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Irreverent Fool
2007-07-17, 09:08 AM
I've seen them mentioned off-hand in other threads, but what I'm looking for here is the weirdest and most 'useless' magical item you can come up with. I have a group of very resourceful players and they love figuring out crazy ways past all my hard work. I reward them with the tools to do so. The best I've seen mentioned are

A bucket that turns upside-down after 32 seconds (or some strange number like that)

A wooden pole that will stand perfectly upright if set on a solid surface.

It reminds me of the good ol' <i>robe of useless items</i> which has on it -- among other things -- a rubber sword and a glass shield.

Hyfigh
2007-07-17, 09:42 AM
How about a key that will only open the last door it was used on, but won't work on the same door twice?

Anxe
2007-07-17, 09:47 AM
A pair of really squeaky Boots of Elvenkind? Singing Candlestick? Spatula of the Nine Hells? Hurdy-gurdy of Owlbear Summoning? Pink Legwarmers of Speed? Knight of the Dinner Table Comic?

rollfrenzy
2007-07-17, 09:52 AM
The Head of Vecna?

Or something completly random, like a Herring of Hearing, or something really awesome and useless, like space marine armour, but no ammo or power source. or a video game console.

Or if you want to go completely useless, give them a Samurai. :smallbiggrin:

Avaris
2007-07-17, 09:59 AM
I heard somewhere about a small, hand held movable portal to the plane of fire, that could be opened or closed at will. In other words a lighter.
Alternitively, something that looks like it should be opened but can't might be interesting. Say a book glued shut or something... I don't know.

btw, I'm sure I recognise that avatar... is that you MJ?

Edit: remembered another. A small statue made from Pottasium or similar and kept behind a water fall. Looks likem it is silver, but when try to leave with it it explodes.

Nerd-o-rama
2007-07-17, 10:00 AM
A Samurai cohort is better than no cohort. Of course, any PC class cohort (or a well-built Expert) is going to be more useful than a Samurai.

The Skull of the Minor Background Character of No Significance

A +1 Sword, cursed with a permanent -1 to attack and damage. Of course, this is still sorta useful because it pierces DR/Magic and can be further enchanted immediately. It's just...who would use it?

A snowball that never unfreezes (warning: may cause the destruction of the universe if your DM is a physics buff).

A +1 Plant-bane Adamantine Herring.

AslanCross
2007-07-17, 10:00 AM
Rapier of bluntness?
A candle that can only be lit by the kiss of a maiden and can only be extinguished by the breath of an orc?
Everflowing Still of Goblin Thudrud Brewing? (Thudrud is the awful goblin liquor that is said to smell like "a rotting cow that caught fire.")

A self-carving block of marble that becomes a statue of a kobold paladin.

Arbitrarity
2007-07-17, 10:03 AM
The stockings of mystical awesomeness: Grant an extra boot slot.

sikyon
2007-07-17, 10:07 AM
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/Incentives.html

Magic Items to put back

Pronounceable
2007-07-17, 10:10 AM
Scroll of Remove Blindness, Potion of Stun Recovery and of course the almighty Potion of Uselessness.

Kurald Galain
2007-07-17, 10:21 AM
Boots of dwarvenkind. They give you the (lack of) stealth, as well as body odor, of a real dwarf.

Arrow of sleighing. No, not of slaying. This one transforms into a sleigh when fired.

Okay, getting into pun mode now...

Ring of blanking. Casts erase at will.
Ring of chameleon strength. Gives user the strength score of a chameleon
Ring of count her spells. Works only on female casters.
Ring of invasion. Insert coin.
Ring of feather throwing. Lets you throw items the way you would throw a feather.
Ring of enemy shield.
Ring of the sheep. User grows woolen coat.
Ring of shooting stars. Shoots, but only at stars.
Ring of spell "storing". S-T-O-R-I-N-G, upon command.
Ring of three washes. Cleans your equipment.

All too easy :smallbiggrin:

Wooter
2007-07-17, 10:35 AM
A +1 Large sized Gnome Hooked Hammer.

Shhalahr Windrider
2007-07-17, 10:51 AM
A wooden pole that will stand perfectly upright if set on a solid surface.
Sounds perfect for tent pitching.

Or portable flagpoles.

Not entirely ridiculous there, I think.

Arbitrarity
2007-07-17, 10:54 AM
The 7'th level gnome psychic warrior, who just manifested an augmented expansion, laughs at your "useless" item!

Jibar
2007-07-17, 10:57 AM
A snowball that never unfreezes (warning: may cause the destruction of the universe if your DM is a physics buff).

Heh, I once gave my player a pouch of burning snow.
3/day they could attempt a ranged touch attack with a hunk of snow from inside. Dealt 3d6 of cold damage and 3d6 of fire damage.

That... wasn't so useless actually.



Arrow of sleighing. No, not of slaying. This one transforms into a sleigh when fired.
:

A sleigh to the face is pretty useful actually.

mostlyharmful
2007-07-17, 11:01 AM
check out the GURPs Discworld book, it's got all manner of pointless wastes of time, the shy standing stone that shuffles behind you when you look at it and the perfect (for a given value of perfect) magic mirror that shows you all of creation at once and thus just looks like a big black square to the naked eye, are two of my favorites.

Arbitrarity
2007-07-17, 11:01 AM
Not a sleigh that retains it's momentumn, not velocity! :smallbiggrin:

Kurald Galain
2007-07-17, 11:01 AM
More bad puns!

Armor of e, the realness - no, I don't get it either
Armor of fire resistance - the resistance needs to find new employment.
Armor of host touch - keep in touch with your host
Armor of ghost teach - very educational
Shadow of armor - normal clothes, but your shadow looks armored
Armor of silent doves - summon bird I
Armor, slack - I don't feel like adventuring today
Armor of mario resistance - for those who like sonic
Armor, tame - works with your "tame shape" ability
Banded mail of luck - you MAY have already WON! Open this envelope to find out...
Elven chain - used to keep elves in prison. Comes with an elven lock.
Mithril full plate - a dinner plate of full mithril
Mithril skirt - goes great with that chainmail bikini
Plate armor of the beep - summon bird II

Saithis Bladewing
2007-07-17, 11:03 AM
Rod of Hunger
When used, it makes the bearer lust for a random type of food.

Chronos
2007-07-17, 11:06 AM
As a physicist, I've always wanted to see a piece of unstretchable, unbreakable string (it's a little under 11 yards long, of course), a frictionless table, and a massless pulley.

Jothki
2007-07-17, 11:11 AM
A figurine of a sitting monk that grows to normal size and comes to life when a command word is uttered, but completely ignores any orders, merely sitting on the ground attempting to seek inner enlightenment.

sikyon
2007-07-17, 11:15 AM
Give your players Blackberries of instant addiction.

Draz74
2007-07-17, 11:37 AM
I saw a great collection of these once ...

The best was the Coin of Sporadic Divination. You ask this magic copper coin a yes/no question, then flip it into the air, and when it lands, it has a 50% chance of magically telling you the answer to your question.

Then there was the Potion of Frost Giant Breath.

Or the crystal rod that, if rubbed, smelled like jasmine. After several adventures, the party finally confirmed that its odor was its only power.

Or the little metal "peanut" can that had a spring-loaded fake snake jump out of it when you opened it. Its wielder eventually wasted - not one, but TWO out of three - questions at the end of a "find the Oracle" quest, to find out that his precious metal can didn't do anything else.

goat
2007-07-17, 12:18 PM
The extension lead of the gods.

"It's a strange rope, with an odd looking grappling hook-type thing on one end, and what looks like a sort of lock on the other. And you say it conducts lightning?"

Bassetking
2007-07-17, 12:51 PM
A pair of really squeaky Boots of Elvenkind? Singing Candlestick? Spatula of the Nine Hells? Hurdy-gurdy of Owlbear Summoning? Pink Legwarmers of Speed? Knight of the Dinner Table Comic?

Never before in the history of all existence has there been an object of such wonder, might, and power.

mostlyharmful
2007-07-17, 12:55 PM
a worn out Ioun stone that has absorded all spell levels, it's great! My very first DM gave one of my party that in our first campaign, guy didn't have aclue what it was or what it did. We all got useful ones that did stuff so he was convinced that his did too (actually his character had annoyed our benefactor so got hosed), he then proceeded to test his hypothosis in every conceivable, stupid way..... maybe it lets me breath underwater.... glub glub.... or means i don't have to eat food..... que passing out in dungeon.... or i can tlak to squirrels.... nuts.... He kept it up for months, it just went round and round his head going whoom whoom in an annoying way. he just left it on for the rest of his life.

Wooter
2007-07-17, 01:32 PM
How about a +1 pillow? It does 1 subdual damage on a critical hit, nothing otherwise.

A vorpal muffin?

A cup that will turn anything* put in it into walrus urine?

*any liquid that is. You can't destroy a liches phylactery by putting it in the cup. That would be silly.

Kurald Galain
2007-07-17, 01:58 PM
Oh yeah.... in one of my older campaigns the PCs had a Ring of Protection from Weather. You could walk through rain and snow without getting wet! Great fun, and they even started quarrelling over it.

PlatinumJester
2007-07-17, 02:02 PM
A book of Vile Darness with the cover of a book of Exalted Deeds.

Joltz
2007-07-17, 02:04 PM
A rug that leaves colored footprints behind when you walk on it. They fade after 2 rounds and every creature on it at the same time makes a different color footprint.

There is a rather evil variant that unleashes a prismatic spray if 7 different colors are visible on it at the same time...

Fixer
2007-07-17, 02:05 PM
Or something completly random, like a Herring of Hearing

Wouldn't that be a babelfish?

http://www.cs.sfu.ca/research/groups/NLL/projectimages/babelfish.jpg

Xuincherguixe
2007-07-17, 03:14 PM
Empty space of existential crises?

goat
2007-07-17, 05:33 PM
The cloak of dramatic entrance.

Any time you kick open a door, the cloak produces a piece of cinematically appropriate music.

SilverClawShift
2007-07-17, 05:50 PM
The cloak of dramatic entrance.

Any time you kick open a door, the cloak produces a piece of cinematically appropriate music.

I'd wear it. I'd probably carry a tiny speaker with a selection of music for that game too.

Aurion
2007-07-17, 05:51 PM
A 3.0 edition tower shield with a negative to your AC?

Nahal
2007-07-17, 05:58 PM
Cursed Firewhiskey of Blur and Fumbling (perhaps a bit redundant)

Ale of Sobriety

The Luggage

Cloak of the Platypus

Sackbutt of Valhalla

Prismatic Harp (creates light effects when played, from color spray up through rainbow pattern and prismatic spray)

A coin that, when tossed, always comes up opposite to whatever is called. Sometimes this means landing on its edge or coming up with new faces entirely, but no matter what you always lose the toss.

Lute of Deekin Summoning

goat
2007-07-17, 06:05 PM
I'd wear it. I'd probably carry a tiny speaker with a selection of music for that game too.

Crashing through the doors to confront the evil baron who kidnapped the princess? *Indiana Jones theme*

Entering the great hall after you've slaughtered the villagers and burned the village *Imperial March*

Storming into a high council meeting to expose the traitorous member with carefully collected evidence? *Law and Order "DUN DUN" noise*

AmberVael
2007-07-17, 06:14 PM
Want weird magic items?
http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=magicitem

That should work for you.

Examples:

Trumpet of Sludge Spanning: Lengthens to span over sludge?

Salve of Seducing Eagles: ... lets not think of that.

Flaming Balm: Sets on fire when you put it on. I suppose you could used it to harm people who use balm?

Dart of Nothing Blast: You throw it at someone and it does *gasp* NOTHING!

SurlySeraph
2007-07-17, 06:17 PM
Lute of Deekin Summoning

Useful if you had him take levels in Dragon Disciple.

Alleine
2007-07-17, 09:46 PM
A wand that, when used, opens at the top and sticks out one of those 'bang' banners only with 'zap' on it.

Boots of Backwards Movement

Ring of Wedding: Transports the wearer into the middle of a wedding, replacing the groom. The bride has a 50% chance of going along with it anyway.

Cup of thirst: Makes you thirstier everytime you drink.

Xuincherguixe
2007-07-17, 09:50 PM
Ring of Wedding: Transports the wearer into the middle of a wedding, replacing the groom. The bride has a 50% chance of going along with it anyway.


What about if your character is female? Though that's pretty funny too.

Belteshazzar
2007-07-17, 10:26 PM
An Empty Crystal Djori (I couldn't think a power for it store so it was empty)

Curl Toed Boots of Springing and Striding: my poor brother still wore then even though the made him look like a Janni

Rings of Ringing: actually a magical cellphone for defunct Elvish Empire, but it doesn't get a signal and no one would be on the other end anyway.

A Blackened Steel Bloodruned Blade Not magical but obviously more badass than whatever the player imagined he was carrying before.

An Everflaming Shortsword: some poor shmuck NPC got suckered into this and the PCs were likewise disappointed to learn it's true nature.

Locked Dancing Belt of Protection: it was some kind of gemmed bellydancer style belt meant to protect to prized daughter of a crime lord and his half-ogre mage wife (the mistress of the local "coffee house")

Nahal
2007-07-17, 10:33 PM
Want weird magic items?
http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=magicitem

That should work for you.

Examples:

Trumpet of Sludge Spanning: Lengthens to span over sludge?

Salve of Seducing Eagles: ... lets not think of that.

Flaming Balm: Sets on fire when you put it on. I suppose you could used it to harm people who use balm?

Dart of Nothing Blast: You throw it at someone and it does *gasp* NOTHING!

Actually a dart of nothing blast could be pretty ridiculous in the "ridiculously effective" sense depending on one's interpretation. If its blast turns anything in the radius to nothingness, the results would be rather frightening.

Drink of the Triton: :smallconfused:

Icy Pill of Muck Circle: ...umm...laxative?

Helm of Bone Geyser: Pure Awesome

Vorpal Saber of the Sylvan Gibberer: "Sylvan Gibberer" is definitely going on the list of Things I Never Want My Character to Meet

Belt of Conjure Ether: Hunter S. Thompson would have loved this

Vicious Annihilator's Quilted Armor: Is he wearing quilted armor because he's the Vicious Annihilator and thus doesn't need to wear intimidating gear to be scary, or is Vicious Annihilator an ironic moniker?

Irreverent Fool
2007-07-17, 11:29 PM
I just wanted to say that I love you guys.

Yahzi
2007-07-18, 01:19 AM
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/Incentives.html

Magic Items to put back
Hey! In that comic, the deer is calling V a "dude!"

The question is answered!

:smallbiggrin:

calebcom
2007-07-18, 05:03 AM
greatsword of curing, only cures when you truly mean to hurt the one being hit. if you swing at an ally it does x2 damage

Kurald Galain
2007-07-18, 06:12 AM
Want weird magic items?
http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=magicitem


I got a pretty good set, then. Clear Elixir of Knowledge, Happy Saviors' Medicine, Sandals of Dust Negation, Shield of Canine Summoning, and a Strong Spear

Okay, and the "Glorified Partisan of Blessed Kindness Balls", whatever that is.



An Everflaming Shortsword: some poor shmuck NPC got suckered into this and the PCs were likewise disappointed to learn it's true nature.

How is a flaming sword a bad thing? Or does the hilt also flame? Or does it post flame messages?

Oh, and of course there's the "ring of extra ring slot"...

Swooper
2007-07-18, 06:15 AM
I can't believe no-one has mentioned the Ring of Extra Ring Slot yet. It works. You now have three ring slots. Only the Ring of Extra Ring Slot is using one of them. :smallbiggrin:

Roderick_BR
2007-07-18, 07:32 AM
Crashing through the doors to confront the evil baron who kidnapped the princess? *Indiana Jones theme*

Entering the great hall after you've slaughtered the villagers and burned the village *Imperial March*

Storming into a high council meeting to expose the traitorous member with carefully collected evidence? *Law and Order "DUN DUN" noise*
Open a treasure chest? "du du du du duhhh"

Hey! In that comic, the deer is calling V a "dude!"
The question is answered!
:smallbiggrin:
Some people call everything "dude", even women. Question pending:smallwink:

Okay, lemme think some...
Animated broom: It keeps your floor clean. No, it can't do anything more. No, it can't carry buckets of water.
A large dark ball, that looks like a bowling ball, that floats around your head: A used ioun stone, that belonged to a huge wizard.
Rubber armor: Light armor, spell failure 0%, skill penalty 0, speed 30ft(medium), Armor Bonus +1 against slashing and piercing attacks, Armor bonus +2 vs bludgeoning attacks, and +4 circunstance bonus vs Lightning attacks.
Hair Gel: A gel that you put on your hair, and keeps your hair perfect and tidy in any condition, even if you pass through fire and water. Doesn't work in beards, body hair, or fur.
Cursed shield of arrow attraction: It's a round wooden shield with a bullseye painted on it...
Wedding ring: A metal band with a diamond on top. If you are using it, you are probably going to marry soon...

Fun fact: In the SNes game Lufia and the Fortress of Doom, there is a ring named Engage Ring, that makes the cost of itens in the market get reduced, and the Diamond Ring that makes itens cost more. No, I don't get the meaning too. "Hey, you are going to marry? I'll make you a special deal on this mithral sword.". "Ooh... take a look on that diamond ring. It must be expensive. I bet he has a lot of money to spend. I'll rise the prices."

Randel
2007-07-18, 04:14 PM
Bottomless Beer Mug: Any liquid poured in it instantly pours out the bottom, but solid objects don't... could be a sieve of some kind I suppose.

Greater Immovable Rod: Activating it causes it to come to a complete stop... and flies due west and upwards due to the Earths rotation and movement. After an hour it leaves earths atmosphere and is never seen again. If activated underground it just sticks to the west wall.

Boots of Water Slipping: Creates water right under your feet while you walk, making you slip. Does not help walking on water.

Gushing Sword: Does 2x damage to fire creatures, but constantly pours water out of its blade and gets everything wet.

Bloodblade dagger: A dagger hilt with a magical blade made of blood. Stabbing someone causes no damage but leaves a red smear on them.

Bag of Tracks: A bag out of which you can pull fuzzy balls, when you throw them on the ground they create random animal version of invisible servant who obeys you, but it can only leave the tracks of the animal.

Girdle of effemininity/immaculateity: Makes male characters skinny and beardless and female characters flat-chested.

Girdle of elven androgyny: Character turns androgynous so people have trouble telling if they are male or female.

Coin of many faces: A coin that actually functions as a d20. Normally shows heads-tails but when flipped or turned over quickly it randomly shows other faces:

1: thumbs-down
2: heads
3: tails
4: foot
5: *blank*
6: nose
7: picture of some peasants house
8: star
9: horse
10: *it lands on its side*
11: nymph on a clamshell
12: shoe
13: crown
14: sword
15: book
16: picture of a mouses face and the words *Chuck E Cheese* on it.
17: skull
19: *it just hovers forever in the air, spinning*
20: thumbs-up


[Artifact] Deck of many stings: You draw a card from the deck, no matter what you choose you always take 1 hp of damage from a paper cut.

Trainer Deck of many things: Just like the real DoMT but when you select it a voice says- you COULD have... .

[Artifact] Rules card for the deck of many things: A card that lists the rules for the Deck of many things... but somebody threw it away because it doesn't do anything. No other cards are with it.

sword of fireball explosions: The first time you hit anything with it, the sword explodes like a fireball.

Lesser Everfull Purse: place one gold piece in the purse and the next day 25 [I]copper pieces will be in it.

NeverFull Purse: Putting any amount of money in there will cause it to teleport into somebody else's purse at sunrise.

Wonderous Miniature: A miniature that looks exactly like the person holding it, by throwing it to the ground, it summons THEM onto that square. Usable once per day, basically teleports you only as far as you can throw.

Realistic Figurine: A figurine that looks like a very lifelike version of some monster so lifelike you almost think its a shrunken creature, when thrown it summons a crummy-looking stature of the that creature onto the square, like somebody took a figurine and made it lifesized.

Lotion of cure light wounds: Heals you from being in the sun too long.

Lesser Rod of Secure Shelter: Summons a stack of wood, nails, cloth, windows and the instructions to build a complete Secure Shelter that takes about 8 hours of work to build into a really good looking place. After 8 hours from the time of casting, the shelter and any unused pieces vanish forever.

Gloves of Dwarf throwing: Lets you pick up dwarves and throw them.

Rod of Repair Self: When activated, the rod fixes any damage it has sustained.

Rod of Disintegration: When activated, it disintegrates. (and when it disintegrates, boy it disintegrates.)

Wand of Charge Wand: When activated, it recharges 1d6 of its own charges.

Charge Card: When wielded and the command words are spoken "Chaarrrge... it!" It plays a trumpeting sound when you charge at enemies. But confers no bonus.

Rod of Disturbance: Vibrates slightly when held.

Ring of Full Warning: Constantly yells out warnings. (like in here (http://www.nicolaas.net/dudley/index.php?f=20050808&q=warning) , here (http://www.nicolaas.net/dudley/index.php?f=20050809&q=warning) , and here (http://www.nicolaas.net/dudley/index.php?f=20050811&q=warning) is generally found cursed and on the dead body of an adventurer.

Axe of +3 against chickens: used by farmers.

Fruan
2007-07-18, 04:33 PM
Rod of Disturbance: Vibrates slightly when held.

There is no power in Heaven or Earth that would make me give that item to my players. I just don't want to think about what they'd do with it.

DaMullet
2007-07-18, 04:35 PM
Greater Immovable Rod: Activating it causes it to come to a complete stop... and flies due west and upwards due to the Earths rotation and movement. After an hour it leaves earths atmosphere and is never seen again. If activated underground it just sticks to the west wall.


This could be damn useful for detaining a BBEG or other similar powerful undead. Cast a Magical Silence effect on the rope, tie him to it, and activate.

Bye bye, mister Lich.

SilverClawShift
2007-07-18, 05:06 PM
Wand of Charge Wand: When activated, it recharges 1d6 of its own charges.

Handy for a spellfire wielder actually. :smallsmile:

Neek
2007-07-18, 06:55 PM
I posted some of these items a while back in another thread. Felt they could be brought back out:

Bag of Mosquitos, Gnats, and Horse-flies
This little, brown sack, when opened, unleashes a swarm of annoying insects that attacks whoever was possessing the bag for greater than 24 hours, or the person who who just opened the bag if no one possessed the bag for greater than 24 hours. The insects do not cause any damage, but the person being attacked by the insects suffers a -1 to attack, AC, saving throws, and skill checks. If you attempt to cast a spell, Concentration check (DC 10) is required. The cloud dissapates after 6 hours. This can only be done 1/day.

The Banana Walkie-Talkies
There exists two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky, lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn't matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a *click* and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or "hang up," the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (1% chance/week), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

Frames of Disguise
These appear to be a pair of thick, black glasses without the lenses. When wearing it, and brushing your hair slightly forward, people will pretend to not notice you as yourself, but as someone else.

Spoon of Bending
By chanting "Rubber spoon," this metal spoon bends. (A cookie for whoever gets the reference).

Ten Foot Pole of Not-Touching
You cannot touch anything with this pole that you'd normally not want to touch with a ten-foot pole. This is considered to be a supernatural ability. Any attempt to touch an object you'd normally not want to touch causes the pole to strike you for 1d6 damage, Reflex save for half.

RandomNPC
2007-07-18, 08:03 PM
internal organs.
when a creature with internal organs is cut open and searched (maybe the dragon ate a ruby!) nothing is found except the creatures organs. a few of the organs are slightly out of key.

Ozymandias
2007-07-18, 08:14 PM
Rod of Serling

Generates a magical field of semi-darkness.

earlblue
2007-07-18, 08:44 PM
The Forum of Ten Thousand Flaming Replies...

Write something, ANYthing, and get ten thousand...:smallfurious:

Well, I don't normally think that anyone would actually create magic items that does nothing useful, given the amount of gold needed to create them.

But ridiculous does not mean that it has to be useless... just strange... and/or funny.

There was that time that I gave out a pair of mighty whips that has the screaming effect on it (+1d6 sonic damage). Just that when you hit with it... one goes "wooo..." and the other goes "ahhhh..." :smallredface:

And then there was that time that we went around gathering all the burnt out ioun stones we can find... paint them with all sorts of color... and float them... given the 50 to 60 that we got... it looks pretty weird... but it also provides cover for those ioun stones that is still active as it is pretty hard for anyone to target any specific stone when you have 50 to 60 stones orbiting around you...

K.

Raven T.
2007-07-18, 09:23 PM
Rod of Disintegration: When activated, it disintegrates. (and when it disintegrates, boy it disintegrates.)

Well, whaddya know...it disintegrated.:smallbiggrin:

Lord Tataraus
2007-07-18, 11:06 PM
Well, I don't normally think that anyone would actually create magic items that does nothing useful, given the amount of gold needed to create them.

Well my party my just encountered a halfling who spends his life making random magical items. However he never knows what it is until after he completes it. Then he gives the item a very literal name and stores it for no particular reason. And yes he is insane (but awesome!).

The_Werebear
2007-07-18, 11:48 PM
The Bag of Ejection- This appears to be a normal bag of holding. However, when opened, there is a 25% chance it will violently eject a random item it contains at the person who opened the bag. Treat this as an attack at +10 BaB, with damage equal to that of an improvised weapon of the appropriate size.

Lavin
2007-07-19, 01:08 AM
The Greasword of Greater Inconvenience

I am seriouly considering being cruel and putting this in for my players to find...

The (mildly inteligent) sword senses when you attempt a Move Silently check, and makes a corespondingly loud sound. Even louder for the higher your roll excedes the other person's listen check. Also, it should have some idealy excentric advantage to it, like you get a +2 on a disguise check, or something else counter-intuitive like that.

Triggerhappy938
2007-07-19, 01:29 AM
Most useless thing our party's picked up in our adventures?

Our paladin.

Xuincherguixe
2007-07-19, 02:05 AM
Crown of Drag:
The players clothing and armor turns into a ridiculously exaggerated form of that typical for those of the opposite gender. There is no change in stats even if it doesn't make sense (i.e. a chain mail bikini still gives the same armor class).

Arceliar
2007-07-19, 02:36 AM
My party actually found one of these in a recent session:

Rod of Regeneration -- If broken, the largest portion of this rod regenerates any missing pieces the next round. The smaller pieces which were broken off disappear after one round.

I actually bought it from the party with my share of the treasures. I WILL find a way to catastrophically upset the campaign with this thing, I just haven't figured out how yet.

Xuincherguixe
2007-07-19, 02:44 AM
My party actually found one of these in a recent session:

Rod of Regeneration -- If broken, the largest portion of this rod regenerates any missing pieces the next round. The smaller pieces which were broken off disappear after one round.

I actually bought it from the party with my share of the treasures. I WILL find a way to catastrophically upset the campaign with this thing, I just haven't figured out how yet.

Possibilities as I see it? Stab something with the broken bits. When it regenerates it will push away matter.

The broken bits could be used to hold things up maybe? Like rocks?

Hmm. Yeah hard to break the game with this.

Roog
2007-07-19, 03:58 AM
Ring of Fire: - Duplicates the effects of a good chili.

ZeroNumerous
2007-07-19, 04:18 AM
Possibilities as I see it? Stab something with the broken bits. When it regenerates it will push away matter.

The broken bits could be used to hold things up maybe? Like rocks?

Hmm. Yeah hard to break the game with this.

Break it in half, exactly. Then break the resultant rods in half. Repeat ad nausem.

dr.cello
2007-07-19, 04:30 AM
Empty space of existential crises?

Only if it's in a house.

Xuincherguixe
2007-07-19, 05:33 AM
Only if it's in a house.

Nice! I actually get that amazingly :P

Dareon
2007-07-19, 05:43 AM
Coin of many faces: A coin that actually functions as a d20. Normally shows heads-tails but when flipped or turned over quickly it randomly shows other faces:

1: thumbs-down
2: heads
3: tails
4: foot
5: *blank*
6: nose
7: picture of some peasants house
8: star
9: horse
10: *it lands on its side*
11: nymph on a clamshell
12: shoe
13: crown
14: sword
15: book
16: picture of a mouses face and the words *Chuck E Cheese* on it.
17: skull
19: *it just hovers forever in the air, spinning*
20: thumbs-up
That may actually be useful. "Call it." "Heads" *flips, anything but a 2* "Sorry, I win." Well, the Chuck E Cheese token and the skull may well count as 'heads', too.

dr.cello
2007-07-19, 07:08 AM
Nice! I actually get that amazingly :P

It is my dream to one day do a D&D campaign which features the house. Or any sort of campaign, really. It would be very fun to just watch the party try to figure it out. (It's the first thing I thought of when you said that.) Unfortunately, it would only work on an unwitting party, or a party that knew exactly where it was going and didn't care.

Dareon: I think I might call foul on a coin on which I called heads and it landed 'thumbs up.' As far as tricks go, just rigging the toss is a lot easier.

Randel
2007-07-19, 10:19 PM
Ventriloquist Teddy Bear

A Teddy Bear that you can make do simple things or speak by holding it and concentrating. Things like wave its hands, say "Gee, Jortek, I don't think casting fireball in the middle of this forest would be a good idea... it could cause a forest fire!"


Graffiti Wall

A wall covered with graffiti... but turns completely blank if any females come within line-of-sight with it.


Bottle of Endless Ketchup

Usefull for when you have nothing but bland rations.


Box O' Socks

A Drawer that creates an endless supply of socks.


Rod of Cheddar

A rod which when applied to food makes it taste slightly cheesier.


Never-miss Rock

A rock which when thrown will unerringly hit its target even if they are running through a crowd of people.


Slerog and Xilveig's Wild Adventures

A crystal ball that when applied shows the wacky adventures of some cartoonish creatures. They look like cartoon versions of Dungeons and Dragons people but are apparently immortal, getting into situation after situation.


Wheel of Morality

A wheel which, when turned will give some some 'Lesson' that supposedly will benefit its user. Can be used once per day.


Cube of Cubespeech

A cube made of green glass which when given to a Gelatinous Cube allows it to speak to those around it... however, when used all it can apparently can "Cube!"


Compass of detect living.

The needle alway points to the nearest living intelligent creature... generally the user. The compass is black and evil-looking... and smells of zombies.


Ioun Brick

A large brick which constantly circles around the users head, deals bludgeoning damage to anyone who gets too close.


Amulet of Detect Safety

Amulet rings loudly unless its wearer is in danger.


Floor-tile of Endless Caltrops

The tile fabricates caltrops on top of itself if it is ever cleared off.


Nondimensional Rug

Anything swept under the rug is stored in a non-dimensional space like a bag-of-holding. Hanging the rug up on a line and beating it with a stick causes items to fall out of the bottom.


Welcome Mat of Undead Turning

Any Undead who steps on this mat is instantly spun around and pushed by invisible hands back the way they came.


Self-Burying Treasure Chest

When placed on the ground and the command is given, the chest buries itself six feet in the ground without leaving any trace. If the ground is too hard to dig with shovels or something is in the way like a boulder, underground cave, water main, or another chest it shakes for a moment and then sits still. Must be dug up later.


Adventurer Caller

Magical whistles that come in different varieties. Each designed to attract different humanoids. Makes noises like [human voice]:"Help! I'm being attacked by goblins!", [princess voice]:"Will somebody save me..." , [Goblin voice]: "Hehe... this treasure is ours... all OURS!"


Failed Sampo

A strange machine that when iron ore or iron objects are placed inside will transmute them into lumps of iron pyrite (fools gold).


Red Pill and Blue Pill

Taking the red pill causes you to violently hallucinate for 1d4 rounds. Shiny surfaces turn into ooze and attack you, your friends are turning into guys in black suits who attack you, the world is filled with swarms of crazy green numbers that attack you. After that, you return to normal but have gain a permanent +1 bonus to knowledge (drugs are bad).

The blue pill tastes like blueberry.

Azrac
2007-07-19, 10:46 PM
these are the most ridiculous items i have ever come across
http://www.dndonlinegames.com/showthread.php?t=36536&page=1&pp=15
on there i am Azrac TheUnstable

Draz74
2007-07-20, 02:39 AM
Ioun Brick

A large brick which constantly circles around the users head, deals bludgeoning damage to anyone who gets too close.

That's awesome. :smallcool:



Amulet of Detect Safety

Amulet rings loudly unless its wearer is in danger.

You know ... that could explain a lot about the psychology of adventurers.

Roderick_BR
2007-07-20, 08:23 AM
My party actually found one of these in a recent session:

Rod of Regeneration -- If broken, the largest portion of this rod regenerates any missing pieces the next round. The smaller pieces which were broken off disappear after one round.

I actually bought it from the party with my share of the treasures. I WILL find a way to catastrophically upset the campaign with this thing, I just haven't figured out how yet.
Break it in many tiny pieces, like sawdust, with the biggest part just a few inches, and make someone swallow it.

I'm gonna be killed for these ones...
M&M: A sugary candy that has fire damage 5 when held in your hands, and when put on someone's mouth, it automatically takes 1 point of fire damage, no save.
Apple: Gives you a +1 fruity bonus to Fort saves against non-magical diseases for 24 hours. "An apple a day..."
Pimp Hat: A purple hat with a huge feather on top, that gives you a +2 circumstance bonus on Charisma based skill checks to talk to women. Works only for men, or male looking androgynous characters. Any law enforcer character(including females) imposes a -2 circumstance penalty on Charisma based skills checks instead.
Kaleidoscope: Looks like a spyglass, but when you look into it, instead of showing you what's in your front, it shows you a random image created through a silent image spell. The image is only moving random colors.
Jack-in-a-Treasure-Chest: When someone opens the treasure box, a puppet jumps out of it. It counts as a surprise round action.
And my fave: The potion of vanish: When a character drinks it, he vanishes. It needs to be drank pure, without being dissolved in others drinks, or into food. It smells and tastes strongly like rotten eggs. Warning, this can be a VERY breaking game potion. Yes, I used it in a game.

Raven T.
2007-07-20, 08:47 AM
Bottle of Endless Ketchup

Usefull for when you have nothing but bland rations.


Box O' Socks

A Drawer that creates an endless supply of socks.


Rod of Cheddar

A rod which when applied to food makes it taste slightly cheesier.


Never-miss Rock

A rock which when thrown will unerringly hit its target even if they are running through a crowd of people.


Wheel of Morality

A wheel which, when turned will give some some 'Lesson' that supposedly will benefit its user. Can be used once per day.


Nondimensional Rug

Anything swept under the rug is stored in a non-dimensional space like a bag-of-holding. Hanging the rug up on a line and beating it with a stick causes items to fall out of the bottom.

These would actually be very useful to me...

"Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn.
Tell us the lesson we should learn."

Citizen Joe
2007-07-20, 08:57 AM
Box O' Socks

A Drawer that creates an endless supply of socks.



None of them match:smallamused:

Wolf_Shade
2007-07-20, 09:39 AM
And my fave: The potion of vanish: When a character drinks it, he vanishes. It needs to be drank pure, without being dissolved in others drinks, or into food. It smells and tastes strongly like rotten eggs. Warning, this can be a VERY breaking game potion. Yes, I used it in a game.
Aw. I was hoping for "when you drink it, it vanishes; container and all".

Xero_Storm
2007-07-20, 09:50 AM
Most useless thing our party's picked up in our adventures?

Our paladin.That's just cold, man..... I love it!

Now let's take a crack at this...

Bag of AA Batteries
Vorpal Toothpick
Tome of Bitching - Filled cover to cover with the inane whining of a preppy teenaged bimbo.
Phone of Infinite Holding - A telephone handset that constantly plays muzak.
Xian Skull - "Hi, I'm a talking skull!"

Azrac
2007-07-20, 12:07 PM
That's just cold, man..... I love it!

Now let's take a crack at this...

Vorpal Toothpick



already covered in firstpost in my link.

bugsysservant
2007-07-20, 12:24 PM
Amulet of Detect Safety

Amulet rings loudly unless its wearer is in danger.

That would be insanely useful, just annoying. Loud noise, loud noise, picks up poisoned goblet, silience. You could even argue that it negates being flatfooted, since you will always be warned when an attack is about to occur. Of course there is always the danger of the amulet going silent because one of the party members can't sleep and is getting pissed, but...

Runolfr
2007-07-20, 12:48 PM
Spoon of stirring: potentially useful to potion brewers, alchemists, and cooks; stirs any pot of liquid it's left in.

Bottomless mug: a mug or drinking horn that, once filled, never runs out of the liquid it contains; a great trick at frat parties. Not actually bottomless, though, as it can only operate for a limited period of time once activated. Might need other limitations (must be held by a living being to operate, for instance).

Nut-finder: A simple wand or divining rod that can locate a named type of nut or seed within a certain radius; drives squirrels crazy.

Sword of dancing: A rapier with minimal combat enhancement (maybe a +1) that also grants a +10 on Perform (dance) checks while worn (but only when it's sheathed).

Sword of sharpness: This sword grants its wielder the Alertness feat when drawn. It also glows (normal sword illumination), drawing attention to the wielder, and has a +1 enhancement bonus.

Eyes of goggling: Anyone who wears these spectacles grants a +5 bonus on Charisma-based checks made against him or her by persons of the opposite sex.

Peril-sensitive sunglasses: At the first hint of danger, these spectacles produce darkness (as the spell, CL 3) around the wearer.

Glass slippers: These slippers conform to the feet of the first person who tries them on. Thereafter, they will never fit on anyone else's feet, not even an identical twin to the first wearer.

Sorting hat: If you drop a deck of cards into this hat and then dump it out on a table (or other surface), the cards will fall out in a neat stack ordered by suit and value. It will also sort other objects that have an obvious order and will fit in the hat.

Leicontis
2007-07-20, 01:25 PM
Used-up ioun stones are wonderful - in the last campaign I DMed, the party got one from their second adventure. As soon as the party cleric reached 3rd level, he cast a Continual Flame spell on it, creating an everburning torch that didn't interfere with weapon/shield wielding.

Telonius
2007-07-20, 01:36 PM
Vest of the Lummox. +4 Strength and intimidate, but -4 to reflex saves; all dexterity-based skill checks; concentration checks; craft checks; and perform checks involving instruments.

Dausuul
2007-07-20, 01:51 PM
I've seen them mentioned off-hand in other threads, but what I'm looking for here is the weirdest and most 'useless' magical item you can come up with. I have a group of very resourceful players and they love figuring out crazy ways past all my hard work. I reward them with the tools to do so. The best I've seen mentioned are

A bucket that turns upside-down after 32 seconds (or some strange number like that)

A wooden pole that will stand perfectly upright if set on a solid surface.

It reminds me of the good ol' <i>robe of useless items</i> which has on it -- among other things -- a rubber sword and a glass shield.

Marble of perpetual motion: A glass marble that never stops rolling. If it hits an obstacle, it just rolls up it. If you pick it up, it will roll endlessly around the inside of your fist.

Candle of time inverted: A small bit of candle wick. If you set the wick on fire, it will grow into a candle, as if a normal candle were burning in reverse. You can snuff the candle to stop its growth; relight it later and it will start growing once more. Once the candle has finished growing, it goes out and cannot be lit again.

Sweeping broom: On command, this magical broom will sweep an area up to 20 feet by 20 feet. It sweeps all dust and dirt into a pile, which can then be gathered up and removed by mundane means. The broom can clean any normal surface, no matter how dirty, in 5 minutes. If set to work on an area of natural earth, it erodes the surface by 1 inch per hour.

Alleine
2007-07-20, 05:12 PM
Tongs of Removal: To get that stick out of the Paladin's ***.

Randel
2007-07-21, 04:18 AM
Statue of the Performing Frog
This small ceramic statue of a frog looks perfectly mundane. Like a knick-knack. It emits no magical aura and no appraise check will show it to be anything other than a mundane is quaint trinket worth a few silver.

However, it chooses one person, often the first person it is left alone with. When alone with that person it instantly transforms into a singing and dancing frog with max skill points in all areas of Perform. It constantly rolls natural 20's on perform check and can sing any song ever made with perfect clarity. If anyone else comes near enough to see or hear the frogs song and dance (including scrying or divination spells up to, including, and exceeding Wish.) the frog reverts back to a simple knick-knack until it is alone with its chosen person again. If its separated from that person for more than a week it will bond with the next person it can be alone with.

The frog statue can be destroyed like any ceramic statue of its size and it shows no sign of ever been magical or masterwork.


Mage's Coaster
A small coaster which when placed on a table or similar surface will automatically scoot underneath a mug, cup, or bottle placed on that surface.


Half-Empty Chest
A Treasure chest which contains a Permanent Image of piles of gold and jewels. The chest may still contain items inside it laying below the surface of the illusionary treasure.


Self-Scooting Chair
A chair that scoots itself away from a table to let a person sit down and back in when they leave. (more of an unseen servant effect than an animated object)


Jellyberries
Tiny colored jelly candies. They heal 1 hp like goodberries but don't replace a meal when eaten. Often offered by doctors.


Ice Pitcher
A pitcher that cools whatever liquid is placed in it and even freezes some lumps of it to form ice-cubes made of that liquid that float in the pitcher.


Snowman's Hat
A hat which when placed on a snowman or similar construct made of snow animates it and causes it to dance around... which then causes the snow creature to fall apart in clumps. Does not animate anything other than loose snow and does not give any real support or strength for that snow.


Shovel of Sandshapeing
By concentrating, the wielder can cause about 1 lb of sand to shift around. Useful for creating maps of mountain ranges or something.

Roog
2007-07-21, 05:02 AM
Bag of Ticks: This small sack appears normal and empty.
However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, fuzzy ball. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it turns into a tick.

Bracers of , Greater: These wristbands look like normal protective wear. However they can be used to shred vegetables or cheese.

Chime of Interruption: This instrument can be struck once every round, this take a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

Cloak of the Bat: Fashioned of dark brown or black cloth, this cloak will not interfere with the users flight. This item is most commonly found in a size appropriate for diminutive characters.

Cloak of Displacement, Minor: This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp light waves. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no mater how it is secured.

Cloak of Etherealness: This silvery-gray cloak seems to absorb light rather than be illuminated by it. On command, the cloak becomes ethereal. The effect is dismissible.

2nd 3rd Hand Hand: This mummified Athach hand hangs by a golden chain around a character’s neck (taking up space as a magic necklace would). It gives the wearer an extra ring slot.

Iron Stones: These metallic stones always float in mercury and must be within 3 feet of their owner to be of any use. When a character first acquires a stone, she must hold it and then release it, whereupon it falls to the ground 1d3 feet from her feet. The owner may voluntarily seize and stow a stone (to keep it safe while she is sleeping, for example), but she loses the benefits of the stone during that time.
...

Wardog
2007-07-21, 05:09 AM
What about Terry Pratchett's version of Seven League Boots?

(When you take a step forward, you're front leg ends up 21 miles ahead of you. Just hope that the rest of you manages to keep up).



Other ideas:

Ancient magic sword. So ancient it reduces your THAC0 by 5.

Potion of orc breath.

Spell: Protection from Snails. Grants +2 AC vs. attacks by snails, and a +2 saving throw bonus against spells cast by snails.

Xero_Storm
2007-07-21, 07:59 AM
already covered in firstpost in my link.
Curses and expletives! That was one of my favorite ideas, too.

mabriss lethe
2007-07-21, 08:10 AM
I once killed a man with a never-ending can of pork and beans.

That is all.

evisiron
2007-07-21, 09:00 AM
More bad puns!

Armor of e, the realness - no, I don't get it either



I am guessing...Ethereal armour?
E-The-real = Ethereal right?
Yay!

Besides, there is always the Anymug!
http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060424.html
which then leads to
http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060425.html

Wardog
2007-07-21, 10:04 AM
Oh - I've thought of another one:

Ring of the Fifth Planeteer. Grants the wearer the Power of Heart :smalltongue:

DaMullet
2007-07-21, 10:32 AM
Wardog, you are my hero.

psychoticbarber
2007-07-21, 11:09 AM
Oh - I've thought of another one:

Ring of the Fifth Planeteer. Grants the wearer the Power of Heart :smalltongue:

I've always wondered, is the Power of Heart anything like Trusting in the Heart of the Cards?

Xero_Storm
2007-07-21, 01:38 PM
Invisible Platinum Piece - Or is it a gold piece? Copper? Hell, for all you know it could be a bus token.:smalltongue:
Glasses of Farseeing - Ever wondered what severe Hyperopia was like? Now you can experience it first-hand.
Ioun Chef - No explination could atone for this horrid pun, but I couldn't help myself. Please don't hurt me.:smalleek:

Lapak
2007-07-21, 01:47 PM
Invisible Platinum Piece - Or is it a gold piece? Copper? Hell, for all you know it could be a bus token.:smalltongue:
Well, until Archimedes comes along and spoils the fun, anyway.

Curmudgeon
2007-07-21, 01:55 PM
The sperm whale of stealth. :smallsmile:

Driderman
2007-07-21, 03:16 PM
Full Plate & Tower Shield Of Invisibility: Used alone, these are ordinary masterworked items, but when used together they make the user invisible. You still sound like an iron golem in a halfling sized kitchen, however.
Granted, the invisibility thing might seem useful at first, but how appreciative do you think the rest of the party will be when the enemies can't see the meatshield and target the rest instead?

MeatGrindah
2007-07-21, 05:18 PM
The Goggles

..............

They do nothing!

..............

Please don't kill me.

Jack_Simth
2007-07-21, 06:11 PM
Hey! In that comic, the deer is calling V a "dude!"

The question is answered!

:smallbiggrin:

Not really - even if "dude" wasn't so often used as a gender-neutral term, all it tells you is what the deer thinks.



How is a flaming sword a bad thing? Or does the hilt also flame? Or does it post flame messages?
It's a mundane (or masterwork) shortsword with a Continual Flame spell on the blade. Vaguely useful, but more likely to be used to swindle you than anything else.

Edit:
Oh, umm... classics

The Invisible Ring (the ring is invisible; it does not confer this property on it's wearer)
The Invulnerable Ring (the ring is invulnerable, doesn't protect the wearer at all)

BRC
2007-07-21, 06:26 PM
A running joke in my group is the Cloak Of Billowing, its a mystical cloak that harnesses the power of wind to billow behind you in a dramatic fasion. The Wind does not affect anything except the cloak.
It should preferably be in the possession of a greater wind elemental, or some wind-based monster

Bassetking
2007-07-21, 06:38 PM
The Invulnerable Ring (the ring is invulnerable, doesn't protect the wearer at all)

Invulnerable ring + Sovereign Glue + Immovable Rod = Ultimate Ship Killer.

Neek
2007-07-21, 06:54 PM
A running joke in my group is the Cloak Of Billowing, its a mystical cloak that harnesses the power of wind to billow behind you in a dramatic fasion. The Wind does not affect anything except the cloak.
It should preferably be in the possession of a greater wind elemental, or some wind-based monster

I have a running joke in mine, too. Whenever there's a halfling in the party, they always find Skrodo's Only Ring. It's a ring of invisibility, but it drives them mad for no apparent reason. I think this time around, if the Halfling lives, another Halfling'll wrestle him for it.

Zeful
2007-07-21, 07:05 PM
A couple of mine are just stupid.

Let's see I made:

Dust Devil: These clay colored boots do not register as magic items but they are. They turn any ground underfoot, up to 20ft, once a day into dust, irrigardless to the type of material. This effect is random, and has a 10% chance plus a cumlative 1% chance for every hour past 24 since it's last activation, once an hour to see if the effect activates. The hourly roll may be subsituted at any time it would be socially awkward to disappear into the earth.

Xero_Storm
2007-07-21, 08:42 PM
Vitriol Quill - A writing quill with an endless supply of ink... But it's highly acidic ink.
2-Foot Spiked Chain - Yeah, I think that's pretty much self-explanetory.
Staff of Cydas - Turns stone into pasta. Don't ask why.
Gem of Obvious Destruction - When activated, user is imediately killed in some sort of "accident". Moron.

Wardog
2007-07-22, 03:04 PM
Vitriol Quill - A writing quill with an endless supply of ink... But it's highly acidic ink.


That could come in quite handy, for etching / engraving, or if you needed to write a permanent message on a rock / wall / etc.

(Assuming that is that the acid doesn't destroy the quill itself. In that case, it really would be a completely useless item).

nerulean
2007-07-22, 03:37 PM
Tongs of Removal: To get that stick out of the Paladin's ***.

Hammer of Insertion: Because it had to get there somehow.

Dwarkanath
2007-07-22, 04:05 PM
Bag o' Holdin'
Appears as a standard Bag of Holding, but only holds half (or less) of the capacity of an equivalent non-magical bag. As an added bonus, it's not waterproof either.

Hag of Holding
A green hag that will carry anything you ask of her and is within her weight limit. The only problem is the Hag of Holding won't relinquish any item in her charge. Although the hag won't fight or use any special abilities on your behalf, she will use them to her fullest in order to keep possession of any items held.

mostlyharmful
2007-07-22, 04:07 PM
I am guessing...Ethereal armour?
E-The-real = Ethereal right?
Yay!

Besides, there is always the Anymug!
http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060424.html
which then leads to
http://goblinscomic.com/d/20060425.html

the e used in this armour is a mathematical interger used in certain advanced pure maths, basically its a non-real number that makes the figures add up when you're doing something complex. It's one of the dirty little secrets of the really advanced sciences, something allong the lines of "just shove an X in and hope they don't notice we don't know what the hell we're talking about"

The e doesn't in the reallist sense exist but it makes it all hang together, so the aromour of e - the realness. is actually nonexistant in interesting and highly esoteric ways....... now that that joke is explained i hope you enjoy it a whole lot more....:smallconfused:

andux
2007-07-22, 11:53 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v337/andux/Avatars/OrcElvis117.gif
Cloak of Elviskind:
This sparkly cape causes the wearer to grow prominent sideburns and a pompadour (replacing their existing hair, if any), even if their race or gender would normally not allow for such a hairstyle.

Zeful
2007-07-23, 12:20 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v337/andux/Avatars/OrcElvis117.gif
Cloak of Elviskind:
This sparkly cape causes the wearer to grow prominent sideburns and a pompadour (replacing their existing hair, if any), even if their race or gender would normally not allow for such a hairstyle.

Also gives a +2 competence bonus to charisma

Triggerhappy938
2007-07-23, 12:46 AM
Ioun Chef - No explination could atone for this horrid pun, but I couldn't help myself. Please don't hurt me.:smalleek:


Alle Cuisine!

I'd love to have a master of fine cuisine circling my head!

ClericofPhwarrr
2007-07-23, 01:34 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v337/andux/Avatars/OrcElvis117.gif
Cloak of Elviskind:
This sparkly cape causes the wearer to grow prominent sideburns and a pompadour (replacing their existing hair, if any), even if their race or gender would normally not allow for such a hairstyle.

That is awesome in more ways than I can list. A cookie for andux!

sparkey477
2007-07-23, 04:38 PM
my group has just started their first adventure, and some where along the lines iwant to include a ridiculus magic item just for the hell of it. here are some of my ideas;

Gibbering Ring: this gold ring makes a slight gibbering sound if you put your ear to it. Anytime you see anything edible, you start gibbering wildly causing a -10 penalty to all hide, concentrate and move silently checks and confuses everyone within 20 feet as the spell (CL 3rd)

Ring of the Twelve Inch Pianist: Summons a hard-of hearing Janni to grant three wishes. (Yeah, Like I'd wish for a Twelve Inch Pianist.)

Nerd-o-rama
2007-07-23, 05:04 PM
the e used in this armour is a mathematical interger used in certain advanced pure maths, basically its a non-real number that makes the figures add up when you're doing something complex. It's one of the dirty little secrets of the really advanced sciences, something allong the lines of "just shove an X in and hope they don't notice we don't know what the hell we're talking about"

The e doesn't in the reallist sense exist but it makes it all hang together, so the aromour of e - the realness. is actually nonexistant in interesting and highly esoteric ways....... now that that joke is explained i hope you enjoy it a whole lot more....:smallconfused:
You're thinking of i, which is equal to the square root of -1. e is Euler's Number (well, one of them), and is an irrational number (like pi) approximately equal to 2.718. It's one of those numbers that pops up a lot in mathematical equations for no real reason. It's also the base of the natural logarithm function.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euler%27s_number

Koji
2007-07-23, 05:04 PM
My crowning glory:

Boots of Theme Music

These boots were originally created for a duelist named Dash Handsome, who was rather fond of an overture accompanying his dramatic entrances. They have since passed from his possession and somehow become cursed.

These boots appear to be Boots of Sneaking +4, and technically, they are. The problem is that while they do cushion the wearer's footfalls, they also play music as though a full orchestra is present. The music is always keyed to whatever the user is doing--gentle pizzicato strings for when the wearer is trying to sneak, rousing anthems for when he inspires his allies, and foreboding themes when the enemy appears to have the upper hand. Of course, the music prevents the wearer from sneaking anywhere, and may annoy those around him.

someonenonotyou
2007-07-23, 05:28 PM
Giant hammer of curing- anyone hit by the hammer is automatically cured (don't worry I will heal you *WACK*):smalleek:

A bag of every lasting bananas-reach in the bag get a banana (helpful when being chased :smallbiggrin:

Gloves of everholding-when wearing what ever touched with can never let go until taken off (high five):smallamused:

Sword of explosions- when this sword's blade hits anything it explodes (here let me polish your sword *BOOM*:smallwink:

what yah think?

Lavin
2007-07-23, 10:15 PM
Bag of Ticks: This small sack appears normal and empty.
However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, fuzzy ball. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it turns into a tick.


Hmmmmm...This could be very intersting to use...

Farmer: Although you have killed all of my cows in the process, I thank you for your help ridding the dire rat infestation. [He hands each player a handfull of fuzzy balls] May these prove to be useful.
PC: ...What do they do?
Farmer: You'll find out soon enough....[He chuckles]...oh yes, soon enough...

Tekren
2007-08-21, 01:36 AM
Buckler of Location- Shows a map of the world at full size with a 'you are here' arrow. Does not zoom or rotate, and therefore can only pinpoint your location within 100 miles.

Fowl (Foul?) Fork- makes everything it touches taste like chicken, with a 50% chance of it tasting like rancid chicken.