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View Full Version : Gamer Humor Always remember what's on your person



Ralanr
2016-03-28, 05:58 PM
(I'm bored and feel like sharing a funny moment from a few years ago).

So my friends and I set up a campaign where we were soldiers going to investigate a disturbance in the woods. Turns out the disturbance was a lot of undead. And by a lot, I mean a horde of undead. So in running away from this horde (as it killed the rest of our squads) the group ended up splitting up. One of the DM's (co-dming) is a programming major and he wanted to create this program that would randomize forest terrain every so often as we traveled through.

Problem was, he never finished it. It functioned ok, but never fully worked as intended. So for about three sessions (which involved our halfling cavalier losing his surviving private to a giant snake, a bear taking a dump next to my paladin who was feigning death and later had to cut off a surviving soldier's leg because it had been bitten and the infection could probably kill him (pathfinder medicine roles, my paladin was the closest we had to a doctor) we wandered through the woods and made random roles in the hopes that we were getting closer to each other. My group did this for two months (getting sessions in was a nightmare) and it got so bad that the halfling decided to make a literal farm in the middle of the forest (and he succeeded reasonably well. He was a farmer...yes I know it isn't that easy).

Needless to say, I was very frustrated with the arrangement. Three sessions and the story hadn't progressed at all. I later learned that my character had made a perfect eight with his rolls (I told my friend that he needed to revamp his DMing style. It was painful and I still have worries about playing heavily armored characters because of it). Then as I looked at my character sheet, I realized something.

I had a compass.

This has probably been the second time anyone in my group has had such a forgetful moment. The first being when the Summoner forgot he could summon things for most of the campaign (beyond his class feature).

So kids, the moral of the story is this: Remember what your character is carrying. It can save you a lot of time one day.

Malimar
2016-03-28, 07:30 PM
As a DM, I once remembered one PC was carrying eight gallons of lamp oil while they were in the high-oxygen environment of the Plane of Air. That was a fun time. :smallamused:

Cluedrew
2016-03-28, 09:28 PM
Well, I have one story like this. You see it was a comedic campaign so there were a lot of nonsensical actions, a few players would occasionally do whatever, social conventions aside (and on occasion morals as well).

Anyways, so we are tracking down a thief and eventually manage to find and beat-up the fellow, then he dissolves away and there is a little girl lying there, knocked out. One of the party members immediately speaks up, "I talk my pants off and put them on her."
DM: "... Nothing happens."
P1: "OK I put my pants back on."
Me: "Wait, wait, you can't actually do that. I still have your pants."
P1: "Yeah, you gave them to me two sessions ago to enchant ran off before I gave them back... I give them back. And I think I got P2's as well."

So kids, the moral of the story is this: Remember what your character is not carrying. Or wearing. It can save you a lot of strangeness one day.

Ralanr
2016-03-29, 09:14 AM
Well, I have one story like this. You see it was a comedic campaign so there were a lot of nonsensical actions, a few players would occasionally do whatever, social conventions aside (and on occasion morals as well).

Anyways, so we are tracking down a thief and eventually manage to find and beat-up the fellow, then he dissolves away and there is a little girl lying there, knocked out. One of the party members immediately speaks up, "I talk my pants off and put them on her."
DM: "... Nothing happens."
P1: "OK I put my pants back on."
Me: "Wait, wait, you can't actually do that. I still have your pants."
P1: "Yeah, you gave them to me two sessions ago to enchant ran off before I gave them back... I give them back. And I think I got P2's as well."

So kids, the moral of the story is this: Remember what your character is not carrying. Or wearing. It can save you a lot of strangeness one day.

So...he put pants on a little unconscious girl...and then put them back on?

hymer
2016-03-29, 09:19 AM
I recall a PC that died of freezing with a potion of cold resistance in his pack. As the DM, I didn't know who had it, just that the party had received one. So when the player, with trembling voice, asked what they could have done to avoid this, I told them they had that potion. And he managed to call out accusingly at the other players, before realizing... :smalleek:

EtuBrutus
2016-03-29, 09:48 AM
Not entirely identical, but related: my brother and our friends were in a campaign. My brother was a Ranger, and was being as big of a pyromaniac with alchemist fire as he could possibly be. The final straw involved him lighting the entire field we were fighting in on fire (starting a wildfire).

Next session, we made it clear alchemist fire was right out. One problem though. The encounter was some seriously over level Animated Objects. Bookshelves. Made of wood. You see, the DM designed the encounter to be super hard. Unless, you know, someone started lighting things on fire...

After the barb dragged the rest of unconscious party out of the building, the DM informed us and my brother preceded to use alchemist fire to burn the entire building to the ground.

LadyFoxfire
2016-03-29, 12:12 PM
Our party got ambushed by an efreet while we were having lunch in a tavern, and although we beat the efreet handily, we did not prevent him from setting the building on fire. So my mage cast cone of cold on the fire, which put out the fire, but did a fair bit of property damage on its own. I later realized I had a wand of fire extinguishing in my bag the whole time.

Jonagel
2016-03-29, 01:06 PM
Not quite an item, but:

Room with 4 statues, each with gold piles at their feet. Obviously Golems. PC takes treasure, awakens golem. PC get bull rushed into another pile of treasure...you get the idea.

They're oversized, extra slow Stone Golems. We have no idea how to beat them without running through the puzzle door that is too small. So, the party decides this is one of those run through the puzzle door while you avoid dying rooms. My cleric decides that's ridiculous, and you can't give up good EXP. The DM laughs at my level 6 Cleric, but with a bit of help, 2 Level 6 PCs kill 2 CR 11(?) creatures.

Knowing we were going into a massive underground stone worked dungeon like area, I have 2 Stone Shapes prepared. So, nearly 120 cubic feet of stone is carved from the ceiling, which is 50 feet up. We get the sorcerer to case ice storm for structural damage, but it's still hanging on by a thread. So, I cast spiritual weapon to get my mace to bludgeon the last 10 HP of the ceiling(?) and deal....mass of stone (24,000ish pounds) times falling 5 stories... a lot of damage to obliterate the golems. Very happy moment.

Cluedrew
2016-03-29, 03:34 PM
So...he put pants on a little unconscious girl...and then put them back on?That was his plan (for some particularly loose definition of the word plan). The issue was he wearing no pants because I had them. ... I speak of the characters in all cases.

Keltest
2016-03-29, 03:43 PM
I had a compass.

Am I missing something? Your party was separated, was it not? So while the compass would have helped you, personally, navigate to a predetermined spot (or, I suppose, eventually just get out), it would have done nothing to actually help reunite the party.

Ralanr
2016-03-29, 04:38 PM
Am I missing something? Your party was separated, was it not? So while the compass would have helped you, personally, navigate to a predetermined spot (or, I suppose, eventually just get out), it would have done nothing to actually help reunite the party.

I was incredibly frustrated with wandering around aimlessly. I pretty much had no idea if I was in the right direction to leave the forest. So at least having a compass I could have found a way to leave the forest (and get help maybe).

Winter_Wolf
2016-03-29, 09:01 PM
Not really an item per se, but I had a fighter/thief and never remembered that he had skills other than HS, MS, and wall climbing. He died in a blaze of ignominy because I didn't even consider searching for traps on the dungeon door of a hostile spellcaster's lair. A literal blaze; even if I'd have made the save against the fireball trap, still would have been below -10hp. Then again, I was the acknowledged rogue in the group and not once did any of the other players say, "you gonna do your job or what?"

LordFluffy
2016-03-30, 11:00 AM
I once ran a pickup game where there were no rules except "Roll 2d6, I'll set a difficulty" and "You are playing yourselves. You have what you have on you right now."

When I told them the second rule, one girl got this evil grin and proceeded to dump out her purse.

She was one of the best equipped starting characters in any game I've ever run.

Âmesang
2016-03-30, 08:13 PM
I can't quite recall forgetting what my character does (or doesn't) have on his/her person… if anything I tend to forget what spells my character knows. :smalltongue: Until it's too late, anyway…

Inevitability
2016-04-02, 12:02 PM
I once had a player buy:

1. A barrel. We're talking a big barrel here, larger than his character.
2. Enough lamp oil to fill the entire barrel.
3. A pony to carry the barrel.

I spent the first few sessions waiting in fear for the player to scare his pony towards the BBEG's and fire bolt it from a distance. Fortunately, he got himself captured by kobolds before getting to use it.

To this day, our group still jokes about it.

Absol197
2016-04-03, 11:20 PM
However, sometimes remembering what you're caring can backfire on you horribly.

Case in point:

We were exploring a dungeon, as D&D characters are wont to do, and we came upon a halfway. The hallway had a pit, and a door at the end.

The pit was odd, but not very threatening: 5 feet across, maybe 15 deep. As mid-level adventurers, nothing we can't handle, right? We get across without incident (jumping, flying, etc.) and now we have a door. It is a fancy door, so I, the trusty party rogue, approach to see if there are any traps. I roll my check and roll low, around 18 total, I think. And low, there is a trap! The door teleports anyone touching it into the pit. Not bad. But it also sets the pit on fire!

But the fire only does 1d6 damage a round, hardly a nuisance to a mid-level rogue, who can climb out easily. Except...wait a minute guys, didn't we give that necklace of fireballs we found a little while ago to me? Don't those explode when you take fire damage?

From the party's perspective:

*Touches door; disappears*
Hey, where'd the rogue go?
*Mushroom cloud erupts from the pit*
Oh. I think we need a new rogue...Also, don't touch the door.