View Full Version : Say DnD Was real- Being a PC in the 21st century: Herpestidae's story

2011-03-28, 02:50 PM
Yes, I have joined in on the insanity.

See also:

Swift Mongoose's Plot-line, (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192262) Zolkabro's Plot-line, (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192267) TyChris1's Evil Plot-line, (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192409) The Glyphstone's Plot-line, (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192581), and of course, Cogidubnus, The One that started this madness (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189905)

Critiques, well-wishes, WMGs, etc. are all welcome. This is my first foray into first-person narration, so forgive me if it's really horrible.

Speech Colors:


Minor characters may share speech colors, but a cigar is a cigar.

Update the First:
I am awake.


I sit up carefully, because I’m used to waking up with an eight-year-old girl clinging to me on either side. The digital readout on my clock says 6:21. I’m usually a lot more tired than this at 6, but I guess I’m just having one of those weird sleep-cycle shifts. Then I realize that the eight-year-old girls that I tried to avoid weren’t in the smaller beds that occupied the room along with mine. I take a single moment to consider this oddity, then my brain kicks in: My sisters aren’t in bed. I jump out of bed in an instant.

"Bo? Don?"

"In the living room," one of them calls out.

… Hey, I may have changed their diapers, bathed and potty-trained them, and taught them to read, but you can’t expect me to be able to tell identical twins apart by voice. Especially at 6 in the morning.

The living room is fully lit, and still not used to the light, I’m squinting as I step in.

“Morning, Chad!” I think it’s the same twin who spoke before.

“What are you two doing up?”

“I taught Zann a new trick!”

That must have been Idonea. Bodil doesn’t spend that much time with Zann.

And yes, my name is Chad, and my sisters are Bodil and Idonea. No, I have no idea what caused my parents to name them such. Worse is, we’re of Caribbean descent, adding another layer of “just plain wrong” to those names.

“Zann, use Tackle!” Don yells, pointing at me.

Before I’m bowled over by the resident … thing, I take a moment to find it remarkably fitting that Don taught him to act like a Pokemon. I’m 95% certain Zann is a dog of some kind- He barks and wags his tail and fetches- It's just that he looks like something straight out of Dante’s ninth circle. Four and a half feet tall from paws to ears. Over a hundred pounds. Long, muscular legs. Not even teeth, fangs. There’s a general wolf-like quality about him. My best guesstimate would be that he’s some unholy mix of Great Dane and Rottweiler. Maybe a bit of Husky or Coyote thrown in somehow. Point is, I’m on the floor, he’s on top of me, and his mouth is inches away from my face.

“Nice... Doggy?”

I groan when Zann licks my face with his demon tongue.

“Okay, Zann, let him up. Come here!”

She slaps her shins, and immediately, Zann is at her feet on his back, begging to have his tummy rubbed. She obliges.

“Useless thing,” Bodil comments from her corner, “We shoulda just let Chad drown you.”

We all laugh, even Bo. It's our little joke.

“So.. why are you two up?”

“I dunno. We just... woke up at 4:30, and couldn’t get back to sleep,” Bo responds. “I’m not even tired.”

“Definitely some weirdness going on, then. Well, since I’m getting paid overtime today, I guess I can go to work an hour or two early. You two go shower, and I’ll take you to Dana’s.”

They head to the small bathroom, and I call after them “Don’t take too long. I want some hot water, too!”

After gathering up my tool belt, hard hat, sledgehammer, and various other things that my various jobs may require, I have a seat on the couch. Zann just stares at me.

“Okay, come on.”

He hops up next to me- the old sofa groaning in protest- so I can rub his head. I haven’t ruled out the notion that he’s a hellhound just yet, but he’s the only other thing with a Y-chromosome in the household. I take what I can get.

Update the Second
I know demolition is the easiest part of rebuilding a house, but this is truly ridiculous. I just shattered a wall. No, seriously, I literally shattered a foot-thick wall. Smack. Poof. I look over to my co-worker, just to make sure I didn’t imagine it. He’s standing with his mouth wide open, and eyebrow quirked at me in confusion. I laugh it off. It’s probably erosion or something.

“Guess I don’t know my own strength.”

On to the next wall, I pull up on my sledgehammer and take a swing. A crack spreads out from the point of impact, and the whole thing just falls out.

Okay, now something really is off with me. I’m pretty big for 17, I’ll admit that. 6’3,” and I can dead-lift 170 if I’m in the mood. But still, walls don’t just crumble, outside of cases that involve questionable structural integrity. And this house, though pretty darn old, looks solid as a rock. My coworker looks like he’s about to wet himself.

“Heh. Guess this wasn’t built as sturdily as we thought.”

He doesn’t look any better.

“I guess I’ll put this down, then. You can take the next wall.”

I hand him the sledgehammer, and he takes it to the wall... twice, in the span of about six seconds. This one crumbles as well, making a passage to some guys working in the next room over.

“Is this some kind of joke?”

I shrug.

Half an hour later, a team of 15 people likely set the world record for fastest demolition of a 5-story building. We all got paid for the whole day, with a bonus on top of that. Add my overtime hours to that, and I’m set for the remainder of the week.

That doesn’t mean my work is done.

Back at home, I push the button on my answering machine. 3 people in my building have things that require repairs.

And I’m the building super.

And just my luck, those jobs go by quickly too. Blocked pipe in 219? Fixed in under an hour. Faulty electrical lining in 305? Changed in half an hour flat. Broken heater in 410? 5 minutes.

What's to expect? Going to Trade School gave me a +30 circumstance bonus on Profession (Handyman) checks, and the hardest job was the electrical, with a DC of 25. I didn't even need to take ten.

... Um... Wut?

I haven’t watched TV in a while. I plop down in the couch, and Zann takes his place next to me.

And the first thing I see? Four-armed gorilla.

No, I’m serious. Gorilla. With four arms. Killed two people and escaped from the zoo. Currently at large.

Damn scientists. When will they learn that screwing with nature leads to the bad future?

Next up: Guy with flamethrower attacks City Hall in Philly. Except nobody makes flamethrowers that small.

And then a bunch of freaks painted themselves green and attacked a college Campus.

And after a report about a man getting mauled by cats in my area, I decide that I have reached my weirdness threshold for the day, and head out to pick up Bo and Don. I’m heading out the door, and a thought occurs to me. I whistle for Zann to follow me. I’m not going to have “attacked by a pack of alley cats,” on my headstone.

Update the Third:
Principal Randall is an ugly dude. But maybe that’s just past experience talking. He’s been in charge of this school since I was in elementary, and I wasn’t always a fine, upstanding citizen (I’m probably still not), and we’d had our clashes in the past.

So you could expect that he wouldn’t take too kindly to me asking to take my sisters out of school early.

“Can you explain to me the reason why you with to remove your sisters from class at this time?”

What was I supposed to say? Because I don’t want the four-armed gorilla to get them?

“Call it a hunch.”

“I, for one, am not superstitious Mr. Allen. Nor am I a fool. You’ll need to provide a legitimate reason Like, say a family emergency. And because of- well, the obvious- that would be quite impossible. No offense.”

Note: ‘obvious reasons’= ‘you have no family.’ Both of my parents were only children. My closest relatives- second cousins from my mother’s side- are a rather expensive plane ride away.

“Are you trying to make me angry?”

“I certainly want you out of my office. You can leave on your own, or security can escort you out.”

An odd sensation. Like picking a card from a deck, or flipping a coin. I decide that I’m not afraid of any guards.

“Have you seen the news this afternoon?”

“No; though I’m surprised that you of all people want to discuss current events.”

“As crazy as this sounds, a pack of cats-”



“A group of cats is called a clowder. Or a pounce, if you prefer.”

I glare at him before I continue.

“A pounce of cats attacked a man a few blocks away from here. Said man is in critical condition. Now, if after I leave here, my sisters were to come upon that pounce of cats... They’d likely get killed. And in that situation, I’d officially have nothing to lose, and nobody else to blame, but you.”

I jab him in the chest with my finger for emphasis.

“Is that a threat?”

“Hypothetically. The cats, however, are real. My sister’s insane love for animals, also real. So think of it as an ounce of prevention, so my fists won’t have to provide a few pounds of cure.”

The feeling comes back stronger now, and I feel like I’m calculating everything as well. Little things, it seems, that are going to influence whether he makes his decision in my favor or not. The term “Circumstance Bonus” comes to mind, but I can’t for the life of me understand exactly what that means.

Finally, he backs off.

“I’ll write a letter to their teacher.”

“Thought so.”


“So... why are we headed home early?”

“I don’t know. It was a hunch. I mean, a four-armed Gorilla escaped from the Zoo on the same day that terrorists attack Philadelphia and a pounce of cats puts a grown man in the hospital?”


“I learned something today. Also, the cat thing happened, like three blocks from where we are right now. That’s why Zann’s here. Speaking of which, Don, get off him. He doesn’t have a saddle; that’s a -5 penalty on the check.”

“So? I have Animal Affinity, 4 ranks in Ride, and 6 in Handle Animal. That negates the penalty altogether, and then some.”

“Oh. OK.”

Three seconds later...

“What did you guys just say?”

“I have no idea.”

“Great. Any more weirdness the world wants to throw at me?”

Then I bump into a guy in front of me. Didn’t see him there while I was talking to Don.

“Sorry, bro.”

“Nah, I’m sorry, man.”

He whips out a switchblade.

Which is ridiculous, because he’s barely five feet tall.

“Seriously? You’re mugging me? That's... really dumb.”

“Yeah, well, you’re flanked. Makes this a lot easier.”

I turn around, and there’s a guy behind me, too. Complete with switchblade. And three other guys come out of nowhere. I’m making a mental note to put more ranks in Listen (whatever that’s supposed to mean) when I have the opportunity. Thing is, these guys didn’t look like muggers. They were the nerdy type. Hell, one of them even had his glasses taped up, with a huge book under his arms. He addresses me.

“That dog there has to be CR 5, at least. Plus you three, that’s probably CR 8 encounter. Good enough for a level-up.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

The guy just smiles, his glasses reflecting the sunlight in the most sinister fashion imaginable. I look at him, really look at him, and I feel sickened. Like he’s giving off a horrendous scent that I can pick up.

“Nothin’ personal man. We just want some XP.”

And then two guys bury their knives in me as far as they can go.

Update the Fourth (AKA The update by which you should be mostly certain of everyone's classes)Looks like I’ve come full circle today. I woke up this morning wondering why I was awake, and now I’m standing here wondering why I’m alive. Bo, Don, the muggers, the book kid, and myself are all staring down at the knife protruding from my chest. They seem to be wondering when Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out of the bushes. Of course, being the current repository for these knives, I can tell that they’re not fake. Nobody seems to care about the one in my back, except probably me. Come to think of it, It doesn’t really hurt too bad.

The guy in front me comes back to his senses first.

“Holy ****, he has Uncanny Dodge.”

I’m far beyond caring what that’s supposed to mean, and just kick him in the groin right there. He goes down almost immediately, and I turn to the other guy and grab him, slamming my forehead into his nose before throwing him onto the ground.

The two other guys are approaching, one with a bow and arrows (where does someone even get that?) and another with a wooden bat. Not thinking, I pull the knife out of my stomach and hurl it at the bow guy. By complete accident, I sever the bowstring as he’s loading an arrow. That stops the two of them cold. I pull the other knife out and spin it in my hands.

“If you’re not out of my sight in three seconds, this is going in someone’s eye.”

The feeling comes back, and I’m calculating in my head again. They drop what they’ve got and run.

Now, by any sort of logic, this should be over. Two guys on the floor, other two on the run. But something tells me to turn around.

… I’m less concerned with the two black wolves staring me in the face than with the fact that they came out of nowhere.

“Bo? Don? You two had better-”

“Zann! Tackle!”

Zann blurs past me and runs at the wolf on my left, bowling it over as the two of them start to wrestle.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m not leaving you to fight those things alone.”

“Yes you are! Get out of here!”

“These things would kill you. You need all the help you can get.

“You’re eight years old!”

“And you’re all we’ve got. Also: incoming.”

It’s been a few years since I’ve considered myself able to perform any sort of gymnastic activity. Doesn’t stop me from literally backflipping out of the way of certain doom as the other wolf guns straight for my head.

“Not fair! I can’t even do a cartwheel yet!”

I can’t help but ignore that, because the wolf lands right in front of Bo. She backs away slowly, but it claws at her, knocking her to the ground. Next thing I know, I’m in the air, heading right for her.

Let’s recap here.

I get stabbed twice, and am still standing. I toss a knife and sever a bowstring. I perform a backflip by accident.

And now, I jump a good 20 feet and land right in front of a black wolf from another dimension. With glowing teeth.

Yeah, the thing’s mouth is glowing as it attacks me.

At this point, I’ve stopped caring altogether. Someone could summon Cthulhu and Godzilla for the sole purpose of making them fight each other and I wouldn’t be surprised.

What I do know, however, is that if I move from this spot, those glowing fangs are going to get Bo. So I take the hit, right in the arm.

And it hurts worse than the knives did. But it doesn’t even matter. Even if it kills me, I’m not letting my sisters get hurt. So I do the only thing I can, and shake it off.

Dad told me a story once, about how he and his friend were going to pick mangoes from this old guy’s yard, and had attack dogs set on them. Dad got ditched in an instant, and had to contend with three dogs by himself. And they had to rescue the dogs from him. I’m older than he was. Bigger and stronger, too. Three dogs is about the same as a wolf, right?

So, I follow his advice, and punch the thing right in the nose. There’s an audible crack, and the thing runs off whimpering like a puppy. Smack into the other wolf.

The second wolf is bloodied and badly beaten, backing away from Zann as he stalks forward. The look in Zann’s eyes... He’s tasted blood, and he wants more. Don is still acting like she’s in charge, though, and he’s doing what she says.

“See? I told you he could take care of this. We’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Except we totally do. Machete Guy came back, with his weapon in his hand, racing straight toward Don and stabbing her straight through.

My brother always had a bit of a temper.

But this...

He’s become a whole different person, now. I can practically see his muscles throbbing, as the adrenaline courses through his system. He runs forward- way faster than you would expect- and tackles the guy, the bloody machete clattering to the sidewalk. There’s a few seconds of struggle, and then Chad has his arms around the guy’s neck, a look of insanity etched across his features. I look away.

I’d never heard a neck snap before, but there's no mistaking the sound.

Serves him right, going after my sister like that-


The next thing I know, I’m at my sister’s side. This... This is not good. She’s probably got some massive internal bleeding going on, her lung’s been punctured, and maybe even her kidneys. Even if I had a first aid kit to bind this wound, there would be no way to stop the bleeding.

My brother’s gone crazy, already going after the guy with the book, who pulls more creatures out of nowhere, giant centipedes this time. Chad doesn’t even care when their fangs sink into him (even more wounds that I won't be able to deal with); he rips them apart like tissue. And then the guy shoots fire from his hands. Chad runs through the flames anyway and bowls him over, raising a glowing fist in the air.

He slams it down hard enough that I swear I feel a tremor through the ground.

Zann is barking at something. The wolves. I tell him to go deal with them- They’re both in bad shape- but he’s not leaving Don’s side. I don’t blame him. When they come close enough, he pounces, his massive jaws making light work of them, wounded as they were.

Victory doesn’t change the fact that my brother just killed two people and my sister is bleeding to death in front of me.

I hear Chad kneel down beside me. He’s crying. I haven’t seen him cry since the orphanage days. I can’t help it either. He’s still enraged; the look in his eye never left, but it seems to be wearing off. He puts his hands on her, and the glowing comes back. Her wound heals, and in a few seconds, she opens her yes. Chad just sort of... accepts it and lays down, exhausted.

He looks the worst out of all of us. He’s got second degree burns all over his chest, and one arm is bleeding like crazy, like the wolf hit an artery when it attacked him. He’s full of puncture holes where the centipedes got him, and I’m pretty sure they’re poisonous, to boot.

“Is he gonna be alright?”

“I don’t know.”

I have no tangible way to help. I’m not strong enough to carry him to a hospital. The people who left their houses to see about the ruckus are calling ambulances that are going to come too late. He’s spent.

I do the only thing I can think of: I pray.

I couldn’t do much else, could I?

You can guess how surprised I am when his wounds heal. His burns begin to recede, and some of his cuts close up entirely. He still looks bad, of course, but now it looks like he had a chance to survive.

And now we can only wait for the cops to show up.

Update the Fifth:

My head hurts.

But hey, that means I’m alive.

This is how it works in stories, isn’t it? The hero gets knocked out, and then there’s this scene where he slowly opens his eyes to find everyone looking at him.

Hey, maybe this was a dream, and I haven’t even woken up for the day yet.
I sit up and open my eyes to find myself in the hospital.

I don’t have much time to consider how hard that theory bit it, because immediately someone glomps me and starts yelling in my ear.

“Chad! Wǒ hěn dānxīn! Tôi nghĩ bạn sẽ chết!”

By the time the second sentence rolled around, I knew it was Dana.

“Hey hey! Calm down. I don’t speak... Asian.”

That may sound racist, but Dana’s been just about everywhere. I really have no clue what language she’s lapsed into this time, but it sounds like it came from that general area.


I take a minute to look myself over. I look like a mummy wrapped in all this gauze.

“What happened?”

Hey maybe I got hurt on the job or something.

“I didn’t get the full story myself. But it involved wolves and giant centipedes, apparently.”

That’s another theory down. Plus, that means this wasn’t a dream. Which means-

“Don! Where is she?”

“She’s fine.”

“‘Fine’ as in ‘stable?’”

“No, I mean ‘fine’ as in ‘walking around without a scratch.’ They’re back at my house, taking a nap.”

“What, did I sleep through her gaping abdominal wound magically closing itself up?”

“No, actually. You caused her gaping abdominal wound to magically close itself up.”


“After you snapped someone’s neck and punched the someone else to death.”

There are times when I can’t tell if Dana’s being serious or just screwing with me. This is one of those times.


“Don’t give me that look. Bo said that’s what happened.”

It takes me a few seconds to remember that I’d officially stopped caring. Whatever dramatic shift in the laws of nature I’ve been caught up in, I can’t stop the ride now.

“Well. Now what?”


A cop walks into the room.

“Is there a problem, officer?”

“Not with you, specifically. Witnesses all say that you’re the victim, surprising as that may be.”

As much as I don’t like his tone, I have to admit that two small, dead white boys and a big, not-dead black one with a bandanna? Three blocks away from the projects? Suspicious. But wait...


“At least ten. You didn’t see them?”

“No. I was too busy becoming a knife repository, sir.”

“Alright, well, do they have any motive for attacking you?”

“It was drug-related I think. One of them said they wanted ‘XP.’ ”


He looks out the door, then closes the blinds in the room and flashes an ID. There is a CIA officer in my hospital room.

“Oh, let me guess. Magic is real, you’ve been hiding it from the general public, and now you’re going to take me away to be dissected.”

“No on all counts. You ever hear of Dungeons and Dragons?”


“Do you or any of your friends play?”

“...Not that I'm aware of.”

“Odd. Well, we have reason to believe that through some anomaly, the world has come to abide by the general rules of the game.”


“What I don’t get is that you seem to have received PC class levels, when most people who’ve never heard of the game get NPC levels.”

How did I understand that?

He waves his hand, and a a few sheets of paper pop out of thin air. He hands them to me, and one to Dana.

“Anyway, take these home, and fill ’em out. Your sisters, too. Also:”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a few books that are patently too large to fit in there.

“It’s only the basics, but it should help you get by for now. I’ll get a message to you if I need to.”

“Why would you need us?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He walks out.

“I want to say that that was weird, but this may be the most logical thing that’s happened to me all day.”

“You have a pen?”


Dana was staring at her sheet like it was giving her answers.


“Yeah, let me reach into the pocket of my paper [B]gown.”

She ignores the sarcasm. Turns out she was carrying her own pen anyway, and is scribbling away at the sheet in her hand.

“Not even listening. What’s so interesting about this anyway-”

I look down at my sheet. I still don’t know what half of this stuff is supposed to mean (in the context of the game, anyway. I know how to align things, for example), but I know the answers. There’s a pen on the desk, and I snatch it and start filling stuff in.

Fifteen minutes later, we’re both done, and I have no idea what I just wrote.

Okay, I understand what “name” and “age,” mean. But I’m Medium sized?

And putting “Human” under “Race,” is normally too enlightened an ideal for me.

I search through the book the guy gave me (didn’t catch his name, I just realized). Dana comes up next to me and reads over my shoulder.

“Hey, just like old times.”

“Yeah. It is.” she says wistfully. “What happened to us?”

And here we go again. Dana and I sort of had a thing in middle school. She never really got over it when we ended it. I say what I always say when it gets brought up.

“My parents died.”

The issue was immediately dropped. For now.

The book really cleared up some stuff about my character sheet. I can lift about 170, so that put me at or around 14 Strength. 16 Dexterity probably comes from back when I used to take Capoeira (also looks like the reason I have a level of “Battle Dancer.” I’ll have to research that, as I can’t find anything on it in the Basic Handbook). 22 Constitution is quite ridiculous, but I’m not complaining. 12 Intelligence isn’t bad, and 18 Charisma is... pretty worthless, but the 6 in Wisdom sucks.

And I have 3 Levels in Paladin of Freedom (That’s not in basic either). 18 Charisma is now awesome. With 2 in Barbarian (Providing me with a Metric ton of Hit Points) and 4 in Rogue, that puts me at level 10.

So why does it say that I’m level 5? Maybe it has to do with the double slash? Eh. I edge over to Dana to see what She’s got. Her physical stats aren't too good, 8 Strength and 10 CON, but 14 Dexterity salvages it, and her mental Scores are actually pretty good. 24 Intelligence, 18 Wisdom, 16 Charisma. Factotum (once again, not in basic) and Wizard, it looks like.

“There’s the double slash again.”

“Yeah, it looks like there’s a split. Here, you have Rogue and Battle Dancer on one side, and Paladin and Barbarian on the other.”

“I’ll research it more in the morning. I’d better get some sleep so I can heal myself up and get out of here. Take some sheets to Bo and Don, would you?”


I roll over onto my side with my back to her.



.... Wait.



“Sometimes, I miss ‘us’ too.”

2011-03-28, 03:23 PM
Ooh, another very different perspective. Intrigued to see where this goes.

And you're handling the first-person just fine :smallsmile:

2011-03-28, 04:36 PM
Really good so far, I like it.

Hmm... I'm intrigued by that dog...
A D&D monster? An animal companion for anyone?

2011-03-28, 04:55 PM
Dire wolf dog?

2011-03-28, 05:23 PM
I like it, you haven't given much away in the way of classes but instead replace it with a good story and characterization. Again send me a PM so that we can work things out.

I also like how you're the only adult PC so far.

2011-04-01, 11:23 AM
I like it, you haven't given much away in the way of classes but instead replace it with a good story and characterization. Again send me a PM so that we can work things out.

I also like how you're the only adult PC so far.

Adult? It didn't seem like that to me. I thought he was some guy in his late teens looking after his siblings.

Herp? Is he an adult?

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-01, 11:30 AM
Adult? It didn't seem like that to me. I thought he was some guy in his late teens looking after his siblings.

That what I thought too. And my characters are all adults.

2011-04-01, 11:52 AM
He's an emancipated minor. 17 years old.

2011-04-01, 12:58 PM
He's an emancipated minor. 17 years old.

I was right, woo!

2011-04-03, 01:11 PM
Interesting, verry interesting.

2011-04-04, 08:29 PM
Second Update... Up.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-04, 08:49 PM
Isn't a +30 bonus a bit much?

2011-04-04, 08:59 PM
Isn't a +30 bonus a bit much.

Yeah, I guess so, but he just works that hard at it. I mean, it's not like you can totally break the game by having 30 ranks in Profession.

That being said, this Profession shill works differently than others. Basically, you get a set wage for each job you do, and failing the check docks a bit from the wage. Making the check by any considerable amount doesn't get you that much more money.

Besides, he has a Wisdom penalty.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-04, 09:35 PM
Yeah, I guess so, but he just works that hard at it. I mean, it's not like you can totally break the game by having 30 ranks in Profession.

You can make the WBL rules go in a corner and cry.

2011-04-05, 12:57 AM
You can make the WBL rules go in a corner and cry.

I think that has already happened or is going to happen in everyone's stories

2011-04-05, 12:13 PM
I like how you are revealing the plot very slowly. Most of us revealed what has happened very quickly, but your one moves more carefully. It makes you wonder...
Or at least, it would if the title doesn't give it away.

2011-04-08, 07:03 AM
Update be dated up.

Also: I guess I should say that I'm writing this the way I am because these guys don't know anything about D&D proper. Never played a game, and don't understand the terminology, even though they can subconsciously drop it in conversation.

2011-04-08, 08:51 AM
Are the cats normal, but have gained the ability to kill Commoners?
Great story btw.

2011-04-08, 11:20 AM
I have to say, I love this perspective, and your writing is good. Also, the bit about the pounce of cats is funny.

2011-04-08, 07:01 PM
he's a paladin isn't he

2011-04-14, 01:22 AM
he's a paladin isn't he

Last bit of narration is almost definite giveaway. Not many classes can naturally Detect Evil.

2011-04-18, 04:54 AM
Last bit of narration is almost definite giveaway. Not many classes can naturally Detect Evil.

Yeah, I spotted that first time I read it.
Some speculation:
He instinctively uses lay-on-hands on himself, and then wonders what the hell he just did, why his hands are glowing, and why there is a severe absence of holes in his stomach. That would be good.

Mercenary Pen
2011-04-18, 05:05 AM
Yeah, I spotted that first time I read it.
Some speculation:
He instinctively uses lay-on-hands on himself, and then wonders what the hell he just did, why his hands are glowing, and why there is a severe absence of holes in his stomach. That would be good.

I'm seeing this as more of an opportunity for one of the other characters to shine... although with Paladin hit dice there is decent chance that two knife wounds won't even take him to negative hit points...

2011-04-18, 02:48 PM
Fourth Update.

2011-04-19, 12:45 AM
Don's got to be the most powerful-hell hound as a familiar is 5th level material, but she sounds like a druid with a dire wolf, so she'd have to be at least level 7 already. Bo is a cleric, but level is indeterminate. Chad is probably something like Ex-barbarian 2/Paladin 1/Rogue 2.

Pretty cool update, overall.

2011-04-19, 11:24 AM
Don is a druid, while Bo is a cleric. These are definite.

Chad on the other hand, seems quite obviously Barbarian and Paladin, but I'm pretty sure that they are incompatible, alignment wise, so I'm unsure. They fit perfectly, and yet you can't have those classes togethar.
I'll think of something.

Also, my next update is up, so take a look! There is a mention of the alley cats that are in your story.

EDIT: Ajadea has pointed out that he is a Paladin of Freedom, so there is no problem. Thank you. I feel kind of stupid now, though...

2011-04-19, 11:30 AM
Oh duh! Chad is clearly a barbarian/paladin of freedom!

2011-04-19, 11:33 AM
Oh duh! Chad is clearly a barbarian/paladin of freedom!

Oh, right. Damn, I feel stupid.

2011-04-23, 03:43 AM
“Holy **Crackers!!**, he has Uncanny Dodge.”

This is one of my favorite lines.

Glad to see someone pull out the Paladin variants. I'm interested to see if your barbarian levels have the totem variant. (Haven't really seen any evidence of this yet, so I'm assuming no.)

2011-04-24, 11:10 PM
Flawless, one of the best stories in the set. Can't wait for the rest.

2011-05-09, 10:31 AM
And there's the fifth!

Highlight for Secret Writer Commentary on Fifth Chapter:the first of many big infodump chapters. Since my plot line is about these people learning about the game in general, I felt that adding in non-core stuff had to be done for purposes of frustration. My reasoning behind his taking all of those classes is basically that he had less of a childhood than most people, and had to work harder to support himself and his sisters. Battle Dancer comes from entry-level Capoeira when he was about 8, 2 years before his parents died. Rogue represents his lifestyle since the day his folks bit it, in that he had to constantly adapt and be skillful to provide for his sisters. I'll get into why exactly he's a Paladin and Barbarian later, but for now let's just say it has something to do with how he and Dana were.

2011-05-09, 05:02 PM
20+ is superhuman in D&D, you know. So he's got superhuman endurance and Dana's ridiculously smart.

2011-05-09, 06:04 PM
I went and bent the rules a little bit for those, I'll admit. Those superhuman scores have more to do with what talents they chose to nurture before the reality rewrite. I'll get into this later, but Chad's always been more or less a damage sponge, and Dana's always been a fast learner and fountain of (often useless) facts.

Mercenary Pen
2011-05-10, 04:41 AM
Has to be said, I wasn't expecting any scores above 21 by level 5... and that needed a racial modifier by my maths...

2011-05-10, 06:54 AM
Has to be said, I wasn't expecting any scores above 21 by level 5... and that needed a racial modifier by my maths...

... Chad is black. Dana speaks Vietnamese, Korean, and a ton of other languages.

Ladies and gentlemen, Unfortunate Implications at its finest.

I am a horrible person.:smallfrown:

Mercenary Pen
2011-05-10, 12:19 PM
... Chad is black. Dana speaks Vietnamese, Korean, and a ton of other languages.

Ladies and gentlemen, Unfortunate Implications at its finest.

I am a horrible person.:smallfrown:

I meant a racial modifier for not being human, which you haven't yet properly revealed... Come on, Chad's a half-orc, isn't he...:smallwink:

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-10, 12:27 PM
I meant a racial modifier for not being human, which you haven't yet properly revealed... Come on, Chad's a half-orc, isn't he...:smallwink:

They don't get constitution bonuses.

2011-05-10, 01:23 PM
They don't get constitution bonuses.

And even if they did, half-orc doesn't really fit what we've seen of him so far.

2011-05-11, 08:10 PM
Holy zombie jesus does Chad abuse steroids or something? And I'm fairly certain that Dana, at her age, couldn't possibley be that smart. That's like Einstein rivaling intelligence, so unless she was forced into some kind of computer intelligence overdriver then that would be the most jarring thing (Other then Chad's ability to take a knife and shrug it off, something I've yet to see even MMA fighters do.) to date on your story. Otherwise it's good.

2011-05-11, 11:21 PM
I'm assuming that taking the knife was to show his d12 hit die. As for the stats, ridiculous, yes, but his story and all. (Although it will be interesting to see him meet with everyone else with stats like those.)

And with the new update the plot thickens. (Or at least becomes more serious.) I'm looking forward to reading more.

2011-05-12, 12:12 AM
I agree: the knife was to show off the ridiculousness of D&D hit point rules. But my opinion about those stats has not changed.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-12, 04:34 PM
But my opinion about those stats has not changed.

Yeah, unless he's level 16 and rolled an 18, there's no way he could have 22 Con without magic item boosts.

2011-06-09, 04:30 PM
Yeah, unless he's level 16 and rolled an 18, there's no way he could have 22 Con without magic item boosts.

Maybe the DM in the sky is houseruling pathfinder races and everyone has templates.