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ZombyWoof
2011-05-14, 01:56 PM
"Hey X, how have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to catch up and maybe get something to eat?"

Really the simple answer is: ask her out :smallwink: You can make as many excuses as you like but at the end of the day... asking her out is the best option.

Tiger Duck
2011-05-14, 02:00 PM
If there's a girl that intrigues me, but who's fairly quiet, extremely smart (I think), a little geeky, moves in a group, comes off a little shy but is confident and dresses smartly - how would you approach her?

And if you might have had a chance to do so about 6 months ago, but were too entangled in a different affair to do so?

And if the summer vacation's just started and chances are you won't see her in 3+ months?

My cause is hopeless, I know. :smalltongue: (Feel free to ask about specifics, if you're curious - I'm a horrible explainer.)

maybe something like; I've noticed that you are pretty awesome, so i'd like to do somthing with you in those 3 months vacation we got comming up, could I have some of your contact information?

or you might allready have a specific plan in mind, then you can suggest that, preferibly a plan that would be her-specific.

Adumbration
2011-05-14, 02:06 PM
"Hey X, how have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to catch up and maybe get something to eat?"

Really the simple answer is: ask her out :smallwink: You can make as many excuses as you like but at the end of the day... asking her out is the best option.


maybe something like; I've noticed that you are pretty awesome, so i'd like to do somthing with you in those 3 months vacation we got comming up, could I have some of your contact information?

or you might allready have a specific plan in mind, then you can suggest that, preferibly a plan that would be her-specific.

Would it be a horrible idea to test the waters by asking advice from one of her friends? The friend in question is sort of Nanny Ogg-ish and I have a feeling there may have been some nudging and winking on her part in the past. :smalltongue:

Urrrrgghh. I want to but it's just so scary to open yourself up again.

EDIT: Good god, I may just have to go through with this. O.o

EDIT 2: Or not, talked to a RL friend that knows both her at least tertiarily, and he's of the opinion that not right now. Maybe after school starts again.

Dvil
2011-05-14, 04:00 PM
Is anyone's PM box open for slightly more.. personal advice? Preferably someone of the male persuasion, but if needs must I don't mind PMing a female.

Dallas-Dakota
2011-05-14, 04:07 PM
Mine is open.:smallsmile:
I might not be the best advice giver, but I'm a good listening ear, orso I'm told.

Maralais
2011-05-14, 05:18 PM
There is always the wonderful "Meine Freundin". It means both "my girlfriend / lover", and "my non-sexual, non-romantic friend who is female", but anyone who can hear it said can likely tell which one it is referring to. It is just in text that it would not be clear.

There is a Turkish word, "sevgili" that does clearly connote a long-term, romantic relationship, but it translates to "lover", which as mentioned above is used in a more shallow manner in English.

Also French has the word mon ami(e), which almost always defines the mentioned person as a lover.

Dallas-Dakota
2011-05-14, 05:22 PM
Err, I think you mean ''Mon Petite Ami(e)'', which refers to boy/girlfriend/lover.

''Mon Ami(e)'' is ''my friend''

Lissou
2011-05-14, 06:00 PM
I am curious to know how money works in a household with one money-earner. Does it usually go in a common account that they both handle and can draw from, does one person usually deal with the finances but either can draw from it, or is there usually an allowance system?

With my husband, we had times when I was the breadwinner and times where he was (about two years each). They were both dealt the same way: joint account, budget done by me, each of us got an (gasp!) allowance. In his latest job, which was pretty stressful, he had on top of that a "stress fund", which was a weekly amount he could spend on things to relax if need be and that didn't carry over to the next week.

My boyfriend's and my finances are completely independent right now. However, due to his bad credit because of bad choices he made in the past, all the bill, mortgage and everything are in his mom's name (he went back to live with her because she has health issues). Long story short, he's set it for his job to pay 90% of his wage to his mother for the bills, and 10% to his own account as his allowance to have fun with (doesn't go towards any bills).
So you have another case of someone setting an allowance for themselves.


Also: having to invite someone you really don't like to things because they're dating a friend of yours, or taken to an extreme not inviting that friend to anything because their unpleasant partner will always come. Discuss.

I would only invite my friend. If they don't want to come without their genderfriend, they don't have to. I don't feel a moral incentive to invite people I don't like because they know people I like in any way.


Also French has the word mon ami(e), which almost always defines the mentioned person as a lover.


Err, I think you mean ''Mon Petite Ami(e)'', which refers to boy/girlfriend/lover.

''Mon Ami(e)'' is ''my friend''

You're partly right, Dallas. "Mon ami(e)" is "my friend". However, boyfriend is "mon petit ami" and girlfriend is "ma petite amie". (It's only "mon" for both for ami(e) because it starts with a vowel, and adjectives change to match gender and number).
"Petit(e) ami(e)" indeed can only mean your partner as far as I know. "Ami(e)" on the other hand wouldn't be used much for that.
However, you also have "petit copain" and "petite copine" which are commonly shortened to just "copain" and "copine". And these do get used to mean your mate, although they can mean either. Kind of similar to how I can talk about my girlfriends and people will know it's not romantic. Or do you spell it "girl friends" in such a case?

Maralais
2011-05-14, 06:25 PM
but, isn't mon amie used as well?

Dang, I'm confus.

Anyway, perhaps I should restate what's happening recently: I was recently trying to find opportunities to spend time with a friend, who acts closely, yet I usually find myself having a hard time to approach her(fear of rejection, almost nonexistant mutual friends etc).

The most recent chance was the anti-censorship protest that will happen tomorrow, but unfortunately she said she wasn't coming. I'll be walking alone, I guess ._.

When you combine this with the fact that whenever I try to talk with her via Facebook chat(which is one of the rare places where I can talk with her without going nuts), she stops responding to my messages and turns offline a few minutes later, I don't think I have much of a chance.

Dallas-Dakota
2011-05-14, 06:58 PM
Considering Lissou is actually French, if I remember right, I'm more then willing to give her the benefit of doubt.:smalltongue:

Lissou:Yes, ma and mon, details.:smalltongue: My french is rusty and I failed the class twice in high school. I say I know camping-french, enough to survive, nowhere near good.:smallsmile:

Malfunctioned
2011-05-14, 07:05 PM
Another small update.

I may have a crush on one of my close friends.
And she might have one on me.

I just know we flirt a hell of a lot, a lot more than I do when just joking with my other friends, and that's she is pretty damn cute.

But on the other hand I do like having someone who's just a friend who I can flirt with like that.

I may just try and wait this one out...

term1nally s1ck
2011-05-14, 07:07 PM
but, isn't mon amie used as well?

Dang, I'm confus.

Since that would be masculinefeminine, no. Ma amie or Mon ami, both get used rarely to mean bf/gf.

Anyway, perhaps I should restate what's happening recently: I was recently trying to find opportunities to spend time with a friend, who acts closely, yet I usually find myself having a hard time to approach her(fear of rejection, almost nonexistant mutual friends etc).

The most recent chance was the anti-censorship protest that will happen tomorrow, but unfortunately she said she wasn't coming. I'll be walking alone, I guess ._.

When you combine this with the fact that whenever I try to talk with her via Facebook chat(which is one of the rare places where I can talk with her without going nuts), she stops responding to my messages and turns offline a few minutes later, I don't think I have much of a chance.

Aske for her email or phone no. Less of a huge step. Then use it to talk to her.

EDIT: Mal, if you flirt that much and build the tension, and then DO NOT PROGRESS, the tension will be lost. You will not flirt that much for long, the interest will die off. Always. Move. Forward.

Innis Cabal
2011-05-14, 08:59 PM
Another small update.

I may have a crush on one of my close friends.
And she might have one on me.

I just know we flirt a hell of a lot, a lot more than I do when just joking with my other friends, and that's she is pretty damn cute.

But on the other hand I do like having someone who's just a friend who I can flirt with like that.

I may just try and wait this one out...

I'm going to hop in here and say that is probably the best idea. If it isn't what you think, which has happened before, then you might ruin your friendship and I'm sure you don't want that. No need to complicate things beyond what they are after all.

term1nally s1ck
2011-05-14, 09:18 PM
*headwall*

Seriously. Why do SO many people think that leaving things exactly the way they are is sustainable.

When tension and flirting and attraction and fun is part of the connection with a person, then ACT ON IT. If you sit back and leave it as is, tension drains away.

If you make an open move on someone who is already a friend, you don't hide your intentions, you don't pretend things are different, you will not lose that friend. They will respect you for being honest about it, and if they do reject you, they will probably tease you about it for the rest of time. And you will find it just as amusing soon enough.

If, instead, while you find yourself strongly attracted to someone, and then you lie by omission to them, are dishonest about what you want and hope to happen, and conceal things, and they figure it out anyway, you WILL lose a friend. Because they will never be able to trust that you aren't hiding something else from them.

If you only admit to having feelings for someone months after the fact, they will figure it out, and will struggle to ever believe those feelings are gone. You will lose a friend.

If you feel strongly for a friend, tell them. Be honest. Don't lie to their face for long periods of time. Someone you have to put an act on to remain friends with is not a real friend, and you should NEVER just suppress your feelings for someone in order to keep their friendship.

If you are strongly attracted to someone, and care about them enough to wish to keep them as a part of your life, then you should most definitely NOT lie to them about it. And not telling someone something important is just as bad.

Seriously, just stop and THINK about how they'd react if they knew what you were doing. If it's bad, then you SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT. Simple as that.

Disclaimer: There are certain circumstances, mostly involving the other party already being insecure or vulnerable enough to make a mistake if you confess to them right then, that it is NOT appropriate for you to tell them. IF you stop and think, though, you'll realise that once again, you're doing what they would want you to do if they had perfect knowledge.

EDIT: Also, never ever ever take a strategy that if both people take is a straight loss.

If two people both decide to wait on the other to make a move, then everybody loses, because nobody played.

Jude_H
2011-05-14, 09:22 PM
*headwall*
The whole time I read your post, I had "Love Shack" going through my head.
But it wasn't a "Shack," it was a "Shark."

term1nally s1ck
2011-05-14, 09:27 PM
Heh. I'm sure one day, I'll fall in love and have my heart broken. Will prolly have to actually open up first, and its gonna take someone special to make me do that. Til then, I'm tired of watching everyone around me play out the same sad tired old stories. It's like watching firefly for the thousandth time, and getting annoyed at the characters for not seeing what's plain as day to you and me.

Starbuck_II
2011-05-14, 09:35 PM
*headwall*

Seriously. Why do SO many people think that leaving things exactly the way they are is sustainable.

When tension and flirting and attraction and fun is part of the connection with a person, then ACT ON IT. If you sit back and leave it as is, tension drains away.

If you make an open move on someone who is already a friend, you don't hide your intentions, you don't pretend things are different, you will not lose that friend. They will respect you for being honest about it, and if they do reject you, they will probably tease you about it for the rest of time. And you will find it just as amusing soon enough.

I lost MD: it was after dating once but I still lost her as a friend so don't assume they can't lose a friend. It is a very real issue: there is a slight chance friendship will be irreparable changed (even dissolve).


If two people both decide to wait on the other to make a move, then everybody loses, because nobody played.


No, everybody wins because friendship stays intact.
Maybe I'm just murphy's law incarnate but it can be dangerous: just think you should mention dangers.

term1nally s1ck
2011-05-14, 09:56 PM
And did you tell her as soon as you realised you had these feelings? Did you make that clear? Did she know you hadn't hidden anything from her, and didn't seem to expect anything from her due to your prior friendship?

I've watched the same thing play out way too often now, and every time I can point to something that is guaranteed to make the other party feel insecure about the other person from then on.

Serpentine
2011-05-14, 10:09 PM
91% of executive chefs are male according to the Chronicle in 2007. (http://www.saveur.com/article/Kitchen/Gender-in-the-Kitchen)That's actually a really interesting dichotomy/double-standard. Yes, most chefs are male. But most cooks - professional and home - are female. Moreover, chefs are in a position of power in the kitchen.
In other words, socially/traditionally speaking, women do most of the cooking, but men are the only ones who can be really, really good at cooking and can be in charge of it.
Note: this information is probably somewhat out of date as, thankfully, the tims they are a changin'.

Yes, yes, testscores blah blah blah but those run into a lot of problems namely that social conventions often find themselves in a catch-22: my friend is really bad at math. She's really bad at math because she has no confidence in math. She has no confidence because her 3rd grade teacher said something to the effect of "it's ok girls can't be good at math anyways."http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_it_works.png

Tradition as well as genetic selection. Apparently, women are better at cooking because they were gatherers in hunter-gatherer societies, and thus they were selected for the specimens that could tell the details between close aromas, textures and colors.Your premise doesn't necessarily fit your evidence. Hunter-gatherer refers only to the obtaining of food, not its preparation. I haven't read much about it so I don't know for sure, but I expect the preparation of food was at least to an extent evenly divided amongst the sexes, each cooking what they contributed. I think the Australian aborigines had some cross-over even, with men helping to bake the bread and so on.

I would only invite my friend. If they don't want to come without their genderfriend, they don't have to. I don't feel a moral incentive to invite people I don't like because they know people I like in any way.And if, even when you just invite your friend they say "I'll let him know and we'll see you tomorrow!", and other friends are bringing their less obnoxious partners?

Lissou
2011-05-15, 02:42 AM
but, isn't mon amie used as well?

Dang, I'm confus.

I think it might have been used more that way in the past, in which case it might be used in French texts you've seen or studied. At any rate, it's not common nowadays as far as I know.

(And yes, it is "mon amie", don't listen to terminally s1ck. As I said in an earlier post, you use "mon" instead of "ma" because "amie" starts with a vowel).

(Oh, and yes, I'm French, but from France, so it's possible other parts of the world are different.)

Adumbration
2011-05-15, 02:43 AM
I think we need a new thread, by the way?

Maralais
2011-05-15, 03:40 AM
Aske for her email or phone no. Less of a huge step. Then use it to talk to her.

Got her phone number for messaging, turns out she doesn't use it for that.


*headwall*

Seriously. Why do SO many people think that leaving things exactly the way they are is sustainable.

When tension and flirting and attraction and fun is part of the connection with a person, then ACT ON IT. If you sit back and leave it as is, tension drains away.

If you make an open move on someone who is already a friend, you don't hide your intentions, you don't pretend things are different, you will not lose that friend. They will respect you for being honest about it, and if they do reject you, they will probably tease you about it for the rest of time. And you will find it just as amusing soon enough.

If, instead, while you find yourself strongly attracted to someone, and then you lie by omission to them, are dishonest about what you want and hope to happen, and conceal things, and they figure it out anyway, you WILL lose a friend. Because they will never be able to trust that you aren't hiding something else from them.

If you only admit to having feelings for someone months after the fact, they will figure it out, and will struggle to ever believe those feelings are gone. You will lose a friend.

If you feel strongly for a friend, tell them. Be honest. Don't lie to their face for long periods of time. Someone you have to put an act on to remain friends with is not a real friend, and you should NEVER just suppress your feelings for someone in order to keep their friendship.

If you are strongly attracted to someone, and care about them enough to wish to keep them as a part of your life, then you should most definitely NOT lie to them about it. And not telling someone something important is just as bad.

Seriously, just stop and THINK about how they'd react if they knew what you were doing. If it's bad, then you SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT. Simple as that.

Disclaimer: There are certain circumstances, mostly involving the other party already being insecure or vulnerable enough to make a mistake if you confess to them right then, that it is NOT appropriate for you to tell them. IF you stop and think, though, you'll realise that once again, you're doing what they would want you to do if they had perfect knowledge.

EDIT: Also, never ever ever take a strategy that if both people take is a straight loss.

If two people both decide to wait on the other to make a move, then everybody loses, because nobody played.

I feel like this is directed at me as well, and I must say: you are right, by all means. Yet it's easier said than done. I don't intend to make a move for a while to the aforementioned person, because I am almost sure that things would go downhill. She usually acts warm and all, yet I doubt that an actual friendship is formed. Adding the unnecessary tension of a confession to that wouldn't end well. So why take the risk when I can't even properly talk with her? It is mostly due to my incapability of finding a subject to talk about or have the guts to find her and spend time with her during recesses(I simply become nervous when there are friends of a friend around me, even if the friend there is a BFF), but that does not change the fact that the situation is not proper for a proper advancement.

Coidzor
2011-05-15, 03:46 AM
New thread. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10994280)

Didn't see anyone else make one, so I'm sorry if it's redundant.