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Hazzardevil
2011-04-04, 02:11 AM
I made an epic fail of a fanfic a while ago. Now for round 2.
Here I go.
Chapter 1

I was just coming out of my school. I had been through the day at the office.
Get up, go to school, have lessons, get homework and go home again. I'd stopped at tescos to buy some Ketchup. It's my familys 6th food group. I was just lining up for the till when someone walked in. He pulled out a knife in one hand and another with a purplish tint appeared in his hand.
"He's a soulknife," I thought,
I dashed forwards towards him hitting with a one-two punch that just glanced off him.
Then the soulknife returned the blow with a strike from his mindblade and knife. It swept me off my feet and I passed into blissful unconsciousness before I hit the floor.

When I finally came round I was on some sort of skyscraper. And by on, I mean standing on the outside of a wall. And there was a Devil in front of me. A horned devil.

"So you want power," He/she/it? spoke commandingly.
"Yes" I don't know why I said it but it just came out.
"Think carefully, should you reject the faith even this once the gates of paradise even this once the gates of paradise will be forever out of your reach,"
By this point it was starting to sound like the OVA of black butler and every answer I made was the same as the ones given in the anime.
"I'm not good, so how will I reach Heaven?"
"Then I shall begin the process," It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes,"
And then I felt excrutiating pain all over my body and wounds all over my body being cut open and bleeding in 100 different places, within each of those wound was 1000 more smaller cuts.

It's been a while since I've done a chapter, so here I go.
Chapter 2

As I came round I had a splitting headache. I was in a dark room, I could see a outline of a table in the center and the soulknife from the shop was sitting there using the hostages as target practise with his knifes.
"You bastard" I moaned, it came out more quietly than I expected. He turned round and used me as his next target. The knife went into my shoulder, I then heard the words:
"Critical Hit!" I went unconscious again and he carried on with his target practise.
I came round again and the man was standing around checking the bodies, most of them had left large pools of blood and the floor. Most of them were obviously dead and there was a pile of them in one corner.

One person moved his arm and the man dashed accross the room and coup de graced him. I somehow found the strength to get up and started running at him, I moved exactly 30 ft and threw an Eldritch Blast at him. It missed him and was heading towards a wall when it curved sharply. As he started to run at me the eldritch blast hit him in the back.
"Flank attack Retard"
Crap, that one liner sucked, the soulknife manifested his mindblade and stabbed me in the shoulder, once again I felt a sharp blade stick into one of my veins. This one didn't feel as bad as the last blade and I probably didn't take as much damage.
The whole time I was attempting to make another eldritch blast, but it seems I can't break the action economy without using proper abilities. I then finally could move again I made a 5ft step and somehow conjured up a huge spear. Really, it was massive 5ft long. Of all weapons I could have conjred, why did I pick a barbieche? Seriously, I could have chosen any number from the crapton in existence for 3.5 alone.
And my round was over. Then man made a 5 ft step and full attacked me. They didn't hurt that much though, so I just shrugged it off and full attacked back.

The man was dead before he hit before. He tried to say a last word, but blood just bubbled out of his mouth and a finger dropped off his left handfor some odd reason.
The DM in the sky has some twisted sense of Humour.

Chapter 3

I realised something as the man died.
I killed someone, and I'm only 13! At this point my brain went into one of those times when I think about things far more than I want to. What if he had family? What if he had a good reason for doing all of this.
And then the most important thing:
I made a deal with a Devil! And I am surrounded by roughly 12 corpses. The Police find me, They have a Teenager with a Spear with a battle axe on the end. I have got to get out of here fast. And I have no idea where I am.

Luckily there were some double doors and I dashed out of them quickly.
I was now in the Tescoes where the Soulknife walked in. (This can't be real, I must be in a coma, or having a really weird dream, so he can't be a person. Just a soulknife) Surpisingly none of the shelves were looted and everything seemed fine.
I then walked out the shop through the automatic double doors. And i wasn't expecting what happened next.
"You are surrounded, drop your weapon and put your hands where I can see them," Boomed a Policeman's voice through a megaphone.
"I'm not getting arrested for being attacked by a Soulknife," I muttered quietly.
And then I waved my hand, my fingers and my thumb goving over the top of my hand and then clenching into a fist. And then Darkness fell over the area.
At this point the Cops panicked and started shooting at the darkness. One of the bullets shot past my forearm on my left and it started bleeding.
I threw an Eldritch blast out the darkness closely followed by my Bardiche.
Naturally the Bardiche just clattered to the ground 15 ft in front of me.
I then hurridly unchained my bike next to me. During that time there was a brief stop as the cops reloaded their guns and then resumed firing.
I got 2 more shots that hit. One in the leg and one in the other legs foot.
And then I peddled as fast as I could down the road, turned left and then made a sharp turn into my road. I peddled for all I was worth up a steep hill and skidded into my garage.
"Ding, 200 xp!"


Chapter 4

As I entered my house the wave of adrenaline I'd been riding as I panicked running home jsut stopped and I nearly fell over for the 3rd time that day.
I then ran into the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it would go.
And boy did it hurt.
I felt like I'd been sunburnt all over and the water hit me and I swore loudly.
Several painful hours later I staggered downstairs and turned on the TV. I quickly switched it to BBC news and saw several news stories, a four-armed gorilla somewhere in America, I'm sure I'd heard of it before, a Pyromaniac with a flamethrower, who got quickly beaten up by some guy. And his fighting style looked curiously like something from Dungeons and Dragons online, and some strange creatures that seemed to hypnotise people.
And then my own story including my dissapearance from Tescoes in a puff of darkness.
It then finally hit me.
DND is real. And then I did the first thing any sensible person would do in this situation. Go onto Giant in teh playground.
After 10 minutes of refreshing the page I fianlly managed to get on and it didn't say the awful words. The Server is too busy now, please try again later.
And there were millions of posts all over the form about DND being real, including some about 4th edition players complaining it was the wrong edition becoming real.

And then the worst thing that could possibly happen after Mr Big T attacking my house.
My Parents came home.

Hazzardevil
2011-04-09, 11:23 AM
Can I have some criticism?

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-09, 01:51 PM
You're doing the internal dialogue wrong. It's not in quotes when writing first person. Actually, I don't think it's in quotes anyway, I think it's in italics for third person.

Dragon Elite
2011-04-09, 02:01 PM
It looks good, I'm guessing he's a warlock? Also, a little more description of the fighting would be better: e.g.

This is what you wrote.
I ran at him and punched him round the face twice. He barely moved. He then stabbed me twice and I fell unconscious.
This is what would have been a little better IMO.
I rushed forward, pushing him back with the speed of my charge. Once, twice, I hit him with a right-left combination that would have felled a bull. He whipped out his purple soulblade and slashed me once in the arm. Raising my other arm, it only delayed the strike as it stuck my arm, shattered my tibula, and kept going through my arm into my chest.

Keep it up though, the rest of it was great! Also, feel free to borrow the above post as the fight scene. :smalltongue:

Hazzardevil
2011-04-18, 07:46 AM
It looks good, I'm guessing he's a warlock? Also, a little more description of the fighting would be better: e.g.

This is what you wrote.
I ran at him and punched him round the face twice. He barely moved. He then stabbed me twice and I fell unconscious.
This is what would have been a little better IMO.
I rushed forward, pushing him back with the speed of my charge. Once, twice, I hit him with a right-left combination that would have felled a bull. He whipped out his purple soulblade and slashed me once in the arm. Raising my other arm, it only delayed the strike as it stuck my arm, shattered my tibula, and kept going through my arm into my chest.

Keep it up though, the rest of it was great! Also, feel free to borrow the above post as the fight scene. :smalltongue:

A little better is an understatement really. Once I get home from my holiday I will do the fight scene again. Although I was attempting to show that I was useless in that part.
I will be a warlock gestalted with something. I was considering something melee based but now leaning towards psychic warrior.

Dragon Elite
2011-04-18, 08:16 AM
A little better is an understatement really. Once I get home from my holiday I will do the fight scene again. Although I was attempting to show that I was useless in that part.
I will be a warlock gestalted with something. I was considering something melee based but now leaning towards psychic warrior.

Thanks! Also, psychic warrior is one of the few classes I have never seen played, it should be interesting.

Hazzardevil
2011-06-12, 02:39 PM
I'm just going to put this up simply so people still give feedback.
I'm stil updating this.