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Maximus:Ranger
2011-08-03, 02:48 AM
What are your best crits (natural 20's) and worst fumbles (natural 1's)?

My best crit was in one of my uncles D&D adventures, a high priest was about to sacrifice a woman on an altar. So the party rushes in and my thief rolls a crit and throws his dagger about 10 feet right in the high priests head! :smallcool:

The worst fumble belongs to my friends ranger we were fighting strange cloaked men and he goes to stab one, fumbles and rolls crit on friend. That friend happens to be me and my other thief ends up dead by his best friends hand! Dramatic!

zenon
2011-08-03, 05:13 AM
My worst fumble was when I was playing a paladin and first stabbed myself with my greatsword, and after using a round to draw it out of my spleen (DM said I couldn't quickdraw it from there) I rolled three 1's and accidentally committed suicide.

Extra_Crispy
2011-08-03, 05:40 AM
Two of the most memorable crits were both from a friend of mine in some D&D 2nd ed from a long time ago.

The first I was not in the game but heard about it. My friend was playing a Paladin. He was fairly high level and had a Holy Avenger sword. He was fighting a Anti-Paladin with an Unholy advenger. The GM was using some house rules for parrying and criticals, some of the rules were from a Dragon magazine. Any way the Gm roles a 20 to hit my friends Paladin and my friend procedes to roll a 20 to parry. Then the opposite happened. This went on of a while as both had good AC and lots of hitpoints the normal hits really did not cause much damage. Finally they both, out in the open where everyone could see, rolled 20's for hit and parry 3 times in a row. The GM decided that they both had their swords shatter against each other. They both looked at each other and what their fight just cost them and the Anti-paladin said "your not worth this crap" and left.

The other was the same guy was playing a Ranger. He had the mage use a spell, Conduit (I think that is the right spell) that allowed him to put normal objects into or on other objects and the normal object would "pop" out when the object it was put into was destroyed, to place a large boulder onto/into a scrap of cloth. He then tied the bolder/cloth onto an arrow. Well we were near the end of the campain and the flight of white dragons controled by some barbarians were attacking us and our allies when my friend aims this arrow at the dragon rider's leader's dragon. Of course he rolled 20 to hit and on the special Crit tables the GM was using he rolled the location of the dragons eye. So here was this guy leading his army from the air when the dragon under him suddenly had a boulder for a head. He did not survive the fall.

Worst fumble has to be in a 3rd ed D&D game. The GM's pregnant NPC/PC character was being controled (by a vampire i think) and the other PC's did not want to kill her so a friend of mine ran to try to grapple her. Mind you he was fairly low level (around 4-5) and she had a vorpal sword. He fumbled the roll, rolling a natural 1 and ended up falling at her feet. The GM then proceded to roll a 20 for an attack on him, his head came right off.

Gavinfoxx
2011-08-03, 05:48 AM
My worst fumble was when I was playing a paladin and first stabbed myself with my greatsword, and after using a round to draw it out of my spleen (DM said I couldn't quickdraw it from there) I rolled three 1's and accidentally committed suicide.

And that is why I hate fumble and crit houserules!

Re'ozul
2011-08-03, 06:49 AM
The worst Fumble/Crit in a game so far wasn't one i rolled myself.

We start combat after an enemy charged at us.
My lvl 5 rogue is only at 30hp due to 1 con drain.
Both the enemy and I are standing next to the party's Fighter.
The Fighter Fumbles and since we are playing with fumble and crit-decks draws a card.
"Your attack hits an ally within range." which means me.
He rolls to hit me, crits and confirms.
"You do triple damage."
I am now at -6 without having had a single action.

It was hilarious and we laughed throughout the entire combat.
Still, my rogue always kept some distance to the fighter afterwards.

some guy
2011-08-03, 06:53 AM
Well, as a DM I had my worst crit yesterday. A kobold wielding a dagger did three damage in total.
It was kinda funny to see the look on the faces of my players, when the tension was high after rolling a 19 and a 17, it came really tumbling down after hearing the damage.

DiBastet
2011-08-03, 07:42 AM
we had a very nice succesion of fumbles.Party was half obliterated by a daemon who was flying after them.

The night elf fighter monk was already on the carriage, with his twin (a female night elf rogue) in the back of the carriage, passed out. The artificer in powered steam giant armor runs for her life dodging the arrows. She them tries to jumpo up to the carriage and get a 1 on her skill check, and falls to the ground.

To buy the female artificer time, the night elf trows a tanglefoot bag at the fallen angel, gets a 1 and gets the card who say you hit the person closest. he hits the artificer, that was with The Shakes disease and a nice 2 DEX. She'snow glued to the floor.

On her turn she tries to rip free from the glue and get a 1. the angel proceeds to hit her and she falls.

the night elf takes the female artificer up and and rolls a profession check to make the horser go fast. 1. And he accidently sets free two of the four horses.


Me and my players really like critical fumbles. As you can be so much awesome, you can sometimes really suck. we use critical decks and fumble decks, and more than one time they were saved by a lucky card that ended the battle. Also, more than one time they suffered because of a crit or fumble (the night elf doesn't have a hand, ripped by a Ragewalker on a crit, but now he wants a maug hand graft).

Mastikator
2011-08-03, 08:00 AM
My worst fumble was when I was playing a paladin and first stabbed myself with my greatsword, and after using a round to draw it out of my spleen (DM said I couldn't quickdraw it from there) I rolled three 1's and accidentally committed suicide.

I wanna see a movie with that, most comedic death ever.

ExtravagantEvil
2011-08-03, 09:01 AM
Well, My DM uses the Crit/Fumble decks from Paizo, so we've got some fun ones with those. One of my favorites happened at last session, where the party's Crit-Fisher Blinded a Walrus :smalltongue:. Fun Times with Random Encounters :smallamused:.

Roderick_BR
2011-08-03, 10:23 AM
My two worst fumbles:
D&D 3E: 1st level human fighter, only combat type in the party, weapon focus, str 17. After a lot of roleplay, we reach the enemy. I win initiative. I attack a mook. I roll 1 and miss the confirm attack (our house rule). After losing his weapon, he almost called quits on his party.

Mage the Ascension: My character is a detective. He's aborded by these guys in black that go "come with us quietly". I pull my gun and... fumble. It jams and I decide to punch one of them... fumble. I fall, and after getting back up I decide to obey and go with them before I kill myself...

Two best criticals, both from a friend when I was DMing.
He was a high level fighter, with two weapon, riding. The group was leading a small army against an orch fort after another player sneaked in and sabotaged their siege engines. The fighter rides up to whoever looked like the enemy leader, and crits with both weapons. The enemy leader falls in the first seconds of battle. The remaining forces start to run away.

He played a female drow sorceress (it was a "monster" campaign) Everyone was locked up and his character seduces one of the guards... as he's very close, he uses ray of frost on the guard's face, straight at the eyes. And rolls 20. Twice. Cue jailbreak.

leakingpen
2011-08-03, 10:47 AM
My first experience with roleplaying, I was 8, and my best friends older brother was into d and d. He had a full set of awesome pewter mini's, and we convinced him to run a game for several of us kids. He handled the dice, not figuring we were mature enough to understand the mathematics. I played a wizard, and he gave us all a few levels and a build to start with. The adventure started with us all a few miles away from each other, each on a quest to a cave where we were going to run into each and have to help each other out.

Walking through the forest, I get attacked by, i kid you not, a Dire Ant. (described to me as a foot long red ant). I try stepping on it, I try squashing it with my staff. Its bitting me and dodging everything. Finally, I stop, and say, wait.. I'm a magician! I look through my spell list, and see fireball. I tell the DM I want to cast fireball on the ant. He tells me that its a 20 foot wide explosion, that it will take me with it as well.

I get indignant, and start quoting the DM back at him (never a good idea). "WAIT A MINUTE! You're telling me that my character, a mage of amazing power, able to bend the fabric of space and time to his will, who has spent YEARS learning how to harness the magic of the world and shape it to his whim, can't, I dunno, say the words a little different, put a little less oomph behind it, and cast a fireball thats only, say, 5 feet across? Thats like saying a pitcher can ONLY throw fastballs, or our warrior over there can't choose to swing his sword softer to do less damage to someone, or the archer can't switch his arrow to a fowling blunt to knock someone out (yes, at 8 i knew what a fowling blunt was. hush).

The DM thought for a moment, and said, "you know, you're right. But since you're modifying the spell, I have to roll for it." Out comes the d20. and it comes up... 1.

He swears. I swear. He starts rolling repeatedly. Apparently, he was in the, keep rolling to see how bad it is, school of thought. He rolled 6 1's in a row, followed by a 2. He swore more. He said, "okay, its bad. Now, I'm going to roll to see how BIG it is. "
"Big? I wanted it small."
"Yeah, well, you screwed up. You want small numbers here. No 20's. "

he proceeded to roll 5 20's, followed by an 18. He swore a lot.

"Okay, so... while casting, the ant bites you on the foot. The word you were changing to make the fireball small, you mispronounce. The fireball is about 2 miles across. The sheer amount of magical power that pours through your body causes you to dessicate and die horribly, moments before the fireball vaporizes your dried dead body. The part of kobolds about to jump the rest of the part a mile away are killed, as is the rest of the party. uhh.... "

He rolls a few more times. " The ant makes its saving throw, it burrowed into the ground and survived. "

And thus ended my first game of D and D. honestly, it was more fun than what would have happened if he stuck dead on to the rules, and that has influenced my own play and dm style ever since.


My best crit was in Vampire the masquerade larp. An elder pc character, one who had been with the game for 6 years, and honestly was considered an NPC and only occasionally used at this point, and a Giovanni to boot, was pissed at me. I was playing a Gangrel. He used soul steal on me, which is a Social challenge. Giovanni excel, gangrel do NOT. The mechanic in this instance is rock paper scissors, with powers letting you retest if you lose. He proceeded to retest 15 times, using up a BUNCH of stuff on this lowly gangrel. After the 5 time, when he should honestly have given up, it became about the principle of the thing. We drew an audience as for 5 minutes, he looked at the rule book, finding ways to retest again, using up all his social traits for the night. He kept losing, and finally gave up. I earned prestige for not being able to be soul stolen by the elder giovanni. (of course, he looked at the giovanni next to him, a younger one, and said, take his soul for me. Yeah, THAT challenge, I lost. sigh)

Mordokai
2011-08-03, 10:49 AM
Let me tell you a story of Sameo (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Sameo)...

And no, that was not my character. However, I find the story too awesome to not share it.

SowZ
2011-08-03, 10:56 AM
The party was on a quest to gather up the four dragonswords that had been stolen from an elven city to prevent a great evil dragon from being unleashed. My character was an ancient elf general who led the first campaign to gather the dragonswords initially, long ago. He was reasonably epic. 12th level?

Anyway, I got seperated from the party, (I stayed to defend an elven city from an assault and the rest of the party wanted to leave to take care of the swords which they thought was more important,) but there was a river between me and the party. Everyone had one or fewer magic items, (it was that kind of setting,) and not being a spellcaster I had to just fiord the river. I lasso a rope around a rock on the other side and start wading through. I hit the undercurrent. Strength check. 1. Dang. Okay, you are being washed down the river. Balance check. 2. Well, crap. The undercurrent pulls you under. Strength check to stand. 4. Okay, you get your head above the water. One more check. 1...

That was the most ignominious death I have ever had.

Daftendirekt
2011-08-03, 11:03 AM
Let me tell you a story of Sameo (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Sameo)...

And no, that was not my character. However, I find the story too awesome to not share it.

I think that guy wins the thread.

SowZ
2011-08-03, 11:19 AM
I think that guy wins the thread.

Who knew that your worst fumble could also be your best crit?

Ksheep
2011-08-03, 11:22 AM
Worst, yet most humorous, crit I've seen:

The party is up against a trio of high level undead (can't remember their names off the top of my head). Two of them are basically giant snakes with a pair of human heads, the other one is the leader of the group, fairly good melee, some spell casting, and able to shoot bone shards out of his mouth.

Most of the party is busy going after the snakes, while my character decides to go after the "spellcaster". After a few rounds, I realize how good he is as melee, so I try to retreat. I decide to levitate above him, thinking he can't get me. I forgot about his ranged attack. He hits me, knocking me to 0. In a last-ditch effort to do something, I throw an alchemist's fire down on him... and miss. I pass out, fall, take falling damage, catch on fire, and am at -9, bleeding out, and on fire.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the battlefield, the fighter (who is still above half max HP) gets grabbed... and the DM triple crits him. He gets ripped in half and dies instantly.

So, to rephrase, the guy who had the most HP left in the group gets taken out before the guy who is moments away from dying thrice over. Almost had a TPK there, but one guy managed to survive (although the undead leader wasn't killed, just thrown into a 50' deep pool of blood).

Arbane
2011-08-03, 12:51 PM
I think that guy wins the thread.

I think that guy wins D&D. :smallcool:

No fumble/crit stories to report myself, as the current Pathfinder game I'm in doesn't use fumble rules. And it's a mighty good thing, too. Session before last, our sorceress rolled a 1 FOUR TIMES IN A ROW trying futiley to hit a big undead monstrosity with her only remaining attack, a Ray of Frost. The only good news was that the monster was rolling pretty bad itself. (Seriously, it was a cavalcade of failure in that fight. If we'd been using fumble rules, half the combatants probably would've died of self-inflicted injuries.)

Maximus:Ranger
2011-08-03, 01:42 PM
Love these so far

Another one I have is another friend was playing a ranger and was using two weapons he rolls a crit and a fumble. So we rule that he cut the bandit he was fighting in half but swung a little too hard and stabbed himself in the back falling unconscious it was awesome and disappointing!

JerichoPenumbra
2011-08-03, 01:51 PM
Best Crit: My half-orc barbarian criting power attacking for full on the orc barbarian that just critted me power attacking for full. I barely survived, the orc... was insta slain.

Worst fumble: Not actually me rolling it but it happened to me. The DM had just instituted a new house rule where if you fumble, you roll percentile with higher being worse for you and if you double fumble (two nat. 1's in a row) you double your result. The paladin of the party missed the demon that was almost dead rolled two nat. 1's and then a 98. Which then got doubled. His battle pick came flying out of his hands went over the demon and critted my wizard who was at 20 HP. I didn't make it.

I got better though. Later when we were fighting the minotaur general of the lich we had to fight I laughed with glee as the minotaur rolled two natural 1's. I was waiting for the battle to slide in our favor because of that and the DM just announced, "Oh, I changed it back. That rule was to powerful/destructive."....:furious: He changed it long enough for the rule to kill a player but changed it back before it actually damage his precious villains.

Maximus:Ranger
2011-08-03, 02:07 PM
the DM just announced, "Oh, I changed it back. That rule was to powerful/destructive."....:furious: He changed it long enough for the rule to kill a player but changed it back before it actually damage his precious villains.

Sounds like someones not the worlds best DM

JerichoPenumbra
2011-08-03, 02:54 PM
Sounds like someones not the worlds best DM

As much I didn't like him at the time, I don't hold it against him too much. He has done so much worse that that but also has had some of the most awesome-epic things happen in his games. Overall he's still a pretty good DM.

leakingpen
2011-08-03, 05:25 PM
just read the sameo story. That is awesome!

Jjeinn-tae
2011-08-03, 06:56 PM
I think my best crit was just last night in a PbP. Previous to this, my DM rolled a 20 for my initiative. Then with my twenty on my attack roll, and the twenty on my "Just in case crit roll" I had to roll again which finally broke the cycle.

It was a non-lethal strike on the very first thing we saw in the campaign... (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11556437#post11556437)

randomhero00
2011-08-03, 06:58 PM
I've played for years. I have never gotten more than one 1 in a row or two 20s in a row. :(

Silus
2011-08-03, 07:03 PM
We were playing with a crit/fumble table and were battling a rat swarm in a mine. So, I'm playing a Warlock (3.5) and the things are just swarming me, but dealing no damage (DR 1/-), so I'm just sitting there blasting them away.

Then one crits me, then confirms. I'm all "Pssh, one extra damage, big whoop." Well it rolled in the 90's, which resulted in "Skull Pierced, dead".

Cue several minutes of laughing, then a retcon on the condition that my Warlock could no longer wear hats again.

Drglenn
2011-08-03, 07:16 PM
This happened tonight in a homebrew D20 modern superheroes game:
We were fighting a pair of helicopter gunships. The alchemist in our group sealed off one of the rocket pods on both of them. I (a telekinetic) readied an action to repel any rockets that were sent towards us.

DM: the helicopters roll a 1 and a 20 so the rocket pod on one blows up and the other fires a rocket towards you.
Me: Maybe not
*Rolls*
20!
DM: *facepalm* you reflect the rocket straight back at the gunship that fired it.

Immonen
2011-08-03, 08:21 PM
Best crit I have ever seen:

Our party had been imprisoned by an epic-level cleric who had convinced the town (with the help of a little hypnotism) that he was a god. After breaking out of the prison, we discover that he is about to sacrifice the entire town in order to use their souls to gain immortality. We find him on the outskirts of town, preparing to cast the spell. Having just broken out of jail, we had no weapons or armor, so we all picked up large rocks and pitched them at the cleric (as the halfling, I was stuck with a mere pebble. :smallfrown:).

And we all rolled 20s.

The spell was disrupted, the cleric was knocked out, and we proceeded to charge his followers. Unfortunately, we were knocked out rather quickly, the cleric got back up and finished the spell, and at the present we've chased him into the desert and are looking for him.

But I'll be damned if that wasn't the most epic volley of rocks I've ever seen.

Dr.Epic
2011-08-03, 08:23 PM
I got a crit with a battle axe (times 3 modifier) with my barb. against the final end boss in a campaign. I dealt like 40 damage and took down the foe pretty quickly. It was an awesome kill, but a disappointing end boss fight.

SowZ
2011-08-03, 08:35 PM
Best crit I have ever seen:

Our party had been imprisoned by an epic-level cleric who had convinced the town (with the help of a little hypnotism) that he was a god. After breaking out of the prison, we discover that he is about to sacrifice the entire town in order to use their souls to gain immortality. We find him on the outskirts of town, preparing to cast the spell. Having just broken out of jail, we had no weapons or armor, so we all picked up large rocks and pitched them at the cleric (as the halfling, I was stuck with a mere pebble. :smallfrown:).

And we all rolled 20s.

The spell was disrupted, the cleric was knocked out, and we proceeded to charge his followers. Unfortunately, we were knocked out rather quickly, the cleric got back up and finished the spell, and at the present we've chased him into the desert and are looking for him.

But I'll be damned if that wasn't the most epic volley of rocks I've ever seen.

What? You don't know about the epic powers and weapon prof. a halfling has with a pebble?

GoblinArchmage
2011-08-03, 11:03 PM
When I, and everybody that I played with at the time, were still new to the game, the DM explained that a natural 20 was always a success, regardless of modifiers. In response, my brother proceeded to shoot an arrow at the moon, so the DM told him to roll. Guess which number the die fell on?

Edit: That Sameo story might be the most epic D&D related thing that I have ever read.

Edit #2: Apparently I accidentally put a winking smiley face on the beginning of that post. I have now fixed that.

SowZ
2011-08-03, 11:45 PM
:smallwink:When I, and everybody that I played with at the time, were still new to the game, the DM explained that a natural 20 was always a success, regardless of modifiers. In response, my brother proceeded to shoot an arrow at the moon, so the DM told him to roll. Guess which number the die fell on?

Edit: That Sameo story might be the most epic D&D related thing that I have ever read.

Hehe. I tend to say that if the result is negative even after rolling a 20 due to crazy modifiers, it always fails except on double twenties. (Even then, it usually suceeds differently. In that case I will let a single twenty suceed partially.) If what is being attempted is literally impossible... He can roll 4 twenties in a roll. It aint happening.

Squeejee
2011-08-03, 11:51 PM
My best crit was in a Star Wars: Saga Edition game. I remember it like it was.. well, four or five years ago, because that's when it happened.

I was playing a force-sensitive mercenary type in a party with only one (surprise!) Jedi, in a rebellion-era campaign (did I mention I hate those?). The GM was a different guy from usual, and as this was the first regular gaming group I had ever really been in I didn't complain when he railroaded the hell out of us for three sessions. Actually, in hindsight the regular DM railroaded hard and constantly, so when I joined a second group with a much more sandbox philosophy I was way out of my depth - but that's neither here nor their.

For three sessions (it might have been two) our characters slogged through a series of encounters the DM had prepared on-board a star destroyer, which had the soon-to-be-executed designer of the Death Star's main gun in the brig. We were going to extract him so he could defect and design weapons for the Alliance - meanwhile, a dark side force user harassed us and legions of storm troopers threw themselves in front of our blasters.

Now, understand that this dark jedi had been billed to us from the very beginning of the campaign as the resident Darth Vader wannabe. He taunted us over the loudspeakers, we heard tales of his evilness, and occasionally he cast a force power at us, but we never actually encountered him. For that to happen, first we had to plant charges in the star destroyer's power reactor.

But before that we had to break into the detention center, but before that we had to get to the bridge, but before that we had to get through the shuttle bay, but before that we had to get past the tie fighters - and then before we could escape the soon-to-explode star destroyer, we had to go through the impromptu medical bay filled with the stormtroopers we had injured but not killed, and then get our ship back from the officers trying to escape. As you might imagine, all of that was pretty monotonous - go here, shoot up the place, make a skill check - but action-and-exp-packed.

My character for this adventure was a pretty standard mercenary-with-heavy-weapons-training type, but the twist was that he was force sensitive and learning how to do stuff by watching the group jedi do his thing. As a heavy weapons master, it also fell on me to operate any and all vehicle weapons the party came across - and when I specialized my feats for outputting damage with those weapons (eventually, I was carrying around and solo-operating an E-Web heavy repeater) and reloading them quickly, nobody was surprised.

We met the dark jedi in the star destroyer's hangar bay, just as it was all coming down around us. I had commandeered an AT-ST for this stretch of the mission - which I have to admit was so cool I can forgive the rest of the campaign for being somewhat uninspired - and was covering the group as the blasted their way onto the ship. The dark jedi appeared to threaten us, finally the climactic showdown. I turned and fired my best attack at him, settling in for a long encounter against a difficult-to-hit target...

Critical. 5d12 base damage, and then the multiplier (iirc, obviously). Improved multiplier to boot. We were all around 6th level, I suspect the boss was built to 8th. When an 8d10 hit dice character takes 15d12 damage, the result is a pair of disintegrated smoking boots. It was awesome - especially when I took his lightsaber and multiclassed into Jedi with it (as I had eventually planned to do), adding insult to injury.

Of course, he was back the very next session, just as the GM's plot rails demanded. *sigh*

Immonen
2011-08-04, 12:35 AM
What? You don't know about the epic powers and weapon prof. a halfling has with a pebble?

1) Who said we were epic-level? (we were actually all 2-5th level. the cleric was meant to be a recurring villain. :smalltongue:)
2) Quite unfortunately, I'd failed to multi-class into Halfling Pebble Thrower, so a rock was still a rock, albeit a well-aimed rock.

SowZ
2011-08-04, 12:51 AM
1) Who said we were epic-level? (we were actually all 2-5th level. the cleric was meant to be a recurring villain. :smalltongue:)
2) Quite unfortunately, I'd failed to multi-class into Halfling Pebble Thrower, so a rock was still a rock, albeit a well-aimed rock.

Prestige Classes and Epic Levels not required... (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0745.html)

ScrambledBrains
2011-08-04, 01:07 AM
In my first, and thus far, only completed campaign, I started out as a Halfling Rogue, with my teammates being a Human Cleric of Vecna, and a Human Monk. We had left our starting area and decided to head through the woods to the next town, when suddenly, halfway through the woods, we start getting arrows shot at us. Fortunately, the archer was quite a ways away from us, and the trees provided tons of cover, but as the archer advanced, the arrows got closer and closer to finding their mark. I told my teammates to stay there and draw his fire while I circled around and snuck up behind him, which I managed to do thanks to a series of good hide checks. I caught him with my short sword, and the other two came down out of cover to join the fray.

And then the Barbarian showed up.

We had just killed the archer when the Barbarian rushed us from behind my teammates and the DM rolled for his hit on the Cleric. Nat 20, and the Cleric was dead dead. The Monk and I attempted a flank and did a bit of damage, but then the Barb. knocked the Monk into negative hit points before turning to me. He began to grapple me and attempted to choke me, and I was sucking down damage at this point, when I got a lucky escape artist check, wiggled out of his grasp, and rolled for a hit with my sword. Nat 20, and one dead Barbarian later, I felt badass. Even more so when I managed to save the monk's life with some quick-thinking(and rolling) herbalism. :smallbiggrin:

Ekul
2011-08-04, 10:03 AM
My DM almost never fudges things- especially when he first started.

So what happens when a DM is rolling for an NPC brass dragon that follows us around- and when he attacks every time- all three times that is- he rolls triple 20s. On the first attack an enemy has ever gotten on him did over 50 damage. We were playing by the massive damage rule, and he rolled a natural 1 on his fort save not to die. So he always rolled 20s until it was save or die- which he would have made if he hadn't rolled a 1.

Our DM has odd luck, because when we were fighting monsters in another campaign that had no chance to hit us due to our AC, it got a natural 20 every round for nine rounds. What is it with that DM and 9 twenties?

My last story has to do with me, not my DM. It was my first 3.5 campaign that was a long quest. The final boss who is almost deific in power. I'm a non-epic Grey Guard Dwarf (Not very well optimized, but I had a legendary weapon and legendary armor) I buff my weapon, then charge him. Double crit with a flaming holy burst charge smite power attack and a spell or two that had been cast on the weapon.
My DM ruled that since he had taken so much damage he had to take multiple save or dies- and since he had a massive fort, he should survive, right? WRONG. Another nat 1.
He never even got to attack us.

Arbane
2011-08-04, 12:37 PM
When an 8d10 hit dice character takes 15d12 damage, the result is a pair of disintegrated smoking boots. It was awesome - especially when I took his lightsaber and multiclassed into Jedi with it (as I had eventually planned to do), adding insult to injury.

Of course, he was back the very next session, just as the GM's plot rails demanded. *sigh*

Now, a smart(er) DM would've had a subplot about the Empire cloning this guy.

Xanmyral
2011-08-04, 02:38 PM
Now, a smart(er) DM would've had a subplot about the Empire cloning this guy.

I thought you couldn't clone Jedi's, something about them becoming homicidal and crazy.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-08-04, 02:47 PM
I thought you couldn't clone Jedi's, something about them becoming homicidal and crazy.

It was done once in the Expanded Universe. The first 500 or so failed.

Nyarai
2011-08-04, 03:28 PM
My first real character was a 10th level or so ninja in Dragonlance. I was a mega-noob surrounded by far better players with hardly any idea of what I was doing. Not the best person to be when your party finds Verminard stealing the Hammer of Kharas, on the far side of a pretty big pit. :smalleek:

I loved the hell out of some ninjas, so I figured, "All right. He stole it, I'm gonna steal it back."

DM has me roll to Jump the chasm.

Natural 20.

Then I had to roll to Disarm the friggin' High Cleric of Tiamat.

Natural 20. There's a chance I might pull this off now.

I have the hammer, but little chance of keeping it. Being human, I can't activate it myself. With all my strength (11 or so), I throw it to the dwarven cleric.

Natural 20. The other players go wild as I successfully ninjaed an artifact from Verminard. I somehow managed to dodge his murderous fury and the party goes to town. With no other alternatives, he threw himself over the edge to deny our party any further victory.

That was six years ago. Good times. :smallamused:

ScrambledBrains
2011-08-04, 04:34 PM
My first real character was a 10th level or so ninja in Dragonlance. I was a mega-noob surrounded by far better players with hardly any idea of what I was doing. Not the best person to be when your party finds Verminard stealing the Hammer of Kharas, on the far side of a pretty big pit. :smalleek:

I loved the hell out of some ninjas, so I figured, "All right. He stole it, I'm gonna steal it back."

DM has me roll to Jump the chasm.

Natural 20.

Then I had to roll to Disarm the friggin' High Cleric of Tiamat.

Natural 20. There's a chance I might pull this off now.

I have the hammer, but little chance of keeping it. Being human, I can't activate it myself. With all my strength (11 or so), I throw it to the dwarven cleric.

Natural 20. The other players go wild as I successfully ninjaed an artifact from Verminard. I somehow managed to dodge his murderous fury and the party goes to town. With no other alternatives, he threw himself over the edge to deny our party any further victory.

That was six years ago. Good times. :smallamused:

*Salutes* You ma'am, are awesome. :smallsmile:

leakingpen
2011-08-04, 05:14 PM
It was done once in the Expanded Universe. The first 500 or so failed.

That was actually the ONLY star wars novel (other than splinter of a minds eye) that I read. They had some animal that ATE the force, that kept the growing clones separated from the force until they were old enough to not twin with the living person mentally and go nuts.

LrdoftheRngs
2011-08-04, 07:16 PM
My D&D group will always remember Stabby, the suicidal guard, and Martap, Kamikaze halfling of awesome. This one battle contained the most humorous, epic, and just downright awesome crits and fumbles that I have ever seen. And none of this is hyperbole.

It was in a game that I originally planned as a one-shot adventure to introduce my friends to D&D, but eventually evolved into our first campaign because they liked it so much. So, they are helping a town get rid of an undead invasion, and have fought their way through a crypt, finally reaching a Necromancer. He gives the classic "Join me or die a horrible death" villain speech, and I was stunned when the party talked it over for a long time amongst themselves and said "Sure, we'll join you!"
So I rolled with it. I quickly rolled up a bunch of town guards, gave the Necro a few Zombies and Skeletons to help with the attack, and started the battle. A few turns in, our 20 STR half-orc fighter says that he splashes oil on a town guard and lights him on fire with his Flaming Greataxe. This is all well and good, but the next turn, he picks up said guard and throws him at the Captain. Everyone involved takes fire damage, the Captain takes a bit of bludgeoning damage, and the guard manages to impale himself on the Captain's Sword and die.
Anyways, everyone in this town can wield a sword well, and the Mayor is directing the battle from the ramparts. Well, the rogue starts trying to climb the wall. 20. He goes up to the Mayor silently (another 20) and tells him that while it looks like they are fighting against the town, they are really on the town's side. The Mayor tells them he needs proof, and the rogue says "This is my proof", Jumps off, and sneak attacks the Necro. He got a big diplomacy modifier and convinced the mayor.
Here comes Stabby. He is valiantly trying to fight one of the three wraiths that the Necromancer just summoned, and rolls a natural one. We have a houserule that if you get a 1 on an attack roll, you roll again, and if you get another one, you hit yourself. Well, Stabby got another 1. He did this three more times before he killed himself with his 1d6 short sword.
Anyways, the fight is really going downhill for the PCs. The Necromancer just keeps animating more zombies when they fall, and is keeping himself alive using Vampiric Touch on anything nearby. So, after much furious consulting, they come up with a plan. A plan so awesome, daring, and stupid that it shall always be remembered. Anyways, the cleric casts summon monster IV and calls a Celestial Giant Eagle. Our sorcerer readies an action to cast black tentacles on the Necromancer. Now, Martap, the previously mentioned rogue, jump on the eagle. The cleric that summoned it commands it to fly 300 feet in the air. Then the rogue jumps off the eagle, dagger outstretched, and makes a called shot to rocket straight into the Necromancers face. I piled on negative modifiers for trying to aim himself from 300 feet in the air. He has to make a jump check and then a to-hit roll. 20 on both. 20 on his crit roll. A 3rd 20, and he instakills the Necromancer. However, he fails the fort save against massive damage from the fall, and dies spectacularly.

The amount of epic in that battle made them want to play it as a campaign, I think...

Perryy
2011-08-04, 08:20 PM
Worst Fumble: Playing an Elf Ranger, as I pulled a fire arrow from my quiver it caught on my ear, activated and lit half my face on fire! In that exact same encounter two (Gnomes?Halflings? Some kind of gaurds, we were sneaking through a tower) had crossbows misfire in their faces.!

Jan Mattys
2011-08-05, 04:23 AM
EPIC CRITIC OF EPICNESS:
(and a bit of a short story)

THE SETTING:
In a short low level campaign I was the son of a Noble whose uncle usurped the throne.

I returned to my father's land as a low level warrior to exact vengeance, and started gathering an army of peasants and commoners to storm the castle with the help of a few lesser nobles who were still faithful to my dad and me.

The party consisted of me, my old advisor and mentor (a grizzled veteran), a female rogue who was my contact with the "resistance", and a young guy in his twenties who practiced the "lost arts" (i.e. a low lever wizard).

THE IMPORTANT PART OF THE BACKSTORY
Important to this story is how I met the wizard: he was ambushed on the country road while travelling and me and my party happened to ride on the same road. We promptly attacked the bandits and after a dangerous battle managed to route them. I personally managed to save the wizard's life by winning initiative in the decisive round and slicing the chest of the bandit who was about to slice the young man's throat.
He bowed to me, and swore that his life would be mine until he could repay his life debt.

THE STORY
We raise an improvised army and storm my uncle's castle. Battles are fought at the gates while I infiltrate with a small group through a secret passage. Acts of heroism and selflessness let us reach the upper level of the tower, where my uncle resides.

The group gets divided as we get involved in many different fights. In the end, I am alone in front of my uncle's throne room.
I kick the door open and enter, with only a few hitpoints left. He's there, in his armor and with his sword by his side.

Meanwhile, the young guy burns his last spell to get rid of a guard, and ignoring his lack of armor, grabs his trusty knife and runs up the stairs to catch up with me. He swore not to leave me alone. Ever.

In the throne room, my uncle and me talk for a while, then the fight erupts. Sadly, he's a much better fighter than I remembered, and I am tired and wounded. I keep going at him, I want his life for what he did to my father and me. I manage to put up a damn good fight, but in the end the situation is grim. I find myself down to my last hitpoint, my uncle still having 8.

The young mage arrives at the throne room's door right at the last round of combat. I roll initiative, he rolls initiative, my uncle rolls initiative. I win, the wizard come second, and my uncle last. But that doesn't matter much.

I strike the uncle with my sword, only to miss him. My arms hurt, and he's about to deliver the fatal blow.
The wizard watches the scene with grief, cursing about not having any more magic missiles to use.
In a desperate move, he declares "I'm going to throw my dagger at the uncle".

The DM makes him roll. He needs a 18 to hit. He rolls a 20.

As per our houserule, a critical hit means you deal maximum damage out of your weapon, and then you roll again, and you keep going for as long as you can roll max damage.

The wizard then delivers the full 4 points of damage out of his dagger, then rolls another d4.... and rolls another four. And another, and another.
In the perfect silence of all involved, he rolls his fifth dice of damage... and rolls another 4.

Uncle drops dead at -10 with a thrown dagger firmly planted on his forehead, his hands still grasping his sword mid air.

The young man approaches me and helps me back on my feet.
"I told you I take my life debts seriously... my Lord."

That was my best d&d moment EVER. And I wasn't even the hero, there.

Iceforge
2011-08-06, 09:34 PM
Worst Crit: I DM'ed open screen on-the-spot scenario with 2 players, worked up an adventure and hooked it to one of the 2 characters, open screen, they both miss their spot and listen checks so are ambushed by the 2 or 3 goblins (standard goblins, no levels or template).

Roll in open, ends up criting the player who I had hooked the adventure to and smashing him to -9 in one hit and the other player didn't have any form of healing, not even the skill.

Best "crit": In a campaign as a player, we found a bottle of random effect, homebrewed magic potion by the DM who had way to much time making stuff for the campaign (best DM ever).

The bottle had 100 random effects on a table, each time you drank it, you rolled a D% and the effect happened, once that effect experied (could be up to a day, depending on the roll) the bottle magically refilled.

Quickly after finding it, someone used it and got 47 and that was Fast Healing 2 for 10 rounds.

About half an hour later, healer down and desperate, my character grabbed the flask and drank it, I proclaimed OOC to the table I needed that 47 for the sweet fast heal, and rolled 47.

I immediately stood up and put my hands in the air so my result could be inspected without anyone being able to accuse me of tinkering, hehe.

Worst Fumble: This has actually in my current group (same as best crit) developed into an actual running joke: Never ever let any of my characters hide or move silently, and for god's sake, never let me try and do both.

Over half of those rolls have been natural 1's for me, usually after my characters boasting about being good at it in game first (in the first instance, I had no ranks and +3 or +4 from ability, but my character was the self-confident full-of-himself type of guy).

I deliberately avoid putting ranks into move silently and hide now with that group as I know they would not let me do it even if I had a +20 total modifier.

oball
2011-08-07, 10:31 AM
Last year, my housemates at the time decided they wanted to play D&D, so I DMed the 4E Keep on the Shadowfell module for them. Early on, they had discovered the secret kobold lair behind the waterfall and were fighting Irontooth, the evil goblin bandit, and his kobold minions. Things were not going well for Team Evil and Irontooth was soon flanked by the dwarven cleric and dragonborn fighter and bloodied.

His next attack he used a special ability to make a melee basic attack against two adjacent enemies. I rolled a 20. Max damage, which included the extra 1d10 he got for being bloodied, against level one characters who had just fought their way through two groups of kobolds. The fighter and (more importantly) the cleric were flat on their backs and bleeding to death. The next round, Irontooth then charged the squishy eladrin wizard and started carving chunks off her, forcing her to fight for her life while the ranger made a desperate dash across the cave to force a healing potion down the throat of the dying cleric.

My worst fumble is probably an ongoing theme in the 3.5 campaign I'm playing, in which my dwarf assassin has so far, due to rolling natural ones at the worst possible times, managed to shoot the barbarian, the cleric, and the cleric's horse in the arse with crossbow bolts. The wizard makes it a point to stay behind me for fear of being next.