View Full Version : D&D 3.x Other Monster: The Bard's Worst Nightmare

2017-08-09, 09:30 AM
Fine Aberration
Hit Dice: 6d8 (27)
Initiative: +6
Speed: 5 ft, Burrow 20, Swim 30
Armor Class: (10 + 8 size + 4 NA + 6 Dex), touch , flat-footed
Base Attack/Grapple: +12 / -13
Attack: Bite +18
Full Attack: Bite +18
Damage: Bite 2d4 + disease and Drain
Space/Reach: 1 in. X .5 in./ 0
Special Attacks: Disease, drain
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60, DR 10/+1, lechery, weakness,
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +12, Will +11
Abilities: Str 1, Dex 23, Con 11, Int 16, Wis 14, Cha 15
Skills: Hide 9 ranks +31, Move Silently +15, Listen +11, Spot +11
Feats: Ability Focus (Drain), Darkstalker, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary or nest (may the gods help those poor men)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Evil
Level Adjustment: -

The barmaid you've bedded welcomes you into an embrace and as you begin your lovemaking venture. You slide inside of her you feel a sharp pain followed by a burning sensation. She locks her legs around you and whispers, "Surprise, hun."

Disease (Ex): Ball Buster: Fort Save DC 18; Inc. Time: 3d6 days; Init. Dam.: 1d4 Con; Sec. Dam.: 1d6 Dex; Ter. Dam.: Sterilization; Cure: 10 Consecutive Saves; cannot be removed with Remove Disease
⦁ Sterilization: If you fail the third save, over the course of 1d4 days your ovaries or testicles and the appropriate tubes become smaller and then absorbed into the body to be disposed of and the skin/flesh surrounding them shrinks or grows to accommodate the shrinkage of the glands until there is no way to tell that they were there at all if they were visible. You are no longer able to produce viable offspring but can still use the reproductive organ(s) for fun times.
Drain (Ex): You must make a fort save (DC 16) or take 1d4 Con damage. This save is Charisma based.
Lechery (Su): While the itchlix is within a female host, the host takes a -10 penalty to all seduction attempts. Males are bitten during copulation, females have an egg placed inside of them during copulation that hatches within 1d4 hours afterwards into a itchlix.
Weakness: If a Remove Disease spell is cast on the host, the itchlix takes 14d10 untyped damage

This evil thing was made because I know a good number of people don't think about these sorts of things when they play bards...

2017-08-09, 11:59 AM
Ha! Would fit perfectly in the Book of Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (https://dnd.rem.uz/3.5%20D%26D%20Books/Other%20Products/Book%20of%20Unlawful%20Carnal%20Knowledge.pdf).