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View Full Version : D&D 5e/Next The Boxer [PEACH]



PapaQuackers
2016-09-13, 11:06 AM
This is my first attempt at making a 5th edition homebrew, it's pretty similar to the monk but with less mysticism. It's more of a labor of love than something that I really needed in a campaign and I haven't finished the archetypes just yet. I'd love to hear what people think about it so far though.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GoByrpusKiai9SL1c2C-tpXjpm2rxj7C9YU3gbewL3g/pub

Lalliman
2016-09-13, 12:30 PM
I like the idea, but the balance seems questionable. I don't have time to make an in-depth analysis, but here are some quick comments, mostly about poor phrasing. Maybe I'll try to give you a balance estimate later.

1. The general rule is that classes have one major (dex, con, wis) and one minor (str, int, cha) saving throw. Best change their saves to Str & Con or Str & Dex.

2. It's much easier on the eyes if you start every feature with "Starting at X level,". You can just attach the fluff description after that. As is it takes too much searching to find out what features comes online at what level.

3. Advantage on death saving throws at level 2 makes it really hard to die, and can take away a lot of tension.

4. Lead With The Right: a Dexterity check of what DC?

5. Walk Around: This one is a mess. Does it have a range limit? Do you need to actually reach the target that turn? Does maintaining the effect require concentration? (I assume not, but given that it works as a spell, you should state that.) I also don't think there's any official way to resolve an in-combat intimidation roll. And why does it have advantage? Applying the frightened condition for (mostly) free seems good enough without a boosted success chance. See the barbarian's Intimidating Presence for a better way to phrase and resolve this ability.

6. Look Em In The Eyes: What does "treated as though they have advantage" mean? You don't have advantage but act as if you have it? :P

7. Superb Training: Tons of missing information. What's the radius? When does it occur? Your turn, their turn? How long do they remain frightened? Can you turn it off as to not scare everyone in town? Any way to keep it from affecting your allies? You should probably also add "If a creature succeeds on its saving throw, it becomes immune to this feature for 24 hours."
Oh, and using your passive intimidation as the DC is probably a bad idea. Expertise is not meant to be able to apply to save DCs.

8. KO Punch: "Once per day" and "regained upon a short rest" are mutually exclusive. Just say you can't use it again until finishing a short rest.

PapaQuackers
2016-09-13, 01:26 PM
I like the idea, but the balance seems questionable. I don't have time to make an in-depth analysis, but here are some quick comments, mostly about poor phrasing. Maybe I'll try to give you a balance estimate later.

1. The general rule is that classes have one major (dex, con, wis) and one minor (str, int, cha) saving throw. Best change their saves to Str & Con or Str & Dex.

Changed saving throws to be Str & Con.

2. It's much easier on the eyes if you start every feature with "Starting at X level,". You can just attach the fluff description after that. As is it takes too much searching to find out what features comes online at what level.

Done, but it feels awkward so I may have to redo it for the final draft.

3. Advantage on death saving throws at level 2 makes it really hard to die, and can take away a lot of tension.

Changed it so that only the first saving throw will have advantage.

4. Lead With The Right: a Dexterity check of what DC?

I've made the Dexterity check be against their passive perception score.

5. Walk Around: This one is a mess. Does it have a range limit? Do you need to actually reach the target that turn? Does maintaining the effect require concentration? (I assume not, but given that it works as a spell, you should state that.) I also don't think there's any official way to resolve an in-combat intimidation roll. And why does it have advantage? Applying the frightened condition for (mostly) free seems good enough without a boosted success chance. See the barbarian's Intimidating Presence for a better way to phrase and resolve this ability.

I've reworded this to be more in line with barbarian's intimidating presence except instead of spending an action to extend the fear it will be extended if you land an attack.

6. Look Em In The Eyes: What does "treated as though they have advantage" mean? You don't have advantage but act as if you have it? :P

Fixed the wording, hold over from that phrase that pops up over and over again in Pathfinder.

7. Superb Training: Tons of missing information. What's the radius? When does it occur? Your turn, their turn? How long do they remain frightened? Can you turn it off as to not scare everyone in town? Any way to keep it from affecting your allies? You should probably also add "If a creature succeeds on its saving throw, it becomes immune to this feature for 24 hours."
Oh, and using your passive intimidation as the DC is probably a bad idea. Expertise is not meant to be able to apply to save DCs.

I've changed this ability entirely since I didn't like it very much after thinking about it for a while longer and seeing your criticism. It's now a healing factor type move that gets worse the more times you use it in a row before a short rest.

8. KO Punch: "Once per day" and "regained upon a short rest" are mutually exclusive. Just say you can't use it again until finishing a short rest.

Fixed.

Alrighty so I've taken into the account everything you've said here. Is there anything else you can think of I should change? If not I'm going to begin work on the archetypes with what you've said in mind.

Just finished the rough draft of the abilities for the kick boxer.

Finished the abilities for the Brawler as well. I definitely need as much constructive criticism as I can get because I do have a bit of homebrewing I'll have to do in my new campaign in order to keep it up to snuff. We just made the switch to Pathfinder and people want to retain the characters they had. So this will really help me get experience under my belt.

Lalliman
2016-09-13, 03:16 PM
Again, not much time, but a few more quick comments. I'm staying away from judging the power level for now, just pointing out technical mistakes or strange design decisions.

1. Stay Heavy quickly builds up more uses than you're likely to use throughout the day, which is odd. You also don't need to say that temporary hit points don't stack; that's standard.

2. Haymaker says you add your constitution score when you assumably mean modifier or bonus.

3. I don't really understand what you're going for with Strong Heart. Dashing without any action cost basically means your speed is always doubled. And if your base speed is 60, spending a bonus action to move 10 more is really insignificant. So why not just a) raise your speed and/or b) grant a bonus action Dash?

Edit: Given the flavour of this class, have you considered making it strength-based instead? Seems counter-intuitive for a class without armour, but the barbarian does it too. Just means the other features have to make up for the slightly lower AC.

PapaQuackers
2016-09-13, 06:02 PM
You mean replacing the instances of constitution with strength?

Lalliman
2016-09-14, 12:25 AM
Not really, I mean forcing or encouraging them to use Str for their attacks. Ideally, you could give them certain bonuses when fighting with Str, to make up for the lower AC, in order to make Str builds and Dex builds equally viable. The barbarian does this: If you build Dex you get higher AC, but you lose the damage bonus while raging and can't make use of Reckless Attack.

JohnFJoestar
2018-05-30, 12:18 AM
This is absolutely one of my favorite classes I've ever played, it was a blast! Thanks so much for making it!