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Bartmanhomer
2016-08-04, 04:36 PM
As the title said, How do you deal with a player and DM who's so rude, disrespectful and negative to you? Do you deal with it and continue playing with them or do you stop playing with them and leave?

Alcibiades
2016-08-04, 04:45 PM
If someone else's attitude is stopping you from having fun, I'd try to get an opportunity to talk privately between the three of you, or ask to - unless you think things might get so heated you want another person there.
I wouldn't do it during a session, ideally afterwards. Explain calmly and fairly what's bothering you and that you're not having fun.

If that conversation doesn't improve things or you think it won't change anything, you're never going to have fun with that group so there's no reason to keep playing.

Not meshing with a group (or even just playing with ****ty people) happens a lot, don't let it get you down!

Knaight
2016-08-04, 04:55 PM
As the title said, How do you deal with a player and DM who's so rude, disrespectful and negative to you? Do you deal with it and continue playing with them or do you stop playing with them and leave?

Do you actually know these people elsewhere, or are you gaming with strangers? If it's the latter, then just bail. If it's the former, then you have a slightly more complicated solution that probably boils down to bailing.

Bartmanhomer
2016-08-04, 05:02 PM
Neither. I'm just asking in general.

Honest Tiefling
2016-08-04, 05:02 PM
If they are being morons, don't waste your time with them and vote with your feet. No gaming is better then bad gaming.

If you know the guys outside of gaming, talk to them. I've seen people, usually new ones, turn into ****waffles when playing. Usually because it is 'roleplaying' or they get caught up in 'winning' because that's how you present a challenge. Sit them down and try to remind them that people are there to have fun.

Best of luck.

oxybe
2016-08-04, 07:02 PM
Step 1 - talk to them. tell them your issues.

Step 2 - ball's in their court. if they change, hooray, if not...

Step 3 - make a decision: is this game worth the frustration or would your time better be spent doing anything else?

I've had this happen to me on several occasions. last time it went somewhat like this at the end of the session:

"Hey, [name], could you ease off a bit? The attitude you've been giving me since the start is getting on my nerves."

"I'm just playing my character."

"No, you made the decision to bring this disruptive character and I'm not enjoying myself, having to deal with your attitude. I tried changing character once and you continued. I'm bowing out, I have better things to do with my time."

I then thanked the GM for the opportunity to sit at his table, told the rest of the party that I had fun with them and left.

Mr Beer
2016-08-05, 01:15 AM
Really depends on a number of factors, like whose place it is, what the group dynamic is, whether I'm the new guy or they are, whether its a DM or a player, what they actually said and how etc.. My response could be: telling them to go eff themselves; silently leaving; kindly telling them to back up a bit and escalating if they don't; leaving at the end of the session and never coming back; entering into discussion and explaining why they are wrong; banning them from my house...it really does depend a lot.

What I will say is there is zero chance that I will voluntarily sit there session after session while someone is belittling me. I'd take some action, that's for sure.

Vitruviansquid
2016-08-05, 01:46 AM
Roleplaying games are just like any other social group activity and the same principals applies.

Don't suffer jerks.

Lorsa
2016-08-05, 07:22 AM
Talk. Talk again. Leave.

I think it's a good idea to give people two chances, changing behavior can be difficult after all (even though I am hard pressed to give someone who is rude even one). In the end though; Thou Shalt Not Suffer a Rude Persons Company.

Lord Torath
2016-08-05, 07:53 AM
Talk. Talk again. Leave.

I think it's a good idea to give people two chances, changing behavior can be difficult after all (even though I am hard pressed to give someone who is rude even one). In the end though; Thou Shalt Not Suffer a Rude Persons Company.The way they respond to your second request can tell you if they are really trying or not. "Aw, crud, that's right. I was going to stop doing that." is a lot different than "Yeah, yeah, I remember."

Mark Hall
2016-08-05, 09:11 AM
A lot depends on the situation. A pick-up game, or a "get to know you" session where someone is being a jerk? I'll leave, especially if they're a core member of the group and I'm an add-on. We simply stopped inviting one guy and his wife because he was creepy to another player. Not our job to teach a 40 year old how to behave, especially since his wife implied that he's done this before. Too bad, his wife was a fun player.

If it's a long term group and one person is annoying me, but others like having them around? I'll work the group, see if others know what's going on, if there's a solution in the group. Sometimes, there is. Sometimes, I'll suck up and deal with it, if the rest of the group is worth it.

Jay R
2016-08-05, 12:59 PM
There are two root principles:

1. If you can fix it, fix it.
2. If the game is no fun, don't play it.

Mastikator
2016-08-05, 03:38 PM
Ask "Why are you being so rude to me?" and if you don't like the answer then just leave.

Slipperychicken
2016-08-07, 02:15 PM
How do you deal with a player and DM who's so rude, disrespectful and negative to you? Do you deal with it and continue playing with them or do you stop playing with them and leave?

I'd just get out of there. I've left groups before over this type of thing, and I'd do it again.

This is my precious and limited free time, weekends and such. I'm there to have fun, not to have people make me miserable. If it's not working for me, then I'm out.

Solaris
2016-08-20, 07:54 PM
I'd just get out of there. I've left groups before over this type of thing, and I'd do it again.

This is my precious and limited free time, weekends and such. I'm there to have fun, not to have people make me miserable. If it's not working for me, then I'm out.

+1

I was playing in a game with some of my wife's (now former) friends when some things came to a head as IC issues (I was playing an elf, the player hated elves and so did his character; we started off having fun with it but he took it too far) boiled over into OOC issues (he decided he was party leader, and I was not allowed to ask questions he thought I didn't know enough to ask because he thought I was metagaming, despite my character having a supra-genius intellect and more than enough clues to put things together). I attempted a resolution wherein all involved would agree to modify their offending behavior (I'd stop playing the elf quite so insufferably arrogant, the player would quit being so outright offensive to me and the character alike), but alas. They decided who they wanted to be in high school (a decade ago, mind), and no power in the 'verse could get them to alter their behaviors but a whit.
There were other things, too, like the same player taking some three hours in real time to, of all the stupid things, go out drinking and partying in-character while the rest of us twiddled our thumbs. Apparently the DM saw nothing wrong with this, even when I tried pointing out to him that there was more than one player in that group and he should've paid attention to more than just his buddy. It was bad, too - we were all about third or fourth level hadn't gotten any really useful treasure since first level, and were desperate to do some shopping. He'd decided we got to town right when the shops closed, and didn't have the wit to take the hint that maybe we could do our shopping while the player lived out his fantasies of being a medieval frat boy some five-ten years after most people grew out of finding that sort of thing fun or funny.

In short, I had both a rude player and a rude DM. Neither wanted to compromise.

As it turns out, that campaign did not improve from my absence. The highlight of it, according to my wife (who kept playing with them for a bit; we were just dating at the time) was an escort mission wherein the PCs basically followed the DM's pet NPC up to the top of some tower where he engaged in a protracted duel against another wizard... while the players watched.

The takeaway? If they can't master social interactions, they probably haven't mastered running a social game that can entertain people who aren't them. Bad gaming is worse than no gaming... and you can always find a game on Skype. Wouldn't recommend PbP; those have an unpleasant tendency to die off due to requiring vastly different skills and vastly more dedication from players and DM alike.

Jay R
2016-08-21, 11:28 AM
Neither. I'm just asking in general.

Then there's no real answer. React to the entire situation, considering all the specifics.

Quertus
2016-08-21, 03:01 PM
Talk. Talk again. Leave.

I think it's a good idea to give people two chances, changing behavior can be difficult after all (even though I am hard pressed to give someone who is rude even one). In the end though; Thou Shalt Not Suffer a Rude Persons Company.

This seems about right to me

Humans are incredibly stupid creatures. If there is any way to misunderstand your request - or, on the flip side, to give an unclear request - they will find a way to do so.

Having spent decades observing, fixing, and laughing at horrible miscommunications of what should have been trivial information, I've learned how important "trust, but verify" / giving two chances truly is.

The first request is to try to get the information across in a simple, straightforward, efficient manner. The second request is to judge their response, which is often confusion, because they thought they were complying with your request. At which point, you can actually sit down and have a conversation about what they did, what they understood, vs what you actually meant.

Or sometimes, you'll get a, "oh, you were serious?"

Two chances is usually enough to judge what kind of person you're dealing with, and whether they can / will take the steps necessary for you to enjoy their company.

Me, I probably won't change. If you as an adult can't stand conversations about things I lived through as a child, you'd better cough up a **** good reason; otherwise, I have no sympathy for you whatsoever. At this rate, what, two generations from now, it won't be PC to talk about debt or higher education? **** that!

Sometimes, you'll find people like me, who don't like wasting time dealing with incompatable beings, and who try to make that determination as simple as possible. For the rest of humanity, two chances is generally a good principle.

Temperjoke
2016-08-21, 04:03 PM
The takeaway? If they can't master social interactions, they probably haven't mastered running a social game that can entertain people who aren't them. .

This is a very good explanation.

AMFV
2016-08-21, 11:38 PM
One thing that people aren't mentioning that I think is worth bringing up is that it matters how they are being rude, as well as all the other factors. There are plenty of degrees of rudeness sometimes intentional sometimes inadvertent, and that actually matters quite a bit to how a person should respond to a situation.

Edit:

For example somebody who is sexually harassing somebody or physically harassing somebody is very different than somebody who insults other folks.

Malacronious
2016-08-25, 12:17 PM
While I do agree that some people are not worth wasting your life and time on, I do also believe in giving people a chance. I would give them that chance but do not waste your time if you have to keep doing it over and over. There is nothing worse than continuing to give someone the benefit of the doubt over and over again without ever coming to the conclusion that they will just continue to disappoint, hurt or offend you.

I find the best litmus test is to talk to the person about it and explain how you feel and why you feel that way. If they do not respond positively, they are not worth your time. If they do respond positively but don't actually make a change, they are probably not worth your time since you will continue to try and talk to them about the problems and they will essentially say whatever you want to hear to quickly get it swept under the rug. if they respond positively and actually make a change, you can tell they care enough about you to at least try.

There is part of a quote that I try to always keep in mind when it comes to people in general. "Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated." If you have to fight for someone to listen to, like you or just in general be a descent person to you perhaps its time to move on.

This all being said, as others have mentioned, I'd also gauge the situation based on how well you know the person. If you just met the person and they don't even have a decent good foot forward, chances are their bad foot is not any better, perhaps even worse. If its someone you have invested some time into, its worth it to give them more of a chance to get some return back.

Some of this may seem self-centered but the fact is if you are any type of decent human being, you are worth getting back what you put in.

Vogonjeltz
2016-08-25, 10:46 PM
As the title said, How do you deal with a player and DM who's so rude, disrespectful and negative to you? Do you deal with it and continue playing with them or do you stop playing with them and leave?

Is this a friend or a stranger? If it's a stranger I probably just stop playing with them, but I might state that I found their behavior rude and explain that's why I'm not playing with them anymore. A friend is generally worth hashing it out with.