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Last_resort_33
2007-05-28, 08:12 AM
^&^^ QFT

Although from talking via PM, he's definitely not going to go down that route. He's not that kind of guy. (It's good to know there are some nice people in the world)

Ranis
2007-05-28, 08:15 AM
If it helps, I just went through something similar to this. And, I chose not to butt into a relationship.

I now have a new best friend.

Dib
2007-05-28, 09:23 AM
Like Last Resort said... I won't be doing or tryng anything or going anywhere near there relationship or try to start one or anything... at least not while she's with anyone... now if say he decided to be a dumbass again and they broke up... I'm not really sure... hmm, this is annoying

Midnight Son
2007-05-28, 11:02 AM
I like my men like I like my coffee... dark & bitter. :smallbiggrin:


Along those lines, I am one of those people who usually starts of relationships by shooting themselves in the foot then hopping on it just to see if the pain was real. :smallsigh:

My current relationship, though it had a very rocky start, has been smooth sailing for the last two years. Now that my partner and I are starting to talk about getting married one day, he wants to be able to cheat with my knowledge before we tie the knot ... :smalleek:

My response was silent and I still don't know what to say. Any advice?

EDIT: edited to try and make the issue as PG-13 as possible.My advice here would be to give him a swift kick to the shins. Even if you might think you're okay with this, I promise it'll cause strain on your relationship at the least. Most likely, though, is that it'll break it irrepairably. Think of it this way; if he were to break up with you to go have a relationship with her, then, a while later, come back begging you to take him back, how would you react? This is in essence, what he's asking you to do. Lastly, If he's willing to cheat on you now, he'll be willing to do it after you're married, too. If you say yes now, you'll be tacitly saying yes to every fling he feels he needs down the road.

On a personal level and in no way a form of advice; Any girlfriend of mine who asked me permission to cheat on me with another man would get that permission along with the boot. It's a deal breaker.

Edit: What do you suppose his reaction would be to the same request from you?

Syka
2007-05-28, 12:27 PM
Dib, you've got pretty good advice so far.

Yiel- If you aren't 100% comfortable with it, then say no. I've always been a firm believer in that the night before I get married is not the last night of freedom. If I'm getting married, chances are you haven't had the freedom to do that stuff for a long time. :smallconfused: If he leaves you for the mutual friend because you won't let him CHEAT (because thats what it is), than he's just a freaking idiot. Why talk about getting married if you want relationships with other people? That's called an open relationship, and you BOTH have to agree to it. :smallannoyed:

Cheers,
Syka

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-28, 02:11 PM
God dammit!! You’re the second person in a week to hint that I have feminine qualities!!

Get a buzz-cut. It'll help.


And, er... I'm going to get all stern now.

If you go out with your best mates girlfriend, in fact ANY persons girlfriend, knowing they are involved, you are scum. It's got nothing to do with how wonderful she is, or how bad he is for her, or how much a come on she gives you, it is a scummy scummy act, pure and simple.

No other person is worth your self respect.

That's a bit heartless. In many cases you're not scum, you're a sucker.

You can't force your views on monamory onto other people.

Love isn't a commodity.

Then again, I've never liked anyone who didn't already have a boy friend, so my choices are limited.

Khantalas
2007-05-28, 02:14 PM
You can't force your views on monamory onto other people.

Beat me to it.

Then again, I was holding myself back intentionally. I've seen an argument about that issue. Gets uglier than most religious debates I've been in.

Last_resort_33
2007-05-28, 02:55 PM
Get a buzz-cut. It'll help.
My fiancee (female, notice the second e) has a no 1 does that help?

That's a bit heartless. In many cases you're not scum, you're a sucker.
You can't force your views on monamory onto other people.

No. I disagree. Knowlegeably being the "other man" does make you scum. (unless it is a properly open relationship, but that is different). Really, scum; egg and scum; egg bacon and scum; egg bacon sausage and scum; scum bacon sausage and scum; scum egg scum scum bacon and scum; scum sausage scum scum bacon scum tomato and scum....

Love isn't a commodity.

Then again, I've never liked anyone who didn't already have a boy friend, so my choices are limited.

You make them break up with the boyfriend FIRST. ALWAYS if they're not willing to do that, then it's not gunna work with you now is it.

...scum scum scum egg and scum; scum scum scum scum scum scum baked beans scum scum scum...

Dib
2007-05-28, 03:16 PM
I would reply to the other comments... but like, Last Resort made my brain meats fall out... and the 's' disappeared off of most of those words...

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-28, 03:42 PM
Uou make them break up with the boyfriend FIRST. ALWAYS if they're not willing to do that, then it's not gunna work with you now is it.

Depending on your methods that could make you scum even more than some guy who got taken advantage of by a lonely and unfaithful lover.


Beat me to it.

Then again, I was holding myself back intentionally. I've seen an argument about that issue. Gets uglier than most religious debates I've been in.

Hey, I'm still wondering if I should try to take it back or prove that I can stand by my statements.

AngelSword
2007-05-28, 04:11 PM
Depending on your methods that could make you scum even more than some guy who got taken advantage of by a lonely and unfaithful lover.
Nothing like being left for someone else. Even worse when you know the other guy is a loser who cuts himself for fun and profit. Worse still when you're lied to about it.

Yiel
2007-05-28, 06:28 PM
Thankyou for the advice all :smallredface: and I'm going to try to say no to him about this.


Edit: What do you suppose his reaction would be to the same request from you?

He would flip. Yell, stomp about, throw one hell of a tantrum. Which is why any agreement we made would only be a one-sided "open relationship". Also, I just couldn't do that to him. :smallfrown:

People may have different views on Monogamy, but when your heart no longer resides in your chest because you have given it so willingly to another being... thoughts of them being with another, makes a little something break inside. :smallredface:

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-28, 06:37 PM
Thankyou for the advice all :smallredface: and I'm going to try to say no to him about this.

He would flip. Yell, stomp about, throw one hell of a tantrum. Which is why any agreement we made would only be a one-sided "open relationship". Also, I just couldn't do that to him. :smallfrown:

People may have different views on Monogamy, but when your heart no longer resides in your chest because you have given it so willingly to another being... thoughts of them being with another, makes a little something break inside. :smallredface:

You mean you're selfish.

But I suppose that's a survival trait after all.

Marriage is about compromising, if you can't find a common point between your beliefs it isn't going to work.

Yiel
2007-05-28, 07:39 PM
You mean you're selfish.

But I suppose that's a survival trait after all.

Marriage is about compromising, if you can't find a common point between your beliefs it isn't going to work.

... thanks.

No honestly, thankyou. I think I needed a slap in the face about this... though I will admit that wasn't my first reaction.

Logic
2007-05-28, 08:01 PM
My current relationship, though it had a very rocky start, has been smooth sailing for the last two years. Now that my partner and I are starting to talk about getting married one day, he wants to be able to cheat with my knowledge before we tie the knot ... :smalleek:

My response was silent and I still don't know what to say. Any advice?

On a personal level and in no way a form of advice; Any girlfriend of mine who asked me permission to cheat on me with another man would get that permission along with the boot. It's a deal breaker.

Edit: What do you suppose his reaction would be to the same request from you?
He wants permission for one last conquest?

If I were in your shoes the person in question would get my permission, along with the boot.


Thankyou for the advice all :smallredface: and I'm going to try to say no to him about this.
"Try not! Do, or do not. There is no try."



He would flip. Yell, stomp about, throw one hell of a tantrum. Which is why any agreement we made would only be a one-sided "open relationship". Also, I just couldn't do that to him. :smallfrown:

People may have different views on Monogamy, but when your heart no longer resides in your chest because you have given it so willingly to another being... thoughts of them being with another, makes a little something break inside. :smallredface:
Well, if he would not be willing to let you do the same, then he had better realize that he gets no special treatment. Whatever he is willing to partake in, he had better allow you to do so as well, otherwise, he wants his cake and to eat it too.

MethodicalMeat
2007-05-29, 12:36 AM
I'm not normally comfortable with putting any type of personal information in writing, and this situation is no different, however, I feel I must get something off my chest.
There is a girl, a girl I like, I will not say love, who does not know it. Perhaps she has an inkling of it, but nothing concrete to go on. The one time a friend of mine brought up the idea of myself and this girl being together, she dismissed it with a joke, and so I am certain that she is not interested in me. Advice for lonely, bitter young adult?

dogmac
2007-05-29, 12:48 AM
Just talked to the ex on the phone.

He's sounding better, but grumpy because they have taken his shoelaces away and his shoes look dorky without them. And, ahem, he can't wear his boots because they look WRONG with trakkies.

Twit.

Going to ring up his therapist tomorrow and see if I can visit.

Just_Some_Girl
2007-05-29, 01:07 AM
Why did you take his shoelaces?

V- Oh, sorry. I misread that. Well, I hope he gets better.

dogmac
2007-05-29, 01:09 AM
I didn't take his shoelaces.

He's in a psych ward on suicide watch. They took his shoelaces.

J_Muller
2007-05-29, 01:11 AM
So he can't... wow, I'm having trouble imagining what he could do with those that he couldn't already do with his hands. That just seems pointless and excessive.

But it's good that he's still able to worry about his shoes looking dorky...

Syka
2007-05-29, 01:13 AM
Well, you aren't supposed to be able to consciously drown yourself because of survival instinct, and I'm assuming the same for choking yourself. Shoelaces you can tie though and make it so you CAN'T get them off alone.

dogmac
2007-05-29, 01:22 AM
They probably didn't need to worry about his shoelaces, he's a drugs and alcohol boy. But it is standard procedure.

He checked himself in, so that is good.

And, mind you, I wouldn't think shoelaces were STRONG enough.

Aaluran
2007-05-29, 01:24 AM
I'm not normally comfortable with putting any type of personal information in writing, and this situation is no different, however, I feel I must get something off my chest.
There is a girl, a girl I like, I will not say love, who does not know it. Perhaps she has an inkling of it, but nothing concrete to go on. The one time a friend of mine brought up the idea of myself and this girl being together, she dismissed it with a joke, and so I am certain that she is not interested in me. Advice for lonely, bitter young adult? Are you close to that girl? If you're not, you can't tell for sure whether she is or is not interested in you. The worst thing about reading people is that most things can mean two opposite things (or more than two, sometimes). Yes, dismissing the idea with a joke might mean that she has no interest in you... Or it might mean that she likes you but she's too shy to reveal it (people sometimes joke about things that worry them). Only the people present there can say with any degree of certainty, and even they can't be sure.

So my advice is get close to her (tactfully, of course). You have a mutual friend and have spent enough time for him to make a joke about you and said girl, so you do have some contact. So get close to her, realize that you can't be certain she isn't interested in you, and tell us what happened.

dogmac
2007-05-29, 01:36 AM
Advice for lonely, bitter young adult?


Step #1: Stop being bitter. Bitterness is a very unattractive look. :smalltongue:

Step #2: Take some interest in HER. I mean not romantic interest, but normal interest. Find out stuff she likes, and music she listens to, and see if you do actually have that much in common.

Step #3: Take some more interest in yourself. Nothing is more attractive than self confidence. Tell yourself she'd be lucky to get you.

Step #4: Ask her out. If she says no, it's her loss, right?

Larylin
2007-05-29, 02:05 AM
Just felt i had to comment on the shoelace thingie...

Shoelaces can indeed be strong enough to hang or strangle yourself, especially because you can hardly untie them when someone really pulls them together around his neck.
And if he is a suicidal drug abuser getting sober, trust me in this one, they have not only taken them just for fun.
Going turkey is, depending on the drugs you took, definitly no fun at all.

Last_resort_33
2007-05-29, 02:47 AM
... thanks.

No honestly, thankyou. I think I needed a slap in the face about this... though I will admit that wasn't my first reaction.

If your first reaction was to be sick, then that will likely be your reaction in a few years time.

Each person in a relationship should remain as monogomous as their partner lets them. no less. My partner wouldn't be able to cope if I were to be involved with someone else, so I stay faithful. I say that she do what she wants, as long as I am told first and I either know the person well, or we go out for a meal first. It has only come up once (I like the guy and actually encouraged them), and it doesn't bother me.

BUT! If it does bother her, then that does NOT mean that she is being selfish.

I will not back down with my stance on DibTheBountyHunter's not cheating. I'm just glad that he's on my side.

In VERY bad taste, I just had a vision of come guy in a trakkie, laying out a shoelace in a straight line along a table and then inhailing it, through a £20 note.

Syka
2007-05-29, 03:00 AM
Ok so...lets clear something up.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing! When you look at it, expecting monogamy of someone is kind of selfish since is is only pretty much for YOUR mental wellbeing. But that doesn't mean is is bad. I don't want to have kids, I've been called selfish, but I know what is best for ME, they don't. Yes, it may be selfish, but it's the right decision for me.

That is all. :)

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-29, 04:25 AM
Ok so...lets clear something up.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing! When you look at it, expecting monogamy of someone is kind of selfish since is is only pretty much for YOUR mental wellbeing. But that doesn't mean is is bad. I don't want to have kids, I've been called selfish, but I know what is best for ME, they don't. Yes, it may be selfish, but it's the right decision for me.

That is all. :)


You mean you're selfish.

But I suppose that's a survival trait after all.

I tried to say that. I really did.

Vampiric
2007-05-29, 04:48 AM
I miss that sweet-ass ball of mine...

http://xkcd.com/c37.html

Sorry, had to be done!:smallbiggrin:

But, back on track, I agree with the whole monogamy thing. I would seriously freak if I thought my gf was with someone else (and, unfortunately, I have been suspicious of a guy she's close friends with...). But, as far as I know, she expects no less from me, so we are both agreed that it's not an 'open' relationship.

Ranis
2007-05-29, 08:15 AM
Okay, I have the last tail end of my dilemma to report for anyone who still remembers it. Here's a synopsis:

I had to bring a date to my cousin's wedding, which is actually now this Saturday. I looked everywhere, and went out to lunch with a girl from work, whom I began falling for. She began to lead me on, tell me I was attractive to her, and she told me that if she wasn't seeing someone, then we would have happened by now. All in all, things got more complicated between us, and she came up one day and apologized for leading me on, and told me that she's taken on an extreme level: she's engaged. ((There is no ring, so I couldn't have missed it.))

So, I began looking at other women again, now that I finally could because I know the girl mentioned above simply won't happen now. On the beside, she's now in my 'best friend' category, and she's coming with me to this wedding on Saturday as friends.

Awesome so far. Okay.

The aforementioned girl and another (female) friend from work basically strong-armed me into talking to this other girl at work, and I came up and talked to her last night, got her number, and we're gonna hang out on Sunday. Woot, first actual date in a really, really long time. So that's cool. After all three of us (me and the two girls that hooked me up) got off, I met them at the front entrance to bear hug each for hooking me up. Then, I asked them if they had ever heard the song "Carry on My Wayward Son" by Kansas, which have recently fallen in love with. Girl (B) had to go home, because she's too young to drive and her ride came. So that left me sitting in my convertible at 10:00PM with this drop-dead gorgeous girl that I have recently gotten over.

...kinda.

We talked about a lot of things, just sitting in my car for two hours. Which I had no problems with, her fiancee works thirds and she works seconds, so she doesn't get to talk to him, and I'm very lonely. This I had no problems with. It's the fact that she was flirting with me the whole time I did.

Maybe she wasn't flirting. Maybe it's just the fact that a woman's touch is almost alien to me to the point where I thought it was because I crave ANY kind of attention from my opposite gender.

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday with this girl, and then going on a date on Sunday night with *another* girl that I'm liking more and more the more I talk to her. What are your thoughts on this situation?

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-29, 08:34 AM
Okay, I have the last tail end of my dilemma to report for anyone who still remembers it. Here's a synopsis:

I had to bring a date to my cousin's wedding, which is actually now this Saturday. I looked everywhere, and went out to lunch with a girl from work, whom I began falling for. She began to lead me on, tell me I was attractive to her, and she told me that if she wasn't seeing someone, then we would have happened by now. All in all, things got more complicated between us, and she came up one day and apologized for leading me on, and told me that she's taken on an extreme level: she's engaged. ((There is no ring, so I couldn't have missed it.))

So, I began looking at other women again, now that I finally could because I know the girl mentioned above simply won't happen now. On the beside, she's now in my 'best friend' category, and she's coming with me to this wedding on Saturday as friends.

Awesome so far. Okay.

The aforementioned girl and another (female) friend from work basically strong-armed me into talking to this other girl at work, and I came up and talked to her last night, got her number, and we're gonna hang out on Sunday. Woot, first actual date in a really, really long time. So that's cool. After all three of us (me and the two girls that hooked me up) got off, I met them at the front entrance to bear hug each for hooking me up. Then, I asked them if they had ever heard the song "Carry on My Wayward Son" by Kansas, which have recently fallen in love with. Girl (B) had to go home, because she's too young to drive and her ride came. So that left me sitting in my convertible at 10:00PM with this drop-dead gorgeous girl that I have recently gotten over.

...kinda.

We talked about a lot of things, just sitting in my car for two hours. Which I had no problems with, her fiancee works thirds and she works seconds, so she doesn't get to talk to him, and I'm very lonely. This I had no problems with. It's the fact that she was flirting with me the whole time I did.

Maybe she wasn't flirting. Maybe it's just the fact that a woman's touch is almost alien to me to the point where I thought it was because I crave ANY kind of attention from my opposite gender.

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday with this girl, and then going on a date on Sunday night with *another* girl that I'm liking more and more the more I talk to her. What are your thoughts on this situation?

You-'re doomed.

Remember tha flirting isn't allways a conscious thing.

Don't worry. Just head on through. Get passed the wedding, then go on your date. If you like the girl you asked out then you're lucky and should stop worrying about your regretable failure with the a differant girl.

If the girl you're going to date deciedes to go steady with you then you're lucky and don't have a problem.

This situation may seem sticky but it'll pass quite quickly if you only stop worrying.

Ranis
2007-05-29, 08:40 AM
This situation may seem sticky but it'll pass quite quickly if you only stop worrying.

You think so? I think I'm more worried about the afterward. As in, will (A) still try to flirt with me if I begin dating (B). I won't let it happen if she does try.

Serpentine
2007-05-29, 08:43 AM
Better than a- *cough* >stops self from being terribly tasteless and rude :smalltongue:<
Hm, thoughts on the subject... I think Closet Skeleton has it about right. Concentrate, boy, take it one girl at a time :smalltongue: Seriously, if you've already put the first one behind you, why jeopardise a perfectly good new one for her? Not that I'm saying you would or anything.

Thrawn183
2007-05-29, 08:15 PM
On the topic of being selfish: Why are you in a relationship in the first place? To make yourself happy? If this comes across as crass, I'm not going to apologize, but you SHOULD be getting something out of a relationship. You should be able to sit down and say, "heck yeah I'm better off in this relationship!" I'm not saying you should just automatically break things off if they start going south/sour (more it just means you need to have a real heart to heart talk with your significant other to reevaluate where the two (or more) of you stand).

I hear again and again of people worried about hurting the other person's feelings. As long as what you are doing what you think is the right thing, you should be concerned about making yourself happy. Sure, if you decide to break things off with someone you should try and do so in as firm yet not brutal a way as possible, but worrying about hurting someone's feeling in the mere fact that you are breaking up with them? That shouldn't be your first concern.

Methodical Meat: I agree with what was said earlier, some people are too shy to admit their feelings in public. If she's really someone you're interested in that probably means you're going to have to ask her out and not wait for the reverse. If she isn't interested in you... take it on the chin like a champ. Everyone loses a few, the one's who succeed are the one's who don't give up (and by that I mean looking for somebody else, not stalking somebody!(that was a disclaimer to defend myself not to accuse you of anything))

Pyrian
2007-05-29, 09:01 PM
...take it on the chin like a champ.

Champs don't take it on the chin. :smalltongue: Well, not if they're going to remain champion.

evil
2007-05-29, 10:41 PM
I know this is the hardest question in history to answer, but I would really like an answer, even it's just somebody's uneducated opinion, because I'm at a loss. It always seemed like a simple question, but lately I've been asking myself (and my girlfriend) this question far too often.

How do you know you're in love?

elliott20
2007-05-29, 11:05 PM
I know this is the hardest question in history to answer, but I would really like an answer, even it's just somebody's uneducated opinion, because I'm at a loss. It always seemed like a simple question, but lately I've been asking myself (and my girlfriend) this question far too often.

How do you know you're in love?

Just do. my friend. you just do. [/cop out answer]

But seriously though, that's just one of those questions you can never answer easily. How do you know you're angry or sad or happy? If you find yourself caring immensely for someone combined with strong feelings of attractions both physical and mental, then hey, maybe you are.

Midnight Son
2007-05-29, 11:19 PM
I know this is the hardest question in history to answer, but I would really like an answer, even it's just somebody's uneducated opinion, because I'm at a loss. It always seemed like a simple question, but lately I've been asking myself (and my girlfriend) this question far too often.

How do you know you're in love?Wow! That's the big one isn't it? The problem with this question is that there is no one answer. Love is an ephemeral thing and takes many forms, even for just one person. The best I can do is describe what made me realize I was in love and then explain what it feels like to me. It was when I realized that I may have been the cause of some stress in her life and that realization caused me pain. Now that fact of being in love was already there, but I did not realize it till that moment.

To me the feeling of being in love is one of elation and caring. When I think of her, I am happy, I am upbeat, my heart quickens, and my cares diminish. I also want her to be happy and will act accordingly to help her achieve that goal. I will put her needs in front of mine. That's not to say that I neglect my own needs, but that she comes first in my thoughts and actions.

Top that off with the physicality of love. Even the thought of holding her in my arms fills my soul with delight.

That, my friend, is the best I can do for you. Just know that the words I just typed don't even cover a hundredth of what I really feel for her. Words cannot describe...

Ranis
2007-05-29, 11:33 PM
The problem with knowing if you are or are not in love is because the word "love" does not have a universal definition. It is different to each person. Find what you hold to be that definition before deciding if you're in love.

averagejoe
2007-05-30, 12:55 AM
I know this is the hardest question in history to answer, but I would really like an answer, even it's just somebody's uneducated opinion, because I'm at a loss. It always seemed like a simple question, but lately I've been asking myself (and my girlfriend) this question far too often.

How do you know you're in love?

When you choose to be.

People always disagree with me on this point, but it's easier than most people think. Love is an active state of emotion, and one which you just need to try for.

Last_resort_33
2007-05-30, 01:07 AM
love (lŭv)
n.


1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.

a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
7.

a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity. Charity.
10. Sports. A zero score in tennis.


v., loved, lov·ing, loves.

v.tr.


1. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person): We love our parents. I love my friends.
2. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).
3. To have an intense emotional attachment to: loves his house.
4.

a. To embrace or caress.
b. To have sexual intercourse with.
5. To like or desire enthusiastically: loves swimming.
6. Theology. To have charity for.
7. To thrive on; need: The cactus loves hot, dry air.

v.intr.

To experience deep affection or intense desire for another.

I think it's a zero score in tennis.

All the greatest poets in history could not come together to give you a description my friend. Remember though. Infactuation is what you get after meeting someone. Love is what you get after going out with them for three years. Infactuation can cloud the love that you have for someone, that's ok, but it can also mask a lack of love. Infactuation is a poor subsititue, as it runs out, quickly and painfully.

Dallas-Dakota
2007-05-30, 01:10 AM
To me the feeling of being in love is one of elation and caring. When I think of her, I am happy, I am upbeat, my heart quickens, and my cares diminish. I also want her to be happy and will act accordingly to help her achieve that goal. I will put her needs in front of mine. That's not to say that I neglect my own needs, but that she comes first in my thoughts and actions.

Top that off with the physicality of love. Even the thought of holding her in my arms fills my soul with delight.

That, my friend, is the best I can do for you. Just know that the words I just typed don't even cover a hundredth of what I really feel for her. Words cannot describe...

I agree on that point, but I think there are diffrent kinds of love.
Brotherly love, a Parents love for their child,boy-girlfriend love..............and you can go on..............
but I think if you are in love you have to have atleast one or more of these things :
1 the other person is more import then you are.
2 you cant realize a future without him/her.
3 your feel incredible(how do you spell that?) when you are with him/her
4 you would die for him/her
5you would kill for him or her to stay alive.

Pyrian
2007-05-30, 01:11 AM
How do you know you're in love?

If you're not sure, you're not. :smalltongue:

Just_Some_Girl
2007-05-30, 01:20 AM
Love is like porn. It defies concrete description, but you know it when you see it.

Zeb The Troll
2007-05-30, 01:26 AM
Love is like porn. It defies concrete description, but you know it when you see it....and it means different things to different people.

Amotis
2007-05-30, 01:28 AM
...And while some see art, others see naked people ****ing.

Syka
2007-05-30, 02:19 AM
Actually, I think the first person said it best, even though they think it's a cop out.

You just know. If you have doubts, you probably aren't. It took me a few weeks from when it actually happened with me to acknowledge it to myself, and I still haven't really to the person it is in regards to. For me, it was when I wasn't scared to admit it to myself anymore. With my ex, it was after he told me and I mentioned it to my mom. She asked, 'Do you love him, too?' and I thought about it for a moment and came to the shocking (for me) conclusion that I did. Most recently, when that came up I knew I didn't yet. It's only been within the last month or so that is has become the same for me.

But there is just that moment...for me it was always a calming sensation when I realized it, one of comfort. Kind of like, "I love this person. I trust them to not hurt me." For me, that is the biggie. Trusting them enough to really let them in.

And I'm beginning to wonder if I made a mistake this last time...:smallfrown:

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-30, 04:23 AM
1 the other person is more import then you are.
2 you cant realize a future without him/her.
3 your feel incredible(how do you spell that?) when you are with him/her
4 you would die for him/her
5you would kill for him or her to stay alive.

That's... dangerous thinking.

Really.

Vampiric
2007-05-30, 06:00 AM
I would agree, though. It's not like you would wantonly go around killing people, but, you just have a feeling, that if it came to that, you would give nothing less than 100%.

Serpentine
2007-05-30, 09:42 AM
I am the creepy internet person who won't leave you alone. And I just sent an email basically ending a friendship, albiet online, spanning about 8 or 9 years. Okay, so it probably really ended about a year ago when he stopped talking to me, but still. Last I heard, he'd gotten a parcel from me and had one all set to send back. It's official, I guess. I just wish he'd tell me what I did wrong so I can make sure I don't do it again :smallfrown:

Hoggy
2007-05-30, 04:45 PM
Infactuation is what you get after meeting someone. Love is what you get after going out with them for three years.

Oh, I'd strongly agree with the three years thing. Or even the going out thing. I'm in love with a girl I've got with on one night only.


Love is like porn. It defies concrete description, but you know it when you see it.

*snigger* that is an awesome saying.

Pyrian
2007-05-30, 05:58 PM
I just wish he'd tell me what I did wrong so I can make sure I don't do it again :smallfrown:

I've gotten to the point where I don't even ask anymore. I mean, it can be nice to know, especially if it's something you can fix or even work on. But just as likely, it's something really shallow, or otherwise just basically them, or something you don't want to, couldn't, or simply aren't ready yet to change about yourself. Most of the time, you never find out why someone rejects you. At the end of the day, it's usually not worth stressing about.

The White Knight
2007-05-30, 06:03 PM
Okay. This is the last place I expected I'd end up looking for advice. I generally scoff at the credibility of relationship advice over the internet, and the ability of relative strangers to offer advice on such personal issues while only knowing as much about the person in question as is revealed on the spot... but I've read a handful of the cases presented here, and I have to say, some of you cats are spot-on fantastic. So here goes:

About the girl:

She's very unique compared to most people I've known, and a lot of my friends (and hers, to boot) don't really understand a lot of things about her. Just as one example, she's very quiet and reserved; in fact, she doesn't see the necessity that most people feel to make banter just to avoid "awkward" silence. In some situations, she'd just assume sit there in silence and say nothing, and take in the world around her. In social situations, she often feels awkward herself, simply because she's content to sit and listen and just hang out (and often doesn't have much to contribute to whatever conversation is going on anyways), but the expectation of everyone else for her to contribute makes the whole situation uncomfortable. This is something I understand and agree with all too well. One day a couple of weeks ago, we drove out to my family's cottage and sat on a rock by the lake in utter silence for about half an hour and both enjoyed every second of it. Anyone else we know would think we're the two most boring people on earth.

Furthermore, we share all too many interests; similar musical tastes, similar would-be travel destinations, similar aspirations, similar leisure activities (did I mention she plays D&D too? :smallwink:), and so forth. It just seems so perfect.

Now for the hurdles:

About a month ago, she and another good friend of mine just ended a relationship of about a year and a half. I'd been about equally good friends with either of them over the course of their relationship, but I've known him longer. I normally avoid pursuing good friends' old flames, as there's just too much room for disaster involved. I'm also usually pretty good at moving on from such things before I get myself too caught up in them. However, I've been getting the impression that she's also interested in me; that, paired with all the warm, fuzzy stuff mentioned above, has been making it particularly difficult for me to turn my back on the situation.

Furthermore, there's a bit of a hampering age difference between us. I'm 21 and she's 17 - this coming fall I'll enter my fourth year of university, and she'll enter her senior high school year. A little over a year ago I got out of a relationship with another girl who was a bit of a stretch younger than I (although not quite as much of a gap as this one, but only by 6 months in the difference or so. The relationship ended by her choice, however, not mine); there was always a very debilitating strain put on our relationship by her parents no matter how much they liked me. I'm a little set back by the idea of going through that again, although I think I would still be willing. This girl's folks seem a whole heap more reasonable than the last one's, too.

The age gap would also mean that this fall will result in 8 months apart. This is a rather large concern, but again, one I would be willing to endure. In fact, most of the hurdles are ones that I would willingly accept. Now for the real concerns:

Lastly, she has another male friend who I expect she might have an interest in, and who might have an interest in her. He's also much closer to her age; he's graduating from high school this year. In fact, they're attending his prom together (as friends, mind you). I believe that he, too, will be departing in the fall, so I suppose we're both on the same foot in that regard. Now, I don't mention this all as a point of jealousy, but rather as part of a query:

It could very well be less of a headache for her if I were to bow out. The other fellow would likely be just as good for her as I would, and there's fewer grey areas about the whole situation. One thing I should note about her is that she's very emotionally finnicky - once her spirits are down, she finds herself at a low for quite some time. I don't want to be responsible for making her feel miserable. I'm crazy about her, but I ultimately want things to be better for her, even at my own expense. So what do you, the ever-helpful romantimancers of the forums, suggest? Sit back and let things run their course, or seize the moment?

Fax Celestis
2007-05-30, 06:29 PM
About the girl:

She's very unique compared to most people I've known, and a lot of my friends (and hers, to boot) don't really understand a lot of things about her. Just as one example, she's very quiet and reserved; in fact, she doesn't see the necessity that most people feel to make banter just to avoid "awkward" silence. In some situations, she'd just assume sit there in silence and say nothing, and take in the world around her. In social situations, she often feels awkward herself, simply because she's content to sit and listen and just hang out (and often doesn't have much to contribute to whatever conversation is going on anyways), but the expectation of everyone else for her to contribute makes the whole situation uncomfortable. This is something I understand and agree with all too well. One day a couple of weeks ago, we drove out to my family's cottage and sat on a rock by the lake in utter silence for about half an hour and both enjoyed every second of it. Anyone else we know would think we're the two most boring people on earth.

Furthermore, we share all too many interests; similar musical tastes, similar would-be travel destinations, similar aspirations, similar leisure activities (did I mention she plays D&D too? :smallwink:), and so forth. It just seems so perfect.
Good.


Now for the hurdles:
There's always hurdles. Always.


About a month ago, she and another good friend of mine just ended a relationship of about a year and a half. I'd been about equally good friends with either of them over the course of their relationship, but I've known him longer. I normally avoid pursuing good friends' old flames, as there's just too much room for disaster involved. I'm also usually pretty good at moving on from such things before I get myself too caught up in them. However, I've been getting the impression that she's also interested in me; that, paired with all the warm, fuzzy stuff mentioned above, has been making it particularly difficult for me to turn my back on the situation.

Bad sign. Too soon. But, continue:


Furthermore, there's a bit of a hampering age difference between us. I'm 21 and she's 17 - this coming fall I'll enter my fourth year of university, and she'll enter her senior high school year. A little over a year ago I got out of a relationship with another girl who was a bit of a stretch younger than I (although not quite as much of a gap as this one, but only by 6 months in the difference or so. The relationship ended by her choice, however, not mine); there was always a very debilitating strain put on our relationship by her parents no matter how much they liked me. I'm a little set back by the idea of going through that again, although I think I would still be willing. This girl's folks seem a whole heap more reasonable than the last one's, too.

The age gap would also mean that this fall will result in 8 months apart. This is a rather large concern, but again, one I would be willing to endure. In fact, most of the hurdles are ones that I would willingly accept. Now for the real concerns:

Age is immaterial. My grandparents were 11 years apart, and were married happily for 54 years. Would still be, if granny were still alive.

The one thing to watch out for there is legality. Is it legal for a 21 year old and 17 year old to have sexual relations where you are? Because if it's not legal--and even if you don't have sexual relations--assumptions may be made.


Lastly, she has another male friend who I expect she might have an interest in, and who might have an interest in her. He's also much closer to her age; he's graduating from high school this year. In fact, they're attending his prom together (as friends, mind you). I believe that he, too, will be departing in the fall, so I suppose we're both on the same foot in that regard.

Could be problematic, but see below.


Now, I don't mention this all as a point of jealousy, but rather as part of a query:

It could very well be less of a headache for her if I were to bow out. The other fellow would likely be just as good for her as I would, and there's fewer grey areas about the whole situation. One thing I should note about her is that she's very emotionally finnicky - once her spirits are down, she finds herself at a low for quite some time. I don't want to be responsible for making her feel miserable. I'm crazy about her, but I ultimately want things to be better for her, even at my own expense. So what do you, the ever-helpful romantimancers of the forums, suggest? Sit back and let things run their course, or seize the moment?

Well, here's the fundamental question: have you told her about how you feel? If so, what was her reaction? If you haven't, you need to, so that she is capable of making an informed decision. After all, it really is her decision, since it is your offer.

averagejoe
2007-05-30, 06:42 PM
It could very well be less of a headache for her if I were to bow out. The other fellow would likely be just as good for her as I would, and there's fewer grey areas about the whole situation. One thing I should note about her is that she's very emotionally finnicky - once her spirits are down, she finds herself at a low for quite some time. I don't want to be responsible for making her feel miserable. I'm crazy about her, but I ultimately want things to be better for her, even at my own expense. So what do you, the ever-helpful romantimancers of the forums, suggest? Sit back and let things run their course, or seize the moment?

This is coming from someone who typically would take the bowing out route. There's nothing wrong with such an action; such chances pass us by all the time. You will not, of course, ever find another girl like her, but you will find one with whom you can be as, or more, happy. However, in every instance in which I've sat back, I've been absolutely sure that I wouldn't regret it later. (Save one, but that's mainly because I was being dumb, and is a more complicated story, in any case.) If you honestly feel that there is something there, then go for it.

I will add this: if you are that worried about her emotions, then it will probably not work out in the long term. Emotional problems are never really fixed by romantic relationships, and if you have to tiptoe around her emotions like that you will both grow tired of each other. Perhaps not in the short term, but it will eventually become hard to ignore. One of the biggest mistake men make is trying to get with an emotionally finnicky girl in an attempt to "save her," or whatever. The truth is, you both need to be fairly emotionally stable for this to have any chance of working. Now, I'm not necessarily saying don't do it; I don't have enough information for that. It just sounds to me that if such a proposition would distress her so, then she might not be ready to be in a relationship. Either way, don't make this decison in an effort to somehow fix something or someone; do what you think is best for the both of you.

Fax Celestis
2007-05-30, 06:45 PM
...Emotional problems are never really fixed by romantic relationships, and if you have to tiptoe around her emotions like that you will both grow tired of each other. Perhaps not in the short term, but it will eventually become hard to ignore. One of the biggest mistake men make is trying to get with an emotionally finnicky girl in an attempt to "save her," or whatever. The truth is, you both need to be fairly emotionally stable for this to have any chance of working....

Or be absoballylutely certain that you are 100% willing to let it slide for the rest of time.

averagejoe
2007-05-30, 06:46 PM
Or be absoballylutely certain that you are 100% willing to let it slide for the rest of time.

I suppose; in my experience, people usually aren't. Maybe for awhile, but this sort of thing tends to build up. Like scum in your pipes.

The White Knight
2007-05-30, 07:24 PM
Fax:

Yeah, I'm more or less just awaiting an appropriate time to talk to her about it. I do worry it's a bit too soon, so I might wait it out for a little bit. You're right though - what's right for her is her choice to make. As for the legality of the situation, yes, in Canada it's completely legal as far as I know (albeit generally questioned socially).

Joe:

I know exactly what you mean about being regretful for bowing out. I've done it before, and lost my shot at one of the most incredible people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing (who is still one of my best friends, so not all was lost, I suppose). With regard to her emotional stability, you're at least partly correct: emotional problems are almost never fixed by romantic relationships. I am not, however, concerned about having to 'tiptoe' around her emotions until the end of time; I've actually been one of the few people she's gotten any real help out of talking to about her emotional problems, and if she's ever feeling low about something, I'll always be willing, not weary, to help her out. This is also by no means any sort of attempt to "save her"; she's told me herself fairly often over the past little while that she's the best she's been in years. At first I wasn't so sure, but I've recently begun to see enough spring in her step (so to speak) to believe her. I don't know if that clarifies anything for you or not, or if it has any bearing on your initial points (which are, I will say, excellent and important points of concern).

Frojoe21
2007-05-30, 07:38 PM
Fax:

Yeah, I'm more or less just awaiting an appropriate time to talk to her about it. I do worry it's a bit too soon, so I might wait it out for a little bit. You're right though - what's right for her is her choice to make. As for the legality of the situation, yes, in Canada it's completely legal as far as I know (albeit generally questioned socially).

Actually, regarding the legal aspect, you would be wrong. Age of consent in Canada is 18, and under that I believe there is a 2 year difference allowed in between that regarding sexual relations. So in this case, you being 21 and her being 17, it would be illegal for you to have intercourse until she turned 18.

If you are talking strictly relationship wise however, then there is no law prohibiting that. Just sex.

The White Knight
2007-05-30, 08:46 PM
You're mistaken, although that's a myth I've heard entirely too often.

Google is your friend. (http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2007/may/07050708.html)

Syka
2007-05-30, 08:47 PM
As an unbiased bystander, I'd have to say allow her to make the choice instead of automatically making it for her.

It is not necessarily too soon. I was watching an episode of friends and Rachel asked Pheobe and Monica how long to wait to ask a guy out after a break up:

P: A month
M: Really? I'd say 3 or 4.
Chandler: Half an hour.

It was so in my case. 5 days after the end of a 3 and a half year relationship a guy asked me out. I'm still dating him. It'll be different for everyone, so only you can determine the appropriate time. BUT ASK YOUR FRIEND FIRST. At least if you plan staying friends with him. I had a pact with my best friend that the only way we would date a guy the other had, is if we had their honest a true blessing.


Now for my biased opinion. *twitch* This is from a big sister. Ickickick. I say this with that sisterly protection, because one of my male friends (20) wanted to date one of my sisters friends (16, maybe 17). But maybe it is only because my sister is only 18 that I have this reaction. Just tread carefully, because people will think badly. Also consider the completely different life experiences you have gone through. You are almost done with college, she hasn't even finished high school. You might get on famously as friends but it may not make for a good relationship.

But as I said before, let her in on the decision making process.

Frojoe21
2007-05-30, 08:59 PM
You're mistaken, although that's a myth I've heard entirely too often.

Google is your friend. (http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2007/may/07050708.html)

Then I may have been thinking in terms of marriage or something else partially regurgitated from my legal textbook.

Serpentine
2007-05-30, 08:59 PM
I've gotten to the point where I don't even ask anymore. I mean, it can be nice to know, especially if it's something you can fix or even work on. But just as likely, it's something really shallow, or otherwise just basically them, or something you don't want to, couldn't, or simply aren't ready yet to change about yourself. Most of the time, you never find out why someone rejects you. At the end of the day, it's usually not worth stressing about.
I guess, but it'd be nice to know if I really am that creepy internet person who won't leave you alone and, if so, how to fix it. And it really was a good friendship, or at least I think so. I'm gonna be sad about it for a while.

WhiteKnight, a good friend of mine was going out with a 2(2?) year old guy when she was about 16. Soon afterwards she got pregnant and he's a lying cheating scumbag, but they're still together 5-odd years later with a second kid and genuine affection. I'm not saying you should go exactly the way they did, but you seem much more mature than either of them, so if they can handle it, I suppose you should be able to...

averagejoe
2007-05-30, 09:07 PM
@ White Knight: It does clarify some; they were mostly just common concerns, and I wanted to make sure you had thought about them.

Look, it has been my experience that with tough choices like this, most people already have their choice made, and they're just waiting for validation, or encouragement, or because they're scared, or because they're waiting for the problem to fix itself. If you think about it, you probably already know what you should do, so do it. We can give you advice, but in the end it's all just validation/reproach for what you decide to do anyways. If you're concerned about the eight months apart, then wait eight months and ask then. It's a risk, she might come back already attached to someone else, but it might be worth considering if the time apart is a concern as far as the well being of your relationship. If you don't think you'd be able to keep your hands off each other, then simply wait until she turns eighteen; I believe that you'll find the legality of sex is most of the concern there. There's risks all the way around, however you slice it. You will, at some point, have to decide, even if you decide to do nothing.

I'm not trying to evade your question; the point is that none of us can answer this question better than you can, and I'd bet already have. If you think that your friendship is strong enough, then all these problems you mention will resolve themselves; if not, then one of these problems will end it, and that will be that. It sounds to me from what you've said that your friendship is strong enough, and that you should go for it; you know better than I, however.

Ehiday
2007-05-30, 09:14 PM
Alright. Here's one from a newbie in the playground.

I have lived in a small country known as Nepal for the past 5 years now. Im from the USA but moved here with my parrents. I had been home schooled for the past several years before this move so I had always been the school focus perfect little boy. Well lets just say that moving back into a standered school enviroment changed some thing, primarily relationships.

For the first two years I developed a very strong friendship with one of the girls in my class, (honestly what were you expecting). After those 2 years she moved out of the city with her parrents. We saw eachother occationaly when her parrents came into town for buissness or just a visit. Now this wasn't realy any difficulty as we were just friends at the time. I was 15 at the time she left and not realy interested in any relationahip.

Well she came back at the begining of this year throwing my well organised life into chaos. She's one of those people whose spent their entire lives building up a wall so no one can realy know them and therefore hurt them but as with most people like her you cant keep everyone out. I happaned to be one of those lucky few that could see through this and took on the inquisitive older brother role to make sure she didn't get herself into to much trouble. I became one of the few people she would let know her and we worked our way through a good few problems. Naturaly of course we fell in love.

Now for the woe. We've been 'together' for about 6 weeks now and I just found out yesterday (along with her) that her parrents are dragging her back to the states this August. Which means we will most likely not see eachother for another year till I go back for college and even then there is no promiss that we'll be anywhere near eachother back in the US. Anyways there's my little rant against the cruelty of life. This looked as good a place as any to get it out.

*sigh* I feel a little better already. Doesn't look half as bad in writing as it feels.

Now for those of you asking about when your 'In love':

[romantic rant]

From my experience which I admit is relativly limited. There is strong difference between affection and love. Trust me when I say affection can be very strong to the point where you feel it will tear you apart. Many would call this feeling love. I disagree. While affection is often the starting point for a long and lasting relationship it in itself will not last forever.

Love on the otherhand as has been stated is active. It is an active state where you purge all doubt from your mind and set what you love above yourself. Dont kid yourself. Love is not some nice romantic feeling. Love is Sacrifice. It is a choice that you make day by day not to live for yourself. It takes maturity and commitment. You wont ever get it perfect, there will always be times when you fail but love continues to sacrifice even without affection.

Now I got nothing against people want to enter a dating relationship without that commitment and simply for the sake of affection. Just be warned that eventualy those feelings will fail and without love to support you that relationship will fall apart. Go ahead and feel as much affection as you want but dont promis to love someone forever until you are ready to make that sacrifice.

Do I have the level of maturity that im asking from the rest of you? I'd say no. Im a very selfish person at heart but im working at it and thats what counts. Then again I'm only 17... what do I know about love.

[/romantic rant]

Logic
2007-05-30, 09:28 PM
After having been in a similar age relationship as you may enter (I was 20, she 17) I can offer you advice based on that aspect alone.

No matter how good a guy you are, assumptions will be made. Even from people you thought all your life trusted you.

I thought her parents liked me, and I thought that they supported us, and our decision to continue the relationship. However, when she went to college a state away, her father had predicted that I would "have some ugly girl pregnant inside of a month."

I am not trying to disuade you, just inform you of a potential change in how others view you. Good luck. I honestly mean that.

The White Knight
2007-05-30, 10:12 PM
averagejoe: I guess I wasn't so much shooting for a recommended course of action as a discussion of the pros and cons of either course of action, which you have all readily provided. You're right, I obviously know what I'd *like* to do, I just like to overthink things :smalltongue:

Logic: Thankfully, I already know where my friends and family stand in that regard. My last serious relationship started when she was 15 and I 18 (ending when she was 16 and I 20). Plenty of people showed their true colors, and I ceased to associate with them; just about everyone I considered to be a friend, however, was more than supportive. I have a fantastic crowd of friends, something I am perpetually grateful for. The parents were most certainly an issue, and one that we dealt with patiently at every turn. I do not expect this scenario would play out any differently in that regard, but the folks do at least seem a little more down to earth than those previous.



I know this is the hardest question in history to answer, but I would really like an answer, even it's just somebody's uneducated opinion, because I'm at a loss. It always seemed like a simple question, but lately I've been asking myself (and my girlfriend) this question far too often.

How do you know you're in love?

I'd like to chip in my 2cp on this loaded question, as I had a discussion with a friend about a very similar topic the other day.

I've come to the belief that love is all just one big semantic mess that people seem to like to catch themselves up in. The only thing we'll ever really know is the closest we've come to "true love", and to us, that's what love is, until we've experienced something more. Love is asymptotal - we'll never really know what it is, as it's mostly just some sacred, abstract concept, but we can come close enough and be happy enough to just assume we're there and call it that. After all, what more do you need?

Don't think of love as some sacred concept. Look at your own situation - are happy together? Do you care about one another dearly? Yes? There you go. There's no universal set of circumstances that say "If X and Y then Q = Love". Call it love - heck, call it Bob for all that it matters - if those feelings are there, then you "love" each other, as far as I'm concerned. You'll know if and when you're happy enough to eventually settle down down the road, but don't fret if you're not there right now - that's something that comes over time anyways.

Or something. I'm having difficulty verbalizing my exact thoughts, but that's as close as I can get at this very moment, haha. Bedtime!

averagejoe
2007-05-30, 11:30 PM
averagejoe: I guess I wasn't so much shooting for a recommended course of action as a discussion of the pros and cons of either course of action, which you have all readily provided. You're right, I obviously know what I'd *like* to do, I just like to overthink things :smalltongue:

No, not what you want to do, what you should do. In this case they might be the same thing, but it's an important distinction.

AngelSword
2007-05-31, 12:37 AM
Yet another post from me looking for advice.

What is the general consensus concerning long distance relationships? The reason I ask is because I've been talking a lot with a crush (and if you've been paying attention, you can probably guess who), and the possibility of 'us' has been discussed, even though we are quite a distance away.

I'm only asking for opinions, really. If you want, though, feel free to give experience. Personally, I've been scarred to the idea of them, but hey, you never know.

Syka
2007-05-31, 12:50 AM
Depends. Both parties have to be equally committed, but the level of committment will vary. But both have to be in agreement and one can not harbor ill feelings. It takes a certain strength of will, and a willingness to put up with a lot of self-inflicted pain. By that I mean, you will miss the person. If it gets serious enough, you may miss the person bad enough that it physically causes you pain. There will be many lonely nights where you just wish you could hold the person. Be prepared for thoughts of those closer to you, and be prepared to worry about your partner having the same thoughts. Just don't act on them. Talk. Communication is key to any relationship, but more so in a longdistance on. Write letters, email, IM, talk on the phone, however. But stay in touch. Save money for visits. Remember the little things, and be prepared with little gifts when you see them.

That is what I have learned from my first long distance relationship. Lasted three and a half years and ended only after the other party decided he couldn't handle it anymore.

While I would not wish distance upon my worst enemy, by the same token I will not discourage it in any respect. If you truly want to be with the person and are willing to work, then it can be beautiful. But work it will take, a lot of it.



And I have an uplifting tale of wimpyness and psuedo-success. Tonight I asked the guy who (I think) I'm dating if we actually were. This was after a near hour of having to prep my nerves with friends, but I did manage to ask him...over AIM. I didn't actually get any sort of clear answer from him, which was pretty discouraging and for a bit was I was kind of worried that I had royally messed up. Not so, my friends. If anything, when he left for bed, his partings was sweeter than it has been in some time. Which needless made me feel better. :smallsmile:

Think of it this way when faced with a potentially explosive situation: wouldn't you rather know than be guessing and guess wrong and never had done anything? :smallredface: It ended up kind of paying off for me. Lets just hope tomorrow isn't weird...But then, we've gotten through weirder things.

Cheers,
Syka..who is off to snuggle with Trevor the Cat.

ChronicLunacy
2007-05-31, 12:54 AM
Yet another post from me looking for advice.

What is the general consensus concerning long distance relationships? The reason I ask is because I've been talking a lot with a crush (and if you've been paying attention, you can probably guess who), and the possibility of 'us' has been discussed, even though we are quite a distance away.

I'm only asking for opinions, really. If you want, though, feel free to give experience. Personally, I've been scarred to the idea of them, but hey, you never know.

JUST SAY NO! Lots of needless pain and jealousy on both sides of the line.

AngelSword
2007-05-31, 01:17 AM
JUST SAY NO! Lots of needless pain and jealousy on both sides of the line.
Well, tell me how you really feel.

I like your avatar, though. LFG is great.

Lilly
2007-05-31, 02:31 AM
Do it! Let's make the forum into a dating service! :smallamused:

But in all seriousness, it depends on the parties involved and your personal situations. If you feel that you can handle it, do it. They're definatly worth it.

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-31, 03:52 AM
Do it! Let's make the forum into a dating service! :smallamused:

I thought it was too late to stop that when the first "match made in the playground" thread started up.

AngelSword
2007-05-31, 04:13 AM
Do it! Let's make the forum into a dating service! :smallamused:

But in all seriousness, it depends on the parties involved and your personal situations. If you feel that you can handle it, do it. They're definatly worth it.

Sorry, I don't know why, but when I see your name, I can't help but think…
Lily, my one and only
I can hardly wait till I see her
Silly, I know I'm silly
Cause I'm hanging in this tree
In the hopes that she will catch a glimpse of me
And thru her window shade
I watch her shadow move
I wonder if she.........?
Lily, my one and only
Love is in my heart and in your eyes
Will she or won't she want him
No one knows for sure
But an officer is knocking at my door
And thru her window shade
I watch her shadow move
I wonder if she could only see me?
And when I'm with her I feel fine
If I could kiss her I wouldn't mind the time it took to find
My lily, my one and only
I can hardly wait till I see her
Oh lily, I know you love me
Cause as they're draggin me away
I swear I saw her raise her hand and wave (goodbye)
Lily - The Smashing Pumpkins

Alarra
2007-05-31, 06:14 AM
Yet another post from me looking for advice.

What is the general consensus concerning long distance relationships? The reason I ask is because I've been talking a lot with a crush (and if you've been paying attention, you can probably guess who), and the possibility of 'us' has been discussed, even though we are quite a distance away.

I'm only asking for opinions, really. If you want, though, feel free to give experience. Personally, I've been scarred to the idea of them, but hey, you never know.

Long distance relationships can be really really hard, and it does depend a lot on the feelings and commitment of those involved. It's also helpful if you can see an end to it and work out frequent visits.

That being said, I've done them before, and they can work out well, and 8 hours isn't really that far. Although it may be a bit early to be considering that.

Serpentine
2007-05-31, 06:17 AM
Oh. So... it's not Alarra, then?

Alarra
2007-05-31, 06:23 AM
Just pointing out that the fact that I've offered advice neither confirms or denies whether I am the crush in question.

Serpentine
2007-05-31, 06:31 AM
But... the way you said... wouldn't you talk to him about it in private...?

Alarra
2007-05-31, 06:35 AM
Perhaps, perhaps not.

Serpentine
2007-05-31, 06:41 AM
=.=
>leaves in a huff<

Alarra
2007-05-31, 06:42 AM
Aww...don't leave in a huff....*hugs serpy*

Closet_Skeleton
2007-05-31, 06:48 AM
Perhaps, perhaps not.

So either it isn't you, or this is a plan to confuse us so we'll never know.

Ingenious.

Rykaj
2007-05-31, 07:11 AM
Personally I think 8 hours travel is comparable to the other side of the world. I never travel for more than 8 hours, unless I'm on vacation or backpacking. Definately not something I'd wish to do every time I wanted to see my significant other.

Then again, I am pretty much against the whole concept of long distance relationships. I think when you are together you should do things together, spend time with eachother. The long distance makes this hard. If you're in a serious relationship and you get seperated for a while (distance-wise) you should of course continue to persue it, but I think it's a bad place to begin a relationship from.

Maybe I'm just biased. When I started to attend university (1.5-2 hours away) I lost the girlfriend I had in two months. It suddenly completely stopped working. Maybe that's why I'm so negative on long distances. And to top that, I've never seen any long distance relationship work well (in real life, mind you).

SMEE
2007-05-31, 07:15 AM
AngelSword, it'll depend on how commited both parts are and how often you get to see each other.

My (few) past experiences showed me that it might work if you get to see each other once every two weeks or so, and talk at least once every couple of days.

That being said, how much distance there's between you two plays has a great weight on whether it will work or not. A distance that you can cover in 8~10 hours seems to be fine, but 6000 miles is not. :smalltongue:

Now stop wondering whether if it'll work or not and try it! At worst you'll end up hurt a little bit, but that heals with time. :smallsmile:

Serpentine
2007-05-31, 09:58 AM
So it turns out my charms are enough to drive a guy to consider razorblades in the shower after we break up. What the hell are you supposed to say to that?!:smalleek: Fortunately he insists that it was a one-off thing a long time ago, and although he was depressed since then (5 years ago!:smalleek:) he's enjoying having someone show an interest in him, which I'm really excited about for him. Is it wrong, though, that it sent a little thrill up my spine? I don't know if it's horror or... I dunno... excitement or vanity or something, and the fact I don't know scares me, too...
Did I mention :smalleek:?

Syka
2007-05-31, 10:02 AM
Rykaj, that may be a college thing. ;) I was with the guy for 3.5 years, ALL of which was long distance. It was until he got to college I felt it truly breaking apart, and within 2 months it was over.

My vote is still yes, if you are prepared for what you are getting in to. But then I guess you could term what I'm in a long distance, even though that is why we aren't actually together as a couple. I live 3 hours away for school, but get home every other or every third weekend, and I get to come home for a week or more during breaks. He also comes to visit every few weeks when work allows him to.

Cheers,
Syka...who forgot, her kitties name is Herm, not Trevor...

Lilly
2007-05-31, 11:35 AM
AngelSword? Now you have me confused.... :smallconfused: You're of an appropriate age to be crushing on either female mod (who happen to have a lot of pull on these here forums), but I haven't heard anything, and Alarra isn't confirming or denying anything... :smallconfused: *ponders asking another gossip for help* where's Charity when you need him?

Syka
2007-05-31, 12:20 PM
Heheh...Do we have a bit of a Mystery in the Playground? :smallamused:

Serpentine
2007-05-31, 01:14 PM
Whee, for once I know something others don't! ^_^
>hums "I know something you don't know"<

Vonriel
2007-05-31, 01:16 PM
Now now Serpentine, it's not nice to pick on the uninformed. Too bad for them I'm not a gossip, but rather a hoarder of information. :smallwink:

Zeb The Troll
2007-05-31, 01:19 PM
AngelSword? Now you have me confused.... :smallconfused: You're of an appropriate age to be crushing on either female mod (who happen to have a lot of pull on these here forums), but I haven't heard anything, and Alarra isn't confirming or denying anything... :smallconfused: *ponders asking another gossip for help* where's Charity when you need him?Now, I'll admit that I'm a highly trained signals analyst but...

1.) There are two female mods (not declared, but specified "she has a lot of pull on the boards"), Lilly and Alarra.

2.) It's not Lilly (according to Lilly).
2a.) Alarra is being suspiciously evasive and also happens to know how far "long distance" is.

3.) ?

4.) Profit!

ChronicLunacy
2007-05-31, 02:04 PM
I see wut u did thar.

Glaivemaster
2007-05-31, 02:13 PM
2a.) Alarra is being suspiciously evasive and also happens to know how far "long distance" is.

I wondered if I was the only one to notice that, or if I'd just missed it earlier in the thread. Not that I like to pry or anything

Who am I kidding? Of course I do

AngelSword
2007-05-31, 04:09 PM
Oh, now this is entertaining:smalltongue: I've managed to cause mass confusion without even trying.

::sits back, puts his feet up on the desk, and orders a trainee to bring him popcorn::

Dib
2007-05-31, 04:56 PM
bah... well I asked her what she meant by 'all dreams have a meaning' and she says she thinks I'm her guardian angel... :smallconfused: cool, but... erm... although I do very much like to feel that she sees me as someone important to her... so, is this it, or is she still beating me with LR's bat?

Pyrian
2007-05-31, 09:02 PM
What is the general consensus concerning long distance relationships?Long distance relationships depend directly on the personalities involved. Are you both trustworthy, trusting, dependable, with long attention spans, easy patience, and an independent streak? Basically, do your minds work in deep, slow currents?

Most people find LDR's very difficult, but to others, "where" is simply nowhere near as important as "who".


Syka...who forgot, her kitties name is Herm, not Trevor...How can you forget your kitty's name!? (My kitty's name is Sophie. :smallsmile: )

Syka
2007-05-31, 09:52 PM
Well, it's not a real kitty. It's a stuffed kitty the guy I'm dating got me for Christmas because he couldn't find a fox. I named it Herm because of the following conversation:

Me: I don't know what to name him....her...herm?
Sister: Name it herm.
Me: Brilliant!

Trevor is the bunny he randomly got me. And Bert is the new alligator plush I got today. Yes, I name all my stuffed animals. And somehow, most seem to end up male...>>

Cheers,
Syka

Serpentine
2007-06-01, 12:17 AM
I had a little white pony and a little white scottydog, both called Snowy... There was also Sunrise Bigted and Sunset Bigted, which were a little better.
Vonreil, I'm usually one of the uninformed. If I don't do it now, when will I ever again have the chance?

LCR
2007-06-01, 02:42 AM
I do not possess any plush animals, which makes me a sad, sad panda.







I probably should have followed the thread, but why are you talking about plush animals?

Closet_Skeleton
2007-06-01, 03:38 AM
Well, it's not a real kitty. It's a stuffed kitty the guy I'm dating got me for Christmas because he couldn't find a fox. I named it Herm because of the following conversation:

Me: I don't know what to name him....her...herm?
Sister: Name it herm.
Me: Brilliant!

Trevor is the bunny he randomly got me. And Bert is the new alligator plush I got today. Yes, I name all my stuffed animals. And somehow, most seem to end up male...>>

Cheers,
Syka

To bring this back on topic, how would you consider giving fluffy animals cuddly toys as presents?

Vampiric
2007-06-01, 03:59 AM
(From a guy to a girl (I happen not to have done it the other way round...:smalltongue: )) I'd surprise them. Depends how big it is. If you can carry it in one hand, hide it behind your back until you are stood next to them. Personally, I'd say never wrap one up. If it's too big to hide behind your back, then either wait until said person is out the house, or collaborate with her parents/roommates to put it in her room when she's not there, and either stay, so both you and the toy are a surprise, or, if you can't hang around, then leave a note saying it's from you, wishing her a good day, how much you love her.... or whatever you want to put.

Yiel
2007-06-01, 05:09 AM
To bring this back on topic, how would you consider giving fluffy animals cuddly toys as presents?

Cuddly toys can be a great gift... just be prepared for this conversation.

Him: You have far too many soft toys! Where did you get them all? :smallannoyed:
Me: You gave them to me. :smalltongue:

Last_resort_33
2007-06-01, 06:12 AM
bah... well I asked her what she meant by 'all dreams have a meaning' and she says she thinks I'm her guardian angel... :smallconfused: cool, but... erm... although I do very much like to feel that she sees me as someone important to her... so, is this it, or is she still beating me with LR's bat?

I think that she's tapping you with the bat, but watching her back. As far as I can tell, she wants to be in a relationship with you, but the feelings about her boyfriend fluctuate, depending on how much of an arse he is at the time. (and possibly also on hormonal differances but don't say I said that!)

The Prince of Cats
2007-06-01, 06:51 AM
Soft toys...

Well, my wife has too many. I am responsible for a large number of them, due to the way her face lights up to see them. I have found that boxes can be bought even as large as 4ft by 4ft (1m 30cm or so) to contain even the big ones. So, pretty boxes with ribbons are a common trick for me.

I have also gone to pick my wife up from work with a stuffed toy strapped into the passenger seat.

I have had them sitting at the dinner table when she got home, with a romantic meal cooking and the table set with candles, wine and glasses.

Another good trick is to empty her handbag (which is a bad idea if she does not trust you) and place an appropriately-sized toy in it. Little ones fit nicely into lunch-boxes. Also, toy snakes (check she is not scared of snakes!) can be very good for hiding in unusual places, since they can bend around corners...

Ranis
2007-06-01, 07:23 AM
One question for everyone here before I take off:

Do you think Dinner+ a movie is a bit much for a first date?

Hydrogelic
2007-06-01, 07:32 AM
Uhm .

Recently I got dumped by my girl . The reason was "Issues" that she had . I was assured that it had nothing to do with me .

That was as good of an explaination as I got . And on top of that , I got dumped over MSN .

It's hideously depressing , because she was my first real girlfreind , and she was just about everything I could have wanted .

She lived closeby , loved anime , games , drawing , writing , complex math/geek humor , and all that sort of stuff . (And not to mention , she was short and had absoloutely epic funbags)

The anguish is compounded by the fact that my best freind , is off with his girl all the time , and never has time to see me any more . When I do see him , they're always together , and will shamelessly make out in full veiw of whereever I am .

This leaves me in a rather bad way , because I validate my existance by being emotionally dependent on someone .

What the bajeebus do I do ?

LCR
2007-06-01, 07:48 AM
Uhm .

Recently I got dumped by my girl . The reason was "Issues" that she had . I was assured that it had nothing to do with me .

That was as good of an explaination as I got . And on top of that , I got dumped over MSN .

It's hideously depressing , because she was my first real girlfreind , and she was just about everything I could have wanted .

She lived closeby , loved anime , games , drawing , writing , complex math/geek humor , and all that sort of stuff . (And not to mention , she was short and had absoloutely epic funbags)

The anguish is compounded by the fact that my best freind , is off with his girl all the time , and never has time to see me any more . When I do see him , they're always together , and will shamelessly make out in full veiw of whereever I am .

This leaves me in a rather bad way , because I validate my existance by being emotionally dependent on someone .

What the bajeebus do I do ?

Epic funbags? Hell, yeah! *highfive*

Well, there's not much you can do. You don't really validate your existance by emotionally dependent on your ex, it's just something you feel right now. And it's going to stop, I can assure you that. One day, you'll wake up and you won't feel bad thinking about her, because you've moved on. Until then ... try to deal with it and make the best of it.
If you can't stand your friend's company, talk to him, he'll probably be able to leave his bird alone for some guys-only evenings.

Hydrogelic
2007-06-01, 07:53 AM
Well , before she came along , I was m ostly emotionally dependant on my best freind . He's also my classmate and cousin as well , and each year we rack ou a chatlog of msn conversations that puts the bumper edition of LOTR to shame in its length . The problem is that I shifted my emotional dependence to her , and now that she's gone , My best freind is busy with his girl , so i'm forced to be dependant on myself for validation , and honestly , I havent a clue how I can validate my own existance .

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 08:05 AM
Hey don't to sound like the Stickler her but I have to say if you make yourself emotionally dependant on another person, well honestly you will be f*****. Granted don't completely lose any emotional ties with friends and such but be weiry. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the opposite sex, when you have an emotional dependance I like to call that WHOOOOOPED whha psssshhhh!!!!!
I am not trying to be a jerk but its like the other guy said you cant do anything about it, except move one.

Take me for example my last GF. Dumped me after I joined the military. I had to go to Technical School at Keesler Mississippi during Hurricane Katrina. Yeah well she actually cheated on me first then broke up with me 2 days after the hurricane was over. Talk about some emotional distress I had. But I got over it, now im dating a gorgeous asian girl thats in the military as well. I swear on everything that is holly and my mother that she could be a playboy model:smallbiggrin: maybe this helps maybe not but i figured i should share to help you out PEACE

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 08:06 AM
One question for everyone here before I take off:

Do you think Dinner+ a movie is a bit much for a first date?

Depends is the girl high maintenance or low?? if she is low NO. if she is high NO lol. i think its always a good idea to do something like that. as long as you were a gentleman about it

Dib
2007-06-01, 08:15 AM
I think that she's tapping you with the bat, but watching her back. As far as I can tell, she wants to be in a relationship with you, but the feelings about her boyfriend fluctuate, depending on how much of an arse he is at the time.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see... or is there something smarter and more helpful I should be doing?

EDIT: gah! hidden writing!

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 08:21 AM
I guess I'll just have to wait and see... or is there something smarter and more helpful I should be doing?

EDIT: gah! hidden writing!

Yeah Just be honest and tell her you like her. its quick way to find out yes she does or no she doesnt have feelings like that. You really dont have much to lose

LCR
2007-06-01, 08:23 AM
Well , before she came along , I was m ostly emotionally dependant on my best freind . He's also my classmate and cousin as well , and each year we rack ou a chatlog of msn conversations that puts the bumper edition of LOTR to shame in its length . The problem is that I shifted my emotional dependence to her , and now that she's gone , My best freind is busy with his girl , so i'm forced to be dependant on myself for validation , and honestly , I havent a clue how I can validate my own existance .

Alright, let's start. You post on a gaming forum, you like maths/geek (humor), all of which leads to only one conclusion: You're smarter than 90 percent of the world's population. You're probably pretty intelligent.
That's for a start.
Is there any sport you excel in?
Can you write?
Do you play an instrument?
Do you think you're a good listener or do you make great pies?

As you can see, everybody has qualities that define him. And you're sure to find a lot of traits that I haven't even thought about. You're good enough by yourself and you do not define yourself through your peers but through your own actions and qualities.

The Prince of Cats
2007-06-01, 08:25 AM
One question for everyone here before I take off:

Do you think Dinner+ a movie is a bit much for a first date?
It can be...

I mean, it is a little formal for a 'getting to know you' date. There are so many factors that decide this. It is a great 'first real date' if you have known them a while or if you have gone out for coffee or drinks before, but my opinion (and it is just my opinion) would be that it could be taken as a little over the top.

Also, cinemas make for bad dates in my experience. Go ice-skating instead...

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 08:27 AM
Actually Prince of Cats i will have to agree with you on that. Movies tend to be a bad place to start especially if you are trying to get to know some one. i would find out waht the girl likes and treat her to that...

Dib
2007-06-01, 08:39 AM
You really dont have much to lose

Except a Best Friend... and maybe some respect...

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 08:42 AM
No not really because if she is that good of a friend she would be honest to you and would not think any less of you for dispalying your feelings toward her

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-01, 08:45 AM
Well , before she came along , I was m ostly emotionally dependant on my best freind . He's also my classmate and cousin as well , and each year we rack ou a chatlog of msn conversations that puts the bumper edition of LOTR to shame in its length . The problem is that I shifted my emotional dependence to her , and now that she's gone , My best freind is busy with his girl , so i'm forced to be dependant on myself for validation , and honestly , I havent a clue how I can validate my own existance .

You can't go through life being emotionally dependant on anyone. It's a formula for endless highs and lows and in the long run, it just plain doesn't work. You've got to recognize that your existence needs no validation.


One question for everyone here before I take off:

Do you think Dinner+ a movie is a bit much for a first date?

It depends heavily on how well you already know the person.

If you don't know each other very well, dinner and a movie might be a little much. I'd go for a cup of coffee and conversation instead. Save the dinner and a movie for the second date.

If you're already friends, then dinner and a movie is probably fine. Just make sure it's a movie you both enjoy.

Dib
2007-06-01, 08:47 AM
No not really because if she is that good of a friend she would be honest to you and would not think any less of you for dispalying your feelings toward her

It's not what might go wrong in my friendship with her so much as what might go wrong with my friendship with my mate, ie, the guy she's going out with...

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 08:53 AM
Ah ok well see then must have missed that part. HMMM that is quit the dilema. I wish i knew what you could do. The only thing I can say is be honest or foreverhold your peace

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-01, 09:38 AM
It's not what might go wrong in my friendship with her so much as what might go wrong with my friendship with my mate, ie, the guy she's going out with...

I'll tell you a little anecdote from my own life that seems to be applicable. Take it how you will.

Several years ago, a friend of mine (I shall call him Zeus) came over to hang out at my rockin' bachelor pad. He brought with him a girl (I shall call her Circe) that he had been dating for the past two months or so. This was the first time I met her. She seemed like good people. We got to talking on AIM and in the MMO that all of us played (Anarchy Online). Over time, she became a friend indepedant of Zeus.

Months went by, and over time Circe began telling me that she had feelings for me. She was still dating Zeus, who was still my friend. This put me in a bit of a pickle: I liked Circe, but Zeus was my friend and my personal code of honor wouldn't allow me to betray him. Circe claimed to still have feelings for Zeus as well, so I told her to put aside feelings for me and that I would pretend that she never confessed her feelings for me.

Several more months passed. Circe was growing tired of her relationship with Zeus, or rather had grown tired of it. As a result, she ended up having a one night stand with a third party (who was not me). She came to me for advice on how to deal with the situation. My advice was to minimize Zeus' pain: as she clearly did not have feelings for him anymore, she should end it as cleanly as possible. On my advice, she broke up with him without telling of her indescretion.

After about a month, I gave in to temptation and agreed to date Circe. Things went well. Very well. We had fun and over time, I realized that I loved her. However, it came at a price. Zeus found out about the indescretion and grew to hate Circe, and as a result, this cost me his friendship as well as the friendship of several mutual friends.

Six months later, she moved in with me. We lived together for a year and half before she grew tired of me. Once she found a suitable replacement, she began jerking me around until I finally got the message and broke it off.

In the end, the whole thing cost me several friendships and a lot of heartache. I was introduced to a lesson that I should have known already: if someone is willing to betray your friend, they are willing to betray you.

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 09:55 AM
That is a good point blackstatic. i agree

exodus_dragon
2007-06-01, 10:01 AM
You can also look at it like this Girls come and go but a good friend is irreplaceable

LCR
2007-06-01, 10:03 AM
I'll tell you a little anecdote from my own life that seems to be applicable. Take it how you will.

Several years ago, a friend of mine (I shall call him Zeus) came over to hang out at my rockin' bachelor pad. He brought with him a girl (I shall call her Circe) that he had been dating for the past two months or so. This was the first time I met her. She seemed like good people. We got to talking on AIM and in the MMO that all of us played (Anarchy Online). Over time, she became a friend indepedant of Zeus.

Months went by, and over time Circe began telling me that she had feelings for me. She was still dating Zeus, who was still my friend. This put me in a bit of a pickle: I liked Circe, but Zeus was my friend and my personal code of honor wouldn't allow me to betray him. Circe claimed to still have feelings for Zeus as well, so I told her to put aside feelings for me and that I would pretend that she never confessed her feelings for me.

Several more months passed. Circe was growing tired of her relationship with Zeus, or rather had grown tired of it. As a result, she ended up having a one night stand with a third party (who was not me). She came to me for advice on how to deal with the situation. My advice was to minimize Zeus' pain: as she clearly did not have feelings for him anymore, she should end it as cleanly as possible. On my advice, she broke up with him without telling of her indescretion.

After about a month, I gave in to temptation and agreed to date Circe. Things went well. Very well. We had fun and over time, I realized that I loved her. However, it came at a price. Zeus found out about the indescretion and grew to hate Circe, and as a result, this cost me his friendship as well as the friendship of several mutual friends.

Six months later, she moved in with me. We lived together for a year and half before she grew tired of me. Once she found a suitable replacement, she began jerking me around until I finally got the message and broke it off.

In the end, the whole thing cost me several friendships and a lot of heartache. I was introduced to a lesson that I should have known already: if someone is willing to betray your friend, they are willing to betray you.

Cynical, but true, to some extent. Still, I would have probably done the same.

Syka
2007-06-01, 10:32 AM
Most advice has been good thus far.

The animals came up because I mentioned strangling my poor stuffed cat.

How to give them: First make sure she is the type of girl to appreciate them. Other than that, it's free reign. The first one came as part (not all) of a Christmas present. The little bunny greeted me in the seat of his car when I was home visiting one day. Needless to say, each has gotten many awws from me. The rabbit is always by my bed, and I still sleep with Herm. Stuffed animals can be great gifts. :) Just make sure they aren't the only gifts.

Hehe...I like the snake idea...That's cute.

Cheers,
Syka

magicwalker
2007-06-01, 11:24 AM
I haven't looked around too much in this thread, so forgive me if this is a repost.

Guys: How do make the first move when you feel a girl is interested in you?

Ladies: How would you react to any of the posted "moves", if you will?

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-01, 11:58 AM
I haven't looked around too much in this thread, so forgive me if this is a repost.

Guys: How do make the first move when you feel a girl is interested in you?

Ladies: How would you react to any of the posted "moves", if you will?

The first move, eh? Those are always a bitch. I'd say it depends a LOT on the situation, but my tendency is to do things that voice my own interest, but put the ball in her court.

A couple weeks back, I was eating lunch and re-reading my favorite book (my signature should be a big hint). My waitress noticed the book and we got to talking about it. I got the impression that she was flirting with me. So, when I left, I tucked my business card with my cell number and a suggestion to go out for coffee written on it into the check. It sort of worked.

Let's see... there's always blurting it out. It's been my experience that blurting rarely works.

Honestly, I think the best bet is to just find a quiet moment one-on-one and say: "Hey, you seem nice. Do you want to go out on a date?"

The Prince of Cats
2007-06-01, 12:28 PM
Guys: How do make the first move when you feel a girl is interested in you?
I am a coward, I always asked her friends whether she was serious or if I was misreading the signals. Which also opens up the chance to ask "do you think she would like [activity x]".

Of course, don't be too hesitant. One poor girl was in tears because I was too nervous that I was misreading the signals. (literal tears, the 'signal' in question being her tongue down my throat - by all the gods, I was dense that day) Years later, I know how I should have reacted.

Invite her out for a neutral date - something that does not require the label 'date'. Coffee, walk her home, give her a lift (if appropriate), that kind of thing. She could just want to hang out with you, no more. If that goes well, try something more date-like. Not knowing your age, I couldn't begin to make a suggestion.

Jibar
2007-06-01, 12:37 PM
(literal tears, the 'signal' in question being her tongue down my throat - by all the gods, I was dense that day)

:confused:
I'm not sure dense covers that.
Then again I've had a girl trying to stick her tongue down my throat when she didn't like me. Eh.


Okay, first, make sure she's in to you. Flicking the hair, staring at you, that kinda thing. If you're getting nothing like that, then do nothing.
If she is, then make sure it's subtle, don't suddenly blurt out something, make sure it links in to conversation.
Say, uh... new coffee shop opens.
Her: "Hey, you seen that new coffee shop, wowzers bowzers it looks nice."
You: "Yeah. You wanna go grab something to drink there?"
Her: "Sure."
Something like that anyway.
The woman in me says this could work. It's something harmless and you should be able to tell better during this date how it is going with her.
Also: Get her chocolate. Women and me love chocolate.

The Prince of Cats
2007-06-01, 12:54 PM
Also: Get her chocolate. Women and me love chocolate.
Not all. My wife just doesn't care 99% of the time and the other 1%, I have claw marks from joking about having chocolate and not sharing it.

Chocolate is very much a dating food. That is the trouble. Buy a box of Black Magic and you make a bold statement. Buy a Dairy Milk bar and you are making a very different statement. ("Hey, have some tasty salmonella.")

Syka
2007-06-01, 01:15 PM
Please, please do not involve the following in any sort of combination: alcohol, parties, or overbearing behavior, and in some circumstances mutual friends. I've had bad situations with all three. One combined a guy telling me he'd liked me for some time, after imbibing a few drinks at a New Years Eve party I was at with the guy I was dating (a mutual friend). The overbearing behavior is from another guy who finally let me know that he liked me, even though the whole world already knew. How? He was always asking to walk me places, trying to hang out with me, offering to come over to make dinner and such...I tried avoiding him as much as possible because he was coming on too strongly, kind of creeped me out, and we have completely different religious views. Here's one for not reading signs: I literally had told him before I couldn't date him, and a month later he STILL brought up the fact he liked me.

What worked: Just getting to know me casually, inviting me to coffee at neutral ground (I got someone else to drive me because I didn't know him too well), then bumping it up to a movie, then visiting his house and other such 'date' activities (I met his brother and friends at a concert, attended a wedding with him, that sort of stuff). We're still seeing each other...I think we are anyway...7 months later.

Just act casual. Ask her to coffee or something that can be brushed off as just friends if she doesn't seem receptive to a date idea. You can move it up from there.

Cheers,
Syka

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-01, 01:59 PM
We're still seeing each other...I think we are anyway....You think you are? I'd hazard a guess that someone is being a little too casual. Getting there? Sure. Once you're there? Time to step up a little bit, isn't it? (Without being possessive and clingy, of course. It's a fine line.).

Syka
2007-06-01, 02:28 PM
Heh...Yah. The problem is arising in that neither of us really wants a long distance thing (I go to school 3 hours away) but other than our official recognition, most would assume we are together. Even our moms have (seperately) referred to him as my boyfriend, and he calls my mom 'Mom'. I tried asking him about it with no real answer from him which...I'm cool with, surprisingly. I'm fine with casual...

But it was funny. Yesterday he went to this coffeeshop we go to, and we've become good friends with one of the girls who works there. Well, he met up with another friend (female) he hadn't seen in a while and the girls first reaction was, "Ohh...I'm telling Syka on you."

When he told me I started cracking up. I really don't mind, especially since I have male friends and have gone clubbing without him; I figure as long as he's still telling me stuff, I should be safe.

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-01, 02:36 PM
When he told me I started cracking up. I really don't mind, especially since I have male friends and have gone clubbing without him; I figure as long as he's still telling me stuff, I should be safe.

There are clubs in Gainesville? Man, I must've been distracted last time I was there by the vast quantity of suck. :smalltongue:

But I agree with your reckoning. If he's honest with you about stuff like that, and you're both good with being casual, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Fallon
2007-06-01, 02:50 PM
My first date with my husband was my best one (and I'm not just saying that because it was with him) He just asked me if we wanted to go to lunch after a service project we were doing. So at lunch, he asks me if I'm doing anything else for the day, and sees if I'd like to do something with him after lunch. He pulled out this nice little list of different options that we could do (so we weren't just sitting there like so....what do we do now?) We had really hit it off, so we wound up doing pretty much everything on the list and our lunch date turned into an all day thing, and that worked for us. Something like that is really flexible, since you can just do lunch or you can do more things, and a list helps prevent awkward 'what do we do' decisions. If you think the date isn't going well, you don't even have to mention the list, or you can leave it up to her to say she's done for the day.

Syka
2007-06-01, 03:31 PM
Gainesville is a lot like where I live normally, in that it is definitely a small town. The difference: There are things to do! So compared to where I've lived all my life, it is quite an upgrade. ;)

Cheers,
Syka

Pyrian
2007-06-01, 04:36 PM
Do you think Dinner+ a movie is a bit much for a first date?

As others have said, a movie is not a great choice for a first date. Second or third, sure... But as a get-to-know-you venue, it is less than ideal.


...I validate my existance by being emotionally dependent on someone .

Y'know, that's frequently dump-worthy in itself. You probably need to develop your interests, and make friends (multiple) based on common interests.


You can also look at it like this Girls come and go but a good friend is irreplaceable

QFT - Quoted For Truth.

Alarra
2007-06-01, 07:12 PM
The chocolate thing does depend on the person though. I, for example, do not like chocolate.

Hydrogelic
2007-06-01, 08:05 PM
Alright, let's start. You post on a gaming forum, you like maths/geek (humor), all of which leads to only one conclusion: You're smarter than 90 percent of the world's population. You're probably pretty intelligent.
That's for a start.
Is there any sport you excel in?
Can you write?
Do you play an instrument?
Do you think you're a good listener or do you make great pies?

As you can see, everybody has qualities that define him. And you're sure to find a lot of traits that I haven't even thought about. You're good enough by yourself and you do not define yourself through your peers but through your own actions and qualities.

I dont do any sport , but I'm more flexible than should be humanly possible . I'm considering taking up Tae Kwon Do .

I can write , but I dont do so all that often . I'm better with storylines and places than with actual narratives .

I dont play any instruments , Although I used to play the Euphonium . For university , I also have to make sound oops , but that is done using reason .

I make awesome pies , although I havent made any as of late ...

I have the potential to be awesome , but at the moment I'm in a rather shallow state of affars :<

Dib
2007-06-01, 08:06 PM
You can also look at it like this Girls come and go but a good friend is irreplaceable

but this isn't just a girl... I've known her for years, and she's like one of my closest friends... in fact, she ties for closest friend... Maybe even is my closest friend who I can just talk to about stuff that I wouldn't talk to anyone else about, cos it just pushes the limits of what should and shouldn't be talked about, and it's always a really fun and interesting conversation and nothing bad ever happens... and she's the only friend who I've never had a fight with...

AngelSword
2007-06-01, 08:14 PM
Wow, I love this thread. I don't even try, and I find out useful information.

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-01, 08:36 PM
Wow, I love this thread. I don't even try, and I find out useful information.You know, that's the same reason I started reading it. I was really shocked the first time I felt I had something useful to contribute.

Hydrogelic
2007-06-01, 08:50 PM
I'm still trying to leach a soloution to my woes before i try to contribute anything of value to this thread .

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-02, 12:33 AM
but this isn't just a girl... I've known her for years, and she's like one of my closest friends... in fact, she ties for closest friend... Maybe even is my closest friend who I can just talk to about stuff that I wouldn't talk to anyone else about, cos it just pushes the limits of what should and shouldn't be talked about, and it's always a really fun and interesting conversation and nothing bad ever happens... and she's the only friend who I've never had a fight with...

From this, it seems to me that your mind is actually made up about this and that what you actually want is for someone to tell you to go for it. If that's the case: go for it. The reward might actually be worth the risk.


I dont do any sport , but I'm more flexible than should be humanly possible . I'm considering taking up Tae Kwon Do .

I can write , but I dont do so all that often . I'm better with storylines and places than with actual narratives .

I dont play any instruments , Although I used to play the Euphonium . For university , I also have to make sound oops , but that is done using reason .

I make awesome pies , although I havent made any as of late ...

I have the potential to be awesome , but at the moment I'm in a rather shallow state of affars :<

If you've got the potential, embrace it. Foster it. If you're interested in a martial art... go take lessons. I guarantee you the exercise will help a lot (both improved self-image and the endorphin stuff).

Jibar
2007-06-02, 01:40 AM
The chocolate thing does depend on the person though. I, for example, do not like chocolate.

What a sad little life you must lead.

Vampiric
2007-06-02, 05:39 AM
I dont do any sport , but I'm more flexible than should be humanly possible . I'm considering taking up Tae Kwon Do .

I can write , but I dont do so all that often . I'm better with storylines and places than with actual narratives .

I dont play any instruments , Although I used to play the Euphonium . For university , I also have to make sound oops , but that is done using reason .

I make awesome pies , although I havent made any as of late ...

I have the potential to be awesome , but at the moment I'm in a rather shallow state of affars :<

I, personally, would advise against Judo or Tae Kwon Do, as a martial artist, because they are, generally speaking, 'sports' rather than martial arts. Look for something like Wing Chun Kung Fu, Small Circle Ju-Jitsu, or something like that. The first two (the sports) will give you 'forms' (fixed movements) to follow, but the last two put focus on 'flow', learning to go from one action to another on instinct. So, on that, showing off to mates will go best from the first ones, but 'street defence' is learnt from Wing Chun or S-C Ju-Jitsu.

[/martial arts rant]

Dib
2007-06-02, 06:23 AM
From this, it seems to me that your mind is actually made up about this and that what you actually want is for someone to tell you to go for it. If that's the case: go for it. The reward might actually be worth the risk.

What? No... Nono-no!!! that's not what I was after... I know that trying anything is a bad bad idea, and I won't... but the whole thing is getting me down, and I just needed someone to talk to about it I guess...

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-02, 07:18 AM
talking about is why most of are here, atleast I am.........

Nerzi
2007-06-02, 07:18 AM
I dont do any sport , but I'm more flexible than should be humanly possible . I'm considering taking up Tae Kwon Do .

I can write , but I dont do so all that often . I'm better with storylines and places than with actual narratives .

I dont play any instruments , Although I used to play the Euphonium . For university , I also have to make sound oops , but that is done using reason .

I make awesome pies , although I havent made any as of late ...

I have the potential to be awesome , but at the moment I'm in a rather shallow state of affars :<

I PLAY EUPHONIUM! :smallbiggrin:

Hmmm relationship woes...not really...I'm returning to being rather distant with boyfriend and blowing him off again as I was before we split up in december, but this time it's due to exams and revision rather than me questioning my feelings like last time. Pretty (younger) boy has renewed his flirting with me, which is always good, he's lovely and flirting is brilliant fun.

Pyrian
2007-06-02, 10:53 AM
but this isn't just a girl... I've known her for years, and she's like one of my closest friends... in fact, she ties for closest friend... Maybe even is my closest friend who I can just talk to about stuff that I wouldn't talk to anyone else about, cos it just pushes the limits of what should and shouldn't be talked about, and it's always a really fun and interesting conversation and nothing bad ever happens... and she's the only friend who I've never had a fight with...

Well, here's the thing. If you date her, you'll probably eventually lose her altogether, and if you don't, you'll probably keep her as a friend for a very long time. Still, good friends make good lovers, so...


I, personally, would advise against Judo or Tae Kwon Do, as a martial artist, because they are, generally speaking, 'sports' rather than martial arts. Look for something like Wing Chun Kung Fu, Small Circle Ju-Jitsu, or something like that. The first two (the sports) will give you 'forms' (fixed movements) to follow, but the last two put focus on 'flow', learning to go from one action to another on instinct. So, on that, showing off to mates will go best from the first ones, but 'street defence' is learnt from Wing Chun or S-C Ju-Jitsu.

Meh. I always advise people new to martial arts to take a sports art first so they learn to mix it up in a truly competitive environment - and the one I advise is Judo, because you'll also learn to fall without getting hurt. (You are an order of magnitude more likely to benefit from knowing how to land safely than from knowing how to fight.) Also, you learn techniques that are useful against random drunkards that probably won't actually kill them (a legal liability in most countries).

Then study Jeet Kune Do. :smallbiggrin:

magicwalker
2007-06-02, 01:51 PM
Dibs-

Communication is perhaps the most important aspect of any relationship that works. It sounds like your ability to be open with her and communicate truly is atleast part of why you two are so good friends.

Now, in your situation, you've been friends for a really long time and you don't want to risk the friendship to try and make something more out of it..

Well, do you know if she has romantic feelings for you, e.g. beyond just being friends? If you both have feelings for eachother, communicate openly, then honestly I don't know what's holding you back. I honestly think that those components lead into a good relationship.

If she doesn't have feelings for you.. sometimes love blossoms out of long friendships. Sometimes it doesn't..

If she does have feeligns for you, and you guys get together, then the worst that can happen is that eventually you break-up, have a falling out, or whatever you want to call it. But break-ups don't have to be that bad... I mean if you truly don't want to lose her as a friend in the event that you do break-up, then nothing should stop you from going back to being 'just friends'.
It'll be hard at first, but it gets easier..

my 2c

Dib
2007-06-02, 02:28 PM
Cheers MagicWalker... though I'm going to assume you missed the earlier posts where I said that she is also my best friend's girlfriend...

magicwalker
2007-06-03, 08:06 PM
Yeah.. that would change a few.. well.. everything.

Ranis
2007-06-03, 09:03 PM
Guysguysguysguys!!!!!!!

I HAVE FANTASTIC NEWS.

I am happy to report that.....

I AM NO LONGER SINGLE!!!!!!

Hopefully, pictures soon. ^_^!!!!

dogmac
2007-06-03, 10:48 PM
OOOOOH Ranis, details, details, details?????????

(and pictures)

Commander Hayes
2007-06-03, 10:51 PM
Nice job, Ranis. Who's the lucky one?

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-03, 11:46 PM
grongratulations! details and pictures?

ZombieRockStar
2007-06-04, 08:43 AM
I have a question, and maybe it falls under wanting advice, I dunno. I've been lurking in this thread and this is the thing that really bugs me.

And I should preface this by saying no offense to the above three posters; this has more to do with me. You can continue asking Ranis for details since he doesn't seem mind.

Why do people seem to feel the need to peer into other people's relationships? I mean, I suppose some people can have a public relationship, and that's fine, but I can't, and any time someone even asks me how are things, I bite back the urge to get snippy [especially since, except for a few people, I haven't even made it known that I'm "with" (best word available; it's a complicated situation that you will hear none of) someone and they're just guessing who]. If I haven't made it public, you'd think people would catch on that it's none of their business. I know they're just being nice but the whole thing has a supermarket tabloid air that makes me really uncomfortable.

I try to ignore it, really, but it's still annoying. We're both really introverted and would prefer being left alone. I'm just asking: has anybody else noticed something like this, and how do you deal with it?


(That sounded kinda mean. If certain people, who probably know who they are, read this: I don't mean to be rude.)

dogmac
2007-06-04, 08:48 AM
Well, don't know about anyone else, but I like to see people who are happy together, and then I wonder how they got to be that way and what they saw in each other. Let's face it, I can do with all the help I can get.

However, I would never pry into peoples lives or demand things that they are not happy to share. I find the whole paparrazi thing deeply disturbing. But if someone is full of joy and wishes to have someone listen to them talk about the wonders of their other, I'm all ears.

Glaivemaster
2007-06-04, 08:51 AM
I can't speak for anybody else, but in my case it springs from a desire to have knowledge, and to be aware of everything that is happening in my life. And what is happening in the lives of people around me is partially what is happening in my life, in my view. And that's a vague attempt to justify my desire

I just like to know what's going on, whether it's a relationship, or an accident or just what someone watched on TV last night and found pretty cool

Syka
2007-06-04, 12:15 PM
Mine is wanting to know how my friends are, and how their life is going. Other times it is because I'm friends with both parties. I kept pestering one friend to ask another out because I knew they both liked each other, neither was really letting the other know, and without a push I have a feeling nothing would have happened.

I wish you luck with your relationship Ranis.

Mine is still alternating between ups and downs (significantly more of the former than the latter, though). I'm beginning to think that I just shouldn't be in a relationship (not that it is even officially anything) because there are some things that just make me touchy and not happy that probably shouldn't upset me as much as it does. Such as not calling when it is said that it will happen. :smallannoyed: I think the hair trigger in regards to that comes from the fact that my ex started to not call when he said he would in the months before we broke up. *grumbles about the general male inability to call which she has also noted in her friends*

Cheers,
Syka

Glaivemaster
2007-06-04, 01:00 PM
Syka: Has he given a reason as to why he didn't call back? I wouldn't worry about it too much

Vonriel
2007-06-05, 02:53 AM
Zombie: If any of it comes from me towards anyone, it's because I tend to think I'm hopeless in this particular field. No real reason why, I just do, and so I like to hear about the success of others with relationships. It allows me to be happy for someone, whether or not I particularly agree with the pairing, since I have this belief that I won't be able to be that way for myself. Also, I have a wish to help people, and relationships are an area I lack knowledge with, and a lot of what comes up when trying to help revolves around relationships. So, the more I know about what went wrong and how it was dealt with, or what went right and why, the better a position I'm in to help.

I imagine that I'll be asked by someone who reads this why I think that first bit, my response to any questions will be: Don't ask. You won't be told.

Serpentine
2007-06-05, 03:24 AM
I dont do any sport , but I'm more flexible than should be humanly possible .
Well that's always a good start :smallwink: :smalltongue:

Zombie, I think I've always been pretty open about my nosiness innocent adorable inquisitiveness. Regarding relationships in particular, I enjoy seeing how these things work out. If it gives me a little more knowledge about how people work, that's good. If people prefer to keep these things private, that's fine. When it comes to asking potentially invasive or personal questions, I assume that if they don't want to tell, they'll tell me so (or evade it), and I hope, at least, that I would respect that.

Ranis
2007-06-05, 07:25 AM
Details? Well.....she's quite awesome. She's about to enter her senior year of high school, and I'm going to enter my sophomore year in college. So there's a slight age gap, with me turning 20 soon and she'll be turning 18 in November. But I really don't think it matters, she's a real sweetheart.

She's a HUGE nerd, and it's awesome. She's never heard of D&D before (though she wants to see what it's like, and I hope my friends don't scare her 0_0) so I'm bringing her to my friend's game next Friday. She laughs at my jokes (nobody ever laughs at my jokes) and thinks I'm cute. (blasphemy!!!!) Anyway, I'll hopefully have pictures soon.

We went over to my place on Sunday, and popped in Soul Caliber 2 for the PS2, in which she thoroughly whupped me in (she had never held a PS2 controller before.). I will make this girl a gamer yet. The force is strong in her.

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-05, 07:43 AM
nice girl ranis!

my situation is still pretty much the same.

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-05, 09:20 AM
I'm beginning to think that I just shouldn't be in a relationship (not that it is even officially anything) because there are some things that just make me touchy and not happy that probably shouldn't upset me as much as it does. Such as not calling when it is said that it will happen. :smallannoyed: I think the hair trigger in regards to that comes from the fact that my ex started to not call when he said he would in the months before we broke up. *grumbles about the general male inability to call which she has also noted in her friends*

I think failure to either return a phone call or call when one says one will is a perfectly valid reason to be annoyed. Especially if it's a repeat occurence. I mean... it's just plain rude. If someone says they're going to do something, they should do it.

As you've said, you think it bothers you more than you think it should, maybe that's true, maybe it's not. But when you cite that as a reason for why you think that maybe you shouldn't in a relationship... well... that's just plain silly. Everyone has pet peeves and gets upset by certain things... no matter how much you struggle against it, that will always be true.

If your boyfriend does something that annoys or upsets you (such as not calling when he said he would)... tell him. Don't be looking for a fight or anything stupid like that, but tell him that what he did (or didn't do) bothers you and why. Communication, as they say, is key.

Ranis
2007-06-05, 09:24 AM
I think failure to either return a phone call or call when one says one will is a perfectly valid reason to be annoyed. Especially if it's a repeat occurence. I mean... it's just plain rude. If someone says they're going to do something, they should do it.

I agree. However, as also stated in your post, communication is key. If I don't call someone when I said I would on accident, I generally have a good excuse. If he was fighting off land sharks or saving a life, or simply spending time with his parents, then that's grounds for not calling, I think. And if he apologizes about it and gives you a bear hug, then everything should be kosher.

Now, if it's chronic, that's a different story....

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-05, 09:35 AM
I agree. However, as also stated in your post, communication is key. If I don't call someone when I said I would on accident, I generally have a good excuse. If he was fighting off land sharks or saving a life, or simply spending time with his parents, then that's grounds for not calling, I think. And if he apologizes about it and gives you a bear hug, then everything should be kosher.

Now, if it's chronic, that's a different story....

Pshaw! He should learn to multitask instead of being a land shark fighting noob. I mean, I do battle with ninja-pirates while cooking dinner and talking to people on the phone all the time.

But seriously, I agree. Isolated incidents are fine when explained and apologized for (it's the polite thing to do).

Vonriel
2007-06-05, 10:24 AM
Also, Syka, it's not like you don't have a valid reason for not liking it when he didn't call when he said. You said yourself that this was the behavior your ex exhibited around the time you broke up, and any behavior that reminds you of him, especially about the time you broke up, will be a sore spot with you, or anyone else in your position, for that matter. Just make sure he knows of his indiscretion and, probably more importantly, why it upset you, that way he can be sure to do his best to avoid it in the future - I say do his best, because, let's face it, sometimes you just can't finish off that last land shark before the time limit, and you miss out on all the cool extras as well as calling on time.

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-05, 10:35 AM
I have a question, and maybe it falls under wanting advice, I dunno. I've been lurking in this thread and this is the thing that really bugs me.

And I should preface this by saying no offense to the above three posters; this has more to do with me. You can continue asking Ranis for details since he doesn't seem mind.

Why do people seem to feel the need to peer into other people's relationships? I mean, I suppose some people can have a public relationship, and that's fine, but I can't, and any time someone even asks me how are things, I bite back the urge to get snippy [especially since, except for a few people, I haven't even made it known that I'm "with" (best word available; it's a complicated situation that you will hear none of) someone and they're just guessing who]. If I haven't made it public, you'd think people would catch on that it's none of their business. I know they're just being nice but the whole thing has a supermarket tabloid air that makes me really uncomfortable.

I try to ignore it, really, but it's still annoying. We're both really introverted and would prefer being left alone. I'm just asking: has anybody else noticed something like this, and how do you deal with it?


(That sounded kinda mean. If certain people, who probably know who they are, read this: I don't mean to be rude.)

no offence taken zombierockstar.
reasons why i´m interested in other romace lives :
1 I like seeing people happy (toghetter)
2 experience, so I dont make mistakes other do.
3 talking, if anybody needs to talk about it.(I mean, you got to know what you are talking about,right?)
if people dont wish to share experiences or keep them secret, it is fine with me.
==========================================
still pretty much same scenario for me.......

Lilly
2007-06-05, 11:52 AM
Some of us ask because we are incurable gossips. :smalltongue: And I sympathize with you. I often don't want to say anything and here I can't. There's a certain level of appropriateness expected from a mod. And if I were to tell y'all exactly what was going on, it wouldn't be very appropriate.

Syka, are you the only one initiating contact? Are you feeling that he is not putting forth any effort to keep in contact?

Charity
2007-06-05, 12:24 PM
Some of us ask because we are incurable gossips.

*Whistles innocently*


And if I were to tell y'all exactly what was going on, it wouldn't be very appropriate.
I will not poke my nose in, I willnotpokemynoseinIwillnotpokemynoseinIwillnotpok emynoseinIwillnotpokemynoseinIwillnotpokemynoseinI willnotpokemynoseinIwillnotpokemynosein...


ZRS it seems strange that folk genuinely care about folk they have never met, and their relationships but folk do... and they are all big nosey sods...

Syka
2007-06-05, 01:00 PM
It has happened before, but it hasn't been often. Since the first time in mid-March it has happened about 4ish times. (The two during March were biggies, because I was only home for a week, the two since have only been mild annoyances). The fact that he usually is the one to initiate contact and such, is what makes me think that my mind is over reacting. Intellectually I'm able to see that and seperate what the bigger deals are, emotionally not so much. Thankfully my mind usually wins battles. :)

I'm a pretty non-confrontational person unless someone else brings out the gloves, which is why I have spoken with him about it when it really did bug me a lot in a more, "Hey, I thought it was kind of rude to not call." etc. He did text and call more than once yesterday, early too, so that made me feel better.

(And yah, it was his parents. He had been supposed to call me after his run but his dad roped him into watching this zombie flick again that we had rented.) It's not worry that he is seeing someone else, unless you count an MMORPG as someone else, as much as...losing interest. As I said, overreaction on my part mostly.

Cheers,
Syka

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-05, 01:10 PM
It's not worry that he is seeing someone else, unless you count an MMORPG as someone else,

I could tell you stories. :smalltongue:

Syka
2007-06-05, 01:13 PM
Hehe. An MMORPG where he spends all his time killing opposing characters and taking over their towers. I've watched it played many a time. :) I'm very not worried about that.

Now I'm curious about the stories...>>

Dib
2007-06-05, 01:33 PM
well, over the years (specifically the last 4 and a half) I have grown the ability to dismiss things at will if there is a chance they might upset me... I am able to stop caring about anyone or anything if I need or want to... a good example is yesterday... I saw my mate's gf, and there wasn't even the slightest indication that she might in any way fancy me... so I just stopped caring...

Although, something weird happened... I spent the night at my mate's house... and by the end of the night (or 6am) the only people awake were me and his younger brother... and... I think... I fancy him... :smallconfused: WHAT THE HELL!?!?!

Ranis
2007-06-05, 01:42 PM
Now I'm curious about the stories...>>

See...there's this new craze these days called "cybering"......

ZombieRockStar
2007-06-05, 02:15 PM
Well, I can understand why people want to know, maybe. I just wish I could ignore it better. It isn't like I wouldn't have a sig banner like Trog had, which was cute, but I'm not the type to jump up and down on Oprah's couch.

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-05, 02:25 PM
Hehe. An MMORPG where he spends all his time killing opposing characters and taking over their towers. I've watched it played many a time. :) I'm very not worried about that.

Now I'm curious about the stories...>>

Weeeell.... let's see... currently I play World of Warcraft with a couple who met in the game. Now how they ended up together... now there's a story. Once upon a time Skiz (the guy) was in a guild devoted to raiding. He befriended one of the female members of the guild (Laila) who happened to be the guildmaster's real-life wife. Eventually, Skiz had an argument with the guildmaster and was kicked out. Laila, in response, quit the guild and apparently... left her husband... as she and Skiz now live together.

And of course, my own anecdote from earlier in the thread actually ties in on this very topic.

Thrawn183
2007-06-05, 03:58 PM
I think the real key here to take a look at the relationship as a whole. Is the phone call thing enough to cause you to end the relationship? It sounds to me like it isn't. In that case, try and learn from it.:smallwink:

I personally don't really like talking on the phone. I can't stand the idea that I have to spend like an hour a night talking to my hypothetical significant other every night. I'm an interesting person: I do lots of different things, but there is only so much I can talk about what I've done in the last day (since that's the only thing new since the last phone call!):smallmad:

Essentially, if there is a small problem, try and work around it. Find a different way of keeping in touch (instant messaging, skype, hand-written letters, etc.) And not to be snarky or rude, but if you never initiate calls, you really don't have any business complaining when they don't happen. That's like refusing to ever ask anyone out because "its what the guy's supposed to do" and then complaining that you never get asked out.:smallbiggrin:

Syka
2007-06-05, 05:50 PM
Wow...That guild master one is...interesting. I'm amazed by people.

And I do initiate contact via AIM and such, it generally goes back and forth but he normally is the initiator. I know enough guys though to know to limit how much I do the contacting. It helps me avoid looking like some clingy girl who must always be in contact with the guy and crowding him. Which is especially important due to the fact that our relationship is....well, not a relationship and mostly undefined at the moment.

I have known couples that have met over games, he's not the type (er...not going into how I've figured this). Most of the chat I see when I watch the game is, "2 fg hibs" or "congrats" (About getting a level) or "GOGOGO STORM THE KEEP" or "Stay back u'll get killed." or "theurg lfg" etc. It's actually really funny to watch. I watch the chat screen at least as much as I watch the game itself (I'm weird, I like watching video games being played).

And the phone and other forms of contact are necessities as I live three hours away most of the time. I'm actually looking in to possibly getting Ventrillo, as it would be a bit easier to use to contact him during the day, especially if he is playing that game.

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-05, 06:41 PM
GAH! He's an Alb! Leave him now! They're worse than Hibs, I tell you. :smallcool:

I don't know any stories about infidelity from an MMO, but my brother met his wife playing Asheron's Call before they switched over to DAoC.

And seeing as how the Ventrilo client is free (actually, so is the server as long as you don't need more than 8 people talking at a time), I say it's a great way to stay in touch without racking up an unnecessary phone bill. My brother and I use it all the time (of course, we're usually yelling "2 full groups of Hibs!" or "Heal heal heal!").

phantomhermit
2007-06-05, 06:51 PM
Go Hibernia!!! the team that will never die!!! [sorry for the rude interjection. i actually like celtic, but am warming up to the hibs, even though they dont get enough funding to actually field a decent team. some of the best have started as hibs. but like most [the smart ones at least] they follow the money.[which now that i think of it, so does my girfriend.]] now, reading this post, i see that my loyalty is suspect. i need to choose a team. because the team is like the girfriend. you arent married to her, but you might as well be.

Syka
2007-06-05, 09:38 PM
Hahah. Yes, he's most definitely an Alb. :) I listen to him and his bro on Vent when they are both playing, "Hey, the group is wondering where you got too..." Because they were powerleveling his brother...and his brother was afk and on autofollow pretty much the whole time...>> Definitely amusing. I've been thinking about joining...but it isn't worth 15 a month yet. Poor, poor college student here.

Which server do you play on?

Cheers,
Syka...who knows just about everything from the game despite never having played...

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-05, 11:49 PM
Which server do you play on?Igraine, Devon Cluster, Mids (and thus the Troll in my avatar, which is supposed to be a Troll Warrior, but I think about 4 people on these forums get it, and one of them is related to me).

Ranis
2007-06-06, 05:07 AM
It's the PvP in WoW, right?

And Syka, Ventrilo does sound like an excellent idea.

((Pics of mah new gal up in the You thread!! Check it out!!!))

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-06, 06:20 AM
umm which game we are talking about?
but anyway thats off topic.
my situation pretty much the same.

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-06, 12:04 PM
It's the PvP in WoW, right?

And Syka, Ventrilo does sound like an excellent idea.

((Pics of mah new gal up in the You thread!! Check it out!!!))No, that's Dark Age of Camelot. But more importantly, I've just returned from the You thread. Nice work, lad. She got an older sister? Like, 15 years older? Just kiddin'. She sounds like a good fit for you. All the best and all that.

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-06, 12:08 PM
Wow...That guild master one is...interesting. I'm amazed by people.

Yeah, I actually wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that one, but sadly I didn't know them yet.


GAH! He's an Alb! Leave him now! They're worse than Hibs, I tell you. :smallcool:

No one is worse than the Hibernians! With their stupid mushrooms... :smallfurious:


I've been thinking about joining...but it isn't worth 15 a month yet. Poor, poor college student here.

Be like all the cool kids and wait for Warhammer Online.

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-06, 12:17 PM
Be like all the cool kids and wait for Warhammer Online.((I have been told that I might be on the list of people to beta that when it comes time. *excited-kid-at-Xmas-glee*))

Syka
2007-06-06, 01:14 PM
Ahh, he plays on Gareth I believe...Dunno which cluster, but it's the 'classic' one and also as Lamorack. I can't remember the name of the third. Wow...I just completely derailed this topic...>>

Ranis- Good stuff. :) She looks like a nice, non-catty girl. Always a plus. (And yes, I have learned to tell to some degree catty girls just by a look)

Things are going ok on this end for the most part. The only obstacle to me getting Vent right now is the fact that, uh, I lack a microphone. Makes using voip services hard. :smallsigh:

I remembered last night one of the fun parts of dating- subtle territory marking. It's not telling a rival to back off, it's doing/saying something that, while non-confrontational and definitely not obvious, still lets a potential rival know whose the alpha. :smallwink: The art is in making it so it can't be identified as such unless you give confirmation. That's a tip for...well, anyone. If you see someone moving in, don't get in a fight. Just...let them know who is the one your significant other goes home with. ;)

Dib
2007-06-06, 01:42 PM
I don't know how good a place this is for this sort of thing... or if there's any place... but I think I've been put off the whole idea of doing 'it'... The idea of the potential smells disgusts me immensly... Is this normal to think? Has anyone else ever thought this? Am I just weird?

Midnight Son
2007-06-06, 01:47 PM
I remembered last night one of the fun parts of dating- subtle territory marking. It's not telling a rival to back off, it's doing/saying something that, while non-confrontational and definitely not obvious, still lets a potential rival know whose the alpha. :smallwink: The art is in making it so it can't be identified as such unless you give confirmation. That's a tip for...well, anyone. If you see someone moving in, don't get in a fight. Just...let them know who is the one your significant other goes home with. ;)Like when I'm walking downtown and some guy and his girlfriend are walking towards me and he takes one look at me and immediately puts his arm around her?...That one always cracks me up inside. Is he really so insecure that he's worried I'm going to steal her from him right there?

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-06, 02:01 PM
Things are going ok on this end for the most part. The only obstacle to me getting Vent right now is the fact that, uh, I lack a microphone. Makes using voip services hard. :smallsigh:

You can get a really cheap headset for under $30. It might not have the best sound quality, but it'll be functional... and besides, everyone knows that headsets die after three months no matter how expensive they are.


I don't know how good a place this is for this sort of thing... or if there's any place... but I think I've been put off the whole idea of doing 'it'... The idea of the potential smells disgusts me immensly... Is this normal to think? Has anyone else ever thought this? Am I just weird?

As long as both you and your partner have good hygiene, smells really aren't an issue.


Like when I'm walking downtown and some guy and his girlfriend are walking towards me and he takes one look at me and immediately puts his arm around her?...That one always cracks me up inside. Is he really so insecure that he's worried I'm going to steal her from him right there?

I think the appropriate response is to immediately put your arm around him.

Dib
2007-06-06, 02:08 PM
As long as both you and your partner have good hygiene, smells really aren't an issue.

Are you saying...

Good hygene = no smell

or

Good hygene = no-dangerous smell?

Koga
2007-06-06, 02:28 PM
Oh here's that infamous relationship advise thread lol! Well, The Koga will make things simple. He's got two girls that tottally want him, who would you pick?

Canidate A: Amber.
Pros:
She gos to protests, this would make her more efficient in his political plans.
She is very intimiate, this will give The Koga the attention and acknowledgment he demands.
She lives way closer to him, this improves the relationship several fold.
She doesn't seem to be as opionated or as commanding as The Koga, allowing him to call the shots politicaly.

Cons:
The Koga doesn't find her very attractive.
She's into animal rights, which The Koga finds kindof lame and won't be able to give it his undivided attention as she'd want which could lead to conflict later.
She tends to be very flirtaticious, which makes trusting her more difficult.
One of The Koga's friends seem smitten with her, and he seems willing to argue over it. The Koga would not want to lose a friend if this girl's value isn't that good.


Candiate B: Amaya.
Pros:
We've known eachother for several months, thereby we've developed a strong-bond.
The Koga finds her very attractive.
Though not as passionate, she shares simaler beliefs.
She is very commanding, and The Koga despite being a hardass, does love a good commanding from his fuhrer.

Cons:
She can be overly emotional and a basket-case. And The Koga will avoid responsibility if he can.
She has broken his trust before, and forgivving her would be opening himself up to having it broken again.
She lives far away, so making the relationship efficient will be difficult if and when someone comes along who is just as good but lives within reasonable distance.
She has some positions that could prove a burden, such as anti-gun, and being a skinhead, well... you can immagine how ridicoules that would be..

Dib
2007-06-06, 02:37 PM
Sorry Koga... if I was in your position I would say neither... the first because of the friend... the second because of the whole responsibilty n broken-heart thing... and you haven't known her all too long either and also, living a way away is bad, that was what messed me up and got me all depressed in my last relationship... I've changed my mind... I would definately say go for the first one if you're friend didn't like her...

so in conclusion... dont do anything... if youre friend finds someone else, or you have a talk and hes cool with it, then take her... though you said she not attractive to you, dont take her just cos she likes you... only if you like her too...

Ranis
2007-06-06, 02:38 PM
Koga, I have to ask this. Do you write papers in third person too? Do you TALK in third person? It's quite hard to read your posts like that, man.

Koga
2007-06-06, 02:40 PM
Sorry Koga... if I was in your position I would say neither... the first because of the friend... the second because of the whole responsibilty n stuff... and you haven't known her all too long either...

Sadly it looks like I would say neither... sorry mate :smallfrown:
lol, that's alright. The Koga is grateful you took the time to speak your mind. :)


However he will eventually choose one. As being single is not an option. To waste this golden oppurtunity to assert himself as supirior by having a companion would be foolish to passup. We all gloat about our relationships, but most of it is subconcioussly.

The Koga is fully aware of this sortof steroid of the ego..

Dib
2007-06-06, 02:40 PM
Koga, I have to ask this. Do you write papers in third person too? Do you TALK in third person? It's quite hard to read your posts like that, man.

It's cool... wish I did that...


lol, that's alright. The Koga is grateful you took the time to speak your mind. :)


However he will eventually choose one. As being single is not an option. To waste this golden oppurtunity to assert himself as supirior by having a companion would be foolish to passup. We all gloat about our relationships, but most of it is subconcioussly.

The Koga is fully aware of this sortof steroid of the ego..

Well if thats the case then by all god-damn means take the first one... wish a girl like that liked me...

PS... edited my above post...

Koga
2007-06-06, 02:42 PM
Koga, I have to ask this. Do you write papers in third person too? Do you TALK in third person? It's quite hard to read your posts like that, man.
Actually when The Koga writes letters, he never makes meation of himself. It's always worded around to suggest a self without actually acknowledging such.


And in speech The Koga refers to himself in plural form. "We", "Us".

Syka
2007-06-06, 02:47 PM
I doubt your alone, Dib. It isn't the reason why I have put it off thus far, but I can see it making some people hesitate. Mine is more trying to come to terms with what my upbringing tells me and what I actually want.

MS- yes, kind of. ;) I remember one time with my ex I was playing cards with his friends while he was playing his guitar a bit away from us. Well, two girls were practically sitting at his feet (no more than 2-3 feet from him), and kept trying to engage him in conversation (he wasn't paying much attention, he'd been stressed and was using the music to relieve it). I picked up on this and, because I needed the schedule anyway, took a break and went to get it from him. By get it from him, I mean lean over and get it out of his pocket, without saying a word to him. To which he just smiled at me. The girls left. He didn't even realize it until months later when I brought it up and he was like, "Huh?" :smallamused: I saw the girls again later in the week (we were at a Latin competition), and one of them kept giving me a dirty look. *snicker*

Cheers,
Syka

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-06, 03:35 PM
Are you saying...

Good hygene = no smell

or

Good hygene = no-dangerous smell?

No unpleasant smell. Naturally, you'll both be able to detect faint scents such as shampoo, aftershave, cologne, or perfume (if the last two aren't faint, you need to stop bathing in it) due to proximity.

Pyrian
2007-06-06, 03:55 PM
I don't know how good a place this is for this sort of thing... or if there's any place... but I think I've been put off the whole idea of doing 'it'... The idea of the potential smells disgusts me immensly... Is this normal to think? Has anyone else ever thought this? Am I just weird?

Being disgusted at the very idea of a scent is just silly. scrubbed.


Cons:
The Koga doesn't find her very attractive.
...
One of The Koga's friends seem smitten with her, and he seems willing to argue over it. The Koga would not want to lose a friend if this girl's value isn't that good.Well, forget that.


She has broken his trust before, and forgivving her would be opening himself up to having it broken again.
She lives far away, so making the relationship efficient will be difficult if and when someone comes along who is just as good but lives within reasonable distance.She lives far away and isn't trustworthy? I mean, the latter is bad enough, but the combination is just doom.

Alarra
2007-06-06, 04:47 PM
Just a reminder to steer clear of discussing explicitly sexual topics.

Syka
2007-06-06, 08:04 PM
Yah, try to keep that stuff to PM's. If in doubt, PM it. ;) I like this thread and don't want to see it go bye-bye. :)

Cheers,
Syka

Logic
2007-06-06, 11:57 PM
Being disgusted at the very idea of a scent is just silly. scrubbed.

Excuse me? The smell of body odor, burning hair, or human waste is plenty disgusting, and the idea of some of them are still in the disgusting category. He has every right to think a smell can or may be disgusting, and you should not tell him the idea of a smell being disgusting is silly.

Don't knock his opinions because he might not have as much first hand knowledge that you might have.

Pyrian
2007-06-07, 02:54 AM
Don't knock his opinions because he might not have as much first hand knowledge that you might have.

My attempt to clarify was scrubbed as too specific (my apologies :smalleek: ), and thereby took my quote somewhat out of context. :smallannoyed: So, I'll just say that I think knocking opinions for lack of firsthand knowledge is appropriate when that lack results in opinions contrary to those who do have firsthand knowledge. :smallsigh:

Pagz
2007-06-07, 04:59 AM
Well Koga, you seem to find your self in a particular conundrum, one that doesn't seem like it can easily be resolved. However with the information you have presented us, I would have to say Amaya, depending on two variables: How far is far, and if its not too personal, how did she break your trust?

attractive > distance

But In the end it all comes down to who you like better? Whilst distance is cumbersome in relationships, she is obviously worth it enough to overcome this obstacle, would you have the same thoughts if it was Amber living far away instead of Amaya?

And animal rights :smallsigh:

Nerzi
2007-06-07, 08:49 AM
You see I'd say it's an easy situation. If he has to ask which one he should be seeing he really shouldn't be seeing either.

My relationship woe: I haven't had any action in about a month, and probably won't until I finish my exams. But then boyfriend starts his fulltime job almost straight away meaning the only time he'll be able to come round will be evenings and weekends, the times my family are all in the house so that makes sex a no no.:smallfrown:
Emotionaly I've got nothing to complain of though, he's being brilliant.

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-07, 09:30 AM
You see I'd say it's an easy situation. If he has to ask which one he should be seeing he really shouldn't be seeing either.

Quoted for truth. The first choice is just bad... if you're not attracted to someone, you're not attacted. It's just that simple and it wouldn't be fair to string that person along just to stroke your ego.

The second choice is equally bad, because while you are attracted to her, you don't trust her. If you don't trust her, the relationship will fail.


My relationship woe: I haven't had any action in about a month, and probably won't until I finish my exams. But then boyfriend starts his fulltime job almost straight away meaning the only time he'll be able to come round will be evenings and weekends, the times my family are all in the house so that makes sex a no no.:smallfrown:
Emotionaly I've got nothing to complain of though, he's being brilliant.

I've been in that situation before. The solution I found was the back seat of our cars in deserted areas. I know, I know... cliche. But the important thing is that it worked. Sort of.

Ok, it was really uncomfortable and we were both jumping like scared rabbits everytime we heard a noise for fear of being caught.

Last_resort_33
2007-06-07, 10:28 AM
You see I'd say it's an easy situation. If he has to ask which one he should be seeing he really shouldn't be seeing either.

My relationship woe: I haven't had any action in about a month, and probably won't until I finish my exams. But then boyfriend starts his fulltime job almost straight away meaning the only time he'll be able to come round will be evenings and weekends, the times my family are all in the house so that makes sex a no no.:smallfrown:
Emotionaly I've got nothing to complain of though, he's being brilliant.

I don't know how old you actually are, but as far as I can tell from the YOU thread, you'd not be far out of line to put it to your family that one of you stay at the other's place occasionally.

E's Mum was kind of like "[LR33] is a nice enough guy, you're not stupid, so as long as I don't hear anything, then I don't care."

Nerzi
2007-06-07, 11:13 AM
18, 19 in september. My mother still puts my big sister's boyfriend in the spare bedroom when he stays over (she's 21 and he only stays over cause he's not local). Besides conversation would be far too awkward.
It's not really that awful anyway, I just have a chronic adiction to complaining really.

AngelSword
2007-06-07, 12:07 PM
18, 19 in September. My mother still puts my big sister's boyfriend in the spare bedroom when he stays over (she's 21 and he only stays over cause he's not local). Besides conversation would be far too awkward.
It's not really that awful anyway, I just have a chronic addiction to complaining really.

Is she putting him in the spare room out of being motherly about sex, or is it more of being accommodating to a guest in her home?

Last_resort_33
2007-06-07, 12:18 PM
It'll be the sex thing... If you want to make a guest happy, then you let him **** his girlfriend.

Here's the thing about awkward conversations, they're only awkward untill somone actually says something, they may then result in a heart to heart talk, or, indeed, a blazing row, but they rarely remain awkward.

Where does HE live? Can you stay with him? or are his family the same?

Nerzi
2007-06-07, 12:38 PM
lol, he always sneaks into my big sis's room anyway, I have to go rescue them both in the morning because he never remembers that the handle on her door is broken and it can only be opened from the outside *snicker* It's also my job to set up the sofa bed in the spare bedroom and find sheets and stuff so that when mum goes to sort it out after he's left it looks like it's been slept in. I'm such a nice sister...

I'm not sure you could even fit two people in his bedroom it's that small, though I doubt his parents would mind me staying over if he asked. Though atm I'm not gunna ask him to do that, his mum's fairly ill atm so I certainly wouldn't want to impose.

Anyways really it's just a small thing, I can live with it and I can find ways to get round it.

Last_resort_33
2007-06-07, 01:04 PM
lol, he always sneaks into my big sis's room anyway, I have to go rescue them both in the morning because he never remembers that the handle on her door is broken and it can only be opened from the outside *snicker* It's also my job to set up the sofa bed in the spare bedroom and find sheets and stuff so that when mum goes to sort it out after he's left it looks like it's been slept in. I'm such a nice sister...

I'm not sure you could even fit two people in his bedroom it's that small, though I doubt his parents would mind me staying over if he asked. Though atm I'm not gunna ask him to do that, his mum's fairly ill atm so I certainly wouldn't want to impose.

Anyways really it's just a small thing, I can live with it and I can find ways to get round it.

All I can say is that with an attitude like that, God only know how you and your sister were concieved!

BlackStaticWolf
2007-06-07, 01:06 PM
All I can say is that with an attitude like that, God only know how you and your sister were concieved!

Well, that ghost DOES get around. :smalltongue:

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-07, 02:35 PM
My situation still the same....any advice?new advice I mean with that......:smallwink:

Jack Squat
2007-06-07, 02:39 PM
I might have useful advice if I remembered what you had said and wasn't too darn lazy to dig back for it.

So, my general advice is if you want to change your situation, change it. It's really not that hard, just might take longer than you'd like

Fallon
2007-06-07, 04:28 PM
About the fun territory stuffs ^_^

I was at a dance for the single college students in my church, and the girls definitely outnumbered the guys. My future husband was there (this was like a few days before we decided to start dating), and was surrounded by girls who were kind of hovering around him, flirting around him, trying to be casually near him, hoping to dance with him and such. I waved to him and he bounds right over to me grinning, causing all the girls around him to glare at me, since I, a newbie, had the full attention of the guy they wanted. He is really good husband material (and handsome to boot!), so most of the girls that we went to church with liked him at one point or another.

But yeah, funny when people get territorial about things they have no claim to ^_^

Nerzi
2007-06-07, 04:36 PM
But yeah, funny when people get territorial about things they have no claim to ^_^

Very.
I love the fact that I can still draw my (drop dead gorgeous but unfortunately not too blessed in the brains department) ex's attention from any much prettier girl just by walking into the room, all the more funny because I view him in a purely plutonic way (and I'm sure he views me the same) and I still get evils for it from other girls who don't get that we're just friends.
Should have seen the many girls chasing him at my mates 18th, and he spent almost the whole evening catching up with me instead since we hadn't seen each other in months (different schools, live in different towns). I got given the evils so badly that night and he honestly didn't notice.

Midnight Son
2007-06-07, 05:17 PM
Not so much about territories, but the last two stories reminded me of the time I was on the way home and a guy got on the train with his two year old son, sat down and spent the next few minutes just talking to the kid. You should have seen the looks of the women on that train. I swear, every single one of them went into heat simultaneously (even the lesbian couple). So guys that are having relationship problems, borrow a kid for a while and treat him cool. Problem solved.

Khantalas
2007-06-07, 05:40 PM
So guys that are having relationship problems, borrow a kid for a while and treat him cool. Problem solved.

So, Mr. Son (OK, that sounds cool to me), what advice do you have to those who can be considered kids themselves?

V And what if you hate animals that aren't arachnids and snakes?

Midnight Son
2007-06-07, 05:51 PM
So, Mr. Son (OK, that sounds cool to me), what advice do you have to those who can be considered kids themselves?Get a puppy. I hear the uglier ones are best, so go for a Pug or a Shar Pei.

Yiel
2007-06-07, 06:14 PM
Get a puppy. I hear the uglier ones are best, so go for a Pug or a Shar Pei.

I've never understood the attraction some people have to small ugly dogs. >_< Then again, until my niece was born I was convinced that new-born babies were always hideous.

As for territories? When I used to meet one of my Uni friends for coffee in the city, the waitresses at the cafe used to glare at me, ruin my coffee or forget my order. He always found this amusing, for as straight as he may have appeared, he prefers guys. :smallbiggrin:

Syka
2007-06-07, 07:12 PM
Haha, I have a kind of territory one. The guy I'm seeing went to meet a friend he hadn't seen in months for coffee at this one coffee house we've been frequenting. We've gotten to know one of the girls there pretty well, and she pretty much always sees either us together or just him alone. Well, her first reaction upon seeing him with another girl was, "I'm going to tell (Syka) on you!" I couldn't stop laughing when he told me that.


As for cute factor- puppy! Preferably a small one, not ugly, but pretty much any dog will do. Fluffy ones are bonus points, or ones with big eyes. Case in point: My mom, sister and I were leaving Best Buy which is right next to a PetSmart. Well, these two (hot) guys had a little chiuaua puppy (spelling?). Not only the three of us, but also two girls several spots away from the guys went "Aww...look at the puppy!"

I kid you not. Puppy-beams are effective up to 8 parking spots away, or more. ;) Though just as effective for me are guitars and/or cars. I swear to god, the guy who had this black car with the punisher symbol on it...:smallamused: I'm happy with the guy I'm seeings car. Not only is it a Stang, which I love, but it is black...which is my favorite color, at least for a car.

Zeb The Troll
2007-06-07, 07:13 PM
Not so much about territories, but the last two stories reminded me of the time I was on the way home and a guy got on the train with his two year old son, sat down and spent the next few minutes just talking to the kid. You should have seen the looks of the women on that train. I swear, every single one of them went into heat simultaneously (even the lesbian couple). So guys that are having relationship problems, borrow a kid for a while and treat him cool. Problem solved.That never worked for me. :smallannoyed:

I got all kinds of "Aw, that's sweet that you're raising her on your own" but no "Yes, I'm totally free Saturday night". :smallsigh:

Now I'm the creepy old guy who hangs around teenage girls. It's a no-win. Although, you might be on to something with that "demonstrating you're good with other people's kids" thing.

*ponders*

Midnight Son
2007-06-07, 08:14 PM
I've never understood the attraction some people have to small ugly dogs. >_< Then again, until my niece was born I was convinced that new-born babies were always hideous.

As for territories? When I used to meet one of my Uni friends for coffee in the city, the waitresses at the cafe used to glare at me, ruin my coffee or forget my order. He always found this amusing, for as straight as he may have appeared, he prefers guys. :smallbiggrin:Go ahead. Tell me this doesn't make you, "Aaawwwww!"

Shar Pei
http://www.lasharpei.com/_borders/Fall_04_016.jpg

Pug
http://66.77.168.86/RNS/UnitImages.HHRG/D%20pug%20dog.jpg

Khantalas
2007-06-07, 08:27 PM
Go ahead. Tell me this doesn't make you, "Aaawwwww!"]

Not with a. I was thinking of replacing it with e. Then it'd be fitting.

The Prince of Cats
2007-06-08, 05:57 AM
By the gods, those are some ugly dogs... (it is like being in the local nightclubs again)

Nerzi
2007-06-08, 06:03 AM
Not with a. I was thinking of replacing it with e. Then it'd be fitting.

Quoted for truth.

Ugly dogs aren't cute, they're just ugly.

Dallas-Dakota
2007-06-09, 02:33 AM
seconded that nerzi!

averagejoe
2007-06-09, 11:11 AM
Gosh, you guys have icy hearts of stone! I just showed the Shar Pei to my sister with no explaination, and she just melted over it. I don't even mind taking a hit to my manliness (which, seriously, can't take many more) and say that I just wanna cuddle that pug.

Syka
2007-06-09, 11:16 AM
I'll admit to not liking the shar-pei, but I've always loved pugs. For one, I've yet to meet a yappy one. They're friendly and have attitude. ;) My favorites are definitely huskeys and all huskey-like breeds, and corgi's. I still aww over the guy I'm seeings dog (a huskey)- she's 13, blind, and I've known her for months now. But she is still cute as anything.

Nerzi
2007-06-09, 11:28 AM
Irish Wolfhounds ftw. Great Dane puppies are gorgeous, great for pulling with i'd imagine, as are Rotwelers and Alsations and ones like that, I like big friendly dogs.
Other dogs work almost as well (though an Irish wolfhound, especially a puppy, is really the one for me) cause, unless they're really ugly, I will go "DOGGY!" and go up to pet the dog and get in a conversation with the owner. Meet some cool people that way.

Amotis
2007-06-09, 11:55 AM
ALL MEN ARE DOGS!

What? I'm just being appropriate. :smallamused:

Fallon
2007-06-09, 12:14 PM
I'm not a fan of the whole dogs in purses thing. I have seen some cute chihuahua mixes, but straight up chihuahuas are pretty funky looking. Now, a husky or corgi pup in a backpack on a hot guy might change my mind ^_^

Also, my hubby and I moved in with my folks for a little bit until we have our baby in about two months (I really need my mom's help, my husband hurt his neck and back so he's not able to help me til he gets better) Any tips for keeping stress of living with family down and stuff? We're also stressed because he lost his job >_<

Vampiric
2007-06-09, 02:22 PM
@Nerzi: Most people won't actually find rottweilers cute, because they have an aggressive nature - not that it can't be overcome, and they can be sweet dogs, but their generalisation for being attack dogs isn't undeserved...

@Fallon: Keep talking. About everything. And make sure you spend time just relaxing with each other, even if you're both just reading a book in the same room...

Nerzi
2007-06-09, 06:34 PM
@Nerzi: Most people won't actually find rottweilers cute, because they have an aggressive nature - not that it can't be overcome, and they can be sweet dogs, but their generalisation for being attack dogs isn't undeserved...


True, and I am wary of most dogs because any dog can be vicious (especially rescue ones). I tend not to go up to any dog if it looks violent though (especially if it's big as well), you can normaly tell very easily from the way the owner acts if the dog is welcoming to strangers or not.

All the rotwelers I've met though (a fair few) have been amazingly friendly and fun.

Doberman's the one I wouldn't trust near children or people who don't know them, can be lovely and then all of a sudden just snap for no reason. My friend had one she loved to pieces that just snapped one day with no provocation, mauled her arm, bit her dad and had to be put down.


And back to relationships...

Had fun night round my bfs just snuggling up and watching tv. Was nice.:smallsmile:

Syka
2007-06-09, 07:48 PM
My friends parent's had a Scotty they had to put down because he bit someone in the face. I found this out just recently, and I remember when I'd stay over on the couch it would always jump at my face to nudge me to wake me up and such. Creepy to think about. May the hole in my sandal always be to his memory. I personally like pit bulls, or at least the ones not raised to fight and not abused. When I volunteered at the humane society, one took a loving to me...I was the only one she would try to get away from immeadiately (the first time we saw her, someone was try to walk her and she was trying to get away. They handed her off to me and she wouldn't leave me alone). Having a full grown pit try to sit in a small females lap...it doesn't work.

As for relationships...All is still pretty good on that front with me. We still don't know when he is coming up, but either way I'll be seeing him in two weeks when I go home (hopefully I'll drive back up with him and he'll spend the weekend here). For once...I feel good about pretty much everything going on with me. Including my Greek class.

Cheers,
Syka

Ranis
2007-06-09, 07:48 PM
So, I'm single again. I got tired of her crap.

See, most guys can only be stood up four times in a week. I went five. *shrug*

So, I've also decided to stop looking and just wait for it to happen. It may take longer, but it'll be worth it.

Syka
2007-06-09, 07:54 PM
Oh wow...You are more patient than I. I gave the guy I'm seeing one chance before talking to him. 2 before letting him know it really wasn't going to fly and I would start making plans with other people on the assumption we wouldn't be getting together. It hasn't happened since.

But yah, it's not something anyone should have to put up with. I'm sorry to hear that it happened like that.

Cheers,
Syka

Ranis
2007-06-09, 07:57 PM
Oh wow...You are more patient than I. I gave the guy I'm seeing one chance before talking to him. 2 before letting him know it really wasn't going to fly and I would start making plans with other people on the assumption we wouldn't be getting together. It hasn't happened since.

But yah, it's not something anyone should have to put up with. I'm sorry to hear that it happened like that.

Cheers,
Syka

Every time, I kept telling myself, "She's just busy, don't worry about it," or, "She already had plans anyway." But a good friend clued me in to what was really going on-she never had intentions of meeting up at all. I guess I'm good at getting suckered in. Oh well. It'll make finding someone who actually wants to be with me all the more special.

averagejoe
2007-06-09, 08:20 PM
So, I'm single again. I got tired of her crap.

See, most guys can only be stood up four times in a week. I went five. *shrug*

So, I've also decided to stop looking and just wait for it to happen. It may take longer, but it'll be worth it.

Condolances.

Not looking is probably a good thing for you to do, though, at least in the short term. In fact, more people should try it.

Fallon
2007-06-09, 11:45 PM
Stopping looking is a good plan. I wasn't looking when I met my husband, and I'm glad. When I would be looking, I would have crazy expectations and anxiety over hoping whatever I found would work, even if it was terrible.

Vuzzmop
2007-06-10, 01:00 AM
ALL MEN ARE DOGS!

What? I'm just being appropriate. :smallamused:


This is why I don't date.

Nerzi
2007-06-10, 02:54 AM
Cause you're a dog?

On subject of standing people up. I'm gunna have to admit to doing that quite a lot recently due first to my coursework deadlines and now to my revision. Our last few meetings up before last night I called off the same day because I had too much on and couldn't aford to take the time away from frantic revising. Thankfully he understands how busy I am and how important it is for me to get good grades so he doesn't complain.

Also I persuaded him to take me to Legoland the day after I finish exams. I love him.

And yeah I think stopping looking is a good plan. I've never actively looked for a boyfriend myself, I just stumble blindly into my relationships and go "how'd that happen?"