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Calanon
2012-04-28, 04:06 AM
I'm looking for rather insulting things that you can say at a Drow. Racism is encouraged (As long as its not something like "Die Knife ears, Die!") insult there gods, there lifestyle, anything and everything...

I'm asking because a friend of mines actually likes Drows and I want to mock the race for an entire campaign :smalltongue:

Grinner
2012-04-28, 04:21 AM
Well, Drow conventionally cleave to matriarchal societies, so going after a male's virility could work...

Just keep in mind that there's a fine line between funny and jackass. Don't cross it. :smallwink:

Edit: Also, doing it for an entire campaign seems excessive...

Asheram
2012-04-28, 04:29 AM
Well, Drow conventionally cleave to matriarchal societies, so going after a male's virility could work...

Just keep in mind that there's a fine line between funny and jackass. Don't cross it. :smallwink:

Edit: Also, doing it for an entire campaign seems excessive...

Insults directed towards their mothers should do well as well.

Croakamancer
2012-04-28, 04:33 AM
Go for the eyes, man. ;)

Seriously, Drow have darkvision, right? They seem likely to disrespect humans who can't see without a light source. Making digs at their sight seems like it'd work

Calanon
2012-04-28, 04:48 AM
Just keep in mind that there's a fine line between funny and jackass. Don't cross it. :smallwink:

Edit: Also, doing it for an entire campaign seems excessive...

The guy is my best friend and he makes shots at Humans (and lets face it, He's a Drow paragon) all the friken time... I want to be mean! (and I don't just mean: Scry-and-die for his family, killing the weakest member, animating him/her and then watching while they scream in agony as there loved ones are eaten slowly by another loved one... thats just to lightweight for me) I mean... lightly hurting his feelings... This will entirely be in character and he is very good at keeping things at the table :smallsmile:

Wulfram
2012-04-28, 06:25 AM
Call him "Drizzt"

Righteous Doggy
2012-04-28, 09:15 AM
A bunch of cave dwelling, spider idoling, boot licking servants of a low rate demi god? Pfft, even they're guns are small! What kind of race uses hand crossbows. We got ballistas! They didn't even get over losing their sun. Darkvision and they make a Psuedo sun in the underdark. Get over it. They're race is being led by illithid to! Can't even leave themselves. hey, remember his brother? the one his sister sacrificed? or how about daddy or mommy, they died in a quadrouple double cross between them and 14 other houses. Is he noble? or is he one of those pitiful servants who serve servants. Oh yeah, and they're race loses to draurger and snirvgiblin all the time. All that height and ankle biters beat your butt.

Drow... are rather easy to make fun of I think. Seriously, read any book on the underdark. So much fodder! I hope a gave you a few ideas. I wasn't too harsh was I?

Hyudra
2012-04-28, 09:23 AM
Pepper your references to him lightly with some of the following. Bonus points if you can do it at times when he can't really argue the point or make an issue of it (ie. when you're giving orders for a fight that's about to happen).
Spider kisser.
Mama's Boy
Old Man
Cave Crawler
Squinty (if in sunlight)

...This is surprisingly hard to do. Can we get more info on his character, so we have more to work with?

Take any of the above points and build on it if you want to make it full blown ribbing. "You realize you walk with a bit of a slouch? There's a reason the Drow keep losing to those underdark races. Being tall in a cave is stupid." "I never noticed, but you have a bit of a bald spot on the your head. Scrape it on too many cave ceilings?" "We've gotten to know each other pretty well these past few weeks. Let's be honest: A drow is just a gray elf with a bad tan, isn't it?"

Mark Hall
2012-04-28, 09:23 AM
Personally, I think the best you can go with is a dismissively said "Boy." It implies not only maleness, but also immaturity. It works especially well against female drow.

You might also play on their love of spiders. "Spider-lover" doesn't do much, since they ARE spider-lovers. "Web trash" might work, or implying that they've been sucked dry to provide nourishment for spiders. You might also mine Tolkien for various spider names that sound kinda silly (usually, these are colloquial English names for spiders).

I tend to agree that doing it for the entire campaign would get a little boring. Instead, you might use it for the occasional flavoring insult, especially when they're being stupid.

Marlowe
2012-04-28, 09:25 AM
Well, Drow conventionally cleave to matriarchal societies, so going after a male's virility could work...


"I slept my way to this position".

TechnoScrabble
2012-04-28, 09:27 AM
"Aw, is someone upset because the piddly widdly wood elves forced their entire race underground?"

"You're like a weak, ugly, evil, beardless dwarf with no alcohol retention or useful skills. Oh wait, that's just an elf!"

"So...how're those fantasies about your mother treating you?"

"Wha-PISH!"

"Why do you drow like creepy crawlies so much? Is it that nothing else will put up with you emo freaks?"

Hyudra
2012-04-28, 09:30 AM
"Aw, is someone upset because the piddly widdly wood elves forced their entire race underground?"

"You're like a weak, ugly, evil, beardless dwarf with no alcohol retention or useful skills. Oh wait, that's just an elf!"

"So...how're those fantasies about your mother treating you?"

"Wha-PISH!"

"Why do you drow like creepy crawlies so much? Is it that nothing else will put up with you emo freaks?"

Good, passable (I'd scrap ugly), good, passable, then you lost me with the last one. Too reliant on the real world knowledge of what 'emo' is.

Scowling Dragon
2012-04-28, 09:53 AM
You mommas so stupid she wanted to become a drider!

Calanon
2012-04-28, 12:40 PM
Call him "Drizzt"

I giggled so hard at this :smalltongue:


Pepper your references to him lightly with some of the following. Bonus points if you can do it at times when he can't really argue the point or make an issue of it (ie. when you're giving orders for a fight that's about to happen).
Spider kisser.
Mama's Boy
Old Man
Cave Crawler
Squinty (if in sunlight)

...This is surprisingly hard to do. Can we get more info on his character, so we have more to work with?

Take any of the above points and build on it if you want to make it full blown ribbing. "You realize you walk with a bit of a slouch? There's a reason the Drow keep losing to those underdark races. Being tall in a cave is stupid." "I never noticed, but you have a bit of a bald spot on the your head. Scrape it on too many cave ceilings?" "We've gotten to know each other pretty well these past few weeks. Let's be honest: A drow is just a gray elf with a bad tan, isn't it?"

Well, lets see his backstory is that his family was from the noble section of the drow community, however he did not enjoy the whole Males are treated as lessers, after his multiple rejections of joining the Church he opted to leave the underdark and find a way to worship in his own way. Eventually he became a rogue since that was the only way for him to survive... (So he is effectively a Rogue/Cleric i think, He never lets me see his character sheet)

Anywho! Together we eventually had to go back to the underdark to kill his mother (So calling him a Mommas boy won't really mean anything), His brother continues to try and assassinate him, His sisters hate him and will periodically curse him (causing him to fail at certain task), Overall the entire world hates his kind (Hell we've played through about 39 levels together from 1-40) and I just want to bust his grapes for a little while, not an entire campaign but something like... a few jokes every now and again :smalltongue:

I currently lack Drows of the Utterdark... :smallfrown:

Teln
2012-04-28, 01:14 PM
A human's "little chubby" is an elf's "morbidly obese". If he weighs over 120 pounds or so, call him on it.

Fallbot
2012-04-28, 01:37 PM
Just don't try "you fight like a girl!" He'll take it as a complement.

Uh...Mark Hall already said everything sensible I was going to contribute.

SleepyShadow
2012-04-28, 05:58 PM
"Do you only love spiders or will any vermin do?"

"Were you lucky enough to be a sex slave or did you actually have to work?"

"Shouldn't you be albino?"

"You must be this tall to enter this dungeon."

"Would saying 'you suck rocks' be a compliment?"

"Where's your panther?"

"How many scimitars does it take to make a drow suck more?"

"Tell me if your spider senses start tingling."

"I'm lighting a torch. Would you like a pair of sunglasses?"

Lycan 01
2012-04-28, 09:42 PM
Call him an elf. Not a dark elf, just a plain old elf. Or an eladrin.

Should prove hilarious. :smalltongue:

Straybow
2012-04-29, 12:48 AM
I giggled so hard at this :smalltongue:
Variants;
Frizzt
Squizzt
Drizzles
Ziggy
Squiggy

Seems like if you've killed his mother, calling him mama's boy should be an insult by way of "yeah, you killed her, but your still mama-haunted"


(Hell we've played through about 39 levels together from 1-40) and I just want to bust his grapes for a little while, not an entire campaign but something like... Aren't you a little late to the party? Shouldn't you have started making witty retorts, oh, about 30 levels ago?

Sith_Happens
2012-04-29, 01:55 AM
The whole "helped him kill his own mother" thing might lessen the blow of this one a bit, but if you're ever actually mad at him then it still probably doesn't get worse than calling him a "son-of-a-drider." WARNING: Physical retaliation may result.

Calanon
2012-04-29, 02:10 AM
Aren't you a little late to the party? Shouldn't you have started making witty retorts, oh, about 30 levels ago?

Oh I've been performing pranks on him, nothing to lethal (Contingent Mage's Disjunction on him when he tried to steal my spellbook LOL He was so pissed... burned all his gold on his equipment :smalltongue:) Sending his son birthday presents once (Contingent Chain Lightning when he opened the box, was friken hilarious how it killed his son and wife... Oddly enough he wasn't that mad at that one... just made me pay for the raise deads...) He should really increase his Spellcraft... The classic Explosive runes has been done since we were level 5 but I'm tired of just breaking/killing/destroying everything he's ever known and loved and want to damage him emotionally...

Reading this back I just realized I am kind of a **** :smallconfused:

Sith_Happens
2012-04-29, 02:40 AM
Oh I've been performing pranks on him, nothing to lethal (Contingent Mage's Disjunction on him when he tried to steal my spellbook LOL He was so pissed... burned all his gold on his equipment :smalltongue:) Sending his son birthday presents once (Contingent Chain Lightning when he opened the box, was friken hilarious how it killed his son and wife... Oddly enough he wasn't that mad at that one... just made me pay for the raise deads...) He should really increase his Spellcraft... The classic Explosive runes has been done since we were level 5 but I'm tired of just breaking/killing/destroying everything he's ever known and loved and want to damage him emotionally...

Reading this back I just realized I am kind of a **** :smallconfused:

...This is at least an evil campaign, right?:smalleek:

Calanon
2012-04-29, 02:51 AM
...This is at least an evil campaign, right?:smalleek:

I don't think I've ever played a good campaign in my entire life :smallconfused: WAIT my first campaign required me to be good... It quickly fell apart when we got to 5th level and I decided that I hated being good and started chucking fireballs at everything :smallamused:

...I set a new definition to the terms "Chaotic Stupid" when the DM asked why I kept doing that I responded with "Because I can and its funny!" :smalltongue: Eventually I realized that being Chaotic was... well just stupid... so I went towards Neutral Evil... it gave me enough leeway to do whatever I really wanted... If i didn't like the way the king was talking to me I could always wait for the quest to end and then just dominate his little mind ordering him to surrender all of his treasure to me... I think that was the first time I actually looked at Magical items in the DMs guide... This thread is making me feel all nostalgic... :smallamused:

Sith_Happens
2012-04-29, 04:54 AM
Okay, well with that cleared up...


but I'm tired of just breaking/killing/destroying everything he's ever known and loved and want to damage him emotionally...

...magical pranks are still a very good option here. Personally, I suggest polymorphing him into a high elf.:smallamused:

Doorhandle
2012-04-29, 05:59 AM
No, make him a gnome. All the sundweller's failings (in drow eyes) and none of their benifits!

Alleran
2012-04-29, 06:37 AM
...magical pranks are still a very good option here. Personally, I suggest polymorphing him into a high elf.:smallamused:
What you want to do is polymorph him permanently and remove his ability to dispel it, since otherwise fixing himself up will only be a 3rd level spell away. If you have access to Dweomerkeeper abilities, this would be easy, but I'm not sure how you'd go about it otherwise.

ondonaflash
2012-04-29, 07:07 AM
My friend (who plays a Drow) likes to insult his kinfellows by telling them that they are "Wonderful human beings".

Emmerask
2012-04-29, 09:05 AM
Call him an elf. Not a dark elf, just a plain old elf. Or an eladrin.

Should prove hilarious. :smalltongue:

Yep pretty much :-)

"Hi Elf" (pun intended)

Ashtagon
2012-04-29, 09:10 AM
Your mother was a dwarf and your father smells of spider silk!

Slipperychicken
2012-04-29, 10:42 AM
Call him an elf. Not a dark elf, just a plain old elf. Or an eladrin.

Should prove hilarious. :smalltongue:

Talk about how his people hug trees, wear flowers on their heads, and whine all the time because All You Elves are the Same, Right?


You eat moss in your country? I bet you can't even tell it from your own ****.


Any IRL insults about black skin can apply here too, but use with caution.

The Glyphstone
2012-04-29, 10:43 AM
"Don't be such a man."

Slipperychicken
2012-04-29, 12:59 PM
"Good thing it's dark down there, so you can't see how ugly you all are."

"You know what Drow use for contraception? Their personalities."

"You know what Drow use for contraception? Their music."

"You know what Drow use for contraception? Their art."

"Drow chicks are easy."


Get him flowers. Elves love flowers.

Pokonic
2012-04-29, 01:14 PM
"So, I have a question. If your race is so powerful, why do you live in caves and suck moss off the ground for food?"


" So, was your mother a spider or is your butt naturaly that big?"

" Hey elf, guess how many years it takes for your people to degenerate into spider-worshiping savages? Just one."

" Oi, wheres you panther?"

Also, some names:

Thund'astor'm

Dripp'ie

Sil'kie

And first and formost:


Fo'shissle

Man on Fire
2012-04-29, 03:48 PM
"I learned your national anthem. Check me out: CRAAAWLIIING IIIN MYYYY CAAAVEEE!..."

"How does it feel to stab yourself in the back?"

"Name? What is the name? Elf by any other name is just as lame."

If your character is mysgonic you may try "Drow - this is what happens when you let women out of kitchen."

Considering their culture plain, simple "That's not what your mother said last night" should do it. And on the same note: "Your mother".

Try questioning the logic of them worshiping spiders and chasing away Driders.

Dwarven Bard should try four lines from famous Dwarven Ballad "Everything You Need To Know about Elves":

"Because all Elves are f***
Who loves to kiss dwarven a**!
And when dwarfs will get together
They will f*** them forever!"

My old buddies were doing this whenever girls from our club were drolling over Legolas and other Elves.

Marlowe
2012-04-30, 05:47 AM
You guys really know how to make Drow look like the good guys.

Slipperychicken
2012-04-30, 07:36 AM
You guys really know how to make Drow look like the good guys.

It's more like trying to portray racists who rightly despise the Drow as the race of slave-driving monsters they are. The Drow surely have whole full-time committees set up to find more racial slurs, and ways in which their species is superior to others.

Marlowe
2012-04-30, 07:46 AM
You just used "racist" and "rightly" in the same sentence.

The Drow can be as evil as you like. It doesn't make things like that "Dwarf Ballad" funny or clever.

Man on Fire
2012-04-30, 11:58 AM
You just used "racist" and "rightly" in the same sentence.

The Drow can be as evil as you like. It doesn't make things like that "Dwarf Ballad" funny or clever.

Oy, I'm not saying this balla is clever or in good taste. But it was fun to see how annoyed girls from my old club were whenever somebody started singing it.

Nobody says that playing mysgonic and/or racist character is nice, I doubt anyone thinks that. It's a challenge because you're playing a douchebag and you want him to be as big douchebag as possible. You want to annoy other character to the point it will want to kill you, that's not as easy as it seems.

SleepyShadow
2012-04-30, 12:04 PM
You just used "racist" and "rightly" in the same sentence.

The Drow can be as evil as you like. It doesn't make things like that "Dwarf Ballad" funny or clever.

As the OP said, the insults are just for friendly jibes between his character and the drow in the party (who, iirc, insults the non-drow in the same fashion). Given the context, such things can add levity to the game if not overused.

This can easily be taken too far, and the "Dwarf Ballad" is a good example of taking it over that line.

ondonaflash
2012-05-01, 08:16 AM
Its not really racist if the race you're mocking doesn't actually exist.

QuidEst
2012-05-01, 08:43 AM
"Yo' fatha knit lace doilies."

"Yo' fatha so ugly, the priestess tried to Rebuke him."

Man on Fire
2012-05-01, 09:17 AM
Its not really racist if the race you're mocking doesn't actually exist.

It is racist, but I have the right to play a racis character. Plus I hate Drows for being privileged ones - why they have Drizzt but all Orcs and Goblins are and must be evil?

Marlowe
2012-05-01, 09:30 AM
Because Goblins and Orcs don't look so pretty pouting on the cover.

Works the other way too. Orc or Goblin characters don't have to deal with having a fictional twit overshadow them the entire time. That said, if you play a drow, you play a ranger, and you take two-weapon combat style, you are definitely asking for it.

Lord Raziere
2012-05-01, 09:43 AM
Its not really racist if the race you're mocking doesn't actually exist.

:smallsigh:

and I could make a book about various fantasy races who all portray real world national/racial stereotypes exactly with only a single letter changed in each of their names and and say "they are all fictional so its ok, go ahead and ridicule that Emericans", but I'm not doing that ever.

@ Marlowe: and once more, humanity disappoints me by judging by appearances. again.

Mark Hall
2012-05-01, 11:27 AM
The Mod Wonder: Please keep to the topic, and not stray towards "what is racism".

CapnVan
2012-05-02, 06:25 AM
Pinch his cheek and say, "It's so cute the way you try to be as bad as your mommy!"

"Real elves wipe out entire bloodlines... by accident." :vaarsuvius:

KnightOfV
2012-05-12, 11:26 PM
(Whenever it comes up that drow society is a matriarchy). "So the women are in charge? Tell me, do the men wear dresses and play with dolls?" Bonus points if he has long white flowing/braided hair typical of drow . "What pretty hair you have. Should go nicely with your dress."

Marlowe
2012-05-12, 11:33 PM
http://yafgc.net/img/comic/77.jpg

Pokonic
2012-05-12, 11:58 PM
"Yo' fatha so ugly, the priestess tried to Rebuke him."

I might just use this next time I play. I might just might.

Daftendirekt
2012-05-13, 03:23 AM
"Cave monkey!"

QuidEst
2012-05-14, 08:03 AM
I might just use this next time I play. I might just might.

Thanks. XD Glad you like it!