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Noctis Vigil
2012-01-12, 03:16 PM
I would like to state that I've never attempted to make an artifact or a template before, so comments are more than wanted, they're needed. Please give suggestions for improvements if you have them.

Dagger of Pain:
This +5 anarchic vicious cold iron dagger was created by a dark cult to prove their devotion to their deity, a god of wounds. Since the time of its creation, it has surfaced throughout history, granting power to those of evil mind.

The first time a living humanoid with Intelligence of 3 or higher is successfully hit with the dagger, it automatically threatens and confirms a critical hit, as well as dealing maximum damage. This wound is permanent, and can never be healed by any means other than a miracle spell. However, the dagger may never again deal damage to that individual (not even non-lethal damage) so long as the wound persists. Provided the wound is unhealed, the sufferer of the wound gains the Pained template (see below).

Any attempt to use this dagger on someone whom it has already been used on results in a normal attack, however all the damage the blow would have dealt rebounds upon the attacker and the attacked as straight Constitution damage. Any attempt to attack yourself with the dagger has the same results. This will never drop a character's Constitution below 1.


Pained Template:
The pained template can be added to any humanoid creature with an Intelligence of 3 or higher. A pained creature's stats are the same as the base creature's, with the following abilities and changes added:

Stats: The base creature's Constitution score increases by 2.

Hit Dice and Hit Points: A Pained creature's max HP is technically unchanged, however the wound from the Dagger of Pain that granted them the template can never be removed except by a miracle spell. Should the wound be healed in this way, the Pained template is also lost.

Concentration: A Pained creature always suffers a -4 penalty on all concentration checks.

Immunity: The base creature gains immunity to Constitution loss, damage and drain.

Bloody Terror: A Pained creature's wounds automatically stabilize if they fall below 0 HP, and she no longer suffers any negative effects from blood loss. They may act as normal with no negative penalties as long as they have -9HP or more, though they immediately die if they are reduced to -10HP.

Further, any time she suffers a bleeding wound, instead of taking the listed damage for the duration of the injury, she instead gains an aura of fear in a 10 foot radius. This aura effects all creatures not immune to fear (both allies and enemies), and requires a Will save (DC of 10 + Pained creature's HD + Pained creature's Con mod). Any creature that fails the save is shaken for as long as they remain within the aura. Exiting the aura ends the effect, and reentering the aura grants a new save attempt. Any creature that succeeds on the save is immune to the effect until they leave the aura and enter it again.

Blood Sense: A Pained creature always knows the exact location of any creature with blood within 60 feet of itself. This ability cannot be dispelled or willingly deactivated. He may take a full round action to study any creature with blood to determine either its Con score or its max HP.

Seeping Blood: A number of times per day equal to the Pained creature's Con mod (minimum 1), they may willingly take damage to splash blood from the continuous wound that pains them onto an adjacent creature. This creature must make a Fort save (DC of 10 + 1/2 Pained creature's HD + Pained creature's Con mod) or become nauseated for one round per point of HP taken to use this ability. He must also make a Will save (same DC) or become panicked for the same duration.

Alignment: When originally stabbed with the Dagger of Pain, the creature must make a Will save (DC25+their HD). Upon a successful save, their alignment doesn't change. Upon a failed save, they become Chaotic Evil.


This is all pretty loose and needs much cleaning up, but please give it a look over and tell me what it needs. I know there's no LA listed on the template. I'm honestly not sure what to value it at, though since it costs a bunch of HP to get it, and takes a Concentration penalty, I was hoping for LA0.

Please PEACH. Thank you.

Noctis Vigil
2012-01-22, 05:38 PM
Ten days and more than 100 views, and nobody has anything to say? :smallfrown:

NeoSeraphi
2012-01-22, 06:40 PM
Ten days and more than 100 views, and nobody has anything to say? :smallfrown:

:smalltongue: Now where have I read something like that recently...?

Anyway, you bumping made me remember you PMed me and asked me to review this, so here we go.

Dagger of Pain: Minor nitpick, if you're going with homebrew, and you want it to look as official as possible, you should italicize your weapon description, like this: +5 anarchic vicious cold iron dagger.

Hit Dice and Hit Points: You give a specific numerical value for the wound here without taking into account the variables of it, such as the attacker's Strength modifier, whether the weapon was used to deliver a Sneak Attack, or if the creature attacked by it had damage reduction.

Immunity: "Constitution loss" is an in-game mechanic referring to the permanent reduction of a level 1 character's Constitution score if he is affected by a spell that functions similarly to raise dead. I believe you meant to include Constitution damage and drain in this immunity section, but I would advise you to just go ahead and type them both out.

Blood Sense: This ability is incredibly useful. I like it.

I personally don't like how you use the word "they" instead of the word "its" or "his or hers" to refer to a single creature throughout the post, but that's just me being in a grammar Nazi mood while I'm typing up my Editing section for the HH.

Alignment: I don't see why the creature's Constitution score should apply to the DC here. DC 25+HD is good, it represents a challenge, and it also represents a higher level character having more trouble because of his power, but by adding Constitution to it, you're basically opposing ability scores (Con added to DC, Will added to the saving throw) and that's just an odd thing to do, in my opinion. (I've done it once before, but that was the character's Charisma modifier, and it was because the character needed to fight back his own personality disorder)

Seeping Blood: This is a nice ability. I would give it a minimum use of 1/day though (for Pained creatures with 10 or fewer Constitution). However, this ability will push your LA over +0. It's a nice ability, but the DC is way too high. Standard DC formula is 10+1/2 HD+mod. You have 10+full HD+mod. You have this on your Bloody Terror ability as well, but that's just a shaken condition, so I don't think it's unbalancing (He basically gets Frightful Presence, but he's scarier than a dragon). Meanwhile, 10+HD+mod or be nauseated and panicked is at least an LA +3 ability by itself.

Noctis Vigil
2012-01-23, 12:17 PM
OK, I added italicization to the weapon, removed the damage numbers, expanded upon the Constitution immunity, dropped the Con mod on the DC for alignment, and took your suggestion on Seeping Blood to lower the DC.

I'm not too worried about Bleeding Terror, since he has to be hit by a weapon or spell that causes a bleeding wound before it kicks in, and shaken isn't that strong a penalty.

How's it look now?

NeoSeraphi
2012-01-23, 12:19 PM
I think it's pretty close to LA 0 now. It's a cool template.

Noctis Vigil
2012-01-23, 12:53 PM
There's something immensely satisfying about having your favorite homebrewer compliment your work. Thanks, NeoSeraphi. :smallbiggrin:

Hipho
2012-01-23, 01:21 PM
This just makes me want to roll up another epic leveled Flarg just so he can wield this. Would make an evil addition to my next game as a recurring villain.

Larkas
2012-01-23, 02:10 PM
Hmmm, interesting template!

I just have a little issue with the Blood Sense ability. It is very nice and flavorful, and while the "automatic sensing" part is good, the "studying" part is a little off in the sense that it provides some rather "metagame" information. Maybe the Pained creature could compare the target to itself or to its companions ("This creature is somewhat more frail than Alius, our party's elf ranger" or "This creature can stand a lot of beating" or even "This creature will die if it receives any damage"), but giving the information directly detracts a little from the roleplaying ("This creature has a Con score of 6", "This creature has 500 hp" and "This creature has -9 hp"). Maybe I'm just being a little paranoid, though.

Good work :)

Noctis Vigil
2012-01-23, 06:50 PM
I see my wording in the Blood Sense is confusing. It doesn't tell you the creature's current HP, only their max HP or Con. My thought was that it gives you an idea as to how tough your foe is. It doesn't tell you if the foe is at full health, if the foe has temporary HP, et cetera. I could reword it to make it more general if you think it's really necessary, though I'm not sure how I'd go about doing so in a concise fashion.

EDIT: Also, Hipho, your avatar is awesome.

NeoSeraphi
2012-01-23, 10:45 PM
There's something immensely satisfying about having your favorite homebrewer compliment your work. Thanks, NeoSeraphi. :smallbiggrin:

Geez, don't say things like that, Noctis. I'm just like everyone else here.

Larkas
2012-01-23, 11:57 PM
Nah, don't worry, I just thought I'd give my two cents! Besides, if you just want to give an idea of how tough the opponent is, that covers any concerns I would have about using this :)