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ZeroGear
2019-07-29, 02:03 PM
Something that just came to mind...
While a lot (I.e. most) of adventures feature the exploration of ruins, hunting of wild monsters, and quests for mythical items, it’s pretty easy to imagine that there are other... less than glamorous quests that could be posted on the job board in a tavern.
What are some that come to mind?

For example, while dragons are widely used as either big bosses at the end of dungeons or masterminds, one has to wonder who has to clean up the dung they might accidentally (or intentionally) drop on an unsuspecting tavern?
Or, for that matter, who takes it upon themselves to stick their hand in said mess in case it contains some gold coins?
Or, for another matter, who gets hired to look for such piles if that material is highly sought after as fertilizer?

Anyone else have any “fun” job listings?

lacco36
2019-07-29, 02:44 PM
"WANTED: Hero blessed with herculean strenght, in posession of draconic fortitude, who also lacks a sense of smell! King Augeas needs his stables cleaned. Three thousand cattle awaits your trident of fece-throwing!"

...something like that?

Pauly
2019-07-29, 03:02 PM
Position vacant. Trap setter. Required skills: ability to craft and set fine mechanical devices, expertise in poisons, noxious gases, acids and sundry magical fluids. The strength to lifts huge weights into deadfall traps. The stamina to shovel roomfuls of sand from one floor to the trap room.
Attention to detail a must. The ability to work quickly unsupervised is necessary as the job location is near a major hub of adventurers.
Some cleaning of slow moving adventurers required.

lacco36
2019-07-29, 03:13 PM
Attention: Are you ambitious? Detail oriented? Do you have your own showel? Have you ever wanted to see and/or learn the basics of necromancy and ritual magic? Auditions every midnight at local cementery.

Psyren
2019-07-30, 12:52 AM
"WANTED: Hero blessed with herculean strenght, in posession of draconic fortitude, who also lacks a sense of smell! King Augeas needs his stables cleaned. Three thousand cattle awaits your trident of fece-throwing!"

...something like that?

I'm suddenly tempted to make a very rustic yet cheerful Warforged commoner named Scoop.



Anyone else have any “fun” job listings?

A ranger who wrangles exotic monsters into the dungeons of wealthy magi and cultists seems like a fun gig.

How about a diviner that works in gambling halls on behalf of the house, in order to expose potential cheaters?

I could imagine an alchemist or wizard toymaker who creates minor constructs for children to enjoy. (Promethean Alchemist would be a cool archetype for this.)

lacco36
2019-07-30, 02:33 AM
New to Adventuring? Anxious to prove yourself but don't know where to start? In doubts about this whole adventuring business? Test your mettle! Visit your local coordinator to get yourself a certified location of vermin-infested cellar. We guarantee you adventure appropriate to your skill and if you prevail, we'll hook you up for more adventures. Our cellars provide entertaining and exciting variety of different vermin for you to crush in combat, in intriguing environment including mysterious lighting and other effects. Our vermin is overseen by professional and skilled vermin-handlers. Come alone and we will group you with another two to four eager adventurers, specially selected to provide opportunities for drama and playful banter! Bring your own group and get map to nearest dungeon for free! Best rewards per capita - decapita!

Are you a virgin? Consider unicorn-hunting profession. Ask barman about our next expedition in local tavern.

Local brewery seeks an elemental mage with focus on fire and ice: keep our fires lit, beer frosty! No risk - good pay - free beer!

Illusionists wanted to provide mysterious lighting and other effects to underground locales. Well-paid, safe job.

Baron Rosenthal seeks a Druid and Ranger to undo the damages done by randomly-dropped dragon fertilizer. Please ask in manor gardens for more information.

Settlement of Blackswamp seeks a crazy loner to fill recently opened "Crazy Hermit in Swamp" position. Local hag deceased due to roaming adventurers, need more friendly replacement. Pays food, lodging, 2 copper per crazy sage advice minimum.

Local tavern seeks expert architect, strong fighters with skill focus on crafting and possibly high-level mage. Need more shadowy corners. Will pay handsomely!

Do you have skills in minor teleportation and/or telekinesis? Local Guild of Garbage Collectors needs YOU!

Are you skilled and professional vermin-handler? Got no money? Ask for Baxi in local tavern every evening. Bring own vermin (please leave them behind the tavern!).

Yanagi
2019-07-30, 02:37 AM
Something that just came to mind...
While a lot (I.e. most) of adventures feature the exploration of ruins, hunting of wild monsters, and quests for mythical items, it’s pretty easy to imagine that there are other... less than glamorous quests that could be posted on the job board in a tavern.
What are some that come to mind?

For example, while dragons are widely used as either big bosses at the end of dungeons or masterminds, one has to wonder who has to clean up the dung they might accidentally (or intentionally) drop on an unsuspecting tavern?
Or, for that matter, who takes it upon themselves to stick their hand in said mess in case it contains some gold coins?
Or, for another matter, who gets hired to look for such piles if that material is highly sought after as fertilizer?

Anyone else have any “fun” job listings?

Posted side by side: job guarding graveyard against grave robbers; job digging up graves for remains to sell to necromancers; job re-burying the remains of defeating undead. Lagniappe: necromancers totally have the cadaver-focused equivalent of "Auto Trader" magazine and post ads buying and selling very specific spare parts. Wanted: ossicles of a half-orc in their 20s; For sale by owner: incus, malleus, and stapes of an aging elf (condition: good).

Anything involving a sewer in a fantasy setting requires an adventuring party as well as a maintenance teams, since sewers are dungeons for the budget-challenged. It the drain blockage a fatberg, a gate to a hell realm, a hidden city, or a fatberg golem? All I know is the sewer workers have a better union than the adventurers, so guess which one gets called in to investigate first.

Ads for adventurers that are actually just lonely old people that want company for a few hours while the "haunting" in their house is investigated. Ads for adventuring companions posted by people that want to look cool or are having a midlife crisis...because let's face it, dungeon delving would 100% be the Kilimanjaro hike of divorced dads in fantasy worlds. Ads for adventuring companions that are basically a foot in door before outright solicitation by someone trying to fulfill a very particular kink that would totally exist in a society with adventurers.

lacco36
2019-07-30, 02:42 AM
Ads for adventurers that are actually just lonely old people that want company for a few hours while the "haunting" in their house is investigated. Ads for adventuring companions posted by people that want to look cool or are having a midlife crisis...because let's face it, dungeon delving would 100% be the Kilimanjaro hike of divorced dads in fantasy worlds. Ads for adventuring companions that are basically a foot in door before outright solicitation by someone trying to fulfill a very particular kink that would totally exist in a society with adventurers.

Also:

Necromancer seeks undead-friendly Illusionist to provide proper ambience to multiple haunted houses across the city.

Kaptin Keen
2019-07-30, 03:11 AM
I always liked the Dustmen in Sigil (Planescape Torment) who paid good money now, to be repaid by working after death. And that really should be a staple of all fantasy: The cities and castles of bad guys are always in pristine condition, well maintained, clean, orderly - because they have no qualms over using tirelss, cheap (and dead) labor to keep it that way.

Avista
2019-07-30, 04:09 AM
Need to clean up your traveling gear? Get a stain out of your cloak? Come to the Young Wizard's Drycleaning! All proceeds go to funding education for aspiring young wizards!

(It's a bunch of apprentice wizards who use prestidigitation to clean clothes. Gotta pay for student debt somehow)

Great Dragon
2019-07-30, 04:42 AM
These are great!!


Position vacant. Trap setter. Required skills: ability to craft and set fine mechanical devices, expertise in poisons, noxious gases, acids and sundry magical fluids. The strength to lifts huge weights into deadfall traps. The stamina to shovel roomfuls of sand from one floor to the trap room.
Attention to detail a must. The ability to work quickly unsupervised is necessary as the job location is near a major hub of adventurers.
Some cleaning of slow moving adventurers required.

Actually posted by Kobold Guild Union Local #8629. Is actually a training ground for Kobold Trapmaster Apprentices.

"Are you Pious? Do you SMITE evil?
Desperate Baron needs YOU!
Apply at local Church/Shrine."
Being knowledgeable in all types of Undead and especially Fiends most helpful.

lacco36
2019-07-30, 05:23 AM
Local Temple seeks Clerics for short time substitution due to sick leave of main priest.

Requirements:

Provide Blessings
Provide at least Basic Healing
Perform Wedding Ceremonies
Perform Marriage Counseling
Perform Funeral Rites
Smite Evil/Undead


Must be Lawful and either Good or Neutral Deity.

Great Dragon
2019-07-30, 05:34 AM
"Friendly Companion needed for Magically Traveling Talkative Caster!
Simply say (&$@#!!) Three times to apply."
might need to tolerate being called Apprentice a lot


Wanted!

Paladin Preschool Parenting
Please attend our first year graduation exam for Paladins... only evil party members allowed we gotta beat out that need to smite anything evil.

ROFLMAO!!!!

Vknight
2019-07-30, 01:28 PM
Wanted!

Dragon Dung Distribution Delivery
Tasked with collecting dragon dung from several sites and delivering too high paying customers for fertilizing there fields all dragon dung is stored in a bag of holding that you get to keep after completion of the contract


Gelatinous Cube Cleaning
Enter into my dungeons lower levels through the secret back entrance and go too the doors and/or secret passages leading too the dozen pit traps that end in Gelatinous Cubes and clean them out of any loot or other detritus. Also cupcakes.


Paladin Preschool Parenting
Please attend our first year graduation exam for Paladins... only evil party members allowed we gotta beat out that need to smite anything evil.

Khedrac
2019-07-30, 02:50 PM
One I think I have posted before (originally set in Mystara if you are wondering about the names):

The party are approaching a known dungeon location (ideally one they have cleared before) and find it crudely fenced off. On the fence are large signs advertising "Quik-E-Lair - a division of Barrimoor Engineering, registered offices in Oenkmar" and stating that on site "helmets must be worn".

Inside the fence are a number of orcs dressed in leather armor and wearing bright yellow helmets, possibly with some ogres for heavy lifting and/or kobolds or goblins for detail work carrying tools not weapons. If attacked they immediately stop work and demand "danger pay" from their bosses (probably a gnome overseer). If unmolested they can be seen to be ripping out the old dungeon fittings and installing new ones. If in Mystara, a heavy lift helicopter-type gnome flying machine (Johnson Brothers, Serraine or similar) may be moving the really heavy materials.

They are quite happy to talk, but reluctant to divulge detailed plans (confidentiality agreements) but can be persuaded by the right inducements.*
They may also accept payment for extras to be added - such as a back door the new occupiers will not know about.

If the PCs can get representatives from the local authorities a nice debate can be had as to who actually owns the land - the builders won't be bothered - they get paid either way, but the PC mights be able to stop an enemy force taking possession.

Keeping note of the contact details could also be useful - when the PCs want to build their own castle they will know of a firm who can do a reasonable quick job (though the cheap cost of the work will be offset by the surcharge for human or demi-human workers as opposed to humanoids). All should be well unless the PCs ever actually go up against Barrimoor - just because they don't allow others to take copies of customers' requests doesn't mean they don't keep their own copies...

* If this does happen the party may later come across whoever broke client confidentiality staked out in a gruesome way to die - Barrimoor is not a good person/organisation to cross.

Particle_Man
2019-07-30, 02:52 PM
Spell component quality control testers needed. Must have acute vision, smell and taste.


Local Temple seeks Clerics for short time substitution due to sick leave of main priest.

Requirements:

Provide Blessings
Provide at least Basic Healing
Perform Wedding Ceremonies
Perform Marriage Counseling
Perform Funeral Rites
Smite Evil/Undead


Must be Lawful and either Good or Neutral Deity.

Man that temple really needs a cleric bad if the priest is too sick to magically heal themselves.

zinycor
2019-07-30, 08:05 PM
At our game we have a lawyer NPC. It has bien very useful and funny

Joethegoblin
2019-07-30, 08:47 PM
Available Job listings in the Everlund Journal.
A bouncer position in a bar frequented by rowdy adventurers.

TripleD
2019-07-30, 09:20 PM
Ration maker.

Every fantasy game seems to have these ready made medieval MREs. Who makes them? Are they just a cottage industry on a tavern by tavern basis? Or is their some sinister proto-corporation that’s cornered the market on adventurer meals, and will break as many legs as needed to keep it that way?

Saintheart
2019-07-30, 10:23 PM
A wet piece of paper floating in the endless seas of the Elemental Plane of Water:


ENJOY MEETING NEW PEOPLE?
LIKE TO TRAVEL?
Then pick up a bowl of your originating pool of water and Gate yourself to Waterdeep, Faerun, Prime Material, and stop by the City Administration Office and speak to one of our friendly representatives, because we're always looking for qualified and motivated Water Elementals to help protect our city from the scourge of fire. Here in the Waterdeep Fire Department, you'll get to experience a full, satisfying life of slaughtering your most hated enemy, and experience the profound gratitude of a city full of people at risk of death from inflammation! From putting out streetlights at dawn to fighting out-of-control blazes, the opportunities are endless!

Imbalance
2019-07-31, 09:48 AM
Careers
Position: Surveyor/Cartographer
Start Date: immediately
Seeking skilled dungeon explorer to chart vast underground labyrinth. Must be able to make detailed site observations and produce accurate blueprints of existing architecture, including underground utilities, ventilation and circulation systems, and potentially lethal trap apparatuses. Knowledge of challenging guardian creatures a plus. Preferred applicants will have five levels of experience in a martial class and have survived prior deadly encounters. Non-survivors need not apply.

Compensation to include all the loot you can carry and comprehensive magical healing benefits package.

Apply in person at:
Wherever the hell I am
PLEASE SOMEONE COME FIND ME

darkrose50
2019-07-31, 10:02 AM
Non-adventuring magic would abound!

Anything connected to healing, health or youth would be in demand and likely would be very lucrative!

In my homebrew setting the family that makes potions of youth is in power.


Ration maker.

Every fantasy game seems to have these ready made medieval MREs. Who makes them? Are they just a cottage industry on a tavern by tavern basis? Or is their some sinister proto-corporation that’s cornered the market on adventurer meals, and will break as many legs as needed to keep it that way?

"Hardtack (or hard tack) is a simple type of biscuit or cracker, made from flour, water, and sometimes salt. Hardtack is inexpensive and long-lasting. It is used for sustenance in the absence of perishable foods, commonly during long sea voyages, land migrations, and military campaigns." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardtack

But, yeah folks that can make long-lasting palatable food could make quite a profit in a setting with lots of adventurers!

Porcupinata
2019-07-31, 10:09 AM
Wanted: Magical Marketer.

Must be able to cast the Skywrite spell as a ritual, and perform the ritual four times per day to put "There's a Weapon Sale at Blacksmith Bob's" in the sky over the city.

Imbalance
2019-07-31, 10:37 AM
SEASONAL OPPORTUNlTY

CLOUD GlANTS lN YOUR AREA ARE LOOKlNG TO HlRE SOFT-HANDED PEDlCURlSTS

HUGE TlPS

WE'LL PlCK YOU UP

SEND RESUME BY AARAKOCRA POST

Vknight
2019-07-31, 11:55 AM
Cloud Giants looking for wizards to clear out drainage system on cloud castle rings of feather fall provided.

Aliquid
2019-07-31, 12:20 PM
Non-adventuring magic would abound!

Anything connected to healing, health or youth would be in demand and likely would be very lucrative!Well yeah. I've always assumed there would be a huge market for magic that can make someone look young or attractive. Look at how much money people spend on Botox for their face, or liposuction, or hair plugs to deal with balding... or just cosmetics.

Vknight
2019-07-31, 05:31 PM
Local Lord Needs Potions of Longevity too De-Age is willing to pay handsomely for them and/or any blood you may have

Tvtyrant
2019-07-31, 06:12 PM
Court fashion has become stale, the prince asks you as famous heroes to come to a ball in gaudy outlandish costumes to set trends.

Duke Wilbert's son or daughter wants to be a hero. He wants you to take them on adventure that will thoroughly disabuse them of that desire.

Jarl Karl thinks beards are hideous, and wants the party to shave the king in his sleep so it will be a faux paux to have one.

Vknight
2019-08-03, 02:37 AM
Unseen Deliveries We Deliver Your Mail With Unseen Servants!

Great Dragon
2019-08-03, 06:29 AM
"Voices From Beyond".
Mages that use Sending to convey your messages when you don't want to use the Mail Service!

Vknight
2019-08-06, 09:25 AM
Teleportation Taxi Services using teleportation circles to get around a country or big city.


Mail Order Elf Brides from Scrying Stones

ZeroGear
2019-08-07, 06:39 PM
Hey, me from the first Paige here.
Just remembered something that no one else seemed to bring up:
Flying boat taxi man from the Everton setting.