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View Full Version : Gamer Humor Fantasy Puns, Jokes and Humorous Quests needed!



Gnome de plume
2017-10-03, 05:42 AM
Hi guys, I've been convinced to create a second chapter to a game I'm making, and am looking for inspiration.

https://static.wixstatic.com/media/e570f6_b5f1ffb848ac4bbcbf67e39f09345683~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_244,h_144,al_c,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/e570f6_b5f1ffb848ac4bbcbf67e39f09345683~mv2.png

The game, Rapture at Pale Gate (https://www.facebook.com/RaptureatPaleGate/), relies (I hope) on wit and storyline more than anything else. Any fantasy based puns or jokes suggested will be gratefully accepted. If your keen, ideas for quests would also be appreciated.

The party consists of the following:

Female human chaotic good cleric with barely suppressed anger issues

Male human neutral evil fighter with an inferiority complex

Male elf true neutral ranger both naive and gullible

Female dwarf chaotic good mage with OCD for cleanliness

Male neutral evil thief/assassin who tries to argue everyone is evil, deep down.

Male neutral good bard, keen, optimistic and fairly useless.

Any and all help will be treasured.

(The gnomes)

Chromium Snyde
2017-10-04, 08:34 PM
Hey! I know i never got back to you about your first chapter, but it looked like you had some really experienced people giving advice so i didn't think it'd make a difference. Would monster ideas be any use?

Basilisp turnth people to thtone

A Hell Toupee not sure on the joke though...

Pex
2017-10-04, 09:38 PM
A dwarf, a human, and an elf walk into a bar. The halfling walked under it.

Bards tell the tale of Adin, a hero of long ago who fought the good fight, protected the weak, vanquished evil, and was friend to everyone. The one thing he was not good at was in socializing with the ladies. He'd get bashful. His rogue buddy decided to become his wingman to help him out. When they go to the tavern he would introduce his friend "This is my good pal, Adin", and thus the class was named.

gloryblaze
2017-10-05, 07:07 PM
A group of adventurers approach a door leading to the evil wizard's lair. There is no doorknob or handle, or indeed any apparent way to enter. A prominent stone knocker is clearly visible on the door. Beneath the knocker, an engraving: "Knock Twice If Ye Wish To Enter." After inspecting the door for traps, the paladin steps forth and knocks twice. A booming voice reverberates from the door: "WHO'S THERE?" The paladin replies: "Sir Tristan." The door replies: "SIR TRISTAN WHO?" The paladin, annoyed at being questioned, states: "Sir Tristan the Lightbringer, Chosen of the God Pelor, son of Arthur the Great." The door falls silent, and does not open. The party huddles together and whispers back and forth. Eventually, the bard speaks up: "I have an idea." He strides forth to knock the door twice. "WHO'S THERE?"

"Harry."

"HARRY WHO?"

"Harry up and let us in, it's cold out here."

The door bursts into laughter and swings open.

"THAT WAS A GOOD ONE."

Green Elf
2017-10-05, 11:54 PM
Have the dwarf find a disorganized pile of items/treasure. I guess you could say this would be... over her head.

Gnome de plume
2017-10-06, 04:19 AM
Pex,


"This is my good pal, Adin"

Definitely going to use this, the situation may change, but the gag is excellent.

Chromium,

those fantasy beasts are great, if you think of any more let me know. Definitely using


basilisp

Gloryblaze that
knock knockdoor will go in the next dungeon I design

And finally Green Elf, Aside from referring to the Equal Heights movement, I've completely avoided height based humor for the dwarf.... I have no idea why, so thanks both for the joke and the reminder.

Green Elf
2017-10-06, 09:55 PM
Pex,



Definitely going to use this, the situation may change, but the gag is excellent.

Chromium,

those fantasy beasts are great, if you think of any more let me know. Definitely using



Gloryblaze that door will go in the next dungeon I design

And finally Green Elf, Aside from referring to the Equal Heights movement, I've completely avoided height based humor for the dwarf.... I have no idea why, so thanks both for the joke and the reminder.

Acknowledgement. Feels good.

Chromium Snyde
2017-10-09, 09:34 PM
Agreed!

Mime flayer?
Gelatinous n00b?
Polka geist?
Cowbold?
Meme-ic?
An ochre ogre toga party?

As fun as this is, let me know if this is on the right track.

Amaril
2017-10-09, 10:41 PM
Once upon a time, a nobleman was riding alone down a deserted road in the countryside, when his horse had the misfortune to stumble and injure its leg. Knowing he could ride no further, but unwilling to abandon his faithful steed, he tied the horse to a tree by the roadside and set off to find help nearby.

Soon, he came upon a lonely monastery. Approaching, he knocked on the door, and was answered by one of the brothers. "Good brother," the nobleman said, "my horse has lamed himself. Might someone here help me tend to him, and give us shelter for the night?" The monks treated him with the utmost grace--they invited the nobleman in, sent someone to tend to and retrieve his horse, and offered him supper and a bed.

During the night, the nobleman was awakened by a strange sound coming from somewhere in the monastery. The next morning, when he woke, he asked the monks "good brothers, what was the source of that sound I heard in the night?"

The monks replied "we cannot tell you, for you are not a monk." The nobleman was perplexed, but shrugged and put the matter aside, and soon continued on his way.

Years passed, and one day, while riding along the same stretch of road, the nobleman's horse chanced to stumble in the same place and lame himself again. Once more, the nobleman sought out the monastery. "Good brother," he said to the monk who answered the door, "it shames me to intrude on your hospitality again, but my horse has injured himself. Might we have your assistance?" Just as before, the monks were as kind as could be, offering the nobleman supper and shelter, and treating his steed.

That night, the nobleman was awoken again by the same sound. In the morning, he said to the monks "brothers, last night I was awakened once more by that strange sound. My curiosity gnaws at me! Please, tell me what causes it!"

The monks once again replied "we cannot, for you are not a monk."

The nobleman hesitated a moment, then said "I cannot know peace until I am satisfied! If the only way I may find out is to join your order, then tell me what I must do to achieve this!"

The monks said "you must travel all the land, and count every blade of grass, and every grain of sand. Do this, and you shall be accepted as one of us." The nobleman agreed, and departed once more.

Forty years later, the nobleman returned to the monastery. "I have done as you asked," he said to the monk who answered the door. "There are one hundred sixteen quadrillion, nine hundred seventy-two trillion, seven hundred fifty-one billion, four hundred thirteen million, sixty-six thousand, eight hundred and two blades of grass, and four hundred eighty-four quintillion, seven hundred fifty-one quadrillion, three hundred eighteen trillion, ninety-eight billion, four million, two hundred thirty-eight thousand, five hundred and ninety-one grains of sand."

The monks replied "well done. Welcome." Inviting him inside, they showed him to a wooden door. "Behind this door," they said, "is the source of the sound."

The nobleman tried the door. It was locked. "Very funny," he said to the monks. "May I have the key?" The monks handed him the key, and he unlocked the door.

Behind the door made of wood was one made of stone. The monks handed him another key, which fit this door.

Behind the stone door was one made of iron. The monks handed the nobleman yet another key, and the door opened.

Behind the iron door was one made of steel. Again, the monks handed the nobleman a key, and again it fit.

So it went, on and on, as the nobleman passed through doors of copper, brass, silver, gold, doors crusted with garnets, topaz, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and finally, a door encrusted every inch with diamonds. Finally, the monks handed the nobleman one last key. He unlocked the door, and opened it...and there, at last, after so many years, was the source of the sound he had once heard.

...

But I cannot tell you what it was, for you are not a monk :smalltongue:

Gnome de plume
2017-10-11, 11:46 PM
...

Amaril, I got super enthused thinking you'd actually written, in glorious detail a quest for me to use. I read it, savoring the slow suspense build up, then boom...




But I cannot tell you what it was, for you are not a monk :smalltongue:

I'm not sure if I'll use this, but I just wanted to let you know you completely suckered me.

Chromium, keep em coming, I particularly liked gelatinous n00b. Using that one.

Gideon Falcon
2017-10-12, 12:30 AM
Have the player receive a sending or message spell or the equivalent, saying one of the following:
"Is your golem running?"
"Do you have Gelatinous Cube in a can?"
"Is there a John there?"
"You have just won a free vacation to Elysium- please hold." (No further message)

Gnome de plume
2017-10-25, 03:43 AM
Have the player receive a sending or message spell or the equivalent

Wizard apprentices will be prank sending. I won't have this lead to a quest, just an ambience thing. Maybe they'll catch the kids, maybe they won't.

I love the idea though.

The Glyphstone
2017-10-25, 02:24 PM
Many years ago, the dukedom of Kym was split in half after a war of succession. Referred to as 'old' and 'new' Kym respectively, their dukes feud and each insist they are the true ruler of all Kym. The 'old' duke is a sorcerer who plots and schemes with dark forces. The 'new' duke used to be a fearsome warrior, but now he has fallen into sloth and ill health after becoming addicted to a chew made from the sap of the exotic Bubali tree.

RazorChain
2017-10-25, 07:31 PM
"Shave me!" "Shave me!"

A maiden in distress with a speech impediment.

Personification
2017-10-25, 09:12 PM
I have been reading the forums for a while, and I've been looking for an excuse to join. I couldn't resist posting on this thread.

First: In a distant, little known forest, there are giant mushrooms that grow on the tops of trees. Because these mushrooms blot out the sun in certain areas, the locals call them, collectively, "the shade". The shade secrets a slightly acidic magic gas which creates the illusion that those who breathe it in are being subtly mocked by their friends. The locals have found ways to condense this into small AoE smoke bombs, so when someone "throws shade" those in the target area take 1d4 acid and 1d4 psych damage. The true masters have managed to compress the shade into "roasts" which are ten times as expensive as regular shade, five times as concentrated, and do 3d8 acid 3d8 psych damage. The compressed form is called a roast because, due to the acid it causes noticeable "burns". Finally, one in 20 roasts contain "sick burns" which also render the target poisoned until treated with aloe or some other magic substance.

Also: There are legends of an albino drow assassin. Using his magical +5 10 Foot Pole of Vaulting and a heavily enchanted bow, he takes the high ground and strikes down enemies from afar. He is only known by his reputation and his title: the Vaulter White. He is the one who nocks.:smallbiggrin:

Hiro Quester
2017-10-25, 09:32 PM
Someone once posted on this board (I think) a pun they DM played on them. Apologies to the original author/post that I can't remember who they were, and probably remember the details wrong.

The party was attacked by a witch who lived in the desert. Also a slaad who employed hit and run tactics, and was very difficult to catch because he kept running away.

It was only at the end of the adventure they realized they had been encountering a chicken slaad and a sand witch.

Belac93
2017-10-26, 11:16 PM
This was part of my longest D&D campaign. It was pretty homebrewed 3.5, and we had the perfect mix of personalities. They also seemed to really appreciate all the work I put into writing for them.

The one thing they all hated, was the fact that it's nearly impossible for me to write without hiding puns in the content. It's compulsive. Even in my English classes, I would pepper in sentences that contained the most absurd puns.

It's a problem I've no intention of correcting.

So, in this game, the players have gotten to level 8 or 9, and they were exploring a new city. There were tons of things for the characters to do, NPCs to talk with, and thousands of little threads for them to pull on, but the one they went after most was this mysterious, humongous library.

Unbeknownst to the players, my DM notebook contained the helpful reminder "something something mad god's library" and the stupid punchline. That's it.

So, flying by the seat of my pants, I came up with this crazy layout. Eventually I sat down and wrote out a huge backstory for it, but it was still with the one gag in mind.

All the shelves were made of faded books, and all the readable books were in the wrong places. Any time they wanted to find something, it was inevitably in a different section: a famous NPC's history in the home and garden section, research on dragons in the fantasy section, poisonous alchemy in the cooking section, ect. This confused the **** out of them, and almost every second of down time they got was devoted to exploring this weird library.

There was a tall, creepy librarian (often the only other person in there) with a graying hair-bun and a hooked nose. She wore a black gown, and seemed to glide everywhere she went. She hardly spoke to them, but would point as a means to answer questions, and shush them if they got too loud.

Eventually the players found a back room hidden behind a bookshelf. It had a "Members Only" sign on it, and when they asked the librarian about it, she quietly handed them a long form to fill out. (There was no trick here, but my players know better than to trust something that seems easy.)

Rather than get a library card, they resort to stealing books and replacing them after use. They soon noticed that if they left a book out of place, it would inevitably wind up in its randomly specific location. This weirded the rogue out most of all, and he convinced the fighter and the cleric that their best option was to break into the members only area in the middle of the day. Naturally, the rest of the party followed along.

When they got to the other side they found this impossibly gigantic labyrinth of bookshelves. As they walked around, they noticed that the shelves were moving and changing on their own and they had no idea where to go. Well, two of them could fly (cleric and the fighter) and one was a teleporter (rogue,) so they scouted above while the others (witch and samurai) walked below

The rogue immediately noticed that the librarian was coming after them; shelves moved to make a path, and she seemed to glide straight to the people on the ground.

Well, never one to let a good idea come between him and an irrational impulse, the cleric took off in a dive straight for her, and brandished his warhammer with a natural 20 toward intimidation. The terrified librarian shrieked and collapsed onto the ground, pulling books down on top of her and spasming in shock.

Ever the honorable helper, the samurai leapt into action; pulling a syringe from his jacket. (Ok, so about that syringe... It fully heals and negates all status effects... But it also sends you into an uncontrollable rage) The samurai plunges the "health potion" straight into her heart, and fully injects the serum.

The table went silent, apart from my laughter, and the fighter said "I can not believe you just did that."

Before they could really reflect on the choices made, the librarian let out a howling screech that knocked books off the shelves, and shook the floor. As the samurai backed up, he saw the librarian's torso crack and push outward. Still screaming, her face began to elongate, and her hands stretched into massive claws. Her back arched, and as the skin was stretched to its limit, wings shredded through where her shoulder blades had been.

At this point everyone was spending so much time arguing in character about what to do, no one did anything. The woman's face was shredded as a mouth in the shape of a humpback whale pushed out; its baleen resembled the fanned pages of a paperback. As the monster grew, it started standing up on all fours. Huge cracks ran the length of the floor where it stepped. The librarian's skin was shredded like a bad sunburn to make room for leathery scales. Along its joints, and down its spine were golden bookbindings. Its huge wings fanned out to reveal feathered pages of arcane script, scrawled haphazardly.

The witch was the first to act. She ran up to the now 15 foot monster, and was backhanded into the bookshelf the rogue was standing on. In a single round, the monster had grown to over 30 feet tall, its weight started putting a huge strain on the ground. In the next round, the floor gave way and everyone who was not flying began to tumble into darkness.

Thinking quickly, the rogue reached out with his ability and saw that the floor was almost eight hundred feet down. He began teleporting the non-flyers to safety while the cleric and the fighter used their illuminated weapons to battle the slow-falling giant; it's enormous, leather bound claws, raking and clasping for them.

Dodging debris, and fighting a leathery whale-dragon, they eventually got within range of the witch, who proceeded to send torrents of flame up at the monster (and them.) The cleric used his warhammer to cripple its wings, and send it plummeting. When it landed, it roared up just as the fighter came down, rolling a perfect 20 and sailing bastard-sword-first into the creature's mouth, and out of its throat.

Pages began to burn away as the monster crumpled in a heap. Bleeding and weary, our adventurers found themselves in a massive underground cathedral. Deep, slow laughter came from the darkness all around them.

"So," said the god of madness, "I see you've defeated my bookwyrm."

Silence.

The rogue started laughing and shaking his head. The witch looked incredulous. The cleric put his head on the table. The samurai just smiled and tried to tell if I was serious. The fighter pushed his chair back and said "I'm going to smoke. You are the ****ing worst."

As soon as they heard it, they knew that the past two months of their gaming lives had been an elaborate set up to the dumbest **** I could think of. I honestly would be hard pressed to find a moment where I made myself laugh harder. Just, the sheer amount of time and planning it took for that payoff was so worth it. I had tears streaming down my face as they left my house. The beautiful stupidity of it makes me smile to this day.

We took a week off and picked up from where we stopped. The game went on for another year and a half.


One of my favourites.

pwykersotz
2017-10-26, 11:57 PM
This thread is so short and I have already laughed so much. :smallbiggrin:

Bulhakov
2017-10-27, 04:06 PM
Quick bounty quest ideas:
"Runaway psychic midget!" (i.e. the small medium at large)
"Schreodinger's catgirl: Wanted dead and alive!"
"Wight privilige - stop the necropolis alt-right racist cabal"
"Nerd necromancer - still lives with his mummy"

PrismCat21
2017-10-27, 04:41 PM
Every good adventure deserves an annoying escort quest.

May I suggest that the players come across a Unicorn in need of assistance) Injured or otherwise). And if in need of help getting to a distant mountain where he is to be crowned King.
The distant mountain is known locally as... Candy Mountain.

Gnome de plume
2017-10-27, 10:22 PM
People, the amount of sheer gold I'm getting for this is amazing! Work on the game continues, and with every gem this thread receives, the better it will be.


the exotic Bubali tree.

This quest will be VERY useful, but in my mind will split into a lot of lesser quests as well. I think I'll have to use it in the next chapter, as chapter 2 is starting to get quite full.


"Shave me!" "Shave me!"

Yep, this is going in. Some NPC in a dungeon.


Burns, roasts and sick burns. :

I've got a haunted forest that will fit this PERFECTLY! Thank you

(Also, welcome to the forum. I'm quite new as well, but it's a super supportive and friendly one in my opinion.)


chicken slaad and a sand witch.

This is perfect for an encounter, I don't want to say where as it will spoil it, but incredibly useful.


Bookwyrm

This will be interesting. I'll use it in the next library they encounter.


This thread

I agree, I chortle every couple of days I read it, and it's going to be SO USEFUL!!!


Quick bounty quest ideas:
"Runaway psychic midget!" (i.e. the small medium at large)
"Schreodinger's catgirl: Wanted dead and alive!"
"Wight privilige - stop the necropolis alt-right racist cabal"
"Nerd necromancer - still lives with his mummy"

All of this... ALL of it. Pure gold, giggled an inordinate amount over the mummy.


Candy Mountain.

SHUN THE DISBELIEVER!

The Glyphstone
2017-10-27, 10:52 PM
I'd suggest specifically that the quest goal is to cure the Duke of his addiction and become a proper ruler again. That way, you can have the Duke of New Kym declare that he is here to kick ass and chew Bubali gum, but he's all out of gum.

Calthropstu
2017-10-28, 01:28 AM
This fight with the dragon will go on forever. It will just drag on...

Summon a hound archon... "Yo dawg..."

I once had a stairing contest with a medusa. I won, I got up those stairs much faster.

I hear Barbarians are all the rage these days.

A celibate cleric only belongs to the main religion. He stays away from sects.

If you are attacked by an awakened creature, shouldn't sleep counter the awaken?

Wouldn't firing off a color spray cause you to dye?

How do you know if a wizard is a necromancer? Check his ghoulfriend for hickies.

I cast dispel magic: M-A-G-I-C.

Why do wizards bury tomes in cemetaries? So they become encrypted.

Gnome de plume
2017-11-03, 07:49 AM
to kick ass and chew Bubali gum, but he's all out of gum.

I love the concept, which is the problem. I can easily see other quests spinning off it, so I want to save it for chapter 3.


The puns just... drag on...


I'll be keeping these in my back pocket.

Working on the script now...

Chromium Snyde
2017-11-08, 06:48 AM
have you played munchkin? It's full of punny monsters and spells. Also, are you going to have incessant jokes or just a light sprinkling? I can see the appeal of both....

Gnome de plume
2017-11-15, 04:51 AM
incessant jokes or just a light sprinkling?

Sorry about the delay, my real work got rather busy.

When we first started the game it was one joke straight after the other, however feedback was that too much just got dull and repetitive, and that it hindered progress in the actual story. So it'll be a light sprinkling, but going for enough to keep people having the occasional chuckle.

Using jokes straight out of someone else's work sounds a bit too plagiarizey for us though. Particularly as permission would not be given from the makers of that game...

Thanks a whole bunch for the other suggestions though.

Deliverance
2017-11-15, 02:35 PM
That's just how it goes. All joy and no pun is sometimes preferable.

The same with quips and one-liners, or as the saying goes, "When I said death before dishonour, I meant it alphabetically".

Amaril
2017-11-16, 08:25 AM
Well, I'm getting this one from Game of Thrones, but I don't think they wrote it, so maybe it'll be useful.

A merchant ship is plying its usual route with a valuable cargo. As the captain stands on deck, supervising his men, the lookout suddenly calls out, "captain! On the horizon--a pirate ship! They're heading straight for us!"

The captain is unafraid. Drawing up, he calls to the crew, "bring me my red shirt!" As the pirates approach, he dons it, and when they board, he leads his crew to victory without losing a man. The merchants celebrate, and the rest of the voyage passes without major incident.

The next season, the ship is on another route, when the lookout calls, "captain! On the horizon--two pirate ships!"

Again, the captain is undaunted. "Bring me my red shirt!" Again, he hastily dons it before the battle, and proceeds to crush the boarders handily.

As the merchants toss the bodies overboard, the first mate approaches the captain. "Captain," he asks, "why do you always call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replies, "so my crew won't see me bleed."

The next season, as the ship sails again, the lookout calls, "captain! On the horizon--an entire pirate fleet! Ten ships! They have us surrounded!"

A wave of panic sweeps across the deck, but still, the captain shows no sign of fear. Taking a quiet moment to collect himself, he draws up and calls out, "bring me my brown pants!"

braveheart
2017-11-18, 10:29 AM
Well, I'm getting this one from Game of Thrones, but I don't think they wrote it, so maybe it'll be useful.

A merchant ship is plying its usual route with a valuable cargo. As the captain stands on deck, supervising his men, the lookout suddenly calls out, "captain! On the horizon--a pirate ship! They're heading straight for us!"

The captain is unafraid. Drawing up, he calls to the crew, "bring me my red shirt!" As the pirates approach, he dons it, and when they board, he leads his crew to victory without losing a man. The merchants celebrate, and the rest of the voyage passes without major incident.

The next season, the ship is on another route, when the lookout calls, "captain! On the horizon--two pirate ships!"

Again, the captain is undaunted. "Bring me my red shirt!" Again, he hastily dons it before the battle, and proceeds to crush the boarders handily.

As the merchants toss the bodies overboard, the first mate approaches the captain. "Captain," he asks, "why do you always call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replies, "so my crew won't see me bleed."

The next season, as the ship sails again, the lookout calls, "captain! On the horizon--an entire pirate fleet! Ten ships! They have us surrounded!"

A wave of panic sweeps across the deck, but still, the captain shows no sign of fear. Taking a quiet moment to collect himself, he draws up and calls out, "bring me my brown pants!"

I can distinctly confirm that GOT did not create this joke as I first heard it in the 90’s on an elementary school playground

Chromium Snyde
2017-11-18, 05:36 PM
Yep. Definitely an old one. That said, i loved the way they used it in GOT.

Gnome de plume
2017-12-02, 11:59 PM
Hi guys.

Just thought I'd let all the people with suggestions know, the game is progressing, and should completed by the end of January.

Once it's finished, I'll post a link for the downloading the game. I'll make sure there are save files near the jokes you've suggested so you don't have to wade through the game looking for your contribution (There's about 5 hours of game per chapter).

Thanks again for the help, it's all making the game that much better.


**Post Edit**
Thought I'd add this conundrum I'm currently on...

I can't decide about a possible love interest for the male human neutral evil fighter.

One option is a dim witted female bard. He hates bards, and would have to ask a bunch of bards for tips on how to woo the gal.

The other option is what appears to be a sweet naive Princess Peach, who turns out to be a maniacal killer dressing like Peach only to encourage people to trust her.

These are the two gals in question (the Peach look alike only looks like this after she reveals her true nature)

https://static.wixstatic.com/media/e570f6_0dc97f59ea6c4d31ac95c2ee7ca97e3a~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_273,h_139,al_c,lg_1/e570f6_0dc97f59ea6c4d31ac95c2ee7ca97e3a~mv2.png

Personification
2017-12-03, 01:36 AM
100% go evil peach. Also, she has a side hobby of shoemaking.

Gnome de plume
2017-12-30, 11:15 PM
Quick bounty quest ideas:
"Runaway psychic midget!" (i.e. the small medium at large)


The party is currently looking for spiritual guidance. Thanks again for the suggestion.

https://static.wixstatic.com/media/e570f6_5bc312123d294e4ca635d29d703a8169~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_272,h_190,al_c,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/e570f6_5bc312123d294e4ca635d29d703a8169~mv2.png

Personification, put up the question of who to use on various forums and fb groups, and the response was overwhelmingly "Stop being lazy and make it possible for the player to decide."

To everyone else who's offered advice. Almost all of the jokes are now written into the game. Sadly Christmas/Family/BrandonSanderson'slatestbook has severely slowed everything down (also contributing to radio silence), but we're half way through the alpha, and hope to have a beta available in a month or so. I'll PM you all links to your various jokes then.

Personification
2018-01-01, 11:03 PM
Personification, put up the question of who to use on various forums and fb groups, and the response was overwhelmingly "Stop being lazy and make it possible for the player to decide."

To everyone else who's offered advice. Almost all of the jokes are now written into the game. Sadly Christmas/Family/BrandonSanderson'slatestbook has severely slowed everything down (also contributing to radio silence), but we're half way through the alpha, and hope to have a beta available in a month or so. I'll PM you all links to your various jokes then.

I am honestly not sure to which question you are referring. Also, a belated happy Koloss Head Munching Day!

RedMage125
2018-01-01, 11:24 PM
Had this idea back in 3.5e...

This one works off of homophones.

Tales tell of the Great Wight Dragon that has terrorized the northern provinces. Entire towns and villages have fallen prey to this menace, and been utterly destroyed, or become the dragon's slaves. This draconic terror has been plaguing the north for years. Everyone lives in fear of the Great Wight Wyrm.

Now watch your players prepare lots of Fire spells, protection from Cold, and other such preparations, as if fighting a WHITE dragon. When they get there, it's a Red Dragon (not necessarily of the Wyrm age category), with the Wight template applied. Still immune to Fire, btw...

Calthropstu
2018-01-02, 12:00 PM
Had this idea back in 3.5e...

This one works off of homophones.

Tales tell of the Great Wight Dragon that has terrorized the northern provinces. Entire towns and villages have fallen prey to this menace, and been utterly destroyed, or become the dragon's slaves. This draconic terror has been plaguing the north for years. Everyone lives in fear of the Great Wight Wyrm.

Now watch your players prepare lots of Fire spells, protection from Cold, and other such preparations, as if fighting a WHITE dragon. When they get there, it's a Red Dragon (not necessarily of the Wyrm age category), with the Wight template applied. Still immune to Fire, btw...

This is pure evil.

The Glyphstone
2018-01-02, 01:51 PM
For some reason, I had thought this was for a tabletop game. I completely missed all this time that it was for a video game.

Celestia
2018-01-02, 02:52 PM
Had this idea back in 3.5e...

This one works off of homophones.

Tales tell of the Great Wight Dragon that has terrorized the northern provinces. Entire towns and villages have fallen prey to this menace, and been utterly destroyed, or become the dragon's slaves. This draconic terror has been plaguing the north for years. Everyone lives in fear of the Great Wight Wyrm.

Now watch your players prepare lots of Fire spells, protection from Cold, and other such preparations, as if fighting a WHITE dragon. When they get there, it's a Red Dragon (not necessarily of the Wyrm age category), with the Wight template applied. Still immune to Fire, btw...
Also works as an albino red dragon.

RedMage125
2018-01-04, 05:24 AM
Also works as an albino red dragon.

Albino dragons don't impose negative levels when they claw/claw/bite.

Mister Tom
2018-01-06, 05:40 PM
During a storm the party rogue is accosted by a band of wandering monsters including a toad, a cyclops and a wolverine. It turns out that they were polymorphed, and used to be men.

Gnome de plume
2018-01-08, 12:07 AM
Had this idea back in 3.5e...
Tales tell of the Great Wight Dragon

I do love the wight/white mix around. Sadly the game is in text, not voice so I'm not sure how to fit this gag in. I am going to try though.


For some reason, I had thought this was for a tabletop game. I completely missed all this time that it was for a video game.

Sorry about the mix up. I wanted to post in this area as tabletop RPGers seem to have a lot more fun with wordplay than CRPGers so I figured the jokes would be better here.
I did check with Mark Hall before posting in this area, and he said it was ok.


During a storm the party rogue is accosted by a band of wandering monsters including a toad, a cyclops and a wolverine. It turns out that they were polymorphed, and used to be men.

I'm entering this into the game right now <3

RedMage125
2018-01-10, 11:40 PM
During a storm the party rogue is accosted by a band of wandering monsters including a toad, a cyclops and a wolverine. It turns out that they were polymorphed, and used to be men.

That idea has some mystique...it's sure to be a real dazzler. Kind of a gambit trying to pull it off though. You could celebrate with a real jubilee when you do.
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Nightcrawler.

Fable Wright
2018-01-11, 01:06 AM
I do love the wight/white mix around. Sadly the game is in text, not voice so I'm not sure how to fit this gag in. I am going to try though.

"Da Gweat Whaight Dwagon is—"
"You mean the Great White Dragon?"
"Sho. Da dwagon..."

Mutazoia
2018-01-11, 01:32 AM
She thought it was true love she had found,
When a handsome young Centaur came 'round.
But, one rule in the hay,
And he trotted away.
He was only horsing around.

kinglinus1
2018-01-11, 08:22 AM
Minstrel is holding the door shut.

“Quickly I’ve Bard the door!”

Caelestion
2018-01-11, 09:40 AM
I do love the wight/white mix around. Sadly the game is in text, not voice so I'm not sure how to fit this gag in. I am going to try though.

Sight gags are as good as any. :)

Did you hear (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?485700-Terrible-DnD-Puns/page2) about the undead chronomancer whose castle on Temporal Prime was invaded by a group of nine different adventurers, but on handily defeating them all and instead of killing them, the wizard decided to give them really bad haircuts to teach them all a lesson.

The headline in the papers the next day was, "a lich in time shaves nine."

Gnome de plume
2018-01-12, 05:48 AM
"a lich in time shaves nine."

HA! Still grinning over that one. I'll have to fit it in somewhere.

Thanks a bunch :)

Mutazoia
2018-01-12, 07:35 AM
I once had a player order a bottle of Dwarven Spirits at an Inn.

When he opened the bottle, 4 Dwarven ghosts spilled out and attacked.


Although, I really feel like I should be suggesting the OP be at least skimming the Xanth novels ;)

Caelestion
2018-01-12, 09:06 AM
HA! Still grinning over that one. I'll have to fit it in somewhere.

Thanks a bunch :)

Thank you. I contorted that one myself. :)

A little off-topic, but your username is appropriately punny. I approve!

Mutazoia
2018-01-12, 10:33 AM
"The early Bard catches the Wyrm!"
"Never put all of your legs in one casket!"
"Smell hath no fury like a bidet scorned!"

RedMage125
2018-01-14, 04:33 AM
Although, I really feel like I should be suggesting the OP be at least skimming the Xanth novels ;)
That sounds like...PUN-ishment. :wink:

Mutazoia
2018-01-14, 07:58 AM
That sounds like...punishment. :wink:

Yeah....threaten me with a good time....

Archpaladin Zousha
2018-01-14, 08:54 AM
You could always have two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff by the characters.

BADUM-TSSHH! :smallbiggrin:

Gnome de plume
2018-01-19, 07:29 AM
Minstrel is holding the door shut.

“Quickly I’ve Bard the door!”

Heh.... Yep. I'll try and fit that one in.


"Da Gweat Whaight Dwagon is—"
"You mean the Great White Dragon?"
"Sho. Da dwagon..."

Thanks for that Fable. I've used accents to hide that type of thing before, but it didn't occur to me to do it this time.

(There was a "Jade Dragon" who turned out to be a jaded black dragon, and a couple of other places)

I am starting to run into a problem though... The game is getting saturated in gags to the point where it may start to kill the story.

PLEASE keep the gags coming, but I can't guarantee I'll use them in the current chapter I'm making.

Mutazoia
2018-01-19, 08:40 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u8wBfDtZkE

Casimir-Ivanova
2018-01-24, 08:02 AM
Hi guys, I've been convinced to create a second chapter to a game I'm making, and am looking for inspiration.

https://static.wixstatic.com/media/e570f6_b5f1ffb848ac4bbcbf67e39f09345683~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_244,h_144,al_c,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/e570f6_b5f1ffb848ac4bbcbf67e39f09345683~mv2.png

The game, Rapture at Pale Gate (https://www.facebook.com/RaptureatPaleGate/), relies (I hope) on wit and storyline more than anything else. Any fantasy based puns or jokes suggested will be gratefully accepted. If your keen, ideas for quests would also be appreciated.

The party consists of the following:

Female human chaotic good cleric with barely suppressed anger issues

Male human neutral evil fighter with an inferiority complex

Male elf true neutral ranger both naive and gullible

Female dwarf chaotic good mage with OCD for cleanliness

Male neutral evil thief/assassin who tries to argue everyone is evil, deep down.

Male neutral good bard, keen, optimistic and fairly useless.

Any and all help will be treasured.

(The gnomes)

If the Mage got annoyed at the Bard's performances: "Clean up your act!"
Ranger walking past a music store, guards shout "Stop! You're under a rest!"
And for Me's (Godbound, after all) sake, make the elf's favourite meal Kale. :P

EccentricCircle
2018-01-27, 10:31 AM
I once had a player order a bottle of Dwarven Spirits at an Inn.

When he opened the bottle, 4 Dwarven ghosts spilled out and attacked.


I had a character once, who carried two axes, which contained the Spirits of his Ancestors, and a flask, which contained the other sort of spirits of his ancestors.

Gnome de plume
2018-02-28, 11:59 PM
So if anyone is still reading this thread,

I'm out of ideas. I need a single character side quest for the bard. He's dumber than Elan but incessantly positive and this character trait tends to encourage others to help him succeed. He specialized in Lute as his instrument and also as his weapon, thinking it would give him a double bonus. He goes through a lot of lutes.

Anyone out there or am I talking to the wind?

The Glyphstone
2018-03-01, 12:33 AM
If we're keeping the pun theme, whoever's giving out the quest could promise a large quantity of loot as a reward. The bard, obviously, mishears this as a large quantity of Lute.

Cespenar
2018-03-01, 04:21 AM
He contracts a job from an elven craftsman who specializes in lutes. He basically wants him to test the new prototypes, among which there can be:

-The Ten Stringer (requiring very high dexterity to play)
-The Electro-Lute (deals +1 electric damage, also very loud)
-The Battle Lute (metal-shod, and great in battle)

At the end he could pick one of the prototypes as a reward.

Personification
2018-03-01, 10:44 PM
So if anyone is still reading this thread,

I'm out of ideas. I need a single character side quest for the bard. He's dumber than Elan but incessantly positive and this character trait tends to encourage others to help him succeed. He specialized in Lute as his instrument and also as his weapon, thinking it would give him a double bonus. He goes through a lot of lutes.

Anyone out there or am I talking to the wind?

He must work to stop a trade war in sigil, his opponent: a lady who knows all that glitters is gold and she's buying a stairway to heaven.
Potential allies: air genasi-dwarf lute-craftsman (the Aerosmith), his lutes are built to activate dream-based spells, an air-elemental and his/her husband/wife the earth elemental, they travel the multiverse in a lead zeppelin, The beatles, a group of four polymorphed gnomes living in a modified yellow painted Apparatus of Kwalish, Brimstone "Pink" Floyd, a fire genasi named for his distinctive skin color, he is a wizard and his favorite spells are chromatic orb, prismatic spray, and prismatic wall.

eru001
2018-03-02, 07:24 AM
how do you know when the Paladin archer has run out of arrows?

He pulls the stick out of his backside as a backup weapon.

KorvinStarmast
2018-03-02, 01:40 PM
There was a virtuous young maiden who needed to be escorted from her home, a walled town, to a city some miles away since she was betrothed to the duke's third son. Three guardsmen and a priestess were assigned to escort her on the two day journey. For the night stop, they rested in the Northman and Bait Inn on the outskirts of a village on a lake. This village consisted mostly of small summer homes for the wealthy nobles of the realm. Just north of the village was a cemetery where many famous mausoleums that had been carved by the best sculptors in the land. There on the shores of this lake, where maple and elm trees grew in abundance, was the final rest for many noble families, known as Shady Shores.

Unbeknownst to the maiden's escorts, a shadow had taken up residence in the cemetery, though in the local slang it was referred to as the shade.

That night a full moon arose, the light of which came in the window of her room, waking her. She looked out on the lake and was quite taken by the natural beauty. She decided to take moonlight walk and reflect on her life, how it would change, and how living as part of the duke's family would be a new challenge for her. As she wandered, she came into the cemetery and was amazed at the high quality of the mausoleums, and the tombstones, each being an example of superb craftsmanship. While so engrossed in exploring these wonderful sculptures, the shade emerged from its haunts and surprised her. She cried out as she felt the life ebb out of her once the shadow grabbed her arm, not letting go. She pulled and she kicked, but bit by bit her strength left her, until eventually she lost her strength, and then her life.

The guards and the priestess were frantic the next morning, not being able to find the maiden. Luckily for them the ground had been soft, so they eventually tracked her footprints to the cemetery. There the prints stopped, amidst the sings of a struggle. The priestess saw some movement among the trees near the center of the cemetery. She investigated only to find, to her horror, that the young lady was now maiden the shade.

Chromium Snyde
2018-03-07, 07:20 AM
The THREE QUESTS. Sword mastery, thievery, and treasure..err.. huntery.

Seriously though, learning to use insults in battle a la monkey island would be fun.

If not, a solid steel lute (+3 damage or whatever) as a quest reward. He now has a heavy metal weapon.

bc56
2018-03-11, 11:57 AM
In a dungeon, some cannibalistic undead had a deal with the monster in a neighboring room, that when a trap went off, they would get to eat the bodies. The PCs went in, bypassed the trap, and killed the demon, then went back and set off the trap to see what happens. The undead heard and asked the demon to hold up its end of the deal. It didn't (it was dead). The undead then smash through the door using a coffin as an improvised battering ram. The party rogue says, "As all this happens, I stand there aghast!

We all cracked up at that one.


Alternate presentation.

Elf: stand down ghoul, I am immune to your paralyzing touch!
"Ghoul": How dare you say that to me! I'm aghast!