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Asmodean_
2016-05-10, 01:23 PM
Person states a problem that could be solved with a quick fix.

Replier gives a convoluted/inane/insane plan to solve the problem, and states a new problem.

I'll start:

I'm out of chocolate biscuits.

Prince Zahn
2016-05-10, 02:56 PM
Fret not! Zahnco's Half-Baked Quester Oven! will solve all of your problems!
All you have to do is prepare 1-6 scapegoats (recipe as presented on the box) Wrapped in +1 aluminum foil, and within 15 minutes or less you will have questers to send on simple missions, only to get carried off on large scale quests as things blow way out of hand, examples include:
-slaying legions of monsters across the multiverse as an indirect result of shopping for groceries!
-starting a revolution for cross-eyed species independence instead of guarding the house!
-Saving the earth from evil sorcerer kings because you told you to wash your dishes!
-and do much more!

Zahnco's Half-Baked Quester Oven simple tasks, epic journeys!



Oh dear me, my dog ate my ear buds - AGAIN!

Black Socks
2016-05-17, 03:13 PM
Have I got a product for you!
Presenting.... the Crainiound!
All you have to do is follow 3 simple steps:
Step 1: Attach the Crainiound to your ear buds. (It's about the size of a marble.)
Step 2: If your dog eats the ear buds, the Crainiound will activate, transforming into a spider-like robot that crawls to the dog's brain and removes all parts of the brain except for those controlling sleeping, walking, and chasing Frisbees!
Step 3: Your dog is now incapable of doing anything except sleeping, walking and chasing Frisbees! Sure, you'll have to feed him baby food by hand.. but he'll never eat your ear buds again!
Crainiound has already helped over 35000 people! Buy it today for only 49.99!




I dropped the TV remote on the floor... and it's so far away.

Medival Wombat
2016-06-20, 04:03 PM
How convinient that youre on a sofa! Just take the laserpointer in your pocket, then get that loose thread of your favourite piece of furniture and rip it from the sheets. Use the string to knit a scarf and attach the fish to it, throwing it out of the window. Wait until the cat of the neighbours falls for it, then drag the cat into the livingroom. Now point the red dot of the laser at the remote control. The cat will attack the dot, therefor push the butons on the remote control. Problem solved.


My boiler boke down, and I want a hot cup of tea. What can I do?

LastCenturion
2016-07-22, 09:26 PM
This seems like a great chance to try out your newest spell, Create Army. The resulting mass of soldiers grudgingly send back a hot cup of tea as your share of the booty in their brutal, swift, and brutally swift takeover of the world for no purpose at all.

My friends are all asleep and I'm too lazy to make new friends.

Xihirli
2016-07-23, 01:30 PM
*Meteor Swarm*

I only have a hammer, and so I have vivid hallucinations that make everything around me look like nails.

ViscountGrey
2016-08-15, 09:00 AM
By making generous payoffs to all the electoral commissions / other state owned registration schemes, you will be able to obtain the addresses of every single person in the world.

Use this information for two purposes - firstly blackmail many many people for much much money, then use this money, and the addresses to purchase, and ship to everyone in the world a gold-mark standard crash helmet.

Oh woe is me, for I have a hang-nail on my left little toe.

LastCenturion
2016-08-15, 11:31 AM
Cutting off your feet seems like a good solution.

I'm too bored to do anything.

Prince Zahn
2016-08-22, 07:12 AM
Have you tried skiing off the roof onto a pile of ladders? Once you get the technique right, you'll find that there's a whole ward full of doctors who can entertain you.

Gosh darnit, I have trouble saying "no" to people.

Lentrax
2016-08-22, 12:06 PM
Have you ever considered joining the Knights Who Say Ni? Excellent health plan, pretty work environment (Still waiting on second shrubbery.). No dental. Can't say "It". But at least you'll be so focused on not saying that word, that you forget about your problem of saying... Whatever your problem was.

I want a doughnut, but I do not have one. Please help!

Vivee
2016-09-05, 02:57 PM
Well do I have a solution for you sir! Introducing the jkhero73 DONUT DELIVERY SYSTEM!
Simply purchase the product, wait 2-3 business days, and follow the very professional instructions!

http://i.imgur.com/DEXCy5M.png


I need munies.

Sniccups
2016-10-03, 04:12 PM
What does "munies" mean?

Zaydos
2016-10-05, 11:59 PM
For jkhero: The simple solution is to sell your body to a lich necromancer for experimentation in the re-animation of still animate corpses. I know the guy. Just sign here, here, here, and here, and Alzellephega will give you a whole bag full of gold. And he'll re-animate your corpse while you're still alive. It's a steal.

For Sniccups: Alright to figure it out all you have to do is create a fully functional conlang and define munies in it.

New Problem: Another lich (Alzellephega if you must know who) has invented more new forms of undead than me. What should I do?

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2016-10-06, 12:39 AM
Well it's quite simple really here I'll show, just stick your phylactery here on this anvil while I bless this holy nuclear power-assisted sledgehammer. Please ignore the dozens of chanting priests from various undead-hating religions I have invited in here with us. Also ignore that this is a robot duplicate of me, remote controlled from a ship hiding behind a moon behind a planet behind the star from our current location. All will become clear soon.

I have a dragon problem. And maybe a nuclear undead problem.