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View Full Version : When Have You Wanted to Smack a Player



Keledrath
2015-02-03, 10:03 AM
This can be from the GM seat or from the player side of the table: When has someone done something where you just wanted to reach over and smack them (in a friendly, not aggressive way)?

I am starting a gestalt campaign tomorrow using Pathfinder as my system. We are using Dreamscarred Press material, Paizo's Alchemist, and a new casting system called Spheres of Power. Spheres allows you to take drawbacks to get more spell points, and some drawbacks help to emulate traditional casters (verbal component, somatic components, etc)

The last of my players made his character last night. He is making a telekinetic swordsman using the Spheres Psymbiot (Telekinesis/Telepathy focused class) and the Path of War: Expanded Harbinger. He chose to have his drawbacks apply to his maneuvers from Harbinger as well as his magic from Psymbiot. These drawbacks are
Somatic Casting 2 (can't wear armor, needs a free hand)
Verbal Casting
Magical Signs (there is a visible effect when you cast)
Focus Casting (like clerics with holy symbols)

His focus is his sword. His somatic is hand gestures. His verbal is saying the name of the spell/maneuver. His sign is the subtitles that appear.

IZ42
2015-02-03, 10:47 AM
I haven't really wanted to smack anybody in a game, but I'm sure plenty of people have wanted to smack me, from both RL and PbP campaigns. I tend to play characters like that.

Sith_Happens
2015-02-03, 10:56 AM
His focus is his sword. His somatic is hand gestures. His verbal is saying the name of the spell/maneuver. His sign is the subtitles that appear.

#winningD&D

As for myself, a few things come to mind:

1. In one of the D&D 3.5 campaigns I'm currently in, whenever we're not in combat and the Fighter says or does literally anything.

2. In both of the D&D 3.5 campaigns I'm currently in, at least 90% of the time that the Ranger's player (same player in both, playing a Ranger in both) has an idea.

3. In a previous D&D 3.5 campaign (I haven't played a lot of different systems yet), when the Sorceress started detailing her plan to earn extra cash by becoming a fortune teller. The phony kind. The party was, at the time of her coming up with this plan, more than high enough level for her to become the real thing if she so wished. The roll for an observer to definitively tell the difference, for those of you less familiar with the system, is generally considered a trivially easy one for anyone capable of trying in the first place, and such people are assumed to be far from rare. The campaign had to that point taken place entirely within a single modest-sized country with good roads in which our characters were verging on household names, so skipping town after being found out would accomplish nothing. And to top it off, even if Operation Pretend to Do Something Several of My Teammates Can Already Do and So Could I somehow didn't fall apart almost immediately, even the most optimistic take from it would be barely more than a rounding error on the money she already had.

It took multiple of us explaining all of the above points several times in total before she realized that maybe this wasn't the best idea.

Orderic
2015-02-03, 01:59 PM
Several times. Mostly when my players interact stupidly with traps.

He steps on a trap that casts inflict wounds. And stays on it. Taking damage again.

Then there was the time the trapfinder opened a door... and everyone rushed past him, directly into the trap behind the door.

blacklight101
2015-02-03, 02:21 PM
In the last 3.5 game I was in, any time our rogue wanted to do something, most of us wanted to hit her. Her sister did several times.

You would think after 5 years, you would figure out how to play an rpg. Not this chick. She can't be bothered to commit any of her abilities to memory or a handful of other things I rambled about in "worst player". Almost makes me want to smack her just thinking about that crap we put up with. But not aggressively. Much.

Kane0
2015-02-03, 03:44 PM
When our party diviner cast Detect Thoughts right in front of his intended target. He recieved a backhand from the target in game for his trouble.
Then he tried exactly the same thing again later, obviously intending to be more subtle about it but failing to tell anyone that.

And this guy had been doing the RP thing way too long to have an excuse for that kind of bad judgement.

ComaVision
2015-02-03, 03:52 PM
I had a player insist on switching characters. Previously a Factotum, now a Druid. Asked me if it was ok to have a Fleshraker, take Greenbound Summoning etc. My response was "I don't care about the power, I just don't want the game slowed down because you don't have the stats ready for what you're summoning." I was immediately reassured that all the preparation would be done ahead of time.

Fast forward to game, and me staring as the player reads through her spells trying to decide which one to use. Additionally, she doesn't know the abilities of the fleshraker ("What is Leaping Pounce?"). :smallfurious:

kladams707
2015-02-03, 04:11 PM
We once spent over an hour discussing the rules of "illusion" with regards to visual devices (comers, electrobinoculars, etc.) from Star Wars Revised because a player wanted clarification.

jedipotter
2015-02-03, 04:27 PM
Yes, i run in to ''fun'' players all the time.

My game shop has a ''DM wanted'' board. Often for groups that have ''lost'' a DM, but want to keep playing. And so someone like me will come in to take over. But it's down right amazing some peoples playstlyes...

The players that don't know what a feat, ability or spell does might be the worst. They are quick to say ''I cast the spell'', but then just look blankly.

The players that don't get the really simple concepts like ''move 30 feet'' and how far that is on the grid. Worse was a player who though he ''had'' to move 30 feet each time and he could not move like 10 feet.

The Grue
2015-02-03, 06:02 PM
Whenever I, as BFC Wizard, lay down a spell to break an encounter into manageable groups only to have the entire party whine that now they can't run up and stab those other guys. Because obviously not a single one has anything in the way of ranged weapons.

When another player insists that not only is in combat healing an effective strategy, but that this isn't even his opinion: it is somehow objective undeniable fact. He refuses to even acknowledge that I might disagree.

When the DM of our next campaign states that all 3rd party material is hideously broken, and that the Synhesist far outstrips T1 casters as overpowered.

When all three of these examples are the same person.

Fumble Jack
2015-02-03, 08:43 PM
Whenever the Duskblade in my 3.5 game says he has a brilliant idea, everyone else at the game table wants to give him a light smack upside the head.

Whenever same Duskblade tries to be the diplomat, with a negative charisma & no diplomacy.

Deophaun
2015-02-03, 09:05 PM
What about the whole party?

"All right. The enemy BSF rolled a 1 on his save and is now dominated. The road to the enemy caster is open... wait, why are you charging the BSF? Why are you grappling the BSF? Why did you just scorching ray the grappled BSF and hit our ally? No one's on the caster? Why's he targeting me with a disintegrate?!"

Telwar
2015-02-03, 11:13 PM
When I ran an SR4 game, one guy ran an ork gun adept, doing two-guns-blazing. Which is doable, you just have to split your die pool between the two guns. And if he'd asked, we could've come up with some adept powers to help with that.

Of course, in combat, he'd forgot to do anything but fire twice with one gun, the other in his off hand dangling limply at his side. Or something. Then I'd remind him, and he'd do the two-guns thing for a round or two, and then forget. After a while, I stopped reminding him.

In the first adventure, instead of being up with the possession mage to look somewhat imposing during the talking parts of the meet that was *clearly* going to turn into the Big Firefight and doing his two-guns-blazing thing, he opted to hide in the bushes and use his backup assault rifle.

Le sigh.

Jay R
2015-02-04, 12:19 PM
We were a first level 2E party. I was the wizard/thief, and the others were a Ranger, a Fighter, and a Paladin.

Notice - I am the only character who is not a warrior.

We were attacked by skeletons. So obviously, I ignored my sword and used my quarterstaff. Because every low-level melee fighter always has a back-up bludgeoning weapon for when piercing and slashing won't work well.

But I was the only one. Not one of the warriors had a blunt weapon. My wizard/thief was the only one who planned like a warrior.

VincentTakeda
2015-02-04, 07:57 PM
Dont you mean your character was the only one with an Int (or Wis perhaps) high enough to know that skeletons were resistant to other kinds of attacks? Heheheheh.

goto124
2015-02-04, 08:15 PM
Pretty sure it applied to the players too...

Alent
2015-02-04, 09:21 PM
PF port of what I think was Keep on the Borderlands (I know nothing more than it was a retro module).

The entire party is standing at the entrance to the tomb of this Radiant Servant of Pelor dude, trying to solve the puzzle to get inside and presumably do some tomb looting, there's three puzzle doors leading in, we're at the second one:

DM: "There is an inscription on the wall, it says: "I am stolen by the sun in day and returned by the moon at night, what am I?" (or something to that effect)

Me, without pause or thought: "Stars."

DM, while making an exasperated "really?" face: "the door opens."

Party leader looks up from his character sheet and says, at the same time as the DM announces the door's opening.: "Okay, let's think about this..."

(Leader rambles on incessantly and the group discusses the puzzle for five minutes.)

I look at the DM, I nod at the party. He shakes his head, sighs. "GUYS. The door is open."

Leader: "wait, what? what was the answer?"

DM: "You don't know."

Edit: I should add, that player was convinced the puzzle was going to lock him in because he hadn't solved it for the rest of the session.

Marlowe
2015-02-05, 03:48 AM
A similar business where the DM probably wanted to smack ALL of us...

GM:OK, you've beaten the ghouls...now you come to a stone door carved with the image of the Angel of Death-

Me: Oh! Azrael.

GM: You C**t. That was the codeword, the door opens. [Some business. The door opens to some stairs down to a sealed chamber piled with loot]

Thief & Fighter: Gosh, how are we going to carry off all this stuff?

Me: I fill my pockets and pack with choice items, then back up the stairs, out the door, and say "Azrael".

DM: The door closes, with the others inside. [Looks at Fighter and Thief] What are you two doing?

Fighter & Thief: Oh, we'll just spend some more time picking over the loot.

DM: [raises eyebrow]

Fighter & Thief: OK, we'll come back upstairs and say "Azrael".

DM: The door remains closed

[Terrible pause]

Me: Well. Isn't this interesting. Seems the word only works from outside. Oh well, nice knowing you guys. I'll be back in a few weeks with a team of porters to remove the rest of the treasure and dispose of your starved, dehydrated, possibly autocannibalized corpses--

Fighter: You can't leave us!

Me: Oh OKAY. Let's say, you rough up Thief, steal all his gear and treasure, give me that and I'll let YOU out.

Fighter: Done!

Thief: WHAT!?

[Fighter beats up Thief and throws him back down the stairs after taking his gold.]

Me: Azrael. [Door opens, Fighter comes out.] Azrael. [Door closes]

Fighter: Azrael! [Door opens]

Me: Don't say Azrael. [Door closes]

Fighter: Why not! Azrael! [Door opens]

Me: It just sounds silly when you say Azrael. [Door closes]

Fighter: So you're the only one allowed to say Azrael? [Door opens]

Me: I say Azrael [door closes] when I want to say Azrael [door opens]. When I'm not saying Azrael [Door closes] I don't want to hear Azrael [door opens]

Fighter: Oh Azrael! Come on! Azrael, azrael, azrael!

Me: Azrael off.

Thief: What about me?

DM: Doors banging back and forth quite dangerously now...

It gets sillier, but you get the idea.

Tiri
2015-02-05, 05:43 AM
When my cousins, who were playing a bard and a duskblade, realized they had forgotten what every single one of of their spells did and proceeded to spend 2 hours searching through the PHB and PHBII for their spell effects.

Sliver
2015-02-05, 06:08 AM
One of my first games had a player I wanted to smack... Our first encounter, we get ambushed by orcs. This player tries to convince the orcs, while speaking in abyssal, that we are his prisoners and the orcs should leave us alone. This would have been fine... Except the orcs already attacked us, we were fighting back, nothing about our armed adventurers implied being prisoners, and he tried multiple rounds to convince the orcs while not helping us fight and his attempt not even distracting the orcs from the battle.

Some people can't let it go.

The Glyphstone
2015-02-05, 01:57 PM
This can be from the GM seat or from the player side of the table: When has someone done something where you just wanted to reach over and smack them (in a friendly, not aggressive way)?

I am starting a gestalt campaign tomorrow using Pathfinder as my system. We are using Dreamscarred Press material, Paizo's Alchemist, and a new casting system called Spheres of Power. Spheres allows you to take drawbacks to get more spell points, and some drawbacks help to emulate traditional casters (verbal component, somatic components, etc)

The last of my players made his character last night. He is making a telekinetic swordsman using the Spheres Psymbiot (Telekinesis/Telepathy focused class) and the Path of War: Expanded Harbinger. He chose to have his drawbacks apply to his maneuvers from Harbinger as well as his magic from Psymbiot. These drawbacks are
Somatic Casting 2 (can't wear armor, needs a free hand)
Verbal Casting
Magical Signs (there is a visible effect when you cast)
Focus Casting (like clerics with holy symbols)

His focus is his sword. His somatic is hand gestures. His verbal is saying the name of the spell/maneuver. His sign is the subtitles that appear.

Could be worse. You could have someone playing a gestalt Aegis//Steelfist Commando Warlord, who insists on playing a teenager and shouts "It's Morphin' Time" before manifesting his Astral Suit.

Keledrath
2015-02-05, 02:21 PM
Could be worse. You could have someone playing a gestalt Aegis//Steelfist Commando Warlord, who insists on playing a teenager and shouts "It's Morphin' Time" before manifesting his Astral Suit.

His roll20 avatar is Sauske. We joked that he had to roll a d20 every time he does anything to see if he cares. He has taken to it, and follows through if he fails to care.

The Glyphstone
2015-02-05, 03:48 PM
I'll admit I don't know who that is, or what show it's from.

Hiro Protagonest
2015-02-05, 04:06 PM
Could be worse. You could have someone playing a gestalt Aegis//Steelfist Commando Warlord, who insists on playing a teenager and shouts "It's Morphin' Time" before manifesting his Astral Suit.

And by worse you mean better. :smallamused:

Sasuke is from Naruto. Okay, it's one thing to do the campy called-attack thing. It's another to be the emo loner ninja who still calls his attacks. And the called attacks aren't really the problem there.

Keledrath
2015-02-05, 04:10 PM
I'll admit I don't know who that is, or what show it's from.

Naruto. The edgy, emo kid who is too cool to be a good guy.

@Hiro: It was more the fact that his attacks, in universe, have subtitles.

Mastikator
2015-02-05, 04:12 PM
his focus is his sword. His somatic is hand gestures. His verbal is saying the name of the spell/maneuver. His sign is the subtitles that appear.

FIREBALL NO JUTSU

Oh wait, wrong game.

Hiro Protagonest
2015-02-05, 04:13 PM
@Hiro: It was more the fact that his attacks, in universe, have subtitles.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that bit.

Inevitability
2015-02-06, 01:59 AM
Recently, one of my players announced he wanted to retire his current character and instead play a warforged barbarian.

In Faerun.

While the party is in the middle of a swamp.

And he wants his old character to pass all good magic items on to the new one.

goto124
2015-02-06, 02:09 AM
Have any of you guys actually managed to slap the other player's character? Or the player herself?

Milo v3
2015-02-06, 02:17 AM
Have any of you guys actually managed to slap the other player's character? Or the player herself?

In one game, my character was slapped by the groups medic, it was also a critical hit.

goto124
2015-02-06, 02:20 AM
In one game, my character was slapped by the groups medic, it was also a critical hit.

I liked how the DM decided to roll the dice to determine that.

Dimers
2015-02-06, 03:16 AM
Have any of you guys actually managed to slap the other player's character? Or the player herself?

I have frequently been smacked upside the head, for the repeated offense of punning (OOC). The recidivism rate for that crime is horribly high.

I have succeeded in having my PC smack another PC on at least two occasions.

Keledrath
2015-02-06, 11:17 AM
Have any of you guys actually managed to slap the other player's character? Or the player herself?

I have slapped another character. He was a shifter barbarian who just tried to punch the GMPC Mary Sue superpally head of police. I was a lawful neutral warforged. So I hit him with my slam. He tried to punch me back. He lacked Improved Unarmed Strike, so I got to slap him again.

I have also been slapped by another player. I deserved it. He warned me, three terrible puns and you're out.

Alent
2015-02-06, 01:55 PM
Have any of you guys actually managed to slap the other player's character? Or the player herself?

I have gibbs slapped a player. He managed to get most of the party killed by deciding to headbutt a wall. When he missed with a natural 1 we told him to stop being an idiot. When he tried again and still missed with an 11, it somehow didn't dawn on him that he wasn't attacking a wall. The third time was the natural 20.

One surprise round later my character was dead without ever getting to roll initiative.

Bob of Mage
2015-02-06, 06:14 PM
I'm pretty sure my one of my DMs wanted to smack me if he could. "Stealth Nuclear Moped" Need I say more?

Marbled_Thief
2015-02-06, 06:45 PM
Have any of you guys actually managed to slap the other player's character? Or the player herself?

Well, one time I pushed a character into a lake for abusing the magical picnic basket...
Does that count?

DigoDragon
2015-02-06, 06:51 PM
My old local group used to regularly 'Gibbs-slap' each other for doing/saying dumb things. Very lightly of course. We're were all close friends so no one let it get out of hand. In fact, a game quote I recently posted was one such thing:

BB: "I suggest we go to Myth Drannor."
Taylor: *Smacks BB in the back of the head*
BB: "I suggest we go to ElvenTree."

goto124
2015-02-07, 01:10 AM
Digo: Wait, the headsmack was IRL and not IC? Now I know.

Off-topic: I googled 'stetson hats', and apparentally they're cowboy hats. The more you know!

DigoDragon
2015-02-07, 09:19 AM
Digo: Wait, the headsmack was IRL and not IC? Now I know.

Yup! Not an uncommon occurrence. I've received my share too when I was a PC in that group. It would almost always be for a really lame pun.

One of the funnier moments was in a short Shadowrun adventure where my character liked wearing stetson hats, and so I wore one as a prop when my character was in 'Runner' mode. I don't remember the joke I said, but the streetsam's player Gibbs-slapped me and the hat fell forward just enough to cover my eyes. I left it like that and played it out IC that way. :smallbiggrin:

Gamgee
2015-02-08, 07:59 AM
My GM wanted to slap me and all of us quite badly this one time.

Anyways we conquer a planet in 40k, this already destroyed the pregen he was running. So off our ship goes into the asteroid field to finally end the waagh of a notorious Ork Warboss who started this whole mess of an affair. Typical 40k and Imperial doctrine is when you come on the last strangling ship of an ork war lord you obviously must board it and kill him in glorious one on one combat. Pity for the GM since neither I or any of my crew had any need for glory or fame. I order the entire fleet to set full power to the guns and open fire on the ork ship. 10 seconds later there is a dead ork warboss floating around in space somewhere.

The GM just slams his laptop closed. Looks at us all incredulously and says "You just destroy what plot was left in this campaign. Blasted it to bits. You were supposed to board it and find critical information!" All we can do is smile and laugh. All he can do is end with an ominous foreshadowing that some chaos ship detached from the wreck in time and got away. Hahaha. He has never invited me to play in a campaign again after that.

Also when I first showed up in that group they said of all the Star Wars characters I most reminded them of C3P0. :smallcool: By the end it was far too late for the GM to realize I was an Emperor Palpatine/Tywin Lannister the whole time. Suffice to say all the players were happy that I conquered them a planet in our third adventure. It helps I betrayed the Imperial Governor, the general, the army, the imperial fleet, the eldar, the church, my own players, the dark eldar, chaos space marines, horrific chaos warp ghosts, the orks, of course the GM himself, and so many more betrayed, slaughtered, coerced, "coerced", and lied to on my way to personal power. Most of this going down in an ork waagh that I fended off at the same time. :smallcool:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECewrAld3zw

ReaderAt2046
2015-02-08, 09:29 PM
His roll20 avatar is Sauske. We joked that he had to roll a d20 every time he does anything to see if he cares. He has taken to it, and follows through if he fails to care.

This has happened a couple of times (somewhat paraphrased).

Me: I [do utterly moronic thing that will cause utter disaster]
GM: Roll Int to realize that that is a really bad idea.
Me: *Roll* I fail to realize that that is a really bad idea.

Silus
2015-02-09, 06:31 AM
Generally any time I try to do something nice for the characters as a DM and said nice thing inevitably stabs me in the back.

Pro-tip people, never assume that players will use newfound power or gear responsibly.

Also, the constant bringing up of personal blunders and acting like it's still funny and amusing. I swear to God when I go back to my old group (when they finish the abomination that is Rolemaster) and DM some Pathfinder for them, things will be whipped at people's heads for bringing up those things (after a stern warning first of course).

goto124
2015-02-09, 10:11 AM
(when they finish the abomination that is Rollmaster)

Would wanting to play that system be enough reason to receive a thwap?

Amaril
2015-02-09, 10:32 AM
One of my groups has one person playing a sociopathic Neutral Evil gnome necromancer (previously masquerading as Chaotic Neutral because I expressed discomfort at playing with an Evil character--I am now the only Good-aligned person in a group with two Evils and an actual Chaotic Neutral) who's pretty much the classic disruptive idiot character. She does enough stupid stuff that "roll to smack the gnome" has become something of a catchphrase for us.

Silus
2015-02-09, 12:10 PM
Would wanting to play that system be enough reason to receive a thwap?

I'd say no, but don't expect me to join in.

Faily
2015-02-09, 12:15 PM
When the one playing the Rogue whines that he shouldn't be spotted because he was hiding... in the square right next to the Hobgoblin, with no cover, no Hide in Plain Sight ability, no concealment or anything to hide behind.

Especially when you've gone over numerous times how facing and stealth in 3.5/Pathfinder works. :smallmad:

Kane0
2015-02-11, 02:51 AM
I've been slapped before. Another player wanted to lie to the warforged royal guard that could detect lies and had the authority to kill for any transgression it deemed necessary, and I supported his case.