The Caves of Generic Creeping [Hamlet]

[Rebonack]

"Gaze ye upon the wonders of the ancient world. Now let's kill the inhabitants and take their stuff!" reads a sign in front of a spectacularly usual looking cave. Oddly enough, the cave entrance is little more than a hole in a sizable rock sitting in the middle of an open field. Once inside, however, one would find one's self in a vast cavern full of all manner of winding corridors and crumbling ruins.

Underground streams and sprawling fungal gardens and endless pitfalls are likely around somewhere as well. To be honest, the dungeon probably contains every type of dungeonish terrain imaginable.

It's the dungeon crawl of any adventurer's dreams! Easy access and infinite variety just one Random Encounter's journey away from the Hamlet! There's a pretty good chance the layout of the crawl will change each time a new party comes inside. What a nifty place.

****

((This thread is for generic dungeon crawls, a staple of any low to mid level Adventurers diet! Since anything that happens here will take several days to resolve it might be a good idea to treat the events in this thread as a timeline all of their own. Finding nifty stuff would still carry over, but it will keep reasonable traffic in the Hamlet's other threads.))

****

Shidar walks into the caverns and inspects several signs nailed to particularly woody mushrooms. After a moment of searching he finds the one indicating the correct tunnel to take for the Dungeon of Unnecessary Peril.

[Nevrmore]

"Oooh! This place is dark! Good thing I have night vision!" Murphy says, almost perfectly meshing in with the darkness around him. The only indicator of his presence is the glean of his aviator goggles.

[Rebonack]

"Fortunately the mushrooms give off light, otherwise it would be difficult to read the conveniently placed signs," Shidar responds. He motions the bear to follow him down one of the many nearly identical looking tunnels. The walls are rough and rocky at first, but soon they give away to neatly carved stones and a number of long dead torches.

"Usually the people who build these dungeons install ever burning torches for the benefit of those without Dark Vision (Ex)," the adventurer explains. "I understand it's for insurance reasons. You see, when someone becomes an Adventurer they sign a waiver regarding being harmed by monsters or traps, but that doesn't cover tripping over a loose flagstone in the dark. A gnome lawyer made a bundle of money a few years ago with a class action lawsuit over the issue and most dungeons have since installed new torches to avoid getting sued."

As the pair rounds a corner a rather large spider begins to menace them.

[Nevrmore]

"All that red tape is definately not fun." Murphy nods before noticing the spider. "And neither is a big hairy thing with....with...five, six, seven, eight legs!". The Winged Ursa-Sapien tries to pounce on the spider and dig its rather impressive claws into the thing's thorax.

[Rebonack]

The spider makes a series of rather unpleasant spidery sounds as the bear begins to maul it. It responds rather unfavorably to this by attempting to sink its equally large spider fangs into the bear.

Spider poison isn't ever any fun. Especially because it saps one's strength before turning one's insides into soup.

Shidar eyes the bug, knowing full well that an attempt to strike at the giant arachnid could hit the bear instead.

"I don't suppose you could try and pin the nasty thing," he suggests. "That would make hacking it to death quite a bit easier."

[Nevrmore]

"Pin it??" Murphy says, lifting the damndable creature above his head. "Okay!" He says, slamming it into the ground and going for a wrestling-esque pin, wrapping as many legs as he can grab in some sort of lock.

[Rebonack]

"That helps quite a bit, thank you," Shidar's gauntlet morphs into a rather shiny hammer, which the man proceeds to slam into the spider's cephalothorax. This results in the said body segment exploding rather goopfully. "Well... that went rather well. Did the spider manage to get its fangs into you? Spider bites can be rather serious."

Nearby is a tangle of silken webs strands and a fair amount of trinkets and bones. Likely what's left of the giant creature's last Adventure Meal.

[Nevrmore]

"Bite? I don't know...could he bite me with this?" Murphy pulls a rather large fang out of his arm, coated with both his blood and a purple substance of venemous origin.

[Rebonack]

The man is surprised by the bear's lack of any significant reaction to either the wound it had received or the poison that had in all likelihood been pumped into its body.

"Eerr... Yes. That's the sort of thing it would bite you with," he responds. "Are you sure you aren't feeling weak from the venom and blood loss?"

[Nevrmore]

"Well, I can still feel me, so it's not a neurotoxin." Murphy nods, "And the wound hasn't turned strange colors yet. Although, now that you mention it, my blood does feel as if it is taking on the viscuosity of pudding." The Ursine man says completely calmly.

[Rebonack]

"Umm..." he responds, currently at a loss for words. In lue of said words he reaches into his back-pack and extracts a smallish crystal vial. It shines in all its crystalish glory in the light of the one torch that's still burning. "It's a good thing that no one bothered to make individual antidotes for each type of poison. Drink this; it should counteract any further damage from the venom."

He holds out the vial for the bear.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy wraps his entire maw around Shidar's hand, sucking the vial down his gullet. He spits out his partner's hand afterwards, leaving it soaked with saliva.

"Wow! I feel much better!"

((Dude, I have to put this on hold for now, I'm about to collapse. I'll see you tomorrow))

[Rebonack]

The blue haired man grimaces at his hand, wishing that he had bothered to buy a command word activated item of Prestidigitation. Maybe he would buy one with the riches he would surely score in the dungeon crawl.

He begins poking through the webbing, extracting a few stray gems and a +1 Long Sword. The sword is stamped with the "Heisenberg's Random +1 Items" logo. Apparently they pride themselves in the uncertainty of their gear. It might be an axe, or maybe a shield. You never know until you observe what you find.

Shidar hands the items to the nameless NPC hireling that had certainly been accompanying the pair the whole time and continues on down the winding corridors.

[Lord Magtok]

The westerner finally manages to catch uo to the group.

Sorry I'm late. Musta drank more'n I thought.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy turns around, "Hi, Clint-man!"

[Lord Magtok]

Clint-man? Nah, my name ain't that. I'm...hell who am I again? Crap I'm a...

((Reference cookie is loaded into gun.))

Man with No Name.

((Reference cookie is fired.))

[Nevrmore]

Murphy looks at the gun-slinger, then says, "Oh. Hi Joe!"

[Lord Magtok]

((Good job. For all those who haven't the slightest idea what just happened.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_with_No_Name))

Western: Joe? That's my name?
Well, if you really think so, undertaker, I guess I'll call myself that.

[Nevrmore]

"Yay! I take things under!"

[Rebonack]

"Ah! You've finally joined us!" Shidar comments now that his player is back from the beach. "As I stated in the tavern, I am Shidar Marar K'rah. Though I acquired the name 'Shiver' from my comrades during my last Adventure. Am I to call you 'Joe', or do you have a title you would prefer?"

In the nearby shadows a figure furtively skulks about, apparently watching the group closely. Shidar doesn't appear to notice while he extracts a sun rod from his pack. He strikes the device sharply against the stone wall, causing the orb at the top to illuminate the whole room.

Incidentally, this exposes the pale white haired eyeless humanoid (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/grimlock.htm) who had previously been skulking. It seems to respond more to the sound rather than the light, rushing toward the nearest party member with its stone battle axe raised for a killing blow all the while shrieking in a high pitch whine.

Unfortunately for the nameless NPC he happens to be the closest member of the party. The poor hireling finds himself cloven quite mortally across his neck before he can bring his new +1 long sword to bare.

[Nevrmore]

"Oh my god!" Murphy shouted, seeing the NPC fall with a magnificent spray of blood, "That guy was really a tomato?!"

[Lord Magtok]

Never seen quite a thing like that before. An' I had a feelin' that guy was a gonna get hurt.

The gunslinger draws his Colts with cliche western speed, and opens fire on the grimlock, firing the right, then left gun, then right again. Twelve rounds total.

[Rebonack]

A single Grimlock is hardly a challenge for a trio of well trained Adventures. They're even less of a challenge when their eco-sense gets blinded by the reverberating roar of gun-fire in close quarters.

The hideous creature is riddled with lead, the end result being it falling to the ground. As the pool of red metal smelling fluid pools around it it becomes obvious that it was a tomato as well.

Shidar pulls his hands away from his ears and kneels next to the NPC and sighs. He closes the man's eyes and takes the equipment he was carrying. No sooner does the group begin to move away when a gelatinous cube mow over the corpses and slinks off into the darkness.

"Alas poor..." the blue haired man pauses, realizing that he hadn't ever learned the hireling's name. "Well, whatever his given name his end was most unfortunate. We had best hurry, more Grimlocks were likely alerted to our presence by the sound of Joe's weapons."

[Nevrmore]

Murphy walks alongside Shidar as he leads the way, the bear-man licking a small piece of gelatin nonchalantly as they journey, "Mmm...portable jello-makers...this cave has everything!"

[Rebonack]

The party continues on down the corridors and into a large open chamber. Despite the fact that the area isn't volcanic in the least a great sea of molten rock boils away hundreds of feet below. A stone bridge spans the gap, the path no more than ten feet wide.

Any looking upon it with any sort of Adventuring background would likely suspect that crossing the bridge would cause it to begin to collapse.

In the distance a great cataract of lava pours over a cliff. To either side of the precipice are pillars of stone which likely hide archers that will begin to fire at the party as they begin their crossing.

[Nevrmore]

"Wow, that bridge looks rickety! Good thing I can fly!" Murphy says, swallowing the last of the poor gelatinous creature. He once again shows the world his full wingspan, preparing for takeoff.

[Lord Magtok]

Looks real unstable to me too. Think ya could carry me as ya fly across, Murphy?

[Rebonack]

"If I have learned anything from my last few years of Adventuring," Shidar comments. "It's that the bridge will begin to collapse as soon as we reach the half-way point. Fortunately I'm rather fleet of foot."

As he inspects the bridge the sound of something large and unfriendly can be heard coming down the tunnel behind the group.

"While I have the uncanny feeling I've heard of a situation like this before I think it best not to dwell on it. Haste! To the other side!"

He darts off across the bridge, taking full advantage of his 50' movement speed.

The large and unfriendly creature begins to batter the doorway the group had just passed through. With the sound of grinding stone it begins to give way.

[Nevrmore]

"Wheeee!" Murphy says, flying through the air and leaving Joe grounded behind him. "Too bad you can't fly, Joe!" He shouts behind him. It's hard to discern if Murphy is trying to piss the gunslinger off or if he is really just that oblivious.

[Lord Magtok]

Ah... crap. Guess I'll have to risk it.

The gunslinger sprints forward, and wonders what is chasing them and smashing down the door they came from.

[Rebonack]

As the as yet unseen creature continues to batter the doorway a sizable chuck of the ceiling drops off of the chamber, obliterating the bridge no more than a few paces behind Joe. The bridge obliges this action and begins to slowly collapse.

As if this weren't bad enough a troop of goblin archers begin to fire upon the party from the upper levels of the room.

Shidar shields himself as best he can with his armored forearm, but despite this he still manages to take an arrow in the side. Those leather straps between the cuirass and breast-plate doesn't offer much protection against pointy projectiles.

The hydra-footed fighter leaps behind a conveniently placed pillar to avoid further arrow fire.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy clears the pit of lava, suddenly taking an arrow in the left breast. Twirling like a drunken ballerina with no idea where she is, hit spirals downward and onto the cold ground, crushing a few unlucky goblins in the process. He slowly stands, but says not a word; Instead, a deep guttural roar issues forth as he begins hideously mauling and devouring whatever creature gets close enough to him.

[Rebonack]

Shidar draws his short bow and begins to pick off the goblins still firing on Murphy. He's also somewhat dismayed by the creature's sudden berserk blood frenzy. He can't help but wonder why that didn't happen during the fight with the spider.

As an after thought he pulls the arrow out of his flanks and spitefully shoots a goblin in the gut with it.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" takes an arrow to the left forearm, and uses his right hand and Colt 42. to dish out six pieces of hot lead aimed at the goblin's with his legendary accuracy.

[Nevrmore]

Every arrow that penetrates Murphy's hide only serves to further drive the beast as he continues ripping goblin libms off and devouring goblin flesh.

[Rebonack]

The goblins quickly realize that fighting a raging bear with a flight cap is a bad idea and proceed to flee like XP with short little legs. Several are hit with flying lead, causing them to clutch themselves and tumble through a wooden railing along the cliff's rim and careen into the magma below.

"Get behind some cover Joe!" Shidar yells from his hiding spot.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" dives down behind the nearest form of cover and nurses his wound while crouched down.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy, seeing the goblins flee, sits down, finishing the devouring of the corpses strewn about.

[Rebonack]

The creature on the other side of the doorway finally manages to smash its way through. The beast's form is obscured by drifting smoke, casting only a fearsome silhouette from the lava light far below.

It's huge, crouched form ripples with raw power as it eyes the party from behind the haze. And then, it bellows a fearsome, soul freezing roar.

"Mew"

As the dust settles it becomes clear that the monster is a kitten. Why it had to smash through the wall isn't clear.

Shidar scratches his head absently at this development, honestly puzzled. He had heard that housecats are deadly to commoners, but this seems a bit much.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy, full from his meal, yawns and goes to sleep.

[Nevrmore]

((Hello-o-o? Is there anybody in there?))

[Rebonack]

((Murphy is asleep and 'Joe' is in a coma. I'm not sure were we can go with it at the moment =P))

[Nevrmore]

Murphy, who at this point suddenly gained an encompassing intelligence of spatial and chronological reasoning, realizes subconsciously that his time inside the caves has been incongruent with his lifespan and indeed, the rest of the world. He also realizes that, after he wakes up, this new ability of time/space awareness and manipulation can give him near omniscience and he can become godlike in power, ruling over the world with a kind paw that can quickly turn into an iron fist!

However, when he wakes up, he forgets what he was dreaming about.

"Wow! What a cute kitty!" Murphy says, scratching his back.

[Rebonack]

Shidar cautiously climbs up toward the bear's position, doing his best to avoid the lava balls that leap from the magma below for no readily apparent reason. He appears to be doing a pretty commendable job of it.

Meanwhile, the kitten that is a good several hundred feet away from Murphy leaps the whole distance, landing with kittenish grace next to him.

"Mew"

"Be careful around that thing!" the blue haired man hollers. "I think it may have a few too many templates!"

[Nevrmore]

"Huh? It's not time for dinner." Murphy replies to Shidar. He walks over towards the kitten and bends down to stroke it's head. "Awww, look at it and it's itty bitty wittle head!"

[Rebonack]

The kitten proceeds to explode into a writhing mass of hideous tendrils, slathering maws, and thousands of unblinking eyes. The beast's body is little more than a semi-transparent collection of glistening membrane and wriggling cilia that seems to constantly fade in and out of existence. It's all rather nauseating. Despite this it still looks exactly like a kitten.

"Mew"

Apparently it's a psudonatural kitten.

It lashes out at Murphy with its tooth rimed tentacles in an attempt to lock him in its horrific embrace. The fact that it's still the size of a normal kitten makes this attack seem quite a bit less horrifyingly dangerous than it really is.

Shidar vaults over the wooden railing at the top of the walkway, his gauntlet morphing into a form clearly designed for smashing kittens.

"Murphy! Get away from that thing!"

[Nevrmore]

"Correction: Look at it and it's, itty-bitty wittle tentacled and spiked head!" Murphy says. He tries again to pet it but, much like the case of poor Lennie in the popular novel Of Mice and Men Murphy instead ends up slamming a giant, furry fist into the kitten.

[Rebonack]

Normally psudonatural creatures are incredibly hard to kill, what with their tough natural armor and gobs of hit points. Since this template was added to a kitten the gobs of hit points distinction doesn't really fly. As such the kitten is smashed into a blob of cute fuzzy pulp.

Shidar slows his charge, not quite certain whether or not the monster is actually dead.

[Nevrmore]

"Oh no! I hope Josaphine is okay!!" Murphy says, running over to tend to the cat.

[Rebonack]

The kitten remains unliving. As if to punctuate this fact it begins to dissolve into a cloud of noxious yellow vapor.

Shidar coughs, the smell starting to get to him.

"Murphy, I think we should get moving again..."

[Nevrmore]

"Josaphine! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Murphy says, falling to his knees. "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! OH LORD IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEE!" He says, breaking into tears.

[Rebonack]

"By Lathander... I think he's lost it..." the blue haired man mutters as he begins to back away. He glances down the path the goblins took and decides to follow behind.

If there are traps?

Pfft. Thus far Shidar has yet to find a trap that he couldn't shrug off or regenerate from.

A flagstone depresses as he walks, filling his side with a hail of poisoned darts. He winces and begins picking the things out. He can't help but wonder where goblins manage to get the thousands of gold pieces necessary to fund well laid traps.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy, after an intermediate period, follows behind Shidar as he wipes tears from his eyes. "I'll keep you close to my ehart forever, Josaphine." The bearman says, cradling the jar he used to catch some of the noxious gas in, giving it a yellow, photoluminescent glow.

[Rebonack]

After little more than five minutes of walking the path loops around to the doorway that 'Joe' had taken cover behind with a second corridor leading deeper into the Dungeon of Unnecessary Peril.

Shidar's player decides that it would probably be a good idea to wait to continue so as to give Joe a chance to tag along.

The Grimlocks waiting further down the path to peel the skin off of the adventuring party reluctantly agree to wait until tomorrow.

Shidar, realizing that the poison had bothered him more than he thought suddenly slumps into unconsciousness.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy opens the jar a little, hoping to play with "Josephine." The noxious gas fills his nostrils and he almost immediately falls unconscious, having just enough energy to reseal the lid. He will be unconscious for approximately however long Shidar is unconscious, conveniently enough.

[Hogo]

A little squirrel wanders into the cave.

[Hogo]

It gets bored and leaves

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" awakens and finds Shidar and Murphy. He is puzzled by Murphy's "Josephine, and he takes out an old bottle of snake bite antidote and tries to wake up Shidar.

You got some pretty bad poison there. Think this'll help?

[Nevrmore]

Murphy rolls around, eventually awakening.

"Lunch time??"

[Lord Magtok]

Joe moans a bit. Lunchtime? Aw crap...I didn't bring anything. And I have this ((western profanity censor))in' arrow in my elbow. In my good arm too!

He curses the fact that he didn't come into this cavern with alcohol for the wound, a doctor, or even bandages.

[Nevrmore]

"What are you talking about? Food's everywhere!" Murphy says, biting into a severed goblin arm. He affectionately drops a goblin finger into the jar of Josephine, which quickly dissolves in the gas. "Awww, she's hungry."

[Lord Magtok]

I don't eat anythin' that look even remotely human. Those green things might'n be diseased.

[Rebonack]

Shidar suddenly awakens with a start. He blinks several times and holds one hand to his forehead.

"Uuuhhh... why can't anyone ever make knock-out poison that doesn't leave you with a pounding head ache..." the blue haired man glances around at his compatriots, the sight of the bear still gnawing on goblin bits leaving him somewhat nauseous.

Realizing that he, too, is hungry, he extracts a water skin from his pack along with several folded up leaves. Upon unwrapping the plant parcels some rather stale look rye bread is revealed as well as some recently purchased beef jerky. He offers a portion of the meager rations to the westerner.

"It isn't much, but it's all I have to give," Shidar states. "I have a potion that should help close up that wound of yours, Joe. However it’s the only one I have left."

[Nevrmore]

"Pffft, racist." Murphy says, sucking the rest of the goblin armfat right off the bone.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" accepts the rations, and makes a mental note to return the favor sometime.

Keep yer potion. We might need it later. In the meantime, I'm still good with one arm.

He suddenly notices he's down to his last twelve rounds.

Gotta remember to stop firin' everthin' all at once.

[Rebonack]

((I'm getting lunch together. Should be back in a bit.))

"I heal quite quickly and Murphy doesn't appear to be bothered to any great degree by the injuries he receives. Are you certain you don't want it?"

Shidar gnaws at one of the rye loaves. At this point they're roughly as hard as biscuits. He makes a mental note that he really really needs to get a command word activated item of Prestidigitation.

While gnawing he pulls out the map given to him by the Mysterious Mountain Hermit.

"According to the map," he begins, tapping on the parchment. "The Grimlock encampment shouldn't be too far..."

[Lord Magtok]

Fine. I'll take the potion. By the way, what's a grimlock? The crazy thing from before that killed that guy?

[Rebonack]

"Yes, that hideous beast was a Grimlock," Shidar responds as he hands over the potion. "They're cunning more than they are intelligent and would be more than willing to slay the lot of us given the chance."

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" takes the potion and drinks it all in one gulp.

How many of 'em do ya think we'll face? Cuz I only got twelve rounds left'n I'm thinkin I won't be able to do much wit' only my fists.

[Nevrmore]

"I bet Grimlocks taste good...They are tomatoes, after all." Murphy says, standing up. He tucks Josephine into a pocket inside his coat and adjusts his flight cap, walking over to the other two.

[Rebonack]

"There are perhaps sixty of them in all, though I doubt we will be facing the whole of their forces at once," Shidar explains. "If you do exhaust your supply of slugs for your weapon you can wield this."

He holds out the generic +1 long sword.

"Has your martial training covered the use of weapons of this make?"

[Lord Magtok]

I learned to duel with those things from some English guy. I should be able to take two or three of em' grimlocks with it.

He takes the sword and does some swishy thing in the air with it.

[Nevrmore]

"Oooh! Oooh! What about me! Do I get a present??"

[Lord Magtok]

I reckon you'll have plenty more to eat when we get to the grimthing camp. Is that enough of a present?

[Rebonack]

"We had best be on our way then," Shidar comments, gathering up what's left of the rations as he does. He leads the party down the winding corridors ever deeper into the Dudgeon of Unnecessary Peril. Fortunately for the group they don't have a rouge with them. If they did then they would have certainly run into some rather nasty traps.

Instead they run into a sizable forest of fungus peaked atop a wide vista point. Far below are the age worn ruins of some ancient and ineffable civilization which the Grimlocks have set up their village in. Word has it that these loathsome creatures were originally bread by the illithid as slaves. Apparently these ones have escaped and have been subsisting by raiding the dwarven mines in another wing of the vast cavern system.

Shidar holds takes out and strikes a second sun rod, causing the device to flash to life, illuminating the corridors far better than the fungal glow ever could.

"The Grimlocks have an exceptional sense of hearing. They can pinpoint a creatures location with it like a bat, but only within a certain distance. The Mysterious Mountain Hermit informed me that the light of these rods would reveal the monsters before they are able to spot us. Be on your guard, they could be hiding anywhere."

That said, he begins to edge through the mushroom garden.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy, now suitably angry that Shidar not only didn't give him a present but also blatantly ignored him, decides to give him the cold shoulder for awhile.

[Rebonack]

The mushrooms smell funny. The ground the mushrooms are growing on smells funny too. This is likely due to the fact that the mushrooms are growing on a vast refuse heap. The sort that medieval Europeans would be accustomed to slogging through in medieval cities.

Shidar's keen sense of smell is starting to bug him, though there isn't much he can do about it. This was the path suggested by the Mysterious Mountain Hermit. The smell effectively limits the ugly critters to a fifty-fifty chance of hitting anything they try to attack. As such, the smell is a lesser evil.

He notices the bear skulking.

"I'm sorry that I don't have a weapon that would be useful for you to wield," he pulls his dagger out of his boot. "This is all I have and I believe your claws would be more effective. I apologize for not responding quickly, I was rather caught up in the map."

[Nevrmore]

Murphy folds his arms and snaps his head to the side, not taking the dagger. He walks ahead of Shidar and up to Joe.

"You, you and me are bestest best friends. In fact, we're such best friends that I want to spend as much time with you, my bestoriest bestest best besto friend-o as possible."

[Lord Magtok]

Er... okay, Murphy. Hey if these Grimthings have such great hearing, wouldn't a gunshot make 'em go deaf er somethin'?

[Rebonack]

Shidar sighs as he puts away his dagger.

"A 'gun'? That's what those odd flint-locks are called?" he nods. "At close range, yes. It should 'blind' them temporarily. I would suggest you wield the 'gun' in the hand you find yourself most comfortable with and the sword in the other. Firing just one round at close range should be enough to daze the beasts. At that time strike the stupefied Grimlocks with your blade."

Even as they speak the silhouetted form of a hunched Grimlock resolves at the edge of the sun rod's radius of light roughly sixty feet away. Shidar motions for the pair to halt.

"We're out of the sentry's range of blind-sight. We should remain at this distance and see about slipping past unnoticed."

[Lord Magtok]

Okay then. How do we keep Murphy from runnin' over to 'em and blowin' our cover?

[Nevrmore]

"Hey! Bestest best buddy Joe! Whata re you whispering about?!?!"

[Lord Magtok]

Oh crap. I think they heard him.

"Joe" draws his Colt, and aims it at the Grimlock, not firing, just staying prepared.

[Rebonack]

The Grimlock, sure enough, does. It gives an ear piercing screech back toward the creature's filthy warren.

Shidar pulls out his short-bow and lets fly a pair off arrows, one imbedding in the sentry's left breast and the other in its neck. It gives a gurgling groan as it topples off its perch. It tumbles end over end at least once before crashing into a sizable puffball thus soliciting a cloud of spores.

Shidar shoots a glare in Murphy's direction, failing to realizes at the moment that the bear doesn't seem to have much of a grasp on the consequences of its actions.

Several dozen Grimlocks begin to peak out of hollows and crumbling ruins, all focused in the direction of the sentry's cry. Unfortunately for the party there was more than one sentry, all just beyond the reach of the sun rod. Sixteen of the beasts, all converging on the trio with spear and axe readied for the slaughter.

"Steel yourself!" Shidar calls as his gauntlet lengthens into a serrated lash of parallel blades. "These creatures will show us no mercy. Show them the same."

[Nevrmore]

"Hey, do you want to be my second bestest best friend?" Murphy whispers to an approaching Grimlock, still ignoring Shidar. The Grimlock responds by swinging wildly at Murphy, scratching his stomach. The bearman looks down at the wound. "FRIENDS DON'T HURT FRIENDS!!" He cries, relieving the blind monster of its head with one powerful swipe. The Ursapien then proceeds to metaphorically go ape shiite over all the approaching Grimlocks.

[Rebonack]

((Poor Magtok needs less of a life so he can spend more time here D=))

Shidar takes a stance, feet wide apart and left hand forward, palm open. His gauntleted arm is held stiff behind him. As the first Grimlock steps into range he swings his right arm around in a wide arc, his weapon whistling through the air and cutting the charging savage's legs out from under him.

Shidar turns his arm with palm forward and fingers down. In response the guard dives into the fallen Grimlock. He steps back, right arm returning to a horizontal position as the quicksilver weapon pulls free. The fighter thrusts forward, spearing a second beast as it nears.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy continues mauling Grimlocks with no form whatsoever

((Hey, if you want a Grimlock to like, injure Murphy, just say da werd))

[Lord Magtok]

((Poor Magtok needs less of a life so he can spend more time here D=))
((Sorry, had to go to sleep. Parents and all. And what do you mean I have a life? Look at me! Only half of a life! The rest is metal and wires!:smallbiggrin: ))

"Joe" shoots a bullet into the air, holsters his gun, and slices up some of the stunned grimlocks.

[Rebonack]

The Grimlocks closest to 'Joe' drop their weapons, clutching their ringing ears and doubling over in pain. Needless to say they put up a less than stellar fight.

As Murphy continue to maul his way through the monstrous humanoids one manages to creep in behind him. With a rather Grimlock-like shriek it attempts to bury its spear in the bear-man's back.

Shidar continues his dance of death, scything through the Grimlocks as the approach with his nearly infinitely malleable weapon. The quickly determine that rushing him isn't working, so they begin to hurl spears at him instead. This works quite a bit better.

As it currently stands Shidar has no fewer than three flint spear points stuck in him. He does his best to ignore the pain and rushes the spear throwers, tearing through a pair of them in as many strokes.

[Lord Magtok]

((Can I post now, or should we wait for Nevrmore to get back online? And by the way, I'm stil offended by that "Magtok has a life" comment. I'm proud to say I do not, and you are wrong!))

[Rebonack]

((Go right ahead. Feel free to avoid and/or get hit by some flying spears. And I apologize for implying that you have things that are more important than the Town. That was very insensitive of me. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?))

Several Grimlocks perched atop some of the taller mushrooms begin to hurl spears at Joe.

[Lord Magtok]

((Fine. I forgive you. But don't let it happen again.:smallbiggrin: ))

"Joe" dives to avoid the spears, but is hit in his already injured left arm twice, and a spear nearly kills him, but instead knocks his hatt off.

Yer gonna get it now, freaks.

He gets back up, and a cold, machine-like hatred surfaces. His eyes lock onto a grimlock, and his gun is firing its remaining bullets at the grimlocks before he even remembers unholstering it.

He then charges at a random grimlock with his sword, and attempts to kick one to the ground, and stab it through where its heart would be.

[Rebonack]

Between Murphy's brutal frenzy, Shidar's scything strokes, and Joe's dead-eye accuracy the Grimlocks are forced into retreat. Despite this temporary respite it is obvious that more forces are marshaling already back in the warrens.

Shidar winces as he pulls a spear from his side, the wound visibly healing before the eyes of anyone watching.

"We need to find a more defensible location if we hope to survive this," he comments. "If we had managed to sneak in we could have engaged them on more favorable terms, but there's no point in dwelling on that now. Back to the ridge! We should be able to hold the high ground against them."

[Nevrmore]

A spear manages to slide between Murphy's shoulder blades, causing him to roar loudly. He spins around, arms flailing, trying to destroy the mofo who did that.

[Rebonack]

Unfortunately the spear thrower is well beyond the reach of Murphy. Seeing that the last spear worked well the Grimlock throws another.

Shidar back his way through the mushroom forest, his guard flattened out into a broad sheet with which he's currently defending himself as best he can. The spears are pining off the barrier quite effectively. He gives Murphy a wide space of his own, not currently in the mood to have his head knocked off his shoulders.

Upon making his way over the ridge he drops low and draws his short bow. The crafty fighter had had the forethought to stick the sun rod in the spongy refuse, granting more than enough illumination to spot the spear throwers. He notches an arrow and lets fly into the pale chest of a sentry.

[Nevrmore]

The spear snaps in twine as it meets with a swinging, bear fist. Murphy, seeing the enemy, charges at him with feral rage in his eyes, intent on strangling him with his own intestines (if they have them...I don't know the physiologoy of these things)

[Rebonack]

((I'm sure they do. I'm pretty certain they're a knock off of morlocks from The Time Machine. Most monsters in DnD are thinly veiled references from elsewhere. Even non-open game content things like displacer beasts.))

Since the Grimlock is currently atop a very tall, woody mushroom he isn't very concerned. Apparently he hasn't ever seen the feats of raw physical might a bear is capable of when it's pissed off. Thus, he throws another spear.

Bu this time the first of the reinforcements are coming up from the village. Shidar decides that now would be a good time to start picking them off, so he does.

[Nevrmore]

The spear fails to penetrate Murphy's back, hitting it at an agle so as it refracts outward. Murphy runs up under the mushroom and begins a fierce battle with its base to upheave the thing.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" limps over towards Shidar, with his left arm looking like a bloody mess. He takes cover behind a large mushroom, and sits down with a groan.

He takes a bottle filled with painkillers, takes a measured amount, and swallows it. He doesn't take the time to realize that this has consequences, and will do more than numb the pain.

Aw right, I'm ready again, you freaks.

He gets back up, still with a dead left arm, and waits with the sword for a foolish grimlock to try and fight in close-quarters.

[Rebonack]

The mushroom, much to the displeasure of the pale savage atop it, topples to the ground, sending the spear thrower sprawling.

Shidar continues his barrage of arrows, picking of the Grimlocks as the draw near. He glances at Joe, then Joe’s arm.

“We are going to need to find you another source of rounds for your ‘gun’,” he comments. “And perhaps some armor you’re comfortable in.”

[Lord Magtok]

To hell with armor! I'm a gunfighter, not a Englishman wit' lizard legs! An' I'm sure I'll find somethin'.

With his good arm, "Joe" stabs at a charging grimlock, from a crouched position.

[Rebonack]

The grimlock dies a gurgly death as Joe’s weapon plunges into it.

Shidar drops his bow behind him and lashes out with his guard, sending the head of an encroaching savage rolling. The flint axe of another bites through the fighter’s armor, soliciting a flow of red from the wound. He brings up his gauntleted arm and dashes the creature in the face.

“I’ve heard of no country called ‘English’ in my days,” he grunts as he parries an axe stroke and hews through the arm of the pale cave-dweller. “Nor is my condition one I asked for.”

[Lord Magtok]

Funny, I thought armor was worn only by the people o' England back in the ol' times o' knights an' kings. So I'm not in the past? I'm in sum kinda different world altogether?

"Joe" slowly attempts to painfully remove the two spears piercing his left arm, aided only by the painkillers, and the fact that he's behind cover. He manages to remove a spear, and tosses it at the face of a charging grimlock.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy grabs a random Grimlock by the legs and upheaves him, then begins spinning around to make a Grimlock-flail.

[Rebonack]

Murphy bashes at the Grimlocks with his improvised flail. This inflicts a fair amount of damage on both the flail and the target.

The spear hurled by Joe imbeds itself in a rather surprised looking subterranean humanoid.

"We are currently in the Hamlet Territories, a vast sparsely populated region on the boarders of several surrounding nations," Shidar explains as calmly as he is able considering the circumstances. He notes that the Grimlocks have lost what moral they had and have begun to flee. "While there are knights and kings in some of these nations, this territory is largely autonomous."

He stands from behind his cover, gauntlet raised to protect himself and looks over the field of battle. Several dozen pale yahoos lay lifeless in the fungal forest, destined to join the offal that feeds the bloated mushrooms.

"They have likely fled into the surrounding tunnels at this point," Shidar notes. "We should be able to reach the treasure chambers unimpeded now."

[Lord Magtok]

Good. Think they'll have a good nuff doc back in town area fer my arm? It's pretty messed up. Never shoulda let you talk me into comin here.So 'bout how much treasure are we talkin'? An untouched gold mine, or A Fistful of Dollars?

[Nevrmore]

Murphy lowers the Grimlock, still spinning. The creature'shead begins grinding into the dirt until its neck makes a sickening crack. Murphy tosses the lifeless body away and sits down silently for a moment before he suddenly starts wailing in pain.

"My back has an owie!! My back has an owie!!!!"

[Rebonack]

"I doubt an ancient treasure hoard would contain any amount of merchant's notes unless someone beat us here. There should be a healer back at the Hamlet more than willing to tend your injuries," Shidar is about to begin on his trip down the hill when Murphy begins to moan. To be honest, he really isn't quite sure what to do. "I... eerr... don't have any healing potions remaining Murphy, though if you wish I could attempt to bind your wounds."

[Lord Magtok]

Joe looks sympathetically at the bear-man.

I got some meds that'll take the pain away fer a while, Murphy. Might make ya a little dizzy, though.

Exactly as he says that, he nearly trips and falls, but manages to grab a mushroom just before he falls.

Damn thing's already gettin' to my brain.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy begins sobbing uncontrollably. He turns to Shidar and puts his paws on his shoulder.

"Bl-Bl-Bl-Blue Ma-a-an! Make the hurtsies go awaaaay!!!" He wails.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" quickly realizes that Shidar might not be used to dealing with kids, and may do something he'd regret later. He also remembers that he owes Shidar for the potion.

Murphy, the sooner we get the treasure, the sooner we can find a doc fer ya. Let Shidar alone, and I'll...get ya a pet when we get back. Assumin' we can find a stray puppy er sumethin' later in the streets.

[Rebonack]

((Sorry about the wait. I had some unexpected company.))

"Joe is right, let's head down to the treasure room. There might even be something down there that can help you feel better," he motions toward the portion of the ruin that contains the chamber.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" follows Shidar, wobbling to each side as he walks and looking a bit dazed ((like Jack Sparrow does)), as his vision get a little blurry. He trips over a Grimlock corpse, and get back up to follow Shidar.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy reluctantly follows behind the other two, sobbing as he walks.

[Rebonack]

The trio enters a rather crumbly looking ruin. The sort with cyclopean stones and a connection to some madness inducing civilization that died out long before man walked the earth.

There aren't any rolling boulders or poison darts, just a vast treasure-trove of gems and gold and strange, ornate ceremonial objects. There's also a pedestal in the middle of the room with an ornate urn seated atop it.

Shidar begins to search about the room, hoping to find something that would help with his ally's wounds.

[Nevrmore]

Murphy sits in a corner of the room, his lip quivering.

[Rebonack]

After a few minutes of searching the blue haired man finally manages to find a stash of healing potions. He collects a handful and distributes them to both of his comrades.

"Drink this Murphy," he says, trying his best to sound reassuring. "It will make your back stop hurting."

[Nevrmore]

Murphy quickly devours the bottle, glass and all. He jumps up a few seconds later, nearly slamming right into Shidar.

"I FEEL GREAT!!"

[Rebonack]

Shidar stumbles back a bit to avoid being bull rushed by the bear.

"That's wonderful, Murphy. Glad you feel that way," he motions to the piles and piles of treasure and then to the pair of mules that had totally been with the party the whole time. "I'm going to start loading the treasure onto the mules, then we can head back to the Hamlet."

He begins to do just that.

[Lord Magtok]

"Joe" notices the ornate urn on the pedestal. He suddenly has a dark brown fedora, a whip, a brown jacket, and tan pants. He takes out a small bag of carefully weighed stones, and attempts to slowly switch the two.

((If you wanted Shidar to do this, I'll edit this, Rebonack.))

[Rebonack]

((Oh no, go right ahead.))

Fortunately the bag of stones doesn’t sink into the pedestal as one would expect. Instead, Joe manages to pilfer the ornate urn rather easily.

Shidar, meanwhile, is busy loading all manner of glittery treasure on to the party’s mules. He’s rather glad that Murphy didn’t eat them.

“Be careful with the Urn of Fabrication,” Shidar comments. “Aside from the Maul of Thoth,” he holds up a rather spectacular looking hammer. “It’s the most valuable thing down here.”

[Lord Magtok]

"Indiana Joe" suddenly looks like he did before he went for the urn. He carefully hands it over to Shidar, which is difficult when you have only one good arm to do it.

So what makes it so special? Just it being old and artsy? Who buys this kinda stuff anyway?

[Rebonack]

The blue haired man manages the transfer easily enough and proceeds to lash the thin-walled bronze urn to the mule. He considers it for a moment and then turns to Joe.

“It is said that the urn can fashion anything for its owner, provided it is supplied with the proper materials,” he begins. “Do you know what alchemical reagents are used to produce the smoke and thunder from your gun? If so, then the urn should be able to fashion more for you.”

((Yay! A way for Joe to actually get more ammo that makes sense!))

[Nevrmore]

Murphy digs through random piles of gold, stuffing shiny things in his pockets.

"I have to find the shiniest shiny in this whole room!" He proclaims.

[Lord Magtok]

Its just lead. Should be easy enough to get. So what does that Maul of Thor or whatever do?

((Yay! I don't have to come up with something myself! And Murphy had pockets? Odd. I always suposed he was as naked as Chewbacca.))

[Nevrmore]

Its just lead. Should be easy enough to get. So what does that Maul of Thor or whatever do?

((Yay! I don't have to come up with something myself! And Murphy had pockets? Odd. I always suposed he was as naked as Chewbacca.))
((Well, I meant the pockets on his coat. That's where he has the jar of Josephine, too))

[Rebonack]

((Saltpeter, charcoal, and sulfur for the powder. Lead for the slugs. Brass for the casings.))

As Murphy digs he manages to find a sapphire the size of an orange. It is, incidentally, exceptionally shiny. Fortunately it doesn’t imprison any extra-dimensional deity slaying beasts.

“It is said that the Maul of Thoth can deliver blows of godly power, though it would require great strength and proper training to wield it well,” he straps the hammer onto a mule. “I, however, have a weapon of my own and hammers aren’t much to my liking. There is a Paladin king who would cherish such a weapon. I’m sure he would be willing to part with a goodly portion of gold to acquire it.”

[Nevrmore]

Murphy hugs the shiny sapphire to his chest, then hides it under his flight cap. "Yay! Closure!"

[Rebonack]

“We had best return to the surface,” Shidar comments. “I’m not sure how long it will be until the grimlocks decide to start harassing us again.”

He tugs at the mule’s bridal and leads the animals up the path. Nothing attacks the party on the way back to the Hamlet, mainly so they can head over to the tavern right away and flaunt their treasure at people as soon as possible.

[Lord Magtok]

For no explainable reason, lead, brass, saltpeter, charcoal, and sulfur fall into the urn. "Joe" gets his bullets, and will have an unlimited supply until Plot requires him to run out.

[Rebonack]

As everyone, and by everyone I mean all the Adventurers, has left the cavern a clean up crew of gelatinous cubes moves in to clean up the dead Grimlocks. The remaining grimlocks discuss the inherent problems of being NPCs fated to get slain by a party of treasure hunters, but in the current job market it's all that is really available for someone with their skill level.

A rather sizable army of Kobolds moves in and begins to dismantle the ruins as if they were a set on a stage. After several minutes of huffing the eldritch ruins have been replaced with winding Kobold mines in preparation for the next Adventurer raid. A Kobold checks the poorly locked treasure chest while a second brings the water in the caldron full of rubber prop babies to boil.

With the challenge rating appropriate war camp ready a group of six motley demihumans descends upon the poor scaly buggers and begin to gank them for XP.

Such is the purpose of the Caves of Generic Creeping.

[Flabbicus]

The faun hops over to the cave and scratches his head at the sign. He glances inside the cave and then decides to come back later.

[Rebonack]

A group of six adventurers exit the cave, congratulating one another on a raid well done. They head off down the road to the next encounter their GM has readied for them.