I tend to like my food really spicy, so...


Edit: Another nightmare. Having gone through a course about desserts, I had to make a beverage-style dessert once, and mixed up the vanilla ice cream with the ginger ice cream (who made ginger ice cream, I have no idea). Enter one four ginger ice cream malts. I ended up drinking one of them anyway, just to say I'd tasted my own creation.
Augh. Reminds me of whenever my mom tries to cook something with ginger. She cannot cut the ginger into small enough pieces, so whenever you eat the dish, you would find these giant pieces of ginger that made you want to spit it out. Ginger is good. Too much ginger less so.

MoonCat
2011-03-25, 12:28 PM
Ahem. My dad pours grapefruit juice onto his buttermilk. And drinks it. No one thought this was worth commenting upon?

(Sorry, I'm just trying to make sure I'm not the crazy one who doesn't like stuff like that)

BiblioRook
2011-03-25, 02:12 PM
Edit: Another nightmare. Having gone through a course about desserts, I had to make a beverage-style dessert once, and mixed up the vanilla ice cream with the ginger ice cream (who made ginger ice cream, I have no idea). Enter one four ginger ice cream malts. I ended up drinking one of them anyway, just to say I'd tasted my own creation.

Has anyone ever had garlic ice cream before? Tastes exactly like it sounds.
Now I can't help imagine a garlic milkshake...

tyckspoon
2011-03-25, 02:22 PM
Ahem. My dad pours grapefruit juice onto his buttermilk. And drinks it. No one thought this was worth commenting upon?

(Sorry, I'm just trying to make sure I'm not the crazy one who doesn't like stuff like that)

He already drinks buttermilk. I just gave up on him from that point. :smallamused:

Going on beverage-type deserts.. there's a guy who works in the cafe portion of my workplace. Likes to mix up new variants of smoothies and milkshakes, and I'm fairly adventurous in food, so I let him. Wound up with something he named a Hades' Root Cellar, consisting of a vanilla milkshake, using rootbeer for the liquid component (carbonated components instead of milk give the finished 'shake a nice tingly feel. Usually use Sprite or similar things with a relatively neutral taste, tho.) and seasoned with pomegranate flavor syrup. That was.. actually pretty good. The 'nightmare' portion was when he decided to riff on *that* one, and added.. I think it was watermelon syrup? That one, I still don't know if I liked it or not. It was one of those things where you take a sample, and you go "...huh. Strange. I don't know if I liked that." So you try a little more. And a little more. And you get through the whole cup, and.. you still have no idea if you actually liked it. Weird, weird flavor mix.

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2011-03-25, 03:31 PM
He already drinks buttermilk. I just gave up on him from that point. :smallamused:



Pretty much this.

Xefas
2011-03-25, 03:36 PM
The result? A Mango and Cream Cheese roll.
...it was kinda odd.
(really, what kind of sushi would use cream cheese?!)

Actually, I've seen a lot of places that have a "Philadelphia Roll", with avocado, tuna, and cream cheese. They're pretty good. I dunno if they're prevalent everywhere, but I know they're at least all over Texas and Maryland.

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2011-03-25, 03:42 PM
Bah, all this new sushi stuff. I like the trad stuff, not even california rolls, real trad. And you don't use chopsticks, they're finger food. And you don't dip the rice, you dip the fish into the soy sauce. And you never ask for wasabi, because the sushi chef is a professional, and has already put on the perfect amount of wasabi on to the fish.

Buuuut, if you're NOT going to a legit sushi chef, then get your wasabi, and mix it into the soy sauce. All of it.

Asthix
2011-03-25, 04:01 PM
Well, I suppose I'll taint my reputation further, even though this thread seems only for gourmet epic food nightmares. :smalltongue:

I like:

Peanut butter & miracle whip sandwiches
Cayenne loaded chocolate ice cream
Unagi (smoked freshwater eel)
Adding pickle juice to my bloody Mary's

I know there are more that other people never do, (although Unagi is apparently pretty popular) anyway, My biggest food nightmare was back in grade school.

School lunches have never been great, so I started trying to liven them up a little. The 'who can drink our milk the fastest' competition was a great idea. Putting various condiments on the rectangular pizza became a fun project as well. My favorite topping? Ranch dressing.

One day they had spaghetti. No meatballs. (so I guess that makes this a vegetarian food disaster :smallwink:) I sat down with it and my friend said, "So what are you going to do with the spaghetti?" Well, I obviously couldn't say "Nothing." and lose face. The condiments had all been tried on the pizza, so acting purely on instinct I said, "Let me have your chocolate pudding cup." and proceeded to mix vigorously. I was willing it to be good and so for the first few bites it was. But the goodness was only in my mind and before long it was very, very bad. It became worse than the sum of its parts.

(really, what kind of sushi would use cream cheese?!)

The Philly roll (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_1tlHrEKUrko/SPePNEUeJSI/AAAAAAAAOS0/GGelCBG6l0M/s400/philly+roll.JPG) of course.
EDIT: Ninja'd.

Ahem. My dad pours grapefruit juice onto his buttermilk. And drinks it. No one thought this was worth commenting upon?

(Sorry, I'm just trying to make sure I'm not the crazy one who doesn't like stuff like that)
Whaa!? I must try this now.


I'm certainly not trying to derail this thread, but I did once have a doctor tell me flat out that if I continued being a vegetarian I would die.

rayne_dragon
2011-03-25, 08:46 PM
I used to work in a restaurant and it always grossed some of the other staff out that I would take the seafood medly - full of shrimp and little cuttlefish tentacles, fry it up in some BBQ sauce and various herbs, then stick it on top of a burger with some sheddred cheese. Not really all that exciting or weird, but a little odd and very delicious.

Galathir
2011-03-25, 08:57 PM
As far as gross things go, this almost made me gag. To preface, I'm a sous chef and pride myself on sauces and soups. I love hollandaise sauce (an emulsion sauce of egg yolk, clarified butter, lemon juice, and cayenne) and imagine my surprise when our chef (who is rather incompetent) made "hollandaise" with egg yolk and olive oil in a blender. All room temperature. I'm ok with blender hollandaise, but seriously, just egg yolk an olive oil? I couldn't even bring myself to taste it and needless to say, I quietly made another batch and threw his away.

Xefas
2011-03-25, 09:07 PM
As far as gross things go, this almost made me gag. To preface, I'm a sous chef and pride myself on sauces and soups. I love hollandaise sauce (an emulsion sauce of egg yolk, clarified butter, lemon juice, and cayenne) and imagine my surprise when our chef (who is rather incompetent) made "hollandaise" with egg yolk and olive oil in a blender. All room temperature. I'm ok with blender hollandaise, but seriously, just egg yolk an olive oil? I couldn't even bring myself to taste it and needless to say, I quietly made another batch and threw his away.

As someone who is in training to pursue a similar profession...just, Jesus Christ. :smallannoyed: Sorry you have to deal with that kinda thing.

Galathir
2011-03-25, 09:27 PM
As someone who is in training to pursue a similar profession...just, Jesus Christ. :smallannoyed: Sorry you have to deal with that kinda thing.

I know. It's a mother sauce for crying out loud. But this is the same guy who cooked chicken to 135 F and "let it finish off in the warmer". Yeah, you don't do that with chicken. Not unless you want to go out of business in one afternoon.

Derjuin
2011-03-25, 09:43 PM
I know. It's a mother sauce for crying out loud. But this is the same guy who cooked chicken to 135 F and "let it finish off in the warmer". Yeah, you don't do that with chicken. Not unless you want to go out of business in one afternoon.

:smalleek: Finish off in the warmer, after only 135? That's like, begging for illness! :smalleek:

I wish the website "This is why you're fat" was still up. It had hundreds of horrendous things on it that could be classified as nightmares (though perhaps not so much for the palate, but for the heart/arteries. :smalltongue:)

Cyrion
2011-03-25, 10:35 PM
My only true culinary nightmare was the first time I tried to cook pasta. I didn't know that you are supposed to have the water boiling first, so I just put the water on and put the pasta in. Didn't help that I did this while out camping, so it was over a bed of coals and took a nice looong time to heat up...

Things that sound like disasters but actually work really well:

Cashew Gravy- made from cashews, water, a little Worcestershire sauce, and yeast flakes thrown together in a blender and then simmered. It actually comes out thick and tasting rich and very similar to a light meat-based gravy.

Peach Meatloaf- Prepare the meat for a meatloaf, but instead of just bunging it in the pan, flatten it out, top with peaches and then roll it up (the peaches end up spread throughout the spiral). Sounds really odd, but when I mustered up the courage to try it, it's actually pretty good. Works pretty much like sweet and sour pork.

Winter_Wolf
2011-03-29, 11:01 PM
My Chinese teacher insulted all of the vegetarian students in all of his classes when we went on our annual trip to a fantastic local siquan restaurant, saying that they were somehow weaker people, or stupider, because they didn't eat meat.


Your teacher is an A-hole, among other things.

I really enjoy eating of dead animal flesh, but when we were at the pub last night my classmate decided to show us a clip from that epicmeal. I threw up a little at that monstrosity.

As to culinary nightmares, I give you....potato paste. It's the result of REALLY screwing up mashed potatoes and the result is essentially starch/glue. And it tastes like what I imagine would make flies throw up. :smallyuk: I'm guilty of making such a food fail. :smallredface:

There was also a failed, and I mean really really failed attempt at Chinese pickles by a different family member. It was so so bad, and doctoring it up made it taste worse, somehow.

I managed a few times to make rice that was both crunchy on the inside, and gross and slimy on the outside. Just one of those days, it was. :smallsigh:

Kuma Kode
2011-03-30, 12:27 AM
Ahem. My dad pours grapefruit juice onto his buttermilk. And drinks it. No one thought this was worth commenting upon?
✂------ O_o I cannot imagine how that can taste good.



✂------
Also, century eggs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Century_egg) make me boggle, at how such a thing can even be eaten.
✂------

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dd/Arranged_century_egg_on_a_plate.jpg
WHO WOULD DO THIS.

That is essentially a mummified egg. There are weirder things (http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_the-6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html), but, like, what? How did that even get invented?



✂------
School lunches have never been great, so I started trying to liven them up a little. The 'who can drink our milk the fastest' competition was a great idea. Putting various condiments on the rectangular pizza became a fun project as well. My favorite topping? Ranch dressing.
✂------ My friends would do that, too. Ranch on pizza became a bit of a hit. Also, related comic (http://www.nucleardelight.com/index.php?date=2011-02-17).

Okay, this isn't really a nightmare except in the "Kody has a poor grasp of culinary chemistry" way.

I wanted to make honey-roasted peanuts, and I found a recipe for skillet prep. I realized we didn't have white sugar, but we had brown sugar. So, I figured, "hey, I like brown sugar." And tossed it in. The brown sugar caramelized significantly faster than I had anticipated. It hardened faster than I could stir the peanuts, so they didn't get evenly coated. When I was done, I had a honey roasted peanut colony, united as one brick of peanuts. Some bites would be nothing but brown sugar, while other bites were flavorless peanuts.

There's also the time I put in one of those Digorno's pizzas in the oven... and forgot about it. 45 minutes later, I remember, run into the somewhat foggy kitchen, and pull it out. It looked like this:
http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k185/kuma_klaw/122207_nyc_manhole_cover_520c.jpg It had turned a stone grey, and the pepperonis were coal black. My dog sniffed it when I handed it to him, and he continued to look expectantly at me, unaware that what I held in my hand was meant to be food.

Eldan
2011-03-30, 02:47 AM
See, cooking pasta by putting it in the still cold water? That's still pretty close to normal.

My little brother tried to put spaghetti in a frying pan. Without water.

Cyrion
2011-03-30, 09:11 AM
See, cooking pasta by putting it in the still cold water? That's still pretty close to normal.

My little brother tried to put spaghetti in a frying pan. Without water.

Procedurally it may be close to normal, but the final product can't be described as anything less than a disaster. Sticky, gooey, nasty...

KjeldorMage
2011-04-03, 08:03 AM
I tried to make coq au vine with mushrooms instead of chicken. Too much red wine and it was like cough syrupy mushroom stew.

Eldan
2011-04-03, 10:36 AM
I tried making a sandwich yesterday. Sadly, I had no "normal" ingredients left, no meat, no cheese, no eggs, almost no veggies except what I needed for dinner today...

So I ended up with red curry, two bananas and half an onion, with some bread. It wasn't bad, except that the onion was a bit strong and overpowered the rest.

BiblioRook
2011-04-03, 02:13 PM
See, cooking pasta by putting it in the still cold water? That's still pretty close to normal.

My little brother tried to put spaghetti in a frying pan. Without water.

Reminds me of how the brother of a friend of mind once tried cooking instant ramen in the microwave without water...
I mean, I can't imagine anything that would be harder to screw up then instant ramen :smalleek: