Piedmon_Sama
2007-03-14, 12:23 AM
Interview: Lance Wulfe, aka "Dr. Portal," formerly of "The Four Horsemen."
Selected Interviews: November 2006
Q: What made you decide to do interviews, after 16 years of silence?
A: Well, I suppose it's Brad's death. Brad's death, more than anything.
Q: Why? What about his death.... opened that door for you?
A: I don't know. It just didn't seem right. [Pause] Well, it was kind of... well, we never took a blood oath, or a pact of any sort. But you could say we had an... understanding. An understanding not to talk to the public about, our, well, about what was going on "behind the scenes" if you will.
Q: Even though Mr. Castiglione and Mrs. Franklin are still alive.
A: Ted and Samantha, yes. Well, I suppose I'm not as.... "bound" by them, if you will. I don't know, Brad was our leader. We were all a little afraid of him, I guess.
Q: Afraid? Why?
A: Um... that was a poor choice of words. But Brad, he was a very imposing man. Made a big impression wherever he went. He was always the leader, and if we were a little scared of him, we loved him too. He was a very moral man, and you always felt a little inadequate around a guy who---with no hesitation, I mean, no pause, threw himself into a flux-particle beam to save some stranger. Just some guy on the street. Brad didn't know what that ray was gonna do; his armor stopped it thank God, but he didn't know it would. Believe me, molecular scrambling is a very messy way to die. Brad did mad, crazy stuff like that all the time, and everytime, amazingly, he survived. After a while you started to think, jeez, talk about a charmed life. [Laughs]
Q: So, Swift---Brad---you looked up to him.
A: Definitely. Definitely. Never knew a braver man.
Q: As Dr. Portal, you were---
A: Oh God, here it comes....
Q: ---were, publically, in the public eye, kind of....
A: A third wheel? Second banana? The supporting character? Look, I know it. Brad, Samantha, Ted, they had real powers. Or real moxy, in Samantha's case. They were there in the thick of it, fighting tooth and nail. Me? I was Dr. Portal. I teleported them around. I was the taxi. [Laughs] I couldn't stand it as a young man. The magazines, they always wanted to talk to Brad. The gossip rags, it was always, "Ace of Spades and The Tigress---will they, won't they?" Me, I was just the other guy. Came in last in all the popularity polls. Oh, we all acted like we didn't read those things, but we hung on every word.
Q: Were you ever made to feel unequal with the others as a result? Did your lesser status in the media ever effect your relationship with the team?
A: No. Never. I was always treated as an equal partner. Well, there was this one time.... [Pause] It was 1976. This was when the oldsters were all retiring, heroes and villains. Things were getting a little darker. Just a little, this wasn't the 80's yet. [Nervous chuckle] But guys like the Mad Laugher, or Frank the Goon, those harmless old crooks, you kind of liked them despite yourself---they were getting replaced by guys like The Flayer. That, excuse me, that ****er. Serial killers in costumes. It was sick, Samantha.... no woman--excuse me, this will sound chauvanist---no woman should have to deal with people like The Flayer. What he did to those girls, you know.
But I'm getting sidetracked, sorry. 1976, we'd caught him. There was a big debate once we learned who he was---we knew with the lawyers he could hire, there was no way he'd get the death penalty, no way but nobody ever deserved it more. So we had this sicko trussed up, and right there, right there, we talked about killing him ourselves. [Pause] Yeah, bet you never heard that before. Somehow, it never made it into Ted's autobiography. [Laughs bitterly]
Q: Obviously, you must have decided not to kill him.
A: Yeah, yeah. I still thank God we didn't. Not that that--not that The Flayer didn't deserve it. But if we'd done it, taken on that burden of someone's death, it would have changed us, I think for the worse.
But there we all were, and here's the incident I want to talk about. [Pause] Bear in mind, we JUST brought down The Flayer. Everybody's exhausted, the adrenaline's still pumping and... it was Brad. I guess I can say that now, it was Brad who wanted to kill him. Ted and Samantha didn't say anything. Brad was gonna do it---just grab the guy's head and vibrate his arm, it would have shaken his brain apart.... and I was the one who said no. I still can't believe it.
Now Brad has this big cut on his chest that's still raw, and he's been knocked around something fierce. He's tired, angry, and I absolutely do not blame him for what he said next. He---man's only human. He sticks one of his big fingers into my chest and he says, "can it, Wulfe. You're only on the team to save us cab fare."
[I][Long pause, then a sudden laugh] Jesus Christ, looking back on it, I can't believe how bad that hit me. I guess it was partly the situation, but really, Brad touched a nerve there. He didn't even swear---I never in my life heard Brad Henderson to utter an obscenity---but he couldn't have hurt me worse if he slapped me. I was such a kid---just out of college, but obviously I'd been out there since I was 14, Kid Portal. I was still a kid, though, we all were. Kids shouldn't have to deal with things like The Flayer. Where did that animal get off, dressing like a super villain? He was a serial killer, is all. FBI should have dealt with him.
Anyway, I left right there. Opened up a portal, let them take a real cab home. I don't remember if I said anything---maybe "**** you, Henderson." Jesus Christ, what a kid I was. Iheard later it was Samantha who talked Brad down, God bless her.
Q: Kind of a dark note to open on, sorry.
A: Oh, don't be. I got over it.
Q: What made the Horsemen decide to break up---and collectively retire---in 1990?
A: Oh, lots of things. Lots of things. I don't have to talk about the 80's, do I? Those were bad times, bad times for everybody. We'd just gone throguh a very bleak decade, lost a lot of friends, and we just unanimously decided we didn't have it in us anymore. We didn't have to even talk about it, really, we all just knew.
Q: Was age a factor?
A: Not for me. I was forty, which is obviously out of my prime, but I hadn't gotten beat up the way Brad, Ted and Samantha had over the years. Being Team Taxi was not without its perks. [Laughs] But for the others... well, I can't speak for them with all certainty, but yeah. I think yeah, they were all feeling quite a bit old and tired.
Q: And the costumes.... by 1988, Ace of Spades and The Tigress had stopped wearing tights and adopted street clothes with masks. That was an increasingly popular trend amongst the superhero community. Any thoughts on that?
A: Ah, yes, the costumes. The symbol of the whole stupid thing. You know what I think? Being a superhero is like refusing to grow up. It's saying you don't want to be part of the grungy, the kind of rat-race the adult world is, know what I'm saying? The costume is the ultimate symbol of that. Once you pull it on, bam, you're a kid again. I was a dentist---a lot of us were dentists in our real lives, kind of weird---but up into my 30's, I'd put the costume on and suddenly I'm a bouncy teenager again, and I can take on the whole world.
Now, I'm not trying to play psychologist here, but you'll notice 1988, a lot of us, a lot of us in the community, stopped wearing the costumes. [Pause] We were still doing our thing, but now we were adults. And adults, they--we--can't do so much. We get worn out quick.
Q: The classic tights are getting rarer into the 21st century. These days we're seeing more armor, more cybernetics, and bulkier clothing on the heroes.
A: Eh, fashion's fashion. I'm sure the "classic" look, if you want to call it that, will swing back around. Heh, you want to know something funny. There was a tiff that lasted five years between Brad and Samantha over her costume, back when the Horsemen first got together. I mean, they got on great elsewhise, but this was an issue that stayed open for a long time. Personally, and I never said anything about this for years, I personally agreed with Brad. Samantha's first costume, with the skirt, it was just a little too "liberated" for my tastes. Gave our team the wrong kind of attention. Now I look at what some of the girls are wearing these days---my God!
Q: Let's talk about that attention. The Four Horsemen formed in 1968. Later that year, you first became famous after you defeated the Quan Chi Dragon in Washington D.C. Would you mind sharing some memories from that period?
A: Let's see, let's see. Yeah, the Johnny Carson show. I remember that quite vividly. We were all backstage. Brad is being his usual stoic self. Ted and Samantha are off playing lovebirds somewhere, and I'm standing behind the curtain sweating bullets. Facing down a 20-story-tall lizard, sure. Facing down a live audience? Fuhgeddabadit. So I'm there with my knees knocking together, and then here comes Johnny himself; walking around like he owns the place because, of course, he does. He strides up to me and says, "you look nervous, kid. Take a drink." We're standing next to a punch table, and he pours me a dixie cup which I accept, saying thank-you in a voice that's way too high. Then he says to me, "hey, don't worry yourself. We're here to make you famous."
So we get onto the show, and Jeez Louise. Later, they told me I looked "enthusiastic and friendly." All I can say is, I'm some kind of actor. The whole time I'm up there I'm looking out at the audience and I'm thinking, "oh God, oh God, all America is seeing me in my tights right now." Never in my life did I keep my legs so tightly crossed. But yeah, that was just the start. We were as big as the Beatles, for a while there. Every superhero team gets a year, maybe two if they're good at selling themselves.
Q: Let's keep reminiscing. You had a lot of adventures where the Horsemen teamed up with other heroes. Who outside of your own group impressed you the most?
A: The Overcommander. Kind of a goofy name, but I guess it sounded cool in the 50's. We met him back in the 70's, towards the end of his career. It was just amazing to be around him--this guy was one of the first generation. A real living legend. You've probably heard this before, how some people have---what do you call it, a presence. A kind of aura. Something in you just immediately connects to them. That was how I felt whenever I met Overcommander. I felt that way with all the first generationers, by the way, but there was something different about Overcommander. While the others were all, I dunno, kind of distant---they were friendly, but it was an "oh, aren't you kids just cute," kind of friendly. Overcommander, he treated us like partners. That meant a lot to me.
Of course, Overcommander wasn't a living titan like those others. They had rediculous, I mean rediculous powers. You could feel the power coming off Red Thunder---this seven foot tall Apache man, as soon as you got within five feet of him you could feel a weight in the air, rolling off his muscles. You KNEW he could toss a car over his shoulder, kick down a department store, all that. Kind of frightening. But Overcommander, even under that white hood, he seemed like the kind of guy you could sit down and have a beer with.
Q: How about the other side of that coin. Was there anyone in the superhero community you didn't like?
A: Oooh, now you're going for dirt. [Laughs] Well, sure, you know. There was more than a hundred of us in America, if we all got together. Sometimes you meet someone and your personalities just clash. Doesn't make 'em a bad guy. Well, Silver Strider, that guy was completely up his own ass. Echobat, too. Some of those guys were just pompous, moody brats who were in it for the spotlight, or because daddy didn't give them enough love or some such bull. That's pretty rare, though. When you dodge death-rays with someone, you do develop a sort of bond. Democrat or Republican, black and white, whatever. Near death experiences are pretty good at connecting people.
[Pause] I wonder if Silver Strider will read this and give me a call. Heh.
On the other hand.... I suppose this merits a mention. Yeah, you know what I was never comfortable with? And I never said a word about this at the time.... but I could never stand the mystical-type heroes. You know what I mean?
Q: I'm not sure.
A: The, you know, the wizards. So-called spellcasters, witches, warlocks, whatever you want. It was like every team had to have one back in the 60's. Now, I'm not saying anything bad about spirituality here, but a lot of those guys in my opinion, were cranks. "Dr. Witch," "The Wicker Man," you know. By the Eye of Uatu or whatever. They'd always go around, smelling like incense or scented candles, you know, to mask the weed.... and if you gave them a nasty face because they were wearing a belly shirt, they'd wave a hand over you and say, "brother, there is a weight on your soul." Man, that is one part of the 60's I DON'T miss.
Q: You think all magical super-heroes were fake?
A: Uh well.... look: I inherited a machine, and I don't know how it works, but it could open up portals in reality and teleport me and whoever I wanted to wherever I needed to go. I'm no engineer, I certainly don't know how that Transducer worked. Heck, the army guys I gave it to, they STILL haven't figured out how my uncle built the damn thing. Now, just because I don't understand how that machine worked, am I going to call it magic? I think that's how a lot of these so-called mystics worked. They had powers; I'm not denying that. I was there and I saw. But I had powers too, and I knew there was no hocus-pocus about it. I'm not saying all these guys were hucksters, although some probably were. But there's a lot of stuff in the universe we don't understand. Doesn't make it magic. Just means we don't understand it yet.
You know, being Dr. Portal, I think that gave me a better perspective than you'd get from talking to, say, Ted. What I mean is, I was always in the back, you know? I was support. Me and, what was her name, some girl with healing powers....
Q: Sister Superior?
A: Yeah, that was it---she still active?
Q: No.
A: Okay, then. I knew her as Nicole. Very nice Catholic girl. There was me, her, Hopper Toad---oh man, that guy could make you laugh. We were behind the battle lines, most of the time. And I think we could generally see what was going on better than anyone else, probably because everyone else was ducking and fighting for their lives. But it gave us more of the overall perspective too, you know?
Take, I don't know, any old time. I'm standing back while Brad is trading punches on the curb with Brazos Gigantes, and I'm sure Brad is just thinking "get him, get him, get him!" but I could see the whole scene unfolding, and I could tell, even then, Gigantes was just some poor kid, doped out of his mind on super-steroids. He was terrified, you could see that. And I remember the way the papers sensationalized Ted and Samantha's wedding---Ace of Spades and the Tigress, "a love story to move mountains," heh. The press ruined that relationship, and I still feel bad about that. But even then, I could kind of see it unfolding, off to the side as I was.
Q: How do you mean?
A: Well---ah hell, I'm just shooting my mouth off. Ted will probably call me when this is published and give me the business, what do I know and all that. But look, how old were they when they started dating? It was 1969, they weren't even 20. Just kids, it was just puppy love. They were more in love with, I don't know, the idea of having a super hero romance than each other. But the papers just ate it up, so I think they stayed together long after they would have broken it off if they didn't feel they had newspapers and fans to impress.
Q: Did you ever have feelings for Samantha Franklin?
A: Woah! [Laughs] Yeah, sure. We all crushed on Samantha a bit, and at the same time she was our favorite little sister. She was the girl in our boys' club. Not that she didn't deserve to be there---she was as tough as anybody, way tougher than me. She'd take a punch from some freak who could crush bricks with his toes, she'd take it, roll with it, and get right back up. Me, any punk with a tire iron could have put the 'ol Doc out of commission. I was a wuss. She deserved a lot more credit than she got in those old days.
Q: Let's get back to the public. How big an impact do you feel your fans had on your careers?
A: [Pause] It's a strange thing, being a super-hero. You're halfway between celebrity and cop, but never so... legitimate as one or the other. The public has always had a huge influence on the way we operate. For instance, back in the 1960s, when I got my start, people loved superheroes. Thanks to guys like the Overcommander and American Hawk, guys who were in World War II and practically national icons, putting on a pair of tights made you an instant darling.
I think what happened was around the 70's the field got a little crowded---a few too many amateurs, some who were just in it for the fame, or the excuse to punch somebody. I think that ruined it a bit, and when we got to the close of the 70's, super-heroes were becoming something of a, I don't know, an underground thing. We stopped operating in broad daylight, and that was the end of the conventions and the fair appearances. I really miss that, actually.
[B]Q: Meeting the public?
A: Yeah, meeting the public. Some heroes still do that, but it's just not the same.... they go on CNN and talk to Larry King, or they go on Oprah and talk about their parents. In my day we would go to fairs, we'd go to schools.... the kids were always great, I loved it. Well, we had to learn not to pick up kids, because they ALWAYS pulled at our masks. [Laughs]
Q: Since you revealed your identity, have you gotten any communications from fans, admirers...?
A: Oh, a few. Not that much. Can't be surprised---I was never a big name, even in my prime, and by the time we finally threw in the towel the Horsemen were langushing in obscurity. Still, I get some things, one letter a week or so. One very nice thing I get, every year at Christmas, is from this old lady back in Manhattan. She bakes me a pound cake and expedites it every year, because in 1976 she was one of the people The Horsemen saved from the Titanium Titan. [Laughs] I hardly even REMEMBER the Titanium Titan. But yeah, that's a very sweet thing, and it's that--plus the letters I get thanking me for this and that, touching the lives of people across the nation. It means a lot to me and I'm grateful for every one.
Q: How have you been spending your retirement? You were were 40 when you retired.
A: From superheroing. I was still a dentist until 200.
Q: 50, then, but that's still quite young.
A: True, and that's not bad at all. It's a government stipend I got when I gave them the Dimensional Transducer. They still send me regular checks for that. In the meantime, I'm boating, hiking around in upstate, reading books, following the Giants religiously, and of course my wife. Always keep busy.
Q: Back to the past. Have there been any times in your career when you were absolutely terrified? I mean, scared witless.... any times that stand out in your memory?
A: Hmmmm. A few. You always feel vulnerable when you're out in the field, in the presence of monsters and demigods and whatnot. It's a feeling like the bottom of your stomach dropping out, definitely not fun. There were a few times, though, when I was so absolutely scared that I lost complete control. Let's see.... the Tyrelian Invasion, remember that?
Q: I was four.
A: Oh. Well, I remember it pretty well, I can tell you. I remember being part of the group that assembled over Times Square. Suddenly all the traffic stopped, and the Square was so unnaturally quiet. And then I saw them, rolling out of the clouds, these big silver spheres. Just sliding into view in complete silence, no motor noise or nothing. I've watched images of those Tyrelian ships on newsreels since, it just doesn't do it justice. Looks like a special effect when you see it on TV. You gotta really be there---and I tell you, your brain is just screaming at you, "this can't be happening, this isn't real." My knees gave out, I remember, the embarrassment snapped me back to reality....[Pause]
Okay, then there was The Revanant. That, excuse me, that ****er. He still active?
Q: Yes.
A: Figures. He's never gonna quit until someone finally puts a bullet in his head. Crazy, crazy bastard. You don't know about this, but one time he was looking for Brad. He thought Brad had killed someone---someone on the police force, a detective. The guy's brain had been vibrated to mush inside his skull, so it had the hallmarks of someone with Swift's powers. So the Revanant comes looking for him. Thing is, he knew who we were. Really were. Don't ask me how, to this day I don't know. [Pause. Then a long sigh.]
I was living in an apartment at the time, and I had just come back from the grocery store. I opened the door with two bags in my arms, and he's standing right there. That mask over his face, that rubber skull---it looks scary on the news footage, but up close it's the most rediculous thing---and he's wearing that big black coat of his, the one that smells like a sewer pipe. I walk right in and the guy levels a handgun right into my face. Big silvery cannon, like Dirty Harry. I'm sure that's where he got the idea, that scumbag.
I'm stupified. I can't think. All that happens is two words go through my brain, again and again. "I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead." [Pause] I'd never had a gun in my face before. It's not unusual now, but back then, back then NOBODY used guns. It was against whatever we had, like, our Geneva Convention. So he says to me, in that voice he's got, "where's Brad Henderson?" [Another sigh] And.... I told him. I just told him, right there. I was 22. I'd never been so scared in my life. He uncocked his gun, switched the safety on or whatever, and it was like someone had cut off my strings.
My knees gave out, again, and I dropped down, dropped the groceries everywhere.
[Suddenly, he laughs] You know what that bastard did? He bent down, he picked up an apple, and he bites into it as he walks past me. Doesn't say anything else. Jesus Christ, I face down monsters and mad scientists every week, I've been to outer space, and here I was thinking I was gonna buy it from some psychopath with a gun. Says something, don't it?
Q: Did that experience alter you in any long-term way?
A: I bought a security system. [Laughs]
Q: Let's move back onto the more personal aspect. Neither you or Swift married during your careers, which took up the entirety of your 20s and 30s. Brad Henderson died single. A lot of people in the superpowered community never marry. Why do you think that is?
A: You know, I don't know. It's really not for lack of trying. I had girlfriends when I was a young man. I mean, even without letting them in on my secret I.D. I worked out hard, and I can say without bragging that I was one good looking, muscular young man. You couldn't have gotten us to wear those outfits otherwise. Nothing ever lasted, though.... I suppose it was the strain. Out of all the girls I dated in ten years, I let two in on who I really was. I suppose the others couldn't understand why I had to spend so many nights studying. The two I did give my secret to.... one said she wouldn't be able to handle it if I died. The other dumped me when I wouldn't let her join the Horsemen, sheesh.
[He points at a picture on the wall, of Dr. Portal in his black and orange costume, standing with the other Four Horsemen at a convention. The picture must date from the early 70s.]
We really were a good-looking bunch. We knew it, but we kind of didn't know it. No kid can long stand to believe he's really that attractive, there has to be SOMETHING wrong with him. God, look at Samantha. You know she was the first one to drop her costume---she said by 1986 her butt was sagging way too much for the tights. Total bunk, she always looked gorgeous to me. [Laughs] My God, to think I ran around with a gorgeous young girl, both of us in those glorified swimsuits, for years and never did anything.
[His wife sticks her head in from the kitchen. There is some brief bantering, and then he shoos her away.]
Q: There's been a lot of talk, in magazines and talk shows, about why a lot of superheroes never settle down. Have you heard?
A: Yeah, the gay thing. You wanna talk about that? Okay. I never heard anything, I never asked. Doesn't change a thing---they were all good, honorable men.
Q: So, when Radon came out--
A: That was in 1988. I had some more important things on my mind, at the time. But Radon is a good kid. I saw him fight in the Tyrelian battle, and he saved lives. Good kid.
Q: This feels like a frivolous question, I'm almost embarrassed to ask you this. But did Samantha Franklin ever take issue with the name "Horsemen?"
A: [Laughs] Nah, she thought it was a gas. She got a kick out of calling herself the Fourth Horseman. If we'd changed the name just for her, she probably would have been offended. She was very determined to not get any special treatment. Of course, we gave her special treatment anyway. Pretty girls can't stop boys from being boys.
Q: We're almost out of time. Is there anything else you'd like to say? Maybe you have a message for some of the young metahumans of the 21st Century?
A: You bet. To those kids, I want to say... find a team, and join up. Don't try to be a solo vigilante---I hear more and more of these "lone wolf" types dying every year. It's just not worth it. I want to also say, always look out for the guy next to you. That's how a team stays alive out there---everybody watches each others' back. I'd also say "don't take any stupid risks," but come on.
Q: Well, that's all. It's been an honor to speak with you.
A: Thank you! No, really---it feels weird to air all this out after so many years, but it's not a bad feeling at all. Would you care to join me and my wife for a beer?
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