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View Full Version : Gilgamesh and Odysseus vs. Beowulf and Cu Chulainn



Diskhotep
2012-07-09, 10:40 PM
Okay, so I see these vs. threads all the time and they all seem to be about titanic battles between fictional characters, (usually involving Harry Potter characters for some reason). So I've decided to start a new one, which I hope will get some serious discussion.

Gilgamesh and Odysseus have teamed up against Beowulf and Cu Chulainn in a massive confrontation. Each team has a late night talk show on competing networks in the same time slot. Assume that whatever forces have allowed these classic heroes to enter our modern time have enabled them to speak fluent (if accented) modern American English, and given them a basic familiarity with the world today (society, technology, etc.).

Which team would be more successful at winning advertisers and market share? Which team would best tap the pulse of the vital 18-35 demographic? For each team, who would be the host and who would be his plucky sidekick? Finally, what format would each team choose (interviews? variety show? political commentary?)?

Traab
2012-07-09, 11:16 PM
Gilgamesh and Odysseus all the way. Odysseus is a thinker, and a planner, I dont think beowulf can compare, and im pretty sure old Cu was a berserker, not a strategist. I cant help but think their talk show would end like the Joe Pesci Show skits from SNL, only with more blood as they rampage through the cameramen and audience every episode.

SaintRidley
2012-07-09, 11:25 PM
I'm going to assume a one hour format per show.


So Odysseus and Gilgamesh build their show less on the traditional talk show models and instead opt for a Ninja Warrior/American Gladiators hybrid chassis filled with commentary. Feats of strength and tactical genius are paramount to reaching the end stages.

The talk show part kicks in under more traditional format - three contestants per episode, and we bring one on at a time to discuss their thoughts as they proceeded through the challenges. The other contestants offer their own insights as well.

Gilgamesh plays more of the funny sidekick type to Odysseus's straight, analytic act. However, Gilgamesh is much more blunt and direct in his approach; Odysseus kind of wanders off point at times and gets stuck on tangents before bringing his argument home.

Definitely looking like a hit in the male 18-35 demographic, advertisers would likely be much along the same lines as in major sports, with a heavy lean toward military advertisements per Odysseus's request.



I see Beowulf and Cu Chulainn going off on a more politically oriented track. First, they'll borrow an idea from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - two related, half-hour shows rather than one contiguous whole. The reasoning is simple. We must play up the Celtic-Germanic feuding for the shows, but not very seriously.

So Beowulf's show will largely focus on some of the events of the day, how Beowulf has solved similar issues in the past, different features of Beowulf-type comedy, followed by an interview with a monster that bears some relation to the current event of the day. So lots of boasting, much feasting, and really good fight scenes at the end of each episode.

Cu Chulainn takes some hints from Geraldo Rivera and the Daily Show correspondents for his show. His is more investigative journalism, trying to get at the heart of a particular issue each episode. However, Cu Chulainn is unable to interview without entering his battle fury, so his interview subjects have to be on guard and careful with their answers. Should Cu uncover something that the Powers that Be would want covered up, he loses himself in his fury and the rest of the episode is typically spent trying to put a sword in the problem.

This too could do well with the male 18-35 demographic, advertising seems a bit trickier to pull off but shouldn't be a major hitch, and nobody plays a sidekick role.


I'd lean toward the Gilgamesh and Odysseus pairing for this one, based on my own show ideas. Their show felt much more natural to me than what I came up with for Beowulf and Cu Chulainn. I only wish I could figure out how to incorporate the Mystery Date Game (where no matter what, Gilgamesh sleeps with the lady first in order to bless the date) into Gilgamesh and Odysseus's show.

Chess435
2012-07-10, 02:13 AM
Reminds me of the Master Chief vs. Khorne Draft-pick dance-off thread. We need to have vs. threads that aren't straight up fights more often.

Brother Oni
2012-07-10, 06:53 AM
I see Beowulf and Cu Chulainn going off on a more politically oriented track. First, they'll borrow an idea from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - two related, half-hour shows rather than one contiguous whole. The reasoning is simple. We must play up the Anglo-Irish feuding for the shows, but not very seriously.


I thought Beowulf was a Geat (Swedish) rather than an Anglo?

Taking a different tract, their show could be a variety act, much like the ones that feature on Japanese TV (I'm thinking SMAPxSMAP (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMAP%C3%97SMAP)).

Beowulf with his culture's history of epic poems could fill in on the musical segments and Cu Chulainn would probably be the straight man in the comedy skits.
As the pair of them are more down to earth than the kings of the Odysseus and Gilgamesh pairing, they would also know how to cook and thus could also do the cooking segments of the show.

I now have this image of Beowulf cooking like the Swedish Chef from The Muppets...

SaintRidley
2012-07-10, 07:27 AM
True. I completely forgot that because I got more focused on where his story comes to us from. Fixing now.

Killer Angel
2012-07-10, 09:29 AM
As the pair of them are more down to earth than the kings of the Odysseus and Gilgamesh pairing, they would also know how to cook and thus could also do the cooking segments of the show.


Now I've got the image of them in Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen...

Ninjadeadbeard
2012-07-10, 12:50 PM
Now I've got the image of them in Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen...

Ramsey: "No! What are you ****ing doing? Come on! Get your act together...wait. Wait. Nononononononono let go of my arm!" :smalltongue:

I think Odysseus and Gilgamesh will snag all the advertising monies just on name recognition. But Beowulf and Cu will definitely get the 18-35 demographic, mostly because every single interview will end with a big fight followed by a musical number featuring more fighting and mead.

Beowulf and CU will do a skit show, while Gil and Odd will probably do something like a prank show (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-gALplK3fs). Every show still ends in violence, but the second show also has jokes!

SlyGuyMcFly
2012-07-10, 01:24 PM
I now have this image of Beowulf cooking like the Swedish Chef from The Muppets...

I was thinking more along the lines of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Wu3Bps9ic).

Mewtarthio
2012-07-10, 02:36 PM
Odysseus and Gilgamesh decide to exploit their traveling skills by hiking through dangerous terrain with limited supplies and documenting their experiences. Unfortunately, Odysseus manages to tick off a few gods, and the hike is much longer than anticipated. They emerge from the wilderness years later, with footage of an epic journey that will resonate with all the hopes and fears of mankind and leave its mark on our culture forever.

Then Gilgamesh falls asleep on watch, and a snake eats the recording equipment.

Meanwhile, a contract dispute causes Beowulf and Cu Chulainn to fly into a rage and kill their agents. The law enforcement agents sent after them are quickly dispatched as well. It takes the might of the entire US Army to bring them down, and casualties are in the hundreds. The epic song detailing their last stand is featured in an episode of Glee, so Beowulf and Cu Chulainn are technically the winners.

Brother Oni
2012-07-10, 05:58 PM
I was thinking more along the lines of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Wu3Bps9ic).

Ok, that's far more amusing.

*Goes off to watch more*

Diskhotep
2012-07-10, 10:26 PM
I'd just like to say I'm very pleased with the responses so far, and love that everyone is getting into the spirit of a battle that does not necessarily involve two godlike beings butting heads in duels to the death. I've got a bunch more of this style of battle written up, so if people enjoy them I'll keep posting new ones from time to time.

As for my contribution, I see Gilgamesh and Odysseus taking on a very traditional "Tonight Show" format, with regular recurring guests, small skits (mostly performed by Odysseus and the guest of the week), and musical acts that do not push the boundaries. They strike me as a conservative pair, with Odysseus slightly more willing to strike out into uncharted areas of entertainment (though for some reason whenever he does a man-on-the-street location bit none of the cameramen or crew seem to return to the studio...).

Beowulf and Cu Chulainn are more likely to focus on a variety show with lots of musical acts, as they naturally gravitate toward poetry and whooping it up with the crowd. I see them booking lots of high-energy alternative and indy groups, hip-hop, and rap - and encouraging the audience to slam about on the floor with them (Cu Chulainn especially loves to have classic punk acts on, and occasionally crowd surfs if he can manage to do it without starting a fight).

Both shows should do well in the target demographic, with Gilgamesh and Odysseus edging on advertising as their viewers will tend to be a bit older and have steady jobs, leading to them getting the larger companies supporting them with advertising dollars. Beowulf and Cu Chulainn will tend to attract students and recent grads, with more varied advertising (probably more local than nationwide) but not the heavy hitters.

Killer Angel
2012-07-11, 02:38 AM
Odysseus and Gilgamesh decide to exploit their traveling skills by hiking through dangerous terrain with limited supplies and documenting their experiences.

They could assemble a show, that would be a cross between the performances of Bear Grylls and Steve Irwin-Crocodile hunter, mixed with National Geographic's Most Dangerous Roads...


Now, let's fix a little this:


Gil and Odd will probably do something like a prank show (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-gALplK3fs). Every show will end in violence

Pranked - the Hard way!

Brother Oni
2012-07-11, 02:42 AM
I'd just like to say I'm very pleased with the responses so far, and love that everyone is getting into the spirit of a battle that does not necessarily involve two godlike beings butting heads in duels to the death.

Well they're not butting each other, but they're certainly doing it other people... *Eyes the mutilated remains of Gordon Ramsay warily*

Killer Angel
2012-07-12, 02:53 AM
Both shows should do well in the target demographic, with Gilgamesh and Odysseus edging on advertising as their viewers will tend to be a bit older and have steady jobs, leading to them getting the larger companies supporting them with advertising dollars. Beowulf and Cu Chulainn will tend to attract students and recent grads, with more varied advertising (probably more local than nationwide) but not the heavy hitters.

I've the impression that Gil and Ody can excel in a wider variety of shows, rather than Beo and CuCh, so, in the long run, they can have more contracts, while the other two will tend to repeat themselves.

Socratov
2012-07-12, 04:06 AM
I was thinking more along the lines of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Wu3Bps9ic).

This. Is. EPIC! :smallcool:

On topic: I think with the wealth Gilgamesh has and the thinking power Odysseus has they will have the best spot. However, I think Beowulf and Cu Chulainn will have more spectacle in their show resulting in more viewers (after a few episodes when all the hipsters have sparked the trend and left to make place for ordinary viewers).

Prime32
2012-07-13, 08:04 PM
Cú Chullain was both highly attractive and a gentleman, but his warp spasms give him "bad boy" credit. Women were fawning all over him in his myths, so he could probably attract a large female audience. How do the others stand up in that department? :smalltongue:

SaintRidley
2012-07-13, 08:52 PM
Cú Chullain was both highly attractive and a gentleman, but his warp spasms give him "bad boy" credit. Women were fawning all over him in his myths, so he could probably attract a large female audience. How do the others stand up in that department? :smalltongue:

Gilgamesh sleeps with every new bride in Uruk before her husband does.


There's a very funny, very NSFW treatment of Gilgamesh that is entirely built on exploiting the story for comedy where Gilgamesh often sleeps with all the new grooms in Uruk too, because they dress up like brides just to get the chance to get them some Gilgy.

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2012-07-13, 09:24 PM
So THAT'S where the word "Giggilo" comes from!

SaintRidley
2012-07-13, 10:35 PM
Actually, "gigolo (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=gigolo&searchmode=none)" has nothing to do with Gilgamesh.

But yeah, Gilgamesh definitely slept with many women. Of course, his rule about doing this is part of why the gods decided to punish him; he was being an oppressive ass about it.