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Mynxae
2012-09-15, 01:21 PM
Hey guys (and girls)!

I searched Media Discussions, and was surprised when I saw no thread at all about Resident Evil. So here goes:

Feel free to discuss either the movies or the games in here but please please please use spoilers for anything that could, well, spoil anything for anyone else! And to start it off...

Just re-watching the movies so that I remember what's been going on in the story 'cause I'll be seeing Retribution fairly soon, or somehow bribing someone into going with me to see it. I'll need someone to cuddle, otherwise I might fall out of my seat. :smalleek: I'm a veteran of zombie movies, but they still scare the bejeebers outta me!

Mordokai
2012-09-15, 04:53 PM
I just came from watching Retribution and let me tell, you don't need a company for cuddling, but because it would be a sin to see a movie like that alone. It's just too awesome and so many funny moments. You appreciate a company of fellow geeks, to wisecrack around. And I don't mean this as a bad thing. I enjoyed the movie greatly and would reccomend it to any fan of the franchise. But seriously, it's not scary.

As for the franchise... I loved the first part, it's classic and it has aged well. I didn't liked the second at all. I have no idea what Anderson has been on when he was making it, but it must have been some strong sruff and I want some of it :smallbiggrin: Despite all the criticism it gets, I actually liked the third part whole lot. The part where Alice deals with zombie crows was just screaming badass. As for the fourth part... I liked the part in the city, it really gave me that true zombie apocalypse feeling. Once they got aboard of Arcadia, it was more meh than not. Still, a good movie and I would watch it again.

All in all, if the second part was a little better, this would be a great franchise. As it is, it's still pretty good and I need to see if there's a chance to get all five parts in one place, now that Retribution is out.

Starbuck_II
2012-09-15, 04:58 PM
As for the franchise... I loved the first part, it's classic and it has aged well. I didn't liked the second at all. I have no idea what Anderson has been on when he was making it, but it must have been some strong sruff and I want some of it :smallbiggrin:

Just garden variety catnip. :smallbiggrin:


Despite all the criticism it gets, I actually liked the third part whole lot. The part where Alice deals with zombie crows was just screaming badass. As for the fourth part... I liked the part in the city, it really gave me that true zombie apocalypse feeling. Once they got aboard of Arcadia, it was more meh than not. Still, a good movie and I would watch it again.

Yeah, Arcadia was good.

I'm curious where they are going with the story. The guy who stole the plane on the building was an idiot.

Winter_Wolf
2012-09-15, 08:41 PM
The Resident Evil movies are so bad. I love 'em! Then again I love horrible zombie movies, and just about every one I've seen has been horrible. :smallbiggrin:

Haven't seen anything after Annihilation, or Extincton, whatever the third one is. At least I think it was the third one. Honestly after the first one the plots are all pretty much the same: zombies, Alice, Alice kills zombies. Because she's a super badass.

And I'm done, because I'm allergic to spoiler tags wrapped around text. And I have no epinephrine shots.

Mynxae
2012-09-15, 10:22 PM
The Resident Evil movies are so bad. I love 'em! Then again I love horrible zombie movies, and just about every one I've seen has been horrible. :smallbiggrin:

Haven't seen anything after Annihilation, or Extincton, whatever the third one is. At least I think it was the third one. Honestly after the first one the plots are all pretty much the same: zombies, Alice, Alice kills zombies. Because she's a super badass.

And I'm done, because I'm allergic to spoiler tags wrapped around text. And I have no epinephrine shots.

It's Extinction you're thinking about. Now that we've started talking about it, which one is everyone's favourite movie and why? Remember, spoilers are your friend..

My favourite is the original movie to be completely honest. It had the suspense, the story, everything! Even scares me to this day, which is hard to find for me in horror movies I've seen before.

FIRST MOVIE SPOILER!
And I never expected Kaplan to come back after nearly falling to his death with the zombies below him. Even though the Licker got him anyway :/

JoshL
2012-09-15, 10:33 PM
I've grown to love these movies for what they are. My favorite is definitely the third.

When the first came out, I hated it with a deep and abiding passion. It had little to do with the game (which I loved). It was hardly a horror film...more an action/suspense film with some horror elements. Which is fine if that's what you want. It had some nice looking shots, but really it felt more like Aliens than Dawn of the Dead.

Coming to terms with that, however, I can appreciate them for what they are. And they're lots of fun. Not great films, and horrible adaptations, but lots of fun.

Traab
2012-09-16, 09:41 AM
My favorite was the first, because THAT was a resident evil movie. The rest were just zombie films with similar named characters that had over the top abilities. Not to say the movies werent good, they were, they just werent really resident evil. I dont recall being able to blow up armies of zombie birds with my mind, or frying satellites that can mind control me. Number 2 was a decent film though, alice seemed a BIT over the top, but really not much more than any action star like arnold or stallone. And that one at least involved a resident evil theme of escaping raccoon city.

What I liked about 3 was the setting. Too many zombie flicks focus entirely on surviving the initial outbreak and finding a safe spot to hole up. This one dealt with the aftermath. What would the survivors do to keep surviving after the world has fallen to the zombie hordes?

Winter_Wolf
2012-09-17, 12:32 AM
I like each of the first three for various reasons, and wouldn't really be able to pick a favorite from any of them. Because Milla Jovovich. :smallsmile: I will say, though, that I simply could not bring myself to finish watching Ultraviolet, even if she was the lead.

Although, the first movie has my favorite unintentionally funny part. See if you can spy the scene in which there is very definitely a boom mic in the top of the shot. :biggrin: What I wonder is whether the editing crew simply didn't see that, or if they weren't able to reshoot that scene and that was the best take they could use.

Forum Explorer
2012-09-17, 12:37 AM
The first would be my fav, without a doubt. Mostly cause I loved the AI chick and the squad of red shirts.

KillianHawkeye
2012-09-17, 07:45 AM
The new movie was great, but I think my favorite is still RE: Apocalypse. It followed so well after the events of the first movie, and punched all the badass up to 11. Nemesis was a BOSS. Milla and Sienna were kickass babes. Oded is always great. The british guy did a good job moving along the plot, and the black guy was funny. Plus the setting was magnificent. Raccoon City sealed up and full of zombies (real ones, not those goofy squid-faced running guys), with lickers and dogs and zombie school children! It had helicopters, mini-gun, rocket launcher, dude with a sniper rifle, and a nuclear explosion! Seriously, I dunno how it could have been any better.

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-20, 04:30 PM
From what I hear, the latest Resident evil movie has become so stupid its actually DUMBER then the games plots.

Also: I hate Mila. I hate her with a GIGANTIC passion. She is a horrible actor, an awful mary sue character (Supported by her idiot husband. So I blame her as well as her husband for not making a decent character), no charm (Which is CRITICAL in an action movie) and she outright repulses me. Even on a physical level.

She is the one element that prevents me from enjoying the stories even on an Ironic level. She is just so REPULSIVE. I want to smash her brain in in every scene!

Mordokai
2012-09-20, 04:43 PM
From what I hear, the latest Resident evil movie has become so stupid its actually DUMBER then the games plots.

Also: I hate Mila. I hate her with a GIGANTIC passion. She is a horrible actor, an awful mary sue character (Supported by her idiot husband. So I blame her as well as her husband for not making a decent character), no charm (Which is CRITICAL in an action movie) and she outright repulses me. Even on a physical level.

She is the one element that prevents me from enjoying the stories even on an Ironic level. She is just so REPULSIVE. I want to smash her brain in in every scene!

Seriously? Let's leave aside for a moment homofobic slurs that you would get in any normal company, would you say something like that, but what's so bad about her acting? She's a good looking woman(by my, admittedly, low standards), that's playing in a zombie apocalpse movie. How much brain is needed in there anyway?

Saying any RE movie is hight of Hollywood industry would be an insult, of that much I'm sure. But if you've seen the first four movies, by now you should have a general idea of where the fifth one is going. Presuming that is true, why even bother yourself with watching it?

I enjoyed it. I don't expect anyone to do so as well. But seriously, people like you leave me aghast.

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-20, 05:05 PM
Im not saying I needed high art. Im just saying that the movies are pretty terrible (From every single aspect including action). I would enjoy them ironically but I hate mary sue characters.

And BOY is she a mary sue character.

And I can't put my finger on it why I hate Milas voice and acting method. I guess Its how everything she says sounds so fake. Like some kind of chemical pumped 99p cup of pork and beans.

So fake, and its fakeness just becomes just SO repulsive to me in the way that she talks that it no longer feels like a bad performance but it just continues until the fakeyness begins to feel like something completly new. Like a whole new flavor. Its not it doesn't JUST not taste like pork and beans. But it has this artificial taste to it that is repulsive and adds a whole new level of bad.

Its the way she wisper talks.

Also, where did I say anything homophobic? That I put blame both on her and her husband for the awful character of Alice?

Mordokai
2012-09-20, 05:14 PM
Also, where did I say anything homophobic? That I put blame both on her and her husband for the awful character of Alice?

It was directed TOWARDS you, not as something you SAID. You know, the whole "you're so gay for not liking somebody as hot as Mila" thingie? As in, something you would get in a company in a bar, if you would said something like that.

As for your other complaints... I guess that falls under Alternate Character Development, for the lack of better term. I liked her acting just fine, though I'm not a tough cookie to please in that aspect. I failed to see the fakeness and the mary suesim. She is the main character and I guess that entails her to some privileges, but nothing a regular action flick hero does't get. So really, from my point of view(which is, again, biased) you're being unfair to her.

And as for action, it was grade 1A. No complaints there and I just hope the next movie does as well.

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-20, 05:26 PM
Oh...OK. Glad we have an understanding. I don't think anybody in this forum uses homophobic slurs.

I disagree. My Max standard for good action is: Die hard.

Where you feel every punch and every scar. With alice, my brain simply goes numb because she NEVER gets hurt. She can survive direct head on plane crashes so Im just watching explosions. Its dull, and boring

She outclasses everybody, and outDOES everybody. Like a mary sue she continuously gets more and more superpowers (that are taken away but make absoluetly no difference). The Director to insert characters from the games only for alice to make them all useless is only salt in the wounds.

She is a insert sue, made by the director as a present for his wife.

Inglenook
2012-09-20, 05:41 PM
She's a good looking woman(by my, admittedly, low standards), that's playing in a zombie apocalpse movie. How much brain is needed in there anyway?
Tangent:
I find this sort of thinking rather destructive. Hollwood shills this sort of thing because they know the moviegoing public will say "Hey, it's a zombie action movie; why should we expect anything but catsuits, Bullet Time and mindless violence?" They know that the genre is built on a tower of crap, so they can safely shovel more on top. Which I personally find exploitative and insulting.

Every year I pray for intelligent action/horror movies to get major release and do well in the box office. And every year I'm disappointed. :smallsigh:

Kyberwulf
2012-09-20, 05:46 PM
I don't know about you, but I think that most of the characters from the resident evil games are Mary Sues anyway. I mean outruning minigun fire, Everyshot hitting its mark in the cutscenes. Name one main character from the series that actually die, and stay dead.

Mynxae
2012-09-20, 06:21 PM
Woah, calm down people. We don't need a mod to lock this thread or anything...

And technically Carlos died and Rain both died, in movie 3 and 1 respectively. Clones don't count, because they aren't the actual original people.

Dr.Epic
2012-09-20, 07:25 PM
Just re-watching the movies so that I remember what's been going on in the story 'cause I'll be seeing Retribution fairly soon, or somehow bribing someone into going with me to see it. I'll need someone to cuddle, otherwise I might fall out of my seat. :smalleek: I'm a veteran of zombie movies, but they still scare the bejeebers outta me!

Re-watching?:smallconfused: I thought the films retconed each other? Like in one the world was apparently turned to all deserts, but in the next we see it's not.

Mynxae
2012-09-20, 07:55 PM
Well yeah, in each movie at the start there is usually a recap of what happened in the last one/others but I prefer to watch them all in sequence. Just a thing I do. /shrugs

Traab
2012-09-20, 08:00 PM
Re-watching?:smallconfused: I thought the films retconed each other? Like in one the world was apparently turned to all deserts, but in the next we see it's not.

I dont believe so. They seem to tell a story. The first one the hive is compromised, and in their stupidity, the team sent in to secure the area lets it escape into raccoon city. In movie 2 the city falls and is sealed off, alice wakes up and goes back to ass kicking. Presumably a few infected manage to escape in the confusion and it spreads. Movie three is post apocalypse, the survivors are traveling around america in a caravan, as the only safety is in moving. The desert is because I think it takes place mostly near nevada and vegas. There may be some continuity issues of some sort, but the general storyline is fairly solid.

Dr.Epic
2012-09-20, 09:52 PM
Movie three is post apocalypse, the survivors are traveling around america in a caravan, as the only safety is in moving. The desert is because I think it takes place mostly near nevada and vegas. There may be some continuity issues of some sort, but the general storyline is fairly solid.

I'm pretty sure it was stated the virus dried up entire lakes and landscapes turning the entire world into a desert - though all I know of the films is second hand from online reviews.

Traab
2012-09-20, 09:58 PM
I'm pretty sure it was stated the virus dried up entire lakes and landscapes turning the entire world into a desert - though all I know of the films is second hand from online reviews.

Its been awhile since I watched the third movie, you may be right. Not quite sure why a zombie virus would dry up lakes, but whatever. Also, what I hated most about the third movie was the sheer stupidity of their survival plan. They had a fairly significant crew of people to work with, supplies, weapons, all of that. Instead of trying to rebuild something somewhere, they drove in circles around america. Eventually they are going to run out of gas, nonperishable food, and ammo from random zombie fights. Its just a delayed death sentence. The smarter thing would have been to stockpile as much as possible, and attempt to setup a renewable food source. Or just save the trouble and kill themselves to avoid a long lingering death and truckloads of despair as one by one their entire crew dies off.

SiuiS
2012-09-20, 10:09 PM
It was directed TOWARDS you, not as something you SAID. You know, the whole "you're so gay for not liking somebody as hot as Mila" thingie? As in, something you would get in a company in a bar, if you would said something like that.

"Not that I'm calling you a homosexual or anything, I'm just saying everyone in real life is thinking it"? I... don't see why you even would bring up that other people could construe not liking a specific female as gay. It doessn't even have the ring of a joke...


As for your other complaints... I guess that falls under Alternate Character Development, for the lack of better term. I liked her acting just fine, though I'm not a tough cookie to please in that aspect. I failed to see the fakeness and the mary suesim. She is the main character and I guess that entails her to some privileges, but nothing a regular action flick hero does't get. So really, from my point of view(which is, again, biased) you're being unfair to her.

And as for action, it was grade 1A. No complaints there and I just hope the next movie does as well.

this doesn't make any sense. It has nothing todo with the character of Alice, and everything to do with not liking Mila herself; that's not alternate character takes, thats disliking someone. I think she is too skinny, and that the catsuits are stupid, myself. Or the fact that everyone is wearing heels. Three or four inch heels in a custom made armored suit? Really?

I also find thetre to be some big issues with just letting her escape unscathed due to being the main protagonist. Success is designed to make her look like a bad ass, but it fails. She doesn't look awesome, she looks like it doesn't matter what's going on. She's going to succeed just because. And it is made all the worse by everyone else getting killed around her.

but I didn't like the movie. It tried too hard to find that ironic line between satire and faithful adaption, and fell through. Too much stuff looked like they didn/'t even try to reconcile the story into something workable, they just hoped no one would care. Expecting a movie to do well because the audience wouldn't care about quality is, in my opinion, a bad idea for everyone. Bad movies come out because people are okay with bad movies, and people are okay with bad movies because that's all that comes out. It's settling for less. That may invcalidate my views to some of you.

Mynxae
2012-09-20, 10:15 PM
Its been awhile since I watched the third movie, you may be right. Not quite sure why a zombie virus would dry up lakes, but whatever. Also, what I hated most about the third movie was the sheer stupidity of their survival plan. They had a fairly significant crew of people to work with, supplies, weapons, all of that. Instead of trying to rebuild something somewhere, they drove in circles around america. Eventually they are going to run out of gas, nonperishable food, and ammo from random zombie fights. Its just a delayed death sentence. The smarter thing would have been to stockpile as much as possible, and attempt to setup a renewable food source. Or just save the trouble and kill themselves to avoid a long lingering death and truckloads of despair as one by one their entire crew dies off.

But if they stay in one place then the zombies would just start to come, more and more, like with the North American Umbrella Facility in Extinction, they just kept gathering around. And like in Afterlife with the Mental Facility they holed up in, the zombies were all around them, and practically non-existent elsewhere in the city. Possibly underground like Umbrella?

Also, has anyone else wondered what happened to the Hive? Because it was quite deep underground so the nuke probably wouldn't have done much/any damage...

Kyberwulf
2012-09-20, 10:23 PM
The reason why they where moving around so much instead of holeing up somewhere, was because they where trying to find suppise to keep everyone feed. The virus destroyed all the plant life, and made the standing water undrinkable I think.

Mordokai
2012-09-21, 02:21 AM
Tangent:
I find this sort of thinking rather destructive. Hollwood shills this sort of thing because they know the moviegoing public will say "Hey, it's a zombie action movie; why should we expect anything but catsuits, Bullet Time and mindless violence?" They know that the genre is built on a tower of crap, so they can safely shovel more on top. Which I personally find exploitative and insulting.

Every year I pray for intelligent action/horror movies to get major release and do well in the box office. And every year I'm disappointed. :smallsigh:

See, this is where you made your first and biggest mistake. I have long since given up on Hollywood producing anything special and/or intelligent. I go to every movie I see, fully expecting it to be a pile of turd, stinking to high heavens. If it is, nothing really lost, I've readied myself for such. But if it's not, all the better. It's a win-win situation.

Yes, I have low standards. I can live with that and it amuses me. Helps me deal with a lot of rage that would otherwise be there.

You find it insulting. I understand that. But personally, I just lower the standards. It makes life oh so much easier. Until you do too, I am afraid your disappointment will continue for a long, long, long time.

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-21, 02:36 AM
You find it insulting. I understand that. But personally, I just lower the standards. It makes life oh so much easier. Until you do too, I am afraid your disappointment will continue for a long, long, long time.

That just means I can appreciate good things even more.

I will talk about how much I loved a movie long after everybody else has already forgot.

But in return I can't enjoy 90% of all the movies coming out.

KillianHawkeye
2012-09-21, 06:46 AM
It's true, the newest movie had some issues. Such as the Las Plagas being included with zero explanation. It's like somebody at the staff meeting said, "Everybody who comes to see this has already played RE 4, so we don't need to waste time explaining what it is." That person is a moron who should be fired.

But at the end of the day, like any other action movie, it's main sell is the hero (or heroine in this case). You would go see an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie if you hated Arnold Schwarzenegger, would you? You wouldn't keep going to see Underworld if you didn't like Kate Beckinsale, either. This is the FIFTH movie in the series. By now, everybody knows whether or not they like Milla Jovovitch as Alice. If you don't, then clearly these movies are not for you. The lead actor/actress basically makes or breaks an action movie. They are the star. If you don't like it, don't see it. I'm tired of people complaining about it. :smallsigh:

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-21, 06:53 AM
Why? Some people want to go to see just how BAD a movie gets. And Its not just Mila. The everything else is awful too. The humor is misplaced, the action is dull (Mila beats everybody with no effort again: YAY), the plot continues to ping pong around as the directors interests flip flop (Lets have clones....No wait, scratch that.....And lets get rid of the superpowers......Nah, lets bring them back.....And lets have mad max.....On hindsight no. No mad max.....).

Its absolutely horrible.

Mynxae
2012-09-21, 07:06 AM
@Scowling Dragon - What's the point of being here and talking about it with people who obviously like the movies, and you're just bashing them? Please, there is no place for that here. Criticism is okay, but not that that serious degree.. :smallannoyed:

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-21, 07:54 AM
OK. OK. Your right. There is a difference between bashing and criticism. Sorry.

Devonix
2012-09-21, 09:33 AM
Enjoyed the first movie as fun action romp that actually functioned as an ok prequel to the games albeit with many liberties taken.

However after from the second one on I've hated them outright, the second was the last time I went to the theaters to see one and this one hasn't made me interested in going back.

Alice as a character is just too blank and annoying. She's a mary sue of the highest order.

All of the other characters in the movies only exist so that she can show off in front of them and no one else ever contributes in any meaningful way.

Hey lets have Jill and Nemesis in a movie and never have them interact. Let's have Alice beat Nemesis in hand to hand combat removing his threatening and fear enducing nature.

Lets Turn the world into a desert and forget about it later, lets give Alice Superpowers.

Have Chris and Clair get knocked into a tube and watch Wesker get taken down with them as onlookers.

Things happen without explination. Retcons ect.

It is as bad as all of the Retcons in the Transformers movies between eachother.

Tyndmyr
2012-09-21, 10:32 AM
The Resident Evil movies are so bad. I love 'em! Then again I love horrible zombie movies, and just about every one I've seen has been horrible. :smallbiggrin:

Haven't seen anything after Annihilation, or Extincton, whatever the third one is. At least I think it was the third one. Honestly after the first one the plots are all pretty much the same: zombies, Alice, Alice kills zombies. Because she's a super badass.

And I'm done, because I'm allergic to spoiler tags wrapped around text. And I have no epinephrine shots.

One single change needed to be made to the RE movies. The one in the desert(extinction, I think), for the shot in which eleventy billion zombies come out of a single cargo container...the song "We're not gonna take it" should have been playing.

Winter_Wolf
2012-09-22, 12:10 AM
Tangent:....

Every year I pray for intelligent action/horror movies to get major release and do well in the box office. And every year I'm disappointed. :smallsigh:

If movie characters had a shred if intelligence we wouldn't have horror movies anymore! Search your heart, you know it to be true. :smallwink:

Possibly we'd still have action flicks, but generally the really good explosions and crazy fight scenes aren't arrived at by careful planning and sound reasoning. And you can't throw Equilibrium at that argument, because Christian Bale's character went off of his emotion suppressor meds and made decisions based on passion (and anger) to get the crazy fight scenes instead of cold reason and logic.

SiuiS
2012-09-22, 01:58 AM
If movie characters had a shred if intelligence we wouldn't have horror movies anymore! Search your heart, you know it to be true. :smallwink:

Possibly we'd still have action flicks, but generally the really good explosions and crazy fight scenes aren't arrived at by careful planning and sound reasoning. And you can't throw Equilibrium at that argument, because Christian Bale's character went off of his emotion suppressor meds and made decisions based on passion (and anger) to get the crazy fight scenes instead of cold reason and logic.

On the contrary.

Things happen. The orrect answer to a mugging is to stay alert, never godown an alley and never be in a position to be mugged. Sometimes, you end up there anyway, and there are no go choices. Killing the other dude is bad, getting killed is bad. The best you can hope for is damage control.


Bad guys do bad things and by the time the hero goes "oh hey, zombies? What?" there is no logical fix. There is the least illogical fix.


Question:
Why is te red queen still alive and suddenly bent on human extinction?

Mynxae
2012-09-22, 02:23 AM
Answer to SiuiS:
Maybe there was more than one Red Queen? /shrugs And probably they're doing the whole 'insane rogue AI' thing.

Scowling Dragon
2012-09-22, 07:58 AM
If movie characters had a shred if intelligence we wouldn't have horror movies anymore! Search your heart, you know it to be true. :smallwink:

Actualy those are the scariest types of horror films. Those with smart protagonists. Plus fear also has a factor on characters whilst in tight situations.

But there is a limit to fear.

Running into the wrong room cause of fear? OK

Running into the jaw of a shark? No.

Rake21
2012-09-27, 02:46 PM
God, I love UMBRELLA

Behold, the life of two of their executives! (Spoilers for length)

Resident Evil

UMBRELLA Exec 1: Our strike team is in position to raid the quarantined lab

Exec 2: Excellent... do you think we should warn them about the viral outbreak or the possible escaped B.O.W.s?

Exec 1: ...

Exec 2: ...

Exec 1 and 2: BWAHAHAHA (for about 2 minutes)

Exec 1: "Warn them," ha! Man, you had me going! That was great!

Exec 2: He, yeah it was. Come on, let's go make a zombie shark!

Exec 1: Woot!


Resident Evil: Apocalypse
.
Umbrella Guard: Sir, the board has started to launch the nuke. The city will be purged in the next 20 minutes.

Exec 1: Excellent! Set up the cage for the fight.

Guard: Uh... sir?

Exec 1: Listen, I want to watch our new tentacle-y super soldier battle his former crush in a cage match to the death!

Guard: Why?

Exec 1: For SCIENCE!... and a little sadism on my part, i'll admit. Now hop to it man! I have many crimes against nature and humanity to commit, and I can't waste my whole day in this city we just killed.


Resident Evil: Extinction

Exec 2: Alright, let's hear the report.

Intern: Well, sir. 90% of the human population has been killed, infected, and resurrected into flesh eating zombies. Most of the staff is dead, insane, and/or a monster.

Exec 2:Why are you telling me any of this. Shouldn't HR be handling this?

Intern: Well, sir, that's the thing. Mr. Wesker had human resources liquidated and then fed to the un-ending horde. Said something about needing more lab room for cloning blonde women that another research team keeps killing.

Exec 2: Well... that seems a little wasteful.

Intern: I agree sir.

Exec 2: I could have used that extra room to make more zombie sharks


Resident Evil: Afterlife

Wesker: I need to break into that prison, but the gates are too much for the horde...

Exec 2: Might I suggest my GIANT AX GUY! He's really quite useful.

Wesker: I... Why do you even have that thing?

Exec 2: I don't know. I had an intern left, and it was a boring Tuesday, so bam. GIANT AX GUY!

Wesker: It has nails plunged into it's body. How does that even begin to be helpful?

Exec 2: Intimidation?

Wesker: Ok, you can die now.

Exec 2: *horrible gurgling sound*

Mynxae
2012-09-27, 03:29 PM
God, I love UMBRELLA

Behold, the life of two of their executives! (Spoilers for length)

Resident Evil

UMBRELLA Exec 1: Our strike team is in position to raid the quarantined lab

Exec 2: Excellent... do you think we should warn them about the viral outbreak or the possible escaped B.O.W.s?

Exec 1: ...

Exec 2: ...

Exec 1 and 2: BWAHAHAHA (for about 2 minutes)

Exec 1: "Warn them," ha! Man, you had me going! That was great!

Exec 2: He, yeah it was. Come on, let's go make a zombie shark!

Exec 1: Woot!


Resident Evil: Apocalypse
.
Umbrella Guard: Sir, the board has started to launch the nuke. The city will be purged in the next 20 minutes.

Exec 1: Excellent! Set up the cage for the fight.

Guard: Uh... sir?

Exec 1: Listen, I want to watch our new tentacle-y super soldier battle his former crush in a cage match to the death!

Guard: Why?

Exec 1: For SCIENCE!... and a little sadism on my part, i'll admit. Now hop to it man! I have many crimes against nature and humanity to commit, and I can't waste my whole day in this city we just killed.


Resident Evil: Extinction

Exec 2: Alright, let's hear the report.

Intern: Well, sir. 90% of the human population has been killed, infected, and resurrected into flesh eating zombies. Most of the staff is dead, insane, and/or a monster.

Exec 2:Why are you telling me any of this. Shouldn't HR be handling this?

Intern: Well, sir, that's the thing. Mr. Wesker had human resources liquidated and then fed to the un-ending horde. Said something about needing more lab room for cloning blonde women that another research team keeps killing.

Exec 2: Well... that seems a little wasteful.

Intern: I agree sir.

Exec 2: I could have used that extra room to make more zombie sharks


Resident Evil: Afterlife

Wesker: I need to break into that prison, but the gates are too much for the horde...

Exec 2: Might I suggest my GIANT AX GUY! He's really quite useful.

Wesker: I... Why do you even have that thing?

Exec 2: I don't know. I had an intern left, and it was a boring Tuesday, so bam. GIANT AX GUY!

Wesker: It has nails plunged into it's body. How does that even begin to be helpful?

Exec 2: Intimidation?

Wesker: Ok, you can die now.

Exec 2: *horrible gurgling sound*



BAHAHAHAHA! Gosh, I got quite a bit of laughter out of that.. If only some of it was true in ways I wish it could've been :smallbiggrin:

Mordar
2012-09-28, 06:46 PM
So that it is on-topic, my preferred order is 2 - 1 - Eating plain cheese pizza - 4 - 3. See, I think plain cheese pizza is terribly bland, but I'll eat it if it is offered or what the group consensus decrees.

I think Jill really makes 2, and the Alice v. Nemesis fight was fun to watch.

Too much of 3 was...strange. The folded space of the cargo container allowing hundreds of ninja zombies to fit comfortably was a bit jarring. Some nice sequences, but mostly not to my liking.

I didn't like 4 at all...why would I want to watch RE if Alice isn't Alice? There are better plain-ole-zombie movies out there.

Now, to the not-on-topic part...

Alice IS NOT a Mary Sue. She is the lead character, she is super-powered, and yes, everyone else is supposed to be secondary in the end. She is not an "add-in" character, she doesn't outshine the main characters ('cause she is the lead!), and she is not an author wish fulfillment. Fan service? Yup, particularly in 2 & 3...leather outfits practically scream fan-service, as do dusters on female characters.

She is no more a Mary Sue than John McClane is a Marty Stu...and you could drop a building full of terrorists-nee-thieves on that guy and he'll kill 'em all with a toothpick and half a tube of foot cream. All without super powers, other than arguably being able to take more of a beating than any 10 NYC cops combined and come out on top. This literary criticism fails when attempting to apply it to a main, canon character.

Now, had K-Mart expressed Alice powers and laid a beat-down on the zombie crows in 3, *then* you'd have a Mary Sue (IMO) - though probably still just a fan service character for the younger RE viewers, since not a lot of 14-year-old girls watching RE for wish-fulfillment.

Now, if you just don't like lead characters because they vastly overshadow the supporting characters, that's a whole 'nother issue...

- M

Starbuck_II
2012-09-28, 08:03 PM
Exec 2: I don't know. I had an intern left, and it was a boring Tuesday, so bam. GIANT AX GUY!

Wesker: It has nails plunged into it's body. How does that even begin to be helpful?


I've always assumed the nails were supposed to represent previous fights.

Rake21
2012-09-28, 08:40 PM
I've always assumed the nails were supposed to represent previous fights.

That's a possibility.

If that's the case, then I have to say that whoever is responsible for that is a straight up badass. Dead, but badass none the less.

MLai
2012-09-29, 12:14 AM
If any series should be remade in Hollywood it's this one, outside of Transformers (but I don't care about TF and I don't think its potential for "good movies" is high anyways). It's as faithful to the root source as anything Uwe Boll made, and the root source is consistently better than the movie plots/characters.

Why we have a Mary Sue new character, and the game characters play flat 2nd bananas, is beyond me. And yes Alice is a Mary Sue character:

(1) No other protag, in the movies or in the games, have superhuman powers. She's special. You can't say Underworld as an analogy for this reason.
(2) The canon game characters are there mainly to show off how awesome Alice is. Practically the fundamental definition of Mary Sue.
(3) She's flat and you can't feel her in-universe agency. Why is that? Because she's a self-insert template. She's not suppose to be her own person.

Perhaps some of us are "twisting" the definition of Mary Sue into "any character that is powerful but bad written." But I consider Mary Sue to be an internet term and therefore highly adaptive.

JoshL
2012-09-29, 12:34 AM
What Could Have Been (http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/resident_evil_romero.html)

Also diverges from the source, but a hell of a lot closer than any of the films are. I actually liked Alice getting magic powers in the third, if only because it cemented the fact that the films had nothing to do with the games. Told the audience "stop looking for that thing you love, because this is going to be something different".

But still worlds better than anything Uwe Boll has done. BloodRayne had moments, and the rest of his films are fun if you like bad movies. It's a shame, because Alone In The Dark had some good ideas at the core, just ruined by a director who insists on putting car chases where they aren't needed. Oh, and Postal's racism and bigotry played for laughs isn't really to my tastes, so I don't see why some people say that one is better than his others.

Rant ends. RE: fun for what it is, but what it is isn't RE.