Professional etiquette question

[valadil]

I left my last job 6 months ago. I'm not sure my boss realized that because he's still emailing me questions. I mostly don't mind answering them. I figure it's 5 minutes of typing something I already know, as opposed to someone else doing research for a couple hours to figure out what's going on.

But he's getting more demanding. He wants me to actually do things for him instead of just telling him how to do them. He has offered to compensate me for my time, but quite frankly I don't want to work with the guy anymore.

I'm ashamed to admit I've dealt with this passive aggressively so far. I don't want to burn bridges, so I answer his emails slowly and I bounce responsibility back to people at the old job (which is where it belongs). This isn't working.

At what point do I start forwarding his requests to a recruiter (netting myself a referral bonus in the process)?

If forwarding emails to a recruiter is inappropriate, what other ideas do you have? I think this guy needs to hire someone to replace me, but I haven't figured out how to say so diplomatically. I would like to use him as a reference in the future, but I don't know how much of my time he's worth.

[Vladislav]

No need to get tricky here. Just say the truth as it is.

"I'm sorry, I don't have the bandwidth to deal with this request at this time. Please refer it to someone in your organization. XXX or YYY could help."

[pendell]

The way I was taught in business writing was the "**** sandwich". It looks like this:

1) Good will opening.
2) The bad news, stated as tactfully as possible.
3) Good will close.

So my missive would look something like:

"[Boss],

I see that you're looking for X , Y, Z to be done. Unfortunately, I'm busy with my own projects now and cannot assist you. However, I can give you the names of some contacts who may be able to line up some people to help you, if you like."

And when he responds yes, THEN set him up with the recruiter. That way you make sending him to the recruiter sound like you're doing him a favor -- which you are -- rather than the brush off.

If he persists in asking for work, be polite, be firm. As the messages continue be increasingly firm and less polite. Always on the themes of:

"I am sorry, but I have found/am seeking other employment and do not have time to deal with these issues."

If he finally gets so pushy that you don't want to hear from him any more -- if he's so dense he won't get the hint -- say

"I'm sorry, but I cannot assist you further. In addition, I believe that communication between us is no longer productive, so I desire that you stop sending me e-mails. I wish you well in your future endeavors."

or something like that.

Then delete automatically any further messages he sends you.

NEVER do ONE MORE THING for him, no matter how nicely he asks. He evidently believes you are a sucker who will do work for no pay, and the only way to change his mind is to not work without pay.

Again, be polite, but be firm. If he persists, be more firm and less polite. If it gets to the point that you can't speak to him politely at all, terminate all communication in a civil yet efficient manner.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Telonius]

I'd second Vladislav. Generally if you leave the company, you stop having to answer questions from the boss. Unless it's something that was mission-critical, the boss shouldn't be contacting you at all. If it was mission-critical, s/he should have gotten the information from you before you left. Oversights do happen, and that's where tact comes in. If it's within the first couple days (or even a couple weeks) of you leaving, and the question is simple? Then sure, answer the messages. That's just being courteous and helping out someone who's in a bind.

But in this situation it sounds like your ex-employer is vastly overstepping the boundaries. Your time belongs to you. It's valuable, and that's why people pay you money to work for them. Next time the ex-employer gives you a request, let him know (politely) that you don't have the time for it. Since you're already working a full-time job, you don't have the time and energy available to work for him as a contractor. Then suggest to him that if he does need help finding a contractor or temp, X Recruiting Agency is great.

[valadil]

So, if there's someone in the organization who is vaguely responsible for what he's asking I can suggest that person. If there isn't I should offer to set him up with a contact at a recruiting firm. (I suppose technically I could offer to set him up with one of my friends who is looking for work, but I wouldn't do that to a friend.)

[Zherog]

Another alternative, if he's expressed a willingness to compensate you, is to quote him an utterly ridiculous rate. Either he'll turn down your offer (win - he's off your back) or he'll agree to pay it (win - you get a big-time cash infusion).

And I mean absolutely, completely, utterly ridiculous. Way more than enough to compensate that you'll be giving up free time to get this done for him.

[valadil]

Another alternative, if he's expressed a willingness to compensate you, is to quote him an utterly ridiculous rate. Either he'll turn down your offer (win - he's off your back) or he'll agree to pay it (win - you get a big-time cash infusion).

And I mean absolutely, completely, utterly ridiculous. Way more than enough to compensate that you'll be giving up free time to get this done for him.

I've thought about that too. I think that if I try to sell him my hours he'll assume that any hour I have is up for purchase. I'd fix problems on a one off basis, but as soon as I do one project at $500/hour, he'll assume that means I'm open for business to do others.

[erikun]

Well, I do have a few questions. Are you currently working at another job now? Are you willing to do freelance work for him? Was there some considerable problem at the workplace that drove you to quit?

How long are you willing to continue answering questions for free? I mean, people get paid money for just answering questions related to their field - there is little reason for you to spend your time doing so without pay.

The best way to start would be to just be honest. "Dear Mr. Boss, I'm sorry to inform you that I am no longer imployed at company X. I have not considered it a problem to provide my expertise for free while my former position is unfilled, but I feel that providing my services while still not imployed by the company to be asking too much from my free time." At this point, if there was a major reason for quitting the company, now would be a good time to mention it.

"If you are having further problems with this situations, I would recommend you contact Xohn or Xane. They were familiar with the detail when I was last employed there, and would be the best to help you out." If you don't mind doing freelance (for pay), now would be a good time to mention it.

I would avoid any passive-agressive tone at this point. Quoting a $100,000 fee or telling him to bugger off doesn't get you anything. Your boss will be the person your next employer talks to after your job interview, and they won't be impressed if you start harping your former boss or badmouthing the former company.

You don't need to share where you work now (although you can mention when you stopped working there) and I wouldn't even bother quoting a freelance price unless he seems interested in paying you. You have no need to work for him again unless you want to - you can simply say "My current work is keeping me busy enough," even if your current work is just cleaning around the house or volunteer work.

Don't waste your time acting like an a** unless your boss starts first.

[Douglas]

I'd go for a combination of the advice offered so far. Be polite but firm, mention how busy you are with your current job, try to direct him to someone else or a recruiting agency, and somewhere in there put an offer to do the work yourself for an insane pay rate - something like 5 or 10 times the best salary you've ever earned, maybe more, however much it takes to get you feeling giddy about how thoroughly you're ripping him off while working for him.

If he gets the hint and stops, great. If he continues his current pattern, reiterate the message politely but more bluntly, emphasizing the price tag if he really wants your work, and then ignore any further requests. And you never know, sometimes other people think your work is worth a lot more than you do; if he takes the offer, see how much ahead of schedule it'll let you retire.


I've thought about that too. I think that if I try to sell him my hours he'll assume that any hour I have is up for purchase. I'd fix problems on a one off basis, but as soon as I do one project at $500/hour, he'll assume that means I'm open for business to do others.
If you set the price high enough, I fail to see how this is a problem. If $500/hour isn't enough to be worth doing whatever work he has for you, then make it $1000/hour. Or $5000. The point is not to be reasonable here, it's to set a price high enough that YOU will be satisfied if he takes it.

[valadil]

Well, I do have a few questions. Are you currently working at another job now? Are you willing to do freelance work for him? Was there some considerable problem at the workplace that drove you to quit?

How long are you willing to continue answering questions for free? I mean, people get paid money for just answering questions related to their field - there is little reason for you to spend your time doing so without pay.


Yes, despite all the posting I do here I am in fact working full time elsewhere. Ex-boss is aware of that.

Willlingness to freelance doesn't enter into the equation. I don't have time to sell.

Not especially. I never liked the guy as a boss and stuck around longer than I should have.

I was willing to answer questions about things I'd built for a while. I never set a time on that, but I thought they'd have stopped by now. Implementation details that I failed to document are fair game in my book and that's the kind of question I've tried to help out with. I've avoided the generic technological questions.

[erikun]

I was willing to answer questions about things I'd built for a while. I never set a time on that, but I thought they'd have stopped by now. Implementation details that I failed to document are fair game in my book and that's the kind of question I've tried to help out with. I've avoided the generic technological questions.
Since he is clearly aware of your non-employment at his company, just let him know that you are happy that everything is still progressing smoothly at the company, and that he should be able to contact XXX or YYY about any further problems. They were the most knowledgeable at the time of your leaving.

You might leave contact information with a recruitment office (telling them that you sent him) as a somewhat subtle hint that you won't be working for him anymore.

If he insists on contacting you again, mention that you were happy to help but work is keeping you busy and you won't be able to provide timely support for him from now on. Not "might not", but "won't". Make it clear that you won't be doing your old job any more. Although perhaps saving that for the second letter, if he doesn't get the hint, would be best.

[Zherog]

If you set the price high enough, I fail to see how this is a problem. If $500/hour isn't enough to be worth doing whatever work he has for you, then make it $1000/hour. Or $5000. The point is not to be reasonable here, it's to set a price high enough that YOU will be satisfied if he takes it.

Yeah, exactly. The key here is to set a price that's so high you go, "Holy cow! He actually said yes to that price? Sweet!" You're only reaction upon his acceptance should be pure joy, not joy mixed with dread.

Now, that said... you've provided more information since I suggested that you quote him a ridiculous price. So...



Dear Boss,

I'm flattered you think enough of my expertise to continue to pose your questions and problems to me. When I left [company name] I was willing to spend some of my free time answering questions related to my projects, because I understand transition periods are difficult. However, I feel that six months is more than a sufficient amount of time for such a transition to occur. John Doe and Mary Smith should both be capable of figuring out the answer to this question. Unfortunately, my work life is sufficiently busy that I'm going to be unable to take the time to answer questions going forward.

If you need the names and contact information for reputable recruiters who would be capable of helping you find a permanent replacement, please let me know and I'll be more than happy to pass your contact information along to a few that I know.

Sincerely,

valadil

[Kislath]

Save all the emails; you can use them later to prove your awesome indispensibility someday. One idea: since you left him in the undocumented lurch, give him a package of what you think he'll ask you and beat him to the punch.

[valadil]

One idea: since you left him in the undocumented lurch, give him a package of what you think he'll ask you and beat him to the punch.

I didn't leave them undocumented. I gave them a 50 page PDF of notes that I wrote up in my last two weeks. I missed some stuff though. And I wrote it assuming a basic level of sysadmin ability. A postdoc with no sysadmin ability took over for me and I guess I didn't write enough documentation for him.

- edit to add -

Thanks for the support, all. I just sent them an email declining to do further free work. I ended with



Finally, it's been 6 months since I left POSITION. *If BOSS still needs a sysadmin, maybe it's time he replace me. *I would be happy to put you in contact with the recruiter I used to find my current job.