Relationship Woes and Advice

[Syka]

Koreku, you have two options, both outlined by Serpentine. You can let her know, and let her chose. I wouldn't feel guilty perhaps if she broke up with her boyfriend for you, but I would try and figure out the reasons behind it. If she likes you more than him and jumps for the chance, that may be good. But it might also mean that she may leave you for someone she likes even more.

Or you can stay silent until their relationship runs the course, and then afterwards (give her atleast a couple days) let her know your feelings. Either way there are both benefits and disadvantages and it's up to you to figure out which road you would rather take.

AngelSword, my advice in general would just be to not be friends, especially since you don't think it would work anyway. From what I remember, how she acted wouldn't even have made a good friend, let alone mate. You deserve people in your life that care about you, not just because you care about them. I wish my ex nothing but the best of luck in his life, truly and without sarcasm, but I know that I would not be able to be friends with him. It took a lot to let him know that, but I know for my mental health it has to be that way. Figure out if by being friends with her if it would just be opening old wounds unecessarily. If you can do it, more power to you. Send her an email saying you are sorry to hear about what happened, but you have an ear if she needs it. If not, I would not bother with a message as that would just open the lines of communication. (And she may have had a knee jerk response to the cancer but...I'm sorry...You don't do that to someone. I give people the benefit of the doubt, especially if it was my significant other.)

Cheers,
Syka

[Koreku]

Thanks, you guys really helped out a lot. I just have one concern... what are the chances that if i tell her, she'll not want to be friends any more or act less comfortable around me, or think i'm a bad person for liking her while she has a boyfriend? If there is no risk of that, I would probably want to tell her. However if there is, i'm not sure. Do you guys have any advice on that point?

[Syka]

It depends on the girl.

I'm dating someone and have had more than one guy admit to liking me since that time (albiet, it's not exclusive but all know there is pretty much no chance of anything happening with any of them, for various reasons). One I never really talked to that much since graduation 3ish years ago anyway, and I know it didn't change it for me (I still tried talking to him when I saw him and stuff), but he seemed a little awkward. I also don't think he hangs out with the guy I'm dating anymore, even though for a while after the revelation they were (all three of us are friends). The other two I'm both still friends with. One was an odd situation to begin with (he had a girlfriend, note past tense, and no I had nothing to do with it), and the other knew from the get-go that I wasn't interested in him (he had asked me hypothetically about it).

So 2 of the 3, or 66% of the time, I have remained friends with. The other one was kind of a fluke. Some girls, though, I'd imagine would find it awkward, even though the situation won't be awkward unless one of you makes it so. I doubt she'll think you bad or whatever simply for liking her even though she has a boyfriend.

My advice though, if you tell her, is make it clear that you have no intentions of coming in between the two of them and you just wanted this off your chest. The guy who had had a girlfriend when he told me, let me know he had no intentions of cheating on his girlfriend and he just had wanted to let me know. (They broke up due to distance a bit later, mainly because he didn't want to risk cheating on her and hurting her like that). Just be up front about that fact, and that you'll wait for her (if you will), and she will hopefully respect that.

Cheers,
Syka

[Skippy]

The guy who had had a girlfriend when he told me, let me know he had no intentions of cheating on his girlfriend and he just had wanted to let me know. (They broke up due to distance a bit later, mainly because he didn't want to risk cheating on her and hurting her like that). Just be up front about that fact, and that you'll wait for her (if you will), and she will hopefully respect that.

Cheers,
Syka

Damn!! I should have thought of it!! I hurt two very dear people because I didn't make that move... If I had known this forum before...

EDIT: OK, perhaps I should give a little advise: Tell her, but remember this: You have to be really mature here. Don't expect her to dump him for you, because if you get your hopes high and it doesn't happen you'll be more hurt than you should. If you tell her and you try with all your strenghts to keep things as always, then the chances are high that you won't lose her friendship. Once I acted very childish about a girl and I wanted her for me, even if she had a boyfriend, because we had been really close together and I really liked her. When she told me she had other plans I went on a rampage and yelled at her and I nearly lost her friendship, we didn't speak at all for a long time, but now everything is OK between us, because I apologized for my own stupidity and mistakes. I still like her, a lot, but I think I have given up hopes about us.
My point? If you're telling her, please keep in mind that keeping your friendship depends mostly on you, not on her.

[Koreku]

Thanks! I guess i will tell her - I had no intention of doing anything except telling her that I like her, and if she doesn't I would like to keep our friendship, and I'll wait etc. I was not expecting her to dump him for me, and I don't think she would, but she'll probably understand and not get angry, if I'm mature about it. Thanks again.

[Dib]

Well, thje pessimistic part of me will say just leave it, since it'll probably never work out, over the internet. The optimistic part of me says don't worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea :smallsmile:

I don't know how to put this politely, so I won't: are you the sort of person who finds themselves liking girls just because they seem to be interested in the same stuff as you, or because they talk to you? The quick transition from finding out she's a girl and then suddenly liking her (implied in your post, sorry if I got it wrong) says that you might be.

I'm exactly the same like that, and I generally consider myself pretty desparate. I don't think that liking a girl over the internet is ever a good idea though.

Sorry, but that's the only advice I can think of really

EDIT: Regarding PMs, of course I'm up for being asked privately for advice

EDIT 2: Glad to see this back up again. I may even post some of my own troubles soon for people to dissect

Wait… that second one isn’t pessimistic? Lol…

Hmm… I wouldn’t consider myself desperate - cos otherwise I would’ve asked out the girl who I know fancies me [fact]… and I kinda fancy her a little but haven’t asked her…


Hey, there's nothing unusual about falling for someone you only know over the internet. I've done it four times now :elan: and two of those led to happy and fulfilling relationships. The problem is that it's a lot easier to get confused over whether they really are sending you "signals", what with the lack of body language clues and suchlike.

If you really feel you want things to go further with this girl, then talk to her about how you feel. (Wait a sec..... you say the Warcraft thread.... on this board, right? So how do you know she isn't going to read your post?) If she's not interested in you in that way, at least you'll know, and you can move on, and that can be a lot better than being left guessing. One of my unsuccessful internet crushes, I wasn't sure whether she was sending me signals right up until she told me she'd just got together with someone else, and as you can imagine, the suddenness of finding that out made the pain all the more crushing.

You’ve had 4 crushed on Elan? Anyway, so far as I know she isn’t on this forum and hasn’t read it… I’m also a little edgy about interelationships… never had an actually proper one… though with my ex it was more like all online and never see each other…


Internet relationships can be made to work, if one party is willing to re-locate for the other. My current mate and I met online, because we shared some particular interests that tend to lead to a satisfying relationship :smallbiggrin:

Keeping the relationship internet bound is just waiting for disaster though.

Knowing my luck shes on a different continent or something…



Oh.. And another problem for (stupid old) me… I’ve run across another girl… and for some reason like her as well… I’m also more openly flirty with her… and her back a little… but in a different way to the other one… I just don’t know what to do…

[Swedish chef]

I need advice. I met this girl sometimes last year. We talked a little and she was very very nice. I am not a guy who falls in love very easy and I have never been a firm believer in love at first sight but this was it. It was a very cartoonish 'anvil in head, bright and colourful stars and chirping birds' kind of thing. We only talked for about ten minutes then she went home. I met her briefely now and then throughout the year and then finally on a party last october we started talking and it was like magic. She liked the same movies, she was a gamer and she was all the geekgirl a geekguy could ever want. I got her number and e-mail and we mailed back and forth but never got a chance to meet. There was always something in the way. She went home over christmas and when she came back she told me she was moving. I could understand that since she had gotten work in another city and all but I still hoped to keep in touch. This was in beginning of febuary and for several months i heard nothing. I wrote a coupple of "hey how are you, everything fine?" letters but got no reply.

Finally about 2 weeks ago I wrote and asked her if she wanted to have any contact with me at all. By then the mere thought of her made me quite sade and down and I could not figure out how things could not work out since we were such a perfect match. I got an answer where she told me everything had gone bad and she had been through all kinds of problems but moved yet againt to yet another city. Ditched her old boyfriend (whom I had no idea about) and moved in with a new one (all in four months???) and that she was happy.

I answered her letter, all happy to regain contact with my friend/romantic interest. Only about a week after i realised that her letter seemd a little too much like a "good bye" to be a coincidence. I also have not gotten any more letters from her. Now I dont know what to do. I am happy because she is happy, I feel guilty for thinking the worst of her these months she did'nt keep in touch, I'm confused about everything and nothing and I wonder what may have happened if we could have spent more time together. I wonder how I could possibly meet a girl when nothing even seems to happen when i meet such a perfect match? My emotions are in a total chaos and so is my mind. I need help and advice. I know that I should just drop it and realise that there will never be anything between us but that is hard. I really thought i meant something too her, even if it was just something little. But it seems that i meant nothing and that is the hardest thing of all, and the most difficult thing to handle. Especially since I could say without a doubt that i really really love her. *sigh*

[Sir_Norbert]

No, I didn't have four crushes on Elan, I just use :elan: as my default "happy" smiley around this board.

Swedish chef: that's very sad, and reminds me a lot of what happened with my first love. We were together over a year and then got engaged, and then she broke it off quite suddenly, and since then we've lost contact altogether. It was very hard to take -- I don't need to explain why, you put things most eloquently yourself. But I found someone else in the end. There's never one and only one person that's right for each of us. I thought when I was with my first love that I could never love anyone else as much as I loved her. I was wrong.

Just give it time; it sounds like she doesn't want you, and that's sad, but don't despair and there'll be someone for you in the end.

[Vuzzmop]

Awkward as hell. See I have this friend (female) who lives in a different city, so we barely ever see eachother. I like her, and would be open to a relationship with her, but I didn't think she reciprocated. Anyway, yesterday, I found out that she had a crush on me, and I don't know if she still does. It doesn't bother me all that much though, it would never have worked because we live so far apart and are so different personality-wise, but it just weirds me out a bit that she quite probably has feelings for me and I ignored all the warning signs for it. She is also the first person who I know to have even had a crush on me at all. Nothing I can really do about it, but I just wanted to say it.

[Sir_Norbert]

I can't really comment on that. If you still like her, why not go for it? Long-distance relationships can be hard, but at least if you enter a relationship you'll find out whether the two of you really are right for each other or not, and if it turns out you are, you'll find a way to get round the distance problem in the end. If not, then at least you tried. But don't go for it unless you really do still like her -- that would just be cruel to her if she does still have a crush on you.

[Flakey]

I know that I should just drop it and realise that there will never be anything between us but that is hard. I really thought i meant something too her, even if it was just something little. But it seems that i meant nothing and that is the hardest thing of all, and the most difficult thing to handle. Especially since I could say without a doubt that i really really love her. *sigh*

Missed oppertunities, and "what if I only did x" will lie heavily on people for most of thier lives, and I still not sure how to deal with mine. They tend to strike when I am low.

Trouble with this girl, is that she sounds like she had a really bad time, and moved away again, and seems to have just dropped her past life away, to avoid the bad memories. If thats her wish theres little you can do about it

[Serpentine]

Knowing my luck shes on a different continent or something…

Oh.. And another problem for (stupid old) me… I’ve run across another girl… and for some reason like her as well… I’m also more openly flirty with her… and her back a little… but in a different way to the other one… I just don’t know what to do…
Finding out where the first girl lives would be a good start. If she is, indeed, on another continent, then personally I think it's pretty unlikely to go anywhere, at least before one or both of you can relocate, so you probably shouldn't go in with any expectations of that. That's not to say you absolutely can not tell her - you could keep it light, as opposed to, say, an expression of your undying devotion; it'd still be an awesome boost to her ego; and I don't think it should have any effect on what relationship you do have (I know I've never had any issues with people expressing their likings :smallwink: But on the other hand, I may be weirder than even I admit...). Admitting you like someone to them is not an automatic ask-out, nor a default expression of, as I said, undying devotion. It could be, say, an "I think you're pretty alright, and if we met in real life I reckon we'd hit it off".
As for the other girl, well, if she's more... readily available, for lack of a better term, don't hold back for one that's unlikely to ever go anywhere. And you don't have to give up one completely for the other - there is such a thing as friendship, which can change in tone and intensity over time, as so many males seem to forget :smallconfused:

Swedish Chef, if you're resigned to that being a goodbye note, you might like to send her a little one of your own, but letting her know that if she ever needs to talk, no matter how far in the future, you'll be happy to hear from her. I sort of know the feeling, there. It's not very pleasant :smallyuk:

[Swedish chef]

Swedish Chef, if you're resigned to that being a goodbye note, you might like to send her a little one of your own, but letting her know that if she ever needs to talk, no matter how far in the future, you'll be happy to hear from her. I sort of know the feeling, there. It's not very pleasant :smallyuk:

Thanks. That is very good advice. Problem is that right now I'm a total mess so if I should start writing a good bye leter I would probably end up spilling my guts and confessing everything from how much I love her to my current state of guilty/sad/messed up, and the last thing I want to do is to make her feel guilty or that she should feel obligated to have contact with me. Perhaps I can wait a while and see if I can think of her with my mind calm and sound but i doubt it. The only thing I can hope for is that she realises that I really want to have contact with her from my last answer and gets in touch if she needs me.


http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb176/chefs_bucket/brokenHeart.gif

[Serpentine]

I have a bit of advice for all you guys (mostly) out there. Give up on the whole "friend bin" thing. If I found out that one of my friends was saying that the only reason I won't snog him is because he is irrevocably in the "friend bin" or equivalent, my response would be outrage: How dare you reduce my entire psyche to such an over-simplification, how dare you presume to know my most intimate emotional workings beyond what I've already expressed to you, and how DARE you shunt all your insecurities and flaws onto me?! I find it downright offensive. Among the innumerable implications are that: a female's emotions and opinions are immobile and constant, her mind is unchangable, and she is in no way effected by outside stimuli; frienships are absolutely inferior to physical relationships; a guy is only hanging out with a girl because he wants to get with her; and that the only real factors in a girl's choice of significant other is whether they're classified as "datable" or "friend". Your female friend may be a) Not interested, b) Secretly interested, c) Just hasn't looked at you in that way yet, or d) Is more interested in someone else. None of these are unchangable! Simply letting them know that you might be interested in them in a way other than friendship could be enough to shift it, or there's also the whole, you know, working on your current relationship with them thing. There is also, of course, the possibility that you're simply not the sort of person she's interested in. You might be able to try to alter yourself to fit better what she does like, but this is probably a good idea only if this change would be for the better. Otherwise, give up and/or hope her taste changes. In any case, is friendship really so terrible that you can't just enjoy it without lamenting over the lack of "something more"? If so, back away. You'll only end up blaming the girl, ruining what you have, and quite possibly making her miserable.

On a sometimes related note: "Girls like bad boys/Good guys finish last". I would suggest that the issue here is not one of good/bad, but confidence. Confidence is sexy. That's not to say that shyness is never attractive, but it's less attention-grabbing than self-confidence, and rarely sexy. Unfortunately, there is a very fine line between "self-confident dude" and "arrogant bastard", which a depressingly large number of both males and females fail to distinguish. It is (probably) not the bad things bad guys do that they like, but the confidence they have to do/while they're doing it. Being a little assertive occasionally is not a bad thing. (alternatively, it could be a self-esteem issue, in which case I think you'd be doing her a favour by letting her know that it's not just jerks who are interested in her)
Obviously, improving one's self-esteem (and/or -confidence) is a long, arduous journey of self-discovery and -improvement. If you want a short-term quick-fix shortcut, though, I recommend getting yourself a snappy outfit: if you can strut in it, that's a good start. You don't have to be a hunkahunka bag of sexy - simply looking better than usual can be a huge boost to your (sorry, again, I know) confidence. I know I feel much better when I (think I) look good. Obviously this is probably going to be an occasional thing, but I think it's pretty safe to say that most girls like it when guys dress up, more than I think you know. Simply looking different can have a girl looking at you differently - remember this next time you go on a friendly outing.

Alright, so it turned out to be a lot of advice... I think that's all I can think of for now. I may come back and fix bits or add to it when I'm feeling more articulate.

[Skippy]

Oh yeah... I was going to post here and I totally forgot...

So, there's this girl I like... I've written about her at the old Depression Thread... Well, I'm moving on Tuesday and I was speaking to her a while ago...

Well, I told her some time ago she doesn't interest me anymore, but the truth is that I'd give anything in the world just to be with her...

Anyway, I'm drifting away from what brought me here. As I said, she hasn't listened to me for a long time and so I told her I'm not interested in her anymore. When I was talking to her a while ago, she told me things as "Well, I guess I was bound to have a boring semester... Now I have no one to hang out with..."

Well, that isn't really strange, or I hope it isn't too strange... Anyway, I was going to see her tomorrow, because there are a few things that I'd like to give her as a good bye present and she has to return me some things I lent her. Then I told her I wouldn't go alone to see her, and I'm only going as a quick visit, since I guessed she had some other things to do... That seemed to bother her, as if she wanted to see me alone and for a longer time... Maybe I'm being a little paranoid, but a little part of me wants to believe she feels something else about me... It wouldn't be of much use now, but I'd be really happy if she did...

Anyway, It's not like I need advise, I just felt like this was the right place to tell it... Anyway, any comment you want to make will be ok...

[Koga]

The Koga's God! He let three girls talk hoping they'd maul eachother.

Jessica: Likes The Koga but The Koga doesn't like her. Though would bone her sister in a minute and she's just jealous so she tries to act like she's protecting her niave little sister. What a bullcrap lie.

Amaya: Likes The Koga, but also hates The Koga cause she's a complicated basketcase.

Amanda: The Koga likes her, she likes him, but is afraid to get into a relationship bwah!


Anyway, so they talk, The Koga put Amanda in there hoping she'd defend The Koga because The Koga and Amanda became friends do to a failed date with another girl.. thus she's seen The Koga as a victim before.

Amaya: I hate Koga right now! He's such a narscistic jerk! He only thinks of himself!

Jessica: And he's insensitive! He doesn't care about anybody's feelings but his own!

Amanada: I can see that.


Bwah! The Koga could probably make one of those teen movies like John Tucker Must Die but with Kill Bill cheesy kungfu action. XD

[averagejoe]

Amaya: I hate Koga right now! He's such a narscistic jerk! He only thinks of himself!

Jessica: And he's insensitive! He doesn't care about anybody's feelings but his own!

Amanada: I can see that.

Er... based on this post alone I can't say that any of them was entirely wrong. Your escapades the opposite of impress me.

[SDF]

I'm dating someone and have had more than one guy admit to liking me since that time

Well you must be a catch, you have them lining up. ^_^

I am concerned about my friend. He is what you might call... the most short sighted person to ever live. Okay, I might be exagerating a bit, but my friends and I joke that he has a cabbage will. He has been rebounding from girlfriend to girlfriend since the 8th grade. I didn't meet him until two years later, but we've grown to be pretty good friends. He is a skilled guitarist, more so than myself, and for as long as I've known him he's wanted to make a living as a musician. He was a music comp major, but dropped out of college, and instead of withdrawing he just stopped going effectively screwing himself grade wise if he ever wanted to go back. (short sighted) He's had a string of internet girlfriends who in short time he, "fell in love with" dropped everything and visited them. He would grow bored, because he is like that, and dump them. (two of them happened to have serious drug problems v_v) Well flash forward to a few weeks ago when he meets another one, but this time she has a kid. He travels halfway across the country to visit her, and stays with her for a while. Then he comes home and she visits him. (they each live with their parents) Then he goes back helps her and her family move from Illinois to Mississippi. His plans are now to work there for a while to save up enough money to come back home, and pawn most of his music equipment so he can have enough money to go BACK TO HER.

My concerns are that he is giving up his dreams for a girl he hasn't known that long, and I don't know what kind of life he is expecting to have without any education or aspirations. I also know how flighty he is and now that this time there is a kid involved I hope he doesn't decide to just leave her and the child one day. I love the boy, I do, but I have no idea how to approach him about this. If I should even approach him. They are both adults, not very mature to be sure, but still adults.

[Pyrian]

Koga, from the things you've said here, encouraging girls to compare notes on you is probably a very, very bad idea.


Give up on the whole "friend bin" thing. If I found out that one of my friends was saying that the only reason I won't snog him is because he is irrevocably in the "friend bin" or equivalent, my response would be outrage: How dare you reduce my entire psyche to such an over-simplification, how dare you presume to know my most intimate emotional workings beyond what I've already expressed to you, and how DARE you shunt all your insecurities and flaws onto me?!QFT.


On a sometimes related note: "Girls like bad boys/Good guys finish last". I would suggest that the issue here is not one of good/bad, but confidence.I've come to think over the years that social anxiety makes people nicer. I.e., lots of nice people are nice precisely <i>because</i> they lack confidence and therefore put more effort into being empathic and inoffensive.


That's not to say that shyness is never attractive, but it's less attention-grabbing than self-confidence, and rarely sexy.I find shy girls hella sexy. :smallredface:

[Serpentine]

Well... I didn't mean to say that shyness wasn't ever sexy, just that it's not as easily sexy... It's kinda hard to explain. I don't think of shyness and confidence as being quite mutually exclusive, but again, hard to explain. I guess... you can be confident in yourself while still being slightly socially awkward? I dunno.

[ForzaFiori]

not really looking for sympathy, although advice is always welcome, more like just wanting to rant.

ok, i hate how girls can change their minds every 30 nanoseconds. i talked to a friend of mine a week ago, when she had a bf. at that time, she told me she liked me, and had liked me for a while, and that if she ever dumped her bf, she would probably go out with me if i asked her to. i was stoked, i've had a crush on her since 8th grade (going into 10th next year). so like 2 days ago she dumped her bf, and when she told me (it was this afternoon, and she was compleatly over it, and happy they were broken up), i asked if she still liked me and still would go out with me. turns out in the course of a week i've gone from top guy she likes to just a friend. i haven't even SEEN her in that week. She wasn't even in the state! i just dont get how a week can get her to change like that.

[PhoeKun]

It's got nothing to do with her feelings for you changing; it's that she is either

a) less over the breakup than she's letting on (ie, not ready for another relationship), or

b) not in the position she thought she would be in when she gave you that hypothetical situation. It's easy to say things like that (and mean them) when it seems like a far off possibility. But then, when the time comes, you realize you could never have followed through in the first place.

Don't take it personally, and give it some time. She might come around. And if not, this really isn't worth ruining a friendship over.

[Vampiric]

a) less over the breakup than she's letting on (ie, not ready for another relationship), or

b) not in the position she thought she would be in when she gave you that hypothetical situation. It's easy to say things like that (and mean them) when it seems like a far off possibility. But then, when the time comes, you realize you could never have followed through in the first place.

Don't take it personally, and give it some time. She might come around. And if not, this really isn't worth ruining a friendship over.

What she said.

Koga, just out of interest, do you talk in third-person? because on the forums, it makes you seem very aloof, arrogant and immature. Now, in any other thread, I would see it as mildly amusing. But relationships are serious things, quite often where people look for life partners, and if you treat the opposite sex the way you wrote above, I'm not surprised they reacted like that.

[elliott20]

it doesn't sound like Koga thinks much of any of these girls either.

[Pyrian]

i talked to a friend of mine a week ago, when she had a bf. at that time, she told me she liked me, and had liked me for a while, and that if she ever dumped her bf, she would probably go out with me if i asked her to. i was stoked, i've had a crush on her since 8th grade (going into 10th next year). so like 2 days ago she dumped her bf, and when she told me (it was this afternoon, and she was compleatly over it, and happy they were broken up), i asked if she still liked me and still would go out with me. turns out in the course of a week i've gone from top guy she likes to just a friend. i haven't even SEEN her in that week. She wasn't even in the state! i just dont get how a week can get her to change like that.Maybe she didn't. Maybe she only told you that in the first place to try to make you feel better, not expecting a sudden breakup around the corner.

[Swedish chef]

Bwah! The Koga could probably make one of those teen movies like John Tucker Must Die but with Kill Bill cheesy kungfu action. XD

I would say that The Koga had it coming :smallbiggrin:

[Syka]

Koga, just because she likes you doesn't mean that she doesn't realize you are a donkey's behind. ;) I liked a guy for...oh...2-3 years. For all but a few months of that I realized he was a jerk. Which is why I never would have dated him. And the chances that her "not being ready for a relationship" really means "I don't want one with you" are high.

Other stuff I shall address later once my mind recovers...(Greek plus a belly dancing class plus Florida heat equals no brain power).

Cheers,
Syka

[Koga]

Koga, just out of interest, do you talk in third-person? because on the forums, it makes you seem very aloof, arrogant and immature. Now, in any other thread, I would see it as mildly amusing. But relationships are serious things, quite often where people look for life partners, and if you treat the opposite sex the way you wrote above, I'm not surprised they reacted like that.
No, but he is very much aloof, arrogant, and immature. But apparently also charming and romantic. Guys and girls alike compare him to a drug.
(And no, he's not bisexual. But he'll kissass to anyone if it serves his interests.)


The drug comparison came from onlookers who have seen his exes and former friends, who despite get angery with him and call him uncaring and a poor friend/boyfriend always need him around.

When he neglects them for too long, they go through withdrawel lol!


But then that's what The Koga always wanted. That sortof charisma needs to be heightend as it only works maybe 1 out of 5 times. His philosophy on life and love is like.. Erythmix man. XD

Sweet dreams are made of these...
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas, everybody's looking for something..

Some of them want to use you..
Some of them want to get used by you..
Some of them want to abuse you..
Some of them want to be abused..

I want to use you.. and abuse you..

Hold you head up (moving on)
Keep your head up (moving on)..

[Koga]

it doesn't sound like Koga thinks much of any of these girls either.
Well to be fair if he didn't think highly of them at all he wouldn't be talking to them. He really only has three ways of treatment.

He hates you and is cruel, mean, and will say horrible things relating to your deceased family.

He's totaly apathetic, and just ignores you.

Or he kisses up to you, so you cling to him and can't get enough of his words which are like Resess peanutbutter cups. Sweet, but full of empty calories haha!

[The Great Skenardo]

Well to be fair if he didn't think highly of them at all he wouldn't be talking to them. He really only has three ways of treatment.

He hates you and is cruel, mean, and will say horrible things relating to your deceased family.

He's totaly apathetic, and just ignores you.

Or he kisses up to you, so you cling to him and can't get enough of his words which are like Resess peanutbutter cups. Sweet, but full of empty calories haha!

Uh. So, in essence, what you're saying is that you're very shallow and manipulative? :smallconfused: Or did I miss something?

[Sean92k]

Uh. So, in essence, what you're saying is that you're very shallow and manipulative? :smallconfused: Or did I miss something?Sounds pretty heartless aswell. Cruel comments about deceased family members? Thats just harsh :smallannoyed:

[Hoggy]

This is more a Woe than an Advice. Infact, I don't need no advice, I just thought I'd share a woe.

Anyways, know that redhead I was on about a few weeks ago? Probably not, but meh. Anyways, I asked her out today, she said she'd rather be friends.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to go, Mr. ZD sir! /slap

Ah well, things happen, move on.

[Syka]

Heh, has no one else noted Koga's attitude via the other posts?

*hugs* Hoggy. Stuff like that sucks. You're still young, you have time. :)

On my own front...Everything is ok I think. I'm still pessimistic as ever about the whole situation, but the paranoia has left me for the most part. At least to the point where I can shunt it aside and not worry. :)

Cheers,
Syka

[Sean92k]

Good for you, Hoggy. Not that she said no but that you managed to ask her, I'm sure the 'What if?'s would hurt more than being shot down. Im also sorry to hear that she said no :smallfrown:

[Koga]

Sounds pretty heartless aswell. Cruel comments about deceased family members? Thats just harsh :smallannoyed:
Well what do you want? Most alignment tests say he's true neutral or chaotic evil.:smallsmile:

[Sean92k]

Yeh, but this isn't D&D. And girls aren't npc's you can insult and then they dissapear. Everyone in real life has feelings and emotions and if you go around beating these emotions into a pulp not many people are going to like you. Even if you try to hide behind D&D alignments.

Edit: The first person thing gets real old real fast

[Syka]

Ok...this is beginning to stray on to a topic that it probably shouldn't. Please be carefuly regarding derogatory comments and/or being demeaning (yes, even if you are like that to everyone). If I'm not mistaken, it's why the thread got closed last time, and I don't want to see it again. Politeness is a virtue, as is modesty.

For full rules, please see the first post.

Cheers,
Syka

[SDF]

So anyone have any thoughts, advice, or relevant rambling stories for me? *points at previous post*

[Syka]

The only possible advice I can give you is try to talk to him. But brace yourself. Most people do not take to critiscism, even constructive kinds, well. They don't like seing the flaws in themselves. And when they are "in love" it's even harder to point out that the path they are going down is a very dangerous and potentially stupid one indeed.

The best you could probably do is let him know your worries, and take it from there. It is ultimately his decision.

Cheers,
Syka

[SDF]

Yeah, thats the direction it's going towards, but hey the worst I can do is lose a friend. So I guess I can sit back or stand up. Bleh. :smallyuk:

[The Great Skenardo]

I am concerned about my friend. He is what you might call... the most short sighted person to ever live...

Hmm...Well, that's tricky, to be sure. Try posing this question to him; "What then?" because, if all goes as he imagines it will, he'll be out his major means of making a living outside of 9-5 stuff that he may well dislike. A love-struck fool is unlikely to be reasonable (I know; I've been one :smalltongue: ), and will probably be impervious to any skepticism regarding the new girlfriend. What you might try is giving him some good, sound advice on things he might listen about. For example, you might urge him to not abandon his plan to go visit his new gf, but to take it a little more slowly. He was planning to work there to raise money, so why not work at home to raise the money to visit?
He may well counter that he wants to go and see his lady friend SOON, not later. In turn, you can point out that if she's the one for him, she won't mind living without him for a few months while he raises the money without pawning his equipment. Devotion is one thing, but stupidity is another.

I think you are within your rights to advise him about this much, at least. I doubt he'd listen to anything you might point out about his flighty nature when it comes to girlfriends, but at least try and drive home to him that he can keep his awesome music stuff if he's just a little bit patient. You, a friend, believe that he's going to screw himself over (as well as other people, potentially), so you have every right to try and talk him out of screwing himself over.

In short, you can't stop him from being a stupid person when it comes to his own future, but I think you ought definitely sit him down sometime and bring up some of the concerns you've mentioned; point out that there's a kid involved, and if he gets serious with this girl, it's going to carry responsibility. Serious Responsibility. He'll have to be in a position to support/provide, and without school or music, he doesn't have much a chance of doing it. Furthermore, point out that if he accepts the responsibility, he can't just drop it all like he's done his previous romances/aspirations. Those things were responsibilities to himself only. These will be responsibilities to others.

Here's hoping he shapes up. :smalleek:

[Syka]

I'd stand up. :) When I found out one of my friends is intending to get married to a guy who lives in England at some point (I'm not sure when), my first reaction was to sit her down and talk to her. She managed to convince me that she wasn't doing this as blindly or as quickly as I had assumed.

For all you know, it may be the same in this scenario. But worst case scenario is he just doesn't agree. I doubt you'd lose a friend.

Cheers,
Syka

[zeratul]

Hi guys, another update.

So we've been hanging out alot, and are going to continue to do so. I continue not to know if these are dates, or if we are just hanging out. (turns to ladies in the audience) You guys are confusing.

[ForzaFiori]

(turns to ladies in the audience) You guys are confusing.

please tell me you didn't JUST realize that.

[Syka]

No fair! You guys are just as confusing as we are to you! Do you not remember my confusion over my situation? :smallwink:

My suggestion is do what I ended up doing...Just ask. :) Be like, "I really like you, and I was wondering if you considered these dates" or even, if you'd like, "I really like you, do you want to be my girlfriend?" :smallwink:

Honestly, chances are she's wondering just as much as you are, or if she isn't then she'll be able to let you know. :P

Good luck!

Cheers,
Syka...who will divulge no more of her current situation other than everything is good at the moment...:smallsmile:

[zeratul]

I think though that this could lead to, some serious awkwardness. However, I do intend to ask her at some point if she likes me as more than a friend, in any way.

[Serpentine]

I'd be more inclined to say something along the lines of "what would you think about making the next one an official date?" and set it somewhere particularly romantic. Or better yet, don't say anything at all and try your hand at subtle touchings and insidious hand-holdings.

[zeratul]

Hmm *ponders* I may do something of that nature. However since I'm 14, on a lower scale.

[Pyrian]

No fair! You guys are just as confusing as we are to you! Do you not remember my confusion over my situation? :smallwink:Any confusion over a male that can be solved by assuming he just wants to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible doesn't count in my book. :smallwink:

Similarly, any confusion over a female that can be answered by assuming she really does want to be just friends is also not really worthy of being called confusing.

Seriously, the vast majority of male/female misunderstandings can be summed up that quickly. :smallbiggrin:

[Zeb The Troll]

I'd be more inclined to say something along the lines of "what would you think about making the next one an official date?" and set it somewhere particularly romantic. Or better yet, don't say anything at all and try your hand at subtle touchings and insidious hand-holdings.I think your advice might be best for someone who's a little older. No offense, zeratul.

I, personally, am very hesitant about giving dating advice to someone who isn't likely even in need of a razor yet. Sorry about that. I never even held hands until I was 15 and that was kind of the beginning of the end of the innocence, as it were. And there's such a huge difference between puppy love and adult dating. I can't even fathom what's going on with youngsters these days.

*lowers himself into a rocker and gets lost in reminisces of days gone by*


Hmm *ponders* I may do something of that nature. However since I'm 13, on a lower scale.Fixed that for you.

[AngelSword]

Meh, feel free to ignore this.

I saw my ex-fiancé at a Renaissance Faire over the weekend, and it stirred in me feelings I thought were dead. I mean, despite the fact that I've rationalized her response, it still hurt, yet here I am, desiring to be with her once again.

I don't want these feelings again. Things are working out between someone new, and I don't want to jeopardize them for yet another spectre from my past. I have said that I want to resume a friendship with her, but this is too much.

In addition, I realized that I'm not quite as over someone else as I originally thought. Yes, we both thought it was best not to date, but it still hurts being told you're not wanted.

But wait! There's more! (Though it might not fit in here)

I've noticed a sort of phantom limb type of feeling, emanating from my back. I know, it's weird. It seems to only crop up when I am feeling a great deal of major negative emotions, like utter hatred (or positive emotions, like complete compassion; but it's definitely not from that). I just wanted to make it known.

[Aramil Liadon]

On that last, I suggest playing less Twilight Princess. The freaky arm crops up much less if you don't play.

Would people mind if I were to give a "hypothetical" situation? Like, not actual, but potential?

[zeratul]

I think your advice might be best for someone who's a little older. No offense, zeratul.

I, personally, am very hesitant about giving dating advice to someone who isn't likely even in need of a razor yet. Sorry about that. I never even held hands until I was 15 and that was kind of the beginning of the end of the innocence, as it were. And there's such a huge difference between puppy love and adult dating. I can't even fathom what's going on with youngsters these days.

*lowers himself into a rocker and gets lost in reminisces of days gone by*

Fixed that for you.
None taken, I pretty mutch agree

I rounded, I'm 14 in about two months

[Zeb The Troll]

I rounded, I'm 14 in about two monthsThen you rounded A LOT because your post says 24. :smallcool:

[Lissou]

Wait, what? People date at 14 now? Jeez, I didn't kiss before I was 19, and it wasn't even a date (and I didn't even want to kiss him for that matter. Stupid jerk).

I'd suggest meeting at your place. Or hers. In a more intimate context, getting closer might be easier. Of course, if there are noisy/nosy siblings, going out sounds better.
Also, you could try and hold hands with her and see her reaction. And how do you greet? In France, we kiss on both cheeks. If that's not the way you usually do it, you can try and do it this time. If you usually hug, you can try and hug her for slightly longer. You can tell her whatever she's wearing looks great on her (but no "you look nice today", as it basically means "usually, you're ugly" to a lot of females).
Also, you can give her a gift. You're 14 and probably don't have a lot of money, which is perfect: handcrafter gifts are woth more emotionnally because of the time spent making them. You can draw something, write a card, etc. If you're good with words, you can write something for her. There is no need to overdo it, if she sees you as a friend, you don't want it to be too awkwards, especially if you want to stay friends.

So, to sum up: try being warmer when you meet, be it by hugging, kissing on the cheek or whatever. Then, you can grab her hand and see her reaction. If you're too shy to do it, you can bring along something you made for her, on which you spent a bit of time, but not days. She should get the message, and tell you whether she feels the same way or not.

[Serpentine]

I'll second the hand-made gifts, especially if it's something you're good at. Hand-drawn dragon picture from 1st real boyfriend (who has since made money from his art)>>weird little teddybear from 1st guy I went on a date with.

[zeratul]

Then you rounded A LOT because your post says 24. :smallcool:

That made me laugh for a while. To clear things up, I am not 24, I am about 14.

[Syka]

Hehe...I was wondering about that. I couldn't make heads or tails of that sentence.

And yes, handmade is good, especially if it is unique. My ex made me a chainmail dice bag and some earrings. I still use them. :)

Cheers,
Syka

[BlackStaticWolf]

And yes, handmade is good, especially if it is unique. My ex made me a chainmail dice bag

That is ten kinds of awesome. I now want to date your ex despite being straight so that he'll make me a chainmail dice bag.

[Orzel]

Here's my issues.


My ex wants a birthday present. The present I want to give her is me, shirtless and pantsless (but everyone knows I hate clothes). She insists that we are just friends to others (I was too "out there" when we broke up to deflect the "friend zone" excuse) and whines when I don't call her every 3 days or so. She talks dirty but blocks physical actions. She expects special treatment but lags on reciprocation. My male friends say she's using me. My female friends says she's too confused to know what she wants.

Her birthday is in a month so I got lots of time. But how big (cost and difficulty) of a present should I get. The amount of effort is a delicate thing. Too little and I look apathetic, too big and I look sprung. And she's giving the "You better know what I want" excuse with her "I don't know what I want" talk.

Or should I go to my original plan of just pinning her against a wall and tell her to choose.

And if things get awkward there's no avoiding her. There's too many mutual friends on many levels.



'fore someone else gets kicked into a wall.

[Zeb The Troll]

Here's my issues.

My ex wants a birthday present. The present I want to give her is me, shirtless and pantsless (but everyone knows I hate clothes). She insists that we are just friends to others (I was too "out there" when we broke up to deflect the "friend zone" excuse) and whines when I don't call her every 3 days or so. She talks dirty but blocks physical actions. She expects special treatment but lags on reciprocation. My male friends say she's using me. My female friends says she's too confused to know what she wants.

Her birthday is in a month so I got lots of time. But how big (cost and difficulty) of a present should I get. The amount of effort is a delicate thing. Too little and I look apathetic, too big and I look sprung. And she's giving the "You better know what I want" excuse with her "I don't know what I want" talk.

Or should I go to my original plan of just pinning her against a wall and tell her to choose.

And if things get awkward there's no avoiding her. There's too many mutual friends on many levels.

'fore someone else gets kicked into a wall.My gut response. She's using you. Possibly because she herself doesn't know what she wants.

Is there something there that she wants to hide from your mutual acquaintances? If so, why does she want to hide it? If not, what does it matter?

Look to yourself (these questions are introspective and don't necessarily need a response in the thread, just food for thought). Do you want her back? Why? Do you want a relationship or a booty call? Would you still be interested in talking to her if she wasn't filling the conversation with innuendo and getting your hopes up?

With those questions answered, you might then be better able to decide whether you want to pursue something again or if you want to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you're just going to be friends and that kind of talk isn't appropriate for your kind of friendship.

This needs to be settled before any calculation of appropriate gifting can continue.

[Flakey]

Orzel what do you give other friends for thier birthday?

If it is nothing give her nothing. Spend only the amount you would spend on other friend's birthdays, if you do buy presents for them. Do not go with your first idea.

It does not matter which of your friends are right, at the moment (male or female), its not likely to change until you do. Your ex has the best of it at the moment, while your left frustrated. Tell her that you would like to get back together, but your getting torn apart with this halfway thing. So that your going to treat her like the rest of your friends, unless she changes her mind. It is very important you stick to that part though. No more special considerations etc etc.

If she is using you she will move on, if she is confused this will hopefully help her resolve the issue, because she has no incentive at this time to resolve the confusion, because she gets most of what she wants already.

Ohhh hmmm You know your mutual female friends better than I, so its going to be a judgement call for you, but if you are already talking to them about this situation, think about tell them about what your doing.

[Syka]

See both the above posters in regards to the relationship. Sound advice. She may be using you, she may just be confused. I think only you could figure it out. It sounds like you guys need to just sit down and talk though.

As for the present, I suggest getting her what you would get any friend. Usually, I don't give friends presents or if I do it's something small and relatively inexpensive, but I make sure it is something they like (I'm not really loaded...) With significant others, my pocketbook is a bit more open. But she ISN'T your significant other. Just keep that in mind. She used to be, and regardless how she acts, she maintains that you aren't. So she's just a friend. Treat it as such.

Cheers,
Syka

[Orzel]

So I'm gonna put her at my normal friend level right now. When she complains she gets a "Gotta be my girlfriend to get that." and I'll wait for her response.

Was gonna do that anyway but more opinions. My rl friends are biased since they know both of us and take sides or wont help.

Don't date your friend's sister who's other sister is your good friend's crush and other sister is you other friend's girl.

[Pyrian]

Here's my issues.


My ex wants a birthday present. The present I want to give her is me, shirtless and pantsless (but everyone knows I hate clothes). She insists that we are just friends to others (I was too "out there" when we broke up to deflect the "friend zone" excuse) and whines when I don't call her every 3 days or so. She talks dirty but blocks physical actions. She expects special treatment but lags on reciprocation. My male friends say she's using me. My female friends says she's too confused to know what she wants.

Her birthday is in a month so I got lots of time. But how big (cost and difficulty) of a present should I get. The amount of effort is a delicate thing. Too little and I look apathetic, too big and I look sprung. And she's giving the "You better know what I want" excuse with her "I don't know what I want" talk.

Or should I go to my original plan of just pinning her against a wall and tell her to choose.

And if things get awkward there's no avoiding her. There's too many mutual friends on many levels.



'fore someone else gets kicked into a wall.Allow me to quote myself:
Similarly, any confusion over a female that can be answered by assuming she really does want to be just friends is also not really worthy of being called confusing.

[Syka]

Wow...That's complicated. And I thought just having two mutual friends with the guy I'm dating was making life more interesting. Then again...it doesn't help that one of said mutual friends is into me..

Yah...I have a feeling of your pain. ;)

Cheers,
Syka

[Joxer t' Mighty]

Well, well, I just though I might come in and do a bit of a rant, as it seems the right spot.

Three people will be mentioned in this.

Me
Friend - My friend
FoF - Friend of my Friend

There is a friend of a friend who posts blogs I sometimes read because they usually involve my friend. This FoF is going on about how she hasn't had a BF for almost a year. She is completely beside herself and says if it wasn't for her faith and friends she doesn't know what she'd have done by now. However, even with this 'help' she says she doesn't think she can take it much longer.

Is it callous of me that my first and dominate emotion is one of contempt? I can't help but think of the analogy between a king ranting about being out of mustard while eating a feast to a beggar who is lucky for scraps.

I am this latter because I've never had a girlfriend. In fact, since the time I found out I liked girls I've liked another and have pursued her. My Friend in fact. This is going on 10 years now. When we were 15 though I let her know this and totally botched it up and alienated her. Has taken me until this last year to bring her back to friendly status. I consider her and her mother to be the only friends I've ever had, and love both of them to death (though each in a different way of course. Her mom is like a mother to me)

This FoF however has had a fiance and numerous BF's. In fact, she is asked out allll the time, they just aren't interested in a relationship.

Here is me though who has never been asked out, or even given the hint by a girl that she is interested, any girl, or even payed a single compliment (outside the internet). Now, if I'm not a movie star I'm certainly not an ugly duck. I've been told by Friend's mom over the years that I'm one of the most selfless, intelligent, empathic and witty people she's ever met. So its not my looks, not my personality, or my intelligence.

And my Friend here is saying she knows just what she means!

I really just want to give each a good kick. FoF doesn't EVEN know how good she's got it. And heee is my Friend managing to agree with her with a straight face when there is another who's spent most of his life waiting for her.

Open your eyes, ladies...


(and, btw, my signature and avatar are an exercise in irony)

[Vampiric]

I, personally, don't think you're being callous. In your position, I'd probably feel the same.

Also, I direct you to a previous post (last page, I think) which stated:
Girls are difficult to understand

Seconded, and doubly seconded. Can't live without 'em, can't kill 'em.... ah, well.

As for advice, don't worry about FoF, she seems like someone who is either screaming for attention, or really can't look after herself.

Secondly, ten years?! damn, that's a long time. And if it hasn't worked for that long, I would say you should try and move on. Stay friends, by all means, but hanging on to her when she obviously doesn't want to go out with you will be dangerous for your health (mental and physical). How old are you? secondry school/high school? or college? If college, then look around. My college has nearly 2000 people in my year. There's going to be at least a few girls you'll consider hot. If it's secondary/high school, then don't worry too much, theres only a few that you like? just wait for college, my friend, just wait.:smallwink:

[Joxer t' Mighty]

Secondly, ten years?! damn, that's a long time. And if it hasn't worked for that long, I would say you should try and move on. Stay friends, by all means, but hanging on to her when she obviously doesn't want to go out with you will be dangerous for your health (mental and physical).
Well, the thing is, I live nearly across the state from her. Some three hour drive. Because of all the earlier crap it seemed best not to visit and basically haven't even seen her in six years, just jabber with her mom near daily on instant messenger and keep up with her MySpace and the like. And I did actually say, 'Forget this...' for a couple years... and her mom found me again.

Now my Friend has actually invited me to a couple places lately, but by a horrible string of bad luck, including my car dying each time, I've yet to do so. So, really, its not her no wanting to go out with me (not that I've asked again yet), but that its been so long since we've seen each other she's going to have to get to reknow me.


How old are you? secondry school/high school? or college? If college, then look around. My college has nearly 2000 people in my year. There's going to be at least a few girls you'll consider hot. If it's secondary/high school, then don't worry too much, theres only a few that you like? just wait for college, my friend, just wait.:smallwink:
I'm nearing mid-20's actually. And as much as I'd like to meet someone, I've yet to meet a soul in this world that even approaches this girl. Never met someone I've been attract to so emotionally, intellectually, and, yes, physically.

To be honest, almost every other girl I've met irritates me until I want to gnash my teeth.

[BlackStaticWolf]

Is it callous of me that my first and dominate emotion is one of contempt? I can't help but think of the analogy between a king ranting about being out of mustard while eating a feast to a beggar who is lucky for scraps.

Nah, I don't think so. To quote Tennyson: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."


I really just want to give each a good kick. FoF doesn't EVEN know how good she's got it. And heee is my Friend managing to agree with her with a straight face when there is another who's spent most of his life waiting for her.

This might sound a little callous but my first reaction to this is a little bit of contempt. If you've been waiting that long, you really should move on because she's not interested and likely never will be.

[Serpentine]

she's not interested and likely never will be.
I don't want to offer false hope here, but this is certainly not neccessarily true. We're not automatrons who are incapable of altering their own programming, you know. We can change our minds, perhaps because of new information, new circumstances, or alterations in our own or the personalities of others. We don't always go "I like him and he will be mine!" as soon as we see a guy (though it does happen on occasion) - many relationships can take a very long time to develop (that includes YEARS people). That said, he shouldn't be waiting around for this to change. Joxer, do try to renew your friendship. That alone is worthwile, and I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

[Joxer t' Mighty]

This might sound a little callous but my first reaction to this is a little bit of contempt. If you've been waiting that long, you really should move on because she's not interested and likely never will be.
Well, there is a big difference between early teens, which is last she really knew me, and twenties, and as I just posted she seems to be warming up.

Anyways, I wasn't really asking for advice, folks. I've already had long discussions with some of the great people on here privately. They just aren't logged on and I felt like blowing off steam :smallwink:


That said, he shouldn't be waiting around for this to change. Joxer, do try to renew your friendship. That alone is worthwile, and I'm sure she'd appreciate it.
*nods*

As soon as I can I plan on driving out there and inviting daughter and mother to lunch and actually talk with them off the bloody net.

[zeratul]

Ok I need to make a mental not not to wear my trench coat around the girl Il like. ( she is not a fan 'o the trench).

I really hope this is going well but I can't tell. (that rhymed)

[Hell Puppi]

Trenches are awesome. That specific jacket was the exact thing that attracted me to me current BF.

....just saying. Rock on w/ the trench:smalltongue: .

[zeratul]

I love trench coats. But I know only a few people other than me who like them. None of them are women.

[Ego Slayer]

No, no, no... Trench coats are cool. Do. Not. Give. Up. The. Coat. Maybe if you're gonna go out with her, or something, don't wear it... but.. but.. but...:smalltongue:

[Hell Puppi]

See? REALwomen dig the trench.

...well at least us. And we're both pretty darn cool.

[zeratul]

I love my trench. But whenever I wear it it ends up with my sisters dissing me for wearing a trench coat, constantly (they don't have the same taste as we do).

[Logic]

I am not personally a fan of the trench coat, but then again, my style is often mocked by Jewish_Joke. (Not as frequently anymore.)

[Midnight Son]

A trench coat is always a good idea.

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a122/Dwarf71/Darkman.jpg

[zeratul]

I wish I could wear it more. I geuss people here are zenaphobic about the whole goth look thing.

[SDF]

@^: Xenophobia? The fear of foreigners? Nah, maybe they're just jealous of your jacket. :P

I suppose it can look good, but it just isn't my style. Closest I come is rocking the surplus coat. It is all about the corduroy jacket :smallcool:

@V: I have streaks of white hair! And three nipples! Kids use curse words!

[Hell Puppi]

Blah, i say, blah!
Half the fun in life is freaking out other people.:smallamused:

[Midnight Son]

Blah, i say, blah!
Half the fun in life is freaking out other people.:smallamused:Especially when you freak them out to the point that they jump up against the nearest wall.

True Story: I was wearing the above ensemble while walking to the train in downtown Salt Lake one evening and was worried I'd miss it, so I stopped to pull out my pocket watch. The unfortunate Latino coming the other way totally mistook my intent and was up against the wall in about a nanosecond. We both had a good laugh at that(once he realized what I was really doing anyway).

So, the moral is; your girlfriend should feel safer when you wear the trench due to the fact that it freaks people out.

[AngelSword]

Eh, my trench coat was issued to me, so it kinda saved me the trouble of finding one. Plus, it had the super special awesome "Butt Stock Flap" that gives it an additional sense of menace.

To keep the thread on track, I'm going to say that I really hope for tomorrow to bring me good relationship news. I just hope that what they say is true; women love a man in tall boots :smallamused:

[Hell Puppi]

Yes, this is also sexy. I have no idea why.

[zeratul]

I also wanna buy some combat boots but I think that might freak hero out.

[Hell Puppi]

Must I repeat the use of sexy?:smalltongue:

[AngelSword]

If combat boots and trench coats are sexy to you, you should be glad we've never met, lest you pass out from my raw sexiness.

[Serpentine]

@V: I have streaks of white hair!
Goff has a white streak... and my biology teacher had a nice big Rogue-style streak! 'course, she also had a witchy outfit...
Nothin' wrong with Ye Olde Great/trenchcoat. The ex has a good one. Unfortunately he tended to wear it all year round... I think living north of Brisbane has cut that back a bit now.
Angel, what sort of tall boots?

[Hell Puppi]

If combat boots and trench coats are sexy to you, you should be glad we've never met, lest you pass out from my raw sexiness.

I would like to pass out from raw sexiness at least once in my life.:smalltongue:

[AngelSword]

Handmade leather boots, complete with buckles. They set me back a pretty penny when I bought them, but damn, I look good. I bought them at a Renaissance Faire back when I was still in the military, down in Georgia. They have been nicknamed, "(Something I probably shouldn't say on a family friendly forum)," since they have a habit of getting me noticed by the fairer sex.

Since I'm going to a Ren Faire tomorrow, pictures of said boots, with me in them (and possibly of me in said boots and my new lady friend) will follow soon.

[Orzel]

Update for those who aided me.

She's my girl again. But she decided to start over so no nasty for a long time. She was afraid of the awkwardness of seeing me often, the speed the last relationship went, and the speed others expected to go. She also accepts getting a "new girlfriend" size present (which aint much) and is willing to re-earn the rest.

but now I gotta start ALL OVER.

[Breaon]

Well, starting over can be fun; you can relive all the special firsts, and don't rush things. Congrats :)

[Swedish chef]

Talking of trenchcoats, mine got me out of troubble once. I had a black one then. Old worn and bought from second hand. One saturday I was goiung to fetch my bike and go home. I had been playing in a Vampire LARP and wore black pants, bright yellow shirt and black trenchcoat. To get to my bike I had to cross one of the small town squares (and a primary bus junction). On a bench is a coupple of "baggy pants gangster wannabees" and they are talking and generally behaving quite well. One of them notices me and starts talking to the others who look at me. They seem to talk a little, looking at me from time to time and I start thinking "this is it, things are going to get bad". Then all of a sudden I hear one guy saying something like: no no look att the f-ing coat guys. Someone who wears stuff like that knows s**t just sit back. The gangsterwannabees rapidly went back to their old conversation and needless to say I disapeared from the place as fast as I possibly could :D

Unfortunately I had to replace the old trenchcoat for a new one. My current is "nightblue" with a crimson inner lining. Love it!

[Syka]

Haha, my ex had the same thing going on with his leather jackets. He got kicked out of the Ace Hardware near my house because they thought he was trying to shoplift. Because he was wearing the leather. In summer. In Florida. *shakes head*

AngelSword, good luck. :)

Orzel...I'll stay silent, other than starting brand new is probably good. I'm generally not a fan of getting back together though. :smalltongue: If lack of...getting some is your biggest worry, I think you've got it pretty good.

zeratul, has she actually said she doesn't like your trench and boots? Just 'cause it isn't her style, doesn't mean she'll mind you wearing it. If she does/has expressed dislike, just don't wear it around her...but don't trash it. Relationships come and go, trench coats always rock. Good to hear otherwise everything is good.

Stuff is pretty good on my end, at the moment. Things were a little...twisty (not bad, just different than normal) for a couple weeks, but it's getting back to normal. As of right now, we should be attending my friends wedding in Sept. And unfortunately, due to my class schedule for Fall, there is a good chance I won't be able to go to a concert we've been planning on since April, which is in November. :smallfrown: I'm still trying to work it out, 'cause it's a band I really would love to see live.

I do have a bit of advice needed, but it's in regards to friends. I love my friends to death, and I don't think that because I'm in college/whatever that I am somehow above them. I understand all their circumstances and I always support them doing what makes them happy.

But is it normal to feel a little awkward? Out of nine friends back home, only one has not had some major setback in his post-secondary schooling. Two had issues with grades and had to move back home (both have since graduated with AA's and are moving on to university), the rest have taken at least a semesters break. Me, I graduated with my AA a semester early which meant not only did I graduate before people I graduated high school with, but earlier than those who were out of high school a year before me. They ask me what I'm up to, and it's pretty much always school related. I have my next, like, 9 years planned out in regards to school. I feel...bad almost, like it's rubbing it in their face, even though it's not. I'm just curious if it is normal to feel a little out of place in such a situation. I'm also the first to move more than an hour away.

Cheers,
Syka

[Zeb The Troll]

And we're [Hellpuppi and Ego Slayer] both pretty darn cool.True that. (Brackets mine, for clarity.)


Update for those who aided me.

She's my girl again. But she decided to start over so no nasty for a long time. She was afraid of the awkwardness of seeing me often, the speed the last relationship went, and the speed others expected to go. She also accepts getting a "new girlfriend" size present (which aint much) and is willing to re-earn the rest.

but now I gotta start ALL OVER.This isn't a bad thing. Really. The beginning of a relationship has a lot of potential for memorable occasions. Many of the good romance stories come from that honeymoon phase of the relationship. This is your chance to shine! Give her those moments! Show her you want her for more than her naughty bits. The physical will come before you know it and you won't perish without it.

@AngelSword - Good luck, man. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

@Syka - Yes, that's a normal feeling. But, if you're friends aren't giving you the idea that they think you're showing off or being superior, I'd say you've got nothing (more than normal) to worry about. I'm willing to bet that they admire you for your dedication and hard work. They might even be a little envious of your success, but I don't think they'd hold it against you. If they ARE giving clues that they think you're looking down your nose at them, then that's something else to discuss.

[Serpentine]

One of my friends dropped out of school in year 10 or 11 when she got pregnant. A couple of years later, and she has her second. I think it's a lot less awkward to talk to her than it could be because she hasn't resigned herself to being a house-bound baby-factory*. Rather, she still intends to try to get into music producing or, failing that, policing, so we have things like future prospects to talk about, as well as how her kiddilinks are doing. This reminds me, I have to try to track down her number as she's moved sometime...
Anyway, I'm sure your friends would understand that you just have different aptitudes and paths. If they ask you what you've been doing, and all you've been doing is school, don't feel bad about saying so. Maybe don't go on about uni, but don't avoid it.

*in no way intended to impugn upon voluntary housewives and -husbands.

[Hoggy]

Trenches are not cool. Ditches now? They're cool. :smallcool:

[SDF]

Orzel...I'll stay silent, other than starting brand new is probably good. I'm generally not a fan of getting back together though. :smalltongue: If lack of...getting some is your biggest worry, I think you've got it pretty good.

Stuff is pretty good on my end, at the moment. Things were a little...twisty (not bad, just different than normal) for a couple weeks, but it's getting back to normal. As of right now, we should be attending my friends wedding in Sept. And unfortunately, due to my class schedule for Fall, there is a good chance I won't be able to go to a concert we've been planning on since April, which is in November. :smallfrown: I'm still trying to work it out, 'cause it's a band I really would love to see live.

I do have a bit of advice needed, but it's in regards to friends. I love my friends to death, and I don't think that because I'm in college/whatever that I am somehow above them. I understand all their circumstances and I always support them doing what makes them happy.

But is it normal to feel a little awkward? Out of nine friends back home, only one has not had some major setback in his post-secondary schooling. Two had issues with grades and had to move back home (both have since graduated with AA's and are moving on to university), the rest have taken at least a semesters break. Me, I graduated with my AA a semester early which meant not only did I graduate before people I graduated high school with, but earlier than those who were out of high school a year before me. They ask me what I'm up to, and it's pretty much always school related. I have my next, like, 9 years planned out in regards to school. I feel...bad almost, like it's rubbing it in their face, even though it's not. I'm just curious if it is normal to feel a little out of place in such a situation. I'm also the first to move more than an hour away.

Cheers,
Syka

I would never get back together with any of the people I've dated either, that isn't to say there couldn't be someone in the future that I wouldn't end up dating, breaking it off with, then getting back together, but eh, don't see it happening.

I feel almost the exact way in regards to friends and college. All but one of my closest friends has dropped out of college, and like you, anything I'm doing is always school related. I end up blowing them off all the time because of it. I don't feel bad because I know I have responsibilities that they don't have, and I need to do. But, at the same time I do feel bad because I can't join them. I'm likely going to be going to a different city for school soon, and I'm worried I wont even be able to keep in touch. I think it is as normal a reaction as could be had. I think I've come to realize that I am the one who has changed more than they have, at least in terms of what I want out of life. I think at the core I'm still the same, but they are no different from when I met them 7 years ago. It is really hard to keep friends from HS when your lives head in completely different directions, and you can only hope everyone turns out okay.

[AngelSword]

Alright, so I think things are working in my favor. Me and my lady friend went to the Faire today, and had a grand ol' time. Wandered around, saw a joust, and she purchased a bouquet of wooden roses for her mom's birthday. Thinking it a nice idea, I asked her about her favorite color, but she didn't tell me, seeing right through me.

Later, as I brought her to meet her parents for dinner, we had a hug. And it was one of those lingering hugs; the kind that makes you sigh.

I had lost my phone earlier that day, so I returned to the Faire to see if it had turned up. While there, I was struck with an idea; if she wouldn't tell me her favorite color, I'd get her a bouquet with EVERY color. So, I made my purchase, drove to her place, and left them on her doorstep, with a note (Spoilered for mushiness safety)

I figured that since you wouldn't tell me your favorite color, I'd get you EVERY color. Though, as beautiful as they are, any flower pales in comparison to your beauty.
-Sword

Oh, for those interested, the pics (or what few there were), are being posted in the "You" thread.

[Syka]

Ok, so officially jealous. ;) Why can't I meet a guy like this in real life? Why do I have to meet all the poets and wordsmiths and romantics online? :smallbiggrin: :smallwink: :smalltongue:

Cheers,
Syka

[Logic]

Ok, so officially jealous. ;) Why can't I meet a guy like this in real life? Why do I have to meet all the poets and wordsmiths and romantics online? :smallbiggrin: :smallwink: :smalltongue:

Cheers,
Syka

Because, it is to provide you with a longing, that will have you learn exactly what your tastes are, so that when the special someone really does arrive, you will be better suited to recognize him.

I call that Logic's Theory of Longing.

[Hell Puppi]

Indeed. it is a good theory.:smallwink:

[zeratul]

Dude, nice going. Ren faire hasn't started yet here.

[Hell Puppi]

Ren Fair's not until February here...ah well at least I have estrella war...

[Syka]

Same for me, Hellpuppi.

Syka is having a grand ole time of it. Update'll be coming...at some point, once she gets an actual handle on what's going on. For all she knows it's a mix up but...doubtful. Miscommunication is more likely.

Cheers,
Syka

Edit: SNAFU. I'm not sure what is happening right now. Keep me in your thoughts. This could get ugly. :smallfrown:

[Thrawn183]

I'm down with the nice looking trenchies. My sister looks great in a trench coat, but trying to look frightening? I've found that while its great to know that you could in theory, in practice its better to not send people reaching for their wallets:smallwink: .

Alright, I have a issue of my own I'd like to bring out for some advice:

I've been single for a couple of years now (nothing too serious in the past, just nothing of note recently), and this has been mostly due to my not trying to get anything started. There is a young woman who I am considering asking out, but here's the problem; somebody else just asked her out about a week or two ago (I'm not certain on the timing, myself.)

Did I just miss my window, or is there a period of "fighting for who you want" before a relationship gets going and enters the realm of you trying to come between two people? For what I know: she was asked out to coffee. If I thought it was already serious I wouldn't consider it... but I am considering it, and I'm wondering if I just took a step towards the "scuzzy" alignment.

[Syka]

My advice is to go for it. Outside of highschool, there is generally a window of anywhere from a few weeks to a few months I'd guess where it's just casual and each party is still free to date.

Worst that can happen is she says she is seeing someone else. *shrug*

Cheers,
Syka

[SDF]

SNAFU. I'm not sure what is happening right now. Keep me in your thoughts. This could get ugly. :smallfrown:

Ooh, I'm not sure what is happening, but I hope it ends up well... :smalleek: My PM box is always empty if you want to talk (read: empty, I'm not very popular on the interblargs)

[Hell Puppi]

Ooh, I'm not sure what is happening, but I hope it ends up well... :smalleek: My PM box is always empty if you want to talk (read: empty, I'm not very popular on the interblargs)

....I Like you....

then again, I like most everyone on the forums here. That shouldn't make my like any less real.:smallannoyed:

[Syka]

I am watching as a plane nose dives perpendicular to the earth. It's about 100 feet away from crashing. Chances of pilot reflexes being incredible: about 5%. Maybe. :smallsigh:

Such is life.

Cheers,
Syka

[Zeb The Troll]

I am watching as a plane nose dives perpendicular to the earth. It's about 100 feet away from crashing. Chances of pilot reflexes being incredible: about 5%. Maybe. :smallsigh:

Such is life.

Cheers,
SykaIs this supposed to be some sort of metaphor for what you were talking about earlier? I hope things work out for you.

*points to his Inbox*

Just in case you need it.

[Syka]

Yah. Pretty sure I'm going to be officially single very soon. If not already. But such is life.

When I realized that, honestly, the worst losses I can sustain is not getting back my 28 Days Later DVD, not finishing the anime we were in the middle of, and not getting to go out very often, it's made it a lot easier.

Too bad I'm not a user or a gold digger...He'd've been a good one. :smallwink: j/k See, this is me dealing with stress via humor. :)

I'll be fine though. Thanks for your offers of help, it is greatly appreciated.

Cheers,
Syka

[Zeb The Troll]

Yah. Pretty sure I'm going to be officially single very soon. If not already. But such is life.Hey, this isn't just a ploy to get that crush to come out is it? :smalltongue:

*this is me trying to help with the humor* :smallsmile:

[Syka]

*snick* Nope. If anything, I need to finish dealing with the people currently crushing on me. You people are making it so hard for me to want to stay single!

Cheers,
Syka

[zeratul]

Well things are going disturbingly well for me. Looks like for once things are goin my way.:smallsmile:

[SDF]

....I Like you....

then again, I like most everyone on the forums here. That shouldn't make my like any less real.:smallannoyed:

Thank you! And for brightening my day I like you too! :smallbiggrin:


*snick* Nope. If anything, I need to finish dealing with the people currently crushing on me. You people are making it so hard for me to want to stay single!

Cheers,
Syka

Oh my! Well, we all have our burdens to carry, :P and if you need help dealing with this "crush"ing problem, let me know ^_^; I could rough 'em up! Well maybe not up, but a direction they wouldn't be comfortable with.

[Vampiric]

In the spirit of the helpfullness above, I offer my pm inbox to anyone who has a woe that's unpostable, or just doesn't want to post it. I think there was a page earlier where people said the same thing.... oh well.:smallbiggrin:

[Sir_Norbert]

Good luck with wanting to stay single, Syka. It's always good to be contented with the way things are.... when I was single I always wanted not to be, and that didn't make me an easy person to get on with. But conversely, it means I'm very happy with the way things are now......

[Syka]

Yah, we're just friends. Got the message this morning. He did apologize for being rude to me (which he was).

*sigh* Ya know, if it had been handled just a little bit differently, it would have been a completely different outcome. And by a little bit differently, I honestly mean if one response had been different. :smallsigh:

Oh well, if nothing else I hope I still have a good friend out of the deal. I doubt he'll be coming up this weekend, but I need to find out for sure since another friend is also supposed to be coming up (but I'm not worried about her, as her boyfriend is up here, as well). Life is complicated but it goes on.

Cheers,
Syka

[CurlyKitGirl]

Commiserations for you Syka. There's nothing I can say that won't sound cheesy or cliched. I will jsut say that from what I've heard/read I doubt you'll be single for long and will find a better partner.

My update. Friends A, B, C and D are sorted out now. I got them together and told them to sort it out. A an C admitted they like each other. D said that was Ok because he kinda thout somthing like that was going on, he wanted to find out if C would admit it herself. B was a bit upset but they all parted no hard feelings and we're all still friends. Thanks to everyone who gave their advice. It really helped.:smallsmile:

[SDF]

At least it seems you two will still be friends. It often seems the case that everything would be okay if only for one thing. I hope you go back to being happy soon. ^_^

[Syka]

That's good to hear KitGirl. :) I'm glad that ended up working out.

I'm already coming to terms with it, getting myself in the mindset of just being friends. It shouldn't be too hard considering most of the relationship was based on friendship anyway. I'm am going to miss kissing him though. :smallwink:

I'm doing ok though. The breakup before this one kind of helps put it into perspective and makes it easier to handle. Thanks for all your support, guys.

Cheers,
Syka

[Jibar]

Call it mating season, call it me being just plain depressed and lonely, or call it the ludicrous number of relationships in the playground but I have only one question for ye assembled., and let it be marked this is probably the lowest I've ever sunk.

Why can't I find anybody?

[Ego Slayer]

Why can't I find anybody?
You're only 16, for gods' sake. Give it a few more years before you start getting all depressed about it, right? >_>

[Jibar]

You're only 16, for gods' sake. Give it a few more years before you start getting all depressed about it, right? >_>

Says the woman in a relationship. :smallannoyed:

Let me make it clear that Dis is the only person I know who has not had a relationship of some kind. Real life and online.
And most of my friends in real life are younger than me.

Besides, who said I'm depressed about this? I've got a lot more important things I can be depressed about, thank you very much.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Says the woman in a relationship. :smallannoyed:

Let me make it clear that Dis is the only person I know who has not had a relationship of some kind. Real life and online.
And most of my friends in real life are younger than me.

I am the same age as you and I have had no boyfriends in real life or on-line life. So stop complaining! You have a lot of time in front of you to mate. And a lot of my friends are younger than me too.

[mudbunny]

Says the woman in a relationship. :smallannoyed:

Let me make it clear that Dis is the only person I know who has not had a relationship of some kind. Real life and online.
And most of my friends in real life are younger than me.

FWIW, I didn't actually get into a relationship until I hit 23ish.

[ForzaFiori]

Call it mating season, call it me being just plain depressed and lonely, or call it the ludicrous number of relationships in the playground but I have only one question for ye assembled., and let it be marked this is probably the lowest I've ever sunk.

Why can't I find anybody?

look at it this way.
at least you havn't found the wrong person.
I, personally, would rather have been single most of this past school year rather than trying to work out my relationship with the girl i was dating off and on. It seemed like the right thing to do, but it wasn't worth it. Just stick through this season, and hope next year some really hot foreign exchange student falls madly in love with you XD.

Although i do wonder why you always find really cool people online, and never in real life...
its one of those questions of the ages i guess.

[Ego Slayer]

Says the woman in a relationship. :smallannoyed:
I fail to see your point.


Besides, who said I'm depressed about this? I've got a lot more important things I can be depressed about, thank you very much.
Oh, I don't know. You seem to kvetch about it pretty often.

[zeratul]

I have the solution! I will start a secret plan to hook up Jibar, and Curly. It's Genous! wait did I just say that out loud?

[Jibar]

Oh, I don't know. You seem to kvetch about it pretty often.

...kvetch?

[mudbunny]

...kvetch?

From Wikipedia

Kvetch (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kvetch)


a Yiddish word meaning, roughly, to complain.

[Jibar]

From Wikipedia

Kvetch (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kvetch)

Ah.
Okay, fair point.
Unfortunately at this time of year it's the only thing I can think about really, so I don't know why I even made that Besides.

[Sean92k]

I had the same sort of problem, Jibar, and when I told my friend he said this, "Don't worry about it. When you're older you'll go out with friends enjoy yourself and meet a nice girl" And I took that to heart. Actually, thinking back, my friend said that I should get a prostitute, it was my friends cousin that said that. She's a wise girl:smallsigh:

[Syka]

Hey, I didn't have my first relationship of any kind til I was 16. Lasted three and a half years. 5 days after it ended, I got in the one I was in up until last night.

Both were fun until it got toward the end. I'm beginning to note patterns, though. But don't complain. Last thing you need in your life is the stress of someone ELSE'S life.

Cheers,
Syka

[Amotis]

I'm beginning to note patterns, though.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I've noticed that too.

Also, girl, you need some single time. Some you time. You can't have relationships run into each other like that. Even though you meet the best of partners of rebounds you still need to space it out, step back, third person stuff. At least that's what I've always needed. It's a breath of fresh air that lets you really concentrate on things. Things that make it easier to find someone you'll really like, if you want that.

But I've read what you've posted before and I hope you make the most of it. It being time. You time, specifically. Perhaps I'm wrong but there's something about having the breath and space to think about yourself seperate from anyone else that helps clean and clear things up.


I fail to see your point.

Exactly. We all weren't born in relationships. This ain't a Us Vs. Them sorta thing. It's an experiance/opinion thing.

[Sir_Norbert]

I never had a girlfriend until I was 22..... it was her first relationship as well and she was two years older. So yeah, there's no point in despairing.

[magicwalker]

I would suggest not worrying about the heavy relationship stuff for now. Work on expanding your group of friends to include girls. Do more stuff with the girls you are friends with you. Then I think you can come to some conclusions about why you aren't in a relationship.

Not knowing anything about you, I'd offer some generic reasons why one wouldn't be in a relationship:

a) Too young, not mature enough to be in a relationship.
b) Trying too hard, too much attention can betray innocent intentions.
c) Not trying hard enough, apathy doesn't draw intention.

A wise man once said: "Search your feelings..."

[Sean92k]

A wise man once said: "Search your feelings..."He finished that sentence with, "You know it to be true"

[Amotis]

He finished that sentence with,

GOOGLE, MOTHER****ER, CAN YOU USE IT?!?!

A very wise man indeed. :smallamused:

[Vampiric]

I thought it was
'Do they speak English in What?!'
'What?!'
'English, mother****er, do you speak it?!'

Good old Pulp Fiction, where would we be without it....?

[Sean92k]

GOOGLE, MOTHER****ER, CAN YOU USE IT?!?!

A very wise man indeed. :smallamused:Hey, Vader wasn't that wise

[magicwalker]

Uhh sorry to cause such a side track, can we attempt to get back on topic...

[Callos_DeTerran]

Heh Jibar, I wouldn't worry about things like that so much. Been single me entire life (Which is about 18 or so years and mostly because of apathy ((Not to mention females find me 'creepy and unsettling')) ) so get experience by giving other people advice and seeing how it works out for them. (Something I've done before and it's worked out for the best most of the time...or at least worked out. x.x)

Then, when ye finally be ready ye shall have all of de experience ye will need and be utterly set relationshipwise.

[Syka]

Ok. He finally IM'ed be back. Conversation seems to be going smooth and it does look like the friendship is salvagable (unless he is expecting some benefits...in which case, that ain't happening). :smallsmile:

I think that is what worried me most. Not losing the romantic aspect, but losing his friendship. I count him amongst my good friends because we get along so well and I was terrified that this was going to alter that dramatically. Only time will tell but for right now alls good.

Admittedly, still miffed, but cooling down. It's easier to forgive when you aren't dating the person. :smallwink:

Cheers,
Syka

[Hell Puppi]

I didn't have my first real relationship until I was 18 =P

[Midnight Son]

I didn't have my first real relationship until I was 18 =PI was twenty when I met the first girl I would call my girlfriend. Do not despair young'uns. It'll come with time.

[ForzaFiori]

wow.
i'm really amazed that i have had 3 gf's (2 of them i dated more than once), by the age of 15, when most of you didn't get a gf/bf until like 17-20.
i guess i'm just a man-ho or something :smallbiggrin:

[Amotis]

When I was in kindergarten I was best friends with a guy and a girl in my class. Inseparable. We ran to the playground holding hands with each other in some train of sugar high and about a total age of about 16.

So I guess you could say I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend at five. :smalltongue: (Oh come on, it's not like you did more then run around the playground holding hands with your "real" partners in elementary school.)

[Zeb The Troll]

For the youngsters that are fretting about not having dated yet, let me give you some sour grapes you can reach for.

I can tell you with relative certainty that at this point in your life, it's most likely that that kind of relationship will only add drama and it will be drama that you don't need. You'll both be still in the progress of trying to figure out who YOU are and that will make it extremely difficult to fit who you are into the relationship puzzle. In the end you will probably break up and an emotional event like that tossed into a whirlwind of unbalanced hormones will lead to feeling it much more acutely than you need to.

Even as an adult with all that puberty nonsense behind you, the process of developing a relationship can be gruelling and a break up can be hard. My last break up, several years ago, was like a shot to the groin. My first break up, when I was breaking up with Belethorien's mother, was even worse.

My point? These are days when you have enough on your plate just trying to get by day to day, keep your grades up, keep your parents happy (or rebel against them, whichever phase you're in), develop potential lifelong friendships, plan your future, etc etc. Just being happy with being you is a solid accomplishment. Focus on that. If love finds you, great! But don't be down because it hasn't found you yet. It will. And when it does you'll have plenty of opportunity to make up for any lost time.

/sage advice peppered with experience, salt to taste

[Serpentine]

Call it mating season, call it me being just plain depressed and lonely, or call it the ludicrous number of relationships in the playground but I have only one question for ye assembled., and let it be marked this is probably the lowest I've ever sunk.

Why can't I find anybody?
I would like to point out that in about... 4 or so years, you will look back on this post and be really, really embarassed. Well, if you were at all like me, you would. But I doubt you're at all like me... I say this because when I was about 15, I think, or maybe 14, I complained to a bunch of near-complete strangers about the fact that I had never kissed anyone (I think they suggested that I practice on either an apple, a pillow or my hand). You're in school now, it's pretty limited for choice. You'll eventually leave there, go to uni or work or whatever, and find a whole new broad world of people to meet. In the meantime, all I can suggest is that you closely examine all the lady-types in your viscinity and consider whether any of them would be appropriate and take the neccessary steps, and/or hang out somewhere you're likely to meet people with similar interests (I recommend a library. Not that they pay me, or anything...). It's gonna be pretty rare, especially in an environment as static as high school, that a great girl with whom you immediately click is going to suddenly land in your lap. Also, while I'm quite happy about the new acceptability of girls making a move, it's still in transition and in any case we're just as shy as you - that is, if you don't do anything, there's an excellent chance nothing will happen at all even if something great could happen.

To the person who was wondering about all the cool people they see online rather than in real life, well, I can assure you I'm a lot cooler here than I am elsewhere - it's easier to filter out most of the annoying.

[Hell Puppi]

To the person who was wondering about all the cool people they see online rather than in real life, well, I can assure you I'm a lot cooler here than I am elsewhere - it's easier to filter out most of the annoying.

That and there's the edit button.
Don't we all wish we had one of those?

[ForzaFiori]

That and there's the edit button.
Don't we all wish we had one of those?

oh yes.
if i had an edit button, i'd have alot more friends.
and have been punched alot less.

[Zeb The Troll]

That and there's the edit button.
Don't we all wish we had one of those?Every day, HellPuppi. Every day. :smallcool:

[Serpentine]

I frequently finding myself longing for a control-z or a save point :smallsigh:

[ForzaFiori]

save points would also be nice.

i'd also like to do that thing in movies where they take a long time on all the really good or important parts of the characters life, and skip the boring parts.

[Jibar]

I would like to point out that in about... 4 or so years, you will look back on this post and be really, really embarassed.

Honestly, I really really am now.
Ego's right, all I have done for a while is bitch about this.
I need something to do. Since I got back from holiday I haven't had a job or school or anything to take my mind off things.

[Xykon_Fan]

Actually, I had been wondering about this myself for a while. See, I have a friend who seems to attract girls like very pretty moths, though he doesn't really tend to keep them since they think he's shallow personality-wise (He's not actually). Anyway, so I realize the dude works out and stuff, but it still doesn't explain the relative personality issues. I mean, not every girl can be all about this guy simply because he's built. (I don't buy in to the stereotypes that all guys care about is appearances, and all girls care about is personality...it's a mixture with tendencies towards those things...anyway, back on track.)

So, I started asking the girls who had crushed on him why they liked him. (I know this is technically socially impolite, but I have very candid friends who are okay with talking like this with each other.) I explained to them why I was doing so: I was simply driven near-insane by the unsolved variable (I'm very analytic), though I wasn't actually upset that no girls seemed interested in me...really. (Some of them didn't believe me on that point. I've learned that some girls get very upset at people they think have low self-esteem. :smallamused: ) Anyway, so I got my answers which, if it's okay with you guys, I won't post here since I know my friend visits GITP for OOTS and I don't want him seeing their confidential answers.

Anyway, I finally figured it out with two of those girls' help. One of them actually started liking me (I've learned the alternative to having no one like you is worse...having a friend like you), but she got confused when she realized I have many different faces and personalities and she met someone who didn't know her version of me and they both confused each other more...heheh. :smallamused: So I started thinking about it, and the other girl and I both came up with roughly the same idea. I seem to be too deep for girls. Many girls prefer complete openness and honesty right off. They can tell that there's something more to me, and they've decided I'm purposely holding back. Either way, the variable is solved and I am pleased. I wouldn't change my many-sided-ness for the world. I like who I am, and I know that I'll eventually find someone. The question is more along the lines of when.

So, Jibar, don't worry about it too much okay? This stuff tends to eventually figure itself out.

Oh, and thanks all for letting me share this story. It helps me figure my life out, piece by piece.

[Syka]

You know when it changes? When everyone matures. :smalltongue: That is honestly the secret. Maturity will make them not worry about the fact that you have many facets. As long as a guy isn't keeping secrets from me, I love finding out new things about him. Like, when the guy I had been dating told me the debates were on TV and we watched it together while chatting. I'd've never expected it of him, but it was something I learned.

Speaking of...I'm going to preface this with I'm really happy everything does seem to be normal between him and I. In fact, it's pretty much like nothing changed.

Because he called me today just before class let out. oo' In the course of the conversation, he asked if when a band came by if I'd be willing to see it with him. I've got no problem with this, as I had hoped not much would change, but does this strike anyone else as slightly odd? That the guy you essentially broke up with is still asking you to go to concerts with him?

I'm just kind of confused. If we do though, I'm going to ask to pay for my ticket. Trust me, I'm not complaining...I'm just sitting here thinking, "Is this normal?"

I guess it probably comes from the fact that most of the relationship we did have was as friends, just with some romantic stuff thrown in. *shrug* Oh well. I'm probably just being myself and overthinking like I am apt to do. At least I still have a good friend. :smallsmile:

Cheers,
Syka

[mudbunny]

What is normal in relationships??

It is unique for every couple. If you and your ex still being friends is OK with you, and OK with him, than go for it and screw everyone who says you shouldn't be friends with him.


I guess it probably comes from the fact that most of the relationship we did have was as friends, just with some romantic stuff thrown in. *shrug* Oh well. I'm probably just being myself and overthinking like I am apt to do. At least I still have a good friend.

The important phrase is the one that I highlighted.

[Vonriel]

I fail to see your point.

This might not have been Jibar's point, but it would've been mine had someone in a relationship responded the way you did to me saying what he did.

It feels like .. a blind man having the most wondrous sight in the world described to him. Not quite jealousy, but resentment, that someone who has what I don't would presume to tell me that what I'm lacking I'd find. Sure, you can say that, because you have it. It's harder for those of us who don't to believe that, though.

Of course, this was from a few years ago, when, in one of my less intelligent moments, I asked a room full of my friends - each of whom had a s.o. - why I couldn't find anyone. :smalltongue:

[magicwalker]

Syka- Don't be afraid of success! You didn't want to stop being friends with him. Maybe he's making an effort to show that he doesn't want to stop being friends with you either.

[Ego Slayer]

It feels like .. a blind man having the most wondrous sight in the world described to him. Not quite jealousy, but resentment, that someone who has what I don't would presume to tell me that what I'm lacking I'd find. Sure, you can say that, because you have it. It's harder for those of us who don't to believe that, though.
But blind men are blind forever. I don't believe that Jibar is yet in such a hopeless situation.

[jazz1m]

At ego slayer, yes blind men are blind forever but I believe Vonriel is not directly comparing Jibar with the blind man metaphor (at least in terms of time), more so in terms of emotion and how he might 'perceive' your advice. What Vonriel is saying is, it is easy enough to say, 'you'll find some one out there as I did', when you have already found some one. It is hard to believe those words when one has had trouble finding this alleged person.

Of course it could also be the opposite effect of 'Ego found some one, and many others have as well, perhaps there is some one out there for me.'

@Jibar - as others have suggested, there are a limited number of choices in high school. Once you go to college or move or whatever, there will be plenty of people who will appreciate you for who you are. High School is always hard since if you are somewhat different or don't fit in to any groups you tend to be shunned (not every school mind you). Just enjoy your friends and look to the future.

[Darkbane]

Okay, I'm also in high school, but it's a small private school so everybody knows each other. There's one girl there who I've been trying to work up the nerve to ask out, but haven't done it yet. I was going to ask her on a date when school started up again, but my family is going to be moving from California to Missouri in August. We're going to rent the house out during the school year, but we can come back during the summer and maybe visit rarely during the school year. Does anybody have any suggestions for this?

[sktarq]

... he asked if when a band came by if I'd be willing to see it with him. I've got no problem with this, as I had hoped not much would change, but does this strike anyone else as slightly odd? That the guy you essentially broke up with is still asking you to go to concerts with him...

If we do though, I'm going to ask to pay for my ticket.

Been through this mill a couple times of dating friends-odd drunken one night stands with friends-staying friends with ex's and other assorted and sundry versions of this moment. In fact I think i have probably used similar phraseology as he did at some point just due to trying not to repeat myself each time (convergent speach patterns). It is only really odd if you think trying to stay friends is odd (some do-often more in action than word). As for paying your own ticket-Generally a good idea (unless the tickets will cost the same as refreshments in which case it is fine to spring for one of them and he get you for the other). Try not to be overly pushy about paying for yourself as it can come off as rather aggressive and bitter. He was probably anxious about it himself

[ForzaFiori]

You know when it changes? When everyone matures. :smalltongue:


wait, u mean eventually ppl will stop acting like immature idiots? How long does this usually take? i need to know so i know how long to freeze myself for.

[Syka]

Um...come to think of it...I'm not really sure when...I know a lot of my friends and I started maturing around senior year. But trust me, even in college, there are still a ton of immature idiots.

Some never grow out of it. Most do sometime in college and, if not then, I'd say when they face the real world.

No, I don't think it's weird to stay friends. The reason I'm not friends with my ex (not this guy, another), is because of how he had handled himself after the break up. The way this guy is handling it is completely different in that he apologized for how he acted and we are both making active efforts to stay friends.

Cheers,
Syka

[Xykon_Fan]

Thanks, Syka. Your words are appreciated since I have been wondering how long that will continue. Like I said, I'm not particularly concerned about it. Right now, I don't really think I'm in a good position to have a girlfriend. I'm starting college, starting an honors program in said college, my family's moving to TX from CA, and I'm moving to a new area...on the plus side, the college I'm going to is 66% girls! W00t! :smalltongue:

Jibar, don't worry too much about all this. Believe me, from one lonely guy to another, I've experienced those days (sadly, usually because of a movie or...worse...a little kid's movie that my younger brothers are watching) where you feel horrible and lonely. Trust me, I've only ever had one relationship, my criteria are pretty specific, and girls aren't interested in me. If I can keep believing there's still someone there, you of all people (with that snazzy looking hate) should be able to. I realize this is probably still embarrassing you yet more.:smalltongue: Sorry.

[Syka]

Yah, I definitely would not be worrying about a relationship right now. I've found the times I stopped worrying and concentrated on myself and my friends, I've ended up finding relationships. Right now though, I'm going to be really busy with school and work, so it's probably preferable to remain single.

Our culture tends to look down on the single person with pity. I say, break free of that concept! If you NEED someone else to be happy, then I think you need to learn to be happy on your OWN before dragging another person into your life. Granted, I haven't been officially single in a while, but judging from my relationships and how I'm feeling now, there are definite perks to singlehood whilst in school. Such as, potentially fewer distractions and you don't have to worry about being available to talk/be with someone. And trust me, that feeling of obligation can be strong.

So revel in it while you can. I'm planning to take my time and enjoy singlehood while I can. :smallsmile:

Cheers,
Syka

[Pyrian]

I've found the times I stopped worrying and concentrated on myself and my friends, I've ended up finding relationships.Any of us guys have that happen? Seriously, I think that's mostly a girl thing. Certainly I've spent years not looking for a relationship, and sure enough, didn't find one.


Our culture tends to look down on the single person with pity.I don't think that's true; our culture is much more likely to lionize the single life. Of course, our culture's idea of the single life involves sleeping with lots of people rather than nobody. :smallwink: Single people are much more likely to pity themselves than be pitied, IMO.


If you NEED someone else to be happy, then I think you need to learn to be happy on your OWN before dragging another person into your life.Haven't we been over this before? Come back and say that after spending five years straight without so much as a second date. :smalltongue:

I don't know. I mean, I'm mostly happy when I'm single, and there are definite aspects to my freedom that I very much enjoy. But, speaking for those of us who have to struggle mightily to get any loving at all, I don't think those of you who basically have to fight off suitors with a stick really speak to our experience.

[Syka]

Hey, I'm not just saying this without experience.

Most people I know started dating in middle school. The first time I was ever asked out was when I was 16. He was literally the only one to show interest in me up until this past November.

I know what's it is like to want something you don't have. I spent the first half of my teen years craving it. It honestly wasn't until I became content with just being myself that it happened. I'm not saying just sit back, what I'm saying is you have to be comfortable being you singular, rather than you plural, before you should think about a relationship.

Cheers,
Syka

[Koga]

(If anybody is wondering why I'm reffering to myself in the first person it's because Rawhide threatend to ban me or atleast put another warning tab on me if I didn't.)

My girlfriend just brokeup with me!

...Again...:smallannoyed:


I knew she'd do this. People take advantage, always always!:smallmad:


She saw I actually cared about her and she exploited it to the extent till she found someone she found more attractive.


Well that's ok because now I gots me a plan! I'm gonna ride out this depression scnict to gain Jessica's trust! She won't let me near her sister because her sister is niave and innocent.


And I'm... well The Koga lol!


And I'll make her think i'm all depressed and nothing can get me out of it blooby bloo-bloo! And the only other girl I ever fealt feelings like that for was Kelli which was why I treated her very simaler.:smalleek:

Hahaha! I got you believing it too don't I?! I want me some of that rawr!


And with Kelli out of the way and this kickass excuse I can probably get it! I might comeout with a better deal then I had before!:smallbiggrin:


Evidently i'm sure Amaya will grow tired of this new guy. He's more peverted then me, and she hates sexual innuendo. You do the math.

As for me, I'll get with Kelli who's like Amaya only submissive, cuter, and knows how to shutup.

*Does the capidgepatch and is reminded of the song by Rob Zombie "I Feel So Numb" ...why?*

[Syka]

:smallannoyed: I will not admit to liking you. Why, just because a girl broke up with YOU, does it mean that she was taking advantage? Did you ever take a look in the mirror? Hello, Kettle? Yes, this is Pot. You are black. :P

When I broke up with the guy I was dating, it wasn't because I saw him "caring" or whatever. It was because it was what's right for me, even though I still care deeply for him. Maybe you weren't showing her you cared enough or some such. Perhaps this new guy actually lets her know she's appreciated.

Did you ever think that, even though the guy might be "perverted" that he does have redeeming qualities, and she knows this? Not everyone is perfect, and no one is simply one adjective.

I would suggest moving on from Amaya though. I would also suggest not dating amongst the same group of friends.

Ok, I'll be quiet now. Otherwise I'll end up with my foot in my mouth.

Cheers,
Syka

[Xykon_Fan]

Alright, I read through your post three times, and I'm still not sure I understand it. Please check your posts for spelling/grammar before you post them. You can even copy/paste into Word or something similar to do so. Furthermore, please don't use 2-3 spaces between paragraphs. One will do, as it makes it easier to read and less space-consuming. I'm not trying to be a vigilante mod...I'm just trying to give advice on how you can make your posting better.

Now, to your actual content, I agree with Syka. I'm not sure she was, in fact, taking advantage of you. She may have simply not felt for you the way you evidently felt for her.

Honestly, with stuff like...

As for me, I'll get with Kelli who's like Amaya only submissive, cuter, and knows how to shutup.
I think the problems in the break-up may well have been on your end. I doubt many women like being talked about this way. Even if you don't talk like that around them, you will still treat them a certain way because of how you think of them.

I'm sorry for how harsh I have been. I tried to make sure I stayed within forum guidelines (I believe I did), and I'm trying to open your eyes to how you are acting and how you can change.

[Serpentine]

Okay, I'm also in high school, but it's a small private school so everybody knows each other. There's one girl there who I've been trying to work up the nerve to ask out, but haven't done it yet. I was going to ask her on a date when school started up again, but my family is going to be moving from California to Missouri in August. We're going to rent the house out during the school year, but we can come back during the summer and maybe visit rarely during the school year. Does anybody have any suggestions for this?
This seems to come up an awful lot... Why not just ask her to do something with you, a date or not, and get to know her before you go? If you find out she's not very interesting, you can move on without regrets. If she is interesting, well, you might have a new penpal or whatever. You don't have to automatically get serious and have to fix up a long-distance relationship, you could just make a new friend. I would've thought this would be easier in a dating culture, where you have a so-many-dates leeway before being in a Relationship.

[Midnight Son]

Any of us guys have that happen? Seriously, I think that's mostly a girl thing. Certainly I've spent years not looking for a relationship, and sure enough, didn't find one.
You just weren't not looking hard enough.:smallwink:

[Koga]

Meh, I act the way I do out of cyniscsm. Proof is I was dumped, so apparently being nice would've let to waste of energy, dissapointment, and a degrading of my ego.

Blessed is the man sprinkled with enemies, for they shall make him a hero.
Cursed is he who doeth good unto others and who sneer upon him in return. For he shall be despised!

[Vonriel]

Any of us guys have that happen? Seriously, I think that's mostly a girl thing. Certainly I've spent years not looking for a relationship, and sure enough, didn't find one.

Heh, he has a point. Syka, remember that our society tells us that it's the guy's job to ask the girl out, so the number of girls who actually approach guys they like and ask them are bound to be much less than the number of guys who do the same. For you ladies, her advice is great, for you guys, well, maybe not so much. :smallwink:

Edit:

Koga, my rebuttal to your last bit:

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

[Koga]

*Reads more of his Satanic Bible to comeup with a reverse retort against you*:smallyuk:

[Syka]

Here's the thing, if you HAD put effort and been nice, then maybe you WOULDN'T have been dumped.

Food for thought.

Cheers,
Syka

[Koga]

Here's the thing, if you HAD put effort and been nice, then maybe you WOULDN'T have been dumped.

Food for thought.

Cheers,
Syka
Ehhh, I did. I wouldn't be upset if I didn't obviously.

It was a waste of my time and resources. I could've spent it better. On another girl perhaps.


Y'know just because she's a girl doesn't mean she's the one in the right. Women can be just as cruel and selfish as men. If not moreso. I've never had these kindsof problems with men. If the idea didn't tottaly gross me out i'd go gay in a second.

[The Great Skenardo]

Here's the thing, if you HAD put effort and been nice, then maybe you WOULDN'T have been dumped.

Food for thought.

Cheers,
Syka

Yes...I think it's a bit like deciding you might as well throw rocks at stained-glass windows, because the fact that they broke after you did shows that it would've happened whether you threw the rocks or not.

[SDF]

Y'know just because she's a girl doesn't mean she's the one in the right. Women can be just as cruel and selfish as men. If not moreso. I've never had these kindsof problems with men. If the idea didn't tottaly gross me out i'd go gay in a second.

The way you are describing it doesn't make it sound like you cared too much. We can't know who was right, only conjecture from what you tell us. And if you've never had these problems with men, try dating one.

[The Great Skenardo]

Or maybe try and find more Nihilistic women :smalltongue:

[Koga]

Meh, now she's instant-messaging me. Apparently karma took effect and the guy she dumped me for dumped her.

Now she's crawling back (AGAIN) like the worm she is.

She thinks now i'm ignoring her, that would imply I was actively seeking to hurt her. I now see that she was never better then me, that I am the supirior one, mwahah!

Let the torment of lonenyless fester her life! It was revealed to me by "choosing" this other guy that I was not only second in her life, but even if I wasn't, there was no garantee I'd remain first. Where despite my unorthodox boyfriend methods, I never looked at another girl when I was with her.


Would girls prefer a man be brutaly loyal and honost, or a lieing-cheating smooth talker?

If any woman.. hell, any living thing thinks it's possible to find someone loyal, honost, and charming, they are dellussional. Why if I had charm I wouldn't need to depend on the haphazard trinkets of honost and loyalty. I wouldn't need them. I could have any girl I wanted.

Out of my own weakness I have to compromise and be a good slave. Which I am.

She just was a horrible master. And now she will pay for it without a slave to mend her wounds.


I like gloating about my fables, regardless of success and failure. It helps me to vent, and hopefuly someone learns something from my exprience about self-empowerment.

[Syka]

I wasn't saying she was right hands down, and I know women can be just as bad. Just from how you describe it, and what I know of you, I can't really blame her.

And if she's crawling back to you, that's just silly. I generally don't redate. In the situation with the current guy, I'd consider it if only because I know he can decide that he DOES want a serious relationship.

But I'd never go crawling back. Yah, I think you just need to move on.

And I seriously advise you knock your ego down a notch and try being nice to people. I'm not saying be a doormat, but try being nice. It's wonderous where it'll get you.

Cheers,
Syka

[The Great Skenardo]

But doesn't it all sound a bit hollow? It may be that the bravado you're showing on these forums is part of the whole third-person bit, but if you translate it into your outlook on relationships, I don't think you'll see very many satisfying and/or healthy relationships springing out of it.

[Koga]

Meh, the whole situation reminds me of Marilyn Manson's "fight".

I know they suffocate you more than the passing of everyday human events
And isolation is the oxygen mask you're making children breath into to survive
But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****

And when we were good
You just close your eyes
So when we are bad
We'll scar your minds

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

You'll never grow up to be a big rock star
Celebrated victim of your fame
Just cut our wrists like cheap coupons
And say that "death was on sale today"

And when we were good
You just close your eyes
So when we are bad
We'll scar your minds

But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****

The death of one is a tragedy
The death of one is a tragedy
The death of one is a tragedy
The death of a million is just a statistic

But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****
But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

I rather like the egoism. It's alot more sastisfactionary then selflessness. I get the same amount of treatment, for a less amount of expendeture.

That's profit.:smallsmile:

[zeratul]

Hello, Kettle? Yes, this is Pot. You are black. :P

Syka, simply put you rock.:smallamused:

[Logic]

:smallannoyed: I will not admit to liking you.
I have to agree. And it takes alot for me to admit to not liking someone.

Hello, Kettle? Yes, this is Pot. You are black. :P


Syka, simply put you rock.:smallamused:
Again, I agree.

Koga, I can decipher nothing from your posts that don't imply that females are nothing more that tools for your amusement.

[zeratul]

Theres a song about that Logic, to quote it,

"This one goes out to the one I love, this one goes out to the one I've left behind, a simple prop, to occupy my time, this one goes out to the one I love"

[The Great Skenardo]

Koga, I can decipher nothing from your posts that don't imply that females are nothing more that tools for your amusement.

Or an equation. Or an economics problem.

[Tomkin]

Um, hi, first post here (despite a month-old account), I have a heck of an awkward problem here. Not romantic in nature, but awkward in a possibly life-threatening kind of way. Unless I'm overreacting, but in my (admittedly limited) experience when the word "suicide" is mentioned there is no such thing as overreacting.

See, I go to retreats with my religious group about 5-6 times a year. That's where I get a lot of my social contact. Of course since these only happen so infrequently, my retreat friends and I communicate over e-mail. The retreats are separated by age and I just finished 8th grade, meaning that I will be leaving this age group with about 10 of my buddies.

A friend of mine is one year younger than me (she's 13), but mostly has friends in my age group, including possibly a crush. She also gets a lot of her social contact at retreats. Sometime between the second-last and last retreats of the year, she became very depressed and suicidal, possibly because said friends will be leaving for the next age group. The details of this misadventure are quite hazy due to her (understandably) not wanting to talk about it, but she is over it now (she tells me, and I have no reason to disbelieve her, until now that is...)

However, I just heard from her over e-mail saying (loosely paraphrased) "Things aren't going well but whatever and I just saved a friend from committing suicide..."

Cue in alarm bells. Now this girl has it quite rough; her parents are divorced and she has to shuttle between Massachusetts and Colorado periodically. She also has some self-esteem difficulties and suffers from depression (well, duh). So something about this situation (repeated mention of suicide, maybe?) is giving me an icky feeling that something's about to blow, and I want to do everything I can to stop it, as the only person from retreats who lives within commuting distance of her. I'm debating asking our retreat coordinator, because she is a wonderful person and very understanding, but that has the potential to be even more awkward than it is now...

... so, umm...

help? :smalleek:

(I will try to furnish as many details as possible if there's anything I forgot, but I may not be able to tell you some things as not only do I have limited experience with her but she is very shy and reluctant to open up.)

[The Great Skenardo]

Oof. That's a real problem, all right.

Depression is never something to be handled lightly...but I think that it's your duty as a friend to try and make sure she isn't going to start hurting herself. At first, I'd recommend just spending more time around her; drop by her house or invite her along to do stuff. You might be able to get a better sense of her mental state that way. If you think that she's seriously contemplating suicide or that her depression is getting out her hands, by all means, get the coordinator involved. The important thing is to make sure that she knows that there's at least one person watching out for her, and someone who cares.

If she hasn't sought professional help for her depression, I'd recommend that as well.

Good luck... :smalleek:

[Zeb The Troll]

Tomkin,

First, you're absolutely right not to ignore your ucomfortable feelings about what you're hearing. Best case scenario is that you overreacted and maybe you'll both feel a little silly later. But far worse is the case where you don't trust your gut and something terrible happens.

Given the resources you say you have available to you, I'd say, off the top of my head, that it's in everyone's best interests to contact this retreat coordinator you mentioned as quickly as possible and fill her in on everything you know.

As wise and wonderful as most of us think we are, what we are not is trained professionals (well, some of us are and I'm sure they'll qualify themselves if need be in response to this) and we are not where you are. Your coordinator is likely to have the tools available to get to the bottom of things where your friend is concerned.

Don't worry about awkwardness. While it may get that way, if nothing else this should show your friend that you care about what happens to her and if she gets upset now, she'll likely forgive you in the near future. If she doesn't, at least you can be confident in the knowledge that you did what you could to make sure she's around to be mad at you.

Good luck to you both.

[zeratul]

Well Zeb, we might wanna see how well she can work through it. If she falls deeper, then call the coordinator, if not, wait. Talk to her about medication, and or therapy.

[Syka]

Ok. Lets put it this way. Maybe he wasn't so different from my ex.

...I think I just lost someone I thought was a good friend. :smallfrown:

I didn't expect this. Even with the other night...I didn't expect this. *shakes head before heading off to bed*

Cheers,
Syka

[Hell Puppi]

Wow, Syka, I'd offer some heartfelt advice but I'm defiantly not a person for that.
Tell us what happened when yah feel up to it. We'll listen to the venting.

[Zeb The Troll]

Well Zeb, we might wanna see how well she can work through it. If she falls deeper, then call the coordinator, if not, wait. Talk to her about medication, and or therapy.I understand where you're coming from with this, Zeratul, but I disagree. Tomkin said in his post that he's going into the 9th grade. This hardly gives him the necessary tools be assessing her mental condition. This is a job for a professional.

Depressed people are notoriously evasive and dishonest with even their closest confidants when it comes to how they feel. Therapists, pshychologists, phsychiatrists, etcetera, are all trained to read between the lines. Even a camp/school counselor has some training to be able to make that determination and would therefore be a better judge than a 14 or 15 year old, no matter how wise they are.

This friend has already been suicidal. There may not be any warning "if she falls deeper". I stand by my advice. Acting now will not make the situation worse. Waiting could.

EDIT: @Syka - I'm really sorry to hear that. :smallfrown: All I can offer you is a *hug* and my support in any way that I can.

[zeratul]

You have helped me and given me advice on my sitch countless times so. *hugs* I'm really soory syka. You'l always have us though at least :smallfrown: I hope you can reconcile things. And if not I hope you mkae new freinds



Depressed people are notoriously evasive and dishonest with even their closest confidants when it comes to how they feel. Therapists, pshychologists, phsychiatrists, etcetera, are all trained to read between the lines. Even a camp/school counselor has some training to be able to make that determination and would therefore be a better judge than a 14 or 15 year old, no matter how wise they are.

Well as a depressed person, I know this to be true. Maybe you are right.

[Koga]

See, I go to retreats with my religious group about 5-6 times a year.
Do you have to feed the homeless? I did when I went to the salvation army. It was horrible.


A friend of mine is one year younger than me (she's 13), but mostly has friends in my age group, including possibly a crush. She also gets a lot of her social contact at retreats. Sometime between the second-last and last retreats of the year, she became very depressed and suicidal, possibly because said friends will be leaving for the next age group.
That's a stupid thing to get sucidal about. Dissapointed maybe, but suicidal? Comeon..


Blahblahblah
... so, umm...

help? :smalleek:
I see no problem. Typical 13 year old girl full of angst and hormones. She'll be fine.

If it worries you that much, offer to date her. That's really all girls her age want is attention. They're like friggin emo vampires man.

[Hell Puppi]

^Do0d your just TRYING now.....
Do you need attention or something? I can scratch your head like a puppy if it'll make you feel better....

[Koga]

^Do0d your just TRYING now.....
Do you need attention or something? I can scratch your head like a puppy if it'll make you feel better....
Actually on a related note i'm a bit happier because I found a new girlfriend.

Her name is Angelica.

And you might ask "But Koga, it hasn't even been an hour!"


Well, I have mad skillz what can I say?

[zeratul]

Actually on a related note i'm a bit happier because I found a new girlfriend.

Her name is Angelica.

And you might ask "But Koga, it hasn't even been an hour!"


Well, I have mad skillz what can I say?

Excuse my blatansy. How the hell do you keep girlfriends if you just use them accept for occassionally.(no offense, but that's what i've gathered from you're last posts)

[Koga]

Excuse my blatansy. How the hell do you keep girlfriends if you just use them accept for occassionally.(no offense, but that's what i've gathered from you're last posts)
Who said anything about keeping them? Getting them is easy, keeping them's the hard-part lol!

Longest girlfriend I ever had was probably about five months.

Most of which was spent her ranting about how I didn't understand her feelings and didn't even try, blahblahblah lol!


Really people can't say i'm mean. I don't go out of my way to hurt feelings. But for some reason society, especialy girls, hate apathy.

[Amotis]

Most of which was spent her ranting about how I didn't understand her feelings and didn't even try, blahblahblah lol!

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e367/amotis/bunnycry-1.jpg

...dude, are you reading what you're typing?

[Hell Puppi]

*rubs head* counseling...
I can understand being angry, man, but your trolling looking for someone to flame you.
Is more negativity really what you need?

[Koga]

I've deeply considerd going to a doctor, I think I do have a retardation of the insula partof my brain. Which deals with receptive emotions. (Your reaction to emotional things)


I'm handicap. Gimme money and good parking lol!

[Koga]

*rubs head* counseling...
I can understand being angry, man, but your trolling looking for someone to flame you.
Is more negativity really what you need?
What? Troll? I'm trying to share my thoughts with you.

Geez. Sorry. :smallannoyed:

[Amotis]

"blahblahblah lol" isn't apathy. That's being mean.

[Koga]

I think i'll invite Angelica. She's seen a side of me that i'm not very good at expressing otherwise.

The only other person who's seen it is Medesha/Amber lol.

[Xykon_Fan]

Look, Koga, you just need to lighten up, okay? You're being incredibly insulting to many people on this board. Has it occurred to you that many of the girls on this board are in that age range you just called "friggin emo vampires" and that they might not be pleasant after you call them that?

We're fine with you posting advice, but your advice isn't advice. It's typically a string of insults one after the other, and what little advice you did give (date her?!?) is not helpful. If you want attention, please go somewhere else, but you're pretty much spamming this thread now and derailing all of us. While you haven't done anything against forum rules yet (I checked), you're coming very close and driving away the people who might actually need help.

[Koga]

Look, Koga, you just need to lighten up, okay? You're being incredibly insulting to many people on this board. Has it occurred to you that many of the girls on this board are in that age range you just called "friggin emo vampires" and that they might not be pleasant after you call them that?
...That really never occured to me. I suppose that would be insulting. I'm not sure. I wouldn't personaly insult, I like most of you lol.


We're fine with you posting advice, but your advice isn't advice. It's typically a string of insults one after the other, and what little advice you did give (date her?!?) is not helpful. If you want attention, please go somewhere else, but you're pretty much spamming this thread now and derailing all of us. While you haven't done anything against forum rules yet (I checked), you're coming very close and driving away the people who might actually need help.
My bad. I'll try harder to be helpful instead of getting distracted by rantings.

[Xykon_Fan]

That'd be awesome...thanks Koga. Just read over your post before you submit it and ask yourself if you would like this response to your own post.

I'm sure you're actually an okay guy just sadly misrepresenting yourself.

[Serpentine]

It's kinda interesting, really... Normally it seems like people manage to put a better face on here, appear more caring, thoughtful, friendly etc. than you might in the real world (not necessarily that you're not those things really, it's just easier to express online). Koga, on the other hand, really manages to come off as a real... well, not a very nice person. The word I was going to use would probably get me into trouble, though I'm trying to refer to the persona rather than the person. Anyway, from what he writes, it almost seems like he's a nicer person in real life than online. It's... odd, and vaguely intriguing :smallconfused:

Syka, what happened to all that optimism? Just the late-night blues or has something changed?

[Pyrian]

Tomkin, I agree with the people who are saying you should get an adult professional involved. From what little you said I'm not convinced of the case for making drama, though; you're really not in a position to do or know much, and you can do damage by overreacting.


...so the number of girls who actually approach guys they like and ask them are bound to be much less than the number of guys who do the same.QFT. I'm 33 years old. I've been asked out exactly once (at 22) - and she went out with almost all of my friends first. Heh, I think I'd've been kind of insulted if I'd been skipped entirely. :smallcool:

Personally, I tend to disagree with all "one size fits all" (OSFA) solutions. I mean, the closest one I actually liked was "Be yourself - intensely", which is kind of cool precisely because it's not really an OSFA solution in the first place. (It also makes a lot of sense: if you want to attract people who like you the way you are, you need to "shine" that inner self as brightly as possible so they'll know!) That being said, for guys in our society, I'd take the "Always Go For It" OSFA over the "Stop Trying" OSFA any day - at least then you've got a chance, and sooner or later the numbers game will work in your favor.

[The Great Skenardo]

I agree with Pyrian on this one. Get involved, but be tactful and don't flip out over it.
But do get involved. The worst thing someone in that position can feel is isolation. One good friend can make all the difference.

[Syka]

First, I wish I could give you all hugs. When I woke up this morning and saw my PM box I about cried when I read your stuff. :) I couldn't ask for a better bunch.

Yah, something changed. Everything was going really well yesterday, as I said. Then late last night he suddenly tries asking who told me again.

It devolved fast. I may have said somethings that I shouldn't have, but it was definitely provoked. He said he thought someone was trying to eff him and come between us. He also said I hide stuff from him, and when I asked when, he said I never answer him about "real stuff". Evidently all I talk about his video games, anime, music, and situations and people that aren't real...

Uh huh, yah. That's totally true when I can come up with at least three specific instances where it isn't, and he couldn't come up with any. He said at one point I was being mean, but I also told him that once he could treat me like a friend he could call me. He said he'd moved on, because it seemed like I didn't care since I did it over AIM. First I told him, well he had asked me out AND said I loved you over AIM, did those not matter? Then I said I care, but I'm not going to fall apart over someone who hans't shown me that they care.

It ended with me saying I had to go, and him finishing off with saying whoever is trying to screw him is trying to screw me too, and I will see that he is really the good guy and was trying to protect us both.

So...I'm not going to be on AIM much until after the test. I can deal with it if he feels like hammering this out later, but not now. And I'm really considering just cutting off the friendship all together. He did not treat me right at all last night, even for a friend.

*shakes head* I didn't see this coming. I thought it was ok, he hadn't seemed like anything was bothering him when we had talked. So what do you guys think, give it up as lost and that he would keep doing stuff like this, or try once the weekend hits? My mom, sis, and her boyfriend are all rooting for the not being friends thing.

Cheers,
Syka :smallfrown:

[The Great Skenardo]

Aw, geez Syka...that's rough. Nothing like someone dragging these things out to make them more painful. If you want my opinion based upon what you've said, I think you ought to leave it up to him. Stay away for a while. If he's fixated on only some sort of romantic relationship, and you find him unattractive for reasons beyond what other people have told you (This seems increasingly to be the case...), then you've got to make it clear to him that romance is not what you want from him. Either he'll have to deal with it and tone things down, or I think you'll have to part company on a sour note.

Sometimes I wish us guys weren't so persistent about these things. :smallsigh:
We really ought to realize that we aren't the leading man in a romantic film or show, and just being persistent will NOT win you the lady-type.

*Hugs*

[Rawhide]

I just thought I'd point out before anyone gets restart or lock happy, that Syka intends to restart the thread when she gets back.

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

Ah, I'll take my hand off the restart button.

[Rawhide]

Ah, I'll take my hand off the restart button.

If only it were that easy...

[mudbunny]

Any of us guys have that happen? Seriously, I think that's mostly a girl thing. Certainly I've spent years not looking for a relationship, and sure enough, didn't find one.

Happened to me.

The trick is to get into a state where you are not only not looking, but you don't care that you are not looking and that you don't care that you aren't in a relationship.

[mudbunny]

<snip>

She saw I actually cared about her and she exploited it to the extent till she found someone she found more attractive.

<snip>

And I'll make her think i'm all depressed and nothing can get me out of it blooby bloo-bloo! And the only other girl I ever fealt feelings like that for was Kelli which was why I treated her very simaler.:smalleek:

<snip>

And with Kelli out of the way and this kickass excuse I can probably get it! I might comeout with a better deal then I had before!:smallbiggrin:


Evidently i'm sure Amaya will grow tired of this new guy. He's more peverted then me, and she hates sexual innuendo. You do the math.

As for me, I'll get with Kelli who's like Amaya only submissive, cuter, and knows how to shutup.
<snip>


So you are angry because you got dumped and claim that she was exploiting you.

So your plan is to be exploitive back? To get revenge?

If it is wrong for her to do it to you, than why does it become right for you to do it? Life is not a soap opera!! Do not treat it like one.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mfl/lowres/mfln130l.jpg

[mudbunny]

Really people can't say i'm mean. I don't go out of my way to hurt feelings. But for some reason society, especialy girls, hate apathy.

http://www.therealmartha.com/WANews/duh_Garfield.jpg

No-one likes it when people they care about don't show any signs of caring in return.

That is one of the things that comes along with being a functioning member of society. You need to show feelings and emotions for the people around you. If you care about someone, you need to let them know. And not just by words, but also by your actions and demeanor.

To be apathetic towards someone indicates to them that you don't feel anything towards them. That they don't register enough in your mind for you to even care, one way or another, about them.

[Lilly]

I just thought I'd point out before anyone gets restart or lock happy, that Syka intends to restart the thread when she gets back.

HEY! I resent resemble that remark!

[magicwalker]

@Syka
I think your ex- needs a little time alone before you give up on anything all together. It sounds like right now he's just searching for someone to lay the blame on.. and he hasn't had enough time to figure out that it was his own doing. Just try to remember he's hurtin' now too.

[Syka]

Well, it doesn't help I've got my mom telling me she's shocked that I even wanted to remain friends with him in the first place.

I'm really not sure after that though. I have done nothing wrong, and for him to say that stuff was extremely hurtful, especially when he was trying to place the blame on me. Bully for him, that he's hurting. He's the one that's hid stuff. I've never acted accusatory toward him, I've only ever asked questions and expected honesty. He knows if he's truthful, I'm generally not going to get mad, but if he hides stuff...Yah, I'll get mad. He knows that from experience.

*shakes head*

Thanks all. I'll put the link in here to the new thread.

Cheers,
Syka

NEW THREAD (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2934489#post2934489)