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Drakvor
2016-03-31, 10:17 PM
The Zealot Class was based off the Protoss from Starcraft. I always wanted to play one of them, so I made a class.

There are 4 archetypes; one based off the Dark Templar, one based off the High Templar, one based off normal Zealots and the last one based around using their plasma shields.

I think currently the class is slightly overpowered, but I'm not sure. This is my first homebrew and I would like some constructive criticism and feedback.

Here is the link to the class: Zealot (https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B-ilRq4awG3sRzZFZ2Vxdjctc2M)

Thanks.

EDIT: For the people who want to play an actual protoss zealot, I tried to make a Protoss Race for 5e.

Here it is: Protoss (https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B-ilRq4awG3sN1puTFRITll3WXc)
Please give me feedback on this as well.

Final Hyena
2016-04-01, 02:07 AM
Firstly why does the Psi Points feature appear before the Psionic Blade and Shield features?


Shield
Starting at 1st level, as a bonus action, you can spend a psi point to activate your shield, giving you shield points equal to 2 * Zealot Level (rounded up).

The number of shield points you have cannot exceed your Zealot level.
This has me confused, why the round up, it what situation would this clarification be needed?
In addition it seems to say you get 2 * your zealot level in shields to go on to say you can't have more than 1 * your zealot level. What?


Leg Augmentation
Starting at 11th level, your movement speed increases by 10ft. Add an additional bonus equal to half your proficiency bonus to your Constitution Saves.
The second part of the feature doesn't feel like it matches the name.

Drakvor
2016-04-01, 02:56 AM
This has me confused, why the round up, it what situation would this clarification be needed?
In addition it seems to say you get 2 * your zealot level in shields to go on to say you can't have more than 1 * your zealot level. What?

Sorry about that... it used to be a different number. And that is a mistake, I will change that.
Also shield is after psi points because activating the shield requires use of psi points, so I thought it would be better to explain the psi points first.


The second part of the feature doesn't feel like it matches the name.

Ok, I can get rid of that.

Overall, did you find the class balanced, well built or underpowered or overpowered?

Thanks for the feedback.

Final Hyena
2016-04-01, 12:22 PM
Also shield is after psi points because activating the shield requires use of psi points, so I thought it would be better to explain the psi points first.

Psi Points
Starting at 2nd level
^^^ This is what through me about psi points going before other 1st level abilities.


Overall, did you find the class balanced, well built or underpowered or overpowered?
Honestly I was mostly just proof reading that there wasn't anything crazy, I'll have another look at it to see if anything seems to need toning up or down.


Thanks for the feedback.
Thank you for being so gracious to criticism.

Edit; so pretty tired, but one thing that jumped right out at me was the ability that turns you invisible for a minute. There seems to be no clause for that to end within combat.

Durazno
2016-04-01, 03:16 PM
I'd recommend making Shield a level 2 feature. Since it requires a psi point to activate, you wouldn't be able to use it when you first get it anyway, unless you're multiclassing, I suppose.

Drakvor
2016-04-01, 11:15 PM
Thanks for the feedback.


I'd recommend making Shield a level 2 feature. Since it requires a psi point to activate, you wouldn't be able to use it when you first get it anyway, unless you're multiclassing, I suppose.

I have given psi points at 1st level and shield at 2nd level. (Psi Points saying 'Starting at 2nd level' was a mistake. It was meant to be 1st level. But I still moved shield to 2nd level, as to not overload 1st level.


but one thing that jumped right out at me was the ability that turns you invisible for a minute.

Ok, I'll change that. I didn't want it to become obsolete once you get Improved Shadow Zealot, but I see how that could be game breaking. I'll try to change the ability and probably nerf Improved Shadow Zealot a little bit to make Cloaking less game breaking, but not obsolete once you reach level 15.

Thanks

EDIT: Made Cloak effect end if you attack / cast spells etc. Made Improved Shadow Zealot give +2 bonus to stealth while in dim light (which is always). What do you think now?

Also, what do you about the Protoss race?

Final Hyena
2016-04-01, 11:35 PM
The race is definitely not broken, however the telepathy needs some clarifying. Mainly what is the range?

Drakvor
2016-04-02, 12:04 AM
The race is definitely not broken, however the telepathy needs some clarifying. Mainly what is the range?

Thanks. I forgot to give it a range... I changed it to 60ft, I don't think that's too much.

I really appreciate all the feedback I have recieved so far, thank you.

Calen
2016-04-02, 12:55 PM
Wow! this looks nice. That said I have a wall of thoughts incoming. It looks great and I would love to see/play this in one of my games.


Add a space to the first page so that the table is easier to read. :)

Precognition might be to powerful. It can rather easily push your AC above 20.
- Maybe tone back the AC received to half a dice roll?
- Or make it a Reaction to limit uses per turn.

Specify that Psionic Blade uses the Psionic Die as damage. (At least I assume that was your intent?)

Shield does not specify what it does. Temp HP?

Charge could probably be 1 Psi point.

Improved shielding says that the old shield is 1xlevel and shield says 2xlevel.

Dark Zealot Training has a typo "you blade" should be "your blade"

For clarity it might help to rename Blink and Misty Step (Shadow Blink and Shadowstep or similar) and copy over the effects you want.

Improved Psioninc points. Does this mean that a long rest will still only restore the "old" full amount? This is unclear.

Psioninc shock has no damage type.

Improved Fighting style is meant to be level 6?

Improved Charge
There is no default charge in 5e maybe just grant another Psionic surge per short rest?

Fury of the Zealot
Once per short rest? Long rest? Other?

Psionically Augmented Shields
Resistance to spell (damage)?

Zealous Strike
Seems OP

All abilities - No damage type is specified.

Psionic Storm - The Int limiter seems to add to the paperwork of the DM for no real reason.

The Khalai and the Psion Caste both get the Light Cantrip.

Drakvor
2016-04-03, 02:10 AM
Thanks for the feedback. I have changed all the minor errors you pointed out.


Add a space to the first page so that the table is easier to read. :)

Didn't catch that. Edited.


Precognition might be to powerful. It can rather easily push your AC above 20.
- Maybe tone back the AC received to half a dice roll?
- Or make it a Reaction to limit uses per turn.

Made it a reaction.


Shield does not specify what it does. Temp HP?

Clarified that. They are temporary hit points, but calculated differently due to the fact that you have a limit to the amount of shield points you have.


Psioninc shock has no damage type.

I made all the damage psychic damage. Do people think that's a little bit overpowered? (I thought it might be, considering no one has psychic resistance...)


Fury of the Zealot
Once per short rest? Long rest? Other?

Once per long rest. Added that.

Made changes regarding your other comments.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read through it. I really appreciate it.

Drakvor
2016-04-03, 08:58 AM
I have finished changing all the minor errors and proof reading errors found on the Zealot document.

Also, thanks to all the feedback, I feel that this class is becoming more complete, so thinking ahead, if I wanted to format this class as a DnD 5e class, is there an easy way to do it?

I have found other homebrew classes that are formatted so that they look like they are officially part of DnD.

Thanks again.

Final Hyena
2016-04-03, 03:54 PM
This site (http://www.naturalcrit.com/homebrew/) provides a pretty easy method with minimal knowledge required.

Drakvor
2016-04-04, 12:19 AM
This site provides a pretty easy method with minimal knowledge required.

Thanks, I will soon update the link to a formatted version of the class.

Also, I think the class lacks diverse Psionic Abilities. I am open to any suggestions on new Psionic Abilities.

EDIT: Link has been updated. It now links to a pdf file that is formatted, i hope. Thanks for all the help.

EDIT: Protoss race also formatted now.

DreamingGod05
2016-04-04, 03:13 AM
Have you seen the Disciplines of the Mystic class? You may be able to adapt it for this class. Since they are both Psionic classes. The class name 'Zealot' also goes well with the caster being called 'Mystic' too.

Drakvor
2016-04-04, 03:41 AM
Have you seen the Disciplines of the Mystic class? You may be able to adapt it for this class. Since they are both Psionic classes. The class name 'Zealot' also goes well with the caster being called 'Mystic' too.

Thanks, I'll check it out.

DreamingGod05
2016-04-04, 04:08 AM
I forgot to link it. So, here you go; http://media.wizards.com/2016/downloads/Psionics_and_Mystic_V2.pdf

Drakvor
2016-04-04, 04:17 AM
I forgot to link it. So, here you go; http://media.wizards.com/2016/downlo..._Mystic_V2.pdf

Great list. I think I may adapt the some disciplines over for my Zealot class.

Thanks for all the help I've received.

I've added a Variant race of Protoss, it's in the new link in a note-box at the end.

If anybody has any other suggestions, please tell me.

Also, if people could playtest the class and tell me, that would be great as well.

Thanks

ChrissP
2016-04-04, 09:51 AM
Thanks a lot yo you, my dear!!! :smallsmile::smallsmile::smallsmile:

Calen
2016-04-04, 07:01 PM
More feedback :smallsmile:


Beginning at 10th level, you may cast Levitate on yourself at will as a
bonus action. However, you can move yourself horizontally during
the duration of this effect and this effect does not let you
hover higher than 10 feet off the ground.

Recommended changes in italics for clarity.


Beginning at 3rd level, you gain Sneak Attack damage.
This additional damage is equal to your Psionic Die. You
add the damage to your damage roll if you attacked with
advantage,or if another enemy of the target is within 5 feet of it, that enemy
isnít incapacitated, and you donít have disadvantage on
the attack roll.

Flanking is an optional rule, this would bring it line with rogues sneak attack.

Psionic Idea

Feedback - Damage an enemy that is concentrating on a spell. Or as a reaction to disrupt and damage a spell caster.

Drakvor
2016-04-05, 12:27 AM
Recommended changes in italics for clarity.

Changed that.


Flanking is an optional rule, this would bring it line with rogues sneak attack.

Ah, yes. Good idea.

And I added Feedback.

Composer99
2016-04-05, 09:31 PM
I like the flavour of the class; as a fan of Starcraft I think it's a fine adaptation.

I do have a few remarks.

(1) The Psionic Reserves feature is a little awkwardly worded, at least so it seems to me. I don't have a good suggestion for how to re-word it, unfortunately.

(2) A question about the Defender Caste zealot's Shield Overcharge ability.


Shield Overcharge
You gain the ability to focus all your Psionic Power into your shield, creating an unbreakable barrier.


Beginning at 20th level, you may overcharge your shields. For 1 minute, whether you have remaining Shield Points or not, you gain 10 Shield Points at the start of each turn.


Also, if you have any shield points left, you recharge Shield Points equal to 2 times your Intelligence Modifier, instead of just your Intelligence Modifier. This effect takes place whether your shield is overcharged or not.


I wonder if you want to rename this feature to account for the fact that the second rules paragraph (describing your increased rate of shield point recharge) is a permanent modifier.

Also, is there an action to overcharge your shields? Are you spending any Psi points? Is there a limit to how many times you use it per rest? As written you may overcharge all the time without cost, which I dare say isn't quite what you intend.

(3) The Shadow Zealot class feature "Improved Shadow Zealot" seems a little tepid as a 15th level feature, given the 3rd level feature already grants you advantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks - although in the world of bounded accuracy it's mechanically strong. I wonder, though, if a better feature might be to grant some kind of "coasting" ability - where you treat any check result less than some threshold as being the threshold (i.e. similar to the barbarian's Indomitable Might feature).

(4) The Shadow Fury ability uses a full-round action, which is not a thing in 5e. If you want that ability to use up a character's entire turn (that is, the zealot does not get to move normally or get a bonus action), you may wish to state that explicitly. Otherwise, I assume it's an action like any other?

(5) The Hallucination psionic ability seems a little over-strong at 3 Psi point cost. (I'm curious why you chose a crowd-control flavour for this ability; in Starcraft the Hallucination power is a bit like mirror image.)

(6) Power Shield's effect is oddly worded, as are the effects of Zealous Strike and Mind Control.

(7) You may wish to go through the document on a typo hunt.

Drakvor
2016-04-06, 12:29 AM
The Psionic Reserves feature is a little awkwardly worded, at least so it seems to me. I don't have a good suggestion for how to re-word it, unfortunately.

I did find it worded awkwardly, but as you said, I couldn't think of a better way to word it...


I wonder if you want to rename this feature to account for the fact that the second rules paragraph (describing your increased rate of shield point recharge) is a permanent modifier.

Probably. Something like Ultimate Shield... I'll think about it.
I intended it to be once per long rest (or short or long rest), I'll clarify that in the document.


The Shadow Zealot class feature "Improved Shadow Zealot" seems a little tepid as a 15th level feature, given the 3rd level feature already grants you advantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks - although in the world of bounded accuracy it's mechanically strong. I wonder, though, if a better feature might be to grant some kind of "coasting" ability - where you treat any check result less than some threshold as being the threshold (i.e. similar to the barbarian's Indomitable Might feature).


That seems more interesting than a flat bonus. I like it.


(4) The Shadow Fury ability uses a full-round action, which is not a thing in 5e. If you want that ability to use up a character's entire turn (that is, the zealot does not get to move normally or get a bonus action), you may wish to state that explicitly. Otherwise, I assume it's an action like any other?

Thanks for pointing that out. I think it won't be too overpowered even if I made it a normal action, so I'll do that.


(5) The Hallucination psionic ability seems a little over-strong at 3 Psi point cost. (I'm curious why you chose a crowd-control flavour for this ability; in Starcraft the Hallucination power is a bit like mirror image.)

Good point. I'll change it to be more like the version in Starcraft. Maybe let is only affect attack rolls, since in Starcraft, it causes people to be confused about which target to attack.

As for oddly worded effects, I'll try to change them. You are welcome to suggest alternative wordings.

I'll also go through the document to check for minor errors.

Also, to all the people wishing to comment, I'll be away for the next few days, but don't worry, once I return, I'll do something about them.

Thanks for the feedback.

EDIT: Another thing about the typing errors: I am sure I made lots of spelling mistakes, but I am British and use the British spelling for words like 'honourable' and 'specialise', so some of the mistakes people find may be intended. Sorry about that if it confuses people.

Tabletop Guy
2017-01-02, 11:30 AM
First off I gotta say great job on finding a way to bring a good representation of the Starcraft Zealot to D&D just my slight tweaks for some of the Psionic Abilities would be adding some range on some of them like,

Hallucination= 40ft

Psionic Blast= About 30ft

Feedback= 120ft because it is situational

Malestorm= I am fine with in but just add in the area has to me centered on you

Mind Attack= 60ft

Mind Control=60ft

Psionic Storm= maybe like a area 40ft from you

Void Prison= 60ft

and the Dark Zealots training is there a range that enemies would be able to hear your psionic blades and why did you to use radiant damage on the psionic blades rather than psychic? I also think it would be cool to add a multiclass option.