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Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 03:00 PM
Post descriptions of what you feel would be the absolute most annoying, most lore-breaking, most mary-sueish,or most inconvienient to build and/or to maintain characters here. We can make a forum game out of it. Like, you post what character the player presents you with and then some over-the-top reaction you'd love to do but probably wouldn't in real life.

EDIT: In other words, make up deliberately terrible characters so we can all have a good laugh.

I'll go first:

Player Brings:
A multi-class level 1 Psion (I already hate this character), level 1 fighter, level 1 bard, level 1 rogue, level 1 ranger, and level 1 tantrist, with plans to go into a prestige class from an obscure supplement later on. This character is a homebrew race between half-dragon (black) and tiefling. It has put almost every rank into diplomacy so that it can manipulate others. And it has a tragic-backstory of being rejected for being different and being kind to innocents but having an uncontrollable rage when betrayed that destroys everything around it. It gave up on love and happiness a long time ago because its significant other dumped it after tearing its heart out, eating it, sacrificing the character's fiends and family, corrupting their homeroom teacher, and making their pet hamster die. The character's only character fault is its own power, they also have long black hair that is constantly flowing. For their weapons they took the ambidexterity and monkey grip feats and dual-wield scythes made out of their own hatred and pain.

My Reaction:
http://auto.img.v4.skyrock.net/9197/90519197/pics/3242540029_1_10_r70ARJIE.gif

neonchameleon
2015-02-06, 04:05 PM
A kender thief.

Killer Angel
2015-02-06, 04:08 PM
A kender thief.

Just one post, and we already have a Winner... :smallbiggrin:

Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 04:08 PM
A kender thief.

Guard: "Stop right there criminal scum! Did you steal that amulet?"

Kender Thief: "You bet I did mister! :D"

mikeejimbo
2015-02-06, 04:09 PM
Just any kender.

Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 04:13 PM
Just any kender.
When I saw the dude's post, I didn't know what a Kender was. So I looked it up and, yeah, I can see how they'd be annoying in general. They're like munchkins or something. I'm so glad I haven't run into these things in my actual games.

Lord Torath
2015-02-06, 04:32 PM
A kender thief.Um, that's a character, not a Player. And a well-played kender thief is a boon to any party, just like a well-played character of any other class. And a kender thief in the hands of a jerk player is a detriment to any game, just as any other character in the hands of a jerk player.

Hate the player, not the race/class. Oops. I somehow mistook this for the Worst Players thread. :smallredface:

mikeejimbo
2015-02-06, 04:40 PM
Kender shouldn't be that bad in theory, but I swear 98% of the time they are.

KillianHawkeye
2015-02-06, 04:58 PM
This isn't the worst character I can think of, but I seriously had a player for a D&D 3.5 game make a TWF Ranger with a level or two of Fighter who stubbornly wore medium armor and wielded a battleax in two hands, didn't have any ranged weapons worth mentioning, and never bothered taking an animal companion. I don't quite remember their exact skill allocation, but I'm pretty sure they were garbage at tracking. :smallsigh:

IZ42
2015-02-06, 05:29 PM
Wait wait wait guys... I got dis.


Pun-Pun

the_david
2015-02-06, 05:33 PM
After going through a number of options with a less experienced player she decided to go for a Human Ranger wielding a reach weapon two-handed. (Pathfinder, so it wouldn't be a terrible carreer choice.) I helped her optimize her feats and traits a bit and then she decided when she reached level 2 that dualwielding longswords was so much better (She had already taken Power Attack and Combat Reflexes at level 1) I used math to show her the error of her ways. She is now convinced a greatsword would do her more good than a lucerne hammer. She still hasn't made that much use of her Combat reflexes though.
(She once also decided her level 5 sorcerer needed the Intensified Spell metamagic feat.)

The Human Summoner in the same game has a constitution of 8. (25 point buy) He is not a Synthesist.

The Gnome Sorcerer's (Infernal bloodline) favorite spell is Chaotic Vitality from Deep Magic. We are playing Way of the Wicked, an adventurepath where you are not allowed to be chaotic or good... He chose the Gifted Adept trait and used it on Magic Missile. He also has the highest bluff score, but his player is not very adept at bluffing, preferring to blurt out the things we'd rather keep secret instead.

Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 06:26 PM
Um, that's a character, not a Player. And a well-played kender thief is a boon to any party, just like a well-played character of any other class. And a kender thief in the hands of a jerk player is a detriment to any game, just as any other character in the hands of a jerk player.

Hate the player, not the race/class. Oops. I somehow mistook this for the Worst Players thread. :smallredface:
No worries, this is supposed to be more of a forum game where we purposefully make up terrible character ideas for laughs.


Kender shouldn't be that bad in theory, but I swear 98% of the time they are.

Well like Lord Torath was about to say, a good player with just about any kind of character is a boon to the party, whereas a bad player is always a detriment.


This isn't the worst character I can think of, but I seriously had a player for a D&D 3.5 game make a TWF Ranger with a level or two of Fighter who stubbornly wore medium armor and wielded a battleax in two hands, didn't have any ranged weapons worth mentioning, and never bothered taking an animal companion. I don't quite remember their exact skill allocation, but I'm pretty sure they were garbage at tracking. :smallsigh:

Well, did they at least have fun? I mean that's kind of the ultimate goal of the game regardless of one's approach to it imho.


Wait wait wait guys... I got dis.


Pun-Pun
What do you mean?


After going through a number of options with a less experienced player she decided to go for a Human Ranger wielding a reach weapon two-handed. (Pathfinder, so it wouldn't be a terrible carreer choice.) I helped her optimize her feats and traits a bit and then she decided when she reached level 2 that dualwielding longswords was so much better (She had already taken Power Attack and Combat Reflexes at level 1) I used math to show her the error of her ways. She is now convinced a greatsword would do her more good than a lucerne hammer. She still hasn't made that much use of her Combat reflexes though.
(She once also decided her level 5 sorcerer needed the Intensified Spell metamagic feat.)

The Human Summoner in the same game has a constitution of 8. (25 point buy) He is not a Synthesist.

The Gnome Sorcerer's (Infernal bloodline) favorite spell is Chaotic Vitality from Deep Magic. We are playing Way of the Wicked, an adventurepath where you are not allowed to be chaotic or good... He chose the Gifted Adept trait and used it on Magic Missile. He also has the highest bluff score, but his player is not very adept at bluffing, preferring to blurt out the things we'd rather keep secret instead.

Hmm, sounds like this person was given more options than they knew what to do with. Generally when I run a campaign with some noobs in it, I highly suggest that they do the tried-and-true human fighter. Because it has a simple role that it fills very well and it's not difficult to understand like some other classes are. They just get feats over time. Bland, I know, but I recommend it for total noobs to D&D so they can watch the others play and learn by doing instead of being overwhelmed with all the options out there. Say what you will about player choice, sometimes they just don't know what they want. But that's just me.

runeghost
2015-02-06, 07:10 PM
A kender thief.

Kender thieves aren't that bad - any sensible party will murder it beyond hope of resurrection the moment it enters play, and volia! Problem solved.

runeghost
2015-02-06, 07:14 PM
N
What do you mean?


Pun Pun is a rules-exlpoiting kobold who can bootstrap himself to godhood.

http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Pun-Pun_%283.5e_Optimized_Character_Build%29

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Pun-Pun

LooseCannoneer
2015-02-06, 09:23 PM
Kender Monk wearing Chainmail, with negative DEX and WIS modifiers.

cougon
2015-02-06, 11:13 PM
I played a Kender Thief once that everyone enjoyed. He managed to become a god during the second play session, but he was fun while he lasted.

Mastikator
2015-02-06, 11:46 PM
Um, that's a character, not a Player. And a well-played kender thief is a boon to any party, just like a well-played character of any other class. And a kender thief in the hands of a jerk player is a detriment to any game, just as any other character in the hands of a jerk player.

Hate the player, not the race/class. Oops. I somehow mistook this for the Worst Players thread. :smallredface:

The worst player would be whoever willingly makes a Kender thief character ;)

Lord Raziere
2015-02-06, 11:47 PM
A kender thief.

I can do one better.

kender batman wizard.

YossarianLives
2015-02-07, 12:00 AM
I'm a little bit confused. What, exactly is the problem with kender?

Flickerdart
2015-02-07, 12:08 AM
I have just the comic:
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/2015-01-25.jpg

Corsair
2015-02-07, 12:10 AM
They're an entire race of allegedly adorable kleptomaniac halflings from Dragonlance who the setting bends over backwards to portray as just sho shweet.

IZ42
2015-02-07, 12:23 AM
My brother tells me how much of a [bad person] I am when I just say the 'Kender'. For example (my brother's building a homebrew universe for context):

Me: So, have you built a world of Kender yet?
Brother: Have I ever told you how much of a [bad person] you are?

Flickerdart
2015-02-07, 12:29 AM
My brother tells me how much of a [bad person] I am when I just say the 'Kender'. For example (my brother's building a homebrew universe for context):

Me: So, have you built a world of Kender yet?
Brother: Have I ever told you how much of a [bad person] you are?
Eh, Kender don't work too badly when they're isolated. A kender-only society would have very high rates of information and wealth exchange, and the lack of emphasis on material wealth (since kender get bored with it very quickly) would result in a fairly egalitarian society. This works better when they come on the tail of another civilization, though, since infrastructure work takes patience they wouldn't have.

neonchameleon
2015-02-07, 11:41 AM
I'm a little bit confused. What, exactly is the problem with kender?

Kender were basically written as a race that gave jerk players full license to go wild, and are portrayed utterly inconsistently. Stealing from the party and provoking the monsters because "I'm bored" are written into the race description. And more to the point they aren't just written in, they are written in inconsistently. So other races find Kender shenanigans charming (i.e. Kender should go wild). And Kender "have no concept of personal property" except they always steal, never give - and they will lie about what they stole rather than just shrug. Someone annotated the 3e writeup of Kender to say what they actually thought (http://1d4chan.org/images/4/45/Kender_race_description_annotated.png).

supergoji18
2015-02-07, 12:14 PM
A Gnomish Barbarian...

Altrunchen
2015-02-07, 12:19 PM
Um...could we maybe, idk, stay on topic here? This was supposed to just be a fun game about making up silly and dumb characters, but it seems like it's becoming just a discussion about one race e_e;;; .


A Gnomish Barbarian...

Ah, there we go. :D

Believe it or not, I had that in one of my campaigns once. He wanted to play a Spore-Totem (Homebrewed from this forum) and he did alright. Even if he got his ass whooped by the half-orc fighter regularly XD.

M Placeholder
2015-02-07, 03:46 PM
Kender shouldn't be that bad in theory, but I swear 98% of the time they are.

In the Planescape setting, a kender that is a member of the Xaositects.

As for others off the top of my head, a thri-kreen swashbuckler on a ship with elven crewmates, and a half-ogre rogue. I also one time played a necromancer sorcerer elf whose ambition was to conquer Kyonin with an undead army. he had a wisdom score of 7.

Corsair
2015-02-07, 04:05 PM
Fourth Edition, a Vryloka with the Vampire class who took the Vampiric Heritage feat.

Or for a different breed of obnoxious,

Hey guys my characters a half-werewolf (her mom was a werewolf at full moon when she was born so she has some traits like little claws and ears like a nekojin, so kawaii) Samurai and on her first adventure she ran into a beautiful vampire who she fell in love with and he bit her and made her a vampire too, but then he ran away and so she's searching for him but shes special so she doesn't burn in sunlight or have to drink blood unless she wants to and her names Sakura Rayvnne.

Flickerdart
2015-02-07, 04:14 PM
Hey guys my characters a half-werewolf (her mom was a werewolf at full moon when she was born so she has some traits like little claws and ears like a nekojin, so kawaii) Samurai and on her first adventure she ran into a beautiful vampire who she fell in love with and he bit her and made her a vampire too, but then he ran away and so she's searching for him but shes special so she doesn't burn in sunlight or have to drink blood unless she wants to and her names Sakura Rayvnne.
Don't forget how she's 100 years old but looks 16, and fights with a legendary katana only she can wield.

Corsair
2015-02-07, 04:17 PM
Naturally. Her name properly is Sakura Kalu'thira* Amber Destiny Ravynne.



*Means Twilight Star

Flickerdart
2015-02-07, 04:21 PM
*Means Twilight Star
In an ancient language only known to her because she's the last of an ancient and powerful race, no doubt.

IZ42
2015-02-07, 04:23 PM
Does everyone love immediately when they see her and does she always automatically succeed at everything she does when others say it's impossible?

Lord Raziere
2015-02-07, 04:25 PM
what, a kender wizard optimized to basically win at everything isn't bad enough for you guys? fine.

Half-giant Rogue:
This giant guy has always been stealthier than people assume. No one ever expects the biggest guy in the room to the quietest, or the one who stabs you in the back. he and his minotaur assassin buddy ply their trades silently doing criminal work in plain sight, no one believing the half-giant could possibly be doing anything underhanded, he is so big they are sure they would notice after all.

But no one does. no one notices the half-giant thief hiding in the very very big shadows....

but lets not focus on DnD.

Solar Exalted Cat:
This Dawn Caste was turned into a cat by a spiteful god once he Exalted in defiance of him. Now he must figure out how to conquer the world, get his revenge on the god and find a way to get back to normal while only being able to communicate with other cats.

Idealist Malkavian:
You are a Malkavian! Your insanity is that you believe that Vampire society is full of nothing but charitable self-sacrificing saints. Act as if you live in the best possible world ever, no matter what.

Trolling Promethean:
Since normal human interaction doesn't work for you, you have decided to study online forums to figure out how people interact, and thus you have picked up the art of trolling and now seek to try to become human by trolling everyone you meet.

Tsundere Demon:
You are a Integrator-Saboteur. Its not as if you LIKE the God-Machine or anything, baka! You want to destroy it as much as any other Demon! Totally! Especially when the God-Machine turned you down when you wanted to go out on a date.

sharkman Sidereal:
Meet the newest agent of Yu-Shan: a sharkman Sidereal. Behold as people forget a large shark-person walking around subtly doing the work of heaven by eating his foes using his big jaws, and manipulates four turtle-man solar Dawn castes from the shadows.

Banana Inquisitor:
The God Emperor has appeared to you in a vision. you are the chosen Inquisitor, you must save everything....using bananas. thats right, bananas. You must save the Imperium using bananas, the God-Emperor in this vision or dream you had, has commanded it. Save the Imperium using bananas!

Emperor-Worshipping Ork:
You are an Ork that worships the God Emperor of Mankind. You fight for the "'Peeryum", try to dress up as much like a "Spess Mahreen" as much as possible and fight "Kayoss" while shouting "For Da Emprah!" any humie that says you can't do this, you execute for "Hairasee"

Corsair
2015-02-07, 04:26 PM
Does everyone love immediately when they see her and does she always automatically succeed at everything she does when others say it's impossible?

If only, that's the real problem with tabletop games. You can't make the other players love your character.

Maybe I should use this character when I DM, actually...

Altrunchen
2015-02-07, 05:28 PM
Fourth Edition, a Vryloka with the Vampire class who took the Vampiric Heritage feat.

Or for a different breed of obnoxious,

Hey guys my characters a half-werewolf (her mom was a werewolf at full moon when she was born so she has some traits like little claws and ears like a nekojin, so kawaii) Samurai and on her first adventure she ran into a beautiful vampire who she fell in love with and he bit her and made her a vampire too, but then he ran away and so she's searching for him but shes special so she doesn't burn in sunlight or have to drink blood unless she wants to and her names Sakura Rayvnne.

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. XD

Sad thing is, I can see someone making this...

And yeah, I think I can easily picture someone making this kind of character to try and make people like the player, instead of actually role-playing.


what, a kender wizard optimized to basically win at everything isn't bad enough for you guys? fine.

Half-giant Rogue:
This giant guy has always been stealthier than people assume. No one ever expects the biggest guy in the room to the quietest, or the one who stabs you in the back. he and his minotaur assassin buddy ply their trades silently doing criminal work in plain sight, no one believing the half-giant could possibly be doing anything underhanded, he is so big they are sure they would notice after all.

But no one does. no one notices the half-giant thief hiding in the very very big shadows....

but lets not focus on DnD.

Solar Exalted Cat:
This Dawn Caste was turned into a cat by a spiteful god once he Exalted in defiance of him. Now he must figure out how to conquer the world, get his revenge on the god and find a way to get back to normal while only being able to communicate with other cats.

Idealist Malkavian:
You are a Malkavian! Your insanity is that you believe that Vampire society is full of nothing but charitable self-sacrificing saints. Act as if you live in the best possible world ever, no matter what.

Trolling Promethean:
Since normal human interaction doesn't work for you, you have decided to study online forums to figure out how people interact, and thus you have picked up the art of trolling and now seek to try to become human by trolling everyone you meet.

Tsundere Demon:
You are a Integrator-Saboteur. Its not as if you LIKE the God-Machine or anything, baka! You want to destroy it as much as any other Demon! Totally! Especially when the God-Machine turned you down when you wanted to go out on a date.

sharkman Sidereal:
Meet the newest agent of Yu-Shan: a sharkman Sidereal. Behold as people forget a large shark-person walking around subtly doing the work of heaven by eating his foes using his big jaws, and manipulates four turtle-man solar Dawn castes from the shadows.

Banana Inquisitor:
The God Emperor has appeared to you in a vision. you are the chosen Inquisitor, you must save everything....using bananas. thats right, bananas. You must save the Imperium using bananas, the God-Emperor in this vision or dream you had, has commanded it. Save the Imperium using bananas!

Emperor-Worshipping Ork:
You are an Ork that worships the God Emperor of Mankind. You fight for the "'Peeryum", try to dress up as much like a "Spess Mahreen" as much as possible and fight "Kayoss" while shouting "For Da Emprah!" any humie that says you can't do this, you execute for "Hairasee"

My favorite was the Tsundere Demon one. XD

Cliches and tropes, gotta love em.

Obak
2015-02-08, 06:07 PM
Anything described with "tsundere" should have a sharp stick shoved up its rear and set on fire!

Lord Raziere
2015-02-08, 06:26 PM
Tsundere Gargoyle Ninja:
Its not as if I'm stalking you because I like or anything baka! I'm just observing so that I can assassinate you in cool ninja like manner!

Tsundere Dwarven Lex Luthor:
Its not as if I like Superman or anything baka! I'm totally building these inventions to kill him and be superior, not to get his attention or anything like that!

Tsundere two-headed half-dragon Joker bard:
Its not as I like Batman or anything baka! and neither does my second head! I'm just playing the accordion while flying around in the air to activate the my robotic alligators to eat certain ropes so that they will unleash a laughing gas just so that I may steal an anchor from a museum as a part of the plot to kill him, why would I want to go out on a date with him, thats absurd.

ReaderAt2046
2015-02-08, 09:20 PM
In my current campaign I'm playing a Stone Golem ninja. A Stone Golem ninja with abysmal Int and poor Wis, which leads to him, for example, deciding to climb up the inside wall of the church, during a sermon, for no reason except that he was bored. He also once ate a poisoned rock, worships a random lady with a beautiful singing voice, and has a tendency to go to sleep in the middle of a random street.

Deophaun
2015-02-08, 09:22 PM
He also once ate a poisoned rock, worships a random lady with a beautiful singing voice, and has a tendency to go to sleep in the middle of a random street.
You should give him ranks in Profession (speed bump).

ReaderAt2046
2015-02-08, 09:33 PM
You should give him ranks in Profession (speed bump).

Can't. Profession is one of my banned skills. (This system has a mechanic where you can choose up to ten banned skills in exchange for being able to choose an equal number of boosted skills. You can't put any ranks in banned skills and you don't get you ability score bonus to them. You get extra skill points each level to spend on your boosted skills.)

Deophaun
2015-02-08, 09:36 PM
So he's bad at the one thing he's good at. Perfect!

Marlowe
2015-02-08, 09:46 PM
A high-charisma Barbarian with Able Learner who insists on wearing fashionable, dandified outfits, fights with an elaborately gilded and arabesqued rapier, and spends all his skill points on things like social skills and obscure knowledges.

Recites French decadent poetry in combat except when raging, when he switches to Beowulf and the Mahabarata.

Corsair
2015-02-08, 10:02 PM
A high-charisma Barbarian with Able Learner who insists on wearing fashionable, dandified outfits, fights with an elaborately gilded and arabesqued rapier, and spends all his skill points on things like social skills and obscure knowledges.

Recites French decadent poetry in combat except when raging, when he switches to Beowulf and the Mahabarata.

Aside from being a horrible build that sounds magnificent.

goto124
2015-02-08, 10:10 PM
And the Barb insists she's actually a Bard.

Yes, she.

IZ42
2015-02-09, 12:35 AM
One that will make DMs cry: Arcanist//Master Summoner(or base summoner). Basically the two biggest Tier Ones in pathfinder (aside from wizard)

supergoji18
2015-02-09, 04:56 PM
A Kobold Bard-oh wait (http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Deekin_Scalesinger)

M Placeholder
2015-02-09, 05:08 PM
A Kobold Bard-oh wait (http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Deekin_Scalesinger)

Deekin is great in Hordes with the dragon disciple prestige class, and the bit were he tells Mephistopheles to go **** himself is just awesome.

As for Bards, a half ogre one is far worse. I present to you - Jethro Kleetus Bloodstump, half ogre Bard, armed with a 2x4 with a nail though it and a banjo.

JBPuffin
2015-02-09, 07:19 PM
Can't. Profession is one of my banned skills. (This system has a mechanic where you can choose up to ten banned skills in exchange for being able to choose an equal number of boosted skills. You can't put any ranks in banned skills and you don't get you ability score bonus to them. You get extra skill points each level to spend on your boosted skills.)

What system is this? It sounds very odd and amusing.

Okay, my turn. "cracks knuckles"

Athasian Halfling Yuan-Ti Halfblood (Top half) Ozodrin/Gunslinger/Ninja, member of House Vol with aberrant dragonmark, member of the Harpers and expert spelljammer operator...in a standard 3.5 DnD setting.

Did i mention he is Lawful Good?

Altrunchen
2015-03-23, 01:59 PM
What system is this? It sounds very odd and amusing.

Okay, my turn. "cracks knuckles"

Athasian Halfling Yuan-Ti Halfblood (Top half) Ozodrin/Gunslinger/Ninja, member of House Vol with aberrant dragonmark, member of the Harpers and expert spelljammer operator...in a standard 3.5 DnD setting.

Did i mention he is Lawful Good?

http://th07.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2013/129/5/e/mother_of_god_in_hd_by_lemmino-d64ndao.png
Mother of god...

Those combinations...leveling up that guy would be such a pain with the multi-classes...and that's not mentioning all the racial combinations...

and did you say he's a member of the Harpers AND is a spelljammer operator? I know this is all just for funzies, but I'm dying of curiosity to know how that could possibly be XD

Sometimes you run into something so over the top you can't help but be intrigued.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-23, 03:10 PM
He was an NPC, but nonetheless...

BEHOLD:


Arranged on a large wooden wagon is the severely bloated form of a 12ft long slug with a pitifully human face. It's eyes have rolled back into its head as though wracked in pain and its mouth is set in an eternal, wordless scream. A thick layer of slime drips off the giant gastropod's horrific body. It attempts to focus its eyes on the new arrivals and loudly rasps out "Kill....me..."

[...]

Manslug wordlessly sobs in the background, writhing on his little wagon.

[...]

Manslug looks pleadingly at the rest of his team and whimpers to himself "Just...let...me...die..."

[...]

Loser Face and Alicia are walking the streets with Alicia pulling along Manslug's little wagon as they go. He pretty much constantly sobs quietly to himself, but is otherwise fairly unintrusive.

[...]

While the one man sobs uncontrollably, the other five open fire with their weapons against the team. Loser Face dodges out of the way, while Alicia takes a handful of pellets to the shoulder. Manslug takes numerous shots since he's the largest target, however they seem to lose all momentum once they come into contact with his slime and are slowly expunged.

[...]

Manslug wiggles violently as a Full Round Action and manages to roll his wagon 5ft in the direction of the shooters. "Do.....it!" he roars breathlessly.

[...]

There's a hail of gunfire, most of which slams into Manslug while the rest misses them completely. "Get down stupid slug!" Alicia shouts, but Manslug seems to be holding his head a little higher to give them a better shot. The bullets seem to be doing no good.

[...]

"Push...me..." Manslug suggest pitifully and Alicia kicks his wagon, sending it rolling downhill towards the Sharkpack. He wiggles as best he can to get even closer. "Please....?" Manslug almost begs. The Sharkpack laugh at the pathetic superhuman's desperation.

[...]

The final Sharkpack member chuckles as he walks up to the Manslug, presses the barrel of his gun directly against the creature's head and fires.

[...]

Manslug's distant gaze settles on the man that's so close to him as the useless bullets push their way out of his forehead. The man starts to question what the hell's going on when Manslug's eyes suddenly lose their usual unfocused quality and something else takes over. Some dark, primal survival instinct which he has no control over. Manslug lunges forward and his jaw splits open, burying dozens of sharp, sawlike teeth into the man's neck and chest. Before the man even has a chance to scream he's missing the bits that let him and yet Manslug continues feeding despite the fact.

[...]

Manslug suddenly seems to realize what's going on and his sobs grow louder as he throws back his gore soaked head and shouts "WHAT...HAVE...I...DOOOOOONE?!"

[...]

When the dust finally clears and Alicia's limped back to the armored car, she finds Winged Man kneeling sadly next to the corpse of Loser Face. "It never gets any easier..." he says morosely; closing her pained eyes. "But...at least she died protecting friends and family. It's all any of us can ask for."

Manslug writhes in irritation. "Why....not....me....?" he whines deeply.

BeerMug Paladin
2015-03-23, 05:50 PM
I thought I posted this already.

Darkblood Blood Dark. A vampire of clan Tremere with an appearance somewhere in his mid to late teens. Darkblood goes by no other name. He's recently moved into the area from another region, and is currently enrolled in the local high school. Yes, under that name.

He has that necromantic ritual that allows him to walk around during the day (for school) and always dresses with that ridiculously over the top goth vampire look.

Because the local high school is uber-important for the Masquerade, you guys.

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-23, 06:48 PM
I want to break out Cthulhu-man at some point, the Mutants and Masterminds character with Summon (active) 50. By a strict reading of the rules this is a completely legal build, effectively giving you a character at 5 times the series power level.

I recently had a player request to play a zombie-werewolf, despite this breaking how zombies work in the setting, and requiring 35 points of disadvantages to be completely unskilled. This is before he had even looked at the rules.

For one that I actually want to play, there's Jeff, the Unknown Armies character who is utterly convinced that he's in a game of Urban Arcana. But it really depends on the group whether Jeff falls into the 'worst' or 'awesome' category.

Lord Raziere
2015-03-23, 07:04 PM
A pacifist halfling fighter who shuns all forms of wealth and material possessions.

an honest goliath rogue who doesn't know the meaning of subtlety or nuance, and doesn't know any form of stealth.

an illiterate orc wizard who likes to punch everything while bravely charging into battle.

a kender cleric who is completely atheist and doubts any god actually exists unless he sees the god for himself in person.

a mute dwarf bard who is completely serious about everything.

Milodiah
2015-03-23, 07:21 PM
I've built a high-leved, ultra-munchkinned Chaotic Evil (!!) Monk/Rogue who uses his improbably high stealth skills, nearly unparalleled martial arts prowess, and a treasure trove of ideal magic items...

to dress up as a professional wrestler, show up out of nowhere, punch random people to unconsciousness for no reason, and then vanish.

Because apparently we live in a setting where Wrestlemania can happen at any time for no reason.

A_Man
2015-03-23, 08:16 PM
I have a really good addition to this thread, but I'm too dark and brooding to say it. You'll all have to massage my massive ego in order to convince me to grace you all with my text.

oxybe
2015-03-23, 08:32 PM
Lasercleric Robopope. Insane Warforged make everything better. PRAISE COG, OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR. INITIATING MERCY PROTOCOL... MERCY PROTOCOL INITIALIZED... YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY COG! ALL PRAISE COG!

INFIDEL DETECTED! EXTERMINATE! EXTERRRRRMINATE! INITIATING DIVINE WRATH! DIVINE WRATH IS ONLINE AND READY TO FIRE! WAITING ON ORDERS FROM COG! DIVINE WRATH HAS BEEN DEPLOYED! TARGET DESTROYED! ALL PRAISE COG!

He had a pontiff's hat made from two bucklers he bent and welded together.

sakuuya
2015-03-23, 09:05 PM
I have a really good addition to this thread, but I'm too dark and brooding to say it. You'll all have to massage my massive ego in order to convince me to grace you all with my text.

Oh yeah? Well my character is so secret that not even the GM has seen it!

Lord Raziere
2015-03-23, 09:26 PM
Oh yeah? Well my character is so secret that not even the GM has seen it!

All of my concepts were secret and hidden before it was cool, unlike all the people who sold out. /hipster.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-24, 12:09 AM
I want to break out Cthulhu-man at some point, the Mutants and Masterminds character with Summon (active) 50. By a strict reading of the rules this is a completely legal build, effectively giving you a character at 5 times the series power level.

Only if you don't read the sidebar:


Player character minions are subject to the series power level limits.

Lord Raziere
2015-03-24, 12:19 AM
Only if you don't read the sidebar:

Yeah, the real worst player concept along "this is so broken" lines in M&M is Summon Infinite Bunny Army Man. Since your Summons can themselves summon other Summons, often just as powerful as themselves who are just as powerful as you if you build them right, and the fluff is whatever you want it to be, there is nothing stopping you from summoning a super-bunny, who summons another super-bunny, who summons another super-bunny and so on and so forth....basically a grey goo super-bunny scenario.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-24, 01:01 AM
Since your Summons can themselves summon other Summons

Actually they can't:


A summoned minion... cannot have minions of its own, either from this effect or the Minions advantage.

Lord Raziere
2015-03-24, 01:12 AM
Actually they can't:

oh good, its actually more balanced than I thought.

jamieth
2015-03-24, 01:30 AM
I had that idea for M&M; you start with 150 points. Take Immortality 13 (resurrect 15 minutes after dying) for 26 points. Take some massive physical penalties to regain 26 points. You now have 150 points remaining.

Spend these points as follows: Sidekick 30 x5.

This gives you 5 sidekicks, each exactly as powerful as the srarting character should be (except for the inability to gain sidekicks of their own).

Now, sit at the sidelines and watch as you Puella Magi Holy Quintet demolishes opposition. /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

I obviously didn't play - or even pitch - it, though :-)

Battlebooze
2015-03-24, 03:58 AM
Any character made by the GM for his girlfriend/wife to get her interested in gaming.

Often has a supernatural "Tiger" as a "pet kitty"

Is the sexiest woman in the universe, because of course.

And so on and so on.

Battlebooze
2015-03-24, 04:06 AM
I once made a Pun-pun in Champions. Using extra-dimension movement, base rules, and followers to abuse a power boosting ability that I can't remember anymore.

There wasn't a real limit, but I stopped when the character hit a 40,000point cosmic power pool.


In Rolemaster, I made an alchemist that made a ring of +5 levels to Item enchanting spells.
I used that ring to make a ring with +10
And so on and so on

Then I made a ring with +20k to ALL spells, then dominated the gods.

The Rolemaster abuse was the easiest one. I don't know what the heck they were thinking.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-24, 04:07 AM
I had that idea for M&M; you start with 150 points. Take Immortality 13 (resurrect 15 minutes after dying) for 26 points. Take some massive physical penalties to regain 26 points. You now have 150 points remaining.

Spend these points as follows: Sidekick 30 x5.

This gives you 5 sidekicks, each exactly as powerful as the srarting character should be (except for the inability to gain sidekicks of their own).

Now, sit at the sidelines and watch as you Puella Magi Holy Quintet demolishes opposition. /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/682/520/fa9.jpg

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-24, 04:34 AM
Only if you don't read the sidebar:

The character is still legal, the minion isn't. I missed that rule because I don't like reading from a screen, and so only read the text actually under the powers. M&M is still a power gamers wet dream, as 32 PL10 minions who act as PCs and which you can control at the same time is only 150 points. I really prefer GURPS because in the games where the broken stuff starts being worthwhile (accelerated time rate, Warp, etc.) characters are able to take stuff like DR 20 (stops all core pistols and shotguns as well as most submachine guns), basic speed in the mid teens, and stats above 20.

For a character I've actually seen played, Wade the Malkavian. Wade was fine in the first session, but in the second it was revealed that he gave nobody in the party his phone number or address, and despite what he believed he could not sense damaged toasters. The party also did not know of any other Malkavians, and had no clue about the MMN, so whole sessions would be lost to games of 'find the Malkavian'.

Although I'm sure my Malkavian scholar who enters a fugue state during combat would be just as annoying. It's why I'm unlikely to actually play him.

Loxagn
2015-03-24, 08:02 AM
Just any kender.

I'll do you one better. Half-Mercury Dragon Kender. Combine kender awfulness with an innate biological imperative to find shiny things and heap them up into a mound.

Jay R
2015-03-24, 09:03 AM
I once built a TOON character for a D&D game.

Ragnar Rabbit, the Hanna-Barbarian.

His greatest ability was that if he tried to do something clearly impossible (lift up the castle, go through a mousehole, etc.), he had to roll on his Smarts. If he failed the roll, he was successful.

Wraith
2015-03-24, 09:04 AM
Half-giant Rogue:
But no one does. no one notices the half-giant thief hiding in the very very big shadows....

I'm thinking that, properly optimized, that would be awesome and I am stealing it for my next game.


Solar Exalted Cat:
This Dawn Caste was turned into a cat by a spiteful god once he Exalted in defiance of him. Now he must figure out how to conquer the world, get his revenge on the god and find a way to get back to normal while only being able to communicate with other cats.

So, "a cat" then? :smalltongue:


Idealist Malkavian:

As a Derangement: Delusion, that one sounds only as bad as the person playing it. I actually like the idea of a Vampire who is actually quite nice and believes that everyone else is too, despite the evidence. I'm sure it's all just a big misunderstanding.


Tsundere two-headed half-dragon Joker bard:
Its not as I like Batman or anything baka! and neither does my second head! I'm just playing the accordion while flying around in the air to activate the my robotic alligators to eat certain ropes so that they will unleash a laughing gas just so that I may steal an anchor from a museum as a part of the plot to kill him, why would I want to go out on a date with him, thats absurd.

Not actually a million miles away from the Word Of God interpretations of some Batman writers... Y'know, apart from the two-headed-dragon thing. :smallbiggrin:

Couple from me? How about a Planar Shepherd of the Material Plane, whose Planar Bubble ability thus allows him to make manifest the environmental, temporal and atmospheric conditions of the Material Plane?
Everyone thought it was hilarious... Until that one time the Lich managed to Planar Shift the entire party to the Outer Plane of Madness (at which point, the Shepherd's player doesn't turn up to play that week)

Collossal Pseudonatural Otyugh.... Diplomancer.

Any kind of Masked Vigilante archetype in a serious-and-gritty Feng Shui game.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-24, 03:44 PM
32 PL10 minions who act as PCs and which you can control at the same time is only 150 points.

I think you did your math wrong. A 150 point minion costs 10 ranks of Minion, which means you can only have 15 of them.

...Or you could just get Minion 150 and have a single 2250-point minion because the Minion advantage doesn't have the line that Sidelick does saying that the minion can't have more points than you.

...Speaking of which, sidekicks aren't prohibited from having minions (though minions are), which means you can do the "spend all your points on five sidekicks with your point total" thing and then spend all of each sidekick's points on a 2250-point minion for a total of five 2250-point minions.

...And on that note, neither minions nor sidekicks are prohibited from themselves having sidekicks, and at this point I realize that the Minion and Sidekick advantages are far and away the most broken things in the whole game.

Cazero
2015-03-24, 04:02 PM
I think you did your math wrong. A 150 point minion costs 10 ranks of Minion, which means you can only have 15 of them.

32 being a power of 2, I conclude that number was obtained with several applications of the multiple minion extra on the summon effect and not the minion advantage.


...And on that note, neither minions nor sidekicks are prohibited from themselves having sidekicks, and at this point I realize that the Minion and Sidekick advantages are far and away the most broken things in the whole game.
...Skynet. 90 pp in distributed computing powers including immortality 20 and 60pp in two server network sidekick, each having 90 pp worth of robotic minions and 60pp in two server network sidekick, each having...

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-24, 04:27 PM
I think you did your math wrong. A 150 point minion costs 10 ranks of Minion, which means you can only have 15 of them.

That was from the summon power, but 10 minions isn't so bad.


...Or you could just get Minion 150 and have a single 2250-point minion because the Minion advantage doesn't have the line that Sidelick does saying that the minion can't have more points than you.

...Speaking of which, sidekicks aren't prohibited from having minions (though minions are), which means you can do the "spend all your points on five sidekicks with your point total" thing and then spend all of each sidekick's points on a 2250-point minion for a total of five 2250-point minions.

...And on that note, neither minions nor sidekicks are prohibited from themselves having sidekicks, and at this point I realize that the Minion and Sidekick advantages are far and away the most broken things in the whole game.

I actually want to play this character now, it sounds like an interesting concept. Or more likely, a character with a few ranks in a ranged combat skill and some expertises, and has spent the rest of his power points on minions.

Spriteless
2015-03-24, 06:59 PM
This is supposed to be aweful characters, not awesome! name the 5 sidekicks Jason, Kimberly, Billy, Trini, and Zack, and make their minions giant robot dinosaurs.

Zyzzyva
2015-03-24, 07:03 PM
Kobold Divine Minion 1/Wizard 1/Master of Many Forms 3 with Viper familiar, Endurance and Assume Supernatural Ability.

Just wander around, being a Kobold. When other players/the DM/a passing NPC Sarruhk ask if you're, you know, forgetting something, pause, consider it for a moment, and reply "nope, I'm cool, thanks."

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-24, 07:22 PM
This is supposed to be aweful characters, not awesome! name the 5 sidekicks Jason, Kimberly, Billy, Trini, and Zack, and make their minions giant robot dinosaurs.

How to make it awful: name the five sidekicks Harry, Niall, Louis, Liam, and Zayn. Problem solved. The actual character is, of course, called Simon.

Milodiah
2015-03-26, 06:26 PM
My friend abused the crap out of Shadowrun 3e healing rules to effectively gain immortality.

The healing mechanics first took the amount of damage you had taken and translated that into a surprisingly realistic time, i.e. from the cusp of absolute death may take you 2 years to recover back to 100%.

Then every success on a Heal check would cut the time required in half.

All he did was take a troll, put EVERYTHING into the Body attribute, take as much healing stuff as he could, and then roll to heal. You shoot him in the eye with a Desert Eagle. He doesn't die. 20 seconds later, the wound is gone. 3 minutes later he has his sight back.

He's been hit by a tactical missile in the chest, and healed back in a couple of minutes. He's jumped from the roof of an 80 story building, splattered himself on the concrete and then had gotten back up to escape by the time the guys who cornered him made it back down to the ground floor.

IZ42
2015-03-26, 08:08 PM
My friend abused the crap out of Shadowrun 3e healing rules to effectively gain immortality.

The healing mechanics first took the amount of damage you had taken and translated that into a surprisingly realistic time, i.e. from the cusp of absolute death may take you 2 years to recover back to 100%.

Then every success on a Heal check would cut the time required in half.

All he did was take a troll, put EVERYTHING into the Body attribute, take as much healing stuff as he could, and then roll to heal. You shoot him in the eye with a Desert Eagle. He doesn't die. 20 seconds later, the wound is gone. 3 minutes later he has his sight back.

He's been hit by a tactical missile in the chest, and healed back in a couple of minutes. He's jumped from the roof of an 80 story building, splattered himself on the concrete and then had gotten back up to escape by the time the guys who cornered him made it back down to the ground floor.

._.

That is all I have to say.

Milodiah
2015-03-26, 09:29 PM
To help put it on this thread, he had put everything into that.

He had literally no other skills or abilities whatsoever. Didn't even own a gun.

lacco36
2015-03-27, 01:40 PM
This was actually presented to me as a draft for character for Shadowrun 4e. After I got Street Magic, which included some info on how to make a tradition, one of my players approached me with...

...

...

Kamasutra Shaman.

He took following geas: ritual (guess what kind of ritual it was); condition (an attractive female must be present) and time (less than 24 hours since his last...ritual).
Favourite spell: Orgasm
He took "double jointed" as advantage.

My actual reaction...?
:smalleek:

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-27, 02:37 PM
This was actually presented to me as a draft for character for Shadowrun 4e. After I got Street Magic, which included some info on how to make a tradition, one of my players approached me with...

...

...

Kamasutra Shaman.

He took following geas: ritual (guess what kind of ritual it was); condition (an attractive female must be present) and time (less than 24 hours since his last...ritual).
Favourite spell: Orgasm
He took "double jointed" as advantage.

My actual reaction...?
:smalleek:

Just be happy that Shadowrun does not have an Erotic Arts skill, or else he'd probably have been useless at magic in favour of maxing that out. Although skill in GURPS was the basis of the funniest gaming story I've ever heard (but that was a case of a character putting about 4 points into it out of 100-200, so it wasn't as bad as the shaman). Of course, the GM's immediate reaction to a player bringing out a 'Kamasutra Shaman' should be to first check if it's actually based on the Kamasutra, or simply an excuse to play a character who performs 'rituals'. If it's the latter, then first have a good discussion about how you'd really prefer it if they played a different character, and then if they insist, wait until there's a minor crime they've committed, put them in prison for 23 hours, and then give them an hour to complete their geasa. Harsh, but I'm sure the concept made several players uncomfortable. But it sounds like you were fast, and blocked the character.

lacco36
2015-03-29, 08:27 AM
Just be happy that Shadowrun does not have an Erotic Arts skill, or else he'd probably have been useless at magic in favour of maxing that out. Although skill in GURPS was the basis of the funniest gaming story I've ever heard (but that was a case of a character putting about 4 points into it out of 100-200, so it wasn't as bad as the shaman). Of course, the GM's immediate reaction to a player bringing out a 'Kamasutra Shaman' should be to first check if it's actually based on the Kamasutra, or simply an excuse to play a character who performs 'rituals'. If it's the latter, then first have a good discussion about how you'd really prefer it if they played a different character, and then if they insist, wait until there's a minor crime they've committed, put them in prison for 23 hours, and then give them an hour to complete their geasa. Harsh, but I'm sure the concept made several players uncomfortable. But it sounds like you were fast, and blocked the character.

...there really was "Erotic Arts" skill...?

No, the concept didn't make any of my players uncomfortable. I was told later, that it was a prank played on me. I was late on my way to a session and my players were getting creative. And they invented this concept. And during the half hour wrote down the complete concept for character on paper. It was rather exhaustively detailed.

And so, when I showed up, the player, whose character was rather tightly woven into the campaign stated that he wants to retire his mage due to finding a new character concept...

They had their fun...:smallbiggrin:

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-29, 08:40 AM
...there really was "Erotic Arts" skill...?

Yes, in GURPS. It's one of my first picks when making a sci-fi diplomat, after diplomacy, fast talk, acting, body language, and reading. But in GURPS it only costs a point or two out of a hundred or so, and that makes it an okay expenditure. For actual in game use, I've only seen it glossed over or used by the GM's wife. Even then it was literally roles between her and a fellow player.


No, the concept didn't make any of my players uncomfortable. I was told later, that it was a prank played on me. I was late on my way to a session and my players were getting creative. And they invented this concept. And during the half hour wrote down the complete concept for character on paper. It was rather exhaustively detailed.

And so, when I showed up, the player, whose character was rather tightly woven into the campaign stated that he wants to retire his mage due to finding a new character concept...

They had their fun...:smallbiggrin:

Oh sush, I may be playing in Shadowrun 4e and will be pulling out an instadodge adept as a fake character if it works when ported back to 4e. But this sounds like a great prank.

Thatwarforged
2015-03-29, 11:49 AM
I played a Half-Gold Dragon Hamster Totemist. He utilized a tattoo of constant shrink (Psionics shrink person but without it being humanoid) to reduce the characters size by two, the GM had rules for smaller then fine size. I crawled into peoples heads and started eating their brains, teleporting away and some other insane things. Fun character terribly broken with a 80 something AC at 7th level.

Altrunchen
2015-04-06, 09:59 AM
I played a Half-Gold Dragon Hamster Totemist. He utilized a tattoo of constant shrink (Psionics shrink person but without it being humanoid) to reduce the characters size by two, the GM had rules for smaller then fine size. I crawled into peoples heads and started eating their brains, teleporting away and some other insane things. Fun character terribly broken with a 80 something AC at 7th level.

Wait, you entered into their brains?

Why does this instantly remind me of the movie Innerspace?

But wait, what was stopping you from being crushed or whatever at that size?

Jay R
2015-04-06, 11:23 AM
...there really was "Erotic Arts" skill...?

In Flashing Blades, one of the Secrets (Limitations) was Don Juan. I had to explain many times that Don Juan did not give you any skills; it gave you the obsession with, and inability to resist,any potential love interest you saw. But it did not give you any ability to succeed. Those came with the skill Seduction.

Krik
2015-04-06, 11:27 AM
Post descriptions of what you feel would be the absolute most annoying, most lore-breaking, most mary-sueish,or most inconvienient to build and/or to maintain characters here. We can make a forum game out of it. Like, you post what character the player presents you with and then some over-the-top reaction you'd love to do but probably wouldn't in real life.

EDIT: In other words, make up deliberately terrible characters so we can all have a good laugh.

I'll go first:

Player Brings:
A multi-class level 1 Psion (I already hate this character), level 1 fighter, level 1 bard, level 1 rogue, level 1 ranger, and level 1 tantrist, with plans to go into a prestige class from an obscure supplement later on. This character is a homebrew race between half-dragon (black) and tiefling. It has put almost every rank into diplomacy so that it can manipulate others. And it has a tragic-backstory of being rejected for being different and being kind to innocents but having an uncontrollable rage when betrayed that destroys everything around it. It gave up on love and happiness a long time ago because its significant other dumped it after tearing its heart out, eating it, sacrificing the character's fiends and family, corrupting their homeroom teacher, and making their pet hamster die. The character's only character fault is its own power, they also have long black hair that is constantly flowing. For their weapons they took the ambidexterity and monkey grip feats and dual-wield scythes made out of their own hatred and pain.[/SPOILER]

That back story's pretty rad though.

My first character was a bard with 6 con and 11 charisma, and multi classed into Sorcerer and Fighter.

Thatwarforged
2015-04-06, 01:10 PM
Wait, you entered into their brains?

Why does this instantly remind me of the movie Innerspace?

But wait, what was stopping you from being crushed or whatever at that size?

D&D logic that was the only armor I needed. The nice DR I had from somewhere toke most Damage away and then as I said its D&D where a Fly can't be hit by non players and a cat can kill a commoner. It does not have real world physics and even when someone argues it all it takes is a RAW interpretation.

Sith_Happens
2015-04-06, 01:17 PM
In Flashing Blades, one of the Secrets (Limitations) was Don Juan. I had to explain many times that Don Juan did not give you any skills; it gave you the obsession with, and inability to resist,any potential love interest you saw. But it did not give you any ability to succeed. Those came with the skill Seduction.

So it makes you Brock.

JAL_1138
2015-04-06, 01:24 PM
A flumph. Just a flumph.

erikun
2015-04-06, 01:49 PM
A Paladin Necromancer who, because they worship a diety who is fine with killing stuff and raising the dead, ends up murdering anyone who disagrees with them and raising them into undead for "divine servitude" using his class abilities. Oh, and because they're a Paladin, everyone is supposed to be fine with it. Also, max Dimplomacy skills, which they roll to force any NPC (or PC) to agree with them.

...yeah.


You should give him ranks in Profession (speed bump).

Can't. Profession is one of my banned skills.
That sounds perfect, then. The profession roll is to see how much money they earn from doing the work, after all. Give the golem the idea to "work" as a speed bump, make the skill roll, and the 2 copper pieces that he picks up off the street after "work" is what he considers is pay.


As an aside, I did play an AD&D one time where pretty much everything was left at the decision of the die. I ended up with a Cleric with 1 HP. Fun times.

Solamnicknight
2015-04-06, 03:09 PM
A Gnomish Barbarian...

My DM threw a gnomish barbarian at our party in our old campaign. He crited my cleric with a greataxe and almost instakilled him:smallannoyed:

JAL_1138
2015-04-06, 03:43 PM
As an aside, I did play an AD&D one time where pretty much everything was left at the decision of the die. I ended up with a Cleric with 1 HP. Fun times.

Not at all uncommon back then. I quit playing wizards in AD&D because my d4 was cursed and I kept getting 1-to-2-hit-point-wonders. One of them died in one round to a goat, another to a cat, and I finally moved on to a different class (when starting at lvl 1 anyway) with a different hit die after a few more ignominious deaths like that. My d6 was not nearly so cursed.

Milodiah
2015-04-06, 04:43 PM
My absolute munchkin (when he so chooses, otherwise a great if slightly meta) player explained that he learned to make ridiculous characters because he has a demonstrable piss-poor luck when it comes to dice. I'm not kidding, we did scientific testing, any time he rolls (any) dice they come out lower than the average by a statistically significant number.

JAL_1138
2015-04-06, 05:06 PM
My absolute munchkin (when he so chooses, otherwise a great if slightly meta) player explained that he learned to make ridiculous characters because he has a demonstrable piss-poor luck when it comes to dice. I'm not kidding, we did scientific testing, any time he rolls (any) dice they come out lower than the average by a statistically significant number.

Never let him near Maptools, then. Its onboard dice-roller came up consistently low for the entire group over a whole campaign.

Marlowe
2015-04-06, 08:06 PM
Hm. I've had one campaign on this site where in the climactic boss battle the die roll threw the PCs seven natural ones in the first round of combat (out of about 11 actual roles made).

I've a noted tendency to overpopulate my campaigns with mouthy and combat-ready NPCs, to both provide exposition and to give me a safety net if I really screw up encounter balance. It looks really bad when we get into combat and suddenly they're the only people that can hit anything.:smallfrown:

erikun
2015-04-06, 09:48 PM
My absolute munchkin (when he so chooses, otherwise a great if slightly meta) player explained that he learned to make ridiculous characters because he has a demonstrable piss-poor luck when it comes to dice. I'm not kidding, we did scientific testing, any time he rolls (any) dice they come out lower than the average by a statistically significant number.
This is why I frequently play clerics. I tend to roll terribly, both for stats and for attacks. At least with a cleric, I don't need to roll to heal someone and can heal myself to stay alive longer. My best D&D4 character was a Warlord, simply because his main "attack" was to have someone else make an attack roll. :smalltongue:

Heck, the above-mentioned 1HP cleric actually bended the rules presented a bit, because as I had rolled my stats for the character, there was no class he qualified for. Yep, this was back in AD&D2 when you had minimum ability score requirements. I'd rolled below a 9 on everything except Constitution.

Rater202
2015-04-06, 10:49 PM
A Vegetarian Abyssal who was compelled to stay out of the Underworld.

Basically an excuse to hog hearth stones.

IZ42
2015-04-07, 12:20 AM
A Vegetarian Abyssal who was compelled to stay out of the Underworld.

Basically an excuse to hog hearth stones.

So, a cat? That's a vegetarian?

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-07, 06:23 AM
I have an urge to play a celibate bard who believes that prostitutes are the only reliable source of information in a town. Just to both play straight and subvert bard stereotypes at once. Bonus points if I can convince someone else in the group to play their spouse of ten years.

Rater202
2015-04-07, 08:46 AM
So, a cat? That's a vegetarian?

...I don't see where cats come into play.

zabbarot
2015-04-07, 10:00 AM
Idealist Malkavian:
You are a Malkavian! Your insanity is that you believe that Vampire society is full of nothing but charitable self-sacrificing saints. Act as if you live in the best possible world ever, no matter what.

I've played this one. He was a priest previously. Mostly I ended up using him to troll everyone by 'unintentionally' ruining long term scheming because it was one of those long running pseudo-freeform LARP games where everybody plots against everyone else. I'd like to think that the group as a whole had a net shift towards good, even if they were all pretty irritated about it. Eventually he was assassinated. : /

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-07, 10:53 AM
I have it, a Malkavian with the victim of the masquerade and stereotype flaws, and the madness of 'believes Twilight vampires are real'.

comicshorse
2015-04-07, 11:23 AM
I have it, a Malkavian with the victim of the masquerade and stereotype flaws, and the madness of 'believes Twilight vampires are real'.

And yet he hasn't killed himself ? :smalleek:

JAL_1138
2015-04-07, 11:31 AM
I have it, a Malkavian with the victim of the masquerade and stereotype flaws, and the madness of 'believes Twilight vampires are real'.

We have a winner, methinks.

erikun
2015-04-07, 12:32 PM
A Vegetarian Abyssal who was compelled to stay out of the Underworld.

Basically an excuse to hog hearth stones.
Ah, sounds like one of those characters. One who absolutely requires some obscure magical item to even function properly. Something like a vegetarian Mind Flayer with a ring of substance, or a ghost swordmaster with a ghost touch sword, or a "daywalker" vampire who requires a magical cloak or ring to survive the sunlight.

Bonus points if the character doesn't actually have the required item, and complains about the DM ruining their character concept by not handing one out to them in the first encounter.

Rater202
2015-04-07, 03:08 PM
Ah, sounds like one of those characters. One who absolutely requires some obscure magical item to even function properly. Something like a vegetarian Mind Flayer with a ring of substance, or a ghost swordmaster with a ghost touch sword, or a "daywalker" vampire who requires a magical cloak or ring to survive the sunlight.

Bonus points if the character doesn't actually have the required item, and complains about the DM ruining their character concept by not handing one out to them in the first encounter.

Basically, though it's a bit more viable since you can start with Hearthstones.

It's the "can't go into the underworld ever" that makes the concept dependant on them.

Submortimer
2015-04-07, 04:54 PM
Lasercleric Robopope. Insane Warforged make everything better. PRAISE COG, OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR. INITIATING MERCY PROTOCOL... MERCY PROTOCOL INITIALIZED... YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY COG! ALL PRAISE COG!

INFIDEL DETECTED! EXTERMINATE! EXTERRRRRMINATE! INITIATING DIVINE WRATH! DIVINE WRATH IS ONLINE AND READY TO FIRE! WAITING ON ORDERS FROM COG! DIVINE WRATH HAS BEEN DEPLOYED! TARGET DESTROYED! ALL PRAISE COG!

He had a pontiff's hat made from two bucklers he bent and welded together.

Wait, I'm confused. This is supposed to be about terrible PCs, not AWESOME ones.

chainer1216
2015-04-08, 01:56 AM
I seriously want to play a pixie paladin focused on mounted combat with its celestial corgi mount.

Rhaegar14
2015-04-08, 02:36 AM
A friend of mine actually gave me this as a thought experiment last week; "What's the most ridiculous, over-the-top, unrealistic character concept you can think of?" After a little discussion we decided it was a more fun question with the caveat that you had to be able to come up with a coherent (if absurd) backstory for the character.

I came up with a master ninja with a robotic arm that is simultaneously both a vampire and a werewolf. He is the first of his clan in a thousand years to master the Warp Blade technique, which allows him to bend space-time to his will. So in addition to being a cyborg werewolf vampire ninja, he's also a time traveler and functionally immortal.

Now, outside of something really rules-light I would have no idea how to stat it, but it seems to fit the theme of this thread.

Milodiah
2015-04-08, 02:54 AM
...kinda sounds like Samuel Haight got sent to the world of Rifts.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-08, 05:00 AM
...kinda sounds like Samuel Haight got sent to the world of Rifts.

And we have a new winner! :smallbiggrin:

JAL_1138
2015-04-08, 06:02 AM
I seriously want to play a pixie paladin focused on mounted combat with its celestial corgi mount.

To paraphrase an earlier poster, this thread is supposed to be for bad concepts, not $&@%ing adorable ones.

chainer1216
2015-04-08, 06:36 AM
To paraphrase an earlier poster, this thread is supposed to be for bad concepts, not $&@%ing adorable ones.

Adorable until it comes bursting out of the other side of whatever monster it charged with its full power attack greater mighty wholoped Valorous spirited charge dealing several hundred damage.

JAL_1138
2015-04-08, 06:51 AM
Adorable until it comes bursting out of the other side of whatever monster it charged with its full power attack greater mighty wholoped Valorous spirited charge dealing several hundred damage.

While riding a Celestial Corgi. Again, thread is for bad concepts.

Rater202
2015-04-08, 08:52 AM
I once seriously considered making a Gurps system superhero character called Michael Jackson Man.

Cazero
2015-04-08, 09:13 AM
I once seriously considered making a Gurps system superhero character called Michael Jackson Man.
Same idea, different character. (https://xkcd.com/663/)

Friv
2015-04-08, 04:26 PM
I once ran a First Edition Exalted game in which a player came up to me with a premise for a Lunar sorcerer who considered herself a god. As she wasn't great at rules, another player volunteered to help her build the character.

I did not check that he was, in fact, actually capable of doing so.

The result was a Full Moon Lunar who used sorcery and martial arts, two things that Lunars are not good at using. Her nine Charms were:
* Finding the Spirit's Shape, which all Lunars are required to have.
* Snake Style: Striking Cobra, Serpentine Evasion, and Snake Form. These three Charms allowed her to magically fight using techniques she could have gotten from her own Charms, but not as well because they keyed off her Martial Arts 4 instead of her Dexterity 5.
* Tale-Spinning Mastery on a Charisma 3 character, letting her add three dice to tell stories. She had Performance 2, so this superpower let her go from "moderately good storyteller" to "tells stories almost as well as an expert mortal".
* Terrestrial Circle Sorcery
* Terrestrial Countermagic, which lets her fight other sorcerers.
* Invulnerable Body of Bronze, a spell which if cast by a Lunar sorcerer fails to activate.
* Stormwind Rider, a spell that allows a Lunar sorcerer to fly along the ground with a few other people, something better accomplished by... well, by turning into a giant bird, which they all can do.

Notably absent were Charms to give her incredible health, the Charm to turn her into a goddamn giant death monster at will, or any actual Full Moon Charms.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-08, 04:55 PM
I once ran a First Edition Exalted game in which a player came up to me with a premise for a Lunar sorcerer who considered herself a god. As she wasn't great at rules, another player volunteered to help her build the character.

I did not check that he was, in fact, actually capable of doing so.

The result was a Full Moon Lunar who used sorcery and martial arts, two things that Lunars are not good at using. Her nine Charms were:
* Finding the Spirit's Shape, which all Lunars are required to have.
* Snake Style: Striking Cobra, Serpentine Evasion, and Snake Form. These three Charms allowed her to magically fight using techniques she could have gotten from her own Charms, but not as well because they keyed off her Martial Arts 4 instead of her Dexterity 5.
* Tale-Spinning Mastery on a Charisma 3 character, letting her add three dice to tell stories. She had Performance 2, so this superpower let her go from "moderately good storyteller" to "tells stories almost as well as an expert mortal".
* Terrestrial Circle Sorcery
* Terrestrial Countermagic, which lets her fight other sorcerers.
* Invulnerable Body of Bronze, a spell which if cast by a Lunar sorcerer fails to activate.
* Stormwind Rider, a spell that allows a Lunar sorcerer to fly along the ground with a few other people, something better accomplished by... well, by turning into a giant bird, which they all can do.

Notably absent were Charms to give her incredible health, the Charm to turn her into a goddamn giant death monster at will, or any actual Full Moon Charms.

My knowledge of Exalted is poor, but is that actually legal?

This is why I don't let others build characters for me, although they can offer advice. If my character sucks, it should be my fault.

Zyzzyva
2015-04-08, 05:00 PM
A friend of mine actually gave me this as a thought experiment last week; "What's the most ridiculous, over-the-top, unrealistic character concept you can think of?" After a little discussion we decided it was a more fun question with the caveat that you had to be able to come up with a coherent (if absurd) backstory for the character.

I came up with a master ninja with a robotic arm that is simultaneously both a vampire and a werewolf. He is the first of his clan in a thousand years to master the Warp Blade technique, which allows him to bend space-time to his will. So in addition to being a cyborg werewolf vampire ninja, he's also a time traveler and functionally immortal.

Now, outside of something really rules-light I would have no idea how to stat it, but it seems to fit the theme of this thread.


...kinda sounds like Samuel Haight got sent to the world of Rifts.


And we have a new winner! :smallbiggrin:

Mind if I sig this block? :smallbiggrin:

Also, Sam Haight is pretty much this thread for WoD, yup.

BayardSPSR
2015-04-08, 05:03 PM
I once had a player try make a character that was literally Jesus.

Except the only things he ever did were "smile knowingly" when addressed and attempt to walk on any body of water that crossed his path.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-08, 05:22 PM
Mind if I sig this block? :smallbiggrin:

Also, Sam Haight is pretty much this thread for WoD, yup.

Feel free to have my contribution to that block.

And yeah, although I'd let a character who pulled off the two extra splats in-game to succeed at becoming such an abomination (although, I only actually allow 2 splats, one of which can be a full, so you can be a kinfolk vampire or a ghoul mage, or a medium ghoul, but if you want to be an abomination, you have to roll that botch in-game).

I'm half-tempted to pull out an adept/technomancer in a shadowrun 4e game that's probably going to happen, but apart from having to spend BP on both magic and resonance (I'm in a group where I'm the only one with any optimisation potential, which means that a certain player will likely complain about me power gaming if I pull out such a bad build). Nothing to the level of most of these, but as hybrids have been mentioned, and the GM would likely allow it (she literally said 'you can play what you want', so 'Spunky Anglo-Asian Technomancer Engineer Adept' is probably the second weirdest concept that will be presented).

Milodiah
2015-04-08, 06:05 PM
Sure, sig away.

JAL_1138
2015-04-08, 06:17 PM
AD&D, 3d6 straight down method--roll straight threes. Halfling Fighter. Dual-wield. If that's even legal.

Jormengand
2015-04-08, 06:36 PM
The worst character I can come up with? Let's see:

Jon Vulcan, 15th level truenamer.
Colossal Volcano
Hit Dice: No (15,000,000,000,000 HP)
Initiative No
Speed 0 ft (0 squares)
Armour Class 12 (20 natural -8 size -5 dex -5 inanimate), touch -8 flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: No/Don't even think about it
Attack: Erupt +500 20d6 fire
Full attack: Erupt +500/+495/+490/+485 20d6 fire.
Space/Reach: 300 ft/10 miles
Special Attacks: Being a volcano.
Special Qualities: I'm a volcano.
Saves: No.
Abilities: No
Skills: Probably some truespeak.
Feats: No.
Environment: Volcano.
Organisation: Solitary.
Challenge Rating: Lots.
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By volcano.
Level Adjustment: -

Basically, bind a creature to kill you with a sword that has been turned into thinaun with your Transmute Weapon utterance. Your soul is trapped in the thinaun weapon. The weapon changes back after 5 rounds. Then have it drop the sword - which can't have the soul freed by breaking it because it's not made of thinaun - into the nearest active volcano. Your soul is now stuck in the volcano.

Enjoy your new life as a volcano.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-08, 06:41 PM
The worst character I can come up with? Let's see:

Jon Vulcan, 15th level truenamer.
Colossal Volcano
Initiative No
Speed 0 ft (0 squares)
Armour Class 12 (20 natural -8 size -5 dex -5 inanimate), touch -8 flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: No/Don't even think about it
Attack: Erupt +500 20d6 fire
Full attack: Erupt +500/+495/+490/+485 20d6 fire.
Space/Reach: 300 ft/10 miles
Special Attacks: Being a volcano.
Special Qualities: I'm a volcano.
Saves: No.
Abilities: No
Skills: Probably some truespeak.
Feats: No.
Environment: Volcano.
Organisation: Solitary.
Challenge Rating: Lots.
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By volcano.
Level Adjustment: -

Basically, bind a creature to kill you with a sword that has been turned into thinaun with your Transmute Weapon utterance. Your soul is trapped in the thinaun weapon. The weapon changes back after 5 rounds. Then have it drop the sword - which can't have the soul freed by breaking it because it's not made of thinaun - into the nearest active volcano. Your soul is now stuck in the volcano.

Enjoy your new life as a volcano.

You forgot the hp and hit dice :smalltongue: but I have to join the tune here, this is not the thread for completely awesome characters. Bad no longer means good.

Jormengand
2015-04-08, 06:53 PM
You forgot the hp and hit dice :smalltongue: but I have to join the tune here, this is not the thread for completely awesome characters. Bad no longer means good.

You saw nothing. >.>

And I think that "You are permanently dead and the only way to resurrect you is by going into a volcano and breaking a sword that doesn't exist" qualifies as bad. Maybe that's just me?

Sith_Happens
2015-04-08, 07:16 PM
I once ran a First Edition Exalted game in which a player came up to me with a premise for a Lunar sorcerer who considered herself a god. As she wasn't great at rules, another player volunteered to help her build the character.

I did not check that he was, in fact, actually capable of doing so.

The result was a Full Moon Lunar who used sorcery and martial arts, two things that Lunars are not good at using. Her nine Charms were:
* Finding the Spirit's Shape, which all Lunars are required to have.
* Snake Style: Striking Cobra, Serpentine Evasion, and Snake Form. These three Charms allowed her to magically fight using techniques she could have gotten from her own Charms, but not as well because they keyed off her Martial Arts 4 instead of her Dexterity 5.
* Tale-Spinning Mastery on a Charisma 3 character, letting her add three dice to tell stories. She had Performance 2, so this superpower let her go from "moderately good storyteller" to "tells stories almost as well as an expert mortal".
* Terrestrial Circle Sorcery
* Terrestrial Countermagic, which lets her fight other sorcerers.
* Invulnerable Body of Bronze, a spell which if cast by a Lunar sorcerer fails to activate.
* Stormwind Rider, a spell that allows a Lunar sorcerer to fly along the ground with a few other people, something better accomplished by... well, by turning into a giant bird, which they all can do.

Notably absent were Charms to give her incredible health, the Charm to turn her into a goddamn giant death monster at will, or any actual Full Moon Charms.

The best part of all this is that in Exalted the bit I bolded is called "an inferiority complex.":smallbiggrin:

Friv
2015-04-09, 12:04 AM
My knowledge of Exalted is poor, but is that actually legal?

Technically, yes. She couldn't cast her useless spell successfully, but she could teach it to other sorcerers.

The trick with the one spell is that it's a shapeshifting effect, and Lunars come bundled with a magic artifact (specifically, silver tattoos) that perfectly stops all shapechanging effects used on them, even by themselves, except for the ones that are part of their natural Charmset (the restriction was built in to keep them from doubling up on power from some of the body-boosting spells, which would otherwise be pretty broken in the wrong hands). It's not actually required to have those tattoos, so the spell could be learned and even used by a Lunar before they were tattooed. If they got tattooed afterwards, they don't get the XP spent on the spell back, because Exalted is a jackass that way.

That said, I did actually put my foot down and prevent her from taking that spell. We switched it for the "turn into a giant goddamn god-monster" Charm, which helped boost her from "useless" to "not generally useful". I couldn't convince her to drop the Martial Arts or switch the other spells, though.

The big trick with the character was that on paper, it didn't look so bad. The guy advising her gave her three spells that were very useful for Solars who used sorcery, and forgot that one was useless and the other much less useful due to her being a Lunar. He gave her martial arts because Lunars don't get to favor a lot of skills, so unarmed combat seemed good, and martial arts styles were cool (all true, but overlooking that 1e Lunars pay through the nose for them and don't generally get full benefit). Then he realized that there was only one Charm left, so he looked at a handful of the ones she qualified for and asked her what seemed cool, and she chose storytelling as a lead-up to terrifying auras and roars and such, because it seemed to fit the god theme, even though social activity was her weakest area of expertise.

Like, I can totally see the thought processes that went into the character. They were all quite logical. They were also wrong, but logical.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-16, 10:57 AM
Okay, just had an idea for a GURPS character, TDT:

Name: The Dinner Table.
25 points
ST 60
DX 0
IQ 0
HT 0
Size Modifier 1
Dmg 7d-1thr/9d+2sw
Basic lift 720
HP 60
Per 0
Will 0
FP 0
Basic speed 0
Basic move 0
Dodge 3
Advantages:
Doesn't Breathe
Doesn't Eat or Drink
Extra Leg
Extra Leg
Injury Tolerance (homogeneous)
Immunity to metabolic Hazards
Drawbacks:
No Arms
Unhealing (total)
Skills:
None
Suitable for low powered campaigns.

turbo164
2015-04-16, 12:36 PM
Reposting from http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?367564-Deliberately-terrible-character-ideas&p=17964841

*A Barbarian 1/Bard 1/Cleric 1/Druid 1/Fighter 1/Monk 1/Paladin 1/Ranger 1/Sorceror 1/Wizard 1/startonplayershandbook2orsomething. Or roll dice to see which class you are each level up.

*A Huge (or bigger if possible!) Rogue, who's convinced he's the sneakiest thing ever, even when he's bigger than the house he's trying to rob.

*A Jumplomancer, but replace Jump with a less-amazing thing to impress people with. Appraise maybe? "Behold, citizens, this apple...is worth PRECISELY 13.7928465 copper pieces!" *fangirl squeals* *faints* *showers of autographs* Or Concentration; "Watch me ride this shark through a hurricane...WHILE reciting the alphabet BACKWARDS!" (unfortunately a bit harder to optimize since runspeed doesn't affect other skill checks)

*A Hulking Hurler, who instead of throwing trillion-ton-planets, uses dozens of Bags of Tricks to supply his ammo. Bats, Rhinos, whatever.

*A wizard with Arcane Thesis: Stick (Spell Compendium), stacking Quickened and Repeat and whatnot. Cover the barbarian in flowers every chance you can!

GAA
2015-04-16, 12:37 PM
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xsHWJkqHVbdbWCaG0_t6YTRbdxlwbwjEbL4xjlsJdM8/edit?usp=sharing

Aww yeah. This character was meant for this thread. Note that he is addicted to aether. It never says you HAVE to spend all the point buy points, so we put the rest in our inventory. Note he does not get sneak attack.

Kriton
2015-04-16, 01:25 PM
A high-charisma Barbarian with Able Learner who insists on wearing fashionable, dandified outfits, fights with an elaborately gilded and arabesqued rapier, and spends all his skill points on things like social skills and obscure knowledges.

Recites French decadent poetry in combat except when raging, when he switches to Beowulf and the Mahabarata.

Omg I have that character in my game, his name is Frukul and he is a halforc, also he has cross-class ranks on perform(acting).

Bucky
2015-04-16, 01:27 PM
Collateral Damage Man:


Half-elf commoner 4 / dragonmarked heir 4

Feats
1: Least Mark of Storm
3: Favored in House
6: Mighty Dragonmark

When you get the Greater Mark of Storm from your class, select Control Winds. Pick up one of the items which increase a dragonmarks' caster level by 2 - I forget the name - and your caster level is 18 which is sufficient to produce a tornado regardless of the current wind speed, over a radius of 720'. Since it's your only offensive ability it's your go-to offensive ability ...


He has no degrees of response, because all he can do is summon a city flattening tornado. All of Hell invading? Tornado. Army of Orcs attacking? That's a tornado. Large dragon kidnapped a princess? That's a tornado. The Queen is found dead in her bedchamber, and it's up to you to sift through the decadent and treacherous royal court to figure out who ordered the hit?

You better believe that's a tornado.

JAL_1138
2015-04-16, 09:45 PM
A sea sponge. Not a sentient one, not a mobile one, not even one of the ones with spiky bits. Just a sea sponge.

In Dark Sun.

Feddlefew
2015-04-17, 02:38 AM
A sea sponge. Not a sentient one, not a mobile one, not even one of the ones with spiky bits. Just a sea sponge.

In Dark Sun.

If we're going by Dwarf Fortress 2012 rules and you can get someone to resurrect the character as a zombie, they'd be functionally immortal. Useless, but immortal.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-17, 05:21 AM
A sea sponge. Not a sentient one, not a mobile one, not even one of the ones with spiky bits. Just a sea sponge.

In Dark Sun.

Look at my last post, where I had a GURPS character sheet for a dinner table. Same idea, only the sea sponge is:
a) slightly less useful (you can't put stuff on it).
b) slightly harder to justify it being present.
c) more likely to die, being in dark sun.

I think it takes the prize of best object to be presented as a PC as soon as I see a statblock for it.

JAL_1138
2015-04-17, 07:12 AM
Look at my last post, where I had a GURPS character sheet for a dinner table. Same idea, only the sea sponge is:
a) slightly less useful (you can't put stuff on it).
b) slightly harder to justify it being present.
c) more likely to die, being in dark sun.

I think it takes the prize of best object to be presented as a PC as soon as I see a statblock for it.

Maybe something like this:

Climate: temperate to tropical ocean
Diet: plankton (filter feeder)
Organization: Solitary
No. Appearing: 1-3
AC: 20
HD: 1 (max HP: 1 per square foot)
Move: 0
# Attacks: 0
DMG/AT: N/A
THAC0: N/A
Intelligence: 0 (non-)
Morale: N/A
Alignment: Neutral
Languages: N/A
Special Attacks: N/A
Special Defenses: N/A
Magic Resistance: N/A
Size: S

Sea Sponge: Sea sponges are sessile filter-feeders that usually live on ocean reefs. They have a cumulative 10% chance per minute to die within 1 hour if exposed to air before being returned to salt water, dying automatically after ten minutes of exposure to air (roll 1d2: on a 1, die instantly; on a 2, the sponge survives for up to an hour but will die even if returned to salt water). Treat immersion in fresh water the same as exposure to air for chance of death. A dried sponge may be used to absorb liquid and/or scrub smooth surfaces when wet. A sponge cannot take actions of any kind, and its turn is always last in any initiative order. Sponges cannot gain class levels in any class.

Feddlefew
2015-04-17, 09:36 AM
Maybe something like this:

Climate: temperate to tropical ocean
Diet: plankton (filter feeder)
Organization: Solitary
No. Appearing: 1-3
AC: 20
HD: 1 (max HP: 1 per square foot)
Move: 0
# Attacks: 0
DMG/AT: N/A
THAC0: N/A
Intelligence: 0 (non-)
Morale: N/A
Alignment: Neutral
Languages: N/A
Special Attacks: N/A
Special Defenses: N/A
Magic Resistance: N/A
Size: S

Sea Sponge: Sea sponges are sessile filter-feeders that usually live on ocean reefs. They have a cumulative 10% chance per minute to die within 1 hour if exposed to air before being returned to salt water, dying automatically after ten minutes of exposure to air (roll 1d2: on a 1, die instantly; on a 2, the sponge survives for up to an hour but will die even if returned to salt water). Treat immersion in fresh water the same as exposure to air for chance of death. A dried sponge may be used to absorb liquid and/or scrub smooth surfaces when wet. A sponge cannot take actions of any kind, and its turn is always last in any initiative order. Sponges cannot gain class levels in any class.

Sponges have one thing going for them: as long as there are living sponge cells left, they can coalesces into another sponge. You can literally run some kinds of sponges through a blender, dump the resulting slurry into a tank, and end up with a couple of new sponges in a few days with slightly less total mas than the original sponge. Many sponges also can, in fact, move. Very slowly. Cm/day slowly.


Sea Squirts (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Ascidiacea), on the other hand, would make totally useless characters.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-17, 10:08 AM
Okay, let's see...

Clare
Minute female TN photon 1
Hit Dice: 1d0 (1 hp)
Initiative: 1/0.
Speed: 5901426336 ft (1180285267 squares).
Armour Class: infinity+5 (+infinity size, -5 dex), touch infinity+5, flat-footed infinity+5.
Base Attack/Grapple: No/how?
Attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Full attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Space/Reach: 0ft/0ft.
Special Attacks: nope.
Special Qualities: cannot slow down.
Saves: none.
Abilities: approximately 0.
Skills: a few ranks in fly.
Feats: being the fastest party member.
Environment: the universe.
Organisation: many.
Challenge Rating: non-existent.
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: 983 571 056 feet per second
Level Adjustment: -


At least you can move with this one, so you don't have to sit out the game.

Feddlefew
2015-04-17, 10:14 AM
Okay, let's see...

Clare
Minute female TN photon 1
Hit Dice: 1d0 (1 hp)
Initiative: 1/0.
Speed: 5901426336 ft (1180285267 squares).
Armour Class: infinity+5 (+infinity size, -5 dex), touch infinity+5, flat-footed infinity+5.
Base Attack/Grapple: No/how?
Attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Full attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Space/Reach: 0ft/0ft.
Special Attacks: nope.
Special Qualities: cannot slow down.
Saves: none.
Abilities: approximately 0.
Skills: a few ranks in fly.
Feats: being the fastest party member.
Environment: the universe.
Organisation: many.
Challenge Rating: non-existent.
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: 983 571 056 feet per second
Level Adjustment: -


At least you can move with this one, so you don't have to sit out the game.

Hahaha I like this one. :smallbiggrin:

Anyone want to stat the OMG particle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh-My-God_particle) as a character?

JAL_1138
2015-04-17, 10:21 AM
Sponges have one thing going for them: as long as there are living sponge cells left, they can coalesces into another sponge. You can literally run some kinds of sponges through a blender, dump the resulting slurry into a tank, and end up with a couple of new sponges in a few days with slightly less total mas than the original sponge. Many sponges also can, in fact, move. Very slowly. Cm/day slowly.


Sea Squirts (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Ascidiacea), on the other hand, would make totally useless characters.

I figured mm/cm per day was minimal enough not to stat it. Sea squirts can squirt, which is one more action than a sponge. On Athas. Still, another good contender.


Okay, let's see...

Clare
Minute female TN photon 1
Hit Dice: 1d0 (1 hp)
Initiative: 1/0.
Speed: 5901426336 ft (1180285267 squares).
Armour Class: infinity+5 (+infinity size, -5 dex), touch infinity+5, flat-footed infinity+5.
Base Attack/Grapple: No/how?
Attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Full attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Space/Reach: 0ft/0ft.
Special Attacks: nope.
Special Qualities: cannot slow down.
Saves: none.
Abilities: approximately 0.
Skills: a few ranks in fly.
Feats: being the fastest party member.
Environment: the universe.
Organisation: many.
Challenge Rating: non-existent.
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: 983 571 056 feet per second
Level Adjustment: -


At least you can move with this one, so you don't have to sit out the game.

What about a neutrino? They interact with far fewer things than photons.

Feddlefew
2015-04-17, 10:44 AM
I figured mm/cm per day was minimal enough not to stat it. Sea squirts can squirt, which is one more action than a sponge. On Athas. Still, another good contender.

It's less of a squirt than a complete structural collapse forcing water out of their systems when they're removed from water. Otherwise they're functionally like completely immobile sponges, sans regenerative superpowers.

If I think of any other sessile animals that make useless PCs, I'll post them here. The only other one I've thought of are tube worms.

JAL_1138
2015-04-17, 11:07 AM
It's less of a squirt than a complete structural collapse forcing water out of their systems when they're removed from water. Otherwise they're functionally like completely immobile sponges, sans regenerative superpowers.

If I think of any other sessile animals that make useless PCs, I'll post them here. The only other one I've thought of are tube worms.

Perhaps a bowl of petunias (not a sessile animal, but certainly immobile)...named Agrajag, if nobody's gotten to that one yet...

EDIT: Immobile except, perhaps, toward the ground at considerable speed. Once.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-17, 11:09 AM
Perhaps a bowl of petunias (not a sessile animal, but certainly immobile)...named Agrajag, if nobody's gotten to that one yet...

Now come on, the chances of that getting past a GM are infinitely improbable.

JAL_1138
2015-04-17, 11:14 AM
Now come on, the chances of that getting past a GM are infinitely improbable.

Well, if we need something infinitely improbable, we can just take a finite improbability generator, calculate the improbability of creating an infinite improbability generator, give it a nice hot cup of tea, and be ready to run from the angry mob of physicists and engineers who've been working on creating one for decades...

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-17, 12:42 PM
Well, if we need something infinitely improbable, we can just take a finite improbability generator, calculate the improbability of creating an infinite improbability generator, give it a nice hot cup of tea, and be ready to run from the angry mob of physicists and engineers who've been working on creating one for decades...

When we have it, and when it develops sapience after running, I get to play the infinite improbability drive.

GuesssWho
2015-04-18, 03:09 AM
There was a guy mentioned in an old handbook named Daruth Winterwood that would be a wonderfully horrible PC.

He lives in the Far Realms and his brain has been replaced by spiders.

Milodiah
2015-04-18, 04:48 PM
I don't remember if I ever posted Captain Splonks on this.

Captain Splonks is a Traveller character I offered to my friend, when said friend had difficulty selecting one of the many he had rolled up.

Captain Splonks is in possession of an alien TL30 5 million ton super dreadnought; his only duty, nay, his only ability, is to use that super dreadnought to follow the party firing off rainbow-colored sandcasters while yelling "WOOOOOOOO!" over every and all comms device he has access to, which is all of them.

The fact that this ship is twice as advanced as any other piece of tech in the arsenal of mankind means he can never be evaded. Pop into jumpspace, he has generated a bubble somehow linked with yours. Hide behind a star? He's inside the star. Land on an asteroid, cover the ship with dust? Chameleon tech - he is the asteroid. Get off the ship, take a planetside elevator all the way down to the lowest, darkest, cramped-est basement you can find? Guess what. He has a shrink ray.

TurboGhast
2015-04-19, 02:51 PM
Play 4e bard.

Take only multiclassing feats, and as many power swaps a possible.

It is such a waste, especially with how useless the power swap feats are.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-19, 03:18 PM
Play 4e bard.

Take only multiclassing feats, and as many power swaps a possible.

It is such a waste, especially with how useless the power swap feats are.

Let's see, using just the PHB and taking paragon multiclassing, we get:
Bob, dwarf bard 1 (just for more suboptimal)
1: initiate of faith (now, I think the multi class feats themselves are average for feats, you get skill training+a toned down class ability)
2: student of battle.
4: novice power (cleric)
6: novice power (warlord)
8: acolyte power (cleric)
10: adept power (cleriv)
11P: at-will power swap, 7th level encounter power
12: acolyte power (warlord)
12P: 10th level daily power
14: adept power (warlord)
16: student of the sword
18: novice power (fighter)
20: acolyte power (fighter)
20P: 19th level daily power
22: adept power (fighter)
24: soldier of the faith
26: novice power (paladin)
28: acolyte power (paladin)
30: adept power (paladin)

To sum the build up, we spent all our feats in order to, by level 20, have one attack power and three utility powers from our class.

Arbane
2015-04-19, 04:06 PM
Al Bruno once mentioned a character for a superhero campaign named "Collateral Darren, who had the power to make hostages explode."

Milodiah
2015-04-19, 08:44 PM
How is it we've gotten this far without a "rouge" pun?

goto124
2015-04-19, 08:50 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v206/MistoNinja/RougeLeader.jpg

Large image (http://darklegacycomics.com/comics/41.jpg)

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-19, 08:53 PM
How is it we've gotten this far without a "rouge" pun?

My Rouge's bedfinding and spank attack were very useful, actually.

Magikeeper
2015-04-19, 11:48 PM
There was this one PbP where a player accidentally min-maxed his PC into an eternal coma before the game even began. (Cha 0)

GuesssWho
2015-04-20, 12:57 AM
There's this twit I (try not to) play with that always makes the most painfully sexist stereotype of a pretty girl imaginable. I'm pretty sure he's never actually had a conversation with a female in his life.

malkarnivore
2015-04-20, 04:58 AM
Any character concept in pathfinder that revolves around starting with a template.

Play a mermaid? Centaur? Dark elf?

Ok sure. I can handle your special snowflake crap because I like playing oddballs myself.

But whenever someone's idea revolvea around a half-dragon/half-fey/some other weird thing, half (insert non core race here) that purely follows some bizarre logic revolving around the "rule of cool" I get a headache.

Mostly because I started out as that idiot, not realizing how much that stuff can damage a campaign. Never mind agitating the other players who may have made more normal characters.

Acquiring things like that in the late game tends not to be as disruptive, but level 1 half dragons are almost as much of a pain in the rear as that one guy's justification about how "A kender paladin is totally a viable concept!"

Someone pass me the ibuprofen. I'm gonna need it.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-20, 06:33 AM
Play a mermaid? Centaur? Dark elf?

Ok sure. I can handle your special snowflake crap because I like playing oddballs myself.

What if I want to play a male succubus bard? (No, not incubus, male succubus)


But whenever someone's idea revolvea around a half-dragon/half-fey/some other weird thing, half (insert non core race here) that purely follows some bizarre logic revolving around the "rule of cool" I get a headache.

Mostly because I started out as that idiot, not realizing how much that stuff can damage a campaign. Never mind agitating the other players who may have made more normal characters.

This is why I've changed the reproduction of any race that produces halves. This is only well known regarding dragons, who can't mate with each other due to being spirits, and so must mate with humans to survive. But the 'mating with humans causes a supernatural offspri' happens with angels and demons as well, although they don't actually suffer from the same restriction as dragons.


Acquiring things like that in the late game tends not to be as disruptive, but level 1 half dragons are almost as much of a pain in the rear as that one guy's justification about how "A kender paladin is totally a viable concept!"

It is, you just need to work out who he 'borrowed' the powers from.


Someone pass me the ibuprofen. I'm gonna need it.

Second shelf, take the 'get some sense hammer' while you're at it.

malkarnivore
2015-04-20, 10:30 AM
What if I want to play a male succubus bard? (No, not incubus, male succubus)
Touche.

However, I'm afraid the magic circle you were summoned in was abandoned, and you are in another dungeon, half a world away. You may want to consider something more "local."


This is why I've changed the reproduction of any race that produces halves. This is only well known regarding dragons, who can't mate with each other due to being spirits, and so must mate with humans to survive. But the 'mating with humans causes a supernatural offspri' happens with angels and demons as well, although they don't actually suffer from the same restriction as dragons.
I prefer to think of it less as "reproduction" and more "alchemical tampering."


It is, you just need to work out who he 'borrowed' the powers from.
You are a horrible person. and should feel horrible.


Second shelf, take the 'get some sense hammer' while you're at it.

I'm copacetic with the "Crowbar of Insight." But thanks for your suggestion.

Wraith
2015-04-20, 11:14 AM
I've finally remembered the worse Character that I have ever set eyes upon, let alone, created.

deadEarth has you randomly roll EVERYTHING for your character - age, height, weight, they all get rolled on dice and fed into a table that tells you what your stats are and how many skills points and 'perks' (called 'Radiations' in-game) you get to roll for.

There's a d1000 table for perks, some of which are beneficial, though most of which are purely malevolent. A few are outright abusive.

The first character I ever rolled for the system had a Constitution score of 0 (SCORE, and NOT modifier) which meant that he had a 50% chance of dropping dead at the start of every in-game day, which was only averted by the fact that he had already died from radiation poisoning during the character creation process.

Oh, yes, this is a thing. The character creation for deadEarth is basically "create three characters and use whichever one survives". This guy died relatively late in the process, an unlucky %age roll against the number of Radiations he had picked up. It was almost as likely that he had rolled #020: Decapitation, which immediately deals 10d6 damage to your head.

Total number of hitpoints on a starting characters Head location: 4. :smalleek:

Then there's the guy with the negative Strength score, giving him a maximum encumbrance value of negative 50lbs. Or the one with Narcolepsy, that needed to roll 3+ on a d6 in order to be able to do anything "stressful" without instantly falling asleep. Like fight, for example. Or the guy with ADHD who has a 30% chance to automatically fail at ANYTHING he tries to do because he gets distracted half way through (which, given the wording, includes eating and performing ablutions).

So, y'know.... Lots of potential for terrible characters in that one.....

GuesssWho
2015-04-20, 05:45 PM
My lord, that's almost FATAL levels of suck.

Is there any reason to play that game?

JAL_1138
2015-04-20, 05:56 PM
At least when you die in character creation in Traveller, it's because of some kind of training accident or on-the-job danger.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-20, 06:01 PM
My lord, that's almost FATAL levels of suck.

Is there any reason to play that game?

Now be fair, in FATAL you have to check if your modifiers to height from bodily attractiveness have changed after you roll extremely large breasts. I'm also fairly certain there's a roll to die in infancy or get conscripted into the army at some point, or die from pillaging randy ogres.


For Eclipse Phase, the AGI social manipulator. Start off several hundred Rez Points behind your allies!

I do want to try using the Transhuman lifepath system to create a horrible random character, but I've got a feeling that it probably throws out something decent most of the time.

Lord Raziere
2015-04-20, 06:19 PM
For Eclipse Phase, the AGI social manipulator. Start off several hundred Rez Points behind your allies!

I do want to try using the Transhuman lifepath system to create a horrible random character, but I've got a feeling that it probably throws out something decent most of the time.

How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

or how about one of the Lost? You have to have THREE mental disorders to get your psychic powers! on top of real world naivety AND being pursued by the authorities, now put them in a Griefer morph, not only is it bad for the Lost in question, you can't use your psychic powers while in a synth morph but you still got your three insanities, and your in a morph people are legally allowed to kill! now give them the Socialite faction, where they want to be the spotlight of the inner system elite! good luck making that make sense or surviving past one hour.

Sith_Happens
2015-04-20, 06:23 PM
Now be fair, in FATAL you have to check if your modifiers to height from bodily attractiveness have changed after you roll extremely large breasts. I'm also fairly certain there's a roll to die in infancy or get conscripted into the army at some point, or die from pillaging randy ogres.

I don't remember about a roll to die in infancy, but you can roll a negative age.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-20, 06:37 PM
How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

Mind if I sig this? I just love the idea, and plan to use it as a NPC.


or how about one of the Lost? You have to have THREE mental disorders to get your psychic powers! on top of real world naivety AND being pursued by the authorities, now put them in a Griefer morph, not only is it bad for the Lost in question, you can't use your psychic powers while in a synth morph but you still got your three insanities, and your in a morph people are legally allowed to kill! now give them the Socialite faction, where they want to be the spotlight of the inner system elite! good luck making that make sense or surviving past one hour.

On the other hand, switch out the morph for a splicer (15 CP discount and I'm certain to be able to sleeve into something just as good. Also, my favourite starting morph) and this isn't a horrible character besides the three mental disorders (or two if you just want Psi-Chi). I might actually propose it as a PC if I ever get to play.

GuesssWho
2015-04-20, 06:50 PM
Now be fair, in FATAL you have to check if your modifiers to height from bodily attractiveness have changed after you roll extremely large breasts. I'm also fairly certain there's a roll to die in infancy or get conscripted into the army at some point, or die from pillaging randy ogres.
Thus 'almost'

Lord Raziere
2015-04-20, 06:59 PM
Mind if I sig this? I just love the idea, and plan to use it as a NPC.



On the other hand, switch out the morph for a splicer (15 CP discount and I'm certain to be able to sleeve into something just as good. Also, my favourite starting morph) and this isn't a horrible character besides the three mental disorders (or two if you just want Psi-Chi). I might actually propose it as a PC if I ever get to play.

1. Why not? Go ahead.

2. I recommend taking Megalomania then. what other kind of Lost would seek to be famous in hyper-elite circles? oh an Impulse Control Disorder, just to make it interesting.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-20, 07:09 PM
I don't remember about a roll to die in infancy, but you can roll a negative age.

But it's the most historically accurate game that I've re-*notices Ars Magica on bookshelf* it claims to be the most historically accurate game ever.

I remember rolling negative age, to be honest, I've wanted to get a group to do a single session of FATAL, just to see if it's that bad when playing. My suspicion is that it is.


1. Why not? Go ahead.

2. I recommend taking Megalomania then. what other kind of Lost would seek to be famous in hyper-elite circles? oh an Impulse Control Disorder, just to make it interesting.

1. Cool, thanks.

2. Why, I have a sheet to build this character.

Lord Raziere
2015-04-20, 07:33 PM
oh, an even worse EP character concept:

your an AGI, in a Jar-Jar Binks themed Critter Morph in the Inner system. Your job is to play as Jar Jar Binks in a Star Wars themed amusement park for fans who all of course sleeve into Harrison Ford morphs then dress up as Han Solo who all claim they shot first, while their friend sleeves into a Chewbacca morph and does nothing but roar randomly even if they are perfectly capable of speaking, while others are in a Darth Vader synth morph and go around quoting his lines, but thats of course, not the worst part: the worst part is that since all Star Wars fans hate Jar Jar Binks, you do nothing but stand at a firing range all day and get shot at by Han Solo wannabes because AGI's don't have any rights, and even the other AGI's have it better because at least the C-3PO guy gets to live longer than a day even if all he is job is saying lines like "that shot is a probability of 149010 to one!" or something, and it just makes you so angry that you are a full on Anarchist/Sapient in secret and you are SO willing to blow up the jerks that made your job possible, to the point where you vow that you will someday come to them and say something like
"Yousa Blowin' meesa up for da LAST time Boss Nass!"
in that annoying Jar Jar voice just finally have some freaking catharsis once in your life and to make sure thats its the last thing they ever hear.

Wraith
2015-04-20, 08:11 PM
My lord, that's almost FATAL levels of suck.

Is there any reason to play that game?

No one ever *plays* deadEarth. You just create characters, laugh at how horribly broken they are, and then deny ever having touched the thing with your bare hands.

Honestly, if you ever have a half hour spare and don't overly mind being ostracized from the role-playing community forever, give it a try. It's not one for the easily offended, mind..... And I've known some people throw their hands up and quit in despair when the Radition generation starts getting fractal on them.....

Kid Jake
2015-04-20, 10:51 PM
He was an NPC, but nonetheless...

BEHOLD:



I came here to post Manslug (he was originally supposed to be McCrow's PC) but see that you've beat me to it. :smallbiggrin:

MesiDoomstalker
2015-04-20, 11:11 PM
This is a character I had the (un)pleasure of playing alongside.

He was a Drow, raised on the surface by some random ass human farmers. "Like Superman" is how it was described. He was totally TN, because Drow are inherently Neutral and its only the Underdark upbringing that make them CE. Or so his player insisted. He would lament and bemoan when people treated him like a Drow on the surface (because he's a Drow on the surface) and how he's cursed to burden the reputation of his Underdark ilk. He would go on for hours about how he wasn't like those other Drow you heard about. Of course, when it come to not acting like a Drow, he had a penchant for torturing people for no reason and believing himself superior to everyone ESPECIALLY other Drow. You know, non-Drow-like qualities.

Nerd-o-rama
2015-04-21, 12:26 PM
Emperor-Worshipping Ork:
You are an Ork that worships the God Emperor of Mankind. You fight for the "'Peeryum", try to dress up as much like a "Spess Mahreen" as much as possible and fight "Kayoss" while shouting "For Da Emprah!" any humie that says you can't do this, you execute for "Hairasee"

Okay no, this happened several pages ago, but I want to see this happen for real. Bonus if he survives for more than thirty seconds.

Sith_Happens
2015-04-21, 05:14 PM
I remember rolling negative age, to be honest, I've wanted to get a group to do a single session of FATAL, just to see if it's that bad when playing. My suspicion is that it is.

I know of exactly two attempts to actually play it, one of which (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?153581-FATAL-A-Campaign-Journal&) was on this very forum, the other would probably get me mod-slapped for linking to but it's on Reddit if anyone wants to find it, and neither of which went remotely well.


Manslug (he was originally supposed to be McCrow's PC)

http://i.imgur.com/30s7wHd.gif


He was a Drow, raised on the surface by some random ass human farmers. "Like Superman" is how it was described. He was totally TN, because Drow are inherently Neutral and its only the Underdark upbringing that make them CE. Or so his player insisted. He would lament and bemoan when people treated him like a Drow on the surface (because he's a Drow on the surface) and how he's cursed to burden the reputation of his Underdark ilk. He would go on for hours about how he wasn't like those other Drow you heard about. Of course, when it come to not acting like a Drow, he had a penchant for torturing people for no reason and believing himself superior to everyone ESPECIALLY other Drow. You know, non-Drow-like qualities.

I could see this character working extremely well as long as the player was self-aware about it.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-21, 06:38 PM
I know of exactly two attempts to actually play it, one of which (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?153581-FATAL-A-Campaign-Journal&) was on this very forum, the other would probably get me mod-slapped for linking to but it's on Reddit if anyone wants to find it, and neither of which went remotely well.

That's a great thread.

I may see if I can stat up some bad characters in fatal, the Drizzt clone is easy (although I dislike dual wielding), so what about Samuel Haight? I never got to the werewolf or vampire descriptions.

I do put it on my 'list of games for designers to read' though, because it helps avoid the really bad with your games. Although I'll admit I do overcomplicate things, with my current project using [attribute]d6+[skill] for basic rolls, I might just switch to [attribute or skill]d6.

MesiDoomstalker
2015-04-21, 07:11 PM
I could see this character working extremely well as long as the player was self-aware about it.

She was not.

SickBritKid
2015-04-21, 08:15 PM
A high-charisma Barbarian with Able Learner who insists on wearing fashionable, dandified outfits, fights with an elaborately gilded and arabesqued rapier, and spends all his skill points on things like social skills and obscure knowledges.

Recites French decadent poetry in combat except when raging, when he switches to Beowulf and the Mahabarata.

That has to be one of the most awesome-sounding character concepts I've ever heard.

It's almost as if you had a character who changed from a sophisticated Breton into a brutal Nord just by Raging.

Also aren't Thaneborn Barbarians in 4e technically Charisma-based Barbarians? Because if so...that build could actually work in that game!

Friv
2015-04-22, 11:29 AM
I've finally remembered the worse Character that I have ever set eyes upon, let alone, created.

deadEarth has you randomly roll EVERYTHING for your character - age, height, weight, they all get rolled on dice and fed into a table that tells you what your stats are and how many skills points and 'perks' (called 'Radiations' in-game) you get to roll for.

There's a d1000 table for perks, some of which are beneficial, though most of which are purely malevolent. A few are outright abusive.

The first character I ever rolled for the system had a Constitution score of 0 (SCORE, and NOT modifier) which meant that he had a 50% chance of dropping dead at the start of every in-game day, which was only averted by the fact that he had already died from radiation poisoning during the character creation process.

Oh, yes, this is a thing. The character creation for deadEarth is basically "create three characters and use whichever one survives". This guy died relatively late in the process, an unlucky %age roll against the number of Radiations he had picked up. It was almost as likely that he had rolled #020: Decapitation, which immediately deals 10d6 damage to your head.

Total number of hitpoints on a starting characters Head location: 4. :smalleek:

Then there's the guy with the negative Strength score, giving him a maximum encumbrance value of negative 50lbs. Or the one with Narcolepsy, that needed to roll 3+ on a d6 in order to be able to do anything "stressful" without instantly falling asleep. Like fight, for example. Or the guy with ADHD who has a 30% chance to automatically fail at ANYTHING he tries to do because he gets distracted half way through (which, given the wording, includes eating and performing ablutions).

So, y'know.... Lots of potential for terrible characters in that one.....

Oh, man, deadEarth!

I remember someone rolled a character with Nine Lives - the first eight times they died, they would come back to life the next day. Then they rolled for an power I can't recall the name of, which caused them to explode in a massive and violent blast when they died, which seemed fitting.

Then they rolled the Blue Death, a terrible sickness that causes you to live a length of time based on your Constitution, let out a piercing psionic scream, and then die.

So, as they put it, "somewhere in the wastes, an old woman sits up on her bed, screams loudly, and explodes. The next day, in the crater, she wakes up, screams loudly, and then explodes. This happens for the next week and a half until she finally dies for real."

Kami2awa
2015-04-22, 05:24 PM
Take the Disembodied Brain disadvantage in GURPS. Spend the 100 bonus points this gives you (plus however many points you get at chargen) on whatever you like, provided none of it whatsoever is spent on abilities (like Telekinesis) that offset the disadvantages of being a Disembodied Brain.

You now have a character who cannot move, cannot manipulate or perceive the world, dies in 1 hit, and cannot communicate.

For extra bonus points, you might as well take as many minor mental disadvantages like Vows, Phobias, and so on as you want. After all, no one will ever, ever know.

JAL_1138
2015-04-22, 07:30 PM
Adult sandworm from Dune for an underwater adventure.

GuesssWho
2015-04-23, 02:00 AM
Oh, man, deadEarth!

I remember someone rolled a character with Nine Lives - the first eight times they died, they would come back to life the next day. Then they rolled for an power I can't recall the name of, which caused them to explode in a massive and violent blast when they died, which seemed fitting.

Then they rolled the Blue Death, a terrible sickness that causes you to live a length of time based on your Constitution, let out a piercing psionic scream, and then die.

So, as they put it, "somewhere in the wastes, an old woman sits up on her bed, screams loudly, and explodes. The next day, in the crater, she wakes up, screams loudly, and then explodes. This happens for the next week and a half until she finally dies for real."

This is the most hilariorrorous thing ever.

Kid Jake
2015-04-23, 02:26 AM
Oh, man, deadEarth!

I remember someone rolled a character with Nine Lives - the first eight times they died, they would come back to life the next day. Then they rolled for an power I can't recall the name of, which caused them to explode in a massive and violent blast when they died, which seemed fitting.

Then they rolled the Blue Death, a terrible sickness that causes you to live a length of time based on your Constitution, let out a piercing psionic scream, and then die.

So, as they put it, "somewhere in the wastes, an old woman sits up on her bed, screams loudly, and explodes. The next day, in the crater, she wakes up, screams loudly, and then explodes. This happens for the next week and a half until she finally dies for real."


This is the most hilariorrorous thing ever.


It makes me want to run an implied DeadEarth campaign. Just let the players roll characters and try to figure out what sort of lives they would've had to led to end so badly.

Wraith
2015-04-23, 03:37 AM
I've been able to look up the second character I made for deadEarth. He's a bald, hunchbacked, odorous, odious little man that causes festering lesions to spontaneously appear in everyone within a 15 foot radius (friend, foe and self). Furthermore, he's incurably insane (his insanity is contagious, by the way) and he is an expert at building cyborgs, military robots and various cybernetic implants. In a setting with the technological acumen appropriate to a Mad Max or the original Planet of the Apes movie.

Oh yes, and did I also mention that he is a 'Typhoid Mary' for bone cancer? He does that, too. It's a thing that he does.

I don't remember if I ever made a third character, after that. #2 sounds like a lot of fun to play.... I might do it some time, just to see what happens. It can hardly be worse, can it? :smallbiggrin:

malkarnivore
2015-04-23, 04:52 AM
I'll see you and raise you one "pretty kitty" lunar social build in exalted.

GuesssWho
2015-04-23, 07:00 AM
It makes me want to run an implied DeadEarth campaign. Just let the players roll characters and try to figure out what sort of lives they would've had to lead to end so badly.

That's ****ing brilliant, man.

Arbane
2015-04-23, 11:29 AM
Ahhh, DeadEarth! Hearken now to one chump's efforts to make a character in that game:

Rikky the beautiful dead eunuch butler (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/deadearth-rikky-the-beautiful-dead-eunuch-butler/) (DOA)
Headless Fred, the sneaky surrender-monkey (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/deadearth-headless-fred-the-sneaky-surrender-monkey/) (DOA)
Last Chance Jones (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/deadearth-last-chance-jones/) (Not dead, but can't DO anything.)

And then he was a dirty cheater and made a FOURTH character, who won the super power lottery:
Ian Jackson, Crotch-Fungus GOD of deadEarth (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/29/deadearth-the-pain-never-ends/)

malkarnivore
2015-04-23, 01:36 PM
Ahhh, DeadEarth! Hearken now to one chump's efforts to make a character in that game:

Rikky the beautiful dead eunuch butler (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/deadearth-rikky-the-beautiful-dead-eunuch-butler/) (DOA)
Headless Fred, the sneaky surrender-monkey (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/deadearth-headless-fred-the-sneaky-surrender-monkey/) (DOA)
Last Chance Jones (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/deadearth-last-chance-jones/) (Not dead, but can't DO anything.)

And then he was a dirty cheater and made a FOURTH character, who won the super power lottery:
Ian Jackson, Crotch-Fungus GOD of deadEarth (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/29/deadearth-the-pain-never-ends/)

These radiation manipulations are AMAZING.

I'm currently laughing my ass off

Bucky
2015-04-23, 01:36 PM
deadEarth's chargen gets extra sadistic credit for putting off the random death rolls until the end of the process. Immediately after a block of 100 other die rolls related to skills.

Milodiah
2015-04-23, 01:57 PM
I found a deadEarth PDF, and generated three characters. #1 died extremely unceremoniously from a "you just die" radiation, #2 I have dubbed Professor Dan; he's got a good amount of mechanical skills, uses a bow and arrow even though he's a qualified gunsmith, but is a massively unlucky bastard.

#3: Grootbeard the Orky Pirate.

Naturally good at boats, hitting things with swords, hitting things with two swords, as well as metallurgy and robotics. Naturally terrible at spotting traps.

His mutations:

563: Death Sentence- If he tells you you're dead, then you die. You literally just die.
479: Fleet- Extra-difficult to hit while moving in combat.
153: Hairy. Is hairy.
568: Warlike. Reroll all 1s during combat, reroll all 6s outside of combat (everything becomes a natural ability in combat, and becomes a natural inability out of combat. Yes, I will totally walk around punching a squirrel all day so that I'm better at all things).

My favorite...
349: Vegetation. Cross-mutated with plants or fungi in your local area, obtain d6 (6) attributes of them at your choice.

Now you'd think this is a situation where attribute would have a capital "A", and would mean something specific in the system.

Nope. You just pick traits that certain plants or fungi have, and you now have them.

I went for a coating of poisonous resin on my skin like poison ivy, being deciduous like oak trees (shed my hair entirely during the winter), able to cure common diseases like penicillin with the aforementioned poisonous resin, having a coating of bark over my skin (which my hair grows on top of? [unless it's cold outside?]), being able to photosynthesize, and being able to reproduce via spores.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-23, 02:06 PM
I found a deadEarth PDF, and generated three characters. #1 died extremely unceremoniously from a "you just die" radiation, #2 I have dubbed Professor Dan; he's got a good amount of mechanical skills, uses a bow and arrow even though he's a qualified gunsmith, but is a massively unlucky bastard.

#3: Grootbeard the Orky Pirate.

Naturally good at boats, hitting things with swords, hitting things with two swords, as well as metallurgy and robotics. Naturally terrible at spotting traps.

His mutations:

563: Death Sentence- If he tells you you're dead, then you die. You literally just die.
479: Fleet- Extra-difficult to hit while moving in combat.
153: Hairy. Is hairy.
568: Warlike. Reroll all 1s during combat, reroll all 6s outside of combat (everything becomes a natural ability in combat, and becomes a natural inability out of combat. Yes, I will totally walk around punching a squirrel all day so that I'm better at all things).

My favorite...
349: Vegetation. Cross-mutated with plants or fungi in your local area, obtain d6 (6) attributes of them at your choice.

Now you'd think this is a situation where attribute would have a capital "A", and would mean something specific in the system.

Nope. You just pick traits that certain plants or fungi have, and you now have them.

I went for a coating of poisonous resin on my skin like poison ivy, being deciduous like oak trees (shed my hair entirely during the winter), able to cure common diseases like penicillin with the aforementioned poisonous resin, having a coating of bark over my skin (which my hair grows on top of? [unless it's cold outside?]), being able to photosynthesize, and being able to reproduce via spores.

Anyone willing to start a PbP of this? I'm going to try rolling up a set of characters next and I'll see how bad they can be.

What are the rules for advancement in deadEarth?

Milodiah
2015-04-23, 02:22 PM
If you so desire the full stats of Grootbeard, they are as follows:
Moves: 12
Resiliency: 11
Strength: 0
Age: 26
Height/weight: 65"/195lbs
Starting Cash: $900

(non-modified skills not listed, obviously)
4d6 Brawling
5d6 Drive Boat, Natural Ability
4d6 Guile
3d6 Intuition
2d6 Metallurgy, Natural Ability
0d6 Robotics, Natural Ability
3d6 Search
4d6 Senses
0d6 Spot Trap, Natural Disability
3d6 Stealth
5d6 Swimming
7d6 WS Blade, Natural Ability
5d6 WS Paired Blades, Natural Ability
5d6 WS Handguns


I fully release him to be used as a character in whatever nonsense you guys come up with.

Friv
2015-04-23, 05:13 PM
I'll see you and raise you one "pretty kitty" lunar social build in exalted.

Wait, what? No way, man, I invented the Pretty Kitty Revolution. It was a little bit silly, but it was freaking awesome, and incredibly powerful.

Wraith
2015-04-23, 05:30 PM
What are the rules for advancement in deadEarth?

Pretty awful, amazingly enough. :smalltongue:

You gain 1xp ANY time that you roll a dice for a skill test, whether you succeed or fail. Using your abilities (such as the "you just die" one above) costs xp, anything from 1 to 50 for the really good ones. Increasing a skill by one die (from 2d6 to 3d6, say) increases exponentially: from 0d6 to 1d6 is 10, 1d6 to 2d6 is 20, then 40, then 80, and so on. There is no way to increase your Basic Stats (Moves, Resilience, Strength) except by increasing your skills, some of which - like Boxing or Running - having additional benefits at higher level.

Zyzzyva
2015-04-23, 05:31 PM
I am so down with Operation Implicit DeadEarth. I didn't even know about this system before this week!

Milodiah
2015-04-23, 06:07 PM
...I don't suppose anyone HAS the book in print, do they? The PDF version has several omitted details. I've found most of them online, but the Shock protection for armor in Table E3 is gone and I cannot find it at all.

I really shouldn't be considering this horrible game, but I am. Help me.

Sith_Happens
2015-04-24, 05:50 PM
Ahhh, DeadEarth! Hearken now to one chump's efforts to make a character in that game:

Rikky the beautiful dead eunuch butler (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/deadearth-rikky-the-beautiful-dead-eunuch-butler/) (DOA)
Headless Fred, the sneaky surrender-monkey (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/deadearth-headless-fred-the-sneaky-surrender-monkey/) (DOA)
Last Chance Jones (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/deadearth-last-chance-jones/) (Not dead, but can't DO anything.)

And then he was a dirty cheater and made a FOURTH character, who won the super power lottery:
Ian Jackson, Crotch-Fungus GOD of deadEarth (https://rpgcharacters.wordpress.com/2009/09/29/deadearth-the-pain-never-ends/)

http://i.imgur.com/1Ab4pmo.gif

This is great.


#3: Grootbeard the Orky Pirate.
...
His mutations:

563: Death Sentence- If he tells you you're dead, then you die. You literally just die.

http://www.newenglandsubarus.com/forums/images/smilies/cereal-guy-cereal-guy-spitting.jpg


My favorite...
349: Vegetation. Cross-mutated with plants or fungi in your local area, obtain d6 (6) attributes of them at your choice.

Now you'd think this is a situation where attribute would have a capital "A", and would mean something specific in the system.

Nope. You just pick traits that certain plants or fungi have, and you now have them.

I went for a coating of poisonous resin on my skin like poison ivy, being deciduous like oak trees (shed my hair entirely during the winter), able to cure common diseases like penicillin with the aforementioned poisonous resin, having a coating of bark over my skin (which my hair grows on top of? [unless it's cold outside?]), being able to photosynthesize, and being able to reproduce via spores.

Besides the photosynthesis and reproduction via spores those are some seriously weaksauce plant/fungus traits (:smalltongue:). How about:

1. Your spores cause a deadly lung disease (cryptococcus gattii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptococcus_gattii)).
2. Regeneration (a lot of plants and fungi put Wolverine to shame).
3. Produce natural painkillers.

And last but not least...

4. You are FULL OF ANTS (bullhorn acacia).

Spore
2015-04-24, 06:09 PM
To be fair these ones are stripped straight from World of Warcraft RP servers:
Female Worgen Death Knights.There isn't much more horror than a werewolf undead evil knight. Well, if you think about it involving a romance with an worgen druid and thusly leading to pregnancy (don't ask me how).

GuesssWho
2015-04-24, 07:00 PM
'Full of ants' sounds like an awesome super power, but only if they didn't bite you.

Kyome
2015-04-24, 07:54 PM
http://i.imgur.com/1Ab4pmo.gif

This is great.



http://www.newenglandsubarus.com/forums/images/smilies/cereal-guy-cereal-guy-spitting.jpg



Besides the photosynthesis and reproduction via spores those are some seriously weaksauce plant/fungus traits (:smalltongue:). How about:

1. Your spores cause a deadly lung disease (cryptococcus gattii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptococcus_gattii)).
2. Regeneration (a lot of plants and fungi put Wolverine to shame).
3. Produce natural painkillers.

And last but not least...

4. You are FULL OF ANTS (bullhorn acacia).

sounds like a monster than a character now, gosh dang screw off tree folk

Rater202
2015-04-24, 08:34 PM
'Full of ants' sounds like an awesome super power, but only if they didn't bite you.

And now I am reminded that I probably will never get to play a Hivemaster.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-26, 06:02 PM
Loot, TN intelligent cursed -2 sword.
Int 3, Wis 10, Cha 30, Ego 14
Special powers:
Locate Object (self only) 3/day
Zone of Truth 3/day
Cure Moderate Wounds 3/day
Detect opposing alignment

Introduce yourself to the other PCs with 'I am Loot'.

Lord Raziere
2015-04-26, 07:40 PM
.....you can play as a sword in DnD?

huh, thats actually quite interesting, how? I might have a potential character concept....not a cursed one but something far more awesome.

ExLibrisMortis
2015-04-26, 07:56 PM
.....you can play as a sword in DnD?

huh, thats actually quite interesting, how? I might have a potential character concept....not a cursed one but something far more awesome.
You can play an intelligent item, it doesn't even have to be a weapon (cue "I'm playing second codpiece"). However, you can't really gain levels as an item - other people have to upgrade you.

Sith_Happens
2015-04-28, 08:21 AM
Besides the photosynthesis and reproduction via spores those are some seriously weaksauce plant/fungus traits (:smalltongue:). How about:

1. Your spores cause a deadly lung disease (cryptococcus gattii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptococcus_gattii)).
2. Regeneration (a lot of plants and fungi put Wolverine to shame).
3. Produce natural painkillers.

And last but not least...

4. You are FULL OF ANTS (bullhorn acacia).

Update: I have been informed that radiation-eating fungi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiotrophic_fungus) are a thing. Take that ability and win at deadEarth forever.:smallcool:

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-28, 09:30 AM
Update: I have been informed that radiation-eating fungi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiotrophic_fungus) are a thing. Take that ability and win at deadEarth forever.:smallcool:

But does that cancel your existing radiations?

I'm surprised that the life insurance salesman hasn't turned up yet, the only character that makes the party lose GP per combat.

Kami2awa
2015-04-29, 04:24 AM
But does that cancel your existing radiations?

I'm surprised that the life insurance salesman hasn't turned up yet, the only character that makes the party lose GP per combat.

And his nemesis... the National Elf Service!

Marlowe
2015-04-29, 08:04 AM
At one point, back in 1999, my best friend and I were looking for a RPG to play together.

We came upon Dead Earth, thought it looked interesting.

Then we rolled up our first character. Body 0. Brains 10 (must have had a slightly different stat system back then).

Body 0, Brains 10. Our first character was a brain in a jar.

We never spoke of trying to play it again.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-29, 08:18 AM
And his nemesis... the National Elf Service!

Ah, the National 'Elf, made up of 20000 pointy eared clerics of medicine. So much more efficient than old-fashioned 'elf insurance.

Is it bad that I know want to play a dungeon 'Elf and Safety inspector, who goes over dungeons to make sure they aren't too dangerous for adventurers.

JAL_1138
2015-04-29, 09:57 AM
Ah, the National 'Elf, made up of 20000 pointy eared clerics of medicine. So much more efficient than old-fashioned 'elf insurance.

Is it bad that I know want to play a dungeon 'Elf and Safety inspector, who goes over dungeons to make sure they aren't too dangerous for adventurers.

Keep in mind, the Tomb of Horrors passed inspection. :smalltongue:

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-29, 10:08 AM
Keep in mind, the Tomb of Horrors passed inspection. :smalltongue:

It hasn't yet, the inspectors keep dying in mysterious accidents. :smallwink:

GuesssWho
2015-04-29, 05:16 PM
A fun horrible PC to play would be one based on Kevin, from WtNV. Have him spend the whole game praising the bad guys and trying to find his happy pills. :smallbiggrin:

pwcsponson
2015-05-02, 10:24 AM
How to ruin player immersion 101.

Make a Tibbit Warblade and/or Barbarian, maintain Cat form. Never be not a cat, so you can never communicate with your party members. During combat you Rage and stack on as much STRENGTH and CON as you can. You use maneuvers such as CRUSHING WEIGHT OF THE MOUNTAIN, and COMET THROW, and my favorite for the tibbit, DEATH FROM ABOVE. The rest of your party sees a house cat flip out and utterly wreck opponents.

Bonus: If you're a crusader tibbit you can be an INDESTRUCTIBLE cat.

Alternatively, be a wizard. Take ocular spell. Be a cat shooting lasers out of your eyes.

goto124
2015-05-02, 10:30 AM
I'm trying to think of a situation/setting where it won't break immersion.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-02, 10:59 AM
I'm trying to think of a situation/setting where it won't break immersion.

Village of commoners?

Where is Tibbit from? I have an urge to play a catfolk.

pwcsponson
2015-05-02, 11:30 AM
Village of commoners?

Where is Tibbit from? I have an urge to play a catfolk.

Dragon Compendium. They regularly look like halflings, but with the caveat that they can turn into a common cat 1/day and maintain it as long as they want. They're monstrous humanoids so you get all those nice benefits, and baleful polymorph won't work on them - because they then just turn into a cat and then back.

I played a low-level wizard tibbit thief once. When they transform all their belongings meld into their form. So I grabbed a bunch of valuable stuff, turned into a cat, and left.

Edit: Grammar

Edit Edit: Bonus Bonus, when being a wizard, take a cat familiar. You can now talk to your companion. Two cats walking around doing cat things.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-02, 12:04 PM
Dragon Compendium. They regularly look like halflings, but with the caveat that they can turn into a common cat 1/day and maintain it as long as they want. They're monstrous humanoids so you get all those nice benefits, and baleful polymorph won't work on them - because they then just turn into a cat and then back.

I played a low-level wizard tibbit thief once. When they transform all their belongings meld into their form. So I grabbed a bunch of valuable stuff, turned into a cat, and left.

Edit: Grammar

Edit Edit: Bonus Bonus, when being a wizard, take a cat familiar. You can now talk to your companion. Two cats walking around doing cat things.

Step 1: get Dragon compendium.
Step 2: tibbit transmuter.
Step 3: baleful polymorph+charm animal.
Step 4: take over kingdom with horde of identical cats, threaten to kill all commoners if anybody resists.

Milodiah
2015-05-02, 07:52 PM
How to ruin player immersion 101.

Make a Tibbit Warblade and/or Barbarian, maintain Cat form. Never be not a cat, so you can never communicate with your party members. During combat you Rage and stack on as much STRENGTH and CON as you can. You use maneuvers such as CRUSHING WEIGHT OF THE MOUNTAIN, and COMET THROW, and my favorite for the tibbit, DEATH FROM ABOVE. The rest of your party sees a house cat flip out and utterly wreck opponents.

Bonus: If you're a crusader tibbit you can be an INDESTRUCTIBLE cat.

Alternatively, be a wizard. Take ocular spell. Be a cat shooting lasers out of your eyes.

So, I'm absolutely stealing this as a DM in order to screw with my players :smalltongue:

Altrunchen
2015-09-29, 08:09 PM
Any character made by the GM for his girlfriend/wife to get her interested in gaming.

Often has a supernatural "Tiger" as a "pet kitty"

Is the sexiest woman in the universe, because of course.

And so on and so on.

Not sure how I missed this post at the time. And yeah, favoritism, and dating don't seem to mix well with D&D. It just makes everything so awkward.

Anonymouswizard
2015-09-29, 10:06 PM
I'd forgotten about this thread. Anybody know if WotC have released a Thread Necromancer subclass yet?

Also, Kender rogur with maximum Strength and Dexterity, as well as a belt of giant strength (as many +s as possible). Put as many ranks as possible into Hide, Move Silently, and Sleight of Hand. Buy as many enchanted pebbles as you can, specifically enchanted to be as heavy as possible. For feats we want at least Skill Focus (Sleight of Hand), ideally Skill Focus (Hide) and Skill Focus (Move Silently) as well.

The result is a character with ideally +17 to Hide, Move Silently, and Sleight of Hand (assuming level 6). The result? A Kender who wanders by people and drops incredibly heavy stones in their pockets.

kestrel404
2015-10-01, 02:54 PM
My standard MO is to PLAY the worst characters I can come up with. Usually with terrible puns for names.
For instance:
Current 5e D&D character is a Tiefling Warlock. I convinced the GM to re-fluff Shilaighleigh as a warlock cantrip in place of eldritch blast, so I can do the Glaivelock thing starting at 1st level (this actually came about because there no one wanted to play a fighter-type, and it was me & the bard who had the highest HP). Overall, character is middle-of-the-road in terms of optimization.
Now, the part where he's a terrible PC? Well, the other Tiefling in the party (the bard, in fact, with female player) decided that her mother was a succubus. Also being a tiefling, and already deciding I didn't want this character to be overly serious (my mental stats for the character are 8 int, 5 wis, 19 cha), I decided we were half-siblings. Her Succubus Mother was my Dad - because magic. I continue to add extra 'features' to the character to go along with this - like the fact that his alignment is Chaotic Good, not because he's a good person, but because his motivations is 'For the Greater Evil!' and he's just THAT incompetent. He has anime attack-tourettes (calls out all his spells, loudly, prior to casting) with verbal components like 'By the Power of Pink Skull!' (Shilaighleigh), 'Smite Good!' (Hex), and 'Kneel Before my Magnificence!' (Command - this is invariably also the command, which is essentially the 'fall prone' option). I made character art of this character by adding Devil-horns to Lucious Malfoy and coloring him pink.

GuesssWho
2015-10-01, 07:49 PM
Well, I just had a Deadlands game with the worst attempt at infiltration ever.

Hint: when sending a team into enemy territory, don't send a bank robber with the alias Rob Banks, a misplaced dandy who has zero actual experience, a lunatic patriot carrying three flags and a Whateley.

ThinkMinty
2015-10-01, 09:54 PM
The worst player character I can come up with? Worse than even the DM's girlfriend?

A DMPC, every time. They get optimization the player couldn't get half of with a handjob and sharing their Netflix password. Then the backstory is always so self-congratulatory, and they have some bull**** like 28 ****ing Dexterity at Level 5.

Anyways, here's me doing some of these properly.

Inquisitor Banana!
You are a mysterious man-banana who is also an Inquisitor. While your body is soft and resembles some fruit-mascot come to life, you do not brook any jokes at the expense of your plantane-esque physique. Bananas are not lame, bananas are awesome. The only thing richer than your potassium levels is your distaste for heretics and their disgusting meat-based bodies.

Tsundere Supergirl
I just saved the townpeople, but not because I like them or anything, dum-dum! It was the right thing to do. It's not because I want them to notice me or anything! I'm not wearing short flouncy skirts to try and show all of them my legs and my butt, it's for...mobility! Yeah, that's it. Mobility.

Chaotic Neutral Catfolk Dragonborn of Bahamut Rogue
Didn't see this played, but I saw someone ask to play it. Speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Paladins That Forget They're PCs
If we have to plan a heist to steal **** from an evil or neutral NPC, you are coming along and helping, meatshield. You won't fall for protecting your friends, it's not against your religion, stop being Miko.

Alice Abernathy/Janus Prospero
****ing Alice. Seriously, I thought you would be good, Resident Evil movies. You betrayed me. She's like if they Dungeon Master's Girlfriend was the one Psion in a low fantasy horror campaign, and then every third sentence of the game was about her buttcheeks and why they're perfect.

Anonymouswizard
2015-10-01, 10:38 PM
This is one that I've used as a DMPC, but I really want to play. It is legitimately Horrible.

The DMPC's name was Drew Barry More, but as a PC I'd give a name more along the lines of Charles the Vigilant. He's a high Strength high Wisdom decent Intelligence fighter, ideally a 5e battlemaster, focused on polearms and area denial. However, his back story involves him being the god of valour incarnated into human form. It's complicated, but he literally gave up his powers and 99% of his memories to become a human, in a world with a 'no cheats' rule which means he has to start from scratch. So he's wandering the world trying to gain enough power to do whatever it is he came down to the world to do, despite having no idea what it is (and being unable to reclaim his memories until he dies). The entire idea stemmed from wanting an 'angel with no divine power'.

JAL_1138
2015-10-01, 10:39 PM
Paladins That Forget They're PCs
If we have to plan a heist to steal **** from an evil or neutral NPC, you are coming along and helping, meatshield. You won't fall for protecting your friends, it's not against your religion, stop being Miko.

Except when the DM is a jerk and forces the paladin to fall for any reason they possibly can, in which case it goes "Stealing is against your code, and associating with thieves is against your code, so you fall"...

(EDIT: I have an admittedly unsubstantiated hypothesis that some--not all, but some--Lawful Stupid Paladins are that way as a precaution because they've had a DM who just loved finding any excuse to make them fall.)

ThinkMinty
2015-10-02, 12:12 AM
Except when the DM is a jerk and forces the paladin to fall for any reason they possibly can, in which case it goes "Stealing is against your code, and associating with thieves is against your code, so you fall"...

(EDIT: I have an admittedly unsubstantiated hypothesis that some--not all, but some--Lawful Stupid Paladins are that way as a precaution because they've had a DM who just loved finding any excuse to make them fall.)

At that point, why continue rolling Paladins?

I posit my own hypothesis: All Paladins are Lawful Stupid.

Nerd-o-rama
2015-10-02, 12:21 PM
At that point, why continue rolling Paladins?

I posit my own hypothesis: All Paladins are Lawful Stupid.

I posit my hypothesis that too many people, both as players and GMs, treat the cooperative game of D&D as too much of a competition, and the inherently fractious nature of internet text communication makes this worse.


Did I already mention the one time I played a Changeling Duskblade in a mostly-comedic giant robot game who kept shapeshifting into different anime girls? Because I played that and screw you it was fun.

TheThan
2015-10-02, 02:33 PM
here's my entry for worst character. Hi s name is Cliché, I built him for a superheroes game.


Superhero name: Cliché
Name: Un-revealed
Origin: alien/atlantien/amazon/ naturalized US citizen
Power Origin: alien in origin, cosmic rays, gamma radiation, bit by a radioactive spider, amazon combat training.
Powers: you name it.


Backstory/origin

When cliché was an infant, intergalactic villains murdered Cliché’s family. These villains were trying to escape the doomed planet. But before they could, Cliché’s father managed to launch the pod in time to escape the exploding planet.

While on course for earth his space pod was bombarded by gamma radiation and cosmic rays. This damaged the space pod and instead of it crashing on land, it careened into the ocean. Where people from the city of Atlantis found the pod and discovered the child Cliché still inside.
Believing Cliché to be a godsend they named him their king. But the current king would not have a child usurper over throw him, so he banished Cliché to the surface world, where he washed up on a seemingly deserted island and was subsequently bitten by a radioactive spider. Sick and delirious he stumbled into the village of a tribe of amazon warriors who lived on the islands. The amazons too him in and healed the child. He stayed in the village and grew up as part of the amazon tribe.

Growing into a teenager among the amazons Cliché became a powerful warrior. at this time his mutant powers manifested and he spend several years learning to hone his power. Eventually wanderlust struck and he longed to venture out beyond the confines of his island home. As per the amazon’s customs cliché had to earn his freedom by defeating the strongest amazon warrior on the island. Upon winning the contest, Cliché was awarded the freedom to venture out into the world.

After leaving his home Cliché roamed the world as an adventurer for many years. Until he ended up in a large metropolitan city on the USA’s eastern seaboard. Upon entering the US he discovered he was the heir to a fortune and then became the 5th richest person in the world. While exploring his new home he stumbled upon a special ring which when activated gave him great cosmic power. But he had grown up with a desire to earn his living, so he found a job as a news paper reporter and part time photographer. Eventually he met a beautiful woman, the two fell in love and were soon married. However tragedy struck the newlyweds. One day, they had planned a picnic in Central Park their peaceful day was shattered by gunfire. Two rival gangs had decided make Central Park their war zone. Cliché’s wife was shot dead, Cliché was injured in an explosion and needed immediate medical surgery. The doctor who performed the surgery attached a mechanical device the kept shrapnel from entering his heart and killing him. After recovering cliché mourned the loss of his wife, then he raged transforming into a hulking raging monstrosity. He slaughtered the members of both gangs. He was later arrested but was let off on a technicality.

His experiences in the world and in the news paper industry lead him to long for the simple justice system the amazons used. So he made himself a costume and became a superhero to uphold protect those weaker than himself.


To be fair, he was intended to be parody. He was basically a superman rip off, although I don't think he had flight. His primary exploit was pile driving a rip off of Baxter Stockman down an elevator shaft, dropping him five stories and somehow dealing more damage to himself than his victim. Oh well.

JAL_1138
2015-10-02, 02:40 PM
At that point, why continue rolling Paladins?


Because what else are you going to do with 17 CHA and an INT score a point or two too low to play a Bard (if the DM even allows them) instead?

Thomas Hunter
2015-10-02, 09:15 PM
The initial character itself wasn't too terrible, but I used the potential given by him to achieve a .5 on the Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Henderson_Scale_of_Plot_Derailment), so it bears mentioning.

This was a Star Wars game, but it was set after all known canon. I played an Imperial Knight (basically a Jedi) whose master was the prince of the Fel Empire (long story). Unbeknownst to the party, I was a Shi'do (shapeshifter, but better than the Clawdite from AotC), with max ranks in Disguise (the main shapeshifting skill; along with a +10 species bonus, Skill Emphasis, and the feat Cosmopolitan, which makes it class skill when it otherwise wouldn't have been and gives a +2), and high Diplomacy.
I was sent with a group of mercs on a vitally important mission by the Jedi Council (who are separate from the Fels) to investigate Felucia, because it went Force-crazy (so all the Jedi wanted to stay far, far away). I was sent by the Fels to keep an eye on them and to look for my master's fiancé, who had gone missing on Felucia.

At the end of the first session, we met my master's fiancé, who was now a full-fledged Sith and attempted to kill the (level two) party. We were already weakened, and the GM obviously wanted us to run. I instead dropped my disguise (the party thought I was human) and, before she got a good look at me, shapeshifted into my master (and our current enemy's fiancé). The rest of the table was stunned.

I fairly easily passed her spot check to tell me apart from her master (she rolled terribly and I got a nat 20, for a total in the 40s). She faltered, but pressed on. I attempted Diplomacy to talk her down.

The GM made the mistake of declaring a DC that I needed to beat. I was able to munchkin my way to it.

He declared the end of the session so he could figure out what the heck to do with his campaign.

Yeah, he's not the greatest GM in the world.

Braininthejar2
2015-10-03, 06:43 PM
That's not horrible, that's awesome.

GuesssWho
2015-10-03, 07:11 PM
Horriblawsome and adorifying.

Templarkommando
2015-10-08, 02:00 AM
Had a player with this in a campaign for exactly two sessions before it had to go.

Yuranis is an Alu-Fiend - that's a character that is half-succubus half-human. For the base race, we're not going to use a rulebook. We're gonna get stats from someone that homebrewed it to be so powerful it's redonkulus! http://www.dnd-gate.de/gate3/page/index.php?id=125 looks like the idea, but the homebrew this player found had like a +10 to charisma, not a +4. This race has a progression like a class does, but don't worry about that, because she's also a sorcerer. At some point, she hopes to be a shadow dancer, because shadow dance is just so damned cool. No one in the game is allowed to know anything about her past. This includes other PCs, racial enemies of Succubi, DMs, All other NPCs, and otherwise omniscient beings. This character is chaotic neutral inthat she will attempt - given half a chance - to steal anything that is not nailed down. The player's misunderstanding of the rule books means that this sorcerer can cast any spell out of the entire spell list at will just so long as she doesn't go past her daily limit of spells. In the event that someone recognizes her as a half-succubi, the player will throw a fit, claim that their character commits suicide and pout for the rest of the evening curled up on the couch. The character waits until evening when all the other characters are asleep and goes on "recon" missions that soak up two or more hours of out of game time to pull off. Yuranis will claim to be the party treasurer, and then spends all of the party loot to purchase a boat that doesn't go anywhere so she can brew alcohol in the bottom. Despite a brokenly high charisma (Something like a 28 in a game with a party of PHB race characters at level 7), this character is extremely shy and will never use her high diplomacy to help the party at all. Will not tolerate anyone making fun of a name like Yuranis (pronounced Your-ah-nis) by people pronouncing it incorrectly (Your-ay-nis).

Anonymouswizard
2015-10-08, 04:38 AM
Had a player with this in a campaign for exactly two sessions before it had to go.

Yuranis is an Alu-Fiend - that's a character that is half-succubus half-human. For the base race, we're not going to use a rulebook. We're gonna get stats from someone that homebrewed it to be so powerful it's redonkulus! http://www.dnd-gate.de/gate3/page/index.php?id=125 looks like the idea, but the homebrew this player found had like a +10 to charisma, not a +4. This race has a progression like a class does, but don't worry about that, because she's also a sorcerer. At some point, she hopes to be a shadow dancer, because shadow dance is just so damned cool. No one in the game is allowed to know anything about her past. This includes other PCs, racial enemies of Succubi, DMs, All other NPCs, and otherwise omniscient beings. This character is chaotic neutral inthat she will attempt - given half a chance - to steal anything that is not nailed down. The player's misunderstanding of the rule books means that this sorcerer can cast any spell out of the entire spell list at will just so long as she doesn't go past her daily limit of spells. In the event that someone recognizes her as a half-succubi, the player will throw a fit, claim that their character commits suicide and pout for the rest of the evening curled up on the couch. The character waits until evening when all the other characters are asleep and goes on "recon" missions that soak up two or more hours of out of game time to pull off. Yuranis will claim to be the party treasurer, and then spends all of the party loot to purchase a boat that doesn't go anywhere so she can brew alcohol in the bottom. Despite a brokenly high charisma (Something like a 28 in a game with a party of PHB race characters at level 7), this character is extremely shy and will never use her high diplomacy to help the party at all. Will not tolerate anyone making fun of a name like Yuranis (pronounced Your-ah-nis) by people pronouncing it incorrectly (Your-ay-nis).

Wow, I wouldn't have put up for it with a session (I reserve the right to ban any unofficial or official character options for one, after a player thought that Minotaur racial HD didn't count towards his ECL). Not much I'd be able to do with how the character acted, but next time I get to play I'm thinking of using 'Eyemspecial', a CN character who acts like aa Chaotic Stupid jerk and claims to be from a homebrew race (he's actually bulk standard human). He dies in the first session, just as all such characters should.

ThinkMinty
2015-10-24, 08:27 AM
Had a player with this in a campaign for exactly two sessions before it had to go.

Yuranis is an Alu-Fiend - that's a character that is half-succubus half-human. For the base race, we're not going to use a rulebook. We're gonna get stats from someone that homebrewed it to be so powerful it's redonkulus! http://www.dnd-gate.de/gate3/page/index.php?id=125 looks like the idea, but the homebrew this player found had like a +10 to charisma, not a +4. This race has a progression like a class does, but don't worry about that, because she's also a sorcerer. At some point, she hopes to be a shadow dancer, because shadow dance is just so damned cool. No one in the game is allowed to know anything about her past. This includes other PCs, racial enemies of Succubi, DMs, All other NPCs, and otherwise omniscient beings. This character is chaotic neutral inthat she will attempt - given half a chance - to steal anything that is not nailed down. The player's misunderstanding of the rule books means that this sorcerer can cast any spell out of the entire spell list at will just so long as she doesn't go past her daily limit of spells. In the event that someone recognizes her as a half-succubi, the player will throw a fit, claim that their character commits suicide and pout for the rest of the evening curled up on the couch. The character waits until evening when all the other characters are asleep and goes on "recon" missions that soak up two or more hours of out of game time to pull off. Yuranis will claim to be the party treasurer, and then spends all of the party loot to purchase a boat that doesn't go anywhere so she can brew alcohol in the bottom. Despite a brokenly high charisma (Something like a 28 in a game with a party of PHB race characters at level 7), this character is extremely shy and will never use her high diplomacy to help the party at all. Will not tolerate anyone making fun of a name like Yuranis (pronounced Your-ah-nis) by people pronouncing it incorrectly (Your-ay-nis).

That is way too specific to have not happened.

Kaveman26
2015-10-24, 08:31 AM
Any character capable of sight and literacy in a chuthulu setting.

goto124
2015-10-24, 08:36 AM
@ThinkMinty: Note the first sentence. You're right.

ThinkMinty
2015-10-24, 08:45 AM
'Full of ants' sounds like an awesome super power, but only if they didn't bite you.

You're full of ants, all the ants can bite is more ant. You're not gonna feel it.


@ThinkMinty: Note the first sentence. You're right.

See, sometimes I miss a sentence here and there due to a high reading speed and somewhat severe ADHD. It's good to know my ability to guess stuff sometimes obviates the need to actually know stuff.

GuesssWho
2015-10-24, 11:52 PM
You're full of ants, all the ants can bite is more ant. You're not gonna feel it.

No, that would be being made of ants. There is a difference :smalltongue:

NNescio
2015-10-25, 12:14 AM
How to ruin player immersion 101.

Make a Tibbit Warblade and/or Barbarian, maintain Cat form. Never be not a cat, so you can never communicate with your party members. During combat you Rage and stack on as much STRENGTH and CON as you can. You use maneuvers such as CRUSHING WEIGHT OF THE MOUNTAIN, and COMET THROW, and my favorite for the tibbit, DEATH FROM ABOVE. The rest of your party sees a house cat flip out and utterly wreck opponents.

Bonus: If you're a crusader tibbit you can be an INDESTRUCTIBLE cat.

Alternatively, be a wizard. Take ocular spell. Be a cat shooting lasers out of your eyes.

Speaking about tibbits...

Tibbit Focused Nekoromancer 3*/ Dread Nekoromancer 1†/Focused Nekoromancer 1/Ultimate Magus 5/True Nekoromancer 10‡

* Dropping Evocation, Enchantment, and Abjuration.
† Practiced Spellcaster is needed here.
‡ Uses Arcane Disciple (Death) to qualify and Southern Spellcaster to advance both sides.

Familiar: Raven

Also has the Surrogate Spell feat.

Anonymouswizard
2015-10-25, 04:50 AM
Speaking about tibbits...

Tibbit Focused Nekoromancer 3*/ Dread Nekoromancer 1†/Focused Nekoromancer 1/Ultimate Magus 5/True Nekoromancer 10‡

* Dropping Evocation, Enchantment, and Abjuration.
† Practiced Spellcaster is needed here.
‡ Uses Arcane Disciple (Death) to qualify and Southern Spellcaster to advance both sides.

Familiar: Raven

Also has the Surrogate Spell feat.

Nekoromancers, either they date cats or they only raise cats, I'm not sure.

ThinkMinty
2015-10-25, 05:38 AM
Nekoromancers, either they date cats or they only raise cats, I'm not sure.

Why not both?

Nerd-o-rama
2015-10-26, 05:01 PM
A Tibbit is fine too.

Altrunchen
2018-06-02, 02:09 PM
Okay I got something after all this time that I was actually allowed to do.

It was a Gelatinous Cube bard named "WAAAARGH!".

Stay with me now.

The DM house-ruled it so that my character could be intelligent enough to do well...anything.

What's more is that I explained its ability to perform bardic music by saying that it would vibrate itself in such a way that it would create compression-waves in the air, thereby letting it create sounds like "WAAAAAAAAARGH" and so on.

When we arrived at a town (after it dined on the various bugs and whatnot in the grass) we were told that the town had all sorts of guilds in it. In fact the DM went out of their way to say that there was a guild for everything in this town.

Poor DM.

I had WAAAARGH! go to the guild of "Pies, Ladies, and Swag". Unfortunately it turned out to just be some dude's basement.

Still though, got to play jellybard.

If that's not one of the worst character ideas out there I don't know what is.

TheGreyWolf1600
2018-06-04, 12:36 PM
Thri-Kreen Ranger. I made one once. Haven't played it yet. It has four arms. I gave it a wall shield, gladius, jambiya, and great scimitar. Used wall shield and gladius in lower arms, great scimitar and jambiya in upper arms. Uses hide armor. I know, "I'm a munchkin". I try to avoid it, but hey, I made this guy in sixth grade.

Mono Vertigo
2018-06-09, 12:51 PM
In a FATE Accelerated game, revolving around our party of monsters, I had the only non-humanoid one: a phase spider paladin.
As in, a phase spider that picked up a dead adventurer's equipment, decided it wanted to defend the cause of its fellow monsters, and went around, communicating telepathically with people in a needlessly chivalrous kind of language. It tried to be polite towards classic "hero" races.
(The bits of armor, the shield and the sword were haphazardly stuck to the phase spider's body, with no clue of the function of most parts or the closest anatomical equivalent, using webbing.)

You might wonder what's the synergy between a sneaky teleporting huge spider with a poisonous bite, and a knight protecting their peers. There's none. One of its aspects was "no concept of personal space", because that's what spiders do, especially ones for whom space is only a suggestion from reality; imagine a very friendly-sounding, humongous goddamn spider, only half-sealed in a can - and that's only because it wanted to - walking up behind you and looking over your shoulder and grabbing your arm with its chitinous legs, merely because it is curious about what you're doing.
Its main perks were its zealousness in providing justice to monsterkind, its stubbornness, its social awkwardness, and its insistence that any equipment was good enough for it and mysteriously finding ways of wearing it (thus potentially turning it eventually into a tank of mismatched armors, weapons and accessories, with perhaps a few cursed items in there).
Its name was Ser Shimongraz *mumblessomethingsomethingcan'tremembersomethingth ere'salotmumble* the XIth, who was allegedly "a little small for its kind", and never clarified its gender.

The game died quickly, but the highlights the character provided included a great success at signing an adventurer contract (when you're a spider who can puppeteer anything with creative use of webs, you might turn out to have excellent calligraphy), and reverting to a foaming, screeching - but not attacking! - monster when the recruiter insists on the monstrous characteristics of the targets that need killing in order to complete a mission.

I think I would like to pick up this horrible, hilarious, well-meaning mistake of a character again someday.

On another note, I'm arachnophobic. This informed a large quantity of Ser Shimongraz' aspects.

Velaryon
2018-06-10, 02:25 AM
A necromancer who can only raise old topics on forms.

Oh wait, looks like somebody made one of those already. :smallwink:


How about an awakened house cat barbarian/frenzied berserker? Yes, someone played this in a one-shot game I was in. :smalltongue:

TheGreyWolf1600
2018-06-10, 04:16 AM
I have some concepts.

1). The meta-bard. Whenever making a perform check, the player would turn on some classic rock band, and that is the song they play.

2). Freddie Mercury: Bard, that just happens to look like him. Wait, that's too awesome...

3). Sir Didymus: Werewolf fighter, cavalier kit, has the "tiny" disadvantage. Rides a large-ish dog that is loosely based off of one of the player's pets.

4). A 2e wizard: I don't think I have to say much more on this one.

5). The Rogue (wakfu): Uses longsword, hand cannons, boomerang daggers, flaming barbed wire whip, and dresses in black. http://wakfu.wikia.com/wiki/Rogue

6). Elven vampire cleric: Dual wields maces, chain mail, specializes in health steal or something similar.

7). Any My Little Pony character converted to D&D stats somehow.

Spore
2018-06-10, 11:23 AM
Did someone already mention an undead cleric that turn itself? :D